The Unwoven Threads of Fate
by Diadru
Summary: Don't you hate it when you wake up and you don't know where you are? Me too, except I woke up in another universe. A semi SI OC story.
1. Chapter 1

"Breath Namika! Breath! We practiced this! In, out. In, out. In, out-"

"Fujita, _shut up!_ " Namika shouts at her doting husband. "You're not pushing out a baby! I can breath however I want- AAIIIEEEE!"

Fujita hurriedly moves to his pregnant wife's side and tenderly takes her hand. "Namika! Its going to be alright! Just hang in there, it'll be over soon."

"I said shut up!" She roars back.

"Come on now, you're doing great. Just one more big push and it will be over." The doctor's calm voice does very little to sooth either of the parents to be.

"Okay. Okay, one more. I can do one more." Namika inhales deeply and her face scrunches up in painful effort.

"You can do it love. We'll be parents soon! Just one more-"

"AAIIIEEE!" Namika crushes her husband's hand and with her last push a new life is brought into the world.

"How wonderful! It's a baby boy!" The doctor happily tells the new parents.

Then the doctor stills. The room is eerily quiet, the only sounds are coming from Namika's labored breathing.

"Doctor? What's wrong?" Namika asks.

She doesn't get an answer. The doctor is staring intently at the child, moving him around and observing everything she can about him.

"Fujita? Is our baby... is..."

"I... I don't know." Fujita says in a broken voice. "Doctor? Is my son okay?"

The doctor still doesn't respond. She's fascinated by the newborn, there's wonder in her eyes.

"Doctor!" Fujita roars out. "Tell us how our child is! Now!"

"Sorry! I am so sorry! Your child is fine, a healthy baby boy. It's just..." The doctor trails off.

" _What?_ " Namika lividly replies. She's had a very difficult day and the doctor is not helping.

"Oh nothing major. It's just in all of the births I've helped with I've never had a child born that doesn't make a sound. Usually they're screaming and crying, it's a challenging affair the whole thing."

Both of the new parents visibly relax in relief. Their baby is fine.

"Would you like to hold your son?" The doctor asks Namika.

"Of course." Namika eagerly replies. She lovingly takes her son from the doctor. "Hello there little one. Look how cute you are! You're beautiful. Our beautiful baby boy."

"Our beautiful baby boy." Fujita is looking over Namika's shoulder. "We never did decide on a boy's name. You were so confident the baby was going to be a girl!"

Namika let's out a happy laugh. "I suppose my mother's intuition hasn't kicked in yet. I've always been fond of the name Alvarcus."

"Alvarcus? Wasn't that the name of your grandfather?"

"Yes, it was. He was a wonderful man."

"I'm sure our son will live up to his namesake. Alvarcus it is!" Fujita says with a ridiculously happy smile on his face. "Can I hold him now?"

"Five more minutes."

* * *

I had loving parents. I had caring friends. I had a decent job. I had a nice car.

I lost it all.

Honestly I don't remember what happened. All I have is sense of falling forever and pure terror. Then splat, followed by endless black. Timeless endless black.

I think I died.

If I did die, then the afterlife wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Nothing to do, nothing to see, and no one to talk to. I truly wondered if I was going to go insane. Lack of input of any kind will do that to you. It's a void, the absence of everything.

Then everything changed, I was pulled from the void.

There was warmth. After not feeling anything for eons I was startled. I was scared. This void wasn't supposed to change. I have been there for so long that the change was... unwelcome. But it did not go away, it never went away.

It wasn't the only change. Eventually I noticed something: I could move. But I was trapped, confined. My strange prison only had a few centimeters of wiggle room. If I strained my ears, sometimes I could catch a fleeting noise.

I was okay with that. After being stuck in whatever the previous place of nothing was I was content. Even this little change was oddly comforting and terrifying at the same time.

Eventually it became too tight, too constricting. All of a sudden the whole universe imploded. I was being crushed! For hours I was being crushed and shoved around in my strange prison. But that too ended.

Suddenly there was light. There was sound. There was everything I lost! Maybe I was in a coma, not dead? That would explain the long time of nothing I experienced. Am I just waking up? I don't know, my eyes aren't working right. They won't open.

Then the world moved. Correction, I moved. I was moved by something. Something big, something loud. It was terrifying, absolutely mind boggling terrifying. I didn't make a noise. Don't move, don't blink, don't scream, don't do anything and maybe the thing moving me will go away.

There was noise, strange noise. It sounded like someone talking at an insane volume but I didn't know the words. Maybe some foreign language? Oh God am I going to die?! I don't want to die!

My panic attack was interrupted by the same noise. More urgent noise. Almost desperate, as if the speaker was under stress. After a pregnant pause the thing holding me captive responded. A rumble shook my body.

How big is the thing holding me? To cause a noise loud enough to make me shake from the sound alone? That is some serious volume. Strangely, no matter how loud the creature spoke or how long it talked for, the sound didn't hurt my ears. There are three distinct rumbles. It is very concerning, there are more creatures than I expected.

Then I was moved again. The thing holding me gave me to one of the others. They held me carefully, almost unsure for a moment, then with confidence. This creature isn't holding me, it's cradling me.

I finally manage to get my eyes open for the first time in forever. My sight is blurry, but what I want to see isn't far away. It's right in front of my face.

What I saw confused me. It wasn't a creature, it wasn't even an alien, it wasn't a freakish monster. Hell it wasn't even strange.

It was a face, a human face. Dark brown hair, pretty blue eyes, and a caring wondrous expression. She, yes she, is shockingly human. After feeling her strangely pleasant rumble a few times, I was handed off to another person.

Once his face came into focus I became very confused. He has dark blue hair. Dark. Blue. Hair. That is not normal. Dye perhaps? Either way it looks nice on him. His black eyes should be concerning, but his whole face shows elation. He is ridiculously happy to see me. His voice rumble was deep, a good strong voice. It makes me want to relax, it makes me feel safe.

Why does his voice make me feel that way? Why am I being passed around by giants? Why do I feel so weak, so small? Why can't I do anything?

 _What the hell is going on?_


	2. Chapter 2

It took me a few months to figure it out. Rebirth. Reincarnation. Life round number 2! That's right everyone, your looking at a 2 month old baby who has lived before.

How utterly disgusting, I am a baby.

First thing I made a note of was that babies can't do anything. The only things babies are capable of are eating, sleeping and pooping. Life is so boring. That being said the whole "not required to do anything" is rather nice. If I want food I just have to start making noise and BAM! Food on demand. My own personal room service.

The defecating on myself was very gross. One of the most unpleasant things I have ever done. The second I get these puny legs working I am getting out of these damn diapers. Toilets are porcelain gods. Never forget that.

My caretakers are rather nice people. The woman has a lovely signing voice, and the man has a delightful laugh. I suppose they are my new parents. That would make sense, after all they do everything a parent would do for a new baby.

But I just can't call them mom and dad. I already have a mom and dad. They refer to themselves as "okaa-san" and "otou-san," which I guess means mother and father. That is fine, they can be mother and father. Mom and dad are taken.

The other thing they don't stop saying is "Alvarcus." When ever they say it they stare at me with big hopeful eyes. That is the name they chose for me. I get a new name. Great. At least it sounds exotic. Alvarcus. I could get used to that.

* * *

Throughout my first years mother and father were very overbearing. That was probably due to me being so quiet. It took a surprising 7 months for me to utter a garbled "okaa-san" to... well okaa-san. She is not mom. But her face lit up with joy at the poorly formed words. Otou-san was happily disappointed that I said okaa-san first. That's okay though, because those were my next words. My third word was hungry.

That's right, with my adult brain and all my life experiences my first sentence in this new life was "Okaa-san, otou-san, hungry."

From that day forward okaa-san and otou-san shoved a ridiculous amount of vocabulary at me. They called me a gifted child, a smart boy due to the fact that I picked up the language quicker than other kids. I like to think that at with my other life's experience I am smarter than one year old children. There is only one word that really bothers me: Konoha. There is only one Konoha that I know. Only Naruto's Konoha.

That scares me.

If that is true, I am a baby in a world where shinobi roam free. Thieves, liars, killers. I don't want it to be true. I don't want to be in a world full of killers.

Well, I kinda do. Who wouldn't want the ability to walk on water and command the elements? Okay, maybe being a shinobi would be fun. As long as I am not on Naruto's team. What am I saying? There is no way this is Naruto. That would be ridiculous!

* * *

This is ridiculous. Absolutely, most certainly the craziest thing ever. This is the Naruto world. Or at least Konoha. How do I know? _There are faces carved into a damn mountain that is how!_ Not just any faces, the Hokages. Faces I know from a bloody kids show I grew up with and still like to watch.

Konoha. Village hidden in the Leaves. The central village where shit goes down. Invasions. Attacks. Weird zombie dudes who command gravity. I'm in for a world of crazy.

That's it! I've decided. If I am in Konoha, I have got to protect myself. I need to be a shinobi. I need to be a damn good shinobi. I need to be a S-rank shinobi just to survive. So I am going to be a S-rank shinobi!

How the hell do I do that?

Chakra. That is the first step. Unlocking my chakra. Right. I have no idea how to do that, none at all. I could start with meditating? Looking within myself for energy? That sounds right.

I'll have this down in no time!

* * *

It took years. It took 5, long frustrating years to unlock my chakra. The chakra wasn't the only frustrating thing about those years. Oh no, my caretakers were rather demanding that I make friends with kids my age. I just couldn't.

Hear me out before you judge me, you have to remember that I already was a kid, I've matured past that stage in my life. I can talk very well for being 5 years old. I can problem solve, I understand social ques, and I relate to adults surprisingly well. But the 5 year old? Way out of my comfort zone. I can't limit my mind to function at a five year old level. I just can't. I tried. I tried very hard to make friends, but sometimes I would talk about something they didn't – couldn't – understand. Not to mention my strange habit of slipping back into English.

That scared my caretakers the first time I did it. A simple question of "what is for breakfast" somehow triggered a hospital visit. I was perfectly healthy thank you! I just have preexisting knowledge of a language no one else has ever heard before! Okay, maybe I am not healthy. This can't be a common occurrence. At least it will be ridiculously easy to write things in code.

Friends. Can't say I made that many over my first 5 years. I can't say I made any. I became rather reclusive and anti-social. I would rather read (or continue learning how to read in my case), write stories from my true childhood, or even draw.

My caretakers didn't like that. Not one bit. They didn't want a recluse for a child. I can't blame them.

What I can blame them for is this: they don't want me to be a shinobi.

That's right, Namika and Fujita are civilian merchants. Bakers to be exact. They want me to follow in their footsteps and take over shop one day. Now you might be asking yourself "how did a 5 year old figure that out?" Simple. I unlocked my chakra.

* * *

"Okay. Alvarcus. Look at me. You can do this."

Staring into my bathroom mirror I try to psych myself up. I do have to say that this new body is nothing like my original. Somehow mixing the brown hair of okaa-san with the dark blue hair of otou-san makes jet black hair. I am pretty sure genetics messed me up because I look nothing like my parents. I don't have either of my parents eyes either! Okaa-san has blue, otou-san has almost solid black and I ended up with a piercing yellow. Last time I looked at a color wheel, blue and black do not make yellow.

Get back on track! You can admire yourself later!

Going to my bed, I sit on it with my legs crossed. I'm attempting to meditate. To look within myself for something, anything, as I have for years. Searching. Feeling. Wishing, hoping for anything. And finally! There was a breakthrough. I felt warmth. A subtle heat flowing around my body. I felt it, I could feel it! Slowly, very slowly in case I screwed up, I moved some of it to my right hand. There was a strong pleasant warmth coming from my palm. I open my eyes and -

"MY HAND IS GLOWING!"

Hmm. Probably should not have shouted that.

My door flies open, okaa-san and otou-san come rushing in. With a huge smile on my face, I turn to my caretakers.

"Look! Blue hand! How awesome!" It can be terrible acting my age, but I really am super happy! I finally unlocked my chakra!

"Oh no."

Those two word uttered by okaa-san cut me to my core. Namika and Fujita both look filled with sorrow. They are disappointed. Both of them. Because I can use chakra. What?

"Okaa-san? Otou-san? What is wrong?" Maybe I am doing it wrong? Maybe they have never seen chakra before? They can't possibly be unhappy that I can use it.

Fujita comes over to me, gets on a knee places his hand on my shoulder and looks me right in the eyes.

"Alvarcus, that is chakra. Shinobi use chakra. We are bakers, son. We don't need to use chakra." Fujita says in the most serious tone I've ever heard him use.

"But I could be a shinobi! It would be so cool! I would be the first in our fami-"

" _NO_!" okaa-san screams. She literally screams it from the doorway.

"But why?" My voice wavers. Never before have either of my caretakers acted like this. Where did this come from? I thought being a shinobi was a great thing in Konoha, a great thing for any family in any shinobi village!

"Namika, calm down. I'll talk with him and explain." Turning back to me otou-san spoke. "Alvarcus, shinobi are not good people. They are paid to lie, cheat, steal and even kill. You shouldn't want to become a shinobi."

"But don't they protect the village? They can't all be bad. Even the Hokage is a shinobi!" This can't be happening. I refuse to be something as mediocre as a baker in this crazy world.

"Alvarcus! Enough! You will not be a shinobi. My son will not be a killer! _A murderer_!"

"But otou-san -"

"I said no!" Fujita says forcefully.

I can't believe it. This is happening. My goal demands that I be a shinobi. It is in the damn title!

"Do you understand me young man?" Why is otou-san acting so weird? He has never been this... this strict and demanding!

With watery eyes, oh god am I actually tearing up over this, I say "Yes otou-san. I understand."

With relieved faces, okaa-san and otou-san smile. "Good. Now how about we go the bakery and get you a cookie?"

* * *

Chakra was never brought up again. Being a shinobi was never brought up again. I went about my life, acting like I normally do. I was the perfect child. I was always polite, always doing what I was told. I never went against my caretakers.

Until nightfall. Once my caretakers were asleep, I would practice molding chakra. I would move it around my body trying to get used to how it felt. It felt good. Amazing even. I wouldn't stop just because I was told no. Something so small like that could never stop me. It just forced me to be sneaky, which is perfectly fine. Shinobi need stealth in addition to chakra.

I never had any idea why they were so strongly against shinobi. I never asked. Whenever a shinobi came to our bakery my caretakers were always polite and never rude. Well being rude to a paid and trained killer is a really bad idea, but they treated everyone the same.

All but one person. They wouldn't serve one person, and his name was Naruto.

* * *

Naruto only tried to enter our bakery once. I barely saw him. I was sitting on the counter snacking on a sweet roll when otou-san started yelling.

"We don't serve your kind! Get out of here! Go on! Scram!" Otou-san shouts at a blindingly orange blob while he wields a broom in a threatening manner.

The orange blob -er kid yeah that is a kid- looks heartbroken."I- I just wanted some bread. Please?"

"No demon child! Leave this instant!"

The child hangs his head in defeat and practically limps out of the store.

"Good riddance! Alvarcus! Don't talk to that child."

I am flabbergasted. Fujita is livid at that poor kid. "Why otou-san? What did he do?" Maybe he stole from us before?

"He is a menace and a hooligan! My son will not associate with scum like him!" He's still glaring at the retreating child.

Otou-san hates that kid at first glance. Who was that poor child? He can't be much older than I am. Where are his parents at? Someone that young shouldn't out wandering around on their own. The only person who was treated that poorly was Naruto, the entire village acted that way to him.

Oh. Naruto. That was him. No doubt about that. Poor kid.

He never came back. I never saw him again, not until the first day at the academy.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alvarcus! You're 8 now! You know what that means!" Okaa-san is terribly happy today. You would think it was her birthday not mine. "You get to go to school!"

Oh. Yeah that is right. That is this year, the year I get to crush my caretakers dreams of me being a timid baker by becoming the one thing they demanded I never become; a brutal, lying, cheating, _murdering_ shinobi. This is going to be fun.

"Okaa-san, otou-san, I don't want to go to school." I think it is best to try to ease them into this. No need to drop a bombshell on them.

"Don't be silly Alvarcus, you can't stay home all day! You'll have so much fun there! You'll meet kids your age, learn interesting things, read new books! I know how much you like reading. I swear you need to go outside more! It seems like no matter how much sun you get you're always pale."

"Okaa-san I read outside all the time! Besides, that's not what I meant. I don't want to go to school. I want to go to the Academy." Dead silence follows my declaration. No one moves. No one breathes.

"No." Fujita replies.

"Yes. I want to." I will not give up on this.

"No!" He said more forcefully.

"Yes!" If he wanted to escalate this, then fine.

"My son will not become like him!"

"I want to protect my family!" I yell in his face.

Fujita and Namika are stunned into silence. I've never yelled at either of my parents before, I don't think I've even raised my voice at them. I've always been a perfect mild mannered child.

"Shinobi lie. They cheat. They steal. They kill. I know that! I don't want to do that! I want to protect my family! There are shinobi out there right now! What is stopping them from getting us? Other shinobi! I don't trust them! What happens if we get invaded? What happens if Konoha falls? Who is going to defend us? Who is going to protect us from those who want to hurt us? From those who want to kill us?"

Both of my parents look shocked. They have nothing to say. There is nothing to say.

"No one. That's who. No one will come to save us, no one will protect us. Since no one else will, I'll do it. I'll protect our family."

Fujita and Namika look at each other. They're both close to agreeing. They need one more push.

"Please kaa-san? Please tou-san? I want this. Really. I do." Never before have I called my parents that. I've always been formal. I've never even called them parents to myself before. They have always been landlords, caretakers, never parents. But they grew on me. I meant every word I said. I would protect my family. I will! I will get them to agree, and then I will show them how good a shinobi I can be!

"Okay. You can." Kaa-san whispers. Tou-san looks shocked that she caved in so soon.

"Namika, what about..." Tou-san halfheartedly tries to come up with a reason for me to not become a shinobi.

"Fujita. Look at him. You see the fire in his eyes. The furnace in his heart. He truly wants this. Look."

He does. Tou-san stares at me for a long time. He is internally fighting something. I can see it. Half of him wants to give in and let me become a shinobi. The other half is demanding that he shields me from that life, the life of a killer. After an uncomfortably long time, he makes up his mind.

"Fine. We will enroll you to the Academy on one condition. This is non-negotiable. If you can't do this then you can not go. Understand?" He put both his hands on my shoulders and came down to my height. He stared me straight in my eyes. I nodded. "Good. My one condition: you can not die. I forbid it. Under no circumstances are you allowed to die. You must always come back home to us."

"Yes tou-san. I agree." I never planned on dying to begin with. It will be easy to stay true to that. Hopefully. There is a ridiculous list of monsters out there. Good thing I plan on my name being on that list.

* * *

One Month Later, First Day of the Academy

"Do you have all your supplies?" Kaa-san is worryingly running around and gathering up pointless things for me to take to the Academy.

"Yes kaa-san." I groan out. We packed everything I could possibly need last night, she made a huge event out of it.

"Your notebooks? Pencils? Erasers? Bento?"

"Yes kaa-san. We went over everything three times." That's not including the two times we went over the list last night. Yes, she made a list.

"Let's check one more time just to be safe." She reaches out for my bag.

I pull it out of her reach. "We are going to be late! I can't be late on my first day!"

"Oh fine! They grow up so fast! Just last month you turned 8! Already so independent!"

"Let's go!" I grab her hand and start pulling her out of our house. "Come on slowpoke! Let's go!"

I am so excited! I get to go to shinobi school! I'm going to learn how to walk on walls! How to spit fire! How to make earth walls! How to shoot lightning like laser beams out of my eyeballs! Okay, maybe not that last one. I don't know if anyone can do that. Maybe I could invent the technique?

"Come on kaa-san! Hurry up!"

* * *

Later that Day, At the Academy

I was wrong. I hate this. I hate this so much. Why do I want to do this? Awesome elemental powers are not worth this. Nothing is worth this.

They are teaching me math. MATH. Math for 8 years old kids. I know my damn multiplication tables already! I vaguely recall calculus and statistics! I can't believe I'm sitting through math for kids. I'll take a page out of Shikamaru's book and nap. He is already doing it anyways.

I put my head down on the desk. Close my eyes and -

"Alvarcus! Shikamaru! Wake up! You can sleep at home!" Damn it. Stupid Mizuki-sensei. Making me stay awake. This is the worst first day ever.

Don't get me wrong, being in the Rookie Nine's class is definitely going to be interesting. I even have a nice spot way in the back corner. Ah, kiddie characters. They look so much like the anime. But not animated. You know if they were real this is how they would look. Because they are real. That's right, it is official. I am in the Naruto universe or utterly insane. Better than that I am in Naruto's class. This is where the plot happens. This is where the cool things start.

This, is the beginning.

* * *

The first year at the academy was... boring. Very boring. Math was a ridiculous part of the "shinobi toolkit" as Iruka-sensei would say. Whatever. I don't need math to be a bad ass. I hope. I slept, read or drew through all those lessons anyway. History? I know more history than the teachers. Cannon was very full of important historical events. I could practically teach that section myself. I would also give an unbiased view. There is a lot of "Konoha is the best" propaganda being thrown at us.

Geography. Now that was interesting, and completely glossed over. We covered it for one day. That is it. We were handed maps of the Elemental Nations and told to study. We weren't even tested over it. I suppose they thought if we graduated from the Academy our respective jonin senseis would show us around. How hilarious.

Reading and writing were too easy. I know how to write already and I learned how to read before that. I slept through all those lessons. I didn't see a reason to stay awake for them.

They tested us on all of our subjects. Repeatedly. I didn't care. I just put down whatever I thought was good enough. I guessed on math, I made up history, and had sloppy handwriting. It was good to slack off in school while knowing I could beat any of these kids at any subject. I already did my time at school, I don't see the point in doing it again.

Slowly but surly I became known as the weird kid in the back. I deserve that title, I didn't try to make friends. I ate lunches by myself. I only answered questions when forced to. I would rather read or draw than talk with kids. Kinda obvious that would happen eventually. Kids are blunt. They say it how they see it, and I was the weird kid in the back of the classroom from their point of view.

Things didn't get interesting until the second year. That is when we started taijutsu and conditioning. Otherwise known as PE class. Running, sit ups, running, push ups, and running again. I swear the senseis were cardio freaks. That's okay though, shinobi need to be able to run for days on end. It is a small thing to sacrifice to my goal of ultimate badassery!

There is one thing I learned, and I learned it quickly. I am terrible at taijutsu. How did I figure this out? When Naruto of all people put my ass on the ground. Every. Damn. Day. He was my designated taijutsu partner.

That kid has way too much energy. He just goes and goes and goes all day long. Even if my form is better, even if my strength is greater, even if the senseis purposefully sabotage him, he just keeps going. The only times I won a spar were if the senseis were grading on form or skill, not on who actually won. That's right, whenever we sparred he won because I couldn't make him stay down. It was super frustrating, but also explainable. He has the demon fox to provide energy for him. I don't. In a real fight to the death I would walk away the victor. In a staged fight with only our fists and no kunai or shuriken? He wins. Every time.

I didn't always fight Naruto though. Every Friday we would draw names for an opponent. Surprisingly I actually wasn't the worst at taijutsu. I easily placed above all the girls thanks to being a boy. That and the girls were more obsessed with looking pretty for "Sasuke-kun!"

Even in a real life twist of an anime, the dreaded fan girls still exist. They are after Sasuke big time. Poor kid, those girls are scary.

I also placed in the middle of the boys. Delightful mediocrity, not good, not bad, just average. I can live with that for now. Once I get a jonin sensei, then I will start striving for improvement.

All in all it was a good second year. Gotta say that running all the time does wonders for physical health. It certainly made helping out around the bakery easier.

The third year was the best. They finally started us on the basic three. The henge, bushin, and kawarmi. I soaked it up like a sponge. By the end of the year, my henge of the Hokage was... bad. It was really bad. In my defense I only saw the guy once! And that was at a village announcement. Henge of my parents? Easy. Henge of Iruka or Mizuki? Easy. Henge of a guy I've seen once? Ridiculously hard.

My bushin was above average. Turns out that my chakra naturally wants to take my shape, and my older mind makes multitasking easier. Little known fact about the basic bushin: you need to tell it what to do. Unlike the kage bushin, the basic bushin does not have a mind of it's own. That might be why so many shinobi use elemental clones.

The kawarmi came the easiest to me. No idea why, I just had a knack for it. Which really pissed off some fellow students, considering that everyone else had to struggle with it. That made me proud, especially knowing that it will save my life down the road.

Fourth year. That was total hell. It was the mother of all reviews. All we did was go over old material, work on taijutsu, work on throwing, and work on the basic three. Review, review, review.

Until the last day. Graduation day. The day the story really takes off. The day before it all went wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

"Alvarcus! Step forward." With a huge sigh and a lot of forced effort I approach Iruka-sensei. "Henge into a person of your choice."

Person of my choice, yeah right. All this time you had us change to the Hokage. That is who I am changing into.

POOF!

I am the Hokage now. Maybe I should act the part? "Iruka-kun! How wonderful you have trained these new shinobi! You are an outstanding member of society! In fact you deserve a raise!"

"Very funny Alvarcus. One thing to know about the henge, without prior knowledge the voice will not change. Nice try, but last time I checked the Hokage does not sound 12 years old. I am fairly sure he is pushing seventy." He says as he scribbles down on his clipboard

I let my henge fade.

"Aw damn. That thought never even occurred to me." Besides, how could I mimic a voice I've barely heard?

"Show me a replacement next." He orders.

I kawarmi with a chair on the other side of the classroom.

"Well done. Bushin next."

After molding the appropriate amount of chakra I created a bushin on the chair in the middle of the room that I used for my kawarmi. Yes! Extra credit for spawning it so far away! Clone-me looks at me, shruggs, gets off the chair and lays down for a nap.

"Alvarcus."

"Yes Mizuki-sensei?"

"Why is your clone napping?"

"I believe he is tired."

"Tired. Really?"

"Well I wanted to show I could make him do stuff, and the first thing I thought of was that I really wanted to sleep. So I made him lie down for a nap." I'm not lying, I am rather tired. I was up all night practicing for today. I refuse to fail now.

"Really?" Mizuki-sensei sounded exasperated. Iruka-sensei just chuckles to himself.

"Pass. Here is your headband, now go back to you classmates." Iruka-sensei smiles proudly at me. Mizuki just seems indifferent. Whatever. Not like I have to make him happy if tonight happens like I think it will. He will be branded a criminal and Naruto will get to graduate.

"Hey everyone look! Even Alvarcus passed! This test is going to be so easy I'll have no problem! Believe it!" Ah, good old Naruto, making fun of me because he is insecure. His verbal tick is really annoying. Sometimes I feel bad for Sasuke and Sakura, they'll have to put up with him for years.

"Naruto! Be quiet and get in here! You're next!" Iruka to the rescue! No need for me to belittle Naruto now. He will do that to himself when he fails.

Walking back up to my chair in the back of the classroom, Hinata of all people talks to me. Well, we have sat next to each other for four years. It isn't that strange. Okay, it is pretty strange. We have to be the quietest kids ever. She's is cripplingly shy, and I just don't want to talk to 12 years old kids.

"W-well done Alvarcus. Did you have any p-problems?"

"Nah. It was rather easy. Congrats yourself. Today is a big day."

Before we could talk more Iruka comes back in. Wow, Naruto failed very quickly.

"Alright everyone! That's it for today. Meet back here for your last day at the Academy. You will get your gennin team assignments then. You are all shinobi now! Make your village proud!" Good guy that Iruka. I'm glad he is proud of us. I just hope my parents will be the same.

* * *

Later that Day, at the Mar House

"Oh Alvarcus! Look at you, shiny headband! I'm so proud of you. Our little shinobi!" Namika pulls me in for a closer look at the shiny piece of metal.

"Kaa-san! I am not little!"

"Yes you are. Now come here! Let's see that headband!" Tou-san pulls me away from my doting kaa-san and playfully flicks my new forehead protector. "Keep that safe. It means a great deal to shinobi."

"Yes sir!" I give him a mock salute. The effect is lost on both of my parents, they just chalked it up to me being strange again.

Talk like that went on all night. One of my parents was always congratulating me or talking about how proud they are. We couldn't leave the house since Mizuki and Naruto have the village on lock down.

My parents did seem truly proud of me. The entire night they were so happy for me. They must have finally gotten over their shinobi paranoia now that one is in the family.

"Alright Alvarcus. It's time for bed. You have a big day tomorrow! It isn't every day you meet your first sensei!"

"Okay tou-san. Night kaa-san, night tou-san." Ah, it feels good to be a shinobi! I go to my bedroom and snuggle down to sleep. Then I hear faint whispers. Too faint to make out at first, but if I focus I can barely make out the words.

"Our son is following in that man's footsteps." Fujita whispers to his wife.

"I know. He seems so similar to him. Anti-social, reclusive. They're both smart children, prodigies. The only reason Alvarcus isn't considered one is because he fails on purpose." Namika sounds defeated.

"Do you think..." Fujita doesn't finish his sentence. I don't think he could finish it, whatever he was going to say was too much for him.

"He's still our son. He's not him. Just because he looks similar to that man does not make him the same person. We won't let our son turn out like him."

"Then why did we let him go to the Academy? Why did we let him become a shinobi?"

"I don't know. It was a moment of weakness and neither of us could tell him no after we said yes. It would crush him, Alvarcus never wanted to do anything more than to go to the Academy."

"We should have said no." Fujita grimly says.

"We should have." Namika agrees.

At that moment I realized they wanted me to fail. They don't want me to be a shinobi. Even after four years at the Academy they still don't want me to become a shinobi. The one thing I want to do in this life my parents reject.

It hurts.

* * *

Next Day, at the Academy

"Alright gennin! Are you ready for your team assignments?" Iruka calls out to the sea of new shinobi.

Hell yeah I am ready! This is the real start of my ultimate badassery! To become a legend! To achieve the S-rank!

"Once I call your name your jonin sensei will come in and take you. Team 1:..."

At that point I tune Iruka out. I'll pay attention once he says my name, until then I don't care. I'll get my team, we will kick ass, take names, and be awesome! Or die horribly. Honestly it could go either way.

"Team 7: Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno and -"

BANG!

"Oi. Iruka. You are Iruka right?" A tall an imposing man with flowing white hair barged into our classroom.

Who the hell is this guy? This didn't happen in cannon. Did something go wrong? I do a quick head count of the new gennin. There's one extra person here. Did I screw something by enrolling into the academy?

"Jiraya-sama?" Iruka sounds star struck.

Jiraya? He doesn't show up until after the first 2 rounds of the Chunin Exams! What is he doing here?

"Cool. Right place. Hey! Which one of you kids is Naruto?" Jiraya addresses the new gennin.

No. This is not happening. No.

"I am! Who are you old man!" Naruto, shut up, sit down and wait for Kakashi like cannon! I refuse. This can not be happening.

"Who am I you ask! I am the legendary -"

"You are Jiraya of the Sannin. Student of the Third Hokage. Toad sage. Seal master. Pervert." Jiraya face falls. He literally fell on his face. I didn't expect that.

"Who said that? Who ruined my intro!" This is awkward. I probably shouldn't have blurted that out. Note to self: Never interrupt people who can kill you with a napkin and make it look like an accident.

"Sorry? Was I wrong?" I timidly say.

Jiraya glares at me. Actually, the whole class is staring at me. How awkward. This is what I get for being the quiet kid in the back of the classroom, whenever I speak up it is a sign of the end of days.

"Yes! I am not a pervert!" Oh thank Kami. The show was wrong about that. There is hope yet!

"I am the legendary Super Pervert!" Never mind. He is insane. He actually tried to introduce himself with the dance and openly declared himself as a super pervert. Wow.

"Hey! Enough about Alvarcus! He's boring! What did you want with me, Naruto Uzumaki, the future Hokage?"

Right. He wanted Naruto for something. Maybe to check the seal? Tell him about his parents?

"You're Naruto Uzumaki? Let's go." Jiraya then proceeds to pick up Naruto, throw him over his shoulder, and leap out the window. Well, there goes the plot.

THERE GOES THE PLOT!

My future knowledge! All the things he is supposed to do! Sasuke's rival, save the Land of Waves, stop Gaara, and least of all SAVE THE WORLD! What the hell is Team 7 going to do now? I really feel sorry for the person who replaces him. Without Naruto, that team is doomed to an early and violent grave.

"Ahem. How about I get back to the team announcements?" Iruka sheepishly says to the stunned gennin before him.

Oh right. That is still happening. Leave it to Iruka to keep us on track as if one of our classmates wasn't just kidnapped.

"Like I was saying, Team 7: Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Alvarcus Mar."

I am dead. Very, very dead.

"Uh Iruka-sensei? There has to be a mistake." Please say he is wrong. I don't want to be on Team 7!

"There is no mistake Alvarcus. Now, I approve that you are finally voicing your opinion, but please be quiet." Iruka scolds me. Fine. If he won't listen to reason then he will listen to logic!

"But Sasuke is the rookie of the year, and Sakura is the highest ranked kunoichi! Aren't they supposed to be paired with the dead last?" There! Refute that cold hard logic!

"That is correct. They are paired with the dead last." Ha! I knew I would get off that team! Wait. What?

"I'm the dead last? I thought Naruto was!" This can't be happening.

"As you can see, Naruto has his own personal teacher. Therefore, with him out of the running you are the dead last."

Oh hell no! That can't be right. There is no way! I always did my work. Now that I think about it, I always did a really terrible job at my homework and tests on purpose. Why did I do that? I found it funny at the time, but now I royally screwed myself over.

"Now if I can continue, Team 8 is ..." Iruka keeps on talking.

I tune the world out. What am I going to do? I am on Team 7. Team 7! The one that all the crazy stuff happens to. Oh Kami, I have to face Orochimaru during the Chunin Exams. That's like 4 months away! I am not ready. I take it back. I don't want to be a shinobi. I want to be a baker. Baking sounds nice, nice and safe, no snake men trying to give my teammates a cursed hickey of doom.

"Are you okay?"

I jolt out of my internal rant, flinching rather badly. Sakura is looking at me. Sasuke is staring out the window. There is no one else left in the classroom. When did everyone leave? How long was I freaking out for?

"Hey, Alvarcus, you okay? You haven't moved at all for like hours. Even Sasuke moved to a window seat. Are you nervous?" Sakura asked me.

Okay, deep breath, then calmly reply. You can do this. Just because you are on Team 7 does not mean you have to go through all that terrible stuff they do. I doubt I even have Kakashi as a sensei. Who am I trying to fool? There is no way the Elder Council did not get Kakashi to be Sasuke's sensei. He is the only one with experience wielding a Sharingan in Konoha.

"I am rather nervous. I hope we have a good jonin sensei." I calmly respond.

There. Small sentences. Wait until you are done freaking out for big words and tough concepts. In fact just nod from now on. Good plan! Sakura is still talking at me. Have I nodded recently? I'm not sure, I better do it anyways.

Finally the door to the classroom opens. Kakashi pokes his head in. "My first impression of you, I don't like you."

And you're an asshat.

Sasuke's head whips around to stare at me. Sakura opens her mouth in horror. Kakashi tilts his head in mild amusement?

"Meet me on the roof in 5 minutes." Kakashi vanishes into a swirl of leaves.

"Why did you say that!" Sakura hisses at me.

"Say what? I didn't say anything."

Sasuke, opening his mouth for the first time that day, bluntly states, "You call our sensei an asshat."

"That was out loud?"

Sakura nods her head in disbelief.

"Well damn. There goes the good first impression. We better get to that roof."

I sprint out the room. That was monumentally stupid.

* * *

On the Roof

"So, now that we are all here, lets talk about ourselves. We're supposed to be a team now!" Kakashi is way too chipper for just being called an asshat. "I'll even go first. My name is Kakashi Hatake, my likes and my dislikes don't concern you. My hobbies... I have many hobbies. My dream I won't tell you."

How informative.

"Pinky! You next!" Kakashi points at Sakura

"My name is Sakura Haruno, I like..." She glances at Sasuke and giggles, "I dislike when Naruto asks me out! My hobbies are picking flowers with Ino. My dreams..." Looks at Sasuke again and giggles loudly.

Oh Kami, I didn't think the fangirlism was that strong in this one. She always seemed more tame in the classroom than what the cannon showed.

"Broody! You're next!" Kakashi points towards Sasuke.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I dislike a few things and I like even less. My hobby is training. I don't have a dream. What I do have is an ambition. I want to kill a certain man and revive my clan."

That I expected. There is no way the massacre didn't scar that kid.

"You. Name caller. Go." Kakashi points to me.

Name caller. How appropriate, I did call him an asshat 10 minutes ago.

"My name is Alvarcus Mar. I like reading and sleeping. I dislike being cold and heights. I really dislike heights. I don't know why though." That is pretty strange. I never disliked heights in my previous life. I even went skydiving once! "My hobbies include drawing, sleeping and imagining creative ways to kill my enemies. My dream is to be a S-rank shinobi."

That got a reaction from everyone. Sasuke looks intrigued, Sakura looks surprised and Kakashi simply raises his one visible eyebrow.

"S-rank? That is quite a ways off for you little gennin. You have to pass my test first." Ah, the infamous bell test. "Meet at training ground 7 tomorrow at 6 am. Oh, and don't eat breakfast. You will just puke it up." Ew, Gross.

"Hey Kakashi where is – oh. He's gone. Where did he go?" Poor Sakura looks so confused. She better get used to Kakashi disappearing on us. I have a feeling it will be a regular occurrence.

"Well, see ya both tomorrow!" I wave cheerfully and head off the roof.

Time to wake up early, wait for three hours, then get my ass kicked by an elite jonin. Can't wait!

* * *

Later that Day at Home

"Kaa-san, tou-san, I got my team assignments today." The last time I brought home news about my shinobi career both of my parents hid their true feelings from me. I wonder how they'll deal with this news.

Kaa-san gives me her undivided attention. "That's great! So who is on your team?"

"Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno. They seem nice. Sasuke is really moody all the time and Sakura has the most ridiculous pink hair."

Tou-san chuckles at my descriptions. "Not everyone can have a nice hair color like me!"

Damn him and his awesome dark blue hair. How dare my genetics pass on this jet black hair.

"Did you say Sasuke Uchiha? I heard he is the last of his clan." Great, even my (secretly) shinobi hating parents have heard of the Last Uchiha.

"Yep. That's the one. I think he has problems."

Kaa-san smiles sweetly at me, "Of course dear. After what he went through anyone would have problems."

I can't believe social conditioning has advanced this far in this damn village. If he was from a clan that didn't have a bloodline no one would care.

"Well, Alvarcus, Fujita and I have some news too!"

They have news for me? Interesting, maybe the bakery is getting an upgrade? Business has been good recently, ever since I figured out how to make cinnamon rolls and doughnuts with the foods available to me here. I can't believe no one else has made them before. I'm slowly introducing foods from my first life to this world. I can't wait until I make a cheeseburger or pizza, it'll spark a revolution.

"You are going to get a sibling!" Kaa-san, with the biggest smile ever, tells me.

"Sibling? I'm getting a sibling? I'm going to be a big brother?" I look over at tou-san. He just starts laughing.

"That's right. You are going to be a big brother." Both the parents confirm it. It's official! I am going to be a big brother!

"That's great! When is the baby due? Is it a boy? A girl? Can I pick out the name? Please!"

I would like to say with my adult mind I controlled my excitement. I ended up bombarding my parents with questions for the rest of the night. A big brother! Me! That's great news, I've always wanted a sibling.


	5. Chapter 5

The Next Morning

BREET BREET BREET SMASH!

Crap I think I just broke my alarm clock. Who cares! I'm going to be a big brother! With a pep in my step I spring out of bed and get ready for my day at the ungodly hour of 5 am. I have to be at training ground 7 at 6am after all. I wouldn't want to be late on my first day!

Running out the door I call over my shoulder, "Bye kaa-san, bye tou-san! I'll be back later!"

Ah, what a wonderful morning! Approaching training ground 7, I see I am the first one here. That's great, I am 10 minutes early after all! Eventually Sakura shows up.

"Ah! Sasuke-kun! You're here!"

Really? Did he sneak past me? I didn't even notice him.

"Oh. You're not Sasuke."

Sakura thought I was Sasuke? "Sorry to disappoint, but he is not here yet."

"You two look freakishly similar from a distance. You almost have the same hair color! But his is way cooler! It is shinier! And his has style! Yours is dull and lays flat. Not that that is bad or anything!"

Thanks Sakura. You really know how to make someone feel better about themselves.

"You know, if you didn't have yellow eyes you two could be brothers!"

Oh hell no! I am not an Uchiha! Am I? I do have almost the right hair. The typical Uchiha hair is a slightly lighter black than mine, and it is glossier. Having a parent with solid black eyes could mean he is part Uchiha. Is it possible? Something to look into later. I could be the first Uchiha with yellow eyes!

"Thanks Sakura. That's nice." I won't let this ruin my day! Besides, I have more important things to think about! Like being a big brother!

After a minute or two Sasuke graces us with his presence. Ah, what a fine morning! The whole team is here, and soon Kakashi will be here. Wait a moment. That doesn't sound right.

"Hey Alvarcus?" Sakura startles me out of my thoughts.

"Yes Sakura?"

"You seem really happy today."

How observant! I have been smiling like a maniac ever since last night!

"My parents told me that they are going to have another child. I'm going to be a big brother!"

"Oh that's wonderful! When is the baby due? Boy? Girl? What gender do you want?" Sakura and I talked about the baby for quite a while. She reacted exactly how I thought she would.

Sasuke didn't.

Figures he has brother issues. His did kill the rest of his family. At first he was shocked, it isn't every day you hear this kind of news. Then he was angry. Angry doesn't do it justice, he was livid. I've never seen more emotion on his face before. Once he realized I was watching him, he collected his emotions an put on a mask of indifference.

"Isn't that wonderful Sasuke? Alvarcus is going to be a big brother!" Oh Sakura, you poor thing, why did you have to word it like that. Sasuke has the biggest big brother issues ever.

"Hn." Is all Sasuke replies with. Not entirely unexpected.

"I think that is great news!" Kakashi happily chimes in from behind me.

"AH! When did you get here! You're LATE!" Sakura has some serious lungs. That was _loud._ I'm glad it was. It covered up my squawk of surprise.

"There was a black cat in my path so I had to take the long way around the village." Kakashi merrily tells us.

"Really?" I can't believe he actually uses those lame excuses.

"Really. He was ferocious." Kakashi assures us.

"Good. Black cats mean bad luck after all." All three of my team members looked at me. Two in surprise, one in joy.

"I'm glad you understand Alvarcus! Now on to the test. Your goal is to take these bells from me before noon. That gives you 3 hours to complete this task. Then we can have lunch."

"But Kakashi, there are only two bells."

"Very observant Sakura! Only two of you can pass. The one who does not get the bell will not get lunch, and they will be sent back to the Academy." There is the twist! That is okay, I have a plan.

"So only two of us can pass. Hey Sasuke, Sakura, why don't we work together to get the bells, then have a free for all between us to see who gets to keep them? I don't know about you but I can't take on a jonin alone." Take the offer, take the offer! All we need to do is show teamwork and we will pass.

"I don't need your help. I'll get a bell by myself." Dammit Sasuke you are not that good!

"When I say start. Make sure you come at me with the intent to kill. Otherwise you wont stand a chance. Ready?"

Hell no I am not ready. I won't be ready to go toe to toe with Kakashi for years!

"START!"

* * *

In a Bush

Okay. First thing is first identify what you need to do to pass.

Teamwork.

How do I get teamwork to happen?

Sakura will follow what Sasuke does, so I need to convince him that we need to work together. In other words I need to convince him that he needs help. That's not going to happen.

Other solutions?

Hope that Kakashi gives us a second chance when one of us is tied to the post.

That is not terribly unlikely, but to make sure we pass I need to not be tied to the post. I can outdo Sakura. Okay, that's the plan! Impress Kakashi enough to not be tied to the post!

"Lesson one: Taijutsu." He is right behind me.

"Kawarmi!" I switch with a nearby log. I'm safe!

THWACK!

Kakashi's fist connects with the back of my head. I'm sprawled on the ground, practically eating dirt after one hit. Great. I get up and stare down Kakashi.

"You want to do taijutsu? Fine, I'll do taijutsu!"

Lunging at him I start punching, kicking, clawing, everything I can think of as fast as I can. Basically I'm hoping I get lucky and a hit lands. Kakashi, while lazily dodging my attacks, reaches into his hip pouch.

I leap away. Kunai in close range is not something I want to deal with. He doesn't pull out kunai.

He pulled out his book, Icha Icha. He is reading while engaging me in taijutsu. Even worse he is winning, I haven't touched him once.

"Come on! You can't possibly be that good! You haven't even tried to attack me and you are reading?"

Oh that was a bad idea. That was a really bad idea. Why do I taunt people obviously more skilled than me?

"You want me to attack? Alright. Here I come! Konoha Forbidden Taijutsu Technique!" Kakashi roars out.

No. NO. NONONONONO!

"One Thousand Years Of Death!" He appears behind me and extends his fingers into a makeshift spear.

"Kawarmi!" Oh thank the sweet merciful Kami I dodged it.

"Nice try!" Kakashi happily says from behind me. I don't have time to dodge again.

POKE

"Kakashi." I say in a deadly serious tone.

"Yes Alvarcus?" He merrily replies.

"Did you just- ahem. Did you just make an ass poke into a taijutsu move?"

"Why yes, I believe I did. I thought for sure you would fly away screaming." He replies like this is a normal conversation.

"Okay. Just wanted to make sure. I'm going to fly away screaming now."

"Go right ahead."

"AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Kakashi lazily watches me soar into the air.

"10/10 for height. 5/10 for distance. Could have done better."

Oh Kami I'm flying. I'm flying from an ass poke. Wow, I'm getting pretty high in the air. I'm high in the air. There is nothing to grab on to. No. Not again. Not like this. I start hyperventilating. Breath dammit! Not like this! I can't move! I can't do anything! What do I do? What can I do! Is this how I am going to die? Is this how I already died? The ground is coming too fast. Way too fast. There is no chance of me landing safely. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm DEAD!

SPLASH

Oh thank all the gods that exist, I landed in a lake. Sweet merciful water.

I haul myself out of the lake.

"You okay Name caller?"

I pin Kakashi with my best glare. "Never do that again. _Ever!_ I swear by all the gods, Kami, Jashin, Death, whoever the hell is out there, if you do that again _I will kill you._ " I meant every word. I never want to be that high up again.

"You have a serious fear of heights." Kakashi says matter of factly.

"No shit Sherlock. What gave that away? The screaming? The panic attack at 30 meters in the air? All of the above?"

"What's a Sherlock? You come up with the strangest nicknames. Never mind, lesson over. I'm going to go play with someone else. You were... boring."

What an asshole. I hope that Sasuke and Sakura have fun. I sure didn't.

* * *

No one had fun. Except maybe Kakashi. He is hard to read with that mask on his face. The only good thing to come of today: Sasuke and Sakura had it just as bad as me.

Okay, so they didn't get 'One Thousand Years of Death'ed but they still had it pretty bad. We all had our asses kicked. Thoroughly.

Kakashi looks at all three of us in disappointment. "You all fail. None of you got a bell."

"But you can't fail us! We tried so hard! We can't go back to the academy!" That optimism is not going to work here Sakura, but good attempt. Have fun being tied up on a post.

"You can try one more time after lunch. On one condition! Alvarcus doesn't eat anything." Kakashi happily tells us.

"Wait what? I don't eat?" Why me? Did Sakura perform better than me?

"Yep! You get to watch you teammates while tied to this post! That's not too tight is it?"

"How did you tie me to the post already!" How did he do that? I'm pretty sure I'm not under a genjutsu. Was that pure speed? "Kakashi, you are scary fast. You have to make me that fast."

"Maybe if you pass. Now remember Sasuke, Sakura no feeding Alvarcus! I'll be back in an hour. See ya!" Poof. He's gone. Actually he is probably just in the bushes. It doesn't matter, I need to worry about passing.

GURGLE

Huh. Now that I think about it, I never did eat breakfast. Being told about the baby really threw my game off. I showed up on time and I didn't eat. Crap, I even knew that he would be late and taunt us with food.

"Don't mind me guys, go ahead and eat. I'll be okay! I'm not even hungry." I'll just play this scene like Naruto did in cannon and pray a lot that it works.

GURGLE

"Here. Eat. I don't need teammates who will slow me down." Sasuke is offering me food? _Sasuke?_ How very kind of him. I thought for sure Sakura would cave in first. "Besides, your idea may not be that bad. Work together, then fight it out ourselves."

Wow. That was almost a compliment.

"Have some of mine too! We can't have Sasuke-kun going hungry either!"

"Wow, guys, thanks. Really. This means a lot." I sincerely say.

Kakashi thunders back into the clearing. He actually did it to the sound of thunder, he must have used a genjutsu to achieve that effect.

"HOW DARE YOU DISREGARD MY ORDERS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO FEED HIM! SASUKE! SAKURA! ALVARCUS!" Oh man Kakashi is scary. Even if I know he is faking he is scary. Very scary. And I taunted that earlier. _I asked that to attack me!_

"You pass!" He pats Sasuke and Sakura on the head gently.

Silence. No one moves.

"Really?" I question.

"Really!" Kakashi says with that damn eye smile of his.

"Hn!"

"I knew Sasuke-kun would pass!"

"Woot! S-rank here I come! Step one: Complete!"

"That's nice minions, now report here tomorrow at 5am. We are training then getting our first mission."

First mission? Wonderful, that means D-ranks. This is going to suck.

"Can you untie me now? I can't feel my feet."


	6. Chapter 6

The Next Morning, Training Ground 7, 8am

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura yells at our sensei. I'm just glad it is not at me, that girl has one hell of a temper.

"Well you see, I got lost on the road of life." Kakashi cheerful greets us. Surprisingly he's only two hours late.

"Did you find your path? There are many perils on the road of life, pitfalls and wrong turns. I would hate for you to lose your way." I cheekily sass my new sensei.

Sasuke looks pretty mad at me for saying that. Sakura still looks pissed at Kakashi.

With joy on his face (I think, that mask is very effective) Kakashi ruffles my hair.

"You know, I think you are going to be my favorite." Kakashi sighs and gazes forlornly into the distance.

What a drama queen.

"So! Training! What do you all want to learn first?" Kakashi is asking us what we want to learn? How does he expect us to possibly know what our options are?

Let's see, crazy elemental just is out. Not only is this our first real training day but we are gennin. We don't have enough chakra yet. It's actually impressive that Sasuke can already use the Grand Fireball.

I really don't want to deal with him teaching taijutsu. I bet he'd beat us into the ground and call it practice. I want to put that off for as long as possible.

Like taijutsu, I don't want to be put through Kakashi's genjutsu training. He'd either show us horrifying things or scar us mentally by using his favorite novel for inspiration.

That leaves low level ninjutsu as our best option. It is the least likely to get us hurt. Unless he decides to demonstrate them by launching them at us. What can't be do that with?

"Chakra strings. I want to learn how to use chakra strings." I have some pretty cool ideas that require chakra strings and they're relatively safe to learn.

"No. Pick something else." He dismisses my suggestion instantly.

"Kakashi-sensei. Consider teaching me how to make chakra strings you paying me back for the Thousand Years Of Death move. You owe me for that. That was the most humiliating moment of my life." I desperately need to repress that memory.

"Alright. Just never mention that technique again. I don't think I could ever live that down if the other jonin heard about that." Kakashi sheepishly replies.

Blackmail material! Wait a moment. Something feels off about this.

"You just made that move up right then?" I ask him. He couldn't have, it was too well executed. He must have done it before.

"Yep! Spur of the moment kind of thing."

"How did you even come up with that? NO! Don't answer. I know what is in that book."

"I don't think you are my favorite anymore." Kakashi tenderly pulls out his orange book and lovingly cradles it.

Nope! Not having this conversation. I don't care if Icha Icha is good or not.

"Whatever you say. So. Chakra strings? How do they work?" I press forward. I desperately want to change the subject.

Kakashi opens his book and eagerly sticks his nose into it. He's not taking this seriously at all, just like the bell test.

"Just push chakra out of your fingertips. The strings themselves are not hard to make, and they use very little chakra. Once they are formed you only need to add chakra if you want to make the string longer. The difficulty with chakra strings is manipulating them to do what you want. That is why puppet masters usually use one puppet. It is hard to manipulate that many strings at once."

Huh. That was surprisingly thorough. He really knows what he is talking about. Maybe he is taking this seriously.

Kakashi turns a page and breaks into a giggle fit.

I was wrong, he's just good at multitasking.

"Ahem." I clear my throat to try to get him back on task.

"Oh, right you're still here. The easiest way to start with strings is to attach it to something you are touching, then moving it away from your hand. The longer the distance, the more difficult it is to manipulate."

Can't believe he's still reading. You'd think he'd have the common decency to at least watch my first attempt to see if I screw anything up.

Picking up a rock off the ground I attach my chakra to it. I let it extend a couple inches from my index finger. I poke it with my other hand and the rock swings back and forth like a pendulum.

"Like this?" There is no way it is really that easy. I could have started practicing this months ago.

"Yep! Just like that. You're a natural." Huh. I guess it really is that easy.

Sasuke demandingly stomps forward. I guess he had enough of being ignored.

"Kakashi, teach me how-"

"Nope! Sorry but Alvarcus took up all the time! Let's go to the mission desk and get our fist D-rank!" Kakashi cheerfully starts walking away, his nose still centimeters from his book.

Sasuke pulls me to the side and glares at me. "Tomorrow. You don't say anything."

"He-he, yeah. He's all yours."

"Come on boys! Kakashi and I are going to beat you there!" Sakura is way too happy. She must not know what D-ranks mean.

* * *

One Week Later

"I hate D-ranks! Why is painting a fence a mission!" Sakura angrily smacks her paint brush into the half painted fence after a measly five minutes of silence.

Poor Sakura, she can't stand silence. It must be hard for her being on this team. Sasuke and I both don't talk that much, and Kakashi... well he's Kakashi.

"I find painting fences to be one of the better missions. I get to use my chakra strings!" Yep, that's right. I am painting a fence with 10 paintbrushes at once. One brush per finger.

Best. Mission. Ever.

Chakra strings are so useful! I can't believe more shinobi don't use them. Is something out of your reach? Chakra string. Will one kunai not cut enough? Use chakra strings to hold 10. Is your pregnant kaa-san being lazy and doesn't want to bend over so she calls you from across the room to pick up what she dropped? Chakra string!

Okay so kaa-san wasn't being lazy I was. I admit it! But I need the practice! Three birds with one stone! I picked up the bowl for kaa-san, I got in some more chakra string practice, and I didn't have to get off the couch!

"You know Alvarcus, when you asked me to teach you chakra strings last week I didn't think you would stick with them. Only puppet masters use chakra strings as much as you do. Do you want to be a puppet master?" Kakashi has a good point.

Do I want to be a puppet master? Eh, not really. That sounds limiting. Besides, I don't think Konoha has any puppet masters that could teach me. I have no idea how to begin making a puppet, not to mention how to use one.

"Nope. Puppet masters rarely use any form of ninjutsu. They rely on poisons to get the job done. I don't want that. I want to make elemental chakra strings. One for each element on each hand! How cool would that be! I could call it Elemental Strings!" Now that sounds bad ass.

"That's never going to work." Go ahead and crush my dream Kakashi. Go ahead, do it some more.

"Why?" I ask. He has to have a reason and it better not be because he doesn't want to teach me that many elemental chakra changes.

"That would require you to have natural affinities for all 5 elements. Chakra strings are unique in the fact that they require a natural affinity to have an elemental change. They become too unstable otherwise and don't form."

Oh. That is actually a very good reason.

"So I could make an elemental string for each affinity I have?"

"Yep! Although shinobi don't usually have two affinities. You can train in a second one, but having more than one affinity is usually a jonin trait. Even at the jonin level it is rare to have dual affinities mastered."

"How can I figure out what my affinity is?" Chakra paper. I already know this from the anime, but as a new gennin I should have no clue. Besides, maybe Kakashi will bring some to training tomorrow!

"Alvarcus." Oh boy, Sasuke sounds mad. "You're hogging the sensei again."

"Sorry! Your turn! You ask him something!"


	7. Chapter 7

Next Morning

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura shouts at Kakashi.

"Hn." Sasuke grunts with a roll of his eyes.

"You see there was a little old lady that needed help with her groceries." There's Kakashi's lame excuse.

"Is she okay now? Does she need more help? You can go back if you need to. I understand." And my sassy retort.

"This is why you are my favorite student."

Now that the morning ritual is out of the way, down to business!

"So, Kakashi, what are we doing today? Sparring? Cardio? Stamina? Teamwork exercises?"

"Actually, I thought we could test all of your elemental affinities."

Hell yeah! My plan worked! Subtle hint drop about wanting to test my affinity and Kakashi brings the chakra paper! I wonder, could Kakashi have been such a bad teacher simply because he has never done it before? Does he really have no idea what to do so he is just waiting for us to ask? Let's put that idea away for later.

"Me first! I wanna go first!" This is going to be awesome!

"Alvarcus you're going last." Mean Kakashi-sensei! "Sakura, you are first. Come here."

Kakashi handed over a piece of paper to Sakura. She looks so confused.

"Kakashi-sensei? What do I do?"

"Channel chakra into the paper. Depending on how it reacts, it'll show your chakra nature. Earth nature turns the paper to dust, wind nature cuts the paper, water nature soaks the paper, fire nature burns the paper, and lightning nature crinkles the paper. Go on! Let's see what you get!"

Sakura channeled chakra into the paper. We all looked on in anticipation. The paper... got wet.

"I got water! Water is good right?" Sakura has a water affinity.

Good for her! That might prove useful in medical jutsu, the human body is made of a ridiculous amount of water.

"Elemental affinities are neither good nor bad. It depends on the user." Words of wisdom, brought to you by Kakashi-sensei. "Sasuke! You're next!"

Sasuke took the paper. Using one hand (show off) he channels chakra into it. The paper immolates.

"Fire." He sounds oddly smug about that. Well in cannon he does like his fire jutsu.

"Alvarcus. Your turn." Kakashi hands me the final piece of paper.

The moment I have been waiting for! What do I want? Wind? I could make giant string blades! Lightning? I could use that to paralyze my enemies! Water? Earth? Fire? Oh I don't care I have good ideas for all of them!

Taking the paper very carefully, I channel some chakra into it. The paper immolates. Fire, my primary affinity is fire. Who would have guessed that in the land of fire, I would have a fire affinity. I should have known.

"Woot! Fire! Oh man! Kakashi-sensei! You need to show me how to use fire chakra! Can you imagine it: Fire Whips! Muahahahaha! Picture it! Ten whips of pure fire flying around the battlefield!"

"Alright. We will start it tomorrow." Kakashi half-heartedly agrees.

There is move evidence that Kakashi doesn't have a clue how to teach. Is he just following my suggestions?

"For now why don't we have a free for all spar? Sasuke vs Sakura vs Alvarcus! Winner decides what D-rank we to this afternoon."

"Deal!" "Alright! If I win you can choose Sasuke-kun!" "Hn!"

We split apart from each other, making a triangle.

"On my go!" Kakashi says.

"Go!"

Sasuke immediately whips out two kunai and throws one and me and the other at Sakura. I deflect mine easily, you'll have to do better than that Sasuke! Oh crap he threw 2 kunai at each of us! I don't have time to block it again!

Without thinking, I do what I have been doing all week long: Use a chakra string. I attach a string to the airborne kunai, whip it around my body, and launch it back a Sasuke. I miss horribly.

"Did you see that! That was so cool!" I happily yell to my shocked teammates.

I can't believe it. I redirected his kunai back at him. With a chakra string and centripetal force. And Kakashi thought strings were only good for puppetry!

"Do it again! Throw something at me!"

Sasuke and Sakura are more than happy to grant my request. Our 3 way spar devolved into a fun game of "try to hit Alvarcus with stones."

For the first 5 minutes, I got a lot of new bruises. Stones hurt. But I got better at catching and throwing them back. Pretty soon it was even. For every one stone that hit me, I hit one of them. Then I hit them twice. Then three times. By the end of an hour, I could catch all the stones they threw at me easily. No problem! Then Sasuke stepped his game up.

He started throwing handfuls of stones at me.

Before I could easily use my 10 strings to keep up with their onslaught. But now? Impossible. What to do?

Each stone needs one string. I can make 10 strings, so I can reflect 10 stones. I need to make more strings.

How do I do that? I only have 10 fingers. Oh, there's an idea! Who said the strings need to come out of the fingers? I know for a fact that Sasori didn't need to use his fingers.

I make strings come out of my back.

That's right, back strings. It worked brilliantly. Sasuke and Sakura are gobsmacked. They have never seen me use strings from anywhere but my fingers. Hell I am pretty shocked too! This is great! Ten isn't my limit anymore! Just imagine how quickly I can paint fences now!

"Take that you stone throwing demons! I can take whatever you can dish out!"

Sasuke and Sakura make eye contact. They share a demonic grin between them both. Not good, not good!

"Uh... I take it back?"

"ATTACK!" They yell in unison.

Very soon I look like a mini stone tornado. I have a crazy amount of stones whipping around my body. Sometimes I could catch a stone and release it on the first rotation. Others I had to swing around multiple times. Like I said, mini stone tornado.

I have to say, that practice was really fun.

* * *

Later that Day, Mission Office

"Team 7, reporting for duty Hokage-sama. What missions do you have?" Stupid Kakashi, saying he gets to pick the mission because we didn't _technically_ spar. I count that as a spar! I have the bruises to show for it!

"Hmm... Let's see." Sarutobi Hiruzen idly browses through a stack of mission scrolls.

This is my first time seeing him up close. Every other time we've come to the mission desk he hasn't been here. The one thing that really stands out to me is his age. The Hokage is seriously old. Like keel over and die at any second old. I'm impressed he managed to live this long, this is a world full of killers. I bet more than a few have tried to claim his life.

"We have a babysitting mission, a gardening mission, and a Tora mission." The Hokage tells us.

Tora? Why does that sound familiar?

"Team 7 accepts the Tora mission. They deserve it." Kakashi gleefully accepts the scroll.

That is not good. Kakashi is too happy about this. His happiness means others pain. Usually Team 7's pain.

"Oh really Kakashi-kun? This is quite the punishment." The Hokage sounds mildly surprised.

"I know. That is the point."

Why do all the older nin look like they are in on the joke of the century?

"Your goal: return the Daiymo's housewife's cat to either her or me. Good luck!" The Hokage finally tells us our mission parameters.

Oh. It's this mission. The demon cat of doom mission. Great. This is going to suck.

"Let's go team! The record is 4 hours! Let's try and beat it!" I hate you Kakashi. I really do.

We head out of the door. This is going to be difficult.

"Hokage-sama, isn't that a little, well, mean? Those kids have no idea what they are getting into." Iruka asks.

"It is better this way." The Hokage puffs on his pipe.

"I have to say, those kids are in for one long D-rank. What was the record? For hours?"

"Four hours and seventeen minutes. Think they can beat it?"

"I'll take that bet! They will beat the time. Sasuke is the rookie of the year, and even if he doesn't look like it Alvarcus has a sharp mind. Winner leaves an hour early. Deal?"

"Deal. Iruka-kun you should know that the record is 5 years old. Tora has only gotten more elusive and cunning with age. I'll enjoy going home early!"

"And you should know that they were my students for four years. I know what they're capable of."

The door opens. Team 7 enters.

"Oh? Give up already Kakashi-kun? That won't look good on your student's records."

* * *

5 Minutes Earlier, with Team 7

"So. We need to catch a cat?" I really hope this is not as bad as the anime, Tora was crazy.

"Correction: you three need to catch the cat. I'll be here when you are done." Kakashi you suck.

We're idly standing outside of the Hokage tower. Where could this cat be? Hopefully not all the way across town.

CRASH

All three of us gennin flinch at the loud noise. A cat knocked over a trash can.

"Meow." It happily trots over to me.

"Shoo kitty. I can't play with you right now. I need to go find Tora with my team."

Actually, Tora is a cat. Could this be Tora?

"Hey. Kakashi-sensei? What does Tora look like?" No way. This is not happening. There is a 0% chance this cat is Tora. Tora hates people. So why is this cat rubbing against my leg and purring?

"Mostly black with a bell on her collar. The caller has 'Tora' etched into it."

I pick up the cat. Yep, it says Tora on the collar. The cat - Tora – decides she wants to snuggle my face. How embarrassing. Turns out cats love me.

"I have Tora." I say to the rest of my team.

"Excuse me?" Kakashi asks.

"See? It says Tora right here on the collar." I peel Tora off of my face and hold her out so the others can see her collar.

They lean in for a good look. Tora instantly starts hissing and clawing at them and they all reflexively jump backwards.

"Well then. Good job team!"

Smooth Kakashi. When weird things happen, just act like everything is normal.

"Let's turn in the mission!"

* * *

Back to the Present.

"Oh? Give up already Kakashi-kun? That won't look good on your student's records." The Hokage disapprovingly says.

"We've finished." Kakashi blandly responds.

"Excuse me?"

"We have Tora. Mission complete." Kakashi pushes me forward with Tora happily lounging in my arms.

"But... that was 5 minutes!"

"Would you look at that! I get to go home early Hokage-sama!"

I hand Tora over to the Hokage. Immediately Tora starts hissing and scratching the strongest shinobi in the village.

"This..." the Hokage says while holding Tora at arms length and a great deal of disdain on his face, "is most certainly Tora. Good job Team 7. The new record for Tora retrieval missions is... 5 minutes and 47 seconds?"

An awkward silence settles over the room.

"Easiest. Mission. Ever." With those parting words, I leave the room with my team.

Outside of the Hokage Tower

"Good work today. I'll see you tomorrow at 5 am sharp." In other words, we will see you at 8am. Thanks Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei. Since we got done early could you-" POOF! "-and he's gone." So much for getting a head start on fire whips. I swear that man hates work.

"Sasuke-kun! Want to get some lunch together?" Sakura hopefully asks while being her eye lashes at the object of her affection.

Sakura you naive girl, he is never going to say yes to that. Acting cute isn't the way to win him over.

"No. I am going to train."

"That's fine too! We can train together."

"Alone." Ouch. That has to sting.

"Oh. Okay. See you around, Sasuke-kun."

Ah, great now Sakura is sad. "It'll be okay Sakura. He'll come around eventually. Once we get some more experience and complete some real missions together he will warm up to us."

I am so bad at making people feel better. Sakura looks like a kicked puppy! A bright pink kicked puppy.

"You really think so?" She asks with big hopeful eyes.

Did I just give hope to her? That might be a bad idea, Sasuke could still defect after all. I need to stop that. Step one will be getting Sasuke friends in Konoha, then he might want to stay. Where better to make your first friends than your gennin teammates? Maybe I should take my own advice. I rarely talk to anyone but family outside of training.

"I do. We just need to wear him down. We need to be friends with him, not just teammates. I know! We should start having team dinners!"

Now that is a good idea. I can expose my family to more shinobi and get to know Sasuke and Sakura better at the same time.

"We could invite Kakashi-sensei, but I think he will just show up late and miss everything." I can see him doing exactly that.

"That's a great idea! We can have the first one at my house! I'll go ask my parents right now!"

Sakura goes running off, leaving me all alone.

What to do, what to do? The sun is still up so going home is frowned upon. I guess I'll go back to training ground 7 and work on my strings some more. Hmm... one of the major problems with chakra strings is that my chakra control is sub par. If I want to be able to make an insane amount of strings I need better control over my chakra. That settles it! Chakra control exercises it is.

With a plan in my mind I head back to the training ground. Picking up a leaf off the ground, I stick it to my forehead.

'Okay, focus some chakra to make the leaf stick. Can't be that hard.'

Over the next few hours I stick leaves to various parts of my body. Head, hands, elbows, knees, stomach, anywhere I could think of. Turns out one leaf is pretty easy. So I grabbed another. Then another. Pretty soon I was covered in leaves.

"Take that leaves! I am the leaf master!" My voice echoes throughout the empty clearing.

Thankfully no one was around to hear my stupid declaration. That would have been very embarrassing.

"Okay leaf master, let's mess around with chakra strings now."

Letting all the leaves fall to the ground, I decide to try something new. I want to make a trap using chakra strings. I figure if it doesn't matter where the string comes from on the body, does it really matter if it stays connected to the body? I want to make a kunai slingshot.

So I pull out a kunai, attach a chakra sting to it, and try to attach the other end of the string to a nearby tree.

It didn't work. The second the string left my body it dissipated. Dang it. I will make this work!

"Okay. You can do this. One failure does not mean it is impossible. Think back, when you first tried making a chakra string you needed physical contact with an object. Maybe that is what I need to do?"

Giving it a try, I go over to the tree, connect a string from my fingertip to a kunai. Then I poked the tree and pushed the string onto it. Withdrawing my hand the string stays.

"Yes! I knew I could do it!"

With a lapse in my concentration the string fades. I'll have to always focus on it if I want to make this work.

"Sweet! Now all I have to do is make my strings elastic."

Setting everything back up (string to kunai, then string from hand to tree) I gave the string an experimental tug.

THWACK

"Ohgodthatsrightbymyface!"

The kunai is impaled in the tree a measly 15 centimeters from my face.

"Live kunai is a bad idea. Never experiment with live weapons again."

The good news is that I can make my strings elastic. The bad news is that was not the result I wanted, and I almost killed myself.

Upon further examination, the kunai hit right where the string was connected to the tree.

"Wow. That is actually very convenient. If I can get a string on an opponent I have a guaranteed hit. The string would just pull the kunai in to the target. That could be a cool taijutsu move! They punch me, I attach a string to them then BAM! Kunai to the chest."

As cool as that is, it isn't what I want. I want a slingshot, not a guided hit. I want to be able to aim my traps and not require physical contact with my enemies. Physical contact with enemies is a bad idea.

My elegant solution? Use two strings instead of one. I really did make a chakra slingshot.

Yes, I do have to touch the anchor points for the strings, but that is a minor issue. This technique is for setting traps, not use in the middle of a battle.

* * *

Over the next month Team 7 did a ridiculous amount of D-ranks. Which is okay, it is a rite of passage. Everyone had to do D-ranks at one point in time. What was not okay is Kakashi not teaching me how to make fire whips and Sasuke not agreeing to go to team dinners. Those bastards. Surprisingly Sakura and I bonded over coming up with plans to get Sasuke to Sakura's house.

Oh Kami that has to be the worst thought I have ever had.

Repressing! Repressing!

So, team dinners never happened. With Kakashi being stubborn and not showing me how to make an elemental change (which in hindsight could be too much for a gennin to learn without hand signs built into the jutsu to help) I greatly improved on all things chakra strings.

I can make my strings invisible now, except to maybe an activated byakugan or Sharingan. I have gotten really good at my slingshot traps, to the point where I can make 5 at any time. It's not that I can't make more traps, I just tend to forget where they are after I make 5. When I forget about a trap, it sets itself off which is very bad. We've had a few close calls over the past month and I have an awesome scar on my left shoulder now.

Sasuke and Sakura have improved too. Well at least Sasuke has. That kid trains 24/7. His aim is flawless with any thrown projectile and his Grand Fireball is getting bigger and hotter. He also is getting better at taijutsu, learning the Uchiha standard style from his scrolls at home.

Sakura... well she can run farther. She has a little more muscle mass. She hasn't really improved that much at all. She is a sweet girl, but she needs to take being a kunoichi more seriously. I think a good scare will get the job done.

Little did I know I would be the one getting a scare on our next mission.


	8. Chapter 8

"Team 7, reporting for a mission Hokage-sama." Kakashi lazily drawls out.

"Hmm... I have a C-rank here Kakashi-kun. Do you think your team is ready?"

The Hokage thinks we are ready for a C-rank mission? That is pretty cool! Finally, no more D-ranks. About damn time someone recognizes our talent!

"You have done a lot of D-ranks. And 13 Tora retrievals." The Hokage says after reviewing our mission records one more time.

That's right everyone, catching Tora is a Team 7 specialty. That cat is in love with me. The longest it has taken us to get Tora is two hours which is still half the time of the next team.

"I suppose they have done enough D-ranks. Sure, Team 7 accepts the C-rank mission. What is it?"

"It's an escort mission to the Land of Waves." The Hokage tosses Kakashi a mission scroll.

No. Please no. Any mission but that one.

"Tazuna! Come inside and meet the team that will be escorting you." The Hokage calls out.

It is official, this world hates me.

*Hiccup*

A drunken Tazuna staggers into the room. I hate my life, of all the damn missions I could get it just had to be this one!

"Who's my team? These runts? Ha! I bet kittens are more dangerous than these kiddies! Pink hair. What kind of ninja has pink hair? You sure you are smoking tobacco, Hokage?" The first words out of Tazuna's mouth are insults.

Must refrain from maiming the client. Must refrain from maiming the client. Must refrain from maiming the client.

"I assure you, my team and I are more than capable of handling a simple escort mission. After all, I am one of the best jonin in Konoha. I could take this mission alone without a problem." Jeez Kakashi, can you get any more modest?

Actually it is probably for the best that Kakashi is going. If we were any other team he wouldn't be there to go up against Zabuza and I don't know how the other jonin would hold up against him. I hate that Kakashi and Team Seven come as a package deal, that means I have to face Zabuza too.

"Fine." *Hiccup* "When we leavin?"

"I don't know about you Kakashi-sensei, but I vote at least noon tomorrow. That should give the client enough time to sleep off his hangover." I sassily say.

"Great idea Alvarcus! Meet at the front gate tomorrow at noon. Pack for a week."

The Land of Waves mission. The first true challenge of Team 7, and there is no Naruto. Aw crap, that means I have to pick up the slack. Sorry team, we might be dead.

* * *

Later that Night, at Alvarcus's House

"Kaa-san, tou-san I'm going on my first C-rank mission tomorrow." I wonder how they will take this news. Probably badly.

"A C-rank? So soon? Isn't it a little early to be getting those missions?" Kaa-san looks scared.

"I thought so too, but Kakashi-sensei says we are ready. I trust him to keep us safe."

"You remember my condition for becoming a shinobi correct?" Tou-san asks me.

"Of course. I do not get to die."

"Good. Make sure you come home to us."

"I will. Well, I'm going to go to sleep. I'll need to be at 100% tomorrow." I head upstairs and pause right outside of my door. I want to hear what they say now that I'm out of the room.

"A C-rank. Alvarcus is going on a C-rank. This could be the last night we see him. I don't want to lose our son." Kaa-san tearfully says to tou-san.

"He'll come back to us. I know he will."

"What if he comes back and isn't our Alvarcus anymore? What if this changes him? Fujita, what if he _kills_ someone?"

"He will always be our son. Nothing will change that."

"I don't want to be the mother of a _murderer_."

"I don't want to be the father of one! Namika no matter what he does he will always be our son. Shinobi, baker, thief, librarian, _murderer._ He will always be ours no matter what he does. What kind of parents are we if we turn our backs on him? What kind of parents are we if we abandon him because he did something wrong? We are the ones who let him become a shinobi, we can't turn our backs on him now."

"I know. I know we should be there for him, but how are we supposed to help him? We don't know anything about shinobi! The only one we do know is…"

"You have to remember our son isn't him. No matter how similar they are they're not the same person."

"I can't help but see him in Alvarcus. They're just so similar!"

"He is our son, not that monster."

Who is this person? Which shinobi do my parents know? This isn't the first time they've talked about this mystery person, they compare me to him an awful lot. Always when I'm out of the room though, like they don't want me to know. Like they are afraid if I know I won't be me anymore. They've never said his name but they always sound afraid when he's mentioned. Could he be where my parents fear of shinobi comes from? And how the hell am I similar to such a "monster?"

So much for being at 100% tomorrow. I'll be running their conversation through my head for hours.

* * *

Front Gate, the Next Day, Noon

"Dammit Kakashi-sensei! Where are you? You can't be late for our first C-rank mission!" Sakura does have a good point. What kind of jonin is late for his student's first C-rank mission?

"Want to bet about when he shows up?" I suggest. We might as well make a game out of this.

"Heh. Kids betting. They start earlier every year." Tazuna mumbles under his breath. We all ignore him. I think that might become a trend for this mission.

"Okay. I say not for another hour!" Sakura eagerly bets.

Sasuke thinks for a few seconds then bets, "It will after five minutes but under an hour."

"Five." I boldly bet.

"Five what Alvarcus?" Sakura asks in annoyance.

"Four. Three. Two. One."

"Yo. Am I late?" There's Kakashi! Yes I won!

Everyone is staring at me. Why is everyone staring at me?

"Guys? I know I'm handsome, but staring at me like this is weird. My parents say I can't date until I am 30 so get any strange thoughts out of your heads."

Sakura recoils like she was slapped with a fish. "NO! Sasuke is the only one for me! I just wanted to know how you knew Kakashi was coming."

"Me too. How did you know I was coming?" That's Kakashi's serious tone. Did I do something wrong?

"I dunno. I just had a feeling in my gut, and a shinobi needs to trust their gut." Maybe I am a sensor? That would be pretty cool actually. Oh and I can test it really soon too! I can try to sense the Demon Brothers today. Hopefully before they try and kill us. Because they are going to try and kill us. Great, I have that to look forward to.

"Well now that we are all here let's be off! No point in wasting time!"

"That's rich coming from you sensei."

And so we set off, venturing outside of Konoha for the first time. I'd like to say that it was a big moment, one of realized ambitions and future dreams. It wasn't. Not even remotely. It involved paperwork.

"Kakashi Hatake, gennin Team 7 and our client Tazuna are leaving on a C-rank mission to the Land of Waves."

Kotetsu and Izumo looked up from their game of cards. Kotetsu shoved a form at Kakashi. "There. Fill that out. Then you can leave." After scribbling on the form (I am not even sure Kakashi tried to write any words) we head out of the village.

Fresh air! Lush green forests! Huge trees! It was practically the same thing as inside the walls of the village.

"Alright team. Let's get moving."

Off we went to our first real mission. Our first mission that goes horribly wrong.

* * *

Walking as a group was rather entertaining.

"So," Tazuna drawls out, "you kids are ninja?"

"The correct term is shinobi or kunoichi. Ninjas do not exist." Leave it to Sakura to correct such a common civilian error. They are practically the same thing.

"Sorry miss-know-it-all, not all of us live in a big fancy village. I still can't believe the Hokage gave me you runts." Is Tazuna trying to provoke us?

Alright. He is just asking for this. Slowly, very stealthily in hopes Kakashi does not notice what I'm doing, I attach a string to Tazuna's left foot. I give the string a tug causing Tazuna to trip over his own feet. Perfect!

"AAIIIEEE!" He fell flat on his face. It was beautiful!

THWACK

"Ow ow ow! What was that for Kakashi?"

"Bad Alvarcus. We don't do that to clients."

"But he deserved it!"

"Deserved it or not, we are hired to protect him. In fact why don't we all just stop talking?"

"That is easy for you to say. You just want to read your book in silence."

"Just because of that, take point Alvarcus." Ah great. I let my mouth get ahead of me.

Without speaking, I switch spots with Sasuke. We have a diamond pattern formed around Tazuna, with me at the front, Sasuke at the left, Sakura at the right and Kakashi in the rear. Wonderful. Now I can't prank Tazuna anymore.

Sunlight glints off of a puddle in the middle of the path. Could this be the Demon Brothers? How can I find out? I don't feel anything coming from the puddle so maybe this isn't them? How many puddles can we come across on our path? It can't be that many, this has to be them.

The puddle is twenty steps away. Ten steps. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. I pass the puddle. Nothing happened? Is this not the Demon Brothers?

The sound of clinking chains resonates through the air.

I spin around. There they are, The Demon Brothers. They already have Kakashi wrapped up in their chains. How did I miss that?

"First one." The Demon Brothers yank on their chain gauntlets and shred Kakashi into a chunky paste. One of them sprints towards me and throws a kunai at my heart while the other engages Sasuke.

"Second one." The rapidly approaching shinobi says eagerly.

Like hell! I am not going down that easily!

Just like the stones, I shoot out a chakra string and attach it to the airborne kunai. I whip it around my body and fling it right back at the original owner. I aim for his legs and miss in the worst way possible.

I ended up sending the kunai straight through his throat. Blood sprays everywhere. He grasps his throat and struggles to take wet raspy breaths. There is no way he is going to live, not with a wound like that.

I can't look away. He's slowly dying right in front of me. Bleeding out, staining his once clean clothes a dark red. With one final wet gurgle, and a look of utter hatred in his eyes, he dies.

I had my first kill.

Freak out later. There is still another enemy, Sasuke might need help. I turn around to assist my teammate, but he does not need it. Kakashi has the other Demon Brother thrown over his shoulder, unconscious.

Everyone is staring at me. No one moves. No one talks. No one makes a sound.

"Alvarcus. There is a stream about 200 meters north of here. I want you to go there and clean up. We will wait here for you. Can you go alone or do you want Sasuke to come with you?" Finally Kakashi breaks the silence.

Clean up? Why would I need to clean up? I glance down at myself. That is weird, I don't own a red shirt. Oh. I'm covered in blood. When the Demon Brother's neck was cut open, the blood must have sprayed onto me.

"I think I can... I... Sasuke? Can you come?" I shouldn't be alone right now. That is a really bad idea.

"Yes. Let's go." Sasuke looks... disgusted? Shocked? I can't tell. I can't devote enough brain cells to figure it out. All I can think of is the dead man's face.

"Take care of him Sasuke. I would go myself but this shinobi and I need to have... words together. Meet back here in an hour. If you are not back by then I am coming to get you."

Kakashi carries his hostage off into the woods. Sasuke and I head north to the stream. We run in silence. Not a word is spoken between us. After a few minutes we get to the stream. Glancing in the water I see my reflection. It looks like someone threw a can of red paint on me. I know it is not paint. It's blood. I have blood all down my front.

"This outfit is ruined. I should have brought clean clothes. Now we have to go back to get my pack."

"Here." Sasuke tosses something at me. Out of pure instinct I catch it. "I grabbed your pack." Oh, he did.

"Thank you." That was very kind of him. "You... you don't think any less of me do you?" Looking at my reflection in the stream, I can't help but think this changes everything. I'm not innocent anymore.

"No."

"But I killed him." I can't break eye contact with myself. These piercing yellow eyes seem much more sinister when my face is covered in blood.

"So?"

"Isn't killing supposed to be wrong?"

"He was going to kill us. It was him or you, and you got to walk away. You get to go home. You get to live to see your sibling be born." I break eye contact with the monster in the water and look at Sasuke. "You put every single opponent in the ground so you can see your precious people again. You do not get to die. You have a reason to live, so make sure the enemy is the one who can't get up again."

"You're right. I hate it when you're right."

"I know." I want to wipe the damn smirk off his face. "Now get out of those clothes, wash the blood off and let's head back."

"Thank you Sasuke. Really."

"Don't mention it." He seems really sad all of a sudden. Why? We were just talking about family and – oh. His family is gone. He doesn't have anyone left.

"You're one of my precious people too you know. I don't trust just anyone to watch my back. I knew you could handle yourself, so I didn't attack them both. I trust you to keep Sakura and me safe." My words shatter the famous Uchiha mask. For just a fleeting moment Sasuke looks truly happy.

"Get in the stream already. I want to get back to the others."

"Alright tough guy. Think I should jump in?"

"You better, or I will push you in."

"Okay, okay! I'm going-"

SPLASH!

"I told you I would push you in."

* * *

Sasuke and I return to the group in a comfortable silence. Kakashi, Sakura and Tazuna all look at me when we arrive. Tazuna gives a respectful nod, Sakura looks at me in pity. Kakashi is livid, I can tell by the way his hands twitch towards his weapons.

"I'm good. Sasuke talked sense into me. Then the bastard shoved me into a stream." Everyone chuckles at my expense, but Kakashi does not look happy. Not one bit.

"So. Tazuna. That missing nin had some very interesting things to say." Kakashi harshly says to Tazuna.

Tazuna pales.

"When you applied for a mission you requested protection from wildlife and bandits. If those missing nin are anything to go by, this mission should be a B-rank. At a minimum. I'm sure you have your reasons. That does not mean you can lie to us. That does not mean you can put my team in unnecessary danger! My team is not ready to combat shinobi! They aren't ready to take a life! You lied to us, and it cost Alvarcus something precious."

Kakashi turns his back on Tazuna.

"Team Seven, this mission is hereby suspended. Get your stuff, we're going back to Konoha."

"Wait! Please hear me out! The Land of Waves couldn't afford a B-ranked mission. We barely had enough for a C-rank! Our entire country is under the thumb of Gato! He owns a shipping business and is using it to bleed our country dry! The bridge I am building is the only hope for my people! Please! You have to understand! I didn't want it to happen like this. If I die, then the Land of Waves dies with me."

Kakashi doesn't turn around to face our former employer.

"Then you should have gotten a B-rank mission. Konoha accepts more than money as payment. Trade agreements, land, property, future business. You didn't. This is no longer our problem."

"Please! Don't go! If you abandon me a whole country will die! I'll pay for the B-rank when I have the money. Please! Please?"

"Team Seven, let's move." Kakashi orders us.

What do I do? If I leave now then I'll never have to face Zabuza or Haku. I can go home safe and sound to my family. All I have to do is sacrifice a country.

"No! Don't go. Please don't go." Tazuna falls to his knees. Tears are streaming down his face.

"I say we finish the mission." My voice cuts through all other sounds.

"Bless you, you sweet child!" Tazuna weeps.

"Alvarcus, don't fall prey to his act. He's doing this on pur-"

"I know. I'm not saying we continue out of pity for him, right now I don't really care what happens to him. But the Land of Waves? A whole _country_ is depending on him to finish the bridge. If we walk away now we will be responsible for that. I don't know about you sensei but I don't want that on my conscious."

"He's got a point. Besides, we can't abandon our first mission outside of Konoha. Imagine how bad that will look on our sensei." Sasuke backs me up.

"We can't let a country die. We just can't. What kind of shinobi are we if we run away at the first sign of danger?" Even Sakura is backing me up on this.

"You three aren't ready. Not for this." Kakashi says.

"That's why we have you Kakashi-sensei. 'I am one of the best jonin in Konoha.' What happened to that guy?" I throw his own words back at him.

"Fine. We will continue the mission." Kakashi forces out.

"You better put a damn plaque with our names on it on this bridge." If we live through this mission I want my name on that bridge.

"I can do that. Thank you all so much. The Land of Waves hasn't had hope in a long time." Tazuna starts to tear up.

"You heard the gennin! No time to waste then, to the Land of Waves. Start walking! Alvarcus and I will catch up. I want to talk with him." Kakashi wants to talk to me? Probably about my fist kill. Or the blatant disregard for his orders.

The others start walking ahead. Kakashi pulls his book out, opens it up and shoves his nose in it.

"Ahem. Kakashi-sensei? You uh... wanted to talk?"

"Yes. You had your first kill today." He turns a page. "How are you taking it?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said Sasuke talked sense into me. He really did. Put it all in perspective. I'm good."

Kakashi pins me with an one eyed stare. So much for avoiding this conversation.

"Okay, I am not good. I'm pretty shaken up about it. That was a terrible first kill to have. Messy. Long. I watched as he chocked on his own blood. I watched the light fade from his eyes while he cursed me with his entire being. I will have nightmares about this day for a long time, probably the rest of my life. I know that. I don't regret what I did. He attacked me. I attacked him back, I won. I get to go home. He doesn't. Sasuke pointed out all the people I have to live for."

Kakashi raises an inquisitive eyebrow at that.

"I know right? I didn't expect that from him either. He set me straight. I'm not good, but I am okay. I'll live. I'll move past this. Then one day when I am S-rank I'll brag that on my first C-rank I got my name on a national monument."

"As long as you are okay. I went through all of this before and I want you to know that you can talk to me."

"Really? Because if I didn't know better, I'd say you were talking to Akane."

Kakashi's head snaps up from his book. "How do you know her name? Have you read these books?"

"Yep. They actually aren't that bad. I rather like them. Have you read the sequel yet? There is this huge love triangle between Akane, Tatsumi and Masumi. Jiraya-sama does a wonderful job of it."

"You truly are my favorite student." Kakashi says while wiping a fake tear out of his eye.

"I know. Now how about we catch up with the others? I'll race you!" We both take off into the trees.

Kakashi and I catch back up with the others easily. They are moving at a civilian pace, while we could run at shinobi speeds. It didn't even take 5 minutes.

"Alright team. Diamond formation. Tazuna in the center, Alvarcus take point. If someone throws something at us, throw it right back at them. Sakura right, Sasuke left."

We form up and start walking. Nothing note worthy happens the rest of the day. Sakura, Sasuke and I banter back and forth like usual. All three of us bug Kakashi-sensei just because we can. Once night falls we set up a camp and hunker down to sleep.

I had a nightmare. They won't be going away soon. Or ever.


	9. Chapter 9

The Next Day, the Edge of Wave Country

"I know that your country is called the Land of Waves, but I didn't think that it was one big island." Why would someone want to live on an island like that? Cut off from the world, all alone.

"It is an archipelago, not just one island. We have the main island, the largest of them all and the closest to the mainland. The other islands are close enough to get between by short bridges I helped make. That is partly why I decided to make a bridge to the mainland."

Who knew, Tazuna is knowledgeable.

"We will have to sneak into Wave, I have a boat prepared for us. It should be right about here!"

Sure enough, there is a rowboat resting in the water.

"Come on fearless ninja, lets go. I stashed this boat here before I left the Land of Waves. We will have to row in, we need to avoid being seen by Gato's men." Wasn't there a boatman in cannon? He wants us to row? Not likely.

"You heard the man." Kakashi says as he pulls out his orange book. "Let's get in and then you four can start rowing."

"Wait? Four of us? But there is only three kids! Where's your fourth?"

"You are." Take that Tazuna! "Someone has to keep a lookout, and I am the most qualified for the job."

Sasuke looks scorned, "You just don't want to row Kakashi-sensei."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. We better get going!"

With a lot of grumbling, we pack into the rowboat and start paddling. After what feels like hours, Tazuna breaks the silence.

"We should be approaching the bridge now." Sure enough, the monolith appears in the fog.

"Wow that is huge!" Sakura exclaims.

"Just think, our names will be on that." I can't wait. My very own bridge.

"Hn." Sasuke interjects, "It's not that cool. It's just a bridge."

Tazuna actually looks offended. "It is more than a bridge! It is my country's hope!"

Without looking up from his book Kakashi scolds us. "Quiet. We are supposed to be sneaking into hostile territory. Talk later."

We made land after what felt like another 3 hours. I couldn't tell, the mist is blocking the sun out. We made good time, maybe we can even make it to Tazuna's house before sun down.

"Everyone down now!" Team 7 drops. Tazuna freezes in fear. The world's biggest blade is flying straight at him.

"Tazuna!" I yell while shooting out a chakra string and connecting it to his shoulder. I yank _hard_. There is no time for comfort to be taken into account.

Please be in time! Please be in time!

The monstrous blade sails over our heads, barely missing Tazuna and embeds itself into a tree.

Is that a man standing on it? Holy shit it is. That is Zabuza Momochi.

 _That is Zabuza Momochi._

He has his sword holder across his chest and back, black and white camouflage arm warmers, generic black shinobi pants and no shirt. He's exactly how I pictured him in my mind.

"Oh? Is that Copy Cat Kakashi before me? No wonder the Demon Brothers failed, you have a kill on sight order back in Mist. You're in the bingo book, Kakashi of the Sharingan, the man who copied over a thousand jutsu." Zabuza turns feral looking with blood lust. "Will I get to see the legendary eye in action?"

"Team 7, protect Tazuna. This opponent is beyond you." Kakashi steps forward.

"Please. Those Demon Brothers were easy. He can't be that much better."

We are dead. So very dead. Why Sasuke? Why did you taunt the man wielding a big scary sword?

"Not better than those scum? Do you know who I am kid?"

"Zabuza Momochi." I state. "Missing nin of Kirigakure. He held the rank of jonin before he defected, and he ran Kiri's assassination corps for the better part of a decade. You can't beat him Sasuke."

"You do know me! Good."

 _Fear._ My limbs turn to lead. _Run away._ A cold hand grips my pounding heart. _Flee for your life._ I need to run. _I am doing to die. I am going to DIE! RUNRUNRUNRUN-_

"Sasuke! Alvarcus! Sakura! Calm down." Kakashi's voice yanks us out of that awful feeling.

Was that killing intent? It was terrible. I didn't just get scared, I thought I was as good as dead. No, I knew I was as good as dead. I knew there was no hope to run away. But Kakashi saved us.

"I need you three to protect Tazuna. If I have to engage an opponent of Zabuza's skill I can't be distracted. I taught you three to work together. Use those lessons, and we will get through this. Don't worry, I will protect you all with my life."

"What an inspiring speech." Zabuza kicks off the tree and lands on the lake. "Too bad that doesn't change anything. Hiding in the Mist jutsu!"

A thick fog – no mist – wafts through the air. Our visibility is shrinking at an alarming rate. Very soon our vision is limited to only a few meters.

"Eight points," Zabuza growls. His voice seems to come from everywhere. "Larynx. Spine. Liver. Lungs. Jugular. Subclavian artery. Kidneys. Heart. Now, which will be my kill point?"

I need to stay alert. Kakashi is here. I'll be fine. Just protect Tazuna. All I have to do is stand here.

"It's over." Zabuza appears in the middle of our group. With an insane gleam in his eye he swings Kubikiribocho. Kakashi rockets forward, kunai in hand, and stabs Zabuza in the gut.

"Nice try! But not good enough!" Another Zabuza appears behind Kakashi while the one he stabbed bursts into water.

"Die!" Zabuza brings Kubikiribocho down and cleaves Kakashi in half.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura yells out, believing our sensei dead. Sasuke only tenses, ready to go to battle at a moments notice. I arm myself with a kunai.

A new Kakashi pops up behind Zabuza and holds a kunai to his throat. "Now it is over. Die."

That happened way too fast. That only took a few seconds!

Zabuza chuckles. "You copied my water clone! Impressive. But you'll need to do better to trick me!"

A third Zabuza appears behind Kakashi while the Zabuza at kunai point turns to water. Zabuza swings at Kakashi who dodges it, but gets hit with Zabuza's follow up kick.

"I can't believe he kicked Kakashi-sensei into the water!" Sakura says with a waiver in her voice. "That's so far away!"

No. I know what is going to happen next. Please no.

Kakashi breaks to surface of the water. Zabuza is standing over him with a crazy gleam in his eyes and his fingers on the final hand sign for a jutsu. I know what happens next.

"Water Prison Jutsu!" Zabuza's voice confirms my fears.

Shit. Shit shit shit. He got Kakashi.

"Everyone run! This battle ended the second he caught me! Go now! He can't follow you if he wants to keep me imprisoned!" Kakashi's voice is distorted by the water.

How did he speak while in a water prison? Questions for another time, preferably one where my life and my teammate's lives aren't in danger

"That is not an option. We can't run. Once he kills you he will just come for us. You said it yourself; he is way out of our league." I hate myself so much for saying this. "You are our only hope. We can't fight him."

"Just run! Go back to Konoha! Cover your tracks! GO!"

"Kakashi. He's a tracker. He was the best that the mist assassination corps had. Hell he is probably better than their current leader. Saving you is our only chance."

"No! I won't allow it! My team will not die because of me! Never again!"

Ignoring Kakashi, I turn to Sasuke and Sakura. "I have a plan. Will you two follow me?"

"Yes." Sakura sounds unsure, like she is only agreeing because it is the only choice.

"It better work." Sasuke is calm, that's good. I can depend on him.

"Alright. Sakura, stay with Tazuna. Sasuke and I will destroy the water clone. Sasuke, can you support me with ninjutsu?"

"Yes. What are you going to do?"

"Something incredibly stupid. I am going to engage the clone in taijutsu."

"That will never work. He will kill you."

"Not if you kill him first. I'll try to get him vulnerable to an attack. You fireball him."

"That can work for the clone. What's your plan to get Kakashi-sensei out?"

"One step at a time. We will deal with that later. He's not going anywhere."

"Done making your plan kiddies? I hate to tell you, it's not going to work. Your sensei is already dead. You are just delaying the inevitable."

"Oh shut up." I walk forward to the clone. "By the way, you are totally compensating with that sword. Do you have self esteem issues?" I really need to stop resorting to dark humor when I am out of my comfort zone. I keep pissing off monsters.

"Die!" With rage in his eyes clone Zabuza swings Kubikiribocho overhanded at me. I raise a kunai to deflect it. Our blades meet. His wins, the force of the blow rips my kunai out of my hands.

"Can't even hold onto your weapon runt?" The clone sidesteps a fireball from Sasuke. "How pathetic."

He swings at me horizontally. I drop while raising a new kunai to intercept his giant blade. My kunai goes flying to the other end of the clearing.

"Didn't learn? A puny kunai like that isn't going to stop my blade. You should just let me kill you. I promise to make it quick."

Fat chance of that happening. I draw another kunai. I only have three to go.

"You promise to make it quick? I hope you didn't tell your girlfriend that."

Clone-Zabuza roars as he thrusts Kubikiribocho at my gut. I sidestep and lose another kunai. Two left.

"Runt! I take it back! You are going to suffer! I'll skin you alive!"

Swinging his massive cleaver around Clone-Zabuza tries to slash me from hip to shoulder. I drop to the ground and a fireball flies over my head. Clone-Zabuza barely dodges a face full of fire.

"You're a clever one. You made me angry on purpose. You wanted me to focus on you so your pyromaniac teammate could get a lucky shot in. Nice try, but now I know your game. It won't work again. You missed your chance. Now what? Give me the bridge builder and you can go free. I don't care about some lousy leaf gennin."

Sasuke grunts, "If anyone on our team is a pyromaniac, you're trying to cut him in half. That guy does not shut up about his fire whips."

"They would be soooooo cool! Kakashi! If we get out of this you have to teach me - oh shit!"

Clone-Zabuza throws his own kunai at me. I send it straight back to him with extra speed. He lazily steps to the side.

"Huh. That was interesting. Was that the magnet release? I didn't know you had a bloodline. Shame. You could have been great."

Wait what? I don't have the magnet release. Why would he assume that? All I did was throw his kunai back at him.

Without touching it.

Ah, yeah that probably looked like the magnet release.

"I'll still be great! You haven't even hit me yet!"

"Let's change that." Clone-Zabuza thrusts his sword at me. "Even if you have the magnet release, you won't be a problem! You can't use it on Kubikiribocho!"

I raise a kunai to defend myself from his weapon. My kunai sails out of my hand. One more left. I draw the final kunai.

"You have to be getting low on kunai. You're not quick enough to dodge me. How are you going to defend yourself when you run out?"

Clone-Zabuza dodges the biggest fireball yet, but it singes me.

"DAMMIT SASUKE! You're supposed to hit him not me!"

"Move next time."

"ARG!" I throw the final kunai at Clone-Zabuza. He lazily moves his head out of the way. Perfect. All kunai set.

I draw another kunai in each hand.

"Sasuke! Non-stop combat from here on out. I'm engaging until the clone dies. If you have a shot, take it. I don't care if I get burnt a little."

Sasuke smirks. "I understand. Good plan. When are you..."

"As soon as the clone dies. Preferably as soon as the clone dies violently. This guy is pissing me off."

"Oh? What's this? You've been holding back on me? Cheeky runts. That pisses me off!"

Clone-Zabuza swings his massive sword at my neck. I duck down, dodging completely for the first time since our fight started.

"So you were holding back! You couldn't dodge before! Wonderful! Maybe you are worth playing with!"

What follows next is a flurry of blows. I dodged the sword, he dodged my kunai stabs as Sasuke peppered us bother with fireballs.

This isn't working. I need to do something different. This is either going to work, or it is going to kill me.

On Clone-Zabuza's next swing I do something crazy. Something monumentally stupid. I raise my arm and extend chakra strings to Kubikiribocho in an attempt to stop it. I don't limit myself to making strings from just my fingers. I use my arms, my legs, my chest, my everything. Chakra strings doesn't give justice to the sheer magnitude of strings I used on the crazy sword. Hundreds. Thousands. I made an uncountable number of strings. I have to give Sasori props. Not only could he make a shit ton of strings but he was so good at micromanaging that he could use them to control 100 puppets. I could barely attach them all to one object less than a meter away from me.

My gamble worked.

"Huh? Why can't I move Kubikiribocho? Magnet release doesn't work on it! What are you -"

WOOSH! SPLASH!

Sasuke's fireball finally connected with the clone. Show time.

TWANG TWANG TWANG TWANG TWANG

The five kunai that Clone-Zabuza knocked out of my hand fly towards the real Zabuza from different angles.

"Tch. Pesky runts." Zabuza disengages the water prison in favor of not being impaled. Kakashi bursts forth with a vengeance. He's beyond furious.

Kakashi _destroys_ Zabuza. It isn't even close. Kakashi has Zabuza cornered, all but dead. Our sensei is taunting him, holding his victory over Zabuza. Kakashi wants Zabuza to be utterly broken when he finally ends his life.

SHINK

Zabuza falls over dead from three senbon to the back of his neck. I forgot about Haku.

"Thank you for providing an opening on my target, shinobi-san. Without you two fighting, I never would have had a chance of killing him." The masked kunoichi says.

White mask. Fancy yukata. Long black hair. Yep, this is Haku.

"I will take the body to dispose of now. You all have my thanks." Slinging the dead Zabuza over her shoulder, Haku shunshins away.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"Yes Alvarcus?"

"Did some random hunter nin just steal our kill?"

"I believe so."

"Okay, so just to make sure I am not hallucinating, that was a kid. She didn't look any older than us."

"One of the hard lessons of the world: there are shinobi younger than you who are stronger than me. Remember that, and never underestimate someone."

How true is that. Haku could kick my ass. Oh hell, I have to fight her in a week.

"That was what let you win against Zabuza's clone. He underestimated your imagination and creativity."

"Hey, Alvarcus?" Oh good, Sakura is still alive. I wondered where she went. I couldn't really keep an eye on her during my fight. "How did you set your kunai traps up? Don't you have to touch the anchor points?"

"I did something new. How my kunai traps work is that I attached, or primed, a string to the kunai, then I have to touch the anchor to set the strings. Prime, then anchor. That is how it works."

"You 'primed' your strings to the anchor points first didn't you? Then you anchored the strings to the kunai in your hand." Dammit Sasuke! Let me explain my technique!

"Well yeah. I don't know why I never thought of it before. It works the same either way, I make the strings elastic so that they pull the objects together. The heavier object doesn't move, and the lighter one gets launched."

"You made a taijutsu style that incorporates losing your weapons? That has to be the single most stupid thing I have ever heard. Who willingly gives up their weapons during a fight?" Way to make me feel good Kakashi.

"But that is just it! I didn't lose my weapons! Not once! Technically, at one point I was using seven kunai at once. My five trapped kunai, and the two I was holding."

"Hmm... I suppose you might be right. But you could run out of kunai in your pouch." Quit trying to poke holes in this Kakashi!

"Hello? Do you know me? Do you really think I didn't have chakra strings attached to those kunai to bring them back to me? Hell that is the first thing I do whenever I draw one! My kunai are retractable."

"Okay, you've obviously thought this out more than I expected. You and your chakra strings."

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei. I'm not that stupid."

"Glad to hear it. Now, the mission isn't over yet. We still need to get the bridge builder to his bridge."

Everyone looks to Tazuna. "He-he, sorry about all this. You can rest at my place when we get there!"

"Good. Let's go." With that, Kakashi starts to walk away. He freezes, his whole body tenses up, and he falls flat on his face.

"Kakashi-sensei!" We all rush over to him. Sakura starts to look over him for anything wrong.

"Pulse, check. Breathing, check. No life threatening wounds. What could be wrong with him?"

"Chakra exhaustion is my guess. Using the Sharingan can't be that easy, and he was throwing some high level jutsu around. Do you have anyway to check his chakra levels Sakura?"

"I know the theory, but I've never done it before. I could mess up and hurt him!"

"Sakura, breath. You can do it. You are the smartest kunoichi in our class after all! Besides, I'd rather know if it was chakra exhaustion or internal bleeding that caused this. I don't know about you, but I have no idea how to identify internal bleeding."

"Okay I can try." Sakura places her hand over Kakashi's heart, and she scrunches her face up in concentration. "It feels like... he has almost no chakra. I think. I'm getting the reactions that the books say I would get, but I can't know for sure."

"Good enough. I trust you. Now the real question: who's going to carry him? I vote Sasuke."

"Not happening. Make Tazuna do it. He did nothing the entire fight."

"I'm the client! You don't make clients do stuff like that!"

"Well..." I pause, not sure if I want to offer to do extra work. "I have always wanted to try puppetry, but I've never had a puppet to practice with before."

"You can't make Kakashi-sensei your puppet! That is wrong!"

"Fine, you carry him then Sakura."

"... If he gets mad at us, I am blaming you."

"Noted. Now lets see, how to do this?"

After five minutes of trial and error, I figure out how to move Kakashi around like a rag doll. It is not pretty, but it'll do. With that figured out, we head to Tazuna's house.

* * *

Night Time, At Tazuna's House

"This is your house?" Sasuke questions Tazuna. I can't blame him, Tazuna looks like a street bum. His house, on the other hand, looks very well kept and surprisingly large. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, brat! I am sure! Now let's get inside." Tazuna unlocks the door and we enter the house. "Tsunami and Inari are probably asleep. I'll show you to the guest bedrooms. Boys in one, girls in the other." He's going to enforce that rule? Fine, it's his house. I'll be okay with Sasuke and Kakashi, but Sakura all alone? That might be bad.

"Alright kid, put your sense in this room. Then you and pinky can use the one across the hallway." Sorry what?

"Tazuna?"

"What brat? You got a problem with that? You want your own room? Too damn bad! You have to share."

"No no, that's fine. It's just, you now I am a boy right?" Tazuna freezes. Slowly he looks me up and down.

"I'll be damned. This whole time I thought... never mind."

Must not maim the client. Must not maim the client. Must not maim the client.

Snicker. Giggle.

"Not. A. Word." Sakura and Sasuke look at each other, then burst out laughing.

"He does have a rather... slender build. Most commonly seen among kunoichi."

"Oh my Kami I can totally see it! He would be the prettiest girl ever! Just need to style his hair better, find some nice clothes and he could give me a run for my money!"

"I will kill you. They will never find the bodies. No one will know."

"Oh shut up brats and go to sleep." Tazuna orders. "I'll introduce you to my family tomorrow." We all go into our rooms and hit the hay. Stupid Tazuna.


	10. Chapter 10

The Next Morning

"Hey Sasuke, is Kakashi still out of it?"

"Yes, he hasn't even moved."

"Want to..." I look at Kakashi, his eyes are closed, "this could be our best chance to see what's under his mask."

"Hn."

"So yes? I'm going to take that as a yes." Slowly, I reach towards Kakashi's face. This is the moment! The one that every Naruto fan dreams of, the holy grail!

The first thing I notice is that my face is in the floor. That's not supposed to happen.

"I wouldn't try that again. Never wake a sleeping nin by reaching towards their face if you value your life." Ah shit, Kakashi is awake. "You are lucky I recognized you. I didn't stab you too deeply."

What? Now that I think about it, it does feel like the back of my neck is being pinched. Did he almost kill me? For waking him up?

"Y-yes Kakashi-sensei. I will never do that again." A droplet of blood rolls out of the wound. I wipe it off my neck.

"Good!" Withdrawing his kunai and sitting down on the bedroll Kakashi asks, "So, where are we? Last thing I remember is Zabuza being carried away by that hunter nin. And why do I feel like I fell on my face five times?"

I freeze. Sasuke glances between me and Kakashi.

"I have no idea. You passed out after the hunter nin took Zabuza and we got you to Tazuna's house. You've been out all night. Sakura said you have chakra exhaustion. Probably from that eye of yours."

Sakura walks into the room. "Kakashi-sensei! You're awake! How do you feel?"

"Like someone dropped me on my face five times." Sakura glances at me nervously. I vigorously shake my head no, pleading with her.

"Well... maybe it is a side affect of chakra exhaustion? I don't know what it feels like." Thank you Sakura! I owe you one. "Anyways, you all have to meet Tsunami! I helped her make breakfast for us all." With the promise of food, we make our way to the kitchen. Next to the sink there is a pretty lady with black hair and eyes and a nice smile.

"So you are the shinobi who protected my tou-san? Thank you! I'm Tsunami!"

"Kakashi."

"Sasuke."

"I'm Alvarcus, and what these morons meant to say is it is nice to meet you."

Tsunami laughs. "Enough pleasantries. We can talk more after we eat."

Tsunami is an amazing cook. Her food is delicious. It was such a nice breakfast, even when Tazuna wandered in. Then Kakashi had to ruin it all.

"Everyone, I have bad news. It is very likely that Zabuza is still alive. A couple things bothered me about his death." Dead silence follows. No one dares to breath.

"The hunter nin." Startled, Kakashi looks at me. He gestures for me to continue. "Hunter nin are supposed to destroy the body on site and bring back something to prove their kill. Usually a head. You could argue in this case that bringing back one of the seven legendary swords of Kiri would be good enough proof that Zabuza died since he wouldn't part with it willingly."

"That was a legendary sword?" Sakura asks.

"Yeah. You have to train for years to use it properly. Back to Zabuza. The hunter nin used senbon to kill him. Why senbon? Senbon are small and tricky to aim with, a hunter wouldn't use senbon when a kunai would get the job done. It just doesn't make sense."

"But we saw Zabuza go down." Sakura exclaims. "Kakashi-sensei even said there was no pulse!"

"That's the thing about senbon, a skilled user can cause effects like that. Senbon are just glorified needles. If placed in the right spot senbon can cause someone to appear dead, and the neck is a prime spot for that. Where was Zabuza hit? His neck. I'd bet that Zabuza is still alive and that hunter nin is on his side."

"That was exactly what I was going to say. I'm impressed. Very observant Alvarcus."

"Thanks." I totally cheated. I knew what happened already thanks to my foreknowledge.

"Just like he said, Zabuza is still alive. So we need to get you gennin up to a certain standard. You all need better chakra control. Thankfully I know the perfect training exercise for this. You're going to climb trees."

"What." Sasuke grunts out.

"Everyone outside!" Kakashi hobbles out the door on his crutches. How does that even work? Chakra exhaustion makes you need crutches? I'll have to ask a medic nin later if that is a thing or if Kakashi is playing a joke on us.

Grumbling, us gennin follow Kakashi outside.

"Now, to do this exercise you can't use your hands."

"But Kakashi-sensei! That's impossible!"

"Just watch." Without a care in the world, Kakashi walks strait at a tree. Then up the tree. Then he walks upside down on a branch. Show off. "That is how you are going to climb the tree."

"How do we do that?" Sasuke demands. He looks very eager. I can't blame him, we finally get to learn how to wall walk.

"Simple, channel just the right amount of chakra to your feet, and you will stick to the tree. Too much and you will push off, too little and you won't stick."

Kakashi throws three kunai into the tops of three trees.

"There. Once you all can get a kunai your training is over. Good luck!" Kakashi hobbles back into the house, leaving us on our own.

"Well no time like the present." Walking up to the tree I plant a foot on it. I channel some chakra and give my foot an experimental tug. It stays. I put the next one on the tree. No problem there.

"Huh. Maybe this isn't that difficult?" I mutter to myself. In the anime it took Naruto and Sasuke a week to get this down. Well, Sakura got it really easily. Maybe I have smaller chakra reserves like she does?

Aw that would suck! That would mean I can't throw around ninjutsu like it's going out of style!

"Would you look at that. A kunai." I pull the kunai out. "This is actually a disappointment. Kakashi-sensei finally decides to teach us something on his own and I get it on my first try." With a heavy sigh, I walk down the tree. Looking at Sakura I see her smiling and twirling her kunai around her finer.

"That was super easy! Kakashi-sensei made it sound like this was supposed to be a challenge!" I need to stop this. If Sakura continues talking about how easy this is it could hurt our relationship with Sasuke.

"Well, you know about the inverse theory of chakra control vs chakra capacity right?"

"That the more chakra you have the less control you have? What about it?"

"The reason we picked this up so quickly is because we have small reserves, so our control is better. But we will never be able to throw around ninjutsu without a care, because we don't have as much chakra."

Sakura pauses, considering what I said.

"If you think about it, we will never be ninjutsu type shinobi. Statistically, kunoichi have smaller reserves than their shinobi counterparts. You probably have average reserves for a kunoichi your age. But me? I have to be on the small side. There is no way that I could have average reserves and pick up tree walking that quickly. It's a shame, I really wanted to throw fireballs around like Sasuke did against Clone-Zabuza, but I will probably never have that much chakra."

"Yeah. That is a good point. Sasuke-kun must have really big chakra reserves to be able to use that many fireballs like he did!" Perfect. That was the best thing she could have said for Sasuke's ego.

"I know right? That was awesome! He saved my life a few times with those. But that means he is going to have a terrible time learning tree walking."

Throughout Sakura and my conversation I was discretely watching Sasuke. At first he was angry at himself for blowing up the tree. Once he noticed both Sakura and me with our kunai in hand already he got even more angry at himself for failing where we succeeded. It went downhill from there, with Sakura talking about how easy it was. Instead of being angry at himself, he was angry at us. As the conversation progressed, he realized that it wasn't a bad thing. In fact he looked rather smug at the end of our conversation, he must have been happy knowing he can use way more ninjutsu than Sakura and I combined. I'm glad he realized that, because an angry Uchiha is an annoying Uchiha.

"Hey Sasuke, how goes the tree walking?" Careful Alvarcus, this could blow up in your face very easily.

"I am having difficulty." What. Just. Happened. He admitted he was struggling. "That's okay though, I heard your conversation with Sakura. Want to know the difference between me and you?" Well that sounds extremely arrogant.

"Sure. Self reflection is a good way to find your weak areas and improve them."

"You were right about our reserves. I can throw ninjutsu around a lot. You can't. That's just how it is. You picked up tree walking quickly, and I didn't. The difference is that I can learn tree walking, and you can't learn to throw ninjutsu around like me. Your chakra supply just can't handle it."

I knew I was going to be insulted. "Wipe that smug grin off your face! I can kick your ass any day of the week!"

"Hn. We both know that is a lie. I have the upper hand when we spar."

"Yeah well you smell funny!" Childish I know, "I'm going to get Kakashi-sensei to teach me how to make fire chakra, then we will see who wins the next spar."

Sasuke gulps and turns very pale.

"That's right! Picture it! Picture your burning defeat!" With those parting words, I scamper inside Tazuna's house.

"Kakashi-sensei! I got the kunai already."

"Did you cheat and use a chakra string to pull it down?" Kakashi accuses me.

"What? No! I don't cheat during training. That would be counter productive."

"Prove it. Walk up the wall."

Sigh. "Fine." I walk up the wall and onto the ceiling. "That good enough proof?"

"Yes. Well done. You're done training for the week. Enjoy the break."

"No! You said you would teach me how to make fire chakra a month ago. Now is the perfect time. You can't run away and I need to improve. It's perfect!" I have him cornered!

"Okay, okay, fine. Just don't go burning down any forests."

"I promise nothing."

Kakashi glares at me. That is a serious scary glare for only having one eye visible.

"Okay I promise to at least not attempt to burn down a forest. If it is a by product of a battle, so be it."

"That is the best I am getting from you, isn't it?"

"Yep! Now, fire chakra time! How do I do it?"

"Form a tiger hand sign."

The tiger hand sign requires the thumb, index, and middle fingers to point up while the ring and pinky fingers interlock.

"Correct." Kakashi snags a leaf out of the air and sticks it between my two index fingers. "Channel chakra into the leaf."

The leaf bursts into flames.

"Yes! Got it in one! What's next?" That was so easy. He should have had me do this a month ago.

"The next step is to steadily burn the leaf for 5 minutes straight. This task requires you to mold the correct amount of fire chakra to keep the leaf burning but not burn it to a crisp. Come find me again when you have that complete."

Burning leaves slowly. That is how I am going to learn a fire elemental chakra change? Then I better burn some leaves. I'll have this down in no time!

* * *

It took two days. Two long boring days. The good news? Sasuke still hasn't completed the tree walking exercise. The bad news? I now smell like ash where ever I go.

What is nice about the leaf burning exercise is I can wander around and practice at the same time. This is great, because it gives me a chance to explore the village and forest, and I can do it during Tazuna watch duty. All in all it was a nice training exercise.

Now that I have one leaf down, I'm jumping into two leaves at once. One per hand. I'm not naive enough to think I am ready to start on my fire whips. I won't be for a while. The best I can hope for is that I can get those down before Zabuza returns. They could be seriously beneficial against Haku's ice release.

That is how I came to be in a field, by wandering around while trying to burn leaves. It is also how I found Haku. That's right, I found Haku collecting herbs by pure chance.

"Oh. Sorry I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll go find another clearing." Please let me leave. Please let me leave. I didn't hurt Zabuza, Kakashi did that by himself. You have no reason to attack me!

"It's okay, I don't mind sharing. Company is always welcome. Where are my manners, my name is Haku."

I know. "My name is Alvarcus. Pleasure to meet you."

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well. What brings you to the forest? Usually I am the only one out here."

How much can I tell Haku? In the anime Naruto and Haku leave on good terms. Friends even. I don't have that charisma. Naruto is ridiculously likeable and I'm... well me. Naruto and I are nothing alike.

"I like to wander around every once in a while. Get a change of scenery. It just helps that I can train and walk at the same time." She already knows who I am, so there is no point in hiding being a shinobi. As long as I don't give any specifics, I can walk away.

"You like to wander around? I am sure that drives your sensei crazy. There are a lot of mercenaries around these days."

"Please. I can handle mercenaries by the dozens. It's the shinobi I need to worry about."

Haku pauses in her herb collecting. "Shinobi?"

I bend over next to Haku and I start helping her collect herbs.

"Yeah. Gato has hired some missing nin to work for him. They are pretty scary."

"It sounds like you faced them before. Did you kill them?" Sneaky Haku, trying to find out if we know Zabuza is alive.

"We killed some of them. One of them was my first kill. That... was not a good day." I shudder at the memory. "The others got away. Fled to regroup and get medical care."

"I am sorry that they got away."

"No you're not. If you were, you wouldn't be collecting herbs to heal Zabuza."

Haku and I keep on picking herbs, neither of us pausing.

"Who's Zabuza?"

"You don't need to lie to me, hunter-san. I know." This is monumentally stupid. I'm going to try and convince Haku to not fight.

"So you do know. Yet here you are, gathering herbs with an enemy, to heal another enemy. Why?"

"Simple really. You're not my enemy."

Haku stops picking herbs to look at me. I continue without her.

"Gato is the enemy here, not you or Zabuza. You are just a tool, an instrument of his choice. You don't want to kill me because you want me dead, it is a job. Just like how it is my job to protect Tazuna. I don't want to kill you. I don't want to kill Zabuza, even if he did nearly kill my whole team. I just want to complete my mission and go home to my family."

"You have precious people?" Haku starts picking herbs with me again.

"I do. Kaa-san. Tou-san. My team. My soon to be born sibling. That is just a few."

"You understand then."

"That you will do whatever it takes to protect your precious people?"

"Yes."

"I do. It is the whole reason I became a shinobi. There are no shinobi in my family. I am the first. My parents are... very unsupportive of my choice. They want me to continue the family business, baking. I couldn't. Not when I live in this world. There are monsters out there Haku, really scary monsters that make Kakashi and Zabuza look like baby kittens. I want to protect my family from them. I can't do that if I am a baker. So I enrolled into the Academy, and broke my parent's hearts. I did it for them, to protect them."

Haku stares at me, contemplating. "I will do what ever is necessary to protect Zabuza-sama. Even if it means killing you."

I look up from picking herbs to make eye contact with Haku. "I know. And I don't hold it against you. I will do the same."

Haku gets up, collecting her basket of herbs for Zabuza.

"Hey Haku?"

"Yes Alvarcus-san?"

"Have you ever thought that Gato is going to turn on you and Zabuza?"

"It was nice meeting you."

"You as well."

"Farewell, and may we never meet again." Haku says as she walks away.

If only that were an option. We will see each other on the bridge in five days. On that day, only one of us will walk away.

I think I failed.

* * *

Dinnertime, Tazuna's House

Dinner is a quiet affair. Sasuke is brooding over not being able to tree climb. Kakashi is content with the silence. Tazuna and Tsunami are still nervous around us shinobi so they are quiet. Sakura just looks constipated. She keeps scrunching her face up, like she wants to say something but thinks better of it. I am just enjoying the peace and quiet. It is nice after such a trying day.

"Anyone do anything interesting today?" Sakura couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"I met a girl in the forest today. Can you pass the rice Sakura?" I hold my hand out. Sakura doesn't hand me the rice, she is just looking at me with a weird expression. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Kakashi give me his best eye smile and a thumbs up. "Good job! Out on a life threatening mission and you still have time for love. You really are my favorite." Love? What?

"I had no idea you were a scoundrel, Alvarcus. What else are you hiding from us?"

"Oh shut up Sasuke. In a few years you'll appreciate the female form too." Why am I going along with this? Oh, right because it is better than saying 'I met our mysterious hunter nin and we became sort of friends after subtlety threatening to kill each other.' That's why.

"But isn't... I thought that..." Tsunami leans in towards Sakura and whispers something in her ear.

Sakura turns tomato red and exclaims, "Alvarcus is a boy!"

"What? Why did you have to shout that Sakura?" Tsunami flushes red in embarrassment. "Oh Kami, Tsunami did you think I was a girl?"

"Eh... maybe?" Tsunami squeaked out. "You just have such pretty black hair! You don't see many guys take such good care of their hair. I just assumed it was shorter because of the shinobi thing."

"I promise you Tsunami, I am definitely a boy." That makes two people who thought I am a girl. I'll have to shave my head if this continues.

"Ha-ha! This is comedic gold right here!" Tazuna is slapping the table as he laughs.

"Oh shut up! You made the same mistake." I remind him.

The front door opens. "Oh, Inari! Come meet the shinobi who are protecting your oji-san."

Inari barely spares us a glance. "Why? They are just going to die."

"Inari! Apologize!" Tsunami is appalled that her son would be so rude.

"It's true though. No one can beat Gato. Just go away." Inari storms upstairs to his room, leaving the rest of us in and awkward silence.

"I'm sorry about my son, he doesn't mean it."

"That's okay. It won't be the last time we have to deal with a disgruntled civilian." Smooth Kakashi, way to ease the tension.

"I think I am going to call it an early night." I've had enough people time for today.

Kakashi giggles, "Did you use too much energy with your forest girl today?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I just want to sleep."

* * *

The next two days pass quickly. I settle into a routine. Getup, breakfast, burn a ridiculous amount of leaves, get some lunch, burn some more leaves, eat dinner, mess around with my chakra strings so I don't get rusty, then sleep.

Rinse and repeat.

When the bridge attack was only two days away I finally had Kakashi's permission to try out my fire whips.

"Alvarcus, let's get one thing straight right now. If I say stop, you stop. You don't ask why, you don't hesitate. You stop immediately. You are _literally_ playing with fire. You can seriously hurt yourself if you are not careful, and on top of that you are attempting something I have never seen done before. Are we clear?"

"Crystal. Can I try now?" I've waited so long for this moment.

"Yes. Start small. Half a meter string."

Okay, here we go. I form the chakra string, easy enough. Now, the difficult part. I feel within myself, feeling my own chakra. It's like a fire, always burning, always warm. I don't need warm, I need scorching. I up the intensity of the heat, I feel the furnace that is my chakra ignite. Searing heat runs to my finger. One spark emits from the tip of my finger.

Fuwmp!

The string ignites, I'm holding a half meter long fire whip off my index finger.

"This is bloody brilliant! Kakashi-sensei! Can I make it longer now?"

Kakashi nods his approval. I extend the string – no whip – outwards. One meter. Two meters. Five meters. At seven meters the fire starts to flicker.

"Alvarcus, enough." I cut the chakra flow. That was so cool!

Gasp, "That" gasp "was" gasp "so" gasp "COOL!" Man, I am really out of breath. I feel like I ran a marathon. "Can I" gasp "do it again now?"

"No."

"But" gasp "why not?" I just need to catch my breath, then I'll be good to go again. Why is it so hard to breath?

"Alvarcus you used a huge chunk of chakra to make that fire whip. You're exhausted. Go inside and lay down. You are not to practice this move without me present. Do nothing strenuous the rest of the day unless you want me to drop you on your face five times like you did to me when I had chakra exhaustion."

"Aw crap. You figured that" gasp "out. You're not mad are you?"

"Using your chakra strings to make me walk myself to Tazuna's house instead of carrying me was a rather ingenious idea, especially since I am so much bigger than all of you gennin."

I knew it would be okay.

Kakashi grabs my shoulder and squeezes. Hard.

"If you ever do it again without my permission you will experience One Thousand Years of Death again. Are we clear?"

Covering my backside protectively, "Yes. Yes we are. Puppet Kakashi-sensei is a bad idea, unless permission is given. Even then be very wary, my virtue is at stake."

"Good. Now go rest."


	11. Chapter 11

The remaining two days pass by in the blink of an eye. Sasuke finally got his kunai from the tree. I didn't attempt to use the fire whips again.

Regrettably it is out of my league for now. I don't know if I will ever be able to use them, my chakra supply is just too small. Once I looked back on my experience with the fire whip I noticed that unlike a standard chakra string the fire whip needs continuous chakra input to stay formed. Like I said, I don't have the chakra supply. I burn through it too quickly, pun intended.

Today is the day. The day that we face Zabuza and Haku at the bridge. I want to say I am ready. I'm not. This will be my toughest battle yet.

Team 7 wakes bright and early on the seventh day of our stay at Tazuna's house. Once Kakashi rounds all three of us up, he starts to give us a pep talk.

"Alright team. Today is the most likely day that we will encounter Zabuza again. He should be healed by now so be ready for a fight at a moments notice. You three are not to engage Zabuza. Defend Tazuna. If the hunter nin shows up I want Alvarcus to engage."

"Really? Why me?" Sasuke is faster than me, I thought he would fight against Haku. That is what happened in cannon.

"The only thing we know for sure about the hunter nin is that they use senbon. With your chakra strings you can throw them back. If Alvarcus gets overwhelmed, Sasuke you help him. Sakura, you protect Tazuna no matter what happens." Kakashi explains.

We all nod our understanding.

"I am proud of you all. You have all grown so much since you first became my students. Remember to work together and we will win."

"Can we go now? I'm looking forward to this fight." Only you would Sasuke, only you.

"Sure. To the bridge!"

We make it to the bridge without issue. Once we get there though, there is a major issue. All the workers are on the ground, hopefully just passed out. At the worst dead.

"They are here. Be ready." Kakashi places himself before us protectively, ready to go to battle at the drop of a hat.

Alright. Here we go. Alvarcus vs Haku. I can do this.

"Kakashi, you decided to show up after all. Oh and you brought the prize, the bridge builder himself, Tazuna! I tell you what, I'm in a good mood. Haku here," Zabuza gestures at the hunter-nin "tells me your magnet release brat doesn't want to fight."

Kakashi quickly glances at me.

"You hand over Tazuna, you can walk home. If you don't, you'll go home in pieces."

"Consorting with the enemy now, Alvarcus. When did you have time to do that?" Kakashi is deadly serious.

"It's not like that Kakashi-sensei. She's the forest girl."

Kakashi actually visibly recoils.

"Oh get your mind out of the gutter! I'm twelve! We didn't do anything."

"We most certainly did not." Thank you Haku. "I am not into my own gender."

"Oh come on! You too Haku? I am a BOY dammit!"

"Really?" Zabuza growls. "If I would have known that my water clone wouldn't have held back for as long as it did."

"Why does everyone think I am a girl?" I whine to the heavens.

"I am fairly certain it is the hair." Sakura chimes in. "You do have very nice hair, it's prettier than mine. I have no idea how you keep it straight, mine's always a mess in the mornings."

"That's it! I'm cutting my hair! Anyways, no I did not consort with the enemy. We picked herbs together and talked about our reasons for our actions. Nothing more, nothing less."

"He is not lying." Haku collaborates my story.

"Thank you Haku."

"Enough! I did not come here to talk! Kakashi! Will you hand over the bridge builder?" Zabuza is revving to go.

"Nope. He has grown on me. Like a fungus." Ew, gross. Yet also accurate.

Zabuza grins like a maniac. "Then we fight. Haku, dispose of your new friend."

"As you wish."

Kakashi and I approach Zabuza and Haku. Haku and I move away from the jonin. Neither of us want to get caught up in their fight.

"You know Haku, we don't have to fight."

Haku pulls out a handful of senbon. "I am afraid we do. Zabuza-sama has order me to. I am his tool, to be wielded how he sees fit. He wishes you dead, unfortunately for you I will grant his wish."

Senbon fly at me. I send them right back with my strings. It's a hell of a lot harder to do this with senbon, kunai are much easier to track.

"So it is true, you do have the magnet release."

Let her think what she wants. Misdirection can be powerful.

"Unfortunately for you I have a bloodline too, and my bloodline removes your advantage. Ice Release: Senbon!"

Senbon of ice fly out of Haku's sleeves and race towards me. I kawarmi with a barrel of bricks on the edge of the bridge.

"Missed me!" I taunt Haku.

"I will remedy that."

I seriously need to stop taunting my opponents. More senbon of ice fly at me and I roll out of the way. One senbon sticks into my shoulder.

"Good shot Haku." I pull the senbon out and throw it to the ground. Drawing kunai I taunt her, "If that is all you can do I will be fine."

I send strings out of my forearms to connect to the kunai. I draw more kunai and repeat the process until I have 10 of them hovering around me at various positions. If she thinks I have the magnet release I better act like I do.

"Here I come!"

I charge at Haku, attempting to either spear her with kunai or force a taijutsu fight. All I really want to do is to keep her from using her demonic ice mirrors. Once those go up that is game over.

Haku dances backwards, always just out of my range while constantly pelting me with senbon. For every twenty that I block with my hovering kunai defense, one makes it through my guard. Shoulders. Legs. Gut. Chest. Arms. Hands. Feet. Back. Very soon I look like the world's weirdest porcupine.

"Sasuke! I could use a little help here! You're faster than I am, we need to corner her."

Sasuke steps up. "Fine. I'll engage in taijutsu. Support with your... magnet release. Defend first, offense if you see an opening." Good, he is playing along with the ruse.

The tide of the battle turns. With Sasuke's help the fight is no longer evenly matched. We are pushing Haku back into a corner. Slowly but surely our victory is getting closer.

"I can not fight both of you as I am now." She leaps away from us, putting at least ten meters between us.

"Then surrender. We will spare your life." Sasuke offers.

"You misunderstand, I simply need to move faster. Ice Release: Demonic Mirroring Ice Crystals!"

A dome of ice forms around Sasuke and me. Shit. This battle just got a lot harder.

"The battle is over. Surrender and I will spare your life."

I lodge a kunai in a mirror with Haku's reflection. "Sasuke. Give me all your kunai." He looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "Now dammit! We need to get out of here so unless you have a fire jutsu that can melt the ice hand over the kunai!"

"Grand Fireball!" Sasuke's attack rages towards the ice. There was no effect, the ice that his fireball melted reformed. There's no way were getting out of here like that. Sasuke tosses me his kunai pouch.

"Alright. Here is the plan – ouch!" A senbon spears through Sasuke's kunai pouch and into my hand, pinning it closed. "That's a dirty trick and you know it Haku! Ouch! The butt? Really? Ouch! Aim for Sasuke dammit! There is more than one of us here!" I spear my ten floating kunai into ten unique mirror images of Haku's face.

"Not good enough. You need to be faster to hit me."

"Shut up. I don't need to be faster." I pull the kunai out of the mirrors to start blocking the senbon again.

I rip the senbon pinning Sasuke's kunai pouch from my hand. That is going to hurt a lot tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I ripped out a chunk of skin with the senbon. Opening the pouch I take his kunai and toss them into the air. I now have twenty floating kunai at my command.

"Sasuke. I want you to hit the highest mirror with your fireball jutsu. I'm going to hit the other twenty at the same time." Senbon start flying like crazy. Within seconds dozens of new senbon hit Sasuke and me. Haku realized that she can't dodge that.

"NOW!" I roar.

The kunai fly. The fireball shoots through the air. They all find their mark.

"Did it work?" Sasuke asks.

"I don't know. Is the dome still up?"

"Yeah. Do ice techniques stay formed when their user dies?"

"How should I know? I've never fought against an ice user before."

"You always know random obscure facts. It's kind of your thing." Sasuke blandly replies.

"I'll save you the trouble." Oh shit that's Haku. "It didn't work."

Two senbon impale me in the neck. The last thing I remember seeing is Sasuke's horrified face and a flash of crimson.

* * *

I wake to the sound of a thousand birds chirping.

It is a very unnerving thing to wake up to. I watch as Kakashi rams his Chidori at Zabuza. This is it. The end. I close my eyes.

A sickening squelch echos across the bridge.

Opening my eyes, I refuse to process what has happened. Kakashi is fist deep in Zabuza's chest. That's not right. Haku is supposed to intercept that. Where is Haku? Looking around I spot Sasuke. I don't know how I missed him, he is standing protectively over me, one foot on either side of my body.

"Sasuke?" I croak out. My voice is harsh and raspy. "Haku? Where is Haku?"

Sasuke jumps away from me with a look of pure elation on his face.

"You're alive. You're alive. Thank Kami, you're alive. I thought you died. I thought Haku killed you. You're alive." He's... he's crying. Sasuke is crying because he thought I died?

Sitting up I take in my surroundings. Haku is nowhere to be found. "Where is Haku? Did we capture her? Is she still around somewhere? Is she dead?"

Sasuke pauses. "She's dead."

"How? There is no way you could match her speed in that ice dome."

Without meeting my eyes, Sasuke tells me, "I didn't have to match her speed. She dodged our simultaneous attack by exiting the mirrors before we launched it. She was behind you the entire time. She wasn't in the mirrors."

That explains how she dodged that. I thought for sure it would work. I guess it did, just not how I expected. We forced her out of the mirrors. So much for my kunai defense, if I don't know you're there how can I block you?

"Then she hit you with her senbon. And you... she must have done that fake death thing. It looked so real. The surprise on your face, the dull thud your body made when it hit the ground. The world became clear in that moment. Everything slowed down, and I knew I only had one chance. One chance before Haku got back to her mirrors. You used all my kunai so I used the only thing I could. Grand Fireball. I made it bigger and hotter than I ever have before. It hit her dead center. There is no body left over. I burnt her to ashes." Once he finishes talking, Sasuke looks at me. He looks fearful, scared out of his mind.

"Are you okay Sasuke? First kills can be tough." I rasp out. "We've both had pretty nasty first kills."

"Am I okay? I just torched your friend to hell and you ask if I am okay!"

Oh, that's what he is scared of. He thinks I hate him now. He can't stand the idea of me hating him, he is scared of it.

I cough into my hand in a vain attempt to clear my throat. "Sasuke, Haku wasn't my friend."

"What? But you two were so nice to each other! She's the forest girl!"

"So? At best we were acquaintances. The first and only time we had a conversation we both subtly threatened to kill each other." With hacking cough I clear my throat. It didn't help, it still feels like sandpaper. "You are my friend Sasuke, never forget that. I don't even know Haku's family name."

"But I killed her." He whispers out. I've never heard Sasuke sound defeated before.

"Do you remember what you told me when I was freaking out like this? 'You put every single opponent in the ground so you can see your precious people again. You do not get to die. You have a reason to live, so make sure the enemy is the one who can't get up again.' You know what that means?"

"What?" He looks at me uncertainly.

"I'm one of your precious people." A smile worms its way onto my face.

Sasuke snorts. "No you are not! You are just my teammate. Someone I'm stuck with."

Time to drop a bomb on his world. "I don't know, you must like me an awful lot if my 'death' could awaken the Sharingan."

"WHAT? Sharingan?"

"You didn't notice? You look like a red eyed hedgehog with all those senbon sticking out of you."

"Then that makes you a yellow eyed hedgehog. You have more senbon in you than I do." Sasuke retorts haughtily.

"Great, thanks for pointing that out." He's not wrong, out of the two of us I clearly have more. Haku focused on me during the fight more than him. Did she see me as the bigger threat?

"You boys okay?" Kakashi calls out to us. He's holding one hand behind his back. He must not want us to see the blood.

"Yeah. Alvarcus doesn't know how to die, he messed it up." Sasuke says back to him.

Kakashi looks relieved. "I'm glad to hear that. What happened to Haku?"

"Sasuke immolated her. Ashes." I rasp out. "Anyone have some water? I could use a drink."

"Here." Kakashi tosses his canteen at me, I catch it and down half of it.

"Thanks sensei." I throw it back at him.

"Job well done! Let's go back and get Sakura and Tazuna." As a group we head back up the bridge. Both Sakura's and Tazuna's faces light up when they see us.

"So you won! I knew you would! Even if it was really scary when Sasuke-kun and Alvarcus were in that giant ice dome. What happened in there? And is that ice sticking out of your bodies?"

"Nothing major happened." I say. Sasuke opens his mouth to tell her about me almost dying. "Sasuke." He closes his mouth. I shake my head no. He gets the message, she doesn't need to know. "Tell them about your eye condition."

Sakura starts freaking out. "Eye condition? Did you get hit in the eye? Get over here and let me see!"

"My eyes are fine. They are better than ever actually." Sasuke smirks cockily. What an arrogant prick, I'm glad he's back to normal.

"Oh really? Congrats Sasuke. I have some tricks I can teach you later." Kakashi offers.

"Sensei, what does that mean? Sasuke's eyes could be hurt!" Sakura exclaims in worry.

"Sakura, my eyes aren't hurt. I awakened the Sharingan."

"That's great Sasuke-kun! Can I see them? Please?" Sakura does a complete 180. Now she is begging him, using her wide puppy dog eyes to crumble his resolve.

"I uh... don't know how to turn it on and off yet. Maybe later?" Sasuke sheepishly replies.

"Yes! Take that Ino! I'm going to hold you to that." Sakura does a victory fist punch.

"That is one of those tricks I'll teach you." Kakashi adds into the conversation.

Our happy moment is ruined by the sound of marching feet.

"Well well well. It looks like Zabuza failed. Not only that, you killed him for me! Now I don't have to pay him at all!" Oh fuck me is that Gato and his mercenaries?

"OI!" I speak up, addressing the shortest one here. "You Gato?"

"My reputation precedes me! Yes, I am Gato." He takes a sweeping bow. Did I mention he is incredibly short?

"You're the one who is trying to kill Tazuna, yes?" I ask for clarification. Better safe than sorry, I would hate to attack the wrong person.

"That's me. If you would be so kind as to hand him over. I think a public execution would be best." Gato doesn't even sound regretful. He doesn't believe he's doing wrong or he's become desensitized to his morals.

My whole team tenses. "Kakashi-sensei? Permission to partake in a slaughter."

"I vote yes. He caused all of these problems. If he's gone there won't be anymore." Sasuke's eyes flash crimson.

"Sasuke-kun is right! We need to cut the head off the snake and then the body will die!" Sakura draws a kunai and stands protectively in front of Tazuna.

"Team 7, new mission parameter: slaughter on a bridge." Even Kakashi wants to fight this out.

"Y-you can't be serious! You're outnumbered ten to one!" Gato starts backing away, "Men! Kill them! A bonus to each man who brings me a head!" With a mighty roar, the mercenaries charge us. There has to be at least thirty. Maybe more.

"Non lethal take-downs. We've scared them enough." Dammit Kakashi-sensei! There goes all the fun.

I attach twenty chakra strings to various stones and rubble nearby.

"Alright, non lethal take-downs it is. If I bludgeon a few to death we will call it a happy accident."

What follows was a beat down of epic proportions. It was four vs thirty. They didn't bring enough men. Between me whipping stones around like there is no tomorrow, Sasuke's newly awakened Sharingan, Kakashi just being badass and Sakura supporting all three of us the thirty mercenaries went down in minutes. All that is left is Gato.

"Please don't kill me! I'll leave Wave alone! I'll go somewhere else! Just spare me!" All of Team Seven surrounds Gato. He has no where to go.

Kakashi turns to Tazuna. "You're the client. Does this fall under our mission parameters to protect you?" Leaving it up to Tazuna is a brutal thing to do. Gato is dead. Very dead.

"Yes. I demand that you protect me." Tazuna says with grim determination. His country will finally be free.

"NOOOOOO-urk"

A kunai embeds itself in-between Gato's eyes. Everyone looks at me.

"What? I didn't want to listen to him squeal any longer."

Kakashi sighs. "Let's get back to Tazuna's house."

"Hold on a minute!" I walk over to Zabuza's giant sword and try to pick it up. Konoha would love to get their hands on this. There's just one problem, I can't lift it, it's too heavy.

"Oi. Grab Zabuza's sword will you Kakashi? I bet we can use that later, it is one of Kiri's legendary blades after all."

Kakashi seals it away into a scroll. I need to learn how to do that.

* * *

Sasuke, Sakura and I make it back to Tazuna's house in record time. Kakashi sent us gennin on ahead, he wanted to talk to Tazuna about how he is going to pay for the mission upgrade in rank. That's going to be an awkward conversation.

"It feels good to be done with this mission. No more crazy missing nin attacking us." Sakura, you are so very right. Finally, the mission is over. Now it is just go back to Konoha.

"AAAHHHHH!" A scream rips through the air.

"That was Tsunami!" Sakura shouts.

"The backyard!" Sasuke takes off towards the other side of the house with Sakura and me hot on his heels.

What we see stops us in our tracks. I forgot about the mercenaries sent to the house. What else have I forgotten? Think about that later!

Tsunami and Inari are being held at sword point by two thugs.

Tsunami calls out to us the second she sees us. "Inari! Save Inari! Save my baby!" She squirms in the henchman's hold. "I don't care what happens to me! Save my son!"

"Shut up!" Tsunami is cut a little bit on her throat from her captor shaking her. A drop of brilliant crimson rolls down her neck. "So! You did survive! I knew the Zabuza guy was no good at his job." Henchman number one says.

"Should have sent us I told Gato. We'll get the job done! But no, he hires the big bad missing nin." Henchman number two adds on.

"There isn't any chance you will release them without a fuss will you?" I try diplomacy first. There is no harm in asking.

"I tell you what!" Henchman number two says, "If you three kill yourselves then we will let them go!" With a wicked grin on his face Henchman number one nods vigorously.

"I accept." Slowly raising my hands, so the henchmen can see them, I ask Sasuke, "How good is your aim?"

With stony eyes he replies, "Flawless."

Sakura is staring at us in bafflement. "Alvarcus you can't seriously be thinking-"

"SAKURA!" I yell. Then in a softer voice, "Please, just be quiet."

I call out to Sasuke, "Sasuke. Can you do it? I'm asking a lot from you."

"I can. When?" He draws two kunai, one in each hand. I can hear Sakura sniffle behind me. She's starting to cry.

"When I lower my hands." I say in a emotionally void tone.

"Okay." Sasuke responds in the same tone.

I slowly, stealthily, sneakily attach chakra strings to Inari, Tsunami, and both of the swords. If I mess this up, Inari and Tsunami are dead. If Sasuke misses his throw, they are dead. If Sasuke really thinks I want him to kill me, I'm dead. I really doubt that last one though, he is smarter than that.

"Ready Sasuke?" He palms his two drawn kunai.

"Yes." He assures me.

I drop my hands. I yank the swords away, then I yank Inari and Tsunami away from the henchmen. Sasuke's kunai fly true. Both henchmen go down from a kunai to the heart. Flawless.

"That was well executed team." Kakashi appears before the three of us, startling me very badly.

Sakura rounds on him with absolute fury in her eyes. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE FOR KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

"Sakura, calm down! I would have stepped in if I needed to. Sasuke and Alvarcus had it under control. Trust your teammates. You've seen how well those two work together after only a few months of being on the same team." Kakashi has a really good point. Sasuke and I do work very well together.

"T-Thank you! Thank you so much! You saved my baby, you saved my baby!" Tsunami thanks us while sobbing over Inari.

"Why don't we all go inside and call it a day? It's been long for all of us." Kakashi exasperatedly says to us all. He's not a people person.


	12. Chapter 12

Over the next week the bridge was finished. With Gato being gone, all of the workers who quit came back to help again. Production skyrocketed. True to his word, Tazuna got a plaque with all four of our names engraved on it. He even got one for each end of the bridge! Thus the newly named Bridge of Hope is open for business!

The dreaded C-rank from hell is finally over. Currently we are going back to Konoha, moving at shinobi speeds and making excellent time.

Once Konoha's walls are in sight, Kakashi breaks our silence.

"Alright team, we need to report directly to the Hokage while the events are still fresh in our minds. After that is done, you all have a week off. Do whatever you want with it. Let's go."

We all get ushered into the Hokage's office. Huh, usually we would have to wait. Perks of Kakashi being one of the top jonin?

"Kakashi-kun and Team 7! How nice it is to see you back safely. How was your first C-rank mission?" The Hokage warmly greets us.

"It was a grade A cluster fuck." Shit was that out loud? Judging by the stern looks I am getting, it was. "Sorry?"

"That is not how I would word it, but my cute little gennin is correct."

Kakashi tells the Hokage all about the mission with Sasuke, Sakura and I filling in the empty holes that he wasn't there for. I tactfully left out the Kakashi puppet part, I really don't want him to seek revenge. Unfortunately, I had to talk about what happened in the Ice Dome.

"YOU ALMOST DIED AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?"

"Ow, Sakura can you be any louder? I don't think the Raikage heard you clearly."

"Alvarcus." I wince. That is Kakashi's disapproving tone. "Same question. I order you to respond." Ouch, low blow sensei.

I'm suddenly very interested in the floor. "Haku did the same fake death trick that she used on Zabuza. Sasuke thought I died. I didn't. I woke up to you shoving your hand through his chest. What was that by the way? It sounded like birds." Please get distracted.

"Chidori. Why didn't you tell me? Did you think it was unimportant?"

"Well, it was over and done with. I didn't die, and I didn't want to worry you and Sakura any more than you already were."

"Not a good enough reason. Next time something like this happens you tell your teammates. What if the senbon were poisoned? We would have had no idea until you really did die."

"You're right. Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-san, I apologize for my actions. I will not repeat them."

"Good."

"As nice as this... team bonding session is, we should get back to the debrief." The Hokage reprimands us.

In the end we have an A-rank mission on our records, and a nice fat paycheck. Once my parents hear about this, they are going to freak.

* * *

"Kaa-san! Tou-san! I'm home!" I call out into our house.

"Alvarcus! You're back! Tell us all about your mission. I want to know everything! Did my baby do well? You didn't slow your teammates down did you? My son will not be a slacker!"

"Jeez kaa-san! If anything I did the most work. After Kakashi-sensei of course."

"That's my boy! So. Let's hear about it. What did you do?" Tou-san ruffles my hair. It falls perfectly back in place. Dammit Sakura is right, I do have ridiculously nice hair.

"We had to protect this sleaze ball named Tazuna. He is supposed to be some big shot bridge builder for the Land of Waves. The first thing he did was insult my team!"

Tou-san chuckles.

"It's okay though, he turned out to be alright. Anyways when we left we were attacked by two missing nin!"

My parents sharply inhale.

"It was really scary, we thought they got Kakashi-sensei. Then... they attacked us. We won."

"You're not telling us something." I wince. Kaa-san notices. "What happened?"

"I... I killed one of them." I mutter out.

My parents recoil in shock. "You..." Kaa-san whispers, "you killed someone?"

I hang my head in shame. "Yes. He was going to kill my whole team if I didn't do something. I had to. I didn't have a choice. I just reacted on instinct."

"Alvarcus." Tou-san's voice cuts through the silence. "Did you... have you killed anyone else?" He sounds so defeated, almost as if he failed me. He looks like his heart shattered.

"I... Yes. I have killed others." I knew this conversation would be difficult.

With a choked back sob kaa-san asks, "How many?"

"At least two." I cringe, I may have killed some of the mercenaries back on that bridge. I wasn't exactly gentle when I was throwing rocks at them. "Probably more. I also helped cause the death of at least three others." Haku, and the two henchmen. Technically Sasuke killed them, but without my help he never would have.

Kaa-san starts sobbing. Gut wrenchingly loud sobbing, tears flow freely down her face. "My baby is a killer. My baby is a _killer_."

I recoil away from her. How is this that big of a surprise? They had to know that shinobi will have to kill. That's what they called us, lying, cheating, brutal, _murderers._ I guess they are right. I am a murderer now.

"Alvarcus. I'll take care of Namika." Tou-san does not call her my kaa-san, and it hurts. It hurts so much. "Why don't you... spend the day outside? Go tell your friends you are back in town."

I tear my eyes away from my crying kaa-san to see tou-san with a disappointed frown on his face. He wants me to go visit my friends? My only two friends are Sasuke and Sakura. He has to know that.

"O-okay. I'll uh... be back later tonight?"

Tou-san shakes his head.

"Tomorrow?"

He nods.

"Okay. I'll just go now." My head held in shame, I exit my house.

My parents just kicked me out on my first day back from a month long mission. Where can I go? I have no where to go. Maybe I'll take tou-san's advice and visit my friends? Sakura is probably with her family. I don't want to dump my problems on her and ruin the day for her. I have absolutely 0% chance of finding Kakashi. That leaves Sasuke.

I start heading to the Uchiha district. Wow, this place is seriously creepy. How can Sasuke stand to live here? I walk up to the biggest house and knock on the door.

"Sasuke? You in there?"

"If you are here to invite me to one of those team dinners, the answer is the same as the last fifteen times. No." Yep, that is definitely Sasuke.

"That's not what I am here for." I take a deep breath. "I need a favor."

Slowly, the door creaks open. Sasuke pins me with a cold stare. "I am not doing anymore team bonding today. I want to relax alone."

"Oh... uh... this isn't about team bonding." Here we go. Just be blunt, there is no need to beat around the bush. "I need a place to crash tonight. I told my parents about the Demon Brothers. They kicked me out and said don't come back until tomorrow."

I hold my breath. Sasuke doesn't say anything.

"It's alright, I can camp out in a training ground or something. I haven't unpacked yet so everything is good to go." This is just great. "Thanks anyways Sasuke." I turn around and start aimlessly walking away.

"Wait." I look back a Sasuke. "Your parents kicked you out?"

"Yeah." That's all I can say. I don't trust my voice right now, there's a massive lump in my throat. Who kicks out their own child?

"Get inside." Sasuke disappears into his house. Relief surges through my body. Oh thank Kami. "Hurry up and get in here before I change my mind!"

"Right!" I enter the house. It is surprisingly clean. I thought for sure Sasuke would be a slob with no parental supervision. I know I was in my past life. "Thank you Sasuke. Really. I owe you big time."

"You can repay me by staying quiet. Just because you are here doesn't mean I want to talk. Take the couch in the living room. Bums like you don't get to use the spare bedroom."

Smug prick. "Whatever you say."

The rest of the day passes in a companionable silence. Sasuke goes about his business and I stay out of his way. I knew that deep down he really is a good guy.

* * *

The Next Morning

"HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE!?"

I'm yanked out of my sleep, I leap off the couch, grab a kunai and haul ass to Sasuke's room.

 _Don't be dead! Don't be dead! Don't be dead!_

I kick the door open and take stock of the situation.

"Yo." It's Kakashi.

Kakashi broke into Sasuke's house. I glance at the clock. Correction: Kakashi broke into Sasuke's house at 4:45 in the morning. What the hell is going on?

"Oi. Kakashi-sensei." The other males turn to me. "I thought we were on leave. Why are you here?"

"Oh I decided we need to have a team meeting. I've already told Sakura, and I was going to get you next Alvarcus, but I don't need to. How was the slumber party?"

"It was brilliant. We painted each other's nails and talked about _how my parents kicked me out of the house!"_ Huh, I may have some unresolved anger.

Kakashi goes deathly still. "They did _what?"_

I refuse to elaborate.

"Alvarcus told his parents about the Demon Brothers." Sasuke blurts out. "They told him to not come back until tonight. He crashed here."

"It's not important." I am not talking about this. Kakashi let the subject drop, for now. I can tell he wants to say more. "What was this about a team meeting?"

"I want you to be at training ground seven at 6am. I'll tell you about it then." Kakashi vanishes in a swirl of leaves.

"Well we better get going. I'd hate to be late after all."

* * *

Training Ground 7

At 9:00 Kakashi finally shows up.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura yells at Kakashi. "You can't call a team meeting like this and then be late to it! You're a jonin! Act like it!"

"Today is Pakkun's monthly grooming day, and I just couldn't leave him half groomed."

"Of course, grooming is very important. I'm glad you finished it, I know if my hair was half combed I would be in a hissy fit the entire day." Wait a moment, I know that name.

"Who is Pakkun?" Sasuke asks.

"He's one of my summons. I'll introduce you all eventually."

Ah that is where I know that name from. He's the cute pug summon with the soft paws.

"I've decided to enter you three into the Chunin Exams." Kakashi casually tells us.

Oh shit that is happening now?

"Here, take these forms. If you want to take the exams, fill it out and report to the Academy building one week from today."

Seven days. The Chunin Exams are in seven days.

That means Orochimaru is going to attack in seven days.

Goodbye life, it was nice while it lasted.

"Well now you know!" Kakashi is was too chipper with our imminent demise coming. That's right, he doesn't know. "Do you three want help training over the next week? It is your leave time, I can't force you to."

"Teach me more fire ninjutsu." Sasuke demands.

"I think I'll be fine. I'll be there next week!" Sakura adds.

"Fire whips. I need help on my fire whips." I need more offense than my floating kunai trick. As cool as that is, it won't work on Orochimaru. Who am I trying to fool, my fire whips won't work on him either. He is a damn Sannin! He beats the Hokage! A lowly gennin like me has no hope for survival.

"Alright. Sasuke stay here. Alvarcus come back here at noon. Sakura, enjoy your week off." Kakashi vanishes.

"Well. I'm hungry." Sakura sates. "Do you two want to get some food?"

"No. I am going to train." Sasuke leaves us.

"I'm going to have to decline as well. I'm going to do some research into past Chunin Exams. Maybe it'll give us an edge if we know what to expect." Plus there is the off chance that the exams will not be the same as cannon. It won't hurt to be prepared.

"Alright. I'll see you around."

* * *

Noon at Training Ground 7

"Yo." Kakashi shunshins into the training ground.

"Who the hell are you?" I demand, instantly going on guard. "You're not Kakashi-sensei. He is never on time."

"Very funny Alvarcus. I can be on time if I want to."

I don't buy it. This is too strange. "Prove to me that you are Kakashi."

Kakashi shrugs, and pulls out a familiar orange book. He starts reading it.

"On our last mission you had your first kill." He turns a page.

"Not good enough. Anyone could check mission records and find that information." I am 90% sure this is Kakashi. No one else would have the audacity to start reading porn in this situation.

"It was Sasuke that helped you through your first kill. Not me." Damn. I can't refute that one.

"Alright, you're Kakashi-sensei. So! Fire whips. I need help with them. Either I need to make them more chakra efficient or I need to increase my reserves. What would be easier?"

"Hold on Alvarcus. I have something for you." He does? What could it be? Kami forbid an Icha Icha book, I already have my own. Kakashi reaches into his hip pouch, and pulls out an envelope. "Catch." I catch it, and look at him questioningly. "It's a key to my house."

"What? I don't think I heard you right."

"I said," Kakashi speaks very slowly, "it's a key to my house."

"Yep, that's what I thought I heard. I hate to break it to you, Kakashi-kun," I flutter my eyelashes at him, "but we will never work out."

"Ha ha. Hilarious." Kakashi turns a page. "The address is in there too. If you ever need a place to stay, use it."

This is him being there for me. He never was good with words, Kakashi let his actions speak for him.

"Kakashi, I can't take this."

"After what your parents said," He talked to my parents? "you better _take_ _the damn key._ "

I wince. "Were they really that bad?"

"You want the honest truth?"

"Yes. How bad were they?"

He snaps shut his book. "I am surprised they are letting you come back at all."

Ouch. "That's bad." I pocket the envelope. Its better to not make it a big deal. "So. My fire whips. What will be more effective, increasing my control or supply?"

Kakashi is okay with letting my change the subject. "Neither. It is out or your reach right now. You won't be able to wield them properly in time. Your chakra supply can't keep up with the amount of training you would need to do."

No. I need this. I need something, anything to combat Orochimaru!

"Although, I do have an idea for your chakra strings." This better be a damn good idea.

"Let's hear it."

"It's based off of your kunai trap idea. The logic behind it is that you attach strings to a heavy object and a light object, and by making your strings elastic you launch the lighter object, usually a kunai, at a high velocity. That is how it works, correct?" I nod. "My question for you: can you be the kunai?"

"You want me to launch _myself_ at the enemy? That is a terrible idea. Did you get hit in the head?"

"Ha ha. Very funny. I haven't been anyone's puppet recently." He is still mad about that. "I don't want you to launch at an enemy. I want you to launch _away_ from an enemy."

That is a brilliant idea. How have I never thought of that? Imagine, fighting an opponent and suddenly I launch in a random direction, like upwards.

Not upwards, I have no desire to ever be high up in the air again. Any other direction is fine. Besides, how do you counter that? There is no muscle tension, no visible way to see that move coming, unless you have a doujutsu or are a crazy accurate sensor.

That thought must have shown on my face, because Kakashi looks smug. I think so, I'm getting better at reading him through his mask.

"Good idea, isn't it? Well hop to it! I'll be here to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"Alright, alright. This can't be that hard. I already know how to do it and everything." I attach a string from my wrist to a nearby tree. "See? It's exactly like my kunai trap." Without a care in the world, I let the elastic string pull me to the tree.

POP

"Oh sweet mother of Kami it hurts! Fuck, fuck fuck fuck! My shoulder!" I dislocated my shoulder. I ripped it right out of it's socket.

Kakashi rushed over to me. "Alvarcus! Calm down. I know how to fix this. Look at me. I'm going to put it back in on three. Okay?"

With teary eyes I nod. He grips my arm firmly.

"One."

POP

"Ow! That fucking hurt you filthy asshat! You said three!"

THWACK

He smacked me in the back of the head. "Bad Alvarcus. You do not insult your sensei, especially when he just popped your shoulder back in place. Now, what did we learn and how do you fix it?"

"Fine." I grumble while experimentally moving my shoulder around, "One string is a bad idea. Having the string come from a limb is also a bad idea, as seen by me dislocating my shoulder. I'll make them from the torso, chest or back. At least four, more if possible. Spread the force out, don't have it all in one spot. And for the love of Kami do _not_ pull myself in two directions! Death by ripping yourself in half would be a very stupid way to die."

"I don't think anyone has done that before. You might start a new trend."

"Oh shut up Kakashi-sensei. I'm going to try this again."

From the torso this time, I connect multiple strings to the tree.

"Here we go."

SLAM

"Alvarcus?" Kakashi looks up from his book.

"Shut up Kakashi-sensei."

"You just threw yourself into a tree." He says factually.

"I said SHUT UP Kakashi-sensei!"

This will take a lot of work to get right. At least I have a week.

* * *

Alvarcus's House, Later that Night

I am standing outside my front door. I don't want to go inside. I don't want to face my parents.

After five minutes of mustering my courage, I open the door. I walk into the living room and see my parents on the couch.

"Kaa-san, tou-san." I greet them.

"Alvarcus." Tou-san replies, acknowledging my existence. Kaa-san says nothing at all.

No one says anything. After standing in the doorway awkwardly for another five minutes, I head to my room. My parents don't want to talk to me.

That night the nightmares were bad. I looked on as I killed the Demon Brother again, only this time there was an audience. My parents watched me kill him, and then they walked away in silence. It was the worst nightmare yet.

* * *

A week flies by when you keep yourself busy. Especially if you have an awesome new power to learn how to use! All week I have been practicing my string leaping. After the first day I stopped slamming into trees. After the second day I perfected my landings. On the third day, I added another string to launch me in a direction instead of at an object. The fourth day I had the crazy idea to use 3 strings to make myself hang suspended in the air. That was by far the coolest thing ever. I took the fifth and sixth days to practice everything else in my shinobi toolkit, it wouldn't be a good idea to work on one skill so much my others deteriorate.

Now it is the seventh day, my rest day. The day before the Chunin Exams. I am nervous as hell. So much could go wrong, so much could change from cannon. I can't rely on my knowledge. It could be wrong and acting like I know what will happen will only get me killed. I can't even trust that the exams will be the same. That is why I researched past exams. Konoha favors team based exams, and usually has three exams. A form of a mental test, a form of a physical test, and a tournament.

I need to unwind, so I wander around Konoha by myself. I don't want to be at home, not with my parents being so hostile to me. I can't train either, I need to rest and recuperate for tomorrow. I could use some ice cream. With a new goal in mind, I start heading to a small store that specializes in cold foods. What kind should I get? Chocolate? Vanilla? Fudge Volcano Explosions Version Three?

"You do not belong here."

I freeze in the middle of the street.

"This is not your home."

Someone knows my secret. _Someone knows my secret!_

Slowly, I turn to the voice. It can't be, that's Gaara. Red hair. Gourd. Kanji of love on his forehead. How the hell would Gaara know I'm not of this world?

"Explain." I demand.

"Not here." A new voice, a female voice, interjects. I glance over to the source and see blonde hair in double pigtails and a giant fan. Temari?

"Take us somewhere we can talk alone." A third voice adds. Kankuro. Even Kankuro knows? Does the Kazekage know? When does Orochimaru replace the Kazekage?

I collect my thoughts. Freaking out now won't change anything. I need more information.

"I know a place." I lead the Sand Siblings through the village to an empty training ground. I'm confident that I can run away if they start something, especially since I have strings set up to pull me to safety at a moments notice. "No one will disturb us here. Explain. _Now!_ "

"Whoa, calm down dude." Kankuro replies, "We ain't gonna hurt ya. I'm Kankuro. "

"Forgive me if I don't believe you. Three on one is not the most peaceful way to start talking." I make sure to keep a healthy distance away from them, just in case.

"Don't be daft!" Temari snaps. "You're safe. I'm Temari, and we're not here to kill you."

"Then explain why you sought me out! Why you said those things! TELL ME! NOW!"

In Gaara's monotonous voice I hear, "You are family. A half brother. We are to bring you home to Suna after the Chunin Exams."

My jaw hits the floor. "I'm _what?_ "

Temari takes over talking. "It's like Gaara said. You're family. We want you to come to Suna with us."

"What drugs are you three on? I am not your family." This is ridiculous. How could I possibly be their family? What gave them that crazy idea?

"Now you listen here pipsqueak!" Oh my Kami, is Temari going all big sister on me? Today is supposes to be stress free! Not spiral out of control in some freaky way! "Only our family has the magnet release!"

"No shit? I didn't realize that was a bloodline, I just thought it was a weird mutation of chakra." Actually that does make sense. If Gaara has traits of that bloodline, it could explain how natural his command over sand is. "Good for you, but what does that have to do with me?"

"You have the magnet release." Gaara drones out.

"Uh... no I don't." All three Sand Siblings fall still.

"Yes, you do." Temari states bluntly.

"Nope. I have no bloodlines, least of all the magnet release." So they don't know about my origins. Good. "Who told you I have the magnet release? If they are part of Suna's information gathering network you need to fire that guy."

Kankuro speaks up, "We have multiple eye witness reports of you moving multiple kunai without touching them in the Land of Waves. Rumors travel fast, especially yours. A jonin and three gennin save a country from a business tyrant? When I first heard that I didn't believe it. Then I heard that it was the Copy Nin, one of Konoha's best, that was the jonin. And the gennin? They weren't just any gennin. The last of the Uchiha, a pink haired kunoichi, and a pale black haired kid with the magnet release. Suddenly a jonin and three gennin saving a country sounds doable, with a stacked team like that you could do a lot more than save a third rate country."

"Oh. Wow. Rumors sure travel quickly." That wasn't very long ago. I'm surprised news of it has reached Suna already.

"Don't stall." Dammit Temari! "You're family. Accept it. Our father had an affair, and the woman settled in Konoha. You belong in Suna. With us."

"No I don't. I truly don't have the magnet release. If anything you'd have better luck saying I am your best puppet master's kid. I use chakra strings."

All three siblings twitch.

"Chakra strings? Bullshit." Kankuro steps forward. "I'm a puppet user, I know chakra strings. They don't work like that."

"I'll prove it." I offer.

"How?" Gaara barks out. A small amount of bloodlust starts flowing off him. Uh oh. That's not good.

"Well, I could move a kunai, to prove that the stories were true, then I can move something non metal. Like a stick. There's plenty of those around here."

"How do we know you didn't rig this up?" Temari demands.

"When would I have had the time? You sought me out! Remember? I just wanted to get some ice cream, but no! It's national 'let's fuck with Alvarcus' day!" Gaara's bloodlust spikes. Oops, cursing around Gaara is not healthy for my survival. "You know what? You have a kunai on you right? I'll move yours. Then pick something nonmetal you brought with you. I'll move them both."

With a shrug, Kankuro draws a kunai and... a sock out of his pack.

"Dude. Gross. A sock?"

Kankuro shrugs again. "It was the first thing I could grab."

"Fine. Whatever. If I use chakra is the redhead going to kill me?" I glance at Gaara. "Cuz that is some serious killing intent you have there. Not as good as Zabuza, mind you he was a monster. You're more like a disgruntled puppy. You try to look intimidating and menacing, but all I see when I look at you is 'awww soooo cute!'"

Temari and Kankuro recoil away from me like they were punched.

"You're not afraid of me?" Gaara sounds so confused.

"Uh no?" Lies. Total lies. Afraid isn't a strong enough descriptor for how scared I am of Gaara. I just don't want him to have a reason to kill me later on. I want to take the neutral path, the one that let's me fly under his radar. "If I was scared of people stronger than me I would shit myself whenever I saw my sensei. Your killer intent is like a refreshing breeze compared to his."

"What is your name?" Gaara demands. Oh goodie, my plan backfired. My plan severely backfired.

"Alvarcus Mar." I boldly say. I need to act confident even if I am secretly planning my escape if things turn sour.

"I will remember that name. I look forward to making you fear me." I've become interesting to Gaara. That is not good.

Temari interrupts, "Weren't you going to prove something Mr. I-don't-have-the-magnet-release?" Gesturing at the kunai and the sock, "Move them. If you move both we will leave you alone."

"Deal." I stretch a string out from my finger and pick up the kunai. "See? Looks like the magnet release right?" I send the kunai flying over my shoulder into a tree. I pick up the sock with the same string. "It's not."

Silence. Kankuro and Temari go pale. Gaara is staring at me with... a curious look on his face?

Finally Kankuro speaks up. "Well this is embarrassing. It could be chakra strings. I've never seen them used for something so... mundane before." He just insulted me. Prick.

With a sigh I say, "I vote we never speak of this day again."

"I agree." Temari says.

"Seconded." Kankuro adds.

"Agreed. We will see you in the Chunin Exams." Gaara is fixating on me. I messed up big time.

"Yeah, yeah." Suddenly a crazy thought occurs to me. "Say, when you are not insisting I'm your family you guys are pretty nice. I was heading to get some ice cream before you decided to confront me. Want to get some together after the Chunin Exams? I doubt you have many cold things in Suna." I pause. "Well, if we all survive. If we do I can take you all to the best ice cream shop in Konoha!"

The Sand Siblings look very confused.

"Ice cream? What is ice cream?" Temari asks in confusion.

"No. I refuse. I can't believe it. Do all three of you not know the glory that is ice cream?" They all shake their heads. "It's settled! After the Chunin Exams we are getting ice cream. I'll even bring my team along, you'll like them! Sasuke is quiet and broody like Gaara, Sakura is obnoxious and loud like Temari and I... uh... Am nothing like Kankuro. Sorry buddy."

"Whatever." Kankuro waves off my comment. "You don't know me. I'm sure we will find something in common over this... Ice cream."

"I am NOT OBNOXIOUS!" Temari yells.

I snicker.

"I'm not!" Temari huffs.

"You are." Gaara states.

"Cool. On that note, I'm leaving." I exit the training field.

Today was supposed to be a stress free day. Why did it all go wrong? I just wanted some ice cream!


	13. Chapter 13

The Next Morning, Outside of the Academy, One Hour before the Chunin Exams

I walk up to Sasuke and Sakura. "You two will not believe the day I had yesterday."

Sakura's face floods with concern. "What happened? Did your parents do something?" Oh great, she knows about that. Who doesn't know about that?

"Nah, I did almost get kidnapped and whisked away to Suna though."

"Explain." Sasuke demands. And so I retell the craziness that was yesterday afternoon.

"Let me get one thing straight." Sakura says. "Three Suna nin approach you, ask to speak in private, you go with them, they say you're family, you prove you aren't and you invited them to eat ice cream with us after the Chunin Exams?"

"Yep that pretty much sums it up!" I merrily reply with a thumbs up.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Well... probably. It made sense at the time!" I turn to Sasuke. "Come on! They've never had ice cream before!"

"Leave me out of this." He insists.

"Sasuke you traitor! You're supposed to have my back!"

He rolls his eyes at me. "No. You're on your own."

"Yo. You're all here, good." Saved from Sakura's wrath by Kakashi! Yes! "I want you three to know, no matter what happens I am proud of you. Putting gennin with less then a year of experience in the Chunin Exams is almost unheard of. That means every other shinobi will have more experience than you. You need to be careful and plan. You don't have the luxury of being able to waltz through this no problem. This will be tough. If you work together, I know you can pass."

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei. We will pass this for sure!" Sakura exclaims with enthusiasm.

"Hn. We won't have any problems." Sasuke adds on in an arrogant tone.

"I'll look out for these two." I promise him. Unfortunately I don't know if I can keep it.

"Alright you three! You are to report to room 301. Good luck!" Kakashi leaves in a swirl of leaves. Probably to go join the other jonin sensei to bet on the kids. That's what I would do if I was him.

"Room 301. Let's go." Sasuke leads us into the Academy. We climb the staircase, only to be blocked by a mob of gennin.

"What's going on?" Sakura asks.

"Someone is blocking the door. They won't let us pass." A familiar voice tells us.

"Ino! You're here too! Oh my gosh we have so much catching up to do! How's your team?"

Sakura and Ino start talking non stop. I tune them out.

"Troublesome. They'll be at it for hours if no one stops them."

"Hey Shikamaru. Hey Choji." I nod at each boy. "You two nervous for the exams?"

Shikamaru shrugs. "Not really. I'm more nervous about what my kaa-san will do if I fail." I wince. Shikamaru raises an eyebrow in question.

"I am pretty sure my parents want me to fail." I explain to the two boys. "They... don't like shinobi. They haven't admitted it, but I am 90% sure they bitched out Kakashi-sensei when he popped by unannounced."

"That's rough. Want a chip?" Choji tries to comfort me in his own way. Bless his heart.

"Yeah. Thanks." I gesture to the gennin around us. "So what's going on here? A test of some sort?"

Sasuke thwaps me in the back of my head. "It is a genjutsu Alvarcus. You should have been able to recognize that. Kakashi-sensei taught us that much at least."

"Dammit Sasuke! Now everyone around us knows too! I was trying to keep it low key and see if our fellow Konoha nin needed assistance, but no go ahead and inform everyone." I reprimand him. "Pfft, like I didn't notice already. Please. I'm better than that."

Sasuke has the decency to look mildly ashamed. Huh. Never thought I would live to see Sasuke of all people look ashamed.

"We already noticed." Shikamaru informs us. "We were just waiting for someone else to break it for us. Underplay our skills so we have a better shot in the actual exams."

"HEY! YOU'RE NOT GENNIN! YOU'RE THE GATE GUARDS! KOTETSU AND IZUMO! THAT FLIMSY ILLUSION WON'T WORK ON ME!"

"Was that Naruto?" Choji asks. "That sounded like Naruto. Didn't he get taken by that guy with the long white hair?"

I look towards the door. "That is Naruto. No one else would ever wear that much orange."

This doesn't make sense. He shouldn't be here. He needs to be on a team for one! And he should be with Jiraya, right? Does that mean Jiraya is in the village? I hope so, because I'm 99% sure Orochimaru is going to go after Sasuke.

"Huh. It is. When did he get back?" Shikamaru rhetorically asks. "Anyways, the door is clear. Let's head upstairs now."

"WAIT!" Someone yells at us.

"Oh Kami what _now!_ I just want to go to the damn exam room! Is that asking too much -" I turn towards the speaker, venom in my eyes "-green. That is a lot of green. Who the hell are you?"

"I am the great Rock Lee! I've come to challenge you to a spar Sasuke Uchiha!" So this is happening.

"He declines." I grab Sasuke by the arm. "If you want to fight him so bad, do it during the exams." I stomp over to Sakura and Ino with Sasuke trailing behind me. "Hey Ino. You look nice. I'm taking this, 'kay? Thanks." I pick Sakura up and toss her over my shoulder.

"Alvarcus! Put me down right this instant!" Sakura halfheartedly pounds her fists into my back.

"No! I will not be kicked out of the Chunin Exams because of you two being late! Sakura! You can talk with Ino in the exam room. Sasuke! Fight the green boy later. He's not going anywhere, he has a Konoha headband. If you don't fight during the exams, do it after. He will be more than willing."

With a great huff, I storm into the exam room. "There! Now don't leave this room unless told to by the proctors!" I release Sasuke and drop Sakura on the floor.

"OW! Don't drop me idiot!" That would be a lot more menacing if Sakura wasn't sprawled on the ground.

"Oh just go talk to Ino again. She followed us in here." I shoo Sakura away.

Sakura climbs to get feet and huffs in annoyance. "When did you get so bossy Alvarcus?"

"Since Kakashi-sensei left. Someone has to step up and lead. Both of you would be too distracted to do it properly. It was either step up or step aside, and I am not missing a chance for a promotion." Sasuke and Sakura look visibly cowed. Good. "Besides, I'm always the one that makes the plans when in the field anyways. It's not like you haven't followed my lead before."

Sakura heaves a sigh, and goes to resume her conversation with Ino. Sasuke just grunts at me. Whatever, I know if I need either of them they will come through for me.

"Alvarcus?" What do you know, Shikamaru and Choji followed us.

"Yeah?"

"I think you are my hero." Choji nods in agreement with Shikamaru. "If I tired that with Ino, she would punt me off a roof. How did you do it?"

I chuckle to myself. "You want the truth?"

"Yes! Anything to get her to listen!" Shikamaru sounds desperate.

"I saved both their lives. I protect them. I include them in my plans, I don't solo anything. Either I support them or they support me. They respect me, not because I demand it, but because I have earned it."

Sasuke dons a contemplative visage. Did he not realize that is why he follows my lead?

"I know what each of us is good at, and when each of us should handle a problem. I acknowledge when Sasuke or Sakura needs to lead, I don't always take the reins. For instance, in the middle of combat Sasuke is a genius. I haven't seen anyone his equal with his amount of experience. I'm good at the bigger picture, how to accomplish our mission objective, who needs to do what and how they should do it. Sakura, she keeps our heads out of our asses and keeps us on target. I don't lead the team, we lead the team. They just know that right now I'm the best to take the position of leader."

"So pretty much you have to work your asses off and almost die a few times to get to that point?" Choji asks for clarification.

"When you put it that way it sounds a lot less impressive." Sasuke 'Hn's in agreement. That guy needs to loosen up in crowds. He finally started acting like a human back on the Land of Waves mission, I don't need him regressing on me.

"Troublesome. That's not going to happen for a long time." Poor Shikamaru.

"Hey!" Is that Naruto? "Teme!" Yep, definitely Naruto. Only he would call Sasuke that. "How ya been? Learn any cool jutsu?"

"Hn." Sasuke looks down his nose at Naruto.

Alvarcus to the rescue. "Sasuke. We worked on this. Use your words."

"Hn."

"It's not a word. Only a select few know what you mean when you use that."

"Hn."

"I don't care if you don't want to talk to him. Be polite."

"Hn!"

"Who cares? I care! You're making Team Seven look weird! No one else talks like this!"

"HN!"

"You might work with the guy eventually! Shouldn't you at least be on good terms? I'm not asking you to be his friend, just treat him like a person."

"Fine." Sasuke huffs. "I am well Naruto-san. I have learned many jutsu. How are you?"

"Jeez. It's like pulling teeth." I leave Sasuke to talk with Naruto. If Naruto wants to talk to me he will come over. Speaking of Naruto, how did he get in here? Looking around I spot two Konoha nin in standard gennin gear. One has a red forehead protector, one has a green forehead protector. Are they his teammates? Probably, they do seem to be keeping an eye on him. Fine, from this point forward they are red minion and green minion!

I turn back to Shikamaru and Choji, who both have their mouths wide open. In fact, most of the gennin from my class are looking at either me or Sasuke. I wonder why?

"Alvarcus?"

"Yeah Choji?"

"I think you're my hero too. You actually got Sasuke to talk."

Kiba, Hinata and Shino all walk over to us. Kiba speaks up, "Dude, that was amazing! How did you do that?"

"Huh? Do what?"

"He is referring to how you got Sasuke to associate with Naruto." Shino clarifies for me.

"Oh that? That was nothing."

Quietly Hinata adds "B-but you were always so q-quiet in c-class, Alvarcus-san." Hinata pokes her index fingers together. "It w-was impressive how much y-you and Sasuke have changed."

"Sasuke was pretty quiet too. I guess I just understood him better than others. And we haven't changed that much. We've just loosened up around each other and it carries over to other people too."

"Still man that was wicked awesome!" Kiba slaps me on the back. "You're not half bad Alvarcus!"

"Hey! This is like a reunion! All of us gennin were in the same Academy class." Naruto has a good point. What were they called in cannon? The rookie nine? Would it be the rookie ten now with me here?

"You all should be quiet. You're attracting a lot of attention to yourselves." White hair. Large round glasses. Unassuming presence. Kabuto. This is Kabuto. "I'm something of a veteran of the Chunin Exams, so I know what I am talking about."

"Really? How many times have you taken it?" Naruto asks.

"He-he.. seven times. This makes eight." He sheepishly rubs the back of his head.

"SEVEN TIMES?!" The rookies exclaim. Well, most of the rookies. I already knew, Sasuke and Shikamaru don't care, and Shino doesn't react. Stoic guy, that Shino.

"Yeah. Not the most impressive thing, I admit. But! It has let me collect information about the other contestants. I have it stashed and coded on these cards. Is there anyone you have questions about? I'm willing to share." How generous of you. "Us Konoha nin should help each other."

"OH! OH! Mine! I want to see mine!" Naruto demands.

"I want to see Alvarcus's." Sasuke adds. Wow, really? He wants to see my card? Is this because he genuinely wants to know, or is he getting a base for how accurate the cards are? Honestly I could see either one being the answer.

"Gaara of the Desert." I name drop. Various people look confused at the name. "He is one of the Suna nin I invited out for ice cream."

"I still can't believe you did that." Sakura mumbles to herself.

"I also want to see yours." There. Let's see what he puts for himself. That should be interesting. "And whoever that Kusa kunoichi is that hasn't looked away from me."

"So you did notice that. Good. I was starting to think you missed it." Shikamaru says. "I too want to see Alvarcus's card. And Sasuke's."

"Alright, let's look at those first, if we have time for more I'll take more names. First up, Gaara of the Desert. Mission experience: eight C-ranks and wow! One B-rank as a gennin. And get this! He survived every mission without getting a scratch. Impressive."

"Next we have Sasuke." Kabuto flips another card over. Thinking quickly, I attach a chakra string to it and yank it into my hand. "Hey! Give it back!"

I tear the card in half. Then again. I burn the pieces to ashes. "Oops. My bad."

"What the hell Alvarcus! I wanted to see Sasuke-kun's profile!" Ino shouts at me.

"Did you really think I would let him share information about my teammate? I don't want to give away the edge of the unknown. That would be stupid. I don't want to reveal information about our strongest member." Sasuke smirks at the compliment.

"Are you going to destroy your own card too?" Kabuto asks me.

Smiling deviously, I reply "I don't know. Why don't you pull it out and we will see."

"Alvarcus Mar. Here it is." Kabuto looks at me. I keep smiling at him. "Graduated last of his class. Mission record: 47 D-ranks," Sasuke glances at me, with his hands forming the tiger sign. He's ready to burn the card at a moments notice. I shake my head. I want Kabuto to say my info. It is a part of my plan, "and get this! An A-rank!"

All of the rookies stare at me in shock. They can't believe it, the quiet kid in the back of the class has done an A-rank mission. Then they all have the same thought: just how good is this guy?

Perfect. It's exactly what I want. My plan is twofold, intimidation and scare tactics. I'm using my nin info card - courtesy of Kabuto - to let everyone listening in know we did an A-rank. Hopefully that will scare off the weaker teams. Then, we have me taking Sasuke's card which makes him an unknown. The last Uchiha, rookie of the year, and most importantly teammate of the dead last Alvarcus who was just revealed to be strong enough for an A-rank.

Collectively all the shinobi listening in share a thought. If Alvarcus, who is good enough for an A-rank mission, says Sasuke is the strongest member on their team then how strong is Sasuke? It is exactly what I want them thinking.

"That's not the end of it." The rookies turn back to Kabuto. There isn't anything else worth mentioning about me, I wonder what it is. "He is rumored to have the magnet release." Oh, yeah that rumor is going around. Pity, it is wrong.

"He has a bloodline?" The rookies whisper to each other.

Sasuke opens his mouth to correct Kabuto's misinformation.

"Sasuke." My voice cuts through the whispers. "No."

Sasuke shuts his mouth and give me a questioning glance. Well, Sakura and I know it is a questioning glance. To everyone else his face doesn't change, the famous Uchiha mask does come in handy.

"Later." Sasuke gives into my request. "Kabuto, I believe you have three more people to go? Yourself, the Grass kunoichi and Naruto."

Kabuto gives me an appraising look. Did he figure out what I did? I wouldn't be surprised if he did, he is supposed to be on par with jonin. "I didn't make a nin info card about myself. I never saw the need to."

"The Grass kunoichi then." I press onward.

Kabuto glances at the kunoichi in question. "The one with the black hair and the big straw hat?"

"Yep. She is giving me the creeps. She hasn't stopped staring at me since I entered the room. I'm worried about my virtue." I try to lighten the mood with a joke. It flops, no one laughed. Probably because once I mentioned my virtue, the Grass kunoichi smiled widely. Gross, I'm twelve lady!

"I don't have a card about her. I've never seen her before."

Impossible, he has cards on everyone. Everyone but himself and her? Himself I could ignore, but I can't ignore her. That means he is purposefully holing back information on her. But why? Kabuto is loyal to Sound, he shouldn't care about some random Kusa kunoichi.

 _Kusa_. It all connects. Orochimaru kills and replaces a Kusa team. That's Orochimaru. He's already done the switch. It is the only logical explanation. That means _Orochimaru_ has been eyeing me like a piece of meat since I entered the room. What the hell? Shouldn't he be going after Sasuke? That's the whole point of him coming here, to put the cursed seal on Sasuke so that he goes to Orochimaru for more power.

 _Then why is he staring at me?_

Not good. Did he hear about the magnet release? He has to know that is false. Right? How accurate is his information network? If the Kazekage ordered his kids to bring me to Suna then a lot of people are believing the rumors.

Unless he already replaced the Kazekage. Did he order the Sand Siblings to approach me? Oh Kami, does he want to give me a curse seal too?

"Alvarcus." I snap out of my freak out episode.

"Sorry, you say something Sasuke?"

"You missed Naruto's card. You were... internalizing." Internalizing? Oh, he knew I was freaking out, but doesn't want others to know. Well played Sasuke.

I missed Naruto's card? Dammit, he's the only mystery to me. I can safely rely on my foreknowledge for everyone else since they mainly stuck to cannon but Naruto has been training under Jiraya for months. I have no idea what he's capable of.

"Yeah. I was. You snapped me out of it. Thanks."

POOF

"Alright you baby faced degenerates! Pipe down and listen up!" Once the smoke clears from the mass shunshin, a hoard of leaf nin appear. "My name is Ibiki Morino. From this moment on I am your proctor for the first exam. And your worst enemy." That man is intimidating. He got the entire room to quiet down from that short speech alone.

Wait, wasn't something supposed to happen before this? Didn't Kabuto get attacked by someone?

"I'll say this once, so LISTEN UP!" I subconsciously straighten up. "There will be no attacking the other candidates, no attacking each other without the permission of your proctor. Even then, the use of fatal force is strictly prohibited. Anyone who even thinks of messing with me _will be disqualified immediately._ Got it?"

No one speaks up.

"Good. You will hand in your paperwork and receive a number. That number will tell you where to sit for the written exam." Ibiki's posse breaks away from him and start taking paperwork from various teams.

"Did he say... written exam?" Naruto pales. "Oh man that is not good."

"Come on team." I urge. "Best not to take too long."

We head to one of the open chunin and hand over our paperwork.

"Here." I hand over mine, Sasuke and Sakura follow suit.

"You get numbers 17, 46 and 32." She shoos us away.

"Well. Team, this is it. Best of luck." We separate and go to our seats.

I'm number 17. Then my worst nightmare happens. The Kusa kunoichi sits down on my left. I freeze. This is Orochimaru. He's not even a meter away from me. Oh Kami what do I do?

"Hello there. What's your name, child?" She's talking to me. Calm down. Deep breaths, you won't be attacked here.

"Alvarcus Mar." I respond. Please leave me alone.

"A good name." She smiles to herself. "I can't help but notice that you seem extremely young. How old are you?" Oh Kami, she wants to know how old I am. Is that even a she? Until Orochimaru sheds that skin, it's a she.

"Twelve." Just stop talking. Please.

"Then this is your first time taking the Chunin Exams?" Why do you care? Do you find it funny to scare innocent (okay, I'm far from innocent) little gennin?

"Yes." GO AWAY DAMMIT!

"I have been through once before. If you require assistance... I will provide it. For a price."

Did Orochimaru just offer to help me? Am I crazy? Did the stress finally pop an important blood vessel in my brain?

"Thank you, but I will have to decline. I can stand on my own."

She grins maliciously. "Wonderful. It will be amusing to watch you struggle through this."

Another person sits to my right. I ignore them. There is no way they are as threatening as Orochimaru of the Sannin.

"I will not struggle. This will be easy." Oh sweet merciful Kami, I need to shut up. If I don't reply maybe she'll quit talking.

"So you say. Just know, my offer stands. Assistance, for a price."

I remain quiet. Eventually everyone sits down, and Ibiki explains the rules of the test.

It is exactly like cannon. Something went right, finally something went right. I've been thinking of strategies to use all week. I can pass this no problem!

"Begin!" Ibiki barks out.

Instantly, the person to my right starts writing away. I finally take stock of my other neighbor. Kunoichi, dark hair, leaf headband. Confidently writing out every answer to the test. Could she be a chunin plant? It's not even been 5 minutes and she is on question 4 of 9 already.

She is. She's a plant. I'm sitting next to Orochimaru and a chunin plant. Talk about some crazy odds. Now that I think about it though, I don't doubt that Orochimaru is sitting exactly where she wants to. She has the skill to pull something like that off without relying on chance. So I got a lucky seat next to a chunin plant. Yay.

At 20 minutes in, the plant finishes with her test. She places her pencil down, leaves her test facing upwards, and leans back in her chair. Confirmed, chunin plant. No one else would purposefully stay that wide open.

I need a plan. I want to switch my test for hers, but I need to not get caught. Over the last 20 minutes I have been filling in the blanks with jargon, random sentences and obviously wrong math. To switch the test I need a distraction. Once I have everyone distracted, I'll make the switch. I'll probably use my chakra strings for that. Just spawn some out the back and have them move both of our papers. Easy, I've done harder tricks with strings since before the Land of Waves.

But what do I do for a distraction? It needs to be something eye catching, yet something I can get away with. I glance at all of the proctors. No Hyuugas. That means my chakra strings should be undetectable. I can work with that. Now, what to do? Knock someone off their chair? Funny, but not what I am looking for. I want to cause everyone to go 'oh shit' and not be able to look away. Oh, now there is an idea. There is a maliciously devious idea. And it might get Orochimaru kicked out of the exams.

I start my plan. First, I connect strings from my back to both my paper and the plant's paper. Orochimaru turns towards me, interested in my chakra usage. I didn't expect to fool her, but I can plan on the proctors not being up to a Sannin's sensing level. Then, I create another string. I arc it over all of the gennins heads, and attach it to Ibiki's forehead protector. The second it makes contact, I see him stiffen. I yank. _Hard._ His headband rips off his head and flies straight onto the desk of a Grass shinobi.

That's right, I just framed a Grass shinobi for trying to steal the proctors headband.

There is a collective gasp from the entire room, chunin proctors included. I ignore it and quickly switch my paper with the plant next to me. Success.

Orochimaru chuckles and whispers, "Well done, child. Even I would never have thought to do that."

"WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID THAT YOU ARE DEAD! I DON'T CARE WHAT VILLAGE YOU ARE FROM I'M SKINNING YOU ALIVE! YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE VILLAGES MOST EXTREME TORTURE METHODS! YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARDS! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Holy fuck I forgot about his scars. Fuck fuck fuck I am the worlds biggest asshole. I deserve everything he wants to dish out and more. Even if he was going to show us at the end of the test, having someone else reveal them to the world is never approved. It was even taught in the Academy, never make fun of a shinobi's scars.

That rule exists for a good reason. One, the shinobi is going to freak out exactly like Ibiki is doing. Two, the shinobi got wounded so badly that they became horribly scarred _and then killed the person who did it to them._ That means they lived through getting that wound. And Ibiki's scars... are horrendous.

Ibiki stomps over to the Grass shinobi, who is currently shaking in pure terror. "You're lucky. No one would be stupid enough to steal my headband for themselves. You get to stay."

You can see the relief flow through the Grass shinobi. Poor guy. If I ever see him again I'll help him out. It is the least I can do.

"What the hell are you looking at?! You've got a test going on!" As a collective all the gennin think 'oh he's right' and the sound of pencils scratching on paper fill the room.

Orochimaru chuckles in amusement. I look over at her and see that her paper is blank. What? Surely a Sannin would ace this test, no problem. So why is the paper blank?

I slide my stolen test over to the left side of my desk, face up. "Assistance, for a price."

Orochimaru quivers in... some weird emotion. I have no idea how she reacted. I can only hope it is for the better.

"Interesting... I accept." Orochimaru picks up her pencil and copies the answers down. Either I just signed my death warrant by implying that she needs help, or I became enough of a mystery for Orochimaru to spare me when she attacks in the second exam.

"Five minutes left." Ibiki calls out. You can feel the tension fill the room.

"Time! Pencils down, turn your test over." Everyone does as told. "The tenth question. Before I tell you the tenth and final question, there are some rules you need to know about." Ibiki grins, "These rules are for the tenth question only. Listen carefully." Another dramatic pause. "Each of you is given the right to chose to not be given the final question."

Murmurs of 'what?' 'really?' spread around the room.

"It's your decision. If you choose to not take the tenth question, you'll fail. And that means both your teammates fail as well."

"Well then we'll take the question!" Some random person shouts out.

"Let me finish." Ibiki grins sadistically, "If you choose to take the tenth question and answer it incorrectly, you will fail and be barred from the Chunin Exams forever!"

Courses of "You can't do that!" pop up around the room.

"Yes I can! I'm the proctor for this exam, and it is done my way. All Kage's agree to it when they sent you to this village! So deal with it."

That shut everyone up.

A minute passes in silence. Finally, the kunoichi to my right raises her hand. "I'm sorry! I just can't stay a gennin forever!"

"Fail!" Ibiki yells. "Get your teammates and leave the room."

Like a broken dam, teams drop out left and right. I look around the suddenly sparse room. Sasuke looks confident. No worries there. But Sakura? Sakura is shaking. Trembling with fear. Slowly, with disbelief on my face, I watch her raise her hand. She opens her mouth. Where's Naruto's speech? Where is it? Is he going to speak up? Can I trust him to? Did training with Jiraya change him that much? I can't wait.

"Sakura!" I shoot out of my chair. The whole room looks at me. "Put. Your. Hand. Down."

She looks torn. "But if we fail-"

"I don't care." She looks surprised, she must be wondering what drugs I'm on.

"We'll be gennin forever!"

"So what?" She blanches. "Gennin is just a title. It doesn't truly represent your skill. Say we fail, and we get stuck as gennin. Do you really think that I will stop improving myself? Do you not remember my dream? Sakura. Remind me. What is my dream?"

Sakura whispers out, "You want to be a S-rank shinobi." I _feel_ Orochimaru's happiness. Oh Kami that is gross.

"That's right. If we get stuck as gennin, well fine! I'll be the only S-ranked gennin to ever exist!" Orochimaru is brimming with joy. I have no idea why, all I know is that it is a bad thing. A very bad thing, but I can't stop now. "Besides, do you really think that the other Kages would let Ibiki limit their shinobi? How would he enforce that? He is scary as all hell but there is no way all the Kages will bow to his will."

"Sit down punk. This ain't speech time." Yes it is, you waited until I was finished to tell me to stop.

"Whatever. I said what I wanted to." I plop down into my chair.

Orochimaru turns to me with the most disturbing smile on her face. "That was a rousing speech, child. I expect great things from one with such a dream."

Flags pop up in my mind. Something is wrong. This is not how she should be reacting.

"Do you really think Konoha will give you the power - the strength - necessary to achieve your dream?"

She's giving me a recruitment speech. Orochimaru is recruiting me. What is going on? Isn't she supposed to be interested in Sasuke? She wants the Sharingan for herself! Oh, that makes sense. She doesn't want Sasuke, she wants the Sharingan. The only reason she wants Sasuke is to get his eyes. Yet she is recruiting me, not because she wants to play body hopscotch with me, but because she genuinely wants me to be a Sound shinobi. How... concerning. That's bad. That is very bad. I don't want Orochimaru to take an interest in me!

"Have you heard of the shinobi Konoha churns out? All of the Hokages for starters. Then there is the Sannin. Jiraya. Tsunade."

A faint sense of utter doom starts wafting off Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru."

The feeling of doom vanishes. She looks shocked.

"Surprised I brought up Orochimaru?" I say to... Orochimaru. Wow this conversation just got weird. "Yeah, I've gotta give the guy credit even if he went rouge. Orochimaru is freakishly strong. There are very few nin today that can stand on even ground with him, but even that is not enough. He's smart. He makes sure that everything possible is to his advantage. His best weapon is his mind, and his mind is among the best. When I say I want to be an S-rank shinobi, he is one of the shinobi I compare myself to. I ask, can I fight that? Right now the answer is: hell no! Run away screaming and maybe you can breath tomorrow. I can't deny that he is strong." Here is where it gets tricky. "But I can't say I approve of _how_ he got strong."

"Care to elaborate? This conversation has been very enlightening." I hope so, I don't want you to kill me later.

"He was driven away from Konoha for doing illegal experiments on humans. He has forsaken all ties to his village, his home." Orochimaru tilts her head in question, I elaborate "He can never come back. I couldn't imagine that. Surely even Orochimaru had friends here, family maybe. Even his sensei." I thought for sure she would react to that, but Orochimaru is too good once she has her guard raised. "Just think, if he stayed here, he could be the Hokage right now." Take the bait, ask me how. Take it!

"How would that have happened?"

"The Fourth died."

"And? Orochimaru was passed over, and the Fourth was elected instead. He wasn't up for consideration. By the time the Fourth died he was long gone from the village."

"Correct, but imagine if he stayed. He was the second choice for the Hokage. If he stayed, the Third might not have come out of retirement and trusted the village to his student."

Orochimaru doesn't react. "It's an interesting viewpoint, and one I have never considered before."

"See? That is what makes him so dangerous. He thinks of things no one else would have. That is why I say he is a great shinobi."

"You think Orochimaru is a great shinobi? Many in this village would think otherwise."

"You can't deny his achievements. It's even rumored that he formed his own village. The guy has balls, at the very least."

"You seem rather well informed." Shit. I said too much. A lowly gennin like me shouldn't know who runs Otogakure.

"Well, I assume he has balls. Maybe he lost them on a mission?" Killing intent spikes like crazy.

"Kidding! I'm kidding, jeez, for a chick you take ball jokes really poorly." Holy fuck I just made a ball joke about Orochimaru to Orochimaru's face!

"YOU ALL PASS THE FIRST TEST!" Oh thank you Ibiki! I'm getting that man a gift basket of torture tools. "Now for the second test you-"

CRASH

Something flies through the window, hits the floor, rolls a bit and throws four kunai into the ceiling and floor to display a banner.

"The world's sexiest kunoichi, Anko Mitarashi." I read out. "That is incredibly -" Anko stands up "-accurate. Completely 100% true. I support this." I hear a couple snickers and muffled laughs at my expense.

Anko turns towards me, "Aw, thanks cu-" She stops mid sentence. Her eyes bore into mine. Silence continues for a long time.

I clear my throat. "Ahem. I know I said you're hot and all, but lady I am twelve. This is just getting weird."

Anko snaps out of her daze. "Sorry squirt. You look exactly like..." She trails off. "Never mind."

Strange, I wonder who she thought of.

"I'm Anko Mitarashi, special jonin of Konoha and your proctor for the second exam!" She turns to Ibiki, "Dude, aren't you supposed to get teams to quit? There's a boatload here!"

Ibiki snorts. "Blame the kiddie you made doe eyes at. He talked most of them out of quitting." Great. I pulled a Naruto.

"I am not sorry." I blurt out. Orochimaru chuckles to herself. I shudder. That noise should never be made again.

"Moving on! Like I said, I'm Anko Mitarashi, second exam proctor. First thing is first, we need to go to training ground 44! Follow me!" She dives out the window.

"Huh. That happened. Sasuke, Sakura! Let's move!" I dive out the window too with Sasuke and Sakura right behind me.


	14. Chapter 14

"This here," Anko gestures at the giant fenced in forest, "is the Forest of Death. The second stage of the Chunin Exams."

"Why is it called the Forest of Death?" Someone asks.

"Glad you asked random gennin number 24! It's called that because it's a forest, and people die in it."

"Pfft! I'm not afraid of a forest!" Naruto shouts out.

A kunai whips past his face, lightly scratching him. Anko appears behind him and drapes herself over him.

"Ooh, a tough guy. Your type makes the loudest screams when they die." Naruto pales. "I can't wait!" Suddenly Anko whirls around to see female Orochimaru holding her kunai.

With her tongue.

"Your kunai." Orochimaru moves her tongue to hand it over.

"Thank you, but if you value your life never try to sneak up on me again."

"I couldn't help myself. I just get so excited when I see blood." That quiets everyone, they're suddenly worried about crossing paths with the blood happy Grass kunoichi.

"Ew. Gross." My voice breaks the silence. "Who knows where those kunai's have been and she put her tongue on it. Disgusting."

"Moving on!" Anko yells. "This is how the second exam is going to work. Each team will get a scroll. Either heaven or earth. You'll have 5 days to get to the center of the Forest of Death and enter the tower. To get in you'll need both scrolls, so you'll have to confront other teams! Yay! Oh, also nothing is off limits so we need you to sign these forms. They're saying we aren't held responsible if you die." Anko passes out the forms. "When I call your team name, enter this booth. You'll hand in your forms and take a scroll."

"Sasuke. Observe the booth."

"Hn."

"Sakura. You watch the shinobi that have come out of the booth. See if you can spot a scroll."

"What are you going to do?" Sakura asks me.

"Me? I'm going to get a plan together, and maybe steal a scroll or two. Depends really."

I desperately need a plan. I have two main goals, survive and get a scroll. Survive first. Well, there really is no way I can affect whether Orochimaru shows up or not. No point in trying to plan around that. That will have to be done spur of the moment.

Second goal is doable though. Get a scroll? Easy. My team is going to be fine, we just need to know which teams have which scroll. Sasuke and Sakura might narrow down our search. Other options to get scrolls: steal one from the booth. Possible, but needs refinement once I enter the booth. I can work with that. If I can I'll grab one scroll each, then I will look like the person who made them counted one short. Easy. Maybe. We will find out.

"Konoha Team 7!" Here we go.

"Sasuke, Sakura, I have an idea. But I need the least amount of attention on me as possible."

"We can work with that!" Sakura assures me. Sasuke nods in agreement.

We enter the booth. There's a table with a stack of papers on one side, and a white scroll pile and a blue scroll pile. Game time. I loosen the fasteners on my travel pack. I get strings on one of each scroll. Now we wait. There is only one chunin in the booth overseeing us. Sasuke walks right up to him and slams his form onto the table. The chunin reflexively twitches.

"I have some questions about the wording. Anything goes, does that include bloodline theft?" Whipping out the big guns, eh Sasuke?

It works, the chunin goes stark white. Chance! I move the scrolls into my pack. Easy. The poor chunin is floundering around, trying to assure the last Uchiha that the form is not meant to promote bloodline theft. After letting him sweat a few more seconds, Sasuke backs off.

"Fine. Just give us a damn scroll already." The chunin hands Sasuke a heaven scroll. He puts it in his pack. We exit the booth.

"Success." Sasuke and Sakura grin. "That was really mean Sasuke. I approve."

We wait for the other groups to get their scrolls.

"Anko! We're 2 scrolls short! We need another heaven and earth scroll."

"What the hell dipshit? You made them, can't you count?"

"I... well... I must have been given the wrong numbers!" Smooth. Blame someone else.

"Fine! New Rule: the last two teams to go into the booth don't get a scroll because they were lazy."

"But that doesn't make sense. You called us off a list!" One of the shinobi who didn't get a scroll shouts.

"Don't care! Now, each team will enter through their own gate, as displayed by this map here. You have one hour to get to your gate. Wait there and listen for the bell, once you hear the bell the gate will open and the second exam will start!" We find our spot on the map and head to our gate.

Once we are alone I inform Sasuke and Sakura "I have both scrolls in my pack."

"I knew it! You're the reason they were two short!"

"Yep! It was easier than fighting a team. Now we can haul ass to the tower."

"I wanted to fight someone. This seems to easy, like we are cheating."

"Please Sasuke, we are shinobi. We don't do fair play. If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying!"

"This is why I won't play cards with you." Sasuke bluntly states.

"That is a horrible motto to live by Alvarcus."

"Well who asked you Sakura?"

"Don't start arguing now. I don't want to deal with that." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sasuke the peacekeeper.

DING DONG

The gate opens.

I turn to my team, "Well, here goes nothing." We enter the forest.

* * *

We decide to head straight to the tower. It makes the most sense. Besides, we could end up dodging Orochimaru. Everything could work out in our favor. We might even set a record time at this pace!

"Contact left!" Sakura shouts.

The forest is being ripped to shreds by a wind jutsu. _Orochimaru_. We didn't escape him.

Reacting on instinct, I attach strings to the ground. The raging wind slams into me but I don't budge. I can't say the same for Sasuke and Sakura, they are blown a ways behind me, still in line of sight if I turn around. I can't do that though, because that would kill me. Orochimaru is standing on a tree, not 20 meters away from me. She's idly spinning a kunai on a finger.

We are so dead.

"Hello again, Alvarcus. I'd like to play with you, but I don't have the time. You see, I came for your teammate."

"You want Sasuke?"

"Yes."

"You'll have to go through me."

"I can arrange that." Orochimaru lazily licks her kunai.

"I don't suppose I could cash in on that debt you owe me and get you to leave us alone?" I know it is a shot in the dark, but maybe she'll agree.

"Hmm... it'll buy you 30 seconds. Interested still? It's not everyday I owe someone a favor. This would be a waste."

"I'll let you know what 30 seconds I want. Deal?" I ask. Thirty seconds is better than nothing.

"Kukukuku, very cunning. Saving the time for later when you might need it." Orochimaru grins. "I accept. Shout pause when you want your time to start."

"Thank you. This is where I run for my life. If you'll pardon the cursing, it is a habit."

"Go ahead, it makes the game all the more enjoyable, child."

With the pleasantries taken care of, Orochimaru throws the kunai at my heart. I send it back at double the speed. The smug bastard catches it.

"What's this? Is this the rumored magnet release? Remarkable, I've never seen it used this way before."

She throws the kunai back at me, double the speed I sent it to her. I barely catch it in time, and double the return speed again. There's no way I can catch her next throw, not if she ups the speed again.

"Wonderful! Is that a version of an automatic defense? Oh! You've distracted me, we can play catch later. I need to find Sasuke." Orochimaru vanishes into leaves.

"Sasuke! Sakura! The only chance we have is to work as a team! Get your asses over here!"

They explode out of their hiding spots.

"Sasuke. You observed her. Share."

"Lithe body. Good for flexibility and contortions. Theory supported by the tongue jutsu we saw earlier. Most likely a mid to long range fighter, not suited to close combat. She would need a weapon to augment her abilities at close range. I recommend taijutsu."

"Not yet. We don't know enough. We need more info. Defense for now. I'll handle projectiles. Sasuke if she engages mid or close range fireball her. Sakura, support us. I need you to watch out for jutsu targeted at us, especially genjutsu. Sasuke and I will be busy with our tasks. Can you do it?"

"Y-yes!" Sakura sounds terrified. I wonder how I am staying so calm. They don't even know what level of threat this is, I do. We can't win, we can only hope to survive.

"It's a good plan," Orochimaru calls out, "but what happens if I do this?"

Smoke fills the area. She summoned two giant snakes.

"Well fuck me. Sasuke take the brown! I'll delay the green, I can't kill it alone. Sakura back Sasuke up! When you two are done, come save me."

We split up, which is probably a bad idea. At least Sasuke has Sakura with him.

"Alright. Giant snake. Time to get your attention."

I draw a kunai out of my pack. I start swinging it around my body with a chakra string. Faster and faster it spins, I'm letting the centripetal force climb higher and higher. Once the kunai becomes a blur, I release it. It flies true and punches straight through the snake's left eye. Half blind it reels in pain, thrashing around the forest. I draw another kunai and start winding up. I let it fly. I missed, the kunai bounces harmlessly off the snake's skin.

The snake turns towards me.

"Oh shit. This plan of Alvarcus being the snake bait sounded much better in my head."

The snake lunges, intent on eating me whole. I shoot chakra strings out of my back and latch them onto a nearby tree. I pull myself to safety.

"That was way too close." Using the same method I start yanking myself around the forest, dodging and doing crazy stunts to stay out of the massive snake's jaws. Half the time I don't even touch the ground. I change direction mid air, almost like I am flying. Kakashi is getting a fruit basket if I survive, this is a damn good idea.

The snake hisses at me, opening its maw wide.

A fireball of epic size launches down it's throat roasting it from the inside. It makes an ungodly sound, and coils up dead.

"About damn time you got here. It almost had me 4 times! Even if I blinded it in an eye it followed me no problem!"

"That is because snakes use the sense of smell and taste to track their pray." Orochimaru informs us.

"Aw fuck, you're still around." Without taking my eyes off of her, I yell out, "Sasuke, Sakura! You hurt?"

"I'm fine. Sakura is pinned under a fallen log." Sasuke yells back.

"Get her out! I'll distract her."

"I must say, Alvarcus, you control over the magnet release is exceptional. How did you move yourself like that? Are you wearing metal gauntlets and greaves?" Oh thank Kami, if Orochimaru wants to talk I don't have to keep her occupied with combat. I'd much rather talk then get my ass kicked.

"Give me another 30 second pause and I'll tell you." I barter with her.

"I accept. You can now say pause twice."

"I'm not wearing any metal."

Orochimaru tilts her head in thought. "Then how did you do it child?"

"Ah the question that will keep me alive. Don't you wish you knew?" If I have value in her eyes, she might not kill me. It's a flimsy idea at best.

"Oh, believe me, I have no intention of killing you. What a waste that would be!"

"Well that's great to know! Then I can go on the offensive!" I start using my strings to hurl anything, everything at the snake Sannin.

"I don't understand! The magnet release only effects one metal! Yours is clearly iron, so how are you throwing around stones and wood?"

"Stay! Still! Dammit!" I must have thrown hundreds of things at her, nothing connected.

"ENOUGH!" Orochimaru spikes her killing intent. I freeze. I loose control of my chakra strings, everything they were holding falls to the ground. "I've had enough of these games! _Tell me what I want to know!"_

It takes all of my willpower to utter one word. Shakily, I crack open my dried lips, I croak out pathetically, "Pause."

"You have 30 seconds." The killing intent vanishes. I jump back to Sasuke and Sakura. Sasuke finally got her out.

"We are so fucked." I state. They don't respond, they know it too. "Sasuke. I want your biggest, hottest fireball ready on a moments notice. You'll have one chance. That's all I can promise."

"I won't miss."

"You better not. We could die if you do."

"Time is up." Orochimaru leisurely walks towards us. "Surely you must realize how out of your league you are? Let me take what I want. I'll even spare your lives."

"NOW!" I shoot my strings at Orochimaru. Four per limb, 16 on her torso, and 2 on her head. I lock her in place for a fraction of a second. Just to make it overkill, I set my strings on fire. I feel my chakra supply plummet and I fall into a knee. I used almost all of my chakra pulling that stunt, I forced myself into chakra exhaustion. This fight is over for me, I'll be useless now. I hope it was enough.

Sasuke's fireball flies true, it hits Orochimaru smack in the chest. The smell of burnt flesh stinks up the air.

"Did we get her?" Sasuke asks.

"Kukukuku," A male voice says, "You burned away my disguise. How unfortunate." There he is, Orochimaru in his natural form.

I hear a sharp intake of breath behind me from Sakura.

"Alvarcus, he looks exactly like you."

I focus on Orochimaru more, taking in his body style, his hair, his yellow - oh my Kami.

I freeze. My brain shuts down. No. Not this.

"She's right. You do look like him. Freakishly like him." Sasuke adds.

Anything but this. I refuse to accept this. He can't be the one my parents talk about, the one they whisper in fear about.

"Alvarcus?" Sakura calls to me.

He is not my fath-

"ALVARCUS!" Sasuke smacks the back of my head.

"What the hell man? That freaking hurt!" I'm thankful he did that, I can think clearly now.

"Do you know him?" Sasuke demands.

"Kukukuku, I know him. I haven't seen him in 13 years, and even then he was just a fetus." Orochimaru lazily leans against a tree. He wants to talk about his.

"Oh fuck no you didn't. Tell me you didn't. Please, not that. You're not my father!"

Orochimaru just grins and takes a mock bow. "I am, just not in the traditional sense."

"Explain. _NOW!"_ I demand. I have to have this answered.

"I will. For a price." I think I hate this man.

"Manipulative bastard. Name it." I growl out.

"It's twofold, tell me how your magnet release works on so many unique forms of matter and let me do with Sasuke what I will." That seals it, I hate this man.

Sasuke inhales sharply at Orochimaru's words.

"No deal. Only the first. I won't abandon him." I will not allow Orochimaru to place the curse seal on my friend.

"Hmm... Acceptable. Now tell me! I simply must know! This could be revolutionary! Flying, control over all those substances! Imagine the possibilities! I could make you great! Tell me!" Orochimaru is practically frothing at the mouth.

I coolly regard the excited Snake Sannin. I'm about to tell him my greatest strength. "I don't have the magnet release. Everything you have seen me do has been chakra strings."

Orochimaru considers my answer for a long time.

"It all makes sense!" His face lights up in victory, like he solved a puzzle. "Most puppet masters are limited by their 10 fingers, you've found a way around that! Outstanding! How did you do it?"

"No. Not part of the deal. Hold up your end of the bargain." I demand. I have to know.

"I did give my word, very well. You, a 3 week old fetus, were an experiment that I thought had failed. You see, 13 years ago I acquired the second Hokage's forbidden technique -"

"Edo Tensi." I cut in.

"You know of it! Wonderful! You, you were my test. I could sacrifice grown humans, but could I sacrifice a fetus? Could I use a pregnant woman and get two sacrifices out of one person! It failed, or should I say it didn't do what I expected. In my studies I found that the Edo Tensi eradicates the soul of the sacrifice to make room for the soul from the Underworld."

No. No, this is a dream. A really bad dream.

"That's right, I pulled you out of the Underworld, completely on accident. I had no idea until you walked into the exam room. The spitting image of myself stared at me. I didn't know how it was possible! So I made sure to sit next to you during the first exam, and I gathered information. I had suspicions, but I wasn't convinced until you told me your name. _Mar._ The family name of one Namika Mar, the woman whose fetus I destroyed. You see, when I flooded you with my chakra, I must have left an imprint. It's why we look so similar. It's why you are so brilliant! You take after me!" Orochimaru spreads his arms wide in a grand gesture. "Chakra strings! Not even Sasori could do the things you do!"

"So it is true then. You're not my father, you are my creator."

"Yes, and what an amazing creation you are. You see, how much knowledge you must have of the past. Forgotten jutsu, locations of ancient civilizations! We could uncover it all together! Join me, Alvarcus!"

"No. You're crazy. I will never join you."

"I can help you achieve your dream. S-rank, you said it yourself, I am a great shinobi. You can not deny that."

"My answer is the same. I will not go with you."

"So, you choose death?" Orochimaru gets deadly serious. I know this is a real threat.

With a great effort I rise to my feet. If this is the end I will not die on my knees.

"If it is either one or the other, I'll choose death. It's not that bad of an experience." I should know, I've been through it before.

Orochimaru's face contorts in fury. "So be it."

The next thing I know, I am pinned to a tree with Orochimaru's hand on my throat.

"Since you succeeded where I thought I failed, we will see if you can do it again. Deep down I am more than just a man, more than a shinobi. I am a scientist! And today, you get to be my test subject."

Not good. I start flailing around, trying to loosen his grip on my neck. Nothing works, in my exhausted state I can't do anything to escape. His grip is absolute.

Orochimaru reaches into his robes and pulls out a glass vial with... a black thread inside it?

"What I am holding here is Takigakure's most forbidden technique: The Jiongu. Earth Grudge Fear, bought off of it's last and only user. But it is so much more than that now, I improved it. I made it better, I gave it a mind. I gave it _sentience_!"

Pain. All I feel is pain. I look down. Orochimaru is elbow deep into my gut. I hear Sasuke and Sakura call out to me, but most importantly I hear glass break. Orochimaru withdraws his hand. It is painted red with my blood.

What did he do to me?

"This will be very painful. The Jiongu I acquired was symbiotic with its host, they worked together. The black threads enhanced the organs, covered them protectively. This one, the one currently in your gut, is parasitic. It will feast on your organs and replace them with itself. It will be most interesting to see the results, the only organs that will be spared are the heart and your skin. Everything else, muscle, bone, stomach, liver, kidneys, eyes, and even your brain will be devoured and then recreated. No one has survived before, but you, I think you will. After all, this isn't your first body. Souls are not meant to body hop, I know from experience, yet yours is resilient. It adapted to the new body once, maybe it can do it again. Either way, I lose nothing. If you survive, you must tell me how it felt. This has never been done before, you understand. This is for science! You've already proven me wrong by passing an experiment when by all rights you were a failure. One more experiment shouldn't hurt. Oh, silly me, it will. It will be the most painful thing you will ever experience. I'll see you again, child of mine."

Orochimaru drops me to the forest floor. Pain. At first it is just from the fist sized hole in my gut. I vaguely recall Sakura and Sasuke crouching over me and saying something. Probably asking if I'm okay. I can't respond.

I feel something move in my gut. Something that shouldn't be there. I hear screaming, the sound of a dying animal. Is that me? I can't tell, the pain is too much. The Jiongu is eating my organs. It's spreading throughout my body, feasting on everything. I feel every moment. The pain never lessens, not even when I feel my spine give way to the ravenous monster inside me. The Jiongu is replicating what it eats, making me new organs and tissue to replace what it devoured. Finally it gets to my neck. I can hear whimpering, the sound of utter defeat. My eyes. It's eating my eyes. My vision goes dark. The last thing the Jiongu eats is my brain. I hope for death. I pray for death. Anything is better than this agony. Eventually the pain became too much, or the Jiongu ate something important in my head, because I am rewarded with blissful darkness.

 _~Finally, I have found a host.~_


	15. Chapter 15

I wake up to the strangest sound.

"Sasuke, please, this isn't you. Please stop!" Why is Sakura begging Sasuke to stop? What's going on?

I crack open my eyes, and wince. The light hurts. Everything is so bright. Instantly the pain goes away and everything comes into focus. I'm in a hollowed out tree.

I'll figure it out why later, me team needs me. Something is wrong, Sakura wouldn't sound this stressed unless she is facing true danger.

I burst out of the tree to see Sasuke holding one of the Sound nin by his arms and his leg on his back. The sound nin are attacking my team. I need to help. I need to save them, I need to protect them.

~Y _ou need to kill them.~_

I need to kill them to protect my team!

 _~Yes, use me! Let me free!~_

I lash out with my chakra strings at all three Sound nin. I will protect my team!

I hear a scream. Sakura. Sakura is screaming. Why?

"Alvarcus! Stop! You're going to kill them!" She shouts at me.

I'm going to kill who? I look at the Sound nin. What I see is the things of nightmares. My precious chakra strings, usually invisible, are black. And they aren't doing what I told them to. They coil around each Sound nin, and then do the unthinkable.

They dig into their flesh. Screams of pain and fear fill the air. The sound nin are being ripped to pieces.

"No!" I yell. "Stop! Stop! No! NO! I said STOP! I can't stop, it's not me! It's not me!" The threads dig into all three sound nin's chests. Blood flies everywhere covering the clearing, staining the once green forest red.

The threads rip out their hearts. All three of them. Slowly, the threads start to retract inside me.

"Someone stop it! Someone help me! What do I do! HELP ME!"

No one comes to my aid. The threads take the Sound gennin's hearts to my back. They each rip into my skin, creating long gashes. I scream. I'm not the only one who does. The threads shove the hearts into me, and then shiver in ecstasy. I feel it throughout my whole body.

I fall to my knees in defeat.

~ _Wonderful.~_

"Alvarcus? Are you okay now?" Sakura tentatively asks.

I bury my face in my hands and start crying. Loud wailing sobs, I hold nothing back.

"There is something wrong with his body. He doesn't have a chakra system, chakra is flowing freely thorough him." A voice I don't know says. "I can see organs, but there is something wrong with them. I don't know how to describe it. It's like all of his major organs are made of threads. And the three new hearts are still there. Their purpose is unknown, but the threads are doing something with them."

"I'm a monster." I blurt out. "I'm a monster. He made me into a _monster_."

"No you are not." Sakura tries to comfort me from a distance. Her words are a hollow comfort, she's to scared to get close.

"How can you be so sure?" I look up at her, only to see her take a step away from me.

"Oh my Kami your eyes. What happened to your eyes?" I shove my face back into my hands.

Sasuke barges over, he's the only one willing to come within five meters of me.

"Alvarcus."

I don't respond.

Softer he says, "Alvarcus, let me see. That bastard did something to me too. When I woke up I wasn't myself."

I slowly tilt my head upwards, firmly keeping my eyes closed.

"Alvarcus. Open your eyes."

I do. Sasuke is right there, only an arms distance away. I watch him carefully. He doesn't react.

"Nothing a pair of sunglasses won't fix." He stands up, and offers me his hand. "Get up. We only have half a day to get to the tower now."

I was out for four days?

"The scrolls?" I ask.

"I have them. Both of them. I gave team Gai the extra heaven scroll as payment for an escort to the tower." Sakura tells us. Smart girl.

"Okay. Who is team Gai? Them?" I turn to the three semi unknown people here.

"We are. I am Neji Hyuuga. This is Rock Lee and Tenten."

"Alright. It's best if no one gets too close to me for now. I don't know what that was, but I couldn't control it." I tell everyone.

"Good idea. Let's get moving." Neji says and we head out to the tower.

At the Tower

"Open both scrolls." I tell the arguing teams. "That is what we are supposed to do."

Sakura huffs, with a mumbled "I knew I was right." She opens both scrolls. Iruka pops out.

"Congratulations on passing the second phase of the Chunin Exams! You two teams cut it pretty close."

"We had a rough time of it." I say while staring at the floor. I don't want him to see my eyes.

"So I heard. We are gathering the contestants in the lobby area now, so lets get there. After a preliminary round you all can get medical attention." Iruka noticed how beat up we look.

We follow Iruka to the lobby. All of the gennin are standing around on the floor, all of the jonin are up on balconies. Timidly, I approach Shino.

"Hey Shino?" He turns to me. "This might seem a bit weird, but do you have any spare sunglasses I can borrow?"

"Why do you need them?"

They would find out eventually. These are my friends, I can trust them. Mustering my courage, I look Shino in the eye. I hear Team 8 gasp. I know that it has to be terrifying. I haven't even seen my own eyes yet, I can only imagine.

"Here." Shino reaches into one of his pockets and pulls out a pair of sunglasses.

"Thanks. I owe you one." Shino nods.

As I walk back to my team I hear Hinata whisper, "His whole body is that way now."

I wince. By the end of the day everyone will know that something is wrong with me.

Anko drops down onto the lobby floor, and starts talking about something. I tune her out, it's unimportant. Eventually, the Hokage takes over talking. I barely notice, I'm off in my own world wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I have the Jiongu now. That one thought keeps going through my head. I have the Jiongu now.

"Sasuke Uchiha and Yoroi Akado please stay on the floor. If everyone else will go to the balconies?" A man asks. My brain vaguely supplies Gekko Hayate as his name. Mechanically I make my way to Kakashi with Sakura.

"You've had a trying week." Kakashi says.

"You have no fucking idea how right that is."

Kakashi pins me with a glare. "Alright, you deserve that one. That's all you get."

I nod in acceptance. It isn't everyday Kakashi let's me get away with cursing.

"Kakashi-sensei?" I meekly ask.

"Hm?"

"I know this is a long shot. Can you help me?" Please have something. Anything, I'll take even the slimmest of chances to fix this.

"Kid, I can't even help Sasuke and all he as is one cursed seal. I have no idea how to even start helping you." I didn't expect much, but this is literally nothing. "I don't even know what Orochimaru did to you."

That makes me feel even worse. How little is known about the Jiongu? There can't be much, the only user is Kakuzu and he is super old by shinobi standards.

"Winner! Sasuke Uchiha!"

"That's my cue. I need to get that cursed seal contained. I'll be back in time for your match."

I lose myself in thought again. What if it is irreversible? My organs are gone. Only Tsunade would even attempt to help me. That is a good idea, I should go see Tsunade. Maybe she'll know a technique to help me.

"Winner! Shino Aburame!" I missed Shino's fight? I watch the medics cart off red Naruto minion. So if the minion is here that means Naruto passed too. Good for him.

I have the Jiongu. Orochimaru gave me the Jiongu. That thought keeps circling around in my head. Can I control it like Kakuzu? Orochimaru said that this one is different from his, but he implied the unaltered version came from him.

"Winner! Kankuro of the Desert!" Huh? I missed another match.

"Next up, Sakura Haruno vs Ino Yamanaka!"

"Wish me luck Alvarcus!" Sakura says with a fire in her eyes.

"Good luck Sakura. I believe in you." Sakura heads down to the combat area. I snap myself out of my funk. I need to support Sakura. The Jiongu isn't going anywhere.

"Yo. What did I miss?" Kakashi asks.

"I don't know. I wasn't watching, my mind was elsewhere. Sakura is going to fight now."

"You're really out of it, aren't you?"

"Do you remember the agony you felt when you lost your eye?" Kakashi tenses. That is a sore subject. I don't care. "Imagine that, but everything. Slowly. Over the course of many hours."

"When you say everything..."

"All but my heart and skin." He flinches. Good. Understand my pain. "Even my brain."

At that all of the jonin in hearing range look at me in shock.

"You heard me." I don't elaborate. I am slightly bothered they are listening in on our conversation, but they would probably find out anyways.

"If you need someone to talk to I will listen." Kakashi offers. "I can't say I know what you are going through, but I am here for you."

"Thank you Kakashi-sensei."

"Double KO, no winner!" Huh, that actually happened. I'm surprised. "Next match: Temari of the Desert vs Tenten!"

"That's a bad match up for Tenten." I comment. Kakashi nods. We watch Tenten get beat in silence.

"Winner! Temari of the Desert! Next match, Shikamaru Nara vs Daki Oboro!" That's Naruto's other minion, the green one.

"Great this match will take forever." It did, Shikamaru won. He caught his opponent in his shadows and forced him to surrender. "Winner: Shikamaru Nara!"

"Next Match: Kiba Inuzuka vs Alvarcus Mar!" Wait what? This is supposed to be Naruto's fight. Fuck it, I can't bring myself to care.

"Be back soon Kakashi-sensei." I call over my shoulder.

"Alvarcus." Kakashi says to me. "Don't kill him."

"I'm still me, sensei. Whatever he did to me didn't change who I am, just what I am." I make my way to the combat area.

Kiba greets me with a feral grin, "You're going down buddy! Akamaru and I are going to kick some ass!"

In a monotone voice, I say "I recommend you surrender. I can't pull my punches right now. I could seriously end up hurting you." I pause. "Maybe even kill you." Can't say I didn't warn him.

"Pfft! You won't even be able to touch me!" He smacks his chest arrogantly.

"The last people I fought I ripped their hearts out on accident." Kiba stops his warm up stretches. "I can't guarantee your safety."

"Dude, we're shinobi." Kiba is undeterred. "Danger is the job description. Quit beating around the bush and let's fight already!"

"Contestants ready?" Hayate asks us.

"Hell yeah!" "Bark!" Kiba and Akamaru are revving to go.

Hell no I am not ready. "Yes."

"Begin!"

"Akamaru! Man beast clone!" Poof, there are two Kibas now. "I know I can't hold back on you! Dodge this! Fang over Fang!" A tornado of claws and teeth zoom towards me.

Please be chakra strings. Black threads -dammit- rip out of my back and plant themselves on a wall and pull me to safety.

"Again!" Another pass, I move myself out of the way again. "One more time! We almost got him!" Kiba and Akamaru zip straight at me.

"Will you surrender?" I ask. I'm not moving this time.

"Never! You'll have to actually fight me!"

"Fine, but it's not my fault if you die." The twisting tornadoes are almost upon me.

 _~Can we kill him?~_

"Not this one." I let my threads rip themselves out of my chest. My skin splits from left hip to my right shoulder. My shirt is ruined. I will the threads to catch the tornadoes that are Kiba and Akamaru, black threads clamp down on both of my opponents stopping them instantly. They don't have the drilling power to get through the Jiongu.

I doubt I could recreate the same feat if I used only chakra strings. The Jiongu is much more durable.

"Surrender." I order.

Kiba starts wiggling to try and get free. I squeeze tighter.

"Surrender or I break something." That just makes him struggle harder.

"Last chance, you made me go this far. Surrender or I break something _on Akamaru._ " I hear gasps from the crowd, and something infinitely more terrifying.

"Kukukuku." Orochimaru is here. He knows I survived.

Kiba stills and turns a glare on me. "That's low. That's real low."

"You're the one who isn't surrendering when he is clearly beat. The match is over. You have five seconds to surrender or I start squeezing. Five. Four. Three."

"Proctor I give!"

"Winner: Alvarcus Mar!"

Medics rush onto the combat area, they practically charge at me. "Come, lay down. You've lost a huge amount of blood. Your wounds aren't even bleeding, that's how little you have. I have no idea how you are alive let alone standing."

"Were you not informed?" He's only a chunin. Do they not know? Who does know? Even some of the jonin looked shocked at me earlier.

"Informed about what? You can tell me all about it once you lay down."

"I don't require medical attention. See to Kiba and Akamaru please." I wasn't kidding when I said I could seriously hurt them. I've only wielded the Jiongu once before, and I ended up stealing still beating hearts.

"Now listen here, I watched you rip your skin up to use those weird black thingies! You need medical attention now! Get on the stretcher!"

I rip my shredded shirt off.

"I don't require medical attention. The wounds have closed themselves." I'm not even lying, the Jiongu stitched me shut. I now have a massive scar on my chest that is being held closed by black stitches. On further examination there are some very unique stitched closed scars on my arms. I wonder what my back looks like? I had three hearts shoved into me after all. It can't be pretty. One week ago I could count my number of scars on one hand. Now my body is covered in them.

"So it would seem. I'm going to run a diagnostic jutsu anyways."

Stubborn medic. "Fine, when the results terrify you don't freak out."

The medic places his green glowing hands on my chest. "Impossible. That can't be right."

"What are the results?"

"Your organs are gone. Everything is gone, but you have 4 hearts. I must have done the jutsu wrong."

"Nope, that's right." The medic stares at me in disbelief. "I told you the results would terrify you. Now let me go." I take advantage of his shock to get past him. I snag a spar shirt out of my mission bad and I head back towards Kakashi.

"Medic troubles?" He asks.

"Yeah. Apparently I have too many hearts and not enough of everything else."

"Hmm... Interesting. You missed a fight by the way. Neji vs Hinata. Neji won, it was a tough match to watch." I wince. If it was anything like cannon, it was a brutal fight.

"Next match! Rock Lee vs Gaara of the Desert!" That fight happened exactly like cannon, Lee put up one hell of a fight. In the end Gaara managed to catch him and crush his legs. It was brutal.

Gaara looks up at me and asks me a question while Lee is being carried off by the medics.

"Are you afraid of me now?" A simple question.

"Gaara, go back to your family. I've put up with enough shit from you Sand Siblings. If you keep acting like this, we are not getting ice cream later."

Gaara does as told, which is mildly amusing. Temari and Kankuro have gobsmacked looks on their faces. I can't blame them, I am surprised he didn't try to kill me for that comment. Maybe he really wants that ice cream?

"Next match! Naruto Uzumaki VS Choji Akimichi! Begin." What happens next is a game of kickball played by Naruto shadow clones with Choji as the ball. Naruto won.

"Would all of the winners please report to the combat area. We will be drawing numbers to determine the order of the final tournament." Hayate wheezes out. All the victorious gennin make their way down to the floor. "Please, come take a number out of this box.

"Me first, me first!" Naruto rushes towards Hayate, reaches in the box, and pulls out "Number 1! Ha! Take that everyone else! I'm number 1!"

"Oh shut up Naruto. Getting number 1 just means you go first, not that you are the best." I say while walking past him to the box. I reach in. "Number 6." I go back to the group of gennin.

Shino walks up to it, "Number 9."

Neji goes next, "Number 2." That means he is fighting Naruto, just like in cannon.

Gaara approaches the box, "Number 4."

Temari takes her turn, "Number 7."

Kankuro follows after, "Number 5."

Shikamaru goes last, "Number 8."

"That leaves Sasuke Uchiha with number 3." Hayate announces.

That makes the match ups this:

Naruto vs Neji

Sasuke vs Gaara

Kankuro vs Alvarcus

Temari vs Shikamaru

Shino gets a by.

Kankuro. I will be fighting Kankuro. That promises to be an interesting match up. His puppetry vs my chakra strings. Or Jiongu now, I need to figure out if I even can use chakra strings anymore.

"I've had enough of these Sand Siblings! Proctor! I want to switch opponents!"

"No."

"Fine, asshole."

* * *

With the matches revealed, I decide it is time to go home. This is going to be horrifically bad. While distracted by my imminent fight with my parents, I fail to notice a Grass jonin approach me.

"You survived." My world shatters. That is Orochimaru's voice. He is right behind me. "To live through two experiments! How marvelous! Tell me, how did it feel?"

I turn to face him. "If you want to know so badly, I can stick some of the threads in you and you can find out for yourself."

"Testy, testy! You know, I still owe you a debt." He's right, I only used one pause during our fight in the forest. I don't see why that matters.

"I can teach you to control it." Orochimaru offers.

I consider his offer. That is tempting, he has a good point. Who else could teach me about the Jiongu? Kakuzu? Fat chance of that happening. Even if I did find him, he would kill me out of annoyance.

"You don't have to answer now. I am a patient man. Take this as a gesture of good faith, and a taste of what I could teach you." He holds out a scroll to me. "It is a jutsu scroll that has some basic information on the Jiongu and all of Kakuzu's most used techniques. He's the one I got the Jiongu from originally."

"No strings attached? No debt fulfillment? No favors owed?"

"None. A token of good will. A glimpse into the future perhaps?"

I accept the scroll from him. Orochimaru smiles victoriously.

"You'll come to me. Deep down you already know I am the best chance you have to achieve your dream. I can make you S-rank. You said it yourself, I am a great shinobi. I rank among the best. I will personally train you, all you have to do is accept my generous offer." He walks away. Over his shoulder he calls out to me, "We will meet again child. I will have you join me."

Can today get any worse?

With I huge sigh, I start walking home. I better get this over with. I only make it one block.

Suddenly I am surrounded by four masked ANBU.

"Alvarcus Mar. You are to come with us. The Hokage wishes to speak with you."

Great, now this is happening. "Right now?" One of the ANBU members nods. "What are we waiting for. Let's go." I'm whisked away in their shunshin. Kami that is an unpleasant feeling.

* * *

The Hokage's Office

"Alvarcus! I'm glad to see you haven't picked up your sensei's tardiness. If I summoned him I would have to wait at least three hours." The Hokage greets me with a warm grandfatherly smile.

"Hokage-sama, permission to speak freely?"

"Of course. Whatever you have to say I will listen." He graciously allows.

"Just get to the damn point. I don't want to play this game where we dance around each other for half an hour and then we finally get serious. I've had the worst weak in the history of bad weeks and I just want to go home and relax." Oh wait, I can't do that because my parents aren't talking to me anymore. Fantastic.

The Hokage chuckles. "Ah to be young again. No time for pleasantries, yet you have all the time in the world."

"Cut the crap. You want to know about Orochimaru and what he did in the forest." The Hokage nods. "I'm assuming you didn't get Sasuke in here because Jiraya is looking at his seal?" The Hokage drops the grandfatherly act and dons his real face.

This is the man that runs this village. This is the shinobi who has lived through wars. This is the Hokage. He is a force like no other, he is the most dangerous being I have ever seen.

"Very smart of you. How did you know he was in the village?" The Hokage demands.

"Naruto is here. I was there when Jiraya took him away from the Academy. No one saw him again until the Chunin Exams started. My guess was that Jiraya wanted to watch his new student compete, but since things went wrong during the exam and Sasuke has a new seal branded onto his skin you got Jiraya to stick around to look at it. If Jiraya jumped town already you would have called Sasuke in here, not me. He was conscious for longer anyways."

"Very good. You have a sharp mind. Tell me then, why didn't I call in Sakura?" The Hokage puffs on his pipe.

"She isn't a kunoichi yet. She hasn't made the jump, she is still too civilian. But she's close, very close. If the Chunin Exams and confronting Orochimaru didn't make her take the leap, then I have no idea what will. She can't handle talks like this, she'd crack out of pressure or leave something important out on accident. She might even omit information to protect Sasuke or me, believing she is doing the right thing." As an afterthought I add, "Or she is still unconscious from her fight."

"Just like Orochimaru. You both think in the same ways, like no other." The Hokage is comparing me to Orochimaru? "You even look like he did in his youth. Fair skin, black hair, and yellow eyes." I remove my sunglasses. I have to give the man some credit, he didn't even pause. "Forgive my oversight, I am sure that you still need time to adjust." I put them back on. "Now, tell me everything that you can about Orochimaru."

I do. I tell him from the point when the female Orochimaru approached me up to the point where he gave me the jutsu scroll. He never interrupts once. I leave nothing out. I even tell him that I was used in a failed Edo Tensi, but I don't mention Orochimaru wanting me for my knowledge of the past, or the fact that I'm not from this world. He just listens, unyielding, unreadable. I finish my story. The Hokage sits in silence for awhile.

"May I see the scroll that he gave you?"

I reach into my hip pouch and withdraw the scroll. I hand it over. The Hokage quickly scans it over the next few minutes, I wait patiently. If I don't get the scroll back it's not the end of the world. I don't really need to learn the jutsu Kakuzu uses or the basic information on the Jiongu.

"Take care of this scroll. It is not without thought that Orochimaru would give this to you." He hands the scroll back over to me.

I honestly didn't expect to get it back.

"The information on the Jiongu alone will aide you greatly." Ah, it must be common knowledge then. Or at least easily accessible. The Hokage wouldn't trust me with sensitive information.

"May I ask you a question, Alvarcus?" That is just the Hokage trying to be polite. He can order me to respond regardless of whether I want to or not.

"Go ahead."

"In your story, you said that Orochimaru is a great shinobi." I nod. I did. "You even said you compare yourself to him, as if you use him as a measuring stick. As if you look up to him. Do you?"

"I hate that man with my whole being. I want him to die violently for what he did to my team." I growl out.

The Hokage smiles. "You care that he put the curse seal on Sasuke more than that he gave you the Jiongu?"

I consider that question for a moment. I know what Sasuke could become. I know the horrors of the cursed seal. The Jiongu is tame compared to that. Well, at least Kakuzu's Jiongu was, I am not so sure about my Orochimaru variant.

"Yes. I do." The Hokage's smile gets wider. "I fear for Sasuke. Orochimaru wanted him for something specific. He came here for him, I was just a happy accident. If I was anyone else he probably would have killed me. He most likely spared me because his experiment went successfully. He can learn from me. I still have a use in his eyes."

The Hokage nods in agreement. "One last thing. The knowledge you have of the past."

I freeze. Shit, it makes sense he knows how the Edo Tensi works. He figured out this isn't my first life from my story.

"I'm making it an SS-class secret. Tell no one of it. Not your teammates, not Kakashi, not the next Hokage. Not even me. Never speak of it."

That... is not what I expected. I thought for sure I would be slammed into T&I to spill all of my secrets.

"The past is in the past. It is best left buried. You can go now." The Hokage waves at the door.

Both Orochimaru and the Hokage have implied that I know the past, lived it. Could this be my world, just far into the future?

I hesitate by the door. "Hokage-sama? Will you permit me a question?"

The Hokage looks up from his paperwork. "Yes. Go ahead and ask. I can't promise I can answer, but I will at least hear it."

"Is... is there any hope of me getting rid of the Jiongu? You're The Professor, the God of Shinobi. If anyone has even the faintest idea of a technique that might work it would be you. Please be honest. I need to know if I have to live like this for the rest of my life."

After careful consideration, the Hokage replies. "No. I know of no techniques that could reverse the effects. The only ones that even come to mind require human sacrifices, usually the users."

I thought so. "I will never sacrifice others for my gain. So there really is no hope. Thank you for your time, Hokage-sama." I go to leave the office. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a true smile on his face for the first time.

When I have one foot out the door he calls out to me. "Alvarcus, just because I don't know the solution does not mean there is no solution. Do not give up hope so easily, I can tell the Will of Fire burns brightly in you." He truly means every word. Why does he trust me so much? I wouldn't trust me at all. I exit the Hokage Tower.

It's time to face my parents.

* * *

Alvarcus's House

I stand outside the front door. Should I knock? I don't even feel welcome in my own house anymore. How pathetic.

I knock. Tou-san opens the door.

"Hello Alvarcus." He coldly greets me.

"Hello tou-san. Is kaa-san home? I need to tell you both some stuff."

"She's in the living room." We go inside nad sit down awkwardly in silence.

"I... uh... I don't know where to start. I've had something bad happen to me. Something terrible. Done by someone even worse."

My parents fall still. "Its true then. Orochimaru came back. He talked to you, didn't he?" Tou-san whispers.

I cringe. "He did more than talk. He gave me a 'gift.' He used me in an experiment."

"NO! Not you too!" Kaa-san shouts.

"Kaa-san, you know Orochimaru?" I know Orochimaru did something to me while I was a fetus, but do my parents know that? Did they allow Orochimaru to do it?

Namika pales, all of the color leaves her face. "Y-yes. Fujita and I are originally from the Land of Rice. It's been renamed the Land of Sound. He wouldn't let anyone leave. We had to submit to one of his _tests_ to get out of the country. So I did. All he did was run his hands over my stomach, and said 'Another failure. How disappointing.' I wouldn't know what he did until you were born. I didn't know I was with child! I didn't know he would imprint himself onto you! I am so sorry! Please, forgive us. We didn't know!"

"Is that why you didn't want me to become a shinobi? Because you thought I was Orochimaru reborn?" I have to know.

"No! Of course not!" I can see the lies in her eyes.

"You're lying. I can tell. You really think I'm like Orochimaru?" I stand up. "You think I am like _him?"_ I remove my shirt, displaying all of my new scars. "You think I would do this to another person!" I rip my sunglasses off my head, revealing my new eyes. I catch sight of myself in a mirror for the first time.

My eyes are solid black masses of threads. Always moving, always shifting. The familiar yellow is gone, replaced by this soulless black. My chest is ruined. Scars litter across it, the most visible is the one from shoulder to hip, seconded by the spot where Orochimaru put his fist through my gut. My arms look like they have been through a blender. I turn around and show them my back. I hear sobs start to come from both of my parents. In the mirror I see three deformed _pulsing_ lumps. The hearts. There are long gashes over the lumps, a reminder of where they entered my body. Littered over my back are various exit points the Jiongu used during my brief fights with it. What used to be clear pale skin is now a horribly scarred mess. I can give Ibiki a run for his money in a game of who has the worst scar.

"He did this to me. Orochimaru did this to me. And you thought I was like him? I'm disgusted with you both." I pick up my shirt and sunglasses and stomp my way to the front door. "I'm moving out. You'll never have to see me again. Goodbye."

"Alvarcus wait!" Kaa-san calls out to me.

I don't. I sunshin away. I can't be with them. I can't. Not anymore. Not now that I know they thought I was a mini Orochimaru.

Where can I go? I reach into my hip pouch and withdraw Kakashi's envelope. He did say I can use it whenever I need to. I open the envelope and take out a key and his address.

It takes me fifteen minutes to get to his apartment. I knock on the door.

"Kakashi-sensei? Are you inside?"

There is no response.

"Guess not."

I open up the door. I half expect traps to trigger and attempt to spear me full of kunai. Nothing happens.

"That was disappointing." I say to no one.

I explore the apartment, it's small. A two bedroom with a tiny kitchenette and a living room.

"Cozy."

I stay out of the bedrooms. That is none of my business. I start stripping out of my mission gear, I put on civilian clothes and lay down on the couch. With one last thought, I surrender to sleep. _Fuck this week._

* * *

I wake up to the smell of dog and a weight on my chest. I open my eyes and see a pug wearing a blue vest and a Konoha headband happily snoozing away on top of me. Cute.

"Excuse me friend, but I need to use the bathroom. Could you let me up?"

Grumbling to himself, the pug says, "Fine. But you better come back. You make the best personal heater." He gets off of me.

"Thanks." I walk to the bathroom. I do my business and then I go back to the couch. "So. Talking dog. That is a new one. Either I'm tripping on some crazy drugs, or you're a summon."

"Ha-ha! I'm Pakkun, Kakashi's summon. No one has reacted to me like that before! Usually it's 'AH! A talking dog!' or 'Wow, you have soft paws.' I do have soft paws. Want to feel them?" Pakkun holds out a paw for me.

"Maybe later. I believe I was being someone's personal heater?" I lay back down on the couch. Pakkun climbs back onto my chest. "So, shouldn't you tell Kakashi that I'm awake or something? I doubt he summoned you here without a purpose."

"You were crying in your sleep. He didn't know what to do, he doesn't have puppies of his own, so he called me. I just plopped down on you and you stopped crying. Sometimes all you need is a good snuggle." He's absolutely adorable.

"Ah. I would appreciate it if you kept that between us. I have nightmares a lot, ever since my first mission outside of Konoha. They have a direct relationship with how good my days go. If I have a bad day, I get a bad nightmare. And yesterday, I had the mother of all bad days."

"I'll only tell Kakashi. That's the best you're going to get." Pakkun says while circling around on me, trying to get comfortable. Finally he lays down. "I swear kid, you put off more heat than anyone else I've ever met. It's the best."

I wonder if that could be a by-product of the Jiongu? There is a lot I don't know about it.

"Go back to sleep. I'll wake you if Kakashi comes in."

"Thanks Pakkun."

I drift off to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

"Kid. Wake up. He's back"

"Don't wanna." I mumble to Pakkun. "Five more minutes."

"I've got this Pakkun." Kakashi clears his throat. "Sakura, can you wake up Alvarcus?"

"I'm up!" I fly off the couch and land on me feet in a defensive stance. "Don't hit me! I'm up!"

Pakkun snickers. "Effective."

I look around the room, and notice a miraculous absence of pink.

"Kakashi-sensei you suck! Sakura isn't even here! I can't believe you'd do that to me! I swear her fists are made of metal."

"I needed you awake. Now you are. You can go back now Pakkun." Poof! The cute pug is gone. "Care to tell me what you were doing on my couch?"

"Sleeping?"

"Alvarcus. You know what I mean. Why are you here? What happened? Did your parents kick you out again?" He sounds very concerned, with a hint of _absolute fury_.

"I told my parents about Orochimaru." Like a broken floodgate everything pours out. "They didn't take it well. Turns out they've met him before too, and he did something to me when I was just a fetus. They let it happen. That's why I look like him, and they thought I was a mini Orochimaru. That made me angry, very angry. So I showed them my eyes and scars and asked if they think I'm still like him. I left them, told them I was moving out and that they never had to see me again. Then I came here, I had nowhere else to go." It feels good to tell someone else that. To share my problems.

Kakashi doesn't know how to react. I don't blame him, that is a lot to take in. He picks the safest thing to talk about. "What scars? You've never been wounded badly enough to leave a permanent scar."

That's right, he hasn't seen them yet. I guess my shredded shirt didn't reveal that much during the preliminary round of the Chunin Exams. He must not know that the Jiongu has to rip and tear through my skin to be used. I forgot about it too, until I ripped open my chest during my fight with Kiba. That hurt.

I hesitate. "I can... I can show you. If you want. It's bad, really bad."

"I've seen worse, I can promise you that." With Kakashi's consent, I remove my shirt. "Although, this is right up there." I show him my back and the pulsing heart lumps. "I rank you at 23rd for the worst scars I've seen."

"Twenty third? That's it? You've seen some terrible things. Do I outrank Ibiki?" I consider it morbid curiosity, but I want to know if I beat him. That's a sad thought, I might have worse scars than Ibiki.

"I wouldn't know. I've never seen his scars."

"Damn, guess I'll never know." Ibiki's scars make him look badass. Maybe I can use that too? "I can use this as an intimidation tactic during fights. Either take off my shirt, or let it get ruined. You've gotta admit, I look scary."

"It's an idea." Kakashi responds. "Do you really want to let attacks get that close? Close enough to ruin a shirt?"

"Why do you always have to ruin my ideas? First you thought chakra strings was pointless to learn, then you tell me I'll never be able to use my fire whips in combat for a sustained period of time, and now this?"

"It won't work on any nin with experience. We're all used to scars, most of us have our fair share. I did give you the 'you are the kunai' idea, so you can't say I didn't help you."

"Oh yeah, thanks for that by the way. It saved me from being eaten four times. I owe you a fruit basket or something."

Kakashi raises his eyebrow in question.

"Orochimaru summoned giant snakes in the forest." I bluntly say.

"Ah. That would do it. Anyways, we have a team meeting at noon today."

I glance at the clock. "Kakashi-sensei, it's three in the afternoon."

"So it is. We ran into a black cat?"

I laugh, "Sure. Black cat it is."

While wiping a tear out of his eye Kakashi tussles my hair fondly. "My favorite student."

* * *

Training Ground Seven

"You're both late!" Sakura shouts at us.

"You see," Kakashi starts to make an excuse. I cut in.

"There was a black cat in our way here. We had to take the long way around. We wanted to avoid the bad luck and all that." Kakashi vigorously nods his head.

"No! Kakashi-sensei infected Alvarcus with his lateness and lame excuses! Sasuke what do we do?"

"All we can do is avoid them." Sasuke answers, "And pray we don't contract the disease. I didn't know it was contagious."

I understand why Kakashi does this now, its funny!

"Alright team." Kakashi uses his business voice. No more kidding around. "Well done in the exams. Two of you passing to round three is amazing. I thought you all would fail your first time through." Thanks for the boost in confidence. "Sakura, you did very well in the exams, but you've been eliminated. I need to focus on your teammates if they want a shot at passing. You have the next month off, but that does not mean you can slack on your training! It just mean you won't have someone forcing you to train." Kakashi turns to Sasuke next. "I'll be taking you out of the village. I'm going to teach you the Chidori and work on your speed, it's the only chance you have against that Sand shinobi." He turns to me. "I've called in a few favors and got you a teacher lined up. He'll work with you."

"No." I say. "I don't need a teacher. I need to figure out what the Jiongu can do. It works similarly to chakra strings, so I just need to practice."

"Don't rule him out yet. At least meet him first. He should be here soon."

"I'm here now Kakashi." A new voice says. I look at the newcomer. "I'm Yamato. Which brat am I taking? One of the two girls?"

Sakura and Sasuke snicker. Kakashi giggles. _Giggles._

I pin Kakashi with my best glare. "Really? This is who you asked? He can't even tell I'm a guy."

Yamato takes a step back and points at me in disbelief, "YOU'RE A GUY?"

Sakura and Sasuke burst out laughing. Kakashi just giggles even more.

"Yamato, Alvarcus. Alvarcus, Yamato. Play nice now!"

With a huge sigh, I turn to Yamato. "Do you have any skill with chakra strings?"

Suddenly nervous, Yamato replies "No."

"Have you ever heard of the Jiongu?"

Gulping, he says, "Isn't that one of Taki's kinjutsu?"

"Do you know jutsu from all five elements?" Kakashi zeros in on me when I say that. Uh-oh, I said something wrong. He must not know the Jiongu grants affinities.

"I am okay with water and earth. I know a few support jutsus of each." Yamato starts sweating.

I pull out the scroll Orochimaru gave to me. "See this?" Yamato nods. "This scroll has all those things. Right now, this scroll is a better teacher than you. Convince me, why should I let you teach me?"

Yamato musters up his courage. "I know what you are going through."

"No you don't. You have no idea what I am going-"

"Wood Release: Flower Field!" Flowers spring up all around us. Every kind imaginable is here, every color is here to. It's beautiful, I never knew ninjutsu could be so elegant, I've only seen it destroy. "Did you really think you were the only person to survive Orochimaru's experiments? You're not. I survived too."

Oh. Yamato. He's that Yamato. The wood release, gotten from the First Hokage's cells. He does know what I am going through, in a very loose sense.

"Okay. You can at least be present while I train. That way if I mess up you can carry me to the hospital."

Yamato nods his consent. "Fine by me. If you have questions, feel free to ask." That has a double meaning. He wants me to know I can talk to him. Kakashi picked the best person possible to train me.

"Glad you two came to an agreement." Kakashi claps his hands together. "Let's go Sasuke, no time to waste." They leave.

"I better get going to. I have plans with Ino soon." Sakura exits.

Its just Yamato and me now. I turn to face him, "I'll be here at 9am everyday. Show up if you want to." I leave.

On the wind I can faintly hear Yamato say, "This is going to be a long month."

You have no idea how right you are.

* * *

Training Ground Seven, the Next Morning

I stare at Yamato. Yamato stares at me.

"Okay. Here's how this is going to work." I'm ordering a jonin around. What is the world coming to? "I'm experimenting with the Jiongu, Earth Grudge Fear. I don't know how it works exactly. The first time I used it I ended up killing three Sound nin."

"That was you?" Yamato interrupts in surprise. "I saw the battlefield. They were ripped to pieces and their hearts were gone."

"Good, then you know how serious this is. You need to keep a distance from me until I can control it. If there are black threads anywhere, _do not go near them._ Understand? They may try to do you in like the Sound nin."

"Got it." Yamato takes a few steps away.

"Best go to the other side of the clearing. Just to be safe." He moves away further. "Alright. Now lets read that scroll." I open the scroll up.

Jiongu, also known as the black threads, yadda yadda yadda. I know what it is, I need to know what it does specifically. Original wielder, Kakuzu. Can take hearts of other shinobi and gain their chakra affinity. Grants the user additional chakra based on the stolen heart. That means my reserves skyrocketed. I can probably use my fire whips now. Grants the user the chakra regeneration speed based off of the stolen hearts. That's useful. I will recover chakra at four times the normal rate right now. Can be used to make minions. I'm going to try that. Later. Definitely later. Baby steps Alvarcus.

Alright. So Orochimaru said that this Jiongu is different from Kakuzu's, that means I shouldn't base everything I know around him. My Jiongu is parasitic, and according to Orochimaru sentient. I can try talking to it? How would I go about that?

"Hello? Jiongu? You there? Well, I know you're there, you're inside me. Can you hear me?" I feel ridiculous.

 _~Yes.~_

"Oh Kami, it can talk. I have a talking thread monster inside of me."

"Oi! Alvarcus!" Yamato calls out to me. "You say something?"

"Yeah!" I yell back to him. "The Jiongu is sentient. I'm trying to talk to it. Now shut up and let me work!"

"Why did I agree to this? This was a terrible idea. 'Teach one of my students Yamato. It'll be a good experience for you.' Kakashi you liar."

I tune out Yamato's rambling. The Jiongu can talk. Disturbing.

"Are you self aware?"

 _~Yes. The host commands, and I follow.~_

"You will obey me? Just like that? I don't have to do some crazy task to win your allegiance? Face my inner evil or something?" It can't be this easy. Can it?

 _~No. My purpose is to serve. I cannot act alone, only with permission. Only by your will. I can only influence your decisions, never dictate.~_

"But the Sound gennin. You killed them."

 _~I don't understand.~_

"The ones you took the hearts from. I didn't tell you to do that."

 _~You gave me permission.~_

"I didn't want you to rip their hearts out and stuff them into my back!"

 _~You didn't tell me not to. It is my purpose, to serve my host to the best of my abilities so we can survive. Now, with the hearts, you are stronger. Better.~_

"I order you to never take another heart without my explicit permission!" Never again. I don't want to do that ever again.

 _~As you command.~_

"Good. Do I have to tell you not to kill everyone I meet?"

 _~No. I can feel your emotions, hear your thoughts. I will know the difference between enemy and friend.~_

"You won't attack Yamato if I start using you?"

 _~I will only attack those you see as an enemy.~_

"Good. How does this work? Do I have to tell you what to do?"

 _~I can hear your thoughts. I do your will. You've used me before, do it again.~_

"And if I want to use chakra strings? Every time I've tried to use them, you come out instead."

 _~I will... stay if you wish to use your inferior strings.~_

"Thank you." I just thanked the Jiongu. I must be crazy.

 _~You're welcome, host.~_

The Jiongu shivers in joy. I feel it throughout my body. It's... oddly pleasant.

"Here we go." I say to no one in particular and draw a kunai. I will a chakra string to attach from my arm to the kunai. It works. No black threads.

"Huh. That was easy. My chakra strings are back." I fling the kunai into a tree. "I'm back baby!" I pull it back to me and holster it. "No need to practice with those then. Wait! My fire whips! I have more chakra now!"

I extend a string out from my finger a meter in length. I set it on fire.

"Impressive." I ignore Yamato.

Longer. I stretch the string out. Last time my maximum distance was seven meters, and that used almost all of my reserves. I'm at ten meters now, I don't even feel a strain. "Awesome! I can do this all day!" I make another string. Another. Pretty soon I have five strings, one for every finger on my right hand.

"Oh man, I am going to destroy in the tournament now."

I start whipping the stings around my body, making a sort of sphere with them.

"This is the best idea ever!" I let the strings fade. I don't feel any strain on my reserves at all. They are recovering faster than I spent my chakra. Fantastic!

"How many can I make?" I can easily handle ten, one per finger. I try to make one out of my back. Nothing happens.

"What? No! That's not right!" I douse the strings from my fingers to focus solely on my back. "Okay, I can make the string just fine still." I try to ignite it, and the string crumbles apart. "But I can't use an elemental switch? Where else can I not make them from?"

After five minutes of experimenting, I determine that I can only make them from my fingers. "What a let down. Still, ten whips of pure fire can't be easy to dodge. I can live with that."

"Kid, that is scary. How long have you been able to do that? The chakra usage must be extreme." Yamato asks from across the training field.

"How long? Just now. I've never been able to set them on fire for that long before. My limit used to be one string, and even then I could only hold it for around thirty seconds."

"I've seen jonin struggle with techniques that complex. You've impressed me. That amount of shape change must take an extreme level of focus."

"Shape change? It's not shape change. I make a chakra string and then do an elemental change." I inform Yamato.

His jaw hits the floor. "You got that idea from chakra strings? Don't tell anyone that. Ever. Let them assume for themselves, it'll give you an edge in a fight. If they think you are capable of shape change to the extreme like I did, then they will wonder what else you can do."

"Good idea. Maybe you do have a use after all."

"That's it! I'm never doing another favor for Kakashi ever again! I don't know if I can take twenty nine more days of this!" Poor Yamato, I haven't even started working on the Jiongu yet.

"Oh be quiet! I'm a dream student. I'm teaching myself, you don't have to do anything."

Yamato huffs in annoyance. Whatever, not my problem.

"Oi. Grumpy! I'm going to try to use the Jiongu now. Fair warning. It said it won't attack you, but I want to be extra safe."

"Go ahead kid. I'll be alright."

I will the Jiongu out of my arms. Black threads stretch away from me, and osculate in the air.

"Alright, lets do some tests." I will it to pick up a rock. I crush it to dust. "Wow. Kiba has no idea how luck he is. That could have been his head." I pull a kunai out. I bring a thread over to me, reach out with the kunai to cut it and

 _~NO!~_

freeze millimeters away from the thread.

"I need to know how durable you are. You can take blunt damage just fine, but what about cutting attacks?"

 _~Do not hurt me host. Ask, and I will answer. I am more prone to cutting attacks, but it will take a very good blade to do so.~_

"Good to know. So I can use you to block most cutting attacks. What happens if I lose a limb? You're inside of me and replaced everything. Would my arm grow back?"

 _~I can re-attach it to your body. I can exist outside of you for a long time, being cut does not mean I am destroyed. I can fuse back together.~_

"That... is really convenient. What can kill me then? You replaced everything. Can I not die?"

 _~If all of our hearts are destroyed, we will perish.~_

"So as long as I have one heart I will survive? Does it have to be my original?"

 _~Only one heart is needed. It does not matter which.~_

"Huh. I'm really hard to kill now. That's good." An idea occurs to me. "Could I use you as my fire whip?" I could spawn it from anywhere on my body that way.

 _~No. I am not chakra. I am a living being, a parasite. I feast on your chakra to sustain myself.~_

That is concerning. "You eat my chakra? Why?"

 _~It is how I grow.~_

"Makes sense. And that explains why I still need to eat even though I don't have a stomach anymore. Oh Kami I don't have a stomach anymore! Where does the food go?"

 _~I learn from what I devour. I can do everything your organs did, only better. Your eyes adjust quicker, you get more nutrients from food, your muscles never tire.~_

"Really? I'm human version 2.0? Everything I do is better?"

 _~No. I am simply better.~_

"I'll give you that one. Say, it says here from this scroll that I can use you to make minions. Will you still listen to me if I separate you from my body?"

 _~Yes. There is not two of me, only one. Even separate I am still one.~_

"Good to know. Well let's give it a shot!" I will threads to pour out of my body and take a form with four limbs. It doesn't work. "It didn't work? It's supposed to work!"

 _~It must contain a heart.~_

"Really? Gross. Okay, lets use a heart this time. How do I know which heart to use?"

 _~You have four hearts now. One of fire, earth, water and lightning. Will one of them outwards. I will do the rest.~_

That means the Sound nin all had different affinities. That is incredibly lucky. I just need wind to complete the set. No! I will not steal another heart!

"Okay. Here we go." I push out the earth heart. _Pain!_ My back splits open, and with a wet plop the heart falls out. Instantly the black threads wrap around it and take on the vague shape of a human with the limbs extending well beyond what is normal. The creature stands at three meters tall and is very imposing. The most striking feature is the still beating heart fused to its chest.

I throw up.

Disgusting. That was in my back. _That was in my back!_ _There are two more just like that!_

"Alvarcus!" Yamato starts running over to my side.

"NO! Stay away!"

I don't want him close. The closer he is the more danger he is in. The thread monster positions itself between Yamato and me, almost like it reacted to my thoughts. Like it doesn't want him near me either, like it is protecting me.

"I'm okay. Just... surprised. Give me a moment." I will the monster back into myself. The heart goes back in with a sickening squelch.

I take a minute to collect myself. "I need to cover that up. Kakuzu used masks, maybe I could imitate him?" I say to myself.

"Who is Kakuzu?"Yamato asks. I ignore him. I have more important things to worry about.

"So. The earth heart. Can it use earth jutsu then?"

 _~Yes. Any that you know.~_

"Oi Yamato, you get to be useful. Teach me an earth jutsu." I demand.

Yamato falters. "Right now?"

"Yeah right now. I don't care which. Just make it an easy one, one very low level. I need to learn it quickly."

"I uh... didn't come prepared. Can we wait until tomorrow?" He flounders about.

"Dude. Just show me a damn earth jutsu." This is ridiculous.

"Well here goes nothing." He flies through some hand signs and shouts "Earth Release: Mud Wall!" A wall of earth raises up to two meters. "How was that?"

"Go through the hand signs slower this time." I have to teach him how to teach. Ironic. He goes through the entire process slower this time. "I think I got it."

I slowly go through the hand signs for the jutsu and push chakra out. "Earth Release: Mud Wall!" A wall three meters in height springs from the ground. "Would you look at that. Mines bigger."

Yamato blushes at the innuendo. He is just too easy to tease.

"Alright, back up. I'm going to pull the thread monster out again." He backs away, and I release the earth heart again.

 _Pain!_ Plop! The monster is before me, beating heart and all.

"Well go on, give it a try."

The humanoid monster stomps the ground. A wall of mud three meters high forms between us and Yamato.

"Doesn't need to use hand signs? Interesting. Maybe it instinctively knows what the chakra needs to do? Whatever, I'll consider that as a success." I look the monster up and down. "I really need to get a mask for you and the others." I pull the earth heart back into me.

 _Pain!_ Squelch.

"Hey Yamato, do you know where I can buy ANBU quality masks? I need five." One for each heart. I'm not naive enough to think that I won't ever send out my own heart. I need to be prepared for everything.

"I know a store. It's a weapons store, but they have quality masks as well. Come on, I'll take you there." I follow Yamato out of the training field.

* * *

"Hello! Welcome to Higarashi Weapons! Feel free to ask me if you have any questions!"

"Tenten? You work here?" I ask.

"Hey! You're that creepy guy from the forest! The heart thief!"

Silence. Yamato, Tenten and I don't say anything.

"Oh my Kami I am so sorry! I didn't mean anything by it! Please don't hate me!" Tenten exclaims. "You're Alvarcus! See I know your name! Don't hurt me?" The last bit comes out as squeak.

It hurts to know she thinks I would hurt her. I'm not a monster. The Jiongu is.

"How about we just start over." I offer. "Hi, I'm Alvarcus."

Tenten smiles at me, "Hi, I'm Tenten."

"And I'm utterly bored. You two can flirt later when I'm not here. The masks are back this way." Yamato drags me to the back of the store.

"Oi! We were not flirting!"

"Kid, you were totally flirting with her."

"Well she is cute. That's not the point! I was just being polite!"

"Whatever you say hotshot." We stop in front of a shelf with masks of all kinds on it. "Here. Pick out your masks."

I browse the selection. There are masks shaped like animals, masks modeled after demons and monsters from children's stories. I pick out five white masks, one with each element illustrated on it.

Fire is covered in flames, water depicts the ocean, earth has mountains, lightning has a lightning storm and wind has tornadoes. Perfect.

Yamato and I go back to Tenten. "I'll take these masks please."

"What do you need five masks for?" Tenten asks while ringing up my total.

"Not telling!" I say with a grin. "I don't want to give away my skills before the tournament."

"Oh come on! You can trust me!"

"Nope! You're teammates with Neji. I might end up fighting him and I don't want him to know what I can do."

"Awww. Please?"

"No. Sorry. You'll have to wait like everyone else."

"Except me." Yamato interrupts again. "I get to see it right now, because I am done standing here and watching you two. It's gross. Pay and let's leave already."

"Fine." I hand over the appropriate amount of money. "See ya around Tenten!"

"Bye Alvarcus!"

"Not flirting my ass."

"Oh shut up Yamato. Let's just go back to the training field."

* * *

Training Ground Seven

"Alright kid, you going to tell me what the masks are for now?" Yamato says.

"Sure. You saw my thread monster right?" He nods. "You saw the heart?" He nods again. "The masks are going to cover the heart up. Hide it, distract from its weakness. If the heart gets destroyed the thread monster gets destroyed too and I lose whatever affinity, chakra supply and chakra recovery that heart has." With that explained, I remove my shirt and will the threads to latch the masks on my back. I even attach the wind and fire mask. A little misdirection never hurts, and this way if I get a wind heart I have the mask on hand already.

"Those hearts do that much for you?"

"Yep. It's nice. But it also means the heart had to come from somewhere. I don't look forward to replacing them. I don't even plan on seeking out a wind nature heart. That's the only one I am missing."

"So you have a natural affinity with four of the five elements?" Yamato clarifies. "And could have all five eventually?"

"Yep. My plan for the next month is to learn a crap ton of new jutsu. The Jiongu works similarly enough to my chakra strings that I don't need to work on it. And the minions listen to what I say and they have a mind of their own. Once I learn some jutsu from each element I have I'm going to work on commanding them."

"I feel bad for the other gennin in the exam. You're going to destroy them all." Yamato bluntly informs me.

"Oh, I know. But here's the thing, I don't want to reveal all my skilsl during the exam. There are going to be hundreds of spectators. I still want to be an unknown. I'm going to try and limit myself. I don't plan on using the Jiongu." That and then when the invasion happens, I'll have moves no one has seen before.

"Alright kid. I'll teach you some earth and water jutsu. How's that sound?"

"Works for me."

* * *

Over the next week Yamato taught me every low level water and earth jutsu he knows. Most of them seem useless, like the hiding in the water jutsu, but given the right situation I know they could be exactly what I need. I soak up everything he teaches me like a sponge.

I need a new teacher. I've exhausted Yamato of jutsu, he really didn't know that many. But who can I ask? I guess I can ask around the other rookie's senseis to see if they are willing. I can give Shino back his glasses while I'm at it, I have my own pair now.

I go to the Aburame clan grounds. I approach their gate guards and ask, "Is Shino inside? I have something of his I am returning."

The gate guards look at me. "Follow me." The one on the left says.

We walk through the clan compound in silence. Talkative bunch these guys. "This is his house."

"Thank you, Aburame-san." The guard leaves. I knock on the door and thankfully Shino answers. "Hey Shino. I wanted to return your sunglasses. I finally got around to getting my own pair." I hold the sunglasses out to him.

"Thank you, Alvarcus. Did you need anything else?"

Here goes nothing. "Well... if its not asking too much could you tell me where your sensei is? I have some questions I'd like answered and Kakashi is out of the village with Sasuke."

Shino pauses. "Your sensei left you alone here?"

"Sorta?" I reply.

"Come. I know where she may be." Shino starts walking out of his compound.

I take off after him. That guy can walk fast! "Thanks Shino! If you need a favor let me know."

Without missing a step Shino demands, "If we fight during the exams I want you to surrender."

I consider. The chance that I actually will fight Shino is slim. Especially with Orochimaru's invasion looming on the horizon. I'll take that.

"Sure. I'll do one better, I'll let you beat me. Only this exam though. If we have to go through another one this deal doesn't count." I'm manipulating him. I don't feel bad about it since he's trying to manipulate me too. We are shinobi, it's what we do.

"Agreed."

We walk in silence the rest of the way to... a tea house? I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. Shouldn't jonin be more jonin ish? Whatever, jonin are people too. Who am I to judge.

"Kurenai-sensei is inside with Asuma-san. Do not bring up them dating, it will hurt your chances of your questions being answered."

"Thanks for the advice Shino. Can you introduce me to her?"

"Yes. Follow me." Shino leads me over to Kurenai and Asuma.

"Well look what the cat dragged in! Shino, how are you doing?" Kurenai says. Wow, she's pretty. Focus! There are more important things to discuss than that!

"Kurenai-sensei, this is Alvarcus. He has a question for you." Shino, Asuma and Kurenai all turn towards me.

"Well let's hear it. It isn't every day someone seeks me out. At least someone your age. _Men!_ " Ew gross Kurenai. Repress that thought!

"Well... you see Kakashi-sensei is out of the village training Sasuke so I can't go to him. I only know other gennin and they can't do what I want. So I figured I'd ask their senseis." I take a breath. Moment of truth. "I want you to teach me elemental jutsu. Any elemental jutsu you want to teach is fine for me. Preferably ones that aren't meant to kill, I want techniques that will put someone out of the fight but spare their lives. I can learn any element except wind. I can't learn wind yet." I have high level elemental jutsu on the scroll Orochimaru gave me. I don't need anymore kill moves.

Asuma snorts. "You're overreaching yourself. Elemental jutsu from four different elements? Jonin can't do that. Only the best of the best can. The Hokage is the only person I know who can wield all five elements, and you say you can do four?"

"I'm not asking you. I'm asking Kurenai." Asuma bristles as I ignore him.

Kurenai jumps in before he can chew me out. "I'm sorry Alvarcus. I specialize in genjutsu. I don't even know any elemental jutsu."

"Damn." A thought occurs to me. "Do you know any genjutsu that causes shared vision?" It would be cool to see out of my thread monsters. I could get a Six Paths of Pain gimmick.

"Eyes of the Damned does that. Hardly anyone knows it, even less use it. I've only used it once when I was blinded by a lightning jutsu."

"How does it work?" I ask. It sounds promising.

Kurenai takes a sip of her tea. "By using this genjutsu the user can create eyes anywhere their chakra is, most commonly on the body. It is very effective if you are blinded for any reason. Skilled users can create eyes on the back of their heads to have something like a Byakugan. Without training it can cause sensory overload and the user will pass out from trying to process too much information."

"Just to clarify, eyes can be made where ever the user's chakra is?"

"Yep." Kurenai responds.

"Perfect! Teach me it please!" Oh I can picture it now. My chakra strings are made of chakra. I can make eyes on them. I could make tentacles out of eyes come out of my back! How scary is that!

"No." I lock up. She has to teach me it! It will be so cool!

"But my tentacle eyes! It would be the best scare tactic ever!" I exclaim.

Asuma spits out his tea. "Tentacle eyes? What the hell are you talking about?"

"She said I can make them where ever my chakra is. I use chakra strings as my main form of combat, I'll make a string and then spawn the eyes on it."

"Don't be stupid. That won't work." Asuma states confidently.

"Actually," Kurenai corrects, "his idea has some merit. It could work. The theory makes sense, but I've never heard of the Eyes of the Damned being used like that. It is supposed to be a support jutsu, not an offensive one."

"So you'll teach me then?" I ask hopefully.

"No. I won't teach someone who will fight my student in the finals. Not to mention what you threatened to do to Akamaru." Ouch. She remembers that.

"I wasn't going to actually break anything. I knew Kiba would surrender if I threatened Akamaru so I did. It was the least violent way to win. I didn't want to hurt him. Kiba is my friend."

Kurenai reluctantly accepts my logic. "You could still face Shino in the finals."

"We have a deal, Kurenai-sensei." Shino interjects. "If we fight, Alvarcus will purposefully lose. There is no reason not to teach him." Thank you Shino!

"Fine. I'll teach you this genjutsu. But just this one! That's all you're getting out of me. Also know that I will be teaching Shino all of its weaknesses. Here are the hand signs." Over the next five minutes Kurenai drills it into my head. "There. Now all you need to do is practice it. It's very easy to cast, but difficult to get used to using."

"Thank you, Kurenai. This means a lot to me."

Asuma snorts. "I still don't believe you can use four elements."

Chance! "Want to bet?"

"Ha! You want to bet against a jonin? What are the stakes?" Asuma leans forward, interested in my proposal.

"I'll tell you how I can use four elements. If you deem my response true, then I win and you teach me a jutsu. If I lose, I'll pay for your meal." I attempt to lure Asuma in. Take the bait!

"Deal!" Asuma readily agrees with the promise of free food. Kurenai just face palms. Interesting, does she know I played him? "Alright kid, let's hear it."

I take a breath. "Have you heard of the Jiongu?" Asuma and Kurenai still. Shino is confused. I think. I can't read him. The only reaction he had was turning his head towards me fully.

Asuma breaks the silence. "Taki's most forbidden technique. It steals hearts to add to the users chakra supply."

I'm surprised. "You know more than most. The user also gains whatever affinity the heart has in addition to its chakra."

Asuma and Kurenai go pale. Asuma speaks up, "Its only user is ancient, rumored to be dead of old age. The Jiongu has been lost to time."

"You're wrong." I pause for effect. "I am a host of the Jiongu."

"Prove it." Asuma demands. "Show me proof."

I summon black threads out of my left arm. "Is this enough? I can show you my hearts if you wish. We will have to go elsewhere. I doubt the civilians would appreciate it."

"No need." Asuma clears his throat. "So. Four hearts?"

"Yes, mine and three others. Taken from a Sound team during the Chunin Exams second task. Before I knew I had it."

"That was you?" Kurenai asks. "They brought the jonin to the site. They wanted us to figure out what happened there." She pauses. "Did you... intentionally wound them like that?" She censors herself for Shino's sake. She doesn't want him exposed to something like this, not yet. He's still innocent.

"No. That was my first time using the Jiongu. I've had no issues since."

Silence follows while the shinobi present digest that information. Asuma speaks up. "Well kid you win. You said you don't have wind?" I nod. "Pity. If you ever get one, come find me. I'm Konoha's only wind user. I do know a couple of lightning and fire jutsu. All of them are low level. Where do you want to meet at?"

"Training ground seven at 9am tomorrow work for you?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll be there."

"Thank you for your time, Kurenai and Asuma." I take my leave.

As I am walking away I hear Kurenai say "That kid is going to be one hell of a Shinobi."

"Going to be?" Asuma says, "He already is. Did you see how well he played us both?" Damn, they both know I manipulated them. Oh well, I got what I want. "If my kids end up facing him, I'm telling them to surrender. Give him a few years and I won't want to face him."

* * *

I'm casually walking around the village. I've got some time to kill before I want to go back to Kakashi's apartment. I've been crashing there ever since I walked out on my parents.

"Hmm... what to do?" I mumble to myself.

"Hey!" A feminine voice calls out.

"I could get ice cream? I'm always up for getting ice cream. Plus I never did get it when the Sand Siblings tried to kidnap me."

"Hey you!" The same feminine voice calls out again, this time closer.

"Oh, I know! I'll get a waffle cone!"

"Hey uh... what was his name? Alvarcus!"

I turn at the sound of my name. It's a girl my age. Was she calling out to me this whole time? "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, you're Alvarcus Mak right?"

"Mar." I correct her.

"Whatever. You're on a team with Sasuke-kun?"

Oh Kami she's a Sasuke fangirl. "Yes, I am."

"Do you know where he's at? I haven't seen him in forever."

"He's out of the village." Might as well see where this goes. Not like I was doing anything else important.

"When will he be back?"

"No idea."

"Oh. Thanks." She walks away.

"That was strange. So... let's get that waffle cone!"

One Week Later

"Hey!" A girl's voice calls out.

"Oh my Kami! I don't know where Sasuke is! I don't know when he'll be back! Why do you all keep bothering me!"

"Wow. No need to be rude jerk."

"No need to be rude? I've been asked where Sasuke is 27 times this past week! That's almost four per day! You all are the weird ones! Just leave me alone!"

"Hey!" A new female voice calls out.

"And that makes 28! Quit stalking me to stalk Sasuke! It's weird and I don't like it! Kawarmi!" I switch with a nearby log. I've had it with these fangirls! I'm sticking to the shinobi highway from now on!

"Hey!"

"Oh come on!"

* * *

Asuma taught me Lightning Release: Lightning Bullet. It can be used to either to stun or to kill. Now I know at least one jutsu for each of my elements. The lethal ones from the scroll, and the tame ones from my various teachers.

It took me another week, the one where I was pestered nonstop by fangirls, to truly master using my thread monsters and new jutsu. I find it easiest to make them use similar jutsu, that way I know what to expect from them. Ironically, the ones I use most are the bullets. Fire bullet, a smaller and faster version of Sasuke's grand fireball. Water bullet, which I can make strong enough to punch through trees. Earth bullet, best for blunt attacks meant to cripple and break bones. Lightning bullet, used to stun or stop an opponents heart.

I spent the third week learning the high level jutsu from Orochimaru's scroll. Lightning Release: False Darkness. Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work. Water Release: Exploding Water Colliding Wave. Earth Release: Devouring Earth.

I may have trashed the training ground. Just a bit. Okay, I completely trashed it. Combining some of those attacks are seriously scary. I _vaporized_ several trees when I combined Exploding Water Colliding Wave with False Darkness.

The bad news is that even with my four hearts I can't throw the high level jutsu around like crazy. They are hearts from gennin, I can't expect too much from them. I could upgrade eventually, but I refuse to make it a primary goal. I will not hunt down shinobi to take their hearts, but if I am sent on a mission and have to kill someone who has a better heart than one I have I will take it. It would be wasteful not to. I don't even know if five is the limit, or if Kakuzu just thought it was.

The fourth week I had an epiphany. While messing around with Eyes of the Damned genjutsu and my chakra strings. I have four natural affinities. Chakra strings can only have an elemental change if you have a natural affinity. Long story very short, I spent that week cackling like a mad man while screaming "Take that Kakashi-sensei! Elemental strings!"

Before I knew it, it was exam day.


	17. Chapter 17

Day of the Tournament

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Today is the day. The day the invasion happens. The day Gaara lets out Shukaku. The day Orochimaru kills the Hokage. I can't change a damn thing. All I can do is survive. So that is what I'll do. Survive, so next time I can make a difference. I've trained my ass off for today. I will not go down easily! I will live to see tomorrow! Let's get to the arena and kick some ass!"

With myself officially revving to go, I exit Kakashi's apartment and start going to the arena where the tournament will be held. I'm going to be there an hour early, to get an idea of the terrain and scope out my opponent. I really doubt that anyone else has improved as much as me, but I don't doubt that they have improved. I need to be ready for anything.

Once the arena is in sight, I notice two chunin at the main entrance. "Hey Kotetsu, hey Izumo. Is there a spot the contestants are supposed to go to?"

Izumo speaks up. "Yeah, there are two booths in the stadium. One is for the Hokage and the visiting Kages, the other is for the contestants. You can go there."

"Cool. Thanks. Is there anything I'm not supposed to do as a contestant? I'd hate to be disqualified because I broke a rule."

Kotetsu talks this time. "Just stay in the booth until it's your match. You'll have to go back there after too. If you lose you can do whatever you want to. At that point it doesn't matter."

"Awesome. Don't leave the booth unless told to. Is it fine if I head there now?"

Izumo says "Go for it. It's the one without the big fancy Kage chairs."

I laugh, "Thanks guys!" I walk into the arena, I'm not the first one here by a long shot. It is already half full, people must really want to watch this. Well, it is one of the few times civilians can watch shinobi do their thing in a controlled environment. Surprisingly I am not the first contestant to show up either. The Sand Siblings beat me here.

"Hey guys. How is everyone?" I greet warmly. No need to be rude, even if one of them is my opponent. And the whole invasion thing, they haven't wronged me yet.

"I'm good." Temari replies with a smile.

Kankuro smirks, "I'm ready to kick your ass."

"I am well." Gaara drones out in his monotonous voice.

"Awesome." No more words are exchanged. They must be nervous. I know I would be. We fall into a companionable silence for the next few minutes.

The peace and quiet is broken by Team 8, more specifically Kiba. "Oi. Alvarcus. You better be ready, Shino learned some crazy moves over the last month! He'll kick your ass!"

I snort. "Please. The chances of us actually fighting are slim. Even if we do, I know how the fight will go." I share a knowing look with Shino, assuring him I remember our deal. "It'll be one hell of a show."

"You'll never get to face him." Kankuro interrupts. "I'll show you what a real chakra string user can do!"

"Oh? Is that a promise?" I ask. "I have always been mildly amused by puppetry. Do you put on shows for children?"

"You are _so_ going down imitator!" That's it. I've decided. Kankuro is going down _hard._

"We'll see whose strings are better. Just be patient. Our match is third, it's not that far off."

The bravado talk wavers off, and I happily chat with Kiba, Shino, and Hinata about pointless things until someone else shows up. Team Gai.

I call out to them, "Hey Neji. Hey Lee. Hey Tenten. How's everyone doing?"

"The hospital staff is most unyouthful. They won't let me train!"

"Lee, your legs were pulverized. Its no wonder they don't want you to train. I'm fine by the way. Still wondering what you needed those masks for though. Care to tell me?" Tenten makes a puppy dog face at me, trying to weaken my resolve.

"I tell you what. I might use them today, you could see them in action." Who knows, maybe Kankuro will be a challenge. If not, there is always the invasion. I doubt I'll hold back during that.

"I am curious about these masks too. She won't stop talking about it." Neji adds. Tenten must really want to know. Interesting.

"Woah. Back up." Kiba jumps into our conversation. "You bought five masks? What for, you only have one face."

"Its simple. He isn't using them for his face." Shino got it in one! "Otherwise, he would be wearing one now."

Kiba turns to me. "So what are you using them for? No one could possibly need that many masks!"

"Question of the day: What am I using my masks for? I'm not telling! You'll have to wait and see." Everyone is obsessed with my masks. How annoying. I mean it isn't like I can just tell them 'they're supposed to cover the parasitic thread monster's hearts that I stole when I make them into minions.' Because that would go over well.

"Hey everyone!" Ino shouts out.

Ah, she's here now. She dragged Shikamaru and Choji here with her. Perfect, a distraction. Hopefully we'll stop talking about my stupid masks.

"What are we talking about?"

"Alvarcus bought some masks from the store I work at but he won't tell me what he's using them for!" Tenten huffs. Guess we're still talking about them. Fantastic.

Ino rounds on me with an expecting gaze. "Well? When a lady asks you answer."

"Sorry what? That's not how this works." She can't possibly think that will convince me to answer.

"Alvarcus."

"Ino."

"I'm going to count to three. If you haven't told her by then I'm going to punish you."

"You're going to punish me? For not telling Tenten what I'm using my masks for? How does that make sense to you?" Is she crazy?

"One."

"You better tell her. Once Ino gets like this it's not good for anyone." Shikamaru warns me.

"Two."

"Nope. There is nothing you can do to make me." I will not yield. If I give in once then she'll always try to do this to me.

"Two and a half."

"Really? Just hit me with your punishment already. I can take it."

"Fine! Three! Mind Body Switch Jutsu!"

I don't try to dodge. I didn't realize how bad of an idea that was until it was too late. I've gotten used to the presence of the Jiongu and didn't make the connection that it wouldn't like another presence in our head.

I feel Ino start to invade my mind. This is very bad. In my mind-scape I try talking to her. "Ino. Listen to me. You need to leave, _now!_ "

Ino doesn't stop her advance on my mind. "Please! I just got in here, like I am going to let go that easily! Now, let's find some blackmail material! Whoa, your avatar is weird. Usually people model it after themselves, but you're just this... dark void. It's almost like you don't really know who you are."

"Ino! For the love of Kami, you need to go! _We are not alone here!_ Heed my words Ino, and leave before it is too late." I'm begging her.

"Everyone has nightmares Alvarcus, they aren't real. They are only in your head, your mind, your brain." Ino sounds confident, this is not good. Not good at all. "Besides, I haven't got what I came for! Let's see what you have hidden away in here."

She starts rifling through my memories, images of my second childhood flash past us both.

"Hmm... not what I'm looking for. Where do you keep your secrets?"

"Ino no! You need to get out!"

 _~What's this?~_

"INO!" I scream in my head, "Get out now! It will hurt you!"

Ino just snorts. "Please, nothing in here can hurt me. I'm in control of you. Besides, I want to know what that voice is. This could be exactly what I'm looking for!"

 _~You are not the host.~_

"No! It will kill you! It's alive! It isn't me! Please! I'll do anything, just get out of our head!"

 _~YOU ARE NOT THE HOST!~_

"Oh but it's just getting good! I never would have thought you would have a split personality! You always seem so calm and collected. What's it's name?" Is she crazy? Can't she tell that she's in danger?

"Ino, I am so sorry." I can't stop her. She won't listen. "I did everything I could. I tried. I am so sorry."

"You're sorry? This is great! I've never been in a mind like-"

 _~I will protect the host. The host must be protected. You are not the host. I WILL PROTECT THE HOST!~_

Ino _screams_ in agony, and I can't stop it. I can't do anything but observe. The Jiongu attacks her mind viciously and without restraint.

"Ino! Listen to me! You need to leave! If you leave the pain will stop! It won't follow you!" She finally listens to me, after who knows how much damage has been dealt.

Ino returns to her own body, and I gain full control of mine again. The second Ino is back in hers, she starts crying.

Instantly Shikamaru and Choji come to her aid. Everyone is suddenly tense.

"What did you do to her?" Shikamaru demands. "She was in your head. She was fine before she went in your head. _What did you do to her?_ "

I calmly hold my hand up in surrender. "Nothing. I did nothing. I don't know what she saw and felt. I could only talk to her."

Choji stands straight up, "Then why is she crying?"

"There was something else there." Ino whispers out, "Something in his mind. He's not alone in there, it's like he shares his head with something else. Something dark. Terrifying."

I slowly approach her, Shikamaru and Choji both let me pass. "Ino, did it show you anything?"

With watery eyes, she looks at me. "I'm so sorry Alvarcus. I should have listened. I should have trusted you. I had no idea. I didn't know. _I didn't know!_ "

I gently place a hand on each her shoulders and force her to look at my covered eyes. "Ino, I'm not mad at you. Now tell me, what did it show you?"

Fresh tears spring to her eyes. "It showed me how you two came together."

I wince. Of all the things she could have seen, that one is one of the few I wouldn't wish on anyone.

"It made me feel your pain. It made me live through what it did to you. It was horrible. Words can't describe the agony."

"Ino, it wasn't real. You're not hurt. You're safe." I keep my voice calm and soothing.

"I know that!" She throws her arms around me in a hug. I don't know how to react, I'm supposed to be comforting her but she's hugging me? "I'm not crying because I'm in pain, I'm crying because of what you went through! I only experienced seconds of that agony, I can only imagine what you went through." She's sobbing on my shoulder now. I awkwardly wrap my arms around her. In a voice meant only for me to hear she says, "It's still there isn't it?"

I whisper back to her, "It will always be there. I can't remove it."

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea you went through... that." She's finally stopped crying.

I pull away from the hug. "Ino, I'm alright now."

"I don't believe you." She doesn't, not one bit. I can see it in her eyes.

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm tougher than I look. Right now, everyone is worried about you. Let's get back up and let them know you're okay."

"Alright." We get back to our feet, our heart to heart moment is over. "Sorry everyone!" Ino says while wiping her face dry, "I just saw a pretty... vivid memory. I'm good now."

Everyone starts bombarding her with questions.

"No I will not tell you what I saw! I shouldn't have seen it myself! And don't you dare ask Alvarcus! He doesn't need to remember that."

"I don't understand. Why didn't you kill her?" Gaara asks. Everyone falls silent. "She attacked you. It was your right to take her life, to prove your existence."

"Gaara." I say carefully. "I didn't kill her because she is my friend. She wasn't going to hurt me, it was a playful exchange that went sour. She didn't know about... certain aspects of my past." I don't want everyone to know about the Jiongu. I don't want to be rejected by them.

"Friends? You have friends?"

"Well yeah. Everyone here is my friend. Even you're my friend. I still owe you ice cream after all!" I finish with a smile.

Gaara looks confused. "You're my friend?"

"Well yeah. What else would you call our relationship? You and your siblings were willing to talk to a total stranger on the rumor that he might be part of your family. That's pretty cool. To go so far just to bring me home where I belong. Given we know that we aren't family, but it's the thought that counts!"

"Hold up. That happened?" Shikamaru interrupts but I ignore him.

"I... I need to think on this." Gaara walks over to a corner and sits down. Temari and Kankuro follow him and stand guard. Just how a family should be. They protect their own.

"Dude. Alvarcus, you are the weirdest person ever."

"Shut up Kiba! I am not weird!"

Shino clears his throat. "In the last five minutes you went from talking friendly with everyone, to being stubborn about masks, to comforting Ino, and then called a murderous Sand shinobi your friend."

"Well when you phrase it like that it sounds bad." Everyone stares at me. "Okay, you might have a point." I haven't had a normal day in forever.

"Hey guys! What's going on?" Naruto enters the booth.

"According to everyone here, I'm weird."

Naruto pauses, considering my response. He looks me up and then down. "I could see it. You always were strange in the Academy."

"Oh come on! Really? Can't one person be on my side?"

"I don't think he's weird." Ino comes to my defense. "He's been protective the entire day."

Choji stops eating his chips. "Care to elaborate? How is he protective?"

"Didn't you notice where he stood since coming into the booth? Between us and the 'murderous Sand shinobi.' He moved to always be between us. He even comforted me after I invaded his mind! And Gaara? He's taken him under his wing, he cares about him. I think its sweet."

Well, she's not wrong. I know that Gaara is important, not just as a jinchuriki but because of what he will become. He'll lead his people into a new age, one of prosperity and kindness. He'll even go on to lead the Allied Shinobi Forces! Unless I change something drastic.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I'm honestly surprised she noticed all those things. She must be very observant. "And I am not sweet! Cool, handsome, badass. Those are acceptable."

"Nope! You're sweet." I'm glad to see her bouncing back so well. The Jiongu didn't manage to break her.

"Arg! Shouldn't you be terrified of me or something? Or mad? How can you be this carefree?"

"Please. I'm a Yamanaka. To learn our family jutsu we need to practice, so we practice on prisoners. Konoha doesn't really care if we screw up their minds, and some of those prisoners have _disgusting_ thoughts."

The conversation becomes much lighter from then on out. The rookies chat among ourselves, but I make sure to keep an eye on Ino. When she thought no one else was looking, she would stare at me with eyes full of pity.

* * *

"Would the contestants please come down to the arena floor? We will be explaining the rules, then have the first match." A voice resonates throughout the stadium.

"Showtime!" Naruto exclaims, then leaps off the balcony and does some very interesting acrobats on the fall down. Showoff.

I sigh. "No time like the present." I use my chakra strings to slowly move myself to the arena. If Naruto wants to show off, I'll show off too. I basically make it look like I'm flying. The crowd loves it. Kids are pointing, adults are shocked, and the shinobi look intrigued by my performance. Flying is a rare skill.

"That's so COOL! Since when can you fly? You've got to teach me that!" Naruto demands the second I touch down.

"Hm... maybe we could do a trade?" I strike a thinking pose. It's really not that hard to do, and it could give me an excuse to spend time with Naruto. I never really spent time with him at all, not even in the Academy. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours? That kind of thing?"

Naruto's face drains of color. "...Dude. Poor choice of words."

"Oh get your mind out of the gutter! You know exactly what I meant!"

Interesting, that isn't how I expected him to react at all. I thought he would leap at the chance to hang out with someone. Maybe Jiraya's training has been good for him, I bet he's met a bunch of people outside of Konoha.

"So how about it Naruto? Want to hang out sometime? Maybe spar or something?"

"Sure. Just don't complain when I beat you into the ground!"

"I promise to not complain _if_ you beat me into the ground."

The other gennin come down with much less fanfare. How lame, the stairs make for a boring show. I suppose it's okay though, it gave me and Naruto time to chat.

"We are missing Sasuke Uchiha." The proctor says. "You!" He points to me. "You're on his team. Where is he?"

"How should I know? Last I saw him was a month ago. Kakashi-sensei took him on a training trip."

"Did you say Kakashi?" The proctor asks.

"Yep."

"Ah. That explains it. I'll explain the rules now. I'll leave it up to you to fill him in when he gets here." I nod my consent. "My name is Genma Shiranui, and I am the proctor for the third exam. This is a single elimination tournament. Once you lose, it is over. Down here my word is law. If I call a match, the match is over. If I say stop, you stop. If you disobey me, you get disqualified. Understood?" The gennin all agree. "Good. Neji Hyuuga and Naruto Uzumaki remain here. Everyone else back to the booth."

The gennin all go back. I take the stairs this time.

"Konoha! I give you the first fight, Neji Hyuuga vs Naruto Uzumaki!" The crowd roars.

"So. Who do you think is going to win?" Kiba asks. "I say Neji. He was scary in the preliminary round."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Neji."

"Naruto."

Everyone looks at me in surprise. "What? Naruto's been trained by a Sannin."

"That guy who took Naruto is a Sannin?" Ino exclaims.

"Yep. Jiraya of the Sannin. Also known as the Toad Sage, due to his summons. I wonder if he let Naruto sign the contract?" I hope so. We need Gamabunta to take on Shukaku.

"No shit." Kiba says. "I think I want to switch my bet."

"We were betting?" Shikamaru asks. "I don't remember agreeing to a bet."

"Well yeah. Isn't that what we do during fights like this?" Kiba asks. "All the jonin do it."

"How about we don't count this round. We can make stakes for the next fight." I offer.

"Works for me." Kiba says.

* * *

Naruto VS Neji

"Fighters ready?" Genma asks.

"Hell yeah I am!" Naruto is hopping back and forth from foot to foot.

"Yes." Neji casually says. He's not taking Naruto seriously at all.

"Begin!"

"Naruto, was it?" Neji smoothly slides into the opening stance for the Gentle Fist. "I've heard that you were supposed to be the dead last of your class."

"Hehe, yeah I got lucky. For some reason Jiraya-sensei wanted to train me! How cool is that? I do feel sorry for Alvarcus though, he got stuck being the dead last instead of me."

"Don't feel sorry." Neji calmly says. "It was destiny, you were destined to be chosen. He was destined to be the dead last in your place."

"Destiny?" Naruto tilts his head to the side in mild confusion. "Nah, it wasn't destiny. It was the shenanigans of an old pervert that's what it was!"

"Believe what you want, but it was destiny. Just like how today, right now, you're destined to lose to me." Neji lunges forward and slams a palm into Naruto's chest.

Or what was Naruto's chest, instead he shattered a log that Naruto replaced with. Naruto is casually standing next to the only tree in the arena. "Whew! That's one hell of a hit!"

"Interesting. Maybe you're not the dead last I thought you were. I'll have to take this seriously. Byakugan!"

"About damn time! Let's see how good those eyes of yours really are! Shadow Clone Jutsu!" Naruto is joined by five copies of himself. "Get him!"

All five clones lunge at Neji. He's not even phased by it, in fact I'd say he looks rather bored.

Neji quickly strikes out five times. Each strike is accompanied by the death of a shadow clone. "You'll need more than five targets to overwhelm me."

"How about five hundred?" Naruto taunts.

"Please, someone like you can't-"

POOF

"I stand corrected. So this is what a Sannin's tutelage will do. This is what happens when you're given everything." Neji flies into action. He's a blur, and everywhere he goes smoke is quick to follow him. That kid is scary good at taijutsu, it's literally one hit one kill.

"Idiot clones!" Naruto shouts. "Don't engage him one at a time! Swarm him!"

Courses of "You got it Boss!" come from all of his clones. They collectively leap into the air straight at Neji. He has no hope of dodging this, there's just to many.

Neji plants a heel into the ground and twists his whole body. "Kaiten!" A blue dome of chakra shields him from every single one of the clones, no it does more than that. It destroys each and every one that touched it. That is one hell of a move.

"You think I was given everything? I earned this. It wasn't destiny that got me here, I got myself here. Nothing more, nothing less." Naruto himself engages Neji. There's no more clones for him to hide behind now.

"No, destiny smiled on you. Just like how it spits on me." They're trading blows at breakneck speeds, neither of them truly connect. At the best they just manage glancing blows.

"Dude, what is it with you and destiny? Destiny isn't something that's predetermined, it's something that's forged. You make your own destiny."

"Do not _dare_ to think you can lecture me on destiny!" Fury makes it's way onto Neji's face. "I was born into the Branch Family, I'm bound in servitude to them. I'll never escape that! I'm forever branded as a second class member! All because of who I was born to! All because it's my destiny!"

Neji falls into an eerily familiar stance. He's prepping for something.

"Just like how it is your destiny to lose today. Eight Trigrams: 1 palms!" Neji slams his palm into Naruto.

"Ow. What the hell? Why can't I move my arm?" Naruto's left arm is limp, it's flopping around at his side. In any other situation I'd find this funny.

"That's what this technique does, it blocks your chakra pathways. Now, I'll finish this fight. 2 palms! 4 palms! 8 palms! 16 palms! 32 palms! 64 palms!"

Naruto remains on his feet for a fleeting moment, then he falls over backwards.

"Proctor, this fight is over. Call it." Neji orders as he turns his back on the blonde shinobi.

"This fight isn't over yet." An imposing chakra wafts off of Naruto. "I hate this part." A red haze forms around his body as he picks himself up. His eyes are red, his fingers sharpen to claws and his incisors grow.

He's using the Kyuubi's chakra. Imposing doesn't do it justice, it feels like hate. It feels like malice, like _evil._ But there's something else there, something hidden underneath all of that rage and anger. It's something I can understand, it's loneliness.

"What is that chakra?" Neji asks. "I've never seen anything like it before."

* * *

In the Booth

"What is that? It feels like _hate._ " Shikamaru asks.

"Is that really Naruto's chakra?" Ino asks too.

"No." I cut in. "It isn't. It's something else."

Everyone in the booth turns to me.

"What is it then?" Kiba demands.

"A burden that he's forced to live with."

* * *

"Well? Up for round 2?" Naruto leans over and lands on all fours. He looks like a beast with all of the changes to his body.

"I'll ask again. _What is that?_ "

"This is my curse. My equivalent to your Caged Bird Seal. Yes, I know about your seal." Naruto lifts a hand up to his face. He's looking at the red haze around it. "Like your seal I never asked for this, but I'm stuck with it."

"So destiny has ruined us both."

"No, it hasn't. Just because we carry our burdens doesn't mean we can't make them into our strengths."

"There's no strength to be found from my seal! Only pain and suffering!"

"Really? Are you sure? From my point of view it pushed you to become strong. You weren't given anything in life, you earned it all yourself. You know the true meaning of strength, it isn't power. It isn't chakra. It isn't being born to the Main Branch. It's being able to stand when everyone else tries to knock you down. It's getting back up and trying again even though the world is telling you to quit. True strength is never giving up."

"You know _nothing!_ " Neji roars as he lunges at Naruto. They exchange a quick trade of blows. "You don't know how if feels to live with a death sentence always hanging over your head! You don't know how if feels to never be able to look in a mirror because all you see is chains! You don't know how it feels to be worthless!" Neji's hand shoots forwards, he's trying to hit Naruto right in the heart.

"I don't know how it feels to be worthless?" Naruto catches Neji's hand and doesn't let go. "You still have a family. I've never had a family. I've never had someone care for me. I've never had anyone call me gifted or give me praise."

Naruto slams Neji into the ground so hard there's an impression left behind.

"All my life I've been hated. I've been kicked out of more shops than I can count. I've been treated like trash since day one." He picks Neji up by the neck. "It's you who doesn't know what it's like to feel worthless."

Naruto throws him across the arena. Neji bounces of the ground twice and rolls to a stop.

"You have everything I've ever wanted." Naruto hisses out.

Neji pushes himself up to his feet. "Proctor, I surrender. I can't beat him. Not anymore."

Neji's left hand, the one Naruto caught, is a bloody mess. It's bent at a wrong angle and is turning a grotesque shade of black.

"Oh Kami I'm sorry!" Naruto does a complete 180. "I didn't mean to I swear! I don't know my own strength when I go red. Stupid! Jiraya-sensei told me to not use it! I should have listened to him!"

"What's done is done." Neji dismisses his apology. "You've given me a lot to think about, if the price is my hand then so be it."

"Winner: Naruto Uzumaki!"

* * *

In The Booth

"That was..." Choji trails off.

"Not what I expected." I finish. Naruto is nothing like how I imagined him. He's efficient, he's expressive and he's focused. And once you get past his bubbly mask there's a brittle cesspool of pain and suffering waiting to lash out at someone.

"Yeah. He's changed a lot since the Academy." Shikamaru adds. "I can't believe that's the same person."

"Our next fight is between Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara of the Desert! Contestants, please come to the arena!" Sasuke hasn't shown up yet. Not good.

"This is awkward." I say to myself. "OI! Proctor! Sasuke's not here yet! Could you skip his fight and come back to it?"

The proctor looks to the Hokage and the Kazekage. Orochimaru. That's Orochimaru.

They converse for a minute, then the Hokage replies. "We will postpone the fight. If he is not here by the time the last match of the first round is finished, he forfeits the fight."

Murmurs go throughout the crowd. "I came just to see him." "Is he going to be here in time?" "Where can he be?"

"The third fight, will Kankuro of the Desert and Alvarcus Mar come to the arena?"

Kankuro turns to me. "Ready to get beat, imitator?" He jumps down to the arena.

"That's it!" I've had enough of my awesome chakra strings being mocked! "Kiba! I bet I'll beat him without touching him once!"

"Deal! Loser buys the winner a new kunai set?"

"Agreed. Thanks for the kunai." I fly myself down to the arena like I did earlier.

Kankuro snorts. "Nice trick. You better be able to move your strings faster than that if you want to beat me."

I say nothing. He will learn his place.

* * *

Alvarcus VS Kankuro

"That's got to be a tough act to follow. Contestants ready?" Genma asks.

"Yes." Is all I say. It is not the time for words. Now it's the time for action.

"Bring it on imitator!" Kankuro taunts.

"Begin!"

Kankuro pulls out Kasaru. "Now you can see what a real chakra string wielder can do!"

Showtime.

"Kankuro." I conversationally say. "What do you know of monsters?"

I see sweat form on his forehead, no doubt he is thinking of his brother, Gaara. He's scared of him. Good, I plan on capitalizing on that fear.

"In the forest I was _infected_ with something."

I extend a single chakra string from my back straight into the air and let it sway gently as if it was in a breeze.

"It made me into a monster."

I use my only genjutsu, Eyes of the Damned. My vision splits as I create eyes on the chakra string. It looks like a tentacle of eyeballs just shot out of my back. Perfect.

Kankuro's eyes go wide and the chatter that filled the air from the stands stops. It's eerily quiet now, my display silenced everyone.

"A monster so fierce, so terrifying, my family abandoned me."

Another tentacle joins the first. He steps backwards, he's trying to get away from me.

I'm not going to let that happen. I casually stroll towards him, acting as if everything is perfectly normal.

"My friends left me. You saw how Ino reacted when she was in my head."

More, I continuously create them now. I don't limit myself to just my back. They spawn on my shoulders, my arms, my neck.

"And your plan is to insult me?"

The tentacles reach in all directions, and writhe in an inhuman pattern.

Kankuro's back dully thuds into the wall of the stands. He can't retreat anymore.

"To make me mad? To mock me? You mock this monster?"

I have fifty tentacles at this point. I don't think I can make more, so I make the eyes appear on my body. On my limbs, my chest, my face. Anywhere and everywhere I can. To top everything off, I create one that spans the width of my chest with my original piercing yellow eye color.

"Gaara's not the only monster, I'm one too."

I stop a mere ten paces away from him and let the tentacles squirm in crazy untraceable patterns.

"YOU DARE TO INSULT ME?!"

Kankuro looks ready to piss himself in fear. His hands are shaking so badly that Karasu is twitching in response.

I move the tentacles towards him. Slowly, without a care in the world. They close in on him from all sides, he's trapped with nowhere to go.

"Run, puny human. You're in the land of monsters now."

"I surrender! Proctor! Stop him!" Kankuro shrieks out.

"Winner by forfeit! Alvarcus Mar!"

I drop the genjutsu. The eyes fade into nothingness. I announce to the silent crowd, "Genjutsu. It was all genjutsu. None of that was real."

I turn to the terrified Kankuro. "I haven't shown you the real monster yet."

I leave him in the arena and go back to the booth. I'm greeted by silence.

"Alvarcus." Kiba says. "That shit was terrifying."

* * *

Kurenai turns to Asuma. "I told you his idea had merit. Ha! That kid is brilliant! Re-purposing an utility genjutsu like that! I'm half tempted to ask Kakashi for him. Imagine what else he could come up with!"

Asuma looks pale. "That shit was terrifying."

* * *

Something good just happened. I can feel it. I wonder what it was?

"The next match is between Shikamaru Nara and Temari of the Desert!" Both of them go down to the arena.

"Bets?" Kiba asks.

"I bet Shikamaru will have Temari caught, and then he surrenders." My foreknowledge makes betting way too easy.

"NO! I am done betting against you!" Kiba rounds on me. "You have the weirdest most unlikely bets, but they always happen! You're two for two! You can't bet anymore!"

Shino speaks up. "I will bet the same thing as Alvarcus."

"You know what?" Kiba huffs in annoyance. "Betting is done. It's not fun anymore."

"Begin!"

Long story incredibly short, I was right. The fight goes exactly like cannon. It takes forever, and Shikamaru surrenders when he has a kunai to Temari's throat. I have to give the guy props though, he really uses his mind well.

"The final fight of the first round! Gaara of the Desert vs Sasuke Uchiha." Gaara appears in the arena in a swirl of sand. Sasuke doesn't show. "If Sasuke Uchiha isn't here in five minutes, he forfeits the match."

Four minutes and fifty five seconds later.

"Five. Four. Three. Two."

"Yo. Sorry, are we late?" Kami dammit Kakashi, what's your excuse this time?

"Yes. You are." The proctor says. "Another second and he would have been disqualified."

"It's okay, he's here now. Go on! Shoo! Go to the big scary proctor." Kakashi shoos Sasuke away.

"Alright. Now that you're both here we can begin. Contestants ready?"

"Yes." Gaara drones.

"Yes." Sasuke states with confidence.

"Begin!"

Instantly Sasuke takes off at crazy speeds towards Gaara. He got super fast over the last month. I'm impressed, I'll have to ask Kakashi to put me through that training, speed is one of my lower attributes.

"I'm faster than your sand." Sasuke taunts, and it's true. Just like the fight with Lee, Gaara's sand can barely keep up.

"Sand Shield." Sand forms a sphere around Gaara, completely encasing him. An imposing chakra starts pouring off the ball of sand. Shukaku. He's transforming into Shukaku.

Sasuke, undeterred by the new barrier between him and his opponent, puts as much distance as possible between themselves. The sound of birds fills the air.

"Chidori!"

Sasuke takes off towards Gaara at his new Chidori enhanced speed. That kid can _move._ Sasuke shoves his fistful of lightning through the sand shield, piercing it with ease.

"Blood?" Gaara's voice rasps out.

"This is not good." Temari says from my left.

"My blood?"

"Really not good." Kankuro adds.

"My blood! Sasuke Uchiha! You will prove my existence!" Gaara bursts out of his protective sphere, already half transformed into Shukaku. With a mad gleam in his eye, he lunges at Sasuke.

Whoa, where did all these feathers come from? Wow they're really pretty, and they're so soothing. I think I might... just... nap...

 _~The host will not be ensnared!~_

Pain. Why do I feel pain? My arm hurts, like when I use the Jiongu. The feathers from a moment ago are gone. I was caught in the genjutsu? I didn't even notice it until it was too late.

Oh shit, the invasion is starting.

As I clear my head, many lives were lost. The Suna and Sound nin took advantage of the few moments to slit as many throats as possible.

I need to wake everyone up. "KAI!" I send out a pulse of chakra to wake everyone in the contestant booth.

"What the hell is going on!?" Kiba shouts over the sounds of battle.

"Invasion. From Suna and Sound. The Sand Siblings are gone, all three of them. They must have gone to the arena to get Gaara and taken him somewhere." I explain quickly.

"Die, Konoha scum!" A masked Suna shinobi leaps into the booth wielding a bloody katana.

"No."

I send out my fire whips, all ten, to catch him. They wrap around him and burn into his flesh, making the air smell foul.

"You die."

I up the heat and _pull_ on the strings. They burn straight through his body. I turned him into a paste. It's gruesome.

"Al... Alvarcus did you just _melt_ that guy?" Kiba asks with a tinge of fear in his voice.

I turn around to face my friends. They're all staring at me in varying levels of shock and disbelief. I can't blame them for it, it wasn't a clean kill by any means.

"We can't stay here." I start speaking, I don't have the time to waste being bothered by their reactions. Our lives are at stake. "We're being targeted as the most promising Konoha nin of the next generation. We need to move and help out where we can. Remember, we are only gennin. There will be opponents we can't beat. The only shot we have is to work together."

"Well spoken." Kakashi says. Oh thank Kami he's here. He brought Asuma and Kurenai with him. Thank you, I don't have to lead the kids through this mess.

"Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke and Sakura are both not here. I haven't seen Sakura all day. Orders? What do I do?"

"Sasuke went after Gaara. He's following their retreat. I haven't seen Sakura."

"I haven't seen her at all either." Ino adds. "It's weird, she was really happy her teammates made it to the finals. She wouldn't shut up about how much better her team was then mine over this past month. She should be here. Something must have happened to her. You don't think she's d-" Ino's voice cracks. She can't finish her sentence.

"I doubt it." Asuma calms Ino. "The invasion just started, they wouldn't have the time to do it yet. Besides, how important would one fresh, clanless gennin that didn't make it to the finals be?"

"You're right." Ino tires to convince herself. "She's probably sick?" It comes out as a question, as if she's not sure.

"AAAHHHH!" A scream tears through the air. No. It can't be. I know that scream, I haven't heard that voice for so long. It is my kaa-san. My kaa-san is screaming.

"KAA-SAN!"

I bolt out of the booth, straight over the balcony. I vaguely make a note of a Sound team leaping into the contestant booth.

"KAA-SAN! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Where is she? Where is my kaa-san? Who made her scream? _Who hurt her!_

"NO! Don't kill him! Don't kill Fujita! Not him! Please!" She's begging a Suna shinobi to not cut off my tou-san's head.

 _On the other side of the stadium_.

 _~Protect what's ours!~_

I won't get there in time! I push myself as fast as I can go. I'm not going to make it!

The sun glints off the raised blade of the Suna shinobi. He swings it down. My tou-san's head rolls off his body and falls to the ground.

 _~No! He has taken from us! Kill him!~_

I'm only halfway across the arena. Kaa-san is kneeling over tou-san's corpse, bawling her eyes out. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save my tou-san.

The Suna shinobi raises his blade again.

"NO!" I roar. "KAA-SAN!"

I'm only seconds away. She looks up at the sound of my voice.

With tears in her eyes, I hear her say "We always loved you."

The blade falls.

Her head thuds to the ground.

The world stops. All I can see is my dead parents. My murdered parents. Why are they here? They shouldn't be here. Why?

They came to watch me. They are here because of me. It is my fault.

 _~No. It is not the host's fault. The one who did this is before you. What will you do?~_

I let the Jiongu out. It rips from my chest, reopening my scar.

 _~Yes. Use me.~_

I let it snare the murdering Suna shinobi.

 _~Yes! Kill him! Let me kill him!~_

I see the fear in his eyes, the terror he now feels. The helplessness. Good.

"Get me his heart. Make it painful. Make him suffer. Make him _scream!_ "

 _~As the host commands!~_

The Jiongu digs into his skin, burrowing into his body. He screams. He screams loud enough to wake the dead. He screams so loud all the fights near me stop, they are watching the horror show I'm putting on. Good. Let them watch. Let them know what I will do when you _kill my family!_

It's not enough. I want all the nin here to know what happens when you take from me. I want them to know what they will face if they cross me. I want them to know that if you steal what's mine, you face the wrath of a _monster._

"I said make it painful. I want it messy."

 _~YES!~_

The Jiongu shears off the skin on his chest, displaying his organs. It reaches in, grabs one at random, and crushes it. Blood and bodily fluids fly everywhere. It grabs another. It shreds this one. The shinobi dies. I don't tell the Jiongu to stop. I let it continue desecrating his corpse, I don't care that he is already dead. It rips the next organ to pieces. It destroys every major organ he has in a unique way.

"His heart." I demand. "Give it to me."

 _~Of course, it is yours now.~_

The Jiongu carefully pulls his heart out of his ruined chest and gently, tenderly places it in my hand.

 _~Wind.~_

I remove the rest of my torn shirt, baring my scars and masks to the world.

"Add it to the collection."

The black threads pick the heart up, remove the wind mask from my back and put it inside me. The pain doesn't bother me. Not this time, not when my family is dead. I tear my eyes away from the bodies of my parents and my unborn sibling. I'll never know if I'll have a brother or a sister. I've been robbed of something precious. Something irreplaceable.

Its quiet. Too quiet for a battlefield. I want to know why. Everyone is looking at me in fear. The Suna nin, the Sound nin. Even the Rookie Gennin that are present. The senseis. A select few don't have fear on their face. Kakashi. Gai. Two Suna shinobi. Four Sound shinobi. And one other, a person dressed up in Suna's ANBU gear.

He reaches into his hip pouch, and withdraws a scroll with a black band around it. A body scroll. Why? What's he doing? There is no body to seal near him. He throws it to me.

"Open it." I know that voice. I've heard it before, but I can't place who exactly it is. The mystery Suna ANBU vanishes in a swirl of sand.

"Alvarcus no!" Kakashi commands. He must be done dealing with the Sound team that attacked the booth. I ignore him. I open the body scroll and pump chakra into it to release its contents. A body pops out and falls to the ground with a dull thud.

Sakura. It's Sakura. I'd know that hair anywhere. Her throat is slit. There's a Suna symbol _carved_ into her forehead.

I fall to my knees. "Sakura?" I whisper. "Wake up. Please. Not you too." I know its too late already. "I'm so sorry Sakura. We were supposed to be great. We were supposed to do so many things together. I'm so sorry. We never even got Sasuke to go to team dinners."

"Alvarcus." Kakashi says softly. "Look at me."

I can't. I can't even move. I don't want to move. I don't want to be here. This isn't how the story should go. My parents. Sakura. They're gone forever. I'll never see them again.

"Alvarcus!" Kakashi says strongly.

"What?" I rasp out.

"You need to go to the shelter." Kakashi says gently. I have no idea how he is remaining so composed. He just lost a student.

"No. Sasuke. Where's Sasuke! I need to protect him! I won't lose him! Not him too!" I fly to my feet. I need to find him.

"Alvarcus, no. You've been through enough." Kakashi says softly. "Your parents. Sakura. Just go to the-"

"NO! TELL ME WHERE HE IS OR I WILL FIND HIM MYSELF!" I roar. "I will find him. I will protect him. I will violently deal with anyone who tries to stop me. Even you. I will not abandon him! I won't lose him too!"

Kakashi flies through some hand seals. Pakkun appears in a puff of smoke. "Hey. What do you need?"

"Take him to Sasuke." Kakashi asks. "Look out for him. He's..." Kakashi gingerly touches his Sharingan eye, "fragile." Kakashi turns to me. "Asuma and Kurenai sent some of their gennin to assist Sasuke too. You'll probably catch up to them, Pakkun has more experience tracking than all of you rookie gennin combined."

"Gotcha. Alright kid, let's go." Pakkun takes off out of the arena into the forest. I follow right behind him. "We gotta conserve your stamina if you want to be useful when we get there."

"We don't. My muscles don't tire. I don't even have muscles anymore. The Jiongu replaced them. It doesn't get tired. I can run for days. Literally."

"Useful. You set the pace. I'll stay ahead of you."

I push my speed to its maximum. I'm glad I have the Jiongu right now. If I didn't have it, there is no way I would be able to cover this much distance this quickly.

"I smell a Nara ahead." Pakkun informs me.

"His name is Shikamaru. We're going through. If he needs help, I'll leave a minion."

"Sixty seconds out at current speed."Pakkun warns.

Pakkun and I burst into a small clearing to see Shikamaru taking on three teams of Sound shinobi. He has them all trapped in his shadows.

"Pakkun. New plan: thirty second slaughter. Stay hidden."

He scurries off into the treeline as I charge through the clearing through the sound nin and grab Shikamaru. We need to move.

Halfway through the clearing I will out my lightning, earth and water hearts. As awesome as they are, my chakra strings aren't meant to overwhelm groups of opponents. I need to destroy the enemies as soon as possible. The earth monster stomps its foot and raises walls of stone around the Sound nin in a pentagon. The water monster leaps over the new container and uses Water Release: Exploding Water Colliding Wave to slam the nin into the ground and fill the oddly shaped bowl with a half meter of water. Then the lightning mask leaps over the walls and fires Lightning Release: False Darkness into the water.

I was wrong on my time. It wasn't a thirty second slaughter. It was a _ten_ second slaughter.

"Thanks for the save. How did you make those- What the hell happened to you!?" Shikamaru exclaims.

Oh, my shirt is gone. Shredded by my use of the Jiongu and discarded in the arena. He can see everything.

"I don't have time to explain. Sasuke needs me." I pull the heart monsters back into me with a squelch.

Shikamaru pales. "Your masks. That's what you needed the masks for."

"Yes." I answer. "Pakkun! Let's go." He comes scampering out of the brush.

"This way." He growls out. Good, he's serious now. Before he seemed too relaxed. We start to move again.

"I'll come too." Shikamaru calls out.

I call out to him over my shoulder. "If you can't keep up, don't step up. You'll just die."

Pakkun and I kick it in high gear. Shikamaru follows us for a few minutes.

"How" wheeze "are you" wheeze "still going?" Shikamaru asks between breaths.

"It has to do with those monsters you saw me use. I don't get tired."

"You've" wheeze "gotta be" wheeze "kidding me." wheeze "I call" wheeze "bullshit."

I ignore him. "Pakkun, how much longer?"

"Five minutes to Sasuke. Two minutes to an Aburame." He tells me.

"Shikamaru. Who is Shino fighting?"

"Kankuro." wheeze "I'll help" wheeze "Shino. You go" wheeze "to Sasuke."

"Agreed. I'll do a hit and run attack on Kankuro when I run past. The rest is up to you and Shino."

We run the next moments with no sound but Shikamaru's labored breathing.

"Thirty seconds out." Pakkun warns us.

"I'll destroy his puppet. His poisons won't work on me. It will lower his threat level significantly."

We burst into another clearing to see Shino wildly dodging Kasaru and Kankuro doing everything he can to avoid Shino's swarm.

I flow through hand signs while running, "Earth release: Devouring Earth!"

Jaws of earth rise from beneath Kasaru and crush it to dust. I watch Kankuro go pale.

"Thank you, I was having difficulty." Shino says as I sprint past.

"You get Shikamaru! I'm going ahead to help Sasuke!"

Pakkun and I never slowed down. The entire exchange took less than five seconds.

"Pakkun, how long?"

"Three minutes. Max. Probably less."

"How are you holding up? Can you go faster?"

"Kid, I can keep up with Kakashi. This is nothing."

"Good. The ground levels out here for a while. Let's up the speed."

We run along in silence at breakneck speeds. I've never moved this fast before. At this point I'm not running, I'm leaping. I'm using the Jiongu to its fullest potential in my legs, using the added strength to push me forward.

"Thirty seconds. I smell four scents. Sasuke, foxes, sand, and a female I don't know."

"Sasuke, Naruto, Gaara, and Temari." Good. Naruto is there.

"Five seconds." Pakkun warns.

We burst into the clearing to see Gaara slam Sasuke _through_ a tree.

"SASUKE!" I yell.

"Slicing Whirlwind!" Wind cuts into me, shearing off some skin and exposing my threads. "You will not hurt my brother!" Temari shouts at me.

"You won't hurt mine!" I release my earth heart. "Deal with her! Non-lethal take-downs only. I've killed enough today."

With Temari busy running for her life I turn back to Gaara to see him and Naruto fighting.

"Naruto! Can you survive for two minutes? I want to check on Sasuke."

"You are late." I have never been more glad to hear that damn arrogant tone. "Taking after Kakashi?"

Naruto disengages from Gaara. Gaara is half transformed into Shukaku, his right arm is covered in sand with blue accents. His eyes are bloodshot and he has a feral grin. All higher thought processes are gone, he's running on barely more than pure instinct at this point.

"Never mind Naruto, Sasuke's fine. I think. How's the chakra levels?" I ask.

"Low. I have one more Chidori left. Then we don't have any lightning jutsu strong enough to hurt him."

"Yes we do. I'm here now."

"Cool! You have a lightning affinity too!" Naruto exclaims.

"I have them all."

Naruto's jaw drops. Sasuke looks surprised. "Orochimaru?" He asks.

"Yeah, one of the side effects. Another is the thing fighting Temari." They both glance over to that fight. I say fight, it is more like an extreme version of 'run away from the earth spitting monster.'

"Dude. I don't know if that is cool, or the most creepy thing ever." Naruto says. "You made that?"

"Yeah. Each one has it's own element and can use jutsu of said element. That one is earth. I have fire, wind, water and lightning left."

"You can make more!? Forget teaching me how to fly teach me how to do that!" Naruto exclaims. "That's so COOL!"

"It also gave me all of my scars and is the reason I have masks stitched onto my back."

"He-he.. Less cool?" Naruto rubs his head sheepishly.

"Shut up Naruto." Sasuke demands. "We need a plan. How good is that lightning jutsu of yours?"

"B-rank. Any range. I can fire as many as we need. My chakra recovers extremely fast." I quickly provide the information. "I used it to electrocute nine Sound shinobi who were in a pond on the way over here."

"Here's the plan." Sasuke starts explaining, "Alvarcus, pelt him from long range until he goes down. Naruto and I will work from mid range to keep him away from you. Keep us between the two of you."

"Works for me!"

"Naruto, you are way to chipper for this situation. I'll have my water monster attack from close range. Once earth is done with Temari it'll join."

"STOP IGNORING ME! COME! LET ME FEEL ALIVE!" Gaara throws himself at us.

I jump backwards while Naruto and Sasuke engage him, positioning him to give me a clear shot. I start going through the hand signs for False Darkness.

"Sand Shuriken!" Gaara roars out as he hurls his attack towards me.

A whirling blade of death tears through the air. I attach a string to it and pull. A small section breaks away from the giant shuriken.

"Oh shit!" I hit the floor. The shuriken barely misses me. "Okay, can't redirect those, I just rip off a chunk of sand. Let's try something new."

I push the lightning heart out of my back, but I don't let it separate from me to form a monster. Instead I leave it connected. I create a fifth limb extending from my back to over my head, one that can spit lightning without having to make hand signs.

"Cool. Didn't know I could do that."

False Darkness rips from my new appendage, streaks across the battlefield and blasts a huge chunk of sand off Gaara's sand arm.

"Wicked."

The battle progresses in our favor. Between my water monster, Sasuke and Naruto we have Gaara on the defensive. He is always in a good spot for me to hit him with my lightning jutsu. I blast off more and more sand with every shot. We might actually win this!

"ENOUGH!" Gaara roars. "Genjutsu: Forced Slumber."

"Oh fuck me." I know whats coming.

POOF!

The world becomes covered in smoke.

"What's this? I'm free? I'M FREE!"

Shukaku. He released Shukaku. I am so glad he is outside of the village.

"Guys!" I call out. "We need a new plan!"

Sasuke and Naruto run to my side. I pull in my water monster and retract the lightning mask to my back.

"Okay. I have some combination attacks that _might_ be able to hurt it. Do either of you two have anything to fight a giant sand monster?" I ask my allies.

"OH OH! I do!" Oh thank Kami. "I can summon Gamabunta! He's HUGE! He can fight that thing for us! Here I'll do it right now!"

"Uh I don' think that's a good-"

"Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF!

"-idea. Am I standing on a giant toad?"

"OI! Brat! Why did you summon me?" Gamabunta, the toad boss, asks.

"We need you to fight the big sand monster over there Chief!" Naruto happily chirps.

"Sasuke. Your eyes can see through genjutsu. That's what this is, right? Please tell me we are on the ground. Please?" I'm in the air. I don't want to be in the air.

"We are on a giant toad." Sasuke bluntly informs me.

"See that's what I thought. Is now a bad time to tell you I have a crippling fear of heights? Cuz I do. Big time."

"Hang on kiddos! It's about to get rough!" Gamabunta says while drawing his sword.

"No! I want off!" I'm ignored. Gamabunta bounds all over the place. "I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I can't do this again. I can't be this high again. I'm dead. Dead dead dead. Splat. Again."

"Alvarcus shut up!" Sasuke demands. "I'm not going to let you fall off!"

"Oi. Brats on my head." Gamabunta rumbles. "Which one of you knows the biggest fire jutsu?"

Ignore the height. Do your job. The ground is red and feels like toad. It's always been that way. You are on the ground.

"I do." Sasuke says.

"Me." I say.

"Please. My Grand Fireball is bigger than your fire whip. You can't even make them that long!" Sasuke defends his pride.

"Dude, did you not see me melt that guy in the booth? Oh wait, you were chasing Gaara. You didn't. Doesn't matter. I'm not talking about my fire whips, I have a fire equivalent to the lightning jutsu I was using earlier. B-rank. All ranges."

"What the hell did you do to train this last month?" Sasuke demands. "Was that weird Yamato guy really that good?"

"Nah, I learned most of this from a scroll and trial and error." I never thought I would say this, but thank you Orochimaru.

"Brats! Quit arguing and ready the damn jutsu! You'll know when to launch it!" Gamabunta's cheeks swell.

We're doing the oil and fire move. I push out my water heart. I have it ready a huge water wave. I fly through the hand signs for Intelligent Hard Work and my own cheeks swell. Gamabunta spits out a crazy amount of oil. Hundreds of thousands of liters. I release my own fire. It ignites the oil. The water monster shoots out a wave of water. Ever tried to pour water on an oil fire? It makes the fire go crazy.

FWUMP!

A titanic firestorm rages towards Shukaku. It is beautiful.

"HAHA! Which one of you squirts did that!" Gamabunta asks, "Who would have thought adding water to a fire would make it bigger!"

"I did. Water and oil don't mix well. Some science could explain that, but all I know is never pour water on an oil fire. Or that happens. Kami I love fire so much! Burn sand creature! Burn! Ahahaha!"

"Ow ow ow ow ow! Hot! Hot!" Shukaku is... hopping from foot to foot to avoid stepping in the fire. How ridiculous. This is supposed to be one of the most powerful beings in the world?

"That didn't work." Thanks Naruto, like we didn't notice that already.

"We can't overwhelm it." Sasuke adds. "What else is there?"

"I have an idea." I offer. "It's pretty crazy though. And there is no way in hell I am doing it!"

"Let's hear it kid. I don't have much time left here. Naruto's chakra is almost depleted."Gamabunta adds.

"Gaara released the sand thing by forcing himself to sleep. All we have to do is wake him up, and maybe it will go away?"

"Worth a shot. How do we do it?" Sasuke asks.

"Uh... hit him in the face? He's on that thing's forehead. All one of you two have to do is get over there. I'm climbing down before Gamabunta goes poof and we are all in the air. See ya both later!"

Using my chakra I walk down Gamabunta's back to the ground, Sasuke and Naruto can handle this now.

"Sweet dirt, how I have missed you!" Pain! Squelch. "Oh, that was my earth heart. Glad it survived. Where's Temari? I'd hate for her to get stepped on."

 _~To the north thirty of your paces.~_

"Thanks."

 _~You are welcome, host.~_

The Jiongu shivers in delight. I remember that being much creepier the first time. I find it rather soothing now. I make my way north, stumbling a few times as the giants battle and shake the ground. I come up on Temari. Her fan is ruined, just a mangled heap of metal and canvas. She's pinned to a boulder. Earth has encased each limb, keeping her from moving. See looks up at my approach.

"You here to finish the job yourself? That... thing could have killed me multiple times. I didn't take you as the kind of person who wants to get their own hands dirty. Although, you are covered in blood. I've been wrong before."

"I'm not here to kill you." She looks surprised. "If I let you down will you attack me or run away? I don't know if you noticed, but there is a giant toad fighting a giant sand... thing. Raccoon maybe? Anyways, we should probably move away from here. I'll even take you to Kankuro once the fight is over."

"But... why? My village invaded yours! You're supposed to hate me!" Temari shouts.

"Temari. Today I lost almost everyone important to me. I watched a Suna shinobi cut my-" my voice cracks "-cut my parents heads off. I watched them die. I'll never get to meet my sibling, because he or she wasn't born yet. I watched one of your ANBU throw me a body scroll that contained my teammate's desecrated corpse. Believe me, I'm full of hate. I'm brimming in utter _fury_. I want to lash out at you, I want you to suffer and know my pain. I want you to experience my loss, to feel the full depth of my suffering. But I'm not going to. No one should have to feel this."

Temari pales. "You lost so many people today?"

"The only people I have left are Sasuke and Kakashi. Now tell me, did you help those events happen? Do I have a reason to hate you?"

"No. Kankuro and I were only told to protect Gaara until he released Shukaku. We didn't know about the invasion until yesterday morning." She answers honestly.

"Then I have no reason to hate you. I will not condemn you for something you had no part in."

"You really don't hate me? If our roles were reversed, I would hate you."

"I've killed eleven people today, some from your village. I've already destroyed eleven families. I won't ruin another, not for misplaced vengeance."

Temari looks relieved. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." She stills at my words. "I said _I_ won't ruin another family. I never said anything about the others." She pales drastically at my words. "And after today, I doubt I'll be able to trust a Suna nin ever again."

"Temari!" Kankuro's voice cuts through the air. "You're alive! He didn't kill you?"

Startled, Temari asks, "Kill me? Alvarcus? He was never going to kill me. I think. Were you?"

"I didn't plan on it, but if you stopped me from getting to Sasuke any better than you did, I might have." I reply honestly. I won't sugar coat anything. "What made you think I was going to kill her?"

"Do you have any idea how _scary_ you looked? You fly into the middle of my fight covered head to toe in blood, _obliterate_ my best weapon, drop off reinforcements and say you're going on ahead? What was I supposed to think!"

"You are very intimidating." Shikamaru adds. Oh good, he's breathing normally again. "I thought I was dead until you saved me. You tear through the center of nine enemies, drop off three black abominations, tackle me, and somehow make a contained pond to electrocute them to death? You did all of that in ten seconds. Probably less. If you don't get a damn promotion out of this, I sure as hell am not!"

"You should have seen what he and Gamabunta did! There was fire everywhere! It was so cool!" Naruto cuts in. He's carrying Gaara, behind him is Sasuke.

"Oh good, you all lived. I was hoping you would survive." I say.

"Please. It'll take more than that to kill me." Sasuke smirks.

"What are you going to do with us now?" Temari asks.

Everyone quiets down. "You could let us go?" Temari suggests hopefully. "We will go strait to Suna. No detours. We just want to go home."

No one says anything. I break the silence. "It would benefit Konoha."

"Explain. I've heard you say some dumb things, but this takes the cake." Sasuke demands of me.

"Think about it. They're the Kazekage's kids. Not only that, rookie gennin _demolished_ them. Had them all but dead. Then we let them go? It shows we are strong. It shows we are compassionate. It shows we have mercy. It shows that we are human."

I don't want to cause more death today. There's already enough blood on my hands. If I can convince the others maybe I can redeem myself a little. Prove to myself that I'm not a monster.

Shikamaru pins the Sand Siblings in a stare. "Straight to Suna? No detours?"

"Yes." Kankuro replies this time.

"I'm okay with it. It'd be too troublesome to keep an eye on you three until some else comes to take you off our hands."

"Acceptable." Shino says, he's a man of few words.

"Sure! We can totally spar sometime if we go to Suna!" Naruto adds.

Is he that clueless, or just doesn't understand that we were invaded? Maybe he and Gaara bonded like in cannon? Or is he actually desperate for friends? I have no idea.

We turn to Sasuke. He's the last one.

"Fine. I'm tired of looking at that red hair anyways."

I let the earth jutsu holding Temari crumble. "Sorry about your fan. I didn't know my earth monster was that strong."

Temari nods, "I'm sorry about your family and teammate." The Sand Siblings leave.

Sasuke stiffens. "Teammate? But I'm... Something happened to Sakura? Alvarcus, is she okay?"

"Ask Kakashi. Please." An image of her corpse flashes through my mind.

"Alvarcus. Is she dead?" Sasuke sounds broken, almost as bad as me.

"Don't make me remember it. Please." I sound pathetic.

The events of today have finally started to catch up to me. I could ignore it during the heat of battle, but now? When everything is over? It's all I can think about.

Sasuke's face drains of all color. "She said I'm sorry about your family and teammate. If Sakura is..." He trails off.

"Y-yeah." I feel my eyes water. "Them too. I'm an orphan now."

"Orphan? Both of your parents... what about... no. Your sibling."

"Sasuke. Please. Just stop talking." I try to collect myself. I fail miserably. "I need to do something. I can't stop doing something. If I stop I remember. I don't want to remember. Someone give me something to do."

"We can go back to the village and see if there is still fighting going on. Maybe assist in evacuating civilians, or protecting the bunkers." Shikamaru suggests.

I have a goal. Something to distract me.

"Yeah. That. I'm going to go do that." Anything to push the pain away.

"I'm coming with." I open my mouth to tell Sasuke no. "No arguing. We lost Sakura. We don't get to die, we are stronger as a team. I'll protect you, and you protect me."

"Alright." I cave. "You set the pace. You're the one low on chakra."


	18. Chapter 18

We make our way back to Konoha at a much more reasonable pace then the one Pakkun and I took while coming out here. It takes almost twice as long to get back. The fighting is over by the time we are there. There is no need for any form of combat at all, which is something I dread. I don't want to face my losses now.

Sasuke and I are in training ground seven when Kakashi finds us. We didn't know where else to go.

"Sasuke. Alvarcus."

"Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke greets coolly. I say nothing.

"Sasuke, I have bad news." Kakashi takes a deep breath.

"Sakura is dead. Alvarcus told me. How did she die?"

"Quickly. Painlessly."

Liar. I saw her body. A slit throat is not a quick and painless death.

Kakashi glances at me. "Did he also tell you about his..."

"Family? I figured it out. They're gone too. Don't tell me how. He doesn't need to see it again."

"I have more bad news." Kakashi says. "The Hokage is dead. The service is tomorrow. The gennin who stopped Gaara are getting a seat of honor at the service." He turns to just me now. "The other gennin said that you saved their lives. That they would be dead if you didn't intervene."

"I didn't do that much." I rasp out. Since when is my throat dry?

"That's not the story going around. A gennin wielding black threads tears a Suna nin to pieces, runs after his teammate, destroys three Sound teams at once, single handedly crushes the Kazekage's kid's puppet and then goes on to battle a released bijuu and wins? You made quite a name for yourself today. The shinobi are talking about you the most. They're using your accomplishments to offset the losses we've had. Instead of talking about the bad things, they're talking about you. You've impressed a lot of people."

"Great." I reply. All of my anger is gone now, all that's left in me is a emotionless void. I simply can't process what happened.

"I've got to go now. The jonin are meeting to figure out the damages and pick a temporary Hokage until the next one is sworn in. We lost a lot of people today. The next few months are going to be hectic, between rebuilding, missions, and getting a new Hokage. I hear I'm in the running. How cool would that be? You got trained by a Hokage!"

Sasuke snorts. "Nothing would ever get done. You'd call important meetings and then show up late for them."

Kakashi laughs. "True! I'll be around. Take care of Alvarcus, Sasuke." He leaves with a swirl of leafs.

"Get up Alvarcus. You've sat on the ground long enough. We're going to my house." Sasuke hauls me to my feet.

"Alright."

I don't even have a home anymore. Home was where my parents were, and they are gone now. We make it there with little fanfare. The civilians are in designated areas until the aftermath can be cleaned up. The shinobi know better than to try and approach someone out of it like me. When a shinobi isn't paying attention, they stab fist and hide the body later.

We enter Sasuke's house. I head to the couch. I just want to sleep.

"No you don't! You will not ruin a perfectly good couch by getting filth all over it! There's a bathroom down the hall to the right. Clean up. You can take the spare bedroom this time." How generous.

"I don't have any clean clothes."Is that my voice? I've never sounded so beaten.

"I'll find some your size. There are a lot of clothes around here of all sizes. Fair warning, most have the Uchiha crest on them."

"That's fine." I smirk. "I can always burn it off."

"Funny. No jutsu in the house. Go wash up. I'll leave the clothes outside the door." His eyes flash crimson.

"Sasuke. Did you just-"

"Not. A. Word." He shudders. "Imagine if my fan-girls found out about that. They would switch targets from trying to get me, to trying to get us together. Gross."

"I'm repressing that. Repressing it very deeply. Never to be heard of again." I make my way to the bathroom.

Sasuke was right, I'm filthy. I'm covered in blood splatters, dirt, and who knows what else. It takes a solid ten minutes of scrubbing to get clean. Then I notice something. I'm missing strips of skin on my right arm and shoulder from Temari's wind attack. My threads are showing. I can see them, mimicking what my muscles would do. It is horrifically fascinating. I need to learn how to regrow skin using medical chakra.

"Clothes are outside." Sasuke calls to me.

"Thanks."

I wrap up my shower, and dry myself off. I look in the mirror. I've changed so much over the past month and a half. The only part of me that isn't marked by a scar is my head and neck. Everything else has at least one scar. It looks like some stabbed and sliced me repeatedly with a kunai.

"Aw shit. I lost my sunglasses. Everyone saw my eyes today."

That is concerning, yet also relieving. No one made a big deal about them, even the people who have never seen them before. It's nice to know I'm still accepted. I put on the pants Sasuke got for me. I leave the shirt off for now. I want to wrap up my arm to hide the threads. Plus it will provide me with a distraction. I don't want to think about everything I've lost today. Not yet. Not ever.

I exit the bathroom.

"Hey Sasuke? Do you have any bandages I can use?"

"You're hurt? Do we need to go to the hospital?" He comes out of his bedroom, rolls of bandages in hand and stops. "Holy shit man. What happened to you?"

Oh. I suppose the dirt and blood did cover up most of the scars. Now they are on display.

"The Jiongu, what Orochimaru infected me with, is parasitic. It lives in my body, eating my chakra to sustain itself and grow. In exchange I can use it in battle, the downside is that I have to let it through my skin. Every time."

"Those are self inflicted?" Sasuke asks concerningly.

"Yeah, most of them. You should see my back. It's way worse."

"Show me." I turn around. "I didn't believe you when you said those masks were stitched on."

"They are."

"Isn't it uncomfortable when you lay down on them?"

I burst out laughing.

"What? What did I say?"

"I show you my masks, and your reaction is 'I bet that's uncomfortable.' Hahahaha! Oh man I did not expect that! Ah I needed a good laugh."

"Just take the damn bandages." He throws them at me. "What do you need them for anyways? You're not bleeding anywhere."

"Uh Sasuke? See the giant black mark on my right arm? That's not a tattoo. I don't have any skin there."

"Alvarcus. _Hospital_. _Now!_ "

"Oh calm down I'll go tomorrow. It's not that big of a deal to me. The Jiongu replaced my muscles. That's why it's black. Actually, the Jiongu replaced everything but my heart and skin." I say while wrapping bandages around the exposed Jiongu.

"Fine. No hospital this time. Any other surprises you want to tell me about?"

"Hmm..." I think about that, "Oh! I can make my chakra strings change into each element I have! And I can have one made per finger!"

"You and your damn chakra strings, they aren't that impressive."

I lash out with four earth natured strings and bind them around Sasuke.

"I said no jutsu in the house!"

"Admit it's a cool idea, or I change one of the elements."

"I won't!"

I make a water change and douse Sasuke with them.

"Oh come on I just put this shirt on."

"Admit it."

"No." ZAP. "Ow. Was that lightning nature? Okay, I can see how that would be effective. I give."

"Damn it. I was going to use fire next."

"Go to sleep! I've had enough of you for one day."

I take his advice and go to the spare bedroom. The bed is much better than the couch. I don't sleep well that night. Visions of my family dying keep replaying over and over. Removing Sakura from the scroll. The sickening thuds the body made. I don't sleep at all.

* * *

The funeral for the Third Hokage was a village wide event. Only the hospital staff and patients didn't attend. I had a front row seat with all the gennin that helped stop Gaara. It was a huge event, even bigger than the Chunin Exams final tournament. Many people cried, not wanting to believe it to be true, not wanting to believe that the pillar of strength they could always rely on is dead.

I am not one of them. My tears are for my family and Sakura.

After the funeral for the Third Hokage, there is a quick speech from the village elders thanking every shinobi who died for their village. They also mention how sad and terrible it is that civilians died from being caught up in shinobi affairs. That's it. A quick three minute speech to remember the civilians. My parents. And the event is over. We're expected to move on, to go back to our duties. I don't know if I can.

I approach my parents spot on the casket line. Namika Mar, Fujita Mar. I'll never see them again.

"That's him? That's the one that stopped the sand beast?" Someone whispers from behind me.

"I heard he ripped a Suna shinobi to pieces. Do you think that's true?"

"Didn't he save a bunch of gennin? He was in the booth with them when the invasion started, I saw a shinobi go in there. Do you think he killed him too?"

"Excuse me, I know this is a bad time, but are you Alvarcus Mar?"

I turn around at the sound of my name. It's a woman talking to me. One with the Nara symbol sewn into her clothes.

"I am." Go away. I want to be left alone.

"I'm Yoshino Nara. I wanted to thank you. You saved my son." Shikamaru's mother. That's who this is, and she's thanking me.

"You're welcome." The words feel hollow.

I turn back to my parents. She doesn't leave.

"If you need anything, you only need to ask. The Naras owe you a debt. You saved our heir."

"I did what anyone would do." Just go away.

"That may be true, but you're the one who did it. There is a debt. I'll leave you to mourn." She walks away.

The murmurs start back up.

"That's Alvarcus Mar, he's the gennin that all those stories are about. What's he doing here?"

"Didn't you know? He saved so many people, but he couldn't save his parents. That's who is in those caskets."

"Oh. Poor kid, no one should have to go through that."

"It's even worse than that, I heard he watched it happen."

"Really? I couldn't imagine that."

"You have my thanks, young one." A deep male voice says. I glance over my shoulder to see a very tall Aburame. "You saved our clan heir."

"No. I merely assisted." I insist.

"Shino believes he would have perished if you did not arrive. I trust my son. You saved him."

"Shikamaru helped. It wasn't just me."

"I'm going to him next. The clan has decided that we owe you a debt. Ask, and you shall receive."

"It would be nice if the people around me WOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" I yell, more for the bystanders than the Aburame. "I want to be alone. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Not today."

"Of course." The Aburame man bows his head to me. "My name is Shibi Aburame. If you require aide, come find me in my clan compound." He leaves.

I stand looking at my parents coffins. Few people approach me after my outburst. Most thank me for helping someone close to them. Others merely ask if the stories about me are true. A select few stand next to me and pay respects to my parents. Those are the people I respect.

"Alvarcus. Let's go back to my house." Sasuke says. "You've been here for hours. It's time to go."

"You're right. I know you are, but I still don't want to go." If I leave, then it is final. They're gone, I'll never see them again.

"Come on." He places a hand on my shoulder. "I want to say the first day is the hardest and that it gets easier with time. It doesn't, the pain never truly goes away. But staying here won't achieve anything. What would make them happy? What would make them proud of you?"

I think it over. "To achieve my dream. Even if they didn't want me to be a shinobi, they would be happy I succeeded."

"Then do it. Don't wallow in self pity, don't waste away into nothing. Make them proud!"

I wipe my face dry. I didn't know I was crying again.

"I will. I'll need your help. S-rank isn't easy to obtain."

Sasuke smirks. "Please. You think I'd settle for less? If you're going to do it, I won't have a problem with it."

"Alright hotshot. Let's go." We leave my family behind. "First thing is first, we need to get a higher rank. Oh Kami, what if we didn't pass? We might have to do the Chunin Exams again! I don't know if my heart can take the stress!"

Sasuke snorts. "You have spares."

* * *

The Next Morning, Sasuke's Kitchen

I'm sipping on a glass of milk when Sasuke walks in with a big yawn. His hair is still disheveled from sleeping and he's wearing a very flattering pair of gray pajamas with a ridiculous amount of blue jays flying around on it. I'm totally going to tease him about this later.

"You didn't sleep at all did you?" Sasuke asks me once he is done yawning.

"No. Not one wink."

"That's the second day in a row. You're going to have to sleep eventually, even you can't go on like this forever." He rummages through his cupboard and pulls out a breakfast bar. "Want one?"

"I'm good, thanks."

Our conversation dies off as he eats and I finish my drink. There's really not much to talk about.

"So. What's the plan for today?" He asks me.

"We can check in with the missions department. Maybe they'll have something, probably cleaning up around the village." I'm okay with that, I could use some hard labor to distract me for a few hours.

"Works for me. We'll go once I get ready." He tosses the wrapper into the trash can and goes back to his bedroom.

"Really wish I had a camera. Those pajamas were ridiculous."

* * *

Mission Department, Hokage Tower

"Wow this place is busy." Sasuke shouts over the ambient noise of people working. "I've never seen it this packed before."

"Well everyone wants to help out. I'd wager Konoha will focus more on patching itself up more than sending us out on real missions for the next day or two. We need to look presentable to foreign clients."

"Fair point. But do we really have to wait through that line?" He points to a long line of waiting shinobi. There's at least twenty people waiting to get a mission.

"I hope not. That would really suck."

"... We could just train for a day?"

"What do you mean I can't take the mission alone!" Naruto's voice cuts through the air. That kid is loud.

"You're a gennin. Gennin can't do solo missions. Get a team and come back." The chunin he's arguing with dismisses him with a wave.

I look at Sasuke. He shrugs. Good enough for me.

I walk over to stand next to Naruto. "He's not alone. We're his teammates. Alvarcus Mar and Sasuke Uchiha reporting for duty with Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto is shocked out of talking. I didn't think this would surprise him that much.

"Why didn't you say you had a team?" The chunin throws the scroll to Naruto who catches it reflexively. "Waste my time why don't you. NEXT!"

Sasuke and I start walking out of the missions department. "So what mission are we doing?" Sasuke asks.

There's no reply.

I look over my shoulder. "Uh... Naruto? You coming?" He's still standing in the same spot.

"Oh right! Yeah let's go!" He rushes to catch up to us.

* * *

"I think I hate you." Sasuke says in a serious tone. "Out of all the missions you picked _this one?_ "

"It sounded like the most fun! It said search and retrieval!" Naruto defensively says. "How was I supposed to know it meant _this?_ "

"Eh, it wasn't that bad." I casually mention as I pet the feline in my arms.

"That's because you're not covered in scratches!" Naruto points at me. "Why aren't you covered in scratches?"

"Tora loves him. No one knows why." Sasuke says while tenderly touching the new red lines on his forearms.

That's right everyone, the mission Naruto picked was to catch Tora.

"I still can't believe it took three hours to find a stupid cat." Naruto mumbles to himself. "I hope we set a record or something."

"I think we did." I turn to the purring cat in my arms. "Whose a cute little kitty? You are! Aww you're so precious!"

"Really?" Naruto asks with hope in his voice.

"Yeah." Sasuke blandly says. "It's a new personal record for Alvarcus and I. We've never taken this long to get her before."

"This day just gets better and better." Naruto mumbles to himself. "Let's drop the cat off and leave."

"Sure thing 'boss.'" I sass him.

* * *

The Next Morning, Sasuke's Kitchen

"... No sleep again?" Sasuke plops down into a chair opposite me. Thankfully he's ready for the day this time, there's no ridiculous pajamas. I'm both relieved and disappointed, they were excellent blackmail material.

"Only about three hours. Once the nightmares woke me up I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Three is better than zero. You'll get there eventually, it took me a long time too."

"How long? I don't know if I can keep going like this."

"Months. To this day I still sometimes lose sleep over it. It isn't something you ever get over, you learn to live with it." He grimly says. He's not lying either, the pain in his eyes is to real.

KNOCK KNOCK

"OI! SASUKE YOU IN THERE?"

"Was that Naruto?" I think it was.

"What the hell does he want?" Sasuke grumbles as he moves to the door.

That's a great question, what does Naruto want? Actually why isn't he with Jiraya? Better yet what's Jiraya doing? They need to leave to get Tsunade soon.

"Yes? Did you need something Naruto?" Sasuke asks.

"I thought you, me and Alvarcus could do another mission." He sheepishly rubs the back of his head. "I would have asked him first, but I have no idea where he lives."

"Hey Naruto! I've been crashing here for a while!" I call out to him.

"That makes this so much easier! What do you two say? You in?" He eagerly asks.

"Not like I've got anything better to do." I get up and walk over to him.

"... Fine." Sasuke agrees. "But I'm picking the mission this time."

* * *

" _What the hell are we supposed to do?_ " Naruto harshly whispers to Sasuke and I.

"Be quiet! They're about to walk past!" Sasuke shushes him.

"I blame you for this Sasuke. This is all your fault." I muster as much anger as I can in a whisper. It's a surprisingly large amount.

"How the hell is this my fault!"

"You picked the rubble clearing mission in this ridiculous heat, then got the bright idea to take your shirt off to cool down. You've been gone for over a month! How did you think your fan-girls would react?"

"You're the one that was yelling about my pajamas! You didn't help at all! And did you have to be so descriptive? 'They're dark like a stormy cloud and the blue jays shine like the worlds most precious sapphires. They're exactly like him, a brooding ominous person but once you examine him closer you find that there's brilliant shinning points to him.' You egged them on!"

"Shut up! They're seconds away!" Naruto commands us.

All three of us spend the next seconds in a tense silence. We don't move, we don't blink, we barely breath.

"I found them! They're over here!"

"RUN! Meet at Rally Point Delta!" I yell and we scatter.

* * *

The Next Morning, Sasuke's Kitchen

"Any sleep last night?" I ask Sasuke.

He shudders. "No. I was plagued by the visions of the most vile creature to ever walk the earth."

"Fan-girls?"

" _Fan-girls._ " He venomously spits out.

KNOCK KNOCK

"OI!" Huh, Naruto is here again.

"Doors open!" Sasuke calls out.

"Sup guys?" Naruto says once he's inside. "Up for another mission?"

"Why not? Not like it could go any worse than yesterday's." Sasuke grumbles.

"That means it's my turn to pick!" I happily chime out.

"This is not going to end well." Sasuke groans.

* * *

"I hate you." Sasuke says.

"I hate you too." Naruto agrees.

"You can't blame me for that. It was a simple demolition mission! All we had to do was get rid of a half destroyed house!"

"And you managed to blow it up." Sasuke accuses. "Along with three others."

"That's not to mention all the other buildings that caught fire in the blast. They had to call in ANBU." Naruto hangs his head in shame. " _ANBU._ "

"How was I supposed to know that the shinobi that lived there was working with explosive chemicals?"

"Alvarcus you don't have to solve everything with fire!" Sasuke whirls on me. "You could have pushed it over with an earth jutsu or used wind to cut away key structural points but you _lit the building on fire!_ "

"But... but it's fire! It's so cool!" I say with stars in my eyes. "It solves everything! Naruto next time summon Gamabunta again and we can do that crazy combo! I can even add wind to the mix now that I've practiced with it! Muahahaha! AHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA!"

THWAP

"Bad Alvarcus! Bad! We don't cackle like evil villains! Bad!"

"Sasuke I'm not a dog. You can't train me like that."

"I don't know, we haven't tried a squirt bottle yet." Naruto evilly adds.

"Do keep in mind that I'm the only one here that knows water jutsu. If you get a squirt bottle I guarantee that I'm going to come out on top."

"Maybe a shock collar?" Sasuke suggests.

"Also know lightning jutsu. A lot of lightning jutsu."

"We could muzzle him." Naruto offers.

"It would certainly cut back on my headaches." Sasuke mentions.

"Stop that! Stop it right now!" I order them. "I am not a dog!"

* * *

The Next Morning, Sasuke's Kitchen.

Sasuke and I are sitting across from each other.

"Any sleep last night?" He asks. "Cuz I didn't get any. I kept dreaming you burned down my house."

"I'm sorry! I won't intentionally burn down any more buildings!" I pause. "Maybe. I promise nothing."

"You have a serious problem."

Knock Knock

"Oh just get in here already." Sasuke groans.

"Hey guys. We need to talk." Naruto sits down at the table too. "I... I think we should not take missions together for a while."

"Oh thank Kami!" I say in relief as Sasuke let's out the world biggest sigh.

"It's just... wait. You two are okay with that?" Naruto sound surprised.

"Yeah. Nothing against you, but when all three of us work together something terrible happens. On every damn mission we take too." Sasuke says with a hint of fear laced into his voice.

"Thank Kami I thought this was going to be so much harder than that." Naruto sighs. "I can't believe every mission went wrong. They were D-ranks. D-ranks!"

"What do you guys mean every mission?" I ask. "I thought we did alright on the Tora one."

Both Sasuke and Naruto twitch.

"That's because you weren't attacked. I had half a mind to go get rabies shots." Naruto shudders at the memory.

"We will never speak of that day again." Sasuke demands.

"It wasn't-"

"NEVER AGAIN!"

"Fine party pooper have it your way." There's nothing wrong with Tora, thank you!

"So..." Naruto awkwardly says. "Have you two ate breakfast yet?"

"Nope." I tell him.

"No."

"Well... if you want we could maybe go together?" He hurriedly reaches into a jacket pocket and pulls out a couple of crumpled pieces of paper. "I know a great place that has the best food ever! I've got coupons and everything. What do you guys say?"

Poor Naruto. He's really starved for attention if he's willing to do something like this. I wonder how many people his age he actually talks to?

"Sure. I'll go." His face lights up at my words. "I guarantee it's better than the food here."

We both turn to Sasuke.

"No thanks, I happen to have plans for breakfast already." He casually tells us.

What the hell? He has plans? I didn't expect that. Wait a minute... could it be? Nah, that's ridiculous this is Sasuke! Okay I have to ask.

"Sasuke, are you going on a date?"

He freezes, his whole body locks up. His eyes are super wide and there's a surprising tinge of red on his cheeks.

"You are!" I accuse him. "So, whose the lucky lady? Do I know her?"

"Wow would you look at the time? I best be going, bye!" He disappears in a swirl of leaves. That bastard shunshined away from me before I could grill him for information!

"I'm actually proud of him. Who would have thought that _Sasuke_ would go on a date?" I say to myself. "Well Naruto, it's just us. Still want to go?"

He shrugs. "Honestly I was prepared for neither of you wanting to go. I'm still game."

* * *

"You know when you asked if I had breakfast yet I thought we were going to get breakfast food." I deadpan to Naruto.

"But this is breakfast food." He reassures me.

"This is a ramen stand."

"No, it's _the_ ramen stand. There's a distinct difference." He boldly strides into the stand.

"Whatever, I've had weirder things for breakfast before." I follow after him.

"Hey Teuchi, hey Ayame. How's things?" Naruto calls out.

"Naruto! Long time no see! How've you been? You need to come by more often we miss our favorite customer!" Teuchi happily replies.

"Oh you've brought a friend!" Ayame kindly waves at me. "Hello, I'm Ayame and that's my tou-san Teuchi."

I give a sheepish wave back. "I'm Alvarcus Mar, pleasure to meet you."

Ayame's eyes go wide when I said my name. "You're..."

"A customer." Teuchi cuts in. "They came here to eat, not to be stared at."

Great. Even ramen cooks know about me. Who doesn't know about me? Is this what Sasuke always feels like when he tries to go somewhere?

"So what will it be boys?" Teuchi asks us. I'm glad he's not making a big deal out of it.

"The usual please." Naruto orders.

"Twelve bowls of assorted ramen coming right up! What about you Alvarcus?"

"Uh... surprise me. I've only ever had cup ramen, so I'll trust your judgment."

"Gotcha!" He walks back to the kitchen.

"He knows I don't want twelve bowls right?" I ask Naruto.

"Maybe? I dunno. Oh well if you don't eat it I will."

"Works for me." I give a halfhearted shrug. "So how's training with Jiraya going? Gotta be cool being taught by a Sannin."

"Oh it's great! He's really strong and he knows tons of jutsu! I've learned loads of things from him." He pauses and his face turns slightly bitter. "When he's not working on his books. Or his spy network. Or peaking on women. Or drinking. Or... well you get the idea. When he actually takes the time to teach me something it's great."

"Ouch. That's got to be rough."

"It is."

"Hey, at least he's always around. Sure he's not always teaching you but you can go to him for advise. He didn't disappear for a month with your teammate."

He chuckles. "Yeah that would suck. When I need him to he comes through for me, he is always there. It's nice having someone I can turn to. Wait, did your sensei do that?"

"Yep. Took Sasuke for a month long training trip right before the final tournament."

"Dude. Talk about favoritism."

"Nah, it wasn't really like how you're thinking. He lined up a teacher for me before he left. Actually he picked the perfect person. The guy was terrible at teaching but he wasn't really there to teach me."

"Well what was he there for? Who wants a teacher who doesn't teach?"

"He was there to help me adjust to the Jiongu. He survived something similar to me. Besides, Kakashi-sensei knows how resourceful I am. He knew I didn't really need anyone to help me I just had to get used to my new power. Yamato was more of a babysitter than anything. Kakashi wanted to make sure someone was looking out for me while he was gone."

"Oh. That makes sense." He pauses. "Do you mind if I ask about the Jiongu?"

"Sure, ask away. I can't promise I'll answer but I'll at least hear you out. There's some things I don't want to talk about. Bad memories and all that."

"Does... does it talk to you?" He whispers out.

"Sometimes."

"What does it say?"

"That's one of those things I don't want to talk about." I don't think I would have been that brutal with the Suna nin if it wasn't for the Jiongu.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. There's no harm in asking. Anything else you want to know?"

"Do you wish you could get rid of it?"

"Usually. Every once in a while I find I'm thankful I have it. Take the invasion for instance, there's no way I would have been able to do half of what I did without it. I would never have made it out of the stadium. Hell I might not have made it out of the contestant booth."

"Here's your ramen boys!" Ayame prances out and places our respective bowls in front of us. "Dig in!"

We both do, Naruto with much more gusto than me. It's actually pretty good, I had my doubts.

"So what has you so curious about the Jiongu?" I ask between bites. "Usually people ask about what it can do, not what it is like. Actually most people don't even know that it is called the Jiongu."

"Oh. Uh... no reason really. Just wondering." He attacks his meal with renewed gusto.

We eat in silence for a bit. Every once in a while Naruto would glance at me with a tinge of hope in his eyes and a great deal of sympathy.

"It doesn't bother me. In case you were 'just wondering' about that too." I break the silence.

He freezes with noodles halfway to his mouth. He's terrified right now, but there's a sliver of hope in his eyes. "What doesn't bother you?"

My eyes dart to his stomach, right where his seal is. "We're pretty similar, you and I." I extend a couple of threads out of the palm of my hand and let it twirl my eating utensils around. "I never asked for this. I never wanted this. But I have it. I'm not going to let it define me. The Jiongu doesn't decide who I am, I decide that." I snap the Jiongu back into me. "You don't have to worry about scaring me off. You can be yourself around me, hell you can talk about it to me if you want to. Let's be honest, no one else really knows what it's like."

Naruto resumes eating at a much more relaxed pace. All the tension that he usually carries with him is gone. "You know, you're actually pretty cool. I'm glad we're friends."

"Me too Naruto. Me too."


	19. Chapter 19

Slam! The door to my temporary residence flies open.

"Alvarcus!" Sasuke calls out. "Get your ass out here!"

I explode out of the guest bedroom.

"What? Are we under attack? Who died? What's the crisis?"

"My brother." Crap. Itachi. I'm not sure crisis is a strong enough word. "He came to the village. He's looking for Naruto. We have to stop him! This could be my only chance!"

"You're not ready. He's still out of your league." I tell him.

"I don't care! I'm going! Where's my kunai holster at?" Sasuke tears his room apart looking for weapons and mission gear.

"Here." I pick it up off his dresser and toss it to him. "I'll be ready to go in three minutes."

"What?" Sasuke stops his frantic packing, "You're not coming with."

"Yes I am. Your brother is yours to kill. But what if he's not alone?" Shit, did I just say I would take on Kisame?

"Fine. Itachi is mine to kill. Anyone else is fair game." Sasuke goes back to collecting weapons. "Three minutes."

I go back to the guest bedroom. I really need to get my own place. I put on disposable clothes, odds are I'm going to end up trashing it when I use the Jiongu. I grab my already packed mission bag and wait by the door. Sasuke emerges from his bedroom with only weapons.

"Let's go." He grimly says.

We haul ass out of the village. Kotetsu and Izumo try to stop us, but we just ignore them. We'll have a team dispatched to collect us, that's fine. Everything should be over by then.

"How long can you keep this pace?" Sasuke asks me.

"Indefinitely. The Jiongu doesn't get tired." I reply.

"That thing is useful. Too bad it damages your body so much. Almost worth it."

We run the rest of the way in silence. Eventually we come across a small town.

"Here is where Naruto said he was going. He's helping Jiraya find someone, a possible Hokage candidate." Sasuke provides his information.

"Cool. Where is Naruto?" I ask. "A hotel maybe? If they are stopping here for the day that makes the most sense."

"Good idea. There can't be that many here." Sasuke stops a towns person. "Excuse me, where are the hotels in this town?"

"Down the street to the left. Only one here. It's the big reddish building." The civilian tells us.

"Thanks." Sasuke takes off towards the hotel. I'm right behind him.

We burst into the lobby, scarring the receptionist badly. We don't stop. We fly up the stairs. No one is on the first floor. Or the second. Then we hear something from the third floor, something very bad.

"We don't have to bring him back in one piece. How about I cut off a leg?" Kisame. That is Kisame. They're here.

We burst into the third floor. "ITACHI!" Sasuke roars.

He sparks up a Chidori and charges, dragging the fist of lightning through the wall towards his brother.

"You die today!"

"Little brother." Itachi _sounds_ like a badass. "You've brought a _friend._ "

Sasuke doesn't reply, instead he pours on more speed. Three meters away. Two meters. One.

Itachi grabs Sasuke's Chidori wielding arm right out of the air. "Friends are a hindrance, a liability. They'll make you weak. Friends didn't make me as strong as I am now. I stand alone, I alone achieved this power. This strength."

"Sasuke!" Naruto calls out. A red haze forms around him. He's using the Kyuubi's chakra, good. Naruto is taking this seriously. "Just hold on!"

"Let's sit this one out Blondie." Kisame pokes Naruto with Samehada and the red haze around Naruto is sucked into the giant scaled blade. "We wouldn't want to ruin this family reunion, now would we?"

"Little brother, you can't beat me. My power eclipses yours, you don't even have the same eyes as me. You don't have enough _hate_. How can you hope to kill me when you're still _weak!_ "

CRACK

Itachi snapped Sasuke's wrist and drops him to the floor.

"Maybe your _friend_ will prove to be more of a challenge." Itachi turns his crimson gaze onto me.

Sasuke launches up to his feet and lunges at his older brother. "I am not weak!" Sasuke _roars_. "I will surpass you! I will restore honor to the Uchiha name! I will avenge my family!"

I need to save Naruto. I know Itachi won't actually kill Sasuke, so he is relatively safe. I hope. I launch my chakra strings at Naruto, and pull him away from the hulking Kisame and place him behind me.

"You will not harm my friends!" I yell in his face. Oh Kami that was a bad idea. I just stole the sharkman's toy. "Naruto, stay close. I've never tried this with someone next to me before."

I spark up my new move I've been working on, an elemental string defensive move based loosely off of the Rasengan and Kaiten. I extend elemental strings from each finger, each hand has all five elements. I will them to form a protective rotating sphere around Naruto and me. It is a beautiful sight. All of the elements are present, all of them ever moving, never faltering in their absolute defense. No one wants to be battered around by a grinder of all five elements.

"Whoa. How are you doing this?" Naruto asks me.

"Shut up. Need to focus." It isn't easy what I'm doing right now, in fact I'd say its ridiculous to the extreme. I'm literally wielding all five elements at the same time, I'm continuously making _five_ unique elemental changes. On top of that I'm moving them at a crazy speed and length to make up for the lack of numbers. Each string has to wrap around me multiple times and move in a unique pattern to be effective. It took me weeks to get this move down.

"Itachi, do we need this kid? He stole the jinchuriki." Kisame says.

"No. He's unimportant." Itachi replies nonchalantly while batting away a kick from Sasuke.

Kisame lazily swings Samehada at my neck height.

"Look little brother. Your friend is about to die."

I trust my defense to at least redirect the sword. It doesn't, I overlooked one very important fact. Samehada _eats_ chakra. It ate right through my elemental sphere.

"Oh shit!" The Jiongu rushes to my defense, surging out of my chest and upwards to intercept the blade. Samehada doesn't even slow down.

The sword tears through the Jiongu. My head separates from my body and thuds dully to the ground. My defense vanishes, leaving Naruto exposed. My body crumbles, no longer capable of supporting itself.

 _~NO! The host will not die!~_

"Isn't there supposed to be blood? There's always blood." Kisame asks in confusion. "I like the blood, it let's me know I won."

"Alvarcus!" Naruto calls out. "Alvarcus? But... why? Why would you do that? Why would you try to protect me? I'm not worth it."

"Alvarcus, get up." Sasuke demands. "We both know that isn't enough to kill you."

Black threads extend out of my severed neck, reaching towards my body. Likewise, there are threads from my body reaching to my head. They connect and pull me together, stitching my head back on my body.

"Whoa! Never thought that would happen! That's Kakuzu's thing!" Kisame says in surprise.

"Ow." I push myself to my feet and work out the kinks in my neck. "That hurt. Never had my head cut off before." I rub a hand over where the split was. "That's going to be one hell of a scar. Figures the chakra eating sword can get through a chakra based defense. How did I miss that? Stupid Alvarcus, real stupid."

"B-but your head!" Naruto is pointing at me. "How are you alive! I saw it! It got cut off!"

Itachi replies for me. "He has the Jiongu. Aim for his heart."

I freeze. Why is Itachi pushing Kisame to kill me? What did I do to deserve this?

"Simple enough. I wonder if he has more than one like Kakuzu does?" Kisame smiles at me. A shiver of fear runs down my spine. "Let's find out."

He _moves._ He's a blur, he moves so fast I can't tell what's happening.

Squelch.

 _~No! He hurt the host! Let me kill him!~_

My chest hurts. Really hurts. Worse than when I push out my hearts. I look down. Blue. Spiky blue. Samehada, Kisame's big sword, is in my chest. Where my heart should be.

"One down."

Kisame pulls out Samehada. _Slowly_. I'm in agony. It's shredding my chest, ripping chunks of skin off with every centimeter it pulls out. I vaguely hear Sasuke getting the beating of a lifetime. Finally, Samehada is withdrawn completely. A ruined husk of red meat is pushed out of my chest by the Jiongu. It plops to the ground. A heart. My fire heart. My original heart.

I should be dead.

"Samehada likes your chakra, says it tastes like everything. How many hearts you got kid?" Kisame raises his sword again. "Wait, don't tell me. I want to find out for myself."

 _~Protect the host!~_

He blurs again. The Jiongu curls protectively around me, it won't be enough.

CLANG

"You know, for big bad missing nin you two do lousy research on your targets." Oh thank Kami, Jiraya is here. "I'm much better at getting woman than they are at getting me!"

"You noticed the genjutsu." Itachi says in his monotonous voice.

"Of course! I noticed in time to save everyone!" Jiraya boasts while striking a majestic pose. "The hero arrives at the last moment and saves the day!"

I clear my throat. "Hate to break it to you, Jiraya-sama, but if I were literally anyone else I would be dead twice over."

Kisame grins at me with his pointy teeth. "Kids right. Cutting his head off didn't work, so I stabbed him in the heart. He's still kicking. Tough little bastard! I like him! Itachi can we keep him?"

"Kisame." Itachi reprimands the big blue fish-man, "We are here on business. Collect pets another time."

Itachi has Sasuke pinned to the wall by his throat. Sasuke's body is limp, his eyes closed. Tsukuyomi. Itachi trapped Sasuke in the Tsukuyomi while Kisame was toying with me. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save him. I could barely survive myself.

This is what S-rank shinobi are capable of? How am I ever going to reach that level?

"Toad Mouth Bind!" Jiraya slams his hand on the ground, flesh covers everything. "Your business is finished. Nothing can escape this prison." The flesh walls cover Sasuke, shielding him from further harm.

Itachi turns to Jiraya. "We have overstayed our welcome. Kisame, let's leave. A battle with Jiraya will attract too much attention. Naruto, we will meet again."

"Bye Muffins! I'll bring you home with me next time!" Did... did Kisame just call me muffins?

Ripping their feet from the adhesive esophagus of a giant toad they flee down the hallway and out of our sight.

"It doesn't matter where you run!" Jiraya calls after them. "No one has ever escaped!" He turns to me. "Who are you again?"

BOOM

"Hold that thought." Jiraya runs down the path Itachi and Kisame took not five seconds ago. I let myself slump to the floor.

"Alvarcus?" Naruto asks me with concern, "You okay?"

"No. I'm not okay. I just had my head cut off and my heart destroyed by a S-ranked missing nin from Kiri while _Itachi Uchiha_ gave him helpful pointers on how to kill me! How could I possibly be okay? And where the hell is Sasuke? If that wall ate him I'm killing Jiraya, Sannin be damned."

"Kid, you're fifty years too early to kill me." Jiraya is back. He must have already sealed up Amaterasu. "So Kisame really did cut your head off? And that heart on the ground is yours?"

"I'll tell you once I see Sasuke again."

Jiraya cancels his jutsu, Sasuke flops to the ground. I sigh.

"Yep. True on all accounts. Oi! Naruto! Leave my heart alone! Don't poke it with a stick! Where did you even find a stick? We're inside!"

"But how are you alive? If this is your heart, then shouldn't you be dead?" Naruto starts waving his hands worriedly. "Don't get me wrong! It's great you're alive!"

"Come on Naruto." I walk over to Sasuke and check his vitals. Everything is fine, but his heart rate is elevated. Most likely from the genjutsu. "You should be able to figure this out. Think back to when we fought Gaara. What we talked about at the ramen stand."

His face scrunches up in concentration. "Gah! I don't know! Tell me!"

"The Jiongu." I answer.

Jiraya's face becomes serious. Before he was friendly to me, now he is analyzing me. Observing, assessing how he would go about killing me.

"The thread monsters? I told you they have hearts in them. I did have five. Now I'm at four."

"Wait it can do that?" Naruto stops poking my heart with a stick to look at me. "You don't die if you have another heart? Dude that's so unfair."

Jiraya cuts into the conversation. "You're the other kid Orochimaru met in the forest." He is not playing around.

I give him my full attention, Sasuke isn't going anywhere.

"I am. Alvarcus Mar at your service. Winner of Konoha's Orochimaru look a like contest. Well, I used to look like him. The Jiongu really messed me up." Funny, I resort to dark humor when I'm nervous.

Jiraya goes pale. "You looked like him? Why did you look like him?"

"Did the Hokage not tell you about me? I'm an experiment that went right. Twice. He obviously gave me the Jiongu, and he did something to me when I was a fetus. It left an imprint, I was his spitting image for a long time. I don't have that problem now, the Jiongu changed me too much. Gotta say, I do miss the yellow eyes." I pause. "Or having eyes."

Naruto inhales sharply. "You don't have eyes? I just thought they were black!"

"Dude." I turn to Naruto. "You can't possibly have missed that. Solid black eyes made of threads? That is not normal."

"Show me." Jiraya demands.

I remove my sunglasses. Somehow they've stayed on the entire day, even through my beheading. Jiraya walks over, gently grabs my face and starts twisting me every which way to look at my eyes.

"Dynamic Entry!"

Jiraya goes flying down the hallway from a kick to the face.

"Fear not, student of my rival! Gai Might is here to save you!" Green body suit? Check. Bowl cut? Check. Weird way of talking? Check. Definitely Gai.

"Uh... Gai? That was Jiraya." I calmly tell him.

"HAHAHAHA! That was great! Do it again!" Naruto is on the floor laughing his ass off.

Jiraya walks back to us with a shoe imprint on his face. "That hurt."

"I am most sorry! I've come after Sasuke and Alvarcus. They left the village without permission to go after Itachi Uchiha. And well, you were holding him by the head." Gai bows deeply to Jiraya.

Why are all the super strong people weird? Will I be weird if I get to S-rank? I hope not.

"Apology accepted. Better safe than sorry. Sasuke's behind Alvarcus." Jiraya gestures towards Sasuke's limp body.

"Just like Kakashi. We haven't been able to wake him. Nothing we try works." Gai solemnly says.

"Kakashi-sensei got hit too?" I completely forgot he confronted Itachi. Sasuke never said anything about him being in the hospital. "You can't wake him up? Does that mean... they will wake up right? Please say yes. They're the only people I have left."

Gai's whole body slumps over in defeat. "I am sorry. I do not know."

"Don't worry kiddo." Jiraya pats me on the back, "Naruto and I are going to get the only person who can wake them up. We'll be back in Konoha in no time! So just go back with Gai and keep an eye on them for us."

"No. I am going with you. You're going after Tsunade. You want her to be the next Hokage." I will do everything I can to save Kakashi and Sasuke. I might have changed too much by replacing Naruto on team seven, he could already know the Rasengan. Then how will he convince Tsunade to stay in town and come back to be the Hokage?

"See Naruto?" Jiraya points at him, "He's something like an apprentice to me. I like him. I teach him, he's my responsibility. You're not. Why should I take you with us?"

"Naruto needs a variety when it comes to sparring. I can do that, I can be his sparing partner. I really doubt you and I have the same fighting style, the change will be good for him. I can also help bring Tsunade back. What's more interesting to a medic nin than someone who is alive with only two functioning organs? Not to mention the whole assimilating other people's hearts. She might come back just to study me."

"Fair point. She does like her strange medical cases." Jiraya concedes. "Why do you want to come with?"

"To convince her to save my team." I reply instantly, no hesitation.

"Not to get her to take the hat? That is the purpose of this mission." Jiraya asks.

"No. I don't care about that. I just want her to save my precious people. As of two days ago, they're all I have. If I can help either of my remaining family members _you bet your damn ass I will do it permission or not!_ "

"Let him come." Naruto intervenes on my side. "It'll be nice having someone my own age around for a change. Besides, think of how much more time you can spend at the bath houses if he's there to keep me entertained."

"Maybe that's not such a bad idea after all. You can come." A lecherous grin forms on his face. "Just think of how much more time I can spend collecting research!"

"HOW YOUTHFUL! Such unshakable resolve!" Gai picks me up in a hug. "You've inspired me to assist Kakashi too! I will take on his share of missions until he is awake again! I leave bringing Tsunade back in your capable hands!" His eyes are tearing up. Not okay!

"Gai! I get it! Put me down! I am a shinobi! You don't pick shinobi up like rag dolls!" This is not okay!

"SUCH YOUTH!"

I kawarmi with Sasuke's unconscious form. "There. Take him back to Konoha for me will you?"

"Of course! I will complete this task!" Gai bolts out of the building and kicks up a dust storm as he races to Konoha. Thank Kami he's gone that was so embarrassing.

"We will never speak of that moment again." I demand.

Naruto snickers. "You mean when you were manhandled by Bushier Brows?"

"Yes." I growl out. "That."

"Not going to happen! Oh, I'm going to tell Ino! She'll love to hear this!"

"Naruto. Remember that monster that attacked Temari? And the one that helped you and Sasuke fight against Gaara?"

"Yeah those were cool! Creepy, but cool!"

"I will be using all three of them in our spars. From now to when we get back." Naruto's face drains of all color. "Unless you never bring this up again. Deal?"

"Deal!" Naruto readily agrees.

"Kid, I think you and I are going to get along just fine." Jiraya tells me. "Also, I'll be starting Naruto on an A-ranked jutsu on this trip. He won't have that much time for sparring." Jiraya pauses. "Just because I'm letting you come with us does not mean I'm going to teach you."

"Whatever." Its not like I need him to teach me, I have my own teachers. "I don't need your help anyways. I doubt you would know anything I couldn't figure out on my own given enough time."

"You... you do know who I am right?" Jiraya looks very confused. "People would kill to be taught by me!"

"Jiraya of the Sannin, Toad Summoner, Seal Master, writer. Anyways, I've already been offered to be trained by a Sannin and I turned him down. Why should I care if you want to teach me or not?"

Jiraya is completely serious now. "Orochimaru offered to train you? You turned him down?"

"Yeah. He didn't like that." I place a hand over the spot Orochimaru shoved his arm into me. "His response was to shove the Jiongu into my gut. You're taking rejection much better than him."

"Uh guys?" Naruto says. "I'm pretty sure people are going to come looking up here soon. We did just have a fight here and kinda trashed the place."

He's right, there is a gouge in the wall from Sasuke's Chidori, there are many different damages from my elemental chakra string sphere defense (Kami I need a better name for that) and even some deep rents in the walls, ceiling and floor from Samehada. Not to mention the giant hole in the wall from Itachi's Amaterasu.

"We've been here long enough. If the manager catches us, you're paying for the damages!" Jiraya scampers off.

"We better follow him. He does this a lot." Naruto says.

"This is going to be a long trip, isn't it?" I say to myself and follow after Jiraya and Naruto.

* * *

OMAKE

Akatsuki's Hideout

"We're all here. Good." Pein's voice echos throughout the chamber. "Itachi and Kisame, report."

"We failed to get the jinchuriki. Jiraya of the Sannin was there to oppose us." Itachi replies.

"Anything else to report?" Pein asks.

"Can we tell him about Muffins?" Kisame smiles demonically. All of his pointed teeth are on display.

"I told you we can't keep him." Itachi reprimands his partner.

"What's a muffins? **I don't know, but it sounds disgusting."** Zetsu talks to himself.

"But he's way better than Kakuzu. He's got spirit and everything, you saw how he reacted to my attack. Who gets up from getting their head cut off and only says 'ow, that hurt.' I'm telling you he'd make a great pet."

"He's better than _who?_ " Kakuzu growls out. "Be careful how you answer that, I might claim the bounty on your head after all."

"You, you old geezer." Kisame answers with an insane grin. "You've got the same power, he used black threads to stitch his head back on after I cut it off and he didn't die when I stabbed him in the heart."

"HAHAHA! Take that! You're not special anymore!" Hidan is doubled over in laughter. "We have to get this kid! If only to see how Kakuzu reacts to him!"

SHINK! THUD!

"What the fuck you fucking heathen? That's the third time this week!"

"Interesting." Kakuzu strikes a thinking pose, he's acting like he didn't just behead his partner. Again. "Perhaps I should go meet this... what was his name?"

"Muffins!" Kisame happily shouts out.

"Alvarcus Mar." Itachi drones out in monotone. "His name is Alvarcus Mar."

"I wonder if I can turn him?" Sasori mutters to himself in Hiruko's gruff voice. "I've always been curious to see if I can turn someone with the Jiongu."

"Tobi heard someone say muffins. Are we having muffins later? Tobi loves muffins!"

"How does he keep getting in here?" Sasori grumbles to himself.

"Yes!" Kisame says in victory. "We're getting a very special Muffins!"

"YAY! Muffins!" Tobi is currently running around the room with his arms straight up in the air. This is his happy celebration. "Tobi loves muffins! When can Kisame and Tobi go get muffins?"

" _Enough!_ " Pein roars in fury. "These meetings are not for asinine jokes! This is not a game! The freedom of the world hinges on what we are doing and you're all squabbling like spoiled _children!_ "

"But... what about muffins?" Tobi squeaks out.

"Tobi I knew you were a good guy!" Kisame gives him a thumbs up.

* * *

Author's Note:

This will be one of the few times I'll have one of these, basically I want to know if you the readers like what I did with Kisame and Muffins part. It's kinda out of character for him, but I had that idea of him wanting a pet and going so far to actually re-name someone bouncing around in my head for a while and I think it's hilarious.

If you like the idea I'll leave it in otherwise I'll edit it out.


	20. Chapter 20

On the Road to the Next Town

"So Alvarcus," Jiraya starts up a conversation out of nowhere, "what do you know about seals?"

"Seals? They can do pretty much anything, the field is limitless in its application. Just look at the Fourth Hokage, he used seals to make his signature technique, the Hirashin. I don't know if this is true, but I have always thought seals depend on the users intent as well as the structure of the seal itself. How else would storage seals work? You would need to make a unique seal for everything unless there is a variable that can be determined by the user at the point of activation."

"That..." Jiraya says slowly, "is very accurate. Have you used seals before?"

"Nope. I looked into seals about a month or so back between the second stage and the third stage of the Chunin Exams. I wanted to see if they could be used to get rid of the Jiongu, but even if they can it would take me years, decades, to become good enough to do so." I explain myself to Jiraya.

"Hmm... I've never considered something like that. You could use a variant of a bijuu seal, that could contain it. I could whip something up if you give me a month or two. I can't promise it will work."

"I wouldn't survive it." I bluntly say.

"How would you know? I'm the only seal master around here, I know what I'm talking about." Jiraya looks offended, I did just kinda imply he couldn't do something.

"You don't understand." I begin to explain my reasoning, "My Jiongu isn't like what you think. It is not the version from Taki. Orochimaru changed it. Made it different. Taki's version is symbiotic, mine is parasitic. I would die without it. I wasn't kidding when I said I only have two functioning organs back at the hotel. The Jiongu replaced everything but my skin and heart. Unless your seals can re-create organs and seal away the Jiongu, I won't survive."

"Interesting. Tsunade would love to dissect you. Anyways, this conversation got off track. I was asking you about seals because I need to gauge what you already know."

"Uh... some very low level theory? Why?" I squeak out a response. He can't be offering to teach me seals. He wouldn't do that, would he? Earlier he said he wouldn't be teaching me anything! Where's this coming from?

"Your teammate has a very unique seal." Oh. That's what this is about.

I nod my head in agreement, Sasuke's cursed seal is one of a kind.

"I want to make sure you know not to mess with it."

I turn towards Jiraya, giving him my undivided attention. "How stupid do you think I am? I practically demanded that he never use it. _Ever._ It's from Orochimaru, there is no way it can be good for him."

Jiraya regards me coolly. "Doesn't that sound hypocritical? You use what he gave you all the time."

"It's different. You know it is. The curse seal is much worse than the Jiongu."

"Really? How would you know that? From my point of view as a seal master that has seen both firsthand, the Jiongu is worse. Much worse."

"Bullshit. The Jiongu is not worse. Yes, it is parasitic and ate literally almost all of my insides but it works with me. We co-exist, the host and the parasite. One would die without the other, so we work together. It doesn't try to take over, it doesn't try to control me. At the worst it just wants to be used, I look at it as a sentient tool. But the cursed seal? Who knows what that does, all we know is that once Sasuke runs out of chakra it activates and empowers him. At what cost? You have to remember, my gift is originally from Taki, yes Orochimaru changed it but it is a Taki creation. Sasuke's gift is from Orochimaru, created by Orochimaru for reasons only he knows, and created just for Sasuke. Orochimaru came to the forest just to give it to him. I fear for Sasuke, the Snake Sannin is very interested in him."

"Interesting perspective. What makes you think Orochimaru is interested in Sasuke so much? Interested enough to seek him out specifically?"

Crap, did I say too much? I have to remember this man is a spy master. His information network is vast, and he runs it all.

"Orochimaru mentioned that souls aren't meant to inhabit different bodies, and that he knows from experience. I think he wants the Sharingan." I'll give you this much Jiraya, nothing more. Please, take the warning.

Jiraya pales. "He finished it. I never thought he would, it's supposed to be impossible." Jiraya rounds on me. "Why did he tell you that? Surely he would have killed you if you knew his secret."

I gulp nervously. "I can't say."

Jiraya's voice softens, "Kid, I'm not going to do anything to you. You can tell me."

"You don't understand, its not I won't say, it's that I can't say. It is classified by the Third Hokage."

Jiraya raises an eyebrow at me. "And? I have the clearance."

This won't go over well. "No, you don't."

Jiraya bristles. "Listen here punk, I'm cleared to know even S-rank secrets. Tell me."

"I can't. It isn't a S-rank secret." I pause, please don't hurt me for this, "It is SS-rank. I've been forbidden from telling anyone, even the next Hokage. No one can ever know, or I will be hunted down and tortured until I share it. The only reason I'm telling you this much is because you wouldn't stop asking unless I did. I'm not even going to mention it to Tsunade if she does become the next Hokage."

Jiraya regards me coldly for an uncomfortably long time.

"Tou-san? Ka-san? Please stop fighting." Naruto sarcastically says from behind us. "You're scaring me."

"Smooth Naruto. Real smooth." I grunt back to him.

"Stupid brat. You must have had the world's worst chunin exam."

"You have no idea how right that is. The best part is I don't even know if I got promoted! I might have to do it all again! My heart can't take the stress!"

Jiraya snorts. "You have spares."

Didn't this happen before? Oh my Kami, Jiraya and Sasuke made the same joke.

* * *

Later That Night, At a Hotel

"I'll get it this time for sure." Naruto confidently holds a water balloon at arms length. "Come on!" His chakra spikes. "I've got this!"

"Hey Naruto." I ask from a chair.

"I'm trying to focus here!"

"Yeah me too." I wave my suspiciously orange book at him. "Kinda hard to do that when you're talking to yourself."

"Gah! I give up for today." He tosses the balloon into the sink and it explodes. "Dammit. Why can't I get this?"

You have to rotate your chakra into more than one path, there has to me multiple flows to provide instability and give the technique it's fabled grinding power. "You'll figure it out eventually."

"I know but I want to do it now!" He stomps over to the cupboard and pulls out a cup of ramen. That kid is obsessed, somethings are just destined to be. "You want one?"

"Nah, I'm not hungry." I shut my book. Now is as good as a time as any. I don't know when Naruto and I will be alone again. "Hey Naruto? Can I ask you something?"

"What do you want to know? Is it about..." He trails off and places a hand over his seal. "If you want to ask about it, go ahead. You told me about yours least I can do is return the favor."

"No, it's not about that." Kami this is going to suck. "It's about Sakura."

"Oh."

"How are you holding up?" I softly ask. "I know you had a huge crush on her in the Academy."

"Uh... yeah. I did. It's terrible that she died." He takes a shaky breath. "But – now don't think less of me for this – that was really mostly an act."

"An act?" I don't believe that. I can't believe that. Why would that be an act?

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, at first it was real but it faded with time." He shrinks on himself, he's ashamed. "I wanted to make friends. I wanted people to _want_ to be my friends. And Sakura was so popular and cool and smart all from the first day of the Academy. If I could become her friend, better yet if we dated, then my popularity would go up to. I'd make friends with her friends and then with their friends and... then I wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't be hated by everyone."

"I... wow. Really?" He had everyone convinced that was real.

"Yeah. That really bad right?" He chuckles darkly to himself. "Honestly I have no idea how you did it."

"Sorry what? How I did what?" What's he talking about?

"Alvarcus you were always alone. You never tried to talk to anyone. You always isolated yourself away from everyone, like you didn't want friends. We called you the strange kid in the back during the Academy. I mean you barely even spoke most of the time!"

"Oh that." Now it's my turn in the hot seat. How did this happen? I just wanted to make sure he wasn't taking Sakura's death too harshly! "I'm not really a people person."

"I call bullshit. You got Sasuke of all people to open up." He walks over and plops down in a chair across from me. "Not to mention how well you handled yourself throughout the Chunin Exams. You were confident, you were prepared, you were leading your team. And don't think I don't remember your speech during the first exam. You really think someone who isn't a people person would have the guts to stand up and say all of that? Hell you even inspired me and I'm not on your team!"

"I did what anyone would do." I did what _you_ were supposed to do.

"Pfft yeah right. Anyways, it's me who should be asking you about Sakura. She was your teammate not mine, you're the one that was closer to her. How are you coping with her death?"

Sniff Sniff. "Naruto somethings burning."

"My ramen! NOOO!" He rushes off to his ruined meal.

I dodge a kunai there.

* * *

It took the better part of a week of traveling from town to town for Jiraya to get Tsunade's location. Throughout that time Jiraya taught Naruto the first two steps to the Rasengan. He didn't let me watch their training, probably because he wanted to make sure only Naruto learned the jutsu. I can't blame him. In the correct hands the Rasengan is a deadly tool and let's face it, Jiraya doesn't know me at all.

We didn't talk much, mostly it was Jiraya ordering me around and Naruto working solely on the Rasengan. Naruto never even challenged me to a spar, every waking moment he had was devoted to the technique. I was basically left alone to do my own thing, I threw myself into training hardcore.

I still have nightmares from the Chunin Exams. I doubt they will ever go away. It wasn't strange for me to stay out all night, I would just keep going not realizing how long I was gone for. Turns out I can go for days, literally. The first two nights I didn't sleep. My body never got tired thanks to the Jiongu, and I ignored the desire to sleep. Sleep meant remembering. I don't want to remember.

Eventually I decided that I deserve a break and need to relax. Just because I can train for days without stopping doesn't mean I should.

That is how Jiraya found me in our hotel room for the day, relaxing on the couch and reading a book.

"Oi, kid I know where... she's... is that Icha Icha?"

"Yep." I don't bother looking up from the book, I'm at a good part.

Jiraya's whole body is brimming in happiness. "You know who wrote those right?"

I turn the page. "Yep. Nice work, after seeing Kakashi read these so much I decided to give it a shot. It is surprisingly well written, it's not just pure smut like I expected. You have character development and real life situations. Out of curiosity is the plot based off of your experiences?"

Jiraya actually has a tear in his eye. "Why can't Naruto be more like you?" He whines to the heavens.

"Self sufficient and enjoys good literature?" I ask for clarification.

"Yes! My life would be so much easier!"

I laugh, "Naruto is starved for attention. The village hates him, I don't get it. He's a good kid. Yeah, he can be annoying but we all have our quirks. He's annoying, you like to introduce yourself with a song and dance, and I... uh... huh. How am I quirky?"

"You're obsessed with chakra strings."

"I am not! They are just so cool! And useful! And awesome!"

Jiraya laughs at me. "I watched you train a few times, kid you are obsessed. Elemental chakra strings? That sphere defense you do with those is impressive. And those floating kunai? It is no wonder people think you have the magnet release. No one has ever used chakra strings the way you do. You'd be a terror with just those alone. Honestly I'm surprised you're not in any official bingo book yet. You made some serious waves during the invasion."

I grin and look up from my book. "I know right? Finally someone appreciates my brilliance. That makes two people!"

"Who was the other one?" Jiraya asks, genuinely curious.

"Orochimaru." I growl out. "It is probably what inspired him to give me the Jiongu, it works similarly to chakra strings to begin with."

The atmosphere turns sour. Orochimaru is a touchy subject for us both. We sit in silence for awhile, Jiraya lost in thought and I go back to my book.

Finally I break the silence. "You were saying something when you came in here? We kind of got distracted."

Jiraya straightens up to his full height. "That's right! I've gotten a lead on Tsunade. She's only supposed to be one town over, they have some large casinos there. It makes sense, she does like to gamble."

"Great!" I put my book down. "I'll start packing. You go get Naruto since you don't want me observing his training. Stupid secretive shinobi." I mumble the last bit to myself.

"We leave when I get back with Naruto." Jiraya heads to the door.

"OI! I am not packing your stuff for you!" I call after him.

* * *

On the Road to the Next Town

"So Naruto, how goes the super secret jutsu that I have no idea about?" Jokes on them, I already know.

"It's really difficult. I'm on the last step though! I'll have this down in no time!" Naruto boasts loudly.

"Good for you. Is it cooler than my combo with Gamabunta?"

Naruto gets a dreamy look on his face. "I wish. That was so COOL! Gamabunta was like 'blurgh' and you were all 'whoosh' and that thingy you use was like 'spit' and BOOM fire everywhere!"

Jiraya laughs at Naruto's description.

I sigh, "Yes Naruto. That's exactly how it all happened. Those sound effects and everything."

"You should teach me how to do that!" Naruto grabs my shoulders and looks at me with big puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

"Gross, you should never make that face again. Ever. That look is reserved for kids or hot women. Besides, it would only work if you have multiple elemental affinities. I doubt you have fire, water, and whatever the oil one is based off of. Earth?"

"Actually," Jiraya cuts in, "that is something the Toads teach. It isn't really a nature change, it's closer to a unique form of summoning. Tastes disgusting."

"Well, I'm never going to learn that then." Pity, spitting oil would be great. I could do my own combination attacks with it to enhance fire.

"Yeah, I'm the only summoner of the Toads for our generation." Naruto adds in. "You could get another contract though! It won't be as cool as the Toads!"

"You got that right!" Jiraya boasts, "Nothing is as cool as the Toads! Besides, they wouldn't accept you as a summoner. You don't fit their criteria."

"Thanks Jiraya. You really know how to cheer a guy up."

Can I even use summons? I hope the Jiongu didn't mess with that, having a summon would be cool.

"Its business time now kids! I can see the town."

Sure enough there it is, the walls are in sight.

"I could have sworn there was a castle here." Jiraya scratches his head. "Come on brats, we're checking this out. I've got a bad feeling about this."

Jiraya breaks into a run with Naruto and I right behind him. Soon we come up on rubble, ruins of what once was a castle.

"I knew there was a castle here. I wonder what happened? It isn't everyday a castle crumbles."

"We can ask around town while we look for Tsunade. I'm sure the townspeople have rumors about the event." I offer a solution, standing here and looking at the castle won't do us any good.

We head into town. I can tell Jiraya is listening in on conversations from the civilians, I am too. It's super easy for me since the Jiongu naturally enhances my senses. Say what you will about it, but it does come in handy.

"Did you hear what happened to the castle just outside of town?"

"Yeah some giant snakes destroyed it. How crazy is that?"

Jiraya and my eyes lock together. We both have the same thought, Orochimaru. He's here.

"Come on kids. Let's get some food then find a place to stay. We might be here a while looking for her." Jiraya is on high alert. I wonder how long it has been since all three Sannin have been in one place?

We make our way over to a random bar and enter. "Jiraya," I say, "You do know that Naruto and I can't legally drink yet right? Cuz this is a bar. Can we even be in here?"

"You're wearing a shinobi headband. You're fine." Jiraya observes the occupants quickly, taking stock of everyone here. "Well I'll be a Toad's Uncle! It's Tsunade!"

Sure enough, Tsunade is sitting with what has to be Shizune in one of the far booths and she's drinking like there is no tomorrow. That is incredibly lucky.

"Hey! Tsunade long time no see!" Jiraya plonks down in the booth across from Tsunade. Naruto sits next to Jiraya and I pull up a chair, the booth only seats four. "How have you been?"

Tsunade sighs in defeat. She's trapped and she knows it.

"I am well. How are you?" Tsunade responds very formally.

"I'm doing great! I've got me a new student here. Oi. Naruto. Introduce yourself." Jiraya starts poking him in the shoulder, "Go on. Do it."

"Hi!" Naruto says with way too much enthusiasm. He's wearing his mask again, he's hiding behind this ridiculous exterior so no one really sees his pain. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, the Toads and Jiraya-sensei and Alvarcus! I dislike waiting the two minutes it takes for ramen to cook and Jiraya's weird perverted books. My dream for the future is to be the Hokage one day!"

Tsunade is overwhelmed by Naruto's exuberance. Her mouth is gaping open.

"Yes, he is always like that. I'm Alvarcus Mar. Pleasure." I flag down the waiter and Naruto and I place food orders.

"I'm Tsunade. This is Shizune." Tsunade grunts out quickly, her formal tone is now gone. Shizune waves friendly at Naruto and me.

Tsunade and Jiraya chat about old times for a bit, and our food arrives. Shizune, Naruto and I stay out of the conversation, letting the Sannin talk.

It was a nice affair, then Jiraya had to ruin it.

"So, Tsunade, what does Orochimaru want with you?"

I crush my glass in my hand. Water and glass spills on the table. I couldn't help myself, I have serious issues with that man.

"Sorry. I have a very bad history with Orochimaru."

Tsunade regards me with interest. "You and me both kid. Shizune, heal her hand will you?"

"There's no need. I healed it myself already." I'm not even lying, the Jiongu pushed out the glass fragments and has stitched closed the wounds. Hold up a moment. Did she say her?

Tsunade snorts in amusement. "You brought a green medic nin along? How cute. She might have skill though, I didn't see her make hand seals or even a green glow. Sweetie, I know you think the sunglasses make you look more menacing, but from one kunoichi to another your feminine charms are a much better tool."

"Tsunade?" Shizune says with a red face. "That's... well..."

Snicker. _Giggle._

"This is supposed to be the world's best medic min? Jiraya I think we wasted our time here, she's clearly gone senile."

"BAHAHAHA!" Naruto is slapping the table and Jiraya's while body is shaking with suppressed laughter.

"What the hell are you talking about!? I am the world's best medic nin! I've saved countless lives cured hundreds of poisons, I've revolutionized the entire program for training new medics!"

"Yet you can't tell I'm a boy. How unfortunate."

"Oh." She eyes me up and down. "Really?"

" _Yes!_ "

"... Sorry about that. You have lovely hair so I just assumed."

"Anyways," Thankfully Jiraya interrupts, "now that Alvarcus isn't holding anything breakable and we've confirmed that he is in fact male, what did Orochimaru want with you?"

"Nothing." Tsunade instantly replies. "Better yet, what do you want with me? You didn't come all the way out here just to talk."

"You're right. I'm here on official business. Konoha needs a Hokage, someone strong. Someone with experience. Someone who has strong ties to the previous Hokages. Konoha needs you back." Here it is, the question of the decade. "Will you become the fifth Hokage?"

"No. That job is cursed. Only the foolish would take that offer. Who ever takes that position will die. It's a death sentence."

"Jiraya we're done here." Naruto venomously growls out. "I don't want her as the Hokage. She doesn't deserve it."

"Of course I deserve it." Tsunade blandly looks at Naruto. "You really think Jiraya came all this way because he wanted to? I'm the best choice."

"That was before we saw how pathetic you are." I coolly regard her. "No one will want you as the Hokage if they could see you now. Look at yourself, you're getting shitfaced in a seedy bar at two in the afternoon. They used to call you Lady Tsunade. Look how far you've fallen."

"Brats. Outside. _Now._ Someone has to teach you both some manners since your sensei obviously didn't."

"In my defense I'm only teaching Naruto." Jiraya clarifies. Big help he is.

"You want to settle this with fists? Fine! Let's go!" Naruto is revving to go.

I stand up and start walking away. "Not worth my time. I have better things to do." Like figure out how I can get Tsunade back to Konoha to fix Kakashi and Sasuke if she doesn't become the next Hokage.

"You don't have a choice." Her hand falls on my shoulder and all but crushes it. Great, now this is happening. I hope she doesn't throw me. "Orange boy! Let's go."

Tsunade, Jiraya, Shizune, Naruto and I all walk outside. Well they walked I was dragged. Tsunade is seriously strong.

"So who's first?" Tsunade tosses me at Naruto. Dammit I didn't want to be thrown. I hope this doesn't become a common thing. "Orange boy or the squirt? Maybe you want to attack together?"

"My name is Naruto!" He growls.

"And I don't want to be here. Have fun Naruto." I start walking over towards Jiraya and Shizune. "How stupid is she? Just because she drags me outside she thinks I'm going to fight her?"

"Both at once it is." Aw crap. She's right behind me. "Tell you what kids. I'll give you a handicap. I'll only use one finger."

FLICK

I go careening down the street. I bounce off off the unforgiving ground and roll to a stop in a crumpled heap. All of that was from one finger. Wow, I really shouldn't have pissed her off. Why do I always end up pissing off people stronger than me? First was Kakashi, then Zabuza, then Orochimaru, and now Tsunade?

"Alas, I am slain." I blandly say from my awkward spot on the ground.

THUD

"Hey Naruto. She flick you too?"

"I think so? I might have a concussion."

I push myself up to my feet. "Can I go now or are you going to hit me again?"

"You can go if you want to." Tsunade allows. "If you don't want your headband back." She's idly twirling both my and Naruto's headbands on her fingers.

"Give it back!" Naruto roars.

"Whatever." I shrug and walk over to the other spectators as I extend out a chakra string.

Naruto rounds on me with disbelief on his face. "But she has our headbands!"

"Nah, she just has yours." Tsuande's eyes widen as my headband flies out of her grasp and as I use multiple chakra strings to tie it around my head again. "I'm done playing her game."

"Whoa! Talk about some serious control there!" Jiraya chimes in from the sidelines. "I had no idea he could do something like that."

"Squirt what was that?" Tsunade demands. "How did you do that?"

"Have fun Naruto." I ignore her as I stop right next to Jiraya and Shizune. "Maybe try your new move?" There, that should get him attempt the Rasengan and maybe Tsunade will make the same bet with him as cannon. If not then I'll have to get creative.

"Why the hell not? Maybe I'll get it this time." Naruto extends out his right arm and a blue ball of chakra starts to take shape. Interesting, he's not using a clone. "Rasengan!" He charges at the mildly surprised Tsunade.

"Never expected to see that again." She stabs the ground with her finger. A fissure splits the street in two beneath Naruto, and he falls into it. A horrible grinding noise fills the air and dust shoots out of the newly formed crevice, the Rasengan is grinding into the earth.

"Woah." I turn to Jiraya. "Is that what you've been teaching him?" The Rasengan is way more impressive in real life.

Tsunade whirls toward Jiraya. "How can you be so irresponsible! That jutsu is dangerous! You saw the damage it just did and he hasn't even mastered it fully yet!"

Jiraya looks ashamed, "He needs it. He needs a move that can end fights. Besides, it just feels right."

"Wow Lady! That was cool! How'd you split the street like that? Was that an earth jutsu?" Oh good, Naruto climbed out of the crevice.

"No. That was just my strength alone." Naruto gawks at Tsunade. "Tell you what kid, you've managed to mildly impress me. Let's make a bet. I bet that you won't be able to master that move in a week. If you do, I'll give you my necklace. If you don't then I get all of your money."

"Why would I want some stupid necklace?" Naruto condescendingly says. "I'm not some pretty princess, I'm a shinobi."

"This," Tsunade says while displaying the necklace and a ridiculous amount of cleavage that has Jiraya drooling, "is my grandfather's necklace. The first Hokage's necklace. It can buy three mountains easily."

Naruto stills. "Interesting. I accept."

"Good!" Tsunade says. She turns to me, "What about you squirt? Want make a bet? I can always use more money."

"I will make a bet with you. I want you to come back to Konoha to heal my sensei and teammate."

Tsunade looks surprised. "You don't want to bet me to become the Hokage?"

"No. I'm not here for that, I couldn't care less. I just want my team back. You're their only hope. Name your price, what do you want if I lose?"

Tsunade considers what she wants for a while. "If you lose, Shizune is going to train you."

"Sorry what?" I can't have heard that right.

"Shizune is going to train you. You'll accompany us, and basically be Shizune's minion. I've taught her practically everything I can, now all she has to do is teach someone else. It's perfect! This way I don't have to go back to Konoha to get another medic nin for her!"

"But I'm not... whatever. I accept."

"So Squirt, what are we betting on?" Tsunade has a mad gleam in her eye, one I don't approve of.

"I'll show you a medical case you've never seen before. One that maybe even you can't fix. Deal?"

"Deal! Oh man Shizune get ready to teach! Finding a medical case I've never seen before! Please, you practically guaranteed your loss. Tell ya what, I gave Naruto a week. Do you want one too?"

"Nope." Tsunade and Shizune tilt their heads in surprise. "In fact I'm ready now if you are. Unless you want a week to review all of your old cases. Memory is one of the things to go due to old age."

Am I taunting someone stronger than me again? No, I'm doing one better. I'm taunting my future boss. Perfect.

"Fine. Right now. Tell me the details." Oh boy Tsunade sounds mad.

"I'll do you one better, I have the patient. You can examine him yourself."

"Well? Where is he? I don't have all day. There's a bottle of sake in the bar with my name on it."

"Me. It's me. I'm the patient. I'm the case."

Here's my gamble, it is possible Tsunade has studied the Jiongu before, but she hasn't studied Orochimaru's version. I just need her to use the diagnostic jutsu on me then I win.

"Come on then. I've got a room upstairs, I'll examine you there." We all head inside the bar again. Tsunade grabs a bottle of sake and we make our way to her room.

"Alright squirt. Do you want everyone here for this?" Tsunade gestures towards Shizune, Jiraya and Naruto. "Your call. Shizune gets to stay, she's my assistant."

"They can stay. Naruto has seen it before and I've talked about my... condition with Jiraya before. Fair warning, this is not a pretty sight."

"Please squirt, you ain't got nothing I haven't seen before." I remove my sunglasses.

"Are those threads?" I hear Shizune ask.

"Yes, they are." I answer her.

"Please, a doujutsu? That's your big medical case?" Tsunade scoffs at me.

I remove my shirt.

"You've got a lot of scars, I'll give you that. Still nothing I haven't seen before. You need to dazzle me."

I turn around.

I hear sharp intakes of breath from three people. All but Naruto. He's the only one here that has seen my masks before.

"Those are stitched into your skin. What on earth inspired you to do something so stupid?" Tsunade demands.

"Necessity. I needed something to cover my hearts."

"Your _what?_ "

"My hearts. Don't believe me? Run a scan on me, use the diagnostic jutsu. See for yourself."

Tsunade stomps over to me and her hands take on a green glow. She pales.

"Shizune. Run a scan on him. I need a second opinion."

Shizune walk up to me and her hands turn green as well. Her eyes widen in horror. "He has... four hearts."

"And?" Tsunade prompts.

"That's it. There are no other organs in his body. Just the hearts. How are you alive?"

"Those were my results too. Tell me Alvarcus, how are you alive? You should be dead."

"The Jiongu." That's all I say.

"Don't try and fool me!" Tsunade yells at me, "I know how the Jiongu works! This is not the Jiongu!"

"It's Orochimaru's enhanced version." Shizune and Tsunade fall still. "That's right, Orochimaru got his hands on a sample of the Jiongu. He made it parasitic. It doesn't enhance my organs like the original, it devoured and replaced them. All of them except my heart and skin."

I let them process the new information.

"So, do I win?"

With pity in her eyes, Tsunade says "Yeah squirt. You won. I'll save your team."

"Good! Then my business here is done." I put my shirt and sunglasses back on. "Can I stick around Jiraya? I want to see if Naruto wins his bet too."

"Yeah kid. Stay, go, do whatever. I don't care." Jiraya says quietly.

"Cool. Oh, by the way, I'm getting my own room. I'm tired of sharing with you and Naruto." I leave the room to go talk to the receptionist.

Faintly I can hear Tsunade say, "That poor child. To go through that and live. How did he get it? Why him?"

"He wouldn't tell me. But this isn't the first experiment of Orochimaru's he's been through. It's the second."

"Jiraya," I call over my shoulder, "if she wants to know she can ask me. Don't tell her anymore."

"You don't need to worry about him." Naruto says. "I haven't really known him for that long, but he's strong. He's a fighter. He doesn't quit. He's actually a lot like me now that I think about it."

The conversation dies off.

* * *

That Night

Turns out I am either extremely lucky or very unlucky. The room I got is right next to Tsunade and Shizune's. I'm okay with that, it isn't like they are loud or anything. What I am not okay with is the pitying looks they keep giving me.

Knock knock.

Someone is at my door. "Who is it?" I call out.

"Shizune. I wanted to talk to you." I get up and open the door.

"Come on in. Grab anything you like, drink, food, anything." I plop back down on the couch. For a cheap hotel this is a very nice couch.

"I'm fine, thanks." She sits down awkwardly across from me.

I sigh. "What do you want to know? Ask me already. I don't like playing the political game of dancing around each other for a half hour before we get down to business."

"Are you okay?" She asks genuinely.

"That's your question? Am I okay? Not how did you get the Jiongu, not what's your relationship with Orochimaru, not what am I doing here, just are you okay?"

"Yeah. Everyone always talks about what happened to them, but never talks about how they are themselves. So that's my question. I don't care how it happened. I don't care why it happened. I just want to make sure you are okay."

"I'm fine." She just stares at me unconvinced. "Okay, I am not fine. Not even remotely."

"Why? It's obvious something is wrong, but I don't think it is the Jiongu that's bothering you."

I snort at her in amusement. "You're a smart one. You're right, I've accepted the Jiongu. I don't have a single problem with it anymore, we have an understanding between us."

"You're deflecting." Damn it. She's good. "You are trying to get me to ask about the Jiongu. It won't work. Tsunade tries that all the time and she is much better at controlling herself than you are."

"That usually works. Most people jump at the chance to learn about it."

"Alvarcus." She says with a stern tone. "Quit dodging and tell me what's wrong."

I lower my head in defeat. "I've lost so much over these past few months. Almost everything."

Shizune moves closer to me and gently places her hand on my shoulder. "Let it out. I'll listen. I won't tell anyone."

"My family is dead. My parents. My unborn sibling. I'll never see them again. Never. Do you know what the last thing I said to them was? 'You'll never have to see me again.' I said that to my parents, I told them I was leaving. I didn't want to, it's just they reacted so badly to the Jiongu. And... Orochimaru did something to me while I was still with kaa-san, before she even knew she was pregnant. They told me that day, and they implied that I was like him. Like the person who scarred my body so badly. The person who experimented with my life _twice._ They tried to get me to stay, they tried to get me to listen but I wouldn't. I left. I didn't know that was the last time I would talk to them. _I didn't know!_ They came to see me in the Chunin Exams final tournament. That's when the invasion happened. They came just to see me. They didn't even want me to be a shinobi, but they came anyways. Even if we weren't talking they were there for me. Then the invasion happened. I don't know how, but the genjutsu used to put the arena to sleep didn't affect them. They stayed awake and a Suna nin noticed them. He killed them. I watched as he cut off their heads. I watched my parents die. I couldn't save them, I couldn't protect them. That's the whole reason I became a shinobi, to protect my family. I failed. I failed them, I got them killed. It's all my fault my parents died. I just want to see them one more time. Just to say goodbye, just to let them know I still love them."

While spilling my guts out Shizune enveloped me in a hug. She just let me talk while slowly rubbing my back. How long has it been since someone has actually touched me like this? When was the last time someone hugged me?

"That's not even all of it. Sakura is dead too. My teammate, dead and desecrated. She was killed on purpose. I know it. She was given to me in a body scroll. I don't know why! Why did Sakura have to die? Why would she be killed! She never even did anything noteworthy! Sasuke and I did all of the fighting! He's the last Uchiha and I have a kinjutsu! Why would they target her? Why?" I sound so broken and defeated.

"I lost so much in five minutes. My entire life has changed. Where ever I go now all I see is pity. Either pity for my parents deaths, pity for Sakura, or pity for the Jiongu. No one just sees me anymore. Alvarcus doesn't exist, he started dying when Orochimaru shoved his fist into my gut and gave me the Jiongu and it only got worse. Now all that is left is me, a broken husk of who I used to be. I don't even look the same. I could walk right past my former self and he wouldn't even blink."

I grip Shizune tighter.

"Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke are both stuck in an unbreakable genjutsu. They are the only people I have left. Sasuke is like a brother to me, and Kakashi like a weird uncle." I chuckle a bit at that thought. Kakashi and uncle? Yeah right. "Tsunade is my only hope to save them. I don't even know if she can. I could be alone. I could have no one left to call mine. I don't want to be alone."

 _~The host is never alone.~_

"Oh and get this! My best friend isn't even Sasuke. Its the damn Jiongu. It is the only one that actually understands me, the only one that knows my darkest secrets. It shares in my pain, it feels what I do. It talks to me, reassures me. Defends me, looks out for me. A thread parasite. The thing that ate my body. The thing inside me. How sad is that? It is the only one that will never leave me, the only one that will always be there. Till the day we die. And the worst part? I'm glad it's there now. I'm glad I got it, because no matter what I do it will remain. The one constant in my life. How _pathetic_."

I just sit there in Shizune's arms. She keeps holding me, never once faltering. Never judging. Just listening. The silence stretches on for minutes.

"Do you feel better now?" She asks me.

"You know, I think I do. Thank you for listening Shizune." I do feel better. It is like a weight has been lifted off my back, one that I had no idea was there. I just kept it bottled up inside, letting the pressure build and build until the glass container finally shattered.

"You're welcome. Sometimes all you need to do to feel better is let it out." We break our hug.

I wipe my face dry. I was crying on Shizune. How embarrassing.

"Hey Shizune? Can you not mention this to the others? I don't want them to know."

"I won't." She gets suddenly very serious. "Under one condition. You need to find a healthy outlet. Keeping things inside is not a good idea. Find a hobby, go out and make more friends, something. You can't go on like this forever, it's no way to live."

"I will. You know," I grin cheekily at her, "I could take after Tsunade."

"NO! You are to young to drink and even then it is a terrible outlet!"

I start laughing at her.

"Oh, you brat! Don't scare me like that!"

"Please, it was just too easy!" I calm myself down.

"Alright Alvarcus," Shizune says while standing up, "I've got to go back to Tsunade. Someone has to keep her in line."

"See ya, Shizune. Thanks again for listening." She waves over her shoulder at me.

That night was the first night in weeks that I didn't have a nightmare.


	21. Chapter 21

I saw a lot of Jiraya, Tsunade and Shizune over the next few days. True to her word, Shizune didn't tell anyone about our heart to heart conversation. Tsunade never approached me to talk about the Jiongu or Orochimaru, but she did do something... unexpected.

Knock Knock

Who is at my door this time? Don't these people have lives of their own? "Who is it and what do you want with me?"

"Squirt, I need a few hours of your time." That's Tsunade. Maybe she wants to ask about the Jiongu after all. She is the world's best medic nin I don't doubt she wants to dissect me and figure out how I work.

"Door is open." I call out to her and she walks in.

"I need a favor." She says in a serious tone. "Can you help me?"

"Depends on the favor. What do you need done?" If it has anything to do with Orochimaru I'm shutting this down.

"Naruto needs a break. I want you to distract him for a couple hours."

I never expected that. Hold on a moment, something is wrong here. "This is so you can win your bet isn't is?"

"What? No!" She had the audacity to look offended. "He's pushing himself too far. He's training to the point that he passes out from exhaustion. He needs a break, and it couldn't hurt to spend time with someone his own age."

Hmm... I suppose we never have sparred or even traded some jutsu back like we said we would in the Final Tournament. Shizune did say I needed to hang out with friends more. It couldn't hurt.

"Fine. I'll do it." Her face lights up at my words. "Not for you though, for Naruto. This may sound hypocritical, but training nonstop is a terrible idea."

"I knew you'd see reason!" She picks me up by the scruff of my neck and throws me over her shoulder.

"Put me down! I can walk!" Not okay! What is it with people picking me up? I'm not a puppy!

"Oh be quiet."

* * *

"There he is." Tsunade is poking her head through some bushes. How embarrassing. This is supposed to be the next Hokage.

"So put me down so I can go over there."

"Squirt you need to distract him for a few hours. How do you plan on doing that?" She hasn't put me down yet. How infuriating.

"Hell if I know!" I start to squirm around to get out of her grip. It fails miserably. I have half a mind to let the Jiongu out to free me. "I've got an idea or two. I could spar him or maybe trade a jutsu with him. We talked about doing that before, I know a trick or two that he thought was cool and wanted me to teach him it."

"Good enough for me." She strikes a very bad pose, it's one I know. It's a baseball pitcher's pose, she's going to throw me.

"Tsunade no! I am a shinobi! You don't throw shino- I HATE YOU OLD LADY!"

THUD

"Alvarcus?" Perfect, I rolled to a stop right next to Naruto. At least she has good aim.

"Hey Naruto. How's things?" I haul myself up to my feet.

"You alright?" He asks with a tinge of concern.

"Yes." I dust myself off.

"But you-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I'm going to selectively forget how I got here. You know what, I walked here. That's what I'm going to go with.

Naruto rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You're pretty strange. Anyways, did you need something? You've never come out here while I'm working on this jutsu before."

"Yeah, I'm bored. Figured we could spar or something, we haven't at all this whole trip. What do you say, you up for it?"

"I don't have the time. I need to get this jutsu down to win that bet." He dismisses me.

Not good. I need him to at least do something besides the Rasengan for a bit, he's working himself down to the bone. That and I don't know what Tsunade would do if I fail. "Well... what about the jutsu trade we talked about earlier? You show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Dude." He turns away from practicing to look at me with an scandalized glare. "Just because I know what you mean does not make that sentence okay."

"Yeah, but it got your attention didn't it?" I cheekily grin a him. "So how about it? Pick one of my jutsu or tricks or something you find cool and I'll try to show you how to do it."

"Lemme think for a moment." He takes up a thinking pose. He's adorable right now, like a puppy trying to be scary. "Those monsters you use, they were really cool! Teach me how to use those! They're way more durable than shadow clones."

"Oh." I'm surprised he wants to learn that. I thought for sure he's pick flying. "Uh... that's part of the Jiongu. I can't teach that. I mean I probably could teach it if someone has the Jiongu, but to get it you have to go through a lot of pain. A _lot._ And no, I won't be giving it to you so don't ask."

"I don't want it thanks. How about that giant sphere defense? That was really cool too! Minus that part where you... you know lost your head."

"Thanks for reminding me about that." I sarcastically retort. "You could pull off a more basic version of it, it depends on how many natural affinities you have."

"I'm a wind element and I can use fire." He sheepishly rubs the back of his head. "But fire and I don't really get along that well. The jutsu I use never turns out right."

"We can work with that!" I assure him. "It won't be anywhere as cool as mine though."

"Awesome!" I have his full attention now. "So how does it work?"

"Basically I make a _really_ long chakra string and loop it around my body." To demonstrate I overcharge a string with chakra to bring it into the visible spectrum and loop it several times around me.

"Then I make an elemental change, in your case it would be to wind since you have to have a natural affinity for that to work with chakra strings." I channel wind chakra into my string, I now have a ridiculously long windblade wrapped around me.

"Lastly, I twist and twirl it around me at high speeds." I spin the string around me, slowly at first but I gradually up the speed.

"Once you can do this add more strings in." I add another, then another until I am using all ten. "Tada, that's how my sphere defense works."

"I don't get it." What could he possibly not get! I walked through each step and even demonstrated for him! "Yours was a range of colors when you used it against Kisame but now it's just white."

Okay, so he does get it. That's good, I thought he might be a knuckle head after all. "Yeah, I'm only using wind chakra right now to show you what yours would look like. If I'm doing it, it would look like this." I flip some of the elements. All but fire is being used.

Dammit I need to get a fire heart. How can I be a pyromaniac without a fire element?

"You said that it was chakra strings that you use?" Naruto asks.

"Yep!" Gotta love the strings, they're the best.

"That moves out too then. I can't make a chakra string I have too much chakra. My control will never be good enough."

"Oh come on!" I let my defense fade. "Couldn't you have said that before I went on that long winded explanation?"

"Sorry? I'll pick something else. How about flying?" His eyes shine in glee. "Oh I've always wanted to fly."

"That makes one of us. I've always hated being high in the air without a secure point of contact to keep me safe. Even then I still freak out sometimes."

"Like when we were on Gamabunta?"

" _Yes. That._ " I harshly spit out. "Never do that to me again."

He shrugs. "I'll try not to. Anyways, if you're so scared of heights why do you know how to fly then?"

"It's not really flying. I use chakra strings to pull me around."

"Talk about a let down." Naruto mumbles to himself. "That's out too. No chakra strings for me."

"Pick something else then." Surely there's something I know that he can learn.

"How'd you make those tentacle eye thingies?"

"With chakra strings and a genjutsu. That's out too."

"Dude. What do you not use chakra strings for?" He grumbles. "How about your floating kunai trick?"

"Chakra strings."

"Come on! What is it with you and chakra strings! Don't you know any wind jutsu?"

"Yeah, most of them are low level and the only high level one I know I haven't really mastered yet so I doubt I'd teach it right."

"What's your strongest low level one then? I might as well get something out of this."

"Wind bullet. I know the other four element's versions and after some trial and error I figured out how to do that one too." I wanted to go to Asuma for some help but he was always busy with the aftermath of the invasion. All the jonin were.

"That's just perfect. I know that already." Naruto is getting grouchy. I can't really blame him. "You have the weirdest skill displacement _ever._ All of you cool stuff is either based on chakra strings, the Jiongu, very high level elemental jutsu, or a genjutsu. I can't learn most of that stuff!"

"Sorry? I think?" Why am I apologizing for that? "I just focused on what I was good at."

"Whatever. Anything you want to learn from me? Someone might as well get something out of this."

"You know, not really." This got awkward quick. "My monsters are better than shadow clones, I'm set on wind jutsu once I master the one I'm working on, and I know I can't use the red chakra. Not to mention how pissed Jiraya would be if you tried to teach me the Rasengan."

"Yeah he'd be livid." Naruto grins for a moment. He's picturing it. "This was a waste of time."

"Yeah it was. Our skills don't really line up at all do they?" Perfect. At best I managed to get him a break for fifteen minutes. Well that's better than nothing. "I'll let you get back to the Rasengan."

"Hey Alvarcus, thanks for trying to distract me for a bit." Dammit he figured that out. "I did need a break. It was a good idea."

"You're welcome." Can't say I didn't try.

"Even if it was Tsunade's idea." He cheekily smirks at me. "How was it being thrown over here?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I walked over here." That bastard knew the whole damn time. "Exactly like how I'm going to walk out of here. Bye Naruto, see you around."

"Bye Alvarcus!"

* * *

Before I knew it a week was up.

"Oi. Kid. Why are you following me around now?" Jiraya asks.

That's right, I am following him everywhere he goes to try and stop Tsunade from poisoning him. I'm going to try and have him at his best when he fights Orochimaru. Maybe then Jiraya can kill him.

"You're cramping my style!"

"Whatever. Not going to make me go away." I need Jiraya to be at his best. If I keep Jiraya at 100% then he might kill Orochimaru and that will solve a ton of problems for me, most notably Sasuke won't go to him for power. He'll stay in Konoha where he belongs.

All that and I want Orochimaru dead.

"Fine! Don't expect me to change what I'm doing just because a kid is around."

"Go drinking, go whoring I don't care."

His face lights up. "Well if you insist, I hear there's a lovely bath house in this town."

Oh Kami. He wants to go spying on women. Is killing Orochimaru worth this?

* * *

"Hehe! Very nice!" Jiraya furiously scribbles something down on a notepad. "Very nice indeed."

Why am I putting up with this?

"Whoa! Now that's an idea!"

I have three options. First: Do nothing and let Jiraya continue on with this ridiculousness.

"Hmm... I could work with that. Maybe change the hair color though, she needs a bit more of a kick to her, something to make her unique. A nice green would do."

Second: Alert the women he's spying on and watch as justice is delivered.

"That is one hell of a tattoo! I have to use that!"

Third: I could-

"Hey Alvarcus, why don't you join me?" That. I could do that. "You're really missing out!"

It's time to decide. Option 1, 2 or 3. Do I allow this to continue, do I become a hero or join the dark side? Honestly I don't even know why I'm asking myself all these things, I knew the answer before we even got here.

I get up from my spot and move over next to Jiraya. "Budge over."

"I said join me not take my spot! Find your own eye hole!" Jiraya shoves me away from him without looking away from the hole in the wall.

"Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing?"

"Aww, don't back out now kid! I'm just starting to like you!"

"No, not that. I don't need an eye hole." I have the perfect combination of techniques for this. My chakra strings and Eyes of the Damned. I can arc a string over the wall with an eye on the end of it and have the best view in the house. Hell I could potentially have any view in the house!

"What are you talking about?"

"Just trying to figure out what view I want." I extend an eyeball string out of my back. "Whoa. Still gotta get used to the new visual input."

Jiraya pulls his face away from the wall for a second to see what I'm talking about. "That's a floating eye. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's an eye on a chakra string. How on earth did you do that?"

"Trade secret." I may not have any qualms about joining him, but I'm not going to give this tool to him. That would be a major mistake. "You weren't wrong about the string though."

"I told you that you are obsessed with chakra strings. How many tricks do you have with them?"

"Good question. Let's just say that I have a lot of them. I believe we were doing something?"

"Right you are! Glad to see you're priorities are straight." He shoves his face back against the wall and I arc the eyeball string over the wall.

"Whoa. That's one crazy tattoo!"

"I know! Tell me what you think about the one with the black hair."

* * *

"You know Alvarcus you're not that bad." Jiraya casually says. We eventually decided it was time for lunch so Jiraya dragged me off to a bar. "At first I thought you would be a major pain in my ass."

I shrug. "I'm really low maintenance. Honestly the only reason I think I'm Kakashi-sensei's favorite student is because I can teach myself. Sure he might need to demonstrate a thing or two but usually I can figure it out. I mean I figured out _four_ elemental chakra changes on my own! And he only really taught me how to make a chakra string, I've come up with most of everything else for them. Hell even the 'you are the kunai' idea was based off of what I already did."

"You are the kunai idea?"

"Yeah I move myself instead of a kunai."

"Ah! That's how you got down to the stadium floor in the tournament."

"You saw that? I thought you were off with Naruto, he never made it back to the contestant booth after his fight."

"Yeah I did. What you did was impressive and inspirational. Tentacle Eyes! In fact I might base a scene off-"

"JIRAYA!" I can't let this happen! Oh Kami what if he names the character that does it after me? I would never live it down. "No! Draw the line somewhere!"

"What?" Jiraya's confused, very confused. "That genjutsu was impressive! Wouldn't you want one of your moves to be immortalized in a glorious fight scene?"

"Oh." I thought of something perverted that _Jiraya the Super Pervert_ didn't. "I suppose that's okay."

Our waiter rescues me from that awkward conversation. "You're drinks. Food will be out soon." He plonks down both of our drinks, they're suspiciously the same color.

"Go on, drink up." Jiraya urges me as he downs half his glass.

I've got a bad feeling about this, something feels very off. I raise my glass up and give a tentative sniff. Alcohol. That bastard spiked my drink.

"Consider that a thank you for not ratting me out to the ladies earlier." Jiraya nods at my glass.

Okay, so he didn't spike my drink. Well he did but he at least warned me about it. Still that's pretty messed up I'm twelve! This could irreparably damage my liver or something. Oh wait, I don't have a liver to damage.

"Thanks. I think?" I take a hearty swig. I forgot how bad this tastes. I wonder if I can even get drunk? "I don't know if it'll work though, I'm kinda missing a liver and all that."

"Want to find out?" Jiraya asks with a ridiculous grin. He's trying to corrupt me. First the bath houses and now this? How irresponsible.

I think I like him, at first he was kind of a dick but he's grown on me. Like a fungus. "Only if you're buying."

* * *

"Do you have any idea how depressing it is to know that a _twelve year old_ can drink me under the table?" Jiraya whines. "Kami I bet you could out do Tsunade too."

"Not my fault I can't get drunk." The Jiongu really does to everything better, I process the alcohol to fast. "I'm going to be such a buzzkill at any party I go to. Who wants to party with the guy who can't get drunk? Oh no, that means I'll always be on babysitting duty."

"I don't think you realize how much money you cold make. Kid, you can probably out drink anyone and no one will expect that. Use it to your advantage."

"You know... I'm not doing anything for the next few hours. Want to make some money? You be my hypeman and I'll split the winnings 50/50."

Jiraya grins. "Depends. Can you act smashed?"

"Yes, yes I can."

* * *

"COME ONE COME ALL! WHO WILL BE THE WINNER? WHO CAN DRINK MORE! AFTER TWELVE MEN AND WOMEN OUR CHAMPION IS STILL UNBEATEN!" Jiraya shouts out to the gathered crowd. I know I asked him to be my hypeman but this is ridiculous. "WHO WILL BE THE NEXT CHALLENGER? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PAY THE ENTRANCE FEE TO HAVE A SHOT AT THIS LOVELY RING!" Jiraya holds up a beautiful ring.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, we're scamming people over by promising them this ring if they can out drink me. I'm both impressed and horrified that Jiraya thought of this and is executing it so well.

"Therres a buuucket round here, riight?" I slur out. "Hiccup! Imma need it soon."

"I CHALLENGE HIM!" Fuck me, that's not good. I know that voice.

"Tsuande no!" Oh hell they're both here? "We can't waste time doing this!"

"Come on Shizune this will be the easiest money I've ever made! I'll be getting paid to drink! It's my dream job!"

"Jiraya!" I whisper shout to him.

"I know! Get the money!" He whispers back. "SORRY FOLKS, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY! WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW!"

"I've got it all!" I whisper urgently to him.

"What are we still here for? Go go go!"

* * *

Later That Night

"Hey Tsunade. How's it going?" I casually say. Don't act like I ran away from you earlier today. That never happened.

"L-Lady Tsunade!" Jiraya is cowering away from her. Great he's scared we got caught.

Okay I need to diffuse this, I need to throw her off the scent. Something like, "Don't mind Jiraya, he's remembering your disciplinary actions for when he peaks in on the bathhouses."

Tsunade laughs, "Good! I'm glad the lesson's have finally sunk in." Thank the sweet merciful Kami it worked. "Anyways, I need Jiraya tonight. Scram squirt."

Not good. I don't want to leave her alone with him. "Please, like I care. You can't order me around yet, you haven't taken the hat."

She growls at me. "Squirt, the grown ups need to talk. Go away."

"I don't feel like it. In fact, I feel like stalking you two the entire night. That sounds like fun!" I'm not going to let her poison him! I want Orochimaru dead and right now Jiraya is my best shot at it.

"Fine." She turns to the crying Jiraya. "Get up. We're going drinking and little Alvarcus is our chaperon."

Jiraya files to his feet. "Of course my lady!" He bows deeply to Tsunade, "Where to fair maiden? Shall we take a romantic walk through the town? Maybe venture out into the countryside? Perhaps a wonderful moon gazing session?" Wow, he did a complete turn around.

"There's a sake stand around the corner." Tsunade grins to herself, "I even think they will have lemonade or something for the squirt."

"Oh come on, you have to get a better nickname for me than squirt. How lame." I huff in annoyance. Good, now I can stop her drugging him.

We go to the stand and take our seats. They actually do have lemonade there, I'm mildly impressed.

The old people talk about pointless things for a long time. I tune our their conversation. In fact I don't even face them. I have a chakra string extended to the roof of the stand and have an eye on the end of it watching Jiraya's drink. I won't miss a damn thing.

After a few minutes, Jiraya starts to sway on his seat. That isn't right, I've seen him drink way more than that. Hell he drank more than that earlier today! No, I missed it. How did I miss it? I watched his glass the entire time!

"Tsunade, why?" Jiraya falls out of his chair.

I leap to my feet and fall into a battle stance.

"You poisoned him. How?" I fucked it up. Dammit I fucked it up! Now Orochimaru has a better shot at living!

She never put anything in his drink. I know for certain, she never even came close to touching it.

"I paid off the stall owner. I gave him a coated glass to serve to Jiraya. Actually, I gave him four glasses just in case someone tagged along on our 'date.' I'm more curious as to how you are still standing. I put enough poison in each glass to knock out a team of horses."

I smirk, "Knock me out? Via what process? I don't have any organs remember?" Thank you Jiongu, you really came through for me. A pleasant shiver courses through my body.

 _~You're welcome host.~_

"I do remember." A voice says from behind me. "That's why I made this stasis seal."

I whirl around to face the Tsunade behind me. I leap away from her and stand protectively over Jiraya.

"A clone. You had a clone with us the whole time." How the hell did both Jiraya and I miss that?

 _~Host! That's not the real one!~_

A hand falls on my shoulder and grips it ridiculously tightly.

"Wrong. I'm the real one." Effortlessly she picks me up and smacks a piece of seal paper on my chest.

"Shit. You tricked me. You used your clone to scare me into getting closer to the real you."

"Yep." She activates the seal. I'm sucked into it.


	22. Chapter 22

Everything is black, it's dark. There's no light here at all. I'm in a void of nothing. But the strangest thing is I've been in something like this before. I've spent years, decades, eons here.

"Fan-fucking-tastic I'm back here again. I really didn't miss this place." I grumble to myself. "Fuck me! If I'm here does that mean I died again?"

The void doesn't answer me.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" I roar into the abyss.

"What the hell I died to a _seal_? A seal from _Tsunade_ of all people? What kind of an idiot seals something alive in a seal! Everyone knows that doing that kills people! I didn't even go out in a blaze of glory! I didn't die to a foe of unimaginable power, I didn't even die to Orochimaru. Hell I didn't even make it to Shippuden! And why the hell do I feel tingly all over? That is wrong on so many levels."

 _~Host?~_

"Shut up Jiongu I'm ranting to myself." I bark out. " _A_ _SEAL!_ How sad is that? I'd rather have been burned to death, at least it'd be memorable. Besides, me going out by fire? Talk about karmic justice."

"Fuck, who is going to look out for Sasuke now? I changed too much, Naruto isn't going to do anything for him and Sakura is... here somewhere. I wonder if I'll ever meet her in this abyss? Then I can apologize for not being able to save her."

"Oh Kami what if Orochimaru decides to use me for an Edo Tensi? That would be crazy. Wait, I could work with that! Madara regained control of his body by knowing what hand seals to make! Crap, that idea's out. I don't know how to do the Edo Tensi."

Silence.

"Hold up. Jiongu?" No. No fucking way.

 _~Yes Host?~_

"Jiongu!" My voice is laced with pure elation. "Oh man, I am so glad you're here! I have company this time, I'm not alone! We've got to figure out a way to get back. If you steal a heart while I'm an Edo Tensi zombie -feel free to shuffle through my memories to figure out what that is- will we come back from the dead? I'm grasping at straws here. Sure I've sorta cheated death once but I have no idea how to do it again."

 _~Host, we're not dead.~_

"... Sorry what?" Even I know that you don't seal something alive.

It's been theorized as to the actual cause of death, my two favorites are oxygen deprivation or the human body is just too weak to take the sustained exposure to pocket dimensions. No one has really figured out exactly what happens to cause the death since no one has ever made it back out alive. Even Minato and Tobirama cheated with their Hirashin, they were nearly simultaneously put into and taken out of their seal's pocket dimension. Their exposure time was milliseconds, probably even less. In fact that's how Minato got his title as The Yellow Flash. For that brief moment in time his opponents could see into his pocket dimension which for some ungodly reason is bright yellow.

 _~We're not dead.~_

"FUCK YEAH I'M ALIVE BITHCES!" Talk about a close call. "Wait, how am I alive? I should be dead."

 _~We would be if it weren't for me. I've formed a protective cocoon around each heart to keep them safe from this void and I'm using heat by friction to keep our skin from freezing.~_

"Ah, so the tingly sensation is coming from you? Gotcha, I thought I was losing my mind there."

 _~You and me both.~_

"Cut the sass." That's new, the Jiongu is developing a personality. Good for it! "How am I able to breath then? I do need to breath right?"

 _~Not necessarily. Because I devoured your lungs I learned how to absorb oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Therefore, by reverse engineering, I learned how to do the opposite: absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen. I am also capable of circulating said oxygen around our body for us since we need it to keep our skin and hearts alive. That's why I got rid of our blood. It is inferior.~_

"Wow, this is the most broken thing I've ever heard. When did you figure out I don't have to breath?"

 _~When we got here. Something had to be done to keep us alive.~_

"Jiongu, you're awesome. I want you to know that." I never have to be worried about being strangled to death or drowning. That's a relief.

 _~Thank you host.~_

"So... how long do you think it'll be until someone releases us?"

 _~How should I know? Does time flow consistently through multiple dimensions?~_

"... I take it back you suck. I never would have thought of that."

 _~I got that from your memories, so you did think of it.~_

"Okay so maybe I have thought of it bef-"

POOF

"TSUANDE IS GOING AFTER OROCHIMARU!" I roar the second I'm outside of the seal.

Hell yeah, time is inconsistent through dimensions! I got out super early. I should have been in there for hours if time flowed consistently and I was released right before everyone goes after Tsunade.

"How marvelous! I'm so glad my seal worked, I wasn't sure if you would survive. That makes three experiments you've passed. That has to be a record. My child, you're becoming quite the specimen." I never wanted to hear that voice again.

I quickly take in my surroundings. I'm outside of town in a clearing somewhere. There's one tall blonde woman and a lean pale black haired man who has seen much better days.

"What the fuck Tsunade? You brought me to _Orochimaru_?" So much for time being inconsistent. I was released before I expected if the still dark sky is anything to go by.

"Ignore his swearing." Orochimaru says from his relaxed position. "When he gets emotional his verbal filter disappears. I find it rather amusing."

She rolls her eyes in irritation. "It was part of the deal Alvarcus. I bring you to him for a nice chat and then I heal his arms and he'll bring my loved ones back. Sorry squirt, you've got spunk but they mean more to me than you."

"Are you a fucking moron?" I yell at her face. "The dead don't come back!"

"Isn't that hypocritical?" Orochimaru asks in curiosity. "You're _living_ proof that the dead do come back."

"Fuck you, you know that was a fluke." I snarl at the insane bastard.

"Are you sure? I believe I can re-create the process." He turns to Tsunade. "Here's my proof, Alvarcus Mar has come back from the dead. I raised him and I can do it for your loved ones once my arms are healed."

"You sick bastard don't you dare!" I roar at the lunatic. "You know exactly what you did! You eradicated the soul of a barely formed fetus just to see if you could and I happened to get sucked up into the space left behind! I will kill you before I let that happen to someone else! You don't even know if you can choose who goes in! I was picked at random!"

Tsunade's face is deathly pale. "Is that true?"

"Yes, it is. That's how I brought Alvarcus back on accident. I've refined my technique since then, it was thirteen years ago."

"You haven't done shit with it sense then, don't lie to her." Malice is laced into my tone. "Despite all of your Edo Tensi research you considered me a failure until we met in the Chunin Exams. You haven't done any research to see if you can or can't do it again. You haven't had the time."

Tsunade is still deathly pale. "No. Not that. Alvarcus you've _died_ before?"

" _Why the fuck is that what you care about?!_ " What is wrong with her? "He's talking about sacrificing unborn children to _maybe_ bring back someone who _maybe_ will be one of your loved ones!"

"You didn't answer my question." Tsunade barely whispers out.

"And I'm not going to!"

"This is not how I imagined our conversation would go Alvarcus." Orochimaru casually cuts in. "I wanted to see if you've thought about my offer at all, but it is obvious you're not ready to accept it. Oh well, I at least got something out of this. I know my stasis seal works."

"No shit I'm not going with you." I venomously spit out. With his arms out of commission the odds of me being brutally murdered are drastically lowered. "And just as an added fuck you, your seal didn't work. If I didn't have your other 'gift' I would have died."

"Pity. I thought I finally had a way to transport live specimens without all the screaming. It's a tedious process the whole thing."

"Tsunade let's kill him." I draw a kunai in my right hand and slide into a battle stance. Honestly I should have attacked the moment I was out of the seal and knew he was before me. I've lost the only chance for surprise I had. "He's injured. He can't use jutsu. He's alone. We can take him."

Tsunade doesn't respond.

"Tsunade? Are we going to kill this asshole or not? Cuz if I have to I'll go through you too." I know exactly how I'll do it and everything. She won't be able to stop me.

"Tsunade, darling teammate, could you put him back in the seal for me?" Orochimaru says unconcerned.

"Pfft like Tsunade is going to take your side in all of thi-"

SMACK

CRACK

THUD

"Ow." That really hurt. What the hell was that? "Tsunade what the fuck? Did you just backhanded me through a tree and into a boulder?" I peel myself off of said boulder. There's a body sized indent in it. That was one hell of a hit.

"You can still move?" She casually asks while she is walking towards me. "Consider me impressed. Grown men have died to lighter blows than that."

"So we're not teaming up to kill Orochimaru." Wonderful. I don't know if I can do it alone. Well, now is my best shot at it. He's limited and I'm not. I just have to go through Tsunade first. "Never thought I'd fight two Sannin back to back ever."

"You want to fight me still?" Tsunade rolls up her sleeves. "You've got spirit. Konoha must be very glad you're one of her shinobi, you bring her honor."

"Yeah and you bring her disappointment." I sneer at her. "Beside, I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to _win._ " I rake my kunai across my left hand. "You have a terrible case of hemophobia! You become paralyzed when you see blood!"

Tsunade freezes. Her eyes go wide and she recoils back half a step. Then she does something she shouldn't be able to do. She relaxes her whole body.

"Well you're not wrong about that." She resumes walking towards me. "Good try, better luck next time."

What the fuck? She should be riveted to the spot in fear!

 _~Host, we just talked about this. We don't have any blood.~_

"Fuck me sideways." I really fucked that up. There's no way I can beat a Sannin without a serious handicap like the one Orochimaru has. I only have one more shot at this. "Jiongu hurry up and make me some blood!"

 _~Working on it!~_

Tsunade lunges forward in a crazy burst of speed and stops right before me. "Not going to happen squirt." She reaches out and grasps my neck. She lifts me off my feet and pulls me close to her face.

This could be my chance! I really hate myself for doing this, I can't believe I'm about to say this. "Jiongu push whatever blood you made out of my eyes!"

 _~I'll try! It might not make it in time!~_

"Oh _hell_ no!" Tsunade slams her free hand into my chest and I hear paper crinkle.

It didn't make it. I failed again.

She leans down next to my ear and whispers, "Don't hate me Alvarcus. _Please._ It's an act. It's all an act. I will kill Orochimaru but I have to earn his trust first. This is how I will. I'm so sorry."

I'm sucked back into the seal.

"Well done Tsunade!" Orochimaru happily calls out from his spectators spot. "Now shall we heal my arms?"

Tsunade straightens up. "We can't yet. We have to wait until noon tomorrow."

" _Why?_ " Orochimaru says in pure fury.

"You're arms weren't just hurt, they were damaged on a cellular level by _The Shinigami, The God of Death._ If you want them back we need to heal them when Life's power is at it's peak, when the sun is highest in the sky. Hence noon tomorrow."

"So be it. We will wait." Orochimaru moves over to the tree Alvarcus was thrown through and sits down on its fallen trunk. "The seal. I want it back."

Tsunade tenses. "You don't care about the seal. You want what's in it, who is in it. You want Alvarcus."

"Yes. Once he sees what I am truly offering him in person he will be mine. And why wouldn't he? I'm offering him everything." Orochimaru gazes off into the distance with a smile on his face. "He's exactly how I imagined my child would be. Creative, cunning, versatile, resourceful, manipulative, insightful, yet not afraid to speak his mind to me. I simply must have him!"

"We'll see." Tsunade growls out. "After my loved ones are back."

Orochimaru narrows his eyes. "Agreed."

Unbeknownst to Orochimaru, a slug wriggles away with a suspicious piece of paper stuck on it's back.

* * *

It's eerily quiet in the seal. Not a noise is being made. Nothing is going on to break up the endless black abyss.

 _~Host?~_

"Yes?"

 _~You're not screaming.~_

"No. No I am not."

 _~You should be. I can feel your rage. Your anger. You feel betrayed by her.~_

"I don't _feel_ betrayed by her, I _was_ betrayed by her." I hiss out through clenched teeth. "But I know where she's coming from. I hate myself for saying this, but I understand why she is doing what she is."

 _~You should have used me. We could have stalled for more time until the blood was ready. We could have won. Why didn't you?~_

"I saw her eyes." I say in a soft voice. "They were so full of pain and sorrow. You don't understand what Orochimaru offered her. It was something she knew she could never have again. He spit and pissed on something sacred to her, something she remembers every day of her life. Her precious people. He belittled them, said he could bring them back. He used them as a bargaining chip."

"She's the world's best medic nin, of all the people in the world she is the one most familiar with Death. She's rescued hundreds, thousands, from his clutches. But how many more has she lost to him? How many patients has she been trying to save when Death comes and takes them? How many times has she tried to help someone cheat Death and lost? It's uncountable."

"She knows that there is no way back from Death. I can promise you she's already tried everything she could think of to get her precious people back. I bet she's lost countless nights sleep trying to think of crazier and crazier ideas."

"It's human nature to want what you don't have. Sometimes you walk past a nice house and you say to yourself I want that. Sometimes you see someone who is an absolute monster on the battlefield and you say I want to be S-rank. Sometimes you see a mom and a dad happily eating ice cream with their child. I want that."

"So I know where she's coming from. Orochimaru did something he should never have, he promised her something she knows he can't deliver. And she's going to kill him. That's the price for his mistake. I only wish I could watch it. Of course that's assuming she actually can kill him."

 _~You humans are so strange.~_

"Yeah, we really are."

* * *

Poof

Instantly I take in my surroundings. I will not miss another chance for a surprise attack on Orochimaru. Tsunade, Shizune, Naruto and Jiraya are all in the hotel room looking like they just went through hell.

When did I make it back to the hotel? "Oh. Did I miss the fight?"

"Yep! It was awesome!" Naruto cheerily informs me. "I totally see why you don't like snake face. Creepy as fuck."

"Naruto! Language!" Shizune disciplines him.

"YOU LEFT ME IN THE DAMN SCROLL THE ENTIRE TIME?" What the hell people! "You do realize how dangerous I can be right? I could have helped!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how you'd react after... yeah. Figured it was for the best to have you out of the fight." Tsunade nervously says from a corner of the room. She's put as much distance between us as possible. Smart call. That doesn't mean I'm not going to hit her.

I boldly stride across the room and stand right in front of her. I'm definitely in her personal space. "Did you kill him?"

"No."

I reel back and punch her as hard as I can in her stomach. My forearm breaks, it looks like I have a new joint with the angle it's bent at. I've punched rocks less hard than her. "Don't you _ever_ do something like that again! Next time I ask you to help me kill him you better help me kill him! You're lucky I know why you wanted to do it yourself otherwise I would hate you forever. Instead I'm just _unbelievably pissed off he's still alive!_ "

She winces. "I could fix your arm for you? Would that help get me back into your good graces?"

"No. I can do that myself." The Jiongu straightens out my arm for me. About damn time. It could have done that the moment after it broke. "If you want to get in my good graces, then haul ass to Konoha and heal my team. We'll be even then and we can go back to how we were before. Unless you decide to go on another trip that takes up decades of time."

Tsunade smirks at me, "You're looking at the fifth Hokage squirt. I'll be in Konoha for a long time."

"Oh thank Kami!" Everyone stares at me. I can't blame them, I did just flip from pissed off to relieved in an instant. "If you declined either Jiraya or Kakashi would be the next Hokage. Could you imagine that? The kunoichi would be forced to wear a racy uniform or the Hokage would never show up to anything on time. Really, it is for the best you accepted."

"Can we go back now?" Naruto asks. "We could already be on the way, but we had to get Alvarcus. I can't believe I'm the only one who remembered he came with us."

"YOU ALMOST LEFT ME IN THAT SCROLL FOREVER? WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE!"

* * *

We made it back to Konoha without any issues. If you don't count me complaining about almost being abandoned forever as an issue.

"Alright old lady let's go heal my team. You did promise." I will not wait any longer.

"Fine, fine. Then leave me alone. I've had enough of you!" Tsunade and I head to the hospital.

"Please, I'm a dream compared to Naruto. He can ramble on about anything all day long."

We go to Sasuke first. Tsunade simply walks up to him, lays a hand on his head and says, "Done." Then walks out of the room. How underwhelming. "I'll be outside. We'll go get your sensei next."

Sasuke stirs on the bed. He cracks open his eyes. "Alvarcus?"

"Hey Sasuke. Welcome back to the real world." I smile down at him.

"I'm back?" He asks me.

"Yep. You're back. You've been asleep for a little under a month now. We're in Konoha's hospital."

Sasuke sits up. "How did you wake me up? That technique broke my mind."

"Nothing major." I smirk at him. "I only got the best medic nin in the world to come wake your lazy ass up for me."

"You're damn right I'm the best!" Tsunade calls in from outside the room.

"Oi! I thought you left to give us privacy!" I call back.

"No, I just didn't want to watch your sappy reunion moment." Wow, thanks Tsunade.

I sigh, "We're waking up Kakashi next. Want to come with?"

"Kakashi got hit too?" So Sasuke didn't know. Good, I thought he just didn't tell me when we left the village.

"Yeah, come on. We'll go wake him up."

Sasuke and I exit the room and meet up with Tsunade.

"Come on, I don't have all day."

We go down the hallway and stop in Kakashi's room. She walks up to him and lays her hand on his head.

"Done. I'm leaving. I've got more important things to do than listen to this. Like figure out how to run a village. Why did I agree to this?"

Kakashi stirs in his bed. His one eye flies open and takes in his surroundings.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're late. A whole month late. This must be a record." I tell him.

He chuckles, "Well you see there was this big bad pair of missing nin."

I laugh at him. "The sad thing is, in any other situation I could see you using that excuse."

"So you fought Itachi too." Sasuke says.

Kakashi tenses. "Too? You didn't. You confronted him didn't you?"

"He did." I throw Sasuke to the wolves. "I just tagged along."

"Please! Alvarcus took on the other one. You're just as guilty as I am!" Dammit Sasuke!

"You both took on Itachi and Kisame and lived?" Kakashi asks in disbelief. "I must be one hell of a teacher."

"Oh no, don't misunderstand. We got destroyed." I inform Kakashi. "Heck Sasuke here got hit with the same thing you did, and I got my head cut off and lost a heart."

Kakashi and Sasuke look at me in surprise. "You lost a heart?" Sasuke asks for clarification.

"Yeah. It's okay I have spares." I toss his joke back at him. He cracks a grin.

"Well I am glad you both are okay. Never do that again. That was reckless and poorly planned!" Kakashi reprimands us. "How did I get woken up anyways?"

"Nothing major." Sasuke says, "Alvarcus just tracked down Tsunade and convinced her to come heal us both."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I add on. "In fact, she's the next Hokage. Sorry Kakashi I guess you'll have to be the next one."

"Oh thank Kami. I was not looking forward to that." Sasuke and I laugh at Kakashi's reaction.

"Well up and at them you lazy jerks! Konoha has to stay strong, we need to start taking missions like crazy. You've had your rest."


	23. Chapter 23

The Next Day, Hokage's Office.

"You summoned us, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi greets the Hokage.

"You should wear the hat!" I chime in. I know I would totally wear the hat.

"Sorry squirt," Tsunade replies, "but it ruins my hair. I didn't call you all in here for a nice chat. I need to split you three up."

Silence follows that statement.

"Why?" Kakashi asks. "We're a team. We work together."

"Not anymore. At least not for the time being, I'm giving you a new assignment Kakashi. Your students won't be a part of it. I need you to go out to the field on high level missions and show the world that we are still strong. Believe it or not, you're one of my best jonin and people know your name. We need you to display your skills, we need you to become a pillar of strength. We don't need you to train these two further. From what I've heard around the village they are both at chunin level. In fact the only reason I am not promoting them is because _they left the village without permission to attack S-rank missing nin!_ "

Sasuke and I wince.

"We're sorry?" I say weakly. Tsunade can be scary as hell.

"Not good enough. You both have the skill to be chunin, of that there is no doubt. It is your judgment that needs work." She pauses. "I have a mission here. One that no one else has taken yet. It is an escort mission. There is a race that is held between two families in the Land of Tea, our client is the Wasabi family. You'll have to protect their runner from other shinobi and anything else that could go wrong during the race. Since there's expected shinobi opposition this is a B-rank mission. Usually I would send a more experienced full gennin team with a jonin or a team of chunin for this, but you two are the best of my available shinobi that I can send on such short notice. Can you do it?"

Sasuke and I make eye contact. "I can do this alone if you aren't up for it Sasuke. You did just get out of a coma."

"Please, like a coma will keep me from anything." Sasuke arrogantly says.

"Do you realize how dumb that sounded? Never mind, of course you didn't. You sure? We don't have the best track record with escort missions. The last one we went on we had to deal with Zabuza. You remember that giant sword wielding maniac right?"

"I doubt we will run into any legendary swords on this mission." Sasuke blandly says.

"Oh great, now you jinxed it! If we run into another legendary sword you are buying me a new pair of sunglasses."

"Deal. If we don't you have to move out of my house."

"I was going to do that anyways." I turn to Tsunade, "We'll take the mission."

"Good. I was getting tired of watching you two banter. You two will leave in three days, that should be enough time for coma boy to get back on his feet. Now leave. I have to give Kakashi his mission." She shoos us out of her office.

I turn to Sasuke. "Well, want to go spar or something? Best way to get back into the groove of things is to jump in with both feet first."

"Maybe tomorrow. Let's just hang out for a day and you can fill me in on what I've missed out on." He and I start walking out of the Hokage Tower. "Like how the hell Tsunade of the Sannin and you are so friendly with each other? When did that happen?"

"That's a long story. A _long_ and very _annoying_ story. You're not going to believe the month I've had. We're definitely going to need some food. What's at your house?"

He stares at me with the most scandalized look on his face.

"Oh. Right. Month long coma, everything there is going to be way past the expiration date. We'll have to go grocery shopping."

"Kami I hate grocery shopping. Do you have any idea how many stares I get? How can people not understand that the 'famous Last Uchiha' goes grocery shopping too?"

* * *

At a Grocery Store

"We'll have to get new everything. I'm not going to risk it." Sasuke is idly browsing through an aisle. "Oi. What kind of bread do you like?"

"White." I answer.

"Wheat bread it is."

"Why would you ask me if you weren't going to get what I said?"

"If I buy food you don't like maybe, I don't know, you'll get out of my house and get your own damn food!" Oh boy, he actually sounds mad.

"I'll look into it after our next mission." I assure him.

"You better." He's definitely going to hold me to that.

"Is that Sasuke Uchiha?" Ah, good old Konoha. You wouldn't be the same without whispers from complete and total strangers.

"It is! I'm so glad he's out of that coma." Sasuke tenses. Honestly I'm surprised it took people this long to start talking about him, he's been gone for a month.

"Who's he with? He looks kinda familiar." Finally! Maybe the whispers about me will stop.

"Alvarcus Mar. The one who did all that stuff in the invasion. Wonder if that's when he got that scar on his neck?" Or not.

"I know right? How do you even get a scar like that? If I didn't know better I'd say he got his head cut off."

"You know you can hide that scar." Sasuke says to me. "It would cut back on the chatter about you. I know you're not a fan of all the attention. You hate it almost as much as I do."

"I could, but I won't." I want this scar to be shown to the world. It's a monument, it represent me surviving a run in with a S-ranked shinobi.

"Alvarcus Mar and Sasuke Uchiha you sons of bitches!" Huh, that's new. Usually the whispers are whispers and not yells. Also they're usually not that rude.

"How dare you! How _dare_ you!" The same person yells. I glance over my shoulder. I know this person, I've seen her a few times. I've been to her house, I've exchanged pleasantries with her and her husband. I was a teammate with her daughter. This is Sakura's kaa-san, Mebuki Haruno.

"Haruno-sama." I politely bow to her.

"Haruno-sama." Sasuke does the same.

SLAP

My face stings. I could have dodged that, I could have blocked that. It wouldn't have accomplished anything. It would only have made her more mad.

SLAP

She got Sasuke too. We both let her hit us.

"You think you're heroes? You think you're special? No, you're not. If you were heroes then why didn't you _save my daughter!_ She was on your team! She trusted you both! You were supposed to look out for each other, protect each other! I can't stand to hear these stories about either of you! Everyone is calling you two heroes or shinning examples of what shinobi should strive for! They're wrong! They're all wrong!"

"I know I'm no hero." I calmly say.

SLAP

"No you don't! Don't feed me lies to make me feel better! You're trash! Scum!" Her eyes are filling up with tears. "Why didn't you save my daughter?"

"When I think back on that day it isn't those I saved that comes to the forefront of my mind." I continue in my calm voice. "It isn't the faces of those I killed either. Do you know what I do remember? It's the faces of those I couldn't save." I take a shaky breath. My hands are trembling, this I one of the hardest things I've ever done. "It isn't those I saved that make an impact on me, it's those I didn't. People idolized me that day, they blew everything I did out of proportion. I could have road on that fame. I could have used it to further my shinobi career. I didn't, and I won't. Because everyone else might see success and impressive feats, all I see is my biggest failure. I'm tormented by the stories that people whisper about me. Every time someone brings up that day I'm forced to remember all that I couldn't do. I'm forced to remember everyone I couldn't save."

I take another shaky breath.

"If you want to blame someone for Sakura's death, blame me."

"Alvarcus that's too far." Sasuke speaks for the first time. "Everyone knows you had nothing to do with it. I know. She knows. You know. The person to blame is the one who killed her, whoever that Suna ANBU was."

I ignore him. "Just leave Sasuke alone, it wasn't his fault. He had no part in it. She was given to me, not him. It's all my fault." I know it is. I've known for a while now, I've just always ignored that fact.

For some scheme, some plan she was killed. There was a purpose behind it otherwise she wouldn't have been targeted at all. But the question I don't have the answer to is what is the plan? What is the scheme? What plan was furthered by Sakura's death? She was a nobody. She didn't have the time to achieve her true potential. Who stands to gain something from causing me and Sasuke such terrible heartache?

"I hate you." Mebuki says. "I hate you both." She storms towards the exit.

She hesitates at the door and calls out to us one last time over her shoulder. "Her favorite flowers are white lilies. If either of you two ever visit her. I may hate you, but you are her friends. I won't-" Her voice cracks. She's breaking down into tears. "I won't stop you two from talking to her. She wouldn't want that. You both meant the world to her."

"Thank you, Haruno-sama." Sasuke bows deeply to her.

"Thank you, Haruno-sama." I follow suit.

* * *

Three Days Later

"So, when do you want to leave?" I ask Sasuke.

"I'll need to pack a mission bag then we can leave." Sasuke replies as we head towards his home.

We're coming back from a quick sparring session. We limited ourselves to just taijutsu. The bastard still beat me even with my advantage of not being in a coma for a month, but I made him work for it. That being said, when we used just ninjutsu yesterday I _demolished_ him. I just wish I had my fire heart, I would have had so much more fun!

"Works for me. I'll be in the guest room, call me when you are done."

Once we get to the Uchiha compound we split and go into our separate rooms. I'm packed and ready to go in five minutes. It helps that I always have a light mission bag ready, all I had to do was add more clothes and weapons to it. Sasuke has to pack from scratch.

I lay down for a quick nap, I know I have at least an hour. It takes that kid forever to pack.

"Alvarcus I'm good to go." Sasuke calls out to me.

I get off the bed, "And right when I finally got comfortable too." I grumble to myself. "Alright, let's go."

We make our way to the main gate. There are two gennin here this time, they're only a few years older than us. Tsunade must have pulled Kotetsu and Izumo for missions.

Sasuke steps forwards. "Sasuke Uchiha and Alvarcus Mar leaving on a B-rank Escort mission in the Land of Tea."

Both of the gennin's jaws drop.

"You're Sasuke Uchiha and Alvarcus Mar?" The one on the left says.

"Uh... yeah?" I smartly reply. "Do we know each other?"

"NO!" The right gennin says this time. "I mean no. We've heard about you both though. You two were awesome during the invasion. Stopping that giant sand thing! So cool! We got stuck in the shelter with the civilians."

Sasuke and I glance at each other. He tilts his head in a 'go on, you got it' gesture. Great.

"Look," I say. I need to let the gennin down softly. "we're due for a mission. It is time sensitive."

"Of course! Here just fill this out then you can leave!" The right gennin hands us paperwork.

I fill out my sheet. Name, date of departure, reason for departure, expected return date, general mission statement, who I left with. I finish it and give it back to the gennin.

Sasuke hands his back. "I put my name on it. Just copy what he put down." With that he walks out of the village.

"Sorry about him. He's... kinda a jerk. He grows on you though I promise! Like a fungus." I follow after Sasuke.

"Did you just compare me to fungus?" Sasuke asks once I catch up with him.

"No!"

"You did. I heard you. Just for that I'm setting the pace." He grins maliciously at me.

I smirk right back. "Works for me, my stamina is limitless. The Jiongu, remember? I can run all day."

"Just ruin my fun why don't you."

We take off down the road towards the Land of Tea.

* * *

Sasuke and I make it to the Land of Tea in under two days. The idiot ran all through the night to prove to me that my stamina is nothing special. He made his point, but we did have to slow our pace considerably for him to do it.

"Sasuke let's stop here."

"Why? I can keep going. Are you getting tired, oh great Jiongu wielder?"

"As if! We are in the Land of Tea, let's stop at a tea house. It's gotta be good if they named their country after it."

"Fine, I could use a drink."

Sasuke and I enter the tea house. We walk to the clerk and order tea. I get a nice earl gray tea, and Sasuke gets a cinnamon flavored tea. We take a table where we can both see all of the entry and exit points. We are shinobi after all, paranoia is part of the job.

"Well lookie here! Two leaf shinobi out and about!" An older teen boldly walks over to us.

Who the hell is this guy?

"What's a pair of scumbags like you doing in a respectable place like this?" He's insulting us. That's a bad move, you don't insult shinobi. Most really don't handle it well.

"Oh you know," I cut in before Sasuke can, "just the usual." I take a sip of my tea.

"The usual? What's that supposed to mean?" The teen demands, getting in my face.

"It could range anywhere from protecting townspeople from wildlife, to _murder._ Now get away from my teammate." Sasuke demands. Great, I didn't want him to escalate the situation.

I sigh, "We are not here to murder anyone. You know that. Now this poor civilian thinks we're killers. Well, we are but that is besides the point." I take another sip of my tea. "What's your count at now?" If Sasuke wants to intimidate the civilian away from us, I'll play along.

"I am at three." Sasuke imitates me and sips his tea while ignoring the fuming teen. "How many are you at?"

"Hold up, let me count. Demon Brother, Gato, Oto gennin 1, 2, and 3, the _murderer_ , those nine shinobi I saved Shikamaru from, and I thinks that's it. Oh! Wait I melted a guy in the invasion. Can't believe I almost forgot that happened. So that puts me at... 16? Or 13 if you don't count the Oto gennin since that 'technically' wasn't me."

The unwanted teen pales, regarding us both in a new light.

"Really? I didn't know you were that high. I thought I had more." Sasuke sounds truly surprised. "Wait, you _melted_ a guy? How'd you do that?"

"Fire strings. I told you they were a good idea." I turn to the now scared teen. "Oh, sorry we seem to have forgotten about you. You were saying?"

"N-nothing. I was just stopping by to say welcome to the Land of Tea." The civilian leaves us.

"Kami he was annoying. What kind of an idiot taunts shinobi like that?" I ask Sasuke.

He grunts in response, "A very unintelligent one."

We finish the rest of our tea in silence, we're weird like that. We don't have to talk to be comfortable around each other.

The waitress comes over to us. "Your bills."

"Thank you." I take my bill. "Uh miss? There seems to be a mistake. I only ordered tea, this bill is for food as well."

"Oh, your friend said you were paying for his meal. The one you two were talking to earlier."

"He isn't my friend. In fact I think I hate him now." What a complete dick. "Before it was just a strong dislike."

I give the waitress enough money to cover the cost of both my tea and the idiot teen's meal, it isn't her fault the teen is a jackass. She takes our bills and leaves.

"Sasuke, if we see him again, you might need to restrain me. Fair warning."

"Restrain you? I'm going to throw you at him. That promises to be entertaining!"

"Sasuke! That is a terrible thing to do! I like it! If we see him again you are going to throw me at him. Imagine his face when he sees me flying through the air!"

Sasuke laughs in amusement, "Missions are so much more fun when Kakashi-sensei isn't here."

I laugh with him, "I know right?"

* * *

"Well, this is the clients house." I say, "Shall we go knock?"

Sasuke and I go up to the front door of a small manor and I knock on the door.

An elderly man answers the door. "Can I help you?"

Sasuke clears his throat, "Yes, we are the Konoha shinobi that Jirocho Wasabi has hired to protect his runner. We are here to meet with him and get more information."

"Ah, so you two are who Tsunade sent me!"

He knows Tsunade? How interesting.

"I heard she became the Hokage and I needed shinobi to protect Idate. He's the runner of the the race you will be protecting. Where are my manners, come inside! Come, sit down there is no need to be formal."

"Thank you Jirocho. So, what can you tell us about this race and any expected opposition?" Sasuke asks.

He is being very professional. His clan upbringing is coming in handy here, I would be out of my element.

"The race has two main parts, one by sea done by boat and one by land done on foot. It starts in the harbor then goes to Nagi Island. It will end at a temple, Idate will know where to go so you two can just follow him."

"Simple enough, that is how most escort missions work. Follow the client. How about expected opposition? In your request there was mention of a possible shinobi team being hired to sabotage your runner?"

"Yes," Jirocho answers Sasuke's question, "it is very likely the Wagarashi Family has hired nin to stop Idate from finishing the race. They know that in a fair race Idate will win so they will not play fair. The Wagarashi are a cruel family, they use whatever means necessary to gain power. The winner of this race will rule the Land of Tea for the next four years."

Sasuke leans forwards, "Interesting. So there is a lot riding on the winner of the race." Sasuke turns to me, "Thoughts?"

"The most likely spots to be attacked will be on the open water where no one can see us or right when we land. We won't be used to the terrain and they could set up an ambush. We should be on high alert the entire time, or at least until we have caught a full team of shinobi. I think we will run into a gennin team with a jonin, or possible a team of chunin. We got this." I say confidently.

"Great! Now come in here Idate and meet the shinobi escorting you."

A door slides open and in walks "The teen from the tea shop! You owe me money!"

"AH! The murderers from the tea shop!" Idate screams while pointing at us.

"Sorry what? Murderers? Nah, we don't murder. We kill. There is a difference. Well... sorta? It's the principle behind the kunai that matters." I ramble on. "I mean I did murder a guy, but in my defense I had a valid reas-"

Thwack

Sasuke smacked me in the head. "You're not helping Alvarcus. Idate, was it? For the duration of our mission we will not harm you. We are hired to protect you, we will come to your aid. You don't need to fear us."

Idate sighs in relief.

Sasuke narrows his eyes. "But you do owe my teammate money."

Idate cringes, "Yeah I'll get you the money."

"Idate." Jirocho stands up, raising himself to his full height. "Did you swindle these shinobi?"

"Uh... yes?" He meekly replies.

"What have I taught you Idate?"

"Stealing and cheating is wrong."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Ahem." I clear my throat, "As nice as this parenting lesson is, Sasuke and I need to know when you want us to start the mission and where the start of the race is. You mentioned a harbor?"

"Yes." Jirocho replies, "The mission starts at the start of the race. The harbor is just south of here, you can't miss it. The race starts at noon tomorrow."

Sasuke and I stand, "Thank you for the information, we will see you tomorrow at the race." Sasuke politely says. We leave the house.

"We need to find a hotel." I say to Sasuke.

"Agreed, I do not want to camp out."

* * *

The Next Morning, At the Harbor

Sasuke and I are standing on a nearby roof to observe the crowd and to find Idate.

"Sasuke, I see him." I call out. Idate is doing some very impressive warm up stretches at the starting line. "We've got to mess with him!"

"We're on a mission, save the antics for later." Sasuke reprimands me. "Besides, how are we even supposed to do that?"

"Hmm... we could pull a Kakashi and pop up out of nowhere?"

"Alright that does sound funny." Perfect! Sasuke is in! "I've always wanted to be on the other side of that."

"Let's go in 3, 2, 1, GO!"

Sasuke and I shunshin to his side. "Hey Idate. How's things?" I greet warmly.

"AH! Don't scare me like that! Where did you two come from?" Idate demands.

I smirk. I know why Kakashi scares us like this so much, it's funny!

"Oh you know, over yonder." I gesture aimlessly. "You ready for the race?"

It's Idate's turn to smirk. "Yes I am. Just make sure to stay out of my way."

"Whatever." I ignore him for now. "So, Sasuke, see any of our competition?"

"I see their runner." Is Sasuke's response.

That means he doesn't see any shinobi that we might have to face. That could be both good and bad. Good, because there might not be shinobi to oppose us, and bad because they might be that good at hiding or already have an ambush planned for us.

"Awesome." I sarcastically say.

"Runners ready?"

Oh dang, I missed the whole intro speech about the race. How terribly unfortunate.

"GO!"

The Wagarashi Family's runner leaps into his boat and sets sail.

Idate runs away from the harbor along the coast.

"Huh. Either he has a plan, or he's running away." I idly say to those around me. "I really hope it's a plan, otherwise this mission just got awkward."

"I have faith in Idate." Jirocho says from behind me. "He will not let me down."

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Sasuke let's go!"

Sasuke and I take off after Idate. We catch up in under thirty seconds.

"So, Idate, you do have a plan right?" I ask him.

"Of course I do! The currents will be better from where I am going. He's going to have to deal with a head wind, I won't."

"Smart." Says Sasuke.

We run in silence from then on. After some time we come across a small pier with a boat docked to it.

"I got her ready just for you!" An elderly man calls out to Idate as all three of us jump on board. "Bring her back in one piece if you can!"

We cast off and start making good time. Say what you will about Idate, the kid knows what he's doing.

"Sasuke, high alert." I say.

This is prime ambush time. Nothing happens to us for hours, we are a meager 100 meters from our landing point when we are attacked.

"Is this rain?" Idate asks.

I wipe my hand across the floor of the boat. It comes away black.

"Oil! In the water _now!_ " I grab Idate and throw him overboard, Sasuke dives off and I am quick to follow. Not a moment too soon.

WHOOSH

"Those assholes lit our boat on fire." I say when I break the surface again.

I see three Ame gennin standing on the water.

"Sasuke, take Idate to shore." I pull myself up to the surface of the water. "I'll clean up."

"You sure? Three on one is not good odds even for you." He asks me.

"Please, I don't need help with this. Go. I'll be fine."

Sasuke starts swimming alongside Idate, they both are going to shore. Too bad Idate can't water walk, that would make this much easier.

"Alright Ame gennin! This is your one chance! Surrender or die." I'll at least try to end this without a fight. Who knows, maybe one day it'll work.

"You sure are cocky." The lead gennin says. "You shouldn't have sent your teammate away. Now you have no chance."

"Really? Because I've already dealt with one of you."

As I say that, one of the gennin in the back is yanked underwater by my water monster. When I dived off the boat, I released it while I was submerged. I planned ahead.

"One down." I cheekily taunt them.

The other two gennin rush towards me, intending on ending the fight quickly to save their comrade. I spark up ten lightning whips and lash out at the approaching shinobi. One dodges, one doesn't. The caught one is electrocuted into unconsciousness. The water monster collects his limp body.

"Two down. I thought this would be harder. Come on, show me something cool!"

The remaining Ame shinobi draws an umbrella off of his back and hurls it into the air.

"Senbon Shower!" True to it's namesake, senbon shoot out of the umbrella at a ridiculous speed and volume.

"That's better!" I manically cackle.

I'm right in my element, I redirect every senbon straight at the last gennin using my chakra strings. He dodges most, okay I say he dodges most but the truth is I'm terrible at aiming senbon. It's not my fault I rarely use them! Thankfully, he is still pelted with a lot of senbon. That hurts, I know from experience. With his now limited movement, it is easy to catch him with a lightning bullet to the chest.

"Three down. This was too easy. Have I really improved that much? These guys seemed scary in the Chunin Exams. Whatever."

My water monster collects the third gennin and brings all of them to the shore. I don't need to kill them and I don't want the to drown. I know they won't challenge me again. Even if they do I can beat them down again, they barely saw any of my skills.

Once I get to the shore I am greeted by a very interesting sight. Sasuke is fighting against someone wielding a sword made of pure electricity.

"Sasuke, is that..."

"Yes Alvarcus." He emotionlessly says. "It is the legendary sword of the Second Hokage, the Sword of the Thunder God."

"I knew it. I knew you jinxed us! You owe me a pair of sunglasses."

"Fine. Can you help me now? The Chidori can't piece the sword. Maybe you have something that can?"

"Fools!" The swordsman says to us, "One more gennin won't change anything! With this sword I'm unstoppable!"

"Yeah, yeah good for you. Who are you again?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Aoi Rokusho, Jonin of Amegakure and missing nin of your precious Konohagakure."

I clap my hands together. "Sweet! Sasuke, we need to keep his head intact."

"What? Why?" Sasuke sounds baffled.

"He just admitted to being a missing nin, there's got to be a bounty on his head. We can cash in on it." I explain to Sasuke.

"There's only one problem with that! You can't do that once I've killed you!" Aoi starts running at me while holding the legendary sword in front of himself as a defense. It doesn't deter me in the slightest.

I extend a chakra string out of my finger and let it stretch perpendicular to his path. It's around twenty centimeters off the ground. He doesn't slow his charge, he must not be a sensor. The instant before he makes contact with my string, I turn it into a wind blade. He doesn't have time to dodge, his momentum carries him straight through my wind blade. He cut off both of his feet. He crumples to the ground and he loses his hold on the sword on the way down. It flies over towards Sasuke.

Aoi is screaming in pain and cursing my very being. "My legs! You cut off my legs! You'll pay for that! I'll skin you alive!"

"Hey Sasuke? You fought him longer. Do you want the kill?"

"No." Sasuke looks angry. Angry at me and angry at himself. That is not good. "You defeated him. I didn't, couldn't. He is yours to kill."

"Alright then." I wrap a wind blade around his neck and pull. Crude and barbaric, yet effective. "This seemed too easy. Is that really a jonin?"

Sasuke tenses. I should not have said that.

"Uh... Sasuke?"

"What?" He regards me coolly.

"I don't have a storage scroll to put the head."

"Then make one." He growls out.

This is awkward. "I don't know how."

"Well I don't either." Sasuke stomps off towards Idate. "Come on. We have a mission to finish. Alvarcus will catch up." They both leave the clearing.

"What the hell was that all about?" I say to myself.

I search through the rest of Aoi's belongings. Kunai, senbon, his mission papers. No storage scroll.

"Maybe the gennin would have one?"

With that thought in mind I go back to the three unconscious gennin. I frisk them down.

"Bingo! One storage scroll! Wow that is lucky."

I unseal the contents and camping supplies pop out.

"Practical. Seal the biggest stuff in a scroll to make it lighter. I should try that."

Humming to myself I go back to Aoi's corpse. I place the head on the scroll and seal it away.

"Black band, I need to add a black band. I don't have any. I don't even have any ink to brush it on. Well, there is blood on the ground. That should work."

I stick my finger in the still warm blood and paint a circle all the way around the scroll.

"There. Not quite right but it should get the message across."

I place the scroll in my kunai pouch.

"Hey Jiongu?"

 _~Yes, host?~_

"What element is he?"

 _~Lightning. Shall I add it to the collection?~_

"Yeah, it isn't doing him any good."

I remove my shirt, no need to ruin it. Black threads extend out of my back and dig into Aoi's body. With a wet sucking sound they pull out his heart.

 _Pain!_

Squelch.

"I'm back at five now. Too bad I don't have a fire."

 _~One of the others has fire.~_

"No. They don't need to die. I will not kill someone just for their heart. There needs to be a reason they die. Aoi here was a missing nin, I have no qualms about his death."

 _~As the host says.~_

"Great. Now I have to catch up to those two jerks." I take off after Sasuke and Idate.

* * *

We finish the race without issue, in fact we finish the race without talking at all. Even for Sasuke that is abnormal. There was a huge reception for Idate at the finish line, he was hoisted up on the shoulders of the crowd and his big smile never left his face. Everyone was happy. Everyone except Sasuke and me.

"A job well done!" Jirocho tells Sasuke and me once he was done congratulating Idate. "Here is all of your payment, I'll have to request you two again in four years! Idate said you took out a whole team of shinobi to protect him. I'm impressed, how old are you kids anyways?"

"Old enough to kill. Thank you for the payment. If you could sign this scroll saying we upheld our end of the agreement?" Sasuke hands Jirocho our mission scroll and he happily signs it for us.

"Thank you." I give Jirocho a respectful nod. "Well, mission complete. We leave you to celebrate."

"Come now! You two are more than welcome to join us!" Jirocho insists, "You both are the only reason we have a celebration in the first place!"

I see Sasuke tense out of the corner of my eye. This could get bad, Sasuke has been touchy ever since the confrontation with Aoi. I step forward,

"Thank you Jirocho, but we really must be going. Konoha needs her shinobi. Tell ya what, if we are ever in town again we'll stop by and say hello. That work for you?"

"Please do! At the very least I can promise you a warm meal when we meet next." Jirocho finally leaves Sasuke and I alone.

We go back to our hotel room in silence, it is just the two of us now.

"Sasuke." I need to fix this. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He replies curtly.

"I know you, something is wrong. You aren't this quiet, this closed off. Not to me."

"Alvarcus, nothing is wrong."

"They why are you acting strange?" I ask him.

"I'm not."

"Sasuke. Don't lie to me."

He rounds on me with rage in his crimson eyes. He's so emotional that he accidentally turned on the Sharingan.

"You're stronger than I am! There I said it! You've passed me. You're stronger. That's what is wrong. The entire time I've known you I have been the stronger one, the one that would come out on top if we fought. But today? You handled an entire _team_ by yourself. You didn't need me, I didn't have to be here at all. You made killing my opponent look like child's play! He took my strongest attack head on and came out unscathed and you just waltz in and kill him like it is just another day of the week. You didn't even use the Jiongu! You didn't even have to go all out!"

"That doesn't mean you are weak."

"Yes it does!" He insists.

"Sasuke, look at how far we have come. Look at how much we have grown. You've improved by leaps and bounds! You know an A-rank assassination jutsu, the Chidori. You saved the Land of Waves, you stopped Gaara, you stood up to _two_ S-rank criminal and walked away! Who else can say those things?"

"You can." His posture slumps, almost as if he is ashamed. "You can say all those things and more."

"I don't have the Chidori."

"No, you don't. But you have the Jiongu. That's better than the Chidori. You have access to each element, you have B-ranked jutsu from all them! You don't tire, you don't die if your head gets cut off, you don't even die if your heart gets destroyed! Don't you see? You surpassed me a long time ago."

"That doesn't mean you are weak." I say again.

"No, it just means I fell behind." Sasuke storms out of the room.

Not good. This is very bad. Has the cursed seal been influencing him? He's never been this confrontational before. This has never been a problem. We have our own strengths, surely he knows that.

I stay awake the entire night, waiting for him to come back. He doesn't, not until sunrise. He didn't sleep either, I can tell from the dark circles under is eyes.

"We should head back to Konoha now." Sasuke says to me.

He has a fire in his eyes. Like he finally answered a question that has been nagging him for weeks. This could be it. He could have finally decided to go to Orochimaru, I may lose him.

"Alright. You lead, I'll follow."We exit the hotel and take off towards home.

We make it back in one go, like how we did on our way out here. We don't exchange one word the whole way.

* * *

The Hokage's Office

"Alvarcus Mar and Sasuke Uchiha reporting mission success, Hokage-sama." I say to Tsunade.

She quirks her eyebrow at me, "Since when have I been Hokage-sama to you squirt?"

"Since you took the hat and we are in a formal debrief?"

Tsunade sighs, "You had such spunk before. Alright kids, tell me about the mission."

Sasuke signals me to start talking. "So here's what happened..." I explain everything to Tsunade. From when we left the gates to when we got back. She's impressed with us, I can tell.

"You two took down Aoi Rokusho? I'm impressed. Do you have the sword still?"

I look at Sasuke. He reaches into his hip pouch and withdraws the hilt.

"Thank you. It's good this is back with Konoha. Sorry kiddos, but I can't credit you with his bounty unless you-"

"Have his head?" I interrupt and hold out the scroll with his head in it. "It's in here."

"I was going to say proof, but a head works just fine too. I'll hand it over to T&I, they will confirm it is him. I'm sure Ibiki will be glad to see this one."

"Ibiki? Why would he care?" I ask.

"That's how he got his scars." Tsunade informs me.

"Ah. That would do it."I have to admit, if I was given Orochimaru's head in a scroll I would feel infinitely better.

"Well done on your mission you two. You both went above my expectations. Take the next three days off, then come back for a mission. Usually you'd get a week, but the times are tough. Konoha can't afford to have capable shinobi take long breaks."Tsunade goes back to her massive stack of paperwork. That has to be annoying.

Sasuke gets up and leave the room.

"Well?" Tsunade glares at me. "That was a dismissal. Get out of here! Go on! Scram!"

"Tsunade I think Sasuke's a flight risk." I blurt out.I should have done that with more tact.

She stills. "You better have some damn good reasoning behind this. What you are implying is treason. Not only that, you are saying your _teammate_ might commit treason. You do know the punishment for that, correct?"

"Death."

"Now explain very clearly, if I don't like your reasoning then I will give you D-ranks for the next month."

"It is simple really. He wants power, power to kill Itachi, power to avenge his clan. Power to surpass me again. He doesn't feel like he can get that in Konoha anymore."

"Where else would he go?" Tsunade laces her fingers together in a thinking pose. She is taking me seriously. Good, even if he does want to stay the chances he will be kidnapped is high. "Most countries would kill him on sight just because he is the last Uchiha. The Uchiha made many enemies and all of them would love to kill off the clan."

I take a deep breath, "To the person who gave him the cursed seal, Orochimaru. Sasuke knows that the seal grants him strength, and he knows that Orochimaru has an interest in him. Orochimaru is good enough to battle Kage, he even killed the Third Hokage and the Fourth Kazekage. We've fought before and Orochimaru destroyed us, no contest at all. All Sasuke has to do is find Sound, Orochimaru's village. If he can do that, I think he will leave Konoha."

"What do you propose I do? I can't assign an ANBU watch over him from a hunch from gennin."

I honestly didn't think she would ask me what to do.

"There are a few options I considered. The first, we let Sasuke go."

Tsunade gives me an 'Are you stupid?' look.

"Not going to happen, we will fight to keep him I know. The second, Sasuke leaves the village in search of Sound. Unlikely, but possible. He could pull it off, most likely a tracker team could find him and bring him back. The third, Orochimaru sends someone to get Sasuke. It is possible he has spies in Konoha right now observing him, waiting to see if Sasuke is ready to join him. The fourth option, Sasuke and I both leave the village."

Tsunade start radiating killing intent.

"Did you just tell me you're going to go missing nin?"

"Don't be daft!" I roll my eyes. "I won't go missing nin, but I can't deny Orochimaru wants me to join him as well. I could play spy, the man on the inside. Er, the kid on the inside."

Tsunade thinks over my proposal for a minute, weighing the pros and cons.

"Orochimaru has too much of an interest in you, he wouldn't let you out of his sight. There would be no way to communicate. Unless you have a skill you've been hiding, maybe a minor summon? Jiraya uses his Toads to carry messages occasionally."

"Nope. I don't have a summon. How do I get one anyways?" I've always wondered that, where do the contracts come from?

"Two ways. One is safe, the other could end in your death. Either you are approved by a current contract holder and they let you sign their scroll or you do the summoning jutsu and you will be reversed summoned to a summon realm. Most people don't come back." Tsunade explains to me.

She is rather good at teaching, must be a side effect of training Shizune for so long.

"I forbid you from doing the second option. I need you alive, you could maybe give it a try after Konoha stabilizes again."

"Well then you're right. We would have no way to communicate."

"Fourth option is out." Tsunade nods her head in agreement.

"Great, because I really don't want to go to him either." I can't deny Orochimaru would train me spectacularly well, but he is someone I never want to see again. "I believe the third option is the most likely to happen."

"It still isn't a good enough reason for an ANBU deployment." Tsunade looks at me with regret, "My hands are tied. I can't do anything, I need those ANBU nin to run missions."

"Alright. I just thought you should know what I saw." I didn't expect much, but his is literally nothing.

"Think of a retrieval team. If it does happen, I want a plan ready." Tsunade assigns me a task.

Good, even if she can't get ANBU to watch Sasuke, she is at least letting me do something to try and help.

"I already have one in mind. Me, Naruto, Kiba, Neji, Choji and Shikamaru as team leader. We can't have a gennin lead the mission."

Basically the cannon team plus me. That should be plenty, the only threats to me would be Kimimaro and Kidomaru. Kimimaro because of his bloodline and pure skill, Kidomaru because I don't know if I can redirect his unique projectiles. After Gaara's Sand Shuriken I'm wary of things I'm not 100% certain I can throw back.

"Sounds like a solid team." Tsunade praises me. "Why them?"

"Me, to talk Sasuke into coming back. Let's face it I'm the only one he _might_ listen to, even then I don't know if I can. Naruto because that kid can help with just about anything. Kiba and Akamaru to track him. Neji, our taijutsu specialist. Choji, our brute force. Shikamaru, our team leader and strategist. He will coordinate us and give us the best chance of success."

"All gennin and one fresh chunin? You don't want a jonin? Or even a chunin with more experience?" Tsunade is looking at me like I'm an idiot.

"Do you really think you'll have a jonin to spare when this goes down?"

Tsunade nods her head in agreement. She needs the jonin to always be on missions.

"As for a chunin with more experience? We wouldn't be able to coordinate properly. We wouldn't know what they are capable of and vice versa, with the team I want we all know how everyone fights. Shikamaru, the team leader, has seen all of us fight and has actually fought with all of us at least once. He'll use us exactly where and how we need to be used to have the best chance of success."

"Acceptable, you really thought this through." She admits to my brilliance. About damn time. "I can't promise the people you want will be available, but if they are that is what the team will be."

"Thank you. That is all I can ask."

"Now go home squirt. You've been in here long enough."

* * *

I make my way towards the Uchiha compound. I enter Sasuke's house and call out to him.

"Oi! Sasuke you here?" There's no answer. "Great. Idiot is probably training right now. He needs to learn how to relax."

I walk into my room. That's an odd thought, my room at the Uchiha compound. I really need to get my own place. It isn't like I can't afford one. Actually I might already have a place, my childhood house. I have no idea if it got destroyed in the invasion. I've just been living with Sasuke ever since.

"Might as well go check."

With a goal in mind I leave. It only takes me three minutes to get to my house. It is still standing, it is actually in great shape. This part of the village didn't see much action, it is far from the stadium the Chunin Exams took place in.

Part of me was hoping that the house was gone. I don't know if I can live here again. The place I grew up with my family at. It holds so many memories of my parents, and now those memories hurt.

I'll sell it. Whether or not Sasuke stays or leaves Konoha, I need to move out. I just can't live there. Anywhere but there.

With an unnecessary sigh, I make my way back to the Hokage tower. The Logistics division is based out of the basement. They'll be able to get my house sold, or point me towards someone who can.

I enter the Hokage tower and make my way downstairs. I walk up to the receptionist.

"Hello, my name is Alvarcus Mar. I'm looking to either trade my house for one of equal value or sell it. Do you guys do that, or is it someone else?"

With a lazy flourish, the receptionist replies, "Yeah we can do that. I'm Daichi Nara. What's the address of the house?"

Ah, a Nara. That explains the laziness. We talk details for awhile. Which house, proving that I actually own said house, estimated value and expected sell date.

"You said you were willing to trade?" Daichi asks me for clarification.

"Yep. Long story short I have bad memories associated with it now." I reply.

Daichi snorts at my response, the jerk. "Won't be the last time. Due to the invasion, Konoha owns some houses. No one is living in them anymore, some are even furnished already. If you don't care about using a dead man's stuff I can trade you one of them for yours. What do you say?"

It would be nice to not have to move stuff out of my old house. Besides, all the things I need are at the Uchiha compound.

"Where are the houses at?"

"North, east, south, west. Anywhere really." He lazily drawls out an answer.

"Eh, east. That is closer to the training ground I normally use. What kind of floor plans do you have over there?"

Daichi grabs a scroll from a shelf behind him. "For the the trade, you can have a two bedroom two bath. Nice kitchen and living room." He tosses me a key. "Go check it out. The address is on the key tag."

"You're not coming with?" This is unusual. Surely someone should accompany me?

He rolls his eyes, "I have your name and where you live. If you try any funny business I know where to find you. Go, I'll be here when you get back."

"Cool."

I leave the Logistics department. It doesn't take long to get to the house by using the shinobi highway, roofs. Only a couple of minutes, and I'm not moving at max speed. It is a social thing, in the village you don't move fast unless you have a reason to. A shinobi moving fast means something is _wrong._

The house is simple enough. The furniture there screams bachelor, but that is fine by me. Everything is in working order and it has a surprising view of the Hokage Monument.

"I'll take it." I tell Daichi once I get back.

"Great." He shuffles around some papers on his desk. "Fill this out and it's yours."

One piece of paperwork later, I own a new house.

"That was surprisingly easy. Is it always this easy?" I mutter to myself more than Daichi but he responds anyways.

"Hell no. You were a dream client. Usually it takes weeks for a shinobi to find a new place." He yawns, "That and we have a surplus of empty houses. It's a buyers market right now."

"True." I agree, "An invasion will do that. Thanks for the help."

I'm now a new house owner, at twelve years old. This is a weird place.

* * *

Later that Night, Uchiha Compound

I figured I would stay one more night at Sasuke's house. That way I can tell him I'm finally getting out of his hair and where to look for me at. He doesn't come back until late, very late.

"Hey Sasuke. How was training?" I greet him.

"Alright."

Short replies. He's regressing, he was much more open before. He actually would talk in more than one word sentences.

"Well I have good news! I've got my own place now. I'll be moving in tomorrow."

"About damn time." There's the Sasuke I know. "I haven't had peace and quiet since you moved in."

I laugh, "Please! I'm quiet. I barely even bothered you!"

"Your mere presence bothers me!" He says with a playful grin.

This is how we should be. This is how team seven works, we playfully insult each other. I wish Sakura was still here for it.

"So, this is goodbye then."

"Goodbye? I'm only a few minutes away. Plus we are on a team, we will see a lot of each other."

This is not goodbye. I refuse to let this be goodbye. What if the Sound Four came tonight? What if tonight is the night he leaves?

Sasuke rolls his eyes at me. "I know that stupid. Unfortunately I'm stuck with you. You just don't go away."

"You're stuck with me?" I walk over to him and sternly poke him in the chest. "Do you have any idea how much crap I have to deal with for being your teammate?"

"Please I am the perfect teammate. You could have Naruto instead."

I shudder. "Nope, I couldn't deal with him for that long. He has way too much energy. And you are not the perfect teammate! Do you have any idea how often your fan-girls approach me to ask about you?"

Sasuke turns stark white. Which is quite impressive since he is already rather pale.

"No. They don't. Please say they don't."

"They do. All the time." Oh I have to mess with him! "Why do you think they stopped stalking you so much? I've thinned the herd for you."

"Really?" He sounds surprised. His next words are spoke very seriously. "What did you tell them? Alvarcus, _what did you tell them!_ "

"Nothing major." I grin evilly, "Only that due to a horrible mission accident you have lost the ability to reproduce."

"Sorry, it sounded like you just said that you told my fan-girls I was castrated. I must have misheard you."

"Nope, you heard me right!" I merrily say.

"Alvarcus, you have five seconds to tell me you're kidding or I start stabbing you."

Dead serious, Sasuke draws a kunai and points it at me.

"Five. Four. Three. Two. One."

He lunges at me, I lazily fall backwards out of his strike range and roll to my feet. He doesn't let up, he chases me all around his house while I'm cackling like a hyena. This was worth it. This was totally worth it.

"Alright! I give, I lied. Now quit trying to stab me!" I've had my fun, there isn't any reason for him to suffer more. "Ouch! What the hell I said I was kidding! You didn't have to stab me!"

It is Sasuke's turn to grin evilly. "That was for making me chase you around my house."

Fair enough, I shall not seek revenge.

"Now be quiet. I'm tired and want to sleep. This is the last day I have to put up with you. It isn't going fast enough."

"You know you'll miss me!" I call after him as he shuts the door to his room.


	24. Chapter 24

The Next Morning

Sasuke is still here. I checked, I woke up before him. Everyday that passes the Sound Four could be here. I should have a couple of days, maybe. If there is a spy in Konoha reporting to Orochimaru on Sasuke, they have to send a report and then the Sound Four will be deployed. It should take a day or two for them to get here. So basically each day that passes the odds jump up that he'll leave. I don't like it, but all I can do is wait.

I start packing my clothes and things. No time like the present, I might as well move into my new place. Once I have all my stuff packed, I have surprisingly little, I leave. Sasuke isn't awake yet, I figure I'll let him sleep more. He needs it.

He's been trying to hide it but he's taken Sakura's death hard too. Neither of us have gotten a true good nights sleep in what feels like forever.

I take the civilian route this morning, I've been woken up before from footfalls on the roof. It is not a pleasant thing to wake up to, so I try to not run of roofs in the mornings. That being said, I'm probably good enough to not make too much noise but it is common decency.

"Alvarcus Mar?" Someone calls out to me from behind.

I look over my shoulder, it's a gennin runner. Tsunade is using the fresh from the Academy gennin to run messages for her. It is a smart use of D-rank missions, it gets gennin experience finding people and how to handle sensitive information.

"Yeah that's me. Walk and talk, I have stuff to do." The gennin falls in step beside me. "Make yourself useful." I toss one of my two bags at him.

"OOF! What's in this thing? It's so heavy!" The gennin staggers under the weight of a bag. How cute, physical conditioning is going to be hell for him.

"Nothing much. Just every piece of clothing I own." I smile to myself, I just got free labor. Thanks random gennin!

"Seriously?" The gennin swings the band onto his back, basically making it into a backpack even though it is more similar to a duffle bag.

"Yeah, I'm moving. You just caught me when I'm in the process. What did you want with me anyways? I don't do autographs." I say very seriously. The joke flops, the gennin just rolls his eyes.

"Hokage-sama wants to talk with you." He shares the reason for seeking me out. "Within the hour."

"I'll see her after we drop my stuff off."

I start walking to my house with the gennin following me. It is quite funny, he can leave at anytime. I have no authority over him but he listens to me anyways.

The gennin keeps glancing at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. His eyes dart to my neck, more specifically my jagged white scar.

"Never seen a scar before?" I sarcastically ask. He's not being subtle at all.

"Sorry. I was being rude." He has the decency to look ashamed.

Good, not everyone would react how I did. Others could be more physically expressive.

"It's just... how did you get it? It looks like your head got cut off."

I pin the gennin with an icy glare. "Kid. You're on very thin ice here. You broke one of the unspoken rules: Don't ask about scars. Almost every scar is associated with a bad memory, don't bring them up. _Ever._ " He is visibly cowed, his head is hung in shame and his whole body is limp in disgrace. "Lucky for you, I don't react badly to questions. Usually." I lazily tilt my head to see the gennin. "They taught this in the Academy."

"I may have missed that day..." The gennin says quietly. He looks like a kicked puppy.

I sigh, I can't be mad at him for asking. I do display my scar to the world so people will ask, but I didn't expect a gennin to have the courage or stupidity to ask. I'll cut him some slack. "You were right, I did get my head cut off."

His jaw drops, he's staring at me in disbelief. He's shocked so badly that we walk the rest of the way to my new house in silence.

"Is it true?" The gennin asks me while we are setting my bags down on my couch.

"Is what true? You have to be more specific." He carried my bag, I can answer a question in return.

"That you are... the Heart Thief." He looks very nervous right now, almost like he regrets asking. He must think I'm going to react violently. "They say you killed a Suna shinobi and took his heart during the invasion. Is it true?"

That was a bad day. Easily my worst day ever.

"Yeah. It's true. So they are calling me the Heart Thief? Could be worse."

"It's really you?" Now he sounds surprised. This gennin isn't making any sense.

"Kid, make up your mind. Either accept it, or don't. It's me. And no, I will not show you the heart." He's starting to irritate me.

"But you're so nice!" He exclaims. "How can someone as nice as you steal hearts? It just doesn't make sense."

"The world is messed up like that." I sigh, I should explain a little. "The guy who I took the heart from killed my family. I don't do that to just anyone, you have to _earn_ that treatment from me. I don't enjoy killing, but I have no qualms against it."

The gennin goes quiet at my words.

"I didn't know about your family. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Great, now he is self loathing.

"Kid listen. I don't blame you for not knowing. You have to remember that we're shinobi, most memorable events in our lives will be about death. Either you lose someone or you avoid it or you cause it. Just keep in mind that some shinobi won't react as nicely as I did. Honestly its better to ask once you've befriended someone, or you absolutely have to know. Treat titles like you would scars. You now know not to ask me how I have this scar on my neck because I might react badly. Same concept."

The gennin strikes a thinking pose, one arm folded across his chest and the other vertical with his and in a fist beneath his chin. It's adorable, like a puppy.

"I've never thought about it like that. Thanks for the advice. So does that make us friends?"

"Ha-ha! I don't even know your name kid! How can we be friends?"

This kid has charisma, I'll give him that. Only from this one conversation I find myself liking him.

He looks baffled. Why does he look baffled?

"Do you really not know me? I'm the Third Hokage's grandson."

Oh, Konohamaru. I forgot he existed. That's bad, he's a relatively prominent character. My future knowledge is fading.

"Who cares if you're the third Hokage's grandson? I didn't ask who your gramps is I asked who _you_ are."

"I'm Konohamaru. You really don't care I'm the Third's grandson?" Konohamaru looks unsure, like he doesn't quite believe me.

"I'm on a team with the Last Uchiha. He isn't the Last Uchiha to me, he's just Sasuke. I don't judge people based on their family, I judge them for them. For all I care you could be the Raikage's kid and you'd still be alright in my book."

"Really?"

He sounds so happy. He must still be stuck in the shadow of his grandfather. That's gotta be really annoying.

"You mean it? You don't care?"

"Not one bit." I assure him. "Now, it's lovely chatting with you but I believe Tsunade summoned me. We can talk some other time. If you can find me, I can't guarantee I'll be in the village. I'm basically a chunin in all but name. It's very annoying, I have the job but none of the perks. Stupid Hokage and wanting to make a point."

* * *

Hokage's Office

I walk into the Hokage's Office boldly, Konohamaru is right behind me. I don't know why he followed me, he's stuck to me like glue. Oh Kami, did I become his role model?

"Sup Tsunade? You summoned me?"

Konohamaru visibly recoiled at my informal greeting. Tsunade just smiles.

"There's the spunk I'm used to! I have a mission I need you to do." She throws me a scroll.

"I'm on leave for the next two days. You know that, you're the one who gave me the time off." How could she have possibly forgotten that?

"I know. I'm cutting it short." She says in a no nonsense tone. "There is a group of bandits harassing civilians on the road to Otafuki Gai. I need you to take care of them."

This sucks, I'm supposed to be on leave. "Why me? Send someone else. Someone not on leave perhaps?"

Tsunade grimaces. "I... may have made a bet with the client."

"Really? Enlighten me." You have got to be kidding me. She made a bet with a client?

"He implied that we weren't capable."

I snort.

"I know, us not capable? How ridiculous. I said we could have it done within the day, and he demanded I put my money where my mouth is. If we finish the C-rank today he'll pay the price of a B-rank. If we don't he owes us for a D-rank."

"That's nice and all, but why me?"

"Oi. Konohamaru. Out." Tsunade orders. "This is a mission briefing, why are you even here?"

"But why? This is interesting!" He pleads his case to stay. He didn't do a good job.

"Either you walk out, or you fly out. Pick one." Tsunade lays down the law.

"Eh, let him stay. It'll be a good experience for him, he can see what a real mission briefing is like." I intervene on his behalf. That being said, it would be hilarious to see Tsunade throw him out a window.

"If he stays he goes with you on the mission." Tsunade threatens. "Still want him to stay?"

"I'll go with you! I'll be really quiet and stay out of your way and everything!" Konohamaru's eyes are full of hope. I think I just upgraded from role model to hero. "I'll even carry your mission bag if you want."

Actually that isn't a half bad idea. Since she wants me to go after bandits attacking civilians I could use Konohamaru and we could pose as a pair of young brothers visiting family or something. There's just one minor problem, I don't know if he's done something like this before. I don't know if he's killed.

"Depends, there's going to be killing on this mission. Have you killed someone before?" I ask him.

"...No." He quietly says. Most of his enthusiasm is gone. "I haven't even been outside of the village before."

So he probably hasn't seen anyone die either, I can guarantee he was in a _very_ safe place during the invasion. "I'm sorry Konohamaru, you shouldn't come with me on this. I'm the last person you want to help you through your first kill."

"But why not? You were so nice earlier, you explained the whole scars thing to me and it made sense! You're way better than the teachers at the Academy."

"Really now?" Tsunade has a dangerous gleam in her eyes. I'll worry about that later.

"Konohamaru-"

"I want to go with you! I can do this!" There's a fire in his eyes. He truly thinks he is ready. I know he's not, he won't be for a long time still. He probably never will, I wasn't ready for my first kill either. I'm not sure anyone is ever truly ready for the first time they take a life.

"Konohamaru I'm a _gennin._ "Sure I have the skill set of a chunin but I'm still not one. "I can't lead a mission, hell I shouldn't be getting a solo mission!"

"But she's already bending the rules for you! What's one more?" He eagerly barks out.

"Alright, this is a waste of my time." Tsunade got tired of waiting. "Konohamaru you can't go."

"But why?"

"I need this mission done _fast_. The reason I'm picking Alvarcus to do this is because right now he's the fastest shinobi I can spare. I'm pulling him off of leave time just for this, he can't waste time taking care of you. Not on this mission."

"This is so unfair!" Konohamaru stomps out of the office.

"Maybe next time don't give him a chance to go on the mission. You're lucky I didn't think he should come." I turn back to her. "Anyways, I shouldn't even be here. Why did you choose me?"

"I picked you because of the Jiongu."

Things turn serious. The time for joking is over.

"Explain further please. I don't follow."

Tsunade leans forward on her desk, supporting her head with her hands.

"You don't get tired. You can literally sprint there and back. You have overwhelming jutsu at your command. You can make up to four extremely durable monsters that are capable of using jutsu. You're perfect for Search and Destroy missions. The only thing that could make you any better at them is if you had any knack for tracking or sensing."

I think over what she said. She does have a point.

"I've never thought about that before. The Jiongu does have minor sensing capabilities, it can tell what affinity each person has. That's how it knows which elements I need."

"Even better. I could use you to go after missing nin." Tsunade grins maliciously. "Imagine that, you leave Konoha and we send our Heart Thief after you."

"Great." I groan. "That nickname is staying isn't it?"

"Oh?" Tsunade looks surprised. "I thought for sure I would be the first to say it to you. I didn't think anyone else had the courage. Who told you?"

"Konohamaru." I smirk. "Kid asked if I really was the Heart Thief. We had a nice chat about it. I think that's why he stuck around me so much."

"Really? You didn't lash out at him?" Tsunade picks up a mug of coffee. It's good she's not drinking. Yet. Shizune must be keeping her in line.

"Why would I? It's a title, a nickname. It's also very accurate. It could be much worse, like the Legendary Sucker." I smirk. "Are you sure that title is from gambling?"

Tsunade crushes the mug with her bare hand.

"Want to say that again?" She's mad, oh she's really mad.

"I believe I have a time sensitive mission to go to. I'd love to stay and chat, but alas I have no choice but to leave now. Preferably before you crush me into a paste." I dive out the window.

"Get back here brat! You need to be taught a lesson!" She roars at me. "I'll only break a few bones!"

Jokes on her, I don't have bones.

"Nope! I'll see you in a few hours. Bye!"

* * *

On the Road to Otafuki Gai

"Alright, solo mission as a gennin. This happens all the time. No it doesn't Tsunade just likes you or knows you're at chunin level. If I have to take those damn exams again I'm going to destroy everyone. I need to find the bandits, simple enough. I just need to tail some civilians, the bandits will attack them and I'll jump in as the hero. Perfect. I can probably finish this today. Let's see, I was awake at 6am, got into the Hokage's office at around 8am, left the village around 8:30am, got to here at around noon. So I have twelve hours before today is over. I got this!"

It doesn't take too long for civilians to show up. It's a family, two parents and an adorable little girl. They're heading to Konoha from Otafuki Gai, and are merrily chatting among their selves. Perfect, if they were harassed by bandits already they wouldn't be this happy and carefree. They're also prime bandit targets, they have a child that will be easy to overpower and threaten the parents with. The world is a cruel place.

I tail the family from the trees for the better part of two hours before the bandits make their move. They're armatures. It's a group of ten bandits, they literally are hiding in the bushes on the sides of the road. That's right, their plan is to all stand up at once and intimidate the civilians into handing over their valuables. It is going to be five minutes before the family is in the ambush zone. I'm not going to let that happen.

 _~Do we get to kill them?~_

I slink over to the north side of the road and position myself behind the bandits.

Alright how am I going to do this? I don't want something flashy to alert the other bandits, if they think they're being attacked they might run away and I really don't want to track them all down. That means most of my jutsu is out. It also means any noisy kill move is out too, so sneaking up behind them and snapping their necks is a no go.

When in doubt go back to the basics.

I pull out five kunai and use my chakra strings to throw them all at once. Each kunai lodges itself in the base of their spines. Easy. I move up the road away from the bandits and the approaching family to cross the road. I double back on the south side of the road this time to the other five bandits. They aren't even hidden well. Disgraceful. I sheath five more kunai in flesh. Bandits are too easy to kill, they had no idea I was even here.

 _~Disappointing. You should have used me, it would have been more enjoyable.~_

I ignore the Jiongu. I refuse to enjoy killing. It's just a job, a task.

A few minutes later the family walks past. None of them notice me or the ten corpses. Once they are a sufficient distance away I dispose of the corpses. Basically I puppeteered them all into a pile and I opened up a big hole in the earth and buried them all. Usually we're supposed to cremate the bodies but I'm missing a fire heart so I can't do that.

There is only one thing I take from them, their matching armbands. I figure the client wants proof that the group was dealt with and this is a good way to prove it. They wouldn't willingly part with their own symbol, and it shows I killed all ten of them.

"That was an easy mission. Oh Kami, I'm becoming desensitized to killing. I just added on ten to my kill count and my first thought was that was easy. What's that put me at? Twenty? Thirty? I don't even know anymore. Freak out later, go back to Konoha so Tsunade wins her bet. I don't want to be on her bad side."

Without further ado, I start to sprint back to Konoha.

* * *

Hokage's Office

"Alvarcus Mar, reporting mission success."

Tsunade grins eagerly. "Mission success? Wonderful news. You'll be paid for a C-rank mission."

"OI! That's not right! You said if I got it done today it would be a B-rank!" I don't want to be shorted on my mission pay.

"Consider this punishment for your comment earlier. Unless you'd rather submit to some very... invasive medical procedures. I'm okay with either I'd love to see what makes the Jiongu tick."

"C-rank pay you said? Sounds more than generous." I will not be doing that, no thank you.

"That's what I thought." Tsunade smiles in victory. "Anything noteworthy happen on the mission?"

"Uh... yeah. Sort of. I mean I wouldn't classify it as noteworthy or really important, but it definitely is odd." I ramble on. "Honestly I'm still kind of surprised about it."

"What happened?" She's serious. The playfulness from earlier is gone, we're all business now.

"That's just it. Nothing happened." I begin to explain. "I can't remember the last time I had a mission that didn't spiral out of control in some ridiculous way. This mission is weird because it was _normal_."

"Squirt, while I do admit your mission history is chaotic at best, not every mission will be like those. Enjoy the easy ones. Now unless you have something that's actually important to say, get out of here."

"Oh yeah I brought you a present." I reach into my mission bad and pull out all ten of the armbands from the bandits. "I figured the client would demand proof, so I brought these back. Every member had one. Must be their symbol or something." I set them down on her desk.

Tsunade nods in approval. "Good thinking. No doubt he will demand proof. Now scram squirt! I have a village to run!"

* * *

Uchiha Compound

"OI!" I knock on Sasuke's door ridiculously loudly. "You there Sasuke?"

"Yes! Don't break my door! Jeeze, could you hit it any harder?" He grumbles in response.

"If you want me to I could kick it."

He opens the door and glares at me.

"No. What do you want? I thought that since you moved out I wouldn't have to see you everyday."

"I wanted you to come see my new place. This way you know where it is."

With a groan Sasuke caves into my request. "Fine. I'll see where it is, then I'm gone. I want to relax today. Alone."

We leave his house to go to mine, it isn't that far away. We made good time and are there within a few minutes.

"Well here we are. Now you know where I live."

"I half expected you to move back into your parents house."

I grimace. "I couldn't. I'd remember them everyday if I lived there. I'd remember them dying. I have no idea how you do it."

With a grim face and determination in his eyes Sasuke says, "It's a reminder, my motivation. It reminds me of my reason to hunt down my brother. It pushes me forward."

That is some twisted logic, but I can't deny the results. Sasuke is one hell of a shinobi for his level of experience.

"Alright, I saw your house. See ya around."

He starts walking away. I shout after him, "We only have today and tomorrow off. Come find me the day after tomorrow and we'll get a mission."

He grunts in response and goes on his way. The Sound Four must have not talked to him yet, that's good. I can still save him, keep him where he belongs.

"Oh Kami, I have to wait an entire day to see if he leaves or not. I can't do this! I need a distraction. I need a mission, that'll work. Hopefully not a D-rank, a nice and easy C-rank like yesterday. That would be nice."

With a new goal in mind I make my way to the Hokage tower.

I head up the flights of stairs and nod to the people who wave and smile at me. I am becoming a rather common sight around here and for some reason Tsunade likes me. I just think the other people present like that I break up the monotony of their days, somehow things always get entertaining around me.

"Hey Shizune."

I fall in step next to the Hokage's assistant and take some paperwork off of the huge stack she is carrying.

"Are these going to Tsunade?"

"Yes they are. Thanks for the help. How've you been?" Shizune asks me. "I heard that Tsunade used you to help win a bet with a client. Any truth to that? No one will tell me."

Uh-oh, this just got dangerous. Shizune can be scary when she needs to be and she isn't afraid of standing up to Tsunade.

"Bets with clients? That sounds very irresponsible. Especially since I'm on leave."

"Alvarcus." Shizune says sternly. "You didn't answer me."

"Would you look at that! There's Tsunade's office! We better drop off these paper! How many are in these stacks anyways? It must way like twenty kilograms!"

"Alvarcus Mar you get back here right now!"

I practically sprint into the Hokage's office. I'm saved! Shizune enters moments after me.

Tsunade doesn't even look up as we enter. "Just put it over there Shizune. I'll get to it eventually." She point to the in tray on her desk.

I roll my eyes. "Sure thing boss."

Startled by a voice that isn't Shizune's, Tsunade glances up.

"Alvarcus? Oh no, she roped you into being her assistant didn't she? You poor child, I am so sorry for you. She's a slave driver. Never a moments rest! And she keeps hiding my sake!"

"Please Tsunade," Shizune says in annoyance, "tell us how you really feel."

I laugh at both of them, it was just too funny! "Nah, I was coming in to see you for a mission and I saw Shizune with a stack of papers and figured I'd help her out."

"Let me get this straight." Tsunade puts down her pen and give me her full attention. "You're here for a mission? On one of your leave days? That you complained about missing yesterday when I had you win me a bet?"

"I knew it!" Shizune exclaims "Tsunade how could you? Shinobi are not supposed to be use for betting! And Alvarcus you shouldn't encourage her! You know better than that!"

Tsunade and I both ignore her.

"Yes?" I weakly say back to my Kage.

With a loud sigh Tsunade rubs her forehead. "Request denied. You need to take a few days off. Go read a book or hang out with your friends. Now get out of here I have work to do."

"Tsunade please. I need a distraction." I'm practically begging her. I'm all but bowing down to her.

"You know what? You want a distraction fine!"

Finally, I get a mission. Hopefully it will be easy.

"Here. D-rank. No one is taking it, it's all you're getting."

I catch the scroll she tosses at me and read it. A D-rank is better than nothing, it'll at least distract me for an hour or two.

"Tora?" I say in exasperation. "You want me to catch Tora?" A Tora mission. This will be easy, that cat loves me. I don't know why though, maybe I was a cat person in a previous life? I haven't been in the two I can remember.

"Yep!" She grins maliciously. "That should keep you distracted for a few hours! It takes whole teams of talented gennin hours to track this kitty cat down, and then a few more to corner and catch her."

"Please, I'll have this done in an hour tops." A Tora mission. Of all the possible ones she could have picked it's this one.

"Oh?" Tsunade grins in evil joy at me. "Want to bet on it?"

"Depends on the terms. What do you want?" I am part of the team that holds the record time, she has no idea what she's getting into.

"Oh nothing too big. I just want you to remain a gennin until two Chunin Exams from now." That is a long time. The next exams are going to be in Grass and she wants me to wait until the one after that? "And I want you to _annihilate_ everyone there. I want you to show the power of the Leaf, that even our gennin are a force to be taken seriously."

"Where will the exams be at?"

"Lightning Country."

"Ah, that means there will be no clan children sent. That's why you want me to win. If a clan-less shinobi is this good, how good are our clan kids? You want me to send a message to the Raikage to not mess with us even though we were just invaded."

"You're too smart for your own good. Basically that is the idea. I also want to make some money, and I have a very confident feeling that you won't have any issues sweeping the exams." Always with the gambling.

"I'll agree to that on one condition. You let me in ANBU during my year stuck as a gennin. I still need to improve and get high level training not offered to gennin."

"Acceptable." She instantly agrees. "I'll at least put you through the ANBU training program, I can't promise I'll use you for missions."

"Good enough, that's all I really wanted. Besides, imagine an ANBU level shinobi at the exams? How ridiculous. If you think I'll win them easily now, just picture how much of a joke it would be then!"

Tsunade and I share a brief laugh.

"That would be quite amusing. What do you want if you win?"

I take a moment to think it over. With what she is asking I could say just about anything, but there's only one thing I truly need. "I need a fire heart. Do we have any prisoners on death row that have a fire affinity?"

Tsunade stills. "That's asking a lot. You would kill someone for their heart?"

"No. Never for their heart." I turn serious, the time for happy fantasies of wrecking the Chunin Exams is over. "But a convicted criminal? One sentenced to death for their actions? I have no qualms about killing them. I reason it to kunai. You don't kill your enemy for their kunai, but you take theirs if you need to once they are dead. I figure if the convict is going to die anyways, I might as well take their kunai. Their heart."

Tsunade relaxes minutely. "You won't kill for a heart, yet you have no qualms about taking one if the opportunity arises. Like a kunai, a tool. That is very smart of you. Out of curiosity, how many have you had?"

"I've had a total of six." I don't elaborate, I'd rather not remember how I got each one.

Tsunade blanches at my response. "You have six hearts?" She sounds morbidly curious, like a sight so horrific you can't look away.

"I've only ever had five at once. I don't know if I can have more." I should figure that out. I'll ask the Jiongu later.

 _~We can only have five. Any more and our body couldn't contain the chakra.~_

Dammit, there goes the idea for a ridiculous amount of lives. Imagine if I had ten! I bet that would blow Kakuzu away if he ever found out about it. Maybe if I had six with a small chakra supply?

 _~It isn't about the amount of chakra, it's about the different types. Each person's chakra is unique, even identical twins still have drastically different chakra. I can only successfully balance five unique types of chakra at once. If there were more our body would start to decay as each type fought against the others for dominance.~_

"How did you lose a heart?" Tsunade pulls me back into the conversation I should be paying attention to. The Jiongu can wait, not like it's going anywhere. "You're no slouch when it comes to defending yourself. I've seen your redirection move and that sphere defense."

"You spied on me training? What the hell lady not okay!"

She gives me stern look and points to the hanging Hokage hat.

"Whatever, you're the Hokage I suppose it is okay for you to know what I am capable of. I lost my heart to the person who cut my head off."

"You've had your head cut off?" Tsunade interrupts me mid explanation. "You lived? That's how you got that scar on your neck. Honestly I'm surprised you don't cover that up. Most nin hate their scars, yet you wear that one like a badge of honor. I can only imagine the stares you must get."

"That's because it was given to me by Kisame Hoshigaki while he was wielding Samehada, Kiri's most powerful of the seven legendary swords." I smirk at Tsunade's open mouth. "Yes, he cut my head off and stabbed my heart but I still walked away. It's proof that even a S-rank missing nin with a legendary blade didn't kill me. That is why I display it to the world. I want people to ask me about this scar."

"Squirt you've met too many S-rank enemies. Anyone else you want to add to the list?" She sarcastically asks.

"Itachi Uchiha was there while I fought Kisame. Does that count?" I don't think she expected me to have a answer to that if her hanging jaw is anything to go by.

"How are you even alive? Orochimaru, Kisame and Itachi? Don't answer that. We've gotten sidetracked."

"You're right, we have." We were talking about a bet before. "Basically if I take over an hour to catch Tora I remain a gennin until the exams in Lightning to send a message to the Raikage. During the year you'll put me through ANBU training. If I get Tora in under an hour then you'll let me execute a convicted criminal and take his heart. Sound right?"

"Sounds right to me. Shizune, you witnessed- oh. She's gone? When did she leave?" What do you know, Tsunade is right. Shizune left.

"Maybe when we started talking about my hearts? I have no idea."

"Whatever." Tsunade moves on, I doubt it is the first time Shizune has done something like this. "Agreed. You'll have one hour from now."

"Great! Hey, isn't there a record of the quickest time Tora has been caught?" I say. This will be hilarious, I want to see her face once she realizes she's been had.

"Yeah. Some upstarts called Team Seven have the record by hours. They're at six minutes I think."

"Five minutes and forty seven seconds to be exact." I correct her.

Tsunade pales drastically.

"No." She's in denial. Oh this is great!

"Yes." I take a sweeping bow. "Alvarcus Mar, Host of the Jiongu, Konoha's Heart Thief, student of Kakashi Hatake of the Sharingan and member of gennin Team Seven at your service."

"You played dirty." She correctly accuses me. "You _knew_."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did." I cheekily grin at her. "You know what they say, if you aren't cheating you aren't trying. I am a shinobi." Totally worth it.

Tsunade gets an evil grin. "If you aren't cheating you aren't trying? Cat!"

Instantly an ANBU operative is kneeling before Tsunade. Damn that was fast.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" ANBU Cat drones out in the classic ANBU voice. They really need to lighten up, being serious all the time has to get boring.

"Your bodyguard mission is hereby suspended." She locks eyes with me. "Your new mission is to prevent Alvarcus here from getting Tora. Do you accept?"

"Oh come on!" I point at Tsunade accusingly. "That's not right! I just withheld information, you're assigning ANBU to stop me?"

"I accept." Cat says. He -she? I can't tell- turns to me. "Will you peacefully surrender and wait here for an hour, or should I restrain you?" He pulls out wire and chakra suppression tags. Not good, he's serious.

"I should start running now. If you'll excuse me, bye!" I dive out the window. Doors are for when I'm not being chased by ANBU.

"ANBU Cat, whatever methods necessary are approved. Only lethal force is forbidden. I take it you heard he can reattach his head? He can do the same with his limbs."

"OH HELL NO! You did not just tell the ANBU it is okay to dismember me!"


	25. Chapter 25

A Game of Cat and Mouse

"Not good. This is not good at all." I say to myself as I'm perched on the edge of a roof. "Okay Alvarcus, let's go find a cat while avoiding Cat. This is going to be a long mission."

"I think it will be rather short actually." Oh great, Cat is behind me already.

"Hey Cat." I turn around to the masked nin.

"Hello Mouse." Cat says.

"You're getting some sick form of enjoyment out of this aren't you?"

"I have no idea what you mean, my Kage gave me a mission and it is my duty to complete it." Cat draws his standard ANBU tanto. "My personal enjoyment is irrelevant."

"Okay, let's set some ground rules here. I'm going to use whatever force you use against me. Even if I can reattach a limb does not mean it doesn't hurt. Basically I'll let you set the mood for this... scuffle? Battle doesn't sound right." I still can't believe Tsunade did this to me.

"Fair enough." With those words Cat lunges at me. I casually let myself fall of the side of the roof we were on and land on the ground. I sprint away from my pursuer.

I need to find Tora. Better yet, I need to lose Cat. How can I do that? First thing is first I need eyes on him. I use my one and only genjutsu, Eyes of the Damned, to have eyes in the back of my head. I stumble for a few steps until I get used to the new visual input. I've never tried to use this in battle before.

Cat draws a kunai and throws it at my right leg. Going to slow me down and then restrain me no doubt about that.

"So, now we're using live weapons?" I call over my shoulder as I redirect the kunai back to its owner. "How fun!"

In response to my cockiness Cat just throws more kunai at me. I send them all back or into the ground. Gotta remember that I am still in the village, we don't want to accidentally hurt someone. Well, anyone who isn't participating.

"Oi! Cat, I'm going to head to the Forest of Death. Follow me if you dare!"

This person is good. No matter how I try to lose them they stay right with me. Maybe Cat is a sensor?

"Hey Cat, are you a sensor? Because you are really good at following me."

"No." Is Cats short reply.

Cat also replied with some shuriken, but that doesn't matter. Once we get into the training ground areas Cat steps up the game.

The world twists and turns, up is down, left is right, greens become purples, everything changes.

 _~The host will not be ensnared!~_

 _Pain!_ The Jiongu freed me from Cat's illusion. Really glad I have that going for me otherwise I would have been caught right there.

"So now I can use genjutsu. Great!" It isn't at all. I only have one genjutsu, but there is no need for Cat to know that.

Everything becomes dark.

 _Pain!_

"Really? Trying to remove my sight? Lame. I know gennin who can do better than that!"

 _Pain!_

"Okay, I don't even know what that one was. I'm going to hazard a guess and say it was your last Friday night. There was blood _everywhere_."

 _Pain!_

"Come on! Did you not see me in the Final Tournament? Did you really think a tentacle monster was going to scare me of all people? Although I've got to give you some credit, I thought I was the only person to think of something like that. And the attention to detail was simply outstanding! Cat... I have to ask. That wasn't some weird fetish genjutsu you just used on me was it? Cuz that is _so wrong!_ "

 _Pain!_

"Seriously dude, genjutsu isn't going to work. Try something else already. I'm running out of creative quips to piss you off."

"Fine!" Finally, I got Cat to react with emotion. Every other time they spoke it has been in a monotonous business voice. ANBU really need to lighten up. "Earth Release: Four Walls!"

Four walls of earth raise up around me. If I was any less aware I would have run straight into one.

"Finally! Ninjutsu! This farce is over now."

I create twenty illusionary clones with orders to run away in different directions. To make things even better I add in a water clone and an earth clone, this way two of the clones will affect the environment and hopefully Cat will chase it thinking one of them is me. My small clone army leaps out of the box and scatters in every direction.

I don't leave the box, I'm waiting for my water or earth clone to draw Cat a sufficient distance away. Another ten seconds pass and I jump out.

"Ha-ha! Take that! Finally lost you. I thought ANBU members would be better than that. Getting tricked with basic clones. Shameful."

A hand falls on my shoulder. "We are." Crap. "Now, tell me why you were running from ANBU Cat."

"Wait what?" I turn to look at the owner of the hand on my shoulder. They look almost exactly like Cat, there is only one difference. They are wearing a Monkey mask.

"Oh. You'll probably not believe me." The hand squeezes tighter. "Fine, calm down. Basically I pissed off the Hokage because I sorta maybe cheated on a bet we made and my punishment is to catch Tora while Cat tries to stop me. I'm not actually in trouble."

"He is not lying Monkey." Oh come on I lost my chance to escape! Cat is back and is wet. He got my water clone. I'm half tempted to make a wet pussy joke. "If you would be so kind as to hand him over to me, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Interesting. You're using teamwork against me? Guess that means I can respond in kind." I grin evilly at Cat. "Just remember, you brought this on yourself. Oh by the way, I'm a clone too. An exploding clone. Boom."

Monkey immediately releases my shoulder and leaps away with Cat.

"Kidding!" Misdirection is one hell of a tool.

I use the replacement technique on a nearby log and scamper towards the Uchiha Compound. I don't bother to knock, I barge right inside. Sasuke is reading a book. Wow, never thought I would see that.

"Sasuke I need your help. No time to explain we have to catch Tora while ANBU tries to stop us. You in?"

He snaps his book shut.

"What's off limits?" He starts grabbing mission gear, weapons and the like.

"Whatever they use we can use too. So far, thrown projectiles, genjutsu, ninjutsu and teamwork." I quickly explain. The ANBU should have been here by now.

"Teamwork huh? How many people do you want to involve?" He walks over to me ready to go.

"I figure I'll match their number. So far Cat is the ringleader and has recruited Monkey for assistance. They're trying to restrain us so we can't get Tora. I figure they win if I'm presented to the Hokage in chains, and we win if we get Tora to the Hokage. Simple enough really."

"Why haven't they slapped a chakra suppression seal on you yet? That would make it child's play."

That is a great question. Why haven't they done that yet?

"Maybe they're having fun? Besides it wouldn't work on me. I think. The Jiongu isn't chakra so it can just remove the seal for me."

"Sweet. We can use that to our advantage." Sasuke plans ahead. "If you're slapped with a seal play caught if it is advantageous. Now the real question is why haven't they come inside yet?"

"Probably setting up an ambush for when we leave. Or they just respect the Last Uchiha that much."

"You should be more like them. Just barging into my home without a warning? How rude."

"Please, you were bored out of your mind. You were reading! You don't read books."

Sasuke actually looks offended. "Of course I read books! I just usually have better things to do." I stare at him. "Fine, I was bored. Come on, let's go play with some ANBU."

We boldly walk out his front door. We don't falter, we stride forward like nothing can touch us. Nothing does touch us, in fact there is no ANBU here at all.

"Well that's not right. I know they followed me here. Oh crap, I bet they went for more reinforcements."

"If you lied about this just to get me out of the house, I will hurt you." Sasuke draws a kunai menacingly and points it in my direction.

"He didn't lie." Cat is back! Good, Sasuke was about to go stab crazy. "He was right, I got backup."

Suddenly _eight_ more ANBU join Cat for a total of nine. Cat, Monkey, Boar, Hawk, Wolf, Panther, Zebra, Hare and Bear.

"Oh come on!" I cry to the Heavens. "Three ANBU teams? THREE? This is overkill!"

Sasuke and I are standing back to back, surrounded by some of the best shinobi Konoha has to offer. Wonderful.

"How are there this many of you free? I thought Tsunade is running you all ragged."

"There has to be a minimum number of ANBU in the village at all times. We're just a fraction of that number." Cat tells Sasuke and me. "Now, will you surrender or do I need to start stabbing you?"

"How about no?" I reply with as much sassiness as I can. I toss all of my kunai in the air and start whirling them around us using my chakra strings. "Metal Tornado!"

"Really?" Sasuke tosses his kunai in the air for me to use too. Good teammate! "You're calling this Metal Tornado? Lame."

I give him a stink eye. "What would you call it?"

"Whirling Death." He didn't even have to think it over.

"You've thought about this before haven't you?"

"No!" He denies. "...Maybe. Okay this move is actually really cool. One of the few I wish I could do. Do you have any idea how complex this is? Chakra is everywhere, if my Sharingan was on I couldn't see out of this."

"Really? I wonder if I can use that against a Byakugan. We can talk about how awesome I am later, this isn't getting us anywhere. It's just keeping them from us."

The ANBU aren't even phased, they're just waiting. Probably for me to run out of chakra.

"Any idea on how to get away?"

"Remember what you and Gamabunta did?" Sasuke smirks.

"Oh, that's a brilliant idea! You'll need to do the fire, I'll do the wind." Suddenly the ANBU become tense. "Hurry, they heard us."

"GRAND FIREBALL!" Sasuke spits out a huge fireball towards Cat.

"Wind Release: PRESSURE DAMAGE!" A gale of wind rips from my mouth.

Sasuke's fire spreads wider and burns hotter than ever before.

"It's beautiful." I say to Sasuke. "We have to do this in battle sometime."

Sasuke thwacks me in the head. "Less talking more running. Douse us in water and we'll run through the flames." I do as asked and soak us both. Even with our bodies covered in water, the flames still gave us minor burns.

"What's your plan?" Sasuke asks me once we're a ways away from the bonfire we made. "Please say you have a plan."

"Cat got more people involved. I will too. How does the Rookie Nine sound? Me, you, Naruto, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Kiba, Hinata and Shino. It'll make it nine vs nine."

"Deal." Sasuke and I share an evil grin. "Who first?"

"Shino. He's probably at his clan compound and he will know where both Kiba and Hinata will be. Then we have a team that specializes in tracking to find the other three." With my logic explained we take off towards the Aburame Compound.

"Hello Aburame-san." I warmly greet the gate guard. "Is Shino in? Sasuke and I have a request for him."

"He is. Do you remember the way?" The Aburame asks. He's the same one I met before apparently, I couldn't tell. I don't spend enough time around them to tell them apart.

"I do, thank you." I lead Sasuke through the compound to Shino's house.

I knock on the door. "Hey Shino! You have a couple hours I need some help!"

Shino opens the door. "What do you need this time Alvarcus?"

"The idiot pissed off the Hokage." Sasuke bluntly informs Shino of what's going on. "She gave him a Tora mission in revenge. Then he made her more mad so she assigned ANBU to try and stop him. Basically we're evening the numbers. ANBU has nine people."

"What are the mission parameters?" Shino professionally asks.

I talk this time before Sasuke can. "I need to get Tora to Tsunade before ANBU gets me to Tsunade. Only lethal force is forbidden at this point."

"I'm in." Shino says quickly, almost eagerly.

"Huh. That was way easier than I thought it would be. Do you know where the rest of your team is? I'm recruiting the Rookie Nine."

"Yes. Kiba will be closer, follow me." Shino takes off towards Kiba. Hopefully. I trust him to know where Kiba is, he probably has a bug on each of this teammates.

We find Kiba without running into the ANBU members at all. I don't doubt that they know what I'm doing, I think they want me to get more people involved.

We enter an Inuzuka run vet shop at Shino's prompting. "Oi! Kiba you in here?"

Kiba walks out of the back room. "Alvarcus? How ya been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Same old same old." I warmly reply. "Pissed off the Hokage and she forced a Tora mission on me while ANBU try and stop me. I need help, you in?"

"You mean I can fight against ANBU and not get in trouble? Hell ya I'm in!" Good old Kiba, always ready for a brawl.

"Awesome!" I turn to include Shino in the next part of my plan. "We're going after Hinata next. Either of you two know where she is?"

Shino answers my question. "Her clan compound."

"Lead the way." Sasuke says.

Again, we aren't interrupted by ANBU members on our run. "Shino, Kiba, can either of you tell if ANBU is tracking us?"

"They are." Kiba assures me. How concerning. "Nine different scents have been following us. If I didn't have Akamaru here I would have never noticed. His nose is better than mine."

"I can support his number. My beetles have noticed nine chakra signals tailing us." Shino adds in.

"Great." I groan out. "They're planning something."

"We'll be fine. They're just letting us get all of the Rookie Nine together before we fight. They must want to test us in their own way." Sasuke hypothesizes. It isn't a bad idea, in fact it could very well happen.

We walk up to the gate guard of the Hyuuga clan. "Hyuuga-san, we would like to talk with Hinata. Is she in?" I diplomatically ask. This clan is sticklers for formality.

"Yes, I will see if she wants to speak with you all. Remain here, I will return." The Hyuuga disappears into the compound.

"Wow, I can feel my fun being killed just by standing outside." I crack joke. I get a few chuckles.

"Here is Hinata-sama." The Hyuuga guard returns with Hinata and Hiashi. Uh-oh, Daddy came to see who wanted to talk to his daughter.

"You wished to speak with me, Alvarcus-san?" Hinata timidly asks.

"Yep!" I merrily reply. "I've found myself in a unique situation and I want your help."

"Ah, so it is you who has ANBU running around the village." Hiashi cuts into our conversation. "How goes the search for Tora?"

I sheepishly rub the back of my head. "Not well, you see it was supposed to be just Cat trying to stop me, but Cat went and involved more ANBU. Three teams worth, so I figure I'll match them person for person. Pretty much it is going to be a showdown between them and the Rookie Nine, will ANBU get me to Tsunade before I can get Tora to Tsunade." I turn to Hinata. "What do you say? Want to help us kick some ANBU ass? Or fail horribly. Either way it promises to be fun!"

"I-I don't think..." Hinata starts to say.

I cut her off. "Good! Don't think, if I thought this through I would have surrendered half a hour ago! Just say yes. We need you."

"But I'm not strong enough." She meekly squeaks out.

I laugh in amusement, everyone looks at me in bewilderment. "Hinata, these are ANBU we're going against. None of us are strong enough. Each of them will be stronger than us, but do you see anyone else backing down? It isn't like we have to defeat them, just keep them away from me until I get Tora to Tsunade. You're perfect for this! The Byakugan and the gentle fist are made for these kinds of situations."

"I-I suppose I could... If it is okay with tou-sama?" She looks at her father. We all look at her father.

"Go, enjoy time with your friends. When you return I'd like to hear about this mission of yours." Hiashi wants to know about the mission? Actually how did he even know about it in the first place?

"Hiashi-sama, will you permit me a question?" I ask him. He nods his consent. "How did you know about my mission?"

"You dived out of the Hokage tower while screaming about ANBU dismembering you. Word travels fast in shinobi villages. Word about ANBU travels even faster. Not to mention the huge blast of fire near the Uchiha compound."

"Ah. That would do it. Thanks!" I turn towards my group of followers. "Alright team! We need to find Ino next. She'll be useful in convincing Shikamaru and Choji to help. Anyone know where she might be?"

"She works at her parents flower shop when not taking missions. We can start there." Sasuke replies. Everyone stares at him in surprise. "What? She talked non-stop to me during the Academy, did you all think I wasn't listening? She talked about her flower shop a lot. I bet we can find her there. Come on, I know where it is."

"Sasuke you scoundrel!" I whistle suggestively at him. "Has Ino captured your heart and you haven't told us?"

"Oh just shut up and follow me." He takes off in a run. We all follow him to Ino.

"Yamanaka flowers how can I – Oh! Hi everyone! What's the occasion? Are we finally having an intervention for Shikamaru? He really needs to quit being so lazy."

"No, nothing like that." Sasuke of all people says to Ino. "Alvarcus here," He points to me and I wave at Ino cheerfully, "needs help on a mission. A Tora mission. While nine ANBU try to stop him. We want your help."

Ino's eyes gleam in unsurpassed joy. "Sasuke-kun needs my help?"

"Yeah, let's go with that." Kiba cuts in with a grin. I give him a thumbs up behind Sasuke's back.

"TOU-SAN!" Ino yells into the back of the store. Inoichi walks out to us. "Can I go with my friends? They need my help with a mission."

Inoichi looks straight to me. "Is this the Tora mission I've been hearing about? The one with the ANBU?"

"Uh... Yes?" I weakly reply.

"Good! Go have fun honey." With that Inoichi walks back into the storage room of the store. He calls out to Ino, "If any of the ANBU hurt you let me know. I have a few new techniques I want to try out and if my hypothesis is correct it could be _very_ painful. It will probably take multiple times for me to get it right."

"Wow. That was..." I trail off.

"Unexpected?" Shino adds.

"Yeah. Unexpected." I turn to Ino. "Pretty much I'm gathering the Rookie Nine. Do you know where Shikamaru and Choji are at?"

"Yeah!" She slams her hands together. "Let's go!"

We all follow Ino to a park. Sure enough, both Choji and Shikamaru are laying in the grass watching clouds.

"OI! GET UP!" Ino is _loud_ when she wants to be. I think my ears are ringing.

"Don't wanna." Is Shikamaru's reply.

"Shikamaru. You have till the count of three, or I punish you." That is what she said to me during the Chunin Exams. I didn't know she actually used that on Shikamaru. "One. Two."

"Alright, alright. I'm up, happy?" Shikamaru takes us all in. "Woah. Something wrong? Last time we were all in one spot was the Chunin Exams."

"I need your help." No need to beat around the bush with Shikamaru. He likes things blunt.

"What's in it for me?" He asks.

"I'll go on a mission of your choice with you and let you slack off as much as you want?" I offer.

"Deal!" That was a fast response. I did promise him a free paycheck.

I turn to Choji. "How about you Choji? You in or do I have to bribe you too?"

"I'm in. I wouldn't want to miss out on something that needs this many nin. What are we doing anyways?"

"Oh it's great!" Kiba cuts in. "Alvarcus here pissed off the Hokage so she gave him a Tora mission."

"I don't see why that needs nine of us to do. Yeah Tora missions suck, but they aren't that bad." Shikamaru adds.

Shino takes up the reins. "He got ANBU assigned to stop him. There are nine of them surrounding us as we speak."

Shikamaru turns to me. "I hate you. Why would you include me in this?"

And like that, the Rookie Nine is confronted by ANBU. Cat, Monkey, Boar, Hawk, Wolf, Panther, Zebra, Hare and Bear. Good, none of them have changed.

Cat walks towards us. I walk towards Cat. We meet halfway between the two groups.

"Alvarcus, you have amassed quite a force. Will you surrender? This is your last chance. You have to realize how outclassed you all are."

I raise myself up to my full height. Sadly I still fall short of each ANBU. Stupid twelve year old body. "No. We will not surrender. I will get Tora to the Hokage. You and your posse will not stop me. Now, I ask you, will you leave us to complete our mission?"

Cat turns to the rest of the ANBU. "ANBU! This gennin has asked us to give up. Do ANBU give up?"

"No." The other eight ANBU chant in unison.

"Do we surrender?" Cat yells to the group.

"No." Eight voices ring out.

Cat turns back to me. "There's your answer. ANBU do not give up, ANBU do not surrender. We go on until the last breath."

"Rookie Nine!" I call over my shoulder. "You heard the ANBU. We go until the end. Rules for engagement?"

Cat lays down some basic rules. "Non-lethal attacks only. Restrain, not kill. If someone surrenders, they are free to leave. No one will stop them. Once a person is caught or knocked unconscious, they are out and cannot rejoin the battle. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

With those words all of us fall into a tense silence. No one moves. Cat and I are only a few meters away. Either of us could close that distance in a fraction of a second. It is a stalemate to see who moves first. Cat or me.

The sound of footsteps brakes the silence. One of the Rookie Nine is walking towards me. They stop to my right and I spare them a glance. It is Sasuke.

"Until the end." He grimly says as he turns on his Sharingan.

Monkey walks forwards and stands in front of Sasuke and to Cat's left.

Kiba comes up and stands on my left. "We're going to kick some major ass today."

Boar stands before Kiba.

Ino struts up next, "Fighting ANBU? Never thought I would do this today." She stands next to Sasuke.

Hawk stands before her.

Hinata approaches our line. She doesn't say anything, but I can tell there is a lot of fear in her eyes. But beneath that is a fire.

Wolf stands before her.

Choji walks up next, with a noticeable absence of his chips. "This will be one hell of a story to tell."

Panther stands before him.

Shino quietly moves to Hinata's side. He remains silent, but there is an audible buzz around him. His insects are ready to battle, they are excited.

Zebra stands before him.

Shikamaru lazily walks next to Choji. "Did I mention I hate you Alvarcus? Making me fight ANBU."

Hare stands before him.

"A-Alvarcus?" Hinata breaks the silence. "I think we forgot Naruto."

"Aw crap." The ANBU chuckle at my response. "We forgot Naruto. How did we forget Naruto?"

Bear walks forwards, standing behind Cat. "Naruto is not in the village. You will just have to deal with the disadvantage of numbers."

"Really?" I smirk. "Because if my math is right, we have the number advantage." Sasuke chuckles maliciously. He knows what I am going to do.

Cat just tilts his head a little to the side. "Have you had a concussion recently? You have eight, we have nine."

"No." I take off my shirt and throw it off to the side. I hear a few gasps from the Rookie Nine. "You have nine." I push out my earth, water, wind and one of my lightning hearts. My monsters protectively stand between us and the ANBU. "We have twelve."

"So it would seem." Cat calmly replies.

A tense silence falls again. No one moves. No one talks. No one blinks.

Slowly, I form ten chakra strings from my fingers. I let them slither across the ground towards the ANBU members. Cat gets two going towards him, he is the one who escalated things this far.

Suddenly Hawk tenses. "ANBU back!" He calls out.

I lash out my strings and make them into lightning whips. The time for stealth is over. I graze Cat, Monkey and Boar, and somehow catch Wolf. Wolf get's a nasty shock and is knocked unconscious. I drop him to the ground.

The rest of the ANBU made it into the treeline. They could come at us from any angle.

"One down." I call out, taunting the ANBU teams. None of the gennin have scattered, we're sticking together. "Alright, I know we did that cool one at a time walk up and face off, but please stay in your gennin teams. These are ANBU, the only reason I caught Wolf was because I got lucky. You all know your strengths, play to them. Use every trick you can. We won't win if we play fair." I will my monsters to set up a protective perimeter around us. ANBU will have to get through them first.

Suddenly everything is dark. _Pain!_ I can see again. "KAI!" I pulse a large amount of chakra to break the genjutsu on everyone.

"One down." Cat calls out to me, throwing my earlier insult back in my face.

"Who is down?" Shikamaru asks.

"Akamaru. They took Akamaru." Kiba sounds livid. In fact all of team eight has a subtle hint of fury about them now. Hinata's fear is gone. Shino is buzzing like crazy. Kiba is trembling with rage.

"Make them pay." Sasuke says.

"Do remember that Akamaru is fine, they won't hurt him." I chime in.

A hand bursts from the ground and grabs my ankle. "Oh shit!" I'm yanked up to my waist in the ground before Choji grabs me by the arm.

"I got ya." He assures me. "You're going no where."

Shino sprints over and lightly touches the earth with a flat palm. I hear a grunt of pain from below and the hand on my ankle lets go.

"Thanks." I dust myself off. "Did you have your beetles do that?"

"Yes. They burrowed and bit the one below." Shino clarifies.

"Two down." Cat's voice call through the air.

"Who got hit?" Ino calls out.

No one answers. Suddenly feathers are falling down all around us, it is the genjutsu used in the Chunin Exams. _Pain!_

The Jiongu broke me out in time to see Monkey, Zebra and Bear all charging across the arena having dodged around my thread monsters. I slump to my knees, acting like I'm caught in the genjutsu. Once they are almost on top of us I can determine their targets.

They're me, Sasuke, and Shino. I lash out with my lightning whips at Monkey and he dodges six of them. The other four connect and shock him into unconsciousness. Sasuke throws a kunai in the leg of Zebra causing him to fall. Bear makes away with an unconscious Shino. Damn, I thought his insects would wake him up like my Jiongu does.

"Kai." Sasuke pulses his chakra. Good thing his Sharingan can see through genjutsu. He walks over to the fallen Zebra and points a kunai at him. "Dead." Zebra nods in agreement.

"Three down." I call out. "We're winning."

Hare explodes out of the earth behind Hinata. Which was a major mistake, you can't sneak up on a Hyuuga like that, not when they're prepared for it. Hinata twirls around and slams her palms into Hare repeatedly.

"Damn Hinata, that was awesome." Kiba says to his teammate.

"Four down! You getting nervous yet!" Maybe we can win this!

"Lightning Release: Independent Cubes." A very gruff voice calls out. Cubes of electricity form around each of us. Not even my monsters are spared, this is one hell of a technique.

"Uh-oh. That ain't good." I say.

"Twelve down, and that's game over." Cat calls out. "We have you all caught."

"Let's put that to the test, shall we? Chidori!" Sasuke slams his fist of lightning into one of the walls containing him. The cube shatters. "You were saying?" I can feel the pride swelling within him.

"Good thinking! Besides it isn't over till Tsunade says so! Lightning Release: False Darkness!" Lighting rips from my mouth and spears into the side of my cube. Mine doesn't shatter, it wasn't enough.

"Partial Expansion Just!" Choji's voice is accompanied by the sound of dull thud. "Dammit, I thought that would work. I've crushed boulders with that."

"Sasuke! It's only you! I don't think anyone else can get out!" I call out to my friend.

Sasuke sprints towards my prison. All of the remaining ANBU appear to stop him. He dodges everything they try. Kunai, fire, water, earth, lightning. He dodges it _all_. He's only a meter away from my cage. He' going to make it!

"Chidori!" His hand is engulfed in blue lightning once more. He's half a meter away when Tsunade herself grabs him by the scruff of the neck and throws him away from me.

"Will someone please tell me _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!_ " She rounds on me and punches the cube. It breaks like glass from her strength alone. "You! I know you caused this!"

"It was all Cat's fault!" I point at him accusingly. "He escalated everything I just responded in kind!"

"I gave you a D-rank. _A D-rank!_ How can it possibly turn into this! Explain now!" She towers over me with pure rage in her eyes.

I shrink on myself. "Well, when Cat started chasing me I said I would respond to what he attacked me with. First it was kunai, then it was genjutsu, then ninjutsu, then teamwork. Monkey helped Cat out, so I went and got Sasuke."

"And? How did it escalate to a full on shinobi brawl in _the middle of a park?_ " Oh boy, she's right. We never left the park we found Shikamaru and Choji at.

"I'm getting there?" I squeak out. "While I was convincing Sasuke to help me Cat and Monkey got more ANBU to help, for a total of nine." I take a breath. "I figured I'd grab the Rookie Nine to even the playing field. The last two we got were Shikamaru and Choji, who were here. Then we confronted each other and... this happened?" I gesture to the newly terraformed park. We didn't cause that much damage, but you can definitely tell it's different. I'm really glad I didn't use any high level ninjutsu here otherwise there wouldn't be a park left. "Please don't hit me?"

"Let me see if I understood this right. I assign you a Tora mission and you somehow turn it into a Rookie Nine vs nine ANBU."

"That's... uh... yeah that is pretty much it." I hang my head in shame.

"You mean to tell me that nine _gennin_ took down four of my ANBU?" She is absolutely furious. I messed up big time.

"Technically it was only eight gennin. Naruto is out of the village." Shikamaru adds in. He's smirking, that asshole is trying to get me in more trouble! Revenge for making him confront ANBU no doubt.

Tsunade throws her hands up in the air in pure disbelief. "That is even worse!" Wait, how is that worse? "All of the ANBU present are going through basic training again! And you better like it! Beaten by gennin! You're supposed to be the best of the best! My elite forces!"

Cat steps forward. "Hokage-sama, we held back on them. We didn't attack full force, if we did it would have been over in moments."

Tsunade whirls on him. "YOU! You're going through twice!" Cat actually takes a step back in fear. "I don't care why you were beat by gennin, _you were beat by gennin!_ Not only that, you let this get out of hand. You're lucky I don't demote you." She turns to the path that leads into the park. "Show's over! Go do something else!"

Collectively we all look where Tsunade turned to. There is a huge crowd, a mix of civilian and shinobi. There are even a few vendor carts selling food and drink.

"Holy shit my tou-san is in there. I'm screwed." Shikamaru says. "Kami what am I going to do when kaa-san finds out?"

"I think I see my tou-san too." Ino adds on. She timidly waves, Inoichi waves back with a proud smile. "Yep, that's tou-san."

"You think you're screwed Shikamaru? My kaa-san is down there." Kiba says with Akamaru perched on his head again. Good, he got Akamaru back. "And she looks pissed!"

"This is most concerning." Shino adds. Whoa, where'd he come from?

Hinata is pale in pure terror. Either from the crowd looking at us or the fact that there are many Hyuugas present.

"Meh, if I had fun my parents won't care." Choji says while opening a bag of chips. "They're pretty cool like that."

Sasuke and I share a look. We're the only ones here without parents, we both know that we won't see their faces in the crowd.

"Well, this isn't awkward at all." I merrily say.

"Alright, show's over! Back to whatever it was you were doing before." Tsunade disbands the crowd. "Not you seventeen. My office. All of you. _Now_."

We get there in record time.

* * *

Tsunade stares each of us down, one at a time. "You all are never to do that again. _Never again!_ "

Choruses of "Yes Hokage-sama" echo throughout the room.

"Good. Alvarcus clean up your mess." She points to a pile of dirt in the middle of the room. In fact it is right beneath me, it's where I usually stand when I come into the office.

"Hokage-sama? I'll clean it up I just want to know how it is my mess?" I don't remember tracking in that much dirt.

She grits her teeth. "Your earth clone brought in Tora fifteen minutes after you left my office."

"Ha-ha! Take that Cat I win!"

"Out!" Tsunade roars. "Now!"

We all exit through the door.

"Hey Cat?" I call out.

Cat turns to me. "Yes?"

"That was so much fun! Let's do it again sometime. But, you know, not get caught. Maybe if we went to the Forest of Death?"

Cat just laughs at me. "Sure kid." He leaves with the rest of the ANBU.

All of the gennin are staring at me. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"You're insane." Sasuke says. "You want to do that again?"

"Hell yeah I do! I haven't had that much fun in ages!"

* * *

OMAKE: The Wrath of a Father

"Which one of them hurt my baby!" Inoichi roars.

"Tou-san, it's barely a scratch. I've had worse paper cuts!" Ino remarks in irritation. "Heck I probably got it from a flower when I was at the store."

Inoichi's eyes narrow. "Which. One."

"I don't even remember all of their masks." She mutters to herself. "Uh... Cat? Yeah Cat. Let's go with that."

* * *

One Hour Later

"Sweet merciful Kami I didn't do it!" Cat yells. He's currently strapped to a unforgiving metal chair.

"I'll ask again." Inoichi firmly places his hand on Cat's head. "Why did you hurt my daughter?"

"I didn't do- AAAHHHHHHH!" Cat screeches in pain.

"This is the last time I'll ask." There's not a hint of mercy or regret in Inoichi's voice. "Why did you hurt my daughter?"

"Purple, because aliens don't wear hats." Cat drones out with glazed over eyes. "When I get home I'm going to throw pancakes into a river."

"That's a waste of good pancakes. Good attempt, but the techniques I'm using don't have that kind of a result." Inoichi tells his patient.

Instantly Cat is alert again, there's no need to keep up an act if it failed already. "Inoichi I didn't do it! I specifically told everyone there to avoid her!"

"Well the third technique didn't have the required result, let's move onto the next." Inoichi places his hand on Cat's head again. "There's only seventeen more to go!"


	26. Chapter 26

The Next Morning, Alvarcus's House

"Oi! Alvarcus you in there?" Konohamaru asks as he pounds on my door.

"No, I'm not." I call to him as I idly sip on my morning milk and toast. "Pretty sure I'm at Training Ground Seven."

"Okay thanks!" I hear footsteps fade into the distance.

"Holy crap did he actually fall for that?" I turn back to my half eaten toast. "Well, he'll figure it out eventually."

Five minutes pass before I hear the sound of stomping feet approach my door.

"Alvarcus that was mean!"

"Yeah I know." I briskly walk to my front door and open it. "What do you need?"

"Hokage wants to talk." His tone is biting. He still feels hurt from when we didn't let him go on the mission with me.

"Did... did she seem mad?" Please don't be about yesterday! I thought that was behind us!

"Only at the paperwork." He shares.

"Oh thank Kami. Alright, let's go."

* * *

Hokage's Office

I poke my head through the doors and into Tsunade's office. "You called?"

She sighs in reluctant defeat. "Squirt I need your help."

"This seems familiar." I stride into her office and plop down on a chair. "Did you make another bet with a client? I don't know if we can escape Shizune's wrath a second time."

She waves off my guess. "No, nothing like that. This is much more important."

I lean forward in anticipation. "Do go on."

"The students at the Academy were told that there would be a shinobi coming in today that they could ask questions and so on." She lazily leans back in her chair. "Basically this is to give them an idea of what transitioning from the Academy to being a gennin is like. We're trying to have the speaker be just a little older than the kids that way they can relate more."

"That's nice. Still not really sure why I'm here, do you want me to track the person down or something?" She should have picked Kiba or Hinata or Shino for that.

"He's dead." She bluntly informs me. "Killed in the invasion."

"That's a problem. But what does this have to do with me?" I think I know where she's going with this.

"In the chaos after the invasion no one was picked to replace the speaker." She smirks to herself. "That's where you come in. You're going to be the replacement."

"... Do I have to?" I don't want a bunch of kids asking me random questions. Besides, they should get someone who has been out of the Academy for longer, I've been out for less than a year!

"Yes you do. Don't think I don't remember how Konohamaru said you were good at explaining things, I believe his exact words were 'you're better than the teachers at the Academy.'" She grins evilly to herself. She picked me because she wanted to, not because she had to. I feel like this is a form of revenge. "Besides, the kids would love to see one of the heroes of the invasion. How can we deny them that?"

"Now you're trying to guilt trip me into doing this." I never thought I would be doing this today. Actually it doesn't sound half bad, it's been a while since I stopped by the Academy. I could say hi to Iruka while I'm there. "Fine, I'll do it. When do you want me there?"

"Let's see, you should be there in about... ten minutes." A full blown grin forms on her face. "Better get going!"

This is totally revenge for my stunt yesterday. "You really suck sometimes. I hope you know that." I dive out the window.

"I have a door for a reason Squirt! Use it next time!" She thunders as I fall through the air.

* * *

The Academy

I tentatively walk through the front doors to my old school. It feels like ages since I've been here. So much has happened since I left these doors as a shinobi and not as a student.

"Oh hello!" A cheerful receptionist asks. "Did you need something young man?"

I won't be fooled by her cheerful exterior, she's the first line of defense for Konoha's future shinobi. She has to be ridiculously skilled otherwise she wouldn't be here. No one would be stupid enough to leave the kids unguarded.

"Yes, I'm supposed to be a guest speaker for a group of kids? Still can't believe Tsunade roped me into this, I should be on a mission or something. Anyways, do you know where I'm supposed to go? I kinda left before she told me all that."

"You're... not what I expected." She replies after giving me a once over. "You sure you shouldn't be in a class?"

"Please, like you didn't see the headband." I roll my eyes. There's no way she missed that. "I didn't expect to do this today either. She told me about this five minutes ago. I didn't even have time to prepare note cards or something." Great, I'll have to play everything by ear. This promises to be a very unique day.

"Tsunade wouldn't send someone unqualified." The receptionist says. I'm not so sure she's right. "You'll be in classroom 2D. Good luck, you'll need it. Those kids are quite a handful."

"Wonderful. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction." Today is really going to suck. I have to let rambunctious kids ask me a crap ton of questions? I hope their teacher has a good handle on them.

I calmly stroll up to the correct classroom. I can hear the kids all chatting to themselves through the door, I must be the first thing on the itinerary. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

I reach out and knock on the door. Instantly the voices inside go silent. Well at least they're excited to see what I'm going to look like.

"Come on in." That's a very familiar voice.

I walk inside. "Iruka-sensei?"

"That's the guy? He's like our age!" One of the kids says.

"Alvarcus?" Iruka exclaims. "They're giving me you? And I'm not your sensei anymore, you can call me Iruka."

I give him a warm smile and stride over to give him a friendly handshake. "Sorry, but after four years of calling you Iruka-sensei I'm not going to stop that anytime soon. How have you been? Got a girlfriend yet? I swear you need to get out more, you always seem so stressed out."

"That's the life of a teacher." He happily shakes my hand back. "Actually yes, I do have a girlfriend. I think. I kinda got... well she force me to date her. Not really sure how _that_ happened, but I'm okay with it."

"You're okay with it?" I smirk at him. "Why? Is the sex-"

"Alvarcus!" He cuts me off with a scarlet face. "There are children here! Besides you're still a kid yourself! You shouldn't know about those things!"

I turn to the gobsmacked class. Their jaws are hanging open.

"Oops? Would you believe I forgot where I was?" I sheepishly ask.

"I liked it better when you were quiet." He shakes his head in resignation. "What happened to that kid?"

"Kakashi-sensei corrupted me?"

Iruka rolls his eyes. "Class, as you've probably already figured out, this is our guest speaker for the day. His name is Alvarcus Mar and he's one of my former students."

Whispers echo throughout the room. "Alvarcus Mar?"

"Do you think he's _that_ Alvarcus Mar?"

"I hope so! I bet he has amazing stories to tell!"

"Hey, he's kinda cute." What the hell? Who said that? I am not cute! Cool, handsome, badass, majestic! Those are fine, but not cute!

"What's sex?" Oh my Kami the parents are going to hate me so much.

"AHEM!" A flushed Iruka silences the whispers. "So, let's get this started." He turns to me. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"

I truly look at the students for the first time. They're on the younger side, I'm guessing they're in their first or second year.

"Well, let's start with the basics." I straighten up. "Iruka-sensei said my name so there's no need to repeat that. I've been out of the Academy for... eight ish months? That sounds right. I was a member of gennin team Seven, under the jonin Kakashi Hatake. I took part in the last Chunin Exams and made it to the finals so some of you might recognize me from there."

As I am speaking I'm looking at multiple kids. I'm trying to involve everyone as much as I can. If I'm stuck doing this I might as well do a good job.

"Let's see, what else? Oh, my favorite color is a piercing yellow, I like sunglasses a lot, I enjoy thinking of new and unique ways to improve skills I've already learned and I'm currently a teammate with Sasuke Uchiha."

There are a few hushed whispers at Sasuke's name. Even in the Academy he still has fame.

"I dislike a handful of things." I frown in distaste. "Heights for one, really not a fan of those. Also not the biggest fan of snakes. Oh, and I hate when strawberry seeds get stuck between my teeth."

"I have a couple of dreams for the future, but I'm only going to share one. Really it's more of a goal than a dream, I want to become a S-rank shinobi. And... that's all. There's some basic information about me." I turn to Iruka. "Anything else I should cover? Pretty sure I got most of it."

He turns to the class. "Any questions for Alvarcus?"

Immediately the class bursts into chatter, they're shouting questions at me all at the same time.

" **OI!** " Iruka shouts and all of the kids instantly fall silent.

"You still got it!" I cheekily chime in. "I remember when I was on the other side of that!"

"Alright kids, raise your hands and he'll call on you." Iruka has a fond look on his face, no doubt he's remembering my class and all the times he's had to quiet us down. It was a _lot._

Almost all of the kids hands shoot up into the air.

"At least there's interest." I mutter to myself. "Uh... You in the back with the funky green hair."

"Hi!" He cheerfully says. "So is it true? Are you really Alvarcus?"

"Yep! That's me!" I give a little wave. "Next question?" The student I chose sits down in a huff. He wanted to know if I'm _that_ Alvarcus, he should have been more specific. "The smart looking one with the glasses."

"Are all of the stories about you true?" She asks in a very serious tone as she delicately pushes her glasses up with a finger.

"Well... there's _some_ truth to them. Most of them at least." I sheepishly scratch the back of my head. "I don't really hear the stories about me since everyone assumes I know what they're talking about. After all, I was there. How could I not know?"

"How about the one about the Suna nin?" Miss glasses asks.

"Sorry, we'll have to come back to you. One question per call for now, we want to make sure everyone who wants to gets a turn." I don't want to talk about that. "Let's see... the Inuzuka in the front."

"Did you really beat cousin Kiba in a fight?" He eagerly asks. "I bet you didn't! Kiba's so cool and strong and there's no way he could be beat!"

"Good times." I force a fond smile on my face. That was not a good time at all. "Yeah, I beat him. He really made me work for it though."

"Wow, you must be crazy strong then!" The Inuzuka has stars in his eyes.

"Not really. There's people out there who are loads stronger than me." For now, I'm working on making that list smaller. "Next! You with the blue scarf."

This child is different from the rest, he's not as happy and carefree. Also there's something that sets him apart from the rest of his classmates, there's a fresh scar in running down the left side of his face. It's still an angry red, he must have gotten it in the chaos of the invasion.

"How'd you get that scar?" He asks. "Doesn't it bother you?" His tone is bitter, I bet he's been teased a lot about his new scar.

Iruka tenses. He's ready for something to go wrong. "Alvarcus we haven't covered scars yet. He didn't know better."

"Pfft, kid you'll have to be way more specific." My nonchalant tone causes Iruka to relax. I'm not going to let kids get to me. "Which scar are you talking about? I've got too many to count."

"Really?" He asks in curiosity instead of bitterness. "You have more than one?"

All of the kids are attentively listening now. It isn't just him who I have curious, hell it isn't just the students either. Iruka looks very intrigued too.

"Oh yeah. Loads." I confidently reply. This question is about more than just how I got my scar, it's about how I live with them. That's what he really wants to know. "I wear them as a badge of honor. Each one is a symbol of something I've lived through. They're a testament to my strength. Besides, all of the really good shinobi have their own scars. Between Iruka and I you have some strong shinobi before you!"

Surprise crosses his face. "Oh." He sits down with a very cute thinking face. I hope I could make a difference for him.

"You never answered his question." Miss glasses says in annoyance.

"My, aren't you the observant one." I sass back to her. "A sword. That's how I got it." That's the understatement of the century. "Next question! Hmm... You! The stoic Hyuuga." I swear that clan needs to lighten up, they're all business all the time. Even their kids are!

"My tou-san says that the life of a shinobi is a difficult path." I nod my head at the Hyuuga's words. His tou-san is definitely right. "He says that there are many hardships and losses. But what he stressed to me the most was that shinobi are expected to kill. My question is this, how many people have you killed?"

"Only those that I've had to." That's a lie. I know it is, I could have spared many of the people I've killed by simply knocking them out or removing them from the fight somehow. Yet I didn't, not because I couldn't but simply because it was easier at the time.

I'm not the only one who knows it's a lie, Iruka is looking at me with a mask of indifference but beneath that is a great deal of pity.

The mood turned sour with the last question. I'll have to fix that with the next one. "So! Who want to go next?"

"Iruka-kun!" I faintly hear someone shouting from a good distance away from the Academy.

"Ignore that." Iruka has a mad blush on his face. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Well that's not weird at all." I mutter. "Anyways, how about you with the black shirt?"

"Iruka-kun!" The person shouting is much louder this time.

I turn to Iruka and give him a stink eye.

"Just keep going. She'll go away." He doesn't sound confident at all.

"She?" I grin. "Iruka is this who I think it is?"

"No!" Red tinges his cheeks. "Go back to the questions! Daiko I believe he called on you next? What's your question?"

Daiko, the one in the black shirt, clears her throat. "You're on a team with Sasuke Uchiha? Is he... is he dating anyone?" Oh hell no! He's got fangirls in the Academy? What is the world coming to?

"Iruka-kun!" The voice is very close now, I'd wager she's just turning down the hallway. Hold on a moment, I know that voice.

I turn to my old teacher. "Iruka-sensei is that-"

BAM

The door to the classroom slams open. "Iruka-kun!"

"Anko-chan what are you doing here! I'm working!" Iruka rushes to her before she can enter the classroom fully.

"Holy crap you're dating Anko?" I couldn't help but saying. "Dude, good for you!"

Iruka ignores me. "Anko-chan you can't be here!"

"You said we'd have lunch together, and I want lunch now." She huffs. "Who was that anyways? Sounds familiar."

"It's no one." Iruka dismisses quickly. "My lunch break isn't for another hour, come back then. OI! Get back here!"

She slithered her way around him to get completely into the classroom. "Nah, I'm hungry now so we'll eat now. Hey kiddos, I'm going to borrow your sensei. That cool? Thanks."

"Oh man Tsunade thank you so much for giving me this mission. This turned out way better than I expected!" I say more to myself than anyone else.

My voice startles Anko and she stares at me. "Sorry, do I know you?"

"No! No you don't just leave and I'll tell you about him later!" Iruka lightly grabs her by the wrist and halfheartedly tugs her towards the door. She doesn't move from her spot, actually she does the opposite. She drags Iruka behind her to closes the distance between us.

"I swear I know you. I just can't figure out how." She's staring me right in the eyes. Or in this case the sunglasses.

"Oh, maybe this will jog your memory. I called you hot in the second task of the Chunin Exams." I merrily tell her. "I still stand by that. Well done Iruka-sensei! I'm proud of you!"

"No shit?" Anko says in surprise. "I thought you died. How's things?"

"Language! There are children present!" Iruka pleas.

"Same old same old. Nothing noteworthy." I happily reply.

"Well you suck." That's not the response I expected. "Why can't you be more like that Alvarcus kid? He's your age and look at how much he's done!"

"Anko-chan that _is_ Alvarcus." Iruka provides.

"Really?" She gives me a once over. "Huh, not what I expected. Anyways can I borrow this one" she wiggles her arm that Iruka is hanging off of, "for lunch? You can watch the kids right?"

"Heaven forbid no! He's not qualified, there's so much things he doesn't know about and he has no teaching experience and -"

"Only if you bring me back some food." I barter.

"Alvarcus no!" Iruka let's go of his grip on Anko to grasp me by the shoulders. He stares deep into my eyes with a pleading expression. "Don't encourage her!"

"Deal!" Anko grabs Iruka by the back of his collar and proceeds to drag him out of the classroom. "See ya in a few hours!"

"Alvarcus there's a schedule on my desk!" The retreating Iruka shouts. "Make sure to follow it to the letter! I'll be back as soon as I can escape!"

"Hold up a second!" I call after Anko and her hostage. I look at Iruka. "I was right, wasn't I?"

With his head held in defeat he replies, "Yes. It's _amazing._ Plus she's a great person when she isn't trying to kidnap me, really I've never met anyone like her."

"Carry on!" I wave goodbye to them. "You have a lunch date to go on!"

"Thanks kid!" Anko drags my former sensei out of the room.

"Ah good for him! I'm glad they're working out." I turn to the stunned class. "I take it that doesn't usually happen?"

No one answers me.

"Cool. So how about that schedule?" I walk over to Iruka's desk and plop down in his chair. "It's around here somewhere. Ah! Here we go. Next is supposed to be history. Boring, we're going to skip that."

"Really?" Someone hopefully asks.

"Then there's math." I suppress a shudder. There is no way I'm subjecting myself to more math. "Not doing that either, I never liked it that much."

"Is he serious?" Miss glasses says. "Math is very important."

"Hmm... Physical conditioning could be interesting. But I don't know what level you all are at."

"I think he's completely serious."

"Oh I know! Let's play a game of capture the flag!" That's a great idea! We're totally going to do that!

"What's capture the flag?" The child with the scar asks.

"That settles it!" I get out of Iruka's chair. "Everyone outside now!"

* * *

The Hokage's Office, Later that Day

"-and then he took them outside to play capture the flag!" Iruka shouts. I'm surprised he hasn't passed out from lack of air, I'm pretty sure he told Tsunade everything in one breath. "Then he bought them all ice cream!"

"Still don't see what's wrong with that." I mumble. "Those kids had a great time!"

"They were practically demanding that he come back tomorrow!" Iruka throws his hands up in anger. "How am I supposed to control them now?"

"Alvarcus." Tsunade growls out. "I thought you learned your lesson yesterday to _not_ do stuff like this."

"This is nothing like yesterday and you know it. There was no ANBU at all." I defend myself.

Tsunade shakes her head in disbelief. "What am I going to do with you?"

I shrug. "Use me for actual missions and not these ridiculous spur of the moment ones? This is the second one in a row! First the bet with the client and now this?"

She rubs her forehead in a vain attempt to relieve some stress. "Fine. Come back here tomorrow. Bring your teammate too, I'll have something for you both then."

"About damn time." I grumble and leave. "Honestly you shouldn't have given me any leave days. It's not like you let me take them to begin with."

* * *

That Night, Alvarcus's House, Around 3am

Knock knock knock. "Alvarcus. Get up, we need to talk." That's Sasuke's voice. He's yelling through my door.

I groggily lift my head up from my pillows and glance at my clock. "Did someone die?"

"No? Why would you ask that?" Sasuke is confused.

"Is your brother back in town and you have some ridiculous plan to chase after him again? Because if you do there's no way I am going against Kisame. He called me _Muffins._ Honestly I'm not sure I didn't hallucinated that, I did get beheaded moments before."

"What? No! Why would Itachi even be here?"

"Then fuck off, I'm sleeping. It can wait till tomorrow." I plop my head back down on my pillow.

"Alvarcus Mar! Either open this door or I will!" He's not kidding, there's not a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"Yeah, yeah, don't break the door down I just moved here. Hold on a moment, I'm not wearing pants." I rummage around in my dresser and pull on an generic pair of black shinobi pants and a blue t-shirt. With a big yawn I open the front door and gesture him inside without looking. "Whadda want? Get in here, I'm not talking outside when there is a perfectly good couch five meters away. And make it snappy, I want to go back to sleep. I don't get enough of it already."

"We want you to come with us." That voice is not Sasuke's.

All of my drowsiness is gone in an instant. I whirl around and take a battle ready stance, I'm prepared to either attack or defend. The Jiongu is ready to leap into action and the drop of a hat.

Sasuke is standing with four others outside my house. Why is he not alone?

The first unknown person steps forwards. "Come with us to Sound, come with us to Orochimaru." He has pale skin and long gray hair that covers the right half of his face. He is wearing a dark brown tunic with a Yin-Yang symbol on the lower front and black shorts. There is another head growing out of the back of his neck. Sakon and Ukon, the current leaders of the Sound Four.

The second unknown person speaks. "Orochimaru will give you power. He will make you strong." This person has dark brown skin, black hair pulled up in a ponytail and a tunic to match Sakon's with the Sound Four Yin-Yang symbol. He also has Sound's headband around his forehead and _six_ arms. Kidomaru, the intelligent and creepy member of the Sound Four.

The third unknown speaks. "You wish to become S-rank. Orochimaru will make you better than S-rank." This man is huge, he towers over everyone else present. He has three tufts of orange hair and a unique shade of eye color to match. His tunic matches his team's with the symbol of the Sound Four. Jirobo, the muscle of the Sound Four.

The only female of the group speaks last. "He is the best and only hope to achieve your dream." She has shockingly pink hair and a black hat with bandages around the sides. Her attire is similar to the rest, but tailored to her feminine body. Tayuya, the genjutsu specialist of the Sound Four.

Silence falls. The Sound Four are waiting for my response.

"Uh..." I break the quiet after it became clear no one else would, "are you all really wearing giant purple rope belts? Because they look really stupid."

The Sound Four collectively twitch in annoyance.

I walk into my house and wave for them to follow me. "Get in here, it's cold outside. We can talk like civilized people in where it is warm. Also, I have a really comfortable couch."

Sasuke sighs and walks inside. "Just come in, he is always weird like this. I swear he rarely takes anything seriously." He plops down on the couch. "Wow, this is a nice couch."

The Sound Four look at each other, collectively shrug and come in. They don't sit down, rather they stand across from Sasuke and I who are on the couch.

Sakon opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "Convince me. Why should I go with you?"

"For power. Orochimaru will personally train you, he will mold you into your greatest potential." Sakon replies.

"Please, that isn't a good enough reason. I can get that here." The Sound Four bristle at my easy dismissal of Orochimaru. "Oh calm down it isn't an insult to your boss. Konoha trained Orochimaru, I would be getting the same training as him and look at how strong he is. Plus I'm on good terms with the other two Sannin, I could just ask them for help."

"Knowledge. Orochimaru knows things that no one else does." This time it is Kidomaru that attempts to sway me.

I nod in agreement. "I'm sure he does, but I care little for it. The things he knows and the things I want to know do not align. I doubt anyone has the answers to my questions, I have to answer them myself."

"To achieve your dream. He will make your dream come true, he offers to train you himself. He made sure that we explicitly knew he would." It is Jirobo's turn to try and convince me.

"I am sure he would. Orochimaru is a great shinobi, there is no denying that. My dream isn't something that he can do for me, I must earn it myself. I want every village to know my name, whisper it among their legends. I can't do that if I am stuck in his shadow." They're doing a terrible job trying to convince me. I don't even have to lie to them, everything I've said is true.

Tayuya sighs, and blandly speaks. "Do it because it'll be fun."

I raise an eyebrow at her unique reasoning. "Because it will be fun." She nods. "Care to elaborate?"

Tayuya starts to explain, "Sound is based off of strength. You earn your placement by beating the opposition. Us four were sent to get you two because we beat everyone who wanted to go. We are the strongest, we do as we please. That is how the whole village works, those stronger than you can order you around. You can order those weaker than you around. Strength is everything to us, if you have it you rise in power. If you don't, you're lost in the masses. And Orochimaru _personally_ wants to train you, he wants to make you S-rank. You'll be rising through the ranks like crazy, you'd be an instant player on the board."

I think over how that must work. It has to be total anarchy. It does sound kind of fun, I'll give her that.

"That's the best reason yet, but I'm still not convinced. I know what Orochimaru wants from me in return, and it isn't worth it." I sigh. "Any other arguments? Otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to leave." And somehow get to the Hokage tower and tell Tsunade what just happened. I really doubt they will just leave me here unrestrained. Maybe I'll finally get to test if the Jiongu can remove chakra suppression seals for me. Kami I need to start testing this stuff _before_ I have to use it.

"Come to Sound because I am going." My friend's voice says.

I look at Sasuke with disbelief. He's going to Sound, to Orochimaru. Like _hell_ I'm going to let that happen.

"Come with me Alvarcus. Orochimaru will train us both, we will become legends. Think of how strong he can make us, killing Itachi will be child's play! You want to be S-rank? He'll make you so good you'll be SS-rank like the Fourth Hokage. You'll have a flee on sight order from all the villages. No one will doubt your strength, your power."

"Sasuke, if I go to Sound there is a very good chance Orochimaru will kill me." Sasuke blanches and the Sound Four look intrigued. "He wants something from me, something he thinks I have. I don't have what he expects, I have something else."

"Alvarcus, he already knows about the Jiongu. He gave it to you." Sasuke reasons.

"I'm not talking about the Jiongu. It is something else, he wants me for information I might have." I calmly explain to Sasuke.

He goes deathly pale. "You mean... in the Forest of Death he wasn't lying? You really know about the past? You were pulled from the Underworld?" Sasuke leans in close and quietly says the one thing I've always tried to ignore. "Alvarcus, you've _died_ before?"

"I... well." This is not how I expected this conversation to go. It's supposed to be him on the hot seat, not me. "Have you ever wondered where my fear of heights comes from?"

"Don't avoid this. Answer me, I have to know." Sasuke demands. "Please, I have to know."

"I'm not avoiding it. My fear of heights comes from my... death. I think." I shakily inhale. "Most of my memories are blurry, especially the last moments. All I have is a sense of falling forever then pure terror. Then... splat."

"That is why he wants you so badly." Sasuke stands up and starts pacing. "He knows you have knowledge of the past."

"I do. Most of it has faded, been lost to time." I admit.

I'm dangerously close to breaking my vow to the Third Hokage. He expressly forbid me from talking about my past memories, but not that I have memories. I'm playing a dangerous game telling Sasuke about this with the Sound Four present. I can probably kill most of them if I need to. Especially if they have orders to not kill me, that would make things much easier.

"It isn't what Orochimaru thinks it is. He thinks I have forgotten jutsu, maybe know about an ancient civilization or two. I don't. Nothing I remember is remotely close to anything in this world. The languages aren't event the same, the one from before doesn't exist here."

"He won't kill you." Sakon cuts into our conversation. "Orochimaru wants knowledge, he wants to know things that no one else does. You claim to know a language that no one else does. That alone would guarantee your safety."

"See?" Sasuke turns to face me again. He's taking that news surprisingly well, I thought for sure he'd freak out and ask if our friendship has all been a lie. "There is no reason not to go. Why would you stay here?"

"Sound shinobi, outside. Now." I demand. "Sasuke and I need to have words, in private."

Surprisingly the Sound Four listen and walk outside of my house. Most of them.

"Oi. I said out. When you came inside you had two heads, now you have one. Go get it then out with you!"

Ukon materializes himself from my wall and walks back to Sakon with a displeased expression on his face.

"I'll know if you come back, I'm a sensor." Once I am sure they are all gone I turn back to Sasuke.

"Why would I stay?" I stand and get in Sasuke's face. "Kakashi. Tsunade. Shizune. Kiba. Hinata. Shino. Shikamaru. Ino. Choji. Neji. Tenten. Lee. Asuma. Kurenai. Yamato. Konohamaru. Naruto." Sasuke winces with every name I say. I can see his resolve weakening. "Sasuke, Sakura is buried here. My _parents_ are buried here. You're asking me to leave all of them behind? For power? For strength?"

"No. I'm not asking you to leave them, I'm asking you to come with me." Sasuke gets a desperate look in his eyes. "I don't know if I can do this alone. I need you. They all have each other, you're all I have. You're more a brother to me than Itachi ever was."

Don't guilt trip me. Not like that. Itachi loves you, he always has and he always will. "Sasuke-"

"What has Konoha ever done for us?" He gets up from the couch and get's right in my face. "They gave us the world's laziest sensei-"

"Kakashi is a good sensei and you know it."

"No he's not!" There's real anger in his eyes right now. "Alvarcus he chose me over you! How do you not see that? He could have taken us both on that training trip! He could have put us both through that training and you would have been faster and maybe you could have saved-"

" _Don't you dare finish that sentence._ "

His eyes narrow. "That's another thing, they shouldn't have even died. Where were the ANBU at? Where were the jonin at? Why didn't they protect the civilians? Alvarcus, Konoha killed your parents!"

I'm at a loss for words. He can't possibly think that's true, can he? I was there, I watched it all. I even have a trophy from their murderer. Konoha had no hand in it, of that I'm certain.

"And while we're on the topic of Konoha killing people, let's not forget about our teammate!" Sasuke starts shoving me backwards. "Sakura is dead. Why did she die? I know why, it was because Konoha didn't _care_ about a talentless civilian gennin who didn't even make it to the finals."

He shoves me back again.

"Don't you see how biased this place is? I've been given everything I've ever asked for just because I have fancy eyes. If Sakura had _half_ the training and resources I did she would still be alive! Hell even you didn't get as much training until you got the Jiongu, until something made you special. Until you became useful."

He shoves me once more.

"Alvarcus the only thing you were taught before you got the Jiongu was how to make a chakra string. Don't you see how ridiculous that is? _Chakra strings!_ That's all! No offense, you've done some amazing things with them, but I knew elemental jutsu when I was still in the Academy! But once you got the Jiongu everyone decided it was a good idea to teach you jutsu! You've had what, 3 different people teach you jutsu? Four if you count Kakashi! It wasn't because they like you, it wasn't because they saw the Will of Fire in you, it was because they saw that you were _useful_."

"So what?" I meekly reply. I hate to admit this, but he does have a good point there. Konoha favors the talented and strong and is willing to let mediocre shinobi fade into obscurity. "So what if all that's true, we still have friends here. You want me to leave them all? You want me to abandon them?"

He shoves me back and I hit the wall. "Alvarcus, _we don't have friends!_ "

No. I refuse. I have friends. All of the Rookie Nine for starters, then there's-

"When was the last time someone besides me invited you to go over to their house to hang out? Or sparing? Or to get food?"

"I... uh..." When was the last time? "Naruto did. When we took those missions with him. We got ramen together."

"When Naruto and us went on those missions." His eyes narrow again. "Alvarcus that was _months_ ago."

He's... not wrong. No one really talks to me unless I go to them. No one invites me to do things. I'm always the one to start something, to reach out to someone. No one reaches back.

"Alvarcus come with me." He takes a step back to give me space. "Konoha doesn't deserve you."

"And Orochimaru does?" I sharply reply.

"Dude, he's asked you to go to him like three times! He may not deserve you but he will value you."

"How's that any different from here?"

"Konoha values your skills, he values you. You impressed him so much with something as simple as _chakra strings_ that he decided to give you a _legendary kinjutsu!_ He even asked you to join him _before_ he gave you the Jiongu!"

"I.. uh... never looked at it like that." I've only ever seen the agony he cause me.

"Come with me." He extends out a hand. "Alvarcus I need you. You're my only friend. The only person I can truly rely on. And we both know it's the same way for you."

He's right, everyone I listed earlier has someone else they can turn to, someone to lean on. Everyone but Sasuke and I. Sasuke and I always turn to each other. For protection, for help, for strength, for guidance. If he leaves, he and I will both be alone.

I don't want to be alone.

Could I go to Orochimaru? Yes, I could easily. He'd accept me with open arms. Every point the Sound Four tried to use earlier would happen. Sure they might not have convinced me to go, but that doesn't mean that it won't happen if I do go.

Do I want to? No, I'd leave behind so much. I'd have to see Orochimaru all the time. I'd have to deal with the person who caused me so much suffering and agony. I'd also basically be abandoning all of my future knowledge by being out of Konoha, that's one of the best things I have going for me.

But Sasuke is going. He's going to one of Konoha's sworn enemies, Orochimaru. Who will make sure Orochimaru doesn't experiment on him? Who will protect him, be there when his world shatters to pieces? Who will be there for him when he faces Itachi? Who will save him from Obito? No one, unless I go with him.

"What's your answer Alvarcus? Are you coming or are you staying?"


	27. Chapter 27

Sasuke extends a hand to me. "What's your answer Alvarcus? Are you coming or are you staying?"

Everyone, I am sorry. I am going to Orochimaru.

Yet I won't abandon Konoha. I will break orders given to me by the Hokage herself. I'm going to have to reverse summon myself to get a summon contract, something she expressly forbid me from doing.

I'm going to spy on Orochimaru.

I'm going to pull an Itachi. Infiltrate an organization that is a threat to the Hidden Leaf and send information to Konoha about its movements and aims. Work from the inside to protect what I truly care about. Everyone is going to hate me. Everyone will be told to kill me on sight. I'll probably never be allowed back into Konoha.

I'm damning myself to protect everyone else.

"Fine." I finally say after a long silence. I open my front door and wave the Sound Four back inside. "I'll go with you. I'll go to Sound." I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. It doesn't work at all. "I'll go to Orochimaru."

Sakon steps forward. "Pack for light travel, then we leave. Leave everything nonessential, we can replace all that you own in Sound."

I walk to my room and grab my mission bag. I toss in some more essentials, clothes and kunai and drinking water. I'm ready to go in five minutes.

I walk back out to see the Sound Four and Sasuke raiding my kitchen for food. "Really? You could have asked first. How rude."

"It isn't like you're going to need it anymore. It would go to waste." Sasuke says without even turning away from my fridge.

I sigh, "Fine. Eat your fill. The grape juice is mine. Everything else is fair game."

We feast. It is fitting, a last meal of sorts. Sasuke and I will not be coming back. Not for a long time, or even forever. This could be my last moments in Konoha.

"Come. It is time we left." Sakon finally says. My home is now void of any kind of food.

We exit my house and head towards the main gate. No one stops us, no one sees us. There are no guards, the Sound Four must have killed them when they came in. We run as a group for only a few minutes before we stop.

The Sound Four turn to Sasuke. "We need to move your curse seal into the next stage. To do that, you have to be placed in a temporary state of death. Otherwise you really will die."

Sasuke thinks it over for a few seconds. He glances at me and I nod my head. I'll protect him. "Fine. What do I need to do?"

Sakon unseals a barrel. "Get in and then take this pill. It will force your seal to advance."

With a sigh and a role of this eyes, Sasuke does as asked.

"The pill?" He holds his hand out to Sakon. Sakon gives it over and Sasuke swallows it.

"Tastes like oranges. I hate oranges." With those inspiring words, Sasuke passes out in the barrel.

The Sound Four immediately go into action. They surround the barrel in a square and fly through some hand signs and in unison chant "Four Black Fogs Formation!" A dark purple fog extends from each of the Sound Four and flows through the air and into the barrel with Sasuke. After a minute the fog stops and the barrel seals itself.

Sakon walks up to the now sealed-in-a-barrel Sasuke and pulls out five more sealing tags.

"Just to be safe. Wouldn't want anything to disturb the process." After he places the tags on the barrel's lid he shouts, "Dark Sealing Method!"

Jirobo walks up and hoists the barrel onto his back. "Time to move. Can you keep up?" He asks me.

"Please, I can run for days. Literally. I've done it before. You'll have no issues with me and my stamina." Wow I really ramble on when I'm nervous.

"Good. You might not be useless after all." Tayuya mocks me.

I snort at her. "I'm better than you, I can tell you that."

She saunters towards me. "Big words tough guy. Want to put your money where your mouth is?" She drapes an arm over my shoulders. "I promise to be gentle, it is your first time."

"What the hell lady! I'm twelve! The innuendo is not okay!" I duck under her arm and slide away. "Stay away vile strumpet!"

"Tayuya, enough." Sakon breaks us up. "We have to get to Orochimaru. His new body awaits."

Oh shit. I completely forgot that was the reason they came to get Sasuke in the first place. Orochimaru needs a new body, the final acts of the Third Hokage damaged his current one too much to keep using. It is dying. Of course he would want Sasuke for that.

Let's see, in cannon they barely arrive after Orochimaru is forced to make the switch. That means it should be fine, I can scale the time line back an hour. They didn't stop to get me in cannon so we have that working for us. As long as we follow cannon from here on out Sasuke will get to keep his body. If not, I'll just take him. We'll figure something out.

The Sound Four and I start running north towards Sound. We don't talk further, simply keep running. A hour passes without incident.

"Stop!" Two Konoha shinobi appear before us. "What are you doing here? Five shinobi fleeing from Konoha is very suspicious. Especially at the speed you all are moving at." It is Genma, the proctor of the third part of the Chunin Exams, and one of his teammates. "Alvarcus? What are you doing with them?"

Ah crap. They saw me. "I've been kidnapped?" The Konoha nin tense at my declaration. Whoops, I just made them want to fight a lot harder.

"Brat, prove your loyalty. Defeat them with us, prove you want to go to Orochimaru." Thanks Kidomaru, way to ruin my story.

Genma's mouth drops open. His senbon that he chews on falls out. "You... you're defecting to Orochimaru?"

"Uh... you know what? Fuck it, everyone would find out eventually. Yes, I'm going to Orochimaru." There, cat is out of the bag. There is no turning back now.

Genma tenses even more. "I have to kill you now. You just signed your death warrant. I want you to know that I am sorry, you showed such promise."

He lunges at me at high speeds. I've fought faster, he's got nothing on Kakashi. The Sound Four don't move to defend me. They want me to prove I'll hurt Konoha shinobi. To prove that I have forsaken everything for Orochimaru.

"I'm sorry too." I say when he is only a meter away from me with his kunai arm extended towards my throat. He's only a half meter away when I let the Jiongu out. He had no hope of dodging, not when he's that close. It tears from my neck, reopening the scar Kisame gave me. It latches onto his arm and works up his body. In moments it is around his neck.

"Genma!" His teammate yells. Raido is his name, I think. I vaguely recall that from my memories. The Sound Four engage him. He's putting up one hell of a fight. Genma would be too if I didn't have my Jiongu wrapped around his body. I got lucky, I had surprise on my side.

I reel in the Jiongu until I'm holding his neck in my left hand. I slam him into the ground, nearly crushing his neck. I kneel down next to him and lean in towards his ear.

"Tell Tsunade I chose option four. She will know what I mean. Will you do this if I spare your life? Blink twice for yes." Genma's eyes flutter twice. "I have to make it convincing. This is going to hurt. I am sorry." Genma's eyes widen in fear. I attach three chakra strings to his chest.

"CLEAR!" I zap Genma with electricity. His body convulses and he passes out.

I withdraw the Jiongu fully and leave him on the ground. To add insult to injury, and really sell myself to the Sound Four, I lazily sit down on his chest. One of my knees is raised and I'm bracing my head with an arm balanced on the knee.

Raido puts up one hell of a fight, he forced the Sound Four to use their cursed seal all the way to level two by himself. I am actually impressed, I doubt I could do that without the Jiongu. Eventually though he is subdued. He might have been able to hold his own while they were only using level one, but the power boost from level two is too great. They're toying with him.

Once they're finally done with him all that's left is a body that's beaten and broken. I can only hope there is a medic on his team, otherwise he will die.

"You finally done?" I call out to the transformed Sound Four. They all have amusement on their faces when they see my chair.

"Oh?" Tayuya calls out with just a hint of lewdness in her tone. This chick is weird. "You're not scared? You're surrounded by monsters."

"Sweetie," I call back to her, "I'm the only monster here."

I do something I've only tried once before. I let the Jiongu extend out of my eyes. I let it slowly overtake my entire face, becoming a kind of thread armor. I let it cover all of my visible skin. Just to really sell the idea, I have it form a crown of moving thorns. Ever shifting, ever pulsing. _Alive_.

"You ain't got nothing on me. What's a couple of horns and a new skin color when I have a literal monster inside me?"

The Sound Four still, either from my gruesome new look or my words.

"You're not scared of us?" Jirobo asks. Okay, so they paused because I didn't react like normal. I like to think it was because I scared them.

I laugh. "Scared of you? Nah, compared to some things I've seen, hell things I've fought, you're cuddly teddy bears. You don't know the meaning of scared until you've had a sentient chakra eating sword stabbed through your heart seconds after cutting off your head."

Kidomaru whistles. "Bet that hurt."

"It does explain his scar." Jirobo adds on in mild curiosity.

"If anything, I'm scared of your fashion sense. Giant purple ropes for belts?" I shudder. "Disgusting. It looks terrible."

"We can trade war stories later. We need to move." Sakon pushes us forward. "We have to get out of here before the rest of their team arrives. We'll need to set up a defensible spot while we deal with the backlash from going level two."

We run for five minutes. The only reason we didn't keep going further is because the Sound Four reverted out of their level two mode. They dropped like stones. Panting, laying on the ground. Easy to kill. If I ever wanted to turn around today, now would be the perfect time. I can't though. I don't know how badly it could affect Sasuke.

We rest in silence for hours.

"Alright, let's move." Sakon says. "We've rested long enough, we can make it to Sound non stop easily."

We get up and start running. This is wrong. Where's the retrieval team? They should have been here by now. Why aren't they here?

Sakura, she's the one who told Tsunade about Sasuke's defection. She's not here to do it, so that means Tsunade doesn't know yet. She won't know until Genma and his team get back to Konoha. Shit, we might make it in time for Orochimaru to use Sasuke's body. I'll just have to hope that the delays my presence caused are good enough. Otherwise I'll need to kill everyone here and take Sasuke away to safety. I don't even know if I can do that.

Kidomaru would have to die first. I can't guarantee I can get out of his webbing and if I am trapped it is over. Sakon and Ukon would go next, I can probably get them both in one go if I am quick about it. Plus the Jiongu will deal with them if they try to assimilate with me. Tayuya would be next. I could probably get the Jiongu to shut down my hearing so all of her audio genjutsu would have no effect on me, then I'd just have to dodge her weird summons. Jirobo would be last. His best move is to make a chakra eating earth dome and his brute strength, I can handle that easily.

That plan is crushed because of one tiny thing.

"You all have taken too much time." A new voice cuts through the air. "Orochimaru-sama was forced to take an inferior body. Now tell me, where is Sasuke Uchiha?"

"K-Kimimaro?" Tayuya nervously says. "W-what are you d-doing here?"

"I am here to make sure Sasuke Uchiha makes it to Orochimaru-sama." He coughs into his hand. It comes away red. "As my last act in this world, I will be of use to Orochimaru-sama one last time. Now come, we will travel together."

He sets a much faster speed for us to follow. No one complains, not even me. I don't dare to oppose this man, even on his deathbed he would kill me. My spare hearts would only slow him down. The only good thing to come of this is that he told me Orochimaru was forced into a different body. That gives Sasuke and I a three year buffer. I can work with that, I can convince Sasuke to leave Sound by then.

Only a short hour later we come up on the Valley of the End. We don't slow down to look, we don't even enter it. We go around straight into the Land of Sound. It only takes us minutes to reach the Hidden Sound Village, Otogakure or Oto for short. It is a truly hidden village, the entrance is hidden beneath a tree and is very hard to find unless you already know it is there.

"Oh how wonderful!" We're greeted by Orochimaru himself.

* * *

Entrance to The Base, Five Minutes Ago

"Kabuto, what are the odds of Alvarcus being with them?" Orochimaru is impatiently waiting at the gates. "I gave the Sound Four explicit instructions to seek him out as well."

"They're slim." Kabuto idly says from the shadows. "They would be slimmer if I didn't cut his ties to the Leaf for you."

Orochimaru narrows his eyes. "You're lucky you're useful still. I never ordered that. You went against the plan. You caused my child pain, and maybe even turned him against me forever. He was much more hostile the last time we met. He even threatened to kill me!" Orochimaru smiles to himself. "I'm strangely proud of him, he's growing up so fast."

"Yes, but I did it for you." Kabuto daintily pushes his glasses up his nose. "If I let his parents and useless teammate live then you wouldn't get what you want until much later. I sped up the process so you can finally obtain 'your child.'" He says the final two words with no small amount of hate.

"Careful Kabuto. Even you are replaceable and I'm always needing more test subjects."

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama. I'm here to complete whatever task you give me." Kabuto bows slightly.

"Remain in the shadows." He dismisses him with a lazy wave of the hand. "I'll call you if I need you."

They fall into a tense silence for a few minutes.

The Sound Four, Kimimaro, Alvarcus and the still sealed Sasuke burst into the entrance of the base.

"Oh how wonderful!" We're greeted by Orochimaru himself. "I was confident I could sway Sasuke to come to me, but to get Alvarcus as well! This is such a pleasant surprise. I knew you would come to me eventually, I just didn't expect it to be so soon. Tell me child," I shiver, "what made you come to me?" He leans forward in anticipation of my response. "Was it the promise of power? Perhaps your thirst for knowledge?"

"Sasuke did." That is all I say.

Orochimaru's eyes light up. "Sasuke convinced you? Marvelous, simply marvelous. You must tell me more later. For now, rest. Then we shall talk at length. Perhaps over dinner? I find conversation to be much more pleasant with food."

"I will wait for Sasuke to be unsealed. Then we can both tell you our reasons for coming. Might I suggest steak for dinner?" Oh Kami, I'm playing nice with Orochimaru of all people. "I know that I want to bite into something meaty after today. Oh, a BBQ! That could be good too."

Orochimaru laughs his evil laugh. "Kukukuku, why not both? Today is a day for celebration! It isn't everyday I get two new pupils. You should have a nice meal before the hell I am about to put you through. Once I am done, you'll be lucky if you can raise a glass of water off a table."

I smirk. "That'll never happen. You gave me the Jiongu, remember? It replaced my muscles."

"And?" Orochimaru prods me to continue. "I haven't been able to study a host of the Jiongu for long, the host usually died before I could make any real headway."

"The Jiongu doesn't get tired. I can run for days, literally. I've done it before. The only fatigue I have to worry about is all mental."

Orochimaru eyes me up and down. I feel violated. "Oh I can't wait to see what makes you tick! The things I could learn from you about the Jiongu alone! Not to mention what else you must know."

I wince. This is going to be tricky. "I don't have what you think I do." Orochimaru stills. "Now, before you freak out and do something rash, I still have knowledge of things you've never heard of before. It just isn't what you expected."

"Explain, I am curious." He doesn't look mad, I could be okay. "I was confident you knew of past civilizations and I was hopeful you might have a forgotten jutsu or two. What can you offer?"

Might as well use the big guns first. "I know a language that doesn't exist today. I'm fluent, I can also both read and write in it. It is technically my first language." Orochimaru grins like a maniac. Whoops, tautology. "When you say I'm from an ancient civilization, you might be right. The world I know of as the Before is nothing like this one. The continents don't match up either. I could be from eons in the past."

Orochimaru lovingly put his hand on my shoulder. "Alvarcus, that is so much _more_ than I expected. You simply must teach me about this world!"

"Orochimaru-sama, did I do well?" Kimimaro asks with a great deal of effort.

"Of course you did. You always have." Orochimaru distractedly says. He hasn't looked away from me at all, he's still analyzing me like I'm the world's best puzzle.

"Thank you." Kimimaro falls over dead.

"I was wondering when that would happen. Kabuto, could you get him to cold storage? I'm sure we can find a use for his corpse."

Kabuto walks out of the shadows and seals Kimimaro into a body scroll. "Of course Orochimaru-sama, shall I prep the lab as well?" He eyes me like a piece of meat. "We do have a new specimen we can study."

I know that voice, it causes warning flags to pop up in my head. It isn't just for who he is, he did something. That voice did something, something terrible but I can't place it exactly. It extends past what I know he could become, it's something _more._ What did Kabuto do to me? I don't recall him ever being truly on my bad side before.

"No, this one is not for study." Orochimaru tells Kabuto the best news I could possibly hear. "This one is going to be taught and made into one of my best shinobi. Maybe even better than you."

Kabuto smiles. "Unless he dies during training." I hope that isn't common. I can probably take it. Sasuke withstood it during cannon, so it can't be that challenging. Unless Orochimaru rigged it so his precious next body wouldn't die on him, which is something I can see him doing.

Why does Kabuto's voice unsettle me so much? It bothers me more than Orochimaru's and I _hate_ Orochimaru.

Before I can really start to figure out why, the barrel that Sasuke is sealed into starts to vibrate.

"Here we go!" Orochimaru gleefully calls out. "Fair warning, he will be quite... ravenous for a while after unsealing. He may attack anyone and everyone."

The top unseals itself with a loud hiss. Black fog pours out over the edges and pools on the floor. Sasuke slowly stands up and steps out of the barrel, he's covered in the first level of the curse seal. It looks like his body is covered in tattoos.

"I feel good. Really good. Like I've dropped a huge weight I didn't know I was carrying."

"You alright there Sasuke?" I call out to him. He turns to me and grins evilly.

"Alright? I'm better than alright! I'm amazing! I feel like I could defeat you easily now!" He gets a mad gleam in his eyes. "Want to spar?" He starts walking towards me. "Come on, I need to figure out what I can do. Who better to push my limits than you?"

"Of course you two can spar!" Orochimaru chimes in. "Just not here, we have places meant for sparring. The entrance to my base is not one of them. If you would both follow me." He starts walking deeper into the base.

"Alvarcus, was that Orochimaru?" Sasuke sounds baffled. He reverted out of the first level of the curse seal because he was so surprised.

"Yep. We're already in Sound. You slept through the whole trip." I hear a few chuckles from the Sound Four behind Sasuke and me. "Well come on, if you want your ass kicked who am I to stop you?" I taunt Sasuke.

He grins. "I'll be doing the ass kicking, thank you." We take off after Orochimaru with the Sound Four right behind us.

* * *

One of Sound's Training Fields

Sasuke stares at me.

I stare at Sasuke.

The Sound Four are off to the side making bets on who will win. Only Tayuya bets that I will be victorious.

Orochimaru and Kabuto look very impatient, they want us to start already.

"Rules?" I ask Sasuke.

"No killing. No crippling attacks either. Knock out or surrender means the match is over." Sasuke rattles off basic rules for every spar.

"No destroying my hearts either. They are not easy to replace." Although, I am pretty sure that everyone here would be fair game to kill. Even the prisoners, I doubt Orochimaru would kidnap someone that people would look for. He probably goes after thieves, bandits and murderers.

Aw crap. I left Konoha before I got my fire heart. That's going to be annoying to replace.

"Fine." Sasuke agrees. "If I hit one in the mask it is considered destroyed. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

With the rules decided it is now time to start the spar. We still don't move. I want to see what Sasuke will do, and he is probably waiting for me to use my monsters.

"Lesson one: Taijutsu." Sasuke says.

He appears before me in a burst of speed, his arm poised to strike at my throat. I lazily intercept his attack with my left arm.

"Taijutsu it is."

I kick at his knees, aiming to slow him down. He dodges backwards, but is right back in attacking range in the next moment. He sends a flurry of quick punches at me, I dodge most and block those I couldn't. He's forcing me on the defensive, he's setting the pace for the battle. I can't have that. I catch his next punch, forcing him to stay in one spot. His eyes widen slightly. I rear back and slam my foot into his chest sending him flying across the training field.

"Come on Sasuke, that doesn't show improvement. You've always been better at taijutsu than me, you should have dodged that kick even if I had a hold of you." I'm not even lying, I've tried that same move on him before and he has contorted out of the way. "Don't get cocky just because you have gotten a power boost. I'm still strong in my own right. You'll have to take me seriously."

Inky black marks flow across Sasuke's skin, covering his whole body before settling in one spot. "I am." He's using the curse seal now. Level one.

A kick slams into the back of my right knee forcing me to kneel. Sasuke relentlessly attacks, getting in four good punches to the back of my head before I can recover. I lash out behind me sweeping him off of his feet. He falls to the ground and I follow up with a punch aimed at his solar plexus. He rolls out of the way and I bury my fist into the ground.

Sasuke climbs to his feet and raises and eyebrow. "You're really not holding back on your punches."

"And you're one to talk." His punches _hurt._ "I think I have a concussion. How does that even work? I don't have a brain to concuss."

He smirks at me. Arrogant bastard. "Let's move on then. Lesson two: Genjutsu."

"Oh come on!" I whine like a child. "You know I only know one genjutsu and it is a utility one! How am I supposed to attack?"

 _~The host will not be ensnared!~_

"Damn you're good Sasuke, I barely notice you already placed a genjutsu on me." I've got to give him that, he is going to be scary at genjutsu with his Sharingan.

 _Pain!_ "Unfortunately for you, I'm immune to most genjutsu." _Pain!_ "The Jiongu senses the foreign chakra and breaks me out." _Pain!_ "I have no idea which ones you're using, but they are not going to work."

"The Jiongu is so unfair." Sasuke huffs in annoyance.

"The Sharingan is more unfair. You can practically see what I am about to do! You only have to watch a jutsu to learn it and can cast crazy genjutsu and see through them easily! Who cares if I have access to all the elements! If I can't hit you I can't kill you."

"Fine! Lesson two is over." Sasuke takes a leap backwards, giving himself plenty of space between us. "Lesson three: Ninjutsu."

"Finally!" I remove my shirt, no need to ruin a perfectly good shirt during a spar. I really need to figure out a better way to do this, I go through a ridiculous amount of shirts. "Tell ya what, I won't use my monsters. I'll give you a handicap."

"I'll make you use them. Grand Fireball!" Sasuke spits out his signature jutsu towards me. I calmly raise an earth wall to intercept it. "Tch."

"You'll have to do better than that. Devouring Earth!" I slam my hands on the ground and jaws of earth clamp around Sasuke. Or what was Sasuke, the jaws crushed a log that he replaced with. "Where did you find a log down here? We're in a cave!"

"Phoenix Flowers!" Sasuke spits out multiple small fireballs towards me. I know that there are shuriken hidden inside from our previous spars and that he has wires to control them attached.

I use that against him. I send out my chakra strings, one per each fire ball and latch them onto the hidden shuriken.

"Lightning Whip!"

Lightning arcs up the wires and into Sasuke. He drops the wires and I bat the shuriken out of the way.

"Face it Sasuke, I'm better than you at ninjutsu. You can't use genjutsu against me. Our taijutsu is nearly even. You can't beat me and you know it. I'm not even going all out!" I should not have said that. That was a tremendously bad idea.

"Neither am I!" Sasuke yells back at me.

He's pushing himself into his level two mode. His skin turns into a dark gray, his hair changes from black to a dark blue. His fingers become clawed. Huge grotesque hand/wing... things sprout from his back.

"Yes! I can feel the power! The strength!" He experimentally moves his new appendages around. "You don't stand a chance now!"

"Dude, you're ugly." He quits admiring himself and turns to me with a shocked expression. "Just show that form to your fan girls and you will never have a problem with them again. Are those _giant hands_ coming out of your back?"

"DIE!" Is Sasuke's response. He lunges at me with a crazy amount of speed he didn't have before. I barely dodge in time. He doesn't let up, he's rushing at me with everything he has. Punches, kicks, swipes, nothing is off limits. Finally fed up with my dodging he leaps back to put a few meters between us.

"Sasuke, just calm down!" He ignores me and takes a stance I know all too well. One arm pointed down, the other holding the wrist.

"CHIDORI!" This time when he lunges at me I can't dodge. His Chidori enhanced speed is too great for me.

Squelch

 _~He hurt us!~_

His arm is buried in my chest. Up to his elbow. He lanced a hole straight through me. I look up from his arm to his face. I can't believe it. He actually destroyed one of my hearts. The one that was in my chest.

 _~Host, I don't understand. Of all the humans we've met, he was the one that I never thought would hurt us. Do we... do we kill him now?~_

"Sasuke?" I shakily say.

"Who is weaker now?" He asks arrogantly. This isn't him, he would never do this. The power lust from level two has to be getting to him, influencing how he thinks. I refuse to believe this is Sasuke.

"This isn't you. Sasuke, this isn't you. Come back to your senses."

He laughs. _Laughs_ at me. "Of course this is me! Who else would I be? I feel amazing! This power is great! It's better than the Jiongu!"

He's drunk with power. "Fine." I grip his arm that is still in my chest with my left hand. "If you won't come back to your senses, I'll make you."

I crush his arm. There is a sickening snap that echos throughout the chamber. He screams in pain and leaps away from me.

The hole in my chest is slowly stitched closed, I'm missing a huge chunk of skin where my heart should be, all that is there is the Jiongu. "You brought this on yourself. This is your last chance, release the curse seal and come back."

"No!" He roars with insanity in his eyes. "I need this!" He runs towards me, intent on spearing me again with his clawed hands.

"So be it." I will my lightning, earth and wind heart out. I keep water inside me. I'm lucky he destroyed one of my two lightning hearts. False Darkness lances out towards Sasuke, forcing him to dodge left. Pressure Damage slams into him hurling him across the field to my waiting earth heart. Jaws of earth snap upwards and trap Sasuke, confining him to only one spot. "Change back."

"NO!" With great effort he breaks out of his earthy prison. "I will defeat you! I will kill you! I will prove that I am better than you! I've always been better than you! I'll always be better than you!"

"Not today." He's exactly where I want him to be, he's right where I've made my chakra strings. I switch them into water whips and immediately wrap them around my raging friend. "Today I win."

False Darkness tears across the field and strikes Sasuke right in the chest. I get some backlash from the electricity traveling up the water whips. Sasuke's whole body slumps into unconsciousness and his level two form fades.

I walk to his side and kneel next to him. "Sasuke, what good is power if it causes you to lose your mind?"

"An impressive fight." Orochimaru says as Kabuto rushes to the downed Sasuke. "I didn't expect you to be victorious. Tell me, why did you hold back? You could have used your full strength early on in the fight, yet you didn't. Is it weakness? Is it out of pity? Deceit perhaps? Do you not want him to know how strong you truly are?"

"A little of everything really. I don't want to actually hurt him, even if he went crazy he's still my friend. Call it weakness if you want. Pity? I do pity Sasuke but I respect his strength. I didn't hold back because of pity."

"And what of deceit?" Orochimaru prods me to continue.

"I have no need to deceive my only friend here. He's seen me battle before, he knows what I am capable of. He knew I was holding back the entire time, it is probably what pushed him so far. He wanted to see if he is good enough to make me go all out."

Orochimaru grins, "Is he?"

That one simple question gave me pause. Is Sasuke good enough to make me go all out? Could he force me to bring my entire strength to bear?

"No. Not yet, but one day he will be greater than me. Then I'll be asking if I could make him go all out against me. Of that I have no doubt."

"Marvelous. That wasn't the pinnacle of your strength?" Orochimaru's body is brimming with joy. "I knew you would be amazing, you do take after me. But this? Simply outstanding! I'll have to have the Sound Four fight against you just to gauge your strength. The planning behind your moves, the execution and the utilization of all of the elements so fluidly at such a young age!"

I sigh. "If you want me to fight the Sound Flunkies whatever." Said flunkies bristle at my insult, Tayuya just laughs and flashes me a thumbs up. She's weird like that. "How about another time? I did just lose a heart, I'm not at my best. I haven't been for quite a while now."

Orochimaru floods with concern. "We can't have that! Tell me, what kind of heart do you need?"

* * *

Sound Base, Orochimaru's Prison Complex

Orochimaru and I walk into his Prison Complex. It is packed full of people, not one cell is empty. There is a wide circular room surrounded by cells. He must release prisoners to fight right here. Most of those in the cells have a crazed look about them.

Orochimaru turns to me, "You need another fire heart. Any preference? What traits do you want?"

This feels wrong. It is like I am shopping for new clothes. I feel dirty, unclean. "One with a large chakra supply would be nice. Two of my hearts are from gennin, one is at a chunin level and the last a jonin."

Orochimaru grabs a list off the wall. As he is reading through it he asks me, "Where did you get your hearts from?"

"My current batch or all of them?"

He shrugs. "Might as well tell me all of them. My curiosity would demand it anyways."

"The first three came from one of your gennin teams." He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Thanks for that by the way. You gave me water, earth and lighting hearts."

"I always did wonder what happened to those three. What were their names?" He thinks for three seconds. "Must have been unimportant. Continue." He goes back to reading the list of prisoners.

"The wind heart came from a Suna chunin. He killed my parents." I watch Orochimaru's reaction carefully.

"You're parents are dead? How unfortunate. At least you have me." Oh Kami, he's trying to link himself to me as a parental figure? How fucked up is that?

I clear my throat. "I lost a heart, my original fire heart, to an enemy."

"Who?" He looks up from the list this time. He's genuinely curious. This will surprise him.

"The same person who cut my head off. Kisame Hoshigaki." I smirk at him. That's right, you aren't the only S-rank threat I've walked away from.

"Kisame? From Kiri?" Orochimaru sounds doubtful.

"I assume so. He was wielding Samehada, that is usually a big give away." I watch Orochimaru carefully. I want to see how he reacts. What I witness doesn't make sense.

He's proud.

"Consider me impressed. The Sound Four might not be enough to test you. I may have to step in myself. Now, I believe you're one heart short of a complete list? Where did you get your lightning heart from?"

"It isn't as impressive as fighting Kisame, so be prepared to be disappointed. Aoi Rokusho. He was a missing nin from Konoha that Sasuke and I bumped into on a mission. We killed him and I took his heart. I only wish it was fire."

"He was listed as a B-rank target in Konoha's bingo book. He had the Sword of the Thunder God if memory serves."

I nod. "Yep. Brought it back to Konoha. Right now I'm wishing we kept it for Sasuke to use."

Orochimaru is surprised. I think, his body straightened minutely. All I can see is his back while he's reviewing the list. "You didn't want it for yourself?"

"Nah, swords aren't my thing. I'm more of an overwhelming force, swords require grace and precision. That's Sasuke's forte. I'm a sledgehammer, a juggernaut. Use me when you want something demolished or need someone who can take a ridiculous amount of abuse. Sasuke is a scalpel, use him when you need something done with care. Sure I can do a delicate job if I have too, but it will never be as good as a job as Sasuke would do." I extend out a lightning whip. "Plus, isn't it a bit redundant? I can already make ten of these, what use do I have for a sword made of electricity?"

"Interesting." Orochimaru says. "The Hokage didn't break up your team? She left you together? It doesn't make sense. Usually teams have one specialty, they are focused around one aspect that every member has."

I laugh, the pleasant sound startles Orochimaru so much that he looks away from the list.

"She would never break us up. Do you have any idea how effective we were? She could toss us in any situation and we had the tools to come out alive. We took on everything from a fully transformed jinchuriki to S-ranked missing nin as gennin. Imagine what we will be able to do in a few years!

"So you were part of the group to defeat Gaara!" Orochimaru exclaims. He knows Gaara by name, that is not good. Suddenly he gets very still. The temperature in the room drops. "Tell me, was it you who summoned the Toad?"

That is right, he has major issues with Jiraya and Tsunade. It would explain the killing intent aimed at me right now.

"Please, you think I would settle for Toads?" The killing intent vanishes. "Actually, that is one of the things I want you to teach me. How to summon."

He turns back to the list. How many names does he have to look through? "Oh, you want to sign the Snake Contract?" He sounds oddly smug.

"Nope, I want to get my own. Snakes are cool and all, but I don't think we would mesh well."

"Hmm..." Orochimaru appears deep in thought. "I find that summons are based more on personality than other traits. I myself am an exception. I look rather snake like, but I also act like one. You are a creature of opportunity. I expect you to get a predator, or maybe even a scavenger as your summon animal. A hyena perhaps? Maybe a vulture?" Orochimaru straightens and points at the list. "Here we are, someone who will work."

I read over his shoulder to see what their name is. There isn't a name, simply Test Subject 3473.

"I've only recorded information about her, I have yet to do any tweaking." He makes it sound so innocent. "Go on in to the Arena. I'll open her cell and she'll come out. Fair warning, the prisoners are trained to attack whoever is in the arena with them that isn't wearing a Sound headband. Off you go!" He shoos me into the arena.

I hear a lock click open, and a door slide. A woman walks out of the open cage. "What's this?" She says condescendingly. "They want me to kill a child?" An insane grin splits her face. She's missing most of her teeth. "It has been a long time since I killed a child. Since before I got here." She's a child murderer. I have no qualms about what will happen next.

She walks right up to me, no fear in her eyes. I let her get close, close enough to touch me. She lovingly runs a hand through my hair and grips the back of my head. "Any last words dear?" She coos sweetly at me.

I clear my throat. "Yes, I'll be taking your heart. Thank you for coming so close to me, it makes this much easier." I see her eyes widen in surprise at my nonchalantly said words. At that exact moment I spear the Jiongu into her chest and let it take her heart. I rip it out of her body within half a second, it is before her face when she dies. She got to see her beating heart as her last image. Good, child murders deserve no less.

I let the Jiongu place her heart into my back where the fire mask is. The entire prison complex is completely silent the entire time. Everyone is watching me in either fear or disgust. I'm finally back at 100%. Five hearts, one of each element. I need to take better care of them, I shouldn't be going through so many this quickly.

I leave her corpse on the floor and go back to Orochimaru. He's pleased at me, happy for me. How strange. All I did was kill a murder.

"Wonderful show Alvarcus. I have no doubt the prisoners will be much easier to control for a few weeks. The fear of our own resident Heart Thief will keep them in line." Orochimaru says.

I sigh, "I'm never escaping that title."

Orochimaru laughs. "Kukukuku, even if it is from Konoha it is _very_ accurate, I find myself quite fond of it."

"Yay." I blandly reply. "Can we go see if Sasuke is up? Also I want to know who the Sound Four bet on. That promises to be very interesting, in fact I think I deserve a cut as the winner."

"Kukukuku, maybe you would do well as a Snake summoner."


	28. Chapter 28

Later That Night

The sound of eating utensils echos throughout the room. When Orochimaru said that he wanted to talk over dinner, he wasn't kidding. Orochimaru, Sasuke and I are all sitting at a dinning table with steak and BBQ spread before us. It is exactly what I asked for.

It is almost a pleasant sight. You know if it wasn't Orochimaru, Sasuke and I being the ones eating. We make the strangest picture ever.

First there is Orochimaru, a pale snake like man who is constantly eyeing both Sasuke and me with unadulterated glee.

Second is Sasuke, a pretty boy with an attitude to match. He's eating like royalty would, with proper manners and elegance. He keeps sending me questioning glances, almost as if he thinks I'm angry at him.

Then there is me, the strange kid in sunglasses even though we are indoors. I'm openly staring at both of the others and hopefully not displaying any emotion on my face.

This is not how I expected my defection to go. Quaint home cooked meals with the leader of my new village is the last thing I would have possibly imagined. I expected fire and brimstone before this.

We eat in silence, no one wants to talk. Well, Sasuke and I don't want to talk. I am pretty sure Orochimaru is too happy to form words coherently.

Eventually Sasuke cracks, he asks me a question. "Alvarcus, I didn't... uh... hurt you earlier today did I?"

Ah, that would be why he is acting like I'm mad at him. "Not too badly. I've had worse."

"He speared your heart out with an A-rank assassination lightning jutsu and your reaction is 'I've had worse?' Oh you are just a treat!" Orochimaru chimes in and ruins my plan to hide that fact from Sasuke.

Sasuke's whole body tenses. "I really did do that then. I wasn't sure, it seems hazy. Like I was looking at everything through a think fog. Almost like it wasn't me, like I was an observer."

"Quit the pity party." I am stopping this right now. Sasuke will not be timid with me. He will not hold back on me. I won't allow it. "You played with a new power and it didn't end well. Happens to all of us. Hell, I nearly killed myself when I first made my kunai traps."

Orochimaru leans forward in anticipation. "Kunai traps? You have a skill that I haven't seen yet?"

"He uses his chakra strings to launch a kunai that is far away from him. It isn't that impressive." Sasuke blandly informs Orochimaru for me. "What I want to know is how you messed up and nearly killed yourself."

I wince. That wasn't my best moment. "Long story short, the first one I ever made went off when I didn't expect it to and kinda sorta... almost stabbed me in my head?"

Sasuke bursts out laughing. "Really? You of all people almost stabbed yourself in the head? Oh I would pay good money to see that!"

"Oh hush. Like you've never lit yourself on fire before!" I accuse Sasuke.

He haughtily raises his head at me. "I have never done such a thing!"

"Deny it all you want, I've watched it happen."

Sasuke pales dramatically. "But the only time I've done that was when I first started learning the Grand Fireball from my family." A moment of silence follows until Sasuke realizes what he just said. "NO! I mean... uh... crap. I lied?" He says weakly.

Orochimaru clears his throat, reminding us who we are sitting next to. "As amusing as this is, I want to know why you both came to me. What are your reasons?" He turns to Sasuke first and waits for his response.

"Power. Strength. You can make me good enough to kill Itachi, you can help me achieve my ambition. That is my only reason for coming. Konoha wouldn't train me as well as you will." Sasuke tells Orochimaru confidently. He knows that he is wanted here, that there is a spot for him. Orochimaru will not kick him out.

Orochimaru turns his piercing yellow eyes onto me. Man I wish I still had eyes that color, I would be so much more intimidating. That being said, pure black eyes made of threads is very intimidating in its own right.

"I've already told you my reasons for coming. We discussed it at the entrance before Sasuke emerged from his barrel." I skirt around his question.

Orochimaru grins. "Sasuke, you came for Sasuke. I want to know _why_ you came for him. I already know it wasn't because you wanted to be trained by me, the Sound Four made that perfectly clear when I debriefed them."

This will be one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I'm going to be honest with Orochimaru.

"I came because Sasuke will need me. Let's get one thing straight right now. I'm loyal to Sasuke first, he is who I will pick over anyone and anything else. You come second, I'll do what I'm told as long as it won't harm Sasuke or me. Then I am loyal to Sound. If you can't live with that, kill me now."

Orochimaru doesn't react for a few second. Those seconds are terrifying. I have no idea how he will react to that, but I know I won't be able to lie to him. He'll know if I am trying to deceive him. I'm gambling with my life.

Orochimaru claps his hands together and has a large grin splitting his face. "Brilliant! I can see now why your team was never split. Either one of you will die for the other without hesitation. You would even tell _me_ that I come second! I've killed many people for much less, but you two are just perfect as a team! Where one is weak, the other excels! I can't wait to see the results of my training."

"When do we start?" Sasuke eagerly asks the Snake Sannin. He's revving to go.

"Tomorrow." Orochimaru replies nonchalantly. "You'll get one last night of rest before you experience The Pit." Why do I feel like my doom is coming soon?

"The Pit?" I question. "Care to elaborate or are you just going to throw us in there? Not literally I hope."

"Kukukuku," Kami I hate that laugh, "The Pit is a process that all of my prospective elite shinobi must go through. It is a massive cave in the bottom of this base. It is where I toss all of my experiments when I am done with them. Last time I counted there are around one to two hundred down there. Every day food for three quarters of the experiments is provided, they fight it out between themselves to see who eats. The strongest feast, the weak die off. It is a wonderful process."

Sasuke has a crazy gleam in his eyes. "And how long will we be down there?" Is he looking forward to this?

Orochimaru takes a bite of his steak. "A month or two." He goes back to eating like he didn't just tell us that we will be in hell for months, literally fighting for food.

"Well that sounds fun." I sarcastically retort. "I better have another piece of BBQ. It'll be a long time before I can have food this good again." I grab two, just to be safe.

* * *

The Next Morning, The Entrance to The Pit

"This is The Pit." Orochimaru gestures at the deep hole in the ground. "Only I know how to let people in or out, there is a barrier set up around the entrance to insure that the experiments stay put. Can't have them running around wild."

"Of course." I blandly reply. "This isn't a zoo."

"I'm glad you understand!" Did he not know I was kidding? "Now, once the barrier is down you need to jump in. The fall is only around twenty meters, you should survive. Don't try to leave before I come get you, the barrier will... deal with you."

Orochimaru flies through some hand signs too quickly for me to memorize. I glance at Sasuke, he shakes his head no. Damn, he missed them too. The barrier deactivates.

I calmly walk behind Sasuke. "Remember that one time when you pushed me into a stream?"

He whirls around. "Alvarcus don't you dare- YOU ASSHOLE I HATE YOU!" He yells back up at me as he falls down.

"Oh sweet revenge. I'll cherish this moment forever. Did you see the look on his- OI WHAT THE HELL!" I fall down into the pit after Sasuke.

"Kukukuku, I will cherish this moment forever."

* * *

Bottom of The Pit

I land on my feet with a dull thud. Instantly I feel a hand grasp my shoulder. "Alvarcus, tell me one good reason why I shouldn't hurt you." Sasuke squeezes down _hard._

"Because Orochimaru pushed me down after you?" I weakly offer. "I can't believe he did that, who would have guessed the Snake Sannin had a playful side? Okay, maybe playful isn't the right word."

Sasuke squeezes harder. "I don't believe you."

"Ow ow ow! Why would I lie about that? Come on man! I'm probably the only one down here who won't attack you!" He releases me. Thank Kami, he has a death grip.

He sighs in defeat. "You're probably right. So, got a plan?"

"I have an idea or two. It depends on how big of a target we want to make ourselves. We could suck up to the strongest one here and use them to get us food." I say while rubbing my abused shoulder.

"No." Sasuke cuts in. "I will not be a minion for something down here."

"Then we become the strongest." I say with a smirk. "We should take a day or two to observe how things work then get a better plan together."

"Fresssssh meat?" A raspy voice calls out from the dark. "We haven't had fresssssh meat in sssssso long. It'sssss juicy and tender." Sasuke and I turn towards the voice.

"Their plan won't work. They think they are strong? Strong enough to become the strongest? No, they need to learn their place." A surprisingly feminine calls out from off to our left.

The two unknown people step into the light. Correction, one steps and the other slithers.

Who I assume is the first voice can no longer pass as human. Their entire lower half is the body of a snake. The torso is male and the entirety of his body is covered in dull brown scales from the tip of his tail to his face. He even has a forked tongue that tastes the air every few seconds. Creepy as hell.

The second voice, the feminine one, is a scantily clad woman with horns and bat like wings sprouting from her back. She also has a tail that extends out of the base of her spine. She has dark red hair and pointed incisors. She's a succubus. A literal succubus. I wonder if Orochimaru planned that? Do succubi even exist in the lore of this world?

I turn to Sasuke. "Or we could just beat everyone down here into submission right now. That works too."

Sasuke grins and his eyes flash crimson. "I like the third option. Let's do that one."

"Dibs on the hot one!" I call out.

"Uh... Alvarcus? Which one is the hot one? They both look disgusting to me." Sasuke asks.

I look at him with disbelief on my face. "Dude. How is that a question? Option A: Demon woman wearing kinky leather. Only thing that could make that better is a whip, that would totally complete the look. Option B: Naked snake-man. Take a wild guess. Here's a hint, I'm not into men or snakes or any combination of the two."

"You wish to fight Gina?" The demon woman asks uncertainly.

"You Gina?" I ask back. She nods in confusion. "Then yes, I want to fight you. I have a bad history with snake-men. The last one I met shoved me down in here. Still processing that to be honest."

"And I still don't believe you." Sasuke dryly retorts. "Orochimaru isn't the type. He's definitely more of a 'kill you then let your corpse fall down with a sickening splat.'"

"Gina is confused." She turns to the snake-man. "Gina thought that fresh meat is supposed to be easy pickings? The fresh meat isn't scared of Gina and Apodora."

"They will learn their place!" The snake-man, Apodora, says while rearing up to a shocking three meters. That snake body really adds on the height. He lunges at Sasuke like a striking cobra.

Sasuke steps out of the way and turns to me uncertainly. "Should we kill them or just beat them into bloody pulps? I mean if we kill them they'll never bother us again, but if we just beat them they'll talk about us to others."

Gina rushes towards me in a burst of surprising speed and at a very extreme angle. Her tail must be helping her keep balance. Her clawed hands rake towards my face and I calmly lean back. I don't even move my feet.

"Let's just go for bloody pulp this time. Who knows what is down here, they might have friends. We shouldn't try to piss everyone off on our first day. Actually..." A devious grin makes its way onto my face. "we could do exactly that."

"It would certainly make it memorable." Sasuke agrees with me while lazily side stepping Apodora's quick snake lunges.

"It is decided! Let's go kick some ass!" I roar.

* * *

Sasuke and I drag our beaten and broken bodies off to a defensible alcove along the wall. We're covered in bruises and blood. Most of it is from those we defeated.

"Let's piss everyone off he says. It'll be fun he says." Sasuke groans in pain. "I hate your plans. I really do."

"Hey you agreed to my plan. You could have said no." I spit out a tooth. "Gross. That's not even my tooth. How did that get in my mouth?"

"That's disgusting. I'm fairly sure it is from that wolf man you fought about an hour or two ago." Sasuke rolls onto his back with a pitiful noise.

"I never bit anyone today." I plop down next to him. Jiongu or not, I am tired and sore. I've never fought that long and hard before. "I'm a shinobi. Shinobi don't bite."

"He bit you in the throat. Must have left a tooth behind."

"Yeah that fucking hurt!" I rub my tender neck. What kind of an animal does that? Oh, right. Wolf man, that's kinda obvious. "Did you see the surprise on his face when I ripped his jaw off? It's like he's never seen anyone live after having their throat ripped out. Good times."

Sasuke grunts. "That's probably because _he's never seen anyone live after having their throat ripped out._ " He groans in pain again. "You have to be one of the freakiest people down here."

I lean against the wall, giving me a good view of where someone would attack us from. "Have you seen some of the weird creatures down here? How am I the freakiest?"

Sasuke flops his head in my general direction. "They look strange and have unique bodies, but you are literally made of threads. You surprised the things down here. Do you have any idea some of the stuff that they must have seen?"

I grimace. "Fair point. How many of them did we go through? I lost count when I was around forty three? Or was it forty five?"

"I have no idea. I think between the two of us we did half of what's down here?" He coughs up some blood. "Orochimaru said anywhere between one to two hundred. Last number I remember is sixty five. That was at the four hour mark. How long did we fight for?"

"Feels like days. Five or six hours I think?" I grimly reply. "The real question is why did you tell me to not use any high level jutsu, chakra strings or thread monsters. Hell you even limited your Sharingan usage! What was that about? We relied on basic taijutsu and that was it!"

"I didn't want the observers to know everything about us." He spits out a glob of blood. "We didn't fight the smart ones yet. They watched and learned about us first."

"Ah, you planned ahead. Smart. I still think we could have beaten everyone here if we didn't hold back."

"Of course we could have. It would have been child's play." There's the trademarked arrogant Uchiha tone. "I still want to know how many we went through. Let's figure we both got around seventy five. That's one hundred and fifty. So we beat three quarters. Not bad for the first day down here."

"Gina counted one hundred and seventy four." Gina's voice adds to our conversation. "Gina counted after her defeat." She adds on matter of factly. "Only twelve of them died."

She walks into my line of sight. I stand up and place myself between her and Sasuke. He's down for the night, it is up to me to defend him.

"Hello again Gina. Did you need something?" I ask politely. There is no reason I can't be civil, even if we were attacking each other five to six hours ago.

"Gina wants to know if you need help?" She asks uncertainly, as if she's afraid we'll lash out at her. "Gina knows some medical jutsu, she can close wounds and fix limbs."

That could be extremely useful. Sasuke has seen better days, he could use someone to patch him up. Plus then I don't have to do all of the heavy lifting when it comes to defending ourselves for the next few days as he heals.

I don't look away from her and call out, "Sasuke, your call. I know I'll be fine by tomorrow."

He huffs in annoyance. "How quickly can you kill her if she tries anything funny?"

"Sasuke, if she hurts you she won't get a quick death." I smile sweetly at Gina. "It'll take hours before I finally let her have that sweet release." I don't plan on torturing her, but she doesn't need to know that. A little misdirection never hurt and it will make her even more cautious around us if she is scared of us.

My plan worked, she pales dramatically. She's almost as pale as me now, which is saying something.

"Gina means no harm." She readily assures us. Still she looks ready to flee at a moment's notice. "Gina was a medical kunoichi before, her combat skills are small. That's why Gina attacks fresh meat, they are usually the weakest. Gina can't defend herself from some of the creatures down here, she needs protection."

"Oh, I get it now. You watched us fight and win against everyone that opposed us, hell we didn't even kill most of them. You know we're strong so you want to stand in our shadows and reap what we sow." She's trying to do my second plan, associate with someone strong and hide in their shadows. That's awfully smart of her, she knows that she doesn't have any physical skills to help plead her case so she's bartering with the one thing she does have. Conveniently for her, that happens to be one thing Sasuke and I are lacking.

Gina nods her head. "Yes. Gina is not a fighter, she's a healer." For all of Sasuke and my skills, we're talentless when it comes to healing.

"Sasuke, your call. It is you who she will be healing." I leave it up to him.

He sighs in resignation. "Fine. Get over here before I change my mind."

She smiles and happily bounces over to the prone Sasuke.

"Alvarcus, if you even _think_ she's trying something funny, cut off a limb or two." Sasuke's steely cold voice yanks all of the bubbliness out of Gina and her happy smile fades.

I lay a hand on her shoulder as a warning. "Right now we don't trust you. You'll have to earn that. Heal Sasuke and we have no reason to attack you. Cross us and do something malicious to him and... use your imagination. He and I can be very creative when we want to be."

She nods briskly. She's still nervous around us. Good. "Gina is going to start now." Her clawed hands turn green and Sasuke visibly relaxes.

"She's good." He says after a half hour has gone by. "The pain is already almost gone. I'm impressed, it isn't usually that fast that the pain fades."

"You don't have severe wounds." She calmly says as she works on a rather long cut on Sasuke's forearm. It's always fascinating to watch medic nins work, to visibly see wounds seal themselves close and leave no trace behind. "Gina is not doing much. The worst is minor internal bleeding, Gina has fixed that already."

She continues in silence for another ten minutes. Neither Sasuke or I disturb her work.

The green glow fades from her hands. She stands up. "Gina is done!" She turns to me with a questioning look on her face as she meekly extends out her hands. "You next?"

"Can you regrow skin? That is all I need. I've taken care of everything else." She nods.

Sasuke sits up against the wall as I lay down for Gina to start working on me. Her hands reach out to me and start to glow green. She sharply inhales and stares at me.

I look right back at her, but what I see doesn't really make sense. There isn't a shred of pity in her eyes nor is there any kind of empathy for what I must have gone through. Neither is there confusion about her misreading what has to be the diagnostic jutsu like I've come to expect. No, the only thing I can see in her is wonder. She finds me amazing.

"You used the diagnostic jutsu didn't you?" Sasuke asks. He didn't even watch her, all he heard was the inhale of breath.

"Gina did." She pauses. Quietly she asks me, "You have five hearts?"

"Yep. Now you know why I only need my skin back." This is new. I've never had a person react this way why they discovered what the Jiongu did to me.

She start to work on me without any further questions. She's done in only a quick fifteen minutes, I was missing a lot of skin. My neck is smooth again -minus the scar from Samehada, that isn't going away. Even the newly made skin is still marked by a jagged white tear- and she patched up my shredded arms and legs and a few rents and gouges on my chest and back.

"Gina is done!" She calls out happily. "Can... can Gina stay with you two? Gina promises to be useful! She can heal you both!" She sounds desperate.

This goes beyond trying to use us to survive, she must have endured truly horrific things down here. Orochimaru usually only uses scum for his experiments. Murderers, rapists, bandits, thieves, and who knows what else. That means that this place, this Pit, is full of criminals. Anyone who isn't prepared for this kind of lifestyle would be scared senseless by the atrocities down here.

I turn to Sasuke. "I'm game. It would be nice to have someone to fix you up."

He snorts at me. "She fixed you up too."

"Yeah, but I didn't need to be fixed up. You did." I accuse Sasuke.

"Jerk." He turns to Gina. "Yes, you can stay." Gina starts to jump around happily. "I can't believe I agreed to this." Sasuke mumbles to himself.

"It helps that she's easy on the eyes." I suggest. "Although, she doesn't look like Ino. I know you two were a thing."

"WE WERE NOT A THING!" Sasuke shouts. "Ahem. We were not a thing."

Holy crap! Could it be? Has Ino actually managed to woo the stoic Uchiha? "I don't judge. Ino is hot."

Sasuke blushes madly.

"Oh my Kami you did! You actually went after Ino!" I can't believe it! I never would have expected this!

He turns even more red. "It was only a few times." He mumbles under his breath.

"Sasuke you scoundrel! A few times!" I wipe a fake tear off of my face. "I've never been more proud. So, how was it? She a good kisser?"

"Oh shut up!" He lobs a rock at my head. I lazily dodge it, he wasn't trying that hard to hit me. "Can we not talk about this now? We are in the middle of a creature infested cesspit of carnage and death where we literally have to fight for food."

"Fine, fine. I'll let it drop." I smirk at him. "I'm still going to grill you for details later."

"Whatever."

* * *

The Next Morning, The Pit

"Oi. Alvarcus get up." Sasuke prods me with his foot. I took the first watch and he did the second.

"Mmmpf five more minutes." I intelligently reply.

"Get up now. We have a visitor." This time he kicks me.

"Ow! I'm up dammit I'm up! Quit kicking me! I was awake after the first one!" That bastard got me a good five times. "Great, those are going to bruise. Did you have to aim for my face?"

"Ahem." A voice I don't know echos through the air. I turn to face the unknown person. "My name is Hiro." Hiro is a bird-man. He's covered in feathers and has talons for feet. His eyes have huge pupils, so he can probably see very well in these conditions. Thankfully I have the Jiongu for eyes, it can adjust just like his if not better. Sasuke has the Sharingan, enough said about that.

"Sasuke."

"Alvarcus."

"Gina." Oh she is still around. I forgot she stayed with us last night. Was that night? The Pit has no sunlight, so I have no idea.

Hiro bristles at Gina's introduction. Interesting, is there bad blood between them, or is he mad that she got to us first?

"I will be blunt: I want you two to work for me, to be a part of my faction down here. I'm one of the strongest people here, I've been here nearly the longest. I know how things work, I can help you survive."

"No." Sasuke blandly says to the bird-man.

Hiro's feathers puff up. Most likely from agitation. "You both are new, fresh meat. Without protection you'll die. I offer that protection, I will teach you how to live in The Pit."

"No." I say this time.

His feathers ruffle even more. "What ever she has told you is a lie!" Hiro angrily points at Gina. "She has no talent! She's weak! She won't be able to protect you! She's a bottom feeder! She'll get you killed!"

"She didn't promise to defend us." Sasuke says in a bored tone. "Besides, you saw us yesterday. Do you really think we need protection? No, you're here to get us to protect you."

The bird-man's feathers slowly lie back down. He must have remembered that he is trying to recruit us. "You don't know how things work down here. Sure what you did was showy and made a statement, but that isn't the best use for strength. Even if you have strength, which you both most certainly do, you aren't using it right."

"Bullshit." I call him out. "Down here strength is everything. The strong feast while the weak die. We're strong, we will feast like kings. And you, if you're lucky we'll leave you some scraps." He bristles at my words. "You seek us out for your own ends, you want us to further your power. You need to understand something here birdbrain. We aren't pieces on the game board, we aren't even players. We're the Game Masters. The strong will make the rules and the weak will follow them. And you, you aren't strong." I start to let killing intent waft off of me. Not enough to scare him away, but enough to make him wary. "Run along little birdy, the cat has come to play."

That does it, Hiro finally loses his temper. "I WILL NOT BE TALKED DOWN TO BY FRESH MEAT! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A PIT DUEL!" He roars at me.

I laugh. "Pit duel? How lame. Couldn't you come up with a better name for that? Let me guess, a fight to the death. One on one. You vs me."

He grins sadistically. "Yes. It is one of the rules down here, consider this a free lesson in how things work. Anyone can challenge anyone. Once a Pit Duel has been issued there will only be one that walks away."

"Cool." I nonchalantly say. "Where we doing this?" His feathers lay down a little. He seems unsure, confused. "Oh, I get it now! You think that would scare me! You thought I would beg for forgiveness and plead for you to let me go." His feathers are completely down, he looks much smaller than he did when he first approached us. "You were wrong. Let's duel. Right now."

"Let's not be so hasty!" He tries to stop me.

I walk right past him towards the open center of The Pit. "Well?" I call out to the surrounding people. They must want to see the fight since there wasn't a crowd here moments ago. "You heard his challenge. I accept. Or will you back out? Will you be a coward?" I'm goading him to fight me. I want him to. I will make an example out of one of the 'strongest' down here.

The crowd roars in approval of me. Soon Hiro is pushed through them and is standing across from me. Quite a crowd is gathering around us, these Pit Duels must be their form of entertainment. In that case, I better make this a good show.

Sasuke calmly walks up to me. "Alvarcus, don't reveal too much." That is all he says.

"Whenever you're ready birdbrain." I taunt Hiro.

He lunges at me, talon raised ready to rake across my chest. I calmly snap my hand forward and bat his leg away. He follows up with a flurry of punches and kicks. I don't let any connect. I'm toying with him, he is as threatening as a new gennin fresh out of the Academy. In other words, not at all. I start doing more and more dramatic dodges. I start flipping out of the way instead of stepping. I roll along the ground when I could have leaned out of the way. I dramatically bat away punches and kicks when a simple tap would redirect them away from me. I want everyone watching to know I'm not trying at all. The crowd loves it.

Each attack I dodge they cheer. Each flip I do they howl in approval. Each punch or kick I swat away they jest at Hiro. I let it go on for a solid five minutes before I catch his next punch.

"I'm bored now." I say with a yawn. "You were boring. Are you really one of the strongest down here?" I snap his arm like a twig. He crumples to the ground. "Well that was a waste of time. And you wanted me to work under you? Please, I'll be running this place in a week." I calmly walk over to him and place my foot on his neck. His eyes widen in fear, his hands flounder against my leg. I push down.

"You've made your point."

I hear footsteps from behind me. I casually look over my shoulder at the person who is interrupting my fight. He's also a bird-man. Interesting.

"What will it take to get you to release my brother?"

The crowd falls silent. This person, he must be a real player. They have a respect for him, a fear.

"I was under the impression that Pit Duels were to the death." I calmly say without removing any pressure on Hiro's neck.

"Exceptions can be made." The newcomer assures me. "We can discuss this like adults, not squabble like mindless beasts."

I let up on the pressure. "What do you offer?" This one, he seems dangerous. Not physically dangerous, but socially dangerous. The others listen to what he says.

"My faction will not attack you. You will not attack us." Murmurs go through the crowd. That must be a pretty big deal.

I look to Sasuke. "We don't want a peace treaty. We want to be kings. He challenged Alvarcus to the duel, he knows the consequences. We decline. Kill him."

CRUNCH

I snapped Hiro's neck.

"DIE!" His brother lunges at me with fury in his eyes. He doesn't make it close to me.

"Chidori." Sasuke puts his fist through the bird-man's chest. Blood flies through the air. He dies a quick messy death.

Silence falls in The Pit. We did just casually take down one of the big players.

"Let's set some rules right now." Sasuke says to the crowd. "You don't fuck with us, we don't kill you. You let us do as we please. You don't oppose us. You just roll over and take it. Then, in a month or two we'll leave and you low-lifes can go back to gutting each other to your hearts content. If you have a problem with that, get out here now."

One person steps forward. A gorilla human hybrid. "You punks think you can order us around? I won't-"

His head thuds to the ground. I cut it off with a wind whip.

"Anyone else?" I call out. No one steps forward. "Good."


	29. Chapter 29

One Week Since Entering the Pit

"Alvarcus something is wrong." Sasuke's voice rouses me from my sleep.

I push myself up from my rocky mattress. I miss my bed. Hell I miss a bed, the ground is very unforgiving. At this point I'd be happy with straw. "What's wrong? Is there another dumbass at our door? Cuz I definitely remember killing the last one to do that."

"No, it's not that. Gina isn't here." Sasuke's tone is deadly serious.

Warning flags pop up in my mind. Gina _never_ goes off on her own. She usually sticks around me, and if she isn't by me she's close to Sasuke. The entire time we've been down here she's never once gone off by herself. I don't blame her either, out of all three of us she's the one that the rest of the things down here stare at. They see her as the weak link, the vulnerable one.

They're not wrong. She can't defend herself anywhere near as well as we can.

"Let's go find her." I grimly say as I stride out of our cave. "And if she isn't perfectly fine, we're going to have a little slaughter."

"Good. I could always go for a slaughter." Sasuke falls in step beside me.

"Jiongu, do you sense her?"

 _~No. There are too many affinities down here, I'm not familiar enough with hers to pick it out of all of them.~_

"Fuck. I don't see her. Do you?" I ask my friend.

"No." He darkly says.

"GINA!" I roar into the pit. I strain my Jiongu enhanced hearing to it's limit.

Very faintly I hear something I hoped I wouldn't. "Alv-"

"Shut it whore. You should know better than to talk."

"I know where she is." I take off towards her faint voice. "Someone has her. They die today."

"Agreed." Fury is laced in Sasuke's tone.

We run in a heated silence for twenty seconds before we see her.

She's tied to rock pillar with what looks like rope made from someone's entrails. Surrounding her are eight different experiments while a ninth is holding a razor sharp claw to her throat. I vaguely recognize each one of them, Sasuke and I beat all of them on our first day down here. Each of them has a wicked gleam in their eyes. They think they have power over us now.

They couldn't be more wrong.

"Hello, SSSasssuke and Alvarcusss." Apodora, the snake man that attacked us in the first moments we landed in this hell hole slithers out. Guess I was wrong on my count, there's ten of them.

"Apodora, I never wanted to see your ugly face again." I spit in his direction. "What kind of a person hides behind a hostage?"

"Only cowards." Sasuke growls out.

"Only the _sssmart._ " Apodora hisses out. "I am not an idiot, I know that even with the help of the othersss here you ssstill are a threat, I know that you could beat all of usss." He smiles a eerily familiar grin, it reminds me of Orochimaru. "But, with her here, you won't fight back. You value her, you want to protect her." Apodora slithers over to Gina and tenderly runs a scaled finger down her face.

She whimpers under his touch.

"I underssstand it, ssshe'sss quite the ssspecimen. Sssimply beautiful, and ssshe usssed to be mine." He turns a glare onto Sasuke and me. "You two took her from me. Not only that, you two humiliated me. Neither of you sssaw fit to kill me, like I wasssn't a challenge. Like I wasssn't worth your time."

He rears up to his full height. "Tell me now! Am I worthy of your time now!"

"You? Never. But she is." I growl out through clenched teeth. He's dying today. He's dying violently today and I think I'm going to enjoy every moment of it. "You wanted our attention. You certainly have it now."

"You certainly do. In fact, you're reminding me of someone we've met before. An Aoi. You do remember Aoi, don't you Alvarcus?" Sasuke pointedly says to me. Oh you brilliant boy! That's a wonderful idea. I even have the right amount too.

"Thisss Aoi sssoundsss like a sssmart perssson." Apodora preens under what he thinks is praise. "Now, I'm a reasonable man. I only have a few requessstsss."

"And they would be?" I force myself to ask. I need to stall for a little if I want Sasuke's plan to work.

"Firssst, ssshe'sss mine." Apodora lovingly pats Gina on the head. "You two will leave her alone, ssshe isss no longer your concern. Sssecond, you will not harm anyone here. Third, you will come to our aid if we asssk you too." He grins in victory. He thinks he has won. Even his minions are more relaxed. They all think they've beaten us.

They couldn't be more wrong.

"Yeah, there's a few problems with that." I sassily say. "For the first one, Gina isn't anyone's. She chooses what to do for herself. For the third, there's no way in hell I'm going to defend someone like you. Really? This is your grand plan? To kidnap Gina and try to blackmail us into helping you? That's really stupid."

"And as for the second." Sasuke takes up talking. "I can agree to that one. We're not going to hurt you. No, we're going to kill you. Alvarcus, pull."

I yank my two hands away from Apodora and his goons. Nine heads topple to the ground, quickly followed by the dull thuds of nine bodies. I did exactly what I did to Aoi, I wrapped a chakra string around each of their necks. Then I made them into windblades and did as Sasuke ordered, I pulled.

It's a very messy way to go. The pure amount of blood that leaves the body from a beheading is remarkable, and here I just did it to nine people. It's horrendously beautiful.

"But- but how!" Apodora recoils away from Sasuke and I. "I watched you! Neither of you did anything! How did you kill them?"

"He's just that good." Sasuke grins his own evil grin. He stalks froward to the terrified snake man. "Now, you get to see how good I am."

Apodora quickly slithers over to Gina and bares his fangs against her throat. "SSStop! If you value her life you will leave!"

Sasuke stills. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that."

Apodora meets Sasuke's crimson gaze. "If you value her life you will- when did your eyesss turn red? What isss that! What did you do-" Apodora chokes on his words and screams like an animal being skinned alive.

"What isss _that?_ No! Stay away from me! Keep it away! Call it off! Call it off!" He slithers away from the bound Gina with terror emblazoned on his face. "I sssaid call it off! Oh Kami no it'sss inssside me! It'sss inssside me!"

Apodora does the unthinkable, he starts clawing at his own tail. He's shredding through his scales and tearing into his own flesh. Soon his blood mixes with the rest of his minions, but he doesn't stop at his tail. He's screaming his head off about something crawling in him, about something inside him. He's slowly clawing up all of his own body, he's moved up to his stomach.

"No! Take it out! Take it out!" He screams in pure fear. He digs deeper into his own gut and soon he's spilling out his own organs. "I sssaid... take it... out..."

With a wet slap Apodora falls over into a pool of his own blood and entrails. He killed himself.

"Sasuke, not that I don't approve, but _what the hell was that?_ " I ask as I sprint over to Gina and start untying her.

Sasuke is beside me and helping untie her in moments. "A genjutsu that I've never actually used before. Honestly I'm surprised it worked so well, the only downside is I have to constantly keep reapplying it since the target causes themselves _a lot_ of pain. It's something I came up with on my own." He gives up on a stubborn knot and picks up a sharp rock from the ground and starts cutting through the remaining makeshift rope. "Well, I sort of came up with it on my own. You helped."

"How did I possibly help with that?" What is he talking about? I've never done that kind of damage to anyone. Well, there was the Suna nin but he wasn't there to see that.

"I based it off of what I saw when you got the Jiongu." He quietly says. "You two even reacted the same way."

"Uh... pretty sure I didn't claw myself to death." How many times did they wrap this rope around Gina? This is overkill to the extreme.

"No, but that's not for lack of trying." Sasuke sounds sad. He's remembering it. "You were too exhausted to do any actual damage. But that wasn't the only similarity. You both kept repeating 'take it out' over and over."

"I... I never knew that." I look at Sasuke. He's bitter right now, and I don't think most of it is because we had to save Gina. "If that genjutsu bothers you, you don't have to use it. I know that I don't want to remember that day."

"Depends. I won't ignore a tool just because it makes me squeamish." He cuts away the last of the rope. "Finally."

Instantly we're tackled to the ground in a firm hug. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" I can feel wetness on my shoulder. Gina's crying. "Gina thought she had to go back. Gina never wants to go back."

"Don't worry Gina, you don't have to." Sasuke calmly says.

"Yeah, you have us to look out for you." I merrily add. "Although, next time don't tackle hug us into a puddle of blood, alright? It's gross."

She let's out a small laugh. "Gina promises nothing!"

* * *

Two Weeks Since Entering the Pit

"You know, it really isn't that bad down here once we have the other experiments trained." I casually say to Sasuke and Gina as we stroll over to the waiting table of food. It's completely untouched but it has been down here for over twenty minutes.

"It does make things much easier. I'm surprised that it took a week to train them to not touch the food until we ate." Sasuke adds as all three of us sit down to enjoy our meal.

"I thought it would take longer." I remark as I pour myself a glass of chilled milk and grab some toast. Even down here I can still find solitude in my usual breakfast food. "Pain is one hell of a motivator."

"Gina is happy! She's never been able to eat so well!" She excitedly starts to pile a mountain of food on her plate. The girl can _eat._

"Well that makes one of us." Sasuke drearily says. "I still remember what good food is."

"I do too, but I mean come on! What we've done is impressive!" I take a hearty gulp of my milk. "Besides, as long as I can have something that reminds me of topside I'll be alright."

 _~Host! Don't let them eat! It's poisoned!~_

"Sasuke Gina stop!" I order with the utmost urgency.

"Damn, I wanted to get all of you in one go." A sultry voice I've never heard before calmly says from behind me. It's walking up to the table. "Oh well, I can work with just one of you." The owner of the voice plops down right next to me.

How bold.

I get a good look at the voice's owner. It isn't an it, but a she. She's a figure of pure grace, easily rivaling Sasuke's elegant movement. She has a shockingly black segmented tail that extends out of the base of her spine and arcs gracefully over her head. There's a vicious looking stinger on the end that is a bright white in contrast to the rest of the tail. Upon closer observation I can tell that she isn't actually wearing clothes, rather she's covered by some form of a carapace or armor that matches the black of her tail.

"Hold up." I cut in. "Are you supposed to be a _scorpion_?"

She tenderly drapes herself across my shoulders. "How observant! Not only did you recognize that there was a poison in the food, but you deduced my species as well! Not everyone can do that, consider me impressed." She grins maliciously at Sasuke and Gina. "Now, your friend here," She gives me a loving pat on the chest, "is full of my most potent poison. Only I posses the antidote."

"That's nice." Sasuke says with disinterest. He's poking at his food with a depressed look about him. "I was hungry too."

"I only have a few terms if you want him to live." She starts to stroke my cheek with the back of her thankfully still human hands. If they were pincers I would be freaking out. "Nothing too major really."

"Do go on." Sasuke says in his still disinterested tone. This time he's suspiciously looking at his water. "I'm simply riveted. And thirsty."

"I wish to be taken under your wing, so to speak." The scorpion lady eloquently speaks. "I seek your protection. I offer my expertise at poisons, obviously you all need that. After all," she pats my head again, "he had to ingest it to figure out it was poisoned. How are you by the way? Usually there's twitching by now."

"Just peachy, thanks for asking." I casually reply. "And yourself?"

"I am quite well! Observant and polite! Such a rarity down here." She turns both her and my head to look at me better. "You have such a lovely skin color, I haven't seen anything this delicate in a long time."

"Can't say the same about you." I lazily swat at her hand that's holding onto my face. "Although I am curious about something about you."

"Do ask, it's only fair that I answer. You are about to die after all." She says with false concern. "Unless... your friends decide to save you. All they have to do is agree to my terms."

"Goodie!" I chirp out. "What color is your blood?"

She blanches away from me. "It's... it's red. Why would you ask that?" She looks me up and down. "Why _can_ you ask that? You should be nothing more than a spasming mess on the floor right now. Usually there's a lot of drooling, then coughing up blood, then they eyes roll back and then death."

"Well that's boring." I wrap my arm around her waist, trapping her next to me. "Red gets repetitive after you kill so many creatures. I was hoping for a blue or even a green. Something to break up the monotony."

"What _are_ you?" She asks with her first hint of fear.

"Excellent question. For starters, I'm immune to poisons." She goes ramrod straight in my grasp. "And after that... well I really don't know anymore."

Sasuke is idly rolling an apple back and forth. "Did she poison all the food or just the milk and toast?"

"Gina hopes it was just the milk and toast." She frowns at her teeming plate of food. "Waste of food."

"Anyways, you've made an attempt on my life." I start to squeeze her.

Her face contorts in mild pain. "You must see reason. It was the only way to prove I could be useful."

"Or... I don't know... you could have talked to us?" I apply more pressure to her, there's an audible groan as her carapace endures the stress. "We don't kill those who simply wish to talk. It's those who threaten us, those who demand from us, those who try to trick us."

"Release me!" She demands as she darts her tail at my neck. I casually slap it away with my free arm. "Release me this instant!"

I don't. I squeeze even harder.

CRACK

"You should have talked with us. You shouldn't have poisoned me. But your biggest mistake was attempting to gain our attention through questionable means. You have it now, and this is your reward."

"LET ME GO!" She is trying everything to get free. She's beating me with her fists, she's trying to spear me with her tail, she's squirming. Nothing is working.

"Did you poison anything else or was it just the milk?" I ask in a level voice.

"Just the milk!" She instantly answers in a misguided hope that it will ease her pain. "Usually all three of you drink it! I can only make so much poison, it was the best option for me if I wanted to get all three of you!"

"That's good to know." Sasuke says as he takes a bite of the apple.

"Gina could fix it anyways." She says as she digs into her food. "Just not for herself. Medical jutsu is hard for Gina to use on Gina." That's good to know.

"Please let me go now!" The scorpion lady begs me. "I answered your question! I'll leave you alone! You'll never see me agai-"

CRUNCH

"Really?" Sasuke says with a great amount of disdain. "You couldn't have angled that better? You got her blood all over the food."

"Oh gross!" I stand up and start trying to wipe myself down. "That was a terrible idea! Gross gross gross I have her all over me! Who cares about the damn food! I'm covered in bits and pieces that aren't supposed to be on me!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes as he moves to the far end of the table that's not covered in blood and guts. Gina follows him. "How did you not know that would happen? You crushed her right next to you!"

"Gina expected a pop not a crunch." She helpfully adds on. "It would have been funny if there was a crackle."

"How are you two so calm! I'm covered in guts!" I shout at my seemingly indifferent company.

"Please, this isn't the first time." Sasuke waves me away. "Go clean up in the waterfall."

"But it's so cold!" I whine. That water is freezing, but it is also the only thing we have to stay clean.

"That's what you get for killing her like that. Serves you right."

* * *

Three Weeks Since Entering the Pit

I'm roused from my sleep by something very unusual. I really hope this doesn't become a trend, I like my sleep. I don't get anywhere near enough of it.

Fortunately it isn't Sasuke kicking me that woke me up. Neither is it Gina happily jumping on me while rambling about what she wants for breakfast. No, it's something much different.

"CHIDORI!" Sasuke yells.

"Huh?" I groggily raise my head up from my rocky pillow. "Something the matter?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep." Sasuke quietly says.

"Then why is your hand bloody? And where did that body come from?" There's a furry mound in the entrance to our cave.

"Oh, that." Sasuke moves his hand behind his back. "Assassins. I handled it. He made it the farthest."

I plop my head back down. "Ow. Why did I do that? This is rock. Anyways, what's that put the count at?"

After a moment of recollection Sasuke replies, "This makes thirteen attempts so far."

"Wow, I didn't know we were getting that high. It's only been three weeks!" Damn. That's over four a week.

"Alvarcus go back to sleep. We can talk more once breakfast is here."

"Yeah yeah fine. But I expect that mess to be cleaned up by then." I gesture to the furry corpse.

* * *

Two Months Since Entering the Pit

"The food is here." Sasuke calls into our residence. We've taken one of the bigger caves for ourselves, the previous owners didn't like that. They're dead now.

"Gina hopes there is pork!" She happily bounces out of our cave towards the delivered food.

She's the only one who approaches it, everyone else knows better. Sasuke and I have trained the others to wait until we eat. They can have what's left. We've eaten quite well these two months.

There is one oddity with today though, there is already someone else at the table.

"About damn time you came to get us!" I shout at the person at the table. "It's been months I tell you! Months!"

"Kukukuku, I knew that you were good, but to actually have the experiments trained to not eat until you have? To the point that they don't touch the food for hours after it arrives? I am impressed." Orochimaru is back, he's here to take us up topside again.

"It only took a week. Pain is a great motivator." Sasuke gracefully sits down at the table of food and starts eating.

I plop down next to Sasuke and grab a chicken leg. "It would have taken less time, but I didn't want to really scare everyone. I kept my hearts close." For the two months we were down here I didn't use one heart monster and Sasuke barely used his Sharingan.

Orochimaru loads himself up a plate. "How did you deal with attempts on your life?"

"Violently." I respond.

"How many experiments are left?" He casually asks.

"One hundred and twenty three." Sasuke replies between bites.

"Really?" Orochimaru questions. "There was two hundred and fourteen when I sent you two down."

I whistle appreciatively. "Finally got Sasuke's kill count in the double digits then. Oi, you need to clear something up for us."

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow. Kami that is a weird look. "Oh? And what would that be?"

I boldly stare him straight into his yellow eyes. "Did you or did you not push me down here after I pushed Sasuke down?"

"... I don't recall doing that." Orochimaru takes a drink of what looks like orange juice. I've never seen it down here before, he probably had it delivered just for himself to drink. "I'm sure if I did, it would be one of my more... fond memories."

"I knew you were lying." Sasuke smugly says.

"Orochimaru not cool bro!" Killing intent floods the underground chamber. I overstepped my place. "Sorry, Orochimaru-sama it is very unfortunate that you seem to have forgotten such a fond moment we shared." I am never calling him bro ever again. I doubt I'd live through a second time.

The killing intent vanishes. "That's better. I may tolerate some things, but you will always refer to me with respect."

"Of course." I give a little head bow. Mental note: don't _ever_ call him just Orochimaru, always call him Orochimaru-sama. Or my spy gig will be over before it really starts.

Orochimaru bites into a piece of bread. "And who is this?"

"Gina is Gina!" Gina happily introduces herself. Does she not remember that this is the person who made her into a succubus look-a-like? "They protect me and I heal them!"

Guess not. Oh well, that is probably for the best. Imagine if she tried to attack him or something. "She's simple. Give her food and a safe place to sleep and she's happy. It helped that she knows medical jutsu, she patched Sasuke up a few times."

"Us." Sasuke corrects.

Gina nods her head vigorously.

"Interesting." Orochimaru says. "Well now that we've ate, shall we go back to the top? It is always so dreary when I come down here. I would install a skylight, but I don't want to distract from the dark and cold ambiance. It wouldn't be the same."

"Sure." I shrug while ignoring that bit about a skylight. I think that my selective hearing will get very good around Orochimaru. "Nothing down here worth packing, I'm good to go." I turn to Sasuke.

"I'm ready." He adds.

"Gina is ready!"

Orochimaru smiles sadistically. "Oh, you poor poor thing. You aren't coming with us."

Sasuke and I tense. We've grown attached to Gina and her strange bubbliness.

"Why not?" Sasuke asks.

"Sasuke," Orochimaru says like he's teaching a four year old, "she's a failed experiment. Why would I bring her with us?"

"She knows medical jutsu. She can be useful." He reasons.

"Kabuto is better." Orochimaru retorts quickly with a gleeful smile. He's enjoying this. The bastard.

Sasuke and Orochimaru go back and forth for a bit. I tune them out. I'm focusing on the growing crowd around us. News has spread that we're leaving. Even worse, news has spread that Gina isn't. I can tell already there are plans being formed, plans that end in her gruesome death. I guess being overlords does have its downsides, when you leave the people rebel against what was yours.

"Alvarcus, back me up on this. We can't let her stay down here." Sasuke pleads with me.

I make eye contact with Orochimaru. "What can we offer for you to bring her with us?"

"Nothing. There is nothing you have that I don't already have access to." He says with a mad gleam in his eyes.

"Nothing we can do?" I question further. "Not a crazy mission or training program we can submit to? What if I'm willing to part with a piece of the Jiongu?"

 _~Host how could you? I am not something to barter.~_

"I've already studied it, the only thing left to study about the Jiongu is how it interacts with a host. There is nothing you can offer me." He assures me. "She is down here for a reason. Here she will stay."

She's going to die. "Gina. Say goodbye to Sasuke. We're leaving."

"Okay!" She happily hops over to Sasuke and envelopes him in a hug. "Bye-bye Sasuke!"

Sasuke and I make eye contact over her shoulder. He has come to the same conclusion as me, Gina is going to die today. Violently. Because of us.

Sasuke hugs her back. "Good bye Gina."

She releases Sasuke and hops over to me. She throws her arms around me. "Bye-bye Alvarcus!"

"Bye Gina. I'll miss you." I sincerely tell her.

"Oh, and by the way, thanks for saying I'm hot. And saving me. And well... thanks for treating me like a person again." Gina's usual brand of insanity fades, this is the first time I've ever heard her not refer to herself in the third person. She no longer sounds like a child, now she sounds like a true person.

I pull away from her and gently place my hands on either side of her face. "I am so sorry." I softly say to her. She has a ridiculous smile on her face.

"Alvarcus," Sasuke tentatively says, "I can do it if you can't-"

SNAP

I twist her head 180 degrees. I broke her neck. I killed her.

Her body crumples to the floor. The crowd watching us rages at my actions. They wanted to kill her slowly.

Sasuke places what is supposed to be a comforting hand on my shoulder. "If you didn't, I would have." That is all he says.

I turn to Orochimaru. The crazy gleam in his eyes is gone, it's replaced with surprise. He must have not expected me to kill her. He didn't think I could stomach it, instead he thought I'd leave her down here to be tortured for hours.

"Well? What are we waiting for? I want to see the sun again." And run away from what I just did. I liked Gina, she was a friend. A friend I killed. I never want to come back here.

He runs through some hand signs and deactivates the barrier. We follow him up the wall. Once we are officially out the barrier snaps back into place.

"Why did you kill her?" Orochimaru asks. I was wondering how long it would take.

"Because she was a friend." Sasuke says. "We heard the others talking, plotting her death. A long painful death. Alvarcus spared her from that. If he didn't, I would have."

"You killed her out of kindness?" Orochimaru asks me specifically.

"Yes. I did. This way her last moments are of friends. Not torture." I take a deep breath. "I think it is better that way. You wouldn't let us bring her, we couldn't let her stay there alone. Not after what we did. We made her our responsibility, the others would torture her just to try to get revenge on us."

"What an interesting concept. Killing out of kindness." Orochimaru mutters to himself.

We walk out the front door. Sunlight shines on us for the first time in months. It is a beautiful day.

And a sour one.

* * *

The Next Morning

It is a beautiful morning. I'm still in bed, wrapped up in a cocoon of _very_ nice blankets. Say what you will about Orochimaru, if he likes you he gets you good stuff. Even the pillow is amazing, it conforms to my head wonderfully. Nothing could ruin this moment.

"Up and at them you lazy ass!" Tayuya shouts at me.

Except that.

"Mmmphf." I'm too cozy to get up now. I haven't been in an actual bed in months.

Splash

"YOU STRUMPET I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PLATE!" Tayuya dumped a bucket of water on me. My perfect comfy bed is now ruined, never to be that cozy again.

"Get up." Tayuya holds another bucket menacingly with an evil gleam in her eyes. "I'm not afraid to use this. I'm supposed to bring you and Red-eyes to the training field. Orochimaru wants to officially start your training."

I untangle myself from my cocoon of now wet blankets. It is surprisingly hard. "Red-eyes?"

"The Uchiha." She suggestively swings the second bucket around. "Want to help me get him up?"

We share a devious grin. "Yes, yes I do."

"There will be no need for that." Sasuke's voice cuts through the air. "I've been up since before Alvarcus called you a strumpet." Sure enough Sasuke is already ready to go. How unfortunate, I was looking forward to seeing a bucket of water dumped on him. I'll need to add that onto my list of things to do.

"Ruin all the fun." Tayuya huffs. Sasuke's eyes quickly flash down to the bucket then over to me and rest back on Tayuya. She tilts her head just a little to the left and then adjusts her stance.

She whirls and dumps the water on me. _Again_.

Sasuke and Tayuya are laughing like maniacs as I sit on my even more wet bed. There is no way it will be dry by tonight.

"Red-eyes that was a great idea!" Tayuya wipes a fake tear out of her eye. "I knew you were good for something."

"I wish you had a third bucket." Sasuke is still chuckling to himself. "We were in the Pit for two months. It would have helped with the smell."

That bastard thinks I _smell?_ I'll have you know I spent at least three hours in the shower. Hot water is amazing, simply amazing. You try going two months with only a freezing cold waterfall to wash off in, it is not a fun time. Not to mention the lack of any hygienic products, I made sure I was squeaky clean the moment we came topside.

"Sasuke, Tayuya." I say in a no nonsense tone. Their laughter peters out. "I really hope we spar today. I won't be holding back."

Sasuke pales, he does know the things I am capable of. Tayuya just arrogantly laughs at me.

"Bring it on! I'm one of the personal body guards to Orochimaru, I'll put you in the ground!"

"We shall see. Now, I believe you were fetching us for Orochimaru?" I say in a very professional tone. Sasuke visibly flinches, he knows that I'm serious about my threat.

Tayuya drops her buckets on my bed. Jerk. "Come on kiddies! The Boss awaits." We follow her out of my room to the training field.

* * *

Orochimaru is waiting for us with the rest of the Sound Four. Maybe he wasn't kidding when he said he will have us tested against the Sound Four two months ago.

Holy crap I've been a missing nin for two months already?!

"Alvarcus, Sasuke, Tayuya! So glad you could join us!" Orochimaru calls out. Tayuya walks over to the rest of her team and Sasuke and I approach Orochimaru. He looks me up and down. "You're soaked."

"Yes. I will have my revenge." I swear with a fist clenched and raised in front of my chest.

Orochimaru shrugs in indifference. "Just don't kill them. Or permanent injury." He adds on in an afterthought.

Tayuya just laughs and tells the Sound Four what happened. Then they join her laughing. Assholes, the bunch of them.

Orochimaru lazily sits down in the only chair here. "To business. Tell me what you are capable of, I need to know what I am working with."

Sasuke goes first. "You've seen my taijutsu. I have various fire ninjutsu in addition to the ones you've seen. I have a plethora of low level genjutsu and a few mid tier ones, most of them are aimed around sensory deprivation. And the Sharingan, obviously."

"What would you say your current rank is?" Orochimaru asks Sasuke.

"Chunin at least. Maybe even a high chunin or special jonin." Sasuke says in his patented arrogant tone. That kid is full of himself.

"Hm. Possible. And you Alvarcus?" Orochimaru turns his gaze on me.

"Like Sasuke, you've seen my taijutsu. I have only one genjutsu, Eyes of the Damned which I use in conjunction with my chakra strings. My ninjutsu is my selling point. I can make chakra strings from anywhere on my body, you saw them in action in the Forest of Death. I've only gotten better with time, I can make an elemental change with them now. I need a heart of each affinity to do so, chakra strings are fickle like that. I have the jutsu from your scroll all learned and I have various low level jutsu meant to take down opponents without killing them for each element. Oh and the Jiongu, but you already knew that."

"What would you rank yourself as?" Orochimaru asks with a faintly proud smile on his face.

"Same as Sasuke. Chunin, possible high chunin or special jonin."

"Also possible. I can't be sure until I've truly seen you in various combat situations." Orochimaru says to us both. "Now your training truly begins."

"Hold up." I say. "If the training is only starting now, what was the whole two months in the Pit for?" He better not have thrown Sasuke and I down there for amusement. Those months were not pleasant, even if we did end up running the place after a week.

"It was to see what kind of people you two are and determine what role to train you for." Orochimaru starts to explain. "When in the Pit, there are a few ways people react. They will submit to the strong and use them as a shield to protect themselves. They will become lone wolves and fight tooth and nail to survive. They will form their own faction around themselves and become strong themselves. In other words, they show me if they are leaders, solo nin, or followers."

"What are we?" Sasuke asks. I am curious too, we didn't do any of those things.

"You two are unique. You didn't submit to those already down there. You didn't become the lone wolves. You didn't gather others around you." A smile finds its way onto Orochimaru's face. "What you two did is force everyone into submission. You two didn't care what the others did as long as they did what you told them too, you ruled over them with an iron fist. Your word was law."

"And? We know what we did, what does it make us?" I prod Orochimaru to reveal what he thinks of us.

"Me. You are both like me." I did not expect that. Judging by Sasuke's reaction, he didn't either. "You will be molded into my most powerful subordinates. Only my orders will surpass yours. You two are rulers, kings, Kages. You will help me rule over the Land of Sound."

No one breaths. Everyone present is shocked by that revelation, even the Sound Four.

"But not yet. You're not strong enough yet. Being my immediate underlings isn't something given, it is something earned. You'll have to fight your way to the top, you'll even have to fight each other to see who is my second in command."

I snort at Orochimaru. In hindsight, that is a very bad thing to do when he is monologuing like this.

"Sasuke and I are a team. We will be either your second or dead. We work together, like how your Sound Flunkies all have the same rank." I hear various insults directed towards me, but I ignore them.

"Oh? You think that I'll let you two stay together?" Orochimaru says in a disturbing tone. That thought never occurred to me, he could split us up.

"If you're smart you will." Sasuke intervenes. If Sasuke and I both want to stay together, Orochimaru will _probably_ let us. "Even Tsunade saw the potential we have as a team. She left us as a two man team, she never got us a third like all the others in Konoha. Surely if Tsunade is capable of seeing it, you are too. You are better than her, that is why we are here."

Orochimaru considers. "We shall see. You two will be split if the situation calls for only one of you, but I don't see why I can't have you two work together often."

"That's all we ask for." I say. I know that we won't be going on any crazy missions together, Orochimaru wouldn't risk his next body. At the worst I'll have to deal with a few Oto nin on various missions that are too dangerous to have Sasuke go on.

Orochimaru leans back deeper into his plush chair. "We are here for training, not for discussions of how I will use you. I have a few ideas for a training regime tailored to each of you. Sasuke is going to focus on precision and kenjutsu. Alvarcus is going to expand his jutsu library considerably and work more on pure overwhelming force. Both of you will be working on your speed, strength, stamina, chakra supply and chakra control." Orochimaru pauses for a moment. "Is there anything either of you want to add to that? Might as well get input from you, you do know yourselves better than I do. For now."

While ignoring how creepy his last words were, I demand "Summoning. I want my own summons."

"Summoning would be beneficial. Most of the strong shinobi have a summon contract." Sasuke agrees with me.

"Fine. Only one of you can sign the Snake scroll. The other will have to reverse summon their self to a summon realm." Orochimaru concedes to our request.

Sasuke and I look at each other. "I'll fight you for the Snakes." He says to me. "Winner signs it, loser gambles on getting their own."

"Snakes are all yours. I want my own." Sasuke is surprised at my answer, he must like the snake contract. "Nothing against them, but we wouldn't mesh well. Besides, when I come back with a lion, bear or even dragon contract I'll rub it in your smug face!"

Sasuke smirks at me. "When you come back with a ladybug contract I'll laugh at you and rub it in your face!"

"Kukukuku, amusing." Orochimaru's laugh brings us back to reality. "Alvarcus, you will do this now. Not everyone returns from being reversed summoned, I won't train someone who will die later." Morbid yet practical. Why waste time training me if I die to the summon creatures? "Come, I will show you the hand signs. Then we will see you again. Or not."

Orochimaru slowly goes through the sings for summoning, there aren't even that many. How boring. I thought this was supposed to be difficult.

"No time like the present!" I merrily say. I start to go through the signs.

"Bets on if he comes back or not?" Kidomaru says off to my left. "I think he'll die."

"He is so dead." Tayuya adds on. "Such a shame. Imagine how good he could be with that unlimited stamina. Talk about wasted potential." She shoots a scandalous smirk my way.

"Did not need to know that. He's going to die." Sakon places his bet.

"Violently killed." Jirobo happily says.

"He'll survive." Sasuke says. "It will take more than this to kill him. Believe me, I would know."

Kidomaru snorts in amusement. "Well you _did_ spear him in the heart."

"You're all assholes." I finish the hand signs and push out my chakra and a few drops of blood. "See ya soon!"

"Until you return, my child." Orochimaru confidently says. Then a flicker of emotion crosses his face. "Just... please don't come back with a Toad or Slug contract. I'd hate to have to kill you."

"Thanks for the inspiring bout of confidence." I sarcastically say over a shoulder.


	30. Chapter 30

I'm whisked away to an unknown place. I land gracefully on my feet and immediately take stock of my surroundings.

It is dark, very dark. If the Jiongu didn't replace my eyes and make them better I wouldn't be able to see at all. Barely any natural light is piercing through the canopy. The animal that I'm most fitted for is nocturnal or really likes the dark.

I take in the rest of my surroundings. I'm in a forest, trees are everywhere. Good, this is the terrain where I am used to fighting. I look upwards to see what is blocking out the sun so well.

"Honestly I really shouldn't be surprised." I mutter out loud to myself. "I mean, come on! Was I really going to get another animal? Pfft how did I not see this coming? Once I really look at it, there's only one animal for me."

The stuff that's blocking out all of the light so well isn't leaves. It's webs. The entire canopy is covered in innumerable webs.

"What's this?" A scratchy voice comes from above me. The webs shift. "There is prey in our home." The creature talking finally passes through all the webs. "Prey doesn't usually make it this far without being caught in our webs."

I was summoned to the Spider realm.

It is a monstrous spider that is talking, it is easily the size of a horse. It's mostly brown with a shockingly white diamond on the back of it's posterior. Each leg is a thick as my own legs and they're all covered is bristly black hair. The massive spider has six completely black eyes, there's no pupil, there's no iris, just black.

Terrifying, these are the creatures I am best suited for. What does that say about me?

"I am not prey." I boldly call out to the spider. I can't afford to show any weakness.

The spider stops moving towards me. "You say you are not prey?" More spiders appear around me, taking up guard posts on the edge of the clearing. I'm surrounded by spiders of various size, anywhere from the usual size to a small dog up to the horse sized one who I am talking with. This would make a great genjutsu. "Then that means you came here willingly. You've summoned yourself here."

"Yes." This is very dangerous. I'm clearly outnumbered by hundreds -thousands- and I have no idea what they can do. "I wish to be the Spider Summoner."

The nest of spiders is silent. Before there was a rustling, the noise of hundreds of thousands of spiders moving around but now it is pure silence. It is unnerving.

The biggest spider speaks. "You must prove that you are worthy of us. The last who have tried have perished."

"What do you ask of me?" I formally respond. I really don't want to make any of the spiders mad. I'm only going to get one shot at this.

"We have a few tasks that you must do, things that you must prove to us." The rustling is back, the spider are anxious. "We are spiders. Our silks -our webs- are what defines us among the other summons. Show us something like it. If you can't, you die."

That is incredibly lucky. I slowly raise my hands to my sides and let the Jiongu out. I let it form a protective mesh sphere around me. I've never noticed it before, but it could be mistaken for a black web.

I withdraw the Jiongu back into me. "If this isn't enough, I have another I can show you. It makes the elements into webbing."

"Interesting." The giant spider says. "The last one who came to us tried to deceive us with illusions, yet you say you have more than one type of web. That is a rare trait even among my own kind, human. Show us."

"I can make the web either fire, water, lightning, earth or wind. Which do you want to see?" I don't want to surprise them, that could be very bad.

The spiders start to move like crazy, the sound is deafening. "Do not make fire!" The horse sized spider shouts out in its raspy voice. "Never use fire here. Our Nest would burn."

I extend out my ten chakra strings and make them into water whips. I twirl them around, attach them to things. Basically the spiders got a twenty second display of what I can do with them.

"That is sufficient." The biggest spider present says. "We spiders are known for our many limbs and eyes. Do you have either of those traits?"

This is very convenient, maybe I do have a lot in common with spiders. "My webs are my limbs, I can control them to do what I want."

To demonstrate I have the Jiongu pull out one of my kunai and toss it around. I'm taking playing catch with yourself to a new level.

"I can have many eyes, as many as I want. They are not true eyes, it is an illusion." I spawn eyes everywhere on my body. Chest, arms, legs, I even put one in the middle of my forehead.

"That is sufficient." The huge spider sounds excited. I wonder how far the last prospective summoner got. "What can you offer us? Why should we let you be our Summoner? We haven't had a true contract holder for many of your generations, only minor contracts have been made."

What can I offer? What would the spiders want? Sasuke, you better back me up on this.

"I can offer an alliance with the Snakes. Their next Summoner is family in all but blood to me." The forest around me goes quite once again.

"Do you truly offer such a thing? An alliance with the Snakes?" The big spider sounds excited, it's talking faster and the tone of its raspy voice has jumped up half an octave. "To no longer be hunted by them?"

Uh-oh, I didn't know that the snakes hunted the spiders. This could backfire, if I don't deliver they'll kill me. I have no doubt of that.

"I can't promise it will happen soon, or even guarantee that it will at all. All I can do is ask the Snake's new Summoner if he will try to convince them to not hunt you anymore."

Murmurs of spiders rustling about reverberate through the area.

"That is sufficient. Even if it never happens you are willing to face peril for us! To talk to someone as vile as the Snake Summoner! Human, state your name. We will hear it now."

I raise myself up to my full height. "I am Alvarcus Mar."

The horse sized spider comes to stand before me, only an meter away. I stare straight into its big beady black eyes without a hint of fear. Okay so that was total bullshit. I'm definitely a little scared right now. Fine, a lot.

"I am Arachne, Mother of the Spiders. Alvarcus Mar, the Spiders accept you as a Summoner." Arachne reaches up one of her legs to her back and pulls out a massive scroll. "Sign it in blood, and you will be one of us. The Nest will always welcome you home." She tenderly lays the scroll before me.

I unroll it with the utmost care and read over the other names. There are only three others, faded and lost to time. I cut my left palm open and a very small amount of blood pools into it. It should be exactly enough for what I need. The Jiongu is efficient at the very least.

I elegantly write my name and leave behind five bloody fingerprints just like those before me.

"The Contract is complete!" Arachne calls out to the other spiders. "Alvarcus has become our Summoner!"

Other spiders finally approach us, hundreds upon thousands. I stand still and let them wander around me. I even let a few climb on me. One bold shockingly white spider even sits on my head, becoming the world's strangest hat.

In any other situation this would be fuel for my nightmares, but now? I'm not even phased. I know that they will not hurt me, they'll do the opposite. They'll defend me and I'll defend them. The contract must have done something to me, there is no way I could adjust this quickly otherwise.

After a long time, what must have been hours, the spiders start to disperse. Eventually it is just Arachne and I left, the others are going about their lives like normal.

"Come Alvarcus, you must be hungry." Arachne says to me. What do spiders eat again? Mainly insects if memory serves. That is not good. I don't want to eat bugs.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline." Please don't insist! I don't want to eat gross bugs! "I should be getting back to my realm, to let my friends know that I survived."

"Of course." Oh thank Kami, no bugs for me. "It isn't every day that a new contract is formed like this. Most end in death. Know that the Nest is always open to you." Arachne says to me. "You'll have to visit soon, I'd like to hear about the Human Realm. So much goes on there!"

"Next time we can talk as long as you want." I assure her. "I really should be going. Uh... how do I do that?"

Arachne makes a screeching noise. She's laughing I think. "I'll send you home now." Her front two legs come together like pseudo hands.

POOF

I vanish in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

I reappear in the exact spot I left. Only this time I'm alone. No Sasuke, no Orochimaru and no Sound Four.

"That's strange, I wasn't gone that long. Only a few hours. Where did everyone go?" I say out loud to myself.

I start to wander around the base, every other time I've been here someone has escorted me. Now that I think about it, I've only been alone while in my room here. As I am exploring I notice a new phenomenon.

Spiders are scurrying around. They aren't worried about being seen by me, they are boldly exploring everything. Climbing up the walls, slinking into cracks, scurrying across the floor. I never knew there were this many spiders around. It isn't innumerable like when I was at the Nest, but there are around ten spiders in this hallway alone.

An idea occurs to me. I kneel down and gently place my hand in one of the spider's path. It crawls on my hand and I raise it up to my face.

"Hello little one. I have a task for you, if you are willing." The tiny spider bobs its whole body, I assume that means yes. "I want you and the others to spy on everyone here. I want you to tell me what they do, things they say and anything that is unusual or noteworthy. Can you and the others do that?" The spider bobs again. "Thank you little one." I gently lay it back to the ground, closer to a wall so it has a place to go and it won't be stepped on by someone else.

That will make spying on Orochimaru much easier. I need to get in touch with Tsunade, I wonder if the spiders can do that for me too? I'll have to ask them later, I can hear footsteps.

"Alvarcus?" None other than Orochimaru asks. "So you did survive! You've been gone for a long time, we thought you died."

"It will take more than that to kill me. I didn't even have to fight anyone!" I proudly say. "All we did was talk and I showed some of what I can do."

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow. "How unusual. When I got the Snake Contract, I had to beat a few of them into submission. What animal did you get?"

"Spiders." I proudly say.

He eyes me up and down. I feel a chill run down my spine, I hate it when he does that. I feel like a piece of meat, like he is analyzing me like one of his experiments.

"How did I not see it before?" He quietly says to himself. "It could have been no other. You're more spider like than Kidomaru, he holds a minor contract with them. Tell me, did you sign the species scroll or just a minor contract?"

I arrogantly smirk, channeling my inner Sasuke. "The whole species. The Major Contract."

"They let you sign the Major Contract? Consider me impressed! Kidomaru was much older than you when he tried. What did you offer them? What did you use to sway their allegiance?" Orochimaru presses me for more information.

"I know Sasuke very well, I figure I can have him ask the Snakes to stop hunting the Spiders." I sum up for him.

Orochimaru brims with pride. How disgusting. "Smart! Using others to further yourself!"

"No, not that. I'm asking a friend for help." I will not have that mindset. At least not with Sasuke.

"Same thing." Orochimaru dismisses my logic. I don't need to convince him. "You must be hungry. Come, dinner is soon. The others will be glad to know you are back. Sasuke will be happy you won him the bet."

"That's right, those assholes bet on whether I would live or die!" I rage. "What did they even bet?"

"I have no idea." Orochimaru tells me. "You'll have to ask them yourself." He walks away from me, presumably towards Sasuke and the Sound Four.

* * *

Orochimaru stops in front of a closed door. "They are inside. Go, I have matters that I have to attend to."

While trying to repress the knowledge that Orochimaru is going to go ruin someone's life by experimentation I walk through the door and into a surprisingly luxurious room. There are many plush chairs and couches, a few well kept beds, full bookcases of storybooks and jutsu scrolls and nice paintings of nature on the walls. There is even a refrigerator that is well stocked and a stove and microwave.

"Aw shit. We lost the bet." Tayuya says upon seeing me. She's lounging on one of the beds, she's curled up with a book on musical theory. I didn't expect something so intellectual from her.

Sasuke's head snaps upwards at her words and his face flushes with relief when he finally spots me.

"I knew you'd be back. So, what animal?" He asks from a very comfy looking chair. He's idly sipping on a warm beverage, tea most likely.

Everyone present leans forwards in anticipation. I clear my throat. "Spiders. My summons are the Spiders."

"Lame, I already have a spider summon." Kidomaru says in disappointment from near the fridge. All of the Sound Four look disappointed, it isn't just Kidomaru. Only Sasuke seems pleased with me. "What is its name?"

I grin as I plop down in one of the chairs. I was right it is very comfortable. This will be a wake up call to them. "I hold the Main Contract. I am not a Spider Summoner, I am _the_ Spider Summoner."

Kidomaru whistles at that. "No kidding? What did they test you on? Can't be the same as me."

"Only a few things." I say in a disinterested tone. "They had me prove that I am like them, using some form of web or string. Then I had to display extra limbs or more eyes. Then they asked me what I offer in return."

Kidomaru raises an eyebrow. "That is exactly what they had me do. What did you offer?"

Everyone looks at me expectantly. "I told them I'll speak with the next Snake Summoner on their behalf for an alliance." I turn to Sasuke. "What do you say? Will you ask the Snakes to not hunt Spiders in return for an alliance?"

Sasuke shrugs in indifference. "I don't see why not. Do I have to convince them if they say no?"

"It couldn't hurt. The Spiders were happy to have the chance. I told them that I could only ask you, not that I could guarantee it." I snuggle deeper into the fluffy chair cushions. "As long as you ask I've held up my end of the agreement."

Sasuke sips his tea. "Consider it done, I'll ask when I summon next."

A loud ring sounds throughout the room. Sasuke and I reflexively tense, unknown noises mean bad things. "Sound Four, come down to my lab." Orochimaru's voice echos in the room. That was an intercom system. I haven't seen or heard one of those in a very long time. Konoha had sirens that would sound different noises depending on the situation, but nothing like this. Orochimaru must have the whole base wired.

Jirobo sighs and gets off his couch. "Must be time for the monthly data gathering session."

Tayuya snaps her book shut. "Kami I hate these. I swear he draws a liter of blood."

The Sound Four all leave. Sasuke and I are alone in this luxurious room. I get up from my chair and throw myself onto one of the clean beds.

"Oh sweet bed, how I have missed you. It has been months since I've felt your glory."

"Alvarcus you were sleeping in one not even ten hours ago." Sasuke says.

I wiggle under the covers and cocoon myself in the blankets. "Months I tell you."

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Spiders. What do you plan to use them for? Their combat ability can't be that high."

"You're not wrong." I agree with Sasuke. "The Spiders have few fighters, they like to trap their prey then kill them. It is okay, I don't plan on using them in combat, even if I do it will be as a support role. They'll help me, I don't want them to fight on their own."

"What do you plan to do with them then?" Sasuke sounds intrigued. "Most summons are revered for their battle prowess."

I smile evilly from my blanket cocoon. I must look like an odd sight. "Information. I'm going to use them as informants."

Sasuke gives me a questioning glance. "Information. How? The chakra drain for keeping a summon here is no joke, even for you." He's right, even with my Jiongu enhanced reserves I wouldn't be able to keep a summon here indefinitely.

"I don't need to summon them. Sasuke, spiders are _everywhere._ All I need to do is ask." I smirk at his surprised face. Suddenly the Spiders are cool in his eyes where before they were mediocre.

"Prove it." He demands of me. "I want proof that you can gather information from them."

I level a look at him. "How would I do that?"

"Spiders are everywhere?" I nod in agreement. "Then tell me what kind of tea I am drinking. Let's see how knowledgeable your spiders really are."

With a shrug I untangle myself from my cocoon of blankets and walk towards one of the corners of the room. I have a feeling I'll find a spider there, I can't explain how. Maybe an effect from signing the contract?

Sure enough, a small spider is there. I kneel down and gently lay my hand next to its web.

"Come here little one, I have a question for you." The tiny spider crawls out of its web and onto my lowered hand. I bring it to the counter and pull out one kind of each tea present in the room. "Can you show me what my friend over there is drinking?" The spider bobs its body, I'll take that as a yes. I lay my hand on the counter and it scampers straight past the tea leaves and makes a bee – spider in this case – line right to the coffee pot.

Once there the tiny spider bobs in victory. I turn to Sasuke. "Trick question. You're not drinking tea, you're drinking coffee."

"I am impressed. I never considered using summons that way. How do you convey more complex concepts? For instance if you were to ask about someone's location." Sasuke asks while sipping on his identified coffee.

I scoop the spider up and return it to its web. While I'm doing that I reply. "I'll probably have to summon a spider to translate, or if I have a detailed map ready it could just stand on the correct spot. That is assuming the spider in question knows how a map works."

"So you can't ask them about Itachi's location? Or even what he has been doing?" Sasuke asks with a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Maybe. I figure I can give standing orders of sorts to the spiders in this world. If I ask them to tell me if they see someone fitting your brothers description I could _probably_ get some basic info about him, or at least narrow down where he is likely to be. I promise nothing, the odds of anything happening soon are very small. It would take time to build up a spy network vast enough to be effective."

That is a great idea. I could be a one man spy network. I wasn't lying when I said spiders are everywhere, I bet there is at least one in every Kage's office. If not I could ask one to go there for me. I have the potential to be one of the most powerful people in the information business from my summons alone.

Sasuke leans towards me and the spider in the corner. It hasn't crawled off my hand yet, it is climbing around my fingers. He's very interested in my summons now. "Could you? How long would it take?"

"How would I possibly know how long it would take? I haven't even asked if they can do it yet! Years, at the minimum." The tiny spider repels down from my hand, it has had enough fun with me for now. It scuttles back to its web. "I might have to ask Arachne if something like that is possible." Sasuke has a bewildered look on his face. "She's the equivalent to Manda."

"Ah. The boss summon for the Spiders." Sasuke clarifies.

Is she the boss summon? Arachne never told me who the boss summon was it might not be her. "I don't know if that is true. She introduced herself as Mother of the Spiders, so it might not be her. I'll have to ask next time I visit."

"Visit?" Sasuke sounds revolted. "You want to visit a world full of spiders? Are you crazy?"

An evil thought occurs to me, one that I never considered. "Sasuke, are you afraid of spiders?"

"Me? Afraid of spiders? Please, I don't have a problem with spiders." He's not lying. How unfortunate I could have had so much fun with my summons at Sasuke's expense. "What I do have a problem with is being in a world where there are _only_ spiders." He shivers. "How can you want to visit that?"

I shrug. "I'm pretty sure that signing the contract skewed my perception of spiders a lot. Before I became the Spider Summoner I would never want to visit the Nest, yet now I find myself looking forward to seeing it again. Did the Snakes influence you at all?"

"I don't think so." He pauses and thinks for a moment. "Now that you bring it up, I have been seeking out warm things more than usual. Like this coffee for instance."

I nod my head sagely. "Snakes are coldblooded. They seek out warmth naturally. Maybe you've picked up that trait."

Sasuke shrugs in response. "It is better than changing my entire view on a species."

I agree with him, my change is severe. It does make sense to have this be a part of the contract, this way it helps insure I will treat spiders with respect and care. I don't see them as a pest anymore.

I throw myself back onto the bed I vacated earlier. It is still a little warm from my body heat. I snuggle in deep. "So, are we done training today?"

"Yeah. Orochimaru called it quits after I signed the Snake Contract. He told me to practice summoning the smaller snakes first and I did that for an hour or two. Then we came here and relaxed and you showed up." Sasuke says over his coffee.

"Good." I gather more of the blankets around me. "Because I'm not moving from here until tomorrow."

Sasuke chuckles at me. "You have issues."

* * *

"Oi. I'm supposed to get you back to your room." A female voice says from above me, bringing me out of blissful unconsciousness. "Don't make me get my bucket."

I crack open an eye and peer at the speaker. It's Tayuya. Why is it always Tayuya? "Why? I can sleep here. I was doing a wonderful job of it too. Then you showed up."

"Cleaners are coming in." Is her brisk reply.

I sigh, that is a valid excuse. "Fine." I escape from the blanket cocoon I made around myself. "I'll learn where things are around here eventually then I won't need the escort."

Tayuya laughs. "You'll have an escort until you prove your loyalty to Orochimaru. Better get used to it, it took me the better part of a year to be trusted and I didn't tell him that I'd pick someone else over him."

I sigh in exasperation. "Fair enough. Lead the way, oh great trusted one." I gallantly bow to Tayuya. She walks out the door and into the hallway. I hurriedly follow after her.

"That's better!" She arrogantly says. "You look good when you know your place, bowing down to me. I wonder if I can train you? Sit, stay, roll over, play dead, go on a bloody killing spree, you know the usual."

I roll my eyes. "Sweetie, we both know I can beat you in a fight."

"How would you know?" She aggressively rounds on me and pokes me in the chest with a finger. "You've barely seen any of my skills." Poke. "You have no idea how I fight." Poke. "I'd wipe the floor with you."

I catch her finger before it can poke me again. She tries to tug her hand away but I don't let her escape my grip. "You haven't seen me go all out either. You haven't seen all of my skills. You don't know how many different styles of combat I can switch between at the drop of a kunai. You don't know me. I could be a crazy lunatic that gets off on torturing others." I release her hand. She yanks it back to her side the moment I do.

Tayuya snorts at my last words. "You're too soft for torture. I've seen how you interact with others. The viciousness and malice aren't there in you."

I grin deviously. "Haven't you heard the tales of the Heart Thief? How he ripped open the chest of a Suna nin and destroyed every organ he had in unique horrifying ways? How he didn't stop even when the Suna nin died? How he took the heart for himself?"

Tayuya rolls her eyes. "Orochimaru made sure to tell us himself after the invasion. He made sure we knew to not engage the Heart Thief, that we would probably die if we did. What does he have to do with anything? We're talking about you."

"We are." I smirk and wait for Tayuya to figure it out.

Comprehension dawns on her face. "You're the Heart Thief?" I graciously nod. "I don't believe it, you're too soft. Too nice. Too innocent."

"Tayuya, I literally have the hearts of my fallen enemies beating in my back." She cringes at that revelation. "How could I possibly be innocent?"

We walk the rest of the way in silence. Tayuya walks me right up to my designated room and lingers outside of it. I walk right in and plop down on the bed. It isn't as comfortable as my previous sleeping spot. I'll have to switch them sometime.

"Alvarcus?" I look up at Tayuya. She looks timid. I've never seen her without an air of confidence around her. She's standing uncertainly in the doorway, she wants to both leave and stay at the same time. "What did the Suna nin do? I don't want to believe you would do that to anyone. He must have done something. Something so extreme, so unforgivable that it pushed you over the edge."

I stare straight into her eyes for a long time. She doesn't back down, she stares right back at me. If anything my aggressive stare down has strengthened her resolve. "He killed all of my family right in front of me. I watched him butcher them like animals. I hope he is burning in hell for what he did to me. And when I get down there, I'll drag him to the lowest pit and break his legs so he can't climb back out."

Tayuya nods her head in satisfaction. "I know you are a good person." Those are her parting words. No I'm sorry for your loss, no are you okay. She just walks away. It is strangely refreshing to not be doted on like I'm emotionally compromised.

I'm alone in my room. I slowly go through the hand sings for the summoning jutsu.

POOF

Once the smoke clears I can see a white spider the size of a small dog. "Hey I know you! You were the one who sat on my head!" I say while pointing at it.

The spider bobs in excitement. "You recognize me? The Summoner knows me on sight?"

"Enough of that now." I cut in before it can go on a rant. I don't have the time for that. "None of this Summoner nonsense. My name is Alvarcus, all the Spiders are free to use it." The white spider takes a step back in shock. Okay, it is more of a scuttle than a step.

"I would be honored. My name is Shirokumo." Shirokumo bows. I think that was the spider equivalent of a bow, it lowered its head and raised its abdomen.

"Shirokumo, are you male or female? I keep referring to you as an 'it' in my head and that is incredibly rude." I ask politely. Or impolitely depending on how you look at it.

"I am male." He tells me. "You'll learn the different characteristics between males and females eventually."

Glad I could clear that up. "Shirokumo, I have a task for you. I don't know if you can do it so I'm going to outline what I want done." He bobs in agreement. "I need to get in touch with someone far away. If I tell you who it is, could you get a letter to them for me?"

Shirokumo thinks for a moment. "It depends on who it is. If you know their general area that would help significantly. I can get reverse summoned to where ever another spider is, regardless of realms. It is one of my talents, not every spider can do that. Who did you want the letter to go to?"

I take a deep breath. This is the entire point of me getting summons to begin with. "Tsunade Senju. The current Hokage of Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves."

"I can do that." Shirokumo assures me. "Do you have the letter? I can take it now."

"I don't have it ready. I didn't expect it to go this smoothly. Can you wait a few minutes while I write it?" I ask.

Shirokumo climbs up my body and rests on my head. "Only if I can stay here while you do it."

"I can live with that." I walk to the desk and pull out paper and pen.

I whip up a quick letter to Tsunade saying I'm okay, Sasuke is okay, we're as safe as possible while living with Orochimaru and there is no need to worry. I also explain that Shirokumo is my summon and he'll be our messenger, so don't be surprised if you randomly find him around. I take the time to write out a letter just to Kakashi explaining everything to him. I don't doubt he's blaming himself for Sasuke and my defection.

I get it all done within ten minutes. I'll get the truly important information to her later. Things like Orochimaru's shinobi forces, base locations, details on what his elite can do and who they are.

"Shirokumo I have the letter ready." He hops off my head to the desk and picks up the letter and secures it to his back with webbing. "It would be best if only Tsunade saw you, I'm not supposed to be contacting her. Best not to mention it to anyone really."

"Don't be seen and don't tell anyone. Got it. Anything else you need?" He looks disapprovingly at my bed. "Better sheets perhaps?"

I raise an eyebrow in surprise. "You can make better sheets than these?" The sheets are already a very high quality, Orochimaru didn't spare any expense on them.

"Me? No, but we have many weavers back at the Nest. They would love to make things for you, they rarely get to use their skills for someone important to us. They mainly make the clothes for other summon creatures." Shirokumo informs me.

"Hold up." I get down to his eye level. "You're telling me that I have high quality garments on demand whenever I need them?"

"Pretty much yeah." Shirokumo replies. "The weavers can make just about anything. Our silks are better in every way to those of this realm. Sheets, shirts, pants, you name it they can make it. Want to place an order for anything? I can pass it along when I go back to the Nest."

This is a dream come true. My shirt problem is fixed! I don't need to worry about shredding shirts by using the Jiongu anymore! "Better do a whole wardrobe. The people here have the worst fashion sense ever. Stick with blacks as the main color choice. Add in some dark blues, maybe even a few greens too. Oh, and a sandy yellow in case I go to the Land of Wind. How long will that take?"

"Since you want a whole wardrobe, that's at least eight sets of everything, it'll take a couple hours." Shirokumo informs me.

"Damn. That is crazy fast. Could you bring them by next time I summon you? I'll probably get around to doing that tomorrow."

He does a spider shrug. "Whatever works for you. Fair warning, the weavers might go a bit overboard. They don't get to practice their craft as much as they would like to, and even then it is rarely for one of our own."

"Wonderful! I go through shirts like crazy, tell them to focus on them." This is very convenient! "Now, could you go to Tsunade for me? That letter is two months late."

Shirokumo waves one of his legs at me. "I'll get going. See ya tomorrow Al!"

POOF

He's gone. I hope Tsunade doesn't accidentally smash him, he seems like a nice guy. He even gave me a nickname!

* * *

Hokage's Office

Tsunade is sitting at her desk working on the final piece of paperwork for today. She's almost done.

POOF

"Hey, you Tsunade?" Shirokumo asks her.

SLAM

Tsunade stomps down viciously at Shirokumo. "That's it! I'm officially crazy! The paperwork has driven me insane! I'm seeing giant talking spiders!"

SLAM

"OI! Lady stop trying to squish me!" Shirokumo dodges out of the way of Tsunade's furious stomps.

"Hold! Still! DAMMIT!" Tsunade is chasing Shirokumo all around the room, hell bent on smearing his guts on the floor.

Shirokumo pulls the letter off of his back and holds it up as a peace offering. "Alvarcus sent me!"

Tsunade pauses in her rage fueled stomp fest. "Alvarcus?"

"Yeah him. Male, young, pale skin, black hair, badass looking scar on his neck, has a strange fixation on sunglasses no matter how dark it is. That Alvarcus. I'm his summon." Shirokumo wiggles the letter. "This is for you."

"Oh. I... uh... Sorry about the stomping?" Tsunade weakly says. Its more of a question than an apology. She bends over and takes the letter. "Could you give him a message for me? Tell him to be in touch sooner this time. Two months! How irresponsible, it was his stupid idea to play spy in the first place. I have half a mind to make him stay a missing nin even if he wants to come back! Making me worry like that."

"I'll be going now." Shirokumo says. "You're obviously crazy. BUSY! I said busy. Uh... bye?"

POOF

Shirokumo flees in a cloud of smoke, leaving Tsunade is alone in her office again. "I was done with all the paperwork too. Alvarcus, you have the worst timing." She opens the letter and quickly reads through it.

 _Lady with the Hat,_

 _I'm alive! Crazy right? I thought for sure the Traitor would have killed me by now. Anyways that is unimportant. Obviously you've met our messenger if you're reading this letter, he'll be running communications between us. Do try to not squish him, he does grow on you. Like a fungus. I figure for secrecy I'll refer to everyone by a code name. Yours is obvious, you know which traitor I'm referring to, I'm Spider (it is fitting isn't it?) and the other wayward leaf is Snake. Yes, snakes are to him as spiders are to me. Anyways, I should be going now. I would hate to be caught._

 _I've added in a letter just for my sensei. Can you get it to him for me? I'm pretty sure he's blaming himself, I hope it will clear things up for him. There is nothing sensitive in it, it is pretty much "Quit blaming yourself! I chose this."_

 _Spider_

"SHIZUNE!" Tsunade thunders out.

Shizune bursts into the office. "Tsunade! What's wrong? What do you need?" Worry is etched on her face.

"Fetch Kakashi, he should be in the village. Tell him it is an emergency, I need him specifically. That'll get him here without any fuss."

Shizune sighs, "Okay. I'll be back in an hour or three. You know how he is." Shizune leaves the office.

In a surprising half hour she returns with Kakashi in tow. He's ragged and worn, his clothes are unkempt and his jonin vest has seen better weeks. There's three different kinds of stains, one is obviously alcohol, one is dried blood and no one is really sure what the other is. He's been throwing himself in mission after mission. Even his naturally vertical hair is drooping down in defeat. He took Alvarcus and Sasuke leaving harder than anyone else.

"Hokage-sama? You summoned me? Is there another mission you need done?" Kakashi asks.

Tsunade dons a very serious face. "What I am about to say is an S-class secret. If this gets out, one of Konoha's most loyal shinobi will die a very painful and agonizing death at the hands of one of our worst enemies. If you can't keep this quiet, then walk out the door now."

Kakashi steels himself. "I will take it to my grave."

Tsunade casually tosses the letter to him. "Alvarcus says hello from Otogakure."


	31. Chapter 31

"Hokage-sama? You summoned me? Is there another mission you need done?" Kakashi asks.

Tsunade dons a very serious face. "What I am about to say is an S-class secret. If this gets out, one of Konoha's most loyal shinobi will die a very painful and agonizing death at the hands of one of our worst enemies. If you can't keep this quiet, then walk out the door now."

Kakashi steels himself. "I will take it to my grave."

Tsunade casually tosses the letter to him. "Alvarcus says hello from Otogakure."

Out of pure reflex Kakashi catches the airborne letter. "... Come again?"

Tsunade slowly repeats herself as if she's talking to a child, "Alvarcus says hello from Otogakure."

"You mean... he's... I don't understand?" Kakashi looks like a lost puppy. If you ignore the various stains he has on him. His head is ping ponging from the letter to Tsunade.

"Just read the damn letter!" Tsunade orders in mild anger. "Now scram! I've got more important things to do than walk you through this. You're a jonin, act like it."

"Of course, Hokage-sama." With a halfassed bow Kakashi leaves.

* * *

Hours Later, Kakashi's Apartment

Kakashi is sitting in the dark on a chair in his living room. He's not moving a millimeter, in fact even his eyes aren't wandering at all. They're staring at a seemingly innocent envelope on the table before him. He's been like this for hours, not moving, not acting, simply staring.

With a great deal of uncertainty he slowly reaches for the letter, but stops halfway there. His arm is just hanging in the air showing how truly terrified and eager he is at the same time.

What could possibly be in this letter? Is it Alvarcus's reasons for why he's a bad sensei? Perhaps it is his motive for leaving, did Kakashi have a hand in it? Or is it simply a hello? He doesn't know, and he's not sure he wants to find out.

Finally, he takes hold of the letter and tenderly opens it.

 _Sensei,_

 _ **It is not your fault.**_

 _If you only get one thing out of my letter, know that it isn't your fault. I chose to leave, but I also chose to not abandon my home or my friends. I'm playing spy. I'm working to bring down the enemy from the inside._

 _Since I know you, you probably don't truly believe that you didn't partly drive me away. So, I'm going to tell you why I left. I left for my teammate. He was going to go whether I did or not and someone has to look out for him. I couldn't abandon him, I couldn't let him face these perils alone. Even with all of his strength, he's surprisingly fragile. He's like a blank canvas and I'm not going to let him be molded into something dark, something twisted._

 _I can't speak for my teammate, but I want you to know that you are the best sensei I could have gotten. Even if we weren't student and teacher for that long I know that I wouldn't be half as good without you. You're awesome._

 _Except for when you decide to use unconventional taijutsu moves against me. I'm still mad about that. Tell ya what, you let the puppet thing finally go and we'll call it even?_

 _Now get up off your ass, take a damn shower, eat an actual meal and make Konoha proud!_

 _Your Favorite Student_

 _PS_

 _Tell Pakkun I said hi will you?_

"You're still mad? _I'm_ still mad!" Kakashi whispers as he tenderly sets the letter back down on the table. "Thank you Alvarcus. I thought I failed again. Thank you."

* * *

The Next Morning, Sound Base, Alvarcus's Room

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

POOF

Once the smoke clears I can see Shirokumo sitting on a ridiculous pile of clothing that wasn't there before. "Shirokumo? When you said the weavers might go overboard, you _really_ underplayed how overboard they would go. There has to be twenty five sets of everything! I could maybe understand the shirts, pants and underwear having that many, but bed sheets? Why would I need twenty five sets of bed sheets?" I grab a handful of them. "Hold on. Are these different materials and everything?"

Bashfully, Shirokumo replies. "Yes? You didn't specify what kind you wanted, so they made a few of the most popular cloths. Everything from wool to our own silk was used."

"I.. uh... wow. I'm impressed. Pass that along will you? I'll use them all eventually. Or most of them. Half?" There are a lot of clothes on my floor now. Ugh, I'll have to put them away.

I start on the new project: Putting away my clothes. Shirokumo idly sits on my bed while I go about the room putting them in their place.

"Your friend, Tsunade, is crazy by the way." I turn to Shirokumo, of all the things he could have said I never expected that. "She almost killed me until I practically threw your letter at her. Screaming about paperwork the entire time."

I laugh at him. "Yep, that's Tsunade. Glad to know she got it." I shove some pants into a dresser drawer. I leave out a very nice pair of dull black silk pants, I'm going to wear very nice clothes today training be damned! I'll find a shirt next.

Shirokumo walks up the wall to the corner above my bed. He starts to make his own web there. "She asks that you get in touch quicker next time, and then ranted about how irresponsible you are."

"Definitely Tsunade. I'll have something for her by the end of the week. I'll need to compose it better than an informal letter so it'll take some time. I'm going to try to send her something once a week at least. That way she gets constant information. That won't be a problem for you, will it?" No need to over use my messenger if he has things that require his attention.

He screeches out laughter while making his new web. "I can take five minutes out of my week to run letters for you, it isn't a problem. If anything Arachne is glad to have me out of the Nest for a bit, says it builds character."

I grab up all of the shirts. "Glad to hear it! Say, do you think the dark blue or the dark green shirt for today?" I hold up the two shirts in question.

"Green." Shirokumo doesn't even look away from his task.

"That's what I was thinking too. Blue just isn't my color." Plus Sasuke always wears dark blue shirts, it must be an Uchiha color thing. I try on my new clothes, they fit exceptionally well and the material is a very high quality silk. The Spiders really know how to make some damn good clothes.

Someone knocks on my door, and then immediately enters without waiting for a response. Its Tayuya. Why is it always her? "UP AND AT- Whoa. You're awake! That never happens, you always sleep until someone drags you out of the bed."

I roll my eyes. "I wake up exactly when I want to. I felt like being awake early today, I had some things to do."

"Like sort through your massive pile of new clothes." Shirokumo happily chimes in from the ceiling. He's finished making his web, he's lazily relaxing in it now.

Tayuya's face turns a ghastly white. "Alvarcus. There is a giant talking spider in your room." She pulls out her flute and raises it to her lips. "Want me to kill it?"

Shirokumo tenses. I lazily swat at Tayuya's flute, she moves it out of the way. "There will be no need for that. I'm the Spider Summoner remember? He's one of my summons."

A small amount of color returns to her face. "Still, you're completely okay with a giant spider making a web over your bed?"

I laugh in amusement. "Tayuya, Shirokumo is one of the smaller ones. The biggest one I've personally seen is as large as a full grown horse."

Tayuya shivers in fright. "That is pure nightmare fuel. How can you stand to be around that?"

I roll my eyes at her. "How can you stand to be around the rest of the Sound Four? Simple, you trust them." I see skeptical comprehension on her face. "It helps that they promised me free clothes for life."

"Free clothes?" Tayuya sounds excited. Did that change her opinion of the Spiders? How shallow.

"Yeah, I'm wearing some right now. I have way too much, I've filled up all of my dresser and closet." I should get another dresser, then I can sort through my new clothes better. I can organize them by material, then by color. That's a project for another day.

I feel a hand run down my back. I suppress the urge to attack, I know only Tayuya and Shirokumo are in the room. Since Shirokumo doesn't have hands, I know it is Tayuya feeling up my back. Which is very worrisome in its own regard.

"Oh that is a _very_ nice material." Tayuya purrs into my ear. She drapes herself over my back and tenderly wraps her arms around me. "What would it take to get some of those for myself?"

"First: let go of me." I grip her wrists in my hands and pull her arms apart. She doesn't fight. When I turn to face her I can see a cute pout on her face. She even crosses her arms to sell the picture. "Second: ask him." I wave a hand at Shirokumo. "He's the one who got me everything."

Tayuya gets a mad gleam in her eye. "Oh Mister Spider!" She merrily skips over to my bed and climbs on it to be closer to Shirokumo. "Mister Spider!"

Shirokumo backs up as far as he can into his web. "Would you look at the time! I must be going right this instant. Al, it was nice seeing you do keep in touch. Toodles!"

POOF

Shirokumo flees in a puff of smoke. Interestingly his webbing stayed behind, I'll have to remember that. I could have him restrain unconscious opponents and then send him back. I wonder how strong the web is?

I'm yanked out of that thought by Tayuya yanking on my arm. "Alvarcus, summon him back here."

"No can do, he said he has to go. I don't know when I'll summon him next. Now, let go of my arm!" She is stroking the sleeve of my new dark green shirt lovingly.

"But it is so soft! I must have it!" She tightens her hold on me with envy in her eyes. Very sweetly she asks, "You'll get me some clothes of this material, won't you? Pretty please?" Tayuya is hugging my arm to her chest tightly.

Ignoring how nice the feeling actually is, I drag us over to my closet. She wouldn't let go of me. I reach in and pull out a random shirt. It is a bright yellow t-shirt made of the same silk as what I'm wearing. I thrust it towards her. "Here. Take it and let me go."

Instantly I'm released. Tayuya is clutching the yellow shirt to her like it is going to run away. "You mean it? I can have this one?" She rubs her face on the shirt with pure elation etched on her features.

"Yeah, whatever." I dismissively wave at her. It isn't like I can't get more, and the color is atrocious. Bright yellow? I'd never be caught dead wearing that.

"Squee!" Tayuya squeaks out while happily hopping in place. She really wants that shirt. I swear she's crazy, yeah the material is _super_ comfortable but to be dancing in happiness over a shirt that isn't even your size? Gotta be crazy.

"Ahem." I interrupt her victory dance. "I'm assuming you came in here for a reason? Every other time you've woken me up we go somewhere."

"Oh shit you're right." She stuffs the yellow shirt into her hip pouch. I'm surprised it fit in there, hip pouches aren't that big. "Orochimaru wants you at the training field." She's all business now. Good, she was being super weird earlier.

"We better not keep him waiting any longer." I gather everything I'll need for a rigorous training session. "Lead the way."

We walk out of my room. This has been a very strange morning.

* * *

At the Training Field

"How nice of you two to show up." Orochimaru disapprovingly says. "Do not keep me waiting again or the consequences will be sever."

"Yes Orochimaru-sama." Tayuya bows her head in submission.

"Blame her." I throw her to the wolves. "She only told me to come here three minutes ago."

Orochimaru stares down his nose at the still bowing Tayuya. "We will discuss your actions later, you've wasted enough of my time." Orochimaru turns to me now. "Come Alvarcus, we will start your training now." I follow Orochimaru to the far end of the large room. Tayuya goes and stands by the door.

"So, what are we doing?" I ask him. I really hope he isn't going to test me himself like he said he might earlier. There is no way I can possibly stand up to him, not yet.

A kunai flies towards my head from Orochimaru. I reflexively redirect it back at him with my trusty chakra strings. He casually catches it.

"Today, we're working on your speed, situational awareness and reaction time." He throws the kunai back at me faster this time. I send it back again.

"I'm going to adjust the speed and quantity of thrown projectiles at you while you run around the field." We exchange the kunai once again, this time at a very high speed. I almost missed it with my chakra string.

"Your goal is to cross the field without being hit."

"Sounds simple enough. I've done things like this before." It isn't any different from back when Sasuke and Sakura threw obscene amounts of stones at me.

Thud

A kunai embeds itself into my left shoulder.

"Oh? I thought you said this was simple." Orochimaru taunts. "Better start running."

I yank the kunai out of my shoulder and throw it back at his smug face. The Jiongu stitches me closed. "I just got this shirt! You've put a hole in it already!"

Thud

A kunai is in my right leg this time. "Fine, ruin all my new clothes why don't you." I rip this kunai out and throw it back to him again. I take off across the room, if he wants to play, I'll play.

We spend hours in the training field. Not once did I make it across without a kunai hitting me. I can't help but feel like he's trying to make a point to me. Even if I run away, he is more than capable of killing me with something as basic as a kunai. If I was anyone else I would have passed out from pain and blood loss a long time ago.

"Enough." Orochimaru's voice echos in the large room. "We are done for today."

I launch out a chakra string to catch the kunai he just threw at me. I send it straight at his face with as much speed as I can muster. He tilts his head out of the way.

I smirk in victory. "I finally got you back." Sure enough, some of Orochimaru's long hair is slowly floating down to the ground.

"So you did. How many times did I get you?" Orochimaru asks with a serious face. "I counted well over two hundred."

"One to two hundred is better than zero to two hundred." I inform him. "Has Sasuke gotten a hit in on you yet?" I eagerly ask.

"No." Orochimaru says with pride. "You are first. He has come very close, but not connected." He sounds genuinely happy that I'm the first one to hit him. "Go clean up and get new clothes. Those are barely better than rags now."

As he walks out of the field I call after him, "I blame you for that! They were perfectly fine before training!" He doesn't respond, he keeps on walking.

Tayuya approaches me. "One of these days he's going to snap and seriously hurt you for talking to him like that." She sounds deadly serious.

"Nah, if he didn't like it he would have stopped me by now." I walk out of the training field with Tayuya following me. We head towards my room, I do need to get new clothes. The ones I am wearing are very drafty from all the holes. "I think he likes the change, everyone here treats him formally all the time. I break up the monotony, add some color to this dreary place. Sure, I might treat him in a more relaxed manner, but as long as I respect him I should keep my head."

Tayuya laughs, "I can't deny that. Ever since you and the Uchiha showed up things have been more lively."

"Was it really that bad?" I have always wondered what Sound is like and Tayuya has been a loyal kunoichi for years.

"The best form of entertainment we had was to bet on who survived when people fought over things." She blandly says. "It was a tie between that or reading. Exciting, isn't it?"

I look at her in pity. "That sounds dreadful. So things really are earned by strength here?"

"Yep. Take the mission board for example. All of the missions we get are posted there, it is a first come first serve. Say someone gets a good mission, one that someone else has been waiting to take. They'll fight to see who gets it. Winner goes and the loser has to find another mission. Eventually everyone will know who to not attack and who is easy pickings. Us Sound Four have the pick of any mission we want, no one opposes us anymore."

"Interesting. That does sound like it could be fun."

We arrive at my room and I walk inside. Tayuya follows me and plops down on my bed.

"Uh... Tayuya? Why are you here?" I nervously ask her. She can't possibly be this out of touch with social etiquette.

"Because I'm your escort for the day, duh. What are you an idiot?" She huffs in annoyance.

"No, I understand that." I assure her. "I meant why are you here in my room when I need to change clothes. I'm not giving you a free show."

Her face flushes red in embarrassment. She leaps off the bed and runs out the room and slams the door shut behind her without saying anything.

"Well that was odd." I mumble to myself. I rummage around in my closet and dresser and pull out a new set of clothes. I'm sticking with the green top and back bottom theme today, I grabbed an exact match of what I was wearing earlier. I discard the ruined set in a corner, never to be used again.

I open my door and poke my head out. "All done." She noticeably stiffens at my words. She's still red in the cheeks. "So... now what?"

"I don't know." Tayuya says without looking at me.

I sigh, she's closing herself off due to her embarrassment. "How about we go to that lounge we were at yesterday. You know, the one where you rudely woke me up from a wonderful nap."

"Good times. I only wish I had my water bucket then." She walks down the hall. I follow after her.

"Next time you do that, I'm siccing Shirokumo on you." I threaten her with summons as we make our way to the lounge.

"You mean Mister Spider?" I nod. "He and I still need to talk business. I want those clothes." She has a far away look in her eyes. "Mmmm..."

"I'm just going to ignore whatever the hell that was." We've arrived at the lounge. We are the only two here, everyone else must be doing something.

I take a running leap onto a bed. "Oh how I have missed you. You are way better than the one in my room!"

Tayuya plops herself down in a chair with a scroll to read. "You have an obsession with beds."

"And you have an obsession with clothes." I accuse her. I swear she was salivating at the prospect of getting clothes not even five minutes ago.

We fall into a companionable silence. I drift off to sleep to the pleasant sound of Tayuya humming.

* * *

A week goes by with the same routine. Wake up, get escorted to training with Orochimaru, get utterly bested at anything and everything he has me do for hours on end and then chill with the rest of the Sound Four and Sasuke once Orochimaru is done training him. I fell into a pleasant pattern.

I've improved on a lot of things over this past week, mostly thanks to Orochimaru. Say what you will about his methods but they are _very_ effective. He's taking the Jiongu into account, he doesn't have to hold back as much as he would with Sasuke. He constantly gives me wounds that would kill others, if he put anyone else through my training regime they would die. I have no doubt of that. He knows that he can be extremely rough with me, I can bounce back and it accelerates my training. Why use the safe method when the insane method of teaching is so much more effective?

In return for the extreme brutality I face everyday my skills have skyrocketed. I'm faster, I'm stronger, I feel _better._ My skills aren't the only thing that has risen, my desire to constantly sleep has too. I never have to worry about being physically tired, but being put through hours of what could be considered torture is mentally exhausting. It is a miracle I haven't lost my sanity yet.

That is where Sasuke finds me today, sleeping in the lounge after a very rigorous training session.

"Alvarcus. Get up." Sasuke's voice pulls me from my slumber.

"Don't wanna." I roll over so my back is to him. Maybe he'll go away.

"Orochimaru wants to talk to us." A shiver runs down my spine, Sasuke is planning something terrible. "You have five seconds to get up or I go get Tayuya's bucket."

With a huge yawn I force myself up off the couch. "Why is it always water? Can't you find another way to threaten me to get up?"

Sasuke starts to push me out of the lounge. "I can try stabbing you with a kunai next time. I'm sure that would work very well."

"It would be less of a mess." I comment offhandedly. "The water goes everywhere. Plus I only bleed if I want to."

Sasuke urges me to go faster by repeatedly shoving me forwards down the hallway. "You are so weird! Who reacts to a threat like that?"

We walk the rest of the way in silence. We stop outside what must be Orochimaru's office and Sasuke knocks on the door.

"Come in." Orochimaru orders.

We enter. It is a very spartan office, there are no comforts in this room besides the chair that Orochimaru is sitting in. File cabinets line the walls, there is a map of the Land of Sound displayed on the wall directly behind my new Kage. Orochimaru has a very large desk in front of him with papers strewn about it. I doubt that the papers are important, he knew we were coming. He would hide anything truly sensitive since he doesn't fully trust me yet.

Sasuke boldly walks right up to the desk. I lazily lean against the wall right next to the door. "You wanted to see us?" I ask Orochimaru. We must make an interesting sight. Sasuke appears very eager while I seem disgruntled. "Red-eyes over there woke me up for this, please have something important to say."

Orochimaru chuckles at my disheveled appearance and my irritated attitude. No one else would dare to sass him as much as I do, I've seen him lash out at others for much less than an irritated comment. "Fear not, I have a mission of sorts for you both to take."

That is new. He's never even implied we'd go on missions until now. I'm surprised he's willing to risk his precious next body on one, either no one else can do it or he's very confident in our ability to survive. I bet we are overqualified for this mission, ridiculously overqualified.

Orochimaru dramatically leans forward. Sasuke mimics him and I roll my eyes. This whole situation is ridiculous. "I am going to send you both to the next Chunin Exams in Kusagakure."

I take it back, this isn't ridiculous. This is absolute insanity. "You want Sasuke and me to take the Chunin Exams? Konoha is going to send a crap ton of gennin to this exam, people who know us will be there. They'll recognize us on sight. Even if we masquerade as someone else from Sound they'll still try to grill us for information about their missing 'friends.'" I make air quotes around the last word, they are still my friends but I need to sell the idea that I don't care about them to Orochimaru. "You must have a plan. You wouldn't suggest this otherwise."

Orochimaru pulls out two masks. One is a solid crimson, the other a solid dark green. "You two will wear these masks the entire time." He tosses Sasuke the crimson and me the green. "This is more than just the Chunin Exams, I'm testing you as well."

"Infiltration, you're testing us on infiltration." Sasuke ventures a guess. "You want to see how we handle ourselves under duress of dealing with people we know while we need to keep our identities hidden."

"Not only that." I add on to Sasuke's logical guess. "To keep our identities hidden we'll have to limit our skills. I won't be able to use my chakra strings or Jiongu and Sasuke won't be able to use his Sharingan. We'll have to rely on skills they haven't seen before or skills that everyone would know. The basics." I look Orochimaru straight in the eyes. "You want us to pass the chunin exam using only basic skills while keeping our identities hidden. Why? What's your angle?"

Orochimaru beams in pride at Sasuke and my deduction of his plan. We aren't only physically gifted in the shinobi arts but we are both mentally sharp as well. "Does it really matter?"

"Not really." I shrug. "I'm curious is all. I want to know what your play is, I may be able to further it if you tell me."

"You think I have an ulterior motive for sending you both to the Chunin Exams?" Orochimaru asks me in excitement. He really enjoys when we talk like this, more specifically when we have a battle of logic instead of blows. He likes to pick at my thoughts and occasionally bounces ideas off of me. It isn't uncommon for us to have one of these conversations during my training while he's beating me into the ground. "Tell me, what is my angle? What would you do in my position?"

I take a moment to gather my thoughts. "Sasuke and I are both overqualified for the exams, we all know that. Even using basic skills and the things we've learned since coming here we will still be strong combatants, so this isn't necessarily a test of our skills. I am also skeptical you'd place us so close to Konoha shinobi to test our infiltration skills." I consider a few options. "Either you want to make a point that the gennin who steamrolled over the competition using only the basics could be anyone in Sound and you want to use us to boost our popularity among the watching potential clients. If we don't reveal who we are we could be anyone that you say we are. You could hypothetically send anyone in a crimson or green mask to the client saying that it is the shinobi from the exams." I take a breath, the only other option I can think of is scary and potentially life threatening. "The other thing you might have planned is to unmask both of us at the end of the exams. Showing that two of Konoha's promising gennin from the last exams went to you, essentially saying that Sound is better than Konoha. Why else would we have come to you?"

Orochimaru goes deep in thought. "Both of those ideas never occurred to me." He tilts his head in consideration. "Your second idea, although clever, would only harm me in the long run. Konoha currently doesn't know exactly where you both are. I can't afford to advertise your locations like that. Your first idea does show promise, I might implement it if you both make a lasting impression on the spectators."

"Then what is your goal?" Sasuke presses Orochimaru to reveal his plan.

Orochimaru merrily leans back into his chair and smiles deviously at us. "I've been bored lately and I think it will be entertaining to watch."

Silence falls in the room. Sasuke and I both can't believe it.

"Really?" Sasuke asks in confusion. "That is it? You just want to watch?"

"Kukukuku, boys not everything I do has to be part of a bigger scheme. I do enjoy watching the fruits of my labor." Orochimaru says with a very smug face.

I shake my head, trying to re-boot my brain. Or Jiongu-brain. "Alright, I'm going to ignore how unexpected that was and simply accept it and move on. So when are the Chunin Exams starting?"

Orochimaru hands us both forms. They're exactly like the version Konoha used. "A little over a month from now."

"Who is going to be our third teammate?" Sasuke asks. He's got a good point. The exams in Konoha required that we be in teams of three. "The Sound Four are out. It'll have to be someone else."

"The exams in Grass are for single entrants only. There are no teams being sent. If a group works together or not it is up to them." Orochimaru cheerfully informs us. That is very convenient, it would be hard to bring in another person to our team. Sasuke and I work exceptionally well together, adding in another person could ruin our team dynamics. "I leave it up to you two to decide to work with each other or not. I expect to see you both in the finals."

Sasuke and I share a look. "Work together as needed, but otherwise go alone?" He says.

"Sure, why not." I agree to his idea. "If the proctors force us into teams of some sort we'll try to match up. If not we will avoid each other. A nonaggression pact."

"Good!" Orochimaru claps his hands together. "I can't wait to see how much you both improve in the coming month. Don't think I'll take it easy on you, if anything expect me to push you further."

I groan. "You already kick my ass every time. How can you possibly push me further?" I should not have asked that.

"I can cut off a limb or two." He blandly replies. "There is always a way to advance."

"How about no?" I weakly ask. He just smiles his creepy smile. "Training tomorrow is going to be hell, isn't it?"

Orochimaru's malicious smile widens. "You have no idea."

"On that lovely note, I'm going to go sleep some more. I have a feeling that I'll not be getting that much over the next month." I briskly walk out the door. Sasuke follows after me two seconds later. I make my way towards my room and he falls in step beside me.

"I have no idea how you're still alive." I send Sasuke a questioning glance. What is he talking about? I haven't done anything life threatening today. Well, excluding training with Orochimaru. I'm still waiting for the day he destroys one of my hearts. "The way you talk to Orochimaru. It is a miracle you're still breathing."

Why does everyone not understand that Orochimaru _likes_ me being informal with him? "He obviously isn't bothered by it. He would have told me to stop or cut my head off a few times. Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Yes." Sasuke instantly replies. "That man is all business. If you screw with him he reacts _violently_. Most people die."

"I'm not most people, am I?" I have things he wants. He doesn't want to kill me, so I am using that to my advantage. I am still dreading the day he finally asks for something from my memories and I'm secretly hoping he never does.

"No, you most certainly are not. It's not like he calls everyone 'child.'" Sasuke agrees. That comment kills the conversation, we walk in silence back to my room.

"Alright, scram! I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to sleep more." I shoo Sasuke away. "Go bother someone else!"

He leaves with a shake of his head. I enter my room and firmly shut the door. I'm not sleeping yet. I sit down at my desk and pull out a piece of paper. I write only a few sentences on it.

I run through the hand signs for summoning.

POOF

Shirokumo pops out of the smoke and scampers up to his web in the corner. He likes to be high up, I have no idea why. Heights are terrifying. "Hey Al. How's things?" He greets me once he's settled in.

"We have a new development and a potentially bad situation." Shirokumo stills in his web. "Sasuke and I are being sent to the Chunin Exams in Kusa."

He tilts his whole body to the side. It is the equivalent of an inquisitive look. "And? I don't see how that's a bad thing."

"You know how I'm spying on those here right?" He bobs his body in acknowledgment. "I'm considered a missing nin from my home village, everyone there thinks I abandoned them to come to Sound. They could have a kill on sight order out for me. Only Tsunade, the crazy lady, and Kakashi-sensei know that I'm loyal to Konoha still. The reason the situation could turn very sour is because Tsunade is obligated to send an overwhelming amount of gennin to this exam. Most of them are my friends, if they recognize me I'm screwed. I need to show that I'm loyal to Orochimaru if I want to keep playing spy, so if they do figure out who I am I'll need to brutally put them down. I can't display one moment of hesitation or Orochimaru may decide I'm a risk and kill me."

"You're playing a dangerous game." Shirokumo is all business now. He's pacing back and forth in his web. "Can we help at all? We could make you a mask to hide your face."

I hold up the dark green mask Orochimaru provided me with. "I've got one already. I could use a hood or a cowl though, something to help obscure me even further. I'll also need a long sleeved overcoat to help hide my scars. A lot of bandages to wrap up my limbs as added insurance for my scars wouldn't hurt either. Oh, and maybe a scarf? If the hood doesn't hide my neck very well I'll have to use a scarf to hide my scar on my neck."

"Any material preference?" Shirokumo isn't phased by my tall order. I'm basically ordering a whole custom outfit just for one occasion and he's not batting an eyelash. Do spiders even have eyelashes?

"The coat should be a flexible yet durable material. I need maneuverability but I don't want it to be easily ripped or torn. Make the hood, cowl, scarf and the bandages out of spider silk. That is simply a wonderful material, much better than wool. If I have to have it rubbing on my skin for hours, I want to feel good about it."

My summon beams in pride. I did compliment the Spiders in a round about way. "I'll pass along the order. Any color preference? The weavers sometimes take artistic liberty and make things ridiculous colors."

I know, Tayuya has one of the ridiculously bright yellow shirts. I have three more. "Make the coat a dark green, match it to the mask as best as possible. The hood and cowl can be black. Make the scarf a brilliant eye catching red. I want it to draw the eye and distract observers."

"Simple enough. How many sets do you want?"

I pause and consider his question for a moment. "Bring me one but keep four ready in the Nest. I'll summon someone if I need to replace anything."

Shirokumo climbs down from his nest. "Works for me, I'll pass it along. Now, do you want that letter delivered?" He holds up his two front legs and I pass him the letter. He latches it onto his back. "I'm off, unless you have anything else to add?"

"Don't be seen."

He screeches in amusement. "I'm not an amateur, thank you!"

POOF

Shirokumo vanished into a cloud of smoke. I finally plop down on my bed and cocoon myself in blankets.

I hope he doesn't get almost squished this time.

* * *

Hokage's Office

POOF

"Sup Tsunade. How ya been?" Shirokumo happily greets the Hokage.

WHAM

A paperweight explodes in the spot that Shirokumo was in, denting the floor. "Sorry! Sorry, reflexes. I remember you, you can come out now. There is no need to hide under the couch." Tsunade coaxes him out of his new hiding spot.

"We have to stop meeting like this." He climbs on top of the Hokage's desk. "One of these days I'm not going to move fast enough." Shirokumo says with a waver of fear in his voice. "I'm too young to die!"

Tsunade rummages around in the bottom drawer of her desk. She pulls out a bottle. "I'm too sober to deal with this right now. You want a glass?"

Shirokumo shrugs. "Why not. You better read the letter first though. I'd hate for you to forget it because you were intoxicated."

Tsunade waves a hand dismissively at him. "You don't know how much I can drink."

"How about you read the letter and do everything you need to and then we get trashed?" Shirokumo offers. "It has been a _very_ long time since I got good and proper drunk."

"You want to be my drinking buddy?" Tsunade sounds surprised, but that doesn't stop her from pulling out two sake cups and pouring a healthy amount in both.

Shirokumo places his legs over each cup before Tsunade can drink hers. "After you handle the business." He detaches the letter from his back and holds it out to her.

Reluctantly she takes and opens it.

 _Lady with the Hat,_

 _The wayward Snake and Spider will be at the Chunin Exams in Kusa._

 _Do not try to retrieve us, we've been ordered to remain anonymous. Tell anyone you send to avoid us, it will make things easier. We have been ordered to win, to make it a show. The Traitor wants to watch us, we can't afford any missteps. It is just us two going, I don't think that anyone else will be sent._

 _Don't tell me anything about your plans or who you are sending. I need my act to be genuine, the Traitor will know if I'm faking._

 _We are doing well, as well as possible considering where we are. My training has been brutal, but I fear that it is going to get worse over the next month. If I ever make it back, you'll have one hell of an asset at your disposal._

 _Spider_

"You have got to be shitting me. How does Alvarcus keep getting into these situations? I swear he's a magnet for crazy." Tsunade burns the letter with a minor fire jutsu. "Are all of your summoners this unlucky?"

Shirokumo screeches out laughter and he takes a drink of the sake. "Nah, just him. I never really interacted with the other three that much, and that was a very long time ago. I was much younger then but the stories I would hear about them were very mild compared to the things Al finds himself in."

Tsunade throws back her glass of sake in one big gulp. "We'll have to save drinking for another time. I need to get a plan together. I never expected Orochimaru to do this."

Shirokumo slides his glass over to Tsunade. "You need it more than me." She tosses his back too. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thanks." Tsunade gratefully says.

Shirokumo vanishes in a puff of smoke.

"Once you get past the fact that he's a giant spider, he's actually a swell guy. Never would have guessed that." Tsunade hides her sake back in her desk. "SHIZUNE!"

Shizune calmly walks through the doors. "I'm off the clock in five minutes. Can this wait until tomorrow?"

"Probably, but I want this done now."

Shizune sighs. Her shoulders slump in resignation. "You have the worst timing to finally get a work ethic. What do you want done?"

Tsunade stands up and starts pacing. Shizune's face becomes grim, she knows that something serious happened. Tsunade wouldn't be this animated otherwise. "Get me Kakashi. I have a task for him. He's going to thin the herd."

"Excuse me?" Shizune falters. "Thin the herd? What herd?"

"I need to cut back the amount of gennin that are being sent to Kusa. He's going to come up with a way to do that. And I'll have him be the leader of everyone sent. That should make things much easier for me, then I can have someone very skilled who actually knows what's going on there. Perfect!"

Shizune looks very confused. "I thought we wanted an overwhelming number to go? Now you want to limit it? What don't I know?"

Tsunade stops her pacing and give Shizune her full attention. "Shizune, can you keep an S-rank secret? If anyone hears about this one of Konoha's most loyal shinobi will die. Violently."

Shizune raises up to her full height. "Yes, Tsunade-sama, I can. Not even Ibiki could get it out of me."

"Good!" Tsunade's eyes light up in glee. "Alvarcus says hello from Otokagure."

"..."

"Shizune? You alright? You're not going to faint on me are you?"

"THAT IRRESPONSIBLE LITTLE BRAT! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM HE BETTER BE READY BECASUE HE'S DUE FOR A MAJOR TALKING TO! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'D DO SOMETHING SO STUPID!"


	32. Chapter 32

One Week Later, Three Weeks Until the Exams

"Alvarcus, get up." I'm instantly fully awake. That is one voice I never want to wake up to again. Orochimaru himself came to get me this morning. "Today we are doing something different."

I climb out of my bed and look at him expectantly. "Care to elaborate? Different could be anything from learning something new to a training session where you don't maim me or even that one time where you let me play pranks on the Sound Four all day to test my stealth." I walk over to my dresser and pull out my clothes for the day. I don't care if he's technically a doctor or not, there is no way I'm changing in front of Orochimaru.

"I'm going to have you test out a theory of mine. If I'm correct, your taijutsu will become much more deadly. It is one of your lacking talents, you haven't developed your own style yet. This will give you the extra push to move from dangerous to deadly." He has a wicked look about him, whatever this is I'm not going to like it. I am all for learning what he's talking about but I have a feeling I'm going to hate how he teaches me this.

"Okay, I'm game for learning a new trick. Now can you wait outside? I have to change." Orochimaru graciously exits my room. I quickly change and meet him outside, even I don't dare to keep him waiting when he's this excited.

"Follow." He briskly walks down the hallway and I do as told, follow.

We walk in silence the entire time. He's taking me to somewhere I've never been before, but it is a place I know about. I hear horror stories about this place from almost everyone I've met here. This is where Orochimaru tests out new things, this is his lab.

Orochimaru generously holds open the door for me. "Come inside, there is no need to worry. I'm not experimenting on you. This time." That is both relieving and horrifying, I don't want to be his lab rat. Ever.

I cautiously enter his lab. The moment I enter this room, I know this day will haunt me for the rest of my life. It isn't the jars of organs lining the walls, it isn't the grotesque half cut open carcasses, it isn't even the cages holding feral half human half animal hybrids. What haunts me is one thing, and one thing only. There is a person strapped down on an operating table, completely nude. Nothing has been done to him yet. At first I dismiss him as just another scumbag that Orochimaru collected. Then he spoke.

"Alvarcus?"

No. Kami no. I don't want this to happen. I know him. _I know him._

"Alvarcus it is you!" There is hope in his voice, he thinks I'm going to save him. "You remember me right? We met when you left on that Land of Tea mission. I'm one of the gennin who took your paperwork! It was you and Sasuke Uchiha! You do remember, right?" His last words are said in a desperate whisper.

"So you two know each other?" Orochimaru gleefully says as he enters the lab. I can see the gennin's hope waver.

"We've met once before, yes." I force myself to respond calmly. I can't afford to display any kind of sympathy.

"I wonder what the chances are. Oh well, what's happened has happened. It won't affect my theory at all."Orochimaru wanders over to one of his desks and picks up a clipboard with paper and a pen. He's going to take notes. This man is sick.

The gennin's hope shatters. You can see his body physically accept defeat. "I didn't want to believe it. You really did go to Orochimaru willingly. I thought you were better than that." He's crying, tears are streaming down his face. He's lost all hope of getting out of this. "I thought you were a good person."

Orochimaru is looking at me expectantly as he idly scribbles down something. He wants me to reply. I mentally prepare myself for what I am about to say.

"You thought I was a good person?" I say in a disgusted tone. "There is no good or evil in this world. There is only strength and power. The strong tell the weak what is good and evil, the strong say what is right and wrong, the strong make the rules, the strong rule over all."

I pause for effect, and to give myself a moment to steel my mind and body for what comes next. The poor gennin is tearing up. To him, I used to be a hero. I was someone he looked up to in awe and wonder. Now I'm standing above him and I'm spitting on everything he thought I was. No longer am I a symbol of what to strive for. No longer am I a good person. No longer am I a hero.

Now I am a monster in both name and title. I'm something to hate. I'm something that needs to be purged from this world. I'm something that is disgusting, a blight on humanity.

"Konoha wouldn't make me strong, I've learned that since coming here. Look at Orochimaru, that is the man who killed the Hokage. That is the man who killed the Kazekage. That is the man who is personally training me, my strength will be unrivaled. Now look at you, strapped to a cold hard table. Where's your strength? Where's Konoha? What did it do for you? Nothing, it only got you trapped here. There is nothing left in Konoha for me. I refuse to be a mild mannered _weakling._ "

I broke him. I broke him with only my words. There is no tension at all in his body, his eyes have a vacant expression like there is no one home. He's given up.

I suppress my utter fury and I turn to Orochimaru. He disgusts me. He is the most vile creature to walk on this world. That bastard is _proud of me._ I can see it in his eyes, just a glimmer of emotion. He's proud that I crushed this gennin's hope for survival. He's proud that I broke him. He can sink no lower in my eyes.

"As... interesting as that was to watch, I didn't bring you down here for a reunion. We're here to test a theory." Orochimaru walks around the strapped down gennin so that we are on either side of him. "The Jiongu can exit your body and is extremely durable. You can form it into any shape you want. What I want you to do is to mock punch the test subject and when your fist connects I want you to spear the Jiongu into his body and leave a piece behind."

"No." I will not put someone else through that pain, that horror. The pure _agony_ is indescribable, there are only two people who deserve that level of torture. One of them is standing before me and I have the other's heart beating in my back.

Orochimaru falls deathly still. A very impressive killing intent floods the room and all of it is directed at me.

"You will." All of Orochimaru's friendliness has vanished. He is pure killing machine right now, and I just told him no. It is a miracle my head is attached still. I'm not sure anyone has told him no and survived in the last few decades.

"I refuse." I will not back down. I stare straight at him without a hint of fear or self preservation. The gennin on the table has passed out from the pressure of Orochimaru's killing intent. The only reason I'm not in the same situation is because I've felt this pressure before, during in training and the Forest of Death.

In the next moment three things happen. One: Orochimaru vanishes in a burst of unrivaled speed. Two: His hand clamps down on my throat, _hard._ Three: I'm slammed through a wall into a large adjacent storage room and then pinned by my throat against the far wall.

Orochimaru leans in close to my face and quietly says, "This is not something you can refuse. You will do this, or I will cut you open and take a piece of the Jiongu and put it in him myself. Do not think that you are irreplaceable. Do not think that you are special. Do not think that I won't kill you."

 _~Can we kill him now?~_

"Fuck you!" I roar.

Pure unadulterated white hot rage courses throughout my body. I lash out at Orochimaru, the Jiongu tears out of my neck and wraps around his hand. Even the great Sannin couldn't dodge that, not when he's this close. I crush it without a hint of mercy or hesitation. Orochimaru rips his hand out of the Jiongu leaving behind a fair amount of skin, muscle and blood. He jumps across the room putting a small amount of distance between us.

A sadistic grin makes its way onto both of our faces, all thought and logic is gone for both of us. The promise of bloodshed has clouded both of our minds.

"You want me to use the Jiongu?" I rip off my shirt, turning it into rags. I couldn't care less about it, right now I need to kill someone. "Fine! I'll use the Jiongu!" I push out my wind, fire, water and earth hearts and make them into my loyal minions.

"Yes! Come at me my child! Prove that you are worthy of such an honor! Prove that you have the ambition to not let anyone limit you, that you will not let anyone demand things from you! Prove to me that you are strong like you so eagerly claim to be! _Prove that you are mine!_ " Orochimaru opens his mouth wide and pulls out his Kusanagi Sword. Then he _moves._

My left arm falls to the ground. Black threads reach out of it and me and pull it back where it belongs. Jutsu of four elements are flying around the room, the Jiongu isn't holding anything back. It is viciously attacking Orochimaru with everything it can. He's dodging all of it.

"Is this all the great Hearth Thief can manage?" Orochimaru taunts as he nimbly weaves around every and all of my numerous attacks. "Come on! Do more! Do better! I know you have the resources! You have the means! Or was giving you the Jiongu a mistake? Perhaps I should take it back."

I spark up my elemental defense sphere, a rotating ball of lightning whips forms protectively around me. I don't stop there, I send out normal strings to attach to debris around the room and start spinning that around me too. I have a physical and an elemental shield around me.

"I will never part with the Jiongu! The Jiongu is mine!" I call out in a crazed voice.

 _~And the host is mine!~_

Orochimaru isn't phased by my defense, he weaves through it and lops off my right arm this time. It reattaches in moments just like my left. He didn't get away cleanly, one of the projectiles clipped his shoulder. There is no damage to him, but there is a noticeable black smudge on his robe.

"I WILL NOT SHARE WHAT IS MINE!" I roar out to Orochimaru.

I will all of my hearts back into me, I'm going to try something new. Something so destructive and overwhelming that even a Sannin won't be able to get away unscathed. Like when I fought against Gaara I let the masks extend out of my back but I don't let them separate from my body. They form a black X behind me with each stark white mask on the end of the new limbs. Each mask and I in unison channels an overwhelming amount of chakra, but each one of us is channeling a different element. Once I can't muster up any more chakra, I insanely stare down the patiently waiting creature before me.

"Yes!" Orochimaru swings his arms out wide in a welcoming gesture. "Come Alvarcus Mar, attack me with everything you have! Attack me at your strongest! At your best! I want to see it! I want to see if you truly are worthy of being my child!"

"ELEMENTAL MONSTROSITY!" We launch our attacks in unison and they all merge into one large beam of destruction.

Orochimaru slams his hand down on the ground and yells, "Summoning Jutsu: Double Rashomon!" Two very large hell gates rise from the ground in the path of my attack.

My beam of elemental fury slams into Orochimaru's resolute defense. "The power! The intensity! The pure destruction! Everything it touches is destroyed! I've never seen a fusion of all the elements before! Alvarcus Mar, there is no doubt in me now!"

With a deafening BOOM, my attack plows into the first gate. A loud noise of tearing metal drowns out all other sound. My fury fueled attack is going straight _through_ the hell gate.

"Marvelous! You actually have an attack that is capable of breaching one of Hashirama's fabled defensive summon!" Orochimaru is laughing insanely. He's giddy with happiness, he's elated to see my attack overcome one of his defensive walls. "I knew you would be great! I knew it! But to achieve this so soon? No, even I didn't dare to dream of this! I should have known! Truly, in this moment you have proven yourself to be worthy of being my child!"

Orochimaru's defense isn't anything to dismiss. Even though my attack managed to plow through the first hell gate it is weakened so much that it only manages to dent the second and tilt it backwards slightly before it peters out into nothing.

"Alvarcus, enough!" Orochimaru's voice echos in the suddenly quiet room. No, it isn't enough yet. He's still breathing, once he stops doing that only then will it be enough. "I've made a mistake."

I'm jolted out of my bloodlust. Orochimaru admitted to making a mistake, that is enough to stop anyone in their tracks. "Explain. I was having fun." I'm not even lying, it is very therapeutic to attack the person who viciously hurts me nearly every day.

"I misunderstood you." I tilt my head in confusion. How do you misunderstand a giant beam of all the elements aimed at your heart? Pretty sure that is universal for I want you to die. "When you told me no, I thought it was out of concern for your former comrade." Oh, that part. The spark that ignited our quick battle. "Now I know it is because you don't want others to have the Jiongu. It is what makes you unique after all, you want to keep it to yourself. I can understand that."

I don't get out of my battle stance yet. "So... are we going to stop attacking each other now?"

"Yes." Orochimaru swallows his sword again. "I didn't plan for us to spar at this level for a long time. I admit, I let it get out of hand. I could have stopped it at any moment, but I've never seen you so passionate in battle before! I just had to keep pushing you! And what a show you put on! I might have to step up your training."

I withdraw my monsters fully into me. "Yay. More torture. Can't wait." I swear he's going to turn me into a masochist at this rate. I'm not even phased by being gutted or my limbs getting cut off anymore.

"That will be for another time." Orochimaru assures me. "Now, I believe we were going to test out a theory of mine. That was the purpose of this meeting. Not the destruction of one of my storage rooms."

A cold hand grips my hearts. "I'm not giving the Jiongu to anyone else." I don't care if Orochimaru wants me to. It is staying with me. Let him assume that I want it for myself, I don't want anyone else to go through the pain I did. Especially someone I know.

Orochimaru and I make our way back into his lab. "We've established that. I'll adjust for you, instead of leaving a piece behind just spear him. Send the Jiongu into the test subject and cause as much damage as you can." We're standing around the still comatose gennin again. That is for the best, he shouldn't have to feel what will happen next. "Kill him using just the Jiongu and physical contact." My heart turns to lead.

I liked it better when Orochimaru and I were trying to kill each other. I don't want to hurt this child, that's what he is at this moment. He's not a shinobi of Konoha, he's just a kid that is in the wrong place. I don't want to kill him. He's still innocent, he isn't like the others down here. He shouldn't have to die.

But he is going to. I can't afford to show compassion for him. I can't display a hint of regret or mercy. I'm going to kill him and a piece of myself. The least I can do is make it quick.

I form my right hand into a fist and lightly punch the gennin directly above his heart. I push the Jiongu out of my knuckles and it digs into his flesh and worms its way through his ribs and wraps around his heart. I squeeze. A faint wet pop rings through the air. He's dead. I killed him. I killed a Konoha shinobi. I killed a _child._

"Excellent display of your control of the Jiongu, but I want to see damage. We already know you can take hearts, I want you to shred his organs, I want brutal." I hate this man. I want him to die. I want to be there when it happens, I want to see it.

It isn't enough that Orochimaru made me kill him, he is having me desecrate his corpse.

Calmly, without showing any emotion at all, I raise my fist again and lower it to the dead gennin's stomach. I have the Jiongu spear into his gut and shred everything it can in a quarter second. It is all I can take, if I let it go on my facade would crack.

"Better, there was true damage this time. Let's see what you did." Orochimaru draws a scalpel across the dead gennin's gut. I look away as he peels back the skin and muscle to show his entrails. "That was better than I expected! This is a success. You're exceeding all of my expectations today."

My curiosity gets the better of me and I glance down. There are no organs. The only thing left is a thick reddish brown chunky paste. I did that. I did that in less than a second. I rush over to the nearby sink and throw up.

 _I did that to a child._

"I was wondering how long you would last. Everyone pukes their first time seeing something like this." Orochimaru is lovingly rubbing me on the back like a parent would with their sick child. It makes me want to empty my stomach again. "You lasted longer than most, I've had people that didn't make it five seconds upon entering my lab." He takes hold of my arm and places something cold in my hand. "Here, water to rinse out the taste." I rinse out my mouth and rise back up from the sink.

I hate this man with my entire being. Hate isn't a strong enough word.

"Did you need me for anything else?" I mechanically say to Orochimaru. There is no life to my voice at all.

Orochimaru is scribbling like mad on his notepad. "No, that is all for today."

"I'll be going then." I calmly walk out of the lab and back to my room in silence. No one escorts me for the first time.

That bastard planned this. This was meant to test my loyalty. He wanted to know if I would kill a Konoha shinobi. This entire day was meant to see if he could trust me.

I storm over to my desk and whip out a piece of paper. On it I write "Visiting the Nest" and stick it on the outside of my door.

I slam my hand to the ground. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

Shirokumo appears before me. "Hey Al. What's up?"

"I need you to reverse summon me to the Nest." I say blandly without emotion. If I let a little break through I know that it will all pour forth. I can't have a breakdown here.

Shirokumo stills in worry. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Please. Now." I can feel my resolve weakening, my suppressed emotions are surging back to the surface.

"Alright." He disappears in a cloud of smoke.

POOF

I'm whisked away after him.

* * *

The Nest

I land on my feet in a dark clearing. I stretch out my senses, only Shirokumo and I are here. Good, I don't want what happens next to be common knowledge.

I release my hold on my emotions. I roar in anger, I cry in sadness, I wail in pain, I scream in terror all at the same time. I lash out at a nearby tree, punching it so hard I put a fist sized hole in it. I don't stop at one punch. I hit it repeatedly.

"I!" Punch. "Killed!" Punch. "A!" Punch. " _Child!_ " Punch. " _UNFORGIVABLE_!" The tree topples to the ground.

"Why? Why did he have to die?" I whine pitifully. "He didn't have to die, it didn't have to be him. It could have been anyone but he picked him."

I laugh in insanity. "I know why it was him! It was to test me! It's all my fault! Hello world, I'm Alvarcus the killer of children!"

"No." I say in a hushed angry tone. "It wasn't my fault. It is Orochimaru's fault. He made me. He made me do it! Yes, his fault! Not mine!"

"That doesn't make the blood on my hands go away." My voice sounds broken, defeated. "I still did it. I could have said no." I fall down to my knees. "I could have said no." I scuttle backwards until I hit something. I wrap my arms around my legs, holding myself tightly. "I could have said no." Tears are streaming down my face, I'm rocking back and forth. "I could have said no."

 _~ENOUGH!~_

My head snaps upwards at the sudden noise.

 _~Enough of this! You are better than this, you will overcome this! My host is not a weak sniveling child! I do not choose the feeble and frail, I choose the stoic and tenacious!~_

"But I killed a child." I barely whisper out.

 _~No, you ensured our survival. That is what we do, survive. Look at the work you are doing, you know what Orochimaru is capable of. I've seen it in your memories. You've killed one to save_ thousands _. He had to die so others could live.~_

"That doesn't make it right."

 _~You gave him a quick death. Orochimaru would have done much worse to him. What you did was mercy, not murder. He was going to die today by your hand or Orochimaru's. With you he didn't suffer.~_

Hoarsely I croak out, "You're right." I wipe my face dry. "He was going to die no matter what I did. I didn't kill him out of anger. I didn't kill him out of need or want. I killed him because it was the merciful thing to do. I didn't kill him, I spared him from Orochimaru."

 _~Yes, now get up and move forward. We accomplish nothing by dwelling on our actions. Honor the dead by remembering them, do not let them fade into obscurity.~_

I climb to my feet. My will is back, my resolve is back. "I will. I won't forget him. He'll be my motivation, my reason to push forwards. I will finish what I have started so one else has to share his fate."

 _~Well said, host.~_

"Are you done freaking out now?" Shirokumo asks from the other side of the clearing high up in a tree. "Cuz that was weird to watch. Did you know that you talk to yourself?"

I bet that was very strange to watch. He probably thinks I am crazy now. "Alright, hear me out before you judge. Basically..." I tell Shirokumo everything. I explain how the Jiongu works, that it is sentient and parasitic. I tell him that it talks to me. Then I tell him about today and what I had to do, and how the Jiongu calmed me down, talked sense into me. "... so that's it. Your summoner has a living parasitic thread monster inside him that talks."

"If you were anyone else I wouldn't believe you." Shriokumo climbs up me to rest on my head. I'm glad that he accepts me, if he didn't I would lose one of my friends. "Tsunade was right, you are a magnet for crazy."

"Aw shit. I have to tell Tsunade what happened. Are you willing to run a letter today for me?" This is going to be one terrible letter.

"I've got nothing better to do. Lets go." Shirokumo raises his two front legs.

"Right-"

POOF

* * *

Sound Base, Alvarcus's Room

"-now?" We're back in my room. "Thank Kami, I thought you were taking me to Tsunade."

Shirokumo screeches in amusement. "I can't do that. I can only summon myself to other spiders, passengers are a no go."

"Dang." I plop down at my desk and pull out paper and pen. "Guess I can't use you as a taxi service."

Shirokumo scampers up to his web. "What's a taxi?"

"Oh... uh... transportation." I haven't slipped up like that in years. Today has really gotten to me. "Basically a service that charges a flat rate per kilometer and would take you from point A to point B. Like a carriage or caravan."

"Interesting." He lets the conversation drop so I can work on the letter. As I'm writing it he's expanding his web across my ceiling. It's taking up at least half of it now.

"Alright Shirokumo. I've got it all ready."

He repels down from my ceiling and lands on my desk. "Whoa, it's heavier this time. How many pages did you write?"

"Only one. I also included data sheets for the Sound Four, that is what the extra weight is from. I was very detailed."

"No kidding." He heaves the letter and report onto his back. "I'll be going then. If I take to long the weight will crush me."

"Thanks for doing this." I say as he puffs away in smoke. "Now, I'm going to pass the fuck out. After today I deserve it." I plop onto my bed and fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

It isn't.

* * *

Hokage's Office

POOF

"Tsunade." Shirokumo says in a very serious tone. Miraculously Tsunade doesn't try to squish him this time.

"Drinking buddy!" Tsunade's whole face lights up. "Please say you can stay for drinks this time. I've been looking forward to this."

"You need to get him out of there." Shirokumo throws the letter aggressively down on her desk.

She picks it up and reads it.

 _Lady with the Hat,_

 _The Traitor forced Spider to kill a lost leaf today._

 _It cemented my loyalty in the Traitor's eyes, but you need to know what happened. I don't know his name, I've only met him once before. He was one of the two that let me and the Snake go get Tea. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, gennin. I didn't want to kill him, it was either I do it or I let the Traitor have his way with him._

 _Since I know you'll ask, I am not okay. I had a breakdown but I will preserver. I'm not going to let this be the end, I'm going to move forward. Just do something for me, make sure his name makes it onto the Stone. He deserves more, he deserves a proper funeral but he can't have one. Not while he's here._

 _I've also included a few profiles on the people I've met here. They have a general outline of their skills and rank in the Traitor's hierarchy. Since I've finally earned his trust, I should be privy to more sensitive things now. If I can get my hands on a map of where the Traitor's bases are, I'll make sure you get a copy._

 _Spider_

"It says that he killed a Konoha shinobi. A gennin. Someone he knew on sight." Tsunade says grimly. "He had a breakdown? I've never seen that kid phased by anything. He shrugged off being decapitated by a S-rank missing nin."

"Breakdown doesn't do it justice. His whole persona shattered. He literally went from anger, to sadness, to _insanity_ , to desperation, then to self loathing. He talked through it out loud to himself, he thinks I didn't notice but I did. He tried to play it off on the Jiongu. You do know about that right?" She nods, she examined him herself after all. She knows more than most. "The Jiongu had to snap him out of his funk. I called out to him multiple times but he ignored me. I couldn't help him, he didn't notice me at all."

"He doesn't want out." Tsunade replies after reading further into the letter. "I can't afford to withdraw him now, not when he just earned Orochimaru's trust. He's in too deep, but I need him to keep digging."

Shirokumo raises himself up higher. "You need to do something! The person you know is changing! He's becoming twisted and rent all thanks to that revolting man! _He killed a child today and you want him to stay there?_ "

"SILENCE!" Tsunade thunders at the large spider on her desk. He doesn't back down. "Do not make the mistake of thinking only you care for him. I don't want Alvarcus there at all. I expressly _forbid_ him from doing it and he did it anyway. The first chance we have to get him back he tells us to do nothing and avoid him. You want me to do something? There is nothing I can do, nothing at all. He's on his own by choice. I didn't want this, Kakashi didn't want this, Konoha didn't want this! Alvarcus wanted this, so he did it."

"Write back to him." Shirokumo demands. "He sends you weekly letters with his reports. He actively differentiates them in his mind. Don't you get it? _He's writing you a letter._ He's reaching out to you, the one person who actually knows what is going on in his life. He's using me as a crutch for positive contact. He summons me almost everyday just for conversation. He needs reassurance from his own species, he needs a friend. Someone to lean on, someone to tell his problems to, someone to listen to him. He has to wear a mask around everyone except you and the Spiders."

Tsunade pales. "I missed it. All three reports have had a personal letter just to me about mostly irrelevant information. How did I miss it?"

"You weren't looking. You've missed more than that. Alvarcus has changed. He's becoming desensitized to pain and violence. You know how bad that is, he's a shinobi that is loosing touch with his morals. He constantly endures _torture_ under the disguise of training! I fear for the next person he fights, his level of acceptable damage has skyrocketed. He doesn't even blink when his arm gets cut off! The only things that can phase him are getting his head cut off or losing a heart!"

"He is going to end up killing someone in the Chunin Exams, isn't he?" Tsunade morbidly asks.

"Yes, and it will be purely accidental. He won't scale back his strength until something irreversible happens. He's been fighting only _Orochimaru_ for who knows how long! Every damn day for hours. He's fighting Sannin level opponents, your level, Kage level."

"He's well on his way to achieving his dream. I only wish it wasn't like this." Tsunade says in a bleak tone. "He should have stayed here."

"You should have kept him here." Shirokumo poofs away, returning to the Nest.

"I can't even get mad at him for that comment. He's right." Tsunade opens the bottom drawer in her desk and pulls out a bottle. "Alvarcus, you better survive through this. Konoha is always open to you as long as I am the Hokage."


	33. Chapter 33

Two Weeks Until Chunin Exams

Currently I am in the lounge with Sasuke. We're the only two here, the Sound Four are out doing something for Orochimaru. Probably something despicable like acquiring new test subjects.

"Alright. I've had enough of this." Sasuke's displeased voice breaks the silence. He stands up out of his chair and stomps over to me. "What has been eating at you?"

"Uh what?" I intelligently respond as I look up from a book that I haven't bothered to read the title of. I haven't even bothered to read a single word. I've been staring at the pages.

"You've been off for the past week. You're eating less. You're losing focus. You get distracted easily and stare off into space. Hell you're sleeping less, which is good but you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Something happened. What was it?"

"Sasuke nothing happened." I calmly assure him. It isn't like I'm going to say: Orochimaru, the person who I'm pretty sure is literally getting off on torturing me everyday this week, made me kill a Konoha gennin that was only a child. So yeah, sorry if I'm a little distracted.

Sasuke glares at me. "Bullshit. I know you. I know your tells. You're lying. Tell me what happened."

I can't meet his eyes. I don't trust myself to not break down and confess everything. I'm vulnerable. "I don't want to." I weakly whisper out.

"Alvarcus." Sasuke sternly says. "You didn't let me get away with keeping things to myself in the Land of Tea, I'm not going to let you get away with it now."

"Don't make me. Please. I don't want to remember it."

"Come on." He softly urges. "It can't be any worse than my outburst back then."

"Sasuke... I killed an innocent." I can hear Sasuke take a sharp inhale of breath. "Orochimaru wanted to test a theory with the Jiongu. The test subject was an innocent. That's what's been bothering me. Everyone else I've killed has done something wrong. Thieves, bandits, murderers. I can rationalize killing them, they're a blight on society. Hell I can even rationalize killing someone who is attacking me with deadly force! That's our occupational hazard. But... not this one. Not this one."

"Oh." Sasuke quietly says. That's not even the worst part. I didn't tell him that he was nothing more than a child. "I hate to say this, but it will happen to everyone eventually."

My head snaps upwards to stare at him in disbelief. "How can you possibly say that?"

"People make mistakes. Sometimes bakers burn their bread. Or a carpenter will measure wrong. Or... you get the idea. The difference is we're shinobi. When we make a mistake, someone could die. Sometimes it will be an innocent."

"Yeah, but I didn't make a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing the whole time."

"Do you feel remorse? Do you regret it?"

"Of course! How is that even a question?"

"Then quit calling yourself a monster." Sasuke demands.

"When did I do that?"

"All damn week." Sasuke tiredly tells me. "I know you better than anyone. I know what goes on in your head. You've been calling yourself a monster all the damn time. You're not."

A small smile forms on my face. Arrogant prick is right. I have been calling myself a monster. "Fine. I'll stop for a bit. Can we go back to when we would sassily try to best each other at something? I'm not the biggest fan of this 'tell me your feelings' stuff."

"So Alvarcus." Sasuke blandly humors me, "On a completely unrelated topic, I finally hit Orochimaru today."

"Really? What did you do, punch him in the face? Because I would have liked to see that." That would be much better therapy than whatever the hell Sasuke just put me through.

Sasuke's proud tone falters for a moment. Obviously he didn't get a true hit in, neither have I. The best I've managed is a handful of glancing blows and the one time I managed to crush his hand. I don't count that as a hit because we were both not thinking straight.

"During a kenjutsu session I managed to cut his robes." Sasuke is trying to brag to me.

"Well done! That is a big achievement, to land a near hit on a Sannin is very impressive." He's smug with pride. It is really sad, I managed to hit Orochimaru weeks ago. Am I that far above Sasuke now? Is Orochimaru's insane brand of training pushing me that far that quickly? That is a great question, how far have I advanced? Orochimaru is holding back less and less every day, that's a good thing. If you count constantly being dismembered as a positive.

"Have you managed to get him yet?" Sasuke asks the question I was hoping to avoid. I have, a few times already, but I don't want him to know that. I don't want him to realize there is a gap in our skill levels, that he is still behind me.

An earsplitting ring echoes throughout the room. "Alvarcus, come to my office." Orochimaru's voice calls out over the PA system. I'm saved by my enemy. How ironic.

"We'll have to finish this later." I rise from my relaxed position and put my book away. I nod a quick goodbye to Sasuke as I make my way to Orochimaru. No one dares to keep him waiting, not even one of his prized pupils. I get to his office in under five minutes.

"Okay." I shakily say to myself. "You can do this. Just do what you normally do and put on a mask. He got to you. Don't let him know that he did. Just act normal. Be your usual snarky sarcastic self. Oh hell this isn't going to work. Fuck it, I'll just wing it."

I poke my head through the door and take stock of all the changes. There's only one change. There is a chair across from his desk this time, one for me. How considerate. "You called?"

"Yes, yes. Come in and sit down. I need to discuss something with you." Alarms and warning bells sound in my head.

What could he possible want to talk about? I've covered all of my tracks, there is no way he knows I'm reporting to Tsunade. He doesn't know I have a way to contact her, we've never discussed the abilities of my summons in length. He wants me to discover their uses on my own.

"It is about Sasuke." Oh. That changes everything. I'm safe, I get to breath another day. I walk in and take a seat.

"Sasuke. Nothing is wrong I hope." If Sasuke is going to be experimented on again, I dragging him out of here and back to Konoha. Spying be damned, I'm here for him.

Orochimaru sighs. _Sighs._ I've never seen him this animated before, well excluding his crazed blood thirst for knowledge and battle. I've seen those first hand too many times. "No, nothing is wrong. Per say. I'm worried he many sustain grievous injury during the Exams. He's overconfident and it will be his undoing."

"That is what this is about? You don't need to tell me that. I was there when he attacked his brother. You know, Itachi the S-rank missing nin from Konoha? I still can't believe Sasuke thought he could win that. Besides, this is a bunch of _gennin_ we will be facing. Surely he won't have any issues with anyone sent. Except for me maybe, I doubt that we will be forced to fight though. Not until the finals. We're good enough to work around each other. Besides, our last conversation with the three of us you made it pretty clear you wanted us both to put on a show. We can't do that if we go after each other."

"Gaara of the Desert will be there." With those few words, Orochimaru suddenly has a very strong argument. I can see Sasuke seeking him out as a challenge, Gaara is one of the opponents that Sasuke struggled with. Needed help with. He might challenge Gaara to prove to himself that he's improved.

"Ah." Is my intellectual reply.

Orochimaru sighs in exasperation. "Now you see my problem. Sasuke is strong but rash. He challenges those who are out of his reach. Gaara is one of them, for now. I want you to protect him, curb his enthusiasm, keep him on a leash."

I laugh, the sound startles Orochimaru. "You really think anyone can keep him on a leash? Have you met Sasuke? He doesn't submit to anyone, not even you." Orochimaru raises an eyebrow, saying that was a really bad idea. I need to think what I say through more. "Do you honestly think that he came to Sound for you? No, he came to get stronger. He would have gone to _Iwa_ if it meant he would improve. Surely you remember how much Konoha and Iwa detest each other."

"You're right, not anyone can keep him on a leash, only you. You can, I've seen it. He listens to you, he values your opinion and will accept your reasoning. Only you can keep him from doing something he truly sets his mind on doing." Orochimaru has a twinkle of victory in his eyes.

That smug bastard pisses me off. I hate when he's right. "I can promise nothing. We could be split up during the Exams."

Orochimaru waves a hand dismissively. "Please, both of you are skilled enough to ensure you're always near the other. If there is a team section I have no doubt you'll both be on the same team. I'm not asking you to fight his battles for him, just keep Sasuke safe from himself."

I roll my eyes at Orochimaru. "I do that anyways, I'll keep him out of trouble. It is hands down the most stressful thing I have ever done. You wouldn't believe the trouble we get into."

A wicked gleam sparks in Orochimaru's eyes. "I suppose it is time to step up your training again. After all, how can taking care of a lowly gennin be harder than fighting a Sannin?"

"Oh you asshole! Only today have I managed to avoid getting a limb cut off!" I'm not lying, Orochimaru has been especially vicious this last week. Probably from our scuffle, he really stepped his game up. Before it was just extreme maiming and maybe a loss of a limb. This past week I lost a limb every session, sometimes twice.

"Kukukuku, you're right. Maybe it is time for something new? You have very little experience fighting larger opponents. I might have to summon a few snakes for you to fight."

"Nope! If I didn't hear it, it didn't happen!" I leap out of my chair and sprint out of his office.

* * *

One Week Until Chunin Exams

"LAZY ASS! UP AND AT THEM!" Tayuya's voice forcibly pulls me from my afternoon nap. Why is it always her? Why can't it be Kidomaru or Jirobo or even Sakon? At least they don't yell at me. All I want to do is take a nice nap after training, but no. Tayuya has to ruin it. "NOW!"

"Ugh, fine. Just quit yelling. I swear you could give me permanent hearing damage." Not only is she loud, we're close quarters. Her voice _echos_ , I have to hear it multiple times. It is annoying.

Tayuya scoffs at me. "Good. I'm getting Red-eyes then we're going to Orochimaru. He wants the three of us for something." She exits my room to go get Sasuke.

That's new, usually it is only Sasuke and I summoned to Orochimaru or the entire Sound Four. What could he want the three of us for? Especially considering the Exams are so close. It can't be a mission, I doubt he would have Tayuya try to advance our training since both Sasuke and I have built in genjutsu defenses.

After I finally drag myself out of my room I meet both Tayuya and Sasuke in the hallway. "Any idea what this is for?" I ask her.

"Nope!" With that very detailed explanation Tayuya takes off down the hallway at a sprint.

"This must be serious if she's willing to run." Sasuke idly comments to me.

"We're a bit late, so start running pansies!" She calls over her shoulder.

"Or that." I levelly reply.

Sasuke and I both follow after her. We make it to Orochimaru's office in record time.

"Good, you're all here." Orochimaru says upon the three of us entering the room. The chair I sat in last time is gone, we will have to stand this time. I wonder if that is his way of showing favoritism? "Now, guesses as to why I called you three? I do love to see how you think."

"I dunno, you find it amusing to have Tayuya wake me up?" I sarcastically reply. "At least there was no bucket this time."

"You want me to test them on genjutsu?" Tayuya guesses. It isn't a bad idea, especially since she doesn't know that we have defenses in place already. It's not like we go around blabbering about our strengths and weaknesses.

"She's going to be our chaperon for the Chunin Exams." Sasuke blandly retorts. "It is the only option that makes sense, we can't go alone."

Orochimaru gleefully claps his hands together. "Well done Sasuke! You're correct, Tayuya will be your handler for the Chunin Exams."

"Oh Kami no. Why her? Choose someone else, anyone else. Please?" I whine childishly at Orochimaru. I don't want to deal with her for that long.

"No. She's the best fit for this." Orochimaru begins to explain. "Both Sasuke and you are very gifted in ninjutsu and your taijutsu is nothing to laugh at. Sasuke's kenjutsu is not something to dismiss either, for the short time he's been working on it he's made very good progress. Between the two of you very little will be able to threaten you on the road to or from the exams. What your team is missing is a genjutsu specialist, hence why I chose Tayuya. Genjutsu is her strongest point, she's a backline fighter. A supporting fighter while you and Sasuke are front liners."

I groan. He's right, it does make sense to pair us with her. Not only his reasons, but of all the Sound shinobi we know the Sound Four's skills the best. We won't be working with an unknown. "Fine. But if she annoys me too much you may be down a member. Fair warning."

"Please like you could actually hurt me! You wouldn't even be able to touch me!" Tayuya brags. I swear we've done this before.

"Ahem." Orochimaru's voice stops our argument before it could take off. "Any questions? No? Good. You all leave for the Land of Grass tomorrow. I want you three there before the day of the Chunin Exams to get a feel for the terrain. Now go do something else, I have business to attend to." We leave his office.

Works for me, I can set up a spider network to get some info on the competition. Now that I think about it, I should check in with the spiders around here. They haven't sought me out with any information. Maybe I should specify what I meant when I said spy on people? What would spiders consider strange or abnormal, especially if they've been living here for a long time. They could grow used to the freakishness here.

Actually, I should talk with Shirokumo about setting up a spy network that could encompass the entire Elemental Nations. Sasuke had a good idea when he wanted me to find out where his brother is. I could keep tabs on all of the Akatsuki, that way when they finally make their move I can be better prepared. I have a feeling that Tsunade will attempt to keep me out of that mess. Plus if I'm still missing nin at the time how would I know when go help Gaara or the other jinchuriki?

"You're thinking too hard." Sasuke's voice yanks me from my thoughts. "Please say you weren't plotting Tayuya's death. As much as you two argue, you know that Orochimaru's wrath would be extreme."

I chuckle darkly. I'm intimately acquainted with Orochimaru's wrath in ways that Sasuke couldn't imagine. "Oh, I could easily frame another country. I'm confident Konoha or Suna would love to kill a Sound nin. All I need to do is convince you to collaborate my story." Tempting, but I better not. "I was thinking about using my spiders to gather information on the contestants at the Chunin Exams, then I remembered your idea of trying to find Itachi. Figured I could use the Exams as a sort of test run."

Sasuke eagerly turns towards me. If I didn't have his attention before, I certainly do now. "You're going to start a spy network?"

I casually shrug. "Might as well. The Spiders would excel at it and it would help me never be caught off guard. I'll have to summon Shirokumo to ask him about it. See if there is a special spider that does that and all that nonsense."

"Can I watch?" Sasuke requests. This is important to him, I could help him find Itachi. "I can describe Itachi to your Spiders." He's even offering to be useful.

"Sure. You should meet Shirokumo at least, that way you two will recognize each other. Then I can use him to get messages to or from you."

"He can do that?" Crap, I might have said too much. I have to remember that there are things I can't tell Sasuke.

"Yep. It is pretty neat, but I don't really have many people to write to." I need to distract him, throw him off a trail a little. Oh I know! "You know, I could probably convince him to get a letter to Ino. I bet you miss her."

A hand firmly grasps my shoulder. "Alvarcus." Oh boy, he's mad. "You need to understand this. Ino and I have never been and will never be a thing."

"Whatever you say loverboy." I break out of Sasuke's grip and step into my room. "Now, if you want to be there when I ask Shirokumo about my possible spy network get inside. I'm not going to wait for you."

Grumbling obscenities under his breath Sasuke enters my room and plops down on my desk's chair. Then he looks up. "Holy crap. Your ceiling is covered in webs."

Huh, he's right. "What do you know, it finally took up all of it. I knew he was getting close, but damn." That is an impressive feat for a single spider of Shirokumo's size. I do have him over a lot though so it is explainable. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

"Sup Al." Shirokumo greets me like usual. He lackadaisically climbs up the nearest wall to his web. "You need something? A lett-"

"I have a few questions for you." That was close. He didn't notice Sasuke in the room and almost let slip that I'm sending letters to Tsunade. "Well, we do sorta. It was his idea to begin with." I gesture to Sasuke who has an open mouth. "Shirokumo, Sasuke. Sasuke, Shirokumo."

"Ah, so you're Sasuke. I've heard a great many things about you." Shirokumo says in a disapproving tone from the ceiling. Ouch, he's barely met the guy and he doesn't like him. "You're a Snake Summoner."

"And you're a giant talking spider. Alvarcus, that is a giant talking spider. How are you so calm?" Sasuke is on edge. Maybe he lied to me when he said he wasn't afraid of spiders?

"Are you scared of your snake summons? No. Same thing." I explain in as few words as possible.

Sasuke stares at me in disbelief. "Giant spider, no issues with that at all?"

"Do shut up. I'm not even a big one." Shirokumo reprimands Sasuke for his blatant dislike of his species. I don't blame him, Sasuke is being very rude. Shirokumo turns to me, "I can't believe you are friends with this guy. Anyways, you have some questions for me? There isn't much you don't already know about me."

"Nah, it isn't about you. It is about the Spiders in general. Sasuke gave me a good idea a month or two ago that I'm finally getting around to working on. Basically I want to know if the Spiders have a spy master. I want to use the spiders of this realm to gather information on important people and the things they do. Is there a spider that specializes in that kind of thing?"

Shirokumo says nothing for a minute. "Yes, there is. That explains so much."

"Sorry, what?" I ask in confusion. What would that possibly explain?

Shirokumo lazily repels down from the ceiling to hang at my eye level. "My subspecies are the information gathers. It must be why you summoned me, you subconsciously knew what you wanted in a summons."

That does explain a lot. I needed someone to help me spy on Orochimaru, who better than a spy master? It also explains why Shirokumo conveniently has the ability to summon himself to other spiders, it is so he can get reports easier.

"Unfortunately, I am the last of my subspecies. I can set something up for you, but it will take time. A very long time, a year at the least. I'll need to convince the spiders in major villages and towns to report to me, that will be difficult. I haven't done something like this in generations!"

Generations? How old is Shirokumo? And a year? That is incredibly quick to set up that large of an information network, I'm impressed. "Would it help if you told them I was the one asking through you?"

"Why would that help?" Sasuke cuts in. I forgot he was here. Oops.

"He's the Spider Summoner." Shirokumo dryly retorts. "Use your head next time."

Sasuke bristles at the insult. I speak up before they can really start insulting each other. "Yeah I know I'm awesome. On my travels I can ask the spiders myself, that should help. Can't promise I'll be getting out that much though."

"You misunderstand, it isn't convincing them that will be a problem. It is getting a system in place, a chain of command and organization. That is what will take time. I'll need to teach the others how to structure reports and what is deemed as relevant information. The spiders of this realm really like to talk, it is bothersome. Lack of social lives I think."

"Train others to teach for you." Sasuke interrupts again. "Train a batch of ten, then send them to teach the others. Simple."

Shirokumo rolls his eyes, which is very creepy since he has eight of them. "I already though of that. That is why it's only a year and not a century. Why are you here again?"

"Because this was all my idea." Sasuke haughtily replies.

"And to tell you a description of his brother, the whole reason he want's me to make a spy network in the first place." Playing peacemaker is difficult with these two. I don't understand why Shirokumo is so antagonistic to Sasuke.

"Don't bother." Shirokumo cuts in before Sasuke can speak. "It is too early to be looking for specific people. That will have to wait until I have at least a exoskeleton crew set up, someone in every major village at the minimum. Hopefully most of the minor ones too."

"Fine. How long will that be?" Sasuke demands.

Shirokumo pulls himself back up to his web on my ceiling. "I don't know, six months? Eight? These things take time."

"Perfect, we still need to train before we can take on Itachi and Kisame again. Last time I lost my head, we need to be much better than we were." Even if Shirokumo does find out where Itachi is in six months I'm not telling Sasuke. We need to be _way_ more skilled than we are to actually survive through another encounter. "Actually, could you start working in Kusa? The Chunin Exams are in a week, can you have it ready by then? I want information on the contestants."

"Sure, I'll start there." Shirokumo agrees.

"Acceptable." Sasuke eagerly says. He's already envisioning his victory, the arrogant brat. "I need to go pack for the Chunin Exams. Come find me when you're ready for a description of Itachi, I'll tell you everything I can." He rises up from his chair and leaves my room.

"What's the real reason you want this spy network?" Shirokumo asks from his web. Great, he's expanding it downwards now that it covers the entire ceiling. He's going to take over the room at this rate. "I don't believe you would do something this extreme for something so petty."

"You're right. There's a group called Akatsuki that his brother is apart of. They wanted Naruto to extract his bijuu, the nine tailed fox. I plan on stopping them, the spy network will help with that. Plus it will help Konoha out if I can send tell them 'Hey the Raikage is going to try to kidnap a Hyuuga again.' Also I will be better prepared for my missions if I have that resource. I can walk into any town and ask what shinobi are present, where is the one am I looking for, and who should I avoid." And now I can let some of my future knowledge slip and I have something to blame it on. Why wouldn't an aspiring spy master know certain unique pieces of information?

"You try to do too much. Not only are you here to protect Sasuke and spy on Orochimaru for Konoha, you want to take on this Akatsuki group. Please tell me that Akatsuki is less threatening than Orochimaru."

I wince. "Well... probably not. Orochimaru used to be one of them. Their ranks are small, only ten, but each member is a S-rank shinobi."

"You are insane. Do you realize how crazy that sounds? You want to take on _ten_ S-rank shinobi?"

"Yeah I know. It isn't going to happen soon, that's not until years later. I have a little under three to be ready for that. It is also part of the reason I came here. Say what you will, but Orochimaru is training me quickly and effectively. I'm growing at an insane rate."

"You're also submitting yourself to torture. In any other situation what he does to you is torture. The only reason it isn't is because you're allowing it to happen, and even that excuse is flimsy at best." Shirokumo sounds concerned for me. Very concerned.

With a heavy sigh I say, "I know. Believe me I know, but I need to do this. If I don't my friends will die and my village will burn. I need to get stronger quickly. Orochimaru is doing it."

"If you keep doing this _you_ might die."

"I know."

Shirokumo repels down onto my head. "I know you do, just like I know you won't leave no matter how much I ask you to. You won't leave unless Sasuke does too. In the end, he's the only reason you came here, isn't he? Everything else comes second to him."

"Yes, yes he is. He needs someone to look after him, he's vulnerable. He's still a blank canvas and I don't want Orochimaru to mold him into a monster like me."

That's what I am, a monster. Even if Sasuke thinks I'm not, I know the truth. I'm no longer innocent, no longer a good person. Not when I have so much blood on my hands, blood of innocents. There is so much blood I don't even know how many lives I've taken anymore. Twenty? Fifty? A Hundred?

"You're not a monster." Shirokumo assures me. "I've seen monsters, talked with them. You're not one of them."

"If you say so." I weakly reply. I know what I've done.

"Say, I'm already here. Do you have anything for Tsunade?" Shirokumo asks.

"Actually I do." I open a drawer of my desk and remove the false bottom. Gotta be safe, someone could search my room. I pull out a thin stack of papers and stuff them into an envelope. "Here, a profile on Orochimaru's second in command, Kabuto."

He takes the envelope and pauses. "No letter for her?"

"No." I grimly respond. "Not this time."

"You sure? I have no problem waiting."

"What's the point? All I do is waste a few minutes of our time. The reports are more important. Besides, I don't need to send a letter every time. I'm sure she has more important things to do."

"She likes reading your letters." Shirokumo says from his perch. "She just gets distracted with work and forgets to reply."

I sigh, "Fine. I can whip something up quickly. Don't expect a masterpiece. Will that get you off my back? Er... head."

Shirokumo screeches in laughter. "Sure, I'll get off." He jumps down to my desk.

I pull out a blank page and begin to write.

"Done." I call out as I place down my pen. I fold the letter up and hand it to Shirokumo. "Until the next time."

Shirokumo smacks himself on the head with a leg. That was funny to watch. "I forgot the weavers are done with your new order. They have been for days, I've just forgotten to tell you. I can drop them by after I give Tsunade the report. Shall we say an hour?"

I laugh at him. He forgot? How hilarious. "Sure, see ya in a hour."

POOF

He's off to see the Hokage. I lazily lay down on my bed and open a book. I've got an hour to kill before I can sleep.

* * *

The Hokage's Office

"Hello Tsunade." Shirokumo says upon his entrance.

"Drinking buddy!" She happily calls out to him. "Can you stay this time? I know we didn't end our last conversation on the best of notes, but no one else is willing to drink with me!" She whines to the heavens.

Shirokumo climbs up to her desk and sets down the papers."Maybe, I do have to go back to the Nest and pick up some clothes for Al. He's getting a whole new look just for the Chunin Exams. He's taking going incognito to a new level."

"Good enough for me!" Tsunade picks up the letter and opens it.

 _Lady with the Hat,_

 _Spider and Snake are leaving for the exams tomorrow._

 _We'll see people we know, friends. I don't know how I'll react, but I do know that I need to avoid them. I don't want to see them. All they will see is an enemy, an enemy that could have information about their lost leafs. I fear that they will confront me, I fear that they will attack me. If they do, I have to put them down. Violently. If I don't, I could be found out._

 _I don't know what to do! Half of me wants to reach out to them, assure them that I'm okay. The other half demands that I keep them in the dark. I have to choose between talking to my friends and risking my life or utterly ignoring them and watch as other shinobi defeat them. Maybe even kill them. I can't protect them, I have to watch as they are beaten. I have to watch as they are broken. I have to watch them suffer knowing that I could stop it at any moment, but the moment I do I damn myself._

 _Sorry, you don't need to deal with my problems. I'm sure you have your own dealing with your job. I just needed to tell someone that, get it off of my chest. I'll be fine, once the exams are over all I have to worry about is making sure these letters aren't found. Simple really. I should learn how to make a storage seal and put it on my body, that would be much better than what I'm doing now._

 _As usual I've included a profile. This one is on Orochimaru's possible second in command, Kabuto Yakushi. This one is more speculation than the last, so take it with a grain of salt. He's a medic nin, so maybe you can fill in some of the blanks I couldn't figure out._

 _Spider_

Her mood does a complete 180. "He's going to have a rough week."

Shirokumo snorts. "That's an understatement."

Tsunade pulls out a blank piece of paper. "You said you were going back in an hour? You up for delivering a letter?"

Shirokumo gives Tsunade the spider equivalent of a grin. It is very grotesque, not at all how it is supposed to be. "You took my advice! I'll take as much as you're willing to write."

"Finished." She tenderly puts the letter in an envelope. "Let me know how he reacts, will you?"

"Sure. Now we only have forty five minutes left. How much can you drink in that amount of time?" Shirokumo eagerly asks.

A wicked grin takes over Tsunade's face. "Enough." She gets up and walks over to a painting. It swings open on hidden hinges to reveal a mini fridge stocked with high quality alcohol.

"Tsunade, I think I'll have to visit more often!" Shirokumo says with glee. "Is that an Iwa bourbon?"

"Yes." Tsunade pulls out a bottle and glasses. "Yes it is."

* * *

One Hour Later, Alvarcus's Room

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

POOF

Shirokumo appears in the usual puff of smoke. "Heyyy budddy." He's staggering around on top of a carefully wrapped package. My clothes most likely. "How're ya *hiccup* doin?"

"Are... are you drunk?" I ask in disbelief. Can spiders even get drunk?

"NO!" He falls of the package in an uncoordinated heap. "Maybe."

I sigh, "Tsunade got to you. Wonderful." He attempts to climb up the wall to his web and fails miserably.

"Oh... she wanted you to have this... this... this thingy!" He aggressively throws an envelope at me. Well, it would have been aggressive if it went towards me. He was off by about 60 degrees.

I pick up the thrown envelop and open it. "Is... is this a letter?" I ask shakily.

"Letter! That's the word I was lookin for! Letter!" Shirokumo gave up on climbing the wall, he's lounging in a corner on the floor.

I go back to the letter and read it.

 _Spider_

 _I won't sugarcoat this. It will be difficult, it may be one of the hardest things you've done. If you want to stay with the Traitor you'll need to ignore your friends. You'll need to let them stand on their own, which they are more than capable of._

 _Did you think only you were improving? I've never seen them more motivated. They want you and Snake back. Not just one, all of them. Every single one wants you home and every single one is waiting for the day you walk through the gates. It isn't just them either, your sensei is waiting. The Interrogator. The Serpent. The Senbon. The Smoker. The Illusionist. The Green Beast. The Messenger. No one thinks you abandoned us, they just want you back. I want you back._

 _Know that as long as the hat is mine, you have a place to welcome you home._

 _Lady with the Hat_

 _PS: Thanks for the letter to your sensei. It pulled him out of his funk, even his hair was disheveled! His hair never gets disheveled! I swear that man loves his hair more than his books._

Tears are flowing down my face. I'm not ashamed at all. My friends want me back. Not only them, Kakashi, Ibiki, Anko, Genma, Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Konohamaru. They all want me back.

I can still go home. _I can go home!_

"Tsunade, thank you. Thank you so much." I hold the letter at arms length and burn it. I can't afford to have it lying around, the risk is too great. It took a surprising amount of effort. I faintly hear a small poof, Shirokumo left.

I curl up on my bed with a smile on my face. I fall asleep to one very happy thought.

I can go home.

* * *

The Next Day, Seven Days Until Chunin Exams

"UP AND AT THEM LAZY- oh. You're up already." Tayuya flounders like a fish out of water. It is uncommon for her to actually find me awake this early in the morning. Or in general, I spend a ridiculous amount of time sleeping ever since my training with Orochimaru started.

"I'm even packed and ready to go. Crazy right? You can put the bucket of water down now." Dodged a bullet there. I get a devious idea. "Better yet use it on Sasuke!"

"No need for that. She got me up first." Sasuke idly says from out in the hallway. My plans have been foiled! I stride out into the hallway while muttering about ruined schemes. "Whoa. What's with the new look?"

I'm wearing my new attire. A long black coat with dark green trim around the edges and a matching dark green shirt beneath. I have a black hood pulled up on my head and a vibrant crimson scarf wrapped around my neck. I also have a pair of black shinobi pants and standard footwear. I even have my hands covered by a pair of dark green gloves. I have my mask strapped onto my belt, there is no point in wearing it yet.

Also, I'm covered in bandages. It took me a half hour to get all wrapped up. I had to wrap everything. Chest, back, arms, legs, hell I even wrapped my neck in case I lose my scarf. I'm taking zero risks. I'd rather sweat ridiculously than risk being recognized. The only thing visible is my face and even that will be covered once I put my mask on.

"I'm rather memorable due to my scarring and features. Mainly the scarring. I needed to hide those so I had the Spiders make me this. I think I look intimidating. Bad ass."

"The Spiders made that?" I suddenly have extra weight on my back. "Mmmm... So soft. So smooth."

Sasuke is openly staring at me. Tayuya is hanging off of my back, she's pressing as much of her body against mine as she can. "Alv... Alvarcus? Is this... uh... normal?"

"Unfortunately it is. I gave her one shirt made by the Spiders. One. She won't leave me alone, she's constantly asking for more or trying to touch me. Honestly I worry for her sanity." This is getting ridiculous, it is time for extreme measures. "Tayuya, either release me or I zap you with a lightning jutsu."

Her arms clamp down around me which has the added bonus of pinning my arms to my sides. "Can't do that if you can't make hand signs." She rubs her face into my back. "Can I have your coat?"

"Final warning." She responds by rubbing her face quicker and harder.

ZAP

Electricity courses into Tayuya's body, jolting her off of me. "Fun fact of the day: I don't need to make hand signs for a few jutsu. Thankfully that is one of them."

"Fine. I'll just take it later when you're asleep." Tayuya huffs in anger and stomps down the hallway. "Come on. We should be leaving."

Sasuke and I follow her to the front gate. It is more of a trap door, this isn't the main Sound village it is one of Orochimaru's bases. There is no way Orochimaru is stupid enough to have Sasuke and I parade around the public Sound village.

Speaking of Orochimaru, he's waiting by the exit for us.

"You're leaving for the Chunin Exams." He unnecessarily states. We all know what we are doing. "I expect a good show from you both. I can't wait to see you two in the finals. It promises to be memorable." I roll my eyes. We've covered this stuff weeks ago. "Now, put on your masks. You should not take them off at all, only when needed. From this moment forward, Alvarcus's code name will be Green and Sasuke's will be Red." Simple enough, our masks depict that fairly well. "I know you two will pass, make sure that you show what you can do. _Dazzle_ the crowd."

"Sure thing. Can we go now?" I eagerly ask. I finally get to be out from under Orochimaru's thumb for a little bit. It promises to be very refreshing.

"Impatient. Go ahead, I will see you when you return." Orochimaru graciously steps out of our way with a grand flourish.

Tayuya, Sasuke and I walk out the gate. We stand in the sun for a minute, basking in it's warmth. We're not in it enough, Orochimaru keeps us confined underground.

"Come on, let's go." Tayuya takes off towards the Land of Grass. She sets a rather slow pace, by slow I mean she's walking.

Sasuke and I share a look. We've run all the way from Konoha to the Land of Tea before. "You want to walk to Grass?" Sasuke asks in mild disbelief. I don't blame him, I thought the point of us leaving almost a week early was to get there way ahead of time.

"You want to run to Grass?" Tayuya dryly retorts. "Hate to break it to you boys, but I'm not a stamina freak like you two."

"It will take _days_ to get there at this speed." Sasuke irritably tells her.

"Unless one of you two wants to carry me, we're walking. There is no way I'm running all the way there and that is final. I'm the leader of this mission, I set the pace. I make the rules. Deal with it."

Sasuke turns to me. I can feel the thoughts forming in his mind. Thoughts I don't like. "No. Hell no."

"But it makes sense. It was her idea!" Sasuke pleads to me.

I glare at him, the effect is lost because my face is covered. How unfortunate.

"Just think how much better your spy network would be with a few more days to prepare. We would have more information on all the gennin participating. Isn't that worth it? You won't even be tired thanks to the Jiongu."

I step in front of Sasuke, forcing him to stop. "I'm sorry, did you not see her practically _molest_ my back earlier? And you want me to willingly carry her for hours? Are you insane?"

A weight settles on my back. Please no. "Great idea! It's perfect, I don't have to run, we get to Grass sooner and I get to snuggle with this amazing clothing." Sure enough, Tayuya is dangling off of me.

"You know what! Fine! If we're doing this I'm setting the pace." Sasuke nods in agreement with my demand. "Tayuya, hang on." She wraps her legs around me and I help hold her up with my arms. This is ridiculous, I can't believe I'm doing this. "If you fall behind, just yell or something." I say to Sasuke.

I sprint off towards what I believe to be Grass. Sasuke is right beside me. Tayuya is currently rubbing my shoulders with her hands.

"So nice. I simply must have a coat like this."

"OI. Miss leader, you need to make sure I'm going the right way. I don't want to get lost due to you being distracted." She doesn't respond to my words, she's enamored with my coat. It is time to bring out the big weapons. "Make sure we get to Kusa and I'll give you another shirt."

She crushes me in a hug. "You mean it?"

I'm not even surprised that worked. "Yes, now make sure I'm going the right way and I'll give you one once we get there. Deal?"

"Deal!" She eagerly agrees. "Follow this road for a long time, I'll tell you when to change course."

"Good." I blandly say. She hasn't stopped rubbing my clothes at all. This is going to be a long trip.

* * *

Eight Hours Later

"You're from Otogakure?" One of the two gate guards says in disbelief. "You sure?"

"Look at the headbands dumb ass." Tayuya bristles at the guards tone. "No shit we're from Oto. Here for the Chunin Exams. You know, the ones that your village is hosting?"

"I'm sorry, it is just that... well..." The guard trails off and doesn't finish his sentence.

"That the idea that I carried her all the way from Oto is ridiculous and rather embarrassing for her worth as a kunoichi?" I drawl out in a bored tone. That's right everyone, I carried her all the way up to the gate. Then I dropped her on her ass right in front of these guards. Serves her right.

"Well yeah, but I didn't want to say it like that." The gate guard replies sheepishly. "Isn't she supposed to be your jonin escort?"

I hang my masked head in shame. "Yes, yes she is. I hate that she was chosen, she drives me crazy. Wakes me up by dumping water on me, insists I get her new clothes, and her voice is annoying."

"Green, we are here on business. Talk with the Kusa nin later." Sasuke reprimands me. He's right of course, I should be more professional when we are trying to get into another hidden village, but this guard understands how crazy Tayuya is. He empathizes with me, knows my burden.

"Fine, fine. You're a slave driver Red." I turn back to the gate guard. "Do we need to fill anything out?"

"I've already filled out the paperwork while you and the guard had your bonding moment." Tayuya says in a perfectly level tone. Uh-oh, she is mad. I might have to sacrifice another shirt to calm her down. "We can go in now. They've kindly provided us a general map too. Restaurants, tourist stores, and our hotel." Tayuya boldly walks right past the two guards and enters Kusagakure with her head held high. "Come on, I'm tired. We're going to the hotel first, then you two can do whatever you want."

I fall in step beside her. " _You're_ tired?" I can't believe her. "I carried you here. You wanted to walk! Walk! How ridiculous."

Tayuya rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up. You know you enjoyed it."

"How would I possibly enjoy lugging you across country?"

She turns her head to face me with a gleam in her eyes. "You're a guy."

"That doesn't explain anything."

Tayuya drapes herself across my back, pressing her whole body into mine. She sensually whispers into my ear, "You didn't like me doing this? Pressing myself against you? Rubbing against you?" Oh Kami this is so embarrassing. Is she coming on to me? "Don't think I didn't notice where your hands were the entire time. I didn't expect you to be an ass man."

"I didn't mean to!" I quickly stutter out. "Well I did, but not in that way! I needed to hold you up somehow!"

I hear a snicker from off to our sides. "Green, I didn't know you and Tayuya were a thing. How long has this been going on?" Great, even Sasuke is joining in on teasing me.

I'm thankful for my mask right now, my face is a brilliant shade of red. "WE'RE NOT A THING! Ahem. We're not a thing." Oh Kami, I'm acting exactly how Sasuke did when I teased him over Ino.

"Not yet." Tayuya _purrs_ into my ear. She releases me and saunters ahead of us with a scandalous sway in her hips. Sasuke's and my eyes are riveted to her form. Tayuya looks over her shoulder and grins. "Come on boys, we have a hotel to get to."

I ignore how suggestive that sentence is and say to Sasuke, "Never mention Tayuya and I again and I'll never bring up Blondie."

"Deal." Our eyes never left her.

I can't believe it, but I'm actually looking forward to the return trip. I didn't think about it before, but she's right. It was oddly pleasant in a strange way. The closeness, the warmth, the contact.

Ah crap, I'm going through puberty again.


	34. Chapter 34

We make it to our hotel room without further issues. Actually we make it there without talking at all which is rather impressive for our group. Basically Sasuke and I are both too embarrassed to speak and Tayuya is too smug.

Tayuya walks up to the receptionist to check in and get our room key. After a rather heated argument with the unfortunate receptionist she stomps over to us. "Boys, we have a problem."

"Oh Kami now what? I just want to be a chunin! Is that too much to ask? The exams haven't even started yet and stuff is going wrong?" I can't believe it, this is ridiculous. What can possibly be the issue?

"The Chunin Exams are bringing in a lot of spectators. Kusa is going to make all of it a public event, not just the final tournament." Tayuya explains. "Something about bringing in tourist revenue to help stimulate their economy."

Sasuke speaks up. "I don't see how that's a problem. We have masks, no one will recognize us." He's got a good point. So what if people will be watching? It isn't the spectators I'm worried about, it is the Konoha shinobi.

Tayuya rolls her eyes. "Not that idiot. The hotels have filled up. In their infinite wisdom, they saw fit to cram all of the coming shinobi into as little space as possible. Long story incredibly short, we have to share a room."

"That's the issue?" I say in disbelief. "Not a problem. You can have one bed and Red and I will share the other. Simple."

"It's not that easy. There is only one bed." Tayuya grimly informs us.

"That is a problem." Sasuke grins wickedly, even through his mask I _know._ Something bad is about to happen _._ "I don't know about Green, but I'm not willing to share a bed with you."

"You would if it was Blondie." I quickly retort before Tayuya can say yes or no. I'm morbidly curious to find out how she would reply to that.

Sasuke's body stiffens. "I thought you weren't going to bring her up."

"I thought you weren't going to imply Tayuya and I are together. You knew my terms, and you broke them. She's fair game again." Revenge is swift and sweet. "Anyways, that isn't a problem. I might have a solution, I'll tell you once we're in our room."

"No point in wasting time." Tayuya leads us to our room.

It is very minimalistic, basically a one bedroom apartment. One semi large room has the bed while the kitchen area, a couple chairs and a table are in the living room. The bathroom is connected to both of the rooms. Pretty basic, the walls are a generic white, the floor is hard and unforgiving, and there are no personal touches at all, not even hotel brand logos.

"Lovely." I say sarcastically. My room back in Sound is bigger than this. "They really scraped the bottom of the barrel."

"Alright Green. What's your brilliant solution?" Sasuke asks the moment the door is closed. "There isn't even a couch in here to use. They gave us terrible accommodations."

"Not terrible. Shitty. They gave us shitty accommodations." Tayuya growls. "You better have a damn good idea."

Sasuke and Tayuya look at me expectantly. If there wasn't pressure before there certainly is now. "I'm going to make us hammocks."

"Hammocks." Sasuke blandly says. "How?"

I grin. In hindsight I can't expect my facial expressions to communicate anything while we're here. "Summoning Jutsu: Weaver!" I slam my hand on the floor.

POOF

Once the smoke clears we are treated to an interesting sight. A large orb-weaver spider, easily the size of a bulldog, appears before us. It is wearing a bright purple scarf around its... neck? I think that's the neck, it's the part where the head joins the abdomen. The scarf matches its body colors surprisingly well, it compliments the arrays of blacks and yellows in a very pleasant way. It is really throwing me for a loop, I didn't know that the Spiders used clothing of any kind.

"Summoner! The Summoner!" It happily scuttles over me me and extends one of its legs out to me. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you! Oh the girls back home will be so jealous when I tell them I met you first!"

I gingerly shake its hairy leg, no need to be rude. "Please, call me Alvarcus. Actually, if I'm wearing my mask call me Green or Summoner. Otherwise my name will do just fine."

The spider recoils from me in shock. "I would be honored." She, I'm assuming it's a she, bows deeply. "I insist you call me by my name as well. I am Murasakino."

"Murasakino, as nice as it is to chat, I summoned you for a task. Are you up for it?"

"Of course! Whatever you need! If I can't do it I'll find someone who can!" She eagerly assures me.

I kneel down so I'm closer to her eye level. "I think this is right up your alley. See, we kinda got shortchanged on our room for the next five days. There are three of us but only one bed. Could you make us two hammocks?"

She flounders about, scurrying back and forth. "Oh I am so unprepared! I didn't bring any materials with me, I only have my own silk!"

"I'm sure that will be fine, if it is half as good as what I'm wearing there will be no issues." I try to calm her down. It isn't that big of a deal, we just need somewhere to sleep that isn't the unforgiving floor.

"Half as good!" She's offended. I offended her? Oh great. "I made the scarf you're wearing, it will be at least as good as that, if not better. I take great pride in my work, thank you!"

Time to play peacemaker. "You made my scarf? I have no worries at all then! Wonderful job on it by the way. It is much better than I expected, and I had very high standards."

Her eyes light up in joy. All eight of them. "You like it? Really?"

"Of course. I'm even considering making scarfs a permanent part of my attire." I tenderly loosen it from around my neck, showing her the front part of my scar. "I get a lot less looks from strangers, I never realized how much attention my scar attracted."

"Oh you poor thing." She comes close to examine it, softly placing a leg on my shoulder an pulling me down closer to her. Hmm, maybe I should have kept it hidden? "How did that happen?"

I chuckle darkly. "Crazy nut-job with a big ass sword."

"Did you kill him for what he did to you?" She seriously asks me.

I chuckle in humor this time. "Not yet, but he is on my people to kill list." Actually, I might be able to sway Kisame to our side. He's in Akatsuki because he genuinely believes he's helping the world move towards peace, I could tell him what is really going on. Plus I think he likes me, he did only go through one heart. "We've become distracted! Could you get those hammocks up for us?"

"Oh dear, you're right. I'll get right on that!" Murasakino scurries over to one of the corners and climbs up around 75 centimeters and starts spinning a web. Sasuke, Tayuya and I all watch in silence. It is a very interesting thing to watch, she's expertly crafting what is shaping up to be a _very_ nice looking hammock. She's even weaving patterns into it!

Only a brief ten minutes later she is done with the first. Ten minutes after that she finishes the second. We now have two very sturdy and pretty hammocks in the room, one in each corner. Say what you will about her personality, but that spider can _work_.

"All done!" She happily calls out to me. "Did you need anything else? Another scarf perhaps? Oh, I know! Ten more scarfs! All different colors too, I can make them varying lengths and widths. You'll have one for every occasion. Formal wear, casual wear, combat wear. I could even weave in a wire and you can use it to strangle opponents!"

"No thank you, I still need to break this one in. I will let you know if I change my mind!" She's rather bubbly, I can see why I got so many clothes on my first order. If all of the weavers are like her I got off lucky. "Tell the others I like their work, they did an excellent job."

"Of course! I best be off then, the others must be wondering where I am!" Without any more fanfare Murasakino poofs back to the Nest.

"Well that was eventful. Dibs on this one!" I rush over and throw myself onto the hammock farthest away from the front door. "Oh... this is _very_ nice." I have plenty of space. I can sprawl out as much as I want to. It's perfect, better than I imagined. I'll have to do this for every campsite, this is way better than the ground.

"Green?" Tayuya says timidly. I look over at her and Sasuke. They both seem deeply disturbed, Tayuya is visibly pale and I'd bet good money that Sasuke is too under his mask. "Can you not do that with me here next time?"

"What? Why?" I'm confused, what is wrong with Murasakino? She was kind the entire time and made us hammocks!

Tayuya openly stares at me in disbelief. "Because that was terrifying. You summoned _a giant spider to make you a hammock?_ Did you not see it?"

"Her." I narrow my eyes. "Yes, I saw her."

"I can barely stand Mister Spider, and it dwarfs him!"

"Careful." I warn her in a cold tone. "You're coming dangerously close to insulting my summons, insulting me."

She has the decency to look ashamed. "You're right. Sorry, I wasn't ready to see him."

"Her." Sasuke corrects. Interesting, maybe he isn't as repulsed as I thought. "Murasakino is a her." He even knows her name, I'm impressed. "Whether or not you like her, at least be civil and courteous. Who knows, the Spiders might save your life one day." He turns to me. "That being said, a warning next time would be nice."

I roll my eyes, the gesture is lost on them both. Stupid mask. "Fine, while out of combat situations I'll give you a heads up. I reserve the right to ask the same of each of you if you two have some strange power that freaks me out."

"Deal." Sasuke says. I don't think anything he has would ever be able to creep me out that much. Only the Snakes or going level two possibly could and I don't have an issue with them. As long as they aren't trying to eat me or attempting to spear out a heart again.

Sasuke goes over to his hammock and climbs in. " _Oooh,_ this is very nice. Pass on my compliments next time you summon her. We should do this for every mission we go on, this would be easy to set up outside too. Much better than the ground."

"I know right?" Finally, someone sees the value of my Spiders.

"They can't be that good. I've never seen anything that's better than the beds back at Sound." Tayuya haughtily says as she stomps over to my hammock. She lays a hand on it and I can see her eyes glaze over. Oh Kami no. I see her legs tense.

"Tayuya no!" I shout at her. She ignores me and leaps into the hammock with me. "Bad Tayuya! Bad!" We scuffle around, each of us trying to evict the other.

"Mine!" She says in a crazed voice while trying to shove me off with her feet. "Get out now!"

"Ahem." Sasuke's voice cuts through the air, Tayuya and I freeze in place. We are a tangled heap of limbs at this point. Somehow during our brief scuffle she managed to end up on top of me with my hands on her hips. "If you two lovebirds wanted some alone time all you had to do was ask."

"Mmmm... Not how I imagined today would go, but I find myself enjoying it." Tayuya says from on top of me. She tenderly runs a finger down my mask. "Too bad this is here, you look much better without it."

"Nope, this is not going to continue." I let the Jiongu out and use it to toss her halfway across the room.

She expertly lands on her feet. "Hey that's cheating!"

I climb out of the hammock. "If you aren't cheating you aren't trying. I win, the hammock is mine. See ya in a few hours!"

With those wonderfully inspiring words I bravely leap out the window to avoid the situation. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the mighty Alvarcus, the Hearth Thief, the Jiongu's host, the first Spider Summoner in generations is fleeing from a girl barely two years older than him.

Sasuke turns to Tayuya in my absence. "What do you see in him? It isn't his physique you're attracted to, no one has a thing for stitched on masks and overly scarred bodies."

"I don't know, his scars give him a rouge-ish look. I kinda like it." She jumps into my recently evacuated hammock. "It's still warm." She mumbles to herself.

"You didn't answer me." Sasuke presses onward. He's determined to know, she has his full attention. "I want to know why him. Of everyone you could have possibly chosen you picked him. Why?"

Tayuya raises her head up to give Sasuke a irritated look. "Why do you care?"

"He's my only friend." Sasuke says in a deadly serious tone. "We protect each other, both on and off the combat field. And you are practically throwing yourself at him, I want to know why."

"Oh my Kami, is this some weird form of a overprotective brother complex? Isn't that usually for sisters?"

" _Tayuya!_ " Sasuke bellows. "Answer the question."

She withdraws into herself. Her bravado deserts her, she isn't the mission leader right now. She's an insecure young woman, not the deadly kunoichi she usually is. She's vulnerable, exposed. She barely whispers out, "He isn't disgusted by me."

Sasuke patiently waits for her to continue.

"You know how the curse seal has multiple levels?" She asks him. He nods, he has a hazy memory of spearing his best friend in the heart. Certainly not his best moment, it is one of his worst. "He's seen me go level two." She takes a shaky breath. "Do you know how he reacted?"

"No. Tell me." He urges her to continue.

"He laughed. He said that he's the monster, not me. His exact words were 'what's a couple of horns and a new skin color when I have a literal monster inside me?' He wasn't phased at all, not even for a moment. But that isn't all, he's actually a nice guy. He doesn't flaunt his power, he doesn't abuse his strength. We joke about who would win in a fight between us, but after seeing him train I know I'd lose badly. He knows it too, but he's never challenged me once. He's humble, he treats everyone with respect. I've only heard of one time he's actually lashed out at someone."

Sasuke grimaces. "The Suna nin, how he earned his title. The day he became like me."

"Yeah. That. Al- _Green_ sees himself as a monster, a murdering piece of filth that is the lowest of the low."

Sasuke's whole body coils in anger.

"Quit that, that's how he sees himself! You see him for who he really is, I do too. A friend, an ally, a human. I want him to look at himself the way we see him. We don't see a monster, we see a good person."

"Okay." Sasuke says.

"Okay? Okay what?" Tayuya asks from Alvarcus's hammock.

"You have my approval." Sasuke states in a no nonsense tone.

"Kami I was right!" Tayuya's spunk is back now that she's not being questioned. "It is an overprotective brother complex!"

Sasuke huffs in mild irritation. "That's what he is to me, a brother. If you hurt him, you face my wrath."

Tayuya laughs. "Please, I'd have to go all out just to stand a chance in a fight against him."

"There are other ways to be hurt. Believe me, I know from experience. Physical pain isn't always the worst pain." Sasuke says in a distant voice.

"Way to kill the mood." Tayuya grumbles.

* * *

That Night

I stealthily open the door to our hotel room. I'm confident in my stealth skills that I can sneak past a sleeping Sasuke and crash in my hammock. Easy.

There is just one minor problem.

"You're back." He's still awake, he's sitting at the table sipping on a steaming cup of liquid. Tea, it is too late for coffee. "I was wondering when you'd show up. What were you up to?"

I sigh in defeat. My grand plan of sneaking past him is already foiled. "I summoned Shirokumo and we went around town checking up on the spy network. It was rather boring to be honest."

"Really? You have it in place already?" Sasuke sounds surprised.

"For the most part. Word is traveling that I'm in the information business now, the spiders of this world are eager to help out. They all should know to go to Shirokumo if something important comes up, otherwise I can just ask him about things. He's planning to manage all of it with some help from me on the side."

"How long until you have all of Kusagakure covered?" Sasuke says over his cup.

"A week at the most. He's _very_ efficient and charismatic, spiders naturally fall in line for him." I quietly walk over to my bunk and change out of my elaborate get up into pajamas. Just because Sasuke is up doesn't mean Tayuya is too and I really don't want her to confront me.

"Impressive. He doesn't look like much but he's good." Sasuke just complimented my summons. Is the world ending soon? I thought not for another few years at least.

"Anything else you want to talk about? Cuz I've been looking forward to sleeping in my hammock since it was made." I plop down into it and pull my blanket over me. The weavers are amazing.

"Nothing that can't wait. Sleep, I'll be quiet." Sasuke says.

"Night."

I get a few blissful hours of sleep before I'm awoken.

"Pst! Alva- Green!" Something pokes me in the shoulder. "Pst!"

I groggily crack open an eye to see Tayuya standing over me. "Whadda want?" I yawn out. "It's sleep time, talk later."

Tayuya cutely plays with the hem of her nightshirt. It's a familiar yellow one. "I can't sleep. It's too cold here, do you have any spare blankets?"

"No, I don't have any. Just brought the one." I somehow form a coherent sentence. "Use my coat?"

"Ew gross. You wore that thing the entire day!" Tayuya exclaims.

I lethargically raise my head up to give her a stern look. "Unless you want to climb in the hammock, I've got nothing else for you." I shut my eyes to try to go back to sleep. I can't believe she woke me up for that.

The hammock tips over to one side. My eyes snap open. "What are you doing?"

Tayuya climbed in.

"Taking you up on your offer." She lifts the blanket up and snuggles against me. "Whoa, you're really warm."

I sigh, I doubt I'm getting out of this one. "It's a Jiongu thing. Don't know why though. You do realize that I was kidding right?"

She pulls my arm around her so she can use my chest as a pillow. "I know, so I cheated. 'If you aren't cheating you aren't trying.'"

"I really need to stop saying that. You know, if Sasuke sees us he won't let us forget it." I try halfheartedly to get her to leave again. At this point I'm not really against it.

"Yes. Now shut up. I'm tired." Tayuya orders. It isn't a terrible idea, I'm tired too.

We both drift off to sleep.

* * *

The Next Morning, Six Days Until the Chunin Exams

I'm woken up by a curious feeling. Something is faintly brushing across my chest. I crack an eye open to see a mess of pink hair.

"Oh, so that wasn't a dream then." I quietly say to myself. It is Tayuya's hair that is brushing across my chest. "Oh Kami, please still be asleep Sasuke." I lift my head and glance towards his hammock, thankfully my luck is strong today, he's still asleep.

"Tayuya!" I urgently whisper and give her a little shake. "Tayuya!"

"Wha?" She groggily says. She sits up and rubs her tired eyes. "So that wasn't a dream?"

"No, it wasn't." Funny, we had the same reaction. "You need to go back to your room before Sasuke wakes up or he will never let us forget it."

"But it's so cold there." She lays back down and wraps her arms around me again. "Mmm, warmth."

"Tayuya! You have to-" I immediately stop talking. Sasuke is waking up, the chance for Tayuya to have a clean escape is over. We're caught unless I think quickly. I pull the blanket up so that Tayuya's head is covered which has the side effect of exposing my feet to the cool air. Lesser of two evils, merciless teasing or cold feet.

Sasuke climbs out of his hammock with a huge yawn. "Were you talking to someone?"

"Nah, just woke up myself actually. Since you're already out of the hammock you can have the bathroom first." Please go. Just go, I don't know how long I can keep this act up. Go already!

With a grumble Sasuke grabs clean clothes. "Unless Tayuya is already in there. Then we will both be stuck for a while."

I can feel Tayuya shake with suppressed laughter. Don't crack now! Not when were so close! "Something tells me she's not in there, call it a feeling."

"Does it have anything to do with why there is an extra pair of feet sticking out of your blanket?" He asks with a smirk on his stupid face. I can't believe I missed that, when I pulled up the blanket to hide her head I didn't expose just my feet, I exposed hers too.

"Uh... No?" I weakly say back to him.

A faint snicker comes from under my blanket, Tayuya finally cracked. She couldn't hold it in anymore.

"He was awake when I woke you up last night. He already knows." Tayuya says from under the covers.

I groan in defeat. "Dammit. Sa- _Red_ , what can I offer you to have you never mention this to anyone?" I'll do just about anything, imagine if he told Orochimaru! We would never live it down.

"Let's say you owe me a favor, I can't think of anything right now." Sasuke says from the bathroom before he shuts the door. "I'll cash in on it later." He closes the door, now it is just Tayuya and I.

"I really hate you sometimes. You do know that, yes?" I tell Tayuya as I pull the blanket back to reveal her head again. "You knew he knew the whole time, that is why you were laughing and also why you didn't leave."

"Yep!" She chipperly replies. "Watching you panic was hilarious by the way. You two have a very strange relationship."

I roll my eyes at her. She isn't wrong, Sasuke and I are unique. "Everything about me is strange, you should know that by now. Even our relationship is weird, half the time you're latched onto me and the other half we're bickering."

She laughs. "We're all strange, it is a requirement to be an Oto shinobi. Didn't you know?"

"Isn't that a depressing thought. Welcome to Otogakure, where being normal is abnormal." I chuckle at my own joke. "That should be our slogan."

"I don't think it would fly well with our Kage." Tayuya rises up from her laying position. "Anyways Red will be out of the bathroom soon. Dibs on next." She climbs out of the hammock and makes her way to the bedroom.

"Whatever, I'm content with laying here for the entire day." I'm not even joking, if someone brought me food I probably would lay here forever. This is the first day in a very long time that I don't have to worry about facing Orochimaru for either training or some twisted meeting.

Today is going to be a good day. I can just kick back and relax.

* * *

Later That Night

"Why am I here?" I whine to Sasuke and Tayuya. "I don't need to be here. You could have left me back at the hotel but no! You just had to drag me along."

"Tayuya is showing us the building where the first exam in going to be held. You do need to be here." Sasuke informs me.

I stare Sasuke straight in his masked eyes and say monotonously, "It's the green building -and green is being generous, it really needs a new paint job- three streets east and two streets north near the edge of the village. Large half oval with three stories, closer to arena stands than a building if you ask me. We will be competing in the field it is facing, the spectators will be in the stands to watch. A Kusa team of four barrier nin will be erecting a transparent barrier to stop stray attacks and shield the spectators from general harm. An additional four will be on standby to step in if the originals get tired or they need a stronger defense for an incoming attack."

Tayuya is staring at me in open disbelief. I think Sasuke is too, we're wearing full face masks and it makes his already hard to read body language almost impossible to decipher.

"I didn't actually do nothing the whole day. Come on, how lazy do you think I am?" I could be eating dinner right now, instead I'm outside to look at a building.

"Shirokumo works fast." Sasuke compliments my summon. "He found all that out already?"

"He found more than that out. He knows what the Exams are going to be. He's got someone in Kusa's jonin lounge and they were gossiping about it." I smugly inform both of my teammates. See how great the Spiders are!

"Well, go on. What are they?" Sasuke presses me to share information with him. "We should get a plan together."

Whoops, that didn't come out right. "You misunderstood. I don't know, he does. I can't know."

Sasuke's hand twitches towards his kunai holster. "What is the point of having him make a network if you're not going to use it?"

I sigh, "Red, use your head. If you and I take the exams and we already know what they are it will look bad on Sound. No one knows what I'm having Shirokumo do and I plan to keep it that way. The only other way we could possibly know is if we were told by someone who does know, namely Orochimaru. Do you really want to risk that? Risk implying that Orochimaru broke the rules so we could have a better chance?"

"That would be bad. Very bad. Good call, we shouldn't know what they are. Has he found out anything else interesting?" Sasuke asks. "Something you can tell us?"

This should be entertaining. "I don't see how it is relevant, but this is certainly interesting. A pair Kusa shinobi decided to have a late night fling on the Kusakage's desk."

Sasuke and Tayuya both stumble. Even a passing kunoichi falters. "Really?" Tayuya asks once she has steadied herself. "On the desk?"

"Yep! They were quite enthusiastic. Ended up pushing it across the room. Honestly I'm surprised no one heard, if what I was told is accurate they were vocal too." Maybe sound dampening seals are in the room? That would make sense, it is a Kage's office after all. Important things are talked about in there, things not meant to be overheard. Thankfully I already have eyes and ears inside the room.

"Hey Kid!" A surprisingly rough feminine voice calls out. "You with the green mask! Hold up!"

I stop and turn to face the newcomer. It is the Kusa kunoichi that stumbled, a chunin I think. I'm not completely confident on assessing her skill level but she is wearing what appears to be a chunin vest. "Can I help you? I don't think I broke any rules, unless there is a new one about gossiping that I wasn't told about."

"No, you're not in trouble. I just want to know how accurate your source is. There's a running bet going on between some of the local nin and you might have won me it." She greedily says. "The pot is huge! It has been going on for weeks!"

"Interesting." So this is happening, definitely not what I expected when I rolled out of the hammock today. "What's in it for me?"

"You're here for the Chunin Exams right? I'll give you a hint." She offers. Good enough for me, I don't want to know what the exams will be but I'll take a hint.

"Deal. My source has never been wrong before." He's also never told me anything before, but she doesn't know that.

Her face lights up in joy. "I can't believe they did it! This is great, we've been trying to catch them in the act for months! No one could prove they were meeting in the Kusakage's office until now." She is way too happy, there must be one hell of a pot on this. "Anyways, you held up your end. My hint: The numbers are more important than you think."

"I'll remember that. Thank you for your assistance." The Kusa kunoichi leaves us while laughing gleefully. I think she has issues. "The numbers are more important than you think."

"What numbers?" Sasuke asks. "The number of gennin sent? The numerical order we enter? It could be anything! How's that a hint?"

"I don't know, we'll find out once the exams starts. It should make sense then, besides we don't need the hint. We're better than that!"

"That remains to be seen." Tayuya scoffs out at us. "Don't go in thinking you're the best here, that is a terrible mindset to have. Even if it is true, you'll develop a habit of underestimating opponents and it will lead to your downfall. All of the Sound Four are that way, we're too confident. I'm trying to work on it."

Good, as weird as Tayuya is I don't want her to die. I've grown used to her unique brand of crazy, I'd hate to have to deal with a new person.

"Anyways, now that we've established that we have literally no reason to go see the stands because I know more about it than what we would learn by seeing it, can we go back to the hotel? Do you two know how rare it is that I have a day to myself?"

* * *

Back at the Hotel

"Finally!" I shed my outer layers and plop into my hammock. "I should have never left."

"Yeah yeah, we're jerks we get it. Next time I'll ask you if you have information." Tayuya dryly says back to me. "Still, it is rather impressive that Mister Spider found out that much in such a short time."

That reminds me, I should check in with Shirokumo and see if he has any new information. At the least he should be able to tell me which village's gennin has shown up.

"Oi. Scaredy cats, I'm going to summon Shirokumo." Under my breath I grumble, "Still can't believe I have to warn you idiots when I summon a spider."

POOF

"About bloody time!" He angrily screeches at me.

I jolt upwards in my hammock. This will require my full attention.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to talk to you? They're here. Alvarcus, they're here."

"The Konoha gennin." It can only be them, Shirokumo wouldn't be freaking out this much for anything else. "How many? What did they look like?" I want to know which of my friends are here.

Shirokumo starts pacing back and forth near me. "They came in teams. Twenty of them, sixty gennin total. There is an extra jonin with them though, it doesn't add up."

Who is the mysterious extra jonin? What is Tsunade's plan? "Interesting. We will need to find out why the extra is here."

"I'm working on it already. It is the new priority." Shirokumo assures me as he continues to wear a track on the carpet.

"Back to the gennin. Were any sent that fit the descriptions I gave you?" I described everyone to him, anyone who could possibly be competing.

He stills. "Al, all of them are here. I have a match for everyone you gave me a profile on."

I heave out a sigh, "So much for relaxing and wandering around town. Now I have to be alert all the time. Where are they staying?"

"Across town, whoever organized this is good. They're keeping each village's nin separate as much as possible." Shirokumo pauses his pacing. "You're not freaking out. I thought for sure you'd freak out."

I roll my eyes, my mask is off since we're in our room. "We knew this was going to happen for over a month. It isn't a surprise, actually the extra jonin is more worrisome than anything else. They're here for a reason and I want to know what it is."

"I'll find out." Shirokumo assures me.

"Anything else important?" I hope not, even if I planned on everyone showing up I didn't want them to. My luck must be running out.

The mood changes from business to something more lighthearted. "The weavers are in an uproar. Something about hammocks and scarfs?"

I wince. I should have seen this coming, Murasakino seemed like a gossiper.

"I knew you were to blame. I just knew it." Shirokumo accuses me. "Whenever something strange happens it is always because of you."

"I was only two hammocks! I swear!" I quickly yell out. "And the scarf thing is so not my fault! I just said that I like them, that I might make it a permanent thing. Do you have any idea how many stares I used to get?"

"I thought you wanted people to see it." Sasuke interjects from across the room. "I distinctly remember you talking about an intimidation factor?" He's taking the news of our friends being here well.

"Yeah, but only when I want to intimidate someone. There's no need to always have it on display, even if it does look majestic."

"Majestic? It looks like you don't know how to duck." Sasuke says.

Shirokumo, Sasuke and Tayuya all share a hearty laugh.

"You're all jerks. I'm going to sleep. Shirokumo, do whatever. Stay here, go back, chase Tayuya around while laughing maniacally I don't care." With those inspiring words, I lay down on my hammock and pull a blanket over my head. "Don't wake me up unless someone dies."


	35. Chapter 35

The Next Morning, Five Days Until the Chunin Exams

I wake up in a mildly surprising predicament. Tayuya decided to steal my body heat again, she's clinging to me in her sleep.

"I hope this doesn't become a routine. I like having my body heat to myself, thank you very much." I grumble quietly. No need to wake her up, I'm content with laying here.

"I could see her making it one. You'll need to install locks when we go back to Sound." Sasuke chimes in from the kitchen side of the room. He's pouring himself a steaming cup of coffee. He wiggles the pot in my direction. "Want some?"

"Hell no! Coffee is gross, I have no idea how you can stand to drink that stuff." He rolls his eyes at me. What a jerk. "So, anything you want to do today? Wander the village, mess with Tayuya, spy on the Konoha gennin?" I ask from my reclined position.

Sasuke sips his coffee and gracefully sits down in one of the two chairs. "The last one sounds fun. It would be... interesting to see if the others have changed."

This is probably a bad idea, but I want to at least see my friends before I'm forced to oppose them in the Chunin Exams. Even if it is from afar, a fleeting glimpse will be enough. "There will be one minor problem that we'll have to deal with first."

"What? I can act professional around the Konoha gennin. It isn't an issue." Sasuke scoffs.

"It isn't that, I know you can. It's... well... I'm stuck." How embarrassing.

Sasuke chuckles at my expense. "Yes, that is a problem."

"Any ideas for my escape?" He's good at worming out of tight situations, he's got to have something to help me. "Can't you hit her with a genjutsu or something? Turn off a few of her senses?"

A smile splits his face. "No, I'm fresh out. Good luck!"

"You bastard." I can't blame him, I'd do the exact same thing if our roles were reversed.

Well, might as well try to be nice about it. "Tayuya." I give her a little shake. "You need to let go of me. I need to get up."

Tayuya doesn't open her eyes, she _slightly_ loosens her grip on me _._ "Mkay."

I try to wiggle out of her grasp. In response she tightens her grip, trapping me again. "Tayuya, release me." I say firmer this time.

"No. Warmth." She squeezes me tighter still. She still hasn't cracked an eye open, I'm impressed.

"Either release me now, or this is the last time I'll be your personal heater." I lay down the law.

"Mmrgl. Fine." Her grip goes slack and I escape from my prison. She scoots over to where I was laying and curls up into a ball. "Mmm, still warm."

"I can't believe I let her get away with that." This makes two times in a row that I've woken up with her clinging to me.

"I can." Sasuke is still sipping on his coffee. "It is obvious why."

I raise an eyebrow at him in question. "Do tell."

"You like each other." He says in his patented arrogant Uchiha tone. "Anyone can see it."

My face flushes red. There is no possible way. She's just overly affectionate. Likes to be super touchy and always goes out of her way to be aggravating or teasing.

To me. Just to me. She jumps on my back. She steals my body heat. She teases me about many things. She always is the one to wake me up. Maybe she volunteers to do it? Whatever, that isn't important. It isn't like I like her back.

Except I let her do all of those things. I don't dodge when she jumps on my back. I tease her back when she teases me. I didn't even try to get revenge for the buckets of water. And I let her sleep next to me.

I'm forming an attachment to her.

Not good. Very not good. There is a very strong chance I'll have to leave Sound at a moments notice, I'll have to leave everything behind. I need to be able to do that, to drop everything and run for my life.

Right now there is one thing chaining me to Sound: Sasuke. Even then it is a very loose thing, he's only there to get stronger. If someone has a better offer or if I can convince him to he'll leave. I can't afford another attachment, an anchor keeping me pinned down. I've abandoned friends before when I left Konoha. It is something I never want to repeat.

"I thought we were going to go spy on people?" I hurriedly say as I scoop up my clothes an bolt to the bathroom. "I'll be ready to go in ten minutes! Stupid bandages take forever to put on."

I slam the door shut, separating me from my allies.

"I knew it." Sasuke smugly says from the other side of the door. "He didn't try to deny it. Things just got much more interesting!" Great, just great. He's never going to drop this now.

"Alvarcus, you're in too deep." I say quietly to myself in the mirror. "You're in too deep. How the hell am I going to get out of this one?"

I get dressed and exit the bathroom. Sasuke has a very conceited grin etched onto his features. We make eye contact.

"Not a word." I order him in my best professional tone. "Not. A. Word."

Sasuke rises up from the chair and puts on his mask. "Of course. This promises to be too entertaining, I don't want to ruin it. Who will crack and confess first? The stoic Al- _Green_ or the vulgar Tayuya?"

"Shut up. I believe we were going to go spy on some gennin?" I prompt Sasuke, baiting him to leave the room and hopefully our current topic behind.

"Yes, I believe we were." He opens the door as I put on my own mask.

We both leave the room to go see our friends from a distance.

Unbeknownst to both Sasuke and I, Tayuya opens her eyes after the door closes. There is not a hint of tiredness in them, she's wide awake.

"I have a chance!" She happily squeals out.

* * *

"Alright Green, lead the way. You're the one with the information." Sasuke generously lets me take the lead. I would have anyways, we both know it.

"Don't get lost." I start walking through the village with Sasuke right beside me.

I'm not planning on brazenly walking into their hotel and asking if they're in, that would be crazy. We're Sound shinobi, Konoha shinobi must hate our guts. As far as they know we were part of the invasion force that attacked them, we could have killed people they know. That's not even mentioning the risk we're taking by being seen by them, especially our friends. They might approach us to ask about us. Kami that is confusing.

I take us to a restaurant that is on the same street as Konoha's hotel. We have a nice view of the entrance from where we are, we will be able to see almost everyone who walks out of it.

"Hello ninja-sans!" A rather bubbly waitress approaches our table with a notepad at the ready. "Can I get you two anything?"

"Coffee, black." Sasuke barks out. I've got to give the waitress props, she isn't phased by Sasuke's brisk words.

"Milk and some toast please." I politely say my order. One of us should be nice to the waitress.

"Coming right up!" She leaves us in silence.

"Red. You know that we can't approach them, right?" I have to make sure he doesn't screw anything up.

"Of course. I just want to see her." He says back to me without taking his eyes off of the doors to the hotel.

"Good." I smile under my mask. He said her, not them.

We wait in silence for a few minutes before the waitress is back with our order. "Toast and milk for you, and coffee for you. Anything else I can do for either of you?"

"We're fine, thank you. We might be here for a while, we'll flag you down if we need anything." I kindly respond to her. She leaves us alone again.

Over the next couple of hours Sasuke and I idly wait in the restaurant. We have to be very peculiar, but no one is making a big deal out of it. Our waitress isn't bothered that we're commandeering one of her tables, rather she seems vaguely pleased. We are pretty low maintenance and relatively nice to her.

In an instant our quaint stakeout becomes treacherous. Two teams of Konoha gennin walk into our restaurant.

"Green." Sasuke urgently says.

"I know." I respond. We should leave while we're unnoticed.

I flag down our waitress and ask for our bills. This caused two things to happen, the first we are one step closer to leaving. The second, it caused one of the Konoha gennin to notice us.

"Oto shinobi." They hiss out.

Sasuke and I watch them all collectively tense and fall silent. The atmosphere has changed, before it was friendly and warm. Now it is harsh and frigid.

No one talks, no one moves. Sasuke and I are being stared down by six gennin.

A tense minute passes.

"Is there a problem?" A deep gruff voice cuts through the air. One of the cooks from the back, if his apron is anything to judge by, breaks the silence. He's a tall imposing man with a few scars marring his arms. He is missing the lower part of his left leg, he's wearing a prosthetic. Ex-shinobi, without a doubt. He has an air of danger about him.

"We're waiting for our bill, then we are leaving." I calmly speak out. "We don't want to cause you any problems. Especially since you treated us nicely."

One of the more rash Konoha gennin scoffs. "Running away just like before. Is all of Sound cowards, or is it just you two?"

Sasuke's body coils in anger. His hand reflexively reaches towards his kunai holster.

"Red!" I harshly bite out. We can't afford to do this. "It's just words. Let it go."

With visible effort Sasuke stills his hand. He doesn't move it any further away though.

"Weaklings." A new voice, one of the other gennin this time, insults us again. "Still running scared from the last beating."

Sasuke's hand darts to his kunai. I _move_ and grab his wrist, clamping down on it so he can't fully draw the weapon. If he does, it will end bloodily.

All of that happened in a fraction of a second. One moment we're sitting across each other, the next I'm standing between him and the Konoha gennin and restraining him with an ironclad grip.

"He's fast." A gennin says.

"Red. Stand down." I order Sasuke.

"They called us weaklings." He says in a menacing tone. He wants to hurt them. He wants to prove he's stronger than them. " _Weaklings._ They deserve a beating."

"I know. This isn't the time or place to teach them otherwise, you know that. Do it in the Chunin Exams when we are given permission to attack them as we see fit." I don't release his arm yet.

We stare each other down for a minute. It is a very tense minute. I have no doubt I can restrain him if I have to, but I can't restrain him and fight off six gennin all at the same time without using something recognizable. My two best tools to do that are my chakra strings and the Jiongu. Both of those are off limits. I could maybe get creative with a spider's web, but that would reveal skills that I want to keep hidden. Plus I have no idea how I would actually go about doing that.

"Fine. During the exams." He releases his hold on his kunai. I let go of his arm and turn to the cook.

"I apologize, we have caused you trouble. Once we pay we will leave." I diplomatically say. I don't want to offend the locals. That would reflect badly on Otokagure. That means it would reflect badly on Orochimaru and I really don't want to be the reason he's pissed off.

"Nonsense!" The cook roars out. "You've been here for hours and we've had no problems. It is them who caused this mess." He gestures accusingly at the Konoha gennin. "I'm going to have a word with your jonin. Not everything has to be a fight, they were willing to leave so you _idiots_ could eat in peace. Disgraceful. You two are welcome back anytime, this meal is on the house."

"We can pay." I assure the cook.

"No." He points threateningly at me. "You eat free and you'll like it. _Got it?_ "

"Yes sir." Where the hell did that come from? "Red, let's go."

Sasuke and I walk out of the restaurant onto the rather crowded street.

"That went well." I dryly say to Sasuke. "Totally blaming you for that."

"Green. They're coming out." Sasuke eagerly says to me. "She's okay."

Sure enough, our friends are walking out of the hotel together. Kiba and Akamaru, Shino, Hinata, Ino, Choji, even Neji, Tenten and Lee. Only Naruto and Shikamaru are missing, Jiraya must have taken Naruto again and Shikamaru has no business here since he's already a chunin.

They're all happy, each one has a smile on their faces. They're enjoying themselves. Good, I'm happy for them. They shouldn't have to experience what Sasuke and I have been through, they aren't ready for that level of exposure. I'm still not ready for some things Orochimaru forces me to do.

 _I didn't want to believe it. You really did go to Orochimaru willingly. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were a good person._

That's right. If they knew the things I've done they would hate me. If they knew what I did to one of Konoha's shinobi I would be shunned by them forever. Even if I go back I'll never truly _be_ back. A piece of me is gone, torn and shredded by Orochimaru. I'm tainted now.

" _Green._ " Sasuke's voice sounds strained. "Look."

Exiting the hotel behind our friends is a shockingly familiar mop of silver hair and a brightly colored book. Kakashi is here. Why is Kakashi here? All of his gennin are gone from Konoha. Is he the extra jonin Shirokumo told me about? Why him? Did Tsunade tell him that Sasuke and I will be here? She isn't planning on extracting us, is she? I explicitly told her not to.

"We should leave." Sasuke urgently says. "If anyone will notice us, it is him."

In unison we calmly turn and start walking away. We got what we came here for, we saw our friends.

We hurry back to our hotel.

One thought keeps passing through my mind: Why is Kakashi here?

* * *

Back at the Hotel

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

"Sup Al? You need something?" Shirokumo asks once the smoke clears.

"Yeah. I have information on our mysterious extra jonin." I say.

"Really? I thought I was the information provider. Let's hear it, I've found out some stuff on my own already. We can pool resources."

"His name is Kakashi Hatake. Also known as Kakashi of the Sharingan and the Copy Nin. One of Konoha's elite jonin, he was considered for the position of Hokage before Tsunade stepped up." Sasuke explains for me. "He is without a doubt one of the most deadly people Konoha has to offer. His skills are almost unparalleled. Don't trust his lazy demeanor, it is simply a cover to hide his true skill level."

"And on top of all that, he was our first sensei. Him being here makes our situation more difficult. We can fool gennin easily. We can fool jonin who didn't really know us. But our old sensei? That will be considerably more challenging. We should avoid him at all costs." I add on.

"We will leave the instant the Chunin Exams are over." Tayuya orders. "We will go back to Sound as soon as possible. Why is he even here?"

"I don't know and that's really worrying me. By all rights he shouldn't be here. He has no gennin that he could send. There's plenty of other jonin here to make sure the gennin don't get into trouble. It doesn't make sense." I tell her. "Shirokumo, any ideas?"

"Rumors at best. I've heard that he's in charge of all the Konoha shinobi sent, gennin and jonin both. I've also heard that he made his way onto the Hokage's bad side so she stuck him with babysitting duty as revenge. Another version has him happily volunteering to chaperon because there is a rare version of some book in the stores here."

"They all have one thing in common: Kakashi is here to lead the Konoha shinobi." Sasuke dissected Shirokumo's words better than I did. I missed that they all had that in common, I was busy envisioning Kakashi going through all of those situations. Sadly, I could believe any one of them to be the truth.

The real question is does he know that Sasuke and I are here? I can't ask Shirokumo that in front of anyone else. No one can know that I'm in touch with Konoha in any way.

"You two can't wander off anymore. Consider yourselves on lock-down, you only leave the hotel if I go with you. We're taking zero risks from here on out." Tayuya demands. It does make sense, that way we at least have someone else to speak for us and run interference.

I won't have a chance to get a letter to Tsunade to ask her about Kakashi, there is no way I'll be left alone now.

"You want us to be stuck in here for four more days?" Sasuke says in disbelief.

"We'll go out for food and things. You two just can't go out without an escort anymore. It is too risky." Tayuya isn't budging at all on this.

That's fine, it doesn't affect me that much.I am content with being lazy, I don't need to go do anything. Besides, Murasakino's hammock is simply amazing and I'm due for a vacation.

"It won't be that bad. Fair warning, I may visit the Nest if you two get on my nerves." I tell the others.

That is actually a good idea, if I go to the Nest I can talk freely with Shirokumo and get him to take a message to Tsunade. I'll have to be patient, I can't decide to go right now. It will have to wait a while.

"Whatever. Just tell me before you leave." Tayuya dismissively waves an arm in my general direction.

"Can we go to a bookstore before you both get cozy?" Sasuke asks. "I need something to do if I'm going to be stuck in here for days."

"Fine." Tayuya says.

* * *

At a Nearby Bookstore

"I already have books. Why did I come along again?" I ask rhetorically to Sasuke and Tayuya.

"Because we need to stay together." Tayuya lazily replies as Sasuke skims the selection of literature.

"What? I could have stayed in the room. No one would come in there. I would have been fine. It isn't like the guy is going to randomly pop up out of nowhere."

"Not risking it. Deal with it." Tayuya lackadaisically dismisses me.

"Red back me up on this."

There's no reply.

"Red? Wow, that's unexpected." For reasons that escape me, Sasuke in the poetry section. I never knew he liked poetry. Not only that, he's already visited the history section, the bibliography section, and strangely enough the romance section. He hasn't visited the fantasy or the action books yet.

Well, we practically live those books. Our lives have to be way more exciting than books. Maybe one day I should write a book? Not only do I have stories from my first life in my head, I could make one about my experiences here. Nah, it probably wouldn't sell. Why would shinobi read a book about another shinobi?

"Fine. Stay together, yeah yeah I get it. I'm going to see if there's anything good in the fantasy section." I tell Tayuya.

I walk over to the corner of the store where the fantasy books are. After I exhaust my interest here, I can pop over to the Icha Icha section and see if there's a new book out. Say what you will about them, Jiraya writes an excellent story.

I idly start browsing titles while humming quietly to myself. "That one looks boring. Totally not reading this one with a title like that. Hmm... nah. None of these really interest me. No wonder Red didn't look at them."

Thud

The sudden noise startles me and I reflexively look towards the source. It came from the Icha Icha section, someone swatted their hand down on one of the bookcases. Someone I know. Someone who I decided to avoid at all costs. Someone who I literally just said wouldn't pop up out of nowhere did just that.

Kakashi Hatake, my former sensei, is browsing books barely two meters away from me.

"Sorry about that." Kakashi drawls out sheepishly. "Thought I saw a spider. I think they've been following me around."

I can't help but grin under my mask. Of course Kakashi would notice that, he's paranoid to the extreme.

"Who knows, maybe you've attracted their attention. If you ask them to, they might leave you alone." I say in a changed voice. I sound younger, squeakier.

"Maybe, but I like their presence. Just not on my Icha Icha! You know, I used to have a Spider. Funny thing is, I didn't know he was one for the longest time." Kakashi blandly says as he's flipping through the selection of Icha Icha. "Damn. I don't know which one to pick."

Tsunade told him I'm the Spider Summoner. There is no other explanation for his reply, he has to know.

"Funny how that works. What happened to him?" I gently probe him for information. I want to know more.

"He wandered off to play with a Snake. It is sad, I miss him terribly. Every day he's gone could be the day I lose him forever. I just hope he finds his way home in one piece. He'll come back eventually. Who knows, he might bring his friend home with him. Unfortunately, I think he has picked up my habit of being late." Kakashi says in his lazy drawl.

He knows everything. He knows where Sasuke and I went. He knows that I'm the Spider Summoner. He knows that Sasuke is a Snake Summoner. He knows that I'm trying to bring Sasuke back, that I'm protecting him in my own way.

"Your spider sounds like a handful." Kami I sound weird, I can't wait to use my normal voice again.

"He is. Without a doubt he causes trouble or trouble finds him. But it is okay, he's my favorite after all." Kakashi smiles forlornly. "Although I admit, he's a tad obsessed with fire. No idea how that happened."

"I'm sure he'll come home. He must miss his friends dearly."

"I'm sure he does. It is hard being out on your own. Sometimes writing a letter can make all the difference." Kakashi turns away from the books. He pins me with a serious stare, one that is determined. I have his full attention is on me.

Slowly, he reaches into his jonin vest and withdraws an envelop. Written in his nearly illegible scrawl is one word.

 _Spider_

He extends his arm towards me. I reach out and grab it. He knows exactly who I am.

"You should try Icha Icha Beach. It has a very interesting twist at the end." I say in my normal voice.

"My favorite student." Kakashi whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Sensei." I respectively whisper back with a tinge of forlornness.

I walk away. I leave him behind and go rejoin Tayuya who is still waiting impatiently for Sasuke to purchase a ridiculous stack of books.

"Didn't find anything?" She asks once I'm by her side again.

"Nothing worth mentioning."

* * *

Back at the Hotel

I calmly walk into the bathroom the instant we're back at the room. It is the one spot I'm guaranteed to have privacy to read Kakashi's letter.

I tear open the envelope.

 _Alvarcus,_

 _I miss you. You didn't have to leave for Sound with Sasuke. You didn't have to play spy for Konoha. You didn't have to leave your home. You didn't have to leave me._

 _I know why you did. You're looking out for Sasuke, for everyone, as best as you can. I can't blame you for that. Maybe you'll do a better job than I did. I've lost so many people, I don't want to lose you too. Just come back. Whether it is tomorrow, a month from now, even years, come back. I want you back home where you belong._

 _Now, knowing you you're probably freaking out about why I am here. Let me easy your worries, I'm not here to bring you and Sasuke home. Not this time. I'm here to control the gennin and keep them from trying to ask you about you. Tsunade wanted someone who knew what is going on to be present, that way I can diffuse any potential catastrophes and help keep your cover. Basically I'm a glorified babysitter._

 _Tsunade also wants me to tell you to not kill anyone. I don't know why she is having me tell you that, I know you have enough common sense to know not to do that. She's very worried about you, especially since you're around your friends. She thinks they'll cloud your judgment. I'm not worried about that, I know how skilled you are._

 _If things do turn sour and your cover is compromised I want you to come find me._

 _I don't care if it is in the middle of the Chunin Exams, if your talking with a Sound shinobi, if you're eating dinner with the Kusakage himself, drop everything and get your ass to me. I'll protect you._

 _Kakashi_

 _PS: Be extra wary of Konoha's pale artistic gennin. He's been asking your friends about you specifically. He wants to know what you're like, who you are as a person, why you left. I don't trust him, he has to have a motive._

I torch the letter as soon as I am done reading it. I can't risk it falling into Sasuke's or Tayuya's hands.

Kakashi's letter is both relieving and worrying at the same time. On one hand, he wants me home. He misses me, but he knows why I left. He understands and doesn't hold it against me. On the other, he told me Tsunade is worried about me, that she thinks I might end up killing someone. I haven't changed that much, I'm not a blood thirsty beast now. Orochimaru hasn't turned me into a crazed lunatic yet, not for lack of trying.

But the most concerning part of his letter is the last bit. Be extra wary of Konoha's pale artistic gennin. That could mean Sai, he's the only one I can think of that would fit that description. If it is Sai asking about me then he was ordered to by Root, by Danzo.

Why would Danzo order something so ridiculous? Danzo is an intelligent man, one who plans every move with the utmost delicacy. He wouldn't gamble on something like this, gamble on the odds that I'll show up to the Chunin Exams. I don't believe Danzo would redirect one of his assets on a slim chance. That can mean only one thing.

He knows I'm going to be here.

That is the only explanation. Somehow Danzo knows that I'll be here. Right now _how_ he knows isn't the biggest issue. It's _how much_ does he know? What worries me is if he knows that I'm still loyal to Konoha or not. Danzo is a die hard for loyalty to Konoha, if he doesn't know that I'm still working in Konoha's interests Sai might be here to eliminate me.

That could make things awkward. I have no intention of dying anytime soon, but I know what Sai can become. I know that he's really a good guy. I don't want to have to kill him to defend myself. Maybe I can get away with an epic beating instead of a kunai to the jugular?

"Oi. How long are you going to be in there for?" Tayuya's voice pulls me from the thoughts.

"Sorry, I'm coming out now." I exit the bathroom. "All yours."

I lazily walk to my hammock and plop down on it. I have four days to get a plan together to deal with Sai and whatever he wants with me. That's plenty of time.

* * *

Four Days Later

"I don't understand it. How are you not excited right now?" Sasuke asks me as we walk outside of our hotel for the first time in days.

"Why would I be excited? Do you not remember our last Chunin Exams?" I dryly respond. "Cuz that wasn't a cluster fuck at all."

"Not that. How are you not excited to be outside of that dreadful room?" Sasuke's body shivers minutely.

He had a rough time of it. Sasuke always wants to be doing something. Training, taking a mission, training, planning out what he will be doing for training, training, plotting his brother's demise, and more training. He can't sit still and relax for extended periods of time. Honestly I'm surprised he didn't push Tayuya and I to take him outside during our four day interlude.

"It wasn't that bad. I don't remember the last time I could relax like this. I finally got caught up on my reading." I idly reply as our group strolls towards the Exam location.

Tayuya rolls her eyes. "I can't believe you read those books. Disgusting."

"Have you ever read Icha Icha? They're surprisingly good, it isn't just porn like everyone thinks. There's a very intricate story. Don't judge a book by it's cover." I sass back at her.

"Whatever. Now you two need to be quiet. We're getting close, we might run into someone." Tayuya orders.

Sasuke and I both fall silent as we approach the building. There is a table set up on one of the sides of the building with a pair of shinobi sitting at it. Tayuya leads us over to them.

"Otogakure has two shinobi for the Chunin Exams." Tayuya professionally says.

"And their paperwork?" One of the desk shinobi dully replies. He's bored out of his mind.

Sasuke and I present the required paperwork. It basically says that Kusa isn't held responsible for any deaths or serious injury.

"Great. You're numbers 131 and 132." The other desk shinobi tosses Sasuke and I white circular badges with the numbers written in black. "Good luck."

Sasuke is number 131 and I am 132. We pin the badges onto our front. Interesting, is this what the Kusa shinobi's hint was about? The numbers are more important than you think.

Sasuke and I share a meaningful glance. He's drawn the same conclusion as me. Good, we won't have to say anything.

"Proceed to the field. Wait there and don't do anything provoking. A proctor will be there eventually, within the hour." The left desk shinobi gestures over his shoulder at a mob of waiting gennin.

"Green, Red." Tayuya calls out to us before we leave. "Don't do anything rash. Avoid who you have to and make our Kage proud."

"Of course." I say to her and Sasuke nods his consent.

It is time. We're going to take the Chunin Exams again. I hope it isn't as crazy as our first time through.


	36. Chapter 36

I casually turn to Sasuke. "We're doing the Chunin Exams again. I hope nothing crazy happens. Holy crap I sound weird. Stupid voice changing. I hate that, I sound like an annoying brat."

He scoffs at me. "It's us, of course something crazy is going to happen. I just hope it isn't too crazy. Don't worry about your voice. It's no more annoying than usual."

"Great. We're becoming self aware. We're literally planning around things going wrong because we know it's just our luck. Isn't that a cheerful concept?"

"Do shut up. You're going to ruin the mood."

"Yeah well you sound weird too so take that!"

"...That was the best comeback you could think of?"

"NO!" I say with way too quickly to make it believable. "Maybe. Okay fine, I'm a bit off my A-game right now since we have the exams and... yeah."

Sasuke lets out a deep sigh. "Let's just go onto the field now."

Sasuke and I boldly stroll onto the field. We're not the first ones here, I'd wager we're one of the last. There must be at least a hundred other contestants here, probably 130. I'm suspecting that the numbers are in order and not random. I wonder what that means.

A very curious thing happens as Sasuke and I get closer to the rest of the gennin. It gets quieter. Talking dies down as people openly stare at us both.

Particularly the Konoha and Suna gennin.

Some of them have anger displayed on their faces. Others have fear. Few have indifference. The ones that concern me are the people with hope etched on their faces. They are the ones I need to avoid. They are my friends.

"And you thought I was going to ruin the mood." I blandly throw Sasuke's words back at him.

"It's definitely not a warm welcome." Sasuke dryly says to me.

"What did you expect? Smiles and hugs for everyone? You have to remember that Sound's invasion of Konoha is the latest major incident. We're going to be very popular."

We both stop a ways from everyone else. We purposefully segregated ourselves to hopefully avoid unwanted contact with others, whether the contact be physical or words. We really don't want to cause a scene before the exams start. I can't imagine how furious Orochimaru would be if we got kicked out before the Chunin Exams started.

Our strategy works for a half hour. Slowly the others got used to our presence, their wariness left them as they observed us do nothing. Conversations started back up, people willingly turned their backs to us and the atmosphere isn't anywhere near as tense as before.

It didn't last long enough, as the shinobi here got used to our presence they also got their courage back. Not entirely unexpected, we're approached by a group of three Suna shinobi who have an air of violence about them. Honestly I'm more surprised that it isn't our friends who are the first people to approach us.

It's a group of three gennin, by the way they move in unison it's obvious they are all part of the same gennin team. Two of them are definitely submissive to the third, so that makes him the leader of their merry band. The two sidekicks are decked out in standard shinobi gear for Suna nin with only a few stylistic changes to it. The leader is also dressed in standard Suna shinobi gear except he has an addition of a sword strapped to his back. One that is eerily familiar.

 _Don't kill him! Don't kill Fujita! Not him! Please!_

I flinch backwards. Memories flash through my head almost too quickly to decipher but slow enough to force me to remember.

 _The sun glints off the raised blade of the Suna shinobi. He swings it down._

"Green?"

 _My tou-san's head rolls off his body and falls to the ground._

"So, you two are who Oto decided to send into slaughter." The leader of the group addresses Sasuke and I. He's a tall imposing teenager, probably around 18 years old.

 _We always loved you._

"Suna shinobi talking about slaughter. Ironic." I aggressively say back to him. If it is a fight he wants, I am more than happy to oblige.

 _~They will learn their place. Teach them to respect their betters.~_

"The little puppy can bark!" He jabs back at me.

"Oh I can do much more than bark." I step forward and take a battle stance. I will not be insulted by these _murderers!_

 _~Yes! Show them what we can do! Use me like before, remember what they've done to you! They deserve death, give it to them!~_

"Green!" Sasuke's firm voice comes from behind me. He grabs my shoulder and crushes it. "You know they didn't do it."

"Didn't do what?" One of the sidekicks asks.

"Murder my family." I venomously spit out.

"Quiet! You know they had nothing to do with it, don't blame them for the actions of others. You've already had your revenge. Or is your trophy not enough? Since when do you lash out at people?" Sasuke attempts to talk reason into me.

They didn't do it, I know they didn't. I can't get rid of this pit in my gut, this growing knot of tension. Just seeing these Suna shinobi has set me on edge, made me paranoid. I don't know if I can let it go.

"Fine. I won't attack them." I still don't relax my battle stance. Sasuke doesn't remove his hand.

"You think you're the only one who lost someone important? Oto is responsible for the death of our Kazekage! You deserve to be punished for that!" The leader falls into a battle stance to match my own.

"I wish they sent more. I don't think I'll be satisfied with only two." One of his cronies chimes in as he falls in line beside his leader.

Adorable, they're trying to scare us. They have no idea that they are facing a monster. I can kill them in seconds.

 _~Yes, just let me out! Let me kill them for you! It is like you said, all it will take is seconds!~_

"Leave the Oto shinobi alone." A voice I didn't expect to hear anytime soon cuts into our conversation before anything can happen. "This proves nothing."

Sand swirls both menacingly and protectively around the Suna nin. Before us is none other than Gaara himself. He's flanked by Temari and Kankuro. The Sand Siblings are here, probably to save their idiotic allies.

"They killed our Kage!" The leader roars at Gaara through the swirling sands. "They deserve to die for what they did!"

"Are you forgetting that it is my father that died?" Gaara says in his monotonous voice. "Are you forgetting who you are talking to? Who is standing beside me?"

The leader cringes away in fear. "O-of course not. If anyone should kill them it's-"

"No one is going to kill them." Temari cuts off the scared leader. "They didn't kill my father, our Kazekage. _Orochimaru_ did. Only he will be punished for that crime. A friend once told me, I will not condemn you for something you had no part in. Do you really think _gennin_ had any influence on _Orochimaru's_ plans?"

"Fine. They'll get to breath a little bit longer." The leader straightens up and walks away with his head held high. I can't wait to see him fail these exams, in fact I might make him fail myself. That would be very therapeutic.

"They couldn't kill us if they tried." Sasuke finally had enough of being ignored.

"That remains to be seen." Kankuro blandly says. "Who knows, maybe they are more skilled than you give them credit for."

"I doubt that. If they had any skill they wouldn't have caused a scene."

"Enough. Temari, Kankuro we will leave the Oto shinobi alone. I do not blame them for our father's death, but I don't like being in their presence." Gaara orders his siblings as he starts walking away from us. Kankuro is soon to follow, but Temari hesitates for a moment.

"Does the name Alvarcus Mar mean anything to either of you?"

Sasuke and I both tense. Since when does Temari know that I went rouge? What could possibly inspire her to ask hostile shinobi about me? Did I have that big of an impact on her?

"No. It means nothing to us." Sasuke replies.

"Thank you for your time." Temari walks away to rejoin her brothers.

"That went well." I sarcastically say to Sasuke.

"It would have gone much better if you didn't react so badly. Since when do you ever react badly? I've seen you handle much worse than three gennin with a smile. Hell I've done worse to you and you laughed it off!"

"You know how you get tunnel vision when it comes to your ambition? Same thing." Itachi killed Sasuke's parents. A Suna nin killed mine. Surely he can relate to that.

"It isn't the same. You know they had nothing to do with it."

"What about our teammate? We never found out what exactly happened."

"Those idiots couldn't have done it. What the hell is going on with you? You're the level headed one, you're the one who is supposed to reign me in."

"They made me see it again. The leader has the same kind of sword that was used to cut off their heads."

"Oh." Sasuke's voice softens. "I never knew how it happened."

No one else has the courage to approach us. After another half hour wait the proctor appears.

He lazily strolls out from the stands with his hands shoved into his pockets. He's giving of a strong Kakashi vibe, someone who comes off as lazy yet is really hiding behind that to mask their strength.

"Alright gennin, quiet down." He calls out to the crowd. "I'm your proctor for the exams. You don't need to know my name, most of you will fail this first test anyways. I'm going to be sitting at that table over there." He gestures to a table near the filled stadium, "How you pass is simple. There are around 150 of you here. You'll need to bring me three badges. Any three will do."

The unnamed proctor starts lazily walking over to the table.

No one moves. Everyone is on guard, waiting for him to say start.

There are only a few exceptions to that, both Sasuke and I instantly start moving towards the other gennin. Orochimaru has taught us both that playing fair is something you should never do. The others who aren't waiting are the Suna team that confronted us earlier. They're seeking us out, cutting through the crowd to get to us.

"Will you be okay on your own?" Sasuke asks me.

"Yeah. I got it out of my system earlier. Now that I know what to expect I can control myself." Hopefully, if I can't then Suna will be down three gennin and I'll need to haul ass out of here.

"Good. There are some Konoha nin that need to be taught their place. Don't kill them." Sasuke says to me as the Suna nin finally stop before us. He vanishes into a swirl of leafs.

"Don't kill them either!" I call out after him. I feel sorry for those poor Konoha gennin. They pushed Sasuke's most delicate button. They questioned his strength and are about to get a first hand lesson in how strong he really is.

By now all of the other gennin have started to move, they've figured out that the proctor isn't going to tell us to start. There are already scuffles playing out around me, yet the Suna shinobi and I are being given a generous birth.

"All alone this time." The idiotic leader says once he's close enough to talk. "Are you ready to pay for the deeds of your village?"

"Are you?" I ask him.

"Suna did nothing wrong. Your Kage took advantage of our generosity and manipulated us! We would have never attacked Konoha if it wasn't for Orochimaru!"

"Are you going to say anything different? All I'm hearing is the same thing over and over." He's starting to really piss me off.

"I'll be taking your badge." He slides smoothly into an offensive stance. His teammates mirror him on his sides. "Unless you want to hand it over."

"You'll have to take it." I casually tap my badge. "I rather like it."

"Attack!" He roars. The Suna team lunges at me at a ridiculously slow speed. The cronies pull out kunai and the leader draws his sword.

 _~Do not let them take from us again!~_

" _Enough._ " I quietly say, yet everyone near me instantly goes still at the softly spoken word.

I casually stroll towards the now shivering Suna team, they're frozen in fear. Their eyes are wide, their skin is pale, their legs are shaking. Fear doesn't do it justice, they're terrified. Absolutely mind boggling horrified.

It isn't just them either, the surrounding gennin are still too. All movement in a ten meter radius from me has ceased.

I stop right before the leader and calmly reach out and delicately unpin his badge. I take his two teammates as well. They don't try to stop me, they don't even breath heavily in my presence.

"Disgraceful." I walk past them to the waiting proctor. "You're not cut out to be chunin. Go home before you get yourselves hurt."

No one tries to stop me, no one gets in my way.

"Well?" The proctor says when I get to his table. "Got the badges or not?"

I calmly reach into my coat's pocket and pull out my three stolen badges. "These three plus mine."

"You pass with an extra badge. Keep yours, hand over the rest." The proctor scribbles down something on a clipboard. Probably the badge numbers.

"Wait behind me, once everyone else is done the second task will be explained." The proctor orders.

I move behind him and join Sasuke. He beat me here, good for him. I'm the fifth person to pass, only Sasuke, Gaara, Neji and a shinobi who I don't know beat me here. Damn, I took too long to get my badges.

"Green, ease up on the bloodlust. You're scaring the others." Sasuke orders. "It's almost as bad as our first C-rank."

Huh, I didn't know I was still radiating killing intent. He's not lying either, everyone around me is wary. They are looking at me as if I am going to lash out and try to kill everyone here. Ah crap, I'm the crazy loose canon in their eyes. That's not good. Even _Gaara_ seems mildly on edge.

"Didn't know I still was. It is a force of habit now, my teacher constantly emits his own so I started to in response. In training my teacher never seems phased by it, I didn't think it was that strong."

"Really? You know who he is, why would he react to something so meager?" Sasuke says.

"Fair point." My killing intent is nothing compared to Orochimaru's.

We fall into a companionable silence now that I've got my bloodlust under control and watch the other contestants. There's a flood of gennin who have managed to obtain badges, basically they're going to be the strong ones, our competition. In their number is all of our friends and the rest of the Sand Siblings.

I was hoping that some of them wouldn't make it past the first task. I guess that was asking for too much. I'll just have to live with the knowledge that the stupid Suna team won't be continuing.

After the flood of the strong, comes the rest. They trickle in slowly, none of them have the overwhelming force that those that have passed have. They need to plan their moves and bank on an unhealthy amount of luck.

Unfortunately for us, the slower gennin took too damn long to get their badges. Our friends are walking towards us, they're using this chance to speak to us while we can't evade them. Dammit Kakashi, weren't you going to explicitly tell them to not do this?

We're confronted by Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Ino, Choji, Neji, Tenten and Lee. We can't get out of this, I hope we can get through this without causing a scene.

"You're Oto shinobi?" Kiba barks out the second everyone is before us.

"Actually we're Kiri shinobi in disguise." I scathingly reply. "No shit we're Oto shinobi. Stupid question."

Kiba bristles at my words. Luckily Hinata places a hand on his shoulder and calms him down.

I shouldn't have lashed out at him. The Suna nin must have really gotten to me if I'm acting this rash. Okay, deep breaths and calm down. You can do this. It's easy, if you can worm your way around Orochimaru a bunch of gennin should be no problem.

"No need to be rude, we just want to ask you something." Ino speaks up. She casually flips her hair over to one side and strikes... a scandalous pose? Is she trying to weaken our resolve with her appearance? What is it with females suddenly trying to use their bodies against me? First Tayuya and now Ino? "Actually, it is more about someone than something. Two people really."

Sasuke and I don't visibly react. We've both dreaded this moment. The fact that it is Ino asking us makes it so much worse, Sasuke won't want to lie to her and of all of our friends she'd be the one to recognize us. She's practically Sasuke's secret girlfriend and she's been inside my head.

"We will not talk about Orochimaru-sama." I aggressively tell her before Sasuke has a chance to say anything. "Do not ask us to betray him, you'll fail."

"No!" Ino vehemently assures us. "No, it isn't about him. It's about our friends that went to Sound. We want to know if you've heard about them. Seen them. Maybe even talked with them? Their names are Sasuke Uchiha and Alvarcus Mar." Ino's eyes take on a hint of desperation. She's grasping at straws and she knows it. "Anything at all. We will be happy with rumors."

Sasuke and I share a look. He waves a dismissive hand at me to handle it. Great, now they expect a response. To them it looked like he said go ahead.

"Never heard of them." I briskly reply. "Although, there is a rumor going around."

The Konoha gennin instantly zero in on me. Each and every one of them has a glimmer of hope that they didn't have before. Telling them I know a small little rumor has given them hope. How desperate are they all for news about Sasuke and me?

"Orochimaru-sama is rumored to have taken on two pupils, apprentices. He keeps them close, only those he deems worthy ever get to see them." There, that should give them hope that we're still alive and imply that we're not here at the same time. Two birds, one kunai.

Relief floods through most of the gathered gennin. Ino and Neji both look skeptical. Not good. There isn't a hole in my story, so what could it be?

"Is there anything else you can tell us?" Choji presses forward. He wants more information. I can't blame him.

"No. That is all. Now leave us be." Sasuke interjects. Everyone turns to him in mild surprise, these are his first words they've heard. They must have pegged him as the strong silent type.

Sasuke and I both turn to walk away.

"Wait!" Ino urgetly calls after us. "What are your names?"

"We don't have names, we haven't earned them yet." I say over my shoulder. "For the duration of this outing, he's Red and I am Green."

Sasuke and I walk away from our friends to be alone again. It is surprisingly difficult.

"I don't like this. I can't see through their masks." Neji says once he thinks we are out of earshot. Luckily for me the Jiongu enhances all of my senses, hearing included. Eavesdropping is much easier when no one knows just how good your hearing is.

"What can you tell us?" Tenten asks.

"The one called Green doesn't have a chakra network. It's like chakra flows freely throughout his body. I've only seen something like it once before, but it wasn't this extreme." Neji tells everyone.

That's interesting. I didn't know that, I thought the Jiongu replicated it along with everything else.

 _~There was no need. I can regulate and direct the flow myself. It was inferior.~_

"He's right. I didn't look at him with the Byakugan until now. I've only seen one person that has a network like his. I don't even know if I can call it a network, it's not there." Hinata speaks up and confirms her cousin's observations. Her stutter is gone, good for her. I wonder who brought her out of her shell? "But he didn't have anywhere near this amount of chakra. This Green is like a beacon, he easily has the chakra of two jonin, maybe even three."

"Who has the same chakra condition?" Asks Lee. "Things like this aren't common. I know that firsthand."

"Alvarcus." Neji and Hinata say at the same time.

"There's something they aren't telling us. He has to know Alvarcus if they have the same condition! If he knows Alvarcus you can bet he knows Sasuke, those two always stick together." Ino's voice is filled with hope. "We need to talk to them again. We _have_ to. This is the best lead we've had since... ever!"

"I agree. They were too quick to leave. It's like they have something to hide. I have the red one bugged so we can find him later. My insects won't go near the green one. They say he's a predator." Shino speaks for the first time. When did he manage to tag Sasuke? I'm impressed, Tsunade was right. I wasn't the only one who has improved.

"Good thinking. Akamaru and I can track the green one by scent if we need to. The red one is hiding his somehow." Kiba offers.

Crap! Do I still smell like I did before? I can't, there's no way. If I did Kiba would have told everyone by now. I wonder if my hearts caused my scent to change? And Shino has a bug on Sasuke somewhere? I'll have to fix that.

"Perfect! We have a way to track each of them. Now we just need to corner them again and get them to talk." Ino smacks her hands together. "We'll have to wait and see what the second exam is. Any ideas?"

I quit listening in now that they're talking about the next exam. That was a very informative conversation and an extremely alarming one.

"Red, there's a beetle on you somewhere. Make sure you get rid of it soon."

We'll have to be very cautious during the next exam. I might have to insist that we work together, I don't want them to corner Sasuke alone.

* * *

"Alright gennin! Everyone here has passed the first exam. Congratulations." The unnamed proctor lazily informs us.

A few cheers sound throughout the less seasoned gennin. Any gennin here worth anything wouldn't react for something so meager. Who knows how many exams are left?

"Quiet down. Since you all passed I should properly introduce myself. I am Eito." Eito takes a quick half-assed bow. "It is time for the second exam. Will the first six who passed come to the front?"

Sasuke and I instantly turn to each other.

"Something feels off." Sasuke seriously says.

"Agreed. Why the first six? Fair warning, if we have to face each other you're going down." I idly jest at him as we walk forwards.

"Whatever."

We are joined by Neji, Gaara and a Kusa and Konoha shinobi and then we all stop before Eito.

"Congratulations, you six are the impromptu leaders for the next portion of these Exams. We have around 60 gennin that passed the first test, we need to cut the number in half at the least so we came up with a team game you're all going to play. It's our take on a shinobi version of Capture the Flag. Each team will be given a colored flag to protect, to pass you need to have two flags. It doesn't matter which two, but you must have two. Now come and pull out a flag from this box to figure out who has which team." Eito pulls out a scroll and unseals a box.

I boldly walk up to the box first. I reach my hand and spawn an eye on the palm of my hand. I know what color I want.

"Green." It's a perfect fit.

"Red." Sasuke dully says while looking in my direction. The jerk rigged it too, he totally copied me!

"Yellow." Gaara went third.

"Blue." Neji drew fourth.

"Black." The Kusa shinobi is fifth.

"White." The Konoha shinobi says. Holy crap is that Sai? Ridiculously pale, brushes and paper strapped to his belt, dark blank eyes. Yep, that's Sai.

"Glad that's over." Eito tosses the now empty box over his shoulder. " Alright, now we form up the teams." He unseals a much larger box this time. "Alright gennin! Come up one at a time and draw a cloth. There's an even amount of all colors in here, the color you draw is the team you're on. Also we're recording who draws what so there is no trading!"

They're leaving the teams up to chance? Interesting, I hope I get a stacked team. Too bad Sasuke is one of the leaders, we would have _dominated_ this exam.

Hold up a moment, they aren't leaving it up to chance. They're seeing if any of the gennin here have the skill to manipulate what team they're on, exactly like how I chose what color I wanted. We're shinobi, we don't leave things up to chance if we have the means to control the outcome. That's sneaky, they're already testing us.

What's the point of this exam? We already showcased our skills in the first one so I doubt it's entirely combat based. I'm going to guess that this is to see how we work in teams with people we don't know. In the life of a shinobi you'll never know who you'll end up working beside and this is quite the example of that. How ironic, in a single entrant Chunin Exams they're testing us on teamwork.

After a ridiculously long time the teams are finally determined. On my team is me, two Kusa shinobi, a Konoha kunoichi I've never met, Temari, Hinata, a Kiri shinobi, an Ame shinobi, a Taki shinobi and an Iwa shinobi. We've got a little of everyone.

"Alright everyone, you're going to be escorted to your 'base.' You will have one hour to get a plan together and four hours to get another flag. Good luck. Oh, also anything goes for this Exam. That includes lethal force, though it is strongly discouraged." Eito blandly tells us.

They should really pick a better proctor next time, this guy is just weird. Who casually mentions that lethal force is allowed?

A Kusa shinobi approaches each group. He must be our escort.

"Let's go." Immediately he starts running away. Definitely our escort.

We all follow him into a young forest. This is perfect for me, a forest is where I'm best a fighting, it's where I learned how to fight. Not only that, the majority of our shinobi are from Konoha (if you count me as from Konoha) so we will have a home field advantage.

He stops in front of a flagpole in the middle of a generously sized clearing.

"Hang the flag on that, then wait for the bell to start. Have fun." He shunshins away in a swirl of grass.

Silence reigns supreme in the clearing. Well, I'm supposed to be the leader here. It's time to step up and lead.

"Alright, we know next to nothing about each other. Has anyone here worked together before?" I break the awkward silence.

No one answers. Great, I'm working with a lot of unknowns.

"Okay, so much for that. Split into three groups, those who are better at defense with me and those who are better at offense over by the pole. Those who are in the middle or can't make up their minds stand by that rock."

I'm joined by the Iwa shinobi and the Taki shinobi. The offensive group has Temari, the Kiri shinobi, the Ame shinobi, the two Kusa shinobi and the Konoha kunoichi. Only Hinata goes to the middle ground.

"Hyuuga-san, why pick the middle?" I ask. I'm surprised no one has stepped up and tried to usurp my leadership yet.

"The Byakugan can be used either offensively to scout what's ahead or defensively to survey our defenses and surroundings. I will go where you decide." Hinata submissively tells me.

What the hell? Why is she submissive to me? I haven't earned her respect yet, she shouldn't bend to my will. Actually this whole thing is progressing too smoothly. Why is everyone doing exactly what I tell them to without complaining?

"Hmm... I have minor sensing capabilities so we don't need you for defense. Knowing exactly where and how our opponents are set up will prove invaluable, go on offense." I order her.

She quickly obeys me, almost like she's scared of me. If I didn't know her I would have missed the hint of fear she has around her. That's why everyone is falling in line, they're scared of me.

"You really want seven on offense and only three on defense?" Temari harshly asks. Finally! Someone stands up to me. Leave it to Temari to not be scared when everyone else is. "That's stupid. I'll join the defense."

"How dare you question Leader-sama!" The Taki shinobi furiously spits out at Temari.

Everyone looks at him in confusion, myself included. Leader-sama?

 _~Keep an eye on that one. There's something... familiar about him.~_

"Well... that was weird. Anyways, the only people in these Exams that I think can get past me is your brother or Red, my teammate. I know that Red won't attack me and I'm banking on your brother not wanting to attack you either. Plus we have around forty five minutes to trap the hell out of this forest, defense will be fine with only the three of us." I assure her.

She backs down a little, but I can tell she's not entirely convinced.

"Besides, I want you to lead the offense." I blandly inform her.

"What! Me? You want me to lead? Why?" Temari sounds confused. Her eyebrows are scrunching together as she tries to figure out my logic. She looks adorable right now like a puppy trying to play with a string and getting tangling itself up.

"You have experience leading if how well you helped corral your fellow Suna nin earlier means anything. Sure they're scared of your brother, but they respect you. Respect is earned, respect is a sign of a competent leader. So, how about it? Want to lead the charge into the enemy defenses?"

"I... but shouldn't... arg! Fine, I'll do it." Temari caves.

Good, I need her on offense. She's going to be a powerhouse with her wind jutsu. We're probably the only team that is skewing our numbers. The logical thing to do is have an even split, but I know we don't need five on defense. I'm just a tiny bit overpowered for this. I doubt I'll even need to use jutsu. I can probably overwhelm anyone who gets here with pure speed and taijutsu alone.

"Alright, go ahead and start planning an attack. I'll leave it all to you."

"Wait really? You're not going to tell me who to attack? You're leaving it all up to me?"

"Yeah, I've got to set up some defenses. All I'll say is don't attack the Red Team, you'll lose. Alright defenders, over here!" I walk away from the flabbergasted Temari.

I trust her to come through, that being said I'm going to have Shirokumo tail her and make sure. If she fails then I'll have to get creative.

"Alright defenders, what are your names?" I ask them.

"Leader-sama, I am called Hiro." The Taki shinobi says with a glorious bow.

"Uh... nice to meet you?" Wow this is awkward. I hope Hiro isn't always like this.

"I'm Ikki." The Iwa shinobi says. Short and to the point, I can respect that.

"Nice to meet you too. Call me Green." I get questioning looks from both of them at the unusual name. I don't bother to elaborate. "Alright, defense. What are you two capable of? The more I know the better plan I can come up with."

"I have access to Earth Release and Wind Release techniques. I can use Earth to make barrier walls and wind to push enemies away." Hiro happily tells me. He's completely ignoring Ikki.

"That's a strange combo to have." Ikki says. "I use seals. I can make exploding traps, kunai launchers and I've recently made a barrier seal that can be activated by me from a distance. They're a bitch to make, so I only have a few." Smart, he didn't tell us exactly how many he has.

"Wow, that's actually really cool." I really should start looking into seals if they can do stuff like that. Once I've truly mastered incorporating the Spiders into my style of combat it will be the first thing I do. I'm sure Orochimaru would be more than happy to teach that branch of shinobi skills.

"What about you?" Hiro eagerly asks. He gazes at me with big wonder filled eyes. Creepy.

"Oh, it'll be better if I just show you." I walk a few steps away from my temporary teammates. "Summoning Jutsu: The Weavers!" I slam my hand to the ground.

A massive cloud of smoke surrounds me.

"Summoner?" A familiar scratchy voice asks from the cloud.

"Summoner? Did she say Summoner?"

"We get to meet the Summoner!"

"The Summoner is here! He summoned us!"

"I've been hoping for this forever! The Summoner!"

"Murasakino? You in there? I thought I heard you." I ask.

"You remember me!" A bulldog sized spider with a purple scarf rushes out of the smoke.

"Of course I do! Excellent job on the hammocks." I kneel down closer to her level. The smoke finally clears.

"He's got a contract! Amazing! He can summon so many at once!" Hiro is idolizing me. I can't wait to ditch him.

Hiro's not wrong though, I summoned ten spiders at once. Every one of them is around Murasakino's size, some are a little bigger or smaller. Each one has a different colored scarf that accents their unique color schemes. This is more than I expected, I was hoping for three or four!

"Oh please, those hammocks are dreadful! You should have let me prepare!" Murasakino bashfully swats a leg at me.

"So she wasn't lying."

"Wow, I want to make something for the Summoner too!"

"You made his socks."

"Next time I will." I say to Murasakino as I ignore the byplay from the other spiders.

I stand up to address all of the Weavers. "As much as I would love to meet you all, I have a task for you that takes priority. I need you to trap the surrounding forest. I want you all to make this forest into a labyrinth of webs. I want you to make it impossible to make your way through. I want you all to make a Nest here."

Silence falls on the summoned spiders.

"Well ladies! You heard him! Let's get to it!" Murasakino scuttles off to the treeline and disappears into the foliage.

"OI! Murasakino make sure to leave a path for my teammates to get through!" I call after her.

"Come on! We can't be out done by her again!" The rest of the spiders scuttle off to different parts of the forest.

"Well that settles that. You two can have free reign to trap the clearing. It's best to stay out of the forest if you don't want to get stuck in a spider web."

"Dude. That was..." Ikki trails off.

"Cool! Amazing! Awesome! Inspiring!" Hiro happily chimes in. He's really impressed. About damn time someone recognizes the talent of the Spiders!

"Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying." Ikki says.

"Oh shut up and trap the clearing. We only have 30 minutes till the start." I order Ikki. How dare he say that about my Spiders!

"You know, now that I'm seeing him in person he doesn't seem that bad." I hear Temari say to Hinata with my enhance hearing. "I mean, that's the same guy who was ready to slaughter one of Suna's teams before the first task but he's giving me a leading role? One moment he hates Suna then the next he doesn't. I don't understand him at all!"

"I know. He seem completely different than before. We tried talking to him before the second exam. He was brisk and rude, but now he's assuming the leader role almost perfectly. He's not trying to micromanage everything, he's letting us think for ourselves. It doesn't make sense. Were you near him during the first exam?" Hinata asks.

"No, I wasn't. Gaara led us away from him. He didn't want to cause a scene. Well, any more of a scene. As much as I hate to admit it, Green-boy over there did us a favor by knocking out that particular team. They needed a reality check. Why do you ask?"

"I was close to him. The bloodlust he radiated was... indescribable. It felt like I was facing down a monster. No, like I was being toyed with by a monster. I wasn't even close to him, I can't imagine what that poor team felt."

"Alright, enough about our mysterious leader. We need to get a plan together. How are we going to get a flag?" Temari asks. "If they're in forest like us, I can cut down a good chunk of it and that should remove a lot of their planned defenses."

"You're not a monster." Hiro's voice startles me so badly I visibly flinch. "You heard them too, didn't you?"

"I did. It's alright, I won't blame them for telling the truth." Right now I'm glad they don't know who I am.

"You're not a monster. Believe me I would know."

"How can you be sure I'm not a monster? You don't even know me."

"I know a real monster." He says with a faraway look in his eyes.

"Kid, you don't know shit. Go set up some traps." I order and he eagerly obeys.

He must have been referring to Fuu, Taki's jinchuriki. Jinchuriki aren't monsters, hell the bijuu aren't monsters either. He doesn't know a damn thing about monsters.

"Hey Suna girl, need any help?" I call out to Temari.

"No. We've got it." Her voice is brimming with confidence. That's good, I don't want an unsure subordinate.

"Awesome. Cuz if I'm right we have about five minutes before the start. I'll summon a guide to get you through the webs."

Poof

"Sup?" Shirokumo lazily asks from on top of my head. How did he get up there? I put my hand on the ground!

"Hey. I need you to take these gennin through the webs. Also let me know if they need help."

"That it? Simple enough." He hops off of me and crawls over to Temari. "When are we leaving?"

"Uh... once the bell rings." Temari is pale, ridiculously pale. "Anyone else find this strange?"

"If by strange you mean terrifying, then yes. I hate spiders." Says one of the Kusa shinobi.

"Spiders hate humans so it's an even trade. Now shut up until you have something important to say."

"Shirokumo, don't antagonize them. They're temporary partners for the second exam. We need to cooperate if we want to pass."

"Fine. Doesn't mean I'm going to like it." My summon huffs in annoyance.

"I don't like it either." The Kusa shinobi speaks again.

DING DONG

"Oh thank Kami. Let's get this over with." Shirokumo bolts towards the trees.

"Let's move!" Temari calls as she sprints after him.

The offensive group leaves. I hope they succeed, I don't know what I'm going to do if they fail.

"Alright guys. It's just us three now. My summon's webs should stop all but the most skilled and crafty opponents. Then they have to get through all of the other traps. Then they face us."

"Pfft! No one will make it to us. I have a ridiculous amount of seal based traps on the edge of the clearing, only a seal master has any hope of getting through." Ikki is brimming with confidence.

"That's not to mention all of the kunai traps I made. They may be one of the oldest tricks in the book, but they work." Hiro gleefully adds on.

"We'll win this no problem!" There isn't a single person that could get past the webs unscathed. I'm confident in my summons. Even if they do, they'll be tired and spent from weaving through the maze. Should be simple enough to defeat them after that.

 _~Host, there are five shinobi approaching from the north.~_

"Five incoming from the north. They'll smash against our defenses." I warn my rag tag teammates.

We wait in a tense silence. This is the first test of our defenses.

 _~They've stopped moving, they're caught in the webs.~_

"They're caught in the webs."I haughtily smirk. I knew that was a good idea.

"Ha! Didn't even make it past the first layer." Ikki happily says.

"Leader-sama is so awesome! To have already caught five shinobi! Incredible!" Hiro chimes in.

I wonder who fell prey to my webs. Definitely not Sasuke's group, he has enough common sense to avoid me like the plague. Gaara is probably avoiding me too, he'll want to give Temari the best chance possible. Neji would have seen the full extent of the webs with his fancy eyes then turned around. Sai has been trained too well to attempt to go into something so ridiculously dangerous. Must have been the Kusa nin's group.

We go back to silence. There really isn't that much to talk about, plus we're all on high alert. No one wants to get distracted.

 _~Host, five shinobi are approaching rapidly from above!~_

"Five approaching from above us!" I yell out to my team. How are they coming from above? How can that many shinobi fly? They're going to go right over my webs! I didn't expect this!

"Oh come on that is so unfair!" Ikki pulls out two pieces of paper, one in each hand.

"Let them come! I haven't had a good fight in ages!" Hiro's eyes glint with bloodlust.

It takes thirty seconds for the five shinobi to land in our clearing. They're riding giant black and white birds. This is Sai's group, he drew them birds to ride. How did I overlook that?

In unison the five shinobi jump off of their mounts. Sai himself is here, so is Ino, an Ame kunoichi, and two sword wielding Kiri shinobi twins.

"Hello Green-san. We've come for your flag. Will you hand it over?" Sai politely asks with a disturbingly fake smile.

"Why would I do that? You'll have to take it." I banter back to him.

"You sure? We've got you outnumbered." Twin #1 says.

"We'll get the flag either way, one involves pain. The other doesn't." Twin #2 adds.

"He said no." Ikki grins demonically. "But you're right, there will be pain. Activate!"

The ground under the second twin lights up, he's standing on a seal. A jade prism quickly forms around him. Ikki you magnificent bastard! You caught him in a barrier seal!

"What the hell?" The caught twin says.

"So much for being outnumbered." I taunt. "One down."

Ino falters for a moment, like she saw something she didn't expect. She's quick to recover and it seems that I am the only one to notice her moment of distraction.

The four remaining opponents burst into action. Ino and the Ame kunoichi leap across the field to attack us, the twin tries to free his brother and Sai unfurls his scroll.

"Hiro! Stop him!" I point to Sai. I really don't want Sai churning out artwork animals to attack us. We can handle a three vs four, but a three vs ten? Not as likely.

Hiro leaps across the field, but is intercepted by the free twin. Dammit, there goes that plan.

Ikki faces off against Ino. She looks frustrated. She must have wanted to fight me, she probably wants to try to weasel more information out of me.

"You're mine!" The Ame kunoichi lunges at me with her fists raised.

I casually step backwards out of her range. A kunoichi that specializes in taijutsu, that isn't something you see everyday. Usually they're more support fighters or healers, it is what they're naturally inclined towards. That could mean that she has an equalizer, something to make up for her lack of desired taijutsu traits. I wonder, does Ame have shinobi clan that has a bloodline that requires physical contact?

I dodge a flurry of punches and kicks, all with a lazy amount of effort. Is this really a gennin? Was I this slow when I took my first Chunin Exams? Just how far has Orochimaru's training pushed me? This isn't even a challenge now, hell this is less strenuous than my training warm up routine!

"Stay! Still! Dammit!" The kunoichi is getting mad.

"ROAR!" A black and white lion lunges at me from behind and it rakes its claws down my back.

"Got ya!" The Ame gennin cheers. "Just had to herd you into the trap."

"Not quite." I calmly say from behind her. She starts to turn around to face me but the moment the cold steel of my kunai touches her throat she freezes. "That was a clone in case you were still trying to figure that out."

"But how? I never saw you make one. You never had the chance."

"Simple, I made a spider clone once I knew you were coming. I replaced with it before the lion hit me. It was child's play."

True to my words, the lion that tried to flay me is being swarmed with countless spiders. Spider clones are fun, when they take damage they burst into thousands of spiders that attack. I'm so glad I figured out how to do that, it's the stuff of nightmares. They're way better than water or earth clones.

"ROAR!" Another lion leaps at me and I lazily pull out another kunai and chuck it at the airborne feline. My projectile lances a hole right through it's chest and inky black blood pours out for a moment, then the entire construct bursts into lifeless ink. Those lions may look scary, but they can't take a hit.

"Release my teammate and I'll release yours." Ino's stone cold voice cuts across the clearing. She has a kunai to Ikki's throat just like how I have one to this kunoichi's.

"Ikki, come on! You got caught already? It's been like three minutes!" I childishly whine. "Dude you sounded so cool when you talked about your seals and stuff."

"She tricked me! Not my fault!" He blushes in embarrassment. Serves him right!

"Yeah, yeah, you still got caught. Sure Konoha girl, I'll take the trade." I withdraw my kunai and shove my ex-hostage forward. Ino does the same with Ikki.

"Ikki, take the Ame girl." I order.

"ROAR!" Another damn lion. I punch this one in the face and it bursts into ink. His lions are pissing me off.

I dart past the Ame kunoichi, past Ikki, past Ino and straight at Sai. I move to fast for him to dodge, all he can do is raise his arms in defense. That was the wrong move to make, I don't plan on hitting him.

I grab onto his arms, which he just made very accessible, and pull him in the air. I plan on throwing him into the forest.

"Hello Spider." Sai whispers as I spin him around.

Oh fuck me. He's here to talk.

I throw him into the forest. More specifically I throw him into my webs. He's trapped now. Finally his damn lions won't bother me again.

"Don't go anywhere!" I call after him. I need to talk to him. He knows who I am, I need to find out what he wants with me. I need to know if my cover is blown or if he's offering help. Either way this isn't good, if he knows then Danzo knows. If Danzo knows then-

"Mind Body Switch Jutsu!"

A cold hand grasps my head. Shit, I got distracted. Only for a moment, but it was enough for Ino to capitalize on.

I can feel her trying to gain access to my mind, prying at my mental defenses. I'm losing, she'll break in at this rate.

"Stay out of our head!" I can't let this happen! This is the worst thing that could possibly happen!

"No! Show me your secrets! Your fears! Your nightmares! Show me where my friends are!" Ino crazily demands.

We're pulled into my mindscape.

"Ino you need to leave." Those are the first words out of my mouth. This is the worst possible situation.

"Where's Alvarcus?" Her words spark memories, images flash past us.

Me laughing with vivid yellow eyes. Us sparring in the Academy. The day we got our team assignments. The day of the first Chunin Exams. The day my family and Sakura died. The fight we had with the ANBU. Hopefully it moved too quickly for her to see.

"That doesn't matter, you need to leave! Ino there's something here besides us!" I desperately plead.

 _~You again?~_

"No." Ino's voice lost all of her crazed demanding tone, now she sounds full of disbelief. "No no no. I know that voice."

 _~Are you afraid, girl? Do you remember what happened last time? Your screams were exquisite! I wonder what I should show you this time!~_

"You'll show her nothing!" I desperately shout into the darkness that is my mindscape. "Ino leave our head! It isn't safe here!"

"Al... Alvarcus?"

"Shit."


	37. Chapter 37

"Al... Alvarcus?" Ino ask in uncertainty.

"Shit."

Instantly the hold on my mind is released. Ino retreats back to her own body, and not a moment too soon. Who knew when the Jiongu would start its attack? At least this time she made it out at least unscathed by the Jiongu. I'm sure realizing who I really am was a hefty blow.

I open my eyes to see Hiro standing over me. I collapsed when Ino's jutsu connected. She's just waking up too, the free twin is by her side. We both rise to our feet.

Her eyes are wide in hope and disbelief. "Al-"

"Earth Flow Spears!" I call out.

Spears rise out of the earth and surge towards Ino and her companion. He dodges right while she dodges left. I waste no time, I don't have any to spare. I tear across the field straight at Ino, nothing is going to stop me. I viciously attack her with taijutsu.

"Wait! Stop! I know it's you!" She dances away from me, dodging my assault.

That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that no one else can know. With a burst of speed I manage to get past her guard and sock her right in the gut. Her eyes go wide and all the air rushes out of her lungs. She doubles over in pain and is trying to breath regularly.

"Ino, I am sorry for this." I quietly say as I form a few hand signs. "Earth release: Rolling Hill." The ground beneath the downed Ino surges to life and carts her away into the forest. This has the added effect of getting her tangled up in my webs, with the speed and height she was at there's no hope to doge them.

It still isn't good enough. I need to make sure she's caught. I can't risk her not being traped, plus I also can't risk her shouting out my name. I need to gag her.

I chase after Ino and find her all tangled up in webs. I snag some webs that are nearby and make a makeshift gag. It isn't pretty and frankly is pretty gross but I don't exactly have any other options.

"You -wheeze- bastard." Ino rasps out once she knows what my plan is.

"We'll talk later."I assure her as I put the gag in place. "I promise. I'll be right back."

"MMMMPPH!" Her eyes are furious.

This is ridiculous. Sai knows who I am. Ino knows who I am. What's next? Naruto popping out of nowhere and figuring it out too? Better yet _Itachi_ shows up and unmasks Sasuke. At this rate it could happen.

I go back to the clearing, there are still two shinobi to deal with. Or there were two shinobi to deal with, my teammates caught them. At least something is going my way today.

Ikki has trapped the Ame kunoichi in another prism barrier seal and Hiro has knocked the twin unconscious.

"Well done team. This round goes to us." I say to my teammates. The words feel hollow. We might have won the battle, but I have to deal with Sai and Ino now. That's going to be terrible, I guarantee Sai has a message from Danzo for me and I need to convince Ino to keep her mouth shut.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Who first? Sai or Ino? Danzo's schemes or my friend's need to bring me home? Definitely Sai first, I'd rather deal with the schemes of a wannabe dictator.

"Alright Ikki, Hiro. I'm going to go chat with their leader, maybe he'll give me some information about his defenses. Might as well get a back up plan for our offense."

I make my way to the trapped Sai. He's stuck spreadeagled on a mess of webs. He's not going anywhere on his own. Once he sees me he respectfully nods his head. Unfortunately that's the only thing not stuck to a web.

"Spider." He respectfully greets me.

"Sai." I calmly respond. Freaking out here won't get me anywhere. I need to know why he's here first then I can freak out later.

"You know who I am?" His face gives nothing away, it's void of all emotion but I think I surprised him. I'm not supposed to know who he is after all.

"I know many things. I know you're part of an organization based in Konoha's ANBU unit called ROOT. I know that you're actually skilled enough to have dodge me when I lunged at you. I know that you want to talk to me. It is what I don't know that concerns me. For instance, why do you know that name? Why do you know that it is _my_ name? What is your purpose? Sai, why are you here?"

"I'm here on orders, I'm supposed to give you a scroll." He nods towards his hip pouch.

"That's it? You came all this way, interrogated my old friends -yes I know about that too- and enrolled in the Chunin Exams on the off chance that I'd be here to give me a scroll?"

"Yes."

"Orders from who?" I want to see if he's allowed to tell me.

"Danzo-sama." So he is allowed to tell me about Danzo. Interesting. "The leader of ROOT."

Danzo does have the Hokage's office under surveillance, I always wondered if he did. That is very bad, I'll need to tell Tsunade to do a very detailed sweep for eavesdropping equipment. Actually, it's very possible that it isn't equipment but people. Danzo seals ROOT members, he could have one of them on the Hokage's bodyguard roster. Plus, what is limiting him to just one member? For all I know it could be half!

"Do you have the scroll on you?" I ask. I might as well see what is in it. Even though it is a slim chance, maybe Danzo will turn out to be on my side.

"Yes, it's in my hip pouch." He nods at it again.

Then again, it could be an elaborate ruse to kill me. I wouldn't be surprised. "I'm not going to blow up if I touch it am I?"

"I don't think so. I am not allowed to open it."

"Yay."

I reach into Sai's pouch and pull out the scroll. It's a simple one, obviously intended as a message or a very well made trap. Well, no time like the present. I open the scroll, it's a lengthy letter. Thankfully it didn't explode or something like that.

"So it's safe. I'll read it later." I roll it back up and tuck it away into one of my coats pockets. "Don't worry about taking my reply, I'll get it to him myself. Nice talking with you, but I have to go now."

"Of course."

I walk away from the trapped Sai. I wonder what Danzo wants with me? It isn't everyday you receive a hand written letter from someone like him, it has to be important. I'll figure it out later, now I have to go talk to Ino. Kami this is going to suck.

I cross through the clearing to get to Ino, she's on the opposite side from Sai. I made sure they were when I tossed them into the forest, I didn't want either of them to overhear something sensitive. As I pass Ikki and Hiro I give them a casual wave, no need to be rude.

"Hello Ino." I greet the bound and gagged Ino. She's livid. "If I take off the gag are you going to scream and yell?"

She shakes her head. The fury in her eyes doesn't lessen at all. I reach out and take off the gag.

"You son of a bitch! Alvarcus you're a despicable person! This whole time you've said nothing to us? You didn't even think to say 'Hey guys I'm alright!' Then when I figure out who you are you attack and gag me? What is wrong with you?! I think I hate you."

I raise my hands in mock surrender. "Hear me out before you judge."

"No! I don't want to listen to a thing you have to say!" Her tone is scathing, it cuts me to my core. She's still my friend. I hope.

"Too bad, you're not going anywhere." I pointedly look at her bound limbs.

"Then I'll start screaming!"

"Then the gag goes back on." I threaten her. "I don't need you to talk, I need you to listen."

"...Fine."

"Ino, you have to understand I wanted to talk to everyone. I wanted to reach out to you all, to assure you I'm okay." I calmly explain. I want her to understand, I need her to.

"Then why didn't you?" She spitefully asks.

"Because if I did then you all would try to force me back to Konoha! I can't go back, I won't abandon Sasuke to face Orochimaru by himself."

"Then we'll bring him back too! You both belong in Konoha! It's your home." She demands.

"He doesn't want to go back to Konoha. He wasn't kidnapped, he wasn't forced to go to Sound. He decided for himself, he willingly chose to go to Orochimaru for power."

"He wanted to leave? He chose to leave us? To leave me?" She sounds defeated, all of her anger is gone now. She must have thought he was kidnapped, I bet the idea that he left willingly never occurred to her.

"I'm sorry Ino, he did." I somberly confirm her fears.

"Then why did you leave? Did you abandon us too?" She accuses me with tears forming in her eyes.

"He asked me to go with him. I think it was because he didn't want to be alone again. I went missing nin to protect Sasuke, you of all people should know how fragile he really is. He needs me there, I'm the only person who will look out for him."

"So... you didn't leave us, you just went with him?" Wow, that sounds really shitty when someone says it out loud. That makes it sound like I picked Sasuke over everyone else. Well I did, but I still care about the others too.

"Basically yeah. I'm still a Konoha shinobi, I still serve her interests even if I'm wearing the wrong shinobi symbol." I flick the music notes. "Who chooses music notes? Talk about stupid."

"It does look bad." She sounds a bit happier. Happier isn't the right word, she's less distraught. She's still a long ways from happy. "Are you going to be okay?"

 _Bye Gina. I'll miss you. SNAP!_

 _The only thing left is a thick reddish brown chunky paste._ _I did that to a child!_

Hell no I'm not going to be okay. Orochimaru is a vile sadistic creature that take great pleasure in testing me and trying to figure out how I work. Not only that he loves to torture me during training, he wears a crazed grin every damn time. It gets wider with every wound he inflicts.

I don't think I'll ever be okay again.

"Me? I'll be fine. It isn't anything I can't handle." I boast with false bravado.

"You're lying. You've always been a terrible liar." She saw right through my facade.

"Dammit. I can get away with spying on Orochimaru but I can't sneak a sentence past you." Please get distracted. I don't want to explain the horrible things I've been forced to do. I want them to be buried forever.

"You're spying on _Orochimaru?_ " She sounds skeptical. I'll give her that, it is a hard pill to swallow.

"Yep. Tsunade gets weekly reports from me and everything. Actually you should talk to her when you get back. She can fill you in on some stuff, clear some things up that I don't have time to explain."

"I... wow. That's actually really cool."

"I know right? If hell freezes over and I make it back to Konoha this better be a damn S-rank mission!"

"Leader-sama! We have a problem!" Hiro calls out to me from the clearing.

"That isn't good. I've got to go, sorry about causing you to fail the exams, but I do need to pass."

"Yeah whatever. Just go." She huffs in annoyance.

"Remember, don't tell anyone about me."

"I promise to not tell a soul. No one will find out from me."

"Good, because if people knew there's a good chance I'll be killed or have to kill everyone you tell. I really don't want that to happen. I'm taking a huge risk with letting you know about me." But I can't bring myself to silence you. I can't. I won't.

"I know, I know. Don't tell anyone I've got it!"

I rush back to the clearing. I wonder what the problem is?

"I'm back. Fill me in." I order.

"My seals are going to fade soon. They were never made for prolonged usage, they're reaching their limit." Ikki informs me.

"That's the problem? Hiro and I know earth jutsu, we'll box them in so they can't go anywhere. Simple."

"How didn't I think of that?" Hiro face palms. Huh, I didn't know that was a cultural thing in Taki. "As amazing as usual Leader-sama!"

"I'll box in the Ame kunoichi. You get the Kiri shinobi." I make my way over to the kunoichi.

"Earth Release: Triangular Prism!" I slam a hand to the ground and three walls or earth rise up and form a new cage around the still imprisoned kunoichi.

I rejoin Ikki and Hiro next to our flagpole.

"There, all done. Like I said, simple."

"So, how do you think our attackers are doing?" Ikki asks.

"They'll be fine. I'm confident in Leader-sama's plan." Hiro boldly states.

"We can always find out. Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

"Sup Green. How's everything been on your end?" Shirokumo asks once the smoke clears.

"Good. We've caught two different groups. How goes the offense?"

"Two groups? Not bad! Glad the Weavers came through, they're a finicky bunch. Anyways, the rest of your group should be here in about ten minutes. They had some difficulty getting to the White team's flag, but in the end they came out on top."

"White team? That's one of the groups we caught." Ikki adds to our conversation.

"Sucks to be them." I feel bad for Ino, her team had it rough. Not only did the offense fail but so did their defense.

"Yeah, it was a good call to have a seven/three split. I really should go meet up with them, they have no hope of getting through the webs on their own." Shirokumo says.

"Go ahead. We'll be fine here." I assure him. He scampers off into the forest.

We wait in silence for the rest of our group to come back.

* * *

"Did you miss us?" Temari cockily asks the moment she's back in the clearing. She's wearing the White team's flag like a cape. She's really full of herself.

Her group is a little worse for the wear, they've definitely been in a fight. There's cuts, scrapes and bruises on everyone, but they also have the most ridiculous grins plastered onto their faces.

"Not really. It was a lot quieter when you were gone." I jest back to her. "I take it everything went well? No problems?"

"Nothing major. They were really disorganized, there was no teamwork at all."

"Well that sounds boring."

"It was. Kind of a let down really. I expected this grand showdown but we spent more time traveling than we did fighting. How'd your side go? Any problems?"

"Oh, you know nothing major." Just had my secret identity revealed to two people and had to convince one of my friends to not tell anyone else and I got a letter from the leader of Konoha's underworld black ops division that I still need to read. "We did catch two teams."

"That explains the yelling we heard coming back through your webs. Really glad we're on the same side for this, I don't think I could have gotten through them without a guide."

"What, if we weren't on the same team would you have come for my flag?"

"Probably. You have a bone to pick with Suna, I would have loved to knock you out." She nonchalantly says.

"There's no way in hell I would choose to go against this guy." The Kiri shinobi on my team says. "I was near him in the first exam."

"I wouldn't want to either." The Ame gennin adds. "Sound sent two gennin, they've got to be good. Really good. Orochimaru is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them."

"Good doesn't do Leader-sama's skill justice!" Hiro happily chimes in. That kid is obsessed with me. "He's crazy fast! You should have seen it, he blew past everyone to attack White team's leader. And when he got there all he did was throw him into the forest!"

"Really?" Temari asks. "That sounds..."

"Lame?" I don't think I like the Ame shinobi anymore.

"Lame." Temari agrees. "You just tossed him in the forest?"

"Well... yeah. My webs more specifically." Everyone is looking at me in disappointment. "Did you expect me to use high level jutsu on them or something? I didn't want to kill them, I just needed them out of the way. I went to all that work setting up the webs, how could I not use them? Besides, tossing them into a web is way easier than knocking them out."

"It's still lame." Temari isn't convinced.

"Hey, Hyuuga. Tell me how many people are caught in my webs. Go on, tell me." I deserve to gloat about my summons.

Hinata turns beet red. Huh, she must not like the spotlight. She activates her Byakugan and meekly replies, "Seven. You've trapped seven shinobi." She pauses. "Is that Ino and Sai?"

"See! Eight shinobi caught by myself! Impressive right?" My summons are amazing! Could I have taken all eight gennin alone without using something that would give me away? Probably, but this way I never have to face them! They're defeated without a single punch.

"Did you hurt Ino and Sai?" Hinata's voice has a bite to it. That's new, she found a backbone. "Green. Did you hurt them?"

"Who?" I have to pretend I don't know them. Why would a Sound gennin know Konoha gennin?

"Green!" Hinata falls into the Gentle Fist stance. She's going to attack me. What did I do?

"Whoa, calm down. The only person who is remotely hurt is the unconscious Kiri shinobi over there and that wasn't even me!" I turn to the Kiri shinobi on my team. "You're not going to lash out at me for that, are you?"

"Nah, we're good. Those twins could use a beat-down, they're full of themselves." The friendly Kiri nin replies. I should really learn their names. Referring to people by their village is getting annoying. Meh, the second task should be over soon, there's no point now.

"Great! Back to the crazy Konoha kunoichi. If you're so worried about your friends, go check on them. I left them conscious, feel free to have a nice chat."

Hinata rushes off towards Ino. I can't blame her for wanting to make sure her friends are okay. I would do the same thing.

"I'm going to go make sure she doesn't get stuck too. Or, you know, cut someone loose and then they get our flags by some crazy odds." I start walking after Hinata. I want to make sure Ino keeps my secret. If she tells Hinata I need to get Sasuke and run.

"I'm coming too." Temari steps forwards.

"Whatever, the more the merrier." I dismiss her presence as we walk.

As we get closer, I start to hear their conversation. The Jiongu really does come in handy.

"Ino, are you sure you're alright?" Hinata asks.

"Yes, I'm fine! I'm just... hanging out?" She weakly jokes.

"He didn't hurt you at all? He didn't do anything weird or strange?"

"No, he was the perfect gentleman." I can feel Ino roll her eyes in irritation. "Of course he hurt me! This is the Chunin Exams and he was an enemy."

"Ino answer the question! Are you okay?"

"Yes!" Ino indignantly hisses out. "Beside the massive bruise I'm going to have on my stomach and probably a couple broken or cracked ribs I'm perfectly fine! The boy can hit." There's no way I broke some of her ribs. I pulled that punch a lot, it should have been barely enough to wind her. "Dammit Hinata I've been hit harder by Choji! I'm fine! Although in hindsight, going after him alone was a stupid idea."

"Ino, why did you go after him alone?" Hinata aggressively asks our bound friend.

"I thought I could find some more out about Sasuke and Alvarcus. Maybe I could get into his head and dig up some memories. I'm a Yamanaka, it's what we do."

"With a team! You don't do something this rash without back up! You're vulnerable when you use your mind jutsu. You know this!" Hinata is really chewing out Ino. I never expected the shy girl I remember to turn out like this.

"Yeah, but it worked. I got in his head." Ino brags.

I twitch. Temari and I are only a few seconds away, this is the moment. Either Ino tells or she doesn't.

"And? What did you see?"

"Pain. Suffering. Regret." She pauses, takes a deep breath and musters up her courage. "I didn't see Sasuke or Alvarcus. It... it was dark. Not dark like evil, just... dark. Like it was shrouded in something black. It was almost like a void. It was really strange, mindscapes are usually based on a place that someone has spent a long time at. Sure there are some exceptions, but I've never heard of a mind that's like his."

"Talking about my head?" I call out to them. Ino is right, my mindscape is based off of the place I spent the most time at. It wasn't a childhood home or even a house I lived in. No, it's the place I spent what felt like eons. It's the endless abyss that I was floating in before Orochimaru pulled me out. "Not the prettiest place, but I like it."

Hinata tenses at my words. She _really_ doesn't want me here.

"Oh calm down! He's not our enemy." Ino reprimands Hinata.

"How can you be sure?" Hinata defensively asks.

"Hello? Mind reader here, I was in his head." Ino scoffs out. A lot of the effect is lost since she's... well since she's stuck. I'm starting to feel bad about that. "The only reason he attacked me was because we were on opposing teams. I could have been anyone else and he would have reacted the same."

"Wait really? You were in his head?" Temari asks. "What was it like?" Hinata and Temari both turn to Ino.

"Daises and roses." I cut in. Sarcasm is dripping off my words. "I've been experimented on by Orochimaru, how do you think it looks?"

Ino winces.

"Really? What did he do?" Temari asks again. This chick needs to stop with the questions.

"Fucked up my chakra network and a few other things." I'm not lying, my chakra network is gone according to Neji and Hinata. If I didn't have the Jiongu to help regulate the flow and dispersal of my chakra I'd be dead. Small victories.

"Other things?" She prompts.

"Things I don't talk about. Enough with the questions, I'm here for a reason. Hyuuga, don't free the captive. Oh, and don't get stuck yourself. I'd hate to have to get you out."

I walk away to leave the girls to themselves. I've confirmed that Ino won't share who I am, that was a perfect moment to do so. The second task will be ending soon and it isn't befit for a leader to not be present when his victory is announced.

I wonder how Sasuke did.

* * *

Back at the Exam Building

"I still can't believe I had to travel underground to get you gennin." Our escort grumbles to himself. "Only way to avoid those damn webs. Do you have any idea how long I had to hold my breath? News flash: There's no air underground."

"Hey, at least I led us out. Imagine doing that twice." Even with my guidance some people still got stuck. I had to peel webs off of three different people! Three!

"Never again." He promises himself. "Now wait here for the other groups. I've got to go claim my winnings."

"He bet on the Exams?" One of my Kusa shinobi asks.

"Its a common thing. All of the older nin do it." The other Kusa nin explains. Huh, this is the first time I've heard them talk.

We wait for the rest of the teams in silence. Eventually everyone shows up, White team is the last to show up. They did have to free them from my webs, I didn't do that myself. Sure it's a little petty, but they deserve to suffer for thinking I was the best leader to attack.

"Alright, now that we're all here let's see who won." Eito is back with is lazy attitude. "So, who has two flags?"

"Green team does." I say while pulling out our two flags, one in each hand.

"Yellow team does." Gaara drones out. He's holding his original yellow flag and _a red one._ That's Sasuke's flag!

"Red team has two flags." Sasuke pulls out a black and a blue flag. Oh that bastard, I bet he took all ten of his teammates and attacked the groups with overwhelming force.

"Unconventional, but within the rules. Congrats, you three teams get to pass to the next exam." Eito blandly says. Worst proctor ever. Where's the excitement at? "So, we have too many people for the final exam a month from now. Honestly we only expected one team to pass, so we need to cut this down to... let's go with twelve. That should balance the bracket better than ten. First twelve to bring me someone else's badge and their own gets to be in the finals. GO!"

I know I asked for excitement, but this is not what I wanted.

"Wind Release: Slicing Whirlwind!" Temari calls from behind me.

"Earth Release: Stone Wall!" I raise my defense in the nick of time. Temari's attack slams into my wall. "What the hell? I thought we bonded!"

"Bonded? There's no bond between us. Besides, you're one of the people I don't want in the finals. Otogakure doesn't deserve the publicity." She swings her fan again in an attempt to topple my wall. It fails, my wall is too sturdy. But with each gouge she carves into it the integrity is failing. "The only reason I put up with you was because I needed to move on to the next stage!"

"But Temari! We had such good chemistry! You: the unstoppable offense. Me: the insurmountable defense."

"How can we have chemistry? I've never seen your face!" She swings her fan again and my wall cracks. It can only take one more hit.

"I'm self conscious about my looks?" I weakly reply. "Okay, even I know that is a lie. I look badass and everyone knows it."

"I've had enough of you! Slicing Whirlwind!" Her attack rages straight through my wall. Rocks and dirt fly everywhere.

Thankfully I moved, I'm no longer cowering behind my defense. In fact, I'm casually standing next to Temari. There was a generously sized boulder that I kawarmied with.

"Whew! You've got some serious power!" I'm not entirely kidding, the damage she caused is very impressive. Her wind carried the broken bits of my wall and made a lot of projectiles that pelted most of the other fighting gennin.

"And you've got some serious issues! Take this fight seriously!" She snaps her fan shut and swings it at me, intent on bludgeoning me with it.

"You want me to take this seriously?" I nonchalantly ask as I step backwards out of her swing. "You sure? It won't be much of a fight then."

"This isn't a joke! Quit running away and fight!" She pairs her words with a flurry of blows, none of them connect. "Fight me! Or are you a coward?" She gives a mighty swing at my head, all of her strength goes into this blow.

I raise an arm in its path. "A coward?"

CLANG

Her fan slams into my arm, despite all of the force she swung with I don't budge an inch.

"I've been called many things. Murderer. Betrayer. Thief. _Monster_. All of those are true. But coward? Make no mistake, I am no coward."

Temari leaps backward from me. There's a dent in her fan the size of my forearm. A bead of sweat runs down her face. Good, she is nervous now. With good reason too, that wasn't a light blow by any means. It should have shattered my arm if I was a normal person.

"I won't fight you seriously. I don't need to." I turn and start walking away. This fight is over.

"Don't turn your back on me! This isn't over yet!" She calls out to me.

"You sure?" I hold up a white badge with the number 74 on it.

"You bastard!" Her hand darts to her hip pouch where her badge used to be. "But when?"

"The only time I let you hit me." I give her a little wave. "See ya!"

"No! Get back here!"

"That sounds bad for my health." I quip over my shoulder as I sidestep the latest gale aimed at me.

"Give it back!" With a mighty heave of her fan she sends a literal horizontal tornado at me.

Shit shit shit! There's nothing to replace with around here. Except... for another gennin. Fuck it, better him than me. "Kawarmi!" I overpower the jutsu with chakra to switch places with a nearby Kusa shinobi and once I do I instantly block the blow that was aimed at his neck, which due to my impromptu replacement, is aimed right at mine now.

"What the fuck?" My unfortunate victim says moments before Temari's attack slams into him and hurls him across the chaotic field.

"Sorry!" I shout after his rapidly shrinking form.

"Who the hell are you?" The opponent of the Kusa shinobi says in bewilderment.

"No one important. Just needed to get away from-"

"Green Otogakure shinobi! Show yourself! I'm not through with you yet!" Temari's rage filled voice thunders over all other sounds of combat going on around us.

"-that." I intelligently finish my sentence. "I needed to get away from that. Excuse me, but I'm going to start running again and you happen to be in my way. Sorry about this."

"What the hell is goin- URK!" The gennin couldn't finish his sentence. Probably because I made an Earth Pillar rise up and slam him in the chest. Sure I could have punched him, but this just felt right. Besides, his face was hilarious with the bugged out eyes and everything.

"There you are you little pest!" Temari roars as she throws a handful of kunai at me. "Slicing Whirlwind!" Her wind jutsu catches the airborne blades and carries them to new speeds straight at me.

"Oh shit!" I weave, bend, dodge, and jump around all of the kunai. "Damn that was close. Honestly I'm surprised I got through that alright."

"Dodge this!" The very air itself surges at me.

"Kami damn it we're doing this again?" I sprint straight towards the proctor. "This is getting old Suna girl!"

"Stop! Get back here now!"

"Hell no!" I shout over my shoulder to Temari as I skid to a stop in front of the proctor. "Hey proctor! Got a badge here!" I toss Eito Temari's badge and flash him mine.

"NO!" Temari rages behind me.

"Oh thank Kami. Now the wind will stop attacking." I sigh out. I'm really glad Orochimaru put me through dodge training. Okay, I'm not. Orochimaru's training is absolute hell but I can't deny that it is effective.

"Congrats. You've made it to the finals." Eito gestures over his shoulder. "Go wait over there."

I confidently walk to a handful of waiting gennin.

"Green, about time you got here." Sasuke says. Great, he beat me here. I'll never hear the end of this.

"I was having fun and may have took it a little too far. Nice to see you too. Any troubles?"

"Nah. I picked a badge off of a Kusa shinobi right at the start. I made short work of him with kenjutsu. It was pathetic. Amateurs, he shouldn't have even enrolled for the exams if defeating him was that easy." Sasuke condescendingly says.

"Or we're just that good. Ever think about that?"

"Not really. I'm still not good enough." He's alluding to his brother.

"You'll get there. Give it time." I quietly assure him.

Sasuke glances at my back. "Did you know there's a kunai sticking out of you?"

"Come again?"

"There's a kunai in your back." He slowly articulates.

"Oh." I crane my head to look behind me. "Damn. What do you know, Temari did get me. Good for her."

"Green you have issues." Sasuke irritably says as he grips the handle. "How did you not notice this?" He rips it out in one swift pull.

"Dodge training is a bitch." I eloquently sum up.

"You stupid imbecile." He harshly says. "It's clean." He shows me the kunai. Yep, he's not wrong. I'd even say it's in pristine condition.

"And? That doesn't really merit your reaction. Who cares if it's clean?"

"Where's the blood?" He stuff the kunai into his own pouch. More to hide it than to keep it. "People noticed that."

"Fuck." I discretely glance at the other gathered gennin. Most of them have shock on their features, others interest.

We fall quiet and wait for the rest of the 12 finalists to show up.

Gathered here are me, Sasuke, Gaara, Kiba, Hiro, someone from Kiri, a Kusa shinobi, a Kusa kunoichi, Shino, an Iwa shinobi, Lee, and Hinata.

"Alright, you're all here. We're not revealing the tournament roster until the day of the final tournament, so you don't know who you're going to end up fighting. Have fun with that. See you all in a month." With those inspiring words, Eito walks away from us.

"Huh. They really need to get a better proctor." I say to Sasuke.

"Whatever, he gets the job done." He replies. "We better go find Tayuya."

"Yeah. I wonder what she's been up to all day?"

* * *

Thirty Minutes Later

"Muahahaha! You two are perfect! You made me so much money today! Ahahaha!" Tayuya cackles gleefully.

"Now we know what she did all day." Sasuke idly says. "Can we go back to our hotel now? I want to sleep."

"Muahaha! I'm rich!"

"Yeah let's go." I grab Tayuya by the arm an pull her through town back to our hotel.

* * *

At the Hotel

"Dibs on the bathroom!" I quickly yell out and sprint to the bathroom. "I've been holding this all day."

"I did not need to know that." Tayuya scowls as she walks to my hammock.

"Whatever." I shut the door.

I don't actually need to use the facilities, I need to be somewhere relatively secluded. I'm going to read Danzo's message.

I pull out the scroll and unfurl it.

 _Spider_

 _Should I say Alvarcus Mar? Perhaps Heart Thief? Maybe missing nin of Konoha? Or my favorite,_ _ **loyal shinobi of the Leaf.**_

 _If you haven't figured it out yet, I know exactly who you are. I know exactly what you're doing._

 _It takes a certain kind of person to willingly go to someone like Orochimaru to spy on him for the betterment of his village. At such a young age you understand that the world isn't a nice place. You know that we're not safe, that threats are out there. You have my respect for defending our home._

 _Know that you are not alone. There are others like you, others I have personally trained to do exactly what you are doing. I'm offering you my assistance. Should you find yourself in a difficult situation, should you not know what to do, you can ask me. I can provide guidance for you, steer you in the right direction._

 _I can even get you out and back in Konoha if you wish. I lead an elite force of ANBU, we specialize in the missions that Konoha can't be seen taking. We are the shadows, we are the roots that hold up the tree. If you ever want to come back home, I can get you here. I can bring you into the fold and give you a new identity. No one will know who you were, no one will hunt you down like an animal. No one will call you traitor._

 _You must be wondering what I want in return for such generous offers. It is a very simple request, I want you to kill the traitor to the leaf. I want you to purge the corrupt._

 _I want you to kill Sasuke Uchiha and bring me his eyes as proof._

I torch the letter.

I exit the bathroom in a foul mood. I stomp over to the only table we have and pull out a blank piece of paper. I write my reply on it, then fold it up and address it to Danzo.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

"Sup Al?"

"I need you to run a letter for me."

Shirokumo glances at Tayuya and Sasuke. "A letter. To whom?"

"An asshole." I angrily throw the letter at him. "Bring me to the Nest to let me know when you're done."

"Sure thing. I'll be right back."

POOF

"Alvarcus?" Tayuya questions me. "Who was the letter to?"

"Someone who just made it onto my 'people to kill' list."

* * *

POOF

"You Danzo?" Shirokumo lazily asks the only person in the room.

"Yes, I take it Alvarcus received my letter. You have his reply?" Danzo puts down the papers he was working on to give Shirokumo his full attention.

Shirokumo lazily tosses the letter to Danzo. "No idea what you wrote him, but have fun with that."

"You're not leaving?" Danzo asks in mild surprise. "A good subordinate would leave once his mission is complete."

"Ha! I'm not his subordinate! Besides, this promises to be memorable!"

Danzo opens the letter and instantly drops it. " _What is this monstrosity!_ "

Shirokumo climbs up onto the desk. "How do you not understand this? It's a _very_ detailed picture of you rigorously sodomizing another you. Wow, that is a lot of bandages. Is... is this supposed to be a bondage scene?"

" _I know what it is!_ Why would he send me this!" Danzo roars.

"Simple: It's his way of saying go fuck yourself."

POOF


	38. Chapter 38

The Nest

POOF

"Al you magnificent summoner! That was the best thing I've done all year!"

"Good." Bastard deserves much worse than that. "I wish I could have seen his face."

"You have no idea how mortified he was! Oh man that was pure gold! I'd sell a leg to do that again! What was in his letter?"

"Danzo wanted me to kill Sasuke and give his eyes to him."

"So you drew that? Oh man that is the best thing ever!"

"If you're up for it, can you run this letter to Tsunade?" I hold out another letter. "One less graphic this time."

"Sure thing! Oh man I still can't get over that!" Shirokumo wipes a fake tear out of his seventh eye. "I'll be right back."

"Wait se-"

POOF

"-nd me back first! Dammit now I'm stuck here!"

"Summoner?"

"Oh hey Murasakino." I turn to where her voice came from. "...And the rest of the weavers."

"Do you need any more clothes?" One of them eagerly asks.

"Uh... no?"

* * *

The Hokage's Office

POOF

"Tsunade!" Shirokumo happily calls out.

"Drinking buddy!" Tsunade's face lights up. She reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out two glasses that she fills with sake.

"Wonderful job on Al's upbringing! Simply magnificent! I'm so glad he's my summoner!"

"What did he do this time?" She takes a drink. "Heaven forbid he burned down a forest. I know it's only a matter of time, that kid is a pyromaniac. Have you seen some of the things he does with fire?"

"Oh no it's even better than that! Here, read first. I'll explain after, it'll make a lot more sense."

 _Lady with the Hat,_

 _Danzo has the office under surveillance somehow. Fix it. I don't care how, but I don't need anymore surprise letters from Konoha's underworld ringleader telling me exactly who I am, where I am and what I'm doing! Fix it now or I'll come back to Konoha and fix it myself!_

 _Spider_

"I _knew_ it. I knew Danzo was spying on me, I just couldn't prove it. Hear that bastard! I know you're listening in!" She shouts towards the ceiling. Tsunade finishes her glass and pours another. "Round 2?"

"Hell yeah!" She tops off Shirokumo's glass too. "You're not going to believe this: The idiot wanted him to kill Sasuke."

"I bet that went over well." Sarcasm is dripping off her voice.

"You have no idea! His reply was the best thing ever!"

"What did he do?"

* * *

Outside of the Hokage's Office

"Okay, this should be the last of the paperwork for today." Shizune mutters to herself. "I just need to keep her away from the sake for another few hours, that should be easy!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tsunade's boisterous laugh echos down the hallway.

"Great." Shizune groans. "She's finally lost it. Well, I suppose this stack can wait until tomorrow."

* * *

"He actually did that?" Tsunade asks between laughs.

"Yes! It was priceless!" Shirokumo happily swigs down his drink. "Best letter I've ever ran!"

"Squirt, you're one hell of a person." She sighs contentedly. "Thanks for the update Shirokumo, but I should probably get this taken care of. Who knows what else he's found out."

"Of course. See ya next time!"

POOF

"Too bad I can't charge him with spying on me. Then I'd have to reveal how I knew he was and that would blow Alvarcus's cover. You never make things easy for me Squirt."

* * *

The Nest

POOF

"Sup Al?"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" I scream the moment I see Shirokumo again.

"But we've only made ten new outfits for you!" Murasakino says as she hold up a piece of purple fabric next to me. "Shame, purple is such a lovely color but it just isn't for you."

"Shirokumo! Now please!"

"Haha! Talk about an exciting day. Sure, I'll send you home now." He raises his front two legs and brings them together. "Actually..."

"Don't you dare." I threaten him.

"Why don't you pack up his new clothes first?" He cheekily grins at me. "Wouldn't want all that hard work to go to waste."

"Wonderful idea! Ladies, lets get to it!" Murasakino and the rest of the weavers scamper around and are folding and placing my clothes into a large sack.

"You suck. I just want to go back! Is that asking too much!"

"All done!" Murasakino happily says. "Here you go Alvarcus."

"Oof! Why is this so heavy?" Exactly how much did they make for me?

"Alright, bye Al." Shirokumo brings his legs together.

"Wait I don't have a good -"

POOF

* * *

At the Hotel

POOF

" - grip! Ah crap!" I keel over under the weight of my sack of clothes. "Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall crap I'm falling."

THUD

Clothes spill everywhere. Dammit Shirokumo you really suck. How could you do this to me?

"Smooth. You coast straight through the Exams but here you are, defeated by a sack of clothing." Sasuke is making fun of me. Jerk.

"Are those from the Spiders?" Tayuya asks. Uh oh.

"Uh... yes?" I squeak out.

"Gimmie!" With a mad gleam in here eyes she lunges at the half filled sack.

"All yours!" I sidestep the airborne Tayuya.

"... Is this normal for her?" Sasuke asks in mild amusement.

"Yes. Yes it is." I groan out.

"I made a ridiculous amount of money _and_ I get all these clothes too! Best! _Day_! _EVER_!"

* * *

The Next Morning, Outside of our Hotel

Tayuya jumps onto my back. "Onward trusty steed! To Otogakure!" She's heavier than I remember.

"Tayuya, either I can carry you or I can carry the clothes. Pick one, I'm not doing both." I lay down the law.

"Red carry the clothes." She orders.

"No. Do it yourself." Sasuke is having none of this.

"I'm your superior!"

"Don't care, they aren't my clothes."

"Fine. We'll stop and buy a storage scroll. I'm not leaving these clothes behind."

"Where are we going to find a shop that will sell us a storage scroll?" I ask.

Sasuke and Tayuya both stare at me.

"Oh. Right. Spymaster in the making here. Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

"Sup Green?"

"Hey Shirokumo. Can you tell us where we can buy a storage scroll? We have no idea."

"... This is for the clothes isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm still mad about that."

"Right this way!" He scampers off down the street.

We make quite an interesting scene. There's Sasuke, an elegant pretty boy wearing a vibrant crimson mask. Then me, a mysterious person with literally every part of my body hidden by clothing. Then Tayuya, a cackling crazy lady hauling a sack of something. And to top it all off, we're following a pure white spider the size of a puppy. This has to be one of the strangest things ever.

"Here we are. This place should have a scroll or two." Shirokumo poofs back to the Nest.

"Well then, let's get it and leave. I want to go back to Sound." I enter the store with Sasuke and Tayuya right behind me. "Have fun finding that storage scroll Tayuya, I'm going to explore."

We're in a weapons store, there's kunai, swords, shuriken, and pretty much every kind of weapon imaginable. Some of these are pretty cool, but none of them are really my style. I suppose the kunai are okay, but I already have my own and I can get them for free back in Sound. Perks of being Orochimaru's student.

"Green! I got it! Let's go!" Tayuya's voice echos throughout the store.

I make my way to the exit. "About time. Can we go back now?"

"Yes, let's go!"

* * *

On the Way Back to Sound

"Still can't believe I'm carrying you." I mutter more to myself than Tayuya.

"You know you like it." She leans in to whisper in my ear. "I know _exactly_ where your hands are. Give it a squeeze if you want, I don't mind." She wiggles her very nicely toned posterior suggestively.

Well... she did give me permission. I might as well indulge a little.

 _~Host, something is wrong.~_

"Hold that thought Tayuya. Jiongu, what's wrong?"

"Oh gross, it talks?" Tayuya says to herself.

 _~I'm sensing something, a large amount of various affinities but they're all in one spot. They're too close to be shinobi, it's something else.~_

"How many?"

 _~Over one hundred.~_

What the hell could that be? "How fast and what direction is it moving?"

 _~Quickly, even by shinobi standards. It's heading right for us.~_

"Sasuke! High gear now!" We both take off at our maximum speed.

"Alvarcus what's wrong?" He asks.

"I don't know. The Jiongu picked up on over a hundred various affinities following us at high speeds. They're too condensed to be individuals, it's like they're stacked on top of each other. I don't know what is following us but it can't be good."

 _~It's gaining on us!~_

"Sasuke can you go any faster?"

"Not if you want me to keep this speed all the way to Sound." His breath is labored already. Shit. We're barely a quarter of the way there.

"Top speed as long as you can. It's our only chance. I'll carry you too if I have to." We up our speed again.

 _~Our speeds are matched. It isn't gaining but we're not getting any further away.~_

"Okay." I can work with that. "At this speed we're matched, all we have to do is slow it down and we should be able to get away."

"How do you plan to do that?" Tayuya asks.

"Honestly I have no idea. I could leave behind a monster to attack it, but that's not something I really want to do. I'm open to suggestions."

"Spider clones." Sasuke quickly says between heavy breaths. I don't know how much longer he can keep this pace.

"Good idea. Summoning Jutsu: Spider Clones!" Ten clones pop into existence and instantly sprint towards the anomaly. "That's a start. We'll see how long they delay it for. Really wish I knew how to make a shadow clone. Then I could at least know what happened."

The next minute passes in a tense silence.

"The clones should have been there by now." I say. "Jiongu, update? Has it slowed?"

 _~For maybe twenty seconds. It caught back up instantly, it's keeping the same distance from us. It could have caught us by now. It's waiting for something.~_

"Aw fuck."I know what it's doing.

"What?" Tayuya asks. "What's going on?"

"It's matching our pace. It isn't trying to catch up to us, it's following us. We can't lead it back to Sound."

"No, we can't." Tayuya agrees. "Ideas?"

"Yeah, it's a really bad one. But it's also our best shot of everyone getting out alive. Neither of you are going to like it and I really hate it."

"Let's hear it." She urges. "A bad plan is better than no plan."

Not really sure if that statement is true, but I don't have time to ponder it. "It's rather simple. I'm the best suited to run away from it, so I'll stop running and stall it while you two get to Sound. Once you both get there, get reinforcements. Hell get Orochimaru, I bet he's the only one who can stand up to this."

"I don't like it." Tayuya says.

"No." That's all Sasuke can manage right now.

"Do either of you have better ideas? I'm the one with overwhelming jutsu, I'm the one with limitless stamina, I'm the one that can take a ridiculous beating and still walk away, I'm the one with five lives. Hell there's one hundred other affinities there, I can grab spare hearts if I have to. Come on, I'm perfect for this. The bigger the numbers I go against, the more lives I can have."

"... You're right. I still don't like it." Tayuya grumbles.

"You don't have to like it, I hate it and I'm the one doing it."

"You better" gasp "come back." Sasuke huffs out between huge breaths. "If you don't" gasp "I'm killing you."

"Deal." I toss Tayuya in the air and she gracefully lands next to Sasuke. "Do hurry, I don't know how long I'll last."

"We will." Tayuya says as both she and Sasuke sprint towards my salvation.

"Alright. This is going to suck. How long till it's here?"

 _~Minutes.~_

"Well, if I'm going out, I'm going out with style." Using earth jutsu I mold two thrones on either side of a rocky table. I make two stone cups and fill them with a small water jutsu. "I've always wanted a throne."

"And now for some traps." I pull out all but two of my kunai and attach strings to various trees around the clearing and push the other end into the kunai themselves. Each one flies into a different spot. I've upped the number of kunai traps I can keep at once, I can maintain around fifteen now. I'm getting really good at multitasking and fifteen different kunai should give me a good angle no matter what.

"Final touch." I shrug off my coat and lift my shirt. My earth and wind monsters leap out of me and disappear high into the treeline. Better to have some mobile jutsu cannons just in case. I still have three hearts, I can always pull the other two back if I have to. Or just take it from one of the possible _one hundred shinobi that should be here any moment._

I nervously wait the next few minutes in my impromptu throne. This is a terrible idea. Why did I do this?I shouldhave just kept going to back to Sound. I'm sure Orochimaru would have defenses in place for something like this.

 _~Host, it's here.~_

"My my, how amusing." A gruff voice says as it's form lands in front of me. It's hunkered over on all fours. It's hair has the weirdest style ever and a bandanna is covering its mouth. "I never thought you would be so bold."

It's wearing a black coat with red clouds. I know who this is.

"Sasori, never expected to see you of all people." I calmly say to him. This explains so much, the Jiongu is sensing all of his puppets that he has sealed away. That's why it felt like hundreds of people, because in a way it is. This totally ruins all of my plans. Even if I had a week to set up the battlefield to my advantage I still wouldn't be ready to face an opponent of this level.

He tilts his head in mild surprise. "You know me? It isn't often I get recognized in this puppet. It's one of my more popular creations, quite a few others use it."

"Of course I do." I wave at the throne opposite me. "Care to join me? If I knew it was you I would have made the chair more accommodating for Hiruko."

"Why should I?" He asks.

"Come, let us talk. We may be able to settle this with words instead of fists. I may not be able to kill you but I can probably trash the puppet you're in. Wouldn't it suck to have to repair that?"That and now talking is probably my best hope to get out of here unscathed. Or alive. I'd settle for alive.

"You're one weird kid." He hobbles over to his throne. "I can honestly say I've never had something like this happen to me before."

"I can honestly say that if we fought I'd lose. So I figured I might as well try to talk things out first before I tried running for my life again. I'm assuming you were following me for a purpose?"

"Not you specifically." He takes a water cup. "Either of you Oto shinobi from the exams would do."

"Hm." Does he not know who Sasuke and I are? I thought he was Akatsuki's spymaster, surely he should have figured out my identity. "You have one at your disposal. What do you plan to do next?"

"Get eyes and ears on Orochimaru. I will have my revenge, but I won't go in blindly. I want his defeat to be assured." He informs me in his gravely voice."You're one of his new pupils. Who better to spy on the man than those he's constantly around?"

"Sorry, but I'm not up for switching teams." I take a drink of my own water. Surprisingly my hands aren't shaking.

"You misunderstand, you don't have a choice. I'm going to make you into one of my puppets. You'll do it whether you choose to or not."

"See, now that is what I was afraid of. I already have one voice in my head, I don't need another."

"Like I said before, you don't have a choice." He sets his water cup down.

"Is there anything I can do to make you _not_ do that?" I ask. I really don't want to fight him. Right now he'd win against me, the best I can hope for is stalling till Orochimaru comes and saves me. Kami that is a depressing thought.

"I suppose you could actually run away, if you do somehow manage to escape me then I won't be able to impose my will on you."He comments offhandedly.

"Interesting. How about if I told you Kisame wants me as a pet? Would you not mess with my head then?"

"Sorry what?" He asks in confusion.

"Kisame Hoshigaki, big blue sharkman, missing nin of Kiri, has the world's most broken sword ever, and is partners with Itachi Uchiha? They're both a part of your group, you're wearing the same coats. Seriously, you'd think you would know each other."

"I know who he is! How do you know him?" Sasori demands. He is suddenly on guard, the casual air he had about him is gone.

I pull down my hood, I take off my mask and I unwind my scarf from around my neck. "Maybe he mentioned me? He did cut my head off after all."

"Oh, you're the mini Kakuzu. You're Muffins." He groans out. "Dammit. It just had to be you didn't it? We're done here."

"Did you just call me Muffins _?_ " It's my turn to be confused.

"That's what Kisame calls you. No idea why."

My jaw drops. "I'm... going to forget the last thirty seconds." I vigorously shake my head. "What happened to the whole 'I will impose my will on you' thing?"

"I can't do it to you. The Jiongu and that technique don't work together." He starts walking away. "Just my luck, out of all Sound shinobi to get it's the only one I can't kill. Perfect. Since when did he go to Sound anyways? I thought he was a Konoha shinobi."

"Wait what? What do you mean you can't kill me? Surely it would be easy for you. Well, maybe. I'm not going to just roll over and take it." I don't understand this at all, even if he can't make me into his spy he's going to let me live? That's poor form and he knows it.

"Kisame and Kakuzu have both taken an interest in you. Kisame because, well you were right, he wants you as a pet. _Muffins._ What a terrible name. And Kakuzu because he finds you mildly amusing, you're mimicking him very well. He hasn't admitted it but I think he wants to meet you."

"Well you know what they say, mimicry is the greatest form of flattery." I never thought I would be on relatively good terms with members of the Akatsuki. "So that's it? We're going to part ways because your co-workers find me mildly amusing? No grand battle, no ridiculous puppets, no nothing?"

"It isn't just them that finds you amusing, I myself find you very interesting. You show traits of multiple bloodlines and kinjutsu, yet no one has been able to confirm anything. Magnet release, the ability to fly, the Jiongu, Kisame even thinks you have traits of the storm release. I believe him too, it's the only thing we could think of for your elemental sphere defense. I want to see more of you, and once I've seen it all I plan on adding you to my collection. I may not be able to influence your mind, but I can surely use your corpse to my hearts content! A puppet that diverse, that unique! I'll make it last through the ages!"

Huh. Storm release, that's a new one. I guess if I squint from a distance it kind of fits. "Well... thanks for the compliment? It isn't everyday I'm told I'll be added to a collection of immortal puppets."

"You're welcome." Sasori leaves me alone on my throne.

"I... don't know how to react to that. What's worse, being told that Sasori wants to add me to his puppet army or _Muffins?_ "

 _~Muffins. Definitely Muffins.~_

"Which way is he going?"

 _~Away from our comrades, back towards Kusa.~_

"Well... alright then. This was very strange."

* * *

The Entrance to Sound's Base

"Orochimaru we have to hurry! Alvarcus could be getting killed right now!" Sasuke's voice echoes out of the tunnel.

"I am well aware of that. From what you described it is better to be prepared. Even I could have a challenge against this many opponents."

"Come on! Get ready on the way, he could be halfway dead by now!"

Orochimaru steps out of the tunnel. We make eye contact. I cheerfully wave at him. Orochimaru rolls his eyes. "Sasuke, something tells me he's fine."

"I don't care! I want to see him with my own eyes before I deem him fine!" Sasuke roars.

"Hey Sasuke. How's things?" I call out to him.

He explodes out of the tunnel. "Alvarcus! You're alive! How? Did you kill them? Did you run away? How many hearts did you lose?" He's instantly by my side and he's poking and prodding me all over.

"Whoa, calm down. All we did was talk and somehow he decided to walk away. Honestly I'm still confused about that part."

"So you didn't fight?" He asks.

"Nope, it was really weird. We chatted for a bit, I took off my mask, hood and scarf and then he said something about the Jiongu and his techniques not mixing and walked away."

"I expect a detailed report by the end of the day." Orochimaru demands. "Now that we know you're safe, I was in the middle of an experiment. I'm seeing how natural chakra reacts inside deformed or broken chakra systems. So far all I've discovered is a new way to make stones. It's fascinating!" He eagerly walks back inside. "You two can observe if you want. I could use fresh eyes, maybe you'll catch something I didn't."

He wants us to watch him turn people into stone? How fucked up is that? This is the guy I was hoping would rescue me? I must be insane. "No thanks, I'd rather sleep or something. I did just walk away from my fourth S-ranked missing nin."

Orochimaru stills. "I thought it was a group that attacked you? Who was it?"

"Sasori of the Red Sands, I recognized him on sight. I read up on all the S-rank threats out there after Kisame cut my head off. I want to know when I'm outclassed by an opponent."

"We will have a verbal debrief in one hour in my office." Orochimaru vanishes into the tunnel.

Uh-oh, did I say something wrong? Before I mentioned him by name it was just a report but now it's a verbal debrief? Kami this is going to suck.

"Alright, I'm going to at least get out of these bandages. I don't particularly like being a mummy if I don't have to."

* * *

One Hour Later, Orochimaru's Office

I'm sitting awkwardly across from my temporary Kage. He's staring deep into my eyes, like he's searching for something out of place. I really don't like this. Something feels off, he's too tense for a debrief. He's ready to attack at a moments notice, even during training he's not this wound up.

"Kabuto, do it." Orochimaru barks out.

Cold hands grasp either side of my head. I feel a foreign chakra surge into my system the second they make contact. It's rifling through my mind, looking for something.

" _~GET OUT OF OUR HEAD!~_ " The Jiongu and I roar in unison.

The Jiongu surges out of my neck scar and lunges at the hands on my temples. I burst out of my chair and whirl towards Kabuto. He's already on the other side of the office. That's not going to stop me, he invaded my mind. I can't let that happen.

"Alvarcus stop!" Orochimaru orders.

"Die! Elemental Strings!" I extend all ten of my elemental whips at him, there's two of every element. He has no hope to dodge, not in these confined quarters. The back half of the office is being torn, beaten, cut, zapped and burned all at the same time. It's magnificent.

"Kabuto flee!" Orochimaru demands.

"As you command." Kabuto says. There's that feeling again. His voice makes me go on edge, but I don't know _why!_

"NO! He's dying today! No one invades my mind like that!" My whips continue to rage across the office. They'll hit him in a matter of moments.

Victory was snatched out of my grasp by Orochimaru. How, you ask? Simple, he picked me up by the throat and threw me into a wall so hard cracks formed like my spider's webs. That will stop just about anything.

"Alvarcus you will calm down. _Now._ " Orochimaru is deadly serious.

"You should have let me kill him. He was fucking with my head!" I roar into his face.

"I know, I told him too." Orochimaru calmly tells me.

"You have two minutes to explain or I start attacking you next." I force out through clenched teeth as I smoothly slide into a battle ready stance.

"You know I'd win." Orochimaru gloats. But there's something else lurking in him just beneath the surface. He's _furious,_ but it isn't with me. If it was me who made him this angered I'd be fighting for my life already."You can't beat me."

"At this point I don't give a shit! No one fucks with my mind!" No one here at least. I make a special exception for friends if they do it on accident, I'm looking at you Ino. You've done it twice!

"I had to make sure Sasori didn't turn you into one of his spies." Orochimaru calmly explains. Honestly I'm surprised he's still calm, I thought he would have lashed out at my blatant disrespect. "That was the only way to be 100% sure you weren't influenced by him."

"That's why you've been on edge since I've been back." I accuse him.

"Yes. I didn't want to lose one of my most promising shinobi. Especially to Sasori."

I snort. "You don't value me. You don't value anyone, we're all disposable in your eyes."

"That's were you're wrong. You're turning into one of my greatest assets. You can easily stand on par with any member of the Sound Four, I'd even wager that you could best all of them at once. You're nearing Kimimaro's skill level and its been how long since you came to me? Five months?"

That means I have just over two and a half years to get out of here with Sasuke. Has it really been five months already?

"Yeah well torture is one hell of a motivator."

"Careful. I will only tolerate so much sass, even from you." Orochimaru finally warns me.

"Whatever. Can I go sleep in my own bed now?"

"Yes. Do not attack Kabuto again, he is useful to me. For now." Orochimaru orders me with a suspicious narrowing of his eyes.

"Fine." I growl out. "If he ever becomes a problem will you let me deal with it? I don't know why but he rubs me the wrong way." Sometimes even more than you do.

Orochimaru raises a skeptical eyebrow. "Interesting."

I walk out of his now trashed office. I'm not sorry about that at all. With my head held high I go back to my room. "Kami I've missed you bed. Murasakino's hammocks sure are nice but nothing beats a bed. I wish I knew why Kabuto rubs me the wrong way."

Hold up a moment. I can figure out why Kabuto irritates me, I'm an aspiring spymaster now.

I hop out of bed. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

"Sup Al? How's things back in Sound?" Shirokumo scuttles up a wall to the web covered ceiling. "Oh I've missed this. There's something special about webs you make yourself."

"Yeah, you've got a mini fortress going on up there. Anyways I need your help." I plop back down on my bed. Now that he's here there's no need to stand.

"With what?"

"Remember Kabuto Yakushi? I had you deliver a report on him once."

"Vaguely. Never met the guy in person but I do have a plethora of information on him."

"Cool. Basically he rubs me the wrong way, there's something about him that I can't quite place that causes me to hate him but I can't figure it out. I want you to figure it out for me." Wait a moment. "How do you have information on him?"

"Oh that?" Shirokumo smirks from his web. "I've got a network set up here already. I did it while we were in Kusa. Figured you might need help spying on people here."

"Shirokumo you're brilliant!"

"I know I am." He smirks at me. "Honestly I just wanted to take some stuff off of your hands. You really overwork yourself. How many different things are yo trying to plan around now? Firstly you're protecting Sasuke to the extreme, you're spying on Orochimaru while being trained by him and I have no idea how that's still going on, then there's whatever the hell Akatsuki is. Anything else you want to add to the list?"

"Well... There's the whole Rinnegan thing." I have no idea how I'm going to handle that.

Firstly I need to somehow be in a position to do something and frankly I have no idea if the plot is even intact anymore. Then comes the real question, what do I do with them? The easiest solution is to destroy them. No Rinnegan means no one can summon the Gedo Mazu to imprison the bijuu and reform the Ten Tails, no one can use Rinne Rebirth to bring back Madara, and then no one will be able to cast the Infinite Tsukuyomi, and that means no Kaguya. Honestly that's probably the best idea I'll have.

But, and this is a major but, I have the Jiongu. It can take in other organs to enhance me, for example all of my hearts. It's feasible that I could take them for myself. Sure they might be a massive chakra drain but I have the chakra of more than one person, that won't be a problem at all. Then I'd always have access to all of the elements and I get way more dangerous if I use any of the Six Paths, especially the Asura Path.

The Asura Path grants the user mechanized limbs, weaponry and armor. I have a head full of memories from another world and in them is a bunch of weapons that no one here has ever seen. Hell if I do it right I could make a Gatling gun. I don't care how good of a shinobi you are, no one can stand up to two thousand metal slugs a minute.

Is it worth it?

" _ **ALVARCUS!**_ " Shirokumo yells.

"Hmm sorry what?" I sputter out. "Got lost in thought there."

"No shit. I was calling your name for a good thirty seconds." All eight of his eyes roll. "Now correct me if I'm wrong, the Rinnegan is the legendary dojutsu of the Sage of the Six Paths himself, yes?"

"Yep that's the one." I confirm.

"You know what? Fuck it, I don't want to know. Let's get back to the Kabuto guy. You know, the whole reason you summoned me in the first place?"

"Yeah that's probably for the best. Start with the closest problem. You said you have information on him, let's hear it. We're looking for any interactions he's had with me for starters."

"Let's see, there's the whole Konoha Chunin Exams thing. Kabuto approached the gennin under the guise of a helpful older nin who you all could turn to for advice and help. He was also supposed to help Sasuke, and by extension you, get to the tower after Orochimaru gave him the cursed seal."

"Knew that already. I don't think it's from the Exams." What could it be? "How about before? Did he scout me for anything?" I'm pretty sure Kabuto was Root trained. Did Danzo take an interest in me before now?

"Hmm... no. Maybe. If he did there's no record of it here." So that's possible then.

"Dammit. When did he leave Konoha? Let's try and narrow down our time frame."

"He left during the invasion." Shirokumo really knows his stuff. "No one reported him missing, in fact I'm pretty sure they assumed him KIA. I think his name is on the Monument and everything."

"Wow. I'll have to fix that when I go back. If I go back." I pause. "The invasion? What did he do during it? I never saw him."

"If my information is accurate - and it should be since it's from Orochimaru's files - he was the one who cast the genjutsu that put the stadium to sleep."

No. Could it be? Impossible.

"He was masquerading as a Suna ANBU to hide in plain sight."

I refuse. I don't want this to be true.

"There's this part I don't get though, the report got really evasive and inarticulate. From what I saw I think he was given a special task to complete before the tournament even started. It looks like Orochimaru had him hunt down and kill a random gennin for something. It doesn't make sense, the files didn't say what the purpose of it was. The gennin wasn't even a clan kid, there was no bloodline present at all. Kinda strange if you ask me, all of the other mission reports were very detailed and specific."

"The gennin. What was their name?" I whisper out.

"Let's see... if memory serves it was Sakura Haruno."

"Shirokumo get me to the Nest. _Now._ " I'm livid. Those bastard. I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill every last mother fucker who had anything to do with this!

"What? Why? I just got here!"

"Because I'm about to freak out. _Really_ freak out. If I don't get out of here right now I'm going to slaughter everyone here until someone kills me." My voice is laced with fury.

"Give me ten seconds."

He poofs away.

I'm soon to follow.

* * *

The Nest

I land on my feet in a large empty clearing. Shirokumo is a healthy distance away from me.

"Shirokumo, warn the others to leave me alone for a while. I need to express some _unadulterated rage._ "

"You got it." He runs off.

"They're behind it. They're behind Sakura's death. _They're behind my parent's deaths._ _ **They're the reason I never met my sibling!**_ "

I raise giant earth mounds out of the ground. I need a punching bag.

PUNCH

 _~They stole from us!~_

The force of my blow causes a tremor in the ground. "I know!"

PUNCH

 _~What will you do now? Will you let them get away with this? Let them get away with the pain and suffering they've caused you?~_

"Never! Their lives are forfeit! They will die!"

PUNCH

 _~I don't believe you. You've always known something has been off about that day, about that moment. You've never had proof, but deep down you knew it was them. Yet you live with these murderers, you break bread with them! Show me your resolve!~_

"Oh believe me, they will die. Dying isn't enough, no it isn't near enough. They have to suffer first. They have to feel the pain I did!"

PUNCH

 _~YES! How will you do it? They took the only things you treasure in life, it's only fitting you do the same to them. Tell me, what will you do? How will you achieve your revenge?~_

"I will tear Otogakure to the ground. I will force Orochimaru to watch as I pull Sasuke away from him, I will force him to watch as I _burn_ everything he has worked so hard to build up. Then, and only then will he get to die."

PUNCH

 _~And how do you plan on killing him when that moment comes? A slit throat like your teammate? A beheading like your parents?~_

"No. I'm going to do the only thing that I can, I'm going to put _you_ inside him. I'm going to let him experience the agony that he put me through."

 _~MAGNIFICENT!~_

* * *

With Shirokumo and Arachne

"What's wrong with him?" Arachne asks. "Last time he was here he seemed angered, but not like _this._ Even when he came here when he killed that child he wasn't this animated. This expressive. Something truly horrific must have happened."

"So you did see that. I always wondered if you did. Not much makes it past you, does it?"

"Shirokumo do not try to avoid this. He is my Summoner as well as yours. You know you need to tell me."

"I'm not completely sure, but I think he just found out who killed his family." Shirokumo gravely says to her.

"His family is dead?" She asks in shock. "I never knew."

"Worse. They were murdered right in front of him. I think he just found out who exactly was behind it and why they did it."

"Explain please. I won't ask him, I can't imagine the feeling of going through that. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"He always had a feeling, I could tell from watching him. His distrust of Orochimaru runs deeper than what you'd see on the surface, there was something _more._ He didn't realize it himself but it's part of the reason he came here, he wanted to find out if his family truly were murdered or if they were killed by chance. He found his answer today, Orochimaru was behind it all. He had our Summoner's family killed so he'd have one less reason to stay in Konoha. That's how twisted and sadistic the Snake Summoner is, he's willing to sacrifice _lives_ for a mere _chance_ of getting what he wants."

"... I'm beginning to rethink our alliance with the Snakes."

"Their next Summoner isn't bad. It's just this one, this Orochimaru. I've met the next one, he's Alvarcus's friend. I would even go as far as a brother. The way they care for each other you would think they came from the same egg sack."

"Really? It's rare for spiders to have bonds like that."

"Really. Sasuke's one hell of a person. He's brash and arrogant, but somehow that balances out Alvarcus's meticulous planning and playfulness. You wouldn't believe the schemes he has floating around in his head."

"So they're good for each other."

"Yeah. Never thought it could be possible, but it happened."

"Do you think he could make a good Sage?" Arachne asks. "Do you remember the last one?"

"I do. That was our first summoner, wasn't it?"

"Yes, she really was quite the handful wasn't she?"

"That she was. Sometimes I miss those days. The world was a simpler place. That was back when I still had color on my exoskeleton!"

"So, do you think he could become a Sage?"

Shirokumo hesitates. "I don't know. I don't know if he even can, the Jiongu could have irreparably damaged his chakra network and it might not be able to handle the stress of natural chakra. Even if he can, it's years too early to start him on it."

"He can summon you." Arachne pointedly says. "You know what that means."

"Just because he can summon me doesn't mean he is Sage material. That's only the first condition, there are many more trials he has yet to go through. Although I admit, I've never been the first spider to be summoned before."

"You're right as usual Ancient One." Arachne gracefully bows to Shirokumo.

"None of that now. We've worked on this, there's nothing wrong with questioning me."

"Sorry. It's a habit."

* * *

Two Hours Later, Back in Alvarcus's Room

POOF

"Where the _hell_ have you been?" Tayuya's voice assaults me the moment I'm back.

"Needed to blow off some steam so I went to the Nest." I briskly reply.

"You couldn't even tell me that you made it back in one piece? I thought you _died_ today! Last time I saw you, you were going to face down a hundred opponents by yourself! What the fuck man?"

" _Tayuya!_ " I roar. She flinches at the volume. "The second I was back in Sound Orochimaru whisked me away to his office and had Kabuto rape my mind. I took exception to that and tried to kill him. Would have done it too if Orochimaru didn't save his sorry ass by _throwing me into a wall!_ Then I came back here and went to the Nest to blow off steam because if I didn't _I would have gone on a murderous rampage!_ "

She snorts. "Please, you don't do murderous rampages. You're not the type. I would know, I've met my fair share of them."

Most of the tension in my body leaves me. That's one of the good things about Tayuya, she doesn't get hung up on things most other people would. "Sad thing is you're right. I probably would have gotten through one or two dozen people and come back to my senses. What do you know, I guess I do have a shred of humanity still. I wonder when Orochimaru will corrupt that too."

She boldly strolls fully into my room and plops down on my bed. She pats the spot next to her. "Want to talk about it?"

I sit down next to her. "Not really. I got most of it out of my system already." Plus I can't exactly explain everything to her. Something like 'I just found out Orochimaru had my family slaughtered to get me here so he can fill his sick twisted sense of fatherhood that for some reason is fixating on me because he pulled me from the afterlife.' I'm sure that would go over well.

"You sure? I'll listen." She wraps me in a hug.

Stupid. This is stupid. I shouldn't let her be here. I should kick her out and tell her to leave me alone. I should distance myself from her. I need to do that, I can't get attached. I can't have someone here that I care about besides Sasuke. Only Sasuke is irreplaceable to Orochimaru, everyone else can be used against me.

"Maybe another time." I lean backwards and force both of us to fall onto my bed. I'll work on distancing myself from her later. For now I'm going to enjoy not being alone. "Right now I just want to sleep. I want this day to be over."

"If that's what you want." She snuggles deeper into my side. "I'll keep you warm this time, kay?"

I crack a small grin. She totally wants my body heat again. "Whatever you say."

We fall asleep like that.

* * *

The Next Morning

"Psst! Jirobo check this out!" Kidomaru whispers from the other side of my cracked open door. "You're not going to believe this!"

"What do you want Kidomaru? We're supposed to be looking for Tayuya. She missed this morning's group training exercises. I swear if this is- Holy shit. Sakon get over here."

"What's gotten you both so- Damn. When did this happen?"

"How should I know?" Jirobo says in exasperation. "Should we wake them up or leave them alone?"

"Leave us the fuck alone you assholes." Tayuya grumbles from my side without lifting her head off my chest. "Unless you want your asses kicked."

Kidomaru snickers. "Better yet should we go get Orochimaru-sama?"

"Do it and die." I growl out with the least amount of movement possible. I'm very comfortable right now, and contrary to what I said last night Tayuya is actually keeping me warm. "This was such a pleasant morning. Then you dicks showed up."

"You sure we're the only dicks to show up?" Kidomaru wisecracks. "Hold up, can you even get it up? Your thread thingy didn't have side effects did it?"

I snap open an eye to glare at him. " _Yes you insufferable heretic!_ I will kill you. They will never find the body. It will be the ultimate stress relief."

"That's not the only thing that's going to be relieved!"

"Kidomaru enough." Sakon cuts in. "We will leave the lovebirds to themselves this time. As nice as it is that you two are... now whatever the two of you have become, I expect you to not miss practice again Tayuya."

Thankfully the three males of the Sound Four leave us.

"I hate your teammates." I growl out. "Who the fuck asks that?"

"That's okay, I hate them sometimes too." She snuggles deeper into me. "How long can we stay like this?"

"As long as we want. Or until Orochimaru demands something from one of us."

* * *

Minutes Later

"Orochimaru-sama you're not going to believe this!" Kidomaru calls from outside of Orochimaru's office. Jirobo and Sakon are flanking either side of him.

"And what, pray tell, will I not believe?" Orochimaru looks up from an illustration of the human body's chakra network.

"Tayuya and Alvarcus slept together last night!" Kidomaru blurts out.

"Good." Orochimaru goes back to his diagram. "I'm surprised Tayuya got him to move that quickly, I thought he was more reserved than that."

"Oh, not like that." Kidomaru hastily specifies. "We caught them sleeping in each others arms. It was adorable."

"Interesting." Orochimaru taps his chin with his pen as he contemplates something. "Perhaps it was a good idea to have Tayuya seduce him to strengthen his ties to Otogakure. His presence here is tentative at best. This way it will be more than just Sasuke keeping him here."

"Wait, you _knew_ Tayuya was trying to get him?" Kidomaru asks in surprise. "I thought for sure you'd be pissed that your child got corrupted by her."

"Of course I knew." Orochimaru condescendingly says. "I ordered it myself when he showed the tiniest hints of attraction to her. Why do you think I always chose Tayuya to fetch him? Why do you think I sent her as their escort for the Chunin Exams? Neither Alvarcus or Sasuke would have any trouble with genjutsu and Sasuke is formidable with them on his own. It was a farce to get them to accept her presence so that Tayuya could get closer to Alvarcus. In all actuality you, Kidomaru, would be the most effective of the Sound Four to accompany them. Both Sasuke and Alvarcus are close range fighters, you have very diverse long range fighting capabilities."

"Huh." Kidomaru smartly says back to his boss. "The more you know. It's weird though, I've seen her seduce people for missions before. I would swear that there's genuine attraction going both ways."

"Sakon, Jirobo. Do you agree with your teammate?" Orochimaru asks.

"I could see it." Sakon replies. "When we first met him, the flirting and such was forced. Now it seems... natural."

"Yeah, it's definitely different from when she forces it. Either she got really good at acting or she's genuinely smitten with him."

"How unexpected." Orochimaru smiles deviously. "Unexpected, yet not unwelcome."

Unknown to everyone present, a small brown spider hidden behind one of the scrolls starts to shake in fury.

* * *

OMAKE: Orochimaru Reacts... Differently

"Orochimaru-sama you're not going to believe this!" Kidomaru calls from outside of Orochimaru's office. Jirobo and Sakon are flanking either side of him.

"And what, pray tell, will I not believe?" Orochimaru looks up from an illustration of the human body's chakra network.

"Tayuya and Alvarcus slept together last night!" Kidomaru blurts out.

" _My child did what?_ " Orochimaru hisses out through clenched teeth.

"Slept with Tayuya that's what he did! We caught them this morning still in each others arms!"

Orochimaru flies out of his chair and storms over to the intercom system. "Alvarcus. My office. _Now!_ "

"We're... going to go now." Kidomaru, Sakon and Jirobo make a quick escape.

Alvarcus walks into Orochimaru's office. "You called? I was having a nice morning. Did this have to happen now?"

"I've already been informed you had a 'nice' morning. _Sit down._ " Orochimaru orders.

Alvarcus takes a tentative seat. "Look... if this-"

" _Silence!_ " Orochimaru roars. "Do not speak."

Alvarcus nods vigorously.

"Good." Orochimaru walks over to a blackboard and slaps up two very detailed diagrams of... the human reproductive systems? "Welcome to Sexual Education."


	39. Chapter 39

"You heard Orochimaru say _what?_ " Shirokumo asks a tiny brown spider in an empty storage room.

The tiny brown spider does a little dance, scurrying left and right quickly while waving each of its legs in an intricate pattern.

"I can't believe it." Shirokumo's body goes slack in resignation. "Is there no low that Orochimaru won't stoop to? To go so far as that! To have someone seduce another simply so he gains something he wants? He's defiling something that should be sacred. Aw shit! How am I supposed to tell Al this?"

The tiny brown spider frantically waves its two front legs.

"Yeah I know he's not going to take it well!" Shirokumo sighs. "And here I thought he might actually have one positive thing here. Why does everything fall apart around him?"

The tiny brown spider bobs its body thrice.

"Yes, you did good bringing this to me." Shirokumo praises him. "Keep spying for as long as you can, every little piece can help, we just might not know how yet. Although, I have no idea how this could be helpful. At the very least it should give him another reason to want to leave as soon as possible."

* * *

A Training Field, Otogakure

"Alright." I calmly say to myself as I start to go through my warm up stretches. It's really just a time waster, the Jiongu doesn't need to be stretched out. But I'm not really here to train, I'm here so no one will bother me. I rarely train by myself ever since I came here, it's so rare that this should be the last place for anyone to look for me. I'm here to figure out a few things.

"Should I tell Sasuke? Hell, _can_ I tell Sasuke? If I do he might ask how I know and I'd need a very well planned out cover story." I stand up out of my stretches and start running. I'll get in a few laps before I move onto the more advanced things. When I say laps, I mean shinobi laps. I'm running straight at a wall, then up it onto the ceiling, then across that and down the far wall. Rinse and repeat.

"He deserves to know about Sakura, it wasn't just me who lost her. Honestly I should tell Kakashi about her too. I know I'll tell them both but _when_ will I tell them? I can tell Kakashi in a letter -as tactless as that is that's about the only way we can talk right now- and I can rely on him to control himself around Orochimaru and Kabuto. But Sasuke? He can be very narrow minded, he could very well decide that now is the time to kill them both. We're not ready, we won't be for a while. But does that justify me keeping it from him?"

I skid to a stop from my all out sprint next to a box full of kunai. There's at least forty in there, it's more than enough for what I want. I extend chakra strings and attach them to all of them and starts twirling them in unison around my body.

"Here's where it gets even more perilous, should/can I tell him about Danzo? 'I want you to kill Sasuke Uchiha and bring me his eyes as proof.' Sure, to just about anyone else that makes sense. What is the best proof of a dead Uchiha? Their eyes. Yet I am not just anyone, I know who Danzo is. I know that he had a hand in ordering the Massacre. I know what's on his arm and in his covered eye."

I let the spinning metal tornado slow to a stop. All of the kunai are just hovering around me, not moving the slightest. Suddenly they all explode outwards like shrapnel from a grenade. Forty wickedly sharp kunai all deeply embed themselves into the walls, ceiling and floor. It's a dangerous move, that's for damn sure. It's also one I'll never be able to use if I have a teammate with me, they'd be caught in the technique too.

"I think he wants Sasuke dead because he turned traitor but I think he wants Sasuke's eyes even more. The Sharingan have become a limited resource and Danzo would happily kill multiple people for an extra two lives. Sasuke needs to know about this looming threat and I can't spin this off as a general thing. No, I have to tell him to specifically watch out for Danzo and Root. I can't always be there to step in, I can't always be there to watch his back. Take the Chunin Exams for example, we were apart for most of it. The only times we were together was during the time between exams."

I leave all but ten kunai embedded around the room. I start to twirl the ten around me again as I extend an additional ten strings from my fingers. A moment later I have all of the elements extending from each hand and soon those join the kunai spinning around me. This right now is my best defense, a sphere of earth, fire, water, lightning, wind and metal.

"Hell while we're on the topic of things I need to tell Sasuke, I need to tell him what Orochimaru really wants with him. I'm not even sure if he knows why he's really here. I bet he thinks it's because Orochimaru wants to study the curse seal or something equally as weird, like Orochimaru genuinely wanting to train Sasuke because he sees his potential. That one's not it, hell that isn't even why _I'm_ here. Sure Orochimaru saw my potential, but what got me here was his obsession with calling me his child and the knowledge I can provide him. But Sasuke is here as a meatsuit. The only real interest Orochimaru has in Sasuke is as his next body and I'm 99% sure Sasuke doesn't know that."

I let my defense crumble, the kunai go flying and the elemental whips fade out of existence. I quickly fly through some hand seals and five one meter thick pillars of earth raise up out of the ground around me. They're all equally spaced apart from each other, from a bird's eye view they'd look like the points of a pentagon.

I fly through more hand seals and my cheeks swell. "Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!" Fires as hot as hell itself rage towards one of the pillars and melt it into a smoldering heap of slag.

"Who the fuck am I kidding, Orochimaru isn't event he biggest problem when it comes to Sasuke. It's his _innocent_ brother, Itachi. That's the reason Sasuke is here, to become good enough to kill his brother. Is it worth it to try and convince Sasuke otherwise? In a little over two years can I change something that Sasuke has believed for most of his life? And how would I even do that? Say I got Shirokumo to set up a spy network in Konoha and he stumbled across a file labeled The Uchiha Massacre? That's flimsy at best and for something so important he'd demand hard irrefutable evidence. I implicitly trust my spiders, but he won't."

My cheeks swell again. "Wind Release: Pressure Damage!" The very air itself surges towards a pillar and turns the earth pillar to dust in blast of hurricane strength gales.

"Plus Itachi is dying. I have no idea how to save him, I don't even know if it is possible to save him. But if I can -and convince Sasuke he's innocent- he'd be one of the strongest people I'd ever have on my side. Itachi's presence alone could swing the tides of the Fourth Shinobi War, not only would it keep him out of the grasp of the Edo Tensi, but it would give the good guys a ridiculously overpowered piece. That's something worth looking into."

My cheeks swell yet again. "Lightning Release: False Darkness!" Lightning rips across the field and punches a hole straight through the earth pillar and continues on and spears into one of the far walls before it dissipates.

"Speaking of the Edo Tensi, I need to learn how to counter that before Sasuke and I finally kill Orochimaru. If we finally kill Orochimaru. In the off chance that I fail to prevent the Fourth Shinobi War I need to be as prepared as possible for it. Knowing how to dispel the Edo Tensi alone would be a major benefit, especially if Madara comes back again. I could force him back into the afterlife and with him goes the access to the Rinnegan."

"Earth Release: Devouring Earth!" Jaws of earth harder than tempered steel bear trap burst forth and crush one of the remaining pillars. Bits of the shattered pillar fly in every direction, if I ever use this jutsu to its fullest potential against an enemy they'll just be a bloody smear on the ground.

"I'm getting ahead of myself. One thing at a time, and first comes telling Sasuke everything that he needs to know. He'll have to learn all of it eventually and I'm the best person to tell him it all. First I'll let him know about Danzo, right now that's the most pressing issue. If Danzo knew who I was in the Chunin Exams you can bet your ass he knows that 'Red' is Sasuke. I'm sure my letter -as amusing as that was- didn't sooth things over with the wannabe dictator. We'll have to be extra wary for the tournament."

"Water Release: Exploding Water Colliding Wave!" Water surges out of my mouth and tears the last pillar apart in its multiple currents. It isn't just the one pillar that gets swept away, all of the debris that I've made throughout today are whisked away along with it. Once the water settles, I'm standing with it coming up to my ankles.

"Oops. May have overdone that one a bit."

* * *

Three Weeks Until the Final Tournament, Alvarcus's Room

"I can't put this off any longer." I say to myself as I lay in bed staring at my ceiling. Or rather what used to be my ceiling, it's completely covered with webs.

"Can't put what off any longer?" Shirokumo asks from above me. We've been hanging out today, he even went so far as to summon himself here and find me. If I didn't know better I'd say he's lonely.

"I need to tell Sasuke some stuff. Particularly about Danzo." I distractedly say. "It's just, I have no idea how to do it."

Shirokumo freezes, all of his limbs lock up. "You're friends." He carefully says. "Just come right out and tell him. It's what I'd want one of my friends to do. It's what I should do."

"You're right. He needs to know, but the thing is if I tell him I could be found out as a spy. I'm not so sure how well he'd take that."

Shirokumo doesn't speak for a long moment. "If you don't tell him, would it keep him safer? Would keeping it from him spare him unnecessary pain and suffering?"

"No." That's not even a question. "Him not knowing is the worst thing that could happen. Danzo is a lunatic, I don't doubt he has plans in place for the wayward Uchiha."

"The worst thing that could happen?" Shirokumo quietly mutter to himself. "Al, we need to talk about-"

"It's going to have to wait." I rise up from my bed. "This can't wait any longer. Each second I waste is a second in Danzo's favor. Can't have that."

Shirokumo stills again. "Alright. But we need to talk."

"Yeah, I'll summon you when I'm free. Sound good?"

"Be quick about it." He seriously says moments before he poofs back to the Nest.

"Okay. I can do this. Let's just go to his room and tell him. Just like Shirokumo said. Easy."

* * *

Outside Sasuke's Room

"I can't do this." I whine as I'm an arms length from his door. "There's no way this will end well. I'll just come back later. Yeah, once I plan ahead more."

"No." Aw fuck that's Sasuke. He's standing behind me, guess he was out of his room. "We will handle this now, I don't want you creepily standing outside my door while muttering to yourself. It reminds me too much of fan-girls. I won't be having that, no thank you."

He barges past me and throws open his door. "Well get in here." He gestures for me to come inside. It's happening now. Fantastic.

I walk into his room and take the chair at the desk as he plops onto his bed. He pins me with a stare. "Get on with it."

How am going to do this? It's not like I can just say "Sasuke you're in danger." I blurt out and instantly cover my mouth with my hands.

He raises a perfect eyebrow at me. "I'm in danger?"

"Well yeah. Remember the letter I wrote that was to this guy from Konoha who wanted me to kill you because he thinks I'd do that because I want to go back and he wants me to work for him and his underground shinobi black ops division and it crazy because he's technically not wrong but he is cuz I don't want to really go back if you're not going too because if you stay then Orochimaru could take your body and I don't want that because you're my friend and I have no idea if you even know that Orochimaru has plans to take your body and that's not even the worst of it then there's this whole Akatsuki group and then Obito/Madara/Tobi guy and he's going to manipulate you and you're going to hate Konoha cuz Itachi is not a bad guy and it's all a cluster fuck then the Fourth Shinobi War happens and I don't know how to go about stopping it all and it's all driving me fucking **INSANE!** "

Sasuke is staring at me with an open mouth. "I have no idea what the fuck you just said. Slow. Down."

"OkayYeahSlowDownICanDoThatSo-"

"Alvarcus slow down more. One thing at a time."

"We're both on Danzo Shimura's hit list." I blurt out. "He wants us dead." Well, I know he wants you dead and I'm pretty sure after that letter I sent he wants me dead too.

Sasuke looks at me with a blank face. "And who is Danzo Shimura?"

"He's the leader of Root, a elite subdivision of Konoha's ANBU that operates independently from the Hokage." I quickly tell him.

He stares at me for an uncomfortably long time. "You're taking this spymaster thing very seriously aren't you?"

Oh thank Kami, God, Jashin, Sage of the Six Paths, whoever/whatever is out there. By assuming that he made this so much easier on me. I don't have to explain how I really found out. "Well you know me, I don't do anything halfway."

"Figures you'd tell Shirokumo to go to Konoha next. Probably to keep tabs on everyone back there." He mutters to himself. "So basically you're telling me that we have an elite part of ANBU that will take any and every chance they get to claim our heads?" He ask for clarification.

"Yep, that's it in a nutshell. You're taking this extremely well." I comment offhandedly.

"Please, we went missing nin. Of course there will be shinobi after our heads. Although I admit having the leader of an elite force of ANBU personally take an interest in us is not what I expected."

I stare at him in mild disbelief. "Really? You didn't expect this? The Last Uchiha leaves Konoha and you think that important people wouldn't care to notice? Dude, you were their only hope to revive the Sharingan."

"And that's why I left." He hisses out. "They saw me as cattle, something to breed. I'm not, I won't be. At least here I don't have to worry about some asinine plot that revolves around the Sharingan."

I wince.

"You're joking. Alvarcus tell me you're joking." Sasuke demands.

"Uh... no. I'm not." Might as well clear this up now. Kami it's going to suck. Just take Shirokumo's advice and tell him. Be short and to the point. "Have you ever wondered why Orochimaru actually wants to train you? Why he keeps you around?"

"To study the effects of the curse seal." Sasuke confidently informs me. Then he falters for a moment. "Right?"

"Not exactly." I hesitantly start to explain. "I'm sure that's _a_ reason, but not _the_ reason. In all of Orochimaru's research he's discovered how to move his soul into another's body. He has his eyes set on yours for the next one."

"But why me?" Sasuke flounders. "Hell yours is better! You have the Jiongu and that does so many amazing things!"

"Sasuke, what were we just talking about?" I bring him back to reality. "Orochimaru wants the Sharingan. To him they're a tool to help him achieve his current goal: learning all the jutsu in the world."

"That's why he won't attack my head during training." A sudden moment of realization hits Sasuke like a train. "That's why he's gentler with me than you. That's why he spends more time working on your skills than mine. Because I have an expiration date."

"Like hell you do!" I roar at him. "Do you really think we're just going to sit by and let it happen? Sasuke, he can't do the jutsu for another two and a half years! That's plenty of time for us to either train up enough to kill him or for us to run away."

Sasuke balks away from me. "You think we can kill Orochimaru? You want to?"

" _I want him to burn in hell for all eternity._ " The pure hate dripping off my words is palpable. Hate is all I have left for that man, no that creature. "Sasuke, you don't know this, but my life goal has changed. I no longer care about becoming S-rank as much as I used to, it's been replaced. Now my goal, my ambition, my dream, is to watch him die screaming in agony."

Sasuke sits in a stunned silence for well over thirty seconds.

"Two and a half years?" He asks me.

"Two and a half years." I confirm.

He cracks a cheeky grin. "That's plenty of time. Orochimaru will be a good test to see if I'm ready to face Itachi."

* * *

Two Weeks Until the Final Tournament, One of Otogakure's Training Fields

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru kindly says as I walk onto the field. "How are you today?"

"Orochimaru-sama." I briskly reply. "I have had better days."

He raises an eyebrow at me and pockets a scroll that he was holding. Obviously he's sensing that I'm in a foul mood again. I've been very standoffish ever since Shirokumo and I found out about Sakura. "We're going to do something different today."

Fan-fucking-tastic. Last time we did something different I... yeah. I did that.

"I'm going to let you chose what you wish to work on." Orochimaru finishes.

"Say that again?" I ask in confusion.

"You may pick what we work on." He says again.

That's new. He's always already had a plan ready for each day, unfortunately most of them cause me getting a ridiculous amount of pain. Well, I'm not one to dwell on something that's going my way. "I can chose anything?"

"Within reason." Orochimaru generously allows.

"Teach me about the Edo Tensi." I instantly demand. "Teach me how to use it, how to summon the dead. Teach me how to control them. Teach me how to dispel them, whether they're under my command or someone else's." The Edo Tensi can be a major pain in the ass, especially if the Fourth Shinobi War happens like it does in cannon.

Orochimaru's eyes widen in surprise. "You want to know how to cancel the Edo Tensi? Even if you aren't the summoner?"

"Yep." I'm not going to elaborate.

"No. I will not teach you that. Or did you forget that you yourself are a unique form of that technique?" Orochimaru asks with a great amount of concern on his face. "Alvarcus, you don't want to dispel yourself, do you?"

"Oh. I never thought that might happen." I honestly reply. "Could that happen?"

"I don't know and I will not find out." Orochimaru promises. "Pick something else."

Hmm... I could finally start on seals. Nah, I don't have the motivation for that. I don't really know any other elemental jutsu I want to learn. Genjutsu... not my thing so that's out. Taijutsu is out too, last time he 'helped' with that it didn't end well. "I don't really have anything else that I really want to learn. Can I just have a day off or something?" Pfft who am I kidding? That's never going to happen.

"I will see you tomorrow." Orochimaru casually walks out of the training field leaving me standing alone.

"Did that just fucking happen or am I dreaming? I never get out of training!"

* * *

A Few Hours Later, Alvarcus's Room

I stare at my paper covered wall. I have all the information about each of the Chunin Exams finalists displayed on various pages and organized from most dangerous to least dangerous.

"Alright, let's talk about the elephant in the room." I pull down Gaara's dossier. "Or rather the sand beast in the room."

"How the hell am I supposed to beat him without using the Jiongu or my chakra strings?" I mutter to myself as I flip through the various pages. "I used earth jutsu, so everyone should know I have access to that element. His sand should be vulnerable to water, at the very least it will slow it down. It isn't unlikely for someone to wield both earth and water, but for a gennin that'll certainly turn some heads. Maybe if I use mainly water and try to play earth off as my second element? That would let me use higher level jutsu against him. Plausible."

I snag Lee's dossier off the wall. "But not being able to use earth to set up walls to block Lee's taijutsu blows will definitely hinder me. Sure I can take a beating, but that's because of the Jiongu. A normal gennin level shinobi would go down after one hit. I suppose I could summon a bunch of spiders again, then using my 'secondary element' earth I could make pillars throughout the battlefield and have them string up webs all around. Kinda like what I did in the second exam." I tap my chin in thought. "Yeah that's not going to work. Maybe if I-"

SLAM

The door to my room flies open and smacks into the wall with unnecessary force.

"Hey Alvarcus!" It's Kidomaru. What's this guy want? "Here." He throws me a case of something.

"Uh thanks?" I say as I catch the impromptu projectile.

"Go on and open it." He urges with a gleam in his eyes.

I pop open the latches and peer inside. It's a case of kunai. I reach in and pull one out. I stand corrected, it's a case of chakra conductive kunai. "Wow. Thanks Kidomaru. I never expected this."

"You're welcome!" He cheerfully says as he goes to leave.

SLAM

"Kami damn it you don't have to slam the door!" I shout after his fleeting laughter. "What a dick. And here I thought he was trying to redeem himself." I close the case and place it next to my desk.

"Anyways, back to what I was doing before." I pick Lee's dossier back up. "Trapping him in webs is out, he'll just open some of the Gates and brute force his way out. There's no way in hell I'll be able to intimidate him to surrender like I did with Kankuro way back then. I could use a lightning jutsu to lock his muscles up. Crap, then I won't be able to use water against Gaara. Using lightning against them both is out, a gennin shouldn't know strong enough lightning jutsu to actually affect Gaara's sand."

I angrily throw the dossier onto my desk and grab two handfuls of my hair. "ARG! Why is this so difficult!? If I could just use my normal stuff I'd be perfectly fine!"

Knock knock

Someone is at my door. Crap, did I shout that last bit? "Come in."

Sakon pokes his head in. "Hello Alvarcus, I was hoping for a moment of your time?"

"Sure, come on in." I wave him inwards. "Did you need something?"

"No, actually. This is for you." He reaches into his robes and withdraws a scroll. "In here is some more advanced strategies that Ukon and I use when we separate. I know that you and Sasuke like to work as a two man team, perhaps you can tailor what I've made to suit your needs."

That's two people going out of their way to give me things. Strange. "Thank you. I'm not sure how applicable it will be to our style of fighting, but I promise to read it all."

"I'll leave you to it." With a gracious nod he exits my room.

"Okay. I'm just going to ignore whatever the hell got into Sakon and Kidomaru." I turn back to Lee's dossier _again._

"Okay, so best ideas for him are lightning jutsu or simply letting him use the gates and then letting him beat me to a bloody pulp. I could maybe swing that last one since I'm from Sound so the idea that Orochimaru experimented on me to enhance my physical attributes isn't that crazy. Hell he kind of did already with the Jiongu. That's enough on him for now."

I put his dossier back up on the wall and pull down the next one.

"Hinata, she could be either the easiest person to beat or one of the hardest. The biggest question is: Can she use the Gentle Fist against me? She and Neji both unwittingly told me that I don't actually have a chakra network, my chakra is free flowing. If that's true then she shouldn't be able to disrupt my chakra. I'd have to test that though, let her get in one good hit and see what happens. Hell knowing my luck it'll freeze my entire chakra supply!"

Wouldn't that be amusing? It would be a one hit KO.

"Now, regardless of whether she can use the Gentle Fist against me or not, how am I going to beat her? I'll just bombard her with jutsu of whatever elements I decide to use, that should work. Even if she already has her form of Kaiten I'll just keep blasting away. I have more chakra than her, might as well abuse it. Or I could just catch a open palm hit and sock her in the temple. That depends on the Gentle Fist working. Enough on her, I should be fine against her."

I put her dossier back with the others. I reach for Kiba's next.

"Ah, what's the point?" I chuckle to myself. "I beat him once, I can do it again. I'll just make spider clones and when he pops them the spiders will all cover him in webs. If he can't rotate he can't use his strongest attacks. That should be simple enough there. If not, I'll use the earth pillar and webs idea I came up with for Lee. That should work on Kiba."

THUD THUD

"OI! Alvarcus you in there?" Jirobo calls through my door.

"What is it with you people today?" I mutter quietly to myself. "Yes! What do you want?"

"I've got something for ya! Open up!"

"Ugh fine!" I walk over to my door and yank it open. "I'm busy so make it quick or- what's with the giant sack?"

He grins evilly. "I found a bunch of those giant purple rope belts you're so fond of. Here, they're all yours!" He tosses the huge bulging sack straight at my head.

"OOF!" I buckle under the weight. "Holy crap how many are in here?"

There's no response because Jirobo is currently running down the hall while cackling like a mad man.

"You asshole I don't even like these belts!" I shout after him. "Why the fuck is everyone giving me things today?" I shove the sack back into the hallway. Someone will come by and pick them up, there's no way in hell I'm going to be using those monstrosities!

"I'm just trying to get a plan together!" I forcefully shut my door with a satisfying thud. "I swear if someone else brings me anything..."

I whirl around and stare at my recently shut door.

Nothing happens.

"Thank Kami, it isn't the gods acting up. That was the perfect time for someone to barge right in." I walk back to my workstation.

"Okay, who is next? Let's go with Shino in the spirit of going through all the Konoha nin." I take his dossier down. "Okay, I know his bugs don't like me. Obviously that's because I'm the Spider summoner, I can use that to my benefit. Just summon a bunch of smaller spiders and have them charge at him. Nah, that's a bad idea. Fire would be amazing against his swarm, but I can't keep adding in every damn element just because I feel like it."

I really need to stop relying on being able to use all the elements, even if I can use my full power. It's very possible I'll face opponents that are capable of taking a heart or two out, and if I lose the heart there goes the affinity too.

"I suppose I could use lightning for that, maybe make a kind of bug zapper? I could change a ridiculous amount of my chakra into lightning nature and see if it'll zap things that get close to me naturally. That's not a bad idea! I'll have to try that out then come back."

Two delicate knocks echo throughout my room.

"Who the fuck is it this time?" I growl to myself. "Yes?" I force myself to respond politely.

"Can I come in?" Tayuya asks.

"Oh come on! This makes all of the Sound Four!" I whine quietly. "Yeah, get in here."

She walks in. "Whoa. You've got a crap-ton of info on everyone don't you?" She asks as she's eyeing the wall full of dossiers about the finalist.

"That is the point of a spymaster." I sassily retort. "Kinda my new thing."

"Nah, that's Mister Spider's thing, you just get to use it." She tears her eyes off the wall and looks at me. "Anyways I came here to give you something."

She reaches into her hip pouch and pulls out a suspiciously orange book and hold it out to me. I take it and read the title, "Icha Icha Slave?"

"Yeah, back in Kusa you said you liked the Icha Icha series. I took this one off a dead guy a while back, figured you'd like to have it. Plus I've never seen you read this one."

"You're right about that. Domination and submission isn't my thing, but I'll still give it a read. Thanks Tayuya."

She smiles flirtatiously, "It may not be _your_ thing, but who says it isn't _my_ thing?" Then she saunters out of my room with a scandalous sway in her hips and sends me a sultry wink over her shoulder.

After I pick my jaw up off the floor, I come back to my senses. "Alright. That was... weird. Definitely filing that under the 'do not touch unless strictly necessary' memory bank."

I place the book on top of the other things people gave me today and turn back to my wall of dossiers.

"How the hell am supposed to focus after that?" I vigorously shake my head in a failed attempt to get the image of her walking away out of it. "Alright, focus! You stopped with Kiba and he was the last of the Konoha nin."

I look over the rest of the names and snag the final familiar one. "Hiro, the one who was obsessed with me. From what Shirokumo and I gathered, he has both wind and earth jutsu. That's really a strange combo, I'll need to be extra wary since I've never fought someone with both of those affinities before, he might know some interesting combo attacks. Also notable, he mentioned that he hasn't had a good fight in a while. Either no one from Taki wants to fight him because of his bloodthirst -which I could totally see- or he's not challenged by his peers anymore. Either way doesn't matter, I'll need to be on my toes around him."

"Hmm... what's some counters to him? All I really saw was his taijutsu and mine is better. Then he had no issue with making the earth prison, so it would be safe to say he's more familiar with earth than wind jutsu. Perhaps not, he didn't think of boxing someone in and had to call me for help. That's a sign of someone who is still working with something new, they don't know their limitations yet."

I stare intently at his dossier.

"This is getting me nowhere. I'm going to have to improvise that fight." I put his dossier back. "Hell I'm going to have to improvise the fight with the Kiri, Kusa shinobi, and Kusa kunoichi. We've got next to zero information on them."

I start rubbing my temples. "This is ridiculous. I bet all of my carefully laid plan crumble in the first five minutes." I slam my left hand down onto my desk. "What's the damn point!?"

"So you don't go in blind." Sasuke says from my doorway. "Even a little bit of information is better than no information. Take that Hiro guy for example, if I didn't hear you talk out loud about him I'd have no idea he had both wind and earth jutsu."

"Hey Sasuke." I tiredly say to him. "What brings you around?"

"I've got something for you." He withdraws a square piece of paper.

"You too?" I say in exasperation. I swear there's a plot against me.

He looks baffled for a moment. "Of course. Anyways, I brought it from Konoha." He hands it to me. "It probably means more to you than me."

It's a photo, not just any photo. It's Team Seven's photo, all four of us are there. Sasuke is on the right looking like he's rather be literally anywhere else. I'm on the left with a goofy grin on my face and still yellow eyes. Sakura is between us and is smiling like she's done this hundreds of times. Kakashi is standing behind us and is leaning down to ruffle Sasuke's and my hair.

It's a memoir of better times, back when we were all together. Back before the Jiongu. Back before the Land of Waves. Back before everything went wrong.

"Sasuke, I can't take this."

"You can and you will." He steadily tells me. "Besides, I have another. I don't need two."

"I can't... I... but..." I take a deep breath to collect myself. "Thank you Sasuke." I tenderly run a finger over Sakura. I never thought I would see her again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Take care of it, it's the only one you're getting." He turns to leave.

"I will. Thank you again."

"Don't get all sappy on me. I gave you your present now I'm leaving."

"Hold up. Present?"

"Well duh. It's your-"

DING "Alvarcus, come to my office please." Orochimaru's voice echoes throughout the complex.

I rise to my feet. "Better not keep him waiting. See ya around Sasuke."

* * *

Orochimaru's Office

I quietly knock on the door. "You called for me, Orochimaru-sama?"

"Yes, yes. Come in and sit down." Orochimaru distractedly says.

I walk in and take my usual seat. In a formal tone I ask, "Did you need me for something?"

"Well, no. Not exactly." He shifts uncomfortably. "I've never really done something like this before. Never had a reason to really. And for some reason you've been... off ever since you came back from Kusa. It's never been the right time, but now I'm out of it." He reaches into his robes and pulls out a scroll. It's the one he put away in the training field. "Here."

I cautiously take it from him. "And this is..."

"A scroll detailing the dragon jutsu of each element." He quickly explains. "You already have overpowering jutsu, but sometimes you need more of a shock value. Having elemental dragons flying around the battlefield will certainly accomplish that."

I look up from the scroll to see uncertainty on his face again. I've never seen Orochimaru so off before. Nothing phases this creature, he's spent countless hours literally playing with the human anatomy just to see what happens. This creature perverted his soul so badly he himself is incapable of using natural chakra. This creature would gladly slaughter hundreds of people to achieve one of his lesser goals. Yet right now he's unsure of himself. In this moment he's surprisingly... human.

"Do you like it?" He asks.

"Yeah. It's definitely going to get it's use, that's for damn sure." I pocket the scroll.

"Good!" A true smile worms its way onto his face as his uncertainty leaves him. "Happy birthday Alvarcus."

* * *

Near Konoha, Exact Location Undisclosed

Hidden deep in a forest there's a bunker that has lied empty for decades. Only a select few people know where it exactly is, even less have seen it in person. It's a dreary place, surrounded by thick foliage and various dangerous beasts. Inside the bunker is bland, there's little ambient light and zero comforts. It's little more than a large empty room.

But today it isn't empty, for the first time in years there's people there.

Only two humans are present, one is young and pale. He has a lifeless look about him, like all the joys and emotions have been violently suppressed. The other human present is a stark contrast to the first, he's old and feeble. He is covered in more bandages than seems healthy, yet he's standing before the young one with confidence that only a battle hardened leader can command.

"Agent code-name Sai." The feeble one breaks the silence. "How do the rivers run?"

"With the blood of Konoha's enemies." The kneeling youngster responds without raising his head from a respectful bow. "I am yours to command, Danzo-sama."

"You interacted with Alvarcus." The aged shinobi's words aren't a question, he knows that he's already correct. "Tell me everything you know about him."

"Alvarcus Mar, wielder of the Jiongu, Hearth Thief of-"

"I know all of that already!" The old man lets a hint of emotion display for only a moment before he calms himself back down. "Tell me who he is as a person. What are his habits? What are his mannerisms? What are his strengths? What are his weaknesses? Tell me everything you observed about him."

"Of course Danzo-sama."

* * *

Author's Note:

This is just to let all the readers know that my ridiculous posting speed of once every two ish days is going to stop. I've been working off of a master document that had the story written up to this point, so all I had to do was revise and edit one last time then I could post. Now I have to write it, then revise and edit it 3-5 times, then I can post it.

I'm sorry about that, but I promise to keep working on it. I don't really know what my new update times will be, but I'll be shooting for one or two posts a week.


	40. Chapter 40

The Day Before the Tournament

Sasuke, Tayuya, Orochimaru and I are all standing at the exit to the base. Sasuke and I are both back in our respective masks while Tayuya and Orochimaru are going over some last minute details about what is expected of us and her specifically as the jonin representative of Otogakure.

"Summoning Jutsu!" I smack my hand to the ground and a small plume of smoke appears.

"About bloody time!" Shirokumo screeches the moment he's here. "I told you we need to talk! That was weeks ago!"

"Oh." Crap, I totally forgot about that. "I'm sorry, but it's going to have to wait again."

"We need to have this conversation. Soon." He pins me with an eight eyed glare. "You can't put this off forever."

"I know and I won't. I summoned you to let you know to call me Green again, tell the other spiders will you? We're heading out for the Chunin Exams again." He's still mad. This must conversation must mean a lot to him. "Once I'm in Kusa I'll summon you and we can have a nice long chat, alright?"

"Fine. Hurry, this is important. The longer you wait to hear it, the bigger a problem it's going to be." Then he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like, "Especially since it's about _her._ "

"Is that Mister Spider?" Tayuya calls from the exit of the base. "We need to talk business still."

All of his beady black eyes narrow. "Don't have the time."

POOF

"That's unusual." I comment to myself. "Never seen him like this before."

"Alvarcus, Sasuke." Orochimaru's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Remember, I expect a show. I want you to leave a lasting impression on the spectators, display the power of Sound."

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke and I chant in unison. We share a quick look between the two of us.

"All in favor of never speaking at the same time again?" I casually ask. "I."

"I." Sasuke responds. "That was just eerie."

"Glad we came to a consensus."

"Not to add any pressure to the two of you," Orochimaru cuts off the rest of our conversation, "but I might be in the crowd. After all, I do like seeing the fruits of my labor. Do not disappoint me."

Orochimaru might be there? No, I don't want that. I really don't want that. That would make things so much harder on me, I couldn't get away at all with any sort of communication with Konoha shinobi unless it is violent.

 _~Fret not Host, we've been around him so much that I'll be able to tell if he is present. His unique aura sings a whole different song than anyone else.~_

Thank you Jiongu, always around to make my life easier. I don't know where I'd be without you.

 _~Probably dead in a ditch.~_

I take it back, the Jiongu is an asshole.

"Can we leave now?" I whine. "This is going to suck. Tayuya, in her infinite wisdom, decided to wait until the day before the Tournament to leave. Now I _have_ to carry her sorry ass or we won't make it in time!"

"Yes." Orochimaru generously allows. "I expect no distractions, focus on the task ahead."

The three of us walk outside into the blazing sun.

"Let's go." Tayuya orders as she jumps onto my back.

"Kami damn it." I mutter to myself. "Here we go again."

* * *

Four Hours Later, On the Road to Kusagakure

"Alvarcus we need to stop." Tayuya says from over my shoulder.

"We can stop when we're at Kusa." I quip back at her. "Besides, I think you like snuggling with me more than you let on."

"Clever boy." She sensuously whispers in my ear as he presses her... ahem... assets into my back. "Figured that out did you? But really we need to stop."

"Why?" I irritably say. "If you don't remember, we're on quite the time crunch."

"I... oom." She mumbles in embarrassment.

"Speak up, I can't hear you."

"I have to use the bathroom." She squeaks out.

"Oh you have got to be shitting me." I groan.

"No, I just have to tinkle." She answers a question I didn't ask. Kami why did she have to specify that?

"Sasuke we're stopping." I call out to him as we both skid to a stop.

"What's wrong? Did you sense another anomaly?" He's instantly on guard ready to go to battle at a moments notice.

"Nah, this one," I drop Tayuya down to the ground. Unfortunately she was ready and landed on her feet. Stupid shinobi training and ruining my fun. "has to go to the bathroom."

He stares at her in bewilderment. "Seriously? You couldn't go before we left?"

"Sorry if you didn't notice this but we've been running for _four hours!_ " She shouts as she disappears behind a generously sized bush. "I have no idea how you two don't have to go."

"Well I'm a freak of nature, I can hold it as long as I have to." I blandly inform her.

"I'm disciplined." Is all Sasuke supplies.

I stare at my friend in disgust. "Dude that can't be healthy."

He offer up a shrug. "You get used to it."

"All done!" Tayuya merrily says as she walks back from the bush. "Let's get goin-"

Three things happen at once, all in the same instant.

First, I look down at my chest in disbelief. It's exactly as it should be, covered in bandages, then a dark green shirt and then my black coat. Except there's pain, I've only felt this unique kind of pain twice. Once was when Kisame stabbed me in the heart. The other was when Sasuke speared me with the Chidori.

Second, out of the corner of my eye I see a black blur and two glints of silver. Someone swung a blade at Sasuke's neck but my friend managed to block the assailant with his own sword. They trade a quick flurry of blows before separating, the black blur leaps away.

Third, I hear the sound of flesh being severed followed by a dull hollow thud from where Tayuya should be. I've heard this noise numerous times, it's the sound of someone's head rolling off their shoulders. Never thought Tayuya would go down the beheading route, she always seemed more into her genjutsu and summons.

Sudden unexpected force pushes from behind me and now I know where the pain is coming from. There's a sword sticking out of my chest, I've been stabbed in the back and the dead man just shoved the blade all the way through. Upon further examination I realize that it isn't a sword, but rather a tanto that's in my chest. A tipless tanto, the signature blade of Danzo's Root.

 _~WHO DARES TO HURT THE HOST!~_

"Root." I hiss out.

A foot braces against my back as the wielder of the tanto pushes me off their blade. The moment the unforgiving steel is withdrawn I whirl around to face my attacker. They are decked out in generic shinobi garb that could come from any major village and most minor ones. But their weapons are what gives them away, they're all ANBU or Root issue.

With a wet splat my destroyed fire heart hits the ground.

"Sasuke! Tayuya! On me now!" I roar without taking my eyes off of my target.

Instantly Sasuke is at my back, he's watching mine and I'm doing the same for him. We're surrounded in moments by the assassins. "I count twelve. Are there any in the trees?"

"Jiongu?" I bark out.

 _~I can't tell. Host I can't tell! They don't have affinities or they are shielding them somehow!~_

"Don't know. They're protected from my sensing capabilities." Fuck, of course Danzo would know how the Jiongu can sense people. Tsunade and I talked about it in her office. "Sasuke where's Tayuya?"

He stiffens minutely. "I was the only one who blocked their assassination attempt."

"So you're saying..." Don't be true. I don't want it to be true.

"She's dead. Off to your left." Sasuke grimly informs me.

I spare a quick glance. She's just steps away from the bush laying on the ground. In a pool of red. And her head is a meter away from her body. It was her head that I heard hit the ground.

She's dead because of me. I taunted Danzo, insulted him point blank to his face right when he displayed a very strong hand. I didn't think he'd be able to mobilize this quickly. I didn't _know_ this would happen! It's all my fault and now she's dead!

 _~Host, we've been over this before. You were not the one who swung the blade, you were not the one to cleave her head from her shoulders. One of them did it. Her killer stands before you.~_

"Which one did it?" I sound demonic, my voice takes on a gravely tone and the harshness of it surprises even me. " _Which one?_ "

One of the Root shinobi flicks his tanto and a viscous red liquid splatters the ground.

 _~So you've identified the murderer. Now what will you do? Will you take your revenge or let him harm you further?~_

He dies now. Bloodily. Messily. _Painfully._ And I'm going to rip anyone who gets in my way to shreds. Preferably literally, today no one walks away. Today I will live up to my title. Today they feel the wrath of the Heart Thief.

 _~Yes! Show me your resolve!~_

My earth heart explodes out of my back, tearing right through all of my layers of clothing and stands protectively next to Sasuke. I lunge at Tayuya's killer with cold calculated fury in my eyes.

He merely stands there awaiting my approach. His teammates don't, they break off and start running towards me, they're going to try to intercept me.

SQUELCH

Another tanto finds its way into my chest, but unlike the last time I'm stabbed from the front. My right arm shoots out with my fingers splayed like claws. I slam my hand into the chest of the shinobi who was stupid enough to try and stop me and dig my fingers into his soft flesh. The Jiongu surges out of my fingers and spears through his muscles and rib cage and wraps around his heart.

I tear the still beating organ out of his chest.

 _~Earth.~_

With my left hand I rip the tanto that is still in me out, along with it comes my destroyed water heart. In the still open wound I shove the earth heart into me as the shinobi I got it from hits the ground with a dull thud.

The Root shinobi aren't phased by my brutal tactics, soon there's another attacking me. This one lunges in close and swings their tanto at my neck in hopes of decapitating me. Probably to slow me down so they can have a chance at getting more of my hearts. Unfortunately for him, I'm still holding onto a tanto. Our two blades clash and my Jiongu enhanced strength overwhelms the Root shinobi. Their blade goes flying off towards the trees.

Again I slam my hand into their chest and will the Jiongu to wrap around their heart. With cold merciless eyes I look at him in disappointment as I rip out one of his most vital organs.

 _~Fire.~_

The Jiongu takes the new heart and places it in its new home, my back.

SHINK SHINK SQUELCH

This time I'm attacked by three different shinobi all at once. Two of them removed my arms and the third stabbed me in my chest. I just lost my recently acquired earth heart. That's alright, there are replacements right next to me.

The shinobi who stabbed my heart is the only smart one, he was quick to leap away from me once his task was completed. The other two weren't.

The Jiongu surges out of where my arms were severed and wraps around the two shinobi on my sides. They start squirming and wriggling trying to escape but their efforts are in vain. There is no escape, not from my wrath.

The Jiongu does exactly what I want it to, it rips their chest apart. Their entrails plop out of their bodies and smack into the ground with a wet splat. The Jiongu carelessly tosses the bodies away and in the bloody aftermath scoops up their hearts.

 _~Water and Fire.~_

"I want the best hearts with all affinities. Replace them as needed." I demand. Something wet comes out of my back and rolls down my leg to the ground. Soon two new hearts are in my back, the Jiongu replaced the fire heart with the newly acquired one.

Menacing black threads reach out from my severed limbs and my stumps and connect together. They reel in my arms and sow them back on with painful efficiency.

The shinobi who most recently destroyed one of my hearts engages again. This time once he's in range he swings at my neck, he's going for a beheading.

CLANG

SHINK

Sasuke shunshined between us and with two quick strokes of his own sword intercepted the tanto and decapitated the Root shinobi. "You don't get to have all the fun."

"About time you came around." My gravely voice reverberates throughout the slaughter ground. I let the Jiongu out of my left hand and it burrows its way into the recently decapitated shinobi. "Slaughter is always more fun with friends."

 _~Earth.~_

I reel the heart into my hand with the sound of flesh smacking flesh. I carelessly throw it over my shoulder to my hulking earth monster and it rapidly switches out hearts.

"Slaughter?" Sasuke eagerly says as he flicks his sword clean of blood. "I can always go for a good slaughter."

Only seven Root shinobi remain. I have to give them some credit, they're not phased by me at all. They're all in a protective formation with the one who killed Tayuya at the most secure spot. I'll have to go through all of them if I want to get him. Good, that was my plan anyways.

My wind and fire hearts extend out of my back on a mass of thick black threads. They hover menacingly above my head. " _Burn._ "

Out of each mask surges their respective element, and they blend into one giant attack. Fire hotter than the deepest bowels of hell itself furiously surges towards the remaining shinobi.

Three of the remaining seven shinobi quickly remove a small piece of paper from their forearms, then in unison they fly through hand signs and chat "Earth Release: Indomitable Wall!"

 _~Host I can sense those three now. The seals they have are restricting their chakra, that's the only way I can think of to hide from me.~_

A wall of hardened stone easily three meters thick explodes upwards from the ground and intercepts my hellfire. Their defense succeeds in stopping my attack, but it's close. The wall is little more than smoldering slag at this point, one gentle kick could knock it over.

I'm going to use that. My earth monster stomps on the ground and numerous pillars of earth form at a forty five degree angle and slam into the heaping mound of molten slag. The sudden force pushes it over backwards and I'm rewarded with the screams of two voices. They're burning alive with no hope of escape.

"Water Release: Water Wave!" A new voice calls out as a wave of water rushes over the slag, cooling it off to tolerable levels.

 _~I can sense another.~_

Two of the remaining five shinobi break off and sprint at Sasuke and I. One is coming from our left, the other our right. Except something is off, they're not heading at us, they're heading straight at my earth monster.

I watch in mild confusion and a great deal of amusement as they each swing their blades at what would be my neck height, but against my monster it's more like waist height on it. Both blades connect and tear through it, but the monster quickly pulls itself together. Then it grabs each of the shinobi in a massive hand by the throat and squeezes.

Two sharp cracks echo through the air and the bodies are dropped unceremoniously to the ground.

"Genjutsu. I made them think it was you." Sasuke comments from my side.

"I approve." This time the remaining three shinobi flinch slightly at my voice. Good, they're finally scared.

A massive hand made of black threads holds out one red lump to me. My earth monster collected the heart for me, how nice of it.

 _~Wind, the other had an inferior fire.~_

The black tentacle with my wind mask leans over and switches out hearts then I pull both it and the fire mask back into me. I take the old wind heart and throw it at the Root shinobi. It bounces wetly twice then rolls to a stop before the remaining shinobi.

Two more shinobi approach us, this time they're doing so slowly. They're taking their time, looking for an opening. One goes towards Sasuke and the other me.

Going in slow is a mistake. It gives me plenty of time to let my ten chakra strings slither across the ground towards the soon to be dead nin. Once all of them have looped around him a few times, I make five elemental changes and _pull._

He's reduced to a thick reddish brown paste, there's no way to identify that it was even a human.

THUD

Sasuke's target's body slides off his sword and hits the ground dully. He made short work of his own opponent by stabbing him through the spine.

We both make eye contact then slowly turn towards the last Root shinobi standing.

Said shinobi hesitantly takes a step backwards in fear. Good.

My earth monster stomps the ground again, this time two small jaws of earth clamp down on each of the murderers feet, both crushing them and trapping him so he can't get away.

He falls to his hands and knees in pain, no longer capable of standing.

I slowly walk towards him, I can take my time now. He's not going anywhere. Once I'm next to him, I squat down so we're closer in height. I tenderly grab is forearm and twist it around until I see a piece of paper stuck to it.

"I'll be taking this." I gently peel it off, careful to keep it intact. I want to know what this seal does and how to counter it if possible. I will not be caught of guard again.

 _~He has lightning, it is better than ours. Shall we take it for ourselves?~_

The downed shinobi gets his second wind, he tightens his grip on his tanto and swings it at my face, he's not even aiming for my neck at this point. All he's trying to do is get me away from him.

CLANG

"You could have dodged that." Sasuke says idly as he holds the tanto at bay. "You have enough scars the way it is, one on your face isn't necessary."

I reach out and grab the wrist of the arm that's holding the tanto. I don't crush it, no, I don't even squeeze that hard. I just need a point of contact and this way I'll be sure he won't swing at me again. I let the Jiongu exit through my palm and into the wrist of the Root shinobi.

"This will hurt, it will be the most unbelievable pain you have ever experienced. If it is any consolation, I'll be taking your heart. That means only most of you will be annihilated." I push the Jiongu deeper into him. It's tearing up his arm slowly, I can see the tendrils bulging out through his skin.

 _~Beautiful. This is what I am made for, this is my purpose. To be wielded by a host that has no qualms using me, to be wielded by a host that will use me in new ways, to be wielded by a host that I find worthy! Alvarcus Mar, you are the most worthy host I have ever had! Let me have free reign to do as I please! Turn me loose and the pain he will feel will be unrivaled for all time!~_

"Granted." The Jiongu shivers in pure joy, it's one of the most pleasant things I've ever felt.

 _~Magnificent!~_

With a quick flash of steel the Root shinobi's head falls to the ground.

 _~NO! He robbed me of my toy!~_

I stare at his body uncomprehendingly. I didn't do that. The Jiongu didn't do that. He should have hours more of suffering before he dies.

"Since when do we torture people?" Sasuke's cold voice says from beside me. His sword is red with the blood of Tayuya's killer. "It should be enough that they die."

"He killed someone I consider a friend." I don't look away from the body as it slumps to the ground, finally succumbing to gravity. "He killed someone precious to me."

"Alvarcus Mar you are better than him! Don't lower yourself to his level. You got your vengeance, let that be enough." A gentle hand falls onto my shoulder. "It's what makes you human, it's what makes you a good person. Even if someone does one of the most unforgivable things to you, you don't lower yourself to their level. You stand above them."

He pulls me up to my feet.

"Do you think I want to _torture_ Itachi for what he did to me?" Sasuke forces me to look at him. "No, I simply want him out of this world. I have every right to want him to be tortured to death with the most despicable and horrifying tactics known to man, but I don't wish that on him. I only want him dead. I will not corrupt myself for some sick sense of satisfaction. And you won't either."

"But I already have. I ripped all of these shinobi to pieces in an anger fueled rage." And I felt good about it. I wore a sick twisted _snake like_ smile the entire time.

"So? You were quick about it, you didn't prolong their suffering. I'll admit that some of the things you did were beyond brutal and will not be leaving my head for years, but you didn't torture them."

"I've tortured before. The Suna nin that killed my family."

"Quit trying to argue this!" Sasuke yells at me. "He killed your family right in front of you, of course you were going to react like that! When Itachi killed my family, that night I had every intention of skinning him alive brother be damned. Your emotions were wild, you weren't yourself. You didn't have anyone to look out for you, to keep you in check. But right now, right here, I'm here. I'm here to watch out for you when shit hits the fan, just like how you do it for me."

We stare at each other for a long time, minutes pass in silence.

"Sasuke, you're one hell of a friend." I finally break the ever growing silence. "Thank you."

"You'd do the same for me." He gives me a friendly pat on the back. "Now, let's get this cleaned up. Can't have all these bodies lying about for anyone to stumble across."

We spend the next twenty minutes rifling through the belongings of the Root shinobi looking for anything noteworthy or useful. A pile of weapons is off to one side, a handful of storage scrolls containing camping supplies is next to them. We don't turn up anything important, no mission scroll, no written orders, no village identifiers, nothing.

I have my earth monster drag all the Root shinobi bodies into a massive pile. Well all the bodies that are left, there are a few that are already destroyed beyond recognition. Particularly the two I covered in molten slag and the shinobi I ripped to shreds with all five elements.

Then I see a piece of jagged white porcelain laying on the ground. I pick it up and turn it this way and that way. There's a familiar fire design on it. "Those fuckers broke some of my masks!"

"Wait really?" Sasuke asks from where he's stuffing more kunai into his holster. "Those things can take a beating and they broke one?"

"I was stabbed in the heart a lot, I shouldn't be surprised." I will the Jiongu to move my masks through my shredded clothes and into my line of sight. "Fuckers got all but the wind and earth." Each one has chips and cracks. "This sucks. I liked those masks."

"You have issues. You sound like the masks meant more to you than your hearts. Here." Sasuke throws me five of the Root shinobi's white blank masks. There's varying degrees of blood on each of them. "Better than nothing."

"I'll need to get themed ones again. I liked that, it was cool." I swap out all five of them, might as well have a matching set.

"I've got everything off of the bodies we can salvage. Do you want to burn them or me?" He asks while going through different sized tantos. "None of these would work well for me. They're too short."

"I got it." Shouldn't have him waste chakra, who knows if there is another group out there waiting for us. Although they'd probably have attacked or fled by now. I fly through the hand signs for one of my favorite jutsu, "Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!"

The stench of burning bodies fills the air and thick black smoke wafts into the sky.

Sasuke walks over to me and hands me a scroll with a black band around it.

I tilt my head in confusion, we burned all the bodies.

"It's Tayuya." He softly says. "Figured you would want to make it more personal than burning her in a random patch of forest with twelve others."

Oh. Right. I've been ignoring that. Desperately ignoring that. "Thank you again Sasuke." I pocket her. At the very least I'll make sure she gets somewhere nice.

"Now I hate to say this, but we have to get moving. We don't want to be late for the Tournament, enough stuff has already gone wrong."

"You're right." I acquiesce to his words. He's right after all. "You set the pace."

"Stupid Jiongu and limitless stamina." He grumbles to himself. "One of these days I'm going to out run you. Just you wait."

"Whatever you say hotshot."

* * *

Unknown to Sasuke and Alvarcus, there was a thirteenth Root shinobi wearing the chakra suppressing seal. He watched the whole fight happen and could have intervened at any moment. But that wasn't his mission, his mission is to observe and report.

And what a report this turned out to be, Danzo-sama severely underestimated these two.

The thirteenth shinobi leaps away into the trees, this report is of the utmost urgency. Not only did the two targets survive they took down _twelve_ shinobi. The shinobi might not have been the best Root has to offer, but they were exceedingly well coordinated and had been very well informed. They knew the weaknesses of the one in green, the main target of this assassination mission, and still were soundly defeated.

In the absence of the thirteenth shinobi, an extremely peculiar creature rises up out of the trunk of a tree. It's half black, half white and inside what can only be a large overgrown Venus Fly Trap.

"Well this was interesting. We're just here to gather information about the one tails! **Agreed, who would have thought we'd stumble onto this? Itachi will be surprised to know that his brother has left Konoha for Otogakure of all places.** "

* * *

Four Hours Later, the Gates of Kusagakure

"Red and Green, gennin of Otogakure here for the final tournament of the Chunin Exams." Sasuke answers the question of the unbelievably nervous gate guards. "Is there a problem?"

"Well... uh... where's your jonin at?" The guard on the left asks weakly.

"Dead. Killed on the way here." I bark out. Both guards flinch as I speak, they would much rather talk to Sasuke but frankly I don't give a damn.

"And... who killed them?" The right guard tentatively asks.

"Doesn't matter." I bark out again.

"Why not?" The right guard queasily asks.

"They're dead. We killed them all." I blandly inform the stuttering guards.

"Ah." The left guard intelligently replies. "Can we expect you to keep yourselves controlled while you're here without your jonin handler?"

" _Yes._ " Sasuke hisses out. "Do not think us stupid, we are more than capable of differentiating between hostiles and noncombatants. We will only attack those who are stupid enough to attack us first. And before you ask, we have no plans on crippling or deadly attacks during the actual Tournament. Now either refuse us at your door or let us into the damn village already!"

The two gate guards share a nervous look among themselves. "Welcome to Kusagakure. You'll be staying at the same hotel as a month ago, makes things easier if you already know where to go."

" _Finally._ " Sasuke breezes past the guards and I'm quick to follow.

As I walk past the guards I see them tense up, they're more tense the closer I get. Interesting. Or not, I am still covered in blood and my shirt and jacket are barely better than rags.

After a few minutes of walking through the village I hear something very peculiar.

"Now _that's_ my kind of guy!" An arm is thrown across my shoulders and I violently suppress the urge to rip this asshole into hundreds of tiny pieces. I'm not in the mood for this shit. "Casually strolling through a foreign village covered in blood! Say, what's your name kid?"

Sasuke turns at the sound of the newcomer's voice and instantly locks up. He's frozen like a deer in headlights.

"Fuck off." I growl as I duck under and then out of his arm. I don't even spare him a look.

Not even a second later the weight of his arm is back. "After my own heart!" You wish. "Say, have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jashin-sama?"

"Alright asshat, since you didn't listen the first time I'll kindly repeat myself. _Fuck off!_ " This time I don't duck under his arm, rather I swiftly elbow him in the gut with way more strength than I should have been able to use.

He buckles a little and the arm around my shoulders is withdrawn. "Oh hell yeah! I like this one! You'll be a perfect convert if there ever was one!"

I finally spare this lunatic a glance. He has medium-length gray hair that's slicked backwards and shockingly purple eyes. He's a surprisingly tall man and he has a cherry red three pronged scythe strapped to his back. And he's wearing a cloak with red clouds on it.

Holy fuck I just elbowed Hidan in the gut!

"Hidan control yourself." A deep menacing voice calls from behind the scythe user. "We are here to see if there are any high bounties attending these exams, and if so then we are going to take them. We are _not_ here so you can corrupt the youth with your asinine religion."

This man is ridiculously tall, easily towering over everyone else here. Almost his entire body is covered by a black cloak with red clouds and a black face mask. Only his hands and unusual red and green eyes are visible. This man is Kakuzu.

"Fuck you old man it's the one true religion!" Hidan roars. "Back me up on this kid!"

My head ping pongs from Hidan, to Kakuzu, to Sasuke and back again. "I'm not in the fucking mood for this shit."

I stomp over to the still shell shocked Sasuke, spin him around and start shoving him away from the lunatics behind us and towards our hotel room. After a few stumbles he regain his senses and starts walking of his own volition.

"Aw come on kid don't be like that!" Hidan calls after my retreating form. "I promise there's only a lot of pain that comes with Jashinism! Usually it's not even yours! It's a hell of a lot of fun too!"

I don't stop, I keep forcing Sasuke to walk further away no matter how much he want to turn around.

"Hidan remain on task." Kakuzu irritably says. "Or the next time you lose a limb I won't put it back for you."

"Pfft like I'm the one who needs to remain on task. You dragged my ass all the way to this heathen infested village so you can see Muffins." Hidan rounds on Kakuzu aggressively. "Tell me I'm wrong, go on. Do it. Ever since Sasori mentioned that he'd be here you've been more lively than usual. That's saying something, I bet you remember when dirt was invented! Get it? You're so old you were alive before dirt? I don't think you get it. Okay, simple version: You're old as fuck."

"You are lucky we're in a shinobi village. Otherwise I'd be putting your 'immortality' to the test." Kakuzu threatens his partner. I get the feeling this happens a lot. Then I feel something, almost like a sense of foreboding. It feels like I'm being analyzed, dissected like an intricate puzzle. "Besides, I believe we've just found him."

Fuck me.


	41. Chapter 41

Around the Corner, With Sasuke and Alvarcus Moments After Meeting Kakuzu and Hidan

"Green they said Sasori. Wasn't that the one-"

"I know." I cut Sasuke off.

"They have the same cloaks as-"

" _I know._ " I cut him off again.

"Who _are_ they?"

"I will know." I promise him. I already do know, but he has no way of knowing that. I'll need to have Shirokumo send someone to trail the Akatsuki duo to find out where their base of operations is. I'm 90% sure it's somewhere in Ame since Pain is the pseudo leader.

What the fuck is going on? I shouldn't have to deal with Akatsuki members for a long time! Years at the minimum but I've already met half of them!

"That's it. I hate today. I hate it so much." I angrily growl out, more to myself than Sasuke.

"It's not like it can get any worse." He idly quips as he glances back the way we came. He wants to ask them about Itachi.

"You jinxed us." I pin him with a glare. "You put a damn jinx on us! Now it _has_ to get worse."

"You sure about that? Because the only way I can think of for today to get worse is if one of us dies." He distractedly responds. Well, I suppose he's not wrong.

Thankfully the gods must agree with Sasuke because we make it to our hotel without anything going wrong.

* * *

The Hotel Room

"Would you look at that, they left the hammocks up." Sasuke says as we walk into our temporary room.

I walk into the center of the small room and slam my hand on the floor. "Summoning Jutsu!"

My favorite spider appears in a plume of smoke. "About time you got here. We need to talk." He spares Sasuke a quick glance. "Do you want him here for this?"

"Shirokumo I want 24 hour surveillance on Danzo. I want him under watch constantly, I want to know his habits, I want to know his mannerisms, I want to know who he works with, and I want to know how many times he shakes it after taking a piss. I want to know everything about that man."

He tilts his whole body in confusion. "What changed? You've never taken such an extreme interest in one person before." Except maybe Orochimaru, we both know that. He just can't say it before Sasuke.

"That fuckface ordered a hit on us. It happened on the way here."

He quickly looks both Sasuke and I up and down. "Besides the excess blood on you, which I'm pretty sure isn't yours since you only bleed if you want to, you both look fine to me."

"Tayuya's dead. In the first moments of the assassination attempt."

"Oh." He rigidly goes still. " _Oh._ That makes this so much worse."

I devote my full attention to the white spider. "Makes _what_ so much worse?"

He nervously plays with his front two legs, rubbing them together like a human would their hands on a cold day. "Al, you'll want to sit down for this."

"... Fine." I stomp over to one of the two chairs and face Shirokumo. "Now what's going on?"

"Al..." He takes a shaky breath. "Tayuya was faking it."

"Say again?" There's no way I heard that right.

"It was all an act." He starts worriedly pacing before me. Sasuke is in as big of a shock as I am. "We had a spider in Orochimaru's office. It overheard him and the rest of the Sound Four talking about your budding relationship with her and Orochimaru was glad it was progressing so quickly. Al he _ordered_ her to seduce you so you would have stronger ties to Sound."

It was all an act? All of it was just another scheme that I'm smack in the middle of? All of those interactions were forced, just to keep me closer to Sound? No, closer to Orochimaru. He's trying to manipulate me again, twisting aspects of my life to suit his wants and needs.

First the Jiongu. Then my family and Sakura. Now this?

"I'm going to rip him to shreds. I'm going to watch as he screams in agony as I peel his skin off. I'm going to take perverse pleasure in watching as the light fades from his eyes as a crush his heart in my hands."

"But not yet." Sasuke cuts in. "He's trying to use us, it's only fair that we use him in return. He's devoted to training us, making us as deadly as possible. We have two and a half years, we're going to be star pupils until then. Then we can kill him as violently as you wish."

"You're right. We'll use him as he is attempting to use us. I'll learn everything I possibly can from him, then use what he taught me to end him for good."

Shirokumo looks from me to Sasuke then back to me. "That went much better than I expected."

"How so?" I ask in curiosity. Pretty sure promising to brutally skin someone alive isn't a good reaction.

"The last couple of times you've gotten foul news you've run off to the Nest and remodeled it a bit." He sheepishly scratches the back of his head. "Honestly I thought for sure we'd be going back there, I had a spot in mind and everything."

He's not wrong. I really should stop doing that.

"On that lovely note, I'm going to take a walk and clear my head a bit." I rise up and shuffle towards the door. "And I'm still kind of processing... that."

I leave and shut the door behind me.

Sasuke and Shirokumo share a concerned look.

"We're totally going to keep an eye on him, right?" Shirokumo says as he scuttles towards the window.

"Of course." Sasuke is quick to follow. "He might want to be alone for a bit, but he shouldn't be."

* * *

I casually stroll down the block with no real destination in mind, it's like my body is on autopilot. Simply putting one foot in front of the other, just going through the motions.

What will I do next?

I know that Orochimaru had a hand in so many negative aspects of my life, yet I'll have to return to him soon. Within a few days, three at the most.

I know what I _need_ to do next. I need to bury the fury I feel for him, the utter hatred and contempt, and use him. He's the only S-rank shinobi that is willing to devote a majority of his time to train me, to make me good enough to share the title of S-rank. I need to swallow down my emotions and put up a mask of how I was when I first went to him. That's the me he's known, that's the me he's expecting.

I don't know if I can do it.

When I first went to Otogakure it was with pure and noble (okay mostly pure and noble) intentions. Sure there was definitely a subtle undertone of me wanting to protect Sasuke and be there for him but I am making a difference. Konoha is better prepared to combat this enemy and the more Orochimaru trust me the more I'll be able to learn and pass on to Tsunade.

Okay, that last bit was total bullshit. I went for Sasuke alone and the spying gig was the added on bonus. Hell I'm pretty sure Tsunade knows that too, but she doesn't care enough to call me out on it.

I've always held a great deal of anger and hatred towards Orochimaru, even before I learned about my family and Sakura. When Shirokumo unintentionally figured out that their deaths were his doing, it sealed his fate in my eyes. I decided that he's going to die by my hand.

Finding out about Tayuya is just the icing on the cake. I let an attachment form to her, whether it was as an overly touchy and affectionate friend or something more I don't really know. I'll never get a chance to find out now, so does it really matter? Besides it was all an act. She didn't feel anything for me. She was just following orders.

How am I supposed to return to and live with the man who messes with my life so carelessly?

He has to know that if I ever found out _one_ of those things he'd lose me forever. He has to know that these actions would only push me further away from him. Did he honestly expect me to never look deeper into my family's demise? Or for Tayuya to keep an act up indefinitely?

Maybe that's not it. He knows that I'm here for Sasuke, I straight up told him I will chose Sasuke over anyone, even the Snake Sannin. He _knows_ that as long as Sasuke is there I'll be there. So maybe he's using Sasuke as an anchor while trying to make more. I'm uncertain if he's aware that I know about his body switching technique and could be trying to give me another Sasuke so to speak. He has plans for Sasuke, yet he has plans for me too. But if there's no Sasuke, then there's no me.

"Alvarcus Mar." A deep gravely voice calls out from off to my right side.

Just keep walking. There's no way anyone here knows that that is me. Don't react and I'll be fine. I've got this.

"Currently listed in Konoha's most recent bingo book as a B-rank target. Former shinobi of Konohagakure, rumored to now align with Otogakure. Known abilities: Jiongu, elemental jutsu both low and high level, minor genjutsu aptitude, above average taijutsu skills. Rumored abilities: Magnet release, flight, storm release. Special Note: Is usually seen in the company of Sasuke Uchiha, see his page before engaging Alvarcus Mar. Where one is, the other is close by. Titles: Heart Thief -and this one is my favorite- Muffins."

I whirl around at the sound of that _infernal_ nickname to see something that takes me a moment to fully process.

Kakuzu is idly sitting on a bench going through a small red leather bound book.

Why is there a bench here? Oh, we're in a park. I wandered into a park while lost in thought.

With a sharp snap he shuts his book, which looks suspiciously like a ledger, and tenderly pockets it. Does that mean he memorized my bingo book page? "Come now, I only wish to talk. Your bounty isn't high enough to attract my attention. Sasori did say that you seemed reasonable enough. Also that you were very aware of how outmatched you were."

I narrow my eyes at the subtle threat. The effect is lost since I'm wearing my mask. "And why should I? The other two times I've meet people from your group they've threatened to kill me."

"It's not every day that someone like me makes time for someone like you. So when it happens, you better take the moment." He effortlessly raises up his right arm and out of his sleeve extend black threads. "Especially if that someone has decades more experience than you."

I can't believe I'm about to say this. "Alright, you've caught my interest Kakuzu. What do you want to discuss?"

He eagerly leans closer, even sitting down he towers over me. "Tell me, how did you acquire the Jiongu? No one but I have wielded it for well over half a century."

 _~That was a good day. After months, years, of Orochimaru trying to bond me to a host I finally found a suitable one.~_

The Jiongu and I remember that day very differently. That was by far the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

I coolly flick my Sound forehead protector. "Take a wild guess. You know what village this symbol belongs to."

"Orochimaru. So he did find a way to give it to another, I was always curious about that myself. Only I know the correct bonding process, there's techniques to assure the symbiotic relationship. How did he manage that?"

I shrug. "No idea. I didn't even know there was a bonding process. Besides, mine's tweaked. Orochimaru changed it. I don't even know if it's the same as yours anymore."

"You said he changed it?" Kakuzu appears eager. I can't really blame him, we're the only two people on the planet with the Jiongu. He wasn't wrong when he said that these kinds of conversations rarely happen.

I let out my Jiongu from my fingertips and let it sway in the breeze. "Mine's parasitic, not symbiotic. It's also sentient, it talks to me. A lot. Honestly it gets annoying sometimes."

 _~Aw, don't be like that host. You know you like me.~_

Kakuzu let's out a deep reverberating chuckle. "I always wondered how he'd change it. Should have charged him more if I new he would do something as crazy as that."

"How much did he pay anyways? Always wondered that." I genuinely want to know that. Sure it's not important at all but I'm curious.

Kakuzu simply leans back in satisfaction. "More money than you'll ever see in your life."

We fall into a strangely companionable silence. I never thought that Kakuzu would be this... civilized.

Then out of the blue Kakuzu rises to his feet.

"Thank you for humoring me, it was interesting to finally meet you." He starts walking away. With one final look over his shoulder he says, "Until we meet again Muffins."

And like that all the respect he just earned from me vanished. Fucking _Muffins!_

As Kakuzu disappears from my sight a familiar weight falls onto my head. "Green, I don't know how you do it but you always get in the strangest situations."

I snort. "There's no need to tell me that." Now for business, this is an excellent opportunity. How often will I meet Akatsuki members and have a chance to send one of my spiders after them? "I want him tailed. I want to know where he goes. I want to know who he reports to and what his tasks are."

"Already done. Once I recognized the cloak I took action. The spiders around here know to follow him and his companion."

"That was interesting to watch." Sasuke says as he walks out from his hidden place in the shadows. "And that was..."

"Kakuzu, arguably the most infamous missing nin from Taki. He's old, super old. Old enough to have battled the first Hokage. Taki isn't even sure he's still alive, he's like their boogeyman. No one has ever proved that he's dead, but a lot of logic says he should be. He's also where Orochimaru got the Jiongu from."

"So he can do what you can." Sasuke looks in the direction that Kakuzu left in. "I can't help but notice you didn't ask about Itachi."

I offer up a halfhearted shrug. "Hey, he's a S-rank shinobi that's more than capable of killing me. Not only that, he knows all of the ways to work around the Jiongu since he has it too, so forgive me for letting him direct the conversation. Plus I do have spiders following him, eventually they'll find out where Itachi is. Their group has to meet up sometime."

"Fair enough. Now you've wandered around aimlessly long enough. Let's get back to the hotel and rest. We have a big day tomorrow."

* * *

The Next Morning, At the Hotel

"Do I even need half of this stuff?" I mutter to myself as I stare down at an arsenal that Sasuke has prepared for me. "When have I ever used wire before?"

"It might be useful. What if you need to tie someone up?" Sasuke says as he starts arming himself with his own arsenal of various weapons and other deadly tools.

"Hello, Spider Summoner here. I'll just use their webs. It's probably stronger than the wire too." I toss said wire off to the side. "And kunai? Why would I need this much? There has to be fifty here!"

"You can't bring them back to you with your chakra strings. Those you need." He straps a tanto from one of the Root shinobi onto his leg. "Hell I'm bringing this and I doubt I'll need it."

"And why should I bring one?" I ask as I hold my own tanto at arms length in disgust. "I'm not a sword kind of guy."

Sasuke straps his personal sword to his waist, drawing it to make sure it doesn't snag on anything. "Okay, I'll give you that one. Misdirection perhaps?"

"It is one of the best tools a shinobi can use." I go about strapping the blade to my leg. "Who expects someone with an obviously displayed weapon to ignore it and try to punch you in the face? Gotta admit I might enjoy the look of shock on their face."

"Whatever. You ready now?" Sasuke sheathes his sword.

"Yeah. Let's get this over with." We both leave our hotel.

* * *

At the Stands, Minutes Later

"You're Green and Red?" The Kusa shinobi we've asked for directions calmly assess us. "You're alone? No jonin?"

"She's dead, killed on the way here." Sasuke irritably barks out. "Are you going to tell us where to go or not?"

"Whatever, not my problem." The shinobi says without a care in the world. "Go to the east side of the stands, there's a gazebo there that all of the contestants will wait at."

"Thanks, you were a really big help." Sasuke says with a great amount of sarcasm.

We both leave the shinobi and go to the gazebo. It's large, more than enough to house all of the contestants with plenty of spare room. There's a bunch of chairs and tables for us to use and there's even water for us. It's actually quite nice all things considered.

We're not the first ones there, the Konoha gang beat us. Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Lee, Neji and Tenten are all chatting among themselves. How nice of Tsunade to let Lee's team come and watch him.

All six of them tentatively watch Sasuke and I as we approach and sit down at a table far away from them. Or I think they're watching Sasuke and I, but I have a feeling that they're all watching me.

It's probably nothing, just my paranoia rearing its head.

Sasuke and I sit in silence as the Konoha gennin start whispering to themselves. Unfortunately for them, I can still hear them.

"So this is the infamous Green and Red." Neji idly whispers. "They don't look much different from a month ago."

"That doesn't mean they haven't improved." Hinata jumps in. "Look at Green Neji. Truly look at him."

"Now that's interesting." Neji says.

"What? What is it? Sorry but not all of us have fancy eyes." Tenten angrily whispers. "Come on and tell us already!"

"His chakra supply grew enormously." Neji gives in and shares what he saw. "His dwarfs every other gennin here. The gap is considerable."

"It shines like a beacon, the only other person I've seen with anywhere near this amount of chakra is Naruto." Hinata adds. "I wonder how he managed to increase it so drastically?"

"Does it matter?" Kiba cuts in. "So what he has a bunch of chakra, that's not something that's going to stop Akamaru and I!"

"He does bring up a good point." Shino speaks for the first time. "It is irrelevant how much he has at his disposal, what truly matters is how well he can use it. From what we were told by Ino, he uses his summons and earth jutsu to do battle. Beware of them, even simple jutsu can be overpowered into something deadly."

"How youthful! His progress is inspiring! To advance so much in such little time! It's decided, I'll have to ask Gai-sensei to train me even more!" Lee whisper shouts. That kid is always looking to push himself further.

Someone pulls out the chair next to me and lazily plops down into it. I take stock of the idiot who decided that was a good idea.

He has an Iwa forehead protector and appears to be in his mid teens, I'd guess around 15-16. He has a plain mop of brown hair and pale green eyes. He's wearing generic dark brown shinobi gear from Iwa and has a few scrolls strapped to his belt.

"And you are?" I gruffly ask.

"Noboru of Iwa. And you two?" He asks with way too much nonchalance and familiarity.

"Green."

"Red."

"Strange names." Noboru says as he examines one of the nails on his left hand.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"I'm in the tournament, duh." He flicks away a piece of dirt he picked out from under his nail. "You think you would know that since we're where the contestants are supposed to be."

"No, why are you sitting with us?" I rephrase my question. I don't like this guy. He's to relaxed.

He offers up a shrug. "It was either sit with you two, sit with the Konoha group, or sit by myself. I didn't want to sit alone or with the tree lovers so here I am."

"Just don't irritate us and we will have no issue." Sasuke blandly says.

"Cool." Noboru turns to me. "So what's up with the bandages man? That's got to be ridiculously hot. Isn't the hooded coat enough? I mean I can understand wrapping sleeves or pant legs so they don't flap around or get snagged on anything, but it looks like you've covered everything. Hell it's even on your neck!"

I turn my covered face towards him. "Would you believe I'm self-conscious about my looks?"

"Nope!" He merrily says. "Come on, you can tell me. I can keep a secret I promise!"

"I have extremely sensitive skin and sunburn easily?"

"Hahaha! Good one!" Noboru laughs at the admittedly ridiculous excuse.

"It's because I'm horribly scarred all over my body."

"Oh." Noboru loses the carefree attitude. In fact some of the Konoha gennin shot me glances too, they must have been listening in. We aren't exactly trying to be discrete. "Sorry. I wouldn't have pried if I knew. I thought it was a stylistic choice."

"I won't blame you for ignorance. Just drop it."

"You got it." He goes back to studying his nails, this time on the other hand.

"Green heads up." Sasuke says and points towards a trio of approaching people.

It's the Sand Siblings, Gaara, Temari and Kankuro.

Gaara and Kankuro blatantly ignore us while Temari is glaring daggers at me. Oh boy, she's still mad that I knocked her out of the running while making it look like a game.

I cheekily wave at her. She instinctively reaches for the giant fan strapped to her back but manages to stop herself from drawing it.

"Leader-sama!" Oh fuck me is that Hiro? "Leader-sama how nice it is to see you! How have you been? Are you prepared for the tournament? Do you need anything?"

Sasuke looks at me and I just _know_ he's quirking an eyebrow as if to ask 'who the hell is this guy?'

"Hello Hiro. I'm good. Yes I am ready. No I don't need anything." I forgot how annoying this one is.

"You're always so collected. I bet you have plans to beat everyone here!" He happily sits down across the table from me.

"Not really." I bluff. "I'm going to wing it and see what happens. Besides I don't know what half of the other contestants are capable of."

I can feel Sasuke roll his eyes next to me. He's seen the ridiculous wall that I had covered in dossiers. If anything I've over prepared.

"I'm sure you'll be alright." He gives me a warm friendly smile. "That doesn't mean I'm going to hold back on you!"

I sigh. This kid is annoying. "I expect no less."

"Oh what so he can talk to you but I can't?" Noboru chimes in. "Talk about a double standard."

"How about all three of you shut up." Sasuke demands. "The last three are approaching."

We all turn to where Sasuke is looking and sure enough there's the Kusa shinobi, the Kusa kunoichi and the Kiri shinobi all idly talking to one another. That's interesting, are Kiri and Kusa on good relations? I have no idea.

The three shinobi take a table all to themselves. Pity, seems I won't get to learn their names until later.

Then Eito, the same proctor from a month ago strolls into the gazebo.

"Hello everyone." We all quiet down and give him our full attention. "I'm here to explain how the bracket is going to work for this. Basically we're going to have a single elimination tournament with three rounds. The first round will be six 1v1 matches. The second round will be three 1v1 matches consisting of the winners of the first round. The third and final round will be a 1v1v1 match with the three winners of the second round. Last one standing wins. Any questions?"

No one speaks up.

"Good." He continues. "We will be drawing names for who will be fighting who, everything is left up to chance. Now everyone get up and follow me. We're starting." He turns on his heel and walks out to the field the stands are facing.

Everyone rises and follows after him.

"Kusagakure, I give you the twelve finalists!" Eito shouts to the filled stands. It looks like most of the village came out to see this. "We will now determine our first match of the day!" With a grand flourish he unseals a small decorative purple box. Without further ado, he reaches in and pulls out a name.

"Lee Rock of Konohagakure!" He calls to the crowd as Lee steps forwards. There's clapping and a few cheers, he must have made an impression in the previous part of the exams if the people here remember him.

"His opponent will be..." He reaches in again and pulls out another name. "Green of Otogakure!"

I'm facing Lee? Well this is going to hurt a lot.

I step forwards to general applause. They're just clapping to be polite, not because they want to or are genuinely cheering for me.

Then something happens that terrifies me to my core. "Remember Green, I expect a show."

He's here. Orochimaru is here. My head snaps towards the sound of his voice, on the opposite side of the stadium is another gazebo. This one is much nicer and there's attendants running around in the background. This must be where they have the visiting Kage at for the tournament.

Sitting beneath in the shade are three individuals, one is most certainly the Kusakage. The other is a grinning Orochimaru and the final attending Kage is a furious _Tsunade._

Why the fuck are they both here? Better yet _how_ are they both here without attempting to kill each other? Did Orochimaru know Tsunade was going and wanted to mess with her or something equally as ridiculous?

I don't respond to his words. Now I have to be a bit... brutal with Lee. This is not good.

"Now if everyone but the first fighters please go back to the tent?" Eito shoos them off of the field. "Alright you two, I'm the proctor for this fight. If I say it's over, it's over. Don't test me. This fight is to knock out or surrender, whichever comes first. Questions?"

"No, Eito-san." Lee respectfully answers.

"Nope." I casually answer. We're pretty different in how we deal with people.

"Fighters ready?" Eito takes two steps back.

Lee and I fall into our respective taijutsu stances. His is reminiscent of his sensei, one arm strongly held with a fist before him and the other tucked behind the back. I take a wide stable stance with my arms raised protectively in front of me. I can pretty much guarantee that Lee is going to be faster than me, if he isn't right now then all he has to do is open a few Gates.

Dammit. I really didn't want to fight Lee. He's not going to go down easy, hell he'll get back up from just about anything. I really wish I knew some genjutsu right now, I'll have to add that to the things Orochimaru will teach me before I kill him.

Well, let's try and do this without ninjutsu. That way once I face Gaara I can use water release techniques. Let's be honest, Gaara is going to breeze through the competition too. Hell I won't be surprised if he wins it all, even with Sasuke and I here. We're limited and he's not. Plus he's _Gaara_.

"Begin!" Eito shunshins a fair distance away from us.

The exact same instant Eito said begin, Lee rockets forward with the intent of punching me in the temple. I hurriedly raise put my left arm in defense but that didn't slow down his attack at all. Instead of his fist hitting my face, both his fist _and_ my arm hit me.

"How youthful!" Lee happily says as he expertly dances away from me. "Everyone that I spar with back home would have dodged! No one but Gai-sensei blocks my hits anymore."

"Yeah, that's because you hit like a boulder rolling down a mountain." I wanted to say freight train, but those don't exist here. I rub my face, I'm very glad my mask stayed on through that hit. Whatever it's made out of is some quality material.

He lunges in again, this time going for a swift punch in the gut. I bar both my arms in an X to intercept his hit. A loud dull thud fills the stadium and a few people wince in sympathy for me.

The idiots don't know anything.

I didn't budge. Once his hit connected, which it most certainly did, I brought out more of my Jiongu enhanced strength.

"Aw don't be like that! You don't have to hold back!" Lee says as he unleashes a flurry of quick and precise blows on me.

"Sorry kid," I'm blocking and deflecting each one, we're blurs to untrained eyes. I can hear the people in the stands starting to cheer both of us on as Lee and I fly across the field in a deadly dance of punches and kicks. "I'm not used to fighting people weaker than me. I held back for your safety."

A heavy kick slams into my chest and I'm thrown across the ground and skid to a stop near our starting point. I haul myself back up to my feet and casually dust myself off. "Right, definitely hit a pressure point there."

"I am not weak!" Lee shouts at me. "I may not be able to use ninjutsu or genjutsu, but I shall become a strong shinobi using taijutsu alone! It's my nindo, my shinobi way, to always improve myself! To push myself to reach a new level and then surpass that one too! Surely another taijutsu specialist can respect that."

"That's nice buddy, but if that's all the harder you can hit I'm going to be fine." This time I lunge at the green clad gennin, I've had enough of letting him beat me to a pulp.

We're exact opposites of earlier, I'm aiming a punch straight to his solar plexus and he is holding his arms in an X to block me. Except this time I'll be taking his advice. I won't hold back, I'm going to bring out the full force of the Jiongu.

Once my fist connects to his arms, they buckle and cave back into his chest. I don't stop my blow there, I keep pushing forward, putting as much force behind the punch as possible. It's so strong that Lee is pushed backwards five meters and leaves deep grooves in the ground from where his feet dug into it.

"So," I cockily say as I straighten up, "any chance of a surrender?"

Two insanely loud crashes drowned out all other noise. Shit.

A kick _slams_ into the back of my head and I'm forced to eat dirt.

"Proctor, I would call the fight. He could need medical attention after that, I may have been a bit too... excited." Lee shakily tells Eito. Huh, he must not have expected me to biff it.

"Nah I'm good." I push myself up and see a suspiciously head shaped dent in the ground. That's not embarrassing at all. "Just because you got a little speed boost doesn't mean you can hit me hard enough to end the fight. Sure you hit harder now, but it still isn't enough."

"You sure kid?" Eito asks from a chair he must have unsealed while Lee and I were fighting. Lazy bastard.

"Yeah I can keep going." I hope from one foot to the other.

"Continue." Eito blandly says as he leans back deeper into the chair.

Lee blurs, but this time I'm ready for him. I can still track him now that I know how fast he's moving and what to look for. He aims three quick punches at my torso and I deflect all but one. The one that made it through didn't cause any damage, it just glanced off of my side.

Lee breaks away from me and skids to a stop. "You're right, like this I won't be able to win."

"Then surrender?" I offer. "It's not that hard to say."

"Gate of Opening: Release!"

"Well that's not good." I mutter to myself. "How many can you op-"

A foot plows into my gut, launching me up into the air. Instantly a determined Lee is right behind me with his bandages flowing behind him. In the next moment I'm bound by his bandages and he grips me in a bear hug of steel. Then he spins us both, everything around us blurs as he spins faster and faster. He rockets us both at the ground at absurd speeds and we both crater into it.

"Is he okay?" One of the spectators say.

Lee struggles to rise and pulls himself out of the new hole in the ground.

"Where's the other one?"

"That was crazy! How do you even learn how to _do_ that?"

"Did... did he kill him?"

"Ow." My voice cuts through all of the hushed whispers coming from the stands. "Okay green boy -wow that was ironic- you can hit _hard._ "

"Are you alright down there?" Lee says as he peers down the small indention he made in the ground. "Should I call for a medic?"

"Nah I'm good." I cheerfully call up to him.

"Kami damn it Green, why are you so nonchalant about this?" I hear Sasuke say to himself from the gazebo. "He literally put you in the ground."

Lee looks down at me with a great deal of concern. "Then why haven't you gotten up?"

"There's a pretty bird flying above us. I got distracted by it. I mean it's like a little flying rainbow! Look at it!"

"That _idiot!_ " Sasuke rages.

"Really?" Lee looks skyward in search of the mysterious bird that I'm so fascinated by. "I don't see a bird."

I explode upwards and land a vicious uppercut to Lee's exposed gut and it throws him skyward. I leap up in the air after him and it's my turn to grab him and start spinning.

"Holy crap he's doing Lee's move against him!" Kiba shouts from the gazebo.

"You shouldn't be able to do the front lotus!" Lee exclaims as our velocity increases further. "You have to open the first gate to use it!"

"That's where you're wrong, to be capable of the front lotus you simple need to have enough strength. Did you really think that only the Eight Inner Gates granted the user inhuman strength? Besides, this isn't the front lotus."

"What?"

I'm not spinning us how Lee did, I'm spinning us parallel to the ground. Lee's spin was like a tornado, while mine is like the rotation of a windmill. "Do you think that I _want_ to slam into the ground again? No thank you."

I release Lee and he rockets downward and slams into the ground, leaving another crater next to the first.

"Hey, those could be eyes for a smiley face from way up here. Now I just need to form a mouth and the picture is perfect! Crap how am I going to land?"

"Gate of Healing: Release!" Lee flies out of the crater and stands below me.

"That's not good at all." I'm heading right for him, we're going to run into each other.

Lee's leg muscles coil as he squats low, then he does something unexpected. He jumps straight up at me with way too much momentum.

"This is going to hurt."

He plows into me with both his fists raised like he's a flying superhero and I rocket high into the sky.

"Totally right. That hurt." I say to myself as I'm staring up at the sky. Then my body slowly spins around as gravity takes hold and pulls me back down. "Holy crap I'm-"

I'm high up in the air. I'm ridiculously high in the air, way higher than I ever want to be ever again.

 _Fuck fuck fuck why am I in the air?_

I freeze, all of my thought processes are halted as one all encompassing thought resounds through my head.

 _This is how I died before. This is how I'm going to die again, right here, right now. It's all over._

 _~Host calm down, you're fine.~_

 _Dead. Dead dead dead. Splat. Again. Nothing more than a red smear on the ground._

 _~Host, even if you did go splat there wouldn't be any red. I only make blood so you can summon the spiders.~_

 **CRASH**

I smash into the unforgiving earth making the biggest crater yet.

"Don't freak out." I mumble to myself. "Don't freak out. If you freak out then everyone here will know I'm terrified of heights. Don't freak out. Just... stay in the crater for a bit and calm down. Yeah. I'm going to do that."

"Green-san?" Lee pokes his head over the lip of the crater. "Are you alright?"

"No I'm not bloody alright!" I rage at the imbecile who thought launching me high in the sky is a good idea.

"Yeah he's totally fine." I can hear Sasuke tell Hiro from deep in my hole. Stupid Jiongu enhanced hearing, sometimes it sucks.

"Do you want to surrender?" Eito's lazy drawl echos in the bowl of earth I'm in.

I clench my left hand into a fist and slam it into the ground. A pillar of earth surges out of the ground off to Lee's left and is headed straight for him.

With a resounding thud, Lee whirls and punches the pillar and with his brute strength alone turned it to dust.

"I'll take that as a no." Eito monotonously says. I bet that asshole is still in the damn chair.

I climb out of the crater and turn to face Lee. There's a tinge of envy in his eyes.

"You're a taijutsu specialist that ties in ninjutsu to your combat style?" He asks as he's hopping from one foot to the other. He's eager to trade blows again, but he wants to ask me that more.

I'm alright with that, my plan to win this isn't knocking him out or tying him up. Hell I never really expect him to surrender despite my earlier words. I'm planning on outlasting him. Even opening the first Gate is harsh on the body, he can only use them for so long and with each additional Gate he opens he shortens his combat stamina. So him wanting to talk is perfectly fine by me.

"See, that's where you're wrong." I dust myself off, _again,_ then smoothly slide into my defensive combat stance. It has the added bonus of bringing my hands close together, which I'm going to capitalize on. "I never said I was a taijutsu specialist, you just assumed that."

Lee quirks an eyebrow at me. "Then what are you?"

"I'm a ninjutsu specialist that ties in taijutsu to my combat style." I bring my hands together as Lee's eyes widen in surprise. "Earth Release: Ten Thousand Fists!"

True to it's namesake, seemingly thousands of pillars with a fist on the end explode out of the earth and all aim at where Lee is.

"Gate of Life: Release! Gate of Pain: Release! Gate of Limit: Release!" A green glow shines brightly around Lee, his skin has turned to a deep red and his eyes have lost all their color, they're completely white.

He bends over and takes a sprinters stance. That idiot is going to try to plow through all of the earth pillars to get to me. He _erupts_ like a raging volcano and does exactly that, plows straight through every last obstacle in his path.

"Fuck me this is going to hurt." That's what I meant to say, all that came out was a short "Fu-" because Lee's foot is firmly lodged in my gut.

The solid hit pushes me off my feet and I rag doll across the ground before smacking into one of the few trees in the field.

"Ow." Damn that kid can _hit._ Only Tsunade has ever hit me that hard before. "Can I call a timeout?"

Lee materializes above my prone body and rears back for another punch.

"Guess not." I slam the ground with a fist and a pillar shoots out of it. Except this pillar isn't aimed at Lee, it's aimed at me. It slams into my side and pushes me out of the path of Lee's punch. His fist goes straight through the pillar and into the earth itself. "Damn kid, that's one hell of a hit you've got there."

Lee must be done talking because he's lunging at me again with speeds I can no longer hope to match. I raise my arms into a protective X and brace myself.

Two sharp cracks echo throughout the air. There's gasps from the audience and Eito flies up off his ass and is near both of us in an instant. Damn that man can _move_ when he's motivated.

"Green-san I am so sorry!" Lee shouts an apology at me. "I didn't mean to! I swear!"

I look down at my awkwardly dangling arms. Great, he snapped them. The Jiongu mimics what my body should be, that includes my skeletal structure. There's bone-like things in me made of the Jiongu, just like how there's lung-like things, and eye-like things, and so on. And Lee's absurd strength was enough to break it. I'm actually impressed, the only other time this has happened was when I stupidly punched Tsunade in her gut. That was totally worth it by the way.

"The match is over." Eito turns to the crowd. "Green can no longer contin-"

"Like hell!" I roar, inadvertently drawing everyone's attention to me. Whoops. "They're just broken arms. Give me a moment."

Jiongu, if you would be so kind.

 _~Of course. We can't disappoint the crowd, now can we?~_

Two gut-wrenchingly loud snaps cut through all other noise as my arms seemingly straighten themselves out.

"Holy shit." Whispers from the crowd start up as I experimentally move around my 'healed' arms.

"People can _do that?_ "

"I've never seen a medical technique work so quickly, and to do it to ones self is even more difficult."

"What the hell is Otogakure teaching their gennin? Talk about impressive! If you ignore how gross that was."

"You sure you're good to continue?" Eito hesitantly asks. "Because you just had both arms broken. You could surren-"

"Proctor, my gennin know their limits. He has not reached his yet, continue the fight." Orochimaru calls out. I spare him a quick glance, his face is lit in pure elation. Nothing could make the grin on his face more vibrant.

I turn to my current Kage and give him a deep, sweeping bow. "Thank you for your confidence in me, Orochimaru-sama. I will not let you down."

I was wrong, if he was elated before now he's died and gone to heaven. He's beyond ecstatic, beyond joyful. I think I just made his whole month with that one moment.

"Well, if it's alright with him then I suppose... Continue?" It comes out more as a question than an order. I don't really blame Eito for it, it looks like I'm getting the beating of a lifetime.

Lee is idly hopping from foot to foot, still energized from opening the Fifth Gate. "Green-san, tell me. What is your nindo? Your shinobi way? What drives you to get up from my blows? To keep going even when your arms break?"

"My nindo? Never really thought about it before." I lunge at Lee, intent on giving him a good punch of my own. He simply speeds his way out of my reach. "I guess it would be... to survive. My nindo is to survive."

That's what I do, I survive. My first thoughts on coming into this world were 'how am I going to survive?' I've survived fights I had no right to partake it, I've survived facing multiple S-rank shinobi, cruel and opportunistic wannabe dictators, and most importantly of all I've survived Orochimaru and his experiments.

"How... unyouthful." Okay, that's new. I've never heard Lee say that with such sadness before. "You should strive for more than just survival! Rise up and face your challenges with vigor and a fist as hard as steel!"

"Sorry kid, but my fists aren't made of steel." They're made of something better. "Now are we going to fight or do you want to keep talking? How much longer can you keep the Gates open anyways?"

"Not much longer." He says from behind me. Shit he's fast. He chops me where the neck meets the shoulders and the power of the blow forces me to kneel.

In the next instant he's before me with a leg raised at my head level. "You've pushed me far, Green-san. I respect that, and it's out of that respect that you face me at my best! Here I come! I'm holding nothing back!"

His leg blurs.

"LEE NO! YOU'LL KILL HIM!" Gai's booming voice commands his gennin to stop, but it's too late.

Lee's foot soundly connects with my jaw and my vision spins. A sickening crunch quiets the crowd, there's not even whispers or screams or whimpers like the last time. My head keeps moving independent of my body, spinning much farther than should be capable or healthy. My mask goes flying off of my face, ripped off it by the kick.

The gods must be with me right now, because my body is facing the stands but my face is facing the empty field after doing a 540 degree turn.

I fall backwards onto my face with a dull thud.

"Did... did I... did I kill him?" Lee shakily asks himself.

Fuck fuck fuck my mask is off. My mask is off! I have to hide my face! I can't let anyone see me!

Wait, why am I freaking out about that? Hello, shinobi here. They taught me a jutsu in the Academy that's made for disguising yourself, it's one of the basic three. The Henge.

Now the real question is, who should I henge into? Well, might as well keep it simple. Plus... well... I've been told I have the body type for it.

"Green-san?" Lee timidly asks as Eito stands behind him with a _ballistically pissed off Gai_ right next to him. Even Tsunade and Orochimaru are close by, I can sense them.

"Does he need medical attention?" Tsunade asks in concern. "I offer my services."

"I... don't actually know." Orochimaru replies.

"That fucking _hurt!_ " I shout into the dirt with a surprisingly... feminine tone to my voice. "Ow ow ow what the fuck man?"

"Green-san!" Lee exclaims in happiness. "You're okay!"

I awkwardly push myself up. "No I'm not okay you asshole! Do you have any idea how weird it is to try and move like this?!" I whirl around so my face is towards everyone and the rest of my body is facing the empty field.

"YOU!" I angrily point at Lee, or attempt to. "Damn it I can't even reprimand you right! Come here you jerk! I swear when I get my hands on you -" A horrendous amount of insults rolls right off my tongue.

"Well... I've never seen this before." Sasuke idly comments to himself from the sidelines as I awkwardly try to smack Lee.

"Hold up a second." Kiba speaks up. "You mean this entire time Green was... a girl?"

That's right, I used the henge to give myself a younger version of my kaa-san's face with elements of tou-san bleeding through. They're two of the faces I'm most familiar with and I can't help but think this is what I would have looked like if I was their daughter instead of their son. Or just actually theirs really, Orochimaru kinda screwed that one up for everyone.

"Yes." Sasuke blandly says, but I can hear amusement hidden deep in the one word. I'm never going to live this down.

"Well damn." Temari mutters out. "Suddenly I'm a lot less mad that she beat me. Girl power!"

"Sis, that's really petty." Kankuro reprimands her.

"- with a Kami damned rake!" My tirade of insults aimed at Lee peters out. He took all of it without flinching once, he just stared at me with big wide eyes.

"That's not what you're supposed to use a rake for?" Lee shakily replies.

"Oh why the fuck am I even bothering! Hold on." I reach up and grab my head.

"Wait don't do that!" Tsunade calls out.

 **CRUNCH**

"Owowow! That really fucking hurts!" Now my head is on straight, but it still needs to rotate around once more.

"What is wrong with you!" Tsunade reprimands me. "Here let me-"

 **CRUNCH**

"FUCKING HELL!" Now I'm on backwards again. Lee I hate you. It would have been better if you just kicked it right off, but no! This is so much worse.

"Stop that! Let me help you!" Tsunade urges.

"She'll be fine. She's had worse." Orochimaru idly strolls back to the Kage gazebo.

 **CRUNCH**

"FUCK FUCK FUCK _FUCK!_ " Alright. There. Head is on straight. "Okay. Okay. I'm back."

Literally everyone is staring at me in horror. It isn't every day you see a young teen girl _twist her own head around while yelling obscenities as the world's best medic nin tells her to stop._

"Where the hell is my damn mask at?" I mutter to myself. "YOU! Head spinner! Where did it go?"

Lee nervously points off to his left where, sure enough, my mask is sitting.

"Good boy." I boldly walk right past him and scoop up the mask and refasten it to my face. Crisis averted.

I smoothly twirl around and slide into my combat stance. "Now where were we? I believe I owe you a beating."

"What!" Tsunade rages. "Absolutely not! You need medical attention right now! Get over here!"

"Uh, no." I blandly dismiss Tsunade. She fumes. "You're not my Kage, you don't get to order me around." Her eyebrow twitches in suppressed anger, we both know that she really is my Kage. "Now Eito-san, if you would remove the good Hokage and let Lee and I resume our fight?"

"There is no need for that." Lee says. "I surrender."

My jaw drops. No one sees it. "What?"

"I overused the Gates. I can't open them again so soon, I have to rest and recover." Lee calmly explains.

Bullshit. I sense total bullshit. If he overused the Gates he'd be on the ground right now in agony. "What? Don't want to hit a girl?"

He blushes crimson.

"Oh what the fuck _really?_ See! This shit right here is why I let everyone think I was a guy!" This is utterly ridiculous. Absolutely, mindbogglingly insane. "You mean if I just took my mask off earlier you would have surrendered?"

"NO!" He blushes even more.

Fucking _fine._ "Guess that beat-down was for nothing then!"

"Winner by forfeit: Green of Otogakure!" Eito calls out to the still stunned crowd.

I angrily stomp over to the contestant gazebo and with a huff I sit down in my chair next to Sasuke.

"Green..." He trails off.

"Not a damn word." I know what he wants to say. "I know where you sleep. I will make your life hell."

"Leader-sama is a lady?" Hiro is looking at me in awe. "Wonderful! Say, want to go get food sometime?"

Sasuke dissolves into a hysterical mess, and that's saying something.


	42. Chapter 42

Author Note: This chapter goes back in time to the start of chapter 40, right when the trio (now duo) leave Sound for Grass. I felt like throwing in Orochimaru in the last chapter (41) so this should provide some back story as to how he got there and why, since to me it feels kind of forced and random with him just popping up out of the blue.

Oh, and it's also third person focusing on Orochimaru, so this should be a unique insight to his brand of crazy. Plus he's a hell of a lot of fun to write. Really messed up, but a lot of fun.

* * *

"Alvarcus, Sasuke." Orochimaru's blandly says to his two pupils, they seemed to be too relaxed. It's for the best he brings them back to reality. "Remember, I expect a show. I want you to leave a lasting impression on the spectators, display the power of Sound."

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke and Alvarcus chant in unison. They share a quick look between the two of them. They're like adorable puppies, puppies that Orochimaru himself is training to go on a bloody rampage at his command.

"All in favor of never speaking at the same time again?" Alvarcus casually asks. "I."

"I." Sasuke responds. "That was just eerie."

"Glad we came to a consensus."

'What goes on in that wonderful head of his?' Orochimaru thinks to himself. 'He's been distant with me lately, ever since his return from Kusa. Was sending him there a mistake? He's more than combat ready, it's like they've both said before. No one there will be able to stand up to them. Except perhaps Gaara.'

Orochimaru's eyes dart over to Sasuke. 'Can't let that one get damaged. Thankfully my child will look after him for me, he is very protective of him. Even if he doesn't know it, he's suiting my needs very well. Maybe I will go after all, just in case. It will be marvelous to see Alvarcus in action against opponents closer to his level.'

"Not to add any pressure to the two of you," Orochimaru cuts off the rest of his pupil's conversation, "but I might be in the crowd. After all, I do like seeing the fruits of my labor. Do not disappoint me."

"Can we leave now?" Alvarcus whines. "This is going to suck. Tayuya, in her infinite wisdom, decided to wait until the day before the Tournament to leave. Now I _have_ to carry her sorry ass or we won't make it in time!"

'How amusing, it would seem that Tayuya is taking to her mission well. And Alvarcus is blindly accepting her affections, exactly like how I planned.'

"Yes." Orochimaru generously allows. "I expect no distractions, focus on the task ahead."

The three of them walk outside into the blazing sun.

Orochimaru stands there for another moment, watching the rapidly shrinking form of his child with glee. "He's growing up so fast."

"Yes, he has made astonishing progress in the short time we've had him." Kabuto strolls out of his hiding place in the shadows. He's never far from his master. "He's almost progressing as quickly as I did."

"Nonsense!" Orochimaru animatedly says as he's looking off to the horizon in the direction that Alvarcus and company left. "He's advancing much faster than you ever did and will one day be stronger than you. One day soon."

Unknown to the great Snake Sannin, Kabuto clenches his fists in anger. He's wondering why Orochimaru doesn't see him as the prized pupil anymore, why after one meeting has his master abandoned him for this _Alvarcus?_ Kabuto has always been by his side, always eager to please and to help further Orochimaru's goals.

But all of that changed that one fateful Chunin Exams. He's been replaced in his masters eyes, no longer is he first. Now he's second, maybe even third, and he does not like it. No, he _hates_ it.

He may have told his master that he killed off Alvarcus's parents to further his goal of acquiring the brat, but deep down he knows that is only part of the reason. Even then, it's a small sliver of his true motives.

He wanted to cause Alvarcus pain for so carelessly and casually replacing him. He wanted him to suffer, to feel agony, to watch as his parents abandoned him. Just as how Orochimaru has abandoned Kabuto. Killing off his teammate was just a crime of passion, how could he resist such temptation? Besides, it isn't like she would have amounted to anything. A pink haired girl playing at being a kunoichi, how _pathetic._ He did the world a favor.

"If you say so, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto respectfully replies, forcing his hate down. He can't let his master know how much he loathes his child, that would be foolish to the extreme. Maybe even deadly.

Orochimaru doesn't reply, instead he turns on a heel and slinks back into his hidden base. He has research to work on after all, it's possible natural chakra is the key to fixing his arms. He's been trying to harness it for months, ever since he lost the use of his limbs. Tsunade was right when she said that the Death God, the Shinigami, broke them beyond normal means. Yet natural chakra is made of life, one could even argue that it's life itself in its simplest form since everything gives off natural chakra just by existing.

Is that why people age? Are they born with a set amount of natural chakra, and as that is expelled into the world the body grows feeble and frail?

These are the kinds of questions that keep Orochimaru up at night, these are the things that drive him to experiment, to find out answers by any means necessary!

* * *

Later That Day, Six Hours After Alvarcus Left

Two Hours After the Root Slaughter

"AHHH!" Orochimaru is standing over a pale skinned man who is strapped down to a cold hard table. His skin is peeled back off his chest, exposing his internal organs to the world. But something is off about a few of them, they no longer resemble soft tissue. They are hard and unforgiving, they've been turned to stone. "Please stop! I'll do anything! Just stop!"

"I wonder if Alvarcus has arrived yet?" Orochimaru distractedly says to himself as he lowers another seal onto his experiment's liver. Even if Orochimaru had full use of his arms he couldn't harness natural chakra himself. His twisting and perversion of his soul has barred him from ever using it. Instead he has to use a seal to channel natural chakra into a targeted source, in this case whatever it is placed on.

"I don't know! Let me go and I'll find out for you! I promise! Plea- AAAHHHHHH!" A piercing scream echoes in the laboratory.

"There's no way he's there yet. Factoring in the maximum speeds that both he and Sasuke can travel, even if Alvarcus is carrying Tayuya, they shouldn't arrive for another two hours at the least." Orochimaru gets lost in thought, wondering how his child is fairing without him.

The laboratory goes eerily quiet, the screams of his experiment have stopped abruptly.

"How unfortunate." Orochimaru gazes down at the now completely stone corpse. "I didn't take the seal off." He glances off to one of the corners of the room where four other statues are immortalized in varying degrees of agony. " _Again._ "

"That makes five." Kabuto idly says as he furiously scribbles something down on a clipboard. Even if his master got distracted - _again_ \- he dutifully took notes for him. There's no point in being wasteful with test subjects after all. It's fascinating to see a complete transition from flesh to stone even if that wasn't the overall goal. "Perhaps we should take a break? Forgive me for saying so, Orochimaru-sama, but you've been distracted. Your mind is clearly elsewhere, and we're losing valuable test subjects."

Orochimaru lets a small sigh escape his lips. "You're correct Kabuto, I am distracted and it's affecting my work. It's just... I went to all that work to train Alvarcus up and I don't even get to see it. He could be doing something amazing, using a new move that I've never seen before or-" Orochimaru grins sadistically, "-finally accepting his fate."

"Accepting his fate?" Kabuto gently probes while still writing at breakneck speeds.

"Of course!" Orochimaru eagerly abandons the stone corpse on the table to face Kabuto. And why wouldn't he, this is his child he's talking about. "He is destined to be mine, to be by my side. To help me further my goals, and for me to nurture into one of the most deadly forces on this planet. I was not joking when I said he is Kage material, I plan to mold him into the perfect son and he will rule Sound in my place! I have much more important things to focus on than running a village. There's so many jutsu to learn, so many bloodlines to study!"

Orochimaru is excitedly pacing back and forth before Kabuto.

"I simply can't do it all in one lifetime! See that's why he's _perfect!_ Both of us are capable of extending our lifespans, me through my Living Corpse Reincarnation and him through the Jiongu! Once he becomes strong enough no one will be able to stand against us both and we can do as we please! I can finally focus entirely on my life's work!"

Orochimaru gleefully clasps both his hands together.

"It will be soon. Very soon, I can feel it. Only a few years away at the most. Did you know that he's officially in the Bingo Books now?" Orochimaru brags to Kabuto.

"No I did not." Kabuto forces out an interested reply. "What is his rank?"

"In Konoha's it is B-rank."

"Really?" Genuinely curious this time, Kabuto leans forward in anticipation. "B-rank? Isn't that a little high for someone so young?"

"You've seen him fight. You've seen how resourceful he is, how cunning. Even while training against _me_ he's only truly brought out his full strength once." Orochimaru smiles fondly as he remembers that day, the day that Alvarcus truly proved worthy of being his child. Simply wonderful.

"You sound... pleased by that." Kabuto says from off to the side.

"Of course I am pleased! It isn't every day you get your first Bingo Book page, and he's already considered B-rank! It's marvelous! And that's based off of Konoha's knowledge of him _before_ I started to train him. Imagine how far my son had advanced since then!"

Orochimaru freezes in place with wide eyes, like he just realized something important. Something life changing.

"Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asks in concern he's never seen his master lock up like this.

"My son." Orochimaru quietly says. "He's my son, yet I'm here. He's going through the Chunin Exams, a pivotal turning point for any shinobi career and _his father isn't there to see it!_ "

Orochimaru explodes in pure speed, even Kabuto didn't see him move. One moment he was frozen in shock, the next he's over by the wall with the intercom system.

"Remaining Sound Four members, prepare for a four day trip then meet me at the front gates. You have five minutes. MOVE!" Orochimaru whirls around and practically sprints out of the laboratory, most likely to pack for himself.

Kabuto is left standing in the lab with his jaw on the floor. "I... guess I'll clean this up?"

* * *

Four Minutes Later, the Front Gates

"You're all early!" Orochimaru smiles happily at his useful bodyguards. "Good. We're going to Kusa."

Without further ado, Orochimaru sprints out of his base and takes off towards Kusa with the three Sound Four members right behind him.

"Hey, Orochimaru-sama? You sure this is a good idea?" Kidomaru gently says from directly behind his speeding Kage. "Isn't the Hokage supposed to be there? And you two aren't on good terms."

"That's irrelevant." Orochimaru hurriedly spits out. He has more important things to worry about than the feelings of his underlings.

"Gotcha." Kidomaru hesitantly says. "But..."

"Remain quiet and run." Orochimaru orders with fury laced in his tone. They should know better than to question him!

* * *

Three Hours Later

"Stop." Orochimaru calls out and the Sound Three eagerly obey.

They're standing in a clearing that's clearly the aftermath of a large scale battle. There's left over jutsu marks and a lot of blood everywhere. There's even the charred remains of around 9 bodies, a giant mound of earth that looks suspiciously like cooled lava, and a pile of reddish brown paste.

Someone was brutal, completely uncaring of his opponents suffering. In fact, if Orochimaru had to guess, he's say that the victor _enjoyed_ this fight.

"How... interesting. I wonder who did this?" He spares the pile of corpses a glance. "And who they were. Maybe Alvarcus saw that fight? I'll have to ask him."

He turns to the indifferent Sound Three, they've already seen much worse than this. Hell, they've done much worse than this to their own targets, but never of this scale. That's the only thing that is remotely impressing them. Taking down at least 9 shinobi is no easy feat!

"We're moving." Orochimaru sprints off again.

"Does he seem off to anyone else?" Jirobo asks as they rocket after their Kage.

"Yes." Sakon replies. "Best not to mention it."

* * *

The Gates of Kusagakure, Three and a half Hours Later

"O-O-O-Orochimaru?" One of the two incredibly nervous gate guards asks.

The Sound Three bristle at the incompetence of the gate guard.

"-sama?" Said guard smartly tacks on. "W-we didn't know you were coming?"

"Yes." Orochimaru simply replies. He's getting a sick sense of satisfaction out of watching the guard squirm under pressure. "It was recently brought to my attention that all the best Kage watch their gennin compete, regardless of the location of the Exams. How could I pass up this opportunity to watch my promising shinobi in action? My mere presence here will push them to strive for new heights, it could be the deciding factor in their fight. No one wants to disappoint me." He pointedly says while sadistically staring down the quivering guard.

"O-of course!" The terrified guard says as he points to the second one. "Fumio here will take you to a hotel that's suitable for someone of your prestige!"

"WHAT?" Fumio whirls on the first gate guard. "You do it! He's used to you!"

"Come Fumia." Orochimaru boldly strolls into the village, completely disregarding the bickering guards. "Show me to my... hotel."

"It's... Fumio."

"Yes, Fumia. Now take me there. I wish to rest after my long journey."

"It's... it doesn't matter. Just... follow me?"

* * *

The Next Day, One Hour Before the Final Tournament

"You go get him!"

"Oh hell no! I did it last time! It's your turn!"

"He likes you! He gave you a nickname!"

"Fumia is not a nickname! He just didn't bother to learn my real name!"

Slowly the door that the two shinobi are bickering in front of creaks open.

"Fumia, you will suffice." Orochimaru orders as he confidently walks out of the room.

"O-of course!" Fumio quickly scampers forwards. "We're here to take you to the stands where the Tournament is being held. If you'll please follow me?"

* * *

A Few Minutes Later, At the Kage's Gazebo

Orochimaru is idly sitting by himself in a ridiculously plush chair. They certainly didn't spare any expense with it, even on such short notice. Even the beverages and food are of a ridiculously high quality.

Although the staff leaves much to be desired. If Orochimaru ever did something like this, he would have trained professionals who know not to look at him in fear constantly. Sure, it's amusing for the first ten minutes, but anything longer than that gets tedious and _no one wants to approach him to fill his damn glass!_

" _Orochimaru._ " Tsunade's voice quiets all others. "You must be insane to think coming here was a good idea. Well, more insane."

"Tsunade darling!" Orochimaru sarcastically greets her with happiness. "It hasn't been long enough."

"No it hasn't." She stomps right up to her fellow Sannin. "Now tell me, what's stopping me from beating you to a bloody pulp?" She smacks a fist into her hand. "You better have a damn good reason because I'm feeling _twitchy_. I might accidentally lash out, and well, with my strength imagine what could happen."

"There will be no fighting while you both are in Kusagakure." The Kusakage himself intervenes. "Or do both of you wish to turn my country against your own for the next generation?"

"No, I suppose not." Orochimaru idly says as he sips on his nearly empty drink. "Us minor villages should ally against the Big Five, don't you think Tsunade dearest?"

"I think you should be careful with how you talk to me. I can easily wait until you're out of Kusagakure's borders to attack you."

"How-" Orochimaru starts to speak but abruptly stops. He's staring across the field towards the contestant gazebo, his child just arrived. "-unfortunate. I always liked you better than Jiraya."

Orochimaru tunes out the now talking Tsunade and Kusakage in favor of observing Alvarcus.

He's already gathering people around himself. A shinobi from Iwa and then Taki have joined him. Just like a true Kage, capable of rallying others to your cause.

Soon the rest of the contestants arrive, and a Kusa jonin goes over to them. If the information the Kages were provided about the Exams is still accurate, his name is Eito. He's most likely there to explain the roster and how the tournament will work.

Then he gathers up the gennin and brings them out to the center of the field.

"Kusagakure, I give you the twelve finalists!" Eito shouts to the filled stands. It looks like most of the village came out to see this. "We will now determine our first match of the day!" With a grand flourish he unseals a small decorative purple box. Without further ado, he reaches in and pulls out a name.

"Lee Rock of Konohagakure!" He calls to the crowd as Lee steps forwards. There's clapping and a few cheers, he must have made an impression in the previous part of the exams if the people here remember him.

"His opponent will be..." He reaches in again and pulls out another name. "Green of Otogakure!"

"One of yours?" Tsunade asks from off to the side.

"Yes, he's mine." Orochimaru distractedly replies as he eagerly watches as his child steps forward in resignation. He's... unmotivated. He doesn't want to fight this opponent. Orochimaru will have to change that.

"Remember Green, I expect a show." Orochimaru loudly calls out.

Alvarcus whirls at his voice and goes ramrod straight. He didn't expect Orochimaru to actually be here, you can tell from the subtle twitches of his head as it bounces between his current Kage and his previous Kage.

"This will certainly be a memorable fight now." Orochimaru says to himself.

A quiet groan of wood under extreme pressure makes him take his gaze off his prized pupil.

"Alright there Tsunade darling?" He eyes the armrests of her chair. "Perhaps you should have brought a sturdier chair."

She grits her teeth in anger from being called out. "My gennin will win. He's one of the best I have." Interestingly enough, if she made a bet right now she'd be guaranteed to win. After all, they're _both_ her gennin. It's just that most of the world doesn't know that.

"We shall see." Orochimaru turns back to the two gennin facing off. "I am confident mine will be victorious."

"Begin!" Eito calls out as he shunshins away from the two fighters.

Instantly Lee rockets forward and punches Alvarcus.

Tsunade snorts in amusement. "Did yours just hit himself in the face?"

Orochimaru doesn't reply, the only reaction he had was the slight twitching of his eyebrow.

Lee rears back for another blow as Alvarcus forms a defensive X with his arms.

"He's going to try to block again?" The Kusagakure comments. "That's a bad choice."

THUD

"My gennin knows what he's capable of." Orochimaru calmly assures the other two Kage. "He has yet to truly show even a fraction of his talents and strength."

Tsunade glances at Orochimaru out of the corner of her eyes. "You've taken quite an interest in this one, haven't you?"

"Yes. I am very interested in this one." Orochimaru grins. "He shows such promise."

THUD

This time it's Lee who is forced back by Alvarcus's powerful blow.

"Well, you're not wrong there." Tsunade quips. "He can hit, that's for sure. It's not easy to move Lee at all."

CRASH CRASH

Lee blurs and slams a kick into Alvarcus's head and forces him to the ground.

"Mine is faster." Tsunade brags as Alvarcus gets back up.

"Is he now?" Orochimaru retorts as Lee and Alvarcus exchange a flurry of blows that have the crowd roaring in approval. "Because mine is keeping up rather nicely. He has this terrible habit of constantly holding back, his sensei is trying to break him out of it."

"Just wait." Tsunade eagerly says while riveted to the fight.

"Gate of Opening: Release!" Lee shouts out.

"Oh that's right!" Orochimaru gleefully says. "This is the one who uses the Eight Gates."

Tsunade turn to Orochimaru. "Scared for your gennin yet? Lee only gets stronger with each Gate, and last I checked he can open five."

A kick from Lee launches Alvarcus into the air, Lee is soon to follow after him and completes a Front Lotus.

CRASH

"Is he okay?" One of the spectators say.

Lee struggles to rise and pulls himself out of the new hole in the ground.

"Where's the other one?"

"That was crazy! How do you even learn how to _do_ that?"

"Did... did he kill him?"

"Is your gennin alright?" A tinge of concern bleeds through Tsunade's tone.

"Ow." Alvarcus's voice cuts through the whispers coming from the stands.

"Of course." Orochimaru gleefully quips out. "He's taken much worse than that."

Suddenly, for some absurd reason, Lee looks skyward. Then Alvarcus explodes out of the crater and it's his turn to launch Lee into the air, performing a technique that's eerily similar to the one he was just subjected to.

"Look at his brilliance!" Orochimaru brags to the other Kages. "He has only seen that move once, yet he's already mimicking it, and dare I say it, improve it! This way he himself doesn't have to hit the ground too!"

"Yeah well he still has to come back down." Tsunade dully replies. "What kind of an idiot does that?"

"Gate of Healing: Release!" Lee flies out of his crater and stands beneath the rapidly approaching Alvarcus.

"See, the technique might have been more effective in one sense, but how he has to deal with an awaiting opponent with no way to dodge." Tsunade points out. "How irresponsible."

'He has a way to dodge, he even has a way to control his descent to an extent. His chakra strings, he can use them to maneuver himself while in the air. Except not here, not now. This should be interesting!' Orochimaru thinks to himself.

Lee's legs coil and he jumps straight up into the air.

"That's going to hurt." Tsunade dully says as the two gennin slam together, launching Alvarcus ridiculously high into the sky. He's much higher than before. "Can he live through that fall?"

 **CRASH**

"He'll be fine." Orochimaru waves off Tsunade's concern.

"You sure?" Tsunade looks at the grinning Orochimaru. "I could take a look at him if you want. Make sure he's fine."

"Green-san?" Lee pokes his head over the lip of the crater. "Are you alright?"

"No I'm not bloody alright!" Alvarcus rages at the imbecile who thought launching him high in the sky is a good idea.

"See, I told you he'd be fine." Orochimaru dismisses Tsuande's suggestion.

"Doesn't sound fine." The Kusakage interjects. He's feeling a little left out of the conversation, but these are two Sannin. It's something he will just have to allow.

Soon enough, the gennin are back at it. Then they stop for a moment and have a quick discussion about something. Lee's eyes go wide as Alvarcus flies through hand seals at an astonishing rate.

"Earth Release: Ten Thousand Fists!" Alvarcus roars as the earth itself attacks.

"You mean he's _not_ a taijutsu type?" Tsunade says in disbelief. Well, forced disbelief. She knows what he's truly capable of. Or she did, back before he left.

"No. No he is not." Orochimaru is grinning like a lunatic, or in this case himself. "He loves his ninjutsu. I'm surprised it took him this long to use it."

"Gate of Life: Release! Gate of Pain: Release! Gate of Limit: Release!" A green glow shines brightly around Lee, his skin has turned to a deep red and his eyes have lost all their color, they're completely white.

"And that's all the Gates open." Tsunade notes. "You know, you could order your gennin to surrender. It would save him a lot of pain. Maybe even his life. Lee doesn't know his own strength when he opens this many Gates, he doesn't get to practice using them often. Or at all really, it's the Gates."

"I believe in my gennin." Orochimaru watches with unsurpassed joy as Lee soundly turns Alvarcus into his personal punching bag. "He knows his limits."

Two sharp cracks echo throughout the air. There's gasps from the audience and the proctor is instantly next to the two fighting gennin.

"Alright, that does it!" Tsunade whirls on Orochimaru. "Your gennin is done."

"Be patient. He's not finished yet."

"The match is over." Eito turns to the crowd. "Green can no longer contin-"

"Like hell!" Alvarcus roars. "They're just broken arms. Give me a moment."

Two gut-wrenchingly loud snaps cut through all other noise as his arms seemingly straighten themselves out.

"Holy shit." Whispers from the crowd start up as Alvarcus experimentally moves around his 'healed' arms.

"People can _do that?_ "

"I've never seen a medical technique work so quickly, and to do it to ones self is even more difficult."

"What the hell is Otogakure teaching their gennin? Talk about impressive! If you ignore how gross that was."

Orochimaru brims with pride. Even the civilians are recognizing his child's talent!

"You sure you're good to continue?" Eito hesitantly asks. "Because you just had both arms broken. You could surren-"

"Proctor, my gennin know their limits. He has not reached his yet, continue the fight." Orochimaru calls out. He will not be deprived of this chance! Of this show! He must see his child do more! It's magnificent!

Alvarcus turns to Orochimaru and gives him a deep, sweeping bow. "Thank you for your confidence in me, Orochimaru-sama. I will not let you down."

Pride and joy surge to new levels in Orochimaru. Never before has he ever felt this elated about anything! His child wants to make him _proud!_

"You sure that's a good idea?" Tsunade asks. "Even if his arms are healed they'll be weaker than normal and prone to breaking again."

"He will be fine." Orochimaru assures her. "He's endured worse."

"My nindo? Never really thought about it before." Alvarcus lunges at Lee, intent on giving him a good punch of his own. Lee simply speeds his way out of Alvarcus's reach. "I guess it would be... to survive. My nindo is to survive."

'How accurate. Short, simple and very, very true. He is a survivor, I myself have put him through so much and he always comes out alive!' Orochimaru gleefully thinks to himself. 'I wonder what I should try next?'

"LEE NO! YOU"LL KILL HIM!" Gai's booming voice commands his gennin to stop, but it's too late.

 **CRUNCH**

Thud

Orochimaru leaps to his feet. 'Alvarcus! No! Get up! Get up!'

Both him and Tsunade rush onto the field, both to make sure that Alvarcus is okay.

"Green-san?" Lee timidly asks as Eito stands behind him with a _ballistically pissed off Gai_ right next to him.

"Does he need medical attention?" Tsunade asks in concern. "I offer my services."

"I... don't actually know." Orochimaru replies. 'I've never seen him break his neck before. He told me that he's been decapitated, surely this is less damaging than that? _Then why isn't he getting up!_ '

"That fucking _hurt!_ " Alvarcus shouts into the dirt. There's something different about his voice, it's a higher pitch and it's fairer. "Ow ow ow what the fuck man?"

"Green-san!" Lee exclaims in happiness. "You're okay!"

Alvarcus awkwardly pushes himself up. "No I'm not okay you asshole! Do you have any idea how weird it is to try and move like this?!" He turns his face the crowd.

Or is it _her_ face now?

'As amusing as this is, I don't think I like the change. There's something special about a father and son bond, something unique.' Orochimaru contemplates. 'He doesn't even look remotely like me anymore.'

"YOU!" Alvarcus angrily points at Lee, or attempts to. "Damn it I can't even reprimand you right! Come here you jerk! I swear when I get my hands on you -" A horrendous amount of insults rolls right off his tongue.

"Ignore that. When she get's emotional her verbal filter disappears." Orochimaru says as he's checking over Alvarcus, making sure that he is truly alright. "I find it rather amusing to be honest."

"That can't be healthy. How is she even _alive?_ " Tsunade quietly asks herself. Even she hasn't seen Alvarcus take this much damage, and well, it's really strange to see someone cursing up a storm with their head on backwards.

"Excellent question, and one you'll never know the answer too." Orochimaru calmly says. His child is fine, arguably a bit turned around, but still fine.

"- with a Kami damned rake!" Alvarcus's tirade of insults aimed at Lee peters out. Lee took all of it without flinching once, he just stared at Alvarcus with big wide eyes.

"That's not what you're supposed to use a rake for?" Lee shakily replies.

'Is he taken with the fair... hmm this female form should have it's own name. Perhaps... Midori?' Orochimaru thinks to himself. 'How amusing! If nothing else, this will be excellent blackmail material.'

"Oh why the fuck am I even bothering! Hold on." Alvarcus reaches up and grabs his head.

"Wait don't do that!" Tsunade calls out.

'He can't possibly be about to-'

 **CRUNCH**

"Owowow! That really fucking hurts!" Alvarcus yells as he grasps his head again.

"What is wrong with you!" Tsunade reprimands me. "Here let me-"

 **CRUNCH**

"FUCKING HELL!" Now he's on backwards again.

"Stop that! Let me help you!" Tsunade urges.

"She'll be fine. She's had worse." Orochimaru idly strolls back to the Kage gazebo. "I should know, I've done a fair number on her myself."

 **CRUNCH**

"FUCK FUCK FUCK _FUCK!_ " Alvarcus takes a few breaths to steady himself. "Okay. Okay. I'm back."

Orochimaru finally makes it back to the gazebo and elegantly sits back down in his chair. He's out of hearing range, but it looks like Alvarcus and Lee are arguing about something. Or rather Alvarcus is viciously shouting at the Leaf gennin.

Then Alvarcus throws his hands up in the air in accepted resignation and storms back over to Sasuke. He sits down in a huff.

"Are all of your gennin like that?" The Kusakage asks in shock.

"Oh heavens no!" Orochimaru exclaims. "She's one of a kind."

The Kusakage visibly relaxes, there is hope for his gennin to advance after all.

Then a very peculiar sound fills up the still strangely quiet air, the sound of _hysterical laughter._ Who ever is laughing right now will never laugh this heartily again.

Orochimaru's gaze turns onto the source of the ridiculously happy sound.

It is Sasuke who is laughing.

"Well that's unexpected."

* * *

Author's Note: Shout out to AoiKishi for the name of his female form, Midori. I didn't plan on naming it, but once I read that comment I just had to use it. It was a wonderful idea.


	43. Chapter 43

"We will be taking a short interlude to fix the field." Eito yells out to the crowd. "They... kinda broke it."

He's not wrong, there's craters and after effects from my usage of earth jutsu and a lot of suspiciously body sized indents around the field. Most of them are from me.

Okay fine, they're all from me.

"So what kind of food do you like?" Hiro asks me with renewed interest.

Must not kill contestants. Must not kill contestants. Must not kill contestants.

"Pfft, kid that's not how you win a maiden's heart. You have to figure out what they like, then offer that to them." Noboru cuts in. "So, what _do_ you like? Besides getting the beating of a lifetime."

Underneath my mask my left eyebrow is furiously twitching.

"Books." Sasuke idly says from my side. "She likes books."

My head snaps to him, he's getting a sick sense of satisfaction out of this.

"Books huh?" Noboru rubs his chin in contemplation. He turns to Hiro. "Ask her what kind of books."

"So Leader-sama," Hiro attempts to sound smooth and cool, "what kind of books do you enjoy reading?"

 _Must not kill contestants. Must not kill contestants. Must not kill contestants._

I can feel Sasuke grin under his mask. "The ones I've seen her read the most is Ich-"

My arm darts out and punches Sasuke right in the shoulder and pushing him off his chair. He wasn't ready for that blow at all. Plus I may have used just a little bit more force than necessary.

"Worth it." He says from his spot on the ground.

"Yeah well now this is happening." I storm out of my chair and stomp my way over to the wide eyed Konoha gennin.

Either they're still shocked that I can move -since most of them here know exactly how hard Lee can hit- or they're shocked that I'm a 'girl.'

I'm about to do something petty. Very petty.

"You!" I point at Hinata. "Hyuuga! Remember the blonde that you went to check on? You know, when you freaked out on me with the 'did you hurt whats-her-name and insert-dude's-name-here?"

"... You mean Ino?" She hesitantly replies. There's a tinge of worry in her eyes, she's scared of what I might do next.

"That's her name? Cool." I haphazardly gesture over my shoulder at Sasuke, who is fortunately back in his seat, before continuing. "See Red over there?"

She slowly nods her head.

"He thinks she's pretty." A not so subtle feeling of my doom starts wafting off of Sasuke. "Is she here? And can you introduce them?"

"Why on earth would I do that?" Hinata fumes in anger. "What could possibly make me even _consider_ doing something so utterly deplorable?"

"Hm." I strike a thinking pose. "I could take it easy on the next Konoha shinobi I fight? If I fight another Konoha shinobi. I mean come on! Did you not see that out there?"

Her eyes dart to Kiba and Shino. Including Hinata herself they're the only ones left in the tournament from Konoha.

"NOPE! Not touching this! You couldn't pay me to touch this!" Kiba instantly shouts. "I'll take the beating. I'll take that over a pissed off Ino any day!"

"I too will refrain from answering." Shino stoically adds. "It would not end well."

"But what if it turns out she _likes_ him?" I bait her. Please just do it. I need revenge, I need something!

"Green-chan!" Kami damn it now Lee's back! This is great, just great! "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

He falls to his knees and bows deeply to me.

"I didn't mean to cause you such pain!" He's literally groveling at my feet. "I promise to make it up to you! Please forgive me!"

Tenten snorts. "Green, meet Lee. Lee, meet Green." Then she sends me a sly wink. "Just between you and me, I think he likes you."

"WHAT?!" Lee springs to his feet with a beet red face. "Tenten no! I-I-I mean it's not that I don't like you or anything! But it's just-"

"What?" Tenten interjects again. "Is she not pretty enough for you?"

"OF COURSE SHE'S PRETTY! LOOK AT HER!" Lee shouts, drawing the attention of literally everyone in the gazebo and half of the stands as he sweeps an arm at me as if I'm a world renown piece of artwork. "She's like a blooming green orchid, simply breathtaking!"

There's a beat of my five hearts where nothing happens.

His hands fly to his mouth and cover it as his face soars to a new shade of red.

"Psst!" Tenten is grinning like a predator that just sunk it's claws into it's next meal. "Lee! Ask her to go get food or something!"

Lee nervously scoots closer to me. I'm frozen in shock. Is this really happening again?

"Green-chan?" He timidly says, his face is tilted towards the ground but his eyes are darting up to look at my covered face. He's idly poking at the ground with one of his feet and his hands are clasped together behind him. "Would... would you like to get something to eat later?"

"Hahaha! Ahaha! HAHAHAHA!" Sasuke's boisterous laughter fills up the abrupt silence. " **HAHAHAHA-** ow!"

I threw a spool of ninja wire at his face to get him to shut up. "What do you know, guess bringing that was a good idea."

"Not so fun when your own idea is used against you, is it?" Tenten grins evilly. "Have fun dealing with Lee. He's very enthusiastic about certain things, and I think you just made it to the top of that list."

"... Well played." I promptly turn on my heel and head back to Sasuke and the others.

"Green-chan!" Lee calls after me. "You never answered me!"

"Leader-chan! He got to use chan so that means I can too right?" Hiro eagerly asks as I get closer.

"Right, not going back there." I turn on my heel again.

I look towards the Sand Siblings, more specifically Temari.

"No hard feelings?" I hold my arms out as if I'm going in for a hug even though I'm meters away from her.

She draws a kunai and starts twirling it on her index finger with an Orochimaru-like smile. "Of course sweetie, you're more than welcome to join us."

"Oh _hell_ no!" I sprint back to Sasuke, Hiro and Noboru.

"Leader-chan! You came back for me!" Hiro gleefully says the moment I sit down.

"Okay let's clear this up right now." I pin each individual here with a stern glare. "I'm not here because I want to be, I'm here because you all annoy me the least."

"The next fight will be between Hiro of Takigakure!" Eito's loud voice halts all other conversation.

Oh thank Kami, I'll be spared of his presence for a while.

He quickly rushes onto the field. "Be sure to watch me Leader-chan! I'll win this for you!"

Sasuke and Noboru both snicker.

"I will _end_ you both." Pure malice is dripping off my words.

Noboru's eyes widen and he pales slightly, almost as if the idea that we might end up fighting each other never occurred to him.

"Whatever you say Ice Queen." Sasuke isn't daunted by my threat.

I narrow my eyes at him. Revenge will be sweet, but it'll have to wait.

"Oh, and remember that favor you owe me? For keeping your sleeping habits quiet?" He cockily says.

" _Yes._ " I force out.

"I'm cashing in on it. You can't seek revenge for any actions I do today." That arrogant bastard. "Oh and today means until the sun rises again. I'll have all through the night to tease you relentlessly."

"... _Agreed._ " There goes all my fun.

"And his opponent will be Shino Aburame of Konohagakure!" Eito calls out again.

"Go get 'em Shino!" Kiba gives his teammate a slap on the back.

"I believe in you!" Hinata adds on top.

Shino accepts it with grace, but no words, and confidently walks onto the field.

"So, hoping your beloved Hiro-kun is going to win?" Sasuke says to me.

This is worse than torture. This is so much worse. "No. The opposite really, I want the Aburame to win."

Out of the corner of my eye I see a few surprised looks on the faces of the rest of the Konoha gennin.

"Maybe then he'll leave me alone. He could be too embarrassed to show his face. I thought these Exams wouldn't be stressful."

"Not like we haven't dealt with worse." Sasuke responds, no doubt alluding to our first Exams, then falls silent.

It's time to watch the fight, we can chat later.

* * *

Hiro vs Shino

"Now correct me if I'm wrong, but you're a part of a clan right?" Hiro asks Shino as he goes through various warm up stretches.

"Yes." Shino replies while analyzing his opponent, this is a fantastic opportunity for Shino. Observing what Hiro decides to stretch out the most, be it his legs or his arms, will depict his fighting style.

"The Aburame clan to be more specific." Hiro bends over to touch his toes.

"Correct. That is my clan." Shino curtly responds. He might not talk much, but no one can say he was rude. After all he took the time to reply to these ridiculous questions that were literally answered when the proctor called his name.

"The clan that uses bugs." Hiro rises up from his stretch.

"Beetles." Shino says with emotion for the first time. There's a hint of warning in his tone, no one insults his beetles. "Kikaichu Beetles to be exact."

"Perfect!" An evil grin forms it's way onto the only shinobi from Taki here.

Shino's hands clench slightly, and if I could hazard a guess I'd wager that his eyes are narrowing too.

"Now that you've both gotten the pre-battle banter out of the way, can we start?" Eito gruffly says. "I don't likestanding here like an idiot."

"I am ready." Shino is quick to respond, I can tell that he wants to teach Hiro a lesson in how dangerous insects can be.

"Let's go!" Hiro smacks his fist into his palm. "The quicker this fight is over, the quicker I can go back to Leader-chan!"

Sasuke snickers off to my side, but I ignore him. This fight is important to me because I will face the winner in the next round. It'll either be Hiro or Shino, this is the only chance I'll have left to prepare and get a plan of attack together.

"Begin!" Eito disappears in a swirl of grass clippings and reappears in his chair. That man is addicted to being lazy, I bet Kakashi and him would get along amazingly well.

"How are you feeling, Hiro-san?" Shino asks as he slowly takes a few steps backwards to put extra distance between them.

"I'm great!" Hiro grins happily. "Simply wonderful!"

"... And your chakra levels?" Shino pointedly asks. "How are those doing?"

"Huh?" Hiro scrunches up his face for half a second. "Oh you sneaky bastard! That's playing dirty!"

"We are shinobi, there is no 'playing dirty.'" Shino slightly raises his arms, they look like an upside down V, and a think black smoke bellows out of his sleeves.

Except it's not smoke, it's his hive. He's already got some beetles on Hiro to show him what they're capable of. Now he's going to try to end the fight by catching him with his swarm.

This is a good match up for Shino, from my information gathering I know that Hiro can use earth and wind jutsu, he did tell me himself. Neither earth or wind jutsu are going to be that effective against the swarm. Sure wind will disperse the cloud of insects, but it _probably_ won't kill them. Sure it's feasible to make and earth wall then tip it over onto the swarm, but that's impractical. Just because it might work doesn't mean it will work and Shino has had a lifetime to work with his Hive. Something as simple as those ideas aren't going to work here.

"Oh no!" Hiro blatantly fakes being scared, he's mock cowering while hiding his face behind his arms. "How ever will I go on? There's _bugs_ everywhere!"

Shino twitches minutely, if I wasn't expecting him to react badly and looked specifically for that kind of a reaction I would have missed it.

What's Hiro's plan? What does he gain from taunting Shino like this? All that's going to happen is Shino will attack. Hiro doesn't even have a defense up.

More insects flow out of Shino and join the rapidly growing cloud. There's so many beetles that the buzzing of their wings is becoming audible.

Shino raises up his right arm fully and points at the still fear faking Hiro. "Drain him dry."

The entire swarm comes to life, no longer are they idly standing by near Shino, they're doing as ordered to. They're attacking.

"Oh dear! Whatever shall I do now?" Hiro flamboyantly says. Then a his faces twists into something sinister. "Perhaps this?"

His hands blur as he moves through hand seals at a rapid rate. He takes a deep breath, then shouts "Fire Release: Fire Wave!"

True to it's namesake, a literal wave of pure fire pours out of Hiro's mouth and completely engulfs Shino's swarm. He taunted Shino to get an overwhelming number of insects set at him so that he could capitalize on the only time he could surprise Shino.

* * *

"What?!" I shout. He shouldn't be able to use fire techniques! He told me himself! Wind and earth! Ikki even commented how weird it was for someone to have both! Hell I saw him use earth, I know he has that one. Did he lie or does he have all three? _How_ could he have all three?

 _~Host, he has all three now. Back when you two first met he did not lie, he only had earth and wind.~_

So he does have all three then. How is it possible for someone to train up an element in such little time? Hell how is it possible he has all three? That's the bigger worry. If Taki discovered a way to unlock multiple affinities easily then their standing in the shinobi hierarchy just skyrocketed. I don't remember that ever happening in cannon and there's no way in hell my presence changed what goes on in Taki of all places. The plot is super fucked up if that's the case. It could change everything.

Wait. Just hold on a second, Hiro is from _Taki._ I already know of something from Taki that grants multiple affinities, one could say that I'm intimately familiar with it. But they shouldn't have it. Kakuzu took it and Taki has never been able to re-create it since. Or have they? Could it be that they've never been able to find a host without knowing Kakuzu's bonding process? Could it be that Hiro got lucky, like I did?

Does he have the Jiongu?

 _~It's possible, no matter how improbable. It would also explain why he feels familiar to me and his strange fixation on you. Could it be that he feels the same familiarity and is misinterpreting it?~_

"Fuck me." The words escape my lips. Whoops, probably shouldn't have let that slip.

"What's going on?" Sasuke asks. "Something wrong?"

"Sort of." Should I tell Sasuke? Can I reveal it to him with everyone present? Well, he's not the one that might be fighting Hiro, I am. He technically doesn't need to know. "If Hiro wins my next fight got a lot more interesting."

"Should I be concerned?"

"Nah. Now back to the fight."

* * *

"So bug boy," Hiro idly dusts his hands off. "now what's your plan? How many bugs you got left after that? And how many more are you willing to sacrifice?"

Shino's hand twitches. Hiro pushed one of the most sensitive buttons Shino has, he is belittling his beetles. "I still have enough. Burrow."

"Burrow?" Hiro tentatively looks at the ground. "You have some beneath me- OW!"

Hiro smacks a hand onto his thigh, as if he swatted a pesky mosquito.

"OW!" This time he smacks his chest. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! DUDE! Bug bites aren't going to win you the fight! They're just annoying!"

"They aren't biting you." Shino helpfully informs his prey. "They're doing what I commanded, burrowing. They're going into your body and finding your weak points. Your most vulnerable targets, most major organs, nerve clusters, large veins and arteries, even places on you spinal cord. Once they're in position, a simple command from me will have them slowly start biting it. At first it will only feel like a needle prick, then the pain will grow. Eventually you will bleed out and become paralyzed and then you will die."

Hiro quits swatting at random places on his body to look Shino dead in the eyes. "Dude. That's gross. How do they even know where to go?"

"They live inside me, they have first hand knowledge of the inter-workings of the human body." Shino calmly explains. "Now, will you surrender? Or will you force my hand? If you surrender, I will withdraw all of my beetles without damaging you further."

"Hmm... tempting offer." Hiro idly taps his chin in thought, then something happens to him. Tendrils of _something_ shift under his skin, it looks eerily like his veins bulged and came alive for a few seconds.

Most everyone missed it, I didn't. Judging by the gasps from Hinata and the sharp inhale from Neji, they didn't miss it either.

"Interesting." Neither did Orochimaru.

"What was that?" Shino asks. "You did something."

"Yep! I killed all of your bugs that were inside me." He shivers. "Oh gross does that mean there's squashed bug guts in me now?"

"... So it would seem." Shino turns to the proctor. "Eito-san, I surrender. I am not equipped to fight against him. Any more combat would further harm my hive and I lack the tools I need to defeat him."

"Winner by forfeit, Hiro of Takigakure!" Eito bellows out. "Talk about an underwhelming fight. At least the last one was flashy."

He's not wrong. Lee and my fight was very aesthetically pleasing, we were flashy and loud and very showy. Hiro and Shino's fight was how most shinobi battles will happen, quietly, decisively and as quickly as possible. Prolonged combat is a bad idea for shinobi, the longer your opponent is alive the more time they have to come up with a plan to defeat or even kill you.

Unless, of course, the power gap between opponents is ridiculous. Take my run in with Kisame for example, he toyed with me. He could have ended that fight quickly, but he didn't have to. He knew that even if I had weeks, months to prepare he'd still win. So he figured why rush?

"Leader-chan!" Hiro sweetly calls out as he cheerfully trots back to our table. "Did you see that? Was it cool or what!"

"Oh she's practically smitten with you!" Sasuke answers before I could. "She was so worried for you the entire time!"

"He's lying." I growl out. "I couldn't care less."

A pleased smile forms on Hiro's face. "Leader-chan, you don't have to hide your feelings!"

"NO!" Lee suddenly shouts out. "She is supposed to be my beautiful budding orchid!"

"Yeah you tell him Lee!" Tenten eggs him on.

"She's clearly taken by me." Hiro does a quick once over on Lee. "Clearly I'm the superior specimen."

"Will both of you _please just SHUT UP!_ " I shout out, drowning out all other conversation. "Hiro!" I whirl on him. "I don't like you. Get it through your thick skull, it's not changing. EVER. Lee!" I whirl on him. "I don't like you either! I'm not your damn tulip or whatever the hell you call me! _Now leave me the fuck alone!_ "

I turn my anger on Sasuke now, "And **YOU!** " I viciously jab him in the chest. "I don't care if I can't take revenge on you, I will not stand idly by as you try to mess with me!" I lower my voice to deathly quiet levels so only he can hear me. "Or did you forget what we learned about Tayuya? You sure you want to fuck with me about relationships right now? Cuz that's a really bad move."

Sasuke recoils from me. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't think. It's just, you always handle things like that well, you bounce back so quickly. I didn't think that this one would be getting to you."

"Yeah well it is." I hiss out. "You should have known better."

"Ahem."

" _ **WHAT?**_ " I turn and rage at the idiot interrupting my conversation.

"We need the next contestants to come to the field." Eito calmly says to me, as if he's trying to talk down a stampeding wild animal. He's a tiny bit nervous. "Your little... whatever the hell that was, distracted them and they didn't hear their names called."

I plop down with an angry huff. "Not sorry. That shit needed to be cleared up."

Eito quirks an eyebrow at me before turning to the rest of the gathered gennin. "Would Kiba Inuzuka of Konohagakure and Yuri Kazumi of Kusagakure please come with me?"

Both contestants rise up and make their way to the field.

No one dares to talk to me. Good.

* * *

Kiba vs Yuri

"So, you're a Kusa shinobi." Kiba says as he pets Akamaru lovingly on the head. "Hope you don't mind if I beat you in front of your village."

Yuri shrugs. "Don't worry about it." Yuri is the tallest gennin here by a considerable margin. He has a shockingly bright mop of orange hair and vivid blue eyes. But there's something off about him, and it's a glaring detail. He's wearing fancy civilian clothes, almost approaching formal wear with how nice they look, and there's not so much as a senbon on his person. Either he's _extremely_ confident in his own abilities or he's one of the most stupid people on the planet.

"Really?" A shocked Kiba asks.

"Yeah, you won't. I'm going to put you in the ground. I can't believe I'm going against a kid. This will be a piece of cake." Yuri confidently says.

"Dude you're a kid yourself!" Kiba points accusingly at the taller nin. "You've got to be like seventeen!"

Yuri grits his teeth together. "I am twenty two."

Silence.

"...You sure?" Kiba asks in confusion as Akamaru let's out a questioning yip.

" _Yes you moron!_ " Yuri rages.

"And you're still a gennin? You must really suck."

"Proctor!" Yuri shouts while sliding into a rugged looking taijutsu stance. "Start the match!"

"Yeah let's get this over with!" Kiba glides into his Inuzuka style taijutsu stance.

With grand sigh, Eito calls out "Begin!"

"Fang Over Fang!" Kiba instantly leaps into the air and rotates at crazy speeds. He's opening with the big guns, he must feel like he has something to prove after I beat him during the last Exams. "Here I come!"

Yuri slowly moves through hand signs, with the lack of speed that he's moving at it's a wonder he made it this far into the Exams, and then slams his hand onto the ground. "Earth Release: Wall!"

A fragile wall of earth painfully slowly rises up between Yuri and Kiba. "Ha! You can't get through my defense!"

Kiba drills right through it without losing any velocity. That wall could have been made of paper for all intents an purposes.

"URK!" Kiba nailed Yuri right in the gut, and the latter of the two goes flying across the field. He bounces off the ground a few times -ruining his tailored clothes- then smacks into the same tree that I did. Except he didn't leave behind a body sized indentation in the bark.

"Uh... Yuri?" Kiba calls out once he stops spinning. "You okay?"

A pitiful whine is the only response, Yuri is incapable of forming words.

"Yuri is no longer able to continue." Eito irritably says. I feel like he's done this before. "Winner: Kiba Inuzuka! What a disappointment."

Kiba walks back to the rest of the gennin while looking like he just ate something sour.

"Well done Kiba!" Hinata applauds her teammate. "You've made it to the next round!"

"Yeah... that didn't even feel like a fight." Kiba dejectedly says. "I mean come on! I wanted a challenge! It was literally one hit!"

"Yes, but now your next opponent knows much less about you. That's an advantage." Shino points out.

"But still!" Kiba whines. "Dude shouldn't have even been here. How did he make it this far?"

"Because I carried him. He's my older brother, it's the least I could do. Leiko Kazumi at your service." The unnamed Kusa kunoichi says from across the gazebo, she appears to be seventeen. She has midnight black hair, easily rivaling mine for how black it is. Her eyes are a muted blue and have a heavy weight on them, probably from looking out for her brother. And unlike her brother, she's armed to the teeth. Kunai, senbon, shuriken, a short sword, even scrolls strapped to her belt. Who knows what else she has hidden away.

"Isn't that usually the other way around?" Tenten asks her. "Don't the big brothers look out for their little sisters?"

"Usually yes, but mine's an idiot." Leiko nicely sums up. "This is the last freebie he's getting from me though, I plan on winning whole thing. I got him here five times. _Five times._ The idiot still didn't pass."

"Do you think you can win the entire tournament?" Lee asks. "Green-chan was quite the opponent and her healing abilities are nothing to dismiss!"

Leiko shrugs and spares me a quick glance. "Medic nin aren't that rare, sure she might be able to heal wounds quickly and with more severity than most but that alone won't win her the fight. It only helped with Lee because he is a taijutsu type and had no other way to end the fight. Her skills are simple, somehow using her knowledge of the body she's capable of increasing her strength. She did display clever use of earth jutsu -like how she used it to push herself out of the path of his punch- and must have more chakra than normal if that 'Ten Thousand Fists' is anything to judge by, but in the end she didn't do anything I couldn't handle. She simply outlasted him. I have a plan if I face her, but that's only if we both make it to the finals. Who knows, maybe Hiro over there could knock her out of the running."

That's a very interesting take on my skills. Should I tell her I'm not a medic nin just to mess with her? Nah, but I will say something. "Or maybe you will lose your fights."

Leiko snorts, "Yeah that ain't happening. No one here has the skills to beat me." She eyes Gaara suspiciously. "Except maybe the jinchuriki."

"You are well informed." Gaara drones out. "Perhaps we will do battle together, there are only three matches left in the first round."

"Perhaps." Leiko agrees.

"The next fight will be between Red of Otogakure!" Eito shouts outs, bringing the conversation to a halt. "And his opponent will be Sachihiro of Kirigakure!"

Sasuke rises up in indifference and walks onto the field while oozing confidence.

"Guess it's my time to shine." Sachihiro get up and I truly take in his appearance for the first time. He's on the younger side, probably around 14 or 15. He has almost neon blue hair that falls down to his shoulders and frames his face like curtains. He's ridiculously muscled, like body builder muscled. There's no way that's healthy for a young teenager. He's wearing a dark blue vest and generic black shinobi quality pants. He has on a leather belt, and strapped to it is a single innocent looking scroll.

"Kick his ass Sachihiro." Leiko encourages him from her chair.

"That _is_ the plan, but if he's anything like Green over there this will be one hell of a fight." Sachihiro strolls onto the field.

* * *

Sasuke vs Sachihiro

"So," Sachihiro opens up to Sasuke while pointedly looking at his sheathed chokuto on his hip, "you fancy yourself a master swordsman?"

Sasuke grips the handle of his blade. "I am by no means a master. Yet."

Sachihiro grins, displaying a mouthful of pointed teeth. "I'll be the judge of that."

"With what sword?" Sasuke taunts. "Did you leave it at home?"

"Nah," Sachihiro grabs his scroll and unfurls it. It's a storage seal. "I've got it in here."

With a quiet poof and a lot of smoke he unseals his blade.

It's a giant meat cleaver. The blade is almost as long as Sachihiro and the handle is huge, it has to be so that the wielder can swing it around correctly. It's polished brightly, almost like mirror, and has a half meter long red ribbon tied onto the end of the handle. It's no wonder he carries it around in a seal, that thing must weigh a ton.

"Say hello to Kappukeki." Sachihiro heaves up the massive sword and rests it on his shoulder. "Still think your toothpick can stand up to it?"

"You named your sword cupcake?" Sasuke monotonously asks. "Not cleaver? Or chopper? Or chomper? Or decapitator? Or literally anything except cupcake?"

"Hey! Me and Kappukeki go way back! She's seen me through thick and thin!"

"Ahem." Eito clears his throat. "May I start the fight now, or are you two still arguing about who has the better sword?" That sounds so wrong, so very very wrong.

"Ready." Sasuke draws his own blade and holds it out before him vertically.

"Let's do this!" Sachihiro grips the hilt of Kappukeki with both hands eagerly.

"Begin!" Eito disappears in a swirl of grass to get away from the swordsmen.

Instantly Sasuke tilts his sword minutely, just enough so that the sunlight bounces off his blade and hits Sachihiro directly in the eyes.

"So you want to play that game!" Sachihiro blinks furiously as he listens intently for the sound of feet crushing grass. He's a shinobi, he doesn't have to see to do battle. Plus when you're a brute like him, all it takes is one good hit to take an opponent down.

The sound of footsteps comes from off to his left.

Sachihiro heaves his cleaver off his shoulder and swings it in a wide arc parallel to the ground. He doesn't hit Sasuke, all his blade felt was air.

"Damn." He says to himself as he finally regains his vision. "There you are you pesky runt!" Sasuke is standing straight in front of him with his chokuto at the ready. "My turn!" Sachihiro tilts Kappukeki and using the much larger and much more reflective surface area of angles the sunlight into Sasuke's eyes.

Out of pure reflex, Sasuke raises up is left arm in a failed attempt to block out the sunlight.

Sachihiro grins deviously and leaps at Sasuke, closing the distance between the two. He firmly plants both his feet and swings Kappukeki downward, intent on cleaving Sasuke in two.

SHINK

"OH FUCK!" Sachihiro shouts out. "Shit shit shit I thought he would dodge!"

Sasuke's body is still standing, there's a fatal red line straight down the center of his body. He's been chopped in half.

Then the body does something it shouldn't be able to do, it _laughs._

"Well done Sachihiro! I applaud your skills!" The cleaved Sasuke says. "You've bested me. But I'm not the real one."

Sasuke bursts into hundreds black snakes that scatter into the grass.

"Sachihiro." A voice calls out from behind him. "You've left yourself open."

Sasuke is standing behind him with his chokuto ready to stab right through his heart. He lunges.

CLANG

"You'll have to be faster than that!" Sachihiro got Kappukeki in-between himself and the Oto shinobi in time to block the stab.

"I am." Sasuke's voice whispers into Sacihiro's left ear as he lightly cuts his left cheek vertically. The Sasuke that attempted to stab Sachihiro bursts into snakes.

Sachihiro whirls around but is facing an open field. "Alright punk, you're fast. I'll give you that." He touches the fresh cut on his cheek. His fingers come away red. "Ow, that stings a little."

"What good does that massive blade do you?" Sasuke's voice seems to come from everywhere. "It seems like more of a hindrance than a sword to me. Surely it must be hard to use?"

Sachihiro lunges at one of the few trees in the field, he's thinking that his opponent has to be hiding behind one of them. There's no other place to hide!

With a mighty swing, he cleaves the tree in two.

"TIMBER!" Sachihiro shouts as the tree topples. "I've always wanted to say that."

The impact of the tree on the ground shakes the field.

"Good guess." Sasuke whispers into his ear again and adds a cut on his left cheek to join the first.

Sachihiro doesn't bother to turn around this time, he throws back an elbow to attempt to at least get a hit in. All that his blow hits is air.

"You're really starting to piss me off." Sachihiro calls to the empty field. "Come out and fight me like a man!"

"Why would I do something as unintelligent as that?" Sasuke's voice echoes through the field. "We are shinobi, we don't fight fair."

"Then you won't mind if I do this!" Sachihiro swings his massive cleaver parallel with the ground again, but this time something is different. He's channeling chakra through his blade. "Wind Sword Style: Air Cutter!"

A blade of pure wind launches off Kappukeki and is heading straight for another tree. It cuts right through it, like a hot knife through butter.

"Haha!" Sachihiro is starting to get winded, even for someone with his build it isn't easy to wield a sword of this size. It takes years, decades to be able to wield one properly. "Did that one get you?"

"No." A third cut joins the other two on Sachihiro's face. "You've missed again."

Sachihiro doesn't bother with trying to identify if Sasuke is actually behind him, instead he blindly swings his cleaver around hoping that Sasuke is still in range.

All he hits is air. _Again._

"Alright -huff- punk. You're pissing me off with -wheeze- all this hide seek bullshit."

"I'm not hiding." A fourth cut is carved into Sachihiro's face. "You simply can't keep up with my speed."

"You know what! Fine! I can't keep up with your speed!" Sachihiro shouts out, then he let's Kappukeki's tip rest on the ground. He's holding the blade straight out behind him with an insane gleam in his eyes. "But you can't dodge this! Wind Sword Style: Full Tilt!"

He swings Kappukeki around in a complete circle while constantly pouring his wind chakra into the blade. A ring of deadly sharp wind rips off the blade, cutting through the remaining trees in the field. Sachihiro doesn't stop with one rotation, he keeps going. Twice. Three times. Five. He stops after ten full revolutions and falls to a knee in dizziness and exhaustion.

"Got ya." He says between large gulps of air. "Bet ya -wheeze- didn't dodge that."

A fifth cut diagonally crosses over all of the others on Sachihiro's cheek, making the cuts look like a tally count. "I did."

"Oh come on!" Sachihiro pushes himself up while using Kappukeki as a crutch, even if he's muscular as hell he still has his limits and he's dangerously close to reaching them. "Will you quit it with the face already! How am I supposed to woo the ladies back home with a fucked up face?"

Sachihiro freezes, he locks up all of his muscles and won't move an inch.

"I will grant that request." Sasuke says from behind him while holding the cold unforgiving steel of his chokuto against Sachihiro's throat. "Surrender, you have been bested."

"Why should-"

Sasuke applies pressure with his blade and one brilliant drop of crimson rolls down Sachihiro's neck.

"Point made." Sachihiro gives in. "Proctor, I surrender."

"Winner by forfeit: Red of Otogakure!" Eito calls out. "That was the most underwhelming fight I've ever seen."

"What?" Sachihiro shouts out. He gave it his all!

His vision cracks like a pane of glass, everything contorts at weird angles before shattering into millions of pieces. He's not standing where he should be, he's still in the same spot he was when Eito said begin. It's like he didn't move at all. Even the battlefield is different, there's no felled trees, there's no rents and gouges from his various sword swings. It looks like their battle never happened.

"What the hell?" Sachihiro is completely baffled. His hand darts up to his face and feels smooth skin. "The cuts are gone. Even my chakra magically returned, I'm not even winded anymore!"

Sasuke turns and starts walking back to the gazebo with the rest of the contestants.

"Red!" Sachihiro shouts after him. "What the hell did you do to me!"

Sasuke doesn't reply, he keeps walking. He elegantly sits down next to me and turns his head my direction. I can feel the smirk on his face.

"I always knew you'd be scary good with genjutsu." I warily say to him. "So, what did you show him? No one but you and him knows what he saw."

I feel Sasuke's grin grow wider. "I showed him exactly what would have happened if we fought."

"You destroyed him." I blandly say back to him.

"Utterly and completely."

I'm _really_ glad genjutsu doesn't work on me.


	44. Chapter 44

"That was hands down the most lame fight I have ever seen." Noboru casually says to Sasuke. "Couldn't you have done something showy? I mean come on! All you did was reflect the sun into his eyes to catch him in your genjutsu! How do you expect to get a promotion like that?"

"Because my Kage was watching me." Sasuke eloquently sums up. Orochimaru may have been interested by Sasuke's fight, but he was captivated by mine. "He knows the true value of a genjutsu and I used one so convincing that my opponent surrendered."

"So your saying that the genjutsu you used was impressive?" Hiro asks. He's being a bit more timid after I chewed him and everyone else here out. "It didn't look impressive."

"It was." I insert myself into the conversation. "To be able to convince a target that they're doing actions while they're not is very difficult. Not only that, but every person reacts to things differently. For instance, how someone perceives pain."

Hiro and Noboru at looking at me with blank stares. Even the other gennin around us are intently listening in.

"Here's an example: When Lee broke my arms." I start to explain since these idiots didn't understand what I meant. "Usually that would be excruciating pain, pain so strong that you'd be floored while wailing for your mommy. But to me? That was nothing. The difficulty in genjutsu is accurately fooling the senses. If I didn't know I was caught in a genjutsu and my arm broke but it felt like it was the worst pain in the world I'd know something was up. I'd know I was in a genjutsu simply because that's not what a broken arm should feel like to me."

"That's a... morbid example." Noboru carefully says. I think he doesn't want to get on my bad side. "Couldn't you have done a sight example instead? Like the color blue was off or something?"

I offer up a shrug. "I'm intimately familiar with pain. It's a major part of my training."

"I bet that's why she's so good at healing herself." Leiko tauntingly says. "What? Are you not good enough to dodge your sensei in training?"

"No." I growl out. She's pissing me off, why would she try to belittle me? We're talking about Sasuke of all things! I was explaining how awesome his genjutsu skills are! How did this become about me? "No I am not."

"And neither is anyone here." Sasuke menacingly adds. "Not even Lee at his peak with all the Gates open. Now stop insulting my teammate."

"Whatever." Leiko turns her back to us.

Is... is she _jealous_ of me? Could it be that she thought she was the biggest baddest girl here but my fight is making her feel unsure of that?

"Our next fight will be between Gaara of Sunakagure!" Eito's booming voice interrupts my train of thought.

Gaara rises up and starts walking to the field.

"Win one for Suna, will ya?" Kankuro chipperly says.

"Win the whole thing for Suna is more like it." Temari adds before shooting me a worrisome smirk. "Make sure to put Green in her place. Do it for your big sister."

Well that's not concerning at all.

"And his opponent will be..." Eito's voice drowns out all other. Please be Leiko, please be Leiko! I want her out of this already! "Noboru of Iwagakure!"

" _Aw shit!_ " Noboru hisses out. "I don't want to fight this guy!"

"Just avoid his sand and you'll be fine." Sasuke irritable demands. He makes it sound so simple, just avoiding the sand won't win him the fight. "Now get out there already."

I'm pretty sure Noboru is screwed. Hell I don't even know if I can beat Gaara while I'm handicapped. Pfft who am I kidding, I might not even be able to beat him if I could use everything. There's still a long list of people I can't defeat, but it's rapidly shrinking with each passing day.

Noboru heads out to the field, he's a little paler that usual and his hands have a nervous twitch going on.

At the very least this fight will be quick.

* * *

Gaara vs Noboru

Gaara is standing with a look of utter boredom on his face. He would rather be anywhere else, he knows that these Exams are just a formality for him to go through to get a promotion.

Noboru, on the other hand, looks scared out of his mind. It's obvious he's heard stories about Suna's bloodthirsty jinchuriki and I'd even wager that he saw Gaara in action during the first two parts of the Exams.

"Fighters ready?" Eito lazily asks.

"Yes." Gaara drones out.

"Y-yes." Noboru stutters.

"Begin!" Eito leaves in a swirl of grass.

Noboru wastes no time in putting a lot of space between himself and Gaara. "Okay. Okay I can do this. It's just a gennin. I can do this."

Gaara slowly reaches up and uncorks his gourd. Sand billows out and swirls around him. Then he sends a literal wave of it towards Noboru.

There's no hope for him to dodge.

"I really hope this works!" Noboru yells out as he unfurls one of the scrolls on his belt. He holds it out in front of himself to intercept the sand that's flying at him. "SEAL!" He roars.

A large amount of smoke fills the area around Noboru. What could he have possibly unsealed that's that big? A giant wall of metal or some other kind of a defense? A shield maybe?

"Interesting." Gaara monotonously says.

Once the smoke clears we see a peculiar sight. Noboru has his arms fully extended still holding the seal that he whipped out. His eyes are scrunched closed as if he was expecting to be hit with Gaara's attack regardless of his defense. Speaking of the sand, a rather large portion of it is missing. Almost the entire wave that Gaara sent at him is gone.

Noboru cracks open one eye to take in his surroundings. "Holy shit that worked?!"

He sealed away Gaara's sand in a storage scroll. That's actually a brilliant idea, it's way better than just getting his sand wet to slow it down. If the sand is sealed away how can he attack? There's just one small problem with Noboru's plan.

A deep, low, grinding noise rises up from beneath the field, it's out of the normal hearing range but with my enhanced hearing I can pick up the low tones of stones and earth being ground down. Gaara is making more sand to replace what he lost.

Gaara stares blankly at the surprised Noboru. "This is your one and only chance to surrender."

Noboru laughs. "Why would I do that! I just got rid of your biggest advantage! That was almost all of the sand you had! Now all I have to do is knock you out or get you to surrender!"

Big mistake. Very big mistake.

Noboru charges at Gaara, holding a seal in each hand. I'm going out on a limb and guessing that they're chakra suppression seals. His plan is to block Gaara's access to chakra. It's not a bad idea, but it's not going to work.

"Sand Binding Coffin." Gaara blandly raises his open hand up as sand explodes out of the ground beneath Noboru and instantly encases him completely.

" **PROCTOR I SURRENDER!** " Noboru instantly shouts with wide terrified eyes. He knows _exactly_ what could happen next. " **GET ME OUT OF HERE!** "

"Winner by forfeit, Gaara of Sunagakure." Eito shoots Gaara a scathing look. "Release him."

"Of course." Gaara's sand drops Noboru and flies through the air back into his gourd. "I was never going to crush him. I am here representing Suna, my home. I will not bring her dishonor."

"Yeah sure. Where was that attitude six months ago?" Eito mumbles out. "Anyways, back to the tents with you both."

Gaara walks back to the rest of the gennin while maintaining his composure, yet there is still a feeling of angry bloodlust coming off of him. He want to lash out at Eito for his crass and brazen comment but knows that he shouldn't. He's not the Gaara of Shippuden yet, but neither is he the Gaara of the invasion. He's still transitioning between the two.

Noboru, on the other hand, looks incredibly relieved to have lost. He slowly walking back, almost as if he's in shock that he's _not_ horribly disfigured or maimed from the thirty second fight.

"You alright there?" Hiro says as Noboru sits down in his chair while still contemplating howhe's alive.

"Surprisingly yeah?" Noboru squeaks out. That's not embarrassing at all. "I thought for sure this was it for me. Hell even my sensei told me that if I fought Gaara I should just surrender instead of fighting and live to try again."

"Then why did you fight?" I ask. If it was okay with his sensei to just toss in the towel why didn't he?

"Because I needed to show that Iwa is not cowardly. I faced down a jinchuriki as a gennin when I could have just surrendered. It shows that even facing insurmountable odds Iwa is still willing to give it a shot." Noboru explains as he attempts to stop his hands from shaking in the aftermath of his adrenaline rush.

"I can't fault you for that. It is very important to realize that we're a representation of our villages right now. People are going to assume that we embody everything about our villages, they'll think that all the shinobi are like us." I say.

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you gave us a bad reputation." Sasuke sarcastically cuts in. "I mean come on, I know that Otogakure is becoming known for it's weird and unique shinobi but you turned a lot of heads with your stunt."

Did Sasuke just make a pun? Holy shit he did! Talk about out of character!

"I blame Lee for that." I sass back to him. "Idiot had _five_ Gates open and he thought it was a good idea to kick me in the jaw. Besides, between you and me we have a pretty strong standing for Oto right now. Who knows, we might be the only village to have two shinobi make it to the second round."

"Depends if the Hyuuga wins or not." Sasuke points out. "The Inuzuka made it, that would make two from Konoha as well."

"Speaking of if the Hyuuga will win, it looks like Eito is about to announce the next match."

"The final match of the first round will be between Hinata Hyuuga of Konohagakure!" Eito bellows to the crowd. It's amazing how someone so lazy can be so loud.

Hinata rises up with the elegance of a clan heir, and with a mask of confidence walks out to the field. I can tell she's actually scared right now, she hates having a crowd watch her.

"And her opponent is our very own Leiko Kazumi of Kusagakure!" The crowd _roars_ in approval. Leiko has already made a name for herself in her home, I'm sure that getting into the Chunin Exams five separate times would do that. Especially if you're skilled enough to bring your brother along with you each time.

Leiko rises up with the world's biggest smile on her face. This is what she lives for, the approval of the masses. She loves that they're all cheering for her, that they all want her to win. She loves that they know her name. It's almost like she wants to be a celebrity.

Interesting, maybe she did feel threatened by me earlier. I definitely wowed the crowd with my moves, given it was less of an approval wow and more of a how-is-that-possible wow.

Hopefully this is a good fight, I'm tired of seeing quick and boring matches.

* * *

Hinata vs Leiko

"Hello, Kazumi-san." Hinata dips her head in a respectful acknowledgment of her opponent. "I would wish you luck, but that seems counter productive."

Leiko offers up a friendly shrug. "Can't blame you for that. How about we just agree to give it our all and may the best kunoichi win?"

Hinata smiles warmly. "I can accept that."

"Fighters ready?" Eito asks. He seems oddly eager, I think he wants to watch Leiko fight.

"Yes, Eito-san." Hinata courteously replies.

"I am." Leiko adds.

They both smoothly slide into taijutsu stances, Hinata's is obviously the opening stance for the Gentle Fist. Leiko's is unique, she is leading with her left side with her left arm held out protectively in front of her with her fingers open and spread wide apart, like she's planning on catching a ball. Her right arm is eerily reminiscent of Lee's taijutsu stance, it's tucked behind her back and out of sight of Hinata.

"Begin!" Unlike all the other times, Eito only jumps backwards. He plans on staying close for this fight.

Two things happen nearly instantly, Hinata springs forward at Leiko with every intention of blocking her chakra pathways and ending the fight quickly. The second thing that happens is something I never expected, Leiko jumps back a little to avoid Hinata's attack and whips her right arm out from behind her and throws a smoke pellet onto the ground.

Except there's no smoke, nothing happened.

Leiko grins like a predator that found an easy meal, she thinks that she has the upper hand now. But why? Her smoke pellet was a dud.

"What did you do?!" Hinata shouts out in surprise and anger. "What is this? Why can't I see!"

Leiko found a way to block the Byakugan?

"This right here is something I made just for you." Leiko casually says from afar as Hinata whirls around at the sound of her voice. "The Byakugan sees chakra, whether it's in the chakra system or being used for a jutsu. This right here is a special kind of smoke pellet that I've infused with my chakra. It took the better part of three days to fill it full! But oh was it worth it! I've removed your biggest advantage, the one thing you thought could never be taken from you!"

"By using this chakra infused smoke you've removed both of our sight. You know how to navigate in this cloud, while I'm virtually blind." Hinata guesses.

"Nope!" Leiko cheerfully says. "The gas that came out of the pellet is _clear._ I can see just fine, only you can't see because of your fancy eyes!"

" _What?_ " Hinata barks out.

Leiko wastes no time in sprinting towards Hinata with a kunai in hand. "I wasn't kidding when I said may the best kunoichi win! I've been ready to fight against each opponent for two weeks!"

Hinata turns towards the sound of Leiko's voice and holds her arms out protectively in front of her. She's bracing for a huge hit.

The hit never came.

Leiko ran past Hinata on her left side and lightly grazed her shoulder with a kunai. "Don't worry sweetie, this is just the first cut. I'll give you a chance to at least display _some_ skills, though without being able to see that should be interesting. Plus if I knock you out now I don't get to show off! Can't have that, I need to make an impression."

Leiko starts rushing Hinata again, this time going past her opposite side. Again she lightly grazes Hinata's shoulder. "It's too bad that your incapable of dodging right now. Honestly I feel kind of bad about this."

For a third time, Leiko runs towards Hinata. This time she's aiming for her left leg. "Such a pity, you can't even defend yourself-"

The sound of four quick smacks interrupts Leiko.

"ARGH!" Leiko leaps away from her new plaything while clutching her limp left arm. "What did you do?! You shouldn't be able to see in the cloud! It takes twenty minutes to disperse! There's plenty of time left! How did you do that?"

"I guessed." Hinata pleasantly informs her opponent while happily looking straight at her face. "Throughout my entire life I've had the Byakugan, I've seen countless chakra networks. I've seen deformed ones, broken ones, civilian ones, jonin ones, Kage ones, and even someone who doesn't have one."

"So what!" Leiko spits out as she slowly walks in a circle around Hinata while keeping the same distance from her, like a predator waiting for their prey to bleed out. "What's that have to do with you being able to see me!?"

Hinata's eyes never left Leiko for a moment.

"Like I said already, I've seen countless chakra networks. Do you know what I've discovered after observing so many different varieties?" Hinata pauses, more to give Leiko time to stew in anger than because she expects an answer, "In every normal chakra system the tenketsu are in the same places. They vary per specific body, but all the ratios and locations are almost identical. The only thing that really changes is the amount of chakra."

"You still haven't said how you can see me!" Leiko hisses out while trying to work the feeling back into her arm.

"I observed your network before our fight, yours is completely normal. No deformities, no uniqueness at all. That means that I don't necessarily _need_ to use my Byakugan to know where to strike your tenketsu. My accuracy is now much lower than I'd like, but that only means that you're going to feel each hit even more." Hinata grins at her opponent. "You ask how I can see you? The answer is simple, I deactivated my Byakugan. I'm fighting with normal eyes."

" _WHAT?_ " Leiko roars out. That idea must have never crossed her mind, then again I never thought I would see the day a Hyuuga willingly fought without their Byakugan activated.

Hinata doesn't respond, instead it's her turn to sprint at her opponent. She closes the gap between the two with surprising speed. "Eight Trigrams: One Palm!"

Hinata's arm doesn't move from her side, both of them are slightly swinging from the momentum of her crazy sprint to get to her opponent. "What?" Hinata gasps.

Leiko grins deviously, and spits out a senbon that impales itself into Hinata's right thigh.

"Hahaha! HAHAHA!" Leiko lets out a boisterous laugh. "Did you think that those kunai were just normal kunai? They're the same as that senbon! They're all coated in my personal paralytic poison!"

"You poisoned me?" Hinata accuses.

"Of course I did!" Leiko confidently says, they're barely a meter away from each other. "That's my specialty, poisons. With each beat of your heart it moves throughout your bloodstream, spreading through your system. Eventually your entire body will be paralyzed, you won't be able to move!"

Hinata tries to lunge at Leiko, but her leg gives out and she falls down to the ground in a disgraceful heap. She couldn't even catch herself with her arms.

"Tell ya what sweetie, if you surrender and reopen my tenketsu I'll give you the antidote. Otherwise the poison will have to run it's course and that's not fun to go through. Being all helpless like that, not being able to defend yourself."

Hinata grits her teeth. She knows that there's no way for her to win now. "I accept. Proctor I surrender."

"Winner by forfeit, Leiko Kazumi of Kusagakure!" Eito elatedly shouts.

"The antidote?" Hinata prompts from her spot on the ground.

"Of course, I am a lady of my word." Leiko reaches into her pouch and pulls out three syringes filled with a vile looking green liquid. "I'm going to have to put one in near each entry wound, alright?"

"There will be no need for that." Tsunade herself is walking over to the two gennin. "Keep your antidote."

Leiko's eyes widen in fear. "Hokage-sama! But I gave my word, let me keep my honor. Please?"

"You doubt Leiko's skill to craft an antidote?" Eito coldly asks. "She's beyond skilled with her poisons, honestly if it weren't for her brother she'd already be a chunin."

Tsunade sighs, "Look, it's not that I don't trust you. Okay? It's that I'm a world renowned medic nin and I will fix her faster." It's totally because she doesn't trust Leiko, she's not fooling me. "Your antidote, while I'm sure it would cure the poison, would take hours to flush it from her system. That means she wouldn't be able to move for hours. I won't let one of my shinobi be left wide open like that."

"It's against the rules." Eito coolly asserts himself into the conversation again. "No contestant can receive medical attention outside of their own skills, unless another contestant decides to heal them."

"You're correct, but Hinata here is no longer a contestant." Tsunade calmly explains. "Or did you miss the part where she said 'I surrender?'"

"I-I-I- But I just wanted to help!" Leiko stutters out with big wide eyes.

"Doesn't matter." Tsunade ignores the sputters of Leiko and places her hand over Hinata's stomach. "Hinata dear, I'm going to reroute the poison to your stomach. The acids in it will neutralize the toxins but your going to feel queasy for a few hours. It's nothing to worry about."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Thank you for doing this." Hinata respectfully says. Even when she's literally laying in dirt she still talks politely.

"What the hell are you two still doing here?" Tsunade irritably barks out. "Go do your damn jobs! This isn't part of the show! I don't need some two-bit jonin looking over my shoulder to make sure I don't screw up!"

Eito recoils from Tsunade like he was slapped with a fish. "Er- Right." He walks towards the stadium full of eager onlookers. "That concludes the first round of the tournament! The gennin that are moving onto the next round, in order of appearance, are Green of Otogakure!"

There's a startling amount of claps and cheers for me. Maybe I did make a lasting impression? Okay, of course I did but I didn't think it was a positive impression.

"Hiro of Takigakure!"

He gets a smattering of applause, much less than I did.

"Kiba Inuzuka of Konohagakure!"

Surprisingly the crowd roars their approval of him. They must really not like Yuri at all.

"Red of Otogakure!"

There's a depressingly little applause for Sasuke. His fight was lame from a spectators viewpoint.

"Gaara of Sunagakure!"

He receives average applause, like they're clapping out of formality than out of appreciation.

"And Leiko Kazumi of Kusagakure!"

The crowd _thunders_ their approval of their only gennin to advance to the next round.

Tsunade takes this moment when the crowd is at their loudest to lean in and whisper to Hinata. "Stay with your team at all times. Do not go anywhere alone. Do _not_ trust any Kusa nin."

"T-Tsunade-sama?" Hinata shakily says. "You think they're after... that wasn't an antidote."

"Correct. It was a concoction meant to dilute the poison not remove it. It would let you move around, but all of your skills would be greatly impaired. You'd be less threatening than an Academy student." Tsunade's eyes dart over towards the Kage's gazebo, more specifically her former teammate. "I'd come up with some bullshit reason to keep you by my side but _Orochimaru_ of all people is already there. You're safer with your team than next to him."

Are you fucking kidding me? There's a plot by Kusa to try and get the Byakugan? What else can go wrong! First Root made an appearance, then Hidan tried to convert me to Jashinism, then I found out the truth about Tayuya, then Kakuzu scared the shit out of me but only wanted to talk (although learning that I'm in the Bingo Books was kinda cool), then I lost my mask to Lee and _stupidly_ decided to masquerade as a girl, I found out that I'm not the only one with the Jiongu here and now Kusa has plans to make a grab for the Byakugan of all things? What the hell is going on!

I swear if this is Sasuke's jinx finally coming into play I'm going to be pissed.

"The six semi-finalists!" Eito speaks over the crowd. "The first fight will be tomorrow afternoon!"

"Wait what? We're not having the second round now?" I blurt out. I mean come on! That leaves plenty of time for things to go wrong. How am I supposed to help out now? _Can_ I even help out now? Orochimaru is here and I know he's going to keep an eye on both Sasuke and me.

"They probably want to stimulate their economy more." Noboru explains. "The Chunin Exams brings in a lot of tourists and travelers, but spreading out the finals tournament over multiple days the tourists will end up spending more money while they're here. That means more money for Kusa."

"Oh. That's actually pretty smart." It isn't a bad idea.

Eito walks over to the contestant's gazebo. "You're all free to go and do whatever you want, you can rest, train, plan ahead more, whatever. Just make sure you're here by noon tomorrow. We'll have the first match an hour after that."

Each group of gennin go their separate ways.

* * *

I turn to Sasuke. "Well Red, do you think we should go meet with our Kage? He did come all the way here just to see us."

He tilts his head slightly, I can tell he's quirking an eyebrow at me beneath his crimson mask. "You sure that's a good idea? You've found out very interesting things recently about him. Will you be able to control yourself?"

"We're going to find out." I say as my eyes are locked onto a specific snake like figure. Orochimaru is seeking us out on his own, looks like I'm not getting a choice in the matter. "He's on his way over."

"Joy." Sasuke sarcastically says.

Orochimaru stops before us with a wide sinister smile. "Red, Midori, how are you both?"

Midori? Who the hell is Midori?

"I am quite well, my fight was easy. Even if I used one of my more complex genjutsu I wasn't overly taxed at all." Sasuke replies like he's having a normal conversation. Then he turns to me and I _feel_ his enjoyment. "And you, Midori?"

Wait _I'm_ Midori?

"Yes Midori, how are you after that fight? Is everything on straight again? That was quite the kick, I want to make sure my precious _kunoichi_ is okay." Orochimaru says with false concern. He knows that I'm fine.

Those assholes. They're getting a sick sense of satisfaction out of this. "Please, I've had worse. Now that I think about it, both Red and my sensei have done worse to me."

Sasuke winces, no doubt he's reliving when he speared me.

Orochimaru, on the other hand, looks contemplative. He's struggling to remember when he did something worse than spinning my head around. "What did your sensei do to you? I can't seem to remember anything like that."

"Technically it was before he was my sensei." I give him a hint. There's no way he's forgotten this.

He blankly looks at me. He doesn't recall this at all.

I place a hand on my gut. It's resting over the first major scar I've ever gotten, it's a large pale circle about the size of an adult male fist. It looks like it's been fused shut rather than medically healed. It is where Orochimaru himself put the Jiongu inside me. "The single most painful experience of my life."

Orochimaru's face lights up like a 100 watt light bulb. "Of course! Marvelous day, simple marvelous!" He and I remember that day very differently. I'm not going to tell him that though. "Let's go back to my hotel, we can discuss your journey here and what your plans are for your next opponents."

"Sure. Don't have anything better to do." I shrug.

"Bet his room is way nicer than ours." Sasuke growls out in anger against our crappy accommodations.

"I am a Kage, you two are just gennin. Of course mine is better." Orochimaru looks around expectantly. "How strange. Where's Tayuya at?"

Sasuke and I freeze.

Orochimaru continues on talking like nothing is out of the ordinary. "I've trained her better than this. She should know I'm here and to present herself to me. I could have need of her skills. This is highly unprofessional. She'll need to be... reeducated." Orochimaru grins evilly. "It's a wonderful process, and one I rarely get to do. The screams are exquisite!"

I mechanically turn my head to Sasuke. Please answer this for me. Please.

"That could be difficult." Sasuke forcefully replies in a calm tone.

Orochimaru turns his gaze onto the red clad gennin and the ambient temperature drops twenty degrees.

" _Where is my subordinate?_ " He's furious, absolutely livid that Tayuya isn't doing what he trained her to, that she has the audacity to go against his orders and not be constantly watching over us both.

"Midori's pocket." Sasuke delicately says. "She was killed on the way here."

Instantly Orochimaru's fury vanishes. It's replaced with frigid indifference. "Oh. Shame."

He turns on his heel and starts walking down the street, most likely to his hotel.

"How unfortunate. She was one of the better subordinates I had." Orochimaru turns and looks over his shoulder at Sasuke and me. We're still frozen in place. "Come, we will continue this conversation in my hotel room instead of in the middle of a street."

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama." I force out and follow. Sasuke is right next to me.

* * *

Orochimaru's Hotel Room

Sasuke and I are sitting on a very plush velvet couch. It's a nice deep purple color and contours perfectly to your form. This would be a very nice and relaxing afternoon, especially considering that we went through the first round of the tournament already, but there's one tiny thing that ruins the peacefulness.

Orochimaru is sitting across from us in a luxurious armchair. He's staring intently at me, opting to completely ignore Sasuke. He's studying me, looking for a fracture in my facade. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it's almost as if he's looking to see if I am okay.

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru calls me by my name, in the confines of his room there is need to hide our identities. Even our masks are off. "You have Tayuya?"

"Yes." I reach into a pocket on the inside of my coat and withdraw the scroll.

It looks so innocent. Plain parchment rolled up neatly, smooth crisp black lines obviously put there by an experienced hand and there's not a fold or a tear anywhere on it. Except there's a thick black line all the way around it, completely tarnishing the innocence. That black line means there's a body in here. It means that without a doubt, the person inside is dead.

Tayuya is in it.

"Give her to me." Orochimaru firmly demands as he extends a hand towards me.

No. I will do no such thing. She doesn't deserve to be dissected further, to have her corpse violated on the whims of a madman.

Wait, why should I care about her? Everything she did was a lie. All those interactions were forced. She never really cared about me. She probably even faked being my friend on Orochimaru's orders too.

"Here." I shove the scroll into Orochimaru's waiting hand. I just wish that all of the problems and confusing feelings I have about her could go away that easily.

For a fraction of a second there was a look of surprise on my Kage's face. He didn't expect me to hand her over so easily. He thought I'd fight for her.

"How did she die?" Orochimaru asks us.

"Beheading. One blow." I force out an answer before Sasuke can. I need to get over this.

Orochimaru pockets Tayuya and conversationally asks, "And did her killer escape?"

"No." I curtly respond.

"No? I feel like you're leaving out a great amount of detail."

"We got all twelve of them." Sasuke cuts in for the first time.

"Twelve? You 'got' all twelve of them?" Orochimaru sounds impressed.

"I didn't 'get' any of them." My words bring his yellow gaze back onto me. I boldly stare right back at him. "I _slaughtered_ them. I killed them all, I enjoyed every moment of it. I was elated each time I ripped out one of their hearts, I felt a thrill as their blood flew through the air. I took pleasure as their screams of pain and horror drowned out all other noise. They should have known better than to take something from me."

Orochimaru is teeming with pride. He's proud that I felt that way, that I took pleasure in _murder._ That's what that was, murder. I didn't kill to defend myself, I didn't kill as part of a mission. I killed because I wanted them to die. No more, no less.

"I take it that the battlefield I passed on the way here was from your... slaughter?" Orochimaru asks with a malicious smile. No doubt he's recalling the site and analyzing it more in-depth. He's trying to figure out what I did. If I'm reading his body language right, he's impressed.

"Yes it was." I shortly sum up.

"And how many did each of you kill?" Orochimaru asks with interest.

"I killed nine. Sasuke got three."

"Wrong, I got five." Sasuke irritably interjects. "I sent two of them to your earth monster with a genjutsu."

I turn to him. "Yeah, but I killed them. That's like saying the guy who made your sword killed everyone who dies to it."

"... Still got five." He huffs in annoyance.

"Amusing." Orochimaru breaks up our argument before it can really take off. "Are you sure there were only twelve?"

Sasuke and I glance at each other.

"No. They found a way to hide from my sensing abilities." I reach into another pocket and pull out the seal that I took off the last shinobi. "They were using this to hide from me. Any chance you know what this is?"

Orochimaru takes the seal from me. "These shinobi were resourceful. This is a chakra suppressing seal, as you know it forcibly suppresses someone's chakra but this one is tailored to a specific person and focuses more on suppressing lightning chakra than anything else. The only times that something like this is used is on _very_ high level prisoners, the kind of prisoners that most villages simply kill because it is safer than keeping them alive. These seals are not easy to make, whoever was backing the shinobi is either a seal master or has one on hand."

"Is there a way to work around it?" I ask. "I don't want to be caught off guard again."

"No. Not for your specific kind of sensing." Orochimaru pockets the seal, no doubt to try and recreate it later. It isn't everyday someone gets access to someone else's high level sealing formula. "You'd have to learn how to sense in another way and these chakra suppression seals would rule out almost all that I can think of."

"But you do know of some ways?" I ask. I want this, I hate that someone knows how to get around me. The fact that said person has an army at his command makes it that much worse.

"They take decades to learn how to use properly." And like that my hopes were shattered.

Orochimaru studies me for a brief moment. "You seem eager to learn, to train."

"Yeah, I had a wake up call." I growl out. "Seeing a friend's head fall to the ground does that to anyone. I'm motivated now, I'm going to take every moment you have to spare and use you to better myself. I'm already working on a list of things I want to learn."

" _Finally!_ " Orochimaru happily claps his hands together in joy. "Now your real training can begin once we're back in Sound."

"Real training?" What the hell is he talking about? "Then what were the past few months for? How was that _not_ real training?"

"All we did was work on your basics. Speed. Strength. Pain tolerance. Chakra control and supply. We would have done stamina, but you didn't need to work on that." Orochimaru pauses for effect. "But when did I teach you something new? The answer is simple, I haven't."

"Why? I thought you were trying to make me into your 'second in command?'"

He shrugs. "You were unmotivated. You lacked the drive to push yourself far, you didn't have the desire to fully commit. Now you do, now you're ready."

"We have to get through the tournament first." Sasuke cuts in again. Orochimaru and I have the habit of excluding him in our conversations.

"Of course." Orochimaru graciously changes the subject. "I assume you both have plans for your next fights?"

"Unless they decide to mix things up, I'll be going against Kiba Inuzuka." Sasuke starts to talk. "I'll be perfectly fine using just genjutsu and kenjutsu. I have the advantage over him because I know what his skills are already, I can expect him to simply be better than I remember with maybe a new move or two. It won't be anything I can't handle."

"Mine... will not be that simple." I take over talking. "I'm fighting Hiro, who I am pretty sure has Taki's version of the Jiongu."

"Good, you did notice that." Orochimaru cuts in to praise me.

"Yep. Anyways, since his isn't like mine I know that he still has major organs and so on. I'm thinking about poisoning him, I'll see if any of my spiders are willing to bite him for me. If that fails, I'll cut off some limbs. I _really_ doubt he's used to that and it should be enough to get him to want to surrender. As a last resort I'll knock some of his hearts out. I know he only has three." That should get him to surrender. "Oh, and I need to make some blood. A lot of blood, he has a wind heart. That means I might get cut and I can't _not_ bleed. Sure everyone might think I'm a medic nin, but there should still be blood if I get hurt. I got lucky with Lee since all of his hits never broke skin, they were all blunt damage."

"You both seem sufficiently prepared." Orochimaru declares. "But, they're not the last fight of the tournament for either of you."

"Yeah, either Gaara or Leiko will advance to the final round too. Then we have the tree way brawl between us." I say. "Hey Sasuke, want to knock out the other one then duke it out between the two of us?"

He shrugs in indifference. "Why not. Doesn't mean I'm going easy on you."

"Same here. I'm in it to win it!"

"I believe you're both underestimating Gaara." Orochimaru interrupts us. "It could take both of you to _maybe_ beat him while limited."

"That depends on if you're okay with an idea I have." I say. My words bring Orochimaru closer to me, he's leaning forward in anticipation. "It'll definitely paint us in a bad light, there's no way around that. It's deplorable, underhanded, and maybe a little bit cheaty. It's exactly what a shinobi would do in the real world. Like I say, if you aren't cheating you aren't trying."

"NO!" Sasuke yells. "No! We're not doing that! I haven't even heard it yet and I'm putting my foot down! Whenever you say those words it goes wrong!"

"Let's not rule it out yet, I haven't even heard the idea." Orochimaru stops Sasuke's rant. "So Alvarcus, what is your plan to defeat a jinchuriki?"

* * *

Later That Night

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the floor of Orochimaru's hotel.

Poof

"Sup Al?" Shirokumo cheerfully says as he give me a wave with one of his front legs. "How's things?"

"I won the first round." I brag. It isn't everyday I can say that.

"Yeah, you could say he turned some heads." Sasuke jokes.

"Really?" Shirokumo sounds glad for me. "Did he wow the crowd with a jutsu or something?"

"Nope!" Sasuke is enjoying this way too much. "He got kicked in the jaw so hard his head spun around in front of everyone."

"No way!" Shirokumo glances at me in disbelief. "You can do that? Pfft who am I kidding of course you can. Is there any kind of bodily harm you can't live through?" He asks rhetorically.

"It gets better!" Sasuke I hate you. I hate you so much right now. "The kick caused him to lose his mask, so guess what the idiot did!"

"Uh... no idea! Tell me!" Shirokumo is dying to know.

"He changed his appearance into a girl! Oh it was priceless!"

"BAHAHAHA!" Shirokumo breaks down laughing, he's a tangled mess of limbs rolling around on the floor. "Oh man please say that's true!"

They both look at me expectantly. " _Yes._ "

"HAHAHAHA! Oh this is great! We'll have to call you Lady Summoner now!"

"Midori, Orochimaru-sama calls her Midori."

"Kukukuku, even if it is unorthodox my child is _very_ resourceful." With the sound of that vile laugh alone, all of the fun in the room is instantly killed. Orochimaru is back from whatever it was he went to do. "I don't believe we've met."

"Orochimaru-sama." Shirokumo gracefully dips his body in a deep formal bow. "It is my pleasure to finally meet you. For the life of me I have no idea why Al didn't introduce us sooner."

Thank Kami, Shirokumo is playing Orochimaru. He's sucking up to him to get in his good graces and is obviously acknowledging him as a superior. That's the best reaction that he could have done.

"Aren't you well behaved." Orochimaru comments offhandedly.

"I do try. My actions reflect on my summoner -in this case Al- and his actions reflect on you. So you could say you're my boss's boss."

"Interesting viewpoint." Orochimaru considers his words for a fleeting moment before realizing that we're still looking at him. "Oh, do carry on. Just pretend I'm not here, I'd love to see how you two work."

"Well... alright then." I turn away from my temporary Kage and towards my summon. "Shirokumo I need a poison specialist, more specifically someone who can paralyze a human. It's how I'm going to beat my next opponent. Hopefully."

"Hopefully? Aren't you just brimming with confidence." Shirokumo scuttles over to a dark corner of the room. "Hm... there are a few spiders that come to mind. Depends on how you want to deliver the poison really."

"I'd prefer to keep the spiders out of harms way. Maybe I could coat a kunai or another weapon in poison?"

"That narrows it down a lot." Shirokumo idly scratches his underbelly with two legs. "Gonna have to be a big one to make that much venom. Since you want a paralytic that leaves us with three options. I'd recommend Dokuso. She's a bit reclusive, but her toxins are some of the best we have to offer."

"Cool." That went surprisingly well. "I'll summon her now."

"Wait!" Shirokumo barks out.

"Uh... okay?" I'm stopped halfway through the required hand seals for the summoning technique.

"Let me talk to her about it in the Nest first. When I said she's a bit reclusive I meant she is crazily reclusive. Randomly summoning her would be a bad idea."

"Well that's not good." Good thing he warned me about that.

"Yeah, I'll talk to her tonight. She'll be ready for a summon tomorrow morning. That work for you?"

"Yeah, fine by me."

"Cool. I'm off then."

Poof

"Now boys, go rest. I want you at your best for tomorrow."

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke and chant in unison.

"Dammit I thought we agreed to _not_ do that again!" I shout.

* * *

At a Cafe, With the Konoha Gennin

All sitting at the biggest table the cafe has to offer is not only the gennin that made it into the finals, but every single gennin that was sent to the exams. Kiba and Akamaru, Hinata, Shino, Choji, Ino, Neji, Lee, and Tenten.

They're all talking animatedly, just having a good time in general. Then Tenten says something that brings everyone's talking to an abrupt halt.

"So Lee, how'd things work out with Green?"

A strange choking noise comes from Ino, she inhaled some of her drink. "Sorry, sorry. Don't mind me!"

Lee's whole body sags in defeat. "She doesn't like me back!" He whines loudly. "My beautiful orchid doesn't like me!"

Ino stifles a laugh, forcing it down to just a quiet snicker.

"Dude I'm still surprised she's a she!" Kiba cuts in and Akamaru woofs in agreement with his master. "And I can totally see why Lee likes her. She's hot."

Hinata and Tenten look at Kiba in shock. He did just call their enemy attractive.

"Hehehe." Ino let's out a quiet chuckle, but her face is turning red from the pressure of keeping quiet.

"Shino, Choji, Neji! Back me up on this. You're three cool guys, you can admit that much right?"

"She is aesthetically pleasing." Shino takes a small sip from his glass. "That does not mean anything though. She is still an opponent at the least, and enemy at the worst."

"HA!" One sharp squeak of laughter escapes from Ino drawing everyone's attention. "Sorry? I uh... remembered a good joke. Forget I said anything."

"Choji?" Kiba asks, eager to hear his fellow male's opinion.

Choji shrugs. "Sure she's cute. A little too pale though, that can't be healthy."

A high pitch whine cuts through the air. Ino's suppressing her laughter again.

"Are you okay Ino?" Hinata asks out of concern for her friend. She's acting very strange all of a sudden. She's not even trying to insert herself into the conversation, usually Ino would be criticizing Green about something, like saying her hair is too long or she needs to take better care of her skin.

"Yeah!" She says with slightly watery eyes. "Yeah I'm fine! My head is just elsewhere."

"Oookay." Kiba awkwardly says. "So Neji, what do you think about her?"

"I will refrain from answering." Neji diplomatically says.

"Aw come on man!" Kiba isn't taking that as an answer. "I bet you got the best view in the house!"

"WHAT?!" Neji shouts. "NO! I would never abuse the Byakugan like that!"

"It's okay, we understand. Sometimes it's too tempting to resist." Kiba calmly says. Then a lecherous grins forms on his face. "So, what is she working with? That coat hides a lot. Come on! Spill it!"

" **HAHAHAHAHA!** " Ino finally breaks down letting out a hearty belly laugh.

"What's her problem?" Kiba barks out.


	45. Chapter 45

The Night After the First Round of the Tournament

There are two people sitting in a luxurious room. Said room is well furnished and has expensive furniture, all in all it would be considered a very nice hotel room for a pair of individuals on vacation. But the two people sitting across from each other are not on vacation, nor do they look remotely happy. Each of them is showing their displeasure in their own way.

The blonde woman is consuming a lethal amount of alcohol. Around her on the table are numerous empty bottles of various liquors, both expensive and poor. Despite the impressive feat of drinking it all alone, she doesn't look the slightest bit drunk or even tipsy. At this point it's almost like the action of drinking is her coping mechanism rather than drinking itself.

The other person is still, almost unnaturally still. Only his silver hair is moving, swaying gently on the breeze. He's hunched over with his elbows placed on his knees and his fingers are laced together before him. His one eye, the only visible part on his face, is locked onto the blonde drinker.

Tsunade finally takes a break from drinking as if the world is coming to an end. "Kakashi, what would you do in my place?"

"Keep Hinata under constant guard. Have Kurenai with her at all times at the minimum." He quickly barks out.

"Not that." Tsunade sighs. "Kusa probably won't make a bold move against her now, especially since I didn't let them keep the poison in her system. They should know that I know they tried that. I mean about Orochimaru."

"I don't know." He honestly replies after a moment of consideration. "On one hand, we're obligated to at least attempt to kill Orochimaru."

"Yet on the other we have to consider Alvarcus's position." Tsunade takes a swig of a dark brown liquid. "He's still ours, he's still on our side."

"The world doesn't know that." Kakashi cuts in. "The only thing that they know is that Orochimaru is parading around in front of us."

"We can't let him walk away. We have to do something." Tsunade comes to the grim conclusion.

"Yes." Kakashi reluctantly agrees. "It's one thing to let gennin go, but Orochimaru himself? We have to react. We have to _strongly_ react to his presence here."

"Or else the rest of the world will see us as weak and timid. They'll think we're still licking our wounds from the invasion." Tsunade finishes her bottle and grabs another.

"Correct." Kakashi curtly confirms Tsunade's idea.

"In other words, we need to send the best we have available to kill him." Tsunade downs half the bottle in one go and grimaces at the taste. Even she doesn't like some types of alcohol. "And whoever he is with."

"Who will most likely be Alvarcus and Sasuke, along with anyone else he brought with him." Kakashi sums up. "And the best we have here is you, me, Gai, Kurenai and Asuma."

"And it could very well take all five of us to bring him down." Tsunade take a large swallow of her latest bottle and winces again at the taste. "I'm the only one who can stand on equal ground with him. Gai could if he opened enough Gates but that's a double edged sword. He'd have to open at least six, maybe even seven to win. But if he has that many Gates open..."

"His attacks become so destructive that he would harm his allies along with his foes." Kakashi finishes. "Orochimaru isn't above using that against us."

"That means all five of us have to work together to take down Orochimaru." Tsunade downs the rest of her vile drink to move onto the next. "Leaving everyone else he's traveling with for the gennin to defeat."

"Alvarcus, Sasuke and the Sound Four. Orochimaru's bodyguards." Kakashi grimly says. "They wouldn't even know that they're attacking their friends."

"That's not even the worst of it." Tsunade rubs her forehead, trying to alleviate the stress she feels. "The textbook way to do this is to ambush them and kill as many as we can as quickly as we can to reduce their numbers as efficiently as possible."

"We'd have to order our gennin to use lethal force unknowingly against their friends." Kakashi sums up.

"Yes." Tsunade starts rubbing her temples in another failed attempt to reduce her stress levels. "I don't want to give that order."

"You might have to."

* * *

Near Konoha, Location Unknown

"Danzo-sama." Says a kneeling shinobi. "I came to report."

"Good." The bandage clad older man says. "And where are their heads? I specifically asked for each of them."

The kneeling shinobi doesn't flinch at the harsh tone his superior used with him. He's been trained better than that. "The assassination unit has been defeated."

A great deal of displeasure overtakes Danzo's face. "How... surprising. How many are in the hospital? Who has the most severe wounds?"

"None, Danzo-sama." The kneeling shinobi feels a deep pressure settle on his shoulders. Danzo is disappointed in their performance.

"I sent twelve able bodied men and women to take out two deserters." Danzo levels a cold glare at his subordinate. "Two _gennin_ level missing nin. You're telling me that they ran away from _twelve of my shinobi?_ "

"No Danzo-sama. The targets didn't run away from the assassination team. They killed them all." The shinobi's words quiet the room, not even the sound of breathing can be heard.

"Tell me how it happened." Danzo finally breaks the tense silence. He may be livid that his team failed and got themselves killed but he planned around that possibility. That's why he sent this specific shinobi to only observe. "Next time will be different."

* * *

The Next Morning, With Alvarcus

"Summoning Jutsu!" I place my hand on the ground and a small cloud of smoke fills the room.

"Hey Al." Shirokumo says once the smoke clears.

"Hey Shirokumo." I greet him. "So is Dokuso ready to be summoned?"

"Should be. She's had plenty of time to prepare and she knows that it'll be happening around now." He nervously looks around. "Just make sure it's only you two here. She isn't a fan of... well socializing. She hates going out, always says something about how only her poisons understand her."

"Great." I groan out in sarcasm. "Well I need her skills. I'll just have to put up with her."

"Yeah... have fun with that. I'm going back." Shirokumo poofs away.

"Yay, time to summon an antisocial spider and ask for her help. I'm sure nothing can go wrong." I fly through the hand seals for the summoning technique. "Summoning Jutsu!"

Instead of smoke filling up the room, something different happens. It's almost like a mass of shadows spawned into existence, like whoever was summoned didn't want to make the traditional flashy entrance and opted for this more discrete one instead. In moments the shadows fall away and disappear into nothing revealing a large spider where they were.

Large doesn't do Dokuso justice, she's massive. She has to be the size of a full grown leopard. She's easily the second largest spider I've personally seen, the first being Arachne. Her exoskeleton is a pure dark black. There's not a speck of dust on her or a mark of imperfection, except for one exception. There's a brilliant red hourglass mark on her abdomen. She's a black widow spider. For one of the best users and makers of poisons, I shouldn't be surprised that she's one of the most venomous spiders in the world.

"Dokuso-san, it is a pleasure to meet you." I give her a respectful nod of my head.

She quickly takes in the room, making a special note of all the exits and best hiding spots. She's paranoid, that's a marking of a survivor. That's a trait of a warrior, of a shinobi. That's interesting.

Finally her gaze settles on me. She does a quick once over of me, observing my spider-made attire and the concealing nature of my clothes. There's a hint of approval gleaming in her fourth eye. "So you've met the Weavers. Bet that was annoying."

That's... not how I expected her to respond at all. "They do take some getting used to." If that's how she want the tone of the conversation to go, I am more than happy to oblige. "They're best in short doses. And when they're not making me clothes."

"Ha! Finally someone agrees with me. They tried to give me a bright orange scarf. Said it matched my black exoskeleton. Can you believe that?" Dokuso chirps out. "To business then. You wanted poisoned weapons, Summoner?"

I irritably roll my eyes, she doesn't see it. Even if my mask is off I have my sunglasses on. "Just call me Alvarcus. There's no need for the 'Summoner' stuff. I'm just another guy who can summon spiders, that doesn't mean I should get a fancy title out of it. If anything it should be Alvarcus the Spider Summoner. That does us both justice."

She snorts. I didn't know spiders could make that noise. "You... you I might be able to stand. In short doses of course."

"Whatever." I give a halfhearted shrug. "You were right. I need poisoned weapons. What can you offer me? A vial of poison or something? Maybe a brush to apply the toxin to weapons?"

"I've got better." Using one of her long, hairless black legs she reaches under her and pulls out a harness of sorts with what must be multiple weapons strapped to it. It looks like a belt or a sash made to hold a set number of kunai or knives. "Each of these has been soaked overnight in different poisons I personally made. Each one will do exactly what I made it to do, barring those who have techniques to counter the effects or are adept enough at medical jutsu to neutralize it. Even then, my poisons are fast acting. They could run their course before they can be countered."

Dokuso, using another leg, grips one of the handles of a weapon. On further observation, I notice that each of the six handles are different colors, no two are the same. She pulls out the blue handled weapon. "This blue one is the one you specifically requested, it will paralyze an opponent after ten seconds of being in their system."

She grabs the green handle next. "The green will sap their strength, making them feel weaker and tire quicker. It basically shortens their stamina."

She grabs the next handle. "Yellow will cause their five senses to distort. They'll hallucinate, they'll feel things crawling on their skin, they'll hear noises that don't exist, they'll taste things not in their mouth, and they'll smell things that are not there. Each sense could feel either something foul or pleasurable, it could be either. Don't be surprised if they start laughing randomly because they feel like they're being tickled."

Dokuso pulls out the fourth weapon. "Orange is one of the more dangerous of the poisons. The others are not fatal, eventually they will run their course and be flushed from the system. This one can kill. Once it comes in contact with flesh it melts it away. It's acidic, it will cause wounds to fester and become infected. If stabbed in the right spot, it will eat away organs and cause death."

Next is the fifth weapon. "Red is my personal favorite to use. It causes intense pain wherever it enters the body and will spread throughout it. Lightly scratch someone on the hand, five minutes later they're begging you to cut off their arm."

Dokuso draws the last weapon. "Black. This one is fatal. One scratch with this will cause death within minutes. Do not even draw this unless you want your target to die. Be beyond careful handling this, should you cut yourself summon me immediately. I will apply the antidote and _hopefully_ it will save you. There's still a 90% fatality rate even with the antidote applied. That is how dangerous this one is."

 _~Don't worry host, only the orange one has a chance of working on us. All the others I will not let circulate into our system, including the black.~_

Thank Kami, that makes me feel much better about accepting these.

"So uh... just one question for you." I point at the blades that are laid out on the floor between us. "Are those made out of _teeth?_ "

If a spider could grin, I'd be looking one. Dokuso seems glad that I brought that up. "Yes they are. The teeth were taken off of some of my prey, in fact I used some of these poisons on them."

"Okay. But _why_ teeth?" I really hope there's a reason.

"If they undergo a specific process I can make teeth capable of being soaked and absorbing liquids, in this case my poisons. Whereas metal can't do that, you'd have to apply a new coat of them daily, maybe even twice a day and they would require a special sheath to keep them away from the elements." She quickly sheaths all the blades and holds out the leather harness to me. "Using this method the blade will be able to hold the poison for at least a month. This way I don't have to go out as often."

I take the harness and fasten in to me. It's a muted black leather and it's slightly too long to be a belt for me. Instead of wearing it around my waist I'm wearing it draped over my left shoulder, across my chest and back, and around my right hip. It's a sash of scary teeth.

Dokuso scuttles over and using her two front legs adjusts it for me so it fits better. "Plus it looks much more intimidating. Everyone uses metal, but seeing someone come at you with a fifteen centimeter long tooth? That's scary."

I chuckle. "You know, I think we will get along just fine."

"Short doses." She cheekily responds.

"Of course. May I call on you if I need more poisoned blades or a specifically crafted poison?"

"Yes. But I would like notice first, I have my own life to live."

"I can do that."

She vanishes the same way she came, in a swirl of shadows. They rise up from the floor like tendrils of the night and surround Dokuso in moments. Then they settle back on the floor and dissipate into nothing, never to be seen again.

"I've got to make my shunshin look like that."

* * *

Hours Later, 11:00am

"OI!" I pound on the bathroom door, shaking it in it's frame. Okay so maybe I could have hit it less hard, but Sasuke has been in there for over an hour. "You ready yet?!"

"I am." The door sweeps open and a pristine Sasuke, finally dressed up in his mission gear and mask, confidently strides out.

"What took you so damn long?" I aggressively ask.

"Unlike some people," He puts emphasis on the word 'some' and glares at me, "I can't just roll out of bed and be ready to go."

"I'll have you know that I've been up for five hours already, thank you very much!"

"Yeah and only about ten minutes went into making sure you look presentable." He takes stock of my new addition to my arsenal. "And why on earth do you have _that_ strapped to you?"

"Oh these?" I pat my new toys tenderly. "They're a gift from a spider. A very poisonous spider."

"Ah, so they did come through for you. Think they will work on Hiro?"

I shrug. "They should. In the end of the day he still has flesh and organs, it's just that the Jiongu surrounds them. He's still susceptible to poison it'll just be harder to get it into his system."

"Good. It would be a shame to see you lose to your beloved Hiro-chan." There's a tinge of playfulness in his voice.

"Oh Red, you poor poor boy." I say with my female voice and face. "Did you forget that today is a new day? I can take revenge again."

Sasuke stops mid step.

Good. "You know, I might have to apologize to Hiro and Lee for my brashness yesterday. After all," I flutter my eyelashes at him, "I'm spoken for already. It's just I was so disappointed that my dearly beloved didn't stand up for me and I let my emotions run wild."

Sasuke shudders with suppressed fear.

I think he needs just another little push, then I'll call it good. "Perhaps if one of them can best you I might consider them more worth my time. Could you imagine both Lee and Hiro bugging you for a contest? Constantly coming up with ridiculous challenges for you to take? All because you thought it was amusing to tease me?"

"I will cease my actions at once." He smartly barks out with a waver of fear in his voice.

I don my mask. "Good. Now let's get to the tournament field."

Alvarcus and Sasuke both leave, neither one of them noticed the shocked Orochimaru standing in the doorway to a conjoined room.

"I am very, very glad that I don't have a daughter." Orochimaru's fists are tightly clenched and in the absence of his students his bloodlust in unrestrained. He reeks of certain death. "There would be a trail of bodies like this world has never seen."

* * *

The Contestant Gazebo, 11:50am

"Would you look at that. We're the last ones here." I idly say out of the corner of my mouth to Sasuke.

"It isn't unlikely. We did only arrive ten minutes early."

"Yeah, but Eito has us here an hour early already. We're early to being early." I complain. "Isn't that just wonderful?"

Everyone from the first day is back at the gazebo, even those who got knocked out of the tournament. Hey, we have some of the best seats here. Might as well use them if you can.

Sasuke leads us over to the table with Hiro and Noboru at it again. I hate to admit it, but these two are the least problematic for us. Let's face it, the Konoha and Suna shinobi both hate us. Leiko has a serious bone to pick with me so there's no sitting by her. All that leaves us with is this spot.

"Green-chan, Red. Nice to see you both again!" Hiro chirps out once we sit down.

"Actually," Sasuke starts to say and I just _know_ I'm not going to like this, "she's Midori now."

"Midori-chan?" Hiro experimentally tries out. "I like it! Why the change?"

"Orochimaru-sama was impressed with my display yesterday and he decided to give me a name. Hence, Midori." I calmly force myself to explain. It's really good that I came up with the idea that Sasuke and I need to earn our names, otherwise this random name change would be weird. Okay, it would be more weird.

"That has to be the strangest thing I've ever hear a shinobi village do." Leiko condescendingly says from her spot near her brother Yuri and Kiri friend Sachihiro. "Do they put all the gennin through that or just those like you?"

I turn towards Leiko. "It isn't a system used for all his gennin. It's only for those that he wants to be remade, it's a system of breaking down a person so completely and utterly that they accept a new name with open arms. Neither of us have had a name for years, we've been called colors, seasons, by our rolls, by our genders, by anything our senseis can think of except something that provides an identity."

"What, we're you that stupid?" Leiko scoffs at me.

"No, we were that good." A look of confusion falls over her face, it isn't just her's either. All the other gennin are attentively listening to me. They're getting a glimpse of how Otogakure functions from a first hand account. "We shined in our Academy, we out did everyone else. We caught the eye of Orochimaru-sama himself and he decided that we would be remade to better serve him. He squashed out our personalities, he removed our ties to our families, he severed any connections we had to anyone but him. He had our senseis mold and shape us into exactly what he wants us to be, and once we achieve that he graces us with a new name. One that we've _earned._ "

Each gennin is riveted to my tale, no one is even considering interrupting me.

"Mock me if you wish. If you think me getting a new name is humorous then laugh at me. But know this: I have earned my Kage's respect. He recognizes my achievements and has deemed me worthy. Does your Kage feel the same way about you?"

The sad thing is, I'm not exactly lying to everyone here. Orochimaru does use that system. If he finds a promising shinobi, one that has too much free will or refuses to be chained down, he will put them through that system. He will break them then he will build them back up to his specifications.

He's even using a mild version of it on me. He's beyond violent with me, he constantly gives me grievous wounds that would kill a normal shinobi. He's trying to turn me into what I told him I was, a juggernaut. He's teaching me to shrug off insane amounts of damage and keep plowing forward until I achieve my goal.

It's working. It's working marvelously. Just look at how I handled the Root assassins. I lost limbs, I lost hearts, but I didn't stop moving forward. No matter what they did to try and slow me down I pressed forward with a single goal in mind.

"That's messed up." Tenten quietly says to herself, but with as quiet as it is everyone heard her. "Do you even remember the name your parents gave you?"

"... No. I don't." I somberly say. "It's been taken from me."

A sad silence falls over all of the gennin. Each and every one of them is looking at Sasuke and me with pity. This isn't how I expected this to go, but I'll work with it. If they pity us, they might hold back in our fights. It's mean, it's underhanded, it's despicable. But it's also effective.

Eventually pointless conversations resume, but Sasuke and I remain quiet. We're not among the carefree ranks of the other shinobi here. We're burdened, him with his desire to kill Itachi and me with trying to undermine Orochimaru.

After the rest of the hour is up, Eito casually strolls out to the middle of the field. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back for the second round of the Chunin Exams Tournament!"

The crowd roars as Eito swings an arm towards the contestants, or more specifically me and Hiro.

"Would Green of Otogakure and Hiro of Takigakure please come forward!"

"Well, it's time for our battle!" Hiro happily says. "Are you ready Midori-chan?"

I join him and we both walk out to Eito. "Yes."

* * *

Alvarcus vs Hiro

"Green, Hiro." Eito greets us. "So it's the same rules as last time. Remember them?"

We both nod our consent.

"Great." He raises his voice loud so that the other crowd can hear him. "Fighters ready?"

"Yep!" Hiro chirps out.

"I am." I confidently reply. I've prepared for this.

"Begin!" Eito vanishes in a swirl of leaves.

Neither Hiro or I move, we're still standing slack and observing the other. He's seen me take a beating, one so severe that almost everyone else would have died from it. It will be interesting to see how he plans to work around that. Maybe he'll try to restrain me? Probably not, he did see my strength already. Honestly I have no idea how he's going to approach this.

"So, Midori-chan, how about we make a bet?" Hiro breaks the tense silence.

That's... weird. I didn't think he was the betting type. "I'm listening."

"If I win, I want to take you out on a date." He's oozing confidence. "I have a whole night planned already, so we can do it tonight before we have to go our separate ways."

Oh _hell_ no! Okay, okay just play it cool. There's no way I'm going to lose here. It'll never happen. Look at this as an opportunity to get something then take your revenge once he has been beaten. "And if I win?"

"Uh..." Hiro looks blankly at me, then his face lights up as if he's just thought of the world's best idea. "You could take me on a date!"

"NO!" I yell out. "Absolutely not!"

His face falls in defeat. "What do you want then?"

I... uh don't actually know. There really isn't anything I want from him.

I swiftly spin and face the Kage's gazebo before kneeling. "Orochimaru-sama, is there anything you desire from this gennin?"

My response hushes the crowd. Before there were whispers, quiet conversation that were talking about how cute we could be together or how adorable Hiro is to going to such lengths to woo me or even remarks about how cold my heart is.

Orochimaru grins in glee and eagerly leans forward in his plush chair. He's so happy that I thought to ask him before making my own terms. "Choices choices! There isn't much a gennin can offer, but for him I believe I can come up with something! A piece of his Jiongu would be satisfactory. It would be interesting to compare it to other kinjutsu and bloodlines."

He wants the Jiongu again? Well, it would provide a nice baseline to compare against mine.

I turn back to Hiro. His jaw is hanging open and he's starring at Orochimaru in equal parts fear, awe, and terror. It isn't everyday that someone casually reveals your trump card for you, especially in front of an audience.

"That is my term. I want a piece of your Jiongu. Do you accept?"

"You want Taki's most revered kinjutsu? All I asked for was a date!" He shouts in disbelief. "Those two things are not anywhere near the same value!"

"I'm glad you agree, your price is far steeper." I will not go on a damn date with _anyone!_ If I do it'll be in my normal form not this female one! Why is this happening to me? Being Midori is a terrible idea, I'm never doing it again!

"But, but it's a kinjutsu..." Hiro trails off while looking flabbergasted.

"And we're talking about my first date. Much more important." I can't believe I'm actually going through with this. "So do you agree or not? Pretty sure we were supposed to be fighting like five minutes ago."

"Uh... you know what? Yes, I do accept. It isn't like I'm going to lose!" Hiro falls into a taijutsu stance.

"Thank you for the Jiongu. I'm sure Orochimaru-sama will cherish it." I mirror him and take up my own taijutsu stance.

We fall into a tense silence again. We're staring at each other, neither making the slightest movement. Then at some unspoken command we both burst into action.

I lunge at him while pulling out two of my new weapons. The blue blade in my right hand and the green in my left. I plan on at least getting one of them into his system, the blue could end the fight and the green will make him easier to get to if I can't make the blue connect.

But before I can stab or slice him, Hiro lightly jumps backwards and flies through hand seals. He's prepping a jutsu. "Wind Release: Wind Cutter Technique!" A long eerily green blade of pure wind forms between Hiro and me and launches at me.

I side step out of the way, the speed of his jutsu isn't enough to catch me off guard. It barely slowed my assault.

Something sharp cuts through the top of my left shoulder, barely enough to break my skin but enough to reach it through my multiple layers of clothing. "Huh." I reverse my berserker charge and hop a few meters away. "So there were two blades? Not just one?"

"Wrong." Hiro smirks and points towards my right arm. "There were three."

Sure enough, there's a tear in my coat. Wow, I must be slacking. I'll have to take this a little more seriously. "I liked this coat."

I place a hand on my shoulder and leave it there for a moment. If everyone assumes I'm a medic nin, I might as well play the part. My hand comes away with a smear of blood on it, the Jiongu pushed some out to match the size of the wound.

"I'm not sorry." Hiro taunts. "You excel at close range, there's no way I'm going to let you near me. Plus I have no idea what those... are those teeth? Yeah I have no idea what those do and I don't want to find out."

"Fine." I sheath the two poison blades again. "Long range it is." I fly through hand seals at an astonishing rate, much faster than Hiro did. "Earth Release: Ten Thousand Fists!"

As my innumerable fists of earth surge towards Hiro, a specific sound can be heard above it. It's one I'm intimately familiar with. It's the sound I hear whenever I push out a monster.

SQUELCH

A mass of black threads forms between Hiro and my fists of earth and takes the hit unflinchingly. He used one of his monsters as a shield. Judging by the mask he has it wearing, it's his earth heart. That makes sense, earth is a naturally defensive element. But having the monster take the hit? That's just mean.

 _~Thank you for not doing that.~_

Yeah yeah, just be quiet.

"Oh no!" Hiro taunts me again. "It looks like your attack failed! Whatever shall you do now?" He grins at his monster. "You won't be able to get past this, they're indestructible."

"Really now? Let's test that." I do something crazy, I charge at the monster.

The distance between us is closed in two seconds, but that is enough time for the monster to swing a fist at me. Unlike my battle with Lee, I nimbly contort out of the way and the fist sails past me. I firmly plant both feet on the ground a spring up well within striking distance of the one weak spot of the earth monster. I yank out the orange blade and plunge it deep into the monster's head, I don't go through the mask, rather I go around it utilizing the natural curve of my toothy weapon. Instead of withdrawing it, I let it stay embedded into the monster's head.

Then something happens that shouldn't happen, the mass of threads crushes me in a bear hug. I'm pinned between it's arms and chest. I must have missed the heart.

"Well this isn't embarrassing at all." I say with the ease of someone going for a walk instead of someone being submitted to crushing force.

"You can talk still?" Hiro pokes his head around the hulking body of his monster. "Earthy here is strong enough to squish grown men."

"Uh... did you not see my first fight?" I reply without a hint of strain in my voice despite the suddenly increased pressure. "Or did you happen to forget that I made a lot of craters by being thrown into the ground?"

The pressure increases again. "I remember. I didn't want to hurt you too badly though. I want you to be presentable for our date! Oh you should wear a dress! We can go to a fancy restaurant and everything, I can wear a suit and I'll buy you beautiful flowers-"

"My lovely orchid no!" A distinctly youthful voice is heard from the sidelines.

"-definitely not orchids. Perhaps lilies? Or roses? Oh I know, a bouquet of red roses!" Hiro isn't even paying me any attention anymore. He thinks he's got me trapped. "Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

Any second now. Just be patient. It'll be any second now. Then I can beat him to a bloody pulp.

"Midori-chan?" Hiro asks out of concern. "Is it too much now?"

"No. Just waiting." I growl out. I'm going to enjoy what happens next.

"For what?"

Hiro's earth monster writhes in agony and loses it's grip on me. I waste no time and leap away from it.

If the Jiongu can feel pain, Hiro's certainly is right now. The black threads that made it up are little more than a heaping mound of struggling serpents. The vague humanoid appearance is long gone, it's just a pile of flailing limbs.

After ten seconds, the monster dies. The threads stop moving and they start to waste away into nothing, they're becoming dust. My dagger clatters to the ground.

I always wondered what would happen if a heart was destroyed in a monster. I got my answer.

"That. I was waiting for that."

"What did you do!?" Hiro shouts at me from a fair distance away. As I watched his monster die he put a lot of space between us. "You missed the weak point! You didn't hit the heart! So why did it die?!"

I casually pick up the orange dagger from the ground and merrily twirl it between my fingers. "This baby. She's coated in poison, and this unique blend is acidic. It melts flesh, by leaving it embedded in that thing I gave it ample time to come in contact with it's heart. All it needed was the slightest of touches. I just had to wait for it to eat through the Jiongu first. Pretty cool right?"

Hiro's whole demeanor has changed. He's not as carefree any longer, now he's serious. Now he's dangerous. "You destroyed my heart."

"I did." I confirm. "How many do you have left?"

"Enough." Another monster leaves Hiro's body with a sickening squelch. This one has a fire themed mask.

In unison both Hiro and his monster ready a jutsu. Not good. If I destroyed earth, that means he still has wind and fire. I personally know that mixing those two is a hell of a lot of fun for the jutsu user but not for their target.

I don't like being the target.

"Combination Jutsu: Fire and Wind Bullet!" Hiro roars.

"Wait that's it?" A pathetically puny fireball launches at me. Sasuke's Grand Fireballs are way hotter and bigger than this, and my version of using fire and wind can melt stone. But Hiro can only do this? "Mediocre."

I don't even bother to dodge. I simply coat my hand in chakra and backhand the weak attack away.

"That was a disappointment. You're Fire Wave or whatever that was is way better than that." I shake my head.

"It wasn't meant to do damage." Hiro says from behind me. "It was just a distraction." His warm hand grips the back of my neck and black threads wrap the rest of the way around it. "Will you surrender?"

He made a mistake. He got in close. Since he's behind me, he can't see me grab my blue dagger. "I will not." I spear the dagger towards his gut.

It doesn't make it into him, he grabbed my wrist before it connected. "I'm not eager to find out what the other colors do."

Unknown to everyone but me, a grin of victory forms on my face. "Too bad." I bring out my Jiongu enhanced strength and overpower his grip and plunge the dagger deep into his gut. He didn't have a chance of besting me in strength.

Instantly the hold on my neck is released and Hiro once again puts distance between the two of us. "Aw crap." He grabs the blue handle sticking out of him and gives it a sharp yank. "What does this one do?"

"Give it a moment." I cheekily taunt. "Any second now."

THUD

Hiro falls face first onto the ground.

"There it is!" Ah that felt good. "The blue handle," I casually stroll over to the now incapacitated Hiro, "is a paralytic. Have fun with that."

Eito shunshins in a swirl of grass next to us both. "So... he's not getting up is he?"

"I would be surprised if he did. He should be down for an hour or two. Maybe less if the Jiongu helps flush the poison."

"Well right now he's at your mercy, so this is your victory." Eito turns to the crowd. "Winner by KO, Green of Otogakure!"

"You know, I thought this would be more of a challenge." I idly say to myself as I poke Hiro in the arm with my foot. "It isn't every day you get to fight against a kinjutsu. You just don't know how to work with it yet. That's too bad."

"You don't happen to have an antidote do you?" Eito asks from over my shoulder. "Kinda need him off the field now. We don't want him to die either."

"I can promise he won't die, but I didn't bring an antidote with me. I'm already resistant to all of my poisons so I never really see the need to." I quit poking him with my foot. "I can get him off the field for you though. I'll bring him over to the contestant's gazebo and everything."

"Cool. Go do that." Eito urges me to do his job for him.

"Yay." I pick Hiro up by the back of his shirt collar. "Let's go." I proceed to drag him back to the gazebo. "Oh no, is that a rock up ahead?"

A pitiful whine escapes Hiro's lips as a rather sensitive part of the male anatomy collides with the rock.

"It was, silly me." I don't stop dragging him, rather I angle his head so he can see in front of us. "Don't worry, only three more to go!"

After three more bumps and whines of a higher and higher pitch, we are finally back at the gazebo.

"Up we go!" I toss him into his chair. He flops over in it like a sack of potatoes. "This isn't going to work. Oh I know!"

I stomp the ground and a study earth pillar rises up. Then I fly through some hand seals and lightly touch the ground.

POOF

"Summoner?" A scratchy voice calls out. There are sharp inhales of breath and even a very unmanly squeak from Shino.

"Murasakino!" I happily answer. "So glad you could make it! See this limp noodle here?" I gesture at the slack Hiro. "I want to make sure that he has a nice view of the field where the fights happen, so we're going to tie him up to this post!" With a grand flourish I gesture at the pillar I made.

"I'm not so sure we should..."

"He ruined one of my coats."

"Hold him up." Murasakino demands and I comply, holding up Hiro against the pillar. Murasakino tenderly runs a hairy leg down the left side of Hiro's face. A terrified squeak manages to break through the effects of the poison. "Let me know if this is too tight deary."

In the next two minutes, Hiro is completely cocooned to the post with only is face free.

"Thank you Murasakino!" I send her back and then I lean in close to his ear. "That was for trying to force me into a date. When someone says no, they mean no. Or was me literally screaming that I don't like you not a big enough clue?"

I happily trot over to my chair and relax in it. Finally, I'll not have to deal with Hiro for a while. At least until the poison wears off.

"Okay, so I'm never going to piss her off." Sachihiro boldly breaks the silence.


	46. Chapter 46

Author Note: As an apology for not posting for the better part of a month, here's the biggest chapter yet. I've been without internet for a while and I just got it back today, so the once a week updates should be back now.

* * *

"Okay, so I'm never going to piss her off." Sachihiro boldly breaks the silence.

"Smart boy." I chirp back with a hint of victory laced in my tone. I feel much better now. So what my friends are mere meters away? So what that both of my Kage are talking to each other? So what Kakashi is around here somewhere? So what that Danzo is probably planning his revenge as we speak? Just enjoy the little things, like petty meaningless revenge.

Okay so I'm totally fucked. I know that.

Right now the best situation is going back to Sound with Orochimaru. Isn't that a depressing thought? Going back to the tyrannical mad scientist who has a father fetish is the _best_ case scenario.

"Did you have to hit all three rocks?" Sasuke conversationally asks. "Isn't that just a little bit of overkill?"

"That was the idea." I merrily chirp back to him. "Some people need to have the lesson beaten into their heads to learn it. Sometimes repeatedly."

"... That wasn't his head." Noboru hesitantly cuts in. He's regarding me in a whole knew light, again. First I was a potential buddy, then someone to tease, now I'm someone to not mess with. Finally! Couldn't he learn this earlier? It would have made things so much easier.

"Wasn't it?" I offer up an innocent shrug.

Noboru turns to Sasuke with pity in his eyes. "Dude I am so sorry she's your teammate. That's got to be hell."

"Not really." It's Sasuke's turn to shrug. "I'm smart enough to not piss her off intentionally. Believe me when I say that was nothing. The things she does when she's truly mad, now that's when you need to run."

Color drains form Noboru's face as his wide eyes dart back to me for a fleeting moment.

"Today's second match is between Kiba Inuzuka of Konohagakure!" Eito's booming voice cuts through all other noise and abruptly halts our conversation. Talk about convenient timing, I was getting bored of that topic. "His opponent is Red of Otogakure!"

"Hell yeah!" Kiba leaps to his feet with Akamaru perched on his head. "Finally I get to show my stuff! You better not turn out like that other guy did Red!" Kiba, in good nature, points at Sasuke. "Please say you're better than him?"

"I did get here by my own skills, not someone else's." Sasuke blandly replies.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Leiko twitch. Interesting, before she gave off the idea that she's fed up with her brother and tired of holding his hand through everything. It was almost like she's given up on him. But she hasn't stopped caring for him. He is still her brother, they're family after all. It's only natural to come to your family's defense, but Leiko isn't standing up for him. Perhaps she's decided to wear a mask of indifference when it comes to her sibling so the other contestants don't try to use him against her? Sure we couldn't physically attack Yuri but we could certainly belittle him to her during a match. Psychological warfare can win battles, it could potentially knock her off of her game.

Hence, she's tolerating the slander aimed at her own flesh and blood to remove a weapon that could be wielded against her. It's smart, but it takes a great deal of focus and control. Once you show a pressure point you won't be able to hide it again.

"Good luck Kiba!" Hinata encourages her team mate and the last Konoha shinobi in the tournament.

"Make sure to win this one!" Lee happily says with _way_ too much enthusiasm. "Display the power of your youth!"

"Bring Konoha honor." Neji respectfully says, even when he's around friends he can't help being formal on occasion.

"Good luck." Shino quietly, but firmly, says to his teammate.

"You better win this whole thing!" Tenten demands. "Gotta make the rest of us look good! We're counting on you!"

Kiba lets out a warm laugh. "That is the idea everyone! Come on Akamaru, let's go win this!"

He rushes out to the field and stands by Eito. He's revving to go, eager to start a battle and show of his skills to the fixated crowd. He looks like he's loving the attention.

Sasuke rises up in silence and walks out to the field while oozing confidence.

"Red." I call after him, causing him to stop halfway there. "Perhaps don't use genjutsu this time? Sure some shinobi know it's impressive, but to everyone else it's boring. No one wants to watch a intense stare down between two adolescent guys."

Sasuke scoffs and starts walking to his opponent again.

"Speak for yourself." Tenten mutters to herself, but thanks to my enhanced hearing I can hear it as if she's talking at a normal volume. "Having two hunks of meat stare each other down to try and win your favor? Mmmm... me like! Hehehe! Boys there's no need to fight, there's plenty of me to go around. You can be Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while the other can be Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. What about Sundays? Well a girl has to have some me time!"

" _Tenten!_ " Neji's stern voice brings his teammate back to reality.

"Oh." Tenten sheepishly looks at all of the Konoha gennin. They're all staring at her with wide eyes and slack jaws. "Whoops? Was all that out loud?"

" _Yes!_ " Neji hisses out. "You have got to stop doing that!"

Tenten's eyes glaze over. "But it's just so _dreamy..._ "

"Fighters ready?" Eito's loud voice reminds us all where we are and what we should be doing.

"You betcha!" Kiba eagerly shouts with an accompanying yip from his loyal companion Akamaru.

"I am ready." Sasuke quietly says, but his voice carries an immense amount of self confidence.

I don't blame him for that. He definitely has the upper hand in this situation, he already knows the basics to Kiba's fighting style. Not to mention the whole Sharingan and being trained by Orochimaru. I hate to say it, but Kiba has already lost this fight.

"Begin!" Eito vanishes in a swirl of blades of grass.

* * *

Kiba vs Sasuke

Eerily reminiscent of my fight against Hiro, neither Kiba, Akamaru, nor Sasuke move as Eito puts distance between himself and the contestants.

"So..." Kiba opens up with a wide playful grin. "Want to make a bet like the last fight?"

Is this going to become a thing? I hope not, I have no idea what Gaara might ask for in the final round.

"What do you wish to bet on?" Sasuke humors his former friend. Besides, this way it will be a better show for the crowd if more than just a victory is riding on this fight.

"When I win I want your mask." Kiba's reply is instant, there wasn't a second to consider it. This wasn't a spur of the moment thing, he's been planning this. What is he getting at? Does he want to see Red's face?

"Why?" Sasuke growls out. "This mask is something I treasure. It means more to me than any kunai, more than my sword, more than any shinobi tool you could imagine. This is the one thing given to me by Orochimaru-sama. You _dare_ to ask me to give it away?"

"I do." Kiba isn't phased by Sasuke's scathing tone, in fact it looks like he expected that result.

"I'll ask again." There's an edge to Sasuke's tone, it's past a warning. It's a promise of a beating if he doesn't like what he hears. "Why do you want my mask?"

"The Byakugan can't see through it." Kiba offers up with a halfhearted shrug. "I plan on giving it to Hinata to bring back to her clan for them to study and find a way around it."

"... You're asking me to give up my most prized possession to impress a _girl?_ " Disbelief and shock. That's the only way to describe Sasuke right now. " _For a girl?!_ "

"Uh... Yes?" Kiba squeaks out with a tinge of red on his cheeks, and I'm not talking about his clan markings. "Come on man! It's just a mask!"

"Then I want your dog." Sasuke demands in the next moment.

" **WHAT?!** " Kiba roars and Akamaru growls in anger at Sasuke.

"You heard me." Sasuke isn't phased by the sudden pressure of the combined killing intent of Kiba and Akamaru. "You are asking me to bet my mask, my most prized possession. It's only fair that you do the same." Sasuke levels a cold, hard, stare at Kiba. "I. Want. Your. Dog."

The watching crowd is silent, everyone is riveted to this show. No one wants to tear their eyes away from the drama that is unfolding before them.

"Never." Kiba's killing intent spikes higher, but compared to the others that Sasuke and I have been exposed to this is little more than a breeze. My stunt during the first task was _way_ more impressive. Kiba's could barely pause another gennin, but to be able to actually direct killing intent at his age is impressive. Usually it is a chunin level skill, killing intent is the byproduct of battles. It takes time to learn how to even use a tiny bit of it. That Kiba can use this much speaks volumes about his skills.

I'm an exception to that rule. Since I've constantly been exposed to killing intent at a Sannin's level I've quickly learned how to harness it for myself. Plus it helps that I actually do want to kill Orochimaru and that I've... maybe sorta already went on a few bloodlust fueled rampages. So really you can't compare other gennin to me. It'd be like comparing a stream to a river. Sure they're both made of water, but they're in different leagues.

"I will never give away Akamaru." Kiba growls while turning more feral as each second ticks away.

"Then the bet is off." Sasuke says while firmly griping his sword.

"Yes. It is." Kiba falls into the Inuzuka Clan's taijutsu stance. He's bent over, ready to spring at his opponent at a drop of a needle or even fall down to all fours to utilize one of his stronger jutsus. "Then I'll just have to take your mask for myself!"

"Really now?" Sasuke's tone is frigid. Ice is more warm and welcoming.

"Come on Akamaru!" Kiba drops down onto all fours. "Fang Over Fang!"

Both Kiba and his loyal companion become twisting tornadoes, but instead of being made of wind it's made of claws and fangs. It's twin drills soaring through the air with every intent of ripping Sasuke to shreds. Kiba is taking this very seriously to be opening with one of his stronger attacks.

"Then you won't mind if I follow that same logic?" Sasuke's words are accompanied by one of the most vile and repulsive sounds in the world.

"Kukukuku!" Orochimaru is enjoying this.

As the two twisting drills near Sasuke, he does something that looks suicidal. He steps towards one of the drills, placing himself closer to it and in harms way.

Looks can be deceiving, because Sasuke isn't in any danger at all. He subtly spins his sword so that the dull side is facing outward and delivers one extremely quick slash.

CRACK

The drill that he slashed veers off course and rips into the earth, tearing up a long line of soil, before slamming into a tree.

The second drill continues to surge straight at Sasuke's unprotected back, it's eager to score what looks like a very serious hit. The drill doesn't meet flesh, instead it meets unforgiving steel. Sasuke used the momentum of his first swing to help spin around and place his blade protectively between him and the danger.

For three seconds the two forces fight. The twisting and tearing drill versus the resolute steel. Sasuke wins, not because his sword is unbreakable but rather that the drill couldn't sustain the needed rotation. Once the blur becomes clear again, we see Kiba emerge with fury on his face.

That means the one that Sasuke hit with his sword is Akamaru.

"You hurt Akamaru." Kiba accuses with malice marring his face.

"Yes." Sasuke simply replies. "And now I'm going to claim my prize."

Sasuke disappears in a swirl of grass. He must have copied Eito's style of shunshin.

"Wait what?" Kiba can't comprehend what just happened. "What prize?"

Sasuke re-appears by a tree. Not just any tree, there's a brilliant patch of white underneath the canopy. It looks like someone bleached some of the grass, but there's one thing that counteracts that hypothesis. The white grass is rising and falling, it's breathing. It's Akamaru.

Sasuke's slash was so quick a precise that he managed to land a knock out blow on the spinning dog. That was only the start of Akamaru's problems, just because he was knocked out doesn't mean that he lost any of his momentum from his Fang Over Fang. He kept moving at crazy speeds and slammed into this tree. He probably needs some serious medical attention after that.

"Hmm." Sasuke eyes the prone dog. No, he's not a dog yet. He's still a puppy. "Doesn't seem worth it now."

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Kiba roars in beastly fury as he moves so fast he's a blur. He stops above Akamaru, one foot protectively on either side of his best friend. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Kiba has a kunai in his right hand and makes use of it. He slashes at Sasuke with every intention of spilling his guts all over the ground.

Sasuke lazily takes a step back. He's belittling Kiba with the ease of his actions. He's not taking Kiba as a threat at all.

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT HIM!"

"Keep the mutt." Sasuke spits out. "If it can't even take that hit then it's useless to me."

Kiba's fury soars to new heights. His limbs are trembling with rage, he's no longer a shinobi. Now he's a wild beast. A raging untamed wolf that's decided Sasuke is his prey. "I'm going to kill you."

Kiba doesn't roar those words. They're spoken at a normal volume, but the weight of them is much heavier than when he was shouting. This isn't an idle threat, it's a promise. Kiba has every intention of following through with his words.

Sasuke eagerly flicks his sword, cleaning off the minute amount of dust and fur that has settled on it. "Then come and attack me!"

With a mighty bellow Kiba sprints at Sasuke. He's forgoing all techniques, he's even abandoning planning. He's just a beserker right now.

That doesn't mean he isn't dangerous. His fingertips are sharp and pointed. His canines elongated. Over all he looks more animalistic, more primal. With this physical change comes more strength. His blows leave rents in the ground and dents in the trees. But they don't once connect with his target.

Even with this beserker power up he still can't land a blow on Sasuke who just dances out of the way.

"Is this all the Inuzuka Clan can offer?" Sasuke taunts. "I expected more."

Sasuke's last comment pushes Kiba further into his fury fueled beserker rage. All traces of logic are gone, he's running purely on instinct and the desire to kill.

"RAAAGH!" Kiba's roar is loud and long, deafening all other noise. He lunges at Sasuke and swings wide to rake his claws across the crimson mask.

He's wide open.

CRACK

Sasuke's blade slashes through the air once more and solidly connects with Kiba's temple, instantly forcing him into unconsciousness.

Within the same instant Eito is standing behind Sasuke, who is looking down at the unconscious Kiba.

"Well then." Eito's voice doesn't startle Sasuke. "That's the end."

"It is." Sasuke idly agrees with the proctor. "It's a shame. I thought he would last longer. He gave in to his rage so quickly and it turned the fight into a beating."

Eito gives Sasuke a quick once over. "You Oto shinobi are kinda assholes, aren't you?"

"Better not let Midori hear you say that. She's been playing nice the entire time." Sasuke shrugs. "You could say that. We're just used to a higher threshold of combat. In our training dirty tricks are encouraged. We are taught that there is only one true rule to shinobi combat: Do not fight fair. There is no tactic that is off limits, even in our sparring the only things that are forbidden are lethal attacks. Anything else goes."

"Well..." Eito turns his gaze onto the prone Konoha shinobi and his furry companion. "I can't deny that it works."

Then Eito turns to the crowd and yells, "Winner: Red of Otogakure!"

The crowd doesn't clap. It doesn't cheer. There's only hushed whispers. They didn't like how that fight went. They didn't like that Sasuke manipulated his opponent into a beserker state and coldly defeated him like it was child's play.

They don't like Sasuke at all.

* * *

"Your teammate is a dick." Kankuro loudly says to me from across the gazebo as Sasuke and Eito are talking over the downed Konoha shinobi.

"Well you're not wrong. Some would say he's a dick, while others would say he's efficient." Okay, I've lost everyone. No one quite understands what I meant by that if all of their blank looks are anything to judge by.

"Why do I have to explain everything?" I whine to myself. "Okay, so what he did was mean."

"More like deplorable." Temari mutters and she gets a few nods in agreement.

"Like I was saying." I cut her off from continuing. "What Red did was mean, rude and underhanded. I know that, he knows that, hell everyone knows that. But what he did was _exactly_ what would have happened in the real world."

"What the hell are you going on about now?" Tenten yells from her seat. Her and the rest of the Konoha shinobi present are much more unfriendly towards me right now. I didn't think it was possible, but with Sasuke's abuse of Akamaru we've made them hate us more.

"Simple really, one of the tried and true strategies of shinobi warfare is to remove the opposition's best weapon. Since Kiba is an Inuzuka, his best weapon is his partner. Not only did it make it a one on one fight but it drastically lowered Kiba's threat level." I'm getting blank looks again. "Oh my Kami how do you people not know these things?! To use his higher level jutsu he _needs his partner!_ Red cut his usable jutsu in half, and the half Kiba was left with was his weaker half! The Inuzuka work in pairs for a reason, it makes them better!"

"These Exams and this Tournament are meant to showcase shinobi skills, it's the whole reason we're here. So far, Red has shown that he's the best shinobi here. He's manipulative, he's skillful, and _he hasn't revealed anything about his skills._ Think about it, we're shinobi. We live in the shadows, we thrive in secrecy, we excel at trickery and misdirection. Look at everyone else whose here."

I turn to Noboru. "Noboru of Iwa, you're an up and coming seal user of notable skill. That means that seals are your bread and butter, to beat you one has to either wait till you've exhausted all of your seals or avoid them and defeat you from long range. Sorry, but nothing else about you is worrisome or noteworthy."

I gesture at the still bound Hiro. "Hiro of Taki. Wielder of the Jiongu, Earth Grudge Fear. Let's you take in organs of others to enhance yourself, but once the heart is destroyed his battle prowess is drastically lowered. Either stab out his heart, or stab the mask/head of his monster thingies." I'm purposefully leaving the explanation about the Jiongu vague, after all there's no need to further expose my own weaknesses.

I point at Lee next. "Lee of Konoha. Taijutsu specialist, uses the Eight Inner Gates to enhance his combat efficiency. His whole combat style is meant to cause massive blunt damage, meant to break bones and crack skulls. Can not use ninjutsu or genjutsu, and thus is exceptionally weak to genjutsu. It's advisable to use that against him to end the fight quickly or get ready for a beating."

I turn to Hinata. "Hinata of Konoha. Has the Byakugan, which renders hiding almost impossible. Best method is to whittle down her energy using long range attacks, whether jutsu or weapons depends on the users own skills. Under no circumstances should one engage in close combat with her, the Gentle Fist can end the fight in one hit." I subtly tap the back of my head and Hinata's and Neji's faces both drain of color. I let them know that I am aware of the Byakugan's blind spot.

I point out to the field where Tsunade is looking over Kiba. "Kiba and Akamaru of Konoha. Again, another taijutsu type. Relies on his partner for stronger attacks, best way to defeat the pair is to remove the weaker one first, whether it is the dog or the man depends on each unique pair. That will limit the other and could potentially make them abandon logic."

I gesture to the last Konoha shinobi in the tournament. "Shino of Konoha. Uses beetles as his main form of combat. He is exceptionally weak to fire ninjutsu, and under the correct conditions lightning. Best method to win is to use wide area of effect ninjutsu to lower his swarms. He excels against those with a small chakra supply and does well in prolonged fights since his beetles eat chakra."

"Tenten of Konohagakure." Everyone is shocked that I'm going to someone not in the tournament next. "Weapons Mistress. She's damn good at long range and lethal at close. Her major weaknesses are any kind of skill -jutsu or other- that can knock her weapons out of the air or limit her maneuverability. Wind and Earth jutsu are good ways to counter her, or just pure speed."

"Neji of Konoha. Another Byakugan wielder, same thing applies as Hinata but he's more dangerous. He's hailed as a prodigy, one that appears in only a few generations."

"Gaara of Suna. Arguably the most dangerous one here. Jinchuriki of the One Tails, and has command over sand and is rumored to have an automatic defense, some call it an ultimate shield. His weaknesses are genjutsu and water. Genjutsu is notably hard for jinchuriki to detect, but not impossible so don't rely on it to win you the fight. Water won't win you the fight either, it will slow his sand down and make it more cumbersome. Lightning and it's natural piercing attribute is effective to get past any barrier of sand he has in place, but again it can only do so much. Don't bother to try and remove his sand or to make him chase you to another battlefield, he can make more sand wherever he is. Save your energy, you're going to need it."

"Temari of Suna. Already one of the better Wind users that Suna has to offer, uses her giant fan to enhance each jutsu's effectiveness. Best way to beat her is to attack from below ground where there is no wind to use or to remove her fan. That last one won't win you the battle, but it will make it easier."

"Kankuro of Suna. Puppet master and poison specialist. He's crafty, most consider him the weakest of the Sand Siblings-"

"Hey!"

"-but in reality that is his greatest strength. If everyone sees him as weaker, then it's that much easier for him to use one of his numerous puppets to poison you. Unfortunately he relies on said puppets too much and his own skills are slightly below average, so the best way to beat him is to sever his connection to the puppets and use long range to avoid his poisons."

"Sachihiro of Kiri. Uses a _huge_ sword and has a fighting style that incorporates his wind nature to make him more deadly and give him ranged attacks. Similarly to most taijutsu types he's weak to genjutsu. Focusing on the body so much means that his awareness of his chakra is lower than a ninjutsu or a genjutsu type shinobi. To beat him, either outlast his stamina since using his massive sword tires him out quickly or simply send in clone after clone to use up his energy. Special note: Modeled his sword after Kubikiribocho, one of the Seven Legendary Swords of Kiri. Is possibly being scouted for a new version of the Seven Swordsmen or trying to prove his worth by showing that he could use one of the Legendary swords should it ever be recovered."

"Leiko of Kusa. The person I have the least information on. She's a poison specialist, and should already be a chunin for all intents and purposes. Relies heavily on her poisons to win her fights, her taijutsu is lackluster at best but her use of kunai and other shinobi tools is exceptional. Always assume that her weapons are poisoned and dodge -not block- her attacks. Likes to use pellets to make poison gas clouds and can apparently tailor them to each opponent if given the time. Best way to beat her is to end the fight quickly by any means necessary so she can't use her poisons. The longer the fight goes on the more time she has to get a poison into your system, then it's game over. She likes to boast, so if you find her monologuing and need a breather it is okay to let her talk."

"Earlier, Leiko gave her estimate of my skills. You all remember that, yes?" I get a fair number of nods agreeing with me. "What about Red? What do you know of him and his skills?"

"He uses his sword and genjutsu." Temari says confidently.

No one else says anything.

"That's it?" My voice breaks the silence again. "Anyone could tell he uses a sword by looking at him. The only reason you all know he uses genjutsu is because he used that to beat Sachihiro. None of you know anything about his true skills, do you?"

Again, no one responds.

"That means that there is an unknown that advanced all the way to the finals. Truly he's the best shinobi here simply because no one knows what he can do. You all don't even know if he's a genjutsu, ninjutsu or taijutsu type."

"Midori, that explanation was way too long." Sasuke says from behind me. "Did you really have to lay everything out like that? Took way too much time."

"Okay, so maybe I did go a tad over the top." I just wanted to show off a bit! I mean come on I'm a spymaster but I can't let anyone know that. Shirokumo deserves to have his hard work at least be used somehow! "Wait, when did you get here?"

"When you started talking about Lee." Wow that was a while ago. Whoops? "I also want to point out that Hiro can move again. He's struggling in his bonds."

I glance over to him and he freezes with wide fearful eyes. "What do you know, the Jiongu did process the poison faster. I thought it might." I turn back to Sasuke. "Enjoy yourself? I hope you know that just because we're from the same village doesn't mean I'll take it easy on you."

"... You're not going to cut him down are you?" Sasuke asks as everyone else is staring at me gobsmacked.

Okay so I did jump quickly from one topic to the next. I mean I went from defending Sasuke, to exposing everyone's weaknesses and strengths, and now I'm casually chatting with my teammate about the guy I have tied up because he pissed me off one too many times.

"Nope!"

"Midori you have issues." He blandly responds.

"Dude, don't we all? I mean come on we're _Oto_ shinobi. We're all weird!"

"The next fight will be between Gaara of Sunagakure!" Eito's loud booming voice brings our conversation to a halt. "His opponent is our very own Leiko of Kusagakure!"

Gaara rises up in silence as both Temari and Kankuro give him an encouraging pat on the back. They don't say anything, rather their baby brother already knows that they're proud of him. Plus he's _Gaara,_ how can he lose this?

Leiko, on the other hand, has no one here to wish her luck. Not even Sachihiro, who is sitting next to her has words of encouragement. Even if she did wish him luck he's not returning the favor.

She doesn't let that get to her, she boldly walks past all of us with her head held high. She's surprisingly confident for someone who is about to face down a jinchuriki.

"Do not underestimate me." She quietly says as she walks past me. "I will win."

Well now... it'll be interesting to see how she plans to beat a jinchuriki of all things. I wonder if her plan is close to mine at all?

* * *

Gaara vs Leiko

"So, you both ready then?" Eito says from between the two gennin.

"I am." Gaara drones out in his monotonous voice.

"Of course." Leiko scoffs.

"Alright then, begin!" Eito doesn't disappear in a swirl of grass. He doesn't even leap backwards like Leiko's first fight, rather he's standing there. He's very close, almost as if he's expecting this fight to go extremely quickly and doesn't want to move away.

Or he expects it to go horribly wrong and wants to be able to step in as soon as possible.

"So Gaara." Leiko casually attempts to strike up a conversation. "Before we fight-"

"There will be no betting." Gaara immediately cuts her off. "I am only here to get a promotion, nothing more, nothing less."

"No, no silly!" Leiko is too relaxed. Way too relaxed for this situation. "There's some things you should know."

"Go on." Gaara humors her, even though it's blatantly clear he doesn't want to. He just wants this over, in fact his eyes are darting to Sasuke and I. It's like he's analyzing us, trying to figure out the best way to defeat us both at the same time. He isn't even considering that he could lose this.

"Thank you. On my person there are thirteen vials of various antidotes, each one is the cure to one of my poisons."

"Impressive." Gaara drones out. "Yet irrelevant."

"Again, thank you. Now why am I telling you this?" Leiko drops the good girl act and dons the face of a predator. "Because only one of them will cure the poison currently flowing through your sibling's veins."

Sand explodes out of Gaara's gourd and instantly clamps down hard on Leiko's neck, both of her wrists and both of her ankles. It effortlessly lifts her into the air, she's completely at the mercy of Gaara in a matter of moments.

Except, she's not surrendering. Nor is Gaara pressing his advantage.

"Which one is it?" Gaara's voice is icy, for the first time there's emotion in his tone. That emotion is cold calculated fury.

"I'll tell you if you surrender." Leiko offers up. It sounds like she's having a casual conversation with a friend, completely opposite of the situation she's in.

"Then I'll just have to use them all." Gaara decides as multiple sand arms form and start to move towards the bound Leiko.

"Oh now that's a bad idea. Some of those antidotes don't mix well together, in fact a few could even be considered poisons if the poison they're meant to counteract aren't in their systems. Are you sure you want that fancy cocktail of toxins in your family's bloodstreams?"

Gaara turns to the contestant gazebo. "Midori-san, if you heal my siblings I will be forever in your debt. I will provide whatever reward you wish, regardless of price."

To demonstrate that he's serious about his words, a ball of sand forms over his left hand, then rapidly shrinks. It's not losing mass, it's being subjected to intense pressure. After only a mere five seconds a perfect diamond the size of a sparrow's egg is resting in his palm.

"I can give you a fortune." Gaara holds out his arm and the jewel to me even though we're dozens of meters apart. "Just heal my family."

Everyone's gaze shifts to me. Leiko's is panicked. Gaara's and the rest of the contestants are hopeful. The crowds are a mix of fear, respect and entertained joy. They wanted a show and they're certainly getting it now. There's drama, suspense, action and desperation all in a few minutes.

Tsunade's is one of defeat, she knows I don't have those skills. Orochimaru's is one of intrigue, he also knows that I'm not a medic nin and wants to see how I will handle this situation.

Fuck me. I never thought this would happen. I can't heal them, hell I don't even know how to identify if they are even poisoned! I've never bothered to learn how since I'm basically immune to them. How am I going to worm out of this one?

Well here goes nothing. Time to bullshit my way out of this.

"Gaara-san, I am sorry." I sorrowfully say, my voice is full of melancholy and defeat. "I would save them, simply because it is the right thing to do and not for the reward, but without having a sample of the poison that is in their system I am powerless. Regardless of that it takes time to create a cure, time that I'm sure they don't have. Not only that I highly doubt I have the needed resources on me to make the cure even if I knew how."

"Are you lying to me Oto shinobi?" Gaara let's a hint of his fury manifest as killing intent. Next to me Noboru breaks out in a cold sweat.

I'm not even bothered. "No. I don't normally work with poisons, I focus on bodily harm. Broken bones, cuts, tears, torn muscles, and in extreme circumstances limb reattachment. Poisons are my weakest area."

"Then why do you use poisons yourself?" He accuses me.

Shit! My daggers are coated in poisons how did I forget that? Okay okay just keep spewing bullshit and hopefully he'll buy it. The key to lying is to include some truth in it. Hell I've been lying to Orochimaru for months! Lying right now to Gaara should be a piece of cake compared to that.

"These poisons are made by my summons. They posses the cures to them, but can't really make more for unique poisons. Rather than saying that my poisons are made by my summons, it's more accurate to say that they're secreted by my summons. It's venom not poison. To cure mine you have to be bitten by one of my summons and they inject the antidote in place of their venom."

"So you cannot." Gaara grimly asks for confirmation.

"Correct. I am sorry." The sorrow in my voice isn't faked.

"Well now that was interesting!" Leiko happily chants from her suspended spot. "Sooo... what's your-"

POP

"AAAHHHHHH!" Leiko's scream tears through the air. "What the fuck you asshole! I hold the lives of your family in my hands and you rip out my shoulder?"

Gaara dislocated her shoulder. Honestly I'm surprised she got off so lightly.

"This is a mere taste of what will happen to you if they die." Gaara let's the sand holding her wrists and ankles crumble away and lowers her to the ground. The one on her neck -her collar- remains. "Should you not heal them, then I will do the same thing to your neck."

Leiko's eyes go wide with fear. She didn't expect him to be this violent about it. She expected him to roll over and dance to her tune, instead she's dealing with a barely restrained jinchuriki.

"Are. We. Clear." Gaara's voice is scathing.

"Y-yes." Leiko whispers out.

"Eito-san I surrender." Gaara says the words that I never thought I would hear.

"Winner by forfeit: Leiko of Kusa!" Eito roars to the crowd. There's applause, but it isn't the thunderous roar that she got previously. Even some of the crowd disapproves of Leiko's tactics.

"Now release my gennin." Eito demands.

Gaara doesn't listen. He starts walking over to the gazebo, then pauses. "Come."

Leiko hasn't moved. She's standing frozen in place with Eito next to her. She's terrified.

" _Come._ " Gaara's voice carries the authority of the gods themselves, yet still Leiko doesn't move. "So be it."

"URK!" Leiko is lifted up into the air by her neck. She's clawing desperately at her throat trying and failing to get the sand collar off of her. She's pulled through the air to be next to Gaara's side.

"Release her!" Eito shouts. "NOW!"

Gaara ignores him and resumes walking over to the gazebo, no he's swiftly walking to his silent family.

"I said _RELEASE HER!_ " Eito roars and in a burst of speed lunges at Gaara with his fist drawn back.

SLAM

Eito hits a wall of sand. It sprouted up between the two of them like it has a will of it's own. Then a clawed fist surges out of the wall and smacks with a dull thud into Eito's chest, hurling him across the field.

But Eito is a jonin, an attack like that is nothing to him. He lands on his feet like he's hopped off of a half meter drop instead of landing from being thrown ten meters. Then he brings his hands together, he's going to use a jutsu. "I said **RELEASE MY GENNIN!** "

I look over towards Orochimaru. He's grinning, no doubt he's enjoying the power struggle that's taking place before him. Then his eyes dart to me and I swiftly yet subtly nod towards Gaara. Orochimaru's eyes shine with madness and he mouths four words to me: "You have my permission."

Eito finishes his hand signs for the jutsu. "Lightning Release: Spear of Thunder!" He rears back like an Olympian throwing a javelin and a spear of pure lightning forms in his hand. Then he hurls it.

"Alright fuck this." I vanish from my chair, moving at speeds that leave even Lee shocked. I blur past Gaara and stop in the way of Eito's attack. "Wind Release: Assent to the Heavens!"

Behind me I can hear several exclamations from the other contestants, they're all shocked that I can use a second element.

The air itself surges upwards, as if a massive beast is above me and is greedily gulping down giant lungfulls of air. Grass near me is being ripped from the ground, loose dirt and even some small rocks are rising up. Eito's attack is no different. Once the lightning spear enters the vicious and wild updraft it is dragged skyward and is soon no longer visible.

This is one of two of my own unique wind jutsu. Assent to the Heavens is made to do exactly what it just did, take any airborne projectile and launch it skyward. It works well with kunai and shuriken, senbon it's less effective on, but against lightning it's perfect. If Eito threw a kunai this jutsu would only lift it up, causing it to soar over our heads in a parabolic arc before coming back down. But since he attacked with lighting it's super effective, wind trumps lightning after all, and instead of just giving it an upwards push it hurled it up into the sky never to be seen again.

My other technique is known as The Burden of Atlas, and it does the opposite. Instead of pushing up, it pulls down and forces the projectiles to the ground. Neither of these jutsu are hard to learn, it's simple wind manipulation. It's the scale that I used it on that's impressive, even jonin would be hard pressed to use one of these techniques over such a wide area.

"I do not need assistance." Gaara bites out to me.

I look over my shoulder at him. "I agree, but you asked for my help earlier and I couldn't. But I can do this." I turn back to the enraged Eito. "Gaara, go save your family. Then maybe we could all get ice cream after the tournament."

Gaara's head whips towards me and for the first time ever there's surprise on his face. "Ice cream? You remind me a great deal of someone I've met before."

Shit shit shit! "Oh? Previous crush perhaps? How about we not do this now? Don't you have something else you need to do?"

Gaara doesn't reply, instead he briskly turns and resumes going towards his family.

"Midori! Green! Whoever you are!" Eito rages at me as I stand between him and Leiko. "Either move out of the way or you're kicked out of this Tournament!"

"Okay." I calmly say back to him.

"Glad you can see reason!" Eito sprints forward, intent on passing right next to me.

I stomp the ground and a tall wall of stone forms behind me cutting off his path. "Oh, did you think I meant okay you can go past?" I taunt him. "No, I'm going to stop you from stopping Gaara who is only trying to save his family that _your gennin poisoned!_ "

"Then I'll go through you too!" Eito comes to an abrupt stop right before me and both of his hands are sparking with lightning. "Lightning Release: Clap of Thunder!"

I raise my arms in a defensive X, I know I can take this blow. I've taken much worse before.

 _ **BOOM**_

Blood bursts from both of my ears. What the hell?

 _~That's because of his jutsu. It wasn't an attack, rather it was meant to disorientate or in extreme cases render his opponent unconscious. He brought his two hands together and caused a 'Clap of Thunder' to happen only a meter away. The sheer volume of the sound was so intense it should have caused those effects. If you didn't have me here you'd be lying on the floor. Even some of the people in the stands look shaken up.~_

But why am I bleeding from my ears? It's very uncomfortable.

 _~Because that attack would have ruptured your eardrums if you still had them. You ordered me to use blood as if you actually had it. If you get cut, you bleed. If you get your eardrums popped, you bleed.~_

Oh. Well that's annoying.

Eito sprints forward again, this time he made it past me since I was chatting with the Jiongu. We can't have that.

A fist of stone bursts out of the wall Eito is sprinting up and attempts to sock him underneath his jaw. Eito contorts out of the way, but by dodging he had to jump off the wall and land back on the ground.

He points at me and viciously shouts something at me, but I can't hear it. Actually I can't hear anything.

 _~You also asked for accurate representation of damage dealt to you. You shouldn't be able to hear right now.~_

"Hold on a moment." I say. Or shout. I probably shouted it. I hold a hand up to each of my ears and let it rest there for a moment. The Jiongu turns my hearing back on. "Okay, I can hear again."

"How are you standing!?"

"I'm just that good?"

"Midori-san, they're safe now, Leiko has administered the antidotes. There is no need to stall for more time." Gaara says from a hovering cloud of sand.

"Oh good. No adverse effects?" I immediately disregard Eito and give Gaara my full attention.

"None." Gaara assures me. "If there are then I know who to kill. Though it was unneeded, I thank you for your assistance."

"Of course." I let my wall crumble to dust and start walking back to the contestant gazebo. "Simply doing what was right. Oto shinobi may seem like monsters, but we're not. Usually. Some of the time? Depends on who you ask really. Hell ask the right person and they'll say I'm a monster!"

Gaara quirks one of his nonexistent eyebrows at me.

"I know right? I'm a barrel of cuddles and laughs! If you ignore a couple of rage fueled rampages. And a few questionable kills. And that one time I hid three hundred rubber ducks all over Otogakure. Well it was really only two hundred ninety nine but three hundred sounds so much better!"

Gaara stares at me in disbelief.

"Okay, so you have a point." I give in.

"Green has been kicked out of the Tournament!" Eito's livid voice shouts out to the crowd.

"Whatever." I shrug and keep walking. "There's always next time. Plus I've already proven my worth to my Kage."

"Then I request that Leiko also be kicked out of the Tournament and by process of elimination Red pronounced the victor." Orochimaru's voice silences the crowd. It seems like even the sounds of nature halted, this is as close to silence as you can get while being outdoors.

"On what grounds?!" Eito whirls towards my current Kage.

"She blatantly used lethal force. Twice. Against noncombatants. One is permitted to use lethal force against their opponent, but against the spectators?" A wicked grin forms onto Orochimaru's face. "How unsightly. Even I would never approve such tactics."

Collectively the crowd holds their breath. Everyone is waiting eagerly for what happens next.

"Of course," Orochimaru continues, "since it's my gennin she'll be fighting next I am willing to... overlook her transgressions if you let Midori compete as well."

"No! Absolutely not! She attacked me! The Proctor!" Eito spits out. "She's done!"

"Then Red is the winner of the Chunin Exams." Orochimaru levels a cold gaze on the proctor. "Announce it."

"No! Leiko and Red still have to fight!"

"You're playing favorites." Orochimaru's tone becomes deadly. "You do not get to bend the rules as you see fit. _Announce it._ "

"No! The fight will be tomor-"

"Eito. You are making a fool of us." The Kusakage intervenes. Finally, he should have done that ages ago. "It is like the Otokage said, we do not get to play favorites. There will be a fight tomorrow between Red, Leiko and Midori. Or is it Green?"

"Either is fine." Orochimaru assures the fellow Kage.

"Then so be it! Tomorrow at noon will be the final fight!" The Kusakage yells to the shocked crowd. "Eito. Wait for me in my office." Eito doesn't move, he's staring gobsmacked at his Kage. " _MOVE!_ "

"Yes Kusakage-sama!" Eito vanishes from sight.

"Would the contestants please wait for a few minutes? I would like to say something." The Kusakage asks of all of us and those that stood up sit back down. Sure we don't have to obey him, but it's common decency to respect a Kage.

A short minute later he's standing before us. "I apologize for the behavior of both my gennin and my jonin."

Wow. Didn't expect that.

"What both of them did was deplorable and I hope that you all understand that they will be punished accordingly after tomorrow. For Eito to go to such lengths, to show such favoritism to his own gennin, I should have seen it coming." He turns to me specifically. "Thank you for having the courage to stand up and do what is right. Regardless of tomorrow's outcome I am personally recommending you for a promotion. You've earned it." He turns to the Sound Siblings next. "Words cannot describe how sorry I am for what happened. For one of my own gennin to go to such lengths! Please, tell me what I can do to redeem Kusa."

"We would like to open trade with your country." Gaara replies. "Suna is settled in a desert, but we have many unique and valuable things to offer. What we lack are trade partners, we don't have that many. If you truly want to make up for their actions, I ask this."

"Done." The Kusakage accepts with ease. "Is there someone else I should talk this over with or do you carry enough authority to make trade agreements?"

"I will suffice." Gaara confirms. "I am being trained to be the next Kazekage, working with another Kage is only to be expected. I would be honored to personally work with you for the betterment of both of our countries."

"The next Kazekage eh? I believe the honor is mine then!" The Kusakage says in good nature. "I'll send a messenger to you to coordinate a meeting between us before you leave. But for now I've taken up too much or your time. And there's someone waiting for me in my office. I bid you all farewell."

"Well that was certainly interesting." I comment to Sasuke as he and I start to walk away. All of the gennin are breaking away from each other, we're going our separate ways.

"Yeah and what you did was really stupid. You almost got kicked out of the tournament!" He smacks the back of my head. "How the hell do you think Orochimaru-sama is going to react?"

"He gave me permission!" I tenderly rub my skull. "Did you have to hit me so hard?" I whine.

"I don't understand that person at all." Temari's hushed voice is meant for only her siblings to hear, but I catch it anyways. "She doesn't make sense! She's supposed to hate Suna! She was ready to kill one of our teams a month ago! But she's okay with risking her place in the tournament to help Gaara out? Hell she even knew that you didn't need the help! She practically laid out all of our skills not even an hour ago! She didn't react how she was supposed to at all! She should have been happy that Suna nin were suffering not throwing herself in harms way for us!"

"Sis, some people just don't make sense." Kankuro tries to calm her down. "I get the feeling that a lot of Oto shinobi are that way. What about you Gaara?"

"..."

"Gaara? You there buddy?" Kankuro asks.

"She is not who she says she is." Gaara quietly says after a long pause. "They're eerily similar..."

"She's like who?" Temari asks.

"She's like Alvarcus." Gaara explains and both his siblings jaws drop. "They both have a reason to hate Suna nin, but both treat us as an exception. They both have abnormal chakra systems and supplies, yet are not hindered by them. Both can use multiple elements, we've seen Midori use earth and wind so far. Although Midori seems to favor earth while Alvarcus preferred fire. When they both fight, they make sarcastic remarks. Dark humor flows from their mouths like second nature. She hasn't once taken a fight seriously, even when facing Lee. She hides behind a playful nature, yet beneath that is someone who is very cunning. I would wager that her mind is her best weapon, just like Alvarcus, which is why she goes to such lengths to appear free spirited. Alvarcus may have had numerous other skills, but without his mind he would never have used them all so fluidly or uniquely."

"Holy crap he's right." Kankuro says and I feel his eyes on me.

"I don't quite see it..." Temari uncertainly says.

"They both mentioned taking us out for ice cream."

"No. No no no. It can't be. Can it?" Temari turns her eyes onto me too. "Should we confront him? Her? Argh!"

"No." Gaara calmly says. "If it is Alvarcus then he's hiding who he is for a reason. What kind of friends would we be if we exposed him?"

"But he doesn't belong in Sound!" Kankuro whisper shouts to Gaara.

"And?" Gaara emotionlessly says. "Did either of you pause to think that maybe the Hokage ordered him there?"

"What are you on about?!" Temari asks in hushed anger.

"Do you really think that a Sannin wouldn't pick up on the similarities that us _gennin_ did? Or his jonin sensei who happens to have seen every match? It's highly possible that he's a spy. So we will not confront him. We will let him continue. Besides, it is possible that we're wrong. Midori could truly be Midori. Although I admit it would be nice to receive a sign if he truly is our friend."

I look over my shoulder straight at Gaara. Kankuro and Temari's eyes widen in surprise but I didn't phase Gaara for a moment. I give him a brisk nod, a confirmation and a thank you.

" _Holy shit._ " Temari and Kankuro say in unison.

Okay, so that was probably a bad idea. Can't take it back now though.

"Hey! Are you paying attention to me at all?" Sasuke asks as he shoves my shoulder.

"Uh... yes?" I squeak out.

"Then what did I just say?"

"Uh... Wow that Midori is a really cool person!"

Sasuke sighs. "I don't even know why I bother. Come on, Orochimaru-sama expects us back at his hotel."

"We better hurry then, we both know he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"I already said that but someone wasn't listening!"

* * *

Orochimaru's Hotel, Ten Minutes Later

"Good good you're both here!" Orochimaru says as Sasuke and I walk into the room and pull off our respective masks. There is no risk of being discovered here. "Come sit down! Let's chat about today, I want to hear what you both thought."

Sasuke and I plop down onto a couch. I practically melt into it, it's ridiculously comfy. "Oooh, can we bring this back with us?"

"I'll make a deal with you, if you create a storage scroll capable of holding it then we can." Orochimaru gleefully says. "Learning seals was on your list of things to learn, wasn't it?"

I turn an incredulous look on my Kage. "You expect me to learn a whole new skill set in under a day? I'm not that good."

Orochimaru gently hands me an extremely worn yellow leather bound book. "That will help. It's the first journal I ever wrote about seals, back when I was still a novice and learning them for the first time. It will walk you through how to craft a few basic seals, and it has insight from me to make them better or easier to create. Cherish it always."

I glance at the worn yellow book in a new light. "You know I never really made the connection that at one time you were a novice. I mean of course you had to be at one point, but it just never really hit me till now."

"That's an attribute of most S-rank shinobi. Everyone forgets that at one time we were unskilled." Orochimaru smirks. "Eventually people will say that about you, won't they?"

I share his smirk. "That's the plan." Black threads extend out of the bottom of my shirt and tenderly wrap around the worn book. They pull it up under my shirt and then disappear with it. There isn't even a bulge or the outline of the book showing through my shirt.

"Oh?" Orochimaru asks in interest. "I thought you didn't know seals, but it appears that you already know how to craft a storage seal. Pity, I thought I had a challenge for you."

"He doesn't." Sasuke grunts out. "Alvarcus where did you put the book?"

"Safest place I know." I pat my gut lovingly. "If you want to keep something safe, keep it close. There's no place closer than here."

"It's... _inside you?_ " Sasuke's face pales slightly and gains a green tint to it.

"Yep. I mean it's not like the space was being used or anything."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Sasuke says as he turn greener.

"Kukukuku!" Orochimaru is eyeing me in a whole new light. "It's the perfect spot! No one would think to look _within_ a body for sensitive information! It's something only you can do, simply magnificent! You still manage to impress me even now!"

I offer up a shrug. "Never done it before, just figured it was easier than carrying it around and risking it getting stolen. Once I learn how to make storage seals this will become obsolete."

"Still, it is good to know that you're capable of that." Orochimaru forcefully wipes the smile off his face. "Anyways, we've become distracted. Alvarcus, did you enjoy your fight against Hiro?"

"Oh shit Hiro!" I shout. "I didn't cut him down!"

"He'll be fine." Orochimaru dismisses. "I'm sure someone cut him down."

* * *

At the Contestant Gazebo

"MMMMMM!" A muffled scream echoes out into the empty field.

"How fortunate." A deep gravely voice breaks the quiet. "Now I don't have to track you down."

"MMM! MMMMM! MMMMMMMMM!" Hiro starts to squirm, he's hoping that his savior is here.

"You fancy yourself a Jiongu wielder?" The owner of the deep gravely voice steps into Hiro's line of sight. It's a tall imposing man wearing a concealing cloak with red clouds on it. He's still partially hidden in the shadows, his upper half is shrouded in them. "I'm going to ask you a question. Blink once for yes, twice for no. Answer this question as if your very life depends on the answer. _Are you a Taki shinobi?_ "

Hiro blinks once at his savior.

"Let me introduce myself." The speaker steps into the light and a yellow stain forms on the webbing around Hiro's crotch. "I am Kakuzu, missing nin of Taki. Wielder of the Jiongu and the one who decides who get to use it. Unfortunately for you, I've decided that no one from Taki will ever use it again. In fact, until just under a year ago I was intent on being the only person to ever have it but even I realize that having a successor of sorts isn't a bad idea. Lately I've been acting covertly, I need someone to remind the world to fear the Jiongu. Alvarcus is doing that nicely for me and unlike you he passed my test."

Kakuzu looks over Hiro's shoulder.

"Hidan, would you like to kill this one? You're much better at causing pain than I am."

"Oh fuck yeah!" A new voice, one much younger shouts. "Let's get this party started!"

"Remember that we will have to clean up this mess. We don't want any evidence left behind of our presence." Kakuzu says as he pulls out his red leather bound book and opens it to a specific page. "Now, to go over my finances that are being stored in Iwa again. I believe someone is trying to swindle me with outrageous interest percentages. Perhaps I should pay them a visit?"

* * *

"Yeah you're probably right." I push the idea that Hiro is stupid enough to not use the Jiongu to free himself out of my head. "I'm sure he's fine."

"So, did you enjoy that fight? It isn't every day that one gets to battle their own skill set." Orochimaru asks again.

"Eh, it was alright." I wiggle deeper into the couch. "Sure we might both have the Jiongu but our respective skills with it are drastically different. He only made one monster and barely used it at all. I'd even wager that he's still new to it, his arms aren't like mine." I pull up a sleeve and my bandages to show them both my arm. It's littered with scars, it looks like I went through a blender. "His are unmarked."

"Fair point." Orochimaru concedes to me.

"Although, I did enjoy dragging him across the ground." I smile fondly as I reminisce about that moment. "Good times."

"Yes." Orochimaru narrows his eyes slightly. "You seem to be shifting into your self imposed female role very easily."

I shudder. "I fucking hate it! It's hands down the worst idea I've ever had!"

A small weight is lifted off Orochimaru's shoulders. "Only one more day then you can stop it."

"It isn't coming soon enough." I growl out. "Never doing that again. No thank you!"

"Sasuke, how was your fight?" Orochimaru turns to him. "Did you enjoy it?"

"No. It was unsatisfactory." Sasuke darkly says. "I thought I could find a challenge here. I was looking forward to a rematch against Gaara. He's the only one here who can hope to match my skills, everyone else is just in the way. And that _bitch_ got him to surrender!"

"Yes, Leiko was quite resourceful." Orochimaru lost a little bit more weight from his shoulders. Now he doesn't have to worry about Sasuke fighting Gaara. "It's also very surprising-"

"-that we had the same idea." I cut in. Orochimaru glares at me. "Sorry?"

"Yes." He continues while shooting me a disapproving look for interrupting him. "Her practical skills are average, but her mind is sharp. For both of you to realize that the easiest way to beat Gaara was to poison his family and force him to surrender is unexpected."

I offer up another shrug. "It does make the most sense. There were two ways to win, knock out or surrender. We both knew that we couldn't knock him out, so we found the easiest way to make him surrender. Threaten his family. I'm more interested in _how_ she poisoned them. I had a few spiders on standby to do the deed for me, but I have no idea how she managed to get them."

"That doesn't explain why you played the hero." Sasuke interjects. "Why did you think that was a good idea? Hell she used our plan! You shouldn't have cared."

"Simple really, it made us look better." I start to explain. I'm sure Orochimaru has already figured this all out, but he's still riveted to me. "I went to Gaara's aid. In other words, Oto went to Suna's aid. That alone speaks volumes but I also went out of my way to make sure everyone knew that the safety of his family was more important to me than advancing in the Tournament. I showed everyone present that even Otogakure has human shinobi, that we have compassionate shinobi. It helped to break us out of the mold of crazy abnormal soldiers. Don't get me wrong, we still are but now the public views us as less weird."

"Is that what you were going for?" Orochimaru says.

"Uh... yeah?" I hesitantly say. "Wasn't that your goal? You did give me permission."

"Oh that! I just wanted to see what you would do and to spice things up a little." Orochimaru lovingly smiles at me. "What a good child, always thinking of how he can help his father."

"Of course." I can't wait to kill you. I will feel so much better. Only two and a half years and you're dead.

"So, do you both have a plan for Leiko tomorrow?" Orochimaru asks.

"Not yet." Sasuke says. "Again, I thought for sure she would lose. The idea that she could win never crossed my mind."

"Sorta." I chime in. Both of them look to me to explain. "Well, I was thinking about letting her throw everything she has at me, then watching her get more and more desperate as each and every attempt fails, then casually dealing a one hit knock out. Or better yet, I could let some spiders out to play."

"What if she comes after me first?" Sasuke asks.

"Eh, I'll jump in and tell you to wait or something. Say that I want to beat her one on one for all the shit she's caused me."

"Acceptable!" Orochimaru claps his hands together. "Seeing her spirit break will be interesting! What of your battle? Surely the two of you will fight it out?"

Sasuke and I look at each other.

"I don't really want to." Sasuke says.

"Me either." I hastily agree.

Orochimaru didn't want to hear that. The room got colder and the lights seem dimmer, but his eyes are shinning, gleaming in the night like a snake ready to strike. He says one word, " _Why?_ "

"It wouldn't feel right." Sasuke starts to explain. "The two of us know exactly what the other is capable of, but neither of us can use our full skills. We're limited while here, it would be like having two prize racehorses see who is the fastest walker."

"Yeah, if we were to fight we both would want to use our full power. Hell I'm okay with having a fight back at Oto between the two of us if it means that much to you. It'd be a better show and everything."

"Hmm. Perhaps." Orochimaru says. "Then if you are not going to fight, who will win?"

"Sasuke will." I say. "The Kusakage said he'd talk to you about me getting promoted already. Plus I pretty much have it in the bag. But Sasuke hasn't really showed any skills off, so we might stage a fight of sorts with him as the victor. Or I'll just surrender to him while saying something like 'I know there's no way I can beat you.'"

"About time you admit that." Sasuke arrogantly says with his trademark Uchiha tone.

"Please, we both know that this is a one time thing. It's all an act."

Knock Knock

"How unexpected." Orochimaru rises up from his chair. "It appears I have a visitor. Masks on."

Both Sasuke and I don our masks.

Orochimaru boldly opens the door to reveal a Kusa shinobi. They're decked out in all black garb, everything about them is dull. Their hair is a muted brown, their weapons are hidden in non reflective sheaths, and they have on a blank white mask. It's one of Kusa's ANBU.

The ANBU promptly kneels to Orochimaru. "Orochimaru-sama, I come bearing a request of the Kusakage. Could I have an hour of your time?"

"Interesting." Orochimaru eyes the kneeling nin in open hostility. "Why should I?"

"It may gain you access to an unsealed Byakugan." Fuck me.

Orochimaru's hostility vanishes without a trace. "Come in, come in! It would be unbecoming of me to not at least listen to a messenger of another Kage!"

The ANBU rises and walks into the room without making a sound. Whoever this is is good at stealth.

"Are you okay with them being here?" The ANBU asks while nodding towards Sasuke and I.

"Of course I am, all of my shinobi would never betray me or my interests." Orochimaru sits back down in his chair. "Now, you mentioned a Byakugan?"

"Yes." The ANBU starts talking. "You are aware that Hinata Hyuuga is the heiress of the Hyuuga clan?" Orochimaru nods. "That means that her Byakugan is not sealed, since she is of the Main Branch. What my Kage is proposing is a joint operation between our two villages. Regrettably our first attempt to acquire the Byakugan didn't work-"

"Of course it didn't." Orochimaru cuts off the ANBU. "Did you honestly expect Tsunade of all people to not know what was in those syringes?"

"Since our first attempt failed, we cannot be seen trying again." The ANBU takes a breath to steady himself. "With your permission, we would like to masquerade as Oto shinobi and openly engage the Konoha shinobi on their way back and kidnap the Hyuuga."

"...There's more isn't there?" Orochimaru asks.

"Yes. Unfortunately no one in Kusa can stand alone against the Hokage. We have a few teams that _might_ be able to stall her for long enough, but any moves they used could be linked back to us since they are either bloodlines or kinjutsu known only to Kusa."

"But I can." Orochimaru says what the ANBU is implying. "You're asking me to fight Tsunade while you and yours fight the rest."

"Yes. That is the plan in its simplest form."

"Hmm..." Orochimaru thinks things over for a few moment. They're some of the scariest moments of my life. What will he say? Will he make Sasuke and I part of the plan? Does he want me to pluck out Hinata's eyes to assure that he gets one? "I will have to refuse."

Oh thank the sweet merciful Kami. Finally something went my way!

"May I ask why, Orochimaru-sama?" The ANBU is playing a dangerous game.

"Of course, I don't like sharing. If I want the Byakugan I will have a complete set, not just one. Besides, as interesting as it would be to study, facing off against Tsunade and the rest of her jonin is not something I wish to do. Since you are obviously ignorant, one of the jonin here is Kakashi Hatake. One of the few considered to be the Fifth Hokage before Tsunade stepped up. That means that there are two Kage level opponents. It is true that he is not as skilled as Tsunade, but that does not mean that he's any less dangerous. To be considered as a possible Kage -especially in one of the Big Five Villages- speaks volumes about his skill."

"...We were unaware of that fact. Thank you for your time." The ANBU rises and moves towards the door.

"Oh and ANBU?" Orochimaru calls after the retreating shinobi. "If I even hear a rumor that Oto shinobi attacked anyone while leaving Kusa _I will burn your village to the ground._ "

"I will pass it along to my superiors."

"See that you do." Orochimaru says as the ANBU leaves. Once the door fully closes Orochimaru turns back to Sasuke and I. "Now that was eventful!"

"Orochimaru-sama," I carefully say. This is a delicate situation, but I need this question answered for the sake of my mental health. Or what is left of it. "Do you have any interest in the Byakugan at all?"

"Interest? Yes, but I simply don't have the time to study it right now." He glares at his hands. "I am too busy trying to harness natural chakra to hopefully restore my hands. It would be nice to have a pair or two, but it isn't a priority."

Thank Kami. That makes my life so much easier.

"Now why don't you two move on with your day?" Orochimaru says. "Get some food, see the sights, take a look at my journal. The rest of the day is yours, there is no need to come back here again."

"Well... alright then." Sasuke and I rise up and make our way out of the hotel.

* * *

Sasuke and Alvarcus's Hotel

"Sasuke." I say the moment the door shuts behind us both. We're here to unload some of our weapons. There's no need to carry around a small armory now.

"Yes?" He carefully asks. He's sensing my sudden hostility and is wondering what could possibly have gotten me this mad.

I'm glaring at the hammocks. "Remind me to tear those down before we leave."

"Why?" He softly asks me.

"They remind me of Tayuya." I'm still conflicted about her. All of her actions, every moment we shared together from her dumping water on me to stealing my innate warmth, were they all lies? Did she fake everything just because Orochimaru ordered it? Or was there actually something there?

The worst part is I'll never know. She's dead, gone forever.

Why is it that everyone I care about dies? My parents, my sibling, Sakura, Gina, and now Tayuya?

No, that's not quite true. Kakashi is still around, all of my friends in Konoha are too. Then there's Tsunade, and Shizune, and the rest of the jonin I know. Not to mention Sasuke.

"Of course. We'll do it tomorrow morning before we go to the field. That way we know it's done in case we have to leave unexpectedly."

"Thanks." I mutter as a start pulling out my various weapons. I'm only taking a pair of kunai with me. "I'm going to go out for a bit, maybe get some food and read Orochimaru's journal. Want to come?"

"Nah." Sasuke waves me off. "I'm going to take it easy. This is the last night in a long time that I'll be able to lounge around."

"Pfft! Where was that attitude when we first came here?"

"Yes, well I was expecting to face off against Gaara eventually not some worthless kunoichi. So forgive me if I wanted to prepare as much as possible."

"Whatever. I'll be back in a few hours, don't stay up for me."

* * *

Around Twenty Minutes Later

"Oh hello again!" A bubbly waitress says once she comes over to my table. I'm back at the restaurant that Sasuke and I nearly had a brawl in. "Glad to see you're back. What can I get you?"

"Do you serve steak? I haven't really had a chance to look at the menu yet." I may have been just a tiny bit distracted by Orochimaru's journal.

"Of course!"

"I'll take that then. With a water please."

"I'll bring it by once it's ready." She assures me.

"Thank you."

I turn back to the worn yellow journal. I haven't even opened it yet, I've just been looking at it.

What would drive Orochimaru to give me something obviously special to him? This journal is beyond well used, it's obviously been through a lot and has been opened and closed countless times. There's creases and bends, there's ink blotches and drink stains and that's just on the outside.

I carefully crack the journal open.

"Wow. Never thought that Orochimaru would have such precise handwriting. This looks like it was typed!" I quietly mutter to myself. "Well, no time like the present." I begin reading the first page.

"Your steak is here." The waitress is back with my meal.

"Thank you."

I'll get to it in a moment.

"Uh... sir?" The waitress asks me. "Would you like me to warm that up for you?"

"I'm sorry?" I finally pull myself from the journal.

"It's just... you've let it sit for a hour and a half." She points to my still untouched steak. "It's cold now."

"Oh. I'm sorry, there's no need. I don't mind cold meat. I got distracted." I close the journal and give it a pat.

"Must be one hell of a book." The waitress says as she walks over to other customers.

"Yes, yes it is." Orochimaru is a genius. There is no denying that. The first two dozen or so pages are him analyzing and deconstructing a basic storage seal, he broke down what each part means and why it's there. Then he goes on to explain how all the parts link together, and on the last page in the part about storage seals he made a step by step instruction list for future reference.

Hell I could probably make a seal right now! Except my calligraphy is abysmal. I've only seen one person with worse penmanship than me, and that's Kakashi. I have no idea how people read his mission reports or letters, it's a miracle I can and I was his student!

"No wonder Orochimaru thought I could steal -er uh seal! I meant seal!- that couch. This makes it too easy. Although," I eye my recently bought beginner's seal kit, "I probably shouldn't try it here."

"Don't you mean 'Orochimaru-sama?' Better not let him hear you saying that." A cheeky female voice says.

"I don't know, perhaps he really doesn't care that much about the Otokage." A male voice chimes in. "Oops? I meant she."

"Hello Midori." A second male voice says and all three of the newcomers sit down.

"Temari, Kankuro, Gaara." I greet each of them and snap the journal shut before placing it on my lap. My threads pull it inside me out of the view of everyone else. "Can I help you?"

"We thought you could use some company." Temari says. "You were sitting by yourself, you looked like you could use some friends."

"Friends?" I hesitantly says.

"Of course." Gaara says. "That is what we are, friends. You helped save my family, as such I consider you a friend."

"Well alright then." I'm going to roll with this. It shouldn't be weird to see all of us together, especially after the stunt I pulled. People will assume it's the Sand Siblings thanking me. "Just don't go telling anyone about me, will you?"

"We won't." Kankuro promises.

"Your secret is safe with us." Temari assures me.

That went better than expected. Way better. "So, tell me about Suna. I've never been there before."

"You're not going to believe it, but it's sandy!" Kankuro opens up conversation. For the rest of the night, the Sand Siblings tell me about their home. It's nice to just chat with people, not wearing a metaphorical mask and to let down a little of my guard.

* * *

Omake: Three Hundred Rubber Ducks?

In front of Otogakure's mission board, something strange is happening. No one is taking a mission, barely anyone is moving. Everyone is transfixed by one thing, one small bright yellow thing balancing on top of the mission board.

"Is that a rubber duck?"

* * *

Otogakure's Accounting Office

"What do you mean all of our approve or deny stamps have been replaced with rubber ducks!?" The head accountant roars at his staff.

* * *

The Kitchens

"I am not amused." The head chef states. "We are here to cook, not to play around."

In one of their sinks used to wash dishes is a floating rubber duck.

* * *

The Prison

"HAHAHA! That's it! I'm finally insane! There's a duck staring at me from outside my cell! AHAHAHA!"

* * *

"Why the fuck is there a duck in my shower? I haven't had a rubber duck in years!" Tayuya says to herself.

* * *

"This... is concerning." Kidomaru says as he's staring into his closet. "Who replaced all my clothes with ones with duck designs on them?" He grabs a shirt. "Hold on, someone sowed rubber ducks onto my stuff? What the fuck! Who does that?"

* * *

Sakon is starring at one of his bookshelves. "Ukon, wake up."

"Hmm?" Ukon groggily says. "Uh, bro? I never knew you had a duck fetish. That's messed up, even for us."

"So I am not hallucinating the three scantily clad anthropomorphic ducks arranged in what appears to be a threesome?"

* * *

"What the shit?" Jirobo says as he's securing on his belt. "Who swapped out my belt buckle for a duck themed one?"

Little did he know, there was also a rubber duck glued to the center of his three tufts of hair.

"Well, whatever. It doesn't look that bad."

* * *

"ACK!" Sasuke harshly coughs. "Who the fuck put a rubber duck in the coffee mugs?!"

* * *

"I'm actually impressed." Orochimaru is starring at his lab. Usually it's bland and frightful, but now it's just frightful. In fact some would wager it's more terrifying than before. "I never knew they made rubber ducks holding torture devices and medical tools."

* * *

Poof!

"Hey Al- Oh!" Shirokumo cuts himself off. "You put a rubber duck in my web?"

Kabuto casually makes his way back to his room after a long research session. He opens his door.

Then freezes.

He slams the door shut.

"One. Two. Three." He counts in a failed attempt to calm himself.

He opens the door again, only to slam it shut once more.

"Kai!"

The door creaks open again.

"Quack?"

SLAM!

* * *

Five Hours Ago, at a Store

"I'm sorry? Could you repeat that?"

"I need two hundred ninety nine fake ducks and one real duck."

"But... why?"

"Because it'll be hilarious!"


	47. Chapter 47

Early the Next Morning

"... And done!" I gently set down the brush and admire my first ever seal. I'm back at the hotel with Sasuke, who is still asleep. I may have been just a little bit excited about finally starting seals and didn't sleep once the Sand Siblings and I parted ways. I may really hate Orochimaru but hot damn does that man know his stuff! His journal is invaluable, if I didn't have that there's no way I'd be attempting to make a seal so soon.

And I want that couch.

"It's! It's! It's!" Excitement fills my voice as my pitch jumps up higher and higher with each word. "Abysmal. It's absolutely terrible. Kami my penmanship _sucks!_ " There are no smooth lines. Everything is jagged and broken, it barely looks like a seal at all. I bet if any seal master saw this pathetic attempt at the art they'd die on the spot.

"Fuck it." I place a stone on top of the seal and put two fingers on the seal itself. "I can't _not_ test my first seal. It's a storage seal, what's the worst that could happen?" I push chakra into the seal, just a tiny bit. "Huh. Nothing happened? Maybe it needs more chakra?" I send in a small but steady trickle of chakra. "Okay, this is getting out of hand. I should probably stop before-"

Bang!

Sasuke swiftly rolls out of his hammock and starts falling to the ground. While he's still in the air, he uses the rotation of his body to help him fling a kunai straight at my head. The sharp non-reflective metal soars through the air before suddenly diverting around me and the slamming into the floor. Chakra strings for the win!

Sasuke finally lands on the ground in a low defensive stance.

"And a good morning to you too!" I huff at Sasuke. "Did you have to try and kill me right off the bat?"

"Oh. Sorry." He stands up while suspiciously eyeing the room for threats. "I could have sworn there was an explosion."

"Well... there was." I sheepishly rub the back of my head and point at the table I was working on. There's a hole in it now about ten centimeters in diameter. "Turns out I'm not good at seals. I'm pretty sure I understand the theory, but I can't create one."

He glares at me. "I take back my apology. I should have thrown two kunai."

"Pfft like that would have changed anything!" I boast. "You'd need to throw two hundred kunai to sneak one past me!"

Another kunai flies at my head, but veers off course and stabs into the floor next to the other one.

"Sasuke really?" I flatly say to him. "You had to know that wouldn't work."

He growls in mild frustration. "You and your chakra strings!" He turns around to start getting ready for the day, there's no going back to sleep now. Even if it is around 4:00am. "I'm glad you're struggling with seals. Finally there's something you can't use your chakra strings to make easier!" There's a hint of smugness in his tone.

Hold on a moment. "Sasuke you're a genius!" I quickly pull out a blank piece of sealing paper and dunk my brush in the ink again.

"I know I am." He arrogantly says as he turns back towards me, probably to show me his damn smirk to get on my nerves. "But how did that possibly- oh you asshole. I literally cannot believe this."

Sasuke is glaring at the table. Next to the new hole is my piece of sealing paper and my brush. The brush is making elegant and precise strokes, it's moving smoothly with the grace of a painter. Each line it leaves behind is nearly perfect, only under ridiculously close scrutiny could a flaw be found and even then those flaws are negligible. They won't effect the overall performance of the simple seal. None of that is why Sasuke is glaring at the table as if he can set it all on fire. No, the reason he's so mad is because the brush is seemingly moving itself, it's floating as if it's alive. I'm not even touching it.

I'm holding it with chakra strings.

"What is it with you and your _infernal chakra strings!?_ " Sasuke rages at me. "Why is that even working!?"

He's got a valid question there. "Two reasons really." I distractedly explain as I focus on manipulating the brush. I have one string tightly wrapped around it, if it was visible it would look like there was a spring on the brush. I'm going very slowly with this, even if the overall performance is better I still need to focus. Sure I am skilled with chakra strings but I've never used them like this before.

"One: I've never cared how sloppy my handwriting is, even in the Academy I didn't try to make it better. That means it's bad. Really bad. I figured as long as it is readable it I'll be okay so there was no need to strive for perfection. Two, I've spent countless hours working on _precision_ with my chakra strings. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to catch an airborne kunai? Well I assure you it's even harder to catch _Orochimaru's_ kunai, yet I can pull that off. Most of the time. Okay, when he's not that serious. Basically the thing I've worked on the most with my strings is striving for perfection. I can't be off by a centimeter with them, that could mean I miss. So it makes perfect sense that my control, my precision, with my chakra strings is better than my handwriting."

"I swear, one of these days you're going to find something that you can't use chakra strings to fix." Sasuke says in a low tone. " _I swear it._ "

The brush pulls up from the paper and rests off to the side. I've finished it. "Damn dude, no need to be so serious about it all! I thought you'd be glad that I'm learning a new skill! We can finally store our tents and stuff. Oh, wait that's kind of a moot point now since we have Murasakino and the other Weavers to make hammocks."

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that you've started to learn seals that I'm mad about. It's your obsession with chakra strings. You've taken one of the most basic skills known to shinobi and made it broken. You do realize how insane the things you do with them are, right?"

"Oh believe me I know." I steal his trademark tone for my next sentence. "People have thought that I have the Magnet Release, the Storm Release, the ability of flight and so much more! Little do they know it's all the same skill just used a little bit differently."

I yank one of the two kunai from the floor and place it on my newly made seal. Even if this goes horribly wrong it'll just blow another hole in the table. It's not like I care about it at all, and judging from how shitty it looks neither does the hotel staff.

"Here we go!" I push chakra into my seal.

"Wait that's my good kunai!" Sasuke says as a puff of smoke swallows the weapon.

I quickly wave away the smoke to reveal my seal. The kunai is gone, or more accurately the kunai is within the seal. "Hell yeah! That couch is mine!"

Sasuke's entire body goes slack in defeat and he tilts his head back to look skyward. "Why is my best friend such an idiot? What did I do to deserve this?"

* * *

Eight Hours Later, Noon at the Contestant's Gazebo

"Oh good!" I chirp out once Sasuke and I take our usual seats. "Hiro did manage to escape. I was almost worried for a moment."

It looks like he just forced his way out. The earth pillar I made has been reduced to pebbles. Although, there are some interesting slash-like marks on the ground. Maybe he used wind jutsu to cut the webs then crushed the pillar in anger? Eh, whatever. Not like it's important.

"Yeah and I was worried that the hotel staff would kick us out. You caused an explosion at 4 in the morning." Sasuke grumbles. "If you make that a routine I will stab you. A lot."

"Okay okay I'll not work on potentially explosive things early in the morning."

"Hey Red. Hey Midori." Noboru plops down next to Sasuke.

We both nod to him.

Then something interesting happens, someone new sits down in our group. It's Leiko. She looks frazzled and unkempt. There's dark circles under her eyes and she has a twitch in her hands, like she'd rather be holding onto weapons than having them empty.

And there's a massive bruise all the way around her neck left over from when Gaara manhandled her.

"Why are you here?" I rudely say. "Trying to poison us to get a leg up in our fight?"

She nervously glances over my shoulder to look at something behind me. Or rather someone. "No. I don't want to be near that _thing_ ever again. This is the furthest spot from it."

Okay, she's going down hard. I'm going to make her a laughing stock.

"Now that the three finalists are here, would you all come out to the field?" A familiar voice calls out.

"Holy shit why are they letting Eito proctor the matches still?" I can't help but to say. "I mean really? Like he's not going to be biased at all. I bet he holds me to ridiculously high standards and Leiko can do whatever she wants."

"Believe me," Leiko says with a haunted look in her eyes, "he'll treat this fairly. After what the Kusakage threatened to do he better."

"Oh. Worries abated then." I happily stroll to the field with both Sasuke and Leiko right behind me.

"Hey Eito." I greet him with friendliness. Okay so I'm feeling a bit vindictive. "How's it going?"

"Fine." He forces out.

"Just fine?" I cheekily respond even though it's clear he doesn't want me to. "Where's the fun in that? You need to get out more."

He ignores me in favor of announcing the upcoming match. "The final match of the tournament will be between Leiko of Kusagakure, Red of Otogakure, and Midori of Otogakure. Again, this is a free for all match. There can only be one winner and that will be the last person standing. Fighters ready?"

"You betchya!" I happily clap my hands together. I'm going to have fun with this.

"Yes." Sasuke drolls out.

"I am ready to get this over with." Leiko says. There's no doubt in her eyes, she's thinking that Sasuke and I will team up to defeat her. Too bad she's wrong.

"Begin!" Eito disappears in a swirl of grass for the last time.

In the same instant that Eito vanished, Leiko leaped backwards putting a large distance between herself and Sasuke and me.

"Hey Leiko!" I call out. "We have a proposition for you!"

"... I'm listening." She forces out while trying to figure out her plan of attack.

"Well we recognized that it's a bit unfair for you right now, there's two of us and one of you. So we came up with something to make it easier on you! See how nice we are?" I sweetly talk to her.

"Yes. It's apparent. I can't believe I didn't notice before." She monotonously drones out, no doubt she's mad that I'm poking fun at her.

"We were thinking that we'd only fight one at a time. You vs me then if you win you'll take on Red." I gesture to Sasuke who is standing behind me. "Sound good? He'll sit out no matter what, he won't come to help me."

"I accept. That makes this much easier." Leiko has a glimmer of hope in her eyes for the first time today.

"Okay!" I turn to Sasuke, showing Leiko my back, and wave him away. "Shoo! Shoo! Go look menacing someplace else!"

"I'm going to stab her." Sasuke mutter to himself over and over. "I'm going to stab her until I lose count of how many times I've stabbed her. Then I'll stab her some more."

A small sphere, no larger than a golf ball, drops right behind me and breaks on the ground. A cloud of gas pours out of it, surrounding me in moments.

"Haha! Take that!" Leiko laughs with just a touch of madness. "You left yourself wide open!"

"Huh." I say from within the could. "This really clears up the nostrils. I might have to blow my nose now. Thanks for that, do you have any idea how gross it is to have a runny nose in a mask?"

"WHAT!?" She shouts in fury and shock. "How are you standing! That gas could knock out a team of horses in seconds!"

"Well what kind of an idiot uses a horse gas on a human?" I grin under my mask. "That right there is your problem."

"Gah!" She whips out a kunai and throws it at me with all of her strength. It's terribly slow. That being said I'm used to Orochimaru throwing kunai at me.

"Oh no." I look at my left shoulder where I let the kunai hit me. It's buried up to the hilt. "It looks like I've been impaled. Whatever shall I do?"

I firmly grasp the kunai and give it a yank. It comes out with a spray of blood.

"Does this one have a horse poison on it too?" I toss it back to her. I didn't try to hurt her with it, I was merely returning her kunai. "Because I think we already went over this, but I'm not an animal. I think? I mean Orochimaru-sama has toyed with me a bit, I could be part something. Wolf? Maybe a cat? I knew this one cat that hates everyone but for some reason loves me, that could be why."

"How about a bitch!" Leiko shouts from her spot a long distance from me.

"Nah I don't think so. I would have bonded with the Inuzuka more if I was part dog." I scratch my chin. Or rather I scratch my mask but where my chin would be. "You've always been pretty bitchy, maybe you have some dog in you!"

"That is IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" Leiko does something new, something we've never seen before. She makes hand seals. Well this should be interesting, I might have to dodge. "EARTH RELEASE: BONDS!"

"Kinky!" I shout out as two rather thin pillars of earth rise up and trap my hands in them. They then pull my arms taunt, I'm like a T. My feet aren't left alone either, earth surrounded them too. "Oh my Kami if you pull out a whip this will be the best day ever!"

"What is wrong with you?" Sasuke mutters from his spot on the sidelines. "You need serious help."

"Leiko, I'll have you know that my safe word is... uh..." Crap I need a safe word! What's the first thing that comes to mind? What's something I hate a lot? Something that pisses me off since I want to piss her off even more. "Muffins!"

"HAHAHA!" A boisterous laugh echos across the field. "He said Muffins! _Muffins!_ Oh man that is just too good!"

"Remain quiet you fool. I want to see this and you're distracting me." A deep gruff voice cuts off the cackles of the first one.

"Wait no not muffins! Anything but muffins!" I frantically shout. I will not be having that! No thank you! "Apples! It's apples! I totally meant apples!"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!" Leiko roars in fury as she starts to stomp over to me. She thinks I'm actually caught, how unfortunate.

"Wait! Wait! Hold on!" I panic for a moment. Terror fills my voice and I halfheartedly struggle in my bonds.

Leiko actually pauses at my sudden flip. "What? Finally come to your senses and want to surrender?"

I take a shaky breath. "I need to get into my submissive role. Hold on." Leiko's eyebrow starts furiously twitching. "Okay I'm ready! Tell me to shut up again!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I smirk at her, but she can't see it. What a shame. "Yes Mistress."

"GAH!" She resumes stomping over to me.

"Aw, does that mean you don't like being the boss? That's okay, I can switch roles with you. I promise to be gentle. Okay, no I don't. I promise to make it hurt. It's so much more fun that way!"

"You're like thirteen! You don't know what you're talking about!" Leiko points at me accusingly.

"Well I mean sure I don't know how to wield a whip correctly but I know _exactly_ how to use candle wax." I let a dreamy expression take over my entire body. "It burns so good!"

"Okay, fuck this. I'm done with you." She's finally an arms length away from me. In fact she's even holding a kunai to my neck. "Surrender."

"Nope!" I happily say, as if I don't have a deadly weapon only a scarf's thickness from my neck. "I don't feel like it."

"Then I'm going to kill you."

"THHBBBBBBBBBT!" I blow a raspberry at her.

Fury overtakes all thought in Leiko. I've finally pushed her over the edge. Honestly I'm surprised it took this long. She was already a bundle of frayed nerves before we even stepped out onto the field.

"WILL!"

She drops her kunai and instead pull out the tanto that I have strapped to my right calf.

"YOU!"

She swings it at my neck, cutting about a third of the way through. Blood pours out of the wound, staining my nice coat and conveniently hiding the black of the Jiongu.

"SHUT!"

She yanks the blade out and swings again, cutting another third of the way through.

"THE!"

Another swing completely severs my head.

"FUCK!"

My head rolls off my shoulders and thuds against the ground.

"UP!"

She rears back her leg and viciously punts me across the field. I'm a good twenty meters away from my body, that was one hell of a kick.

" _Finally!_ " Pure bliss forms in her eyes. "She's quiet. Finally. Oh this is so nice."

The crowd is stunned. No one is even daring to breath, they simply can't comprehend Leiko's actions. Her murderous actions.

"Wow Leiko, I like a touch of pain as much as the next person but isn't this a little extreme? I might be a little bit of a masochist at this point – totally blaming my sensei for that one – but damn! Even I draw the line somewhere!"

"HOW IS SHE STILL ALIVE!?" Leiko shouts in equal parts anger and terror.

"I make sure to eat plenty of vegetables." I say despite not having lungs at the moment. I wonder how that's working? Eh, I'll chalk it up to the Jiongu. Speaking of the Jiongu, "Okay, now here we go! Let's see if this works!"

I clear my throat and blood spurts out of my neck. Both halves of my neck, the one on my body and the one on my head. That felt weird.

"Body! I command you to come fetch me! Rise, heed my words and come serve your master!"

My body which has four hearts in it, with the fifth being in my head to let me talk like this, is basically a Jiongu monster. But it's limited to my body's size and shape, it shouldn't have a problem doing exactly what I want.

With the ease of tearing through paper my body breaks out of the earthy bonds.

"WHAT?" Leiko yells while jumping away from it. "You could have broken out the entire time?"

"Yes?" I weakly offer. "It's just I had such high hopes for-"

"If you mention a whip or candles I will stab you right now." Sasuke says from the sidelines. "I don't care if we're from the same village. _I will stab you._ "

"Well shit. That's exactly what I was going to say. Ruin all my fun why don't you." I turn my eyes to my body, it should have been here by now.

"What the hell are you doing?" It's walking around with it's arms held in front of it, almost like a person who has been tossed in a pitch black room feeling their way around. "I'm over here you idiot! NO! Not that way! No that's a rock! Don't put that on our neck! We have no idea where that's been!"

"What the fuck does Otogakure do to it's shinobi?" Someone from the stands asks, but due to the quiet nature of the crowd it's heard by everyone. Honestly it didn't need to be said, everyone was already thinking it.

"No! No! That's Red! Don't go towards him! We don't want his ugly mug on our beautiful body! I'm over here you dumbass! Follow the sound of my voice! It's not that hard – oh wait I have the ears. It can't hear me. Shit. Uh... Leiko darling? Could you be a doll and punt me over to my body?"

 **SMACK**

"Thank you!" I shout as I fly through the air and smack into my body. "Ouch! There now just pick me up and oh thank Kami I'm back in one piece again! Man I really need to stop losing my head! Okay that was bad even by my standards. Just ignore that one."

I turn to face Leiko who is very very _very_ green in the face. Oh so that's why she was quiet for a bit.

"So you've had your fun at my expense. I gave you three chances to try and defeat me. The cloud, the kunai, and the beheading." I drop the playful attitude and don something more sinister. "Now it's my turn to play with you."

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground. Shirokumo poofs in inside of a cloud of smoke. "Shirokumo, my most loyal minion! Today we do glorious battle together! Behold, our opponent stands before us. But we will not run away in fear, we will not run in terror! No, we will face her down and we will win! Today this battle will go down in history! We will be remembered until the end of time itself! Those who look back on this day will shake in terror and know our wrath!"

"What the hell kind of drugs are you on kid?" Shirokumo asks me, being 100% serious.

"... None." I droop my head in shame. "I'm just so BORED! I thought the exams would be a challenge but the only people here that can beat me are Red and Gaara but I don't even get to fight one of them and the other is just going to beat me in like five seconds flat! So sorry if I'm trying to have a little fun before my utter and humiliating defeat!"

"No not that you imbecile!" Shirokumo scurries up my body to rest on my head. There's a few screams from the crowd at his actions. Funny, they didn't scream when I was decapitated. "You didn't summon my partner! Bring me Arachne and all those who stand against us will know unsurpassed fear! Muahahaha!"

"They both aren't taking this seriously at all." Sasuke groans to himself. "Not even a little bit."

"With pleasure!" I fly through the required hand seals and slam my hand to the ground. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

The largest smoke cloud I've ever seen associated with my summons appears before me. One brown hairy spiders leg steps out of the cloud. "Summoner, you called?"

The rest of Arachne is soon to follow. Her large brown spindly body, the rest of her hairy legs and her vibrant yellow markings all make themselves known.

"Yes." I rise up to my full height. "Today we go to glorious battle-"

"I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!" Leiko shouts instantly after laying eyes on the horse sized spider. "I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!" She's repeating it like a mantra, like it will save her from Arachne. "I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!"

"Holy crap girl we get it." Shirokumo says with an unamused tone. "I don't know whether to be glad or pissed she didn't have that reaction to me."

"And another stunning victory goes to Arachne, Mother of the Spiders! And the crowd goes wild!" I shout.

Silence follows my crazed declaration.

I turn to the crowd. "I said. And the crowd goes wild."

One person immediately rises to their feet. He's clapping and cheering like a madman, and well he is one. Hidan is losing his shit over my performance and next to him Kakuzu looks highly amused.

Then the sound of another clapping is heard, Kakashi is joining in. He even has a little eye smile going for me an everything.

Just like a domino effect the rest of the crowd joins in. Out of fear or social conditioning I don't really know. Or care, applause is applause.

"I didn't expect that to work." I say to my summons. "Well, wonderful job as usual you two."

"I try." Shirokumo says from atop my head.

"I... didn't do anything though?" Arachne says uncertainly."Is this normal for the Human Realm?"

"Pretty much. I'll fill you in more back at the Nest." Shirokumo says and poofs off my head.

"Summoner, you need to visit sometime. It's nice to see you." Arachne follows soon after.

"Well then!" I clap my hands and turn to the viewing Kages. "I think I just won the Chunin Exams-"

 **SHINK**

My head separates from my shoulders and Sasuke grabs me by the hair. "Oh fuck me that's right you're still here."

"I am." I can feel the grin under his mask. "Surrender or I throw you into a lake."

"Why is it always water used to punish me? You people need to get more creative." I grumble. "Yeah yeah just put me back first. I know this song and dance."

He plonks me back onto my body.

I heave out a heavy sigh, "Proctor, due to not wanting my severed head to end up in a large body of water I surrender."

"Then... Red wins... the Chunin Exams?" Eito brokenly says. "Did that shit just fucking happen or am I crazy?"

* * *

Half a Hour Later, Orochimaru's Hotel

"Alvarcus I think you're insane." Sasuke instantly says the second the door swings shut behind us.

"Hm? What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"The whole thing! What the hell was all of that?" He rounds on me.

"Oh you mean the whole 'I might have a domination and submission fetish' thing?"

"Yes!" He throws his hands up in exasperation. "That!"

"Well I admit I may haven taken it a little too far-"

" _A little?!_ "

"-but it worked out brilliantly! Did you see Leiko's face at the end of it? Oh man that was great! Ah, good times."

"How do you even think of things like that? Where do those crazy ideas come from?"

I grin happily. "Sasuke, are you sure you want the answer to that question? Because I would happily tell you all that I know. Fair warning, there are some really _freaky_ things bouncing around in my head, and this is coming from the guy who weaponized a tentacle monster. You of all people know what I do and say, just imagine the things I decide to filter out."

"Forget I said anything." Sasuke rushes to say while taking a half step back. "Nope. Don't want to know. No thank you. I like my sanity."

"Please, I'm not actually insane." I scoff to him.

"Oh really?" A distinctively snake like voice says from deeper into the hotel. "Because I just watched you let someone cut off your head. If that's not insanity then what is?"

How about making a jutsu specifically to move your soul to another's body and take over it forcibly just to prolong your life so you have more time to learn every jutsu known to mankind? Or perverting your own soul so much that you're incapable of using nature chakra, something that should be inherently accessible to everyone? Or sealing away small portions of your soul into others? Or sacrificing a fetus just to see what will happen?

I could go on, I really could but I don't feel like writing a novel.

"I'm totally blaming you for some of that." I accuse Orochimaru. "I mean come on! One of the major parts of my training has been learning to ignore pain. I swear that I'm becoming a masochist. Besides, it isn't like I'll let that happen in a real fight. I just really wanted to piss Leiko off, to show her that even her best can't beat me and that I view her as such an insignificant threat that I didn't once take her seriously."

"Yet never once have you let me remove your head." Orochimaru raises a good point.

"Well no shit. I can't afford to _not_ be serious when we train or I'll lose more than a head. Our skill levels are leagues apart, just like how Leiko's and mine are. But with her I'm the superior one. It's kind of like how you toyed with us in the Forest of Death, the gaps in power are so big that you could let us throw our best at you without a care in the world."

"I suppose you have a logical argument there and I do admit it was interesting to watch her break. I don't think she'll ever be the same after the past few days." Orochimaru smiles to himself. "Although I wonder where you learned about whips and candles. Care to explain?"

Knock Knock

Oh thank Kami, whoever just knocked has my eternal gratitude. I don't know how I'd explain that to Orochimaru nor do I ever want to.

"What is it with people and seeking me out?" Orochimaru grumbles as he rises up from his chair. I may say grumble, but in reality it's fury. He's pissed that there is someone who has the sheer gall to approach him like this again. "I will have to teach this one a lesson. Make an example out of him. Yes, I think I will."

Orochimaru opens the door to reveal the one few people he can't do that to.

Of all the people it could have been, it's the Kusakage himself. "Otokage-sama, I came to congratulate Red-san. I meant to at the field but he managed to sneak away before I could. May I come in?"

Orochimaru narrows his eyes as he graciously steps back and waves in the other Kage. "Of course."

The door silently closes behind the pair of Kage. This is a very unique situation.

"Red-san, congratulations on your victory in the Chunin Exams!" The Kusakage merrily says to Sasuke as he sits down in one of the chairs. Orochimaru takes the other and Sasuke and I are on the couch. "Now, this pains me to so casually toss aside your impressive achievement, but it was not the true purpose I have for seeking out an audience with the Otokage."

If this is about the damn Byakugan again I think I'm going to freak out.

"I can offer you more than what my ANBU did."

Fuck me sideways. Why can't Kusa just leave the Byakugan alone?!

Orochimaru sighs. "Fine. I will hear you out, then refuse. Or we could save ourselves time and just skip right to the refusal."

The Kusakage ignores the obvious jab at him. "I am willing to let you have both of the eyes."

"Oh?" That piqued Orochimaru's interest, even if it's just a little bit. "Both of them? That is more, but I feel like there's a catch."

"Yes." The Kusakage leans forward, placing both his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers together. "We will keep the Hyuuga for breeding purposes. Of course we will let you extract samples from her, blood and tissue and such, but the necessary parts for reproducing the Byakugan are to remain intact and untouched."

"Some of my sample gathering techniques are quite... how should I put this... invasive. They could end up killing her." Orochimaru seriously says.

"Then those would be barred also. I need her intact to strengthen Kusa." The Kusakage dismisses those right off the bat. "I'll even offer you the first child."

What is wrong with these men? How can they so casually speak of these horrors? Kidnapping? _Rape?_ Forced childbearing? Bartering children of all things? This is insanity!

The Kusakage continues, "You can even choose the father." He turns his eyes to me. "It's a shame that you can use her. Imagine a Byakugan wielder with her regenerative bloodline. Simply outstanding, what a shinobi they would be. Where in all of the Elemental Nations did you find such a unique kunoichi?"

Orochimaru's head whips towards me and his eyes widen a fraction. "Midori, do you think it is possible that you could-"

"No." I lividly force out. My voice is harsh and gravelly, the smooth carefree tone of Midori is gone. It's replaced with the voice I had when I slaughtered Tayuya's killers. Deep. Gravelly. Harsh. It brokers no argument, the words spoken are final. It sounds like Kakuzu. "I will not. And you better be talking about me getting the eyes for myself. I may kill for you. I may torture for you. I may help with your experiments and test. I _will not_ cross that line for you. I don't care what the punishment is, I am keeping that last shred of humanity."

Orochimaru is having none of that. He's excited at the idea of testing something new, his hands don't remain still, he smiles to himself while flying through a hundred calculations in his head. He's playing out scenarios of me getting a pair of Byakugan. "But it is possible, yes? You could take and use the Byakugan?"

"It doesn't matter if it's possible. There's only one pair of eyes I want." My gravelly voice answers the question and Sasuke coolly turns to me. "Not the Byakugan. Not the Sharingan. No, I will only settle for the Rinnegan."

Silence falls over the four of us. Sasuke and the Kusakage are openly staring at me as if I'm crazy. But Orochimaru, the only person here to see the Rinnegan in person, is calculating. He's thinking of hundreds, thousands, of situations that I could end up with the Legendary Eyes of the Sage of the Six Paths. All of them feature three key people. Me, the person he knows as Pain, and Orochimaru himself. After all, why wouldn't he want to be there to see his child triumph over someone even he can't defeat?

"Of course." Orochimaru smiles with pride. He's definitely approving of my ambitions at the very least. I'm just glad they're overshadowing my refusal of his request about the Byakugan. "Only the best for my child."

"Your _child?_ " The Kusakage says in shock. He rounds on me with a new analyzing eye. "Could it be? Is that why you have her hide so much of her body? You don't want anyone to know that she's yours?"

"We're not father and child in the traditional sense." Orochimaru distractedly explains. "But do go on, I feel like you have more to offer me. Even though it is tempting, it is not worth the risks involved. Yet I feel, I know, that you still have cards left to play. So play them."

"Of course." The Kusakage forces his eyes off of me to look at Orochimaru. It's an impressive feat considering all of the things he's just learned. "I offer an unofficial alliance between our villages. Unfortunately, Otogakure has gotten a bad reputation. One that we can't afford to publicly be seen allying with. What I offer is simple, we will leave you alone and will not accost any Oto shinobi in the Land of Grass if you do the same for us."

"Hm." Orochimaru pauses in thought for a moment. "I will have to refuse again."

A subtle killing intent floods the room. It's not coming from me. Nor is it coming from Sasuke. Or even Orochimaru. It's flowing off of the Kusakage. Someone doesn't like to be told no.

" _Explain._ " The Kusakage demands.

I release my own killing intent, not enough to actually be called impressive, but enough to match the Kusakage's. Neither of us are truly exerting ourselves and I have no doubt that in an actual fight he'd beat me. He's a Kage, of course he'd wipe the floor with me. But there is someone here who can defeat him as easy as walking, someone who views me as their child.

"You will refer to Orochimaru-sama with respect at all times or this meeting will end." I threaten the Kusakage. "He let you take up his precious time, time that he was using to speak with Red and me. So not only are you wasting his time, you're also wasting mine, and Red's, and your own. Accept it or don't, but Orochimaru-sama's decision is final. And it was final _yesterday._ "

"You let your gennin speak so freely in front of Kages?" The Kusakage spits out. The friendly attitude of before is gone, now he's throwing a temper tantrum because he didn't get what he wants. "I was impressed by her performance before but now I'm disappointed that she's so untrained."

"You overstep your place Kusakage." Orochimaru's killing intent joins in the mix, and out does both of ours by several times over. "Every father values the words of their child, I am no exception. Besides, how can you expect a child to idly stand by as their father is insulted before them?" Orochimaru's killing intent vanishes without a trace, and with it mine and the Kusakage's. "But I will explain, not because you demanded it, but because I don't want to be bothered about this again."

Orochimaru turns to Sasuke and me and says three simple words. But those words will cause untold and unpredictable consequences.

"Remove your masks."

Sasuke and I don't move for a tense three seconds. Then slowly, very slowly, I bring my hands up to my dark green mask. The one thing keeping my identity hidden, one of the only reasons that no one here knows who I am. I take off my mask, revealing Midori's face to the other three people gathered.

Sasuke is soon to follow, but he doesn't have a disguise in tact. Orochimaru wants to reveal Sasuke to the Kusakage, it's the only thing I can think of. Why else would he tell us to take off our masks? But _why_ is he doing this? What purpose does this serve?

Once Sasuke's crimson mask is taken off his face, there is an audible gasp from the Kusakage. "The Last Uchiha? You brought the Last Uchiha to the Chunin Exams? Are you insane? Did you not know how many Konoha shinobi would be here?"

"Alvarcus," The Kusakage gasps at Orochimaru's words. Because he knows that if Red is Sasuke Uchiha, then Orochimaru has to be referring to the other person on the couch. "drop the henge."

I do as requested and let Midori fade.

"The Heart Thief." The Kusakage whispers as he stares openly into my black threaded eyes. "You're the Hearth Thief. That's why you can do all of those things. The beating from the Konoha shinobi, dismantling the Jiongu like child's play, using multiple elements, and Leiko's beheading."

"So now you see why I don't want to confront the Konoha shinobi." Orochimaru pins the other Kage in a deadly gaze. "It isn't because I don't want the Byakugan, it isn't that I'm afraid I'll lose against Tsunade, it's that I've already won. I have the two best shinobi from Konoha's youngest generation. Both of them came to be taught by me, they sought me out themselves."

"You offer me the Byakugan?" Orochimaru points at Sasuke. "He already has better. You offer me a child? I already have my own, and he's leagues better than that child would be. You offer an unofficial alliance? We're shinobi, if we want to go somewhere then we will regardless of whether we have permission or not. I have no need of your useless offerings."

"Assist me or I will tell the Hokage the true identities of 'Red and Midori.'" The Kusakage threatens.

"Oh go right ahead." Orochimaru smiles. "Please do, it's been so long since I've leveled a village. Do you think that Tsunade and company would idly sit by? No, she'd march them right up to our door and kick the building over. Then you have a battle between Sannin happening in the middle of your village, and I will make sure that we use our more destructive techniques. Did you know that Manda demands sacrifices as a condition for being summoned? I'm sure I could find plenty here for him."

Orochimaru gestures towards Sasuke and me. "Not to mention both of them. Do you think they will just roll over and wait to be taken back to Konoha, the place they've left and forsaken for me? No, they'll join the fight. Of course you have jonin that are capable of taking them down eventually, but how many are you willing to sacrifice for that? While fighting withing the village your shinobi will be hindered by not wanting to cause collateral damage while mine will run wild. Sasuke will use his superior speed and grace to protect Alvarcus as my child goes about leveling buildings by the dozens."

"You won't be able to try and play type advantage against them. Not only does Alvarcus have access to all five elements he's a genius at using each one of them. Both are above exceptional at dispelling genjutsu, so that will not even slow them down. So you'll send in your stealth fighters in an attempt to remove them, but Sasuke is better than them. He'll see them from a kilometer away and then cut them in half or trap them in genjutsu of his own that makes them turn on their allies. Alone you could have a chance of one of your elite teams removing them quickly, but together they cover the other's weaknesses. So that means the only way to beat them is to overwhelm them with numbers, and they will most certainly take as many with them as possible."

"So tell me Kusakage, do you really think it is wise to threaten me?"

"You all will be gone from my village by tomorrow morning." The Kusakage stands up and swiftly moves to the door. "If any of you leave this hotel room before tomorrow morning I will take it as an act of hostility and you will be dealt with accordingly."

"Agreed. In return you will keep the identities of Red and Midori a secret for one month, after that I don't care what happens." Orochimaru allows. "I do not want to waste any more time in this dreadful place. It's full of rude and self entitled brats."

The Kusakage twitches at the insult. "I hope to never see you again."

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual." Orochimaru calls after the Kusakage as he shuts the door.

"You sure that was a good idea?" I ask Orochimaru. "Kinda was under the impression that our faces were supposed to remain unknown."

"He wouldn't shut up otherwise." Orochimaru sends a glare at the door. "Besides, this way both of you will be attributed with your achievements during the Chunin Exams. Also this will incorporate part of an idea you had, Alvarcus."

"Really? Which one?" Sasuke asks.

"The one where I reveal that two of Konoha's most promising shinobi came to me." Orochimaru grins. "If the Kusakage waits at least two days -even if I did demand a month wait- we will be long gone from here. Then the world will know what happened here, that two shinobi pulled off such a stunt before three Kages none the less! I don't think anything like this has ever happened before!"

"Huh. Another thing to add to my resume then. Honestly it's getting a bit ridiculous." I mutter to myself. Then I look up at the two others in the room. "Well then, if you'll excuse me I have an errand to run."

I rise up from my spot and make my way over to a window.

"And where do you think you're going?" Orochimaru asks. He's not mad or angered that I'm risking bringing the fury of the Kusakage down on us but rather he's interested that I have an errand to run in a foreign village. Plus he's mildly impressed that I have the sheer gall to blatantly ignore the threat of a Kage.

My eyes turn frosty and my anger escapes me for a brief instant. I let a bit of killing intent manifest without meaning to and it does not go unnoticed. "There's something I need to burn."

"Oh. That. We never did do that this morning." Sasuke quietly says, drawing Orochimaru's eyes off of me. "Do you want me to come?"

"No." I bark out. "We'll stick out as a pair, this way I can get in then out."

"You'll stick out regardless if you go dressed as Midori." Orochimaru cuts in. "Change before you leave."

"You're... not going to ask what I'm doing? Or where I'm going? Or just _why?_ " I'm surprised. I thought for sure he'd force me to stay until he knew exactly what was going on.

Orochimaru smiles at me. This isn't an evil grin of promised pain or torture, it isn't a sinister smirk of horrors yet to come, it's a caring smile. "I have no need for that. I trust you to stay out of trouble. You're not one to pointlessly seek out attention."

"Huh." I turn away from the window and move towards a bedroom. "Well I'll change in here then leave. I'll be back in an hour or so."

"Until then." Orochimaru bids me farewell.

"Try to not do anything outrageous, will you? We've had enough crazy out of you already." Sasuke dryly asks.

"I promise nothing." I step into the bedroom and shut the door behind me.

"Summoning Jutsu!" I place my hand on the ground and a small cloud of smoke overtakes the room.

"Summoner?" A scratchy voice asks.

"Murasakino, a pleasure as always." Hey, I need a change of clothes and all my stuff is at my hotel not Orochimaru's. What else was I supposed to do? "I have a challenge for you, I need a whole new outfit as soon as possible. One that is completely average, I want it to not stand out at all. I want everyone who sees it to dismiss me as unimportant."

"But... Why?" She whines. "We could make you clothes worthy of an Emperor, worthy of Kings! How about that? Yes, a nice purple. It is the color of royalty after all. Hmm, no it and you don't mix well. Perhaps a deep burgundy?"

"Murasakino, I'm going on a covert stealth mission with a time limit of the next hour. I can't look like royalty while trying to hide."

"... Fine. But next time you _will_ let me make whatever I want for you."

"Within reason." I allow. "So how long will it take? Thirty minutes?"

"If I get all the Weavers involved it'll take about ten." She says with a straight face. Or as straight as a face a spider can have.

"Wow. That is crazy fast. Well don't let me hold you up here, I am on a time crunch."

"Of course, of course. Summon me back in ten minutes, something this simple will be easy to make."

* * *

Twenty Minutes Later, Alvarcus's and Sasuke's Hotel Room

"Next time I'm making sure she brings back a shirt with long sleeves." I grumble to myself as I step into my hotel room. "Well, I suppose it kind of worked out. People focused so much on my arms that they didn't bother to look at my face."

Murasakino brought me a simple pair of black civilian pants and a brown t-shirt. It is the epitome of bland and is exactly what I asked for. Except it exposed my scarred arms to the world.

"Hope tou-san doesn't care that I used his face. I'm sure he wouldn't. It's not like he can yell at me if he did. Wow, you're just a bucket full of sunshine right now Alvarcus." I turn my steely gaze onto the two hammocks in the room, more specifically the one that's the farthest away from the door. "Anyways, now for business."

It's the one that reminds me of Tayuya.

It's there that I truly let my guard down around her. That damn hammock is a symbol of me letting myself get played. It's a symbol of my defeat. I did the one thing I knew I should never do, I let an attachment form. I let her get close to me. I should have known that Orochimaru was behind it.

I didn't even see it. It completely blindsided me.

It makes me wonder what else he'll try. He killed my family and Sakura to obtain me. He ordered Tayuya to seduce me to keep me. What's next? What will he think of? How will he attempt to pin me down, to cement my loyalty to him further? Even now he knows that my presence here hangs solely on Sasuke being at Otogakure so he has to be thinking of some absurd and insane plan to make me want to stay once Sasuke's gone.

"Never again." I lash out with a fire whip and cleave the hammock in two. Each half is slowly being consumed by flames. "Right now, right here I vow to never fall for his games again. I have no friends in Sound. I have no allies. Only enemies are there, I'm hiding in a den of wolves."

Half of the hammock is up in flames.

"But I am not a meek sheep. I will not lie down and wait for my defeat to come. I will better myself, I will stand equally with Orochimaru and laugh as he's the one who lies broken and defeated at my feet."

The hammock is fully consumed and the flame fades into nothing without a fuel source to keep it sustained.

"Goodbye Tayuya. I thank you for the harsh lesson in life and I want you to know that I will not be making that mistake again."


	48. Chapter 48

Orochimaru's Hotel

"How was the outing?" Orochimaru asks as I climb in through the same window I left by. "Successful I assume?"

"It was." I toss Sasuke a scroll. "I took the liberty of getting our stuff since I was at our hotel anyways. That scroll has all of yours in it. Fair warning, I just threw everything into a big pile so be careful when you open it."

"Thank you for the warning." Sasuke suspiciously eyes his scroll. "If my things explode out of this when I unseal it I'm going to hurt you."

"Huh." I pause for a moment. "I wonder if I can do that? Like rig up a shrapnel explosion that activates once it's unsealed."

"It could be done with a few seals." Orochimaru says. He's in his scientist mode, there's a mad glint to his eyes. "A two stage seal, an explosive and a storage. The storage would hold the shrapnel and the explosion would generate a concussive force to fling the shrapnel. It's possible to intertwine them together so that it's a seal array instead of two separate seals. Upon activation it would unseal the shrapnel an instant before the explosion. By making it into an array it would only be one activation instead of two instances of activation."

Holy shit. I just gave Orochimaru an idea to make a grenade. That was a huge fuck up.

Orochimaru sighs. "Too bad it's unrealistic to mass produce seals. Imagine my shinobi running around with a weapon like that! Making enough explosive seals is difficult enough the way it is. There are just so few competent seal users in the world."

I could totally do that. It would be so easy for me to mass produce seals. I could just hold something crazy like fifty brushes with my chakra strings and then move them all in unison. Ta-da, fifty explosive tags. Plus let's be realistic, I use way more than fifty strings all the time. I could probably make a hundred or more all in one go.

No one can ever know that. I would be hunted down by every damn village in existence. Who wouldn't want someone capable of making insane amounts of any seal they know? I would skyrocket up the totem pole of valuable assets to kidnap and force to work for you. Hell I bet even Danzo would change his standing order to kill me to capture just on that one fact alone.

"Alvarcus? You there?" Sasuke asks me with just a tinge of concern.

"Hm? Oh yes, I just got lost in thought." I rub my chin idly and look wistfully off into the distance. "I was picturing me using that seal in varying ridiculous ways but then I realized something very important."

"And that would be?" Orochimaru presses me for an answer. "It's just so interesting to see your mind at work!"

"It would be a bit redundant. I mean I can already make copious amounts of practically any element I want, including fire. Why waste time with a seal when I could just... oh I don't know... send a fire dragon screaming at my enemies?"

"So... you don't want to learn seals to set off insane chain explosions?" Sasuke asks with hope in his eyes.

"Nope. That was never my goal for learning seals." I easily supply an answer to that. "I like fire, not explosions. Well, I do like explosions but fire is so much better. I suppose I could go for a happy medium and make a fire bomb. A fire explosion! Now that's an idea!"

"Again it would be impractical." Orochimaru crushes that dream before it can really take off. "Out of curiosity, if you didn't want to learn seals to blow things up, what did you want to learn them for? I assumed you were going to focus more on that part of the art."

"Really? Why?" I ask.

Both Sasuke and Orochimaru blandly stare at me.

"Okay, point made. I would have a field day with a crap ton of explosive tags." I can totally make that happen too. Perhaps I should one day. Maybe I could use it as a source of income? Make a bunch then have Shirokumo ship them to vendors for me? Can he do that? "Back on topic now. So you both thought I wanted to make stuff go boom. Well I hate to disappoint but that's very far off from what I want to do with seals."

"Yes?" Orochimaru eagerly prods me to continue. "Why seals if not to enhance your combat potential? There is no way you'll be able to use seals in combat without decades of training, it's something that even Jiraya rarely does. Even The Fourth Hokage cheated a bit when placing his Hirashin markers. It's much easier to place a seal you already know how to make and the Fourth was intimately familiar with that one in particular. He devoted most of his life to creating it."

"You're both going to think I'm crazy, but I want the Sword of Totsuka."

"Impossible." Orochimaru immediately cuts in. "I've searched for even the faintest whisper of that legendary blade for most of my life. I've heard nothing about it in all that time. No rumors. No whisper. No trace."

"Kinda figured that." I sheepishly rub the back of my neck. "So if I can't find it, I figure I'll just make it myself. I mean all of the Legendary Weapons of the world had to have come from somewhere, right? So that means someone made it. If they can do it then why can't I? So that's why I want to study seals, the main function of the Sword of Totsuka is _sealing_ away the entities it cuts in a drunken genjutsu induced stupor. That being said I have no idea how to even go about doing that... so I turned to the basics. Gotta start somewhere and storage seals are as simple as it's going to get."

"Yep." Sasuke says in exasperation. "You're right, I do think you're crazy. You want to recreate a _legendary sword that hasn't been seen in lifetimes?_ "

I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure Itachi has seen it, since he owns it right now.

Speaking of Itachi, I bet you're wondering why I don't just take it off of him when he dies. Well for starters I need to start looking into saving him – I think he had a lung disease. Or was it stomach? Some major organ I know that much – because he'd be a great ally. Plus there's the whole 'how the hell do I get a weapon that _Itachi Uchiha's Susanoo_ of all things is holding?' That's not even the biggest reason. If by some miracle that cannon isn't shot to hell then Itachi will end up facing off against an Edo Tensi of Nagato that he beat by sealing him away with the Sword of Totsuka.

Now picture this, Itachi goes to pull out the sword and it's not there. Then Nagato of all people will be free to rampage over all of the Allied Shinobi Forces or whatever they're going to be called. I really don't want that to happen, so Itachi needs to keep the sword.

But when – if! If the Fourth Shinobi War happens then I need an easy way to seal away a lot of Edo Tensi bodies. Well, the Sword of Totsuka would be amazingly convenient to have in that situation. I could run around and with one slash the Edo Tensi is sealed away.

So I'm going to try and make one. Or at least something like it. That's why I'm starting it so early, while I still have two and a half years to use Orochimaru because as much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to need his help with this.

"Brilliant." Orochimaru grins in science fueled lunacy. "Absolutely brilliant! You want to make it! How have I never considered doing so myself? I've always wanted to acquire the original blade but to _make_ one? Simply brilliant! You truly are my child!"

I viciously squash the urge to shiver at Orochimaru's praise. "So, do you have any idea how to start? I'm pretty sure you know more about the sword than I do."

"None at all!" Orochimaru gleefully says. "That's what makes it so exciting! Oh I do have an idea!"

Thank Kami. Honestly I have no idea how to even begin this.

"I'll leave it all to you." Oh fuck me! I have no idea what I'm doing Orochimaru! "This will be your project, if you can pull off a feat like this then I will pronounce you a seal master! I'm not even sure the Fourth could do this so you have your work cut out for you."

"Yay. This is so fantastic." I dryly say to my Kage. "I'm still going to bounce some conceptual ideas off of you. And I'm going to need some serious help with genjutsu Sasuke so I'll be bugging you about that eventually."

"Whatever. Just ask me when you get to that part. If you get there." Sasuke agrees. Sort of.

"And on that note, I will retire for the night." Orochimaru rises up and walks off to one of the bedrooms. "He wants to make the Sword of Totsuka! Kukukuku, he's even more ambitious than I was at his age! I can't wait to see what he comes up with next!"

"I'm going to turn in too." I say to Sasuke and break off towards another bedroom. "I've had a long and very trying day."

"Was seeing the hammock again really that difficult? You know that I could have burned it for you."

I glare at Sasuke. "I meant the whole getting my head cut off thing. Even if I act like it's painless it's still excruciatingly painful. But thanks so much for reminding me of that. Now there's no way I'm getting any peaceful sleep."

"Oh. Sorry." He quietly says.

"Yeah yeah I know you didn't do it on purpose. Just let me sleep and tomorrow we can go back to Sound and put this whole Chunin Exams cluster fuck behind us."

"You can say that again." Sasuke groans. "It's so annoying to go by code names."

"Yeah imagine having to type it all out, always making sure that you're using the right name in the right spot, then getting the bright idea to change one of them halfway through. It makes proof reading a bitch!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I... actually don't know. That was pretty weird. Stupid fourth wall."

"Go sleep. I've had enough crazy for one day."

* * *

The Next Morning

"Can we finally leave now?" I eagerly ask Orochimaru and Sasuke. "As cool as I look, I really don't enjoy being wrapped up like a mummy all damn day. I would kill to be able to shed all these damn bandages."

"I can arrange that." Orochimaru playfully smirks at me. "I'm sure I can spare an experiment or a dozen for you. Or perhaps the Kusa shinobi on the other side of the door?"

"Well I suppose I could but then we'd have to fight our way out. I'd rather not." Sometimes it's better to just go along with Orochimaru's unique madness. "Although it certainly would leave a lasting impression."

"You... You know that I can hear you right?" A shaky voice says from the other side of the closed door.

Orochimaru lights up at the voice and swings the door wide open. "Fumia! Oh how have you been? How's the wife? The kids?"

"I'm not married." He starts to escort us out of the hotel and presumably the village.

"Shame." Orochimaru tries to comfort him. "It's difficult growing up as a bastard child. I feel sorry for your children."

"I don't have kids."

"One day you will Fumia, even with the accident. I still have hope for you."

"It's Fumio." Fumio pauses and turns drastically pale. "Wait, what accident?"

"Whoops." Orochimaru grins evilly. "Forget I said anything. And on a completely unrelated note, Midori remind me to use Vial 12-B."

"Didn't we use that one last time?" I'll play along with Orochimaru on this. Partly to keep my cover but mostly because it is funny to watch this Fumio squirm. "That was the one that caused those rashes. Perhaps Vial 7-H? It's a new strain that's still untested."

Orochimaru is delighted that I'm playing along if his wide smile is anything to go by. "Yes, yes. But I don't really want to use that one, the mess is just terrible!"

"Wait a moment." I cut in. "The 7's cause fur growth right? How is that a mess?"

"The subjects have this nasty habit of shedding everywhere." Orochimaru states matter of factly. "Then they explode. I'm still not sure how that's happening."

"Ah. Then how about Vial 17-A? That one is brand new."

"Hm." Orochimaru turns his yellow eyes onto the terrified Fumio. "It would be interesting to see a human with neon pink skin."

"Oh thank Kami we're at the gate." Fumio sighs in relief. "Just go. Don't even worry about the paperwork I'll do all of it myself. Please just go and leave me alone."

"Fumia-chan you're so nice, never forget that."

"Please just go."

* * *

On the Way Back to Sound

"Did you two really have to traumatize that poor shinobi? He couldn't have been more than a chunin." Sasuke groans out. "I can't go anywhere with you two."

"Well I was bored and it was fun." I sass back to him. "I'm more curious as to where the Sound Four are. Or is it Sound Three now?"

"Oh them." Orochimaru dismisses them with a wave. "I sent them back on the first night. Both of you are more than enough to protect me."

I snort and Sasuke scoffs. "Like you really need protecting."

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow at me in question.

"Uh hello! You're Orochimaru-sama! One of the Legendary Sannin? The person who has killed two Kages? S-rank threat and founder of Otogakure? Why would someone pick a fight with you?"

"Yet it seems to be happening more and more lately." Orochimaru mutters to himself. "Believe me, I have plenty of enemies that are very skillful themselves. For some strange reason S-rank shinobi attract other S-rank shinobi."

Yeah and for some even stranger reason I seem to be attracting the Akatsuki.

 _~Speaking of the Akatsuki...~_

You better fucking not right now.

 _~Well it might not be them. How big are their ranks again?~_

You're sensing someone and it might be the Akatsuki? Nine. There are nine of them. Maybe eight. Depends on when they get Deidara into the group.

 _~Oh good, so it's not them.~_

Thank Kami. Wait, so that means that we have _more_ than nine people tailing us?

 _~They're not tailing us, in fact they have us surrounded already.~_

"Fuck me." The words escape my lips with vehemence and rage. "Can't I get a fucking break?"

"What's going on now?" Sasuke asks as he grasps the hilt of his sword and starts scanning our surroundings for threats.

"So you finally sensed them, did you?" Orochimaru smirks at me. "We'll have to work on your range, I felt them minutes ago."

"Yeah well good for you. Now what the fuck are we going to do? Keep running toward Sound or stand and fight?"

The sound of a thousand birds chirping fills the air and in a split second a very familiar person is right behind Orochimaru with the full intention of ramming the ball of lightning through his heart.

A green beast, no The Green Beast appears behind me with a fist reared back and a determined expression. Gai has every intention of punching my head clean off my shoulders.

In a swirl of leaves the slowest of the trio of assassins appears behind Sasuke with a pair of glowing blue trench knives.

Konoha has made it's move, they're trying to assassinate Orochimaru and whoever he is with.

A pale hand darts to my shoulder and clamps down hard. In the next moment I'm standing meters away from where I was and I'm spun around to observe our attackers. Orochimaru pulled me along in his own shunshin.

"Assassin team fall back and regroup with the others." Kakashi orders Gai and Asuma.

The trio vanish into leaves, no doubt using shunshin to speed away to Tsunade.

"Are you damaged?" Orochimaru growls out in a low tone, one full of pure rage.

I quickly pat myself down. "Nope. All good. Everything is here."

"Good." Orochimaru steps forward towards where the trio left. "I will not lose you. Now if you'll excuse me I have some people to _rip into tiny shreds!_ "

"Of course." I'm making sure Sasuke and I stay far out of his way. It's not hard to guess who will be waiting to fight Orochimaru. Who can challenge a Sannin except for another Sannin? "Wait a moment. Where's... No. That can't be right."

Sasuke isn't where I expected him to be, he's not on Orochimaru's other side. He's still standing in the same spot that we were attacked in, but just a half step to the right. But he's not moving. His masked head is pointed uncomprehendingly at the ground, as if he can't – won't – believe something. I don't need to look at the ground to know what it is he's starring at.

It's his arm.

Sasuke's arm as been severed at the shoulder, no doubt by Asuma's knives. All he has left is a bleeding stump.

"Now you see why I'm so furious." Orochimaru says in a voice that only promises pain and suffering. "They hurt my next body, and they wanted to hurt my child. I will not stand for such insolence!"

Orochimaru... saved me? He picked me over his precious next body?

"You will use whatever means necessary to survive. Nothing is off limits. Use your full strength, your full power, to return to me. Everything else comes second." Orochimaru spares the stock still Sasuke a glace. "Even him."

He leaps away from me to go try and kill those who attacked us.

"Hold on!" I yell to Sasuke as I force the realization that Orochimaru actually cares about me out of my head. "Just hang in there!"

A green blur, much slower and smaller than the one before, bursts out of the treeline and is hauling ass towards the stunned Sasuke.

"NO!" I snarl out with scalding fury and slam into Lee. "I will not let you hurt him more!"

"Midori-chan, I am so sorr-"

I don't wait for him to finish. I lift up my leg and using every bit of my strength possible I aim a kick at his knee.

 **CRACK**

"ARGH!" Lee crumples to the ground in agony with his leg bent backwards. I broke his knee. He won't be moving anytime soon.

"I'm almost there!" I shout to Sasuke who has finally torn his gaze away from his severed limb to stare at me blankly.

"Lee!" Tenten shouts from off to my left as she hurls multiple kunai at me. "You bitch!"

I don't waste time trying to dodge. Several of them miss, but a handful stab into me. I completely ignore it, Sasuke needs me. Something as simple as having kunai in me won't even slow me down.

Neji leaps between me and Sasuke, intent on avenging his downed teammate while preventing me from getting to Sasuke.

Kiba, Shino and Hinata are quickly making their way towards the frozen Sasuke. At this rate they'll reach him before I do. If that happens he's dead.

Choji and Ino are hanging back from the other two teams, obviously playing a supporting role since they're down a member. Choji looks pissed while Ino is a scared pale. She's starring at me and Sasuke in horror.

"I will not lose him!" I roar at the Konoha gennin, I scream at my friends who don't know what they're doing.

All actions from the Konoha shinobi halt in the next moment. It isn't because of my words, it isn't because of the serious killing intent I'm pumping out, it isn't because Orochimaru showed back up triumphant over the others. No, they all stop because they heard a familiar noise.

It's a sickening noise, one that is forever seared into their minds. It's the sound of flesh tearing, but this is more specific than that. This is the sound of a heart being pushed out of someone's back. It's a noise that is unique to their lost friend Alvarcus.

SQUELCH

I pushed out every Jiongu monster I could spare. I've kept my fire heart to myself for two reasons. One, it's the element I'm the best with and two, I may need to cauterize Sasuke's arm.

I lash out with dozens of chakra strings, arcing them well over the heads of everyone present and they all latch onto Sasuke himself and his severed arm. With a not so soft yank I pull him through the air to me.

"It's okay." I catch him and quickly lay him down on the ground. "I got ya. Don't worry."

"Al... Alvarcus?" Sasuke whispers out in disbelief. "My arm is... is it gone?"

"Did he say... did he say Alvarcus?" Someone says but I don't care enough to figure out who did it.

"Jiongu!" I roar to my monsters. "I need to save him. No one gets within ten meters of me. If they do _put them down._ "

My four monster leap into action, each and every one of them standing at exactly ten meters away from me. They're daring the Konoha shinobi to come closer. They're looking forward to showing the fool what happens if they do.

"Hang in there Sasuke. We don't know if it's gone forever yet. Just hold on." What can I do? I'm no medic nin. I can't do a damn thing to help him. At best I can burn the wound closed so he stops losing blood and then get some spiders to wrap it with medical grade silk. I don't think I've ever been this powerless before.

"Sasuke? He said Sasuke?" Another voice says in confusion.

 _~Host, I have an idea. It's-_

"Will it work?" I demand."I don't care what it is. _Will it work?_ "

 _~It should.~_

"Do it." I order.

The Jiongu worms it's way out of the scar on my neck and slowly reaches towards Sasuke's severed limb. Once it grabs it, the Jiongu pulls the limb back to Sasuke. It's holding it next to where it was cut off from. Then the Jiongu digs into both the flesh of the severed limb and the stump.

"AHH!" Sasuke screams in pain as the Jiongu sews Sasuke's arm back on.

It's worming through the flesh, bobbing up and down as it goes about the tedious task of reattaching the arm. Over and over and over again it weaves the two parts back into one whole all while Sasuke is screaming bloody murder and thrashing about like an animal going through death throws. Finally after what feels like days of waiting the black threads tighten one last time and Sasuke's arm spasms back to life.

"That..." Sasuke huffs out between huge gulping breaths. "That was hell."

He stands up onto his feet and experimentally moves his arm around. His fingers curl and extend, he's testing every limit he can.

 _~He should not do anything to strenuous with his arm for at least a week. After that he should be back at 100%.~_

"Sasuke you good?" I ask him. "Everything feel right? I don't know exactly what the Jiongu did but it says to take it easy for a week."

"I'm okay." His voice floods with relief. "I'm okay. I thought it was gone forever. The pain was unbelievable. Is that what it always feels like?"

"Ask me again later once we're safe. We've got to get out of here." I urge him. "Orochimaru wants us to get back to Sound." Or at the very least me. Still currently processing that.

"We're not letting that fucking happen!" Kiba shouts at us. "You fucking assholes! This whole time!"

"You didn't tell us?" Tenten yells. "We were together for hours on end! _Hours!_ We were ready to kill you just now! We almost did!"

"You couldn't kill us if you tried your hardest and you had a decade to prepare." I viciously say. I need to make a rift between me and the Konoha shinobi. I need to drive a wedge between us so that they never try to seek me out again.

"Wait a minute." Hinata turns towards the cowering Ino. "Ino did you know? You said you got into his head."

"I... uh..." Ino stutters out floundering for an excuse.

"You _did_ know!?" Hinata shouts at her. "Why didn't you tell any of us? We can help them! We can bring them back!"

"Because we don't want to go back." I hiss out. "You want to know why she didn't say anything? It isn't out of some misguided hope that she can bring us back herself."

"Alvarcus-" Ino starts to say but I cut her off.

"You all think you're shinobi?" I condescendingly say to my friends with a sneer hidden behind my mask. "You're all still pampered _children._ The world is a fucked up place, it's a world where people die by the dozens each day and no one bats an eye. It's a place where the weak are the playthings of the strong. I refuse to be someone's toy, someone's plaything. I will be the one dictating who does what, I will be the one to say who goes where, I will be the one with the power."

"You're wrong!" Neji shouts at me. I must have touched a nerve is the stoic Hyuuga himself is shouting. "Power and strength are not the be all and end all of our world. There's more to it than that."

"What about us?" Choji asks. "Don't we mean anything to you? You ran out on all of us. You left us all behind without a second thought."

Sasuke scoffs as he keeps moving his arm around. "Don't act like we were friends. None of you sought us out for anything remotely recreational. No one here invited us over for dinner. No one asked us to hang out. No one asked to spar with us. No one ever cared about us. We were never friends."

"Well then what about the invasion!" Kiba demands. "We all helped each other then!"

"No." I coldly say. "You were all just along the way."

"So the only reason you saved me was because I was in your path?" Shino asks in his monotonous voice. "I was saved on a whim?"

"Yeah." I confirm with anger in my voice. "And none of you are any better. Actually I'd say you're all worse."

"How can you say that about us?" Tenten actually sounds hurt by my words.

"How? HOW? WHERE THE HELL WERE ALL OF YOU WHEN MY PARENTS WERE KILLED!?" Everyone is stunned into silence at my outburst. "You all were fucking steps behind me when I left that booth. _Steps._ Not one of you followed me. You all just stood there and watched as I leaped out while screaming about my kaa-san. Do you know what I would have done if one of you were shouting about your fucking parent while bolting towards someone screaming? _I would have cut down every damn person in your way._ "

"So that's why none of you are shinobi. None of you are worthy of your headbands. Shinobi are protectors, we are weapons, we are pillars of strength. We defend and protect what matters to us with our lives. And when the most important thing in the world to me was threatened what did you all do? Did you step up and help me protect what's important? No. All of you stepped aside and abandoned me."

"That is why I left. If no one else will help me protect what I cherish so dearly then I will do it myself. I will become so strong that no one will dare to hurt me or anyone I care about again. I'm done depending on others. I'm done hoping that my 'friends' will come save me. I'm done with Konoha."

I'm an asshole. No, I'm more than that. I've ascended past being a common asshole to something new, I'm officially one of the worst people on this planet. What kind of a person says something like that?

"Alvarcus just tell them the truth!" Ino shouts out in panic. She's freaking out because I'm severing all ties to my home. She's worried sick for me. Her eyes are darting between Sasuke and me, she's breathing quickly even though she hasn't done anything strenuous and she's nervous as all hell. "You don't mean that! You would never mean that!"

"Fine. You want the truth?" I recall my monsters.

They slowly stomp back towards me and assimilate into my back with four gut-wrenching squelches. Except they're not fully withdrawn into me. Each mask is extended out on it's own limb made of black threads.

I take a deep breath to steady myself. "The only way I will go back to Konoha is if someone drags me back kicking and screaming. Combination Jutsu: Dance of the Dragons!"

Every single person here – except for me – goes wide eyed and slack jawed. They're aren't shocked into this look because of my bold proclamation but by the jutsu I just used. If you recall I got a very helpful scroll from Orochimaru for my birthday, it was one that explained how each dragon bullet jutsu worked. I thought it needed a little more shock and awe factor to it.

The Konoha gennin are facing down not one, but five elemental dragons. Each dragon is the pure embodiment of it's element and each one is capable of killing in the faintest of touches. And to top off the pure overwhelming force being thrown at them, each dragon isn't moving in a straight line. No that would be to easy, instead all five of them are weaving around each other in a dizzying display of contortions. It's like a synchronized dance.

"Sasuke that's our cue to leave. That stunt took way more chakra than I expected." That move is killer on the chakra cost. Well it is technically five high level jutsus used at the same time so that's to be expected.

We both turn our backs on the Konoha gennin to leave for Otogakure and Orochimaru. For the second time.

"KAITEN!" Neji roars and a dome of chakra so potent I can feel it from where I'm at surges to life around him. He's directly in the path of my jutsu, he plans on taking the hit to save everyone else.

The two techniques crash together. It's his unbreakable defense vs all of the elements' rage. Lightning, fire, water, earth and wind are being scattered. Trees are being cut in two, boulders are being shattered, the ground is being terraformed. It'll never be the same here again, Neji's Kaiten is flinging my attacks everywhere. Given they're much less potent after coming in contact with the Kaiten but it is still enough to cause serious irreparable damage.

"Don't worry about me! I can stop this!" Neji shouts as he's spinning faster and faster. "Stop them! Don't let them leave again!"

"I'm actually impressed." I say to Sasuke as I'm looking over my shoulder at Neji's display. "I didn't think anyone had the balls to stand in the way of that. Too bad he's going to be worthless after blocking it, he's bleeding off chakra."

"How are we supposed to fight someone who can do that?" Ino whispers to herself.

"Fuck if I know!" Kiba vaults over the spinning dome of chakra and with his furry companion starts sprinting straight at Sasuke and me. "But we have to! We made a promise to each other to get them both back! If they won't listen to reason then they'll listen to force!"

Both man and beast go limp. Their bodies lose all rigidity like someone flipped a switch and cut off the power to a light bulb. Each of them crumple to the ground in an undignified heap and roll a meter before coming to a stop in a pile of tangled limbs.

"They made the mistake of looking into my eyes." Sasuke says and I spare him a quick glance. He's no longer wearing his mask, he has it pinned to his belt. His eyes aren't the usual black, they're a vibrant crimson with three tomoe spinning around.

"How could you?" Hinata asks in mixed emotions. She's mad yet sad at the same time. It's like she is mad that Kiba was defeated so easily and sad that it was Sasuke, one of his friends, who did it so casually and with such little effort.

"Don't strain yourself Sasuke. I don't know how durable that arm of yours is right now. I've never put someone else back together before and it's possible that the Jiongu is slowly draining your chakra. It needs chakra to survive and right now it's latched onto you."

"I will keep tabs on my chakra levels." Sasuke promises me.

"Eight Trigrams!" Hinata's voice overpowers ours. She's standing behind me. Interesting, that means that she left a clone back by Shino since she's also over there. Or perhaps it's Shino's clone that looks like Hinata? That would be one hell of a team move, no one would expect that clone of Hinata to explode into a swarm of chakra devouring insects.

"One Palm!" She thrusts her open hand forward. She's planning on incapacitating me first. I wonder if she sees me as the bigger threat? I wouldn't blame her I did send elemental dragons at her barely thirty seconds ago.

"That's not going to work." I idly say, I'm not even attempting to dodge. "Hate to remind you but I don't have a chakra system."

 _~RRRAAAAAAAGGHHHHHH!~_

The next thing I know I'm laying on my back while staring up at the blue sky. When did this happen?

 _~It hurts! Host it hurts so much! Don't let it happen again! Please!~_

"Alvarcus!" Hinata shouts in horror. She's staring at me and her open hand in pure terror. "I didn't know! I didn't mean to! I'm so sorr- URK!"

In a burst of unrivaled speed Sasuke moved inbetween us. He didn't settle for just that, he's also bent over slightly with his left hand gripping the sheath to his sword and his right hand on the hilt. But the sword is partially drawn, there's a fair bit of gleaming metal extending out of the sheath. He slammed the butt of the hilt into Hinata's gut without fully drawing it.

Hinata collapses on the ground while wheezing for air, trying and failing to catch her breath.

"You better be able to get up Alvarcus." Sasuke turns to the rest of the Konoha gennin facing us down. "I can't carry you back to Sound and fight off all of them."

"What..." I shakily push myself to my feet. Or I try to, I'm missing everything from my left elbow down. My hand is gone, completely gone. "Huh? How'd that happen?"

Sasuke swiftly draws his blade and switches to his left hand. Then he smacks five kunai out of the air courtesy of Tenten.

"Jiongu plus Gentle Fist equals boom." He swats another pair of kunai out of the air. "Not sure how that happened but don't let it happen again."

"I exploded?" What the fuck? That can happen?

"Fucking get over it already!" Sasuke shouts. "You've taken worse hits! Get up and help me! I can't do this all damn day and your stupid Jiongu is draining my chakra way faster than I thought it would!"

I successfully get up onto my feet without using my left arm. Cuz... it's gone. "Jiongu can you just like extend out of me and make a hand? Really can't fight like this. Well I could but I don't want to."

 _~Okay. But never let that happen again. Please. Never again. It hurt so much!~_

"I won't." I promise as black threads pour out of my elbow and form into a black hand. It's like I'm wearing the world's creepiest glove.

I take in my surroundings. Lee is still down where I left him, staring at me in equal parts confusion and fear. Neji is in his self made crater struggling to remain conscious because his stunt forced him into chakra exhaustion. Kiba and Akamaru are in a heap of tangled limbs while snoozing peacefully. Hinata is still fighting to take even the smallest of breaths while crying over her accidentally explosive actions.

But what confuses me is everyone else.

Choji and Ino have barely moved since the beginning of our fight. Ino I understand, she knows things here that no one else does. She knows that out of everyone here _I_ am the person who is most loyal to Konoha. She knows that everything I've said is a lie.

But Choji? He should be trying to pulverize Sasuke and I. But he hasn't done anything at all, simply standing next to Ino and Shino the entire time. It doesn't make sense.

And Tenten is constantly hurling sharp pointy objects at Sasuke but something is off about it. I know for a fact that she can throw way more kunai than she is right now. It's just enough to keep Sasuke moving, to keep him busy. To keep him distracted.

Shino is waiting patently. He's completely calm and collected even though Sasuke and I have taken apart the rest of his team. He's observing us coolly, just watching. He hasn't even sent any of his...

"Oh Shino you bastard. You've got us both bugged don't you?" Sure enough my chakra levels are lower than they should be.

"How unfortunate." Shino calmly says. "I was hoping my actions would go unnoticed until you both collapsed."

"I just thought it was the Jiongu taking my chakra to keep my arm attached." Sasuke grumbles as he swats down even more kunai from Tenten. "How many freaking kunai do you have girl!"

"Plenty." She grins deviously at him.

"Fire Release: Grand Fire-"

"Sasuke you idiot!" I swat his hands to force him to stop the jutsu. "You're being drained of chakra and you want to use a jutsu? Moron."

"Then you do something!" He smacks me back. "You've been useless since Hinata touched you!"

"Fuck you I put your damn arm back, took out Lee who is probably the most dangerous one here -next to us of course- sent out _five_ elemental dragons that Neji barely managed to stop and you say I've done nothing!"

"Be useful!" He swats down even more kunai. "Like making her stop throwing stuff at me!"

"Fine!" I fly through hand signs and a bead of blood manifests on my thumb. "Summoning Jutsu: Keji!"

A thick could of smoke that extends five meters off the ground bursts onto the battlefield. A stiff wind quickly blows it away to reveal a spider, a very unique and recognizable spider. It has a tiny body, it's only the size of Shirokumo if I'm being generous. But what really stands out about this spider is it's legs. Each of it's _sixteen_ legs is the color of cast iron and they're the reason the cloud of smoke was so tall. It's a cellar spider, a daddy long leg spider, and it's standing five meters tall.

"Yay!" Keji shouts in pure joy. His voice is scruffy and undignified like he's a troublemaker. "I'm out of that damn place! See ya suckers! FREEDOM!"

The tall spider gallops away on his lengthy limbs right over me and disappears into the trees, never to be seen again.

"Dude." Sasuke and everyone else is staring at me with a baffled expression. "Was he supposed to run away?"

"Just forget that happened." I sigh. "I'm still experimenting with my contract. Sometimes you get a bad one. It happens."

"That was sad." Tenten says while spinning a kunai on her finger.

"Yep." I agree wholeheartedly. "That means I'll have to stop you myself."

"Oh." A tinge of fear gleams in Tenten's wide eyes. "Shit."

A sinister grin worms it's way onto my face. "Since you enjoy throwing a fuck ton of kunai, let's see how you handle dodging a fuck ton of fists! Earth Release: Ten Thousand Fists!"

An uncountable number of stone fists burst out of the ground and swarm towards all of the Konoha gennin. Only Sasuke, me, and everyone who has already been defeated don't have at least twenty fists going after them.

Tenten manages to dodge the first three, but fails to dodge the rest. Tens upon tens of stone fists slam into her, each leaving behind a large bruise. Over and over they connect, eventually they're simply too much for her to bear and one of them clocks her in the temple. She's rewarded with unconsciousness.

Shino fared much better than Tenten, he only took two hits before collapsing. Unlike Tenten though it wasn't due to my jutsu that he collapsed. Instead it was Sasuke who managed to defeat him. Sasuke used my flashy jutsu as a distraction to easily trap Shino into his own personal genjutsu.

Ino and Choji are the only two left standing after that attack. It wasn't that Ino and Choji are exceptional at dodging but that Choji is built like a brick house. He shoved Ino behind him and _endured_ the full brunt of the fists I sent his way. He took each and every one of them without so much as a grunt or wince of pain. It was a battle of stone vs flesh and flesh won.

Except they're still defeated. I know each and every person here. I know exactly what they are capable of and how they will react to certain situations. I was planning on Choji choosing to protect his teammate and who wouldn't in his situation? By shoving Ino right behind him he placed each of them very close together. It's exactly what I need for my trap to work.

Sixteen loud earth breaking thuds shake the ground.

"Alvarcus-sama, I apologize for my unbecoming conduct. I assure you I am quite the dapper gentleman, but I needed to sell the idea that I was an insignificant threat." Keji says in a smooth and regal voice, it's the exact opposite of how he spoke before. "Please do not let that stain our interactions."

Keji is a very unique spider. He's not like the weavers that can make anything with their silks. He's not able to go anywhere and find any spider like Shirokumo. He's not as threatening as Arachne. Keji was born with a mutation. He has double the legs of other spiders, usually that would make him an outcast. It would cause him to be shunned and be seen as a weakness.

Keji made it into his greatest strength. That's because Keji is a trapper. His exoskeleton is harder than any metal and he uses that to his advantage by turning himself into a cage. That is how he catches his prey, he traps them with his own nearly unbreakable body and waits until they've exhausted themselves trying to escape.

And he's caught both Ino and Choji.

"Of course of course!" I assure my summon. "No need to worry I know that your actions will always be in my best interests. Even if I don't quite understand them at the time. And there's no need for the sama suffix. I welcome you to call me by name."

"Then I insist that you do the sa-"

"Partial Expansion Jutsu!" Choji shouts and punches at his prison with his full strength.

 **THUD**

"OWOWOWOW! What the hell are you made of?" Choji rubs his red fist.

One of the sixteen bars, Keji's legs, yanks out of the ground and smacks Choji across the face before spearing back into place. It wasn't a hard hit, merely a disciplining slap.

"It is unbecoming of one to interrupt a conversation." Keji reprimands his captive. "Do not do it again or I will use more extreme force."

"Okay!" Choji squeaks out. Huh, I never knew such a big guy could make a noise that high pitched.

"Now what was I saying? Oh yes yes I remember! I insist that you do the same Alvarcus."

"You have the weirdest summons I've ever seen." Sasuke says from off to my left.

"I know!" I grin childishly but no one can see it. I really should take off this mask now that everyone knows who I am. "They're perfect!"

"Oh please there is no need to be so generous!" Keji bashfully says. "I know that I am far from perfection."

"And that's that." I dust off my hands. "Us 1, everyone else 0. Now just to make sure those two can't actually do anything."

"How are you going to do that? You've already got them trapped." Sasuke asks.

"Just watch." I reach into my black and green coat and pull out a small scroll. I quickly unfurl it and pump chakra into it to spit out its contents. In a small puff of smoke my sash of Dokuso's teeth daggers appears.

"Really?" Sasuke drones out in disappointment. "You put those in a seal? Why didn't you wear the damn things?"

"Oh shut up." I sass him as I pull out the blue handle, the paralytic. "I got these to deal with Hiro. They don't really serve another purpose. At best they're going to be reserve weapons, I'll only pull them out when I need them. I really doubt I'll even use all of them, I mean it'd have to be a very specific scenario to make me want to use them. I'm more of the 'spit large amounts of fire at you' kind of guy."

"I know I've said this before but it bears repeating. You've got to get over your fire obsession."

"That's never going to happen. Now then, down to business."

I walk over to the closest person first, Hinata.

"Alva -wheeze- rcus. Don't." She pleads to me. Her eyes are full of hope. She wants me to drop the dagger and go back with everyone to live happily ever after. I can't.

I lightly cut her on the back of her hand. "Don't worry, it's just a paralytic. It's the same thing I used against Hiro. Non-lethal. You'll be fine in a few hours, less if Tsunade survives Orochimaru."

I move onto the next person, in this case it's a pair. Kiba and Akamaru. "Uh Sasuke how long is the genjutsu going to last?"

"Until someone pulls them out of it. You can skip them. Same with Shino." He explains to me while scanning the treeline for other threats.

"Moving on then." That makes Neji next.

Neji is laying on his back in a crater. His eyes are half open and it's a struggle each moment for him to stay awake. His chakra exhaustion pushed him into this state. "Just come back."

"I've burned that bridge. I can't go back." I drag the dagger across the back of his hand.

Next is Lee, he's right behind Neji. Lee is one of the more lucid of everyone here since he wasn't knocked out or has any impairing wounds. Except for his hyperextended leg. "Why? I don't understand. Hiding from us. Those things you said. Attacking us. Wanting to go back to Orochimaru. I just don't understand. It's like you've lost all hope."

"You know Lee, in a way you're right." He holds out his hand for me to cut. There's no doubt in my mind that he's letting me do this. Just because his leg is out of commission doesn't mean his arms are.

That leaves only Ino and Choji. Shino is trapped in Sasuke's genjutsu and Tenten is already unconscious so there's no need to tag either of them.

I approach Keji.

"I won't forget this. I won't forget that you beat me. That you beat us." Choji says. "This doesn't mean that I'm giving up on bringing you both back. All that you've accomplished today is showing us all how much we need to improve to bring you both back. So next time we meet you better be ready, because it'll be us who wins. It'll be us bringing you home. Remember that."

Choji thrusts his arm at me with a fire in his eyes. He has every intention of following through with his vow.

I cut the back of his hand and in a loud tone I say, "I look forward to it. Become as strong as you possibly can. Find your limits and exceed them, it's the only hope you have of besting Sasuke and I. Because I promise you that we will not go easily. You'll have to earn it, and if you manage that I will go back to Konoha with you all."

I'm manipulating them. Every single person that I've cut is only paralyzed. They can still see, feel, taste, touch, and most importantly hear. Each one of them heard my promise, my own vow that if they can defeat me I will return. I'm pushing them to become stronger, I'm pushing them to become better.

I'm preparing them for the horrors to come.

"Alvarcus."

"Ino."

"Why? All you had to do-"

"Because it was necessary. Konoha will never welcome me home, you have to realize that. The day that you all drag me back there will be the day I am tossed in jail with the world's best seal master personally designing my chakra suppressors. I'll be lucky if they allow visitors. Hell I'll be lucky if I can see the sun."

Her eyes start to water, she's on the verge of tears. "But what if you-"

"It won't matter. The damage is already done, people formed their opinions. Only chains wait for me in Konoha. I will still honor my promise. Should you all best me, I will return and face my fate. I just want to make sure you are all aware of how hard I will fight. There's more riding on it that you all realize because my defeat means my loss of freedom. So if you all want me back you'll need to be incredible."

"We don't have to fight!" Ino pleads as her tears finally stream down her face. "Just tell them what you're-"

I swiftly dart my hand inbetween Keji's legs and cuts the back of Ino's hand. She falls to the ground.

Keji's legs bend out of my way and I catch her before she hits it. Her eyes are so full of pain. It's not her pain, it's my pain. She's empathizing with me as the only one here who knows the full story. She's watching me purposefully tear a canyon between me and my friends. She's watching me specifically avoid going back to Konoha. Going home. And it's truly hurting her.

"Ino," I whisper just loud enough for her to hear. "don't tell them. Please. They can't know. They need something to push them to improve. If it's me, then I'm okay with that. So please, don't tell them. Tsunade is always open to talk to, even Shizune is a wonderful listener. I know from personal experience. Talk to them, not our friends. They need this as much as I do."

I gently lower her to the ground.

"Why did you catch her?" Sasuke says in a cold tone. There's and edge there, one that promises pain. "You let everyone else fall." His eyes narrow. "Why _her?_ "

"Dude." I casually reply. "Like I'm going to let a lady fall down in the dirt. I would have caught Hinata to if she wasn't already down. I choose to be an asshole, I'm not always one. Not to mention what you might do to me if I did let her fall."

"Good." Sasuke's edgy tone is gone, he's back to his normal self.

 _~Host, he feels threatened by you.~_

Pfft yeah right! Why would he – oh. OH.

 _~Yes, he thinks you want to mate with the female.~_

OI! Not cool! Don't say things like that!

 _~But you do. You remember that I am your body now, I know exactly what goes on with it. For instance hormonal surges and physical reactions.~_

She's hot! That's not my fault! I can't help it if I find her hot!

 _~We share the same dreams.~_

I have the hormonal body of a teenager going through puberty with an adult mind! No shit I'm going to think up of some stuff like that!

 _~They're quite... explicit.~_

Not the God damn time for this! Look you've got me so flustered I'm not even translating right now! When was the last time I said God and not Kami? You know what just shut up for a bit.

"Keji can you stick around for a while?" I gesture to everyone laying on the ground. "Sure they're defeated but I don't want to leave them unguarded. Who knows when the others will be done and come get them."

"I shall stay." Keji does a deep bow. Like DEEP. A good four meters deep. "To show such compassion to your enemies, you are a gentleman of significant renown!"

"Uh... sure. Whatever." There, now I don't have to worry about wildlife or bandits hurting them while the Sannin wrap things up. Just to make things easier on my summon I extend out hundreds of chakra strings and connect them to everyone. I gently maneuver them to be all next to each other instead of strew about the field.

"Sasuke we should be going now."

I start walking away towards Sound. There's no sound of Sasuke falling in step next to me.

"Sasuke?" I question over my shoulder. "You coming? I can carry you if that's it, between your genjutsu, the Jiongu sustaining itself to hold your arm in place and Shino's beetles you've use up a lot of your chakra."

"No, that's not it." Sasuke is looking over at Hinata. "Orochimaru said he wanted a Byakugan. Well, we have a pair right here. Better yet we could bring her with us then maybe he'd use her and-"

"Sasuke," I sadly say. "you and I both know he doesn't want the Byakugan for that. Even if we bring her back there's no way he'd pick her over you. I'm sorry, but you know I'm right."

"... I know. I just wish it wasn't true." Sasuke says dejectedly.

"Hey, it's not like we're going to let that happen. I plan on him being dead long before he does the switch."

Sasuke cracks a smile. "You're damn right about that."

 **CRACK**

A white blur explodes through a tree before slamming into the ground. The blur rolls for a bit, tumbling over and over before it rights itself and lands on it's feet, skidding back a good three meters before stopping.

"Orochimaru-sama?" Sasuke and I ask at the same time in shock. "Are you... losing?"


	49. Chapter 49

"Orochimaru-sama?" Sasuke and I ask at the same time in shock. "Are you... losing?"

We've never seen him being manhandled like this. He's supposed to be untouchable.

"You're both still here? Oh good your arm is back." Orochimaru says as he straightens up and dusts himself off. He's acting way to too casual and relaxed for someone who just came through a freaking tree. "I hate to admit it, but I may have overestimated myself. This group is exceedingly well coordinated. If I just had access to my ninjutsu this farce would have ended long ago. An Edo Tensi here, a forbidden jutsu there, and maybe even a snake or twenty. Look here they come."

Five shadows leap into the clearing. It's Tsunade, Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai and Asuma. They all look ragged and worn, but each of them looks leagues better than Orochimaru. It's obvious that he's been losing.

We're all arranged in an equilateral triangle. Orochimaru is all alone, the Konoha group are staring him down and Sasuke, Keji and I are standing with the rest of the defeated gennin at our feet.

The field is strangely quiet for how many people are gathered here. Orochimaru is waiting patiently for something to happen, he's idly smirking at the last arrivals. Finally, someone from Konoha tears their eyes away from the biggest threat here and spares us a glance.

"GET AWAY FROM MY GENNIN!" Kurenai shouts and springs into action. She's lunging at Sasuke and me and she's pissed off. There's nothing that can stop her from reaching us, not even Orochimaru because the second he move then everyone else will too. "I'LL KILL YOU BOTH – Sasuke?"

She halts all momentum halfway towards us, and everyone else freezes. Some are frozen in shock, others in gleefully sinister thoughts, while a select few are thinking 'oh shit.' It's Kakashi, Tsunade and me who are thinking that last one.

"Sasuke?" Asuma says in confusion and his eyes dart to the newly named gennin. "It is you! What are you doing here? Holy shit I cut your arm off."

"HOW YOUTHFUL!" Gai roars and slams a fist into his chest in a manly fashion while grinning wildly. "Sasuke knew that his fellow Konoha shinobi were in danger and he came to help out!"

"Yeah, that's not it at all." I sassily remark to Gai. How the hell did he draw that conclusion?

" _Alvarcus?_ " Kakashi says with both eyes wide. He has his Sharingan activated, no doubt pulling out all the stops to combat Orochimaru. "Is that you?"

"Aw shit." I say as I smack my forehead. "I'm not changing my voice right now am I? Guess this mask is useless then. Keji why don't you go back? Things are about to get... interesting."

"No." Keji stands protectively over Sasuke and I, using his own body to shield us from who he thinks are our enemies. "I will not turn tail and run while my Summoner stands valiantly against his foes!"

"And I will not put my summon's lives in danger! Go back, I'm sorry Keji but now you'll just be in the way."

Keji turns to face me and stares into my covered eyes for a moment. "Fine. I shall honor your request. Not because I want to but because I can tell you want to protect me. I will trust your judgment."

"Thanks." I say to Keji before he vanishes into a cloud of smoke.

I remove my mask and pin it to my belt to the satisfying sounds of sharp intakes of breath. I still managed to surprise a few people after all.

"You mean all this time you were right there? Right in front of me?" Kakashi shakily says. His shoulders start to shake, his whole demeanor shrinks on himself. He looks like he's defeated. Say what you will about him, but he's a damn good actor. "Do you have any idea how I felt when you both left? Just – I can't – why did – what did I do wrong?!"

"Yeah, no." I rudely refuse to answer while I cross my arms. I can't believe I'm stuck in this situation. I don't think this can get any more fucked up. "That is not going to happen now or ever."

What am I supposed to do? It's clear that Orochimaru is losing and badly at that. He looks like he's been through hell while the Konoha group is barely bleeding. They've kept him on the ropes for this, they're winning.

No doubt Tsunade is the biggest threat, not only is she also a Sannin but she knows Orochimaru. They know each others style and can use that to predict what the other will do to a certain extent.

Then there's Gai who can probably rival Orochimaru in taijutsu and would just draw his nunchaku to combat the Kusanagi Sword.

Kakashi is no slouch either. He probably was supporting with his huge ninjutsu library from mid range, constantly herding Orochimaru around the battlefield to keep the terrain to Konoha's advantage.

Asuma was probably doing the same but with kunai to capitalize on his wind nature. I'm sure he also peppered in some fire jutsu as well to shake things up and keep Orochimaru guessing.

Kurenai was most likely placing genjutsu after genjutsu onto Orochimaru, I'm sure he's seen some very interesting things due to that.

There's no doubt in me that in one on one battles Orochimaru would defeat each person he's fighting, maybe even Tsunade too. He's that crafty, that resourceful, he's that good. But when he's taking them all on at once they're too much for him.

He could be defeated here. He could die here.

But will I let that happen? Will I let him be killed?

On one hand it would take care of a lot of my problems. He'd be gone, out of this world. Well that's assuming no one pulls him out of one of the Curse Seals of Heaven or Earth and I could just hunt down everyone who has one and either remove it or remove them. If he's dead then he'll never have the chance to take Sasuke's body so that would solve itself. Plus all of his experiments would stop, with him gone all of his future victims would never even be kidnapped let alone experimented on. Most importantly, I could go home. With him dead there's nothing keeping Sasuke and I away from Konoha. We could go back to our friends, to our home.

On the other hand I would lose out on the personal tutelage of a Sannin. Sure I could probably rope Tsunade or if I get _very_ creative Jiraya into teaching me but Orochimaru is willing to make me his priority. He'll do everything he can to help me advance, to make me S-rank while I'd be a sidebar for the other two. Plus if Orochimaru dies here and now then Kabuto would be able to escape. I can't have that, Kabuto is going to die. Not only to prevent his actions in the Fourth Shinobi War but because it was him who killed Sakura and for that he's going to burn. While I'm in Otogakure I have more freedom than I would at Konoha. I can take actions as an Oto shinobi that would be barred from me as a Konoha shinobi. Namely Danzo. I can't do anything to him if I'm wearing a leaf, but if I'm wearing a music note I can gut that fucker. Also I wouldn't really be able to act if something with the Akatsuki came up either. I can always run out on Orochimaru if I have to but I won't run out on Konoha. Plus Orochimaru could very well encourage me to mess with that group, I know that they're on very bad terms.

So is it worth it? Do I let him die or do I save him?

"Alright everyone," I call out to get their attention, "here's what is going to happen next."

I can't believe I'm going to do this.

"Orochimaru, Sasuke and I are all going to walk away. And you all are going to stand there and let us."

There's one very important thing that will happen if I let Orochimaru die here: I don't get to kill him.

So I'll get him through this. I'll work my magic and make it happen. It'll make him trust me even more. It'll make it that much easier when I kill him myself. It will make it that much more sweet when I see the light leave his eyes.

"Ha!" Tsunade snorts at me. "Squirt I'll be the first one here to admit that you're talented, you're leagues better than others your age, but do you really think you and Sasuke fighting alongside Orochimaru will change anything? Hate to burst your bubble but two gennin aren't going to change anything."

"I agree, two gennin won't change anything. Sasuke and I will hardly make an impact on a battle of this scale right now and I really doubt everyone is willing to wait a few years for us to get to everyone else's level."

"Then help us." Tsunade urges as she extends a hand to me. "Help us kill Orochimaru and all of your transgressions will be forgiven. You'll have a full pardon, a clean slate. All you have to do is help me kill him. No, not even that. All you have to do is stay out of our way. Just let us do it, you won't have to lift a finger."

"I'll follow you." Sasuke says three words that I never expected to hear. He's leaving it up to me to decide where we go. Whether it's to Konoha or to Oto he's willing to follow me. Just how much does he trust me? To be willing to do something that drastic? If he trusts me this much then maybe I can start to talk to him about the truth behind Itachi.

Orochimaru turns to stare at me in fear. He's scared. His eyes are wide a frightful and they're pleading with me to deny Tsunade's generous offer. Before he was relaxed, battle ready but relaxed none the less. But now he's tense and rigid. He's terrified that I'll accept, and if I do then he loses me forever.

The thought that Tsunade would try to use me against him never crossed his mind until right now.

"Alvarcus-" Orochimaru starts to say but I don't let him finish.

"You said that two gennin won't make a difference." My words cut Tsunade deeply, and why wouldn't they? I myself told her that the next time we have a chance to kill Orochimaru she better help me do it. That chance is now. It's already clear that I'm not taking it.

"I did. And they won't. If you stand by him then all you will do is make us kill you here and now." Tsunade promises, and the scary thing is I can't tell if she's being serious or if she's putting on an act.

"So how much of a difference does eight gennin make?"

My water monster rips itself out of my back. It doesn't take on the usual human shape, this time is stays as a mass of threads as it falls onto the eight Konoha gennin at my feet. It twists and turns, shifting this way and that way until it has a coil of threads around each gennin's neck. The rest of it hovers menacingly above the gennin, it's a clear threat that it can do more to them if I want it to. I could make it stab into their backs, split their fingers open, tear off their toes, anything I can think of.

The Konoha jonin freeze. Not one of them can comprehend my actions, my power play. Even Tsunade and Kakashi look truly surprised and _absolutely livid._

"You wouldn't dare." Kurenai scathingly forces out between clenched teeth. She's the closet one to me, the one who is most likely to rush forward and try to save the gennin.

Except she's not. She's trembling with rage and staying exactly where she's at.

I've won. The Konoha jonin won't do a damn thing to provoke me.

Tsunade glares at me, then switches to glare at Orochimaru. "Orochimaru."

She glares at Sasuke next and he flinches under her gaze. "Sasuke."

Her glare gets even worse when it falls on me. " _Alvarcus._ "

"You three are free to go."

Victory is such a bittersweet thing sometimes. This doesn't even feel like a win.

"Kukukuku!" Orochimaru's sinister laugh fills the air, then it gets louder. "HAHA! **AHAHAHAHA!** Yes! This is it! This is perfection! Tsunade I want you to forever remember this day! This is the day that a gennin defeated a Sannin! No, a Kage!"

"Oh believe me." Tsunade's icy eyes follow me with each step I take towards Orochimaru. "I will remember this."

"Alvarcus you are just _wonderful!_ " Orochimaru showers me with praise. "Simply magnificent! You've come so far from that skittish child I met in a classroom. You're truly a force to be reckoned with! Not only are you beyond skilled for your age you've made a Kage stop and bend to your will! Name a reward and I shall see it done! Ask for whatever you want, if it is within my power I will grant it! You've more than earned it."

"For starters I'll need a new water heart." I point at the monster that is holding my friends captive. "That one is going to have to stay behind to make sure Tsunade keeps her word."

"You don't trust me?" Tsunade says with a sickeningly sweet voice. Then her tone flips to malicious. "Smart boy. I'd flatten you the second they're free."

"Of course that goes without saying! We'll take care of it first thing when we get back." Orochimaru promises as he ignores Tsunade. "What else do you desire?"

"Can I kill Kabuto?" No harm in asking, plus if he says yes I'll feel a shit ton better about all this manipulation.

The moment the words leave my mouth five jaws drop open in shock. Each and every person of the Konoha group simply can't fathom that I'm nonchalantly asking to kill someone. That the sweet, albeit strange, little gennin they've all met changed into this monster that will talk of killing as if I'm discussing what is for dinner.

"We've been over this, he's useful still. I will let you know if he becomes a problem and let you kill him then. Anything else?"

"Hmm... Let's make it a rain check for now. I'll need some time to think on it that's better spent running since I did just royally piss of five very deadly people."

"Yes that is for the best." Orochimaru starts walking away. "Now then come along boys."

Sasuke and I fall in step behind him.

"Alvarcus." Tsunade calls after me and I turn to look at her over my shoulder. "Congratulations on becoming an A-rank missing nin. Now all the real bounty hunters will come after you. I look forward to the day I see you in a scroll on my desk."

I may have actually been barred from Konoha forever.

* * *

With the Konoha Shinobi, Moments After the Trio Left

"Was that really Alvarcus?" Asuma asks in shock still while starring down the hovering mass of black threads above two of his gennin. "I remember him, sure he was a bit rough around the edges but I'd never call him cruel. But what I saw just now..."

"It was him." Kurenai assures Asuma. "Without a doubt that was Alvarcus. Who else do you know that has eyes made of black threads? But how could he do that? They're his friends! His allies! How has he changed so much since leaving us?"

"Do you really need to ask that question?" Gai speaks. "I know first hand about impressionable youths, just look at Lee. Now who is Alvarcus spending most of his time with? Who is the strongest person he sees on a constant basis?"

"Orochimaru." Kakashi spits out. "You think he's taking after him."

"My friend I am sorry, but I don't 'think' he's taking after him. Look at his actions. Look at what he's done. He's holding our gennin hostage and he's not even here to call off the beast that's at their necks!"

"Alvarcus is many things. One of them is a man of his word " Tsunade says quietly. She's not even sure if that's true anymore. "Our gennin are safe, he won't hurt them unless we provoke the monster. I'm concerned because none of them are moving."

"They are probably okay?" Kakashi halfheartedly says. "I really doubt that Alvarcus and Sasuke would kill any of them. They're most likely roughed up a lot but don't have any permanent injuries. Except perhaps their views of their friends."

"That is what I'm most worried about." Tsunade says as she and Kakashi share a meaningful look. "How will this effect them? They could give up on being a shinobi if they think that they can't save their friends."

"We can ask them soon. The monster is dying." Asuma grunts out.

True to his words, the monster holding the gennin hostage has released them all and moved away. Then it's head implodes and a loud pop is heard through the quiet battlefield. The monster writhes in agony, black flakes start falling off of it as it thrashes. It's reduced to a pile of frenzied black snakes before eventually disintegrating into nothing. It killed itself to prevent a part of the Jiongu being harvested.

"Finally." Tsunade says as she and everyone else rush forward. "Right now they're all patients. Do exactly as I say when I say it. I'll wake them all up and heal what I can here. We'll have to go back to Konoha's hospital for the more serious injuries."

A quick fifteen minutes pass as Tsunade wakes up every gennin with the help of the other jonin. As each one is healed they have one of two reactions. The first is surprise. They didn't expect to see a friendly face. The second is determination. It's those who were only paralyzed that are in this second group, because they still heard everything that went on. They remember it all.

"Tsunade." Choji says with a fiery passion burning in his eyes. "We can get him to come back. We can get Alvarcus to come home."

"How?" Tsunade softly asks. "He was quite adamant about leaving, I even offered him a clean slate."

"Some of us could still hear. We heard it all." Neji says mirroring Choji's determination.

"Alvarcus made us a promise." Hinata's fire burns brilliantly in her white eyes. She knows Alvarcus still cares about them, he has to. Otherwise what was stopping him from taking her eyes from her? Sasuke clearly said that Orochimaru was interested in the Byakugan but she still has them both.

"He said if we beat him he'll come back." Ino finishes, but her eyes don't carry the same type of flame as the rest. Her's is weaker, more subdued. She doesn't know what to think about the enigma that is Alvarcus anymore. She thought she knew the full story but today she learned otherwise. There's something more behind his actions. Why does he want to push everyone to improve themselves? Why do they 'need something to push them to improve?' What does he know that she doesn't?

'That's it!' Ino thinks to herself. 'The next time I see that bastard I'm getting in his damn head and finding out for myself! I'm tired of all these secrets!'

"No shit?" Kiba grins ferrally. "Then what are we waiting for!"

"A clean bill of health." Tsunade is daring him to argue with her.

"Oh. Right." Kiba sheepishly smiles innocently. "I would never try to avoid going to the hospital."

* * *

Otogakure Base

We ran back in total silence. Not a word was shared between the three of us and all for different reasons.

Orochimaru was happy. Completely overjoyed that I came back with him even though Tsunade promised me so much. He was smiling to himself and shooting me prideful and approving glances the whole run back.

Sasuke is a different story. He's... confused. He must be trying to figure out my motivation for picking Orochimaru. No doubt he's wondering why I'd risk so much. He wants to know what my plan is. I hope that is what he's thinking.

And me, the one who got us all back here. Why I was quiet is a very simple reason. I've been asking myself a question, bouncing idea after idea, scenario after scenario, over and over and over again in my head.

Did I make the right choice? Should I have let Tsunade and company kill him? Was it right of me to spare Orochimaru just so that I can do it myself later? Do the pros outweigh the cons? It's a simple question but an impossible one to answer.

What's done is done, now I have to live with my choice whether it is good or bad. This is all on me now, I have no one else to blame.

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru breaks the quiet once we've entered the base. "Come child, let's get you that heart. Sasuke you may return to your room or accompany us."

"I will go to my room." Sasuke glances at me briefly then leaves us alone.

"Alright then. To the prison complex." I say as Orochimaru leads me there again.

"You know Alvarcus, until today I never truly thought that you would stay with me." Orochimaru says happily. "You're always so distant and reclusive. You barely opened up to anyone here, myself included. But now I see I was worrying for nothing. You recognize that Konoha will limit you, that they will hinder your improvement. I promise you here and now, I will not."

"Look, Orochimaru-sama, I get that today is a fantastic day for you. Really I do. But for me it's been hard. It's been trying, testing my resolve and patience. For me today was terrible. It's just..."

Orochimaru is raptly listening. He's hanging on my every word.

"Everyone is so damn fragile. People break so easily, I feel like I have to treat everyone as if they're made of glass." I sigh and my body slumps in defeat. "Sasuke lost an arm today. The only reason it's back on is because we got lucky. I'm no medic nin, it was all the Jiongu that saved him. I was powerless to do anything. To me losing an arm is nothing, I'll get it back in seconds. Hell even with a blown up hand I still got one back quickly!" I wave my black left hand dramatically. "But almost no one can do that. What if next time Sasuke doesn't lose an arm? What if it's his head? I can't put that back on."

"What are you suggesting I do? Keep him here under lock and key?"

"No. He needs to get better. Make him fast enough to dodge next time. Make his awareness so acute that no one can sneak up on him. Make him as good as me."

"Alvarcus there's just-"

"Consider it my reward. I want you to take his training seriously. Or would you rather train up your 'next body' yourself?" I cut in and Orochimaru's eyes widen a fraction. "Yeah, you definitely said that and I explicitly remember it."

"You're... not freaking out?" Orochimaru questions me warily. He's ready to defend himself if I snap. "Didn't you say that the only reason you were here was for him?"

I pin Orochimaru in a glare. "We're both here to get stronger. Don't forget that. I admit that when I first came here I was deluded by my need to protect him. But now? After seeing what others are capable of? After witnessing so much I've changed my most important goal. I was not kidding when I said strength and power rule the world, so I will become someone _no one wants to fuck with._ "

"Even if it means sacrificing Sasuke?" Orochimaru asks with a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes.

"Depends on how big of a boost it'll get me." I coolly say. "But you need to make him strong too. Not only for yourself, but to make sure he doesn't die before you can make the switch. You need to start taking his training seriously."

"I will." Orochimaru promises me and I know he'll uphold it. I spun it so he'd benefit from it too.

And now I don't have to worry about Sasuke's training being neglected. The things I do for him. He has no idea how good of a friend I am for him, I basically coerced a Sannin to spend more time training him. Well... I did kinda allude to Orochimaru that I'm okay with him taking Sasuke's body so maybe I'm not the greatest friend out there.

"Ah here we are!" Orochimaru and I enter the prison complex. "Now then, any characteristics you want?"

"Can I just go in there and pick one? The Jiongu can sense affinities, I'd be able to pick the best one out of them all way quicker than you looking through that damn list again."

"Go on inside!" Orochimaru insists.

I casually stroll past the two guards as they both intently observe me. I can't blame them for their close scrutiny of me, it isn't everyday that you see someone talking with Orochimaru casually and it's even rarer to see one of his two prized pupils. Even in his secret base he's kept Sasuke and I hidden away from the masses, only the elite have seen us more than a handful of times.

"Now, I wonder what it'll be like this time." I mutter to myself as I stand in the center of the large circular room.

 _~Hmm... choices choices! There's a nice falsetto to our left, but a beautiful tenor behind us. Oh perhaps the quiet alto singing to our right? I just can't pick!~_

Why are you using musical terms to describe them? Where did you even learn those? Wait, don't answer that last one. You got it from my memories.

 _~Correct! Plus it just feels right. Each and every one of them is like a musical masterpiece! No two are the same, each has their own melody. Host we simply must come here more often!~_

Just pick one already. I have more important things to do.

 _~You have no respect for my talents. If you could hear the songs you'd want to stay too. The tenor will complement us nicely.~_

"Finally." I turn on my heel and promptly walk over to the 'tenor.'

The tenor is a man shivering in the corner. He's ragged and obviously has had better years but there's a glimmer of life still in his eyes. Even after all the time he's been here he still has a sliver of hope.

"So. Buddy." I say on the other side of the bars of his cell. "Any last words?"

The tenor looks at me in confusion. "I'm... sorry?"

"Apology accepted." I extend my left arm through the bars and the Jiongu surges to life.

The man tries to crawl away from the slowly advancing threads while screaming until his throat bleeds, he's scooting across the floor as fast as his feeble limbs will carry him. Then his back hits the far wall, he's gone as far as possible.

It's not far enough.

Like a viper the Jiongu lashes out at the man, spearing deep into his chest. Then it withdraws carrying a red pulsating lump, his heart. Within moments the Jiongu gently places into my back, bringing me up to five hearts again.

"And that's that." I turn on my heel and start walking out of the prison towards Orochimaru.

"I knew he'd be back." One of the prisoners yells to the others as I'm walking past. "This is what happens when we act up! This is what happens when we don't behave! Orochimaru sends in this monster and he kills one of us! This is what you've all brought upon us! You've brought the black eyed demon's wrath down on us!"

"Oh shut up you crazy loon. He killed a defenseless old man, there's no way that pathetic kid could – URK!" The speaker cut off because there's a long whip of earth coiled around his neck.

"Alright you fuck ups, listen." I call out to everyone. "I've had a bad day, a really bad day. So it's in all of your best interests to not piss me off further when I come down to this cesspool of filth and garbage. Because when I do, one of you is going to die. Whenever you see me someone will die. And frankly I don't really care who it is at the time because to Orochimaru you're all disposable, so _shut the fuck up!_ "

 **CRACK**

"Looks like two died this time. How unfortunate." I sneer at the corpse of the person who had the gall to call me pathetic. "Does anyone want to make it three?"

No one speaks up.

"That's what I thought." I start to storm my way over to the exit.

 _~Host are you okay? You're not usually this violent without provocation.~_

Yeah I'm just fucking peachy! Or did you forget every damn thing that has happened so far today? I defeated every single one of my friends and spat on their hopes to bring me home. I manipulated them to become stronger by playing the bad guy. Then once all of that was over Tsunade, Kakashi and the others showed up only to watch me take them hostage and leave with public enemy number one! Oh and the best part is I'm pretty sure Orochimaru is going to make me go see Kabuto to get my skin back on my hand, so I have that to look forward to and I still can't kill him!

 _~You need to get laid.~_

"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM I'M THIRTEEN YOU ASSHAT!"

 _~Eh, whatever. It's an excellent stress reliever. We could have brought the mindwalker back with us. I'm sure she'd be willing.~_

"That's just – but why would you – Sasuke kill – Ino would never – thirteen – what the fuck?!"

"Alvarcus?" Orochimaru says with a great deal of concern. "Are you okay?"

"No I'm not okay! The Jiongu just told me to get – you know what never mind. All you need to know is that the Jiongu said something stupid. I'm going to go now. So... yeah."

I sprint out of the prison complex as fast as I can.

"That was strange. I wonder what the Jiongu said to make him so flustered?" Orochimaru swiftly turns to leave as well.

The two guards share a look between themselves.

"So." The one on the left says. "That was one of Orochimaru-sama's prodigies."

"Yeah. He's not what I expected to be honest." The other replies.

"I know right? At first he was all buddy buddy with the boss but the he went full on cold blooded killer. Sure we get some people here with loose morals but to actually stop and give a speech? He's got to be a different kind of killer. One who really enjoys it."

"Talk about scary! One of the prisoners called him a black eyed demon. It's not that far off, did you see his eyes? They're solid black."

"They're creepy as hell! But then that bit at the end..."

"...Yeah. Totally ruined his whole image."

"When we tell the others about this we should leave that part out."

"No shit! I'm not going to be caught saying that one of Orochimaru-sama's prized students is insane!"

* * *

Alvarcus's Room

I slam the door shut the second I'm back in my room.

"Never again Jiongu. Please. Never do that again. You should never mention sex to me at all. Like ever. EVER."

 _~No deal. That was too much fun. Plus it distracted you very nicely, didn't it?~_

"And this is why people think you're crazy."

My head snaps towards the unexpected voice.

"Sasuke?" He's sitting at my desk with the chair spun around to face the room. He's completely out of his mission clothes, now he's just wearing casual black shorts and a dark blue t-shirt. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk." He points at my bed. "Sit down."

"Ooookay?" What the hell is this about? Is he going to ask my why I picked Orochimaru?

"Alvarcus, why did you lie to everyone? When we went against the Konoha gennin you put on this fake face. You said things that I know you would never mean. You went out of your way to hurt them. Why?"

Oh. That's not what I expected.

"You spun a tale about your parent's death. I know that the only people you blame for that are Orochimaru, Kabuto and yourself. When we left you tried to get me to stay by throwing their names at me. I know you, you would never hurt them like that. But you did, I saw it happen right before me. So tell me why."

"It's my way of helping them."

"Bullshit! That wouldn't help anyone!" Sasuke shouts at me.

"Sasuke, they're _weak._ Look at how easily we took them apart. It was eight on two and we bested them. We didn't even do anything that impressive! Only my Dance of the Dragons was what stands out about the techniques we used, all you used was kenjutsu and genjutsu. I only used mid tier ninjutsu that they've already seen before and Keji who can't actually fight. They didn't just lose, they were _destroyed_. It wasn't even close. If they are going to have any hope of surviving in this world they need to improve and quickly. So I gave them a reason to. I showed them just how big the gap between us is and I dared them to close it. I gave them a promise that I'll go back if they beat me. It was all a ruse, a facade, to make them push themselves to become better."

"You did all of that for everyone else?" Sasuke says in bewilderment. "You turned that entire cluster fuck of a situation into something positive?"

"Yes." I say with a tinge of pride. It may have been extremely underhanded but it was still magnificent to pull it off. "Now they'll push their sensei's to train them more. They'll be more motivated than ever before. I've never stopped caring about them."

"I knew it." Sasuke smirks. "You manipulative bastard I knew it! Do you have any idea how worried I was that Orochimaru corrupted you?"

"And while we're on the topic of improving oneself, I convinced Orochimaru to start taking your training seriously. So expect to go through hell because he's going to put you through it." It's my turn to smirk at Sasuke. "Have fun with that. I know I sure as hell didn't."

"Dude." Sasuke is staring at me. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Alvarcus you've got to do something for yourself every once in a while." Sasuke sternly says. "All you ever do is look out for everyone else. Do something for you."

"What? Are you not grateful that I got Orochimaru to start taking you seriously?" I should probably tell him what I had to do to convince Orochimaru. "Oh by the way I may have hinted that I'm okay with him taking your body. Just a heads up so you don't freak out if you find that out later. Consider it as a bargaining chip to make him do it."

"You did _what?_ You know what, it doesn't matter. I know you plan on killing him before then. But seriously you need to stop devoting your entire being to others. Be greedy and do something for you."

"Fine, fine I'll do that. Don't really know how to do that though."

"That is so sad. Just figure it out." Sasuke rises up and heads out the door.

"I will. See ya tomorrow."

"Bye." He shuts the door behind him.

"Well I can't really do something for me right now. I have to do some damage control to see if I really did get kicked out of Konoha for good. Which would suck. Talk about the understatement of the century." I push myself up from my bed and make my way to the desk. "Well, here goes nothing. No clue at all how to word this."

A solid ten minutes pass with only the sound of pencil on paper. I scrapped two copies and started over before settling on the third. I still don't feel that good about it.

"Summoning Jutsu!" I touch the ground and a puff of smoke appears before me.

"Alvarcus what the hell have you been up to?" Shirokumo asks the second he's here. He didn't even wait for the smoke to clear. "Keji is kinda strange but he isn't a liar, but I don't know if I can believe the things he said."

"Oh. You mean the part where he helped me take down all of the Konoha gennin then saw me, Sasuke and Orochimaru confront Tsunade, Kakashi, Gai, Asuma and Kurenai?"

"Yes! That!" He's scuttling back and forth across the floor.

"Totally true. He didn't see the part where I kinda maybe sorta... took the gennin hostage to force Tsunade and company to let us escape." I offer up a half shrug. "It was no big deal."

"Alvarcus you moron! Orochimaru could have died then! It could have been over! All you had to do was let her kill him!" Never thought I'd get a dressing down from a big white spider.

"Orochimaru is not her's to kill." I growl out.

Shirokumo stops his frantic pacing. "Kami dammit Al, you have got to be the most stubborn person I've ever met. That's why you let him live? Because he wasn't in your web when he died?"

"I'd be more likely to use a kunai, but yes." In the end that's all it boiled down to. I wanted to kill him myself.

But he saved me. He had a choice between saving the precious Sharingan, something he's wanted for his entire life, or me. He picked me. Maybe, just maybe, he's starting down the road of redemption earlier than in cannon?

No! Stop that right now Alvarcus! It doesn't change all the horrors he's put me through. That man is evil and deserves to die! I don't care if he turns out okay in the end of the story. I don't care that he can be redeemed. He will die and it'll be my hand that swings the blade.

"I'm sure that went over really well with everyone else." Shirokumo says sarcastically as he crawls up the wall to his webs.

"Yeah so about that." I gently shake the letter I've written. "Up for delivering a letter?"

"Fine." He grumbles as descends down a web to reach the piece of paper. "I'm blaming you if I get squished."

"I can accept that. Tsunade is reasonable. Okay maybe not this time. I may have crossed a line so be ready to dodge. A lot. You know what just be ready to throw the letter at her then poof away. That's the safest plan."

"Why is nothing ever simple with you?"

POOF

"I ask myself that question all the time. Shit always goes wrong around me." I reach into my coat and pull out a storage scroll. "Now, where to put that couch at? And Sasuke says I never do anything for myself. Shows what he knows."

* * *

The Hokage's Office

POOF

"DON'T HIT ME!" Shirokumo shouts the moment he's in the office. He's greeted with silence. "Oh. She's out. This has never happened before."

The white spider scuttles over to the desk and climbs up the side to place the letter on it.

"I'll just leave this here and-"

The door to the office bursts open and Tsunade storms inside in rage.

"I don't care if he's only thirteen! I said make him A-rank so do it! And make sure it says triple if brought back alive! No one is to disturb me unless we're being invaded! Even then be ready to go flying!" She slams the door shut and whirls towards her desk.

Eight beady black eyes meet two brown eyes.

A tense moment passes.

"Hey drinking buddy?" Shirokumo weakly tries to greet her. "How's things?"

Tsunade doesn't respond with words. She leaps forward and has a fist raised with every intention of flattening the spider.

"Oh shit!" Shirokumo throws himself off the desk. Not even a full second later it's crushed into scrap wood. "Lady just calm down for a-"

He leaps away again as Tsunade tries to stomp him, her strength shakes the whole room from the one hit.

"Oi! Not cool! I didn't even do anything!" He shouts as he scampers underneath the couch.

It's lifted up off the ground with ease. Tsunade has it hoisted above her ready to slam it down on the pesky arachnid.

"Don't do it." Shirokumo says, his playful tone is gone.

Tsunade hurls the couch down at him, but he's not there. She didn't even see him twitch a single leg, one moment he was there and the next he's in the center of her rapidly breaking office.

"Tsunade. Enough." Shirokumo orders the Hokage.

She doesn't listen. She charges at him and rears back for another punch.

"You've brought this on yourself child." Shirokumo says in a truly sad voice.

What happens next she can't believe. It's something that hasn't happened since she was a kid, it's something that no one in their right mind would ever do. Shirokumo blocked her punch. He's only using one leg.

" _What?_ " Tsunade says as she's baffled by the turn of events.

"I really hate this. I've placed limiters on myself to specifically avoid revealing what I truly am. You've brought this on yourself _child._ That is what you are to me, a mere swaddled babe. You can't comprehend the centuries that I've seen. Your feeble mind can't process the sheer vastness that is my life. To me you've barely learned to walk and are throwing a tantrum because things didn't go your way."

Shirokumo pushes Tsunade's fist away. Then slowly starts getting bigger. Bigger and bigger until his eyes are level with Tsunade's face. He can tower over her now, he's massive. There's only one other spider that can come close to being the same size as him: Arachne. Even she is smaller.

"I suppose it is time for proper introductions. I am the one who has seen castles rise and fall. I am the one who has witnessed entire kingdoms prosper then burn. I am the one who has seen whole eras come and go in the blink of an eye. I am the one who has seen the shape of the planet change due to the ravages of time. I am Shirokumo the Ancient One. Congratulations Tsunade Senju, you've just pissed off one of the most powerful Sages to exist."

"I don't give a shit who you are! It's what your stupid Summoner did that's pissed me off!" She shouts into his face.

"You will not insult Alvarcus to me! You can't begin to understand what he's sacrificed to help this insignificant village!" Shirokumo roars back at her, the sheer volume of his voice shakes the windows in their frames. The magnitude of the sound stresses the hidden sound dampening seals to their limits.

"Oh yeah? Tell me then! What has he done besides threaten the lives of eight of my gennin? What has he done except for blackmailing me so Orochimaru can live longer? Go on great and powerful Sage! Tell me! I know what he's done: he killed one of us already then had the balls to tell me about it!"

One of Shirokumo's white legs darts out and slams into Tsunade's stomach. The force behind the blow causes her to double over, then another leg flies towards her and lands a vicious uppercut. She's thrown to the ceiling and hits it so hard the room shakes again. But before gravity can take hold and bring her down to the floor again white webs fly up after her to pin her up there.

It all happened in a quarter of a second.

"Do the reports he sends you mean so little? He's outlined the top 40% of Orochimaru's forces. He's practically given you a blueprint to the only base he's seen. He went to Otogakure to make sure that Sasuke Uchiha didn't descend into madness and turn on Konoha! He's given up his home just so it has a better chance of surviving!"

"And that makes him a shinning beacon of Konoha?" Tsunade brings out her full strength to break out of her bonds. She strains, using every iota of force she can muster up. It's not enough, Shirokumo's webs are simply too strong for her. What a crazy concept. "He should have stayed here! Now he's become twisted by that vile teammate of mine! He's no longer the Alvarcus I know. That Alvarcus would never let Orochimaru walk away. He'd never use his friends as a bargaining chip!"

"It's as much your fault as it is his! You forced his hand. You didn't do what he asked, all you had to do was leave him alone and none of this would have ever happened. Do you trust him so little? You dismiss his advice because it suits you to?"

"Don't you dare make this about me!" She shouts from her bindings. "All he's done is use Orochimaru to train him! He went there to achieve his ridiculous dream of S-rank! He's no longer welcome in Konohagakure! He's not my shinobi any longer! Orochimaru can have him for all I care! He crossed a line that should never be crossed and this isn't even the first time!"

"Tell me Tsunade." Shirokumo says in a quiet tone. It's a sharp contrast to the shouting match they've been having and it makes it that much more serious. "Have you heard of the Akatsuki?"

"What the fuck do they have to do with anything? All I've heard are rumors. No one knows anything about them. Their numbers. Their bases. Their goals. Their leader. Nothing. Even Jiraya hasn't gotten anything concrete on them."

"Alvarcus has pages upon pages of data on each member." Shirokumo reveals. "I've seen them. He knows who they are. He knows what they're capable of. He knows what they want. He knows where each of them are or will be at any given point in time, we've got spiders following half of their members. He knows who they are going to attack next and when. He's just been waiting till the right moment to send them to you. He's been waiting for you to ask for his help."

Tsunade's eyes widen in surprise. "He shouldn't even know about them. How can he possibly have information that Jiraya can't get?"

"My summoner is resourceful, he can get at any piece of information given enough time. Some of it I fetch for him personally. And you know what the best part about all of this is?" Shirokumo clacks his mandibles. They make a sharp unnerving noise.

It's at this moment that Tsunade realizes the full scope of the situation she's in. She's trapped by webbing that she can't break. Beneath her is a spider much larger than she is. For all she knows he could be hungry. She might be the fly caught in the spider's web.

"What?" She doesn't let her sudden fear show. She keeps the same hostile voice she's been using the entire time.

"You'll never see a single page of it." Shirokumo raises up a leg and points to the ruined desk. "In that mess somewhere is a letter from Alvarcus. Find it and read it. It's the last time you're getting a letter from me. Years down the road of life Alvarcus might find it in his hearts to forgive you. I never will. Tsunade Senju, you've personally lost one of the greatest assets Konoha could ever hope for."

Shirokumo plucks a single strand of the web holding Tsunade and it starts to unravel. He doesn't wait for it to finish, instead he vanishes from the office for the last time in a massive cloud of smoke.

Tsunade falls onto her feet and remains in a crouch for a moment. Then she rises up and walks over to the crushed desk. There's a white envelope that has been crumpled. She picks it up and flattens it out, then opens it.

 _Tsunade I am so sorry._

She burns the rest of the letter without reading it.

"You're not sorry. Not yet. No one threatens my shinobi and gets away with it. Not even you."

* * *

The Nest

Shirokumo lands with an earth shaking thud, drawing the attention of the only other spider present. No one else would dare to be in his own personal webs.

"And the Great Spider Sage returns." Arachne sarcastically comments.

"I've given up that title long ago." Shirokumo scoffs as he brings his two front legs together, as if he's clasping hands together. "You of all spiders should know that The Great Sages are meant to be gentle, peaceful and caring. They're guardians. My type of Sage Mode isn't me taking in the soothing nature of the world, it's the wild reckless destruction of it. I take in Nature's Fury when I use natural chakra. The hurricanes. The earthquakes. The tornadoes. The fires. The storms."

Shirokumo starts to rapidly shrink down. He's quickly returning to his smaller size, the one that is unassuming and nonthreatening.

"Yes yes I know." Arachne's eyes gleam in happy memories. "And it's the same style that you teach to our own Sages. The things that they would get into, the sheer destruction they could cause. It was as if the planet itself was trying to kill their enemies. That's why you've made the trials. Things that a potential Sage has to do before you'll train them to harness natural chakra. You want to make sure they can handle becoming an avatar of Nature's Fury."

"Correct, but most importantly I want to make sure they'll never use it against us. The list of things in this world that can stop a rampaging Sage is very short." Shirokumo gives himself a full bodied shake. "That is the worst feeling _ever._ I hate shrinking. It feels like I'm being squished."

"You don't want a repeat of our third Sage. The one who went mad when he drew on too much nature chakra." Arachne softly says. "That is when you created the trials. You could start teaching Alvarcus how to harness the chakra of the world right now but you won't. You want to make sure he can take it, that he's ready."

"Yes. I don't want to have to kill another one. The Sage Mode of the Spiders is volatile. I don't want to lose Alvarcus to it. He's grown on me, I've never been the primary summon to one of our Summoners before. It's a lot of fun. Tedious and trying as all hell, but fun. Plus he just came one step closer to passing the trials."

"Really?" Arachne asks in surprise. "Which one did he fulfill?"

"His only alliances are now to his family – or in his case who he sees as his family – and the Spiders. Konoha has turned her back on him, orders of the Hokage herself. She's bumped up his Bingo Book rating and had the nerve to get into a physical brawl with me. Now he can only rely on the Spiders and Sasuke coming to his aid and he'll do everything to make sure that he never turns us against him or vice versa."

"You didn't hurt her did you?" Arachne stares down at the now normal sized white spider in anger. "You'll push Alvarcus away from you if you did. Even if Konoha turned her back on Alvarcus that does not mean Alvarcus turned his back on Konoha."

"What? No! The only lasting damage might be to her pride!" Shirokumo quickly defends himself while waving four of his legs in a worried frenzy.

" _Shirokumo._ "

"Alright fine! So I might have been a little too eager to escalate things with her. The sooner Al gets through the trials the better. He's good now and in a few years he's going to be amazing. But the Jiongu will only get him so far. Even if he has access to all the elements, even if he can reattach limbs and his head it won't be enough. Not for what he plans to be taking on. He needs something to elevate him to the pinnacle of S-rank and the only things that could do that are a bloodline which he doesn't have, becoming the worlds best seal master which he doesn't have enough time to learn, or becoming a Sage."

"What's he planning on doing? Stopping a war by himself?" Arachne sarcastically snorts out in a very undignified manner.

"He hasn't said it but I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he plans on doing."

"Well then." Arachne says in shock. "I suppose I should start getting back in fighting shape."

"Yeah." Shirokumo smirks. "I didn't want to say anything but you're getting fat."

"You have a five second head start. _Run._ "

* * *

Deep Underground, Konohagakure

In one of the many long and dark tunnels beneath Konoha there are three men walking. Two of them are constantly on high alert even though they're well withing a safe zone. Each is clad is combat attire, a tanto is strapped to their backs, they have a kunai pouch on their waist, one on their shoulder and another on their leg. They have numerous scrolls, each and every one of them serves a different purpose. Each of these men look ready to throw themselves into the bloodiest battle of the worst war.

Yet the two obviously imposing me are not holding the third member captive. Nor are they hostile to him at all. Rather they seem to defer to him, like they're guarding the aged man who is wrapped in bandages.

After a few more minutes pass, they come upon a door.

"Leave me." The old man, Danzo Shimura, orders his Root trained bodyguards.

The bodyguards post themselves on either side of the door. No one will get past them.

Danzo hobbles into the room to reveal an office. He makes his way over to the desk and sits down in his plush chair.

Then he chuckles to himself.

He's let slip a brief moment of joy, of satisfaction. He let his iron mask crack just for a moment.

He sighs in contentment while pouring himself a cup of tea. "Of all the things I've used this eye to accomplish, this one is one of my favorite. Keep pushing him away Tsunade. Drive a wedge between the two of you. Make him resent you. Because each time you push him away, he's that much closer to accepting my offer. Alvarcus will realize that the only way for him to return to Konoha will be if he's my underling."

A true smile forms on his weary face for the first time in years.

"And when he accepts my generous offer and brings me the traitor's eyes, he dies."


	50. Chapter 50

Alvarcus's Room, One Hour After Shirokumo Left

"Where the hell is he?" Waiting for a reply is killing me. Did Tsunade realize that all I did was an act? Did she play along that well or did I really go too far this time? What was her response to my letter? "Fuck it, I'll just summon him back here."

POOF

"Arachne no not the peanut butter!" Shirokumo yells in fear while cowering in fright.

"Uh... _what?_ " What the fuck did I just hear?

"Al?" Shirokumo peaks through his arms that he has shielding his face. "Al! Thank you so much for summoning me! Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean peanut butter off of an exoskeleton? It gets in every crack. Every. Single. One."

"You know what? I'm not even going to ask. I'm just going to chalk it up to some strange mating ritual I don't know about or want to know about."

"Oi." Shirokumo points at me in mock anger. "You can't say shit about strange mating rituals. We had spiders watch your fight with Leiko. Whips? Candles? _Mistress?_ Hell now that I think about it maybe the only reason you got Spiders as a summon is so that you can tie people up easier. We are experts at that."

"Oh my Kami that was all an act! Why does everyone take that so seriously? I was just trying to unnerve her! Knock her off her A game!"

"Alvarcus you have serious issues." Shirokumo states. "You know there are support groups you can sign up for."

"Nope! Not having this conversation! I'm perfectly sane thank you!" I awkwardly clear my throat. "Ahem. That's not why I called you here at all. How did things go with Tsunade? Obviously you didn't get squished, that's good. Right?"

"Oh. Uh... well..." Shirokumo trials off. "Funny thing about that. You see the thing is... how do I put this delicately?"

"Man up and tell me already! If this is about the new Bingo Book ranking I already know about that."

"Tsunade maybe sorta... declared that you're a true missing nin now and that she doesn't want anymore contact from or with you." Shirokumo rapidly says as he scurries up the wall to the highest point in his webs. "Don't hurt me?"

"She doesn't even want my reports about Orochimaru?" I ask for clarification. That can't be right. There's no way. I am actually a missing nin now?

"Nor the Akatsuki. I name dropped them to try and get her to see the error of her ways. Didn't work. She all but threatened to squish me the next time I pop in so I won't be going back there. I like living, thank you very much!"

"I... uh... wow." I fall down onto my bed. "I went too far. Stupid Alvarcus! Real stupid! I should have let her kill him. I should have watched. It should have been enough, but no! My stupid idiotic need to make him suffer got in the damn way! I'm as bad as Sasuke is when it comes to Itachi."

How am I supposed to warn her about the looming threats? If she doesn't even want to talk to me then I can't tell her about anything. Not Gaara getting kidnapped, not Kakuzu and Hidan being immortal and Asuma dying, not the rest of the Akatsuki, I won't be able to warn her if Pain decides to level Konoha.

"Hey there's no need to be so harsh on yourself. It was Tsunade's choice to cut you out of her life. This one is on Tsunade. She could have still kept in contact with you."

"No this is all on me." I rasp out. "I gave her no choice. I never thought that I would actually be kicked out of Konoha forever. I mean sure most everyone thought I was gone but Tsunade knew that I am still helping Konoha. She knew that I'm taking a huge risk, she new that I'm still on her side. But now? I can't go back. Everything I said to my friends is actually true now. The only way I can go back to Konoha is in chains."

"You still have me. The Spiders will not abandon a Summoner for something so petty. Plus, as much as it pains me to admit this about a Snake Summoner, Sasuke will always be there for you too."

"Wow I think that's the nicest thing you've said about Sasuke." I chuckle darkly at that. "So this is who I have left to help me. The Spiders and Sasuke. Oh hell what is Kakashi going to think? Will he side with Tsunade or will he understand that what I did was an act?"

"Al, he's a _Konoha_ jonin. Not only that he's one of the best jonin Konoha has. He has to pick the Hokage's side. The Hokage can't be seen as weak, she can't be seen as unable to control her underlings. Kakashi knows this so he'll be forced to pick her."

"Are you willing to run him letters?" Maybe if I can't send the reports to Tsunade then Kakashi can act as a middle man. Say that he found a contact in Oto or some other bullshit reason like that so she doesn't know it's from me. Then I can still help, I can still potentially save lives.

"She'd know exactly who gave him the reports. It won't work. I'll still take him personal letters but there's no way that she's going to take anything from you now. I'm sorry, she's turned her back on you."

"Fucking DAMMIT!" I roar up at my ceiling in rage. "Shit! Shit shit shit!"

I lash out in anger and punch the wall. A dull thud is heard as a new dent forms in the concrete.

"We can pop over to the Nest if you want to vent a bit." Shirokumo offers from his spot in the webs. "I've still got that spot picked out from when I had to tell you about Tayuya."

"No." I sit up and wipe off the concrete dust from my fist. "I can't waste time doing that. So what I'm on my own? That just means I need to do it all myself, starting with tearing Otogakure to the ground. It's time to stop fantasizing about burning it down and time to grab the gasoline and the matches and set it on fire. But how can I destroy something as big as this base?"

I get up and start pacing back and forth across my room.

"I don't have one singular technique that can level this base all in one go. Even if I used Devouring Earth it would take at least an hour to destroy everything. I can't have that much time for people to escape it has to be an instant all consuming attack. Not even my ridiculous Elemental Monstrosity would work and that drains me of all my chakra. It's a last resort jutsu meant to throw whatever I have left at an opponent in hopes that it'll kill them. Plus it's a massive laser, it's linear. No, I don't have anything in my ninjutsu library that massive. I'm not even sure Orochimaru knows a jutsu that destructive, he's probably have to summon Manda to rampage and flatten it with his sheer size."

"Better learn something new then." Shirokumo says from a lower spot in the webs. He's moved down now that it's clear I'm not going to freak out. "Good luck finding a jutsu that'll blow up that much and is one that you can launch from far away."

"Yeah too bad I can't just flip a switch and then... huh." I can work with that. I'll just need a few pieces to come together first. "Shirokumo I need a spider that can dig through anything."

"What for? Can't you just use and earth jutsu to make a hole yourself?" He raises a good point.

"Yes but I can't be seen doing this. Is there one?"

"Yeah we've got a few that can dig pretty well. There's a whole colony of trapdoor spiders that dig into all sorts of things. Wood, dirt, hell some even dig into rock! They're a quiet bunch the whole lot of them. They're not good talkers since most of the time they seclude themselves in their traps but they're a hard working bunch."

"Can they make tunnels?"

"Sure they could but they're all pretty small and they don't normally dig too far. All they usually do is go just deep enough to have spacious living quarters. That being said spacious to them is freaking small to us. They make me look massive, they're just a tiny bit larger than the spiders of this realm. Seriously they're like millimeters big. It would take a long time for you to make a human sized tunnel with them, you'd be better off using a jutsu of your own and take the risk of being caught."

"No they sound perfect! They wouldn't be making me a tunnel this is for something completely different. How many of them are there?"

"They're one of the few subspecies that has a colony. The smaller the spider the higher the reproduction rate. Their egg sacs have way more than others. Hundreds, maybe even thousands."

"Good, good. That'll make it go quicker. Could you get in touch with them? Let them know that I want to talk? I might have a task for them. Only those that are willing of course."

"Sure. This is all pretty specific stuff, want to tell me why you're suddenly taking an interest in them? Don't get me wrong it's great that you are branching out from me, Arachne and Murasakino but this seems like more than just wanting to know about them."

"One more question first. Do you know if their web is chakra conductive?"

"Uh... maybe? I think so. They use their chakra to help hide their trapdoors. By lacing in their webs they can weave in a genjutsu to help alter their surroundings."

"Holy shit this might actually work."

"What might actually work? I don't like being left out of the loop!"

"Shirokumo my friend, I think I'm about to prove Orochimaru and Sasuke right. Now here's what I want to happen..."

* * *

The Next Day, Noon, at the Lounge

"Stupid Shirokumo. I can't believe that he said it'll take a while to find them. How the hell does it take a spider that can reverse summon himself to other spiders long to find one? He can just pop over to them! Hell stupid Tsunade while I'm at it! Who just straight up refuses information on their enemies?"

The door to the lounge creaks open slowly.

A dirty and frazzled Sasuke stiffly shuffles in. He's completely ignoring everything and making his way towards the steaming pot of coffee. When he reaches the counter he struggles to lift his arms up to get and pour a cup, then he turns and shuffles over to his favorite chair in the Lounge. He doesn't sit down in it, he falls down in it. He let's out a pitiful whine and with a shaky hand manages to take a sip of his coffee. Finally his glazed over eyes focus and he takes in his surroundings. His eyes settle on me.

I'm wearing a smirk. "How was training?"

"Fuck you." He groans out.

"Let me guess, stamina training?" My smirk turns into a full on grin.

" _Fuck you._ "

"I told you his training was hell." Ah it's so nice to have someone else suffer along with me.

"You severely underplayed it. It's worse than hell." Sasuke dully says.

"Oh longer sentences! That's good, it's a sign of recovery. Or it's just the coffee kicking in." This is worth it. I've never seen Sasuke so unkempt before! "Now you know why I sleep all the time. It's a coping mechanism. Just wait until dodge training, that one is really bad."

"Fuck you." Sasuke groans out again, then he smirks himself. "Orochimaru said to tell you it's your turn."

"Oh. Well then. I'll be off to go get my ass kicked. Can't wait!"

* * *

Meanwhile in Konohagakure

"So." Ino casually looks at all the males assembled before her. She has Kiba, Choji, Shino, Lee and Neji cornered. "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you all here."

"More like trapped us all but yeah let's go with what you said." Kiba sassily remarks.

"It did cross my mind." Shino adds.

"I want it to be on the record that I feel uncomfortable about this and I would like to leave." Neji states.

"Too bad." Ino smirks.

"Yeah when she get's like this there is no escape." Choji admits in defeat. "It's best to just get this over with."

"So... why are we here?" Lee carefully asks.

"Oh it's very simple. You see I'm here to figure out what you're all willing to give me to keep my mouth shut." Ino smiles with a glint of victory in her eyes.

"For what? There's nothing you've got on all of us!" Kiba boasts.

"Okay then. So you're all okay with me telling the whole village that you all called a certain someone hot during the Chunin Exams?" Ino revels in the feeling of souls breaking. It's not quite enough yet, she want to add salt in the wound. "Well it'll certainly make my life harder if I have to compete against all of you boys for him. I hear he has limitless stamina, imagine how good he is in – "

"NO! Don't say it! Just... what do you want?" Choji quickly and shamelessly asks.

Every other male present quickly follows suit.

After Ino extracts promises from each of them to honor her demands – requests. She meant requests – they all walk away with their heads held in shame.

"I've still got it." She smirks to herself.

"Now correct me if I'm wrong," A very interested voice says from above Ino, "you definitely said limitless stamina."

Ino whirls around at the unexpected voice to see a lady wearing a long open trench coat and... very little else. "Who're you?"

"Anko Mitarashi at your service." The kunoichi drops to the ground and gives a sweeping bow while somehow her modesty remains intact.

"Wow that was impressive. How'd you keep your coat closed? You're like the ultimate tease with that, always promising a glimpse of hidden treasures but never revealing them. Wish I could do that." Ino blurts out then immediately covers her mouth with her hands. "Sorry?"

"No need to apologize, in fact I can teach you how." Anko smirks at the innocent girl before her. "All you have to do is tell me who has limitless stamina. I'm satisfied with Iruka," Ino let's out a high pitched squeak at the mention of her former sensei, "but I have this friend who desperately needs a damn good lay. Stupid ANBU duties has made her way stressed out and her boyfriend died back before the invasion so she's had absolutely zero relief except for her own hand. Oops forget I said that part about the ANBU."

"Uh... sure?" Ino hesitantly agrees. "You'll teach me your trick if I tell you who it is?"

"Yep!" Anko throws an arm over Ino's shoulders. "So come on girlie, who has the limitless stamina? And can you introduce me to him so I can force him to fuck Yugao until she's little more than a drooling mess of satisfaction. Who am I kidding, have you seen her? I doubt I'd have to force anything! Just throw them both into a dark room with a good mattress and get out of the way!"

"Al-alvarcus!" Ino stutters out while turning beet red. "Don't say such crass things! How could you? Isn't she your friend?"

"Oh honey that wasn't crass at all. You'll realize once you've found a boy or two to ride, there's nothing like it." Anko sighs in blissful memories. "Anyways I'm going to need a last name too. Alvarcus..."

"Mar." Ino turns ever redder at the words of her senior. "His name is Alvarcus Mar."

"No shit? He's got limitless stamina?" Anko taps her chin. "Nah, that won't work. He's too young, hell he's practically your age! Guess he's all yours honey."

Ino's face is so red it could put tomatoes to shame.

"What's this?" Anko smirks at the gennin she still has her arm around. "Could it be..."

"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Ino shouts.

"Oh honey." Anko grins in evil satisfaction. "The things I'm going to teach you. You'll have no issues wooing him with your feminine charms."

"NO! The only thing you need to teach me is that trick of yours!" Ino quickly yells. "No not even that! We can call it even! There's no need to take an interest in me!"

"Too late." Anko tightens her grip. "You've piqued my interest. Plus I've always wanted an apprentice, looks like you've won the lottery!"

"Nooooo! Someone save me!" Ino cries out.

* * *

"Something is wrong." Inoichi looks up from the unfortunate person he's working on. "Something is very wrong."

* * *

Sound's Training Field with Orochimaru and Alvarcus

"Alvarcus how nice to see you!" Orochimaru is still radiant from yesterday. He's still giddy with happiness that I picked him. "How are you today?"

"You know considering all that went on recently I'm in a surprisingly good mood." Especially since I have a plan to start tearing down Otogakure. Before it was on my list of things to do but now? I know how I'm going to do it. It's going to be magnificent!

"Wonderful!" Orochimaru claps and then rubs his hand together. "What shall we work on today? You said you had a list of things you wanted to learn?"

"Oh yeah that." I sheepishly rub the back of my head. "I actually have a list. Like on paper. I have it on me if you want to read through it really quick."

"Let's see it." Orochimaru holds out his hand as I dig through my coats various pockets. I'm keeping the coats as part of my new look, I like them. They've grown on me plus now I can make them any color I want. I suppose it's actually the Weavers that will change the colors, I just have to ask and they'll be excited to make it for me.

"Here it is." I pull out a piece of paper and hand it over.

"Hmm." Orochimaru takes it then unfolds it. Then unfolds it again. And again. "You weren't kidding about a list."

"Nope. I know that it's a bit ridiculous to go through all of it but I figured I might as well write down what I want to learn."

"A good third of this is just expanding your ninjutsu library more. Genjutsu though we'll have to see about. It's not for everyone, it takes a certain type of mind to craft more complex illusions and you just might have one. We've started seals and can work through all the things you have for them – is that learning how to seal a bijuu into a jinchuriki?" Orochimaru looks up from my list.

"Yep. You never know when a bijuu needs to be sealed. Plus it doesn't have to be a jinchuriki, I know that the Ichibi was sealed into a tea pot for a while and that the Hachibi was also sealed into an item. Not really sure what that one was though. Also it's gotta be a lot harder to seal a bijuu than a human so I can maybe alter a seal or two to make the sealing formula for my project."

Maybe I should look into those two items for a point of reference when I work on the Sword of Totsuka? If they can hold a bijuu then surely they can hold humans, they would be excellent to study to make the container for the people I seal away since they have to go somewhere. Eh that'll have to be much later, I need to get further into fuinjutsu first. I barely know some of the basics and recreating the sword will be a master level project.

"Practical. You'll have to learn this bijuu chakra suppressing seal first. It's a good stepping stone. Kenjutsu? Perhaps. It's not your style but if you do manage to recreate the Sword of Totsuka then it would make sense to at least be familiar with the art more than just 'the pointy end goes in the other guy.' Everything you have here about the Spiders I cannot help with, it's something you'll have to discover yourself. Anything else you would like to add?"

"Yes but it's not really something for you to teach me. I want access to your lab." I say with an even tone.

"My laboratory?" Orochimaru looks confused, it's a whole new look for him. Usually he can figure out exactly what I'm thinking and if not he's excited to analyze my thought for himself. "Why would you need access to my laboratory?"

"I need a sterile environment to test things. Why else would I need to use a lab?"

"Careful Alvarcus, even with you I will only tolerate so much sass." Alright so there's the line. I'll make sure to not cross it. "Be specific. What do you plan to do in my laboratory?"

"I'm attempting to make the Sword of Totsuka. I need to test the chakra conductivity and other attributes of various liquids. It's best to have as little contaminates as possible, dirty water won't react the same as pure water and so on. Plus I'll need to test various liquids to see which is the best, then there's the whole how do I make a liquid act like a sword thing, and finding the right material to actually house the entities that are sealed away since they have to be sealed into something. Not to mention putting it all together. Basically I need a place to work where people won't mess with my stuff, hence your lab. No one goes in there without your explicit permission."

Orochimaru's face splits into a wild smile. "I shall see to it that you have your own. Who would have guessed that you'd have a scientific side to you as well! Truly we are father and son! We're too much alike to be anything else!"

"You're giving me my own lab?" That's not what I expected at all. It's actually rather nice to be honest. I'll have to make sure it's well protected from nosy people but I'm confident I can come up with something.

"Of course. If we shared neither of us would get anything done. We'd constantly be distracted by what the other was working on." That's a very good point. Orochimaru would always be checking on my progress while I'd be distracted by the screams of agony from his experiments.

"Cool. When can I expect it?" If making the sword will be as hard as I think it is I'll need every moment I can get.

"A month from now." Orochimaru happily says. "We'll be moving to a new base after the news of our scuffle against the Konoha group dies down and I have a few unused labs already there. You're welcome to your pick of them."

"One month." That should be enough time to finish up here. "That'll work. I can focus on other things until then. Like genjutsu for instance."

"Would you like to start with that?" Orochimaru pleasantly asks.

"Yeah. Let's start with that. Once I get some of the basics down I can always work on improving them on my own. I'm sure the Sound Flunkies wouldn't mind being my test subjects." I can picture it now! I can trick them all into thinking the girls bathroom is the guys! Or that there's one less step on the flight of stairs they're on! Or that –

"You know I do have actual test subjects you can use." Orochimaru states, pulling me out of my fantasy of subtly torturing the Sound Flunkies.

"Wait really?" He'd actually let me do that? "You're willing to let me use your test subjects for my own purposes?"

"Yes, especially at the next base. That one has a much larger prison complex than this one. In fact it's mostly a prison complex, it takes up almost the entire island it's on." He smiles fondly to himself. "Some of my best work is done there. It's a rather sentimental place to me."

"I... uh... huh. I didn't think you were the sharing type."

"I'm not to most people but there are always exceptions. I've given Kabuto free reign as well. He uses them to improve on his medical techniques and you're much more important to me than he is. How could I not give my child the tools necessary for his improvement?"

I don't know how to react to that. On one hand it's Orochimaru genuinely trying to be nice and help me but on the other he's literally giving me people to kill without a second thought.

"Thanks?" I need to make this conversation move on. "So, how about that genjutsu?"

Wow that wasn't subtle at all.

"Yes, genjutsu. I'll teach you one of the more basic ones, the Hell Viewing Technique and you shall try and cast it on me. I will let you know if you're successful and how well you've crafted the illusion. Try and dazzle me, I expect great things to come out of your mind!"

He's letting me show him crazy things? He's letting me place genjutsu after genjutsu on him? I think I'm going to enjoy this.

* * *

One Hour Later

"Anything?" I ask Orochimaru.

"No."

I fly through the hand signs again and use a staggering amount of chakra to fuel the simple genjutsu.

"How about now?"

"Nothing."

"What the fuck am I doing wrong!?" I yell at myself. "It's a simple Kami damned genjutsu! The freaking Eyes of the Damned should be harder than this! Why can't I get it?! I've tried almost no chakra, way too much chakra, placing a string on you since that seems to solve all my problems and everything else I could think of! Sasuke can do this with a glance but I can't do it when my target is literally letting me place a genjutsu on them?!"

"I may know why." Orochimaru says while watching me have my outburst. "It could be interference from the Jiongu."

"What? Impossible. The Jiongu isn't chakra it's a living being." It can't be the Jiongu so what the hell is it?!

"You misunderstand, it isn't the Jiongu itself that is the problem but rather what the Jiongu does." Orochimaru is going into lecture mode and I'm listening intently. It's rare that he's wrong. "How many hearts do you have now?"

"Five. One of each element." I clarify for unknown reasons. Orochimaru should already know that.

"These hearts all came from different people, hence they make different chakra. Correct?"

"Yes. Still not following here." What is he getting at? We both already know all of this, it's nothing new.

"Tell me, what are the main ways to break a genjutsu?"

"To cause pain, the shock to the system will jolt you out of the genjutsu. Another way is to disrupt your own chakra, the sudden surge will break the foreign chakra that's in your system, and the last that I know about is to have someone inject their own chakra into your system. Adding in the third type will dismantle the genjutsu chakra in your system."

Orochimaru is patiently waiting for something. He's waiting for me to figure it out.

"Okay, so I know it's not the pain one since you're not hurting yourself. It's not you disrupting your own chakra since you want me to place the genjutsu on you. No one is here to disrupt your chakra so it's not that one. Wait, hold on a moment. You said it was the Jiongu. No, it was a byproduct of the Jiongu. You brought up that I have five unique types of chakra."

There's a beat of silence.

"Oh Kami that's it isn't it?" It all makes sense now. "It's not that I can't cast the genjutsu it's that I'm trying to make five unique chakras all work in unison. That's not how genjutsu works, the different types naturally break apart the genjutsu. In the same moment I place it on you I also break you out of it. That also explains why I can use Henge and Eyes of the Damned. They're physical manifestations of my chakra which is a whole different branch of genjutsu than crafting illusions. A physical manifestations is much more durable than a subtly place illusion in the mind of an enemy."

"Precisely." Orochimaru grins at my conclusion.

"So genjutsu is something I can't learn thanks to the parasitic thread monster that gave me unlimited stamina, insane strength, immunity to genjutsu, immunity to poisons, access to all five elements, up to four ridiculously hard to kill minions, let's me recover from just about any amount of physical damage, let's me stitch other people's limbs back on, negates my need to breathe, talks to me on a regular basis and gave me a bastardized form of immortality."

"Yes." And the award for the biggest understatement today goes to Orochimaru.

"You win some and you lose some." I shrug. It's not like I needed to learn it, it just would have been nice if I could. "I think I'll be okay without genjutsu."

"I would certainly hope so. That's quite the impressive list you have. Not to mention how formidable you are with chakra strings and that you've started to take up fuinjutsu."

"I'm just a little overpowered for how long I've been in the game. I don't feel bad about it, I'm going to have some strong people after my head now. An A-rank bounty is nothing to scoff at and with me being so young they'll think I'm easy pickings."

"Yes, about that." Orochimaru turns deadly serious. "You won't be going out for a while, even when we relocate to the next base."

"Why? I get that I have a shiny new bounty and everything but come on! I'm freaking scary!" I strike a menacing and intimidating pose.

Orochimaru merely raises an eyebrow at me as if he's sarcastically asking 'really?'

"Okay fine I'm only thirteen I won't look scary for a while. When can I expect to go on missions again?"

"When I deem you capable of defending yourself adequately from those who would go after your head. Consider it extra motivation to improve quickly."

This feels like I'm being placed on house arrest. Whatever, I can make this work. It'll give me plenty of time to work on making myself better. Even with all of my strengths that we just talked about someone like Kakashi would easily defeat me. I'm slow and being slow will end up getting you killed. By no means do I have to be the fastest person in the world but I need to be capable of keeping up with my opponents. Lucky for me I've decided to take on a bunch of S-rank missing nin.

"Okay fine. I'll agree to that on one condition. I need something from you." I sort of demand.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Since I'm stuck down here, genjutsu turned out to be a bust and I don't get a lab yet I'm going to throw myself into seals hardcore. It's the only 'new' thing to me and it's one I'll need to advance rapidly in. I'm going to need a bunch of sealing tags. Like say... ten or twenty."

"Ten or twenty?" Orochimaru incredulously says. "I thought you would ask for more than that. Of course I can provide something so meager."

"Crates. Ten or twenty crates." I cheekily smirk at him.

His jaw drops open a little in shock. "That's... you do know that each crate has a thousand sealing tags?"

"Yep! That's why I asked for them, buy in bulk and whatnot." I casually reply.

"You want ten to twenty _thousand_ sealing tags? What could you possibly need those for?"

"I'm going to do a lot of trial and error. _A lot._ It's how I plan on learning them, seeing what gets me what reaction. Sure your journal explained a lot of information about them but there's some ideas I want to test myself."

"You plan to learn by trial and error, intentionally making seals wrong to see if they have the desired effect? Seals tend to blow up if they're made incorrectly. Hypothetically even if I do get you only ten crates worth _and_ you make fifty seals a day – which is a feat that only experts at making seals would be crazy enough to attempt – it would still take you two hundred days to create them all."

"Yeah. I can take an explosion or ten. Plus it's not like I'll be supercharging them with chakra, they'll be little booms. I doubt they'd even leave a mark. And please, do you really think that I'm going to not devote like eight hours a day to working on seals for the foreseeable future? If I only make fifty a day then I am not working hard enough. I want to be able to make basic seals in my sleep."

Orochimaru stares intently at me for a few seconds, then he makes up his mind. "Oh well, it's not like the explosions would be any more damaging than training. I will pull some out of storage for you. Don't waste them, ten crates would keep all of my other seal users satisfied for a year. You know what, feel free to waste them. At least this way I know they're going to a good purpose. I swear half of those idiots have trouble making a simple storage scroll. You learned how to do that in a day! Morons, the whole lot! I don't even know why I still devote resources to them."

"Sweet. So when can I get those?"

"I'll send someone to drop them off at your room. If you're going to use them then you get to store them."

"Cool. If you hear a lot of loud booms coming from a training field tomorrow feel free to ignore it. Oh and I finished the first journal you gave me, you wouldn't happen to have another would you? It was a huge help even though it only covered the basics."

"Yes." Orochimaru reaches into his robes and pulls out another worn yellow leather bound book. "Again, cherish this. I've spent years making each one of these."

"Do you always carry them around?" I ask as I place it next to the other one. They're both sitting snugly in my gut. There's no way anyone can steal it off of me there. Now that I'm back at Sound I should just leave them in my room. Especially when I go to training, who knows if Orochimaru will accidentally hit them or not.

"No, I had a feeling that you'd learn the art of fuinjutsu quickly and guessed that you've finished the first one." Orochimaru smiles fondly at me. "It seems I was correct, you're taking to it faster than I did. Given I had to learn from these terrible books and work out most of it myself while you have my expertly crafted notes. They certainly speed things along."

"Yes they do." I may dislike Orochimaru but the man really does know his stuff. He's meticulous, specific and clear with his notes. "Should I let you know when I finish this one?"

"Please do! I want to know how quickly you advance. The faster you learn them then the sooner I can start seeking your help for some of my more... unorthodox experiments. Another mind, especially one such as yours, would be beneficial. Although from this point on each new journal will take longer to get through. They cover more complex theories and techniques that will get harder and more advanced with each one. The days of you getting through a journal in a few days are gone, it'll take weeks now and eventually months."

He wants me to help in his lab? He actually wants me to help him with his experiments, with twisting and deforming humans in unique ways just to see what happens? That's really fucked up.

"No time to waste then!" I put on a mask of eagerness even though I want nothing more than to leave. "I've got a journal to read and some stuff to set on fire. Seals to test! Totally meant seals to test any fire is a complete accident! Definitely not done on purpose!"

Orochimaru sighs. "Just make sure to put the fires out."

* * *

Later That Night, Alvarcus's Room

"Too much." I place my elbows on my desk and hold my head in my hands. "Too much information. Too much seals. Too much everything. Need break."

This new journal isn't talking about any specific seals, rather this entire book is all about how to craft seal arrays. It's the bread and butter to make the more complex and impressive seals work since they all have interlocking parts. This is all about how to make that happen, how to make something happen in a specific order for instance.

And holy shit is it complex.

Why can't it be simple like just drawing an arrow to the next part? No, that would be too easy.

"Fuck it. I'm stopping for tonight. I need to test what I've covered so far to see if I grasp the concept or not anyways. It's best to catch any errors now instead of when I've finished the damn journal."

I straighten up and lean way back in my chair getting in much needed stretch. I haven't moved from this spot for hours.

"I wonder if Shirokumo found the trapdoor spiders or not? There's one way I can find out."

I fly through the necessary hand seals and place my hand on my desk. I'm too lazy to get up right now.

With a small plume of smoke my favorite white spider pops into existence. "Sup Al? How's things here?"

"Same old same old." I let out a sigh. "Working myself ragged while Orochimaru insists I do stranger and more questionable things. He's pushing me to advance in fuinjutsu quickly so I can help out with his experiments."

"Really?" Shirokumo hops off the desk and quickly scuttles up me to rest on top of my head. "That's a new one. I thought he was more of the 'I'll experiment on you' kind of guy."

"Oh he is. I've lived through three? Four? I don't even know anymore. Let's see, Jiongu, that seal, and the whole Edo Tensi thing. Three, I've lived through three."

"Dude. That's so depressing." Shirokumo pauses for a moment. "Wait doesn't he say your his child?"

"Yep." I grimly confirm. "He's experimented three separate times on his _child._ Imagine what he does to those he doesn't value, if they're lucky they die after the first one."

"New topic. I hate talking about him, it makes me want to ask you to leave, then you'll say no because of Sasuke and training and shit, then I'll feel bad for you and it all sucks because no matter how hard I try you're not going to leave until he's dead. So new topic!"

"Hey you're learning!" I sassily say to him. "But yeah new topic. Plus I didn't summon you here as a social call, I want to know if you've got in touch with the trapdoor spiders yet."

"Them? Yeah I did. They're in." He pats my head with one of his legs. "Aren't I just the best spider ever?"

"Wait you filled them in and everything? I was going to do that!"

"Sorry Al but they couldn't reply to you, none of them are capable of speech. Well they're not capable of speech that you can understand but as another spider I understand it perfectly fine. I went ahead and lined out your plan and what you want them to do, they're all for helping you out."

"Fantastic! That's great news!" This insane idea of mine is shaping up to be possible! "Oh Kami do I have to summon them one at a time? That will take forever."

"Nah that would be crazy! Just summon a Nest Egg." Shirokumo chuckles to himself. "Summoning them one by one, how stupid."

"Wait I can do that? I can summon part of the Nest here?" That's a thing I can do? How the hell didn't I know this earlier?

"Well it's not actually part of the Nest but rather a mass of webs that's been crafted to make summoning smaller spiders easier on our Summoner. We had some of our expert web builders make a bunch of them for a whole lot of different types of the smaller spiders, the ones that don't make sense to call one at a time since the strain of keeping a few hundred of them here is easier than keeping me here. In fact we had this one Summoner a long time ago that would summon a Nest Egg of smaller poisonous spiders right to their hand then they'd throw it at their enemies. The Nest Egg would break open and hundreds upon hundreds of spiders would pour out of it."

"Huh. So it's pretty much a ball of web that can function as a mobile Nest?"

"Yep, got it in one."

"So I can just summon a Nest Egg here and they'll know exactly what to do already? I don't have to explain anything?"

"I covered it all with them already. They're good to go whenever."

"Sweet!" This is great! All I have to do now is keep tabs on my chakra levels to make sure I don't overexert myself. Well... I do have the chakra of five jonin, not to mention that I recover it insanely quick. I doubt I'll even notice the strain on my chakra. "Could you take the Nest Egg up into your webs? That way it's hidden in plain sight. Why would a clump of webbing be strange to see in a massive web that's taking up my entire ceiling?"

"Good thinking. Plus it won't be strange for the Spider Summoner to have an unusual amount of spiders in his room either."

"I know right?" I quickly move through the hand signs for the jutsu. "Summoning Jutsu: Nest Egg!"

A large mass of webs appears in my hands. Large doesn't do it justice, it's the size of a basketball.

"Holy crap. I thought it would be smaller." I heft the ball of webs up to study it closer. "Damn. And this thing is packed with trapdoor spiders?"

"It is." Shirokumo hops off my head and lands on my desk. He crawls over to the wall an makes his way up to his webs. "Hand it over will you? I'll place it in one of the corners."

"You sure you can hold it? It's bigger than you are."

"I'll be fine, hand it over. This is nothing."

"If you say so." I tenderly pass him the Nest Egg and he snatches it up with half of his legs, he's holding it above his back as he moves towards one of the corners. "Damn. Consider me impressed, I never knew you were that strong."

"Please that was nothing." He scoffs. "I've moved heavier things than a simple Nest Egg. Now, just to poke a hole in it so they know to go ahead and start digging."

Shirokumo gently pokes one of his legs through the outer shell of the webbing and a steady trickle of small black, brown and gray spiders pours out. Each of them quickly makes their way to the wall and starts to dig into it.

"They certainly seem eager." I halfheartedly comment as I return a wave from a few of the spiders that are waiting to start digging.

"Yep. It's unusual for any of the smaller spiders to get a task from a Summoner. Usually Summoners go for the more larger and scary spiders. They're motivated, they want to impress you."

"If they finish this project in a month I'll be damn impressed. For their size I gave them a staggering task."

"Hear that ladies and gents?" Shirokumo addresses the swarm of spiders. "Think you can do this in one month?"

Ninety percent of them turn to me and salute cutely with one of their front legs while the other ten percent have already disappeared down a tunnel. It's freaking adorable, I have my own little army.

"I'll take that as a yes." I smile at the sight. "Don't burn yourselves out, feel free to take shifts and rest as much as you need to. If you all need anything tell Shirokumo and he'll tell me and I'll see what I can do. As crazy as it is, I do have some pull here. Perks of being Orochimaru's prized student and child. Oh no! Now I'm saying it too! Not his child! Not ever!"

Some of the spiders beam in pride because I care about them, others bashfully swat a leg in my direction and a few even look embarrassed from the attention.

"Now you've really won them over." Shirokumo says from next to the Nest Egg. "Don't be shocked if this is finished a week early."

"If they can do that it'd be awesome!" Knowing that this is complete well before I have to leave will be nice. "And on that lovely note, I'm all burned out myself. I need to get to sleep since it is... three in the morning? When did that happen? I really must have gotten lost in that journal Orochimaru gave me. Oh well it's not like I haven't run on zero sleep before."

"Then I'm outta here." Shirokumo waves at me. "See ya next time. Whenever that is."

"Soon. Sometime in the next day or two." I tiredly push myself up from my desk and shuffle over to my bed. "I need to get in touch with Kakashi. I need to tell him some stuff so I'll be making a letter for him. Maybe he can tell me about what's going on in Konoha."

"I could do that. We've got a network set up there." Shirokumo blandly points out. "Honestly the only major places we don't have one set up is Iwa, Kumo, and Ame. Which is rather interesting since according to you and history they're the three most likely placed to attack Konoha."

"True but I doubt anything extreme will happen until the Akatsuki makes their first big move. But asking Kakashi about Konoha will give us something to talk about. Whatever that's for another time, it's sleep time now. Hell four hours ago was sleep time."

"Yeah. Bye." He poofs away.

"Oh sweet bed. I've missed you. Your four day absence was so hard on me!"

* * *

One Week Later, One of the Training Fields

"Okay, so I wonder what happens if I -"

BANG!

"Right. That is what happens. Maybe if I do it this way?"

BANG!

"Nope. I just want to make the explosive seal have a variable timer! Is that too much to ask?"

BANG!

"Wow. How are none of these working? You know what fine! I'll just sink a bunch of chakra into the next one!"

 **BOOM!**

I'm lifted up into the air and haphazardly tossed across the large open room. I bounce off the cold and hard unforgiving ground at least four times, turning end over end countless times as I sail through the air like a rag doll. Eventually this all comes to a stop. It's an abrupt and sudden halt, in other words I slammed into a wall.

"Right. That was a bad idea." I say from my impression in the wall. I'm upside down with my feet above my head. "So more chakra equals a bigger boom and has absolutely no effect in jump-starting a new part to a seal. Holy shit I'm a good twenty meters away!"

"You alright over there?" Sasuke calls from his half of the training field. Neither of us wanted to train alone so we figured we'd use the same field since we both want to work on different things. I'm tweaking seals while he's swiftly moving through endless forms of kenjutsu.

Usually it's up to Orochimaru to train us but for some strange reason he's been busy lately. He's left us on our own for a while to work on things we already know. It's working out alright for now but if this keeps continuing... well let's just say I'll make it worth his time. I didn't let him live so I can be ignored. I let him live to make use of him myself.

"Yeah. Can't say the same for the wall though." I pry myself out of the deep body-sized dent and gracefully fall onto my feet even though I'm upside down. Shinobi training does pay off in surprising ways. "I don't get why this isn't working."

"What are you attempting to do?" Sasuke asks as he's fluidly moving from one pose to the next.

"Alright, so you know how most explosive seals have a default timer of five seconds?" I dust myself off and move back to where I was working. There's a crater in the ground and the table I was using is obliterated.

"Yes." Sasuke does an elaborate twist with his sword as if he's batting away an enemies blade that is aimed at is back. It's a brilliant display of flexibility and coordination.

"Well I'm trying to make it so that you can choose how long the timer is going to be. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like I can make it completely up to the user." Using a minor earth jutsu I raise up a platform of stone as a makeshift table and lay out a new piece of sealing paper.

"Shame. What's your plan now that it failed?" Sasuke flips through the air and throws a kunai at an imaginary foe before landing and swiping twice at the foe's ankles. He's slowly moving faster and faster.

"It didn't fail. Well I suppose from you're point of view it did but in reality I discovered a new way to not accomplish it. With each 'failure' I come that much closer to succeeding. Anyways I'm going to tweak my design a bit, instead of leaving the fuse time up to the user I'll make preset increments. Something like channel your chakra into this branch to make it last five seconds, over here for ten, there for thirty, and finally here for a minute. If this works I could make any combination of timers I want."

"Why would you possibly need that?" Sasuke asks as his blade starts to move so quickly it's a blur. He's no longer ramping up his speed, he's moving as fast as he can. It's actually very impressive to move that quickly and still be able to aim precisely. No doubt his fancy red eyes are helping him out.

"Honestly I probably never will. As long as I have a blank sealing tag it's feasible that I'll be able to craft one to exactly my specifications whenever I need to and on top of that it'll be a rare occurrence when I have to use a tag instead of one of my jutsu. Let's be honest my jutsu can be _way_ more destructive than a simple explosive tag. I bet I can outdo even the really high end ones too."

"You don't need to tell me that. I've seen your fire and wind combo, it melts stone. Why are you wasting time making the seal then? If your jutsu is so much better and you can craft one to exactly as long as you need it, why make the variations?" He starts twisting and twirling becoming a whirlwind of flashing steel. With each rotation his sword is in a new angle, no two spins are the same. This is an attack meant to overwhelm someone with the sheer number and speed of his strikes.

"Proof of concept I guess? I wanted to see if I could leave a crucial part of a seal up to the user. That was what it was an hour ago at least, now it's more of a challenge to see if I can make a seal with varying fuse times so I'm willing to cheat a bit. And done!" I admire the four identical seals on the table.

"So you're saying brace for incoming explosions?" Sasuke dully says from his spot.

"Oh do shut up it's not like they're even bothering you. They're a good addition to your training, it tests how well you can work under duress and stay focused. Nothing like a good explosion to distract you." I spread out the seals a fair distance apart, far enough that their own underpowered explosions won't damage the integrity of the others. They're basically fancy fireworks. Hey I'm testing things I don't need to make huge explosions!

"Here we go! Testing five second fuse." I pump chakra into the seal and wait. Five seconds later the seal illuminates and a small bang echoes across the field.

"Sweet. It didn't break itself with the extra parts. Testing ten second fuse." Sure enough ten seconds later there's a bang.

"Fantastic! I thought that the added parts would make it too unstable but it is completely ignoring them. This is great!" I spark up the thirty second one next. After a very long half minute passes I'm rewarded with a bang.

"Yes! If this next one passes then it's a success!" I supply chakra to the final seal.

Nothing happens.

"Is it a dud?" Sasuke asks after a long pause. "Should it have gone off by now?"

"I think so? I don't exactly have a clock down here. I mean it's only a minute how long can that be?"

BANG!

"WOOT!" I jump up and do a victory fist pump. "Take that you stupid seal arrays! I know how you work now bitches! Muahahaha! Kneel before my almighty power! Bow to your savior, no, your god! Submit to my awesome awesomeness!"

"Alvarcus."

"I am both the beginning and the end! I am the one who controls your very existence! I am your maker and your destroyer! Bow I say! Bow and maybe I shall spare you!"

" _Alvarcus!_ "

"Hmm what?" I turn to Sasuke. He's staring at me like I'm a lunatic.

"You have serious issues. What the hell was all of that?"

"I... uh... got a little excited?" I sheepishly scratch the back of my head with an innocent smile. "Nothing to worry about."

"Just don't do anything stupid like that again. What kind of an idiot says he's a god? Bow before me? I am the beginning and the end? Seriously if you keep this up I might start thinking you need professional help. They're just seals! That's it! Seals! Not that big of a deal!"

"For now. Sure I'm barely past using the basics but just wait until I get to the more advanced stuff. Who knows, maybe I'll make a conceptual seal or something."

"A conceptual seal? What the hell is that?"

"A seal that seals away a concept. For example it could seal away your concept of pain then you'd have no idea how much damage you're actually taking. I could cut off a limb and you wouldn't even feel it."

"... Have I ever mentioned how much I cherish and treasure our friendship? Because I do."

"Smart move Sasuke, smart move."

Too bad only the best of the best, the seal masters that stand above even other seal masters, have started to dabble in that particular branch of fuinjutsu. It's something that only a handful of people have attempted and fewer have succeeded. I don't think Jiraya has touched them at all and he's considered one of the best – if not _the_ best – seal master alive right now. I doubt I'll ever be able to reach that level, especially since I plan on focusing on a whole different branch entirely to make the Sword of Totsuka but Sasuke doesn't need to know that.

* * *

One Week Later, Two Weeks Until Departure for the Next Base

"OI!" I pound on the door to Orochimaru's office. According to Sakon he should be in here. "Orochimaru-sama you in here?"

" _What?_ " Orochimaru hisses out in rage and a very large amount of killing intent wafts through the door.

"Cool!" I open the door and casually stroll into his office. "How's things? I haven't seen much of you lately."

"I am busy Alvarcus! Even you should know better to confidently stride into my office uninvited!" He rises up with fury in his eyes. He has every intention of harshly punishing me for my actions.

"Yeah but I'm here to make your life easier! You've been busy lately and have had less time to train me and I will not be shortchanged!" I hold up a large box and eagerly shake it. "See? Look at how nice I am!"

"You're returning one of the sealing paper crates I so generously gave you?" Orochimaru fumes in anger. "You actually think this is worthy of my time? You think that I would appreciate something so meager, so pointless? I've already replaced all twenty crates I gave you!"

"Just open the damn thing. If this is what I get for doing something nice for you then I'll stop. Jeez, I'm just trying to help out a bit!" I shake the box at him again. "Go on! Take it! If you don't like it then you can punish me or whatever."

" _Fine._ " He hisses out as he snatches the box from my hands. "I have just the thing in mind too. It's something you'll hate but has me moderately curious."

"Oh really? And it would be..." I trail off.

"You've reattached a limb before that is not your own. Can you do it with organs? For instance say someone's kidney is failing, could you assimilate another kidney from a 'donor' into the patient?"

"Huh." That's a great question. Could I do that? "I don't actually know. I take in hearts myself just fine and I'm pretty sure Kakuzu took in other organs as well to stay alive as long as he has but I have no idea if I can do it for someone else."

"Then if I don't like your gift we will find out." Orochimaru threatens me. Then he storms over to his desk and plonks the box down and harshly yanks the lid off. "You bumbling fool! I thought you were smarter than this! It's just sealing paper! Alvarcus I expect better from you! You're supposed to be a prodigy, the likes of which your generation has no equal!"

"Pull one out you ungrateful ass."

With an untraceable blur Orochimaru lashes out at me, the only reason I know he did was because my left arm separated from my body and fell to the floor.

"I will not stand for such insolence!" Orochimaru roars. "Barging into my office uninvited! Giving such a useless gift! Blatantly insulting me! You're lucky I don't kill you where you stand! If you were anyone else you'd be a smear on the walls!"

I leave my arm on the ground and stomp up to his desk and pull out one of the horizontally stacked sealing tags. Then I slam it down onto his desk. "Yeah I'm a lot of things but a dumbass isn't one of them."

I promptly spin on my heel and stomp over to my arm and pick it up in my hand. "You should know that!" I angrily point my severed arm at him, I'm using it as a prop. What's very interesting though is that I can still manipulate it, so the severed limb is also pointing a finger at Orochimaru accusingly. "How little do you think of me? You think that I would just give back blank paper? No I'm better than that!"

I hook my arm over my shoulder, bending it at the elbow to fit snugly over it. "And here I thought you'd appreciate help! Shows what I know! I will be taking my leave now, thank you very much!"

I swiftly stomp towards is office door.

"Alvarcus wait!" Orochimaru calls out to me.

I pause and look over my stumpy shoulder at him. "Yes?"

"Are... are they all... you made one thousand explosive tags?" Orochimaru is truly and genuinely shock. He's so surprised that he had trouble forming a sentence.

"Nope." I smirk at him. "Half are simple storage seals. They won't hold anything big but each should be able to hold around a backpacks worth of stuff. I'd need scrolls to make storage seal capable of sealing away larger stuff like camping gear, there's just not enough room on a tag to craft a seal that's stable enough for bigger things. I tested that, there's a few new holes in one of the training fields. I'm not sorry."

"Five hundred storage seals and another five hundred explosive seals?" Orochimaru whispers out. "I don't believe it. How long have you been making these?"

"Two weeks? Since we got back from Kusa and you gave me the crates. Thanks again for that by the way." I shrug. Wow that feels weird to do with only one arm.

"That's seventy two seals a day!" Orochimaru shouts at me, I've never seen him raise his voice in anything but anger before. It's good to know that I can knock him out of his always composed persona. "How did you not push yourself into chakra exhaustion? Even if you didn't activate each seal it takes a minute amount of chakra to craft seals, one must add their own chakra into the ink to make it work! That's why not everyone can make seals, it takes a shinobi to make them!"

"Trade secret." I smirk at him. "This does help right? I remember a while ago you said that your other seal makers were a bunch of incompetent morons that struggled to make a simple storage seal."

"Yes." Orochimaru sighs and a contented smile forms on his face. "Yes it does. How often could you supply me with seals in such large quantities?"

"Honestly? Making these in two weeks was pushing it." That's a lie. I can make so many seals it's insane. My chakra doesn't dive from adding it to the ink and I can make them in bulk, like hundreds at a time if I have enough brushes. It's totally broken. "I can manage to make a crate a month. Only if it's simple seals though, any more complex than those and it'll take _way_ longer."

"Alvarcus, you've just freed up fifty shinobi to regularly take missions for me." Orochimaru beams at me in pride. Then he glances at my shoulder. "Also, I apologize about your arm."

"Eh whatever. I've had worse." Hold on. "Fifty shinobi? You have fifty shinobi making you seals and I outpaced them all combined?"

"Yes. You would think that their production rate would be much higher but they're so terrible that I have to scrap half of their work outright. Then even more fail miserably when they actually go into use, I've had to phase out explosive seals as a tool for my shinobi because of that unreliability."

"Wow they suck."

"I know. That's why they'll be taking the more extreme missions, they've become exceedingly disposable and their days of irking me are now over."

"Sucks to be them. Well I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing." I leave through the door while happily swinging my arm around.

"Put your arm back on!" Orochimaru shouts after me.

* * *

One Week Later, One Week Until Departure for New Base

"How's the progress going on the tunnels?" I ask Shirokumo as we're both lounging in my room.

He's up in his webs lazily adding and fixing them while I am simply laying on my bed and watching him. It's strangely captivating to watch a spider work on making a web. There's almost an art to it, like Shirokumo is an artist of great skill and his artwork is his web.

"They're going to be done soon. A day, maybe two at the most." Shirokumo slowly starts making his way over to the Nest Egg and gives it a tender pat. "They're not used to making anything near this size but they haven't once complained. They make me proud."

"They make me proud too." I sigh in contentment. "I'm so glad this is all coming together."

"Hey Al, I've been meaning to ask you something." Shirokumo nervously says.

"Yeah?" I quirk an eyebrow at him as my black eyes observe him.

"Why haven't you written a letter to Kakashi yet?" He softly inquires. "You said that you were going to around two or three weeks ago but never did."

"So do the trapdoor spiders know what the next step is? It's a lot different from making a simple tunnel, if they need me to I can go over it again. It's not an issue."

"They know." He quietly says as he glances at the Nest Egg. "They've known since before they got here."

"Fantastic! You're really a good leader. You've got me a spy network set up, you know all about the other Spiders for me to summon and you've got this bunch perfectly managed!"

"Thank you. Why haven't you written Kakashi?" Shirokumo asks again.

"I... uh..." My eyes dart nervously around the room. I'm looking anywhere, everywhere that Shirokumo isn't. "Just never got around to it?"

"Al. Come on. I know that's a fake excuse. What's the real reason?" He tenderly asks from his web.

"I could say that it's because I'm trying to limit contact with Konoha now that I'm an actual missing nin. I could say that if he gets caught with a letter from me it would hurt his standing with Tsunade. I could say that he might try to use the letter against me. I could say that I'm afraid that he won't reply. None of them are the real reason though. It's not that I'm scared of what might happen to the letter, what really scares me is his response."

I shrink on myself. I'm no longer splayed out across my bed, I've leaned forward and pulled up my legs. I've wrapped my arms around them like I'm holding myself in a vain attempt to comfort me. I'm not the Heart Thief right now, I'm not the Host of the Jiongu, I'm not even a shinobi. I'm a scared lonesome child who is lost.

I force myself to say these next words. The words don't come out at a normal volume, they're barely a whisper. It took every single piece of my willpower to utter them yet they still came out so weakly.

"I don't want to know if he hates me."

"Al there's no way he'd hate you." Shirokumo softly ties to comfort me.

"Really?" I darkly snort out. "The last major contact we had was a letter he gave me. You want to know what it said? It all boiled down to this: you didn't have to leave. Then that letter goes unanswered. He goes on to watch me progress through the Chunin Exams. He sits there and watches as Lee gives me a beating of a lifetime. He does nothing as my head gets fully rotated and then some because he can't go check on his student or my spying gig is up. Then what happens next? Does he get a reply from me? No, he get's to watch as I slowly pick apart my own skill set. He got to witness me giving away my own weaknesses, something a shinobi should never do. Could he approach me afterwards and scold me? Could he intervene and teach me better? No, he was forced to do nothing. Again. Then what? A response? No. Not even then, instead he has to watch not one but both of his wayward students compete in the finals against Leiko. And what do I do? I let her catch me. I let her toy with me, letting her use tactic after tactic. Hell I let her cut off my head! Yet throughout all of that Kakashi had to sit there and watch it all. He had to feel so powerless. He couldn't save me and that alone must have driven him to the point of insanity."

"So is that the end? Is his suffering over finally? No! That would be too easy! He's drafted to be part of the group to assassinate Orochimaru and the two gennin he's with which happen to be his students! No doubt Tsunade and he thought long and hard about who would attack who and with Kakashi being the best assassin shinobi there of course he'd have to target Orochimaru. That means that both of his students will have true attempts on their lives coming from two of his friends. But can he tell them? Can he ask his friends to hold back? No, he can't because Orochimaru would notice. So he holds his tongue. His reward is witnessing Sasuke's severed arm wetly fall to the ground."

"Can he help his gennin then? Can he step up and save us? No he can't! He has to go off to fight against Orochimaru because even with all five of them there's still no guarantee that they will win so he has to leave us to Konoha's gennin. In other words he has to knowingly let our friends attack us with the intent to kill. Do you think that was an easy choice? Do you not think that it caused him any loss of sleep? No, it had to pain him greatly to do nothing. To say nothing. To simply hold his tongue."

"Is this the end of Kakashi's suffering? Is it finally over? Nope! Because once Orochimaru was thrown back into the clearing he got to see Sasuke and I both be outed then he had to watch me – who he knows is actually on Konoha's side the entire time – choose to go back with Orochimaru! And how did I miraculously make that happen? _By taking my friends hostage!_ "

"You truly want to know if he has a reason to hate me? He has plenty. He has every right to hate me. But I don't want to know if he does. He's still family to me, a strange and perverted uncle but family none the less. Does he still feel the same way about me? Does he still want to protect me, to teach me, does he still care for me? Or do those feelings no longer exist? Have they been replaced with hate and loathing? I don't want to find out, not out of some misguided idea or want to avoid the issue but because I don't know if I can stand him abandoning me too."

"Tsunade turn her back on me and with her goes 99% of Konoha. That 1% left over is my friends who also might hate me now and Kakashi. It's possible that he could be the only person in Konoha that cares about me now. I don't know if I can take the news that he sided with Tsunade. I don't know if I'll be able to cope with it. So I'm not going to find out because it could be the final straw that pushes me into insanity. I'm not coping well. I'm a mess. I have so much stuff to plan for, so many things that I know could happen yet I have no idea if I can change them or if I even should! I simply can't deal with Kakashi right now. I just can't."

"I put on this fake face of confidence. I always act like I know exactly what I'm doing all the time. Even when I get my limbs severed I still play it off like it's no big deal, sometimes I even act like I planned for that to happen, like I let it happen. That face is nothing more than a mask I constantly hide behind. I'm a fragile wreck, a mess, a disaster waiting to happen. I am a timebomb and eventually I'm going to explode. _Violently._ "

"There's so much pressure on me and me alone. There's no one else who knows the full story, no one who knows the true horrors to come. Only me. That means that only I can change them, only I can lessen the impact. Me. Just little old me. One man – one _kid_ against the world's most powerful foes."

"The stress is getting to me. I've changed, don't think I didn't notice it too. Rewind the clock to when I was still in Konoha. I'd _never_ under any circumstances even so much as think about killing someone for their heart. Now though? I've already done it. That ragged man, the tenor, I have no idea who he was. I don't know if he was a criminal or a innocent and frankly it doesn't matter to me. He was the best fit, so I took his life to make mine easier."

"Not to mention my choices with Orochimaru. You could argue that I'm preventing a threat to humanity as a whole by thwarting his plans and eventually killing him but in reality that's not my goal. It isn't a noble and praiseworthy goal like that, it's much simpler. He took from me, he took the most important people in my life from me and I want him to suffer. That's it. There's no exalted reason behind it all, I just want to cause him pain. I want him to feel my agony, to feel my rage. It's... it's consuming me."

"My idiotic and absurd _need_ to hurt him has pushed me straight to his open arms. I've eaten dinner with my family's murderer. I face him every day just to wake up and do it tomorrow because he's the only one willing to train me to one day stand as his equal, as his superior. But by letting him do this, by letting him be around me something very bad has happened. I've changed. I'm more violent, I resort to brute force too quickly. I pick killing over negotiating simply because it's easier to deal with a dead man than a live one. Now when I lash out it isn't at the ground or trees, it's at people. I've killed just because I was pissed and someone said something that irked me. Orochimaru is slowly twisting and corrupting me with his mere presence. I'm becoming more and more like him the longer I stay here."

"That's not even the worst part about me staying here. Orochimaru and I get along surprisingly well. As long as he's not trying to force me to do something I'm truly and utterly against we get along well. Really well. I don't even have to act that much around him anymore. It's fucking with my head. I'm supposed to hate that man, and I do. But the worst part about me staying here is that the longer I am here, the longer I'm around Orochimaru, the less hate I feel."

"He picked me. Back when Kakashi, Gai and Asuma tried their assassination and failed he saved me. He knows the Jiongu, he knows that I could have taken that hit and come away relatively okay. At the worst I'd have to pull myself together and I do that all the time during training. He knows this as an irrefutable fact. Yet when given a choice between me and his next body he picked me. He left his precious next body behind to die to save me. He truly cares about me in his own way. He's offered to get me things that no one else would even dream of asking for. He listens when I have something to say, he treats me differently than everyone else. The Snake Sannin has a soft spot for me. I don't want to admit it, my very being should be against this, but I think that I'm forming one for him too."

"So not only do I have to deal with what could happen next and if I can change it, not only do I have to wait patiently for the final thing to make the timebomb that is me go off, not only do I have to deal with coming to terms with my own changes and actions, I get to deal with Orochimaru and what I feel for him because after two more years of this I don't know if I'll still hate him or not! And you want me to add on the stress of finding out if Kakashi hates me? You want me to write to him? No thank you, I have enough shit on my plate for decades. I don't need to add that to the pile."

Shirokumo is starring at me in shock. He didn't move a single millimeter from when I started ranting all the way to the end. He sat there with a dumbstruck look on his face and listened.

"I... uh... wow." He finally says after a long silence. "I honestly don't know what to do with any of that."

"Me neither and that's the fucking problem." I harshly spit out. "So why don't you fuck off for a bit. I'm not in a talking mood anymore, come back when I've cooled down."

I get out of my bed and stomp over to the exit. On my way there I pick up a inconspicuous crate.

"Where are you going to go?" Shirokumo asks me. He's concerned for me, I can hear it in his voice. I know he is, of course he is after everything I said.

"I'm going to go blow some shit up." I fling the door open. "Who knows, maybe Kabuto will stumble into the training field and accidentally be caught up in the boom. I fucking wish. Oh better yet I can catch him with the Jiongu and then test some of my ideas for the sealing process for the sword. They're just barely formed thoughts right now so I'm sure they'll fail in miraculously horrendous ways, I don't even know how to make a seal do a tenth of what would be needed for the simplest idea. It's the perfect solution, he dies and I progress."

I slam the door shut behind me leaving Shirokumo all alone in my room.

"Alvarcus wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for Konoha to turn on him. I pushed Tsunade too far and her reaction hurt him, hurt my summoner." Shirokumo leaps down from his web and lands on the floor without a sound. "I hurt my summoner. I knew he'd take it poorly but how could I possibly expect this? No, this has been a long time coming. Like a festering wound Alvarcus has slowly been getting worse. He's slipping, he's descending into madness and it's consuming him. At this rate he'll never be able to use the Spider's Sage Mode, the madness will tear him apart. I need to do something to stop it. I need to somehow make amends, to start to patch up the wound. But how? How can I possibly give him something positive to counterbalance all of those negative things? How?"

* * *

Konoha, Kakashi's Apartment

Kakashi is laying down on his bed. He's not underneath the sheets. He's not even in pajamas. He's in full mission gear while staring blankly up at the ceiling. This isn't anything new to him, he's had nights like these since he was barely a teenager.

But the reason behind these nights has changed. Now there is another one to add to his impressive list of things that keep him from blissful sleep. It's his gennin, all three of them. He has never gotten over the loss of Sakura, but what truly worries him now are the other two. They've changed so much from the little that he's seen. They've grown under the tutelage of a Sannin.

Especially Alvarcus.

Kakashi doesn't know if it's a good thing or not. The teachings of a Sannin could do wonders, and it's paying off physically for both of them. Two people taking down eight is an impressive feat regardless of who it is. It's even more impressive the closer in skill level they are but even Kakashi isn't sure how far Alvarcus and Sasuke were pushed during their battle. But mentally? How have they changed mentally? Sasuke seemed much more subdued, he actually differed to Alvarcus without a fight. He's relying on his friend more than before. While Alvarcus –

POOF

Kakashi instantaneously spawns a shadow clone in his closet then uses the kawarmi to swap places with it. Someone had the balls to try and get into his home. They're going to die but he wants to see who it is first.

"Kakashi." A white spider address his shadow clone. "I need a moment of your time."

"Oh?" The Kakashi-clone quips back to him. "You know I've been specifically ordered by the Hokage to take you out and if you managed to escape I am to immediately inform her of everything that happened. I have no idea what you did but you've royally pissed her off. Why should I give you a damn second?"

"I'm here for Alvarcus. Kakashi please." Shirokumo asks.

"Fine, drop the letter then go. Just this once I'll let you leave alive, should you come back I'll kill you." The clone promises as Kakashi is readying himself to use the Chidori should the situation call for it. If Shirokumo makes one aggressive move, whether it is a comment or an action, Kakashi will act.

"You misunderstand, I'm not here on behalf of Alvarcus I'm here for Alvarcus." Shirokumo starts to explain. "It's just... well... he..."

"Spit it out." The clone growls out. "Don't waste my time. I'm feeling a little... twitchy. Things die when I get twitchy."

"The reason he hasn't written you is because he's afraid that you'll write back saying you hate him now. I came here to see how you really feel about him and to possibly bring back a letter to Alvarcus should you react favorably. If not then I'll forget this interaction ever happened."

"What?" Kakashi's clone evenly says.

"You heard me." Shirokumo turns to the closet where the real Kakashi is. "So, how about it? Will you write your student a letter? Do you hate him or do you have faith in him still? Kakashi, how do you feel about Alvarcus now?"

"You want to know how I feel about him?" Kakashi steps out of the closet. "YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!? I'LL TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!"


	51. Chapter 51

The Next Morning, Outside a Training Field in Otogakure

Four people are standing outside of a closed door. Three of them won't enter it because of an emotion that they don't normally feel: fear. They're scared of what could happen to themselves should they confront the beast that's hidden himself inside. The fourth however is not afraid, rather than feeling fear he is scared. Not of the beast that's inside the room but for the beast.

Because the beast that's locked himself in a training field has a name. That name is Alvarcus.

"How long has this been going on?" Sasuke asks the Sound Three, not really caring who answers him.

A low rumble resonates outwards from the room, it's so impressive that the floor outside shakes because of it.

"It started late last night." Kidomaru hesitantly provides with both of his eyes locked onto the door. It's as if he's afraid that by merely speaking the beast within will lunge outward and attack. But the beast stays in his hole so Kidomaru continues. "The tremors were so strong that it shook my bed and woke me up. I'm a notoriously light sleeper."

"You mean that the one we just felt was a _light_ tremor?" Sasuke asks for clarification as his concern for his friend skyrockets higher.

"Yes. I have no idea what he's doing in there but it's devastating." Sakon, the most composed of the Sound Three says once it becomes apparent that the other two won't speak. "At first I thought he might be practicing a new jutsu but it doesn't feel right. There seems to be a certain delay between each tremor. Even then sometimes there are no tremors. It has me... nervous. None of us have the bravery to go in there, we've never been this close to the door since it started. That's why we got you. Sasuke you're the only hope to calm him down."

"Testing seal configuration number three hundred forty seven." A faint voice makes its way through the door.

"EVERYONE DOWN!" Jirobo shouts as he dives for the ground.

The rest of the group collapse and protectively cover their heads. Each and every one of them brace for the incoming tremor. They stay down for a solid thirty seconds just waiting for the inevitable hit, but it never comes. There is no huge ground shaking tremor, there is no all encompassing explosion, there's not even a burst of fire.

"Well fuck me." The faint voice quietly comes through the door again. "Guess that means it's time to stop."

"He's coming out!" Kidomaru squeaks. "Do we flee? Do we wait? What do we do?!"

"Run! Definitely run!" Jirobo barks out in fear.

"Agreed!" Sakon, Kidomaru and Jirobo all leap to their feet with every intention of fleeing for their lives.

They don't make it a single step away before the door swings open to reveal the beast within.

"Oh. Hello everyone." Alvarcus calmly says as he steps out.

He's a mess. His clothes are dirty and torn. His entire face is covered in grime and his once shiny black hair is now a dull brownish black. None of that is truly abnormal, he's come back much worse from training before and had a smile on his face. There's something that's seriously wrong with him though.

His right arm is gone.

No, not gone. It's slowly reforming. Countless black threads are extending out of his shoulder and weaving themselves into his missing appendage. This is very bad, this means that not only did he lose a limb but it was annihilated. If it was simply cut or torn off then he'd just reattach it but he's _reforming it._

"Who did this to you? Where's your arm? Alvarcus what happened?" Sasuke demands with anger and pain in his eyes. He wants Alvarcus to say someone else was in there. He wants his friend to admit that he struggled to barely best an opponent.

"In order of asked questions, me, not really sure but if I had to guess I'd say it's in the dead rabbit in there, and a novice trying to remake a seal that is way out of my league." Alvarcus monotonously responds to Sasuke.

"You _idiot!_ " Sasuke storms up to Alvarcus and smacks him in the back of his head. "This is what happens when you overreach yourself! Seals malfunction in terrible and unpredictable ways when made incorrectly! That's what caused those insane tremors! That's what has the Sound Three so scared! That's exactly what caused you to lose your arm!"

"That's where you're wrong." Alvarcus brushes off Sasuke to start walking away. "You got the first two correct but not the third. I didn't lose my arm to a seal malfunction. I lost it to the seal succeeding, I made it work. It only took another journal from Orochimaru about an introduction to the basic of the basic theory behind time-space seals, a few weeks spent mulling the idea over, a sleepless night, _being utterly livid,_ and three hundred forty seven attempts, but I made it work. I'm going to go clean up now. You'll probably want to use a different field."

Alvarcus walks away from the other four people.

"Holy shit." Kidomaru says from the doorway to the training field. "Come check this out."

Everyone else quickly moves over to him to see the carnage.

It's wrecked. There's the aftermath of various explosions strewn across the entire field, they left behind jagged and rough craters and scattered rubble everywhere. There's not a square meter of level terrain anymore, even the walls did not escape unscathed. They're cracked and fractured, there's countless indents from where rubble smashed against them and one of them is about to collapse. There's even a lot of suspiciously humanoid impressions on the stone walls.

But that's not the most impressive feature of the destruction, that award goes to the gigantic spherical crater in the center of the room. This crater wasn't caused by an explosion, it's too clean for that. It looks like someone hand carved a humongous bowl five meters in radius into the ground and sanded down all the rough spots. There's not one imperfection on it, it's completely round. And laying in the exact epicenter of the sphere is one innocent rabbit with a senbon sticking out of its chest.

"Alvarcus what the hell did you make?" Sasuke softly asks himself.

* * *

Ten Minutes Later

"Now this is a surprise." A smooth and haughty voice flows out of the only other person in the room with me.

Room is too generic of a descriptor, this is a hospital. There are various state of the art medical tools meticulously arranged along the walls, multiple gurneys with differing levels of blood on them and one arrogant prick enjoying this too much.

"Fuck off. You know I don't like you, I know you don't like me. The only reason I'm here is because if I don't do this now then Orochimaru-sama is going to force me here later. Now heal my damn arm Kabuto."

"That's not a very nice way of asking." Kabuto grins in some strange emotion. "I suppose if there was something in it for me then I would be more than willing."

"Sorry, did you not hear me say 'fuck off' followed by 'I don't like you?'" I extend my black limb to him. "Heal it."

"I will, but I expect payment. What I want is simple really, you see I never got to study it myself." Kabuto stares intently at my black arm while slowly moving towards me. No, towards my arm. He's practically salivating at it. "The Jiongu is just so fascinating! That's my price, you will let me at least study it. At best I ask for a piece."

I lower my arm and turn my back on Kabuto. I'm leaving, I refuse to play his games.

"Oh?" Kabuto smirks, he has a plan. He has something that he thinks he can hold over me. "Are you sure that leaving without healing your arm is a good idea? You know that Orochimaru-sama will just send you back here to me then nothing will have changed. I'm very confident that he might even order you to part with a piece and we wouldn't want to disappoint daddy dearest, now would we?"

"Kabuto," I throw him a glance over my shoulder. I'm wearing a pleasant smile, one that speaks of friendship and warmth, "I'm going to rip that jaw off someday."

* * *

Prison Complex

"Do you have any... fives?" One of the two guards asks the other.

"Damn! Take it you jackass." He shoves a single card from his hand to the first guard. "Do you have any..." The guard trails off and his eyes widen in fright and surprise.

"Fours." I supply the second guard with a number while looking over the first guard's shoulder to see his hand. "Ask if he has fours. Here's a hint, he's got three. Taking them will give you all four fours then they're your points."

The two guards stare at me in shock for a few reasons. One, I sneaked up on them. Two, I'm blatantly cheating for one of them. Three, I somehow know both guard's hands even though I can only see one of them. Four, I'm here without Orochimaru.

Both guards drop their cards onto the upside down box and leap up.

"A-A-A-Alvarcus-sama!" The first guard stutters out. "We had no idea you planned to visit today!"

"P-p-please let us know how we can be of service! Whatever you need!" The second guard is just as nervous as the first. "We'll be glad to help out any way we can!"

"First off," I state and both guards are raptly paying attention to me, "stop treating me like I'm some revered figure of great importance. Second off, you didn't see me and I didn't see you. Thirdly, and this is the most important one so pay attention."

I dramatically lean forwards and both guards follow suit.

"You both really need to find a better way to pass the time. Go fish? Really? What are you five years old? Play chess or something, at least that is moderately challenging."

"YES SIR!" The first guard shouts.

"RIGHT AWAY SIR!" The second guard yells just as loud as the first. Then he looks confused. "Wait what?"

"If you're going to slack off then at least do something that you can play off as being productive if you get caught." I point at the cards. "Go fish? That's a game meant for kids. But chess? If someone catches you playing that you can spew out that it helps create a more battle ready mind or some other bullshit excuse. See how much better that sounds?"

"You're... not mad at us for slacking?" The first guard tentatively asks.

"What? No, why the fuck would I care?" I scoff out. "The prisoners are behind like three sets of doors. Alarms will blare if they get past one of them, that's plenty of time for you to react. I wouldn't care if you were sleeping as long as you were here to fix any problems that come up."

"Huh." The second guard eloquently says. "Then... if you don't mind me asking... why are you here?"

"Nothing that you need to worry about." I walk past them to enter the Complex. "It definitely doesn't have anything to do with me disliking Kabuto so much that I'm willing to go see if any of the prisoners know medical jutsu just to avoid him and his stupid face. He's the only person on staff here that can fix what I broke and well... frankly we both hate each other. Like I said nothing for you to worry about."

"Uh... sure? Go on in then." The second guard waves me in.

I confidently walk to the center of the large circular room. The only sound in the vast expanse is the sound of my steps. Not a single prisoner is making a noise. All of them remember what happened the last time I was here. They remember what I promised. They're scared of me.

"Alright you poor unfortunate souls, I've got an offer for you." I say with a raised voice to the deathly quiet room. "You see I'm in a bit of a tight spot so I'm here to make a deal. If there is someone here who is capable of healing a purely aesthetic injury that I have then the next time I come down here they will be spared from me."

Silence follows my offer.

"What's... astet... atheti... ashet..." One of the more simple prisoners asks. Or tries to at least.

"Okay, simple version." I sigh before resuming to yell to my captive audience. Literally. "You heal me, I won't kill you when I come back next."

The complex explodes into a sound garden. Each prisoner who knows even a scrap of medical jutsu is shouting for me to pick them.

"Oh and I should add on that if you fail, you die. I'm not here to waste time."

The noise dies down quickly.

"I can do it." One person call out. "I'll fix you."

"Fantastic!" I stroll over to him. "No funny business and you get to live a longer life."

"Of course. Perhaps you could even steer Orochimaru away from me?"

"Don't push it." My eyes narrow and my hostility spikes. "You've already earned a pass from me, that will suffice for now."

"I overstepped my place, forgive me."

"Get my skin back and I will." I demand and he does just that.

"Yay!" I cheer to myself. "Now I don't have to see that fuck face Kabuto!"

"You mean all of that was to avoid someone you dislike?"

"Yep!" I skip out of the Complex, past the two guards and back towards my room.

"What..." The first guard says.

"... the fuck?" The second guard finishes.

* * *

Alvarcus's Room

"Ah messing with people is so entertaining." I happily say to myself. "I needed that. Something amusing to do. When was the last time I actually had fun? Uh... huh. When was it? Some time during the Chunin Exams? Tayuya made things interesting but... well that's stained a different color now. I wouldn't exactly call anything else during that fun. Except maybe the part where I played with Temari. No, that was just something to do. Sure I enjoyed it but I wouldn't call it fun. Hell the last time I had actual fun was probably when the Rookie Nine took on the ANBU. Now that was fun! It's a shame we can't do that again."

"You and I remember that day very differently. Tsunade was _scary._ She threw me across the entire park." Sasuke interjects from my doorway. He's leaning on the frame while inspecting one of his numerous kunai. "Got some time to chat?"

"Sure, why not. Not like I was going to do anything important." I wave him into my room.

Sasuke sheaths his kunai and confidently walks into my room. As usual for him, for any shinobi really, he takes a quick inventory of every item, possible exits and hiding spots. Then his eyes lock onto a specific piece of furniture. It's one that is relatively new to my room, one that he's never seen in here before.

"You actually brought the couch with you." Sasuke sigh in resignation. "Honestly I don't know why I'm surprised by that, of course you would bring it with you. Sometimes I swear you have no common sense."

"I have plenty of common sense! I just tend to ignore it sometimes, like when I find a nice piece of furniture I want. I'm keeping a lookout for an armchair next so let me know if you see a good one."

"Fine." Sasuke plops down onto the couch. "Well... I was going to ask you what the hell was going on this morning but you seem to be out of your funk already."

"Oh. Yeah. That." I cringe. "Not my best moment."

"What was all that about anyways?" Sasuke asks as he kicks his feet up onto my couch.

"OI! Feet down!" I bark at him and he rolls his eyes at me. He still moved his dirty feet down so it's my win. "I needed to vent some anger. The last few times I had to do that I went over to the Nest but I need to stop trashing my Summon's home. Luckily for me I channeled it into something productive. Absolutely mind-bogglingly stupid and potentially life threatening, yet productive."

"So... you're good now?" Sasuke tentatively asks. "Because if you're not you can always talk to me. Or shout, or spar against or whatever floats your boat at the time."

"Even if it's helping me prank the Sound Three?" I ask with hope in my eyes. He's never joined me in a prank before. He has no idea what he's missing, plus that opens a whole new slew of pranks! He can cast genjutsu!

"Sure?" He weakly agrees to help my devious plots. Then his eyes widen a fraction, so little that anyone who doesn't truly know him would never notice. "As long as you spare me."

"Agreed!" Oh this changes everything! I bet I can top the three hundred rubber ducks now!

"What set you off anyways?" Sasuke yanks me out of my delusions of crazy and crazier pranks.

"Oh. Yeah. That." How can I possibly answer that?

"You're stalling." Sasuke blandly points out. "Don't bother to try and change the topic, I know how you work."

Arrogant prick, I hate it when he's right. One of these days I'll wipe that smirk off his face.

"Shirokumo accidentally made me realize a few things about myself that I'd rather have never discovered." There, it's the truth but it's vague enough that he'll never know exactly what I'm referencing. "I've changed since we've left Konoha. I've changed a lot. Some of it's good, most of it's bad. Basically my moral compass is getting fuck up. My sense of what is acceptable is warping."

"No shit." Sasuke snorts at me. "You're too comfortable with taking damage, even severe damage. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't accidentally killed anyone yet. To you massive wounds are nothing, in return you'll feel less hesitant to inflict them on someone else. And why not, if you can take it then why can't they?"

Oh. I've never made that connection before. Hold on, does that mean that I did break some of Ino's ribs back during the second exam? I overheard her talking to Hinata and she mentioned that she might have broken ribs, it's entirely possible. The only other people I fought besides Orochimaru since leaving are the Root shinobi who I slaughtered and didn't care if I hurt them, Temari who I never actually touched, Lee who takes hits from Gai so even if I did hit harder than normal he'd shrug it off, Hiro who I used the daggers on, and Leiko who surrendered before I could do anything. Then there was the fight after the Exams where I hit Lee again but used ninjutsu against everyone else.

So he could be right. I truly might not be pulling my punches enough. To me it might feel like a feather but to someone else it could feel like a brick. I'll have to test that against the next person I fight. My holding back could still be too strong. What a ridiculous idea!

"Not to mention the whole masochist thing. I'm all for getting inside your opponent's head to mess with them but you do it in such strange ways. Like seriously you could have played like you were immortal or something to fuck with her, honestly I thought that was what you were going to do. Instead you... did whatever the hell that was."

"It worked didn't it?" Why does everyone care so much about that? It was a one time thing!

"Alvarcus you're not-"

"Stop right there." I cut him off and pin him in a glare. "We've already been over this. I'm not. I'm just accustom to pain so I use it to my advantage, that _does not_ mean I am a masochist. If anything I'm a sadist, I fantasize about brutally murdering so many people it's unhealthy. Oh shit was that out loud? So how about a new topic? Yeah let's move on and forget that ever happened."

"I picked the weirdest friend to ever have. Seriously, what does that say about me?" Sasuke mumbles to himself. "Fine, new topic then. I've got a question for you."

"If it's 'are you a masochist' I will hurt you." I threaten and I mean every damn word of it.

"No it's not." Sasuke rolls his eyes. "I want to know what you did to the training field to damage it like that."

"Oh that's easy. It was a lot of seal malfunctions of varying intensities. Anywhere from a small bang up to explosions with enough force to throw me into a wall and leave behind a dent." Whew. I thought he was going to ask another question that I'd rather avoid answering at all costs.

"Yeah I figured that out just by looking at it. You had to go through a lot of seals to make that big of a mess. I meant the big crater in the middle."

"The smooth one?" I ask for clarification. "About... five ish meters in radius?"

"Yeah that one. What made that? You weren't testing a new explosive seal it's too clean for that." Sasuke is looking at me intently. "More importantly can you teach me?"

"I suppose I could teach you it, but Orochimaru would be much better suited for it. But do we really want to overlap our skills like that? We're both highly specialized in things the other isn't. Look at me, I'm a walking ninjutsu cannon. I'm a juggernaut that is insanely hard to put out of a fight. I'm basically pure overwhelming force personified and the type of seals I'm focusing on will only increase that. While you are a genjutsu expert, even now there are few shinobi who can equal you. You're kenjutsu is great, you're skills with all of the basic shinobi tools is simply ridiculous and your stealth is phenomenal. That makes you a perfect assassin, you can blend into the shadows with ease and use your fancy eyes to spot traps so easy it's like they have a sign pointing at them. I suppose seals could help you with that, but they're not the seals I'm working with. Maybe a sound dampening seal or something?"

"You think I'd make a good assassin?" Sasuke asks. He's thinking of a few various scenarios, running ideas through his head.

"Hell yeah I do. I think it's what the Uchiha should have specialized in." My words pull Sasuke out of his thoughts and he looks at me with a look on his face. It's a look saying I'm an idiot. "Fine, I'll explain. I do acknowledge that the Sharingan is fantastic in its ability to copy ninjutsu and would no doubt help make an impressive ninjutsu library given enough time, but the inherent ability of the Sharingan could be called heightened awareness. Simply put you see more, better, than everyone else. The Uchiha would make excellent infiltration and assassin type shinobi because it would be child's play for them to copy someone's mannerisms. After staking out a target for sufficient time you would have no trouble replacing them and your act would be nearly flawless. You could blend in so easily. Then there's the whole enhanced vision thing, finding traps and other oddities must be a joke to you. That could let you get around most defenses that would be in place to protect a potential assassination target. Sure it's not as impressive as being able to spit copious amounts of fire, but you could be feared because no one can see you coming until their blood is spilling out of their necks."

"Interesting. I've never considered that." Sasuke admits.

"Yeah, most of the famous Uchiha were known for their ninjutsu or being untouchable in combat. It's only natural to try and take after them but it takes time and countless battles to truly gain that notoriety. But the moment the Sharingan is awakened you can copy things so why not play to that? Honestly I'm pretty sure that's how Itachi got so feared. Not because of his impressive taijutsu skills, not because of his ninjutsu, but simply because you only see him if he wants you to. Sure he's still insanely skilled in both taijutsu and ninjutsu but his combination of stealth and genjutsu is what made him feared. How do you kill what you don't know is there?"

"I... that makes a surprising amount of sense." Sasuke is analyzing his brother in a whole new light. Then he shakes his head and turns back to me. "Thanks for the ideas, but you never did answer me."

"Oh. Yeah I didn't. What was the question again?" Whoops. I got just a tiny bit distracted.

"What made that crater? Hell I don't know if crater is the right word for it." Sasuke repeats the question.

"A seal that I honestly should not have even attempted to make. My anger kinda maybe sorta clouded my judgment a tad and I ignored my common sense." Mental note: Do not make new seals when pissed off. That's a really bad idea.

"A seal did that? What do you plan to use that one for? And what was up with the rabbit?" Sasuke is very interested in this seal and I don't blame him. It's impressive. It's also something I've ripped off of what I've seen before, this isn't original it's a remake. I've stolen it from someone that I despise, from someone almost at the top of my people to kill list.

"Yes a seal did that, I plan to use it to attempt to cover up one of my weaknesses, and the rabbit served as the trigger." I answer each question he asked in order. Efficiency at it's finest.

"What weakness?" Sasuke asks. "You barely have any and you want to cover one?"

"No shit I want to cover it! What kind of a shinobi would I be if I didn't try to eliminate every weakness I can? Anyways I'm talking about my hearts."

"You're hearts? How are they a weakness?"

"They're my weakest point. Once I'm out of hearts I'm dead so I'm going to give as much incentive as possible to not destroy my hearts to my enemies. Hence the rabbit being the trigger."

"Yeah I'm not following here."

"Okay. So basically that seal I used is rigged to go off once something dies, I tweaked it a bit to specifically go off when a heart stops beating since I want as little risks to me with it as possible. Hence the dead rabbit. In reality there were... a lot of rabbits. I may have blown a few of them up on accident. I know I'm a monster, they were so cute and everything!"

"Oi. Back on topic." Sasuke scolds me.

"Fine, fine." I'm so sorry rabbits, but you served a good purpose. "I'm going to put that seal on each of my hearts. That way when they're destroyed, or when they stop beating..."

"The seal activates. Dude. That's fucked up. I like it!" Sasuke shares a devious grin with me. "Wait, what if they kill it when it's in your chest? That would be bad."

"Yeah it would, that's why the seal isn't ready yet." It's such a shame. I wanted to make this work as soon as possible. "I need to add in a few more levels to the trigger. A few conditions that have to be met for it to go off. First is obviously the heart stops beating, the second is being a set distance away from everyone and everything I consider important. Not really sure how to do the second one though. I have a few ideas, like making a beacon of sorts and make it need to be far enough away from all of them to go off. That's probably what I'll end up doing but I have no idea how to make one. Which is really ironic since the beacon should be easier to make than this seal, I went backwards. I started with the hard part first."

"You're taking the seal stuff very seriously." Sasuke points out. "The only thing I've seen you pick up quicker was chakra strings."

"I know right?" It's all thanks to Orochimaru. His journals have been invaluable. It's amazing what a good teacher will do, even if it's just an expertly crafted book.

"Still, have fun testing the beacon idea. There's going to be a lot of those unique craters in the future."

"Nah I shouldn't need to worry about that. I can key the beacon to something simple first, like two tiny explosive tags until I get it down. Then I can move on to testing it with this seal. I'm not that stupid, thank you very much!"

"This coming from the guy who was missing an arm earlier today?"

"Okay so maybe I can be that stupid at times. It's fixed now though!"

Sasuke and I waste the rest of the day away talking about meaningless things. There is no Orochimaru, there's no Otogakure, there's no Bingo Book rankings, there's no Itachi, there's no insane and complicated future plans. It's just two friends hanging out, simply enjoying each others company.

* * *

That Night, After Sasuke Left

"That was fun." I say to myself the second the door swings shut behind Sasuke. "I truly enjoyed myself. It was nice to escape from all the shit in my life even if it was only for a couple hours. We need to just hang out more often, we're both stressed out. Me way more than him though."

I happily walk back over to the couch but with every step my happiness fades. After one step my smile dulls a little. After three my shoulders sag downwards as if a massive weight has settled on them. After five the happy smile is completely gone. Once I'm sitting on my couch there's not a trace of the happiness I just felt, it's all gone.

Right now I'm not the happy kid that doesn't have a care in the world. I'm no longer able to laugh at stupid jokes and poor attempts of acting. Now I'm a shinobi that's deep in enemy territory, a shinobi with an impossible task, a lone shinobi with almost zero chance of succeeding.

But if my plan works then I will have bested those crazily low odds, if it works then I will no longer have an impossible task. All I have to do is see if the trapdoor spiders are finished with the tunnels yet then have them move onto the next step.

"Summoning Jutsu!" I lazily plonk my hand down next to me on the couch cushion. I'm not getting up to summon Shirokumo to the ground. Half the time he hurries up to his web anyways.

"Alvarcus!" Shirokumo shouts out the second he's here, he didn't even wait for the small smoke cloud to dissipate.

"Wow. You hardly ever call me Alvarcus anymore, usually it's just Al. Or Summoner. Or dumbass. Let the record show that the last one is my least favorite." I wonder what has him so energetic.

"Good you're already sitting, don't get up." Shirokumo climbs up the arm of the couch to be closer to my height.

"What?" I eloquently blurt out. "Why do I need to be sitting? Last time you said that you gave me some really shitty news. Shitty doesn't cover it, it's not strong enough. Oh fuck what's wrong now?"

Shirokumo takes a deep breath to steady himself. "I went and talked with Kakashi."

My world stops. All sound, all light, all everything halts in this one instant. Even time stops its never ending march. He went to Kakashi. After that conversation, no after I spilled my guts out to him. After I poured out my heart he went at talked to Kakashi. How could he? What could possess him to do something that could hurt me so much? Why would Shirokumo do this to me? I don't want to know Kakashi's answer. I don't want to know how he feels. I can't know, it might break me.

But Shirokumo went anyways.

"H... how?" I force the singular word out. It took every iota of willpower I have to shakily utter one measly word.

"I'll tell you..."

* * *

Flashback, Kakashi and Shirokumo's Confrontation

"So, how about it?" Shirokumo asks the shinobi before him. "Will you write your student a letter? Do you hate him or do you have faith in him still? Kakashi, how do you feel about Alvarcus now?"

"You want to know how I feel about him?" Kakashi steps out of the closet. "YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!? I'LL TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!"

Kakashi's face, even though it's covered by his faithful mask, is twisted and contorted in rage and anger. This is not how Shirokumo hoped this conversation would go.

"Alvarcus tries to constantly do too much! He always without fail tries to shoulder more than his share of the burden! It all started back when he had his first kill, something clicked. He realized that he doesn't want anyone else to go through what he did, he's trying to protect everyone by doing everything alone. In the first Chunin Exams he lead his team through everything, hell he was the one that spent the most time battling against Orochimaru so his team had a better chance at living. Then the invasion? All those terrible things happened but he still went on to stop Gaara despite all of them. After that he helped Sasuke go against two S-rank shinobi! He knowingly went with him, he knew exactly what he was getting into but he didn't ask anyone for help! And then he brings back Tsunade of all people to be the Hokage and heal me and Sasuke? That kid never asks for help. Alvarcus sees a problem then conquers it himself."

"Now on to his stupid stunts during the Chunin Exams! What kind of shinobi, no matter how good their defense, casually let's someone attack him? I mean come on! He could have dodged everything that was thrown at him and I'm not talking about just Leiko. I know Alvarcus, I know what he's capable of before he left and I'm sure he's only improved his skills since then. If he wanted to he could have ended the fight with Lee in _moments._ He knew Lee gets stronger with each Gate opens but he let him open five! Seriously? I taught him better than that!"

"He's spying on fucking Orochimaru of all people! One of the few S-rank threats to Konoha and Alvarcus thought 'hey, I've fought against the other one so let's go spy on this one! That'll be fun!' Then he has the balls to – to take his friends and use them as a bargaining chip? What the _fuck!_ "

"Alvarcus is stupid! He's arrogant and he doesn't pause to consider how his actions will effect those who are not immediately around him! Look at him now, masquerading as Orochimaru's prized _child._ Did he not pause to think how that would impact everyone here? Did he not take a moment to consider that what he's done, what he did, could turn everyone against him?"

"So do you really want to know how I feel about him?" Kakashi roars at the small white spider. "He's the best student I could have ever asked for."

"Uh... what?" Shirokumo says in shock. "But all those things? You built it up like you hate him now."

"You're right. Every single thing I've pointed out is a point against him, but to me that doesn't matter. There's a reason behind all of those actions, a single lesson that I tried to teach all of my gennin. It is the most important thing I could teach, if out of everything I taught them they only got one thing out of it, I would hope it was this lesson. Only he learned it."

"That lesson is this: Those who break the rules trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash. Alvarcus took that one lesson to heart. He's become the embodiment of that singular lesson. He does everything in his power to help protect and shield those he cares about from harm."

"The reason he doesn't ask for help isn't out of some misguided need to do everything alone, it's so that no one else has to get hurt. The reason he holds back is so that others don't get hurt. The reason he went to Otogakure was to protect his best friend and his home from their biggest threat. He doesn't ever think of himself first, he's always second. Honestly I think he learned the lesson a little too well."

"All of his failures don't reflect back negatively on him alone, they also reflect on me. Each action of his, good or bad, can be traced back to how he was taught. Back to who taught him, back to me. It's not just on him, I helped create and shape his mind. I helped him, molded him into a shinobi that utilized unorthodox methods to win. Sure I never sat him down and taught like a teacher but Alvarcus is a visual learner. He watched me, someone who is famous for his outlandishly strange yet insanely successful tactics, and he learned from me. He saw that using a new method, one that no one else could possibly think of, is a viable way to win. Sure our respective styles don't line up at all, I focus on tricking the opponent while he focuses on driving them mad but it works."

"I could never hate him. Alvarcus is my favorite student, even to this day. Ask me again in a month and the answer will be the same. Ask again in a year, a decade, a lifetime and my answer will always be that I could never hate him."

"Alvarcus would love to hear that from you." Shirokumo says happily. "Could you write him a letter? It doesn't have to be all of that, but please? Alvarcus is... he's not the same anymore. You've seen him, he's changed. He knows it too and it's breaking him. So please? Write to him."

"I can't." Kakashi says. "The Hokage herself has specifically forbidden me from writing to him, she is very insistent on cutting him off from Konoha. She's taken him holding the other gennin hostage very harshly. At first I thought it was strange but then I realized something. Tsunade started to see him as more than just a shinobi, she started to see him as a nephew."

"Don't you mean grandchild?" Shirokumo smirks. "News flash: She's old."

"Nope, definitely meant nephew. There's no way I'd risk her hearing me call her the 'o' word, even indirectly." Kakashi trembles in fear. "Anyways, she took his leaving hard. She's lost a long list of people, and on the day Alvarcus left it grew longer. Then he was back, sort of, and she was so happy. But his actions sealed the deal, she's disappointed in him. Severely. This is his punishment."

"That's nice and all, but why won't you write to him?" Shirokumo asks again. "Kakashi he needs something, anything! Even if it's something as simple as 'I don't hate you!' That's all I'm asking for!"

"I can't, orders of the Hokage." Kakashi smirks. "But she can't order you around, can she?"

"I'm not following." Shirokumo is slightly confused. He can't figure out what Kakashi's angle is.

"She holds no sway over you, none at all. So what is stopping you from telling Alvarcus all about this conversation? I can't write to him, but you can talk to him in my place. Tell him what we talked about, tell him everything I said. The good, the bad, everything. Leave nothing out."

"Ha! I like it!" Shirokumo chortles to himself. "That's great!"

"It'll only work the once." Kakashi sadly says. "I have to report that you were here, I can spin this as me trying to lull you into a false sense of security so I can CHIDORI!"

Kakashi's hand glows blue with electricity as he lunges at the spider. His attack is so strong that it blasts right through the floor of his apartment, leaving behind a fist sized hole to the room beneath.

Shirokumo was long gone before the attack even got close to him.

"There." Kakashi dusts himself off as he prepares to leave for the Hokage's Tower. "I kept my honor to my Kage and my student."

* * *

"He said all of that?" I shakily ask again. "He doesn't hate me? Even with everything I've done?"

"He never could." Shirokumo gladly clarifies. "He cares about you too much."

"Thank you for doing this Shirokumo. Really. I feel so much better knowing that." I'm not lying. The only reason I didn't want to know is because I knew how much it would crush me to hear that he hates me. I knew that should he say those words, I couldn't take it. It wasn't worth the risk to me.

"Think nothing of it. It's the job of the Summons to look out for their Summoner, just like how it's the Summoner's job to look out for the Summons. It's a two way street."

"Thank you. Again." I softly say, then my voice's tone changes. It's not soft and thankful, it's harsh and gravelly. "Don't do something this important without consulting me first. It worked out this time, but we can't know for sure about the next time."

"Yeah no." Shirokumo waves me off with a pair of legs. "You come first to me. If I can do something to help you then I'm going to do it whether you want it to happen or not."

"Dammit." I heave out a huge sigh. I'm not winning this argument. "Can't blame me for trying?"

"Sure I can! Now go sleep. You look like hell. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Nope. I was up all night working on something ridiculous."

"Typical." He vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

The Next Day

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru heaves out a long and loud sigh.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" I innocently respond. It's time to play the ignorant fool.

"What happened to my training field?" Orochimaru asks as he lifts his gaze up from me to stare out at the trashed field. We're at the one where I went a little bit seal crazy. In other words: it's broken beyond normal repair. There are craters of every sized, cracks along the walls from various projectiles – which was me a few times – and a whole lot of destruction.

"Well I if I had to guess, I would say that someone took to their training a little bit too enthusiastically." I offer up an innocent shrug with a happy smile. "I wonder who it was."

"Yes." Orochimaru levels a skeptical look at me. "Who ever could it be? Perhaps one of the only three people here that can cause such widespread destruction? That narrows it down to myself, Sasuke and you."

"Really? Just us? Couldn't Jirobo do this too? He's pretty strong in his own right." I ask in an attempt to throw off Orochimaru.

"You're correct of course, but Jirobo would need to go to the second level of my Curse Seal and then he'd require medical attention for keeping it active long enough and abusing it past it's intended limits to cause all of this. Since I know he wasn't in the medical ward recently I can effectively rule him out. Hence, the three I listed earlier."

"What about... wow. I don't really know that many people here." It seems that Orochimaru has done a good job of keeping Sasuke and me hidden. Although I have traumatized some guards recently.

"Yes. And I know that I did not do this, I have much more important things to do than trashing one of my own training fields. On to Sasuke next, while he is capable of this it is not his style. He would have to push himself far, much farther than he usually does, to cause such widespread damage. That leaves..."

Orochimaru pins me in a yellow stare.

" _Me?_ " I say in obviously faked shock. "I would never! Well unless I was pretty mad and decided to channel that anger effectively and work to improve myself by covering up one of my glaring weaknesses by trying to recreate a seal that's way out of my league and that is something I would never do unless I wasn't in sound mind and sound body."

Orochimaru heaves out another long and loud sigh.

"What am I going to do with you?" He mutters to himself. "Just fix it. It'll be a good lesson for you. Instead of focusing on wild and uncontrolled -"

"Hey this was totally controlled!"

"- destruction you can create. It'll take focus and care. Consider it today's lesson."

"Come on! Can't you make one of your minions do it for me? I have better things to do!" I whine. Hey, he calls me his child so I'm going to act like one every once in a while. "I've barely scratched the surface of time-space seals and I'm pretty sure that I'll need to base the sword off of them to make it work correctly! Well more of space than time, I'm trying to seal away countless people. I can't have a limit on how many I can seal so I've got to tweak and mess around with space a bit. So I made a seal that deals with a large emphasis on space. Oops. Uh... forget I said that?"

" _You tried to recreate a time-space seal without my supervision?_ " Orochimaru hisses out in anger. "ANSWER ME!"

"No." I meekly squeak. "I didn't try."

" _Don't you dare lie to me!_ "

"I succeeded."

" _I will not lose you to a seal malfunction –_ come again?" Orochimaru's voice does a complete 180 degree turn from livid to surprise. "You... succeeded?"

"Well yeah." I cower before the enraged Sannin. "That crater that looks perfectly spherical is the result of a success. It's why I stopped. The sad thing is I'm still not done with it, it's just a piece of a side project I'm working on."

"You continue to surpass my expectations for you!" Orochimaru let's out a hearty laugh. "Kukukuku, a time-space seal already! You are just wonderful!"

"Uh... thanks?" I think it's okay now?

"But Alvarcus." Orochimaru pulls himself out of his happy chuckles. "Never mess with time-space seals on this scale again. They're one branch of sealing that even you can be defeated by. They may not kill you outright, but being permanently sealed into another dimension is as close as you can get. I will not lose you to something so idiotic as you biting off more than you're ready for."

"I will. Besides, in less than a week I'll be able to focus more on the Sword of Totsuka. Right now I'm stuck with just working on seals and everything else I already know."

"Indeed. Looking forward to getting a laboratory to yourself?" Orochimaru genuinely asks.

"I am. I can't wait to start working on the sword. I'm going to need every damn second I can get. Plus I have no idea what materials will work, how to fashion them together or even what the sealing process will be! It's going to suck yet be awesome at the same time!"

"Ah the eagerness of youth. I remember when I first took on an impossible task, I attacked it with as much ferocity as you are. Even now you're working on it by furthering yourself in fuinjutsu. Everything you do has a purpose, it serves an end goal, doesn't it?"

"It does." I smirk to myself. He has no idea.

This sword isn't necessary until years down the road of life. I'm making it for one purpose only, to seal away the Edo Tensi army that will oppose the Allied Shinobi Forces. There's no other reason for it, every other thing that could happen it's unnecessary for. Even if it's the most complicated piece of fuinjutsu I'll ever make, in the end that doesn't matter. I simply need a way to quickly and surely seal away multiple people.

I could just make a bunch of binding seals or something like the Suna Sealing Corps did in cannon, but they're too easy to remove. All it takes is one Edo Tensi to survive and pull off the seal. But if they're sealed away in my own weapon, my sword, then there is no chance that they'll get free.

Unless they kill me, take the sword, and somehow figure out how to release the seal. But I would have bigger problems than them being unsealed, namely I'd be dead again. Which I don't plan on doing.

"You won't have to wait for much longer." Orochimaru promises. "I just have to wrap up a few things here, eliminate a couple loose threads and maybe prep some of the more rowdy prisoners for transfer. Only five more days then we leave for the next base."

"I can't wait! I need to go start packing, so if you'll excuse me I'll just be on my way." I start to sneakily tip toe past Orochimaru for the door.

"Alvarcus, fix the field first."

"Dammit."

* * *

Later That Night

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

Nothing happens.

"That's weird. Where's the smoke? Better yet where's Shirokumo?"

"Uh... Al?" His voice calls out from above me. "You summoned me a while ago to check up on the tunnel's progress."

"So I did." Whoops, totally forgot he was here. I summoned him, he said they were done then asked to just chill here for a while. I think Arachne is still trying to douse him with peanut butter for some ungodly reason.

"You forgot I was here." He correctly accuses me.

"No! Maybe a little?" Eh whatever, not like it really matters. "So buddy an idea just occurred to me."

"Do go on. I'm simply captivated by you." Shirokumo sarcastically says as he slowly repels down from his web to hang level with my head. "You have the most wondrous ideas."

"I can't send Tsunade any information anymore. I can't use Kakashi as a middle man because she'll know it's me if Kakashi randomly finds a contact in Otogakure."

"Yes, we've been over all of this before. Please say something smart next."

"Cut the sass! Anyways, I just need to find someone that Tsunade will implicitly trust. Someone that she already knows is investigating the same groups as me. Someone that already has already told her that they're trying to find a leak of information. I think I know just the guy!"

"Really?" Shirokumo excitedly says. "You think that you've found a way to help Konoha beat Oto? You've found someone to supply Orochimaru's secrets to?"

"Well... not Orochimaru's secrets. I don't think this person is investing much resources in Orochimaru anymore, especially since until recently I've been doing that just fine. No, this man is devoting most of his time and skill to finding things about a group that's much more threatening than Orochimaru. He's after the Akatsuki."

"So you can't sell out Orochimaru to him but you can sell out the Akatsuki." Shirokumo clarifies. "Just who is this guy?"

* * *

"Bwahahaha!" A gallant man boisterously laughs as two very attractive ladies hang off each of his arms. A third lady is pouring a very expensive alcohol into his glass before handing it to him. "This is the life!"

"No, this is a waste of time." A man, no a child, scoffs at his sensei. This child is obviously in love with a specific color: orange. "I could be training right now. I could be sleeping right now. I could be doing literally anything else right now. But no, I'm here watching this happen."

"Aww, he's just so cute!" One of the ladies, the one who poured the drink, drapes herself over Naruto. "Say, if you're really that bored you and I could go do something more... eventful. Who knows, you might get a work out in today after all."

"Sorry lady but you're not my type." Naruto blandly rejects her with the ease of someone who has done this scores of times before.

"Why? Are you more into blondes like yourself? Am I not pretty enough?" She pouts while crossing her arms to accentuate her chest.

"You're trying to guilt me into buying you for the night. No thank you." Naruto says.

"Leave the brat alone, he's off limits." Jiraya cuts in. He's experiencing a moment of clarity. "Give him a few years then he'll be more than willing! Besides there's more than enough of me to go around!"

And like that the moment of clarity is gone, never to be seen again.

"Yeah there's so much of you to go around that we've stopped at every brothel on our way back to Konoha. Why are we going back there again? I thought I was supposed to be away for years. It's not even been one yet."

"Because I have to go do something incredibly dangerous for a fleeting chance at a ridiculously small reward." Jiraya says while staring blatantly at the swaying hips of another lady sashaying by the open door to the private room.

"Oh Jiraya-sama, you're such a brave man!" One of the ladies chants.

"Yeah because it's 'too dangerous for me.' One of these days you'll see I can take care of myself." Naruto mumbles. "Kami I wish something interesting would happen."

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." A scratchy voice says from the window sill. "Jiraya-sama, may I have a – "

"AAAAHH! SPIDER! GIANT SPIDER! GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY!" All three of the ladies scream in fright as they climb over each other to get to the exit.

Two kunai wiz through the air, one thrown from each shinobi.

The large white spider drops back out of the window as both kunai embed themselves where he was moments ago.

"Not cool!" Shirokumo calls from outside. "I just want to talk! Why does everyone try to kill me the first time we meet? Why can't I find a person that offers me a cookie or something nice for a change!"

Both shinobi take this chance to fall into battle ready stances. Jiraya is facing the obvious threat, the window, while Naruto is holding the last sign for a jutsu to assault anyone who comes in through the door.

"Where's your Summoner?" Jiraya demands as his battle hardened eyes dart around the room again, checking over and over for something, anything, that could be a trap that he missed before. "Why are you here? How did you know where to find me?"

"You're not going to believe me." Shirokumo says from outside. "Can I come in or will I be filled with various pointy and sharp objects?"

"Tell me where your Summoner is then maybe." Jiraya demands with all the authority of his titles.

"Well... I did say you won't believe me but here goes nothing. Otogakure." Shirokumo clearly states, he's waiting for someone to call his words bullshit.

"Aren't Sasuke and Alvarcus there?" Naruto whispers, more to himself than Jiraya.

Jiraya barely even registers Naruto's words. "Orochimaru sent you? What's his ingenious plan? To ask me to fix his arms since Tsunade was a bust? Tell him to cut off the damn things, then maybe they'll grow back whole!"

"I knew this was a bad idea." Shirokumo mutters. "Orochimaru didn't send me, I owe that creature no allegiances! He's a blight on humanity, no the world as a whole, that needs to be removed. That vile snake holds no sway over me."

"Bullshit!" Jiraya shouts. "He might hold no influence over you but he probably has his fangs sunk deep into your Summoner!"

"Oh you have no idea how correct you are, Toad Sage. Orochimaru has been trying to sink his repulsive fangs into my Summoner for years, back since he first discovered him. Orochimaru wants nothing more than to corrupt and turn my Summoner into his own pawn. The best part is my Summoner knows this and he's using it against the Snake Sannin for his own purposes and to be closer to him to make spying easier. For some absurd reason Orochimaru trusts my Summoner, maybe even more than anyone else."

"Hold up." Naruto cuts in. "Didn't Tsunade tell us that she had a spy in Otogakure? Yeah she did, his code name was Spider."

"Ah yes, that's what he went by." Shirokumo adds. "It's rather fitting, certainly made me smile the first time I heard that one."

Jiraya pauses for a moment, weighing countless pros and cons. He needs one more piece of information before he will act. "What is your Summoner's name?"

Shirokumo climbs over the ledge of the window to proudly look at the two shinobi. "My Summoner has done more for his home than anyone else in his generation. He's a shinobi who values his home above almost everything else, to the point that he's willingly abandoned it and has been cast out as a traitor and a missing nin. Even now, while deep in the hell that is Otogakure, he constantly is trying to find new ways to protect his home."

"His name." Jiraya narrows his eyes. "What is his name?"

"Does it matter?" Shirokumo shrugs.

"Of course it does!" Jiraya shouts.

"Not when I'm offering information on the Akatsuki." Shirokumo smirks as both Jiraya's and Naruto's jaws drop. "Yes, the group that's going after the bijuu. The one that has Konoha so scared that she sent away their jinchuriki with one of her Sannin. The one that Itachi Uchiha is a part of. Surely that drives home the severity of this group. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"You have information on the Akatsuki?" Jiraya whispers. "Prove it."

"We know they exist. We know that they're gathering the bijuu for something. That's more than entire villages put together. We know more than that too and my Summoner and I are willing to share it with you. Provided of course that you pass it along to Tsunade and never mention either of us to her. She can never know it's from us."

"Wow." Jiraya sits down in shock. "Six years. I've been trying to find information on them for six years and you just pop into my life saying you know more than I've discovered in that entire time?"

"So Toad Sage, do we have an agreement?" Shirokumo boldly asks with a smirk plastered onto his face. "My Summoner and I will provide you with more information in addition to your own spy network if in return for us you pass it along to Tsunade and never tell her who you got it from. So you are aware, the Hokage is not the only Kage that my Summoner is thinking about sharing this information with. It's just a good place to start since Konoha obviously cares about stopping the Akatsuki while we try to sway the rest of the Kages to take them seriously."

"Yes. I would be a fool to refuse this." Jiraya readily agrees. "How often can I expect updates?"

"I don't know, that's up to my Summoner." Shirokumo shrugs. "Well then, now that that's all taken care of I'm going to leave now. I'll drop by again eventually. Not exactly sure when, but it'll happen."

"WAIT!" Naruto shouts before Shirokumo can disappear. "You said you're from Otogakure? Obviously your Summoner knows Alvarcus right? Since he'd have to sign the Spider Contract to do those things he did in the Chunin Exams. So that means you've seen him, right?"

'Interesting.' Shirokumo thinks to himself. 'Naruto is assuming that someone let Alvarcus sign the Contract, not that he went and reversed summoned himself to get us. He thinks that Alvarcus and my Summoner are two unique individuals and judging by the looks Jiraya is shooting me, he thinks the same thing. It's not an outrageous idea, it's very rare for someone as young as Alvarcus to survive a Summon's tests. Plus how would a thirteen year old have any information on the most elusive and hidden criminal groups of this day and age?'

"Yeah I've seen Alvarcus." Shirokumo tiredly provides a piece of information to the duo. "That brat has no idea what he's doing half the time and the other half he's training like there's a war looming on the horizon. Plus he's always with some black haired boy. They're damn near inseparable."

"Alvarcus and Sasuke. How are they? Are they okay? Do they need help? Orochimaru isn't experimenting on them, right? They're both fine? Have they improved? Do they know any new tricks? How about jutsu? Wait wait that's unimportant! Why did they leave? Better yet why did Alvarcus refuse to come back home?"

"Yeah I'm not touching that one. Bye." Shirokumo vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

"So." Jiraya turns to his student. "That happened."

Naruto looks very miffed at missing a chance to find out more about his two wayward friends. Both Sasuke and Alvarcus hold a special spot in his heart, they were the first two to actually reach out and include him. They are his first friends. "Yeah. Are you really not going to tell Tsunade about this mysterious Spider Summoner? Shouldn't we at least warn her that he's an Oto shinobi? He's gotta be strong right?"

"It's possible." Jiraya nods in agreement. "It's actually a pretty difficult ordeal to let someone else sign your personal Contract. Usually only those who have mastered or are very close to mastering their Contracts even consider letting someone else sign it. Even then it's usually an apprentice or someone who means something to the original Contract Holder. Knowing that Alvarcus has signed a Contract is impressive. Not only does it bump up his threat level significantly since summons can cover up your weak points but it also means that he either befriended the Contract Holder or used his connections to Orochimaru to have my old teammate force the Contract Holder to let him sign it. Either way he's more dangerous than I thought."

"Well yeah Alvarcus is dangerous! We've met him, he's got those weird black monster thingies! Not to mention all the jutsu he knows. His diversity is insane. But we're not talking about him."

"Correct. We're talking about Tsunade's ex-spy." Jiraya pauses for a moment in deep thought. He's weighing the pros and cons of telling Tsunade about who exactly his new contact is. "Is he trustworthy? I'm not sure, Tsunade did cut ties with him if he's seeking us out. That's something against him."

"But he's offering information on the Akatsuki, a group that we have next to zero on. And they want my head. Really not okay with all of that." Naruto points out. "I say we test him. Let him give us a few pieces of information, see how good he is. If he provides accurate and good intel, we'll use him. If not, we tell Tsunade and ask what she wants done."

"Not bad kiddo." Jiraya fondly tossels Naruto's hair. "Maybe underneath all that stupid there's a glimmer of hope for you!"

"Oi! Not cool! Don't mess with my hair!" Naruto halfheartedly tries to escape.

"Is – is the spider gone now?" A nervous female voice shakily asks from outside of the room.

"Of course!" Jiraya beams as he gallantly strolls out of the room. "I, Jiraya of the Sannin, have miraculously defeated the foe! Once he laid eyes on my might he fled in fear!"

"Fantastic. He's doing this again." Naruto groans out. "When will I be back in Konoha? At this rate it's going to be weeks. I just want to get away from all of this crazy for a bit! I swear he's going to corrupt me."

"OH HO!" Jiraya's loud booming voice penetrates the walls. "I'll have to use that for my books! I had no idea someone could be so flexible!"

"I need to get out of here before I go insane."

* * *

Alvarcus's Room

"So how did it go?" I ask Shirokumo as he plonks down onto my head. "You're in one piece, that's a good sign."

"Yeah not for their lack of trying. You've got to stop making me do that. One of these days I won't move fast enough."

"Right. The second I get a teleportation technique in my repertoire I'll just go myself. Happy?"

"No." Shirokumo whines. "Do you have any idea how rare those techniques are? Like super rare. Hell I'm a fluke to be honest, simply one of a kind. No one can mimic my style, it's exclusive to me. There's no way you'll learn or make one of those any time soon. Or ever."

"Yeah I know, that's why I said that." I smirk in victory. "I guess it'll just have to be you."

"You suck." Shirokumo continues to whine from his perch.

"I know. So are they in?" I eagerly ask.

"Oh yeah. They're in."

"Perfect."

* * *

Five Days Later

"It is time to leave." Orochimaru repeats for some unknown reason as he addresses the group before him.

Myself, Sasuke, the Sound Three, and a ragtag bunch of shinobi and a handful of prisoners are arranged before him. He's got quite the posse to go with him to the next base. I never pictured him traveling with a group at all, he seems like a loner to me.

"Well?" I playfully ask as I sling my backpack over my shoulders. "What are we waiting for! Let's get this show on the road!"

"Yes." Orochimaru rolls his eyes at me and swings open the exit to the base. Sunlight spills into the underground passage and everyone squints under the sudden brightness. "Let us go."

"WAIT!" I shout as I dump the contents of my backpack onto the ground. Scroll after scroll pour out of it, they make a small pile on the ground. I waste no time in quickly falling to my knees and hurriedly rifling through the mound. "No no no! It's not here!"

"What?" Sasuke bolts into action helping me sort through the scrolls. "What is it? What's wrong? What are we looking for?"

Everyone is looking at me in worry, even Orochimaru is showing a great deal of concern for letting me put on this show without rebuking me at all.

"My couch! It's not here!" I wail. "I've got to go back for it!"


	52. Chapter 52

Author Note: Surprise the chapter is out early! I've tried to make Monday my usual posting day (everyone can use something to make Mondays better) but I've finished this chapter early so I'm posting it on Friday instead of waiting.

Also I need your help. Well not technically but I want a little input from my readers. I've figured out what the next major story arc is going to be and I want to know which characters you the readers want to see. I can make my plot for the next arc work with just about anyone (especially since I can mess with it however I want to) so I need a teams worth of characters from Konoha.

 **I've created a poll on my profile so you can vote for the characters you want to see in the next arc.**

The poll will be open for a while, a couple weeks at least since I have some more filler (aka settling into the new base) chapters that I want to do first.

That's it, now onto the real reason you're here: the next chapter!

* * *

"I'm bored." I dejectedly kick a stone that happened to be in my path as everyone is walking.

"And this is my problem how, exactly?" Sasuke blandly says as he scans the surroundings. Again. For the sixth time in two minutes.

"Because you're my friend." I retort with as much blandness as he used. "Entertain me."

"Entertain yourself. One of us has to pay attention." Sasuke dismisses me with practiced ease.

"Please, Orochimaru-sama has minions for that." I wave him off and one of the minions behind me scoffs. "Anyways do you really think anyone, sane or otherwise, would attack this group? There's like thirty of us! Not to mention Orochimaru-sama of all people, then his bodyguards, then us, then everyone else who I really hope are capable. If not whatever, we can always use them as meat shields."

"Hey!" A minion speaks.

"What?" I casually turn around and start to walk backward solely so I can stare at him. "Do you want to entertain me? Cuz I've got some ideas."

"Uh..." The minion's courage wavers.

"Hold on." I sling my backpack off and start to rifle through it. "I know I put it somewhere. There's no way I didn't bring it, so where is it?"

"What the hell are you looking for?" Sasuke asks as he rips his eyes off of potential ambush points and hiding spots.

"A specific scroll." I randomly discard one over my shoulder and it bonks into the head of the minion that spoke up. "Oi! What the hell is wrong with you pick that up!" I shout at the minion and surprisingly he listens.

"And what is in this mysterious scroll?" Sasuke dryly asks, but there's a hint of playfulness underneath. He's enjoying the rapidly whitening minion squirm as things escalate way past what he expected.

"A rake, two watermelons, a _lot_ of plastic sheets, precisely 13.75 meters of rope, a rubber ball and a wheelbarrow. Oh and matches! Can't forget about the matches."

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru's cool voice penetrates the quiet conversations of the rest of the group. "Stop terrorizing the meat shields."

"But I'm bored!" I whine and stomp my foot for added affect. "I need something to do and he was practically volunteering!"

"That's irrelevant." Orochimaru hasn't even bothered to look back to scold me. "Stop it."

"Fine!" I huff out.

Jirobo casually slides over to me. "Just out of curiosity -"

"No!" Sasuke shouts out. "Just don't! Don't ask what he was going to do with all of that stuff. Don't. Trust me."

"Ah. Okay." Jirobo moves back to the other two members of the Sound Three.

"Wow. Way to kill every single chance at fun I get." I groan at Sasuke. "Seriously? Why can't I get five minutes of enjoyment?"

"Because your enjoyment is weird and creeps out a lot of people, especially those who don't know you're kidding around." Sasuke blandly explains as if he's dealing with a petulant child.

"But I wasn't kidding!" I hold up an innocent looking scroll. "I do have all of that stuff in a scroll!"

"I'm not going to ask." Sasuke sighs. "I know better."

"Fine. I'll just find another way to entertain myself." But how? What can I possibly do?

I slowly start to inch my way closer to Sasuke over the course of the next five minutes until we're almost standing shoulder to shoulder.

"Can I help you?" Sasuke irritably asks as he pins me with a stern look.

I simply smirk at him, then proceed to poke him in the shoulder. "Tag. You're it."

Sasuke's glare intensifies as his hand bundles into a fist.

"No tag backs." I cheekily taunt him.

Sasuke storms off towards the Sound Three and all of them are chuckling among themselves at my antics. As he's walking between them his hand lightly touches Kidomaru on the back. "Tag. You're it."

Sakon and Jirobo scatter.

"Oh it is so on!" Kidomaru shouts out in glee.

* * *

"I'm actually surprised." I offhandedly comment as the entire group enters the new base.

We're somewhere that is relatively close to the Land of Waves. This is Orochimaru's Southern hideout and also the place that he stores the majority of his prisoners. Or as he likes to call them his test subjects. We spent the better part of a day getting here and if it wasn't for the slow pace we had to set for the more lackluster shinobi and prisoners we could have cut that time in a quarter.

An impromptu game of tag had absolutely nothing to do with it.

"And what is so surprising?" Sasuke asks as Orochimaru is barking out orders to everyone who came with him and a group of shinobi that welcomed us all into the base.

"Well, nothing went wrong. Usually shit always goes wrong. We were practically tempting fate with everyone that was traveling."

"You're not wrong. Stuff always goes wrong around us. I don't know if we have the best luck ever or the worst. It's a miracle that we've made it out of all those situations unscathed."

"Speak for yourself." I point an various parts of my body. "Here. Here. Over here. Oh and there. Not to mention here. Plus all the times that I got stabbed in the chest. Yeah I didn't get away unscathed, I just didn't slow down from it all. I suppose there was that one time I got away from Sasori unscathed but that's one of many. I never did come to terms with that."

"You've really got to work on dodging." Sasuke points out.

"SHH!" My eyes widen in fear behind my sunglasses and I shrink on myself. "Dodge training is the worst. Don't let anyone hear you say that! I don't want to go through it again!"

"I don't know what you get so worked up about. I've been put through dodge training, it wasn't that bad."

"That's because if Orochimaru filled you with over two hundred kunai you'd die."

"Oh. Ouch." Sasuke winces in sympathy.

"Yeah. _Ouch._ "

* * *

Meanwhile, with Orochimaru

"Karin." Orochimaru quietly says so that Alvarcus and Sasuke don't hear him. "Come here. I have a task for you."

The only kunoichi here with red hair confidently steps forward. "Yes, Orochimaru-sama? Whatever it is that you have in store for me I will gladly accept."

"Sweet child, it's nothing that difficult." Orochimaru smiles down with sinister sweetness at one of his more successful test subjects. Then he subtly points towards his students. "Tell me how they feel to you."

"Of course." Karin pushes her glasses back up her nose and turns to look at Sasuke and Alvarcus. "They both have a shockingly large amount of chakra for someone our age. Actually in general really, I've seen jonin with less chakra than either of them. But the one on the right dwarfs everyone else here. I think he has even more at his disposal than you do. I've never felt anyone who has that much chakra before."

"Yes, Alvarcus does have simply outstanding reserves at his command. But compared to some of the foes I've defeated he has only a drop of chakra. Remember, skill can triumph over brute force." Orochimaru smiles to himself. He's happy that his child is receiving praise. "Yet that is not what I asked. I asked how they feel to you. You have a unique ability to get a feeling of who someone is as a person just by their chakra. So, how do they feel?"

"Of course." Karin looks at the other shinobi first. "The one on the left -"

"His name is Sasuke." Orochimaru supplies.

"Sasuke, he feels..." Karin's eyes widen slightly as she focuses more intently on the unsuspecting shinobi. "He feels confident. I've never seen anyone who is so sure of themselves. He's proud of all that he's done and accomplished both on the battlefield and off of it. But underneath that there's a burning anger waiting to spread into an inferno of hate and rage. There's also a strong sense of loyalty and protectiveness toward Alvarcus, he truly cares about him as if they're family. He's... beautiful. I've never seen anyone like him before. I want him! He is going to be mine! Oh yes, I'm going to make him mine no matter how long it takes! In the end it'll be so worth it."

"And Alvarcus?" Orochimaru prompts the almost drooling Karin.

"Ah. Yes." Karin tears her eyes off of her new boy-toy to look at the other shinobi. "He feels... sad? That's new. On the surface he's unshakable. He feels like someone who has waded through the depths of Hell itself and conquered every demon that tried to kill him. He's someone who will never yield, never surrender. He will go on until the end, until he has achieved victory at any cost. But that's just the surface. At first he felt so strong, yet underneath all that strength and bravado he feels lonely. I get this feeling of deep and all encompassing sadness. He feels that he's committed horrendous crimes against himself and everyone he's ever known. I think that he regrets almost all of his actions. It's like he thinks he doesn't belong. Not just here, but anywhere. It's like he doesn't think he deserves to be... alive?"

"Really?" Orochimaru turns to look at Alvarcus who is currently elaborately and zealously explaining something in great detail to Sasuke who would rather be doing anything else. "He's sad, he feels alone?"

"That's not all of it, just some of the bigger parts of him." Karin says as she continues to analyze Alvarcus. "He has a brilliant streak of playfulness in him too and a strongly rooted sense of loyalty. He's really quite the interesting specimen but what stands out about him is that he just feels alone. It makes me want to protect him."

"How interesting." Orochimaru muses to himself. "I suppose I did have a hand in that, Edo Tensi is such an unique jutsu and I went and changed it further. Oh well, it's nice to know that my child is loyal to me."

"Orochimaru-sama!" Karin happily clasps her hands together! "How lovely! I had no idea you had a child! Oh I bet he's spectacular!"

"Would you like to meet him?" Orochimaru gently lays a hand on her shoulder.

"Can I? Are you sure that I'm worthy of such honor? To meet your son? And that... mmmm... _hunk_ of a man?" Karin lecherously looks at Sasuke.

Orochimaru quirks an eyebrow at Karin's unusual behavior, then shrugs to himself. It's not like whether or not she beds Sasuke will effect his plans for the Uchiha at all. "Of course. I'm appointing you to be their personal healer, it's only natural that you meet them."

"Yay!" Karin's eyes go wide and she giddily shakes in happiness.

* * *

With Sasuke and Alvarcus

"And that, my dear friend Sasuke, is what I was going to do with a rake, two watermelons, a lot of plastic sheets, precisely 13.75 meters of rope, a rubber ball and a wheelbarrow. And matches! Why do I keep forgetting about the matches? They're what started me down the path of a pyromaniac, they are very important!"

"I hate you." Sasuke forces out through clenched teeth. "I hate you so much right now. That's not what you're supposed to use any of those things for."

"Says who?" I playfully ask.

" _Society as a whole!_ " Sasuke snarls at me.

"Pfft who cares about what they think! It's a completely viable use of a rake to -"

"Alvarcus, Sasuke, I want you to meet someone." Orochimaru's voice cuts me off, much to the relief of Sasuke and everyone else in hearing range. I've scared a whole bunch of people. It's awesome.

Okay I acknowledge that I have a problem but I'm not going to fix it. It's too much fun!

Orochimaru is gently steering a kunoichi towards us by her shoulder. She's around our age, give or take a year at the most. She has a pair of shockingly crimson eyes that are behind a pair of glasses. Yet neither her eyes or her glasses are her most stunning feature, that award goes to her vibrant red hair. It cascades past her shoulders and frames her face nicely with one side laying flat and the other spiking outwards. She's wearing a muted long sleeved lavender shirt, a _very_ small pair of shorts and... black thigh high stockings?

Well whatever, it's not like I haven't seen stranger outfits. Just look at Orochimaru and the Sound Three, they have giant rope belts. That's really weird no matter where you come from.

"Alvarcus, Sasuke, meet Karin. Karin, meet Alvarcus and Sasuke." Orochimaru introduces us to the previously unnamed kunoichi, even though I knew exactly who she was the moment I saw her.

"It's nice to meet you Karin." I warmly smile at her. She sends me back a smile of her own.

"Hn." Sasuke grunts out.

"Oh great now that's back." I mutter under my breath to myself. "I thought I broke him out of that. This calls for extreme actions."

"H-hello!" Karin squeaks out to Sasuke as her cheeks gain a pink hue to them. "I'm Karin, it's a pleasure to meet you!"

To anyone else, Sasuke doesn't react to Karin's obvious attraction to him. But I am not just anyone, I've been on his team since day one. I know Sasuke better than anyone, that includes his tells. No one else noticed it, but there was a tiny twitch of his left pinky finger. That was him restraining himself from running away.

Sasuke has found another fan-girl. Or should I say another fan-girl has found Sasuke?

"Glad to see that the three of you get along." Orochimaru cheerfully says. "Unfortunately I had to send Kabuto away on a mission so he is no longer here to fix the both of you after training or your own stupidity."

Orochimaru makes sure to look at me.

"What?" I calmly say. "I don't usually do that. It's a rare occasion. Well except for... a lot of times. Okay you've got a point. Eh whatever not like they leave any lasting damage. They're purely aesthetic and as long as my face stays scar free then I think I'll be alright."

Orochimaru sighs. "I don't even know why I bother. Since Kabuto is gone Karin here will be his replacement. Go to her should you need healing. She's very talented at it."

"Cool." I turn back to her. "We're going to be seeing a lot of each other, I get messed up a _lot!_ "

"Don't worry I'll make sure to patch you up." Karin does a once over on me. "Though we will have to schedule a physical so I can get acquainted with how your specific body is supposed to be." Then she turns to Sasuke and stars form in her eyes as she imagines something scandalous. "You too. Strictly for my job of course."

Sasuke fails to suppress a full body shiver.

I've got to fuck with him!

"Of course of course!" I happily throw an arm over Karin's shoulder. "Naturally you'd need to get as much information as possible, right? So this should be an extra... _thorough_ exam. After all it's to make sure that you can help us as best as possible, right?"

"YES!" Karin shouts in glee as she's eyeing Sasuke like a piece of meat. "I must do a good job, Orochimaru-sama himself requested that I take care of you both!"

"And we don't want to let Orochimaru-sama down, now do we?" I pat her on the back reassuringly.

"Alvarcus stop." Sasuke demands. "I will get you back."

"I would never want to let him down!" Karin shouts out. "We should take care of this right away!"

"Why that's a great idea!" I agree with Karin while smirking at Sasuke. I don't care if he thinks he can get me back, this'll be good for him. And I'm getting a sense of satisfaction out of it but that's just a bonus! "Go ahead and start with him. I can wait."

"MINE!" Karin darts forward and snags Sasuke by the hand. "Let's go!"

She starts to drag the unwilling Sasuke deeper into the base to traumatize him.

"Alvarcus! I won't forget this! I will get you back! Just you wait, revenge will be sweet!" Sasuke yells just before Karin drags him around a corner. "Sleep with one eye open if you want to! It won't stop me!"

"Are you sure that was wise?" Orochimaru asks me as he's smirking to himself about Sasuke's situation.

"This is his punishment." I solemnly tell my Kage. "He should have known better."

"Known better than what?" Orochimaru turns his full attention to me. "What was his mistake? I can correct it during training if I need to."

"Oh don't worry about it. This is something that I'm an expert at fixing." A demonic grin forms on my face. "This is just the beginning, if Sasuke is smart he'll stop right now before it gets worse."

"Before what gets worse?"

"He said 'hn.' I've broken him out of that habit a while ago, I will not allow him to regress."

"What?" Orochimaru says in one of his rare moments of confusion. "Never mind. Let's just go on a tour of the base for now. I'll send someone to show Sasuke around later."

* * *

Hours Later, Alvarcus's New Room

"Wow this place is huge." I grumble to myself as I dump all of my scrolls out of my backpack and onto the ground. "I can't believe it took that long to see it all. Though he did show me every laboratory that was empty so I could pick my own, that did eat up a lot of time. I still don't know why he listed every single experiment that's gone on in each individual lab."

I squat down and start to sort the pile of scrolls.

"Right. Well... this is going to suck."

I grab one of the larger ones and unfurl it. With a quick pulse of chakra the seal unleashes it's contents.

"Holy shit that is a mountain of clothes." I groan to myself. "I've got to put all of that away now. Stupid Weavers and making boatloads of everything. Why do I need a cubic meter of shirts? WHY?"

I'm going to do this the easy way. I sit cross legged on the ground and let hundreds of chakra strings extend out to the waiting mountain of shirts. Then one lifts into the air and moves into the closet, it's even hung up and everything. "Alright! Let's do this! Full speed ahead!"

Shirts fly through the air in a symphony worthy of the world's greatest orchestra. Even with the assistance of multiple chakra strings and the ability to put multiple shirts away at once, it still took a solid twenty minutes.

"And done!" I snag another scroll and unseal its contents. "Kami damn it. There's just as many pants as there are shirts. This is going to be a long day."

" _You have no idea how right that is._ " A menacing voice snarls from my doorway. Whoever the speaker is, they're pissed beyond belief.

"Oh hey Sasuke." I casually greet him like nothing is wrong as pants start to fly through the air. "You look... violated. She wasn't too rough was she?"

"Why would you do that to me?!" He angrily shouts at me. "Why! You know how I feel about fan-girls!"

The symphony of flying pants comes to a crashing halt as I turn my gaze onto Sasuke.

"Hn." I mimic his grunt.

"That's why?" He irritably yells. "Because I went hn?"

"Yes." I calmly clarify. "I will not allow you to slip back into your old ways. How else are you supposed to make friends?"

"I don't need friends, I've got you." Sasuke points out.

"Yeah well having only one friend isn't healthy." I retort. "And before you say it I know that makes me a hypocrite, but I do have Shirokumo too so I'm currently better off than you."

"You know what? I'm not going to say that." Then Sasuke turns scary. He tilts his head so that shadows dance on his face and his unnerving red eyes stare out of the blackness at me. "I'll just say this."

"Oh scary!" I taunt him. "I'm trembling in my boots!"

"Now that she's done with me it's your turn with Karin."

"I'm ready whenever you are Alvarcus!" Karin calls from behind Sasuke. I had no idea she was out there.

"Oh. Shit."

Sasuke laughs demonically in sweet, sweet victory.

"Wait it took her _hours_ to finish with you? Damn I bet she was very thorough. No wonder you look violated!"

Sasuke instantly wilts as it's my turn to laugh in victory.

* * *

"Name." Karin demands.

"Alvarcus Mar." I supply. "Do you have to wear a lab coat?"

"No, I just want to." She taps her pen onto her clipboard twice. "Age."

"Thirteen. So why did I have to lay down on a gurney for this? I'm not actually in need of medical assistance right now."

"Helps me get in character." Wow she's weird. "Height."

"Uh... not exactly sure but around 150cm. Did you have to put on rubber gloves? That's sending a very scary message."

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle." She promises as she taps the clipboard again. "Weight."

"Wow that's terrifying. There are some things I'm not going to allow. That includes every possible action that you'd need rubber gloves for. And... uh... I have no idea."

"How do you not know how much you weigh?" Karin exclaims in disbelief.

"Because I have a kinjutsu that has a physical mass of it's own and I never weighed myself after I got it because I had more important things to do like fighting for my life and training so I actually stood a chance when I fought for my life?"

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes. Why would I lie about that?"

"That covers pretty much everything then." Karin puts the clipboard and pen down then smirks at me. She raises her hands up in the air then snaps one of the rubber gloves like a doctor preparing for an intense surgery. "Strip."

"Sorry what?" I gawk at her. There's no way she said that!

"Strip." She repeats with mirth dancing in her eyes.

"Why the hell do I need to strip!" I protectively cover myself from the crazy lady before me.

"I need to be familiar with your body if I'm going to be your personal medic. It will make my job easier to get a baseline while you're healthy. Strip."

"Can't you just run a diagnostic jutsu on me or something? I'd rather keep my modesty intact."

"I'll be doing that next. A visual representation of what you're supposed to look like will help should anything drastic happen to you. It helps me conserve chakra if I know how something should be, I can direct the flow better and more efficiently."

"Fine. But I'm keeping my underwear on." I relent to her demands. "You better have done this to Sasuke too."

"Oh I did. He took much more time to convince than you. He had the strangest scar on his arm though, it looked like someone cut it off then crudely stitched it back on." Karin gets a dreamy look in her eyes. "You wouldn't believe how chiseled he is."

"I'm repressing that. Repressing it very deeply, never to be seen again." I swing my legs off of the gurney and hop onto my feet.

"Oh be quiet!" Karin waves me off. "I'm sure Orochimaru-sama's child can contend with Sasuke. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"You know that we're not actually related right?" I pull off my scarf. "Technically I'm adopted. That's the best term I've got for it."

" _Holy_ _shit._ " Karin goes wide eyed and all color drains from her face. She takes a hesitant step away from me and takes off her glasses. Then she rubs her eyes and puts them back on.

"I know right?" I agree with her. "Who would have guessed that Orochimaru-sama would adopt? Well I do sorta look like him – the result of some sort of chakra imprinting thing, not really sure exactly how that happened – but there's no blood relation at all."

I take off my shirt next, baring my torso to the world.

" _Holy fucking shit._ " Karin pinches herself on the arm hard enough to draw blood.

"Yeah! Finally someone agrees with me. How does that even work? It's not like chakra makes up our physical appearances so how'd that even happen? Maybe he flooded me with yang chakra on accident? Or is it yin? I always get those two mixed up. I don't think that he'd make a mistake like that though. Oh well what's done is done."

I don't think I'll ever understand how the Edo Tensi works, not to mention my special case. I casually turn around to place my neatly folded shirt onto the gurney, inadvertently showing Karin my back.

"KAI!" Karin shouts while clasping her hands together.

"Uh... you alright over there?" I look over my shoulder as I take off my sunglasses. "Hm, probably should have taken the shades off first. Oh well, not like it harmed anything."

"KAI KAI KAI KAI KAI!" Karin chants like a mantra.

"Dude. Why are you trying to dispel a genjutsu? I can't even use most genjutsu. Whoops, shouldn't have said that. Stupid Alvarcus, real stupid. Don't reveal weaknesses like that!" There's just something about the shivering terrified girl in front of me that made me slip that out.

"That's not a genjutsu?" Karin rasps out like she's under great strain. "Please say that's a genjutsu."

"Uh... no? I don't even know what you're talking about." What's her problem?

"All that!" She points at me with a shaky hand. "Those are real?"

"Oh." I glance down at what she's pointing at: my chest. My chest that's littered with scars. From the long gash that spans the entire torso from one of my first uses of the Jiongu, to the fused shut flesh over my heart, to the fist sized scar Orochimaru himself gave me, to the minor stab wounds and slashes. Then there's my arms, they have light slash marks, deep puncture wounds and even circles from when I lost them. Not to mention all of the exit points for the Jiongu everywhere on me. "Yeah they're real. Sorry I should have warned you."

"A-and that one?" She taps the side of her neck. "It goes all the way around."

"Yep." I gingerly touch the scar. "Kinda gives a whole new meaning to losing your head when you've actually lost your head. Puts it all into perspective. It also gave me a healthy respect for sword users."

"Y-y-your back?" She forces out the faint whisper.

"My masks?" I turn so my back is towards her displaying the five white masks. "They're stitched on."

"W-why?" Karin's eyes are tearing up.

"It's better than having pulsing lumps on my back." I offer up a shrug. "I used to say necessity but I don't actually need them. I want them to make me less... freakish. Sadly I'm not sure how well they work though. I'm still..." I halfheartedly gesture at my body, "yeah. Plus the pure black eyes really don't help that image out at all."

"I-I'm so sorry." Karin says as a lone tear spills down her face. "I'm so sorry."

"Eh you get used to it." I pick my shirt up and put it back on. She doesn't need to see any more of me, plus it hides my scars from her so she can pull herself together.

"I'm so sorry." She says again.

"Okay stop that!" I round on her. "I get that you feel bad that I've been through hell! I get that you can't comprehend how I've lived though one of those wounds not to mention all of them! But I don't want your sympathy! I don't want you to look at me and feel pity! I am one of the most dangerous people on this whole island and I will not walk around with everyone looking at me like I'm broken!"

"But you are broken." She softly says. "I can feel your chakra."

"Great you're an empathetic sensor." I groan out. I forgot about that, I just remembered that she's got a huge range and acute sensor capabilities.

"You're not the only one." Karin looks at me through watery eyes. "I know how you feel. How you don't want others to look at you and see something broken."

"You have you're own share of things you'd rather have hidden, don't you?" I know what she's talking about already.

"Yes." She pulls back one of her sleeves to reveal countless bite marks. "I don't want pity either. I don't want sympathy. Because no one gets it, no one understands how it really is. But we do. These scars, these bites, are a mark of shame to me."

"I am not ashamed of my scars." I correct her thoughts. "They are a testament to my strength, my sheer will to keep moving forward regardless of what happens. That's how I feel about them. Others see failure crisscrossed over my body while I see victories. There's one fact that everyone seems to always overlook: I survived. I may not have won the fights but I did not lose. Even when I was stabbed in the heart, even when my limbs were severed with impunity, even when my head was taken from my shoulders _I survived_."

"Mine aren't that way." Karin looks at her arm in disgust. "They're a symbol of a little girl who couldn't protect herself. They disgust me. How can someone possibly think I'm anything but repulsive now?"

"Oh and I'm the epitome of the male specimen?" I snarkily say to her. "Hello! I've got masks stitched to my back, that's not normal or attractive! At this rate I'm never going to get laid! At least my face is pretty, don't you think so?"I dramatically flutter my eyelashes at her.

"Ha!" Karin lets one laugh leave her. "We're a pair of misfits aren't we?"

"Speak for yourself." I smile at her. "I'm not a misfit, I'm a badass. There's a distinct difference."

"Alright Mister Badass, I think that will conclude your first physical." Karin laughs quietly to herself at my antics.

"About time! We just met and you've already gotten me half naked!" I make my way over to the door, then something finally sinks in. "Wait. First?"

"Of course. We need to have check ups to make sure nothing changes." Karin's eyes gleam dangerously. "I have a whole bunch of rubber gloves I need to use on someone. Thankfully I've just been assigned two patients."

"NOPE!" I sprint out of the room.

"He's strange." Karin says to herself while looking at the door I escaped through. "To go through all of that and not feel like hate and anger? He has more than his fair share, but nowhere near what I would have expected."

The door flies open and I step back inside and snag one of the hanging lab coats off the wall. "I'm taking this!"

Then I sprint out of the room again.

"Haha you brat!" Karin laughs. "Keep the damn coat!"

* * *

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

"Oh." Shirokumo says as the smoke clears. "We've got a change of scenery. Is this the new base?"

"Yep." I confirm his guess. "In fact this is my new room."

"That would explain the couch." Shirokumo chuckles to himself. "Ah dammit! I've got to make a whole new web here now! I was quite attached to the old one too. Dang."

"Or... and I'm just throwing this out there... you could _not_ do that?"

"Nope. It's happening." Shirokumo speedily darts up a wall and starts on construction. "Right now. It's happening right now."

"Fine, it won't bother me. It was for everyone who is bothered by having a massive web constantly hovering over their heads concealing who know what kind and how many spiders." I shrug in indifference and plop down onto my couch. "Oh this is wonderful. So glad I stole this."

"You've got issues." Shirokumo blandly says as he's spinning a web. "Anyways what's going on with you? Did you just call me here to check out the new room?"

"No, I've got a task for you." My mood shifts from its usual openness to frigid. "Keep tabs on Karin. Let me know if she gets any unsavory orders."

"Karin Uzumaki, the one with the interesting healing power via biting and is a highly accurate sensor. Why is she getting special treatment?"

"She's trying to befriend me." I icily explain to my loyal summon. "She's trying to get close to me."

"And that's bad how exactly?" Shirokumo halts his construction to observe me.

"I don't want another Tayuya."

"Right. That would be bad." He agrees with me.

* * *

The Next Day

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru sweeps into my lab with a grand flourish.

My laboratory is surprisingly bare. I have no need for advance state of the art equipment and as a result there's nothing of the sort here. I have no need for long and menacing operating tables. I have no need for anything impressive really. All that is in the large room is a lot of tables and cabinets. The tables line the walls while the cabinets are secured above them for storage. They're full of extra sealing ink, brushes and varying sizes of sealing paper and scrolls ranging from a small square tag to the huge scrolls like Jiraya carries around. The room is expertly lit with multiple lights to make sure no matter where I'm working I have plenty of light. Like I said, the room is hardly impressive but it has exactly what I need.

According to Orochimaru this was once where he used to create seals of his own. Then he'd take them and test them on whoever was nearby at the time. As a result of that he's relocated his own personal seal room nearer to the prisoners since he got tired of making the long walk over to them. Morbid yet practical.

"I've been hearing the strangest things about you." Orochimaru continues. "Have you been – is that a lab coat? Where did you get that?"

I look up from the seal array I'm working on. It's one of the massive scrolls, I've been working on this all night long. "Stole it."

"You're not even going to attempt to make an excuse?" Orochimaru actually sounds surprised.

"Nope. I'm working, I don't have time for games." I spin on my chair to face my Kage better. Hmm, I should rearrange the room so that I face the door while I work. That's a good idea. "Did you need me? I was kind of in the middle of something important."

"It can wait. What are you working on?" Orochimaru walks over to examine my massive seal array. "This is..."

"An attempt to link seals." I finish for him since he's lost himself analyzing my work. "I _think_ I might have gotten it to work. Emphasis on think. A very strong emphasis on think, there's a high chance of explosions."

"Yes I can see that." Orochimaru traces part of the seal. "See this part? It's horribly inefficient. If you did something like this," Orochimaru picks up a brush and quickly draws a new piece, "then you'll run less risk of failure. That wasn't even a critical part."

Orochimaru looks up from my seal array, he does a quick once over of me then his eyes dart back to the array. He intently pours over the massive and intricate seal to understand it. After a surprisingly quick five minutes he looks back at me to stare at me with pride.

"I know what you're attempting to do now!" He gleefully claps his hands together. "You're going about this all wrong, just wrong!"

"Really? How would you do it? I know I made this complicated but it was the simplest solution I could think of."

"Interesting. Explain your reasoning to me. We can make this a learning experience." Orochimaru pulls up a chair next to mine as I begin to walk him through both my seal and my thought process.

"Okay, so first off you need to know what I'm doing. This whole thing is just one super complex trigger mechanism, in it's simplest terms it's supposed to activate another seal based on certain conditions. That's all this does, all the fun stuff is done by a whole different seal. Still with me?"

"Yes, but there is nothing 'simple' about this." Orochimaru shares a smile with me as we're intently discussing my side project. "Continue."

"Of course. It's nice to get another opinion, especially from someone better in the art than me." We both turn back to the seal. "My issue is that I can't feasibly define all of the necessary conditions for it to not activate with each individual seal I want to make. Basically there's just not enough room on my hearts to put both the fun seal that swallows people whole and the advanced triggering seal to make sure it doesn't swallow _me_ whole. So I came up with this."

I gesture at the massive seal array.

"I made this to act as a master seal array. In a grossly oversimplification here's how it works: Once one of my hearts stop beating the seal on said heart will activate. That activation will call out to this massive seal array with a simple question: Can I activate the other seal? In this case it's the seal that swallows people. Then the master seal array is going to cycle through and check that the seal on my heart meets specific requirements that I've written down on the master seal array. Things like am I not next to the heart? Is Sasuke not next to the heart? Is anyone or anything I care about not next to the heart? Once the master seal array goes through the checklist it will answer the heart seal. If it passes, then it activates the next seal, the one that swallows people. If it fails, then my heart just dies and the seal remains inactivated."

Basically the seal on my hearts would ask the master seal 'can I go boom?' and the master seal would look at a long list of things and respond 'do it!' or 'fuck no!' It's way more complicated than that.

"There are some downsides to doing it this way though." I point to a specific part of the master seal array, one that is suspiciously blank. "The only way to synchronize the master seal array and a heart seal is to make the heart seal there. I've got to place my heart on it in this specific spot or they won't be connected and then there's no way for the seal to activate. That means I can't reapply the seal to a new heart during combat. No one is going to let me whip out this monster of a seal and draw a new seal on a heart I stole from their teammate."

"Another issue – while not really a problem it's more of a pain in the ass – is defining every single thing that I don't want to be swallowed up. Honestly that's why I'm using such a massive scroll for this, the actual master seal array won't take up a thousandth of the entire thing. What really sucks is that I have to specify so many things for it to check that I need as much room as possible."

"That's pretty much it." I turn to Orochimaru. He's been attentively listening to my every word. Not only was he analyzing the functionality of my master seal array but he was also studying me and my thought process. He's figuring out how I think. "Any questions?"

"Yes, just one." Orochimaru is in his science mode, hell we're both in our science modes. Being able to talk about seals with anyone is rare, to discuss such a massive project is even more rare. We're both truly enjoying this. "Why did you decide to make this specific solution to your problem?"

"I sat down and came up with all the stuff and people I don't want to be caught up in the seal that swallows things. It was long. _Really long._ Which is rather interesting itself, but that's a whole different conversation. Anyways, I needed a way to define all of that and like I said earlier there just isn't enough space on a human heart to list it all. Plus with the master seal array I don't have to add in a new person to the 'do not swallow' list on each heart. I'll just have to add it to the master seal array. It also saves me from having to redo the heart seals if I wanted to add someone to that list. It makes upkeep easier."

"Yes, I suppose that does make logical sense." Orochimaru turns his eyes to the already impressive list of people and things I don't want swallowed. "But it isn't that practical."

"Yeah, it's going to be a long list. It's doable, but it's going to take forever." I agree with him, it is ridiculous. But it's also the best I could come up with.

"I may have a better solution for you." Orochimaru says with a great amount of confidence. "There is nothing wrong with yours, it would work with just a little more tweaking. But my solution could eliminate some of the downsides of yours."

"I'm all ears." I give him my full attention.

"How large is the danger zone?" Orochimaru asks as he pulls out a blank piece of sealing paper off the stack I have on my desk. He's not even going to grab a scroll for this?

"Five meters." I observe Orochimaru quickly create a tiny explosive seal, at most it will just make a popping noise. "I figured I'd make the seal on the hearts only activate if they were six meters away from whatever I deem important. That gives a meter of leeway."

"Six meters it is." Orochimaru adds on to the small explosive seal, making his own trigger. "While what you were attempting would work and I'm honestly impressed you came up with it and even made it, it is overly complex and difficult to maintain. When you create another seal you have to add it to the master seal. Plus you'd have to write down everyone and everything that you didn't want your seal to go off around. True it could be considered efficient as a concept, but I would make it like this."

Orochimaru finishes the trigger and slides it over to me.

"That could work." I eagerly pick up the seal and twist it this way and that way to fully understand it. "What you're doing is instead of having the seal report to a specific master seal it's just looking for another instance of itself."

"Yes. This removes the need for the master seal array entirely." Orochimaru eagerly explains to me. "Instead of checking a ridiculously long list of conditions all it has to do is look to see if there's another like it within range. This version is much easier to apply, and with a lot of practice you could apply it during combat. This also removes the need for unnecessary upkeep to your master seal array, you can just give seals to whoever needs them at the time."

"Okay, I see your idea there. There's a problem with it though, I'd be handing out seals that swallow everything indiscriminately. Pretty sure not everyone is going to let me draw on their chests, especially the kunoichi. I really don't want to piss them off and casually asking 'hey let me get you topless so I can draw this on you real quick' would do that. Sure I can take a beating but that doesn't mean I enjoy it."

"I believe a specific Kusa kunoichi would say otherwise." Orochimaru playfully teases me.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." I evenly say. "So, how do you expect me to work around that?"

"What are we working on? What type of seal?" Orochimaru asks me some leading questions. He wants me to figure this part out myself.

"Another defense for my hearts, a crude and basic time-space seal that swallows everything around it that is activated by an advanced trigger."

"Wrong." Orochimaru's eyes dance in enjoyment. He's loving every moment of our brainstorming session. "That's the entire array, what we're working on is..."

"The trigger." It clicks. I get what he's hinting at, it's literally in front of my face. He's already shown me a solution before I even asked my question. "Just the trigger. The trigger doesn't care what seal it activates, that seal can be anything from my heart seal to your harmless explosive tag. And since the trigger is only looking for another trigger it can be used on any type of seal and still work as a beacon to make another trigger not activate."

"Exactly." Orochimaru mirrors my enthusiasm. "All you'll have to do is give someone a copy of the trigger then they're protected. That's much easier and the seal itself is much quicker to make and less complicated. There is no need to make some long and convoluted list of things that you don't want blown up."

"Brilliant!" I beam up at the Snake Sannin. "How did you come up with that?"

"I stole the premise from the Hiraishin, each marker acts like a beacon to the user. In this case the scale is much smaller and is for seals alone instead of the user, it's completely autonomous once you place a seal. That alone makes this much easier to create, I simply have no idea how the Hiraishin works other than some far-fetched theories."

"This is great! I've been trying to make this for almost a week now and that was as far as I got. Though I am kinda miffed that you just waltzed in here and had a solution ready within minutes."

"There's no need to feel dejected." Orochimaru attempts to comfort me. "I've been working with seals for decades, you don't even have six months of experience. It's miraculous how far you've come in that time. I've seen highly capable seal users that couldn't begin to even think of your solution, let alone craft it!"

"You sure you don't want to help me with the Sword of Totsuka? That would make things go a lot quicker." I plaster a shit eating smile on my face. "Please?"

"No. That is your project." Orochimaru doesn't cave.

"Fine, fine. So did you need something? We got distracted." Totally okay with that though. He solved one of my problems.

"Oh so we did! This is why we shouldn't share laboratories, we'd constantly be distracted." He's got a point there, once we started to talk seals we disregarded everything else. "I've heard some very interesting rumors about you."

"Already?" I tap my chin with a finger and look off into the distance as if I'm deep in thought. "I don't remember doing anything noteworthy yet."

"I was told that you ransacked one of the kitchens and made off with various ingredients, ranging from distilled water to cooking oil, to _vodka._ Care to explain that? Especially the last one."

"Oh they're over there." I haphazardly gesture to the other side of my large lab. Numerous beakers are all filled to the exact same amounts of various liquids. There's two rows of ten sitting on the table.

"So they are." Orochimaru strolls over to them and reads all of the labels. "But why are they here?"

I shrug as I fiddle with my own version of Orochimaru's trigger. "I'm attempting to make the Sword of Totsuka."

"And?" Orochimaru prods me to continue.

"It's a chakra blade made of liquid. I'm going to test how well each of those liquids holds chakra, hence the labels and the precise amount of each. I don't want skewed data because I used twice as much water as I did vodka. I've already channeled more chakra than most chunin have at their disposal into each one. Next is to see which one holds the chakra the longest."

"Understandable. What was the point of using so much chakra though? I get that you of all people don't need to be stingy with it, but isn't more than a chunin has a bit much?"

"The time frame was too small. Just adding in enough chakra to power an E-ranked jutsu and each liquid only held that chakra for less than a second. Even adding enough for a C-ranked jutsu didn't provide me with enough of a time difference to truly get accurate data, so I said fuck it and dumped in a shit ton."

"But why vodka?"

"The swords traps people in a _drunken_ genjutsu. Why not vodka? There's also rum, gin, tequila, whiskey, brandy, and a few beers too. There's more variants of alcohol there than anything else."

"Where did you find all of that? How did you even get it all? You're thirteen!"

"I'm a shinobi?" I quizzically look at Orochimaru.

"Oh. Yes. Funny how you forget the little things. I'll be going now, it's obvious that you're preoccupied. Plus the longer I stay here the more I feel myself wanting to join you and I've already stayed far past what I intended. Unfortunately there are things that require my attention."

"Yeah and I'm going to go write on my hearts. That is a weird concept." I stand up and shrug off the lab coat then remove the rest of my layers until my torso is bare.

"Until next time, my child." Orochimaru tenderly says as he prepares to leave.

"See ya. We should have a powwow like this again sometime, it was nice to work with someone competent."

"Oh believe me, I look forward to that much more than you do. You have no idea how hard it is to find competent help these days, especially with something as niche as fuinjutsu." Orochimaru closes the door behind him.

I push out my water heart and just the heart. The stark white mask swings upwards as if it's on a hinge and a tentacle of black threads creeps out of my back while remaining parallel to the ground. The tentacle arcs fully around my body to bring the beating heart before me.

I daintily dip my brush into ink and start to write my first original seal onto it.

SLAM

"Oi Alvarcus come quick _holy fuck man!_ " Kidomaru shouts once he sees me holding a thumping heart in my hands.

"Will you be quiet? I'm trying to focus here, one misstep and _boom_ everyone is dead." Not really, but I wanted to see Kidomaru drastically pale. Which he did. Totally worth it. "Now, I've got four more hearts to go then I've got to make a handful of beacons to give to people. What do you want? This better be damn important, if it's not then turn around right now."

"Uh... when will you be done? I can wait." Kidomaru offers.

"Fine. Sit down and shut up. I don't know how long this will take." I reel my water heart back in and my lightning heart takes its place.

I've got to come up with something to stop people from barging into here. No one would dare go into Orochimaru's lab uninvited, I want mine to have the same status. But he achieved that by conducting a lot of human experiments and letting the screams of his victims scare away any prying eyes. I don't want to go down that route.

My earth heart swaps with my lightning heart.

Maybe I can set up elaborate seal traps? Tacky, but it might be effective. I don't want to waste that much time and effort though, seals take time to craft and can be very tricky. I'm going to go with something that I already know, I have so much on my plate already that I don't want to waste any time. But what?

My wind heart switches with my earth heart.

I could ask Shirokumo to make a massive web maze right in front of the door? That would keep almost everyone out, only those who are foolish would attempt to get through. Or the brave who want to test themselves. I don't want it to become a pastime activity to try and break into my lab.

My fire heart swaps with my wind heart.

Perhaps the Spiders have someone that knows some trick to help me? I don't know like a gate spider? Is that a thing? I'll have to ask. Well that might be a bad idea. I don't know how the strain of keeping that summon here indefinitely would be. A Nest Egg is nothing, but keeping someone like Arachne here for days is too much even for me.

"Done." I reel in my fire heart and set down my brush. "So what did you want?"

"You're lucky it wasn't time sensitive." Kidomaru yawns. "I came here three hours ago."

"Oh. No shit?" It took that long to apply all of those seals? No wonder it's rare to see someone create a seal during combat. Sure I went extra slow since it's my first time but damn! Three hours!

"Yeah. Three hours of watching you paint hearts." Kidomaru drones out. "Now come on, there's something you should see."

"Oookay?" I put all my clothes back on and follow Kidomaru out of my lab. "So where are we going?"

"A specific place." Kidomaru is intentionally being vague. "It's something that Sakon, Ukon, Jirobo, Sasuke and I all worked on. Like our own little secret."

"And you're bringing me in on it?" This is new. I wonder what it could possibly be?

"Something like that yeah."

* * *

Kidomaru and I stroll casually through numerous hallways until we come to one that has Sakon, a sleeping Ukon, Jirobo and Sasuke standing at the end of it. They're all impatient and every single one of them lights up when the see us.

"About damn time!" Sasuke shouts down the hallway. "Three hours! Three! What kept you so long?"

"He was painting hearts." Kidomaru laughs at his own words. "He insisted that he had to finish before coming."

"... Really?" Sakon asks me with a confused look. "What color?"

"I applied a seal to each of my five hearts. That's what he meant to say." I growl out. I will not have my reputation tarnished because of some idiotic joker! "And if he knows what's good for him he'll never bring it up again. So Kidomaru, do you know what's good for you?"

"Probably not." Kidomaru grins.

"At least you're honest." I sigh.

"I like to think it's one of my better qualities." Kidomaru slows down walking, letting me take the lead.

"You've got -" I cut off mid step. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong. It's not that I'm feeling killing intent. It's not even that I feel like there's someone out to hurt me. It's everyone else's grinning faces and the _feeling of my foot breaking a string_. "FUCK YOU ALL!"

It's too late to dodge. The falling bucket has already spilled its contents and said contents are barely thirty centimeters away from me. I have no hope to dodge, I wasn't ready. My guard was down.

SPLASH

The sound of a metal bucket clonking to the ground is accompanied outrageous laughter. Every single one of them is laughing like no tomorrow, like they have no care in the world. I don't blame them, if our spots were reversed I would be laughing hysterically right along with them.

Okay I lied, I do blame them.

"Really?" I try to wipe the substance off of my face. "Pink paint? That's what you picked?"

"HAHAHA! YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!" Kidomaru is rolling on the floor laughing while holding his sides with all six of his arms.

"Priceless." Sakon says between hearty chuckles.

"I think he looks better this way!" Jirobo wipes a tear from his eye.

"I told you, didn't I? Revenge would be sweet." Sasuke laughs evilly.

"Yeah yeah well done you've got me." I flick my hands and some pink paint splatters onto the wall. "So obviously Kidomaru made the tripwire, if it was normal shinobi wire I would have seen it. I'm going to guess Sakon had the paint, you seem like an artsy type. Jirobo just helped set everything up. That leaves the mastermind, Sasuke."

"You got it!" Jirobo flashes me a thumbs up.

"Mmm... sweet, sweet revenge." Sasuke says in superiority.

"Are you enjoying yourselves?" I try to strain some of the bright paint out of my hair. It just made it worse.

"Yes. Yes I am." Sasuke's eyes flash crimson.

"I accept." I cockily smirk at him.

"Accept? Accept what?" Sasuke's proud face morphs into one of confusion.

"Your declaration of war." My gravelly voice harshly resonates down the silent hallway.

"Fuck me." Sasuke whispers out in fear.

"Not my type." I smirk. "Better start running."

"SCATTER!" Sakon orders as everyone else flees down different hallways.

Four black monstrosities rip themselves out of my back and kneel before me.

 _~You're going to let me play with them?~_

My black eyes stare at my loyal minions of destruction. "Fetch them for me."

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO!"

"WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS!"

"SHUT UP AND RUN YOU FOOLS!"

* * *

Orochimaru is sitting at his desk, writing away like there is no tomorrow. He's already completed a mountain of paperwork, the bane of all Kages. He's almost done then he gets to go play with some of the prisoners. Strictly for science, his own personal enjoyment is an added bonus.

Yet his paperwork is different from the normal Kages. While their paperwork has things to do with running a village, Orochimaru's has to do with his future plans. Most of them are ideas that he wishes to test, a few are orders for acquiring more test subjects, and there's even a detailed schedule for Alvarcus's and Sasuke's respective training programs.

For obvious reasons Alvarcus's is much more thorough and detailed than Sasuke's.

"Dump paint on me." A faint voice wafts through the air.

"MMMM!" A muffled scream follows the faint voice.

"You all should have known better." The voice speaks again.

"Mmm!"

"MMM!"

"MMMMM!"

'There's four distinct muffled voices. Just what is going on?' Orochimaru muses to himself.

"I'll teach you better."

'Is that Alvarcus?' Orochimaru rises up, paperwork forgotten unfinished on the desk, and flings open his office door.

" _What?_ " None other than Alvarcus snarls at Orochimaru.

Orochimaru can't quite process exactly what is happening just outside his door. For starters Alvarcus is covered head to toe in bright pink paint. Not one bit of him isn't the obnoxious color. With each step that he takes he leaves behind a trail of footprints. With every twitch of his hands paint flies off him to stain the walls pink. Everything he touches joins in his unfortunate condition.

But what's really interesting is not what's happened to Alvarcus but what he's doing.

He's currently dragging four things behind him. At first glance they look like nothing more than just a heaping mound of white, nothing too strange especially by Orochimaru's standards. But then all four of the mounds wiggle in unison, there's someone inside of them. Alvarcus has used one of his many summons to bind four people. The mound farthest on the left has what looks like two heads, the middle left one is a hulking man, the middle right looks like someone bound six individual arms then bound all of them to his chest, while the farthest right has a faint tinge of crimson escaping where the person's eyes should be. Alvarcus has caught and bound the Sound Three and Sasuke and he's is currently dragging them to... wherever he's going.

"Nothing. Carry on." Orochimaru steps back into his office and shuts the door to the muffled screams of the four captives. They thought they were saved. Instead they're ignored and left to their fate.

"You're right." Orochimaru hears Alvarcus address one of the captives. "There isn't enough bumps in this hallway. _Let me fix that._ "

A pitiful whine escapes from each captive as a loud stomp echoes down the hall.

"There. That's much better." Alvarcus drags his captives down the hallway and around a corner.

"Well that was eventful." Orochimaru sits back down at his desk and resumes filling out paperwork like nothing ever happened. "I wonder what I'll have for dinner?"

* * *

Author Note: **Again there's a poll on my profile for readers to vote on who you want in the next arc.**

Pop over and vote, it would be awesome to do something my readers want to see.

That being said, the top four characters might not be the four I use. I do need to make it somewhat believable, so having a team of four gennin is probably not going to work. Don't worry, there's plenty of chunin (Shikamaru is a chunin and he could lead the mission) and jonin to pick too.

That being said, I have ideas bouncing around in my head for just about every character I've listed that I can work with so don't be afraid to vote for some interesting team arrangements! I can work with just about any combination you can come up with. That's the beauty of fanfiction.

I'll shut up now. But seriously, go vote. It takes like a minute and you can help me out. Please and thank you!


	53. Chapter 53

Author Note: **There is a poll on my profile for you to vote on which Konoha characters you want to see in the next arc.**

If you haven't voted yet please pop over and do it. This poll won't be there forever and I have no idea if I'll ever so something like this again so this could be your only chance at influencing the story!

Bet you all didn't expect me to post on Monday, only three days after the last one. Especially an usual length chapter (around 10k words). To that I say: I had no life over the weekend. Kinda sad yet extremely productive! I'll shut up now, onto the story!

* * *

"Alvarcus Mar." Orochimaru pins me in an intensely blank glare.

We're sitting in his office. He's behind an impressive desk with a very detailed map of the surrounding area covering the entire wall behind him. He has his hands laced together and arms forming a temple before him on the desk. His face is one of blankness, I can't read him at all. I don't know if he's mad, or happy, or curious. He's entirely void of all emotion.

I'm across from him in the center of the room. He has sat me down in a very uncomfortable wooden chair. I feel like I'm being interrogated.

"Yes, that would be me." I reply with mirrored indifference.

"Explain." He smoothly demands of me without letting his glare waiver.

"I would but I don't know what you mean. Can you please be more specific?"

"My shinobi." Orochimaru calmly specifies. "Why are three of my shinobi scarred for life?"

"Because the fourth one got away." I growl out. "Sasuke is crafty, he managed to cut through my webs using a unique shape change to lightning chakra to make it into a blade. Which is annoying since it's him that deserves to be punished the most."

"That is not what I meant." Orochimaru lets a hint of a smile leak through his cold indifferent mask. He's not mad at me. Whew, that could have been bad! "What did you do to scar them? I need ideas for my disciplinary program."

"Are you sure you want to know?" I let a smile dance on my face. It's not a warm and friendly look, it's one that promises pain and anguish.

* * *

Flashback

"Sakon. Kidomaru. Jirobo. Sasuke." I address each shinobi one at a time.

The four cocoons are suspended from the ceiling and are slowly swinging back and forth like pendulums. Over and over they rock back and forth, never ending in their movements. To top it all off, they're upside down. They're hanging from their feet. They've been caught in the spider's web.

"I'm so glad you all volunteered to help me with this."

I slowly, agonizingly slowly, reach into my coat.

"You see, I am actually a lot alike with Orochimaru-sama. We each have ideas, crazy and slightly unethical ideas, that we want to test. And I've recently had one bouncing around in my head that's just begging to be tested."

As I withdraw my hand each of the four shinobi are riveted to it. They're wondering what horrors await. What kind of torture device am I going to pull out. It's nothing so outlandish, it's just an innocent storage scroll.

Sasuke's bundle starts to flail. He has seen this scroll before, he knows what is hidden inside it.

"Yet unlike Orochimaru I don't pick my test subjects at random. No, that's not my style. To me someone has to earn this treatment, they must deserve it."

I unroll the scroll and spark some chakra into it.

"So I thank you for volunteering for this. I'll make sure that you provide me with as much information as possible."

Out of the smoke of the innocent storage scroll appears various items. A rake, two watermelons, a lotof plastic sheets, precisely 13.75 meters of rope, a rubber ball and a wheelbarrow.

"Dammit." I start to rifle through the numerous pockets on my coat. "I know I have matches around here somewhere. I can't _not_ have matches for this, they're very important."

The sound of electricity resonates through the air. It's quickly followed by the sound of fabric being severed and someone sprinting away as fast as they possibly can.

"How unfortunate. I've lost a test subject." My eyes settle on the frozen remaining shinobi. "I suppose I can make do without him."

Shadows dance along my face as a creep towards the suspended shinobi with unadulterated sadistic glee. " _ **Shall we begin**_ _?_ "

* * *

"Perhaps not." Orochimaru decides after a moment of consideration. "It would be unbecoming of me to steal your techniques from you. This one shall remain yours."

"Well, I suppose that's alright." I let my sinister persona fade and replace it with my usual self. "So what's up with you?"

"Besides having to book therapy sessions – which is something I've never had to do before – nothing unusual or noteworthy has happened since we last talked."

"Lame. Eh whatever. So I can't help but notice that map of yours." I point at the huge wall spanning map.

"Yes? There's nothing special about it, it's just a map." Orochimaru raises an eyebrow at me in question.

"Well duh." I sassily say and his raised eyebrow starts to twitch. "It's not the map I care about but what's on it. See that island off to the east of us?" I get up from my chair and walk over to the wall and tap a specific island.

"Yes, what about it?" Orochimaru asks.

"Is it important?" I casually ask as if we're discussing pleasantries over a good meal.

"Is it important? What kind of a question is that?" Orochimaru gets up and joins me at the map. "That specific one is, it is where I run wartime simulations with my shinobi. I have various types of buildings and altering terrains all set up. The shinobi have taken to calling the simulations the War Games, it's rather fun to watch them struggle like mindless sheep to earn my praise. This one in the south east is not. There isn't even a human presence there at all, it's too small to support humans and the luxuries that they've grown to enjoy."

"Cool. So you don't mind removing it from the map then." My casual tone throws Orochimaru for a loop. "Especially since it might get blown up soon."

"You're going to blow up an island?" He asks in surprise. "But why? What goal does that serve?"

"I've never really tested myself on just how far I can go." I offer up an innocent shrug.

"Really? I've seen your techniques, your more destructive jutsu. I've even had one of your strongest attacks, if not the strongest attack you have, targeted at me. And you say that you still haven't truly seen just how far you can push yourself?"

"Well... no. There's always been some form of collateral around. Particularly people. I can't throw around earth shattering jutsu when I have a teammate right next to me. It has forced me to limit myself."

"Interesting. And why not use one of the numerous training grounds I have here? That island is a few kilometers away and barely ten square kilometers big, surely that is an inconvenience."

"It is an inconvenience, but it's one that is necessary. The training fields are too small, too fragile. Take one of my more impressive jutsu for example, let's say Devouring Earth. I can't test that at my maximum because I could bring the roof down on my head at the least. At the worst I could destroy a chunk of this base. Who knows, maybe I could take down all of it. That's just one. So how about False Darkness, well if I really juice that one up it could pierce through a lot of walls. Like _all_ the walls. Then there's -"

"You've made your point." Orochimaru cuts me off. "You may use the island. Just try to not draw too much attention to it, I do need this base to remain hidden from the public."

"Yay! This is great, I've even got some ideas for variations on a couple of my jutsu and just whole new jutsus altogether! Not to mention working on my combination jutsus, they're in a whole different league! It'll be the perfect place to work on them since it's uninhabited. I don't have to worry about breaking anything." I happily skip out of the room.

"Well at least he's eager to improve." Orochimaru turns back to his desk. "Reminds me of myself when I was younger, only unconsciousness would keep me from my work."

* * *

Alvarcus's Room, Ten Minutes Later

"I wonder when I'll actually make it over to that island." I mutter to myself as I stroll into my room. "Soon ish. Maybe. Probably? I've got some other stuff that requires my attention first."

"Please say I'm not on that list?" Sasuke says from my couch. "If I am tell me what I can do to get off of it. Please? I'll do just about anything."

"Just about anything?" Now that's quite a lot of options there. "Come find me tomorrow morning. I need to think on this and I have some stuff that I need to go check on."

"Okay I can do that. I'm not going to find any unsavory surprises today, am I?" Sasuke tentatively asks as he pauses in my doorway. "Please no?"

"Nah, you're exempt for today. Plus how can I ignore such a generous offer? I'm sure I'll come up with something humiliating."

"Right. I'll be going now." He leaves me alone in my room.

"Oh that poor boy, he has no idea what he's getting into." I sigh in promised joy to come. "Now where are those chakra conductive kunai Kidomaru got me?"

* * *

Alvarcus's Lab, Minutes Later

"Dammit." I stare down at all twenty of the beakers in displeasure. "I have no idea how the Sword of Totsuka is made of liquid. I sunk a ridiculous amount of chakra into each liquid and they're void of chakra already! I just left them overnight! I thought for sure that at least one of them would have lingering traces of my chakra, but NO! That would be too easy!"

I sigh and rub my brow in discontent. I know this isn't going to be easy. I know that it will take me a long time to work everything out and that I'll run into numerous potholes and ditches along the way. I just didn't expect one so soon. How can all of these liquids not hold chakra for more than half a day?

"You know what? Fuck it let's see if this is any different." I grab a clean beaker and place it down on the desk next to the rest. With a quick flick of a kunai I sever my wrist.

"Oi. Jiongu. Blood please." I'm holding my wrist over the beaker.

 _~You're so needy. When can we do something fun?~_

"What, was chasing down four people not fun enough for you?"

 _~No, I didn't get to play with them. They're alive still.~_

"Just be patient. Knowing my luck we'll find a whole gaggle of people for you to play with. And done!" The beaker is full of my red blood, it's the exact same amount as the other liquids here. "Thanks Jiongu."

 _~You're welcome Host.~_

"Now, let's try this all again. I'll have to check on them sooner to see which ones last the longest. I'm going to guess blood. That's really fucking dark, even for me."

I spend the next ten minutes pumping an insane amount of chakra into the tiny volumes of liquid.

"Time for the real reason I came here." I move over to another desk, this one has the case of chakra conductive kunai from Kidomaru on it. I have so many desks in my lab that I can have different stations for each individual project I'm working on.

"I've started to make the blade part, but what will be probably even more important and difficult is the container that will have the entities sealed away. I can't really make the production on figuring out which liquid is best for the blade move any faster, so I'll just work on this in the mean time. Let's try and fashion a storage seal onto a kunai and see what happens."

I take out one of the fifty chakra conductive kunai and place it in the center of the table. Next I pull out a set of etching tools, provided by Orochimaru. Usually I'd do something like focusing a small but dense amount of wind/lightning/fire – depends on the exact type of material I'm working with – and use that to leave behind a mark for the seal.

But in this case I can't do that, these kunai are chakra conductive. My chakra would naturally spread across the kunai, that's why these are a commodity among shinobi. It makes streaming your chakra into the blade much easier.

So since I can't use chakra I'm using these etching tools. I have a sneaking suspicion that they're diamond tipped. Honestly I'm not sure if Orochimaru or I am more eager for me to work on this. He's giving me literally any and every tool I could possibly need.

"Let's start simple. Basic storage seal. No, too complex. A storage seal so small it can only a fist sized rock. That's a good spot to start."

I go through the tedious process of etching a seal onto a kunai. You would think it's hard to do with two hands, right? I can assure you it's easier to do with chakra strings. I have no idea why no one else has thought of this, they're broken.

Or I just took them way too far.

Stop that! Get back on task! You can idolize your chakra strings later, like when you visit that soon to be remodeled island!

"Done." I look over the simplest of simple storage seals that's etched onto the surface of the kunai. "All that's left now is to test it."

I place a fist sized rock on top of the seal. Then I spark my chakra against it.

The rock is quickly swallowed into the seal, then instantly spat back out.

"Okay _what?_ "

I try again. Same result. The rock goes in, then without me adding more chakra it comes back out. Almost as if it has a mind of its own.

"Oh. _Oh._ I'm stupid. No shit it's doing that." I can't believe I missed that earlier.

It's a chakra conductive kunai, it'll hold a little bit of my chakra in the blade. That residual chakra is enough to jump-start the seal to spit its contents back out. Which is exactly what it's doing right now.

"So chakra conductive metal is a bad idea. I need something completely opposite of that for the material of the container since I want the entities to be trapped there forever or until I release them. It wouldn't do for them to be able to disturb the entire sword with their chakra, that alone could dismantle the whole genjutsu thing it has going. Or is supposed to have going, that's a whole different problem. That means the less chakra conductive the better. How the hell am I going to find a material that doesn't carry chakra?"

* * *

"I'll look into it for you." Orochimaru says. "I'm sure I've come across something like that before. I'll just have to sift through my old records."

"Wow. Really? Just like that?" That was easy. Way too easy.

"Yes. Just like that. Although you may need to go fetch the material yourself. Depends on how easily accessible it is and whether it's easier to steal it than buy it."

"I can live with that. No rush though, just whenever you have the time."

"No rush? Do you have something else that's piqued your interest?"

"Yeah, creating the actual seal that will pull the stabbed entities into the container and trap them there in a genjutsu. Getting the physical pieces is the easy part, it's making them all work together that's going to suck. That's the part that I don't really know how to do. "

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks, I'll need it. So, on a completely unrelated topic, feel free to ignore any and all loud noises coming from the south east."

"You're going to the island."

"Yep. Ran out of other stuff to do today so I figured why not play with fire? Lots of fire. So much fire the Devil himself would want to run away."

"Just... make sure it stays in one piece."

"Me or the island?"

* * *

The Island

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground and a small cloud of smoke spawns into existence.

"Hey Al. We're outside now. Why can't you summon me somewhere consistent recently?" Shirokumo halfheartedly whines, judging by the way he's stretching and preparing to bask in the sun he's happy.

"I need to keep you on your toes. Do you even have toes? Whatever that doesn't matter. I've got some questions for you."

"Really? That's why you summoned me? Dude. You totally could have done this back in your room while lazing about on your dumb couch as I'm working on my web. Those things take time for me, I'm nowhere near as good as our best builders. I'm rambling, what's up? You said you had questions?"

"Yeah. I need a way to keep people out of my lab and room. There are too many people that are simply okay with walking into it. That's going to stop. I don't want anyone messing with my stuff."

"Why not install a good lock?"

"That wouldn't even slow down Academy students. Why do you think that nothing is ever locked at shinobi villages? There's just no point. So I need something better. I was thinking that maybe the Spiders have a gate keeper or something? Someone to stand watch over a specific location for me?"

"Nope, we don't have anyone like that. I suppose Keji might come close if he could block the entrance with his legs, but that's not his style at all. He likes to run around like an idiot then once an opportunity arises he traps his prey. Plus I have no idea how he'd contort his body to make that work, spiders aren't exactly the size and shape of doors."

"Dammit. There goes that idea. Do you have any other ideas? Cuz all I've got left is some elaborate seal traps or leaving behind a Jiongu monster to stand guard. There's no way I'm doing that last one, I'm not going to willingly separate from two fifths of my strength."

"Hmm. Maybe. I'll need to ask a couple questions to a handful of spiders first. I'm good, but even I don't know everyone's own personal skill set."

"What are you thinking?"

"We have some spiders that lace genjutsu into their webs, they spin them in a specific pattern and color to trap prey in illusions. Some of them get so good that their webs actually mimic the environment and are nearly invisible even by our standards. Maybe they can put one on your door or something."

"That would be awesome. Yet another reason I'm miffed that I can't use genjutsu." I could have done that myself. Maybe. Probably? I suppose I could bully Sasuke into doing it for me but that feels like a waste of his debt.

"You can't use genjutsu?" Shirokumo stops his lazy stretches to look at me in worry. "Did the Jiongu screw that up?"

"Kinda." I indifferently shrug. "Basically since I have five chakras whenever I try to place an illusion I also break them out of it."

"Huh, who would have guessed? It'll be fine, you have Sasuke for genjutsu."

"Exactly." Sasuke and I make one of the strangest pairs of shinobi ever. Almost nothing of ours overlaps, yet that is our strongest trait. What I don't know he does, and vice versa.

"So I've got my own question for you." Shirokumo rustles around some leaves, making a bedding of sorts. "You rigged the last base to explode. You had the trapdoor spiders work night and day to accomplish it."

"Yep. Really glad they did too."

"Then why is it still standing?" Shirokumo asks me with as much seriousness as he can muster. "You went on a couple huge tirades about how you hate Orochimaru and want to burn him, skin him, murder him, force him to watch as everything he's built falls, and so on. This seems highly out of character for you. Plus now you have to run all the way back there to set it off. You're a better planner than this."

"So you did notice that." I let a sinister smile form on my face. "Yes, I left that base standing. I've used the Spiders to leave behind hundreds, thousands, of seals that are hidden inside the walls. But do you really think that I don't have a plan?"

"No, I think you do have a plan. That's why I'm asking, I want to know what it is because right now I don't see it."

"It's simple really, I left behind more than just explosive seals." I pull back my left sleeve to bare my arm to the world. A long slit forms on it, spanning the entire length from elbow to wrist, and the Jiongu slowly leaks out of it.

But it's not just the Jiongu that comes out, with it comes a sealing scroll. It's a small scroll, only being ten centimeters long and barely a centimeter in diameter.

I take the scroll and gently unfurl it to show Shirokumo exactly what is inside. It isn't something grand and inspiring, it's not even impressive. All that's on this scroll is a simple seal that is surrounding numbers in a circle and on the very bottom there's a label. It says Land of Sound Base.

"What is that?" Shirokumo asks me. "Hold on. Are those numbers changing? They are, they're counting down."

"Correct. I've made other seals like this. It's a little bit more complex since once the timer hits zero on that one it sends out a pulse of chakra while this one just remains at zero. But what's nice is that the seals were activated at the same time, this is a clock. It's a timer that shows how long that base has left to live. Even if I die right now this very instant that base will explode. There's nothing that will stop it, nothing short of dismantling the entire network of seals there. And thanks to some very helpful spiders that entire network is hidden away within the walls, the floors, and the ceilings."

"Well, and I know this is a long shot already but hear me out, what if someone accidentally destroys your timer seal that's over there? Then the entire network is defused."

"Who said I just made one timer? There's _fifty._ The entire network is linked together and it has fifty unique timers to set it off all in different spots. Even if one is destroyed the others will tick away until they reach zero. Then boom. No more base."

"Wow. You really planned ahead didn't you?" Shirokumo praises me in his own way. "You even made a timer to carry around yourself so you know when it does explode."

"There's more to it than that. Having this timer also lets me synchronize this base, and the next base, and the one after that together. Otogakure is going to burn, and it will all burn together in an instant of pure glory."

"I take back what I said. You've been planning that from the beginning, haven't you?"

"Yes. From the moment I asked you about spiders that can tunnel. That's why I haven't taken any actions against Orochimaru yet, that's why nothing has gone terribly wrong for him since I've sworn vengeance upon him. I could be sending every single Kage his personal itinerary for the next year, but I won't. Because that isn't personal enough."

"Wow. How far ahead do you plan these things out?"

"I play the long game. I'm already focusing on countering something that might happen around... three to four ish years in the future. I think? I've never been that good with the timeline. Anyways I have Orochimaru fooled, he thinks I'm making the Sword of Totsuka because I want to. I'm making it because I _need_ to."

"Jeez kid, when are you not scheming?"

"Actually that's what my next few hours are going to be. Mindless senseless destruction of the highest possible scale. That's one of the reasons we're out on an island."

"You're blowing up an island? Why am I not surprised. Wait you said one of the reasons, what's the others?"

"Oh, my room here is closer to the rest of Orochimaru's shinobi. I don't know their skills yet, I don't know if they can hear us talking about the more unsavory things. Like skinning their boss for instance. This will be a one time thing, I'm making some sound dampening seals for my room and lab. They're just not done yet."

"Ah, gotcha. I'm going to go back to the Nest now. Since you're about to go fire crazy."

"Wise decision."

Shirokumo poofs away back to his home.

"Now, let's try out some new moves. I want to see just how durable an island is."

* * *

Hours Later

"Orochimaru-sama come quick!" One of Orochimaru's minions shouts into his lab.

Even when something goes wrong no one enters the lab without permission. It is a place to avoid at all costs.

"What is the issue?" Orochimaru quickly walks over to a sink to wash his hands free of the blood of his latest victim.

"We think we're going to be attacked!" The minions shouts into the lab again with a great deal of fear. Whether it is fear of disturbing Orochimaru or the impending attack no one knows. It's best to assume it's both.

"Karin is sensing something. It's too far out even for her to tell how many or who this is, but -"

"Really?" Orochimaru cuts off the minion, his interest has been piqued. "We have tested Karin before, even at the edge of her range she can tell who and how many shinobi there are."

"Yes, the issue is that there's too much chakra in the air for her to sense through it. She knows something is there, something strong. But she doesn't know who or what. It's just too thick, to potent."

"Interesting. It takes large quantities of chakra to cloud a sensor's capabilities, especially for Karin. Only long sustained ninjutsu battles of the highest scale could cloud her senses. Someone would have to use high level jutsu after jutsu, over and over and over again to achieve this effect. This phenomenon also occurs when there's a clash between large groups of shinobi who throw around ninjutsu like it's going out of style."

"We think it's a group prepping for a massive jutsu. One meant to destroy our base all in one go. We think we've been discovered. She felt this an hour ago and it's just kept growing since!"

"Where is this coming from?" Orochimaru takes off a protective red apron. It was white when he put it on. "I shall go confront them myself. To think that someone would be so bold in this day and age! To _me!_ They shall not live to make this mistake twice."

"The south east. One of the neighboring islands. We think they're using it as a staging ground, a base for themselves."

"Oh." Orochimaru's visage changes from deadly to surprise. "That's nothing to worry about."

He casually dismisses the minion and turns back to his latest victim. Said victim whines in both fear and agonizing pain.

"You're still alive? Maybe this isn't a loss then. Let us continue." Orochimaru dons his red apron again.

"Orochimaru-sama? You know what that is?"

"Yes." Orochimaru confirms as he picks up a scalpel. "It isn't a what, but a who."

"I know it is not my place, but may I ask who it is?" The minion is doing this for two reasons. One: so that he can explain to everyone exactly what is going on to calm them down. Two: he doesn't _ever_ want to be on the bad side of whoever that is.

"My child." Orochimaru grins sinisterly. "He's the one causing that."

"You have a child?" The minion staggers as if he was stuck by a powerful blow. "A _child?_ "

"Yes. Now is as good as time as any to publicly introduce him to my shinobi. After all, one day he will command you himself. Now begone! I have more things I need to do before this subject expires."

* * *

A Few Minutes Later, With the Unnamed Minion

"Hey! What is it? Where's Orochimaru-sama? What are his orders? What do we do? Some of our other sensors are starting to feel it! It's not just Karin anymore!"

"Oh. Yeah. That." The shaken up minion says. "Ignore it."

"Ignore it? _Are you mad? What the hell even is it?_ "

"Orochimaru-sama's child." The minion from before whispers out. Even though his words were spoken softly they're heard clearly by everyone present.

"Holy shit. He has a kid?"

"There's a mini Orochimaru-sama running around now?"

"Oh I bet he's cute!" One of the more fanatical individuals exclaims.

"We're so fucked. I thought Orochimaru-sama could be cruel when things go wrong but now his kid is here. He's going to explode if anything wrong happens to the kid."

"The Sound Three are terrified of someone. Have you seen them recently? I heard a _kid_ was dragging them around last night. They were tied up and everything. You've got to be skilled to do that, no one here can stand up to them."

"Do you think it was Orochimaru-sama's kid that did that?"

"I don't know. But if it's Orochimaru-sama that raised him, you can bet they're similar. It's best to not piss him off. Or insult him. Or look at him funny."

"Didn't one of the new arrivals raid a kitchen yesterday? Do you think it might have been..."

"There's no way Orochimaru-sama would raise his kid like that. Had to be someone else."

* * *

"Hey you're not going to believe this."

"What?"

"Orochimaru-sama has a kid! And he's here!"

"No way!"

* * *

"So there's this new rumor going around."

"The one about Orochimaru-sama's kid?"

"Dammit! How do you always find out things before I do?"

* * *

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

"What's his problem?"

"He heard about Orochimaru-sama's kid. He's terrified of two of them running around."

"Oh. Shit."

* * *

"Maximum security at all times! Nothing will happen to that child on my watch! I want our defenses doubled, no tripled! We will protect the child at all costs, for Orochimaru-sama!"

"We don't even know if it's true."

"QUADRUPLED!"

* * *

The Mess Hall

This is one of the few places in Orochimaru's base that is considered an 'at ease' location. It is an unwritten rule that no one will attack anyone, no one will have to acknowledge their superiors should they walk by, no one has to do anything of the sort. This is a place where people can relax.

It's just one giant cafeteria. Along one of the walls is a buffet style arrangement of numerous kinds of foods while the rest of the room is covered in sets of tables that run all the way across it. This is one place that everyone considers a good spot to unwind, they can happily chat with friends over food.

"Whew!" I plop down at an empty section of a table with my tray of food. "Nothing like a good workout. I don't think I've ever pushed myself that far before! Is this what having low chakra feels like? I never have that issue anymore. Man I'm beat!"

 _~Yes, you were very zealous today. I don't know if there's anything left.~_

"Oh shut up. I know there's at least smoldering ruins left. I can't make it disappear, I don't have the Jinton. Though that would be cool. And even more broken than I already am."

"OI!" Someone from a group of four quickly approaching shinobi shouts at me. "You came here with Orochimaru-sama right?"

"Uh... yeah? Doesn't everyone? How else do we know where the bases are?"

The four of them sit down around me. There are three guys and one girl.

One of the guys has bright purple hair and deep green eyes. He is rather lanky, towering over everyone else but is as thin as a twig. He has a sword strapped to his hip, another on his back, and a short blade strapped on each calf and forearm. I think he has a thing for sharp pointy stuff.

The second guy has on long flowing clothes, much like the Sound Three and Orochimaru wear but they are definitely of a much lesser quality. This guy is bald, there's not a single hair on him but he's trying to hide that fact with his forehead protector. He wears it like Ibiki, it's covering his scalp.

The last guy, the one that shouted at me, has a mohawk. A bright sky blue mohawk. He really should have picked a better color. This one is just wearing the usual basic shinobi gear, a chunin vest and rugged and durable clothes.

The girl is on the shorter side. She's barely as tall as I am and has lovely normal brown hair. Seriously normal hair is hard to come by now, there's blues and greens and purples all over the damn place! Anyways, she's wearing what looks like a red battle kimono with white floral accents on it. I say looks like because she obviously took a pair of scissors to it to make it a low cut. A very low cut, it's exposing almost all of her shoulders and quite a lot of her bosom. It's nothing short of a miracle that it can stay up. Or just chakra control, she could be adapting the premise of tree walking to hold it up.

"Can I help you all?" This is strange. I've never had anyone so casually join me before. Not even in Konoha.

"Actually yeah. We've got a question for you. But that can wait, introductions first! I'm Sora." The male with the sky blue mohawk waves friendly at me.

"I'm Seiji. Nice to meet you. And sorry about Sora. He's just a ball of energy." This is the guy that is mimicking Orochimaru's style.

"Katsuo." Is all the shinobi with all of the blades provides. I like him the best so far, he's quiet.

"I'm Maiko, but everyone calls me Neko-chan. Pleasure." She purrs at me. Literally, she literally purred. What? Humans can't actually make that noise!

"Neko-chan?" I question rudely. "Isn't that a little derogatory?"

"Nope!" She happily says as she points at her hair. "It's accurate!"

Holy shit. I'm seeing things. I have to be seeing things. She has cat ears. A pair of fuzzy brown cat ears. And a tail. A nice bushy tail. She's a catgirl.

Alright! Just remain calm and play it cool. She's just a catgirl. It's a thing. Orochimaru made a bunch of fantasies possible by making her but that doesn't matter. She's just another person. Treat her like one.

"Well I'll be calling you Maiko. I know that I'd hate if everyone went around calling me Sureddo." I bet that deep down she doesn't like her nickname.

"Threads?" She taps her chin cutely as her ears twitch and her tail darts around playfully. It's just begging to be petted. DAMMIT NO! Control yourself man! Fuck you puberty! Fuck you very much!

"Why would anyone call you that?" Sora asks. Thank the sweet and merciful Kami.

"It's kinda my thing." I shrug. I'm going to massively underplay that. "So you had a question for me?"

"Oh yeah we did! Oh this is going to be so cool! What was it again?" Sora asks his team.

"Dude. Really? It was your idea to come over and ask." Seiji sighs. I feel like this is a normal thing for them.

"That's right! I remember now!" Sora claps his hands together in victory and turns his full attention on me. In fact everyone's full attention is on me. "Is it true that Orochimaru-sama has a child?"

"Is it true that he's here?" Seiji adds on.

"Is he skilled?" Katsuo breaks his long silence.

"Is he even a he? No one knows, maybe Orochimaru-sama raised a kunoichi!" Maiko merrily says.

"Uh..." This is awkward. This is really awkward. They have no idea it's me. "Yes, yes, I like to think so, and he's a he."

All four of them ponder the answers.

"Wait you've met him?" Seiji asks.

"Well yeah. Something like that." Awkward. This is so awkward.

"Are any of the rumors about him true?" Maiko asks eagerly.

"Uh... what rumors?" There's already rumors about me? That was quick. Perhaps my stunt with the Sound Three and Sasuke left an impression.

"That he's a monster! Rawr!" Maiko mock roars and curls her fingers in an attempt to make claws. It's adorable. Fun fact: she actually does have claws. Orochimaru definitely paid attention to detail. "Boo! I'm a scary monster! Fear me!"

"Ignore that." Seiji sighs again. I think he's the one who keeps everyone else in line. "She means that if it was him that had all of the sensor nin running wild for the past couple hours. According to them someone was throwing around some serious ninjutsu and when they asked Orochimaru-sama what to do, he said 'oh, that's just my child.' How have you not heard any of this yet?"

"I was training?" I squeak out. Well I was! It's not lying, just a bit misleading. Misdirection is very helpful. "And it probably was. He's known for being a bit unorthodox. Tends to ignore some rules and general concepts that most people adhere to."

Most people wouldn't use unorthodox. They'd probably say crazy. Or insane. Or mad.

"Wow. Orochimaru-sama's child is that strong already? Just how old is he?" Sora asks and Katsuo doubles his focus on me.

"Thirteen." I'm starting to feel a little bad about leading them on like this. At first it was fun and amusing – also really awkward – but now I just feel bad.

"He's not that much younger than us!" Sora exclaims. "We're only a couple years older than him. We should totally befriend him!"

"Yes! Great idea!" Maiko raises her fist in the air in determination. "Sora! Seiji! Katsuo! New unofficial mission: Befriend Orochimaru-sama's son!"

"Fine." Katsuo grunts out.

"I don't see why not." Seiji shrugs in indifference. "Couldn't hurt to be on his good side. Plus if we're friends with Orochimaru-sama's kid then he might be more lenient with us if we mess up."

"It's agreed then!" Sora shouts out happily! "Let's get going! So anyone know where he's at?"

"Nope!" Maiko swats at Sora who has stood up to leave the Mess Hall.

"No idea." Seiji adds.

"No." Katsuo grunts out again.

They all turn to me. Oh boy.

"Uh... hi?" I squeak out. "What's with the looks?"

"Do you know where he's at?" Seiji asks.

"You want to know where he's at when you don't even know his name?" They haven't even asked for my name either. They just introduced themselves and then we started talking.

"You know his name?" Sora goes wide eyed.

"Yeah? Doesn't everyone know by now?"

"No, Orochimaru-sama never gave us his name. Just said that he has a kid." Seiji clarifies.

"Wow. Really? I thought for sure Orochimaru would do more than that." I casually say.

All four of them tense up. Oh. Shit. I didn't say sama. Whoops. It's not even just them who have tensed, there's a lot of people listening in on our conversation. Most are staring at me in open shock. Others in pity and fear of what is in store for me. Some even have anger plastered on their faces.

"Hey. Newbie." Seiji says loudly. "Don't forget the suffix. _Ever._ This is your one pass, you didn't know better. Now you do. Don't make that mistake again."

Seiji is almost yelling. He's doing this for my benefit, by saying I'm a newbie he's letting the other's know that I'm a newbie. That was a bit redundant. Then there's him publicly reprimanding me and also giving me a pass. He's dealt with the problem so no one else has to. That's really kind of him.

"While I thank you for teaching a 'newbie' a lesson, it was unneeded." A cool and confident voice rings out over the entire room. "He is the one person who does not need to add on a proper suffix."

Orochimaru himself is standing off in one of the corners. He stealthily entered and watched the proceedings. He saw and heard that entire conversation. Going off of his large smirk, he enjoyed how I never revealed just who exactly I am to these four.

"Although it warms my heart when my child addresses me so formally, I do not require that he does."

The entire population of the room swivel their heads. Each and every single person is staring at me. Analyzing me, studying me. I think I just became a celebrity.

"Holy shit." Sora softly exclaims.

"Hm? You're his kid? I can see it." Maiko says. "There's something about the both of you that just screams leader. His is more of 'fall in line or face the consequences' while yours is warm and inviting. Strange. Maybe it's an animal thing? Are you a cat person?"

"Interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that." Katsuo says his longest sentence of the day.

"I-I-I am so sorry!" Seiji says in fear. "We had no idea, p-p-please forgive us!"

"Nah, you're all good." I casually dismiss them. "I liked our chat. There's no need to be afraid of me. Just treat me like another person, I'm not someone ridiculous like the Prince of Sound. Ha! Good one me, well done!" I pat myself on the back twice.

"Alvarcus, come." Orochimaru orders. "I want you to tell me how your training went."

"Good news! There's still an island!" I hop up and walk over to him. "Well most of one?"

"Why was that a question?" Orochimaru asks as we both leave.

"Because I'm not sure you could call it an island now." I say as the door swings shut behind us.

Sora turns to his team. "Anyone expect that? Cuz I didn't."

"Nope!" Maiko grins. "I like him!"

"You would." Seiji groans out.

* * *

That Night

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground. "Why do I keep saying that?"

"Saying what?" Shirokumo asks as the smoke disperses.

"Nothing. How you doing?" I throw myself onto my bed and dive under the covers. It's a chilly night.

"Swell. We got a nice big catch today in our webs. Had us a nice meal together, you should have been there." He walks up a wall to start working on his web again.

"No thanks. I don't like bugs." Except for the Aburame's beetles. Those are freaking cool!

"Yeah probably for the best. We don't eat similarly at all. You barbarians eat everything solid while us refined folk soften the meal up first."

"Yeah, I know how spiders eat. They vomit digestive fluids all over their prey, then they chew it up a bit with their 'jaws' and proceed to elegantly suck up the digestive fluid and meaty juices both. Rinse and repeat until all the edible parts are gone. It's gross. Really gross."

"You're not wrong, but to me it's you who eats strangely." Shirokumo shrugs his whole body.

"So I called you here for a reason." I snuggle deeper into my bed. "Totally not trying to change the subject at all."

"Yeah that was real smooth." Shirokumo blandly says. "What's the reason?"

"There's a piece of paper on the desk. Can you run it over to Jiraya for me? This is to prove that I can be useful. He'll be getting it bit by bit. I can't just give him everything I know right off the bat, I have to make it look like I've been investigating and discovering things as time goes on."

"Sure." Shirokumo grumbles as he descends to the desk. "Not like I want to work on my web at all, I'll just drop everything I'm doing to be your minion."

"Shirokumo you're a genius! It's perfect!" I fly out of my cocoon of warm blankets to start pacing back and forth. "It's great. But I need to make this worth it, I need to plan more."

"Right. I'll be going now. You're busy doing whatever the hell that is." Shirokumo poof away.

"Oh yes, this will be glorious!" My eyes gleam dangerously.

* * *

With Jiraya and Naruto

"Why are we still not back at Konoha?" Naruto groans out to himself. He knows that no one around him truly cares about what he's saying. In fact there is only one person around him. "I know why. Because you've not only stopped at every whore house but every damn bath house too!"

"They're not whore houses! They're brothels! There's a difference!" Jiraya defends his pastime activities.

"Whatever. I still don't know why I'm putting up with this."

"Hey Naruto, why don't you join me?" Jiraya says without looking away from an inconspicuous hole in the wall. "You're really missing out!"

"No." Naruto dryly replies. "You're lucky I don't yell pervert."

"I miss Alvarcus." Jiraya wilts in disappointment. Yet his eye never left the hole. "He joined me! He's the only person who has ever joined me! I swear he was the only one in your generation that showed true promise! There were the beginnings of a real Super Pervert in him!"

* * *

"I feel dirty." I shiver slightly as the feeling courses through my body and causes me to screw up the detailed plans of revenge against Sasuke I was working on. "Dammit. I spilled ink all over them."

* * *

"Yeah that was before he went rouge and joined Orochimaru." Naruto darkens at those words and his hand darts into one of his pockets. It's wrapped around something.

"True." Jiraya sours along with his student for a moment. "But the path of the Super Pervert knows no borders! It is a journey open to all!"

"Stop saying super pervert or I _will_ shout." Naruto threatens. "Seriously I swear you spend more time perving than training me."

"Kiddo it's your fault you're not having a good time right now." Jiraya pats the spot next to him. "All you have to do is join me and you'll understand."

"No." Naruto deadpans.

"Good, because I'd hate to pull you both away from that." A scratchy voice says from behind him.

Both shinobi immediately tense at the sudden voice but they manage to only pull out kunai instead of throwing them.

"Yay, progress. You didn't try to kill me this time." Shirokumo steps out of his hiding spot in the shadows. The fact that he can hide in shadows has both shinobi impressed, he is a white spider. "Hello Toad Sage."

"Hello Spider Sage." Jiraya coolly replies as he straightens himself up from his peeping. The Akatsuki is more important that his research. Though it is close.

"Oh? You're a lot more insightful than any other human I've met. Bonus points to you." Shirokumo pulls a single piece of paper off of his back and hold it out to Jiraya. "How did you know?"

"Gut feeling." Jiraya accepts the paper. "I know what nature chakra feels like, you had lingering traces of it on you the first time we met. Plus there's something about you that screams dangerous to me."

"Ah yes, my Sage Mode will have that effect. I haven't gotten all of the traces of it out of my system from the last time I used it. You'd be surprised how long it stays with you, even if it's only a trace. It's almost like a marker for other Sages to recognize each other. You have one yourself."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Naruto interjects himself into the conversation. "The hell is a Sage? I thought he just called himself the Toad Sage for shit, kicks and giggles."

"He doesn't know about Sages?" Shirokumo asks Jiraya.

"Does Alvarcus?" Jiraya retorts.

"Fair point, Naruto has had access to the Toads for longer than Alvarcus has had access to the Spiders." Shirokumo accepts defeat.

"What about your other Summoner? The one you won't name? Do they know about Sages?" Jiraya asks with a mask of casualness.

"You want to know if Orochimaru has a Sage at his beck and call." Shirokumo saw right through it. "Orochimaru doesn't. He's never brought up that topic with my Summoner."

"Whew!" Jiraya wipes non-existent sweat from his brow. "I was worried for a moment! Could you imagine what Orochimaru would do with a Sage?"

"I hate to repeat myself, but what the hell is a Sage?" Naruto asks again. "No ignoring me this time!"

"So consider that paper my Summoner's proof that he's valuable." Shirokumo blatantly ignores the irate Naruto. "I know I teased you a little bit last time so here's proof that we actually do know more than you do."

"Let's see it then." Jiraya reads the paper. There's only one sentence on it. "There are currently nine members. Currently? Does that mean they're recruiting?"

"No, it means there used to be ten." Shirokumo clarifies. "I suppose they are looking to get their numbers back up, but they're having a hard time replacing the tenth member since he took something valuable with him when he left."

"Who was he? Who has the balls to leave a group like that?" Jiraya asks.

"Ah ah ah, that would be revealing too much." Shirokumo taunts him. "So does my Summoner meet your expectations?"

"Yes, he does." Jiraya burns the piece of paper on the spot. "I look forward to a profitable relationship. How can I get in contact with him? This is supposed to be a two way street right? I use him and he uses me?"

"No, this is just him using you. He doesn't want anything from you. All he wants is to provide information."

"That's surprisingly selfless for any shinobi, myself included."

"Is it though? He wants the Akatsuki gone even more than Konoha does. He's using you to further his own agenda, it just so happens that your agenda and his line up. If my Summoner wanted Konoha to burn – which he doesn't so don't bother asking – he would have sent me to an Iwa nin. You're nothing more to him than a means to an end."

"Wow. He's a dick, isn't he?" Jiraya says in mock irritation. He's done the exact same thing before so he can't blame him.

"Well you're not wrong, but I wouldn't say you're right." Shirokumo shrugs.

"Hello? Still here!" Naruto waves like an idiot. "OI! What is a Sage!"

"I'll be on my way now." Shirokumo says his goodbye.

"Until next time." Jiraya replies.

Shirokumo leaves in a cloud of smoke that quickly vanishes on the wind.

"Seriously though, the fuck is a Sage?" Naruto asks his teacher.

"I'll tell you when you're older." Jiraya turns back to his eye hole. "Hehehe! Yes, they're still here!"

"Oh gross is it one of those sex things?" Naruto draws the wrong conclusion.

"Yeah sure let's go with that." Jiraya remains glued to his hole. "Wait what the hell do you mean gross! I've taught you better than that!"

"Throwing me into a whore house and saying 'have fun' is not teaching! And you wonder why I don't like going there!"

"It's not a whore house! It's a brothel! They have class!"

* * *

The Next Morning

"Sasuke!" I shout as I rip open the door to Sasuke's room.

"What?" He irritably barks out from his bed. He's reading a book.

"I know how you can get off of my people to prank list!" This is going to be glorious!

"Okay." He snaps his book shut. "What do I have to do?"

"You're going to be my minion for the day." I evilly grin at him. There's no way he'll ever agree to that then I'll be free to get my revenge as I see fit! "If I say jump you don't waste time asking me how high, you fucking jump. If I say scrub the ground so I don't get the bottom of my shoes dirty you scrub until its spotless. If I say attack you rip the target to shreds with impunity. If I fetch me a glass of water you get it for me. Nothing major."

I've got him cornered! There's absolutely no way the proud Uchiha will bend to someone else's will so completely. Then it is revenge plotting time. I think I might loudly say a few plans in front of him just to watch him squirm before I do anything. Mmmm yes, that sounds lovely.

"Deal!" He quickly accepts.

"Wait what?" He accepted? That's not supposed to happen! "But but but WHAT?! YOU ACCEPT!?"

"Yes I do. That's how much I want to get off your 'people to prank in malicious and intentionally cruel ways' list."

"Fine!" Well... it's hugely unexpected but I can totally work with this. "Come minion, I require sustenance. We're going to the Mess Hall."

"Can you at least not call me minion?"

"I'll call you Butler if you refer to me as My Liege." I compromise with him. I'm not cruel! Well actually I am. I'm very cruel.

"Of course, My Liege." Sasuke elegantly bows, displaying every minuscule iota of his dignified upbringing.

"There's just one last thing we need to do before we go." I clap my hands together in giddy anticipation. "Summoning Jutsu!"

"Alvarcus!" A huge spider wearing a purple scarf eagerly scuttles out of the smoke. "How have you been? Do you need anything from us Weavers? Can we finally drape you in royal clothes that are fit for someone of your status? Please?"

"No. Please no." Sasuke whines in defeat. He's already accepted his fate, his whining is just him attempting to cope with it.

"My dear Murasakino, I've got a different project in mind for you."

* * *

The Mess Hall

"Butler." A happy voice sounds on the other side of the door to the Mess Hall. It is one that hasn't been heard here before, and since it's an unknown it has the added effect of quieting down the shinobi inside. They want to see who the newcomer is.

"Yes, My Liege?" Make that two newcomers.

"The door is closed."

"My apologies." The door swings open to reveal two surprisingly young kids.

One is clad in a dark green trench coat and a vibrant red scarf. The other is wearing a suit of the highest make, it's one that nobles would sell their entire fortunes for. Obviously the coat wearing one is the butler, that is what everyone thinks at first.

But then they see that it's the one in the suit that's holding the door open.

"Thank you Butler." I sweep into the room with a grand flourish.

"My pleasure." Sasuke responds with forced happiness. He's a great actor, the only reason I can tell he's forcing the happiness is because I know him so well.

"My pleasure..." I trail off.

"My Liege." He amends his earlier words.

"That's better. Now, I require sustenance. Go get some for me. I will be waiting for you." I confidently walk over to an empty part of a table and sit down as Sasuke gets my food. "Don't forget the chocolate cake!"

"Holy shit. Am I seeing things?" Jirobo asks his equally shell shocked teammates from the other side of the room. Their shock is so great that they're not running away in fear of me like they have been ever since they were my test subjects.

"That depends." Sakon can't take his eyes off of the tamed Uchiha. "Are you also seeing _Sasuke Uchiha_ of all people dressed up in a suit and acting as Alvarcus's butler?"

"I am." Kidomaru forces out despite his surprise.

"Okay. So I'm not seeing things." Jirobo says as he watches Sasuke bring me my food. "I think we got off lucky."

"You're sustenance, My Liege." Sasuke sets down my food then stands regally behind me, waiting for his next set of orders.

"Best. _Day._ _**Ever.**_ **"**

* * *

Author Note: **There is a poll on my profile for you to vote on which Konoha characters you want to see in the next arc.**

Thank you to everyone who has already voted, you're all awesome.

Right now there's a solid lead of Kakashi which kinda surprised me. I don't know why though. Of course everyone wants more Kakashi. Seriously over two thirds of voters included him in their choices.

Second is Naruto which I totally expected. A few of you did catch that I set up him returning to Konoha in Chapter 51 so it's entirely plausible. Well done those who caught it!

In third place we have Ino, our favorite mind reader and the only gennin to know the truth about Alvarcus.

Coming in at fourth is Anko, a character that has one of the least amounts of screen time in this fanfic. That one threw me for a loop, though I did do that Anko corrupts Ino scene recently. I still chuckle about that.

Fifth is Shikamaru who hasn't gotten any attention recently. I do feel kinda bad about that because he's one of my favorite characters but to keep it realistic he couldn't be there. Why would a chunin be at the Chunin Exams? There's no reason for him to be there especially when Konoha is stressed from the invasion.

So yeah, that's the top five so far. Cast a vote, they might change! Who knows, maybe I'll even do some cameos of the 'most voted but not on the team' characters.


	54. Chapter 54

It is a bleak night, clouds cover the entire sky. There is not a single star to be seen, not even moonlight can penetrate the thick rain clouds. It's a dreary night, one that most people would stay indoors for. But there are always exceptions to rules, and the exception to this specific rule is the entire shinobi population. Because on dark and stormy nights shinobi excel. Shinobi live and breath in the shadows, and on nights like this the shadows are everywhere.

Despite the slight drizzle, six teams of shinobi are gathered in one spot. All twenty four of them are armed to the teeth. They're not preparing for something as routine as a scouting mission. Nor are they escorting anyone. Their mission is much more sinister in it's origination. Their main goal is to kill someone, they are here as assassins.

"You know why we are here." The shinobi kneeling at the front of their formation says. He doesn't bother to turn around and look at the shinobi under his command, he knows they are listening. "We are here to complete one goal: To assassinate the King. This will not be an easy task, the castle that the King is hiding in is sure to be well protected."

True to the Leader's words, each and every shinobi is resolutely staring past their leader at the imposing castle before them. Its strong stone walls will be especially difficult to climb on a rainy night. Yet not impossible. The defenses are sure to be nearly insurmountable. Yet everything has a weakness. The King hidden away inside is sure to be cunning and paranoid. Yet even then they can sneak their way in and slit his throat.

Every single shinobi gathered has a will of steel. They are unyielding, they are insurmountable. They are one of Orochimaru's prized assassination squads. They have earned his praise on numerous occasions, each time impressing him more and more.

Tonight shall be no different.

"We're being tested on this mission." The Leader speaks again. "In addition to the main target we have two side objectives. The first is to acquire a specific book. You all already know which one. The second is to bring the castle down. We're going scorched earth. Nothing will be left standing."

Every single shinobi smiles in anticipation. This is what they are trained to do. This is what they live to do. This is what they enjoy to do. And they're damn good at it.

"We're splitting up into three groups, two teams worth in each. The first is mine, the stealth team and the assault team. We're going after the King."

"The second is our two reconnaissance teams, they will be going after the book. I leave your strategy up to yourselves."

"We will alternate the two teams between defending and searching. One will protect the other as they ransack the castle room by room. Each room they will switch so no one gets complacent with their roles." The second group's leader says.

"Acceptable. The third group, our demolition teams, well do I really need to explain that?" The Leader grins evilly. "Bring it down."

"With pleasure." The third group's leader says as the shadows of the night dance upon his face. "With great pleasure."

"Good, you're motivated." The Leader says. "This is another chance for us to prove ourselves to our Kage. Do not disappoint, he will not like failure. Now this is the only chance for this, does anyone have questions?"

On all of the missions that this particular group has gone on their Leader always asks for questions. Without fail he asks regardless if it is a low profile escort mission or a dangerous assassination mission.

No one responds. No one has ever responded.

"May you be one with the shadows." The Leader chants to his shinobi.

"And may the shadows be one with you." His shinobi chant back.

It's a night that common people avoid. It's a night that no one wants to see. It's an unpleasant night with the dark and thick clouds hanging overhead. It's a night where light is a rare occurrence. It's a night where even the animals seek shelter.

It's a perfect night to be a shinobi.

* * *

With the Demolition Teams

"Tag every structurally important thing you can." The group's leader says as they make their way into the castle through an unlocked window. "We've been provided with a few crates of tags. You all know our usual operating procedure, right?"

"Hell yeah we do." One of the members eagerly responds as she picks up an entire crate. "Don't come back with any leftovers!"

"Dibs on that room!" One of his members whisper shouts and grabs a case of his own.

"Oi! You two have got to share!" A third member whisper shouts. "I want to blow shit up too!"

" _ **In the dark of the night evil is lurking."**_

An all encompassing voice thunders down the otherwise quiet hallway.

"The hell is that?" One of the members asks.

A quiet thud is the only answer to his question. It's followed by a slight scraping noise, as if someone is dragging metal across stone.

Every shinobi present knows what that sound was. It was the sound of a body hitting the ground and being dragged away. Someone has already discovered them, no it's worse than that. Someone has already defeated one of them.

In unison all of the shinobi turn towards the scraping sound in hopes of catching a glimpse of the assailant. The only thing they see is a pair of their teammate's feet disappearing around the corner.

" _ **In the dark of the night evil will come."**_

The all encompassing voice thunders once more, this time it's accompanied by a brilliant flash of lightning. Each shinobi is temporarily blinded by the unexpected light, but by no means are they hindered by it.

Shinobi and darkness go hand in hand, especially for this group. Something as meaningless as impaired vision won't even slow them down.

"URK!" Another teammate makes an inhuman sound.

Yet again every shinobi here knows what the sound means. This is a sound that they all have caused themselves at one point, whether in training or in the field. It's a tried and true tactic, one of the oldest in the book. It's very simple, wrap a noose around someone's neck and pull.

"What the fuck is going on?" The leader of the group shouts out, all stealth has been abandoned. They've already lost two members, the leader will not stand to lose a third.

"I don't know! Is it a genjutsu?" A frantic voice yells.

"KAI!" The female shouts out. "No it's not a fucking genjutsu!"

"Where the hell is this fucker?!"

" _ **In the dark of the night evil will find you."**_

The thunderous voice is starting to get excited. It's not just booming now, it's energetic. Whoever is speaking is enjoying this immensely.

"Brace for contact!" The leader shouts to his rapidly dwindling team.

What happens next no one was prepared for. They're all on high alert now, they're waiting for the mysterious voice to show themselves. The moment they do, they're dead.

But the voice didn't show themselves. Instead of what was supposed to happen, the female falls over like a puppet with cut strings.

"The fuck are you doing? Get your sorry ass up!" One of the remaining few shout.

"Idiot, check her! See if she's alright!" The leader orders.

At this rate he's soon to be the only one who has any sense of rationality. His team has never run into an opponent like this, he doesn't think anyone has. What kind of a monster announces its presence then is skilled enough to remain hidden?

"Paralyzed! She's going to be fine in a few hours tops."

" _ **In the dark of the night evil searches for blood."**_

The thunderous – no the monstrous – voice echos down the hallway once more.

"Hehe." One of the shinobi left chuckles to himself. "Haha!"

"Get it together man!" The leader shouts. "We've been through worse than this and you're laughing?!"

"HAHAHA!" The laughing shinobi doubles over. "It's just so FUNNY! It tickles so much!"

"What the hell are you on about?" The one next to the laughing man asks.

"Look!" The laughing shinobi holds out his arm. There's deep gashes along it. Then the laughing shinobi holds up his bloody kunai and adds one more gash to his arm. It's at that moment everyone remaining realize that they're self inflicted wounds. "You've got to try it! It tickles!"

"Stop him! Someone stop his bleeding!" The leader orders, but he's running out of shinobi to order around. He only has four left, that's including himself. He's already lost half of his forces.

"I can taste the color yellow!" The laughing man cackles in insanity. "Gee it's rather sour. I wonder what purple taste like? Oh what does it smell like!"

"Knock him out!" One of the four left shouts. Another quickly heeds the demand and with a quick and precise hit the laughing man falls quiet.

" _ **In the dark of the night evil will feast."**_

The monstrous voice is beyond excited now, ecstasy is the only word left to describe it.

"I'm getting real tired of this shit! We have explosive tags, I say we use them!" The kunoichi bends down to grab a handful. "Oh come the fuck on!"

"What now?!" A teammate shouts.

"They're fucking gone! Every single crate is gone! Now what the hell do we do?"

"It hurts!" The teammate that just shouted says. "My leg. It's on fire."

"Poison?" The leader barks out. "We're fighting a poison user?"

"Cut it off! Please! Someone cut it off! It's too much! The pain! Just cut it off before it gets worse! I don't want any more pain! Please!" The once proud shinobi is now begging on his knees.

The leader swiftly punches him in the temple, rendering him unconscious. He doesn't have time to deal with it yet, he has to focus on the immediate threat. The one that has taken down five out of the eight of them without once being seen.

If he wasn't currently in danger, he'd admire the skill of whoever this is.

" _ **In the dark of the night evil reigns supreme."**_

The monstrous voice takes on a new tone, it's not excited or ecstatic any longer. Now it's thrilled. Thrilled by the promise of the hunt, thrilled that its prey is falling to it so easily.

"Will you just shut up!" The kunoichi roars as she flies through hand signs. "Fire Release: Fireball!"

Her jutsu rages down the hallway, burning everything in it's path and throwing light everywhere. Chairs, tapestries and even suits of armor melt under the intensity of this jutsu.

But not the attacker. They're nowhere to be found.

"Oh come on! Where the hell is he?" The kunoichi roars again. "Did either of you two see him?"

"No." The leader replies.

Just the leader replies.

"Where the hell is our teammate?" The kunoichi spins around

"Gone. Like the others. It's just us now." The leader has drawn a grim conclusion. They underestimated the defenses in place. They didn't think their target could acquire someone this skilled, this strong. It's likely that they will fall here. "Back to back."

The last two shinobi stand at the ready with their backs nearly touching. They're covering as many angles as possible with as little room for error that they can manage.

" _ **In the dark of the night you're alone."**_

The voice doesn't boom this time. It doesn't thunder down the hall like all the other times.

This time it's a whisper right into the leaders ear.

"Fuck me." The leader harshly whispers out. "This is the end, isn't it?"

" _ **In the dark of the night evil has won!"**_

"Gah!" A scratchy voice says the moment she's the only one left conscious. "That is killer on the throat. Stupid people. Stupid socializing. Stupid Summoner. I don't know why I bothered answering."

* * *

With the Book Retrieval Teams

"Looks like this entire hallway is a bust." The leader of this group says. "Anyone find anything noteworthy?"

"Nothing worth stealing."

"Nope!"

"Negative."

"No."

"Dammit." The leader says once he has a reply from everyone present. "Hold on. There were eight of us. Now there's five."

"Shit!"

"Does that mean someone got three of us?"

"How does that even happen?"

"Who could even do that!"

"Adorable, you think I only got three of you." A smooth and cocky voice comes from inside one of the rooms that the shinobi have already cleared.

The gathered five shinobi don't waste time for their opponent to continue. They burst into the room to defeat him with focused anger, to avenge their fallen teammates.

"There's no one here." The leader says in surprise.

"But how?"

"The voice definitely came from inside here."

"The hell is going on?"

"Where are the bodies at?"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about yourselves?" The smooth cocky voice says from back out in the hallway.

The five shinobi leap back into the hallway with every sense strained to its maximum. Even then they don't find the speaker.

"After all, I didn't defeat three of you." The arrogance flowing in the words of the hidden speaker is palpable. "I defeated four of you."

"Shit." The leader says. "He replaced one of us. Roll call!"

Roll call, a standard way to identify an impostor. Prior to even leaving their home each individual shinobi is assigned a number. That number is used to identify themselves should something like this exact situation happen. If someone says the wrong number then that person is the impostor. Simple and effective.

"One." The leader says.

"Four."

"Six."

"Eight."

"Two."

"Shit. He must have gotten one of us to break." The leader assumes. "Okay, this requires a more personal touch."

"Alright, how do we do that?" Two asks.

"Six, where did we meet?" The leader asks.

"The prison complex. Guard duty." Six replies.

"Pass. Four, how did we meet?"

"I tied to pickpocket you and you caught me. Brought me back with you since you saw I had skill." Four answers.

"Pass. Eight, what were we doing when we met?"

"Really? I swear all men are pigs! You just had to pick that question for me didn't you? Nothing stays behind closed doors anymore. I was riding you like a champion! There, I said it! Is your ego satisfied? Cuz I sure wasn't!"

"Yeah totally not her." Two says and he gets nods from everyone else in agreement.

"Don't get mad at me I just proved your innocence!" The leader says. "Two -"

"We grew up together." Two cuts him off. "Now a question for you."

"Wait what?" The leader exclaims in surprise. "It's not me!"

"You sure?" Six says as he palms a kunai. "Everyone else passed. That leaves you."

'A drawn kunai, that's a little aggressive for a harmless question.' A melodic voice gently whispers into the leaders ears. 'Are you sure you can trust him?'

"Whoa just calm down! I'll answer a question, ask away!" The leader says as he eyes the drawn kunai. "No need to get stabby."

"Stabby?" Eight says. "Whose getting stabby?"

"Him!" The leader points at Six. "He's got a kunai and everything! I bet it's him!"

'Yes, I think you're right.' The melodic voice continues to tenderly reassure the leader. 'Are you going to remain defenseless while your enemy is armed? You don't want to die, do you?'

The leader quickly draws a kunai and falls back defensively.

His bold actions cause every other shinobi present to mimic him. They have a weapon drawn and their eyes are darting around in fear. Who is the plant? Which one of them has been replaced? Who can they trust?

"What the hell are you talking about?" Six shouts. "I didn't draw a kunai until after you did!"

'He lies!' The melodic voice lightly breathes into the ears of the leader.

"LIAR!" The leader shouts. "It's you!"

"Wait no it's -" Six doesn't get a chance to finish, Two clubbed him in the back of the head with the ring of a kunai.

"Right. That's that." Two dusts off his hands.

'No it's not over.' The smooth voice musically chimes into Eight's ear. 'It's a ploy, he's trying to deceive you! None of you would attack a teammate! He has to be the one!'

All of the shinobi straighten up, Eight included. Yet she's still on guard, she's staring intently at Two. As meaningless chitchat springs up between everyone, things like we have to find the others, she's prowling closer to the plant.

"Hey." She says, drawing the attention of Two and extends out a hand for a high five. "Good job."

"Thanks!" Two grins in happiness. Then his face breaks on her fist and he's rewarded with swift unconsciousness.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Four shouts at the Eight.

'It's her! Our leader was wrong Six was innocent!' A melodic voice frantically whispers to Four. 'Quickly! Strike her down before she kills anyone else!'

Four blurs forwards and backhands the kunoichi. The unexpected blow was easy to land and the surprise on her face was so good that Four wants to give the impostor an award for their acting skills. If he didn't know better he'd say it was real.

A strong arm wraps around Four's neck.

"Sorry about this if you're actually who you look like." The leader speaks. "But with all the shit that just went down I need to know that the enemy is out of commission. I know it's not me, but I can't prove it's not you. So sleep, I'll find the damn book myself."

Four crumples to the ground.

"Right. Well by default that means I got ya!" The leader tries to cheer himself up after watching his team rip themselves apart.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you didn't." The arrogant and cocky voice from before says from right behind him as a hand falls on his shoulder. "I take that back, I'd love too. In case you were wondering I never replaced anyone. You all defeated yourselves for me, it was hardly any work at all. You're all pathetic. None of you felt the trappings of genjutsu? None of you thought your actions were strange? Disgraceful. I expected a challenge."

The leader furiously whirls around with every intention of eviscerating this mongrel.

The last thing he sees are two burning eyes, the eyes of the devil himself.

* * *

With the Assassination Teams

"Alright." The Leader speaks up as all eight of them are just outside a grand door. "On the other side of this door is the Royal Court. Our target should be in there. We're going with standard procedure. My half is going in loud, we'll draw the attention of everyone there. All of his bodyguards should rush to defeat us, we're going to make it flashy. That means you four will go in quiet. Creep around the hall, get to the King, and take his head. Don't come help us until after the King is dead. No matter what you hear, what you see, keep going until the mission is complete. The mission comes first."

The Leader looks out over his shinobi. They're all ready for this. Their weapons are drawn. Their faces are set in excited determination. They are willing to face death for the thrill of victory. He couldn't be more proud. No doubt the rest of his shinobi, the other two groups, are feeling the same way. They're probably wrapping things up right now.

"Now, questions?" As usual the Leader asks. He expects to hear silence like normal. Like how it always is.

"I have one." An aristocratic voice, one dripping with authority, comes from the other side of the door. "Would all eight of you come join me?"

All eight shinobi are frozen on the spot. They've already been discovered and instead of running the King was waiting for them to show up? He's that confident in his bodyguards? That he didn't even bother to attempt to hide himself? Was he even hiding in this castle to begin with?

The grand double doors swing themselves open to reveal a brightly lit Royal Court. A deep red velvet carpet extends all the way from the doors to the bottom of the only chair in the room. No, the only throne in the room. Elegant purple drapes cover the windows and tapestries of unimaginable detail decorate the walls. The wealth in this room is overwhelming.

Then all eyes settle on the one person in the room.

Their target. The one they are here to assassinate. The King.

He's lounging casually on the grand throne. He's completely relaxed despite his dire situation. He is draped in a luscious red robe that falls regally down his back to almost touch the ground. The part on his shoulders is made of the softest white fur you can possibly imagine, it even wraps around his back to make it one piece. This once piece of the wardrobe is worth more money that every shinobi here combined has ever seen. Underneath that he's clad in the finest silks imaginable. Never before have they gazed upon such grace, such royalty.

Yet the elegant clothes of the King are not the most prominent feature. It's not his posture, even if he's radiating an intimidating aura the like of which only Orochimaru has displayed before. It's not his rapidly tapping finger either, the one that raps against the hard wooden arm of his throne as he gazes out at the shinobi in growing ire.

The most prominent and horrifying feature is his crown. It is not a golden crown like everyone expected. It's a crown made of pure black thorns. Usually that wouldn't phase even the most undisciplined of them, but the crown is moving. It's _alive._

"Come now, I know that it seems outlandish to you but there is no reason I cannot be civil." The false friendly tone shifts to one of undeniable anger. "You all cannot say the same. Breaking into my home! Attempting to steal my possessions! Plotting to blow up my castle! I will not stand for such insolence! You're lucky I don't have you squished like the meddlesome insects you are."

Not a single shinobi has moved since the doors opened. They simply can't process what is happening. How can one man be so bold?

"Do no be confounded by the illusion of choice!" The King roars as he slams a fist into the arm of his throne. "Do not mistake my kindness for weakness! **Approach me!** "

The Leader pulls himself out of his shock. This changes nothing, the King will die. In fact this makes it much easier, he's alone and undefended.

"Well then, we might as well humor the dead man." He quietly whispers to his shinobi and they all chuckle behind him. "His arrogance will be his downfall. He thinks he's untouchable."

"I am not untouchable." The King cheerfully cuts in to the shock of the shinobi, he shouldn't have heard that. But now the King's anger is gone since the shinobi are doing as he commanded. They are rapidly closing the distance between them. "I know that. But no one here is capable of reaching my pedestal. No one here can hope to match me!"

"So." The Leader blatantly ignores the King's words. "Since we're humoring you, why don't you humor me. I've got a question for you."

"Oh?" The King leans forward in his throne. "This is new. I've never had assassins with the sheer gall to speak like that! You've caught my interest and as such I will spare your lives for a little longer. Ask your question."

"Thanks?" The Leader says, he's not sure if that was a compliment or not. "How did you know our objectives?"

"Do you really think I don't have my own resources at my command? My own schemes and plots?" The King lazily drawls out as the eight shinobi stop before his elevated throne. He's raised up on a platform of stone to symbolize that he's above everyone else. "May you be one with the shadows? May the shadows be one with you? You know nothing of the shadows. The shadows are not your ally. The shadows are not your friend. _You disgrace the shadows._ "

"How do you know those words?" A speck of fear starts to manifest in the Leader. Their sacred words were only spoken outside the castle in the dead of night under a slight downpour. There is no way the King could know them. It's impossible.

"It does not matter. I will not reveal my skills so easily even if you are all dead men." The King dismisses the question with a relaxed wave that only the highest of nobles are capable of doing. "Are you stalling? Are you waiting until your reinforcements arrive to assault me with overwhelming numbers?"

"No." The Leader confidently says. Yet deep down in his gut he knows that something is wrong. This is not how their target should be acting. He should be begging for his life on his knees, not lavishly sitting on his throne while bossing them around. The speck of fear grows a little larger. "We don't need them."

"Good, I was hoping you would say that since your backup will not be coming." An evil grin splits the King's face, the likes of which they have only seen one person equal. Their Kage, Orochimaru himself. "You're other two groups have already been defeated."

"What!" The Leader balks at the absurd notion. "Bullshit!"

" _You will not use such foul language in my house!"_ The King leaps to his feet. "Do you understand me, peon?"

"Yes." The Leader forces out for the sake of his shinobi. He needs to know what happened to them. "I apologize, it will not happen again."

"Good!" The King merrily sits back down. "You want to know where your shinobi are?"

"Yes I do." The Leader replies in a controlled calm. That little speck of fear is not so little anymore.

The King doesn't vocally reply. Instead he smiles a vindictive smile and points upwards towards the ceiling.

"N-no way." The Leader's confidence waivers for the first time in years. "It can't be."

"It is." The King is greatly amused by the now fretting shinobi. It's not just the Leader, every single one is gawking at the ceiling. "The other livestock have already been defeated."

Up on the ceiling is a terrifying mass of webs so massive that it spans the entire length and width of the Royal Court. It's a truly impressive sight, impressive and scary. To make such a large structure is not an easy feat for anyone, man or beast alike. This goes doubly since the webs were not here last week when they cased the castle.

But it is not the impressive structure that truly captivates the eight shinobi. It's what's in the web. A spider so massive that she could rival prized stallions in sheer size. She's staring down at the eight shinobi in hunger, she views them as nothing more than livestock to be caught then swiftly devoured. She's not alone in the web, countless other spiders are swarming across it. They range in size from a small dog to the normal sized spiders everyone is used to. They move independently of each other, scuttling back and forth endlessly. They're going about their own tasks, but each spider has something in common. They're looking at the shinobi like they're prey.

It's at this moment, when each shinobi are watching the smaller spiders move about, they notice exactly where their teammates are.

There's a mass of pure white webs on one part of the massive web. It took a moment to recognize it because the endlessly moving small spiders are constantly crawling over it. They're adding to the cocoon, making sure the captive has no chance – not the faintest glimmer of hope – to escape. But the cocoon is not covering their entire body, the spiders that spun these bindings are cruel and malicious. The unfortunate soul who is inside has their eyes exposed. They can see what's going on, and they're angled to look down at the rest of their free teammates. They have a front row seat to watch as their friends join their fate.

That is just one of sixteen similar cocoons. They're all arranged evenly in a circle around the stallion sized spider. It's the exact amount of shinobi the other two teams were made of.

"L-livestock?" The Leader stutters out. His resolve has broken. The once small speck of fear has grown into terror. "That's all we are to you?"

"Yes." The King grins in madness. "I have many mouths that need feeding."

"I don't think there's much meat on their bones, My Liege." A regal voice says from behind the throne and its owner steps into the light. "Perhaps we just kill them?"

"Butler, Arachne needs food. Yes this batch of livestock is not fit for human consumption but spiders are not that picky."

"Yes, you have an excellent point as always." The Butler bows slightly to the King. "Also, they were after a specific book. One called _The Great Outdoors._ It has already been moved to a secure location."

"As exceptional as ever!" The King praises his Butler. "But it would not matter if they had it in their possession. No one leaves this room tonight."

"Shall I dispose of them for you?" The Butler asks as his eyes burn like coals.

"No." The King rises from his throne. "This requires a more personal touch. They barged into my home. They attempt to steal from me. They attempt to destroy what's mine. They need to be punished." The King unclasps his magnificent robe and lets the fortune fall to the floor.

"My Liege? They're far beneath someone of your station! Surely I will suffice!" The Butler insists.

"I will not allow hooligans to run freely in my castle!" The King doesn't bother to pull his elegant silk shirt over his head. He rips it off of himself. "They shall know fear! They shall know fury! They shall know pain!"

Each shinobi is openly staring at the crazy King. He's covered in scars. Not just any scars, these scars are not marks of numerous accidents. They're not the result of torture. These scars have been earned through sweat and blood. They are battle scars. The scars of a survivor.

The scars of a shinobi.

They were misinformed, hugely misinformed. Their target is a fighter. Their target is dangerous. Their target is a shinobi who has lived through countless battles pure confidence he's oozing can only mean one thing, he's won almost all of them.

As an insurmountable killing intent surges over every shinobi present they all draw another impossible conclusion. This King, this shinobi, this monster, is worlds apart from them. They have no hope of matching him.

The King smoothly slides into an advanced combat stance. "I will be the one to teach them their lessons. Now who is first?"

How did this happen? They are one of Orochimaru's elite teams. They are one of the strongest forces at his command. They have proven themselves to their Kage time and time again. They haven't tasted bitter defeat in years.

Yet tonight they have been defeated. They've lost before the first punch was even thrown. No, they lost the moment they showed up. The King knew their every move from the second they laid eyes on his castle. They've disappointed their Kage.

"We forfeit." The Leader says. "You win."

"OH COME ON! I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN YOU ASSHOLES!" Alvarcus roars at the shinobi before him, dropping the inspiring act of a King.

" _Finally!_ " Sasuke sags in relief. "Do you have any idea how uncomfortable these damn suits are? They're just terrible! And this is the second time you forced me into one! No more!"

"Oh shut up! At least you got to beat some of them!"

 **SCREEEECH**

A loud sound of microphone feedback resonates through the entire castle.

"Alvarcus and Sasuke have won their first War Game! Congratulations!"

"Yay for us." Alvarcus groans out.

"I want to be on his team next time." One of the shinobi mumbles to himself.

* * *

Orochimaru's Office

"So what did you two think?" Orochimaru eagerly asks his two students.

Sasuke and I are each sitting down. Sasuke is sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair and I'm lounging in the throne.

"And why do you have that Alvarcus?" Orochimaru adds on.

"What, you think I wasn't going to add a badass looking throne to my furniture collection? I've always wanted a throne and you handed one to me on a silver platter. It was just sitting in that castle growing dusty." I rub the arms appreciatively. "Also can I keep the book they were after? I'm a fan of the author."

"Fine. I don't even know which book it was, an underling set up the entire affair." Orochimaru sighs. "I don't know why I didn't expect you bringing the throne with you."

"He's also looking for an armchair." Sasuke blandly adds. He's ignoring the book because he knows who wrote it. "He's manifested the weirdest hobby ever."

"Yes, yes, let's move on." Orochimaru straightens and eagerly looks at us again. "So, what did you two think?"

"You need better shinobi." Sasuke dryly says. "I only took down four. I used genjutsu to make the rest defeat themselves. It was easy, too easy. I expected better. I had no problem hiding in the shadows the entire time and I went against the recon group. They had to have sensors."

"I didn't even touch one of them!" I sob. "All my fun! Gone! Just like that!"

"You had fun." Sasuke points out. "You wouldn't quit pestering me until I relented and let you play King. We could have dealt with them easily as a pair and had some random person be the King but you wanted to let one group through to go on the whole monologue thing. I can't believe I let that happen, I even wore that damn suit. _Never again!_ "

"Wait a moment." Orochimaru looks at Sasuke. "You defeated the recon team. The assault team confronted Alvarcus and then surrendered. So who defeated the demolition team?"

"Dokuso. One of my Summons." I am so proud of her! She brought down eight shinobi all by herself! Given she's naturally camouflaged and probably poisoned them with her concoctions but still! I bet it was one hell of a fight. I really need to watch her work sometime. "She left the moment she brought Arachne the bodies. Said something about needing to tweak a few poisons. She didn't even say goodbye either!"

"Well I'll have you both know that I deem you ready for missions again." Orochimaru's face is lit up in joy. "To think that the both of you have progressed so far that defeating one of my best squads is 'too easy!'"

"Hold up." I cut in. "They were some of your best?"

"Believe it or not, yes." Orochimaru smiles fondly at his memories. "They've proved themselves over and over in the War Games. I consider them to be one of my best assets. They've triumphed over some strong B-rank threats and a few low A-rank ones too."

"You might want to reevaluate that." Pfft yeah right. They're not one of his best, they can't be. "We got them to surrender. They didn't even have the guts to fight me!"

"Can you blame them?" Orochimaru says. "They recognized you."

"So?" I'm confused. "Why does that matter?"

"You've made quite a name for yourself." Orochimaru snickers. "After all you're the Pr-"

"NO!" I leap out of my throne and cut him off. "I was joking when I said that! Please say it didn't stick! It sounds so lame! LAME!"

"Who would have thought that the Prince of Sound is a joker!" Sasuke doesn't even attempt to hide his laughter.

"NOOOOOO!" I wail as I fall to my knees and shake my fist at the heavens. "NOOOOOO!"

At least it's better than Muffins.

* * *

With Alvarcus and Sasuke, Outside Orochimaru's Office

"Hey Alvarcus." Sasuke casually opens up conversation.

"What's up?" I ask him. Usually he'd be ranting about how utterly crazy and ridiculous I am right now.

"You've got a tail." He subtly snags a senbon out of his holster.

"Yeah, she's been following me since we got back to the main island." I reply.

"Want me to get rid of her?" He rolls the senbon between his fingers.

"Nah don't worry about it. She's harmless."

Sasuke pins me in a stare. It's one that he frequently uses on me, it's his 'are you stupid' look.

"Okay fine she's harmless to me." I amend my former statement. "Probably? I think?"

"And what makes you draw that conclusion? If she's here then she's a kunoichi." Sasuke flicks his senbon back into the hostler.

"I met her yesterday along with her team. They all decided to befriend Orochimaru-sama's kid."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, we even had this huge conversation about me before they even knew it was me. It was super hilarious yet terribly awkward all at the same time."

"Bet that was fun."

"It's certainly a first for me. So yeah, I doubt she's got anything malicious planned."

"I'll be going then. I've got to get out of this penguin suit then burn it. Then burn the ashes." Sasuke and I part ways, he's heading to his room and I'm going towards my lab. I want to check on the liquids to see what chakra levels each has.

"You know I know you're there, right?" I call out behind me.

A head of brown hair with two cat ears is poking around the corner of the hallway I just turned down. She's barely even trying to hide. "Yes."

"But you're still sneaking after me? I don't mind if you join me."

"It's more fun this way." Her ears twitch playfully. "I'm a cat, it's what we do. Prowl around after our prey! Er friends! I meant friends! Uh... meow?"

"Is this how everyone else feels when they deal with me?" I mutter to myself. Then I raise my voice so she can hear me. "You can drop the act around me Maiko. You don't have to act like a cat at all."

"What makes you think I'm acting?" She gives up on hiding around the corner and starts to walk over to join me as her tail dances behind her.

"Because I'm a much better actor than you. We have our own masks that we hide behind. You have been ridiculed because of your new feline additions and instead of hiding in shame because of them you've embraced it. You've decided that the best way for the teasing and insults to stop is to act like you actually are part cat now. The sad thing is, I think it worked."

"But I _am_ a cat now. Thanks to your pops." She quips back with her usual attitude of playfulness.

"No you are _human._ I refuse to accept that you're anything less. I don't care if you have cat ears and a tail. I don't care if you have a turtle's shell on your back. I don't care if you're changed into anything, animal or otherwise. _You're human._ "

"Hm." Her playfulness dwindles. She's starting to show the real Maiko. "What makes you feel that way?"

"If you're not human then what does that make me?" I coolly reply.

"I don't follow." Maiko and I start to walk down the hallway side by side. "You're much more human than I am."

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" I get a faraway look in my eyes before I focus them back on her. "You have a handful of new additions. You didn't lose anything, all you did was gain. But me? I lost everything, it's been replaced. There's more _something_ in me than there is human now. By a very, very large margin. So that's why I say you're human. Because if someone who only has a couple animal traits isn't human, then what would that make me?"

"You know you're a lot more insightful than you look." Maiko has dropped all of her catlike mannerisms. "But there's something you got wrong."

"Do tell, I always enjoy thought provoking conversations like this." Sure it's fun to act like an idiot all the time but I do like having these talks too. There's just something cool about discussing a topic so passionately with another person.

"I enjoy acting like a cat." Maiko playfully swats at me and I block her. And like that Neko-chan is back. "It's not all an act, I think it's fun!"

"Well I can relate to that." I cave in and let her land a swat on me so she'll stop trying. "I'm known for being unorthodox myself."

"But really though, I am part cat now." She gets slightly more serious. "Have you heard the phrase cats have nine lives?"

"Yes?" I wonder where that came from?

"It's actually not wrong. Some of the more... mystical cats actually do have nine lives, it's a status symbol among them. The further on in your lives you are the older and wiser and powerful you are. It's become such a key part to those mystical cats that every single cat, mystical or not, can sense how many times another has died. It's a way of knowing who is strong and who is weak, who to respect and who to protect. It's the duty of those who have lived multiple lives to defend those who haven't."

"That's neat." Where is she going with this? "I never knew there was truth behind that legend."

"There is. And I've inherited that trait." She steps in front of me, forcing our eyes to meet. She's barely fifteen centimeters away from my face, all I can see is hers. Her large round eyes searching into my hidden ones, looking for something. "You're on your second life."

"You're very insightful yourself Maiko." There's a hint of danger in my voice. "It's best that no one knows that piece of information outside of us."

"It is what draws me to you. You are strong and I am weak. It's only natural that I seek you out." She slowly closes the distance between us, millimeter by millimeter. "Where others feel fear, I feel warmth. Where others feel terror, I feel safe. When others want to run away, I want to claim you as mine."

"Everyone that gets close to me dies." I smoothly say despite my growing concern for my virtue. Is that concern? Yeah let's say that's concern. "For some strange reason it's usually the females that die. I've already lost three, Sakura, Gina and Tayuya. One of them I killed myself."

"Just because they've died doesn't mean I will." She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me in closer still. "Let me claim you."

We're a hairsbreadth apart.

"NEKO-CHAN NO!" Karin roars as she rounds the corner of the hallway. She's sweating and out of breath. She must have ran here. "BAD KITTY! BAD!"

"Aw but he likes it!" Maiko purrs as she spins around me to hug my back. Her arms are draped over my shoulders and she's looking over them at the fuming Karin. "I was so close too! Just one more second!"

"You've never felt like this before! I _knew_ something was wrong! I knew it!" Karin stomps over and peels Maiko off of me. "Are you going into heat or something? Jeez girl you feel fucking _horny!_ "

"Ahem. Right here." I awkwardly clear my throat. "Shouldn't you wait until I'm gone or something?"

"And _you!_ " She rounds onto me. "Don't think I don't feel yours either! Keep it in your pants! Orochimaru-sama's son will not be corrupted by some harlot on my watch!"

"Just because I'm attracted to someone doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. What? What's with those looks?"

"You're a guy." Both Karin and Maiko deadpan to me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You know what, fuck this."

"How about you fuck me instead? I will be a lot more fun!" Maiko attempts to get past Karin and fails.

"I'm outta here." I walk past the bickering girls and make my way to wherever the hell I was going. I've totally forgot what I was doing.

"What the hell Neko-chan?" Karin rebukes the feline girl. "I get that he's cute and he's Orochimaru-sama's son on top of that but still!"

"Oh he's much more than that." Maiko purrs. "If you get Sasuke then I get Alvarcus."

"DEAL!" Karin shouts. "Er what? No that's not how this works!"

"Too late, you accepted!" I can feel Maiko's eyes on my back. "He's _mine._ Plus have you seen that ass?"

"Yes. Yes I have." Karin smirks to herself. "I'm his medic, I've seen almost all of him."

"You. Details. _NOW!_ " Maiko grabs Karin by the hand and drags her away.

* * *

The Next Day, Alvarcus's Lab

"I'm going to brutally murder whoever did this." I look out over my lab.

My no longer pristine and orderly lab. My tables have been flipped over. My beakers have all been smashed. My notes have all been burnt. My in-progress seals have been shredded. My entire lab has been trashed.

"Brutally murder over the course of five hours. _Minimum_." I harshly and gravelly snarl out into my lab. "Jiongu, can you sense any residual chakra at all?"

 _~No, I can only sense affinities and quantity of chakra a person has. I cannot sense traces like you're asking.~_

"That's fine. I know someone who can." I whirl around and storm out of my lab.

* * *

The Defense Room

It's in this large and circular room that everything dealing with the defense of Orochimaru's greatest Prison Complex happens. Ranging from detail maps and shinobi who have great skill commanding large forces, to a stand by squad of shinobi that will leap into action to deal with any threats, to the sensor shinobi who alternate scanning the surrounding area. There are numerous other cogs to the machine that is the Defense Room, but those are the only ones I care about.

Not even all of them. There's only one person here that I care about and the only reason I do is because I need their skills.

"KARIN!" I fling the door open with so much force it shakes the wall it slammed into.

"Alvarcus-sama, how may I be of assistance?" Karin quickly makes her way to me and kneels down respectfully. "I... I didn't offend you, did I? If so I apologize for whatever it might be and beg that you let me redeem myself! I'll never come between you and Neko-chan again if that's what you want!"

"The fuck are you on about?" I snarl, letting my anger seep over into my words. "I don't give a shit about that."

"Y-your chakra." Karin whispers out in pure terror while obviously submitting herself to me. "It feels like – like pure fury. I felt it minutes ago, you changed from playful joy to rage in an instant. It's terrifying."

That's right, she's an empathetic sensor. She not only senses chakra but emotions as well. And right now I'm _livid._

"You are not the source of my... displeasure." As I say those words Karin visibly relaxes. But by no means is she truly relaxed, she's still on guard. She's still worried about becoming the source of my anger. "I need your help. Come with me."

"Of course." Karin rises up and falls in step behind me as we walk towards the exit.

"You can't just take her away from her duties!" One of the senior sensory shinobi shouts at me.

"Yes I can." I don't bother to look at him. "Or do you want to stop me?"

"Karin has been assigned a task by Orochimaru-sama himself!" The senior shinobi sunshins between me and the exit. "She does not get to leave until her shift is up!"

"I am not mad at you." I harshly fume at the senior shinobi. "That is why I will give you one chance. _Move._ "

"Please move." Karin whispers to her comrade. "Please. Alvarcus wouldn't do this unless something was really wrong."

"I will not." The senior shinobi stands resolutely between me and the exit.

"Fine." I lash out at the fool with ten whips of pure fire. They're coming at impossible angles to give him zero chance to escape or dodge me.

I feel sadistic glee at the whites of his eyes.

All ten of the fire whips wrap around him and start to burn through his clothes. Through his mesh armor. Through every protective layer he has until they're searing his skin.

His screams are delightful, like an appetizer of what is to come.

I let the whips fade and the shinobi crumples to the ground. He's still alive. In unadulterated agony, but alive.

"If anyone else gets in my way they will not be as lucky as this fool." I gesture at the moaning heap of charred flesh. "So don't get in my way. Karin. Come. The longer we take the colder the trail will be."

"O-of course." She looks down at the shinobi in pity.

* * *

Back at Alvarcus's Lab

"Reach your senses out and tell me who was here." I gesture at the ruined room. "Tell me who did this."

"O-okay." She stutters. "But... what are you going to do with them?"

"Kill them." I snarl out. "The Jiongu has been bored lately, I think I'm going to let it play with them until it's satisfied. Then they die."

 _~Have I ever mentioned that you're my favorite host? Because you are.~_

"R-right." Karin scrunches up her nose, no doubt pushing her sensing capabilities to their limits. "I-I can feel two f-faint residual chakras. I-I don't know who they are, but I c-can take you to them."

"Please do." I will make them an example. They will be a reminder to not fuck with me.

* * *

The Mess Hall

"T-they're inside." Karin forces out despite her fear. "Both of them."

"Good." That makes this easier. "Wait out of sight for a moment."

I shove the doors open and they slam into the wall with a loud bang. The noise draws everyone's attention to me.

"This is your one chance!" I roar into the packed room. "If you're the one who trashed my lab come own up to it now and I will take it easy on you. If you beg for forgiveness at my feet I will lessen your punishment. Let's see if you have any honor at all."

The Mess Hall falls deathly quiet. Everyone is looking around, trying to spot anyone who looks even the tiniest bit guilt.

No one answers my proclamation.

"So be it. I will find you myself. Karin, who are they?" I snarl out.

Karin steps into the doorway to join me. She doesn't get a chance to speak before two shinobi leap to their feet with every intention of fleeing from me.

They don't make it a single step. Two large masses of black threads fall from the ceiling and land on the shinobi. The threads wrap around their limbs ensnaring them, cutting off all hope of escape. I've caught them.

"Thank you Karin, you can go back to your duties." I dismiss her but she doesn't leave. She stands there watching me. If she wants to stay I will not stop her. "Now, you two."

The Jiongu monsters that I snuck into the Mess Hall before I opened the door drag the culprits to my feet.

 _~When can I start to play?~_

"You've fucked up." I snarl at them letting all of my rage wash over them. "Did you think that I wouldn't seek you out? Did you think that I would roll over and take it? Did you think that I wouldn't make finding and punishing you two my greatest priority? You both had the wonderful idea to trash my lab. Now you pay the price."

I spin on my heel and start to walk out of the silent Mess Hall with my monsters bringing my first test subjects behind me.

 _~We're not going to play here? It's so much more fun with an audience.~_

"Al-Alvarcus?" Karin hesitantly calls out to me.

"Yes?" I pause my quick walk for her. She helped me find them, the least I can do is listen to her.

"Are you really going to kill them?" There isn't fear in her eyes anymore. There's just pity. She's wondering how the happy and go lucky kid she met can change into _me._

"I am." I resume my quick walk and exit the Mess Hall.

"Alvarcus Mar." I faintly hear Karin whisper to herself. "Son of Orochimaru-sama. The Heart Thief. What has happened to you to make you like this? What atrocities have you lived through that make you take such actions? What intense suffering have you endured? What burden do you carry on your shoulders? Just who are you? What kind of a person lies underneath all of your masks? A good one? Or a bad one? When I peel them all away and look at the real you what will I see? Will it be the Heart Thief? Perhaps the son of Orochimaru-sama? Who is Alvarcus Mar? Is he a man or a monster?"

* * *

Orochimaru's Office

"Orochimaru-sama." I pound on the door to his office. "I need a favor."

"What?" His incensed reply doesn't phase me. "I have already found the material you've asked for, it's in the Land of Snow. Do you need further assistance with the sword? I didn't think you were that incompetent to come to me every time you run into an obstacle."

"No. It's something different. Though thank you for finding the material for me, we'll have to talk more about it later." I open the door to his office and walk in. My monsters bring in my captives behind me. "This is much more important."

"What are you doing with two of my shinobi?" Orochimaru eyes them in disdain. He doesn't want to be bothered right now.

I don't care.

"That's part of the favor. I want access to your lab for a few hours." I let a hint of my fury leak into my voice as I look at the trapped shinobi. "These two thought it was a good idea to destroy mine, so they're going to be punished. Severely."

"And why does that require my lab?" Orochimaru's ire is slowly fading. As he learns more about the situation he's growing more curious. "Just flay them somewhere, that should be enough."

"Not to me." I snarl out. "They've set me back weeks on the sword. Not only did they crush every single beaker I had they burned all of my notes. All of my ideas on how to make it, how each part works together. That's not the worst of it, no those parts are relatively easy to do over. The worst part is that they burned the notes that had the beginnings to my ideas on how to structure the seal itself. I have to start from the beginning again."

" _Really?_ " Orochimaru's anger is back but now it's directed at the caught shinobi. "You both are lucky it is not me who is exacting revenge. You would not survive it."

"They're not going to survive mine." I growl out and each shinobi starts leaking tears. I turn away from the disgraces and look at Orochimaru. "You're going to want to be there."

"Oh?" Orochimaru looks pissed off, but under that is a hint of pride. He's glad I'm taking my revenge so severely. I am too, they deserve no less. "And why is that?"

"I'm going to switch their organs one at a time. I want to see how long they can survive." As my words reach Orochimaru an eager grin splits his face. "If I recall correctly you wanted to observe something like this."

"Yes, yes I do. Consider my schedule cleared until we're finished." Orochimaru rises up from his desk and we both exit his office. "Come, we shall make this a bonding experience. Do you know the correct way to peel back skin to expose a chest cavity without the patient going unconscious?"

"I was going to sheer off the skin and keep them awake by letting the Jiongu continuously cause them pain. It has been begging me to let it start since I caught them."

Orochimaru glances at the two test subjects behind us. "Well there are two of them, there's no reason we can't do both."

"You know the human body better than I do, which organ should we start with?" I throw a look over my shoulder at the two test subjects. "I want to make sure they last as long as possible."

"Muscle groups." Orochimaru instantly replies. "It is a good place for you to start so you can get acquainted with the process. If you screw that up it will not shorten their length of usefulness. Once you become more confident we can move to the more fun organs. The kidneys, the liver, the spleen, the stomach and the rest of them."

"I wonder if swapping their hearts will cause them to swap chakra too?"

"We can certainly find out." Orochimaru smiles in joy. "You truly are my child, I don't think I've ever been more proud of you."

* * *

With Jiraya and Naruto

"Jiraya-sensei. Please. Can we just go back to Konoha now?" Naruto whines.

"Nope!" Jiraya starts to drool as he's walking towards a specific building. "When I said I was going to visit every brothel on the way back to Konoha I wasn't kidding!"

"Konoha is literally a four hour's run from here!" Naruto shouts! "Please! You can skip one! That's all I'm asking!"

"Hehehehe! Nope!" Jiraya steps into the building and his eyes bug out of his head. "YES! Is the Madam of the house in? I'd like to talk business with her."

"Probably setting up a tab for himself." Naruto mutters in defeat. "We'll be here all night."

"Of course Jiraya-sama!" One of the girls says and struts off to fetch the Madam.

"Why do they all know you on sight?" Naruto whines. "Every damn house we go to they all know you! All of them!"

"Oh that's simple." Jiraya eagerly watches a pair of girls walk by. Only one of them is an employee. "I own them."

"WHAT?! YOU OWN THE GIRLS?!" Naruto shouts in disbelief.

"No! The brothels, I own the brothels!" Jiraya quickly clears up.

"Oh thank Kami!" Naruto sags in relief. "I thought... never mind. But that explains so much."

"Does it?" Jiraya tears his gazes off of the scenery to look at his student. He's hoping that the dense gennin has finally figured out exactly why they come to so many brothels.

"Yeah it's no wonder you never go broke! They all work for you!" Naruto accuses.

"And to think I had hope for you." Jiraya shakes his head. "Have you ever wondered why we visit so many brothels?"

"Because you're a pervert." Naruto deadpans to his sensei. "And I'm not adding in super. You don't deserve the satisfaction."

"One of these days." Jiraya grins to himself. He'll corrupt Naruto eventually. "But no, that's just a bonus. A very nice bonus! Ahem. No, the reason we come here is because I'm a spymaster."

"Huh? What's that got to do with anything?" Naruto scratches his head.

"When enjoying the fruits of the opposite sex – or the same if you swing that way – people tend to be more loose lipped. They're quicker to brag about something to try and impress. You would not believe the things people will say before getting laid. Or during. Or after. And occasionally they say something they shouldn't, they say something that is a secret."

"And once one of the girls hears a secret, they make sure that the person has a fantastic time so they come back and spill even more. Then they come tell me, and once this sorry excuse for a man walks through my door I tell him." The Madam gestures towards one of the private rooms. One with a bed. "So Jiraya, want to mix work and pleasure?"

"Naughty girl!" Jiraya giddily skips over to join the Madam. "Why don't we just do pleasure first then work after? Then pleasure again. And if you're up for it again after that."

"Don't you mean if _you're_ up for it?" The Madam teases as she lets the door swing closed. "You're getting old. I hear men of your age start to have problems."

"Why don't we find out together?"

The door closes much to Naruto's relief.

* * *

Hours Later, Alvarcus's Room

I'm laying on my bed and blankly looking upwards. I'm not even under the covers or in pajamas. I'm still in full mission gear. I'm not focused on anything either, I'm not even thinking at all. I'm just laying there. Doing absolutely nothing. Simply letting everything that has happened today sink in.

Hours pass and I don't move. I'm barely breathing and blinking.

"I guess I finally have lost that last shred of humanity." My voice breaks the hours long silence. "I don't even feel bad about my actions. Not one morsel of regret. I enjoyed that. I had fun. So much for that speech to Maiko yesterday, I'm no better than Orochimaru now."

"I wouldn't go that far, you have such potential." An unknown voice says from my couch.

I lazily tilt my head towards whoever has snuck into my room. I can't bring myself to care right now. If they attack me they die. Until then I'm not moving.

The unknown voice belongs to a man. He's wearing an all black cloak with a high collar. He has very short black hair. And an orange spiral mask. The unknown man isn't an unknown at all.

"Hello." I greet him warmly, as if he's an old friend that I haven't seen in years. "Are you here to kill me?"

"Kill you?" He says in mock shock. "No. I've come to see you. Everyone else won't quit talking about you, I've come to judge you myself. You've become quite popular among my group. There's even a betting pool on who will run into you next."

"Oh." That's strange. They shouldn't care about me. "And what do you think of me?"

"You can become great." He confidently says. "But Orochimaru will only get you so far."

"True." Orochimaru will only get me so far because I'm going to kill him. "But he can get me S-rank. That's all I need."

"Of course he can." He spreads out more on my couch, he's lounging like he's at home. "Orochimaru is very skilled himself and the rate that you grow is exceptional. But what do you plan to do once you have achieved S-rank? What then? Kill him and take over Otogakure? Burn the village that branded you a missing nin to the ground? Or will you wander around without purpose? Without direction?"

"I've never really thought about it." This feels like he's recruiting me. That can't possibly be happening. "S-rank has been a dream of mine since I first picked up a kunai. But I've never thought about what I would do next."

"I can offer you a purpose." He is recruiting me. What the hell? "But I won't tell you what it is, you have to pass a test of mine. It's to see if you're worthy of joining my cause. Orochimaru has a ring in his possession. It is a very special ring, one that has 'void' engraved upon a blue signet. Find the ring and make it yours. Wear it upon your left little finger and eventually all will become clear."

How very interesting. Though it was never confirmed or explained I've always thought that the rings were how the Akatsuki had their mass meetings. The rings are all linked together and project an astral image into a specific location to enable long distance communication. They also double as something like a phone, Pain can call anyone wearing the rings and the two of them will be able to hear each other. I think it's how they coordinate themselves so well, they have nearly instantaneous communication. It also explains why the rings didn't matter to Tobi when he took over the Akatsuki, if he wanted to talk to someone he can just teleport to them.

"What if I find my own purpose?"

"Then don't put on the ring." He shrugs in indifference. "I will not force this choice onto you, it's one you have to make yourself. But know this, if you put on the ring before you make your dream a reality I will kill you. I do not allow the weak to join me."

"I won't wear it." My words are spoken with a sense of finality. "I forge my own path in life. I will not bend to your will. I will not bend to anyone's will. Even now I am only using Orochimaru, he has a purpose. Once that purpose is fulfilled he will be discarded like my home village."

"That only makes me want you to join more." The true leader of the Akatsuki says as space itself distorts around him. "You will never see me again unless you wear the ring. I will not waste my time and effort on an asset that will not be profitable."

"Say hello to Kakuzu for me. He's the only one of you that I like." I say as he starts to be sucked into the tear in space. "Although you're the only one who hasn't -"

"Goodbye Muffins."

"FUCK YOU NOW I'M NEVER JOINING!"

He vanishes into the swirl, leaving me alone again.

"So." I say out loud to myself. "That happened."

I've always held the notion that Tobi or Obito or Madara – fuck it he's Tobi for now – would appear before me but I never thought he would do it with an offer to join the Akatsuki. I've always thought it would be because I've messed up and he found out that I know too much about his whole operation and then he'd kill me.

Guess I was wrong?

Instead he wants me to get Orochimaru's ring and wear it myself.

He wants me to join the Akatsuki.


	55. Chapter 55

"I'm almost back!" Naruto shouts as he's giddily hopping in place. "I can see the walls! The walls! Finally!"

"Alright brat, calm down." Jiraya smiles down at his student. Today is the day, they've finally made it back to Konoha.

"I have so much to tell everyone!" Naruto is basically vibrating in energetic joy. "I should take them all out for ramen! That's a great idea! Then we can catch up and I can see Teuchi and Ayame too!"

"Ah. Right. So about that." Jiraya turns away from Naruto in shame.

"What about that?" Naruto gets serious for a moment. "If this has been some elaborate prank the entire time I will get revenge. You'll never see another bath house. Ever."

"NO!" Jiraya reels back in fear. "Nothing so severe! It's just you're not going to be staying in the village that long."

"What? I thought you were going on some long and dangerous mission?" Naruto questions. "Is it going to be short or something?"

"I am. It's also life threatening, don't forget that! But you're supposed to be out of the village. It's going to stay that way. You'll barely be here overnight."

"That sucks." Naruto shrugs. "But I can still take everyone out for dinner or something. Check in and say hi and all that."

"Yeah... you can't do that." Jiraya bluntly says.

" _What?_ " Naruto seethes. "Why not?!"

"Kiddo, right now there are only three people who know you're coming back. Tsunade, me, and you. And only three others are going to be added to that list. Three very trustworthy people who will be your teammates. We're sneaking into Konoha, I'm dropping you off, you're getting a mission, you sleep for the night in a very safe place, then you leave on the mission. You don't have time to socialize and the fewer people who know that you were here the better. We can't afford to broadcast your location. You're progressing rapidly but you're not a match for a S-rank threat."

"Yeah well you're not a match for a S-rank threat!" Naruto throws an insult at his teacher.

"Uh... I _am_ a S-rank threat?" Jiraya says in confusion. "Some S-rank shinobi aren't a threat to me, that's how good your sensei is. Or did you forget that Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki ran away when I showed up?"

"Hey look! I can make out the front gates!" Naruto points. "Look how pretty it is with the sunrise coming over the Hokage Monument. Konoha I've missed you!"

"Oh that reminds me." Jiraya snags the back of Naruto's shirt before the latter can run off towards the gates. "We're taking the backdoor."

"Wait there's a backdoor?" Naruto looks up at Jiraya in curiosity. "How come I've never heard about it?"

"Because you're still a gennin." Jiraya drags Naruto off the road to head to the secret entrance. "While I am one of the Legendary Sannin. I know about all the backdoors."

"There's more than one?"

"Kiddo we're shinobi. Of course there's more than one."

"Right. Stupid question."

* * *

Otogakure, Alvarcus's Lab

"Fuck me." I look over the mess that used to be my lab. "I should have made those assholes clean this up before Orochimaru and I had fun. _Fuck!_ That was not fun! No. I didn't enjoy that. I will not become like him. I can't."

I'm lying to myself. I've reached a new low.

"I'm supposed to be a good guy." My head drops in shame. "How can I be a good guy when I've enjoyed... that? Who am I kidding, I haven't been a good guy for a while now. I'm in the gray zone and I'm teetering on the edge of dark."

I look out over my lab again and heave out a loud sigh.

"It's not going to clean itself." I roll up my sleeves. "I can berate myself as I work. Might as well do _something_ productive."

* * *

"This is so COOL!" Naruto shouts down the long tunnel that he and Jiraya are in. "How long has this been here?"

"Since before you were born." Jiraya chuckles at Naruto's antics. It doesn't take much to impress him and he get so excited about the littlest of things. "Years before you were born."

"Can I use this whenever I want?" Naruto asks with stars in his eyes.

"Nope, both ends are blood sealed to specific people. If anyone who is not keyed in tries to open it they're in for a nasty surprise. I suppose I could add you to the list, since I did make the seals for it, but you're not ready for that kind of responsibility."

"Come on I'm totally ready for this!" Naruto tugs on one of Jiraya's sleeves.

"Naruto you put your shirt on backwards this morning." Jiraya bluntly says. "I had to point it out to you."

"That doesn't mean anything!" Naruto pleads. "Please? I won't tell a soul!"

"Fine!" Jiraya yanks his sleeve out of Naruto's grasp. "I'll add you to it!"

"YAY!" Naruto fist pumps in victory.

"When you're older." Jiraya smirks in victory as Naruto wilts.

* * *

Hokage's Office

"Hokage-sama?" A familiar mop of silver hair pokes into Tsunade's office. "You summoned me?"

"Yes." Tsunade looks up from her overflowing stacks of paperwork. "I did. _Three hours ago._ "

"I overslept?" Kakashi offers weakly as he steps into the office.

"Ugh! You are lucky you're so damn good at what you do! No one else gives me the sass that you do!" Tsunade says in anger, but there's a hint of a smile on her face. After all, the day Kakashi shows up on time is the beginning of the Apocalypse.

"What can I say, it's one of my many talents." Kakashi stands before her desk. "So, what's going on? Konoha has stabilized from the invasion so this isn't you yelling at me to take missions."

"Correct. I have a task for you. Consider it comparable to a high A-rank mission." Tsunade tosses Kakashi a mission scroll. "You'll be going on that mission."

"High A-rank?" Kakashi snags the scroll and quickly browses it to understand the gist of the mission. "This is a C-rank. Barely at that, the only reason it is one is because it's out of the village."

"That's just your cover." Tsunade temples her fingers together. "Your true task is a bodyguard mission. The asset must be kept alive at all costs."

"Simple enough." Kakashi shrugs. "But I shouldn't be going on a C-rank mission. I need a better cover than just leading the team. If I still had a genning team then this wouldn't be an issue, but... yeah."

"Yes, you had a rough go with them. You lost one, another abandoned the village, and then there's _Alvarcus._ " Tsunade snarls out the last name. "Enough said about him."

"Agreed. So what's my cover then?" Kakashi steers the conversation in another direction. Neither of them are eager to talk about Alvarcus. Each for their own reasons.

"It's rather simple really, you're not going to be leading the mission." Tsunade grins at Kakashi's gobsmacked look. "You'll be there in case something goes awry. After all, we can't let a fresh chunin lead such an important mission as his first one without some form of a safety net. Especially since he's one of our clan's heirs."

"You're sending Shikamaru to lead the mission?" Kakashi asks in surprise. "You do realize how much he's going to complain, right?"

"Of course, but you'll be there to motivate him." Tsunade smiles in contentment.

"Yes, I bet him and I will get along nicely. And who is the asset I'm supposed to keep alive?" Kakashi refers to the mission scroll for a brief moment. "This Yukie Fujikaze? She's the one this mission has as in need of an escort. There's not a hit out on her, is there? Assassin specialists are annoying to deal with."

"Aren't you one yourself?" Tsunade jabs at her jonin.

"I'm more of a jack of all trades." Kakashi offers up a lazy shrug.

"Good point. You do everything." Tsunade concedes. "Anyways, the asset isn't her. He's one of our own. It's Naruto Uzumaki."

"Oh." Kakashi says softly. "He's back?"

"For a bit." Tsunade confirms. "Should be here sometime today."

"You... do know about my connections to him, correct?" Kakashi hesitantly asks.

"Of course. It's another reason I picked you." Tsunade stares straight into Kakashi's eye. "You of all people will do everything in your power to protect the Fourth's Legacy."

* * *

Alvarcus's Lab

"Okay." I stretch out my back with my arm extended up towards the sky. "Whew! That felt great! Even if it was utterly pointless. I don't need to stretch. My back didn't even hurt."

I dust off my hands.

"Everything is cleaned up!" Sure enough the lab actually looks like a lab again. Well one for seals. Not like medical lab or anything crazy. "I think that means it's lunch time."

* * *

The Mess Hall

"I wonder what's on the menu today?" I mumble to myself as I open the door to the Mess Hall.

"All hail the Prince of Sound!"

The sudden noise startles me and I reflexively flinch away from it. Then I take in what made that racket, or rather who. It's three people, three of the most stupid morons I've ever met. Sakon, Jirobo and Kidomaru are all flanking the door. But that's not enough for them. They're standing at attention. Their backs are straight, they're wearing clean celebratory clothes and they have the balls to be saluting me.

"HAIL, THE PRINCE OF SOUND!" The _entire fucking room_ calls out.

I slowly look around the entire room. From the saluting Sound Three to the smiling and laughing masses inside the Mess Hall. Everyone is staring straight at me.

I mechanically step backwards out of the Mess Hall and softly shut the door.

"Five. Four. Three. Two. One." I chant to myself before hesitantly opening the door again.

"All hail the Prince of Sound!" The Sound Three call out and they salute me again. So I'm not imagining this.

"HAIL, THE PRINCE OF SOUND!" The _entire fucking room_ calls out again.

As I look over the sea of shinobi before me I can't help but be impressed. For the Sound Three to get this many people involved in pranking me, well it's not a small feat. The coordination and timing alone could not have been easy to get down. I bet that they even had a few practice runs to make sure everyone had it down. It's a prank worthy of my praise.

But they made the mistake of pranking _me_ of all people. Revenge will be sweet, so very sweet.

"Did you see his face!" Jirobo says between laughs.

"Priceless!" Sakon could only force out the one word.

"There's no topping this one!" Kidomaru pats himself on the back with one of his many arms.

"You three have a five second head start." I frostily say to the three masterminds behind the latest prank at my expense. "Five."

The Sound Three sprint out of the room while laughing like the assholes they are.

Instead of immediately giving chase I calmly walk over to the buffet and load up a plate.

"You're not going to chase them?" A familiar voice says from way too close to me.

"Hello Maiko. I'm going to let them stew for a bit, I came here for food. And have you heard of personal space?" We're practically rubbing shoulders.

"We were much closer last time." She purrs. "Anyways I wanted to ask you some things about that conversation."

"Alright. I can't promise I will answer but I will at least hear them." I lead us over to an empty section of the table. Instead of sitting across from me, like a normal person would, she sits down right next to me. Literally. She's even leaning into me. "Can you not right now? I'm trying to eat."

"But you're so warm." She somehow scoots closer to me.

"You're not the first to say that." I pick up a piece of toast and butter it. So what if it's lunch, I'll eat what I want to!

"Aw damn! I wanted to be your first! Who'd you lose it to?" She pouts. Her ears droop a little and her tail curls up on itself.

"I'm sorry?" I turn my head towards her while keeping my eyes on my toast. I want a perfect spread of butter, it makes it so much better. "Lose what?"

"You're virginity silly!" She playfully swats me on the arm. "Who was the lucky lady?"

Someone further down the table chokes on a mouthful of food. Another spits out their drink all over their friend and all conversation around us stops.

"Maiko." I take a bite of my perfectly buttered toast. "This is neither the time nor the place to discuss that. Let me correct my last statement, there is no time and place to discuss that. I barely know you, I'm not going to tell you anything private like that."

"Can't blame a girl for trying?" She shrugs in an 'aw shucks' manner. "But if you don't want to talk about private things then what was with that whole speech? That seemed pretty personal."

"Not compared to what you tried to do." I snort out. "I don't know if I'm happy or mad that Karin showed up."

"I know I'm mad!" Maiko hisses. Literally. She really commits to her act.

"Anyways," I cut in before she can say more. Like asking if I want to resume where we left off. Honestly I have no idea how I would respond to that. "that speech was as much for you as it was for me."

"Really? We hardly talked about you." She points out and she's not wrong.

"True but your situation is surprisingly similar to mine, just less severe." Dammit I'm out of toast. "I wasn't trying to convince just you. I was trying to convince myself too. Convince myself that even with all of the things I've had happen to me I'm still human. Even if I've been experimented on three times I'm still human. So it wasn't just for you back then. I didn't necessarily say those words to make a difference in your life. I said them for me because I guarantee my life is way more fucked up than yours. I figured that if I can convince you that you're human then I can eventually convince myself that I'm one too."

But that ship has come and gone. There's no way that I can ever convince myself that I'm not a monster now. Even if I somehow drag myself out of the darkness a part of me will always remember what I am. Deep down a part of me will forever be a monster.

"Ouch." Maiko winces in sympathy and a wave of pity surges through everyone who has been listening in on our conversation. "Three times?"

"Yep." I nonchalantly say. "I want more toast. I knew I should have gotten more. But I got the last of the butter. I suppose I could use jelly or jam but it's not the same. Maybe I could raid the kitchen? I bet they have some."

"But you're his son!" Maiko yells.

"And?" I drawl out. "Did you think that would magically exempt me from his experiments?"

"Yes!" Maiko has slid away from me in shock. She's moved to get a better look at my face to gauge my reactions. "I figured he did one on you from our talk before but _three?_ How could he do that to his own child?"

"To Orochimaru-sama everything and everyone is replaceable." I begin to explain as the entire room falls silent. Except for the sound of my voice there is no noise at all, even the cooks in the kitchens have stopped to listen. "To him there's nothing that can't be replaced, it's just how difficult it will be for him to replace it. Kunai are easily replaceable but chakra conductive kunai aren't, so they're more valuable. You'll try harder to save a chakra conductive kunai because it's value is higher than a normal one, it's the same premise."

Everyone within hearing range, which for shinobi is a very long distance, is riveted to my words. This is the first major public insight to who I am and my history. I'm still an unknown to almost everyone, including the girl who is annoying me by invading my personal space.

Unfortunately for them I'm going to be intentionally vague so it isn't the best look at my past.

"When I was younger my 'value' was low. Very low, so low that he put me through an experiment that no one else has ever lived through. But I survived it and suddenly my value increased. Then I became more skilled, another increase in value. Then he began to personally train me, increasing my value even further. I've only increased my value over time, it's to the point that he values me above all else. I think."

I might be the one person he considers irreplaceable.

There will always be another body he can take. There will always be more shinobi willing to pledge themselves to him. There will always be more test subjects he can gather. There will always be another location he can set up a base.

But there will never be another me.

"What all has he done to you?" Maiko softly asks. "You've never said exactly what happened."

"I know, I did that on purpose. I don't like talking about them." It's likely that everyone here has already seen the Jiongu, I did use it publicly inside this very place not too long ago, but they don't know exactly how I got it. Sure they probably guessed it was Orochimaru but I'm not going to confirm it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have finished eating. I've got to get back to my lab, I'm finally starting a project that I've been putting off for a while."

I rise up and make my way out of the still silent room. Maiko didn't say goodbye, she didn't follow me either. She just sat there looking at me in a surprising mixture of pity and awe.

It's for the best she didn't follow me. I'm going to start making a prototype's prototype of the seal for the sword.

* * *

The Hokage's Office

"You summoned me, Hokage-sama?" Shikamaru Nara lazily drawls out in boredom even though he's standing before Konoha's leader.

"I did." Tsunade does a once over of the chunin. His vest and clothes are crinkled, his eyes are droopy – more droopy than usual for a Nara – and there's a surprising amount of grass on him. Not just his feet but his entire back. "You were napping outside, weren't you?"

"I was." Shikamaru easily confirms. "Can we make this quick? I want to get back to it. There's nothing like sleeping under the sun, it's so warm."

"This is going to suck for you then." Tsunade tosses him a mission scroll and he raises his arm just enough to catch it. "You're going to the Land of Snow. Warmth is a luxury there."

"Have I pissed you off or something?" Shikamaru complains as he speed reads the mission scroll. "Escort mission for an actress going into possible hostile territory. Right. Who's the team leader?"

"You." Tsunade takes great pleasure in watching the chunin's eyes widen.

"But I can't... oh." Shikamaru sags in reluctant acceptance. "Right. I'm a chunin. I was hoping you forgot since you've let me stick with my team until now."

"You're wearing the vest." She dully points out. "Anyways since this is your first mission as team leader I've lined up someone with some experience to accompany you, a jonin. For this mission he'll be your underling unless things get messy, then he'll take charge. You'll have a safety net, so to speak."

"Oh that makes this so much easier." Shikamaru sags in relief. "Who is he?"

"You can come in now." Tsunade calls out.

"Yo." Kakashi walks into the room and gives Shikamaru a wave.

"Whoa." Shikamaru's eyes dart between the two others in the room. "How the hell can you spare him for this?"

"Technically I'm on leave. I'm just bored so I figured why not go on a nice easy mission where I don't have to lead for a change?" Kakashi explains. He pulled that cover story out of thin air.

"So that's where Alvarcus got it from." Shikamaru mutter to himself. "Anyways, you're basically only going to step in if something goes wrong?"

"Yep!" Kakashi gives Shikamaru an eye smile. "Thanks for the easy paycheck."

"You're welcome." Shikamaru sarcastically replies. "Can I pick the other members?"

"We've lined up one more for you." Tsunade says. "But I don't see why you can't pick the last one. As long as they're not needed anywhere else."

 **SLAM**

The door to the Hokage's office flies open and smacks into the wall.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!" A terrified voice shouts. "Please I need a mission! Any mission! Just get me away from her!"

"Ino what the hell are you wearing?" Tsunade demands and explanation.

Ino's attire has drastically changed from what she normally wears. She's the first of the gennin to switch into their Shippuden style and her bottom half shows that. She's wearing a purple skirt with added slits for maneuverability and skintight black shorts beneath that. She has protective mesh on both her elbows and her knees and the standard black shinobi footwear. But that's where her normal attire ends, she's wearing a deep purple trench coat and her arms are holding it closed.

"Are... are you wearing anything under that?" Tsunade asks the question that everyone is thinking.

"She wouldn't let me!" Ino starts to tear up. "She said it was for training and forced me into this!"

"Ino!" Anko calls out in a sing song voice. "Where are you?"

" _Hide me!_ " Ino pleads as she dives behind the Hokage's desk.

"I know that you're excited to learn my trick but I recommend walking before you run! You wouldn't want to give everyone an eyeful." Anko skips into the office with a predatory grin on her face. "Hello everyone, have any of you seen a gennin in a custom made purple trench coat in here? I seem to have misplaced her."

"We're in the middle of a mission briefing." Tsunade pointedly looks at Anko. "One you're not going on."

"Tsunade your knight in shining armor has returned!" Jiraya bursts into the room and strikes a gallant pose. "How about a kiss to welcome me back?"

"Yeah there's no way that's going to work." Naruto walks past Jiraya to enter the office.

"Naruto?" Several voices call out. One suspiciously comes from behind Tsunade's desk.

"Who the hell is Naruto?" Anko looks at the orange boy and something clicks. "You're the one I cut during the second exam!"

"AH!" Naruto shouts as he points at Anko. "You're the crazy kunai lady!"

"You two have the worst timing." Tsunade sighs and rubs her temples.

"Oh no!" Naruto turns to Tsunade with fear in his eyes. "She's not coming with, right? Please say she's not!"

" _Everyone in the room_ will be going on the mission." Tsunade growls in anger. "Since my office is apparently no longer a private place and you all barged in here you get to go too!"

A whine comes from behind the desk.

"All of you _idiots_ saw Naruto here so you've got to go with. I can't risk one of you letting slip that he was here and will be returning shortly. So here's how this is going to work. Shikamaru!"

"Yes!" Shikamaru straightens up at the authoritative tone his Kage is using.

"You're team leader. This is your mission. Don't screw it up." Her intense gaze shifts to the next person. "Kakashi!"

"Hm?" Kakashi lazily grunts. He's been yelled at much more severely than this by numerous people, including Tsunade herself.

"You're around to step in if shit goes wrong. Otherwise differ to Shikamaru." Tsunade's glare jumps to the next victim. "Anko!"

"Yes Ma'am!" Anko stands at attention.

"You're just along for the ride because you heard too much. Listen to the team leader." Tsunade's eyes soften a bit for the next shinobi. "Naruto!"

"Here!" Naruto excitedly says. "What do I get to do? Do I get a cool job?"

"No. You're going to treat this like any normal mission."

"Lame." Naruto says to himself. "I wanted a cool job."

"Ino!" Tsunade moves onto the next person.

"Y-yes?" Ino stands up from behind the desk. She's still firmly hugging herself to keep the coat closed.

"Same as Naruto. This is your punishment for busting in here. Have fun." Tsunade shoves her over to the rest of the group.

"I knew you were around here somewhere!" Anko throws an arm over Ino's shoulders. "And we're going on the same mission now! You can test the things I've taught you and I'll be there to watch!"

"I don't wanna." Ino cries in defeat. "I don't wanna go anymore."

"What about me Tsuande-chan?" Jiraya giggles lecherously as he walks up to the Hokage and leans his cheek outwards. Then he taps it. "I didn't get that kiss yet."

 **WHAM**

Tsunade punched Jiraya in the face with so much force that he sailed through the air. Thankfully there was a bookcase that caught him. The bookcase didn't survive.

While lying in a pile of books and splintered wood he flashes everyone a thumbs up. "Worth it!"

"OUT!" Tsunade shouts. "ALL OF YOU OUT!"

* * *

Southern Base, Just outside Alvarcus's Lab

"Dude, what's gotten into Maiko recently?" Sora asks his two other teammates.

"You mean how she's been going off on her own an awful lot lately?" Seiji asks for clarification.

"Yeah that! What's up with that?" Sora asks.

"I don't actually know." Seiji admits. "Though there has been an interesting rumor going around."

"Hm?" Katsuo grunts out. He's a man of few words.

"Apparently someone is hitting on Alvarcus. Orochimaru's kid." Seiji informs his teammates. "Like hardcore hitting on."

"You don't think..." Sora trails off.

"That's why I brought you two down here." Seiji reveals. "I want to ask Alvarcus about it. See what his intentions are towards our teammate. Maybe threaten him a little if we have to."

"You do realize he can kill us in seconds, right?" Sora points out. "He wouldn't even get in trouble."

"I'd like to see him try." Katsuo grips one of his many blades eagerly. "I want to test myself against him. See if he's as good as everyone is saying."

"That makes one of us." Sora bluntly says to his dumb teammate. "So... who is going to knock?"

All three males look at the closed door to Alvarcus's lab.

"I can." Seiji says. "It was my idea so I'll -"

Two things happen in the next instant. The first isn't too unusual for a base full of shinobi but where it happened is. An explosion so loud and so strong that it shakes the floor came from inside the lab. The next thing to happen is very strange even by shinobi standards. A body sized blur crashes through the door – reducing it to splinters in the process – and slams into the other side of the hallway so hard it goes through that wall too.

" - knock?" Seiji finishes his sentence while everyone is staring at the new hole in the wall.

"Ow." Alvarcus's voice comes from underneath the rubble. He sounds... less than pleased. He rises up from the rubble and dusts himself off. Upon closer observation the three shinobi see that it's not just dust coming off of him, he's smoking from whatever explosion happened. "So that didn't work. This is starting to piss me off."

"Let's come back later." Seiji says to his teammates. Neither of them oppose his idea.

* * *

Hokage's Office

"When I said get out that included you." Tsunade growls at the one person who didn't leave her office like she ordered. He's also one of the few people she respects and trusts above all others. Even if he's a pervert. "What do you want Jiraya?"

"I have information on the Akatsuki. New information." Jiraya seriously says, the time for jokes is over. "I've found someone willing to feed me information about them."

" _Finally._ " Tsunade's shoulders sag in minute relief. "What have you learned so far?"

"There are currently nine members." Jiraya says the exact same thing as the letter he received.

"Currently?" Tsunade brings up.

"I thought that was a strange thing to specify too." Jiraya sends Tsunade a smile. Even if he's the spymaster that does not mean that she's a slouch. "Turns out there used to be ten but one of their members left and hasn't been replaced yet. Something about leaving with a specific item that they need to give to the next member. I think that was it, my contact got vague in that part."

"Anything else to add?"

"No." Jiraya replies. "Not yet at least. I'm working on getting more. It was a struggle to get that much, I don't know how often I'll get information from my contact."

"Good." Tsunade turns even more serious. "Let me know when you do. Now get out of here, don't you have a mission to do?"

"Life threatening! Why does everyone keep forgetting to add that? It's a life threatening mission!"

* * *

Alvarcus's Lab

"That is _it!_ " I roar at the infernal seal before me. It failed. It failed horribly, not even a single part of the intricate seal worked. For the thirty seventh time in a row. I've gone through thirty seven different designs and not even a single part of one worked. "You absolute piece of maggot infested shit! I have had enough!"

I sweep an arm across the tabletop knocking everything to the ground. Many scrolls fall to the floor, ink jars and sealing brushes fall too. Even the neat stacks of sealing tags I had stacked only just this morning are fluttering through the air on their way down.

"I am done! _Done!_ " In my rage I flip over the table, just knocking the stuff off of it isn't enough. "I am tired of my life dumping heaping mounds of garbage all over me! I am fed up with everything going wrong! I don't fucking care anymore!"

"Oh hey kid that I pulled out of the clutches of Death himself, here have a kinjutsu!" I don't stop at one table, I sweep everything off of the next one too. "You lived? Guess what I'm adopting you in the most fucked up way possible! You don't want to come? Too bad, I'll just _murder everyone you care about!_ "

"Hey Alvarcus it's your best friend!" This table goes flying too. "You know that dude that royally fucked up your entire existence? Yeah I'm going to go be his student! You should come with me! You don't want to? But I need you, just look at these puppy dog eyes!"

"Cue months of ongoing torture! Months!" I don't waste time sweeping the beakers off of the next table. I just flip it. "Hi Gina! CRACK! Bye Gina! Sup gate guard boy! Oh you're gone too! Hello Tayuya, you seem nice I think something might be going my way! Haha NOPE! I don't get to enjoy things in life!"

"Sup Tsunade, Kakashi and company! Guess what I'm going to do?" I've ran out of tables to flip. I'm stomping on them now, grinding them to a dust. "See every single one of my friends laying at my feet? The ones that I just beat into submission and baited them to try and force me back to Konoha because that's the only way I will go back? Yeah I'm going to threaten to kill them _TO GO BACK WITH FUCKING OROCHIMARU!_ "

" _I! Am! Done! With! This! Shit!_ " Each word is punctuated with a stomp. "And let's just sprinkle whatever the fuck is going on with the Akatsuki on top! Muffins?! They all like me? I've been asked to join if I become S-rank? THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT! I don't know what's going on anymore! And I don't fucking care enough to figure it out!"

I lash out with my fire whips and reduce a table to ashes. Stomping wasn't cutting it.

"And the worst fucking part is I'm not going to change a damn thing about my situation! I'm here by choice because I'm too _soft_ to leave Sasuke behind by himself! I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL!" I roar up at the ceiling.

"I want to be alone." My voice softens to a pathetic whine and I collapse to my knees. "No more Orochimaru. No more Otogakure. No more Konoha. No more schemes. No more torture. No more Akatsuki. No more Sasuke. I just want to be alone. Just for a bit. That's all I want. To get away from it all. I want to be alone."

* * *

Orochimaru's Lab

"OI!" I pound on the door. "You in here?"

" _What?_ " Orochimaru hisses through the door. "I am busy!"

"That's fine I'll make this quick." I happily skip into the office like I didn't just have a meltdown.

I'm playing Orochimaru. I'm acting like I normally am because I need to get away. The easiest way to accomplish that is to go on a mission of sorts. I do that by acting like nothing is wrong and having Orochimaru give me permission. As much as I hate it I do need him to okay things like this.

For now.

So like I said I'm playing him. I'm going to manipulate him to get what I want.

"Please come in."Orochimaru sarcastically says. "It's not like I have other things to do, let me drop everything to help you."

"Hey you enjoyed it last time I came here." I point out. "We had a whole bonding moment. It was cute. If you ignore all the screams and blood splatters."

"Yes, we did enjoy ourselves." Orochimaru smiles fondly on his memories.

"Sorry but this visit isn't as... memorable? That doesn't sound right. Eventful? Unexpected? You know what just insert whatever word you want to there." I fumble around like usual. I'm acting completely normal.

Normal for me at least. Which is weird for most other people.

"Oh?" Orochimaru finally gives me his full attention. "And what do you want this time?"

"You said you found that material I need, right?"

Here's my play: He knows that I need this material for the sword. He himself is very interested in my progress on the sword so by making my request about the sword my chances of leaving for a bit skyrocket. I'm spinning this as me getting the material instead of me running away from my problems. If I straight up said that I want to get away from it all there's a zero percent chance he'd let me go.

"You said it was somewhere in the Land of Snow?"

"Yes it is." Orochimaru confirms. "It's very interesting, the Land of Snow has the biggest resource of chakra conductive metal out of every nation. But they have an even more rare and hard to come by metal, one that conducts no chakra. Ten years ago I... investigated the potential of acquiring this metal for myself, I was going to fashion a shield of some sort to block ninjutsu, but it became too risky. The reward just wasn't good enough to justify getting it. Especially since I simply didn't know if it could be done."

"But recently there has been rumors that a new state of the art chakra armor has come out, one unlike any other. The way it works is very ingenious, it's impractical to cover the entire body with metal that doesn't conduct chakra. Doubly so because that means that most if not all ninjutsu cannot be used. However the armor isn't made entirely out of the metal, it's mostly made of highly chakra conductive metal. What it does is channel the chakra into the non-conductive metal to render ninjutsu and genjutsu inert. It's currently worn by Doto Kazahana, the current leader of the Land of Snow."

"Cool. Can I go get it?" I bluntly ask like I'm asking to go outside for a walk instead of probably murdering another nation's leader for a piece of his armor. "Please?"

"You are aware that only the highest level of ninjutsu will work against him?" Orochimaru pins me in a stare. "You rely heavily on ninjutsu to win your fights."

"Yeah but that's because I choose to. My taijutsu is not something to dismiss." It's working. Orochimaru is seriously considering letting me go. Perfect. "All I have to do is touch him and it's over."

"What makes you say that?" Orochimaru asks in curiosity. "Do you think you can punch him so hard that he will be defeated with a single blow? He's wearing metal armor, it will not be easy to beat him to death."

"No." I hold out a hand palm up. Black threads pierce through my skin and wave back and forth in the wind. "The Jiongu isn't chakra. His armor won't do shit to it. It won't even be slowed down."

"Ah yes how could I forget that lovely test." Orochimaru smiles fondly in his memories again. "That was the first time you truly fought against me. The first time you didn't hold back."

"Yep." I chirp out. It was also the day I killed a child. That day marked the start of my descent into darkness. It was the turning point for me, the one where I truly committed a great evil for the first time. It is one of the worst days of my life. "So can I go?"

"On one condition." Orochimaru is going to let me go. Perfect. "There is a base on the border between the Land of Rice and the Land of Fire. This is not a Konoha outpost though, it is a Kusa one. Apparently the Kusakage didn't take well to us blowing him off and has allied with Konoha to 'keep Otogakure in line.' I want you to destroy it."

"When you say destroy are we talking paint the walls with blood or scorched earth?" Well it isn't part of my plan but I can work with this.

"I want overwhelming force. Make this a display of your power, Oto's power." Orochimaru decides after a moment of consideration. "I want to send a message. Leaving nothing left standing will accomplish that. Burn it to the ground."

"Alright." Simple enough. "Want me to let a few people get away so they can talk about it?"

"That would be a good idea, do that." Orochimaru orders. "Do you want a team to go with you?"

"Nah." I want to be alone. That's the whole point of this. "I got this, they'd just be in the way. I'll have to really cut loose to bring down an outpost. It's going to get intense. Plus I am my own team, don't forget about my minions of terror! They're freaking scary!"

"I suppose you are correct. I am not sending Sasuke on this mission with you so don't ask for him." Orochimaru's tone brokers no arguments.

"Fine by me." I shrug in indifference. I'm trying to escape from everything, that includes Sasuke.

"Hm." Orochimaru shoots me quizzical look. Oops. He might have caught on that something is up, I rarely do anything without Sasuke.

"Is it cool if I leave tonight?" I steer the conversation into a new direction. "I've got one hell of a run ahead of me. Plus I've got to find a boat to take me over to there, that's going to be interesting. Maybe I could water walk over the ocean? Not like I have stamina issues, I bet I could."

"Take the boat." Orochimaru demands. "There is a reason that shinobi don't run on the oceans, it's because the movement of large waves is extremely difficult to adjust for when water walking. The rougher a surface of water is the harder it is to stand on it."

"Huh. Didn't know that was a thing." I'll file that away under things to keep in mind. Maybe I can make a jutsu to disturb the surface tension of water to knock shinobi off of it? "So I'm going to go pack then head out. The sooner this is done the sooner I can work on the sword again."

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru calls out to me and I halt halfway out of the door. "I expect you back in two weeks or less."

"Two weeks?" This is great. I get two weeks to myself. I won't have to worry about anything. Just me and a mission. And potentially assassinating a leader of a nation. Wow I'm really fucked up, that's just now sinking in. Whatever I'll figure something out. I've never even heard of this Doto guy before, he can't be that big of a threat. "That's plenty of time."

* * *

Alvarcus's Room

"What all should I even bring with me?" I look over my personal equipment. It's enough to arm a small army.

"Twenty kunai should be plenty." I reason to myself as tuck them all into hidden spots on my person. "There's nothing limiting me on this mission, I can use my chakra strings to bring them back as many times as I need to. Well, I can throw a case into a scroll just in case. Better to be over prepared than under."

"Do I even need senbon?" I hold up a bundle of bound needles. Then I toss them into the not bringing pile. "Yeah, no. Senbon aren't my style at all. Plus I'm not good with them, they're more of a stealth tool."

"Tanto? Nope." The longer blade quickly joins the do not bring pile. "That's so out of my comfort zone it's not funny. Now then, that should do it for weapons. Oh wait!"

I grab a box. Inside this box is a basic all purpose sealing kit. It has tags, ink, brushes, even a few scrolls too. It's everything I'd need in case I have to make a seal for some absurd reason. "Can't forget this."

"Now that should cover it all." I look over everything I'm bringing one last time. "Good to go."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Sasuke is standing in my doorway. He's blocking me from leaving. And he sounds _pissed._

"Uh... on a mission of sorts?" I weakly supply as I wave at the handful of scrolls I've sealed everything into.

I've really got to say knowing how to make storage seals is very economical for traveling. I don't need a backpack anymore, just enough pockets on my person to tuck away the scrolls. It's great and I can bring way more stuff if I want to.

"Not good enough." He aggressively says back.

That's right I'm getting yelled at. I got distracted marveling at the convenience of fuinjutsu.

"I'm getting a piece I'll need for the sword." I elaborate. "It's in the Land of Snow. What's up with the hostility?"

"That's not the real reason you're doing this." Sasuke boldly guesses. He's right.

"Oh? What makes you say that?" I quirk an eyebrow at him. "Right I will not be doing that again, it's not my thing at all. It feels so weird. Gah! How do so many people do that?"

Please get distracted. I don't want to say the truth.

"Because you don't feel right." Another voice joins our conversation. A softer, more worried voice. It's Karin. "You shouldn't feel like this if you were doing what you said."

"You're becoming a pain in my ass." I sigh in defeat. Why can't she just leave me alone? "Why is it that whenever something is wrong with me everyone goes and gets Sasuke? Seriously? It's always him. And what do I feel like to make you say that?"

"He's the only one you'll listen to." Karin steps from around the corner to look over Sasuke's shoulder at me. "You feel like you're going to exile yourself. You're running away."

"Tell me that she's wrong." Sasuke demands. There's a hint of fear underneath his anger, it's a fear that she's right. That I'm running away. That I'm abandoning him. "You'd never run away. Not like this. You wouldn't leave without saying anything."

"Karin you're half right." I give in. I can't lie to them, Sasuke knows me too well and Karin can sense my emotions. She'd know if I'm lying from that. "I am running away but I'm not running away forever."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sasuke shouts at me in anger. "You're running away!"

"I'm running away from my problems for two weeks." I blurt out and my admission stuns the other two. "Look, I'm stressed. I'm _beyond_ stressed. There's so much shit that's happened recently and frankly this is the worst environment to be in to handle it. Sasuke, Karin, I'm lashing out at people. Living, breathing people who have their entire lives in front of them. Then they say the wrong thing or get in my way and I... I hurt them. If they're lucky. Just yesterday I brutally killed two people because they trashed my lab. _I don't even care why they did it._ I never asked them. I never thought about what caused them to do it. Was it because of the War Games? Perhaps I scorned them without realizing it? Maybe they're mad that Orochimaru treats me specially? Or is it loathing because they can't measure up to my skill level? Are they insulted that someone younger than them is so much stronger? I don't know. It didn't _matter._ I still don't care what their reason was. They wronged me so I killed them. Simple as that."

"Don't you both see how bad that is? I just don't care. About people. About anything. So I need to get away from it all. I have to get a break because if I don't then the body count is only going to grow. I'm not doing this just for me but for everyone."

"You don't have to go." Sasuke cuts in. "I can keep you in line."

"Yeah?" I snort out in dark amusement. "Then where the hell were you yesterday? I'll tell you: _you weren't there._ I just need to get away for a bit. To calm down, to collect myself. To get away from everything that's going on. I want to be alone where I don't have to worry about anything. I won't have to worry about hurting anyone. I won't have to worry about what I say. I won't have to wear a mask. I can just leave it all behind me and _go._ "

"Can't I go with you?" Sasuke asks. "It'll be like old times."

"Orochimaru already said no." I bluntly tell him and right now I'm thankful Orochimaru said it. "You're staying."

"Then I'll go." Karin steps up, literally and figuratively. "Even if you want to be alone you shouldn't."

"No." I quickly dismiss her suggestion. "I will be going alone."

"If not me then take Maiko!" Karin is grasping at straws. "She'd love to go with you! You'd have no problems with her at all!"

"Except for the part where she wants to claim me – whatever the hell that means – by screw me senseless." I cross my arms and dully look at Karin. "You're right, that's not an issue at all. I would love to spend two weeks putting up with that."

"Wait what?" Sasuke asks in confusion. "The hell are you talking about?"

"I've gotten my first fan-girl." I monotonously inform him. "It's the girl that was stalking me. She came onto me really hard and everything."

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Sasuke breaks out of his anger for a brief instant so we can share a moment of dread.

"Yes." I agree wholeheartedly. "Anyways. This is so I can get away from everything and everyone. Extra emphasis on everyone."

"There's nothing we can do to change your mind about this?" Sasuke asks. He's caving, he knows that I do need to get away. He's seen who I was and now who I am. There's a drastic difference. "You're not going to let anyone go with you?"

"Correct. I am going alone." I say for what feels like the hundredth time.

"You better come back in one piece." Sasuke demands in a caring manner. "If you're not then that will be the least of your worries."

"Ha! I can pull myself together quite well, thank you!" I jibe back at him.

"What!" Karin rounds on Sasuke in anger. "You're okay with this?"

"No. I'm not." Sasuke looks me straight in the eyes. "But he thinks he needs this, so I won't stop him. I'll just kick his ass if he comes back worse than he is now."

"Well I'm not okay with this!" Karin shouts. "I'm going with you!"

"I'll give you some _very_ nice clothes to stay here?" I offer her. It worked on Tayuya so why not on Karin? "Like royalty nice. Clothes that can put nobles to shame. I can even get them tailored to you."

"I am not some measly skank that you can bribe to get what you want!" Karin turns red in anger and her voice gets even louder. "I'm going with and that's final!"

"I'll get you one of Sasuke's shirts when I get back?" I offer.

"DEAL!" She shouts in victory.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke reels back in shock. "I am not okay with this!"

"Glad we could settle that. Now if you both will excuse me, I have to go burn down a base then go somewhere very cold and potentially kill a very important figure." I cheerfully wave at the equally surprised Sasuke and Karin. "See ya in two weeks!"

I sprint around them and flee down the hall.

* * *

That Night, Konoha

"When I was told I would be staying in a very safe place tonight this was not what I expected." Naruto blandly says to his babysitter. He's a shinobi of the Leaf but he has to have a babysitter. How embarrassing.

"I didn't expect this either." Kakashi says to the orange clad boy. "I don't particularly like sharing my apartment with anyone. Not to mention people I've been ordered to host. Most of my friends have never been inside here."

"So..." Naruto drags out the word as he's taking in the impressively small apartment. "Couldn't one of Konoha's top shinobi afford a bigger place?"

"I don't need anything bigger." Kakashi shrugs. "I've got everything I could need right here. Besides most of the time I don't even stay here -"

"Oh no!" Naruto weeps tears of sadness. "You're another pervert aren't you! Always spending nights at some random girl's house! Shame on you! Shame!"

"- because I'm usually away on missions." Kakashi heaves out a long sigh. This is going to be a long night for him.

"Oh right." Naruto sheepishly rubs the back of his head. "Sorry?"

"Just don't do anything stupid." Kakashi dejectedly heads to his room. How did this happen to him? He's feared across the entire Elemental Nations. He's lived through countless life and death battles. He's been considered as a potential Hokage.

Now he's a babysitter. How the mighty fall.

"Jeez I'm not an idiot thanks!" Naruto scoffs. "Hey, where's the ramen at?"

"There isn't any." Kakashi drones out.

"What?! NOOOO!"

* * *

The Next Morning, a few Kilometers Outside of Konoha

"This is the spot we agreed to meet at." Shikamaru looks at a map again. "Where the hell are they?"

This is not the first time he's asked that question. Nor is it the twentieth. Nor the thirtieth.

"I still don't know why I'm in this damn coat." Ino huffs and readjusts her grip holding the coat closed.

"Because you wanted to learn and I am so generously teaching you." Anko smirks at Ino. "Now either put your arms down or I will tie them behind your back. You'll never learn if you keep holding it closed and I will not be a bad sensei!"

"But it's so embarrassing!" Ino blushes madly.

"At first." Anko shrugs. "Now arms down or I get my shinobi wire out and we have fun. By the way someone stole then burned all of the other clothes you brought along. I have no idea how that happened."

"WHAT?!" Ino roars at Anko. It would be a lot more intimidating and scary if she wasn't attempting to hug herself to death. "Why would you do that?!"

"I will not be a bad sensei." Anko says with just a hint of a threat in her voice. "This is the first thing I've taught you, you're going to learn it. If you won't do it by yourself then it's going to be by force. I don't care which. Now, put your arms down or I tie your arms down. Your choice."

"F-fine." Ino tires to put on a mask of confidence but her stutter and shaky arms give away just how uncomfortable she is.

"Some time today would be nice." Anko reaches into her own coat and pulls out a spool of wire. "Or do you want to do this the hard way? I'm okay with that, trial by fire is so much fun!"

"Just give me a moment." Ino forces her arms down to her sides over the next fifteen seconds.

Every millimeter is a struggle for her, an impossible obstacle to overcome. But she does it. There's a long strip of delicate skin exposed all the way down Ino's front. Her modesty is intact, but just barely. At first glance someone might mistake Anko and Ino as sisters since they both are dressed similarly.

"There." Ino glares at Anko. "Are you happy now?"

"See!" Anko claps happily for her (unwilling) student. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I guess?" Ino squeaks out. "It's not that hard of a concept but if I forget for a moment then – NOOOO!"

A very strong breeze wafts through the waiting spot. It's by far the strongest gust of today and it flaps all lose clothing in the wind. Usually that isn't a problem but Ino is in a unique situation.

In the first moment that Ino felt the breeze coming she tried to bring her arms up to hold the coat shut.

However her sensei had another idea. Anko sped her way over to Ino's side and firmly grasped her wrists. She's holding her arms down.

"Ah, ah, ah, I finally got you to put your arms down. There will be no sliding backwards!" Anko smiles evilly to herself as Ino struggles in her grasp. "You know what to do, do it."

"No no no no no no!" Ino squirms in Anko's grip in a vain attempt to free herself. "NOOO!"

Ino's face scrunches up in concentration as the breeze whips through them. Both coats flutter in the wind, neither Ino or Anko are spared. But neither of the coat's chest areas flutter with the rest of the coat. Both Ino and Anko miraculously kept them secured, a lot of skin was shown but not even a glimpse of the more interesting parts could be seen. The entire time one of them was wearing a smile the and the other was screaming bloody murder but that doesn't matter.

"Congratulations!" Anko releases Ino and pats her on the head. "You've passed."

"Why would you do that to me!?" Ino shouts at Anko. "This is stupid! It's pointless!"

"Is it?" Anko spins Ino around and pulls her into a backwards hug. The older woman is leaning over one of Ino's shoulders to whisper into her ear. "Why haven't we heard Shikamaru complain recently?"

"I don't understand? What's he got to do with anything!" Ino harshly whispers back.

"Look at him." Anko succulently whispers into her student's ear as she forces the younger girl to face her friend. "Tell me what he looks like."

"He looks like Shikamaru!" Ino raves. "He's slouching and... and he's facing away from us. And looking anywhere but at us. There's even a hint of pink on his cheeks. Every once in a while he slowly turns his head and glances at us out of the corner of his eye but then he snaps his head away from us. It's like he can't not look but he also doesn't want to."

"You did that." Anko tenderly whispers. "You're the reason he's like that. Because of this one little trick."

"I... I did?" Ino says in quiet surprise. "But he's Shikamaru! Nothing phases him!"

"Really? Let's find out." Anko raises her voice up. "Hey Shikamaru, turn around."

"That's not a good idea." Shikamaru quickly responds. Way too quickly. Ino has never heard him speak this fast. "One of us should keep watch."

"Come on Shikamaru, it'll be just for a moment." Anko teases. "Surely that's not asking too much? Ino has something she wants to ask you."

"No thank you." Shikamaru rushes to spit the two words out. "I'm keeping a lookout. For threats. That's what I'm doing. There's nothing else going on over here. Just watching the surroundings."

"I'm sure you've gotten an eyeful of the _surroundings._ " Anko teasingly calls out to him.

Shikamaru looks over his shoulder with a rebuttal on the tip of his tongue but when his eyes land on the pair of kunoichi, particularly the one around his age, his eyes widen and he snaps his head away from her. His witty rebuttal is long forgotten.

"Are you pitching a tent?" Anko smirks in victory at the way Shikamaru flinches and his hands twitch to cover his groin. "Knew it!"

"I am NOT!" He practically shouts at the top of his lungs.

"Who is pitching a tent?" Naruto's voice echoes into the clearing. "I thought we had to travel all day before we camped out."

"NO ONE IS PITCHING A TENT!" Shikamaru yells.

"You're late!" Ino shouts at Naruto and Kakashi who have both just arrived.

"Yeah, he's weird like that. He kept insisting that it wasn't time to leave yet." Naruto gestures at Kakashi who merrily waves back. Then Naruto turns to Ino. "Hey Ino how's it gooooooo..."

Naruto locks up. His entire body freezes and his eyes go wide and his jaw hangs open in shock. He's staring at Ino who is still being sensually held by Anko. Both of them have very questionable attire on, their pose is only adding to the suggestive image.

"I told you it was you." Anko whispers into Ino's ear. "Now you see why I prance around like this all the time."

"You know..." Ino trails off. Then an evil grin of her own forms on her face. "This could be fun."

"Honey this is nothing." Anko happily says to her student. She's finally sunk her claws into her.

"Really?" Ino smiles up sweetly at Anko. "What else can you teach me Anko-sensei?"

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that." Anko is brimming with happiness. "I'll teach you everything I know."

"Great." Kakashi heaves out a sigh. His eyes bounce from the obviously embarrassed Shikamaru, to the still openly staring Naruto, and they settle on the cause of the issue. Both of which have sinister smirks dancing on their faces. "There's two of them now."

Omake: A Pair of Different Reactions

In a far Away Land, On an Outrageously Dangerous Mission, also Life Threatening Can't Forget That, with the Most Heroic and Gallant Shinobi to Ever Walk this World

"What is this feeling?" Jiraya says to himself. He's stopped walking to fully intake whatever this is. "It feels like victory. Like something miraculous has happened, something that I thought would take years to complete. I wonder what it was?"

* * *

Konoha

"No!" Inoichi shouts to the ceiling of his home. "No no no! Something is terribly wrong with my baby! She's being corrupted and I'm not there to protect her! To steer her to the light! Why Kami? Why have you forsaken me?"

* * *

Author Note: This is just to clear up a couple things.

First, obviously the poll is now closed since this introduces the characters that are on the team. Plus I kinda cheated a bit to bring the top 5 instead of the top 4, but hey it'll work!

Second, Alvarcus is oblivious to the entire plot of what should happen since this is a movie arc and he's only familiar with cannon. I did lightly touch on that but I want it to be blatantly clear he has no idea what's 'supposed' to happen.

Third, this arc will be shorter than the chunin exams one I just did. It's fun to have Al messing around in Sound but it's time I try and quicken things up to get back to the original plot (so that I can horribly mess with it). That being said there are some more things I want/need to do first but I am aware that the story is getting a bit repetitive.

I'll shut up now, from the author who updates too much: Diadru


	56. Chapter 56

"Huh. I didn't know this was here." I look at a decently sized building that I happened to stumble upon.

It's nothing special, a plain weathered brown and it's no larger than a smaller restaurant. This is an outpost but it isn't the one I'm supposed to destroy. It's a bounty station, a place where Hunters can claim the bounties of the people they've killed. Provided they can prove that they killed the bounty, you can't just walk into one of these places while covered in blood and say 'I killed Kakashi of the Sharingan.' They're going to check to make sure you did, usually by demanding to see a head or other identifying items. There are some fun stories of what happens to people who try to swindle bounty stations like this.

There is this one where some random guy came in and said he kill a specific bounty. Well it just so happens that the bounty was in the building and he didn't enjoy someone saying they killed him. I bet you can guess what happened next. There was blood everywhere.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to pick up a Bingo Book." I shrug to myself. Then I drop out of my tree and swiftly walk to the outpost. "I've always wondered what one of these looks like inside."

* * *

With Konoha's Team

"Why are we moving so _slow!_ " Naruto whines as he glares at Shikamaru.

"Because I want to." Shikamaru lazily says back. He's not affected by Naruto at all, he's dealt with much more threatening people. Like his mother. She's scary. "We've got plenty of time to get there so I'm going to use it. I don't like running if I don't have to."

"Kakashi! You're some big hotshot shinobi! Tell him we've got to move faster!" Naruto tries a different tactic.

"He's the team leader." Kakashi ruffles around in his hip pouch for something. "If he says walk, we walk. Where did I put it? I know I brought it with me, so where did it go?"

"Ino!" Anko calls out with a sing song voice. "I've got you some studying material!"

"Really?" Ino asks in interest as Anko waves a brightly colored book at her. "Who makes an orange book?"

"Hell no!" Kakashi blurs and yanks a bright orange book out of Anko's hands. "This is mine! Get your own!"

"Perverts." Naruto's eyes go blank as he see what the two jonin are fighting over. "I'm surrounded by perverts. Why am I always surrounded by perverts? I had hope for you Kakashi, I really did. You seemed like an okay guy but you read those books. You've ruined it all."

"I'm not a pervert." Shikamaru blandly says to the other boy his age.

"Sure." Naruto dejectedly responds. "Keep telling yourself that tent boy."

"That means alot coming from you, Mr. Drools-a-lot." Shikamaru insults him right back.

"What are you two talking about?" Ino sends the two boys a knowing smirk as her coat flutters in the wind.

"NOTHING!" They both shout in unison and both blush while looking anywhere but at her.

"I _really_ like this coat." Ino smiles in happiness.

* * *

With Alvarcus

"Not what I expected." I mumble to myself as I take in the interior of the bounty station.

It's just one large open room with a bar and tables, there's even a few more private booths lining the walls. It's basically a bar. What a let down. However the clientele are not what you'd expect at a normal bar, everyone here looks like they are ready for a war. Men and women alike are armed to the teeth and that's just the visible weapons. Who knows what is hidden away on them.

"Whatever, not like this is anything strange for me." I mumble again then make my way to the bartender. "Hey, I'm looking to get a Bingo Book. Who do I talk to for that? You or someone else?"

The bartender does a quick once over of me without pausing cleaning his glass. "Go home. This isn't a place for children. You'll live longer."

"I haven't been a child for a long time." I say with a hint of a warning in my voice. "I'll ask again, where can I get a Bingo Book?"

"Don't get smart with me." The bartender stops cleaning the glass. "You need a sponsor for this kind of work. Someone has to vouch for you, they need to say that you're worth it. We don't just let anyone in here, we want people who will be successful."

"I vouch for him." A deep gravelly voice calls from one of the private booths.

"R-really?" The bartender stutters out in shock and the glass he was holding slips out of his grasp and shatters on the ground. "Y-you vouch for him?"

"Yes." Kakuzu himself says to the now quiet room. "He's just won me a bet that had a lot of money riding on it. The least I can do is vouch for him."

"Hey Kakuzu." I give him a little wave. "It's been a while. Where's Hidan at?"

 _ **WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE!**_

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. DON'T FREAK OUT! I'm freaking out. Fan-fucking-tastic.

This is supposed to be stress free! A cake walk! Nothing like this should happen! Why?! WHY?!

"He's out doing something for his asinine religion." Kakuzu gruffly responds. "Should be back soon. Why, want to say hello to the lunatic?"

"Not really." I shrug off the idea like we're chatting about a close friend.

Except on the inside I'm freaking the fuck out. Alright alright! I've got this! Just calmly disengage conversation with him and you should be fine. It's okay. He's nice. Er... nice for the Akatsuki?

"He's weird." I continue talking. "Anyways I don't really have time to chat. I am actually on a time sensitive mission but I happened to stumble across this place. Figured I might as well grab a Bingo Book since I'm here and all that."

"What are you doing?" Kakuzu leans forward from his reclined position. "Something entertaining?"

"Oh you know how it goes, a little of this and a little of that." I vaguely respond. Like hell I'm telling anyone where I'm going, especially a member of the Akatsuki while in a room full of paid killers.

"Of course." Kakuzu says in contentment as he leans back. I think he just tested me, he wanted to see if I would reveal what my plans were. He wanted to know if I'm paranoid like a good shinobi should be. "Don't let me keep you any longer, Alvarcus Mar."

Almost all of the heads in the room subtly swivel to me. If I wasn't a trained shinobi I would have missed the small movements. Each person is now reevaluating me, studying me. Measuring themselves against me and calculating if they can defeat me. A few of them seem smart, they've decided to back off. Most of them seem eager.

Fuck you Kakuzu, why the hell would you say my name! Now they know I'm an A-rank bounty!

"Heyyyy friend!" An obscenely drunk man throws one of his arms across my shoulders. "Don't listen to that old geezer! HICCUP! He doesn't know... know... anything!"

"Can you fuck off?" I growl out in warning. "I'd hate to stain the floor with your blood on my first visit here. That sends a bad message and who knows if I'm coming back or not."

"Now now there's no need to be so hotsle... hostal... hostils... mad!" The drunk man merrily pats me on the chest and there's a very quiet sound of paper crinkling when he does. "I know when I'm not wanted. I'll go... go over... over there." He staggers off to a table with two others. They both look greatly embarrassed.

"Fuck that guy." I turn back to the bartender who is holding a small black book. "So. Bingo Book."

"Right here." The bartender tosses me the book. "And thanks for not making a mess. Blood is so difficult to clean up."

"You're talking to a shinobi." I pocket the book and send a glance towards Kakuzu. "Hey, bartender. Give the drunk guy's bounty to Kakuzu if he has one, will you? Tell him it was a thank you for the vouching."

"You're going to kill him?" The bartender whispers back to me.

"The idiot is going to kill himself. I just made it happen." I turn around and wave goodbye to Kakuzu then leave the building.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen!" The drunk man stands up and shouts over the conversations of the building. He's surprisingly not drunk anymore, he was acting. "For all of you who recognized that name and decided to go after the bounty on his head, don't. He's mine."

"And what makes you say that?" One of the many Hunters asks in anger. "In this line of work it is a first come first serve business."

"Simple really, I've already killed him." The not actually drunk man clasps his hands together. "I've stuck an explosive seal to his chest, all I have to do is set it off. So like I said, I've got him and his bounty already. KATSU!"

An explosion goes off much closer than everyone but a select few expected. It happened in the room. The back of the not actually drunk man exploded right between his shoulder blades, killing him instantly. With a wet thud he crumples to the ground.

"Kakuzu." The bartender calls out to the only other person to not be surprised by the explosion. "The bounty goes to you, by the wishes of Alvarcus Mar. He said it was a thank you for vouching for him."

"Muffins you are wonderful." Kakuzu grins to himself.

"Who the hell is Muffins?" Someone asks.

* * *

With Alvarcus

"What a dumbass. Did he really think I wouldn't notice the tag he tried to sneak onto me?" I take to the trees again and start to make my way to the base I'm supposed to destroy. I've got less than a half hour's run ahead of me, it's only a few kilometers away. I could make it quicker if I pushed myself but I don't want to.

 _~Host, we're being followed.~_

"Figured. Probably more Hunters that are looking to take my head." Not entirely unexpected, Kakuzu did out me inside of a bounty station. That was a real dick move, I bet he wants me to kill off some of his competition.

 _~Shall we kill them? They don't feel that strong, I don't know how much fun we can have with the three of them.~_

"No. We'll only kill them if they attack us. I want them to watch us. I want them to witness the destruction of this base and spread rumors about our power. I'm going to attempt to use them to give us a reputation. I want us to be someone you don't fuck with."

 _~We only need one of them for that.~_

"True, but three people will talk more than one. Word will spread faster." Plus this covers the whole Orochimaru wanting me to send a message, I'm killing two birds with one stone. Or in this case a really overpowered jutsu.

 _~Aren't you worried that they will talk about one of your strongest attacks?~_

"Let them, the jutsu I'm going to use requires a shit ton of prep work. This is the kind of move that needs a very long time – by shinobi standards at least – to get ready so it won't matter if everyone knows about it. I'll only ever use it if I have the required time to set it up, it's an opening move not a finishing move. By the time anyone realizes what's happening it'll be too late."

 _~Really now? And just which technique are you going to use? One of the ones that broke the island?~_

"I've got a couple in mind."

* * *

With the Hunter Team Following Alvarcus

"Where the hell is this kid going?" The Leader barks to his two teammates.

"No clue." The First one says.

"I'm more curious as to why he hasn't confronted us yet." The Second one says. "Doesn't the Bingo Book page on him say he has minor sensing capabilities?"

"You can't always trust the Bingo Book. They've been wrong about things before and something like a 'minor sensing ability' is pretty small already." The Leader responds. "It's part of the reason we're going after him. He's a kid with an A-rank bounty, he must have done something stupid or heard too much for Konoha of all places to give him one that high."

"Yeah, there's no way he's as skilled as the usual A-ranks." The Second agrees. "He's a kid, he hasn't had time to learn."

"I don't know about that." The First cuts in. "There's that whole tripled if alive part. Do you think he made away with a kinjutsu and Konoha is trying to get it back?"

"Could be that he stole something important and they want to figure out what happened to it." The Leader shares his own opinion. "Maybe he sold secrets to Orochimaru to get into Otogakure. You did see his headband, right? Music notes. That means he's with Sound now."

"He has stopped." The Leader halts all movement and his team joins him. "We'll observe for now. Let's see what he's up to, learn his mannerisms and habits. Then we will strike."

"Are we going for alive or dead?" The Second asks.

"Don't know yet. Let's watch him for a bit then we'll go from there." The Leader leaves it up in the air. "If we can take him alive we will, if not then we still get paid."

* * *

With Alvarcus

"They've stopped." I'm kneeling in a wide clearing, it's perfect for what I have in mind. I just want to make sure my tail isn't going to take this chance to attack me, any good Hunter would observe their target if presented a chance like this.

Seems like these three aren't incompetent. They're waiting and watching.

 _~Let's give them a show!~_

"Yes, let's." I rise up from kneeling.

I slowly, so I don't scare away the Hunters, go through hand signs for a very low level earth jutsu. Once I'm done I tap the ground with a hand and a pillar of stone juts up from the ground. There is one difference from the usual pillars I make though, this one resembles a cross. The two arms of the cross are pointed down at the ground at around a ten degree angle.

It's perfect.

I shrug off my coat and with a grand flourish I hang it on the impromptu coat stand. That's right, I made a coat stand using a jutsu.

* * *

With the Hunters

"He made a fucking coat stand." The First says in surprise. "Who does that?"

"Wrong question." The Leader says. "It's _why_ did he do that?"

"We're about to find out. He's going through hand signs again." The Second cuts in.

"Why is he going so slow?" The Leader asks himself. "Hell I know what jutsu he's using! It's Earth Release: Boulder Birth. It just makes a boulder."

Sure enough, the target finishes his hand signs and slams them to the ground. Except the Leader was wrong. Usually the jutsu Boulder Birth is used to make a single or in some cases two boulders. There's not really a practical use for this jutsu, it's a stepping stone for Earth affinities to get used to molding the earth around them for more impressive jutsu. But Alvarcus Mar must have not been told that because he's made ten boulders. Ten boulders that come up to his waist, it's an impressive feat.

"Damn." The Second can't help but say.

"Kid's got a lot of chakra, I'll give him that." The First agrees.

"I don't get it though. What's his plan? So what he's made ten boulders, big deal. They're not useful for anything." The Leader racks his brain, trying to come up with something.

"He's doing it again." The First gestures to the target. "Same hand signs and everything."

Ten more boulders spring up out of the ground.

"What the hell?" The Leader says and the other two are thinking the same thing. "He's doing it a third time?"

Another ten boulders join the rest.

"Four times? No, five. He used it five times." The Leader is staring at the now changed clearing. There's fifty boulders dotting the landscape now. "What is he doing to do with fifty boulders?"

* * *

With Alvarcus

"Think this should be enough?" I ask the Jiongu as I look over my fifty boulders. "I can make more."

 _~Depends on how the base is set up. You do know how it's set up right?~_

"Of course." I scoff out. "I had Shirokumo tell me as we were running here. There is an abandoned town on the border between the two countries. The Kusa shinobi have taken up residence in it. It's a small town, really it's only six farmhouses and one town hall. Basically the town hall is the place where the fun stuff happens and the farmhouses are where people sleep and go on break and such."

 _~How many shinobi are there?~_

"You can't sense them from here?" I ask. That's strange, I thought the Jiongu could.

 _~Host we're half a kilometer away from them. My range is not very big.~_

"Right. Good point. Somewhere around thirty. How far can you sense anyways?" I should know that for future reference.

 _~A hundred meters or so. Two hundred if I push myself to a breaking point.~_

"Good to know. So, you ready now?"

 _~Of course. I am always ready.~_

* * *

With the Hunters

"Now what the hell is he doing?" The Leader asks in mild anger. He doesn't like not knowing. Not one bit.

"Uh... taking his shirt off?" The Second supplies in confusion.

" _Holy shit._ " The three of them say in unison.

They're seeing his scars. Not a single space on him is spared, he's covered in them.

"What's on his back?" The First is the first one to regain his composure. "Are those WHAT THE FUCK!"

Four black _things_ rip themselves out of the targets back. Each one has a stark white mask and they all resemble hulking humanoid figures. Each monster stands well above the average human height and they look like the stuff of nightmares.

"What the fuck are those?!" The Second shouts.

"Quiet you two!" The Leader reprimands his team. "Don't alert him to our presence!"

"But what the fuck are those?!" The Second whisper shouts again.

"I don't know." The Leader admits. "But this is good. We know that he has them now and we can plan around it. This is why we wait and watch. It's so we know about these things."

"Right but are you sure we can take those things on?" The First asks. "It just went from us having the numbers advantage to him having it."

"We don't know what they are or what they're capable of yet." The Leader says to his team. "For all we know they could be incredibly weak. There has to be some weakness to them, some downside."

"Uh... I don't think they're weak." The Second points out to the clearing.

All four of the monsters that _came out of someone's back_ are all doing the exact same thing. They're going around the clearing and throwing the boulders into one large pile. Each one is hefting up a boulder and tossing it across the clearing to join the rest. No longer is the clearing littered with boulders, now they're in one large mound.

"Okay. So each one of them is incredibly strong." The Leader admits. "But that's probably their only strength. They seem pretty slow, we can work around that. Just don't get hit."

"They're doing something now." The First calls out in warning.

Three of the monsters are joining together. They're becoming one mass of whatever the hell they're made of. But they aren't in the shape of a human anymore, they don't even resemble a human at all. Nor do they look like an animal. They look like a tripod, three strong black legs that dig into the ground for extra stability. On the top of each leg is one stark white mask, as if it's looking outwards in every possible angle.

Then something about it changes, it shifts again. Out of the top point of the tripod comes a long arm. No, an arm is the wrong word. It's a long spindly tentacle that splits four ways on the end. It's made to grab things.

" _What the fuck is that?_ " The Leader whisper shouts to his team but he doesn't expect an answer. He's already forgotten why they are even here, he's captivated by the freak show going on before him.

His other teammates are the same way, they are rendered speechless.

Then the black monstrosity reaches its tentacle out and grabs a boulder off of the top of the heaping mound. Then it rears back and prepares to throw.

"It's... a catapult?" The Leader squeaks out in fear. "He made that thing into a catapult?"

But the Leader is only half right. Alvarcus and the other monster are standing on either side of the monstrosity, Alvarcus is holding the last sign for a jutsu and the other monster is breathing a coating of wind around the boulder. Then Alvarcus releases his jutsu and a white hot fire roars to life around the boulder. It's a flaming catapult.

The monstrosity _heaves_ and the boulder sails high through the air never to be seen again.

"The base." The Second whispers in sudden realization. "The Kusa base is in that direction."

The monstrosity grabs another boulder that's quickly coated in wind and fire. It throws this one too. And the next. And the next. Over and over and over again. Boulders are flying through the air at an astonishing rate of one every second. It takes less than a minute for the stock of boulders to be used. All fifty of them.

All fifty were thrown at the base.

* * *

At the Base

"Got any... sixes?" One of the Kusa shinobi asks one of the other three players. They're all playing a game of cards while they have the chance.

"Nope!"

"Gah! You suc-"

 **BOOM**

A heavy thud shakes the entire building and each shinobi leaps to their feet.

"That came from the Town Hall! What the fuck was tha-" This shinobi can't finish his sentence. In fact there's no one around left to hear him anyways. They've all just been crushed and incinerated by a flaming boulder that ripped through the entire building to squash them in the basement.

Only one shinobi in the room survived the unexpected impact. He doesn't waste time mourning the loss of his friends, not when the fucker who launched this jutsu is outside. He quickly jumps through the flaming hole in the wall to confront the soon to be dead man then freezes.

His arms fall slack to his sides as he's staring at the sky.

It's full of flaming boulders that are raining down on the outpost.

"So this is how I die." He says as he falls to his knees. He's one of many shinobi to share those words.

* * *

With Alvarcus

"There. That should do it." I say as the last boulder disappears into the sky.

 _~Yes, fifty may have been overkill.~_

"I was told to send a message." I gaze at the rising pillar of black smoke on the horizon. "Consider it sent."

* * *

With the Hunters

"We're leaving." The Leader orders. "Right fucking now!"

"That's fucking insane!" The Second says as everyone turns to run. "A base! An entire base just like that! Gone!"

"What if he did that to a village?" The First says in fear. "Could... could anyone stop that? Are we sure he's A-rank?"

"Fuck if I know! Now shut up and run!" The Leader demands as they flee from the monster. They're not talking about the black monsters but the monster who commands them.

* * *

With Konoha's Team

"Kakashi." Anko says with a very serious tone as she's staring at the skyline.

"I see it too." Kakashi confirms. "There's smoke. Lots of smoke."

"Do we have a base over there?" Anko snarls out. "Otogakure is over in that direction, just further. It's on our border."

"No. We don't." Kakashi says. "But Kusa did."

"Does." Shikamaru cuts in. "Kusa _does._ We don't know if it's gone."

"Team Leader, what are your orders?" Kakashi asks Shikamaru. "This isn't part of our mission. It's nothing that we have to go investigate. We can walk right past it and no one will fault us."

"We're going to check it out." Shikamaru says with confidence. "They're our allies, the least we can do is make sure they're okay."

Kakashi smiles down at the chunin. That's the exact answer he wanted to hear.

"Kakashi you're on point." Shikamaru orders, he's still the leader. Kakashi hasn't taken over yet. "Naruto and Anko you two are next, Naruto on the left flank and Anko on the right. Ino and I will be coming up behind you both. We're running in a pentagon, Naruto and Anko will be further out on the sides than Ino and me."

"Why that set up?" Kakashi asks.

"You're the best one here, you'll be able to deal with any surprise threats quickly. Anko then Naruto are the next most skilled in a straight up fight, they'll deal with whoever gets past you or you leave for us. Then there's Ino and I in the back, we're supporters. We'll help whoever needs it but we can't help you if we're fighting our own battles."

"Solid reasoning." Kakashi praises the Nara.

"So we're expecting a fight?" Naruto asks eagerly. "It's been awhile since I was in a real fight."

"Yes." Shikamaru says. His lazy drawl is nowhere to be found. "We're going in with the mindset that we're going to be attacked, everyone be on high alert. Ino how's your sensing coming along?"

"It's getting there." She admits. "My range isn't that good, maybe twenty meters at my best. I only just started to work on it."

"Better than nothing. Keep a lookout for anything and everything." Shikamaru orders. "I don't like surprises."

"You got it!" Ino confidently responds.

"Let's move." Shikamaru orders and the five shinobi take to the trees.

* * *

With Alvarcus

Four sickening squelches echo out into the clearing as I pull my loyal minions back into me. Then I put my shirt back on and swing my coat over my shoulders. I'm back to my usual outfit.

 _~Should we go check to make sure some of them lived?~_

"No need." I turn away from the pillar of thick black smoke towards my own personal destination.

 _~I thought we were supposed to let some of them live?~_

"A few probably did since that was an attack based completely on luck. We bombarded the area, someone probably was in the right place to survive it. Who knows, maybe someone over there knew a jutsu or something to defend themselves. But it wouldn't matter if every single one of them died."

 _~Why not? Ah, I get it. The Hunters.~_

"Correct. They will spread the news about me like wildfire." I sigh in both contentment and resignation. "I'll probably never be able to use this combination attack as effectively again. It's been a very long time since a single shinobi destroyed a base. Usually a stealth team sneaks in and rigs it to blow with tags but Orochimaru wanted it to be flashy. He wanted memorable. He wanted me to send a message and to show off just how strong I really am."

 _~This is him saying fuck off to the world.~_

"Well... yeah." I cringe as I start to move again. "It sounds a lot worse when you say it like that."

* * *

With the Konoha Team

"Stop." Kakashi orders the entire group and the other four members are quick to join him. They're all perched high in trees around the clearing where the base is.

Used to be. The base is nothing more than smoldering ruins now. All of the buildings have been demolished and resemble little more than rubble. There are giant craters and rents in the ground from some form of advanced technique, obviously it's the one that brought this destruction down upon the unsuspecting Kusa shinobi.

"Shikamaru I'm taking over for this." Kakashi's tone brokers no arguments.

"All yours." Shikamaru readily agrees. He has no idea how to react to this situation. He has no experiences to fall back on. Hell he's never seen destruction of this magnitude before, even when Konoha was invaded there were a few leveled building but you could tell that they were buildings. But here they're just crushed into unrecognizable heaps.

"What happened here? Who did this? Who _can_ do this?" Naruto asks the questions that everyone wants answered.

"We'll figure that out later." Kakashi rises up from his kneeling position. "We're going to go look for survivors. Be wary, it's possible they will attack us. They just went through this, they're sure to be jumpy. Just remain calm and let Anko and I do the talking. You three are strictly observers. Do not engage anyone unless they attack you, even then only defend yourself. This is a very delicate situation. It's one I hoped you all would never have to see."

"Kakashi? Anko?" Ino hesitantly asks. She's very shaken up from seeing the ruthless destruction. "Does... does this happen a lot? Is this normal? Will we be expected to do something like this too?"

"Not in times of peace." Anko quietly says as she shares a look with Kakashi. Neither of them will sugar coat this. They're telling the kids - the shinobi - exactly how it is. "But in times of war, that's a different story."

"Have... have either of you done something like this?" Ino gestures out at the indiscriminate destruction. Whoever did this didn't care who they caught in their attack.

Kakashi and Anko share another look. Each one is asking the other to respond to this question, neither of the jonin want to portray themselves in a bad light to the others. But it's Kakashi who folds first, even if it's only temporary Ino does look at Anko as a sensei. He won't let that relationship be tainted so soon.

"Yes. I have." Kakashi admits to everyone else present. "It's as you all have said before, I am one of Konoha's top shinobi. I'll be given missions that no one else can do. Sometimes I'll get assigned to systematically dismantle an entire base with cold and unforgiving precision. Other times I'll be told to blow up a bridge that hundreds of enemy forces are depending on to bring them food and medical supplies. Usually it's with a team. Sometimes it's not."

He feels four unique stares at his back. The first one is full of thanks and pity, this one is Anko. The second is one of shock and fear, this one is Ino. The third is one of surprise and then hate, this one is Naruto. The fourth one is calculating and morbid sense of awe, this one is Shikamaru.

"That does not mean I enjoy such things. They are the things that keep me awake at night. They're the things that haunt me to this very day. They're the things that I've done so no one else had to."

An awkward silence falls onto the five shinobi.

"We've wasted enough time." Kakashi breaks the tense atmosphere. "Let's go check for survivors."

* * *

At the Ruins of the Base

"Are there any survivors?" Kakashi calls out from the middle of the town. "My name is Kakashi Hatake, I'm with a Konoha team that was passing close by then saw smoke and came to investigate. We're here to help."

"Do you really think anyone will respond to that?" Anko chirps to the more experienced jonin. She's trying to give off a not hostile vibe so they're more likely to respond.

"I hope so." Kakashi responds in an equally loud voice. "Kusa is our ally, it's only natural that we help each other."

A wet cough comes from off to their left and all five shinobi reflexively take up defensive stances. Kakashi even zoomed to stand between everyone and the sudden noise in case the person who made it is hostile. They'll have to go through him to get the others.

"Konoha... HACK... shinobi?" A weak voice says from beneath part of a destroyed building.

The owner of the voice is male and he's on the verge of dying. Upon closer examination everyone can see that the only reason he's still alive is because part of the collapsed building is still on him. It crushed his lower half but it's also preventing his organs from spilling to the ground. They can't lift the rubble off of him or he'll die but if they do nothing he'll die anyways. There's no hope for this man.

And from the resigned look in his eyes he knows it too.

"You're lucky... wheeze... you weren't here an hour ago." The Kusa shinobi forces out.

"What happened here?" Kakashi kneels next to the Kusa shinobi. "Who did this?"

"Not enough time." The Kusa shinobi weakly says between labored breaths. "Dead. Soon."

"Eito-san?" Ino gasps out as she finally looks at the Kusa shinobi's face.

"You know him?" Kakashi gently asks Ino without leaving Eito's side.

"Yes." Tears form in her eyes. "He was the proctor for the Chunin Exams I just went to."

"Leiko." There's a spark in Eito's eyes for just a fleeting moment. "Tell Leiko... tell..."

Eito trails off. He's no longer capable of speech, he only has moments left in this world.

"Shh." Ino steps forward to kneel down next to Eito with Kakashi. "Don't speak, just think. I'm a Yamanaka, I'll skim your surface thoughts. Not enough for a full possession but enough so I can read you. Don't worry about me, we're not connected enough to do any damage. You can tell me that way."

Ino gently lays a hand on Eito's head as bursts of fragmented images assault her mind.

"Fire rained down from the sky." She quietly says to her other teammates. "It was Hell on earth for just one minute, but in the minute everyone died. Everything broke. It all ended so quickly so unexpectedly. Just like that. No one even saw who did it."

The Konoha shinobi analyze the destruction again with a new eye. There's a lot of smoldering boulders at the epicenter of most of the craters and rents in the ground.

"There were three other survivors." Ino continues. "Somehow they came out nearly unscathed but they've long since fled back to Kusa. They saw Eito like this and left him here. No, he told them to leave him. He knows that he's going to die."

A new burst of images flows into Ino's mind. They're not of this senseless destruction, they're softer. Gentler. A new tear forms in Ino's eyes, but it doesn't carry the same meaning as her previous tears.

"You truly cared for Leiko. You saw her as the little sister you never had and she looked up to you so much. You want to apologize to her, not for dying, but because you can't see her grow up. I'll make sure she knows."

"Thank you." Eito speaks despite the agony it causes him.

The connection between him and Ino is severed but Ino wasn't the one to break it. He's dead.

"You're welcome." Ino removes her hand from the corpse.

* * *

With Alvarcus

"I don't know how to feel." I say out loud to myself as I'm covering ground at an astonishing rate.

 _~About what, Host?~_

"It's just... should I camp out tonight or keep running? On one hand if I camp out tonight it'll be nice to stare up at the stars and stuff. But on the other hand the quicker I get to a port city the quicker I can find a boat and finish up my business. Then I'll have the rest of the two weeks to myself."

 _~Run through the night. You can stargaze once the business is complete.~_

"True. Plus who knows when boats are scheduled to leave? I might miss it if I take too long here." I heave out a sigh. "Running through the night it is."

* * *

At the Ruins of the Base

"Alright. I know this sounds bad but it's time we move on." Kakashi solemnly says to the rest of the team. "There's nothing we can do here and we have our own mission to go on."

"How can you say that?" Naruto seethes at the older shinobi. "How can you act like none of this matters? Like none of it means anything to you at all?"

"Naruto!" Shikamaru cuts in. "This isn't easy on him either!"

"Then why isn't he doing anything!" Naruto shouts. "Someone leveled this place! Probably someone from Oto and _we're doing nothing?_ You expect us to go back to our mission like nothing happened? Kakashi people died here! Our allies died here! We have to do something!"

"Okay. What?" Kakashi calmly replies to Naruto's anger fueled questions. "What do you expect me to do?"

"I… well you could… maybe…" Naruto comes up empty.

"Exactly. It's not that I don't want to do something, it's that there's simply nothing for me to do." Kakashi sighs. He hates having to actually teach, he's not good at it. "Look we can't act rashly. We're not even sure if it is someone from Oto that did this. Kusa has just as many enemies as friends it could have been any one of them. And do you really want to run headfirst at an opponent that is capable of _this_ without even knowing their name? This wasn't the work of a team. This wasn't the work of explosive tags. This was one singular jutsu. You all are good but you're not ready to face someone like this."

"I am tired of people underestimating me!" Naruto shouts. "You don't know me! You don't know what I'm capable of!"

"You're right. But I know what they're capable of." Kakashi gestures at the other three members. "Anko's good but she would need a team that she's intimately familiar with to stand against someone like this. I'm not a part of that team and neither are you. Shikamaru is incredibly smart but when your opponent _doesn't care_ what they destroy you can only plan for so much and we know nothing about this person. Then there's Ino, she's good for her age but she doesn't stand out yet. One day she can be as feared as I am, hell all of you can, but that is not today. No one here is ready to face whoever did this, myself included."

"Naruto I get that you're eager to prove yourself and letting this go is hard." Kakashi continues. "But do you think you could do this? Could you single handedly destroy a base of Oto shinobi and then _not even bother to kill off the wounded?_ To let them sit there in agony for who knows how long? Is that the kind of person you are? Because that's who we're dealing with."

"But we have to do something!" Naruto shouts and his eyes start to glisten. "This isn't right! It's not right! We can't just do nothing for everyone that died here!"

"There are three Kusa shinobi heading back to their home as we speak." Kakashi points out. "They will relay what happened then Kusa can seek vengeance or choose to withdraw. Actions have already been taken, they're just not our actions. We have our own mission to go on. Shikamaru, orders?"

Kakashi is handing the reigns back over to Shikamaru for two reason. The first is simple: the danger has passed. They're back on the mission they're supposed to be on. The second is more personal: it's so that everyone else responds better to the team leader. Kakashi may have stepped up for a moment, but in that moment everyone's view of him has changed except for Anko. He doesn't want to cause conflict within the team by trying to order everyone around if he doesn't have to.

"Naruto Kakashi is right." Shikamaru places a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder. "There's nothing more to be done, the necessary actions have already been taken."

"It doesn't feel right." Naruto mutters under his breath. "It feels wrong."

"Alright everyone." Shikamaru addresses the group. "We're heading out. We'll run until nightfall to make up for lost distance. Let's go."

The group leave the ruins behind them. The whole team dynamic has changed, it's no longer as light and free as it once was.

* * *

The Next Day, Around Midday

"So… you sure that was the only place I could ask someone what ships are leaving for the Land of Snow?" I ask the large white spider that's perched on my head. "Cuz the only one they've got is for tomorrow."

"Yep, this is a small port. Not too many ships come to and from here, fewer from where you're going." Shirokumo pats me with one of his many legs. "Man these ocean ports sure get chilly this time of year."

"Just wait. I'm going to the Land of Snow. It's doesn't ever stop snowing." I dryly inform my summon.

"I know. You've got issues kid." Shirokumo eloquently responds.

"Yes, yes I do. Do you really think it's in your best interest to keep reminding me about that?" I chastise him.

"You're the one walking around with a giant white spider on your head." Shirokumo nestles into my scalp for heat, royally messing up my hair in the process. "No shit I'm going to say you have issues."

"But _you_ are the spider." I exasperatedly say. "Isn't that a little ironic?"

"Pretty sure that's not what ironic means." Shirokumo finally stops squirming. "So you going to go ask the Captain for passage or not?"

"Oh shut up. I'm getting around to it. Gotta find the boat first."

* * *

"Here it is." Shikamaru declares to his team as the port town comes into view. "We've made it."

"Finally!" Ino weeps exaggerated tears of joy. "I can shower now! I can't believe how dirty I got!"

"Yes that is a downside to our coats." Anko pats Ino on the head. "Next time be sure to bring some pajamas then you won't have to sleep half naked on the ground. Gotta say it was smart of you to use your headband to tie your coat shut. I was half hoping you'd end up flashing us in your sleep, that would be a great story to tell."

"I did bring pajamas but someone burned them!" Ino weeps tears of sadness. "And we're going to the Land of Snow! _SNOW!_ Guess what it's always doing there? If you guessed snowing you're right!"

"Not my fault?" Anko weakly tires to avoid responsibility. "Just grab one of the two boys. They'll be more than willing to keep you warm."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Ino nervously glances at the two prospects of being her personal heater. "Shikamaru and I are just too good of friends, I don't want to ruin that. And Naruto… well he's still so childish. Plus he's leaving soon, I won't be able to see much of him. I'm okay with teasing them a bit but I don't think I want to go further than that."

"The hell are you talking about?" Anko asks in confusion. "Just steal their body heat, I'm not suggesting you fuck them or something! I know that I'll be trying to steal Kakashi's the entire time we're on this trip!"

"And I'll be sleeping with numerous kunai." Kakashi quips back. "Numerous very sharp kunai. My body heat is my own, thank you."

"Oh I like a challenge!" Anko taunts him right back. "I remember the first time you pulled out your kunai. That was a good night."

"Anko what would Iruka say?" Kakashi responds with mock hurt. "Shame on you."

"Wait." Ino's eyes dart between the two jonin. "Have you two…"

"What?" Anko reassuringly throws an arm over Ino's shoulder. "You can say it. Had sex? Banged? Boinked? Get down and dirty? Screwed? Shagged? Fucked like wild rabbits on the world's most hardcore aphrodisiacs? Take your pick, I like the last one the best. Though boinked is fun to say."

Ino blushes madly. She's not the only one, both Naruto and Shikamaru are blushing too even though they're acting like they haven't heard a word of the conversation.

"Fine! Have you…" Ino gets very quiet. "Slept together?"

"Until you ask me if I've fucked him I'm not answering." Anko pats Ino on the back and breaks their half hug. "Consider it me working on breaking you out of your shell. Seriously it's not that big of a deal, they're just words. BOINKED!"

"Anko quit terrorizing the innocents." Kakashi drawls out while shooting her a reprimanding glare. "And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't allude to things we may or may not have done."

"What? Like you haven't bragged about bedding a girl before. Doesn't matter if it was me or not since I'm neither confirming or denying it happened." Anko pointedly returns the glare.

"Fair point. We were all teenagers once." Kakashi concedes.

"So as fun as it is to hear what may or may not have happened in your respective sex lives, how about we do what we came here to do?" Shikamaru practically shouts over the two bickering jonin. "Frankly I don't care who fucked who, we're here for a job."

"See!" Anko points at Shikamaru while looking at Ino. "It's not that hard! Say it with me now, fuck."

"No!" Ino squeaks in embarrassment. "Shikamaru what's the plan?"

"We have two main objectives." Shikamaru starts to explain before Anko can chime in again. "First: we have to find the client. We're supposed to meet her here. Second: secure the ship for passage. Supposedly the client has gotten a ship lined up to take us to the Land of Snow but we need to check it over for any malicious intent."

"Ahem." Ino's embarrassment vanishes and it's replaced with bossiness. She's crossed her arms and is tapping her foot in agitation. "There should be getting a hotel in there somewhere. I want a shower."

"The ship should have that." Shikamaru waves off Ino's anger, he's done it multiple times before. "Consider it a hotel on water. So since we have to objectives we'll split the group two ways."

"I'll take Naruto to go find the client." Kakashi offers. "Actresses can be very… peculiar at times. It's best an adult deals with her."

"Hey I'm an adult!" Anko cuts in.

The rest of the shinobi briefly imagine how Anko would handle talking with the client. They all shiver in unison.

"Works for me." Shikamaru quickly says. "That means Anko, Ino and I will go secure the boat. Will you be able to meet us there or do you want us to come find you once we're done?"

"We'll be fine. I'm sure I can manage one actress." Kakashi waves off the other three.

"Oi I don't want to go with him!" Naruto whirls towards Ino. "Switch with me!"

"Come on Naruto. We've got an actress to find." Kakashi grabs Naruto by the scruff of the neck and drags him off.

"NOOOO! NOT LIKE THIS!" Naruto wails as he's dragged away.

"I'm starting to think we had the most normal sensei." Shikamaru comments to Ino as he watches Naruto submit to his fate. "Asuma-sensei would never do that."

"You might be right. We did get lucky." Ino agrees. "So. Boat?"

"Yeah. Boat."

The trio make their own exit.

"BOINKED!"

"Dammit Anko! You can't do that in front of the client!"

* * *

"So this is the ship going to the Land of Snow." I do a quick once over on it. "Good enough for me, she looks like she can take a rough voyage."

"So what's your plan?" Shirokumo asks from my head. He hasn't left yet. "Going to stowaway on it? Hide in the hold until you reach your destination? Perhaps threaten the Captain to allow you passage?"

"I'm going to ask." I blandly tell my summon. "What the hell kind of a person do you think I am? Don't answer that."

"You're a shinobi. That's kinda your thing, hiding away in places." Shirokumo mutters to himself. "It's not that crazy of an assumption."

"OI!" I shout at the large ship. "Anyone there?"

A man leans over the side and glares at me. "The hell do you want punk?"

"You the Captain? I want to hitch a ride to the Land of Snow." I call back to the rude man.

"CAPTAIN!" The man shouts and he disappears back into the ship. "WE GOT A KID WITH A SPIDER ON HIS HEAD ASKING FOR A RIDE! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE TO MAKE SURE I'M NOT CRAZY!"

"Well at least he went to get the Captain?" I weakly say to Shirokumo.

"We really should have thought of that." Shirokumo sighs.

"Who the fuck are you?" A new face leans over the side of the ship to speak to me. "Scratch that, don't care. Why should I let you on my ship? Bringing shinobi onboard is bad luck."

"Uh…" Shit what can I offer him? "I'll protect you, the crew and the ship from anyone who tries to start trouble?"

"No shit you'd do that." The Captain gruffly barks out. "If trouble happens it's always shinobi's fault so you better fix it! Give me something worthwhile. Something good. It's gotta be worth it for me and my crew."

"How about added manual labor?" I offer something else. "I may not look like it but I'm actually quite strong."

"Must be one of those shinobi tricks." The Captain mutters. "Not good enough, I've got plenty of hands to handle my cargo. You'd just get in the way even if you can hold five times the usual. You don't know our system. Last chance. What do you got?"

"You're hauling cargo?" I ask and he nods affirmative. "I'm pretty good at fuinjutsu, I can seal away the cargo to make it lighter and more space efficient. It'll let you carry more too so this one trip could be worth six trips."

"Works for me!" The Captain eagerly waves me up. With one large leap I join him on the deck. "Welcome aboard. Now you're not our only passenger, we've got a movie crew coming with us. That going to be a problem?"

"As long as they don't try to make me an actor we'll be fine." I assure him. "So, where's the cargo? I'll get started right away. I'll seal what you've got here first then if you get more I'll seal that as it comes. I'll do as much as you want until either I run out of supplies or you can't get more."

"I'll show you to the hold." The Captain eagerly takes a few steps then stops. "Laddie, can you put the spider away? I don't need any spider eggs popping up in my ship. That's bad for business."

"That's a new one." Shirokumo says to us. "I bid you farewell."

"See ya around." I say goodbye as he poofs away to the Nest. "So, cargo hold?"

"Right this way." We both disappear into the ship.

* * *

"Whew!" I whistle as the Captain shows me just how much cargo the ship has. "What is all this stuff?"

"Food mainly. Some medical supplies and general goods like clothes and trinkets." He pats a large box. "Think you can get all of this?"

"There's nothing alive in any of these, right?" I question. "Seals and living beings don't always mix well."

"Unless we've got a stowaway, no." The Captain clears up. "So can you get it all? And how small can you make it?"

"Hmm." I take in the large room one more time. Then I reach into my coat and pull out a decently sized scroll. I quickly unfurl it and pump chakra in it to release its contents. Out of it pops one of the massive scrolls, like the one Jiraya carries around. "I can get all of it into this with plenty of room to spare."

Basically I'm going to make a crap ton of large storage seals on this one scroll. Why waste a lot of little ones when I can use one big one to get the same effect? Even if the large storage seal takes up a meter of paper I'll just unroll it more to add in another one next to it. These kinds of scrolls are so insanely long it's ridiculous. Plus I may have always wanted to actually use one of these huge scrolls. They've always seemed cool to me.

"Laddie what would it take for me to hire you on full time?" The Captain asks. He's being one hundred percent serious too. I can't blame him, I did just say I can stick his entire cargo hold into a bunch of paper. It's any transporter's dream.

"Sorry Captain. I'm in another business already." I deny his job offer.

"If you ever want a change of careers you've got a spot on my crew. Just find me."

"I'll keep that in mind. Now I've got to start working, these seals do take time to create."

"I'll leave you to it." The Captain leaves.

I pull out another scroll that has a bunch brushes and ink sealed away. Hey if I can hold more than one brush at a time you bet I'm going to! It makes things go so much quicker even if it's only making two seals at a time.

"Let's get to it. They're not going to make themselves."

* * *

"Is anyone else cold?" Ino rhetorically asks Shikamaru and Anko. "No. You're not. Because you all _didn't have the rest of your clothes burnt!_ "

"You're still mad about that?" Anko asks.

"Of course I am!" Ino stomps her foot in anger. "And this damn coat doesn't have a zipper or a fastener of any kind!"

"Well duh." Anko remarks to her student. "I got it custom made just for you, silly things like zippers and fasteners just get in the way."

"No they don't!" Ino practically roars at Anko. "In what situation could they possibly get in the way for?"

"Get a boyfriend then see if you feel the same way." Anko responds with a suggestive wink. "Trust me, he'll appreciate it too."

"Thank Kami there's the ship." Shikamaru sags in relief. The long walk over here has been very stressful on him. He swears that they're doing this on purpose just to make him uncomfortable.

"What the hell does she mean by that?" Ino asks herself.

"Boinking Honey. Boinking." Anko pats innocent Ino on the head. "Also known as fucking. You know you can say it and no one will judge you."

"I'm not saying it!" Ino blushes madly.

"One of these days. Just wait, I'll get you to say it." Anko promises.

"Hello?" Shikamaru calls out to the ship. "We're here on behalf of Yukie Fujikaze."

The Captain's head pops over the side of the ship. "What is up with kids yelling at me today? The fuck you want?"

"See even he does it! It's not hard!" Anko says to her student.

"Don't care!" Ino huffed in anger and crosses her arms while turning away from Anko.

"Like I was saying." Shikamaru ignores the two females. He'll never understand them. "We're a group of Konoha shinobi that Yukie Fujikaze hired to protect her as she goes around in the Land of Snow. We're here to check out the ship."

"You're part of the actress's group?" The Captain asks. "Should have said that first."

"I did." Shikamaru sighs.

"Get on up here." The Captain waves them onboard and the three of them jump onto the deck. Two of the three draw a lot of leering gazes from the crew.

"Hey there hot stuff!" One of the crew members calls out to Anko. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing in a rough place like this?"

"Oh a tough guy." Anko pulls out a kunai and licks it suggestively. "I love me a tough guy. The screams they make when I break them are simply exquisite!"

"Message received. Not touching that." The crew member smartly goes back to his task.

"Aww you don't want to play?" Anko teasingly calls out as she spins her kunai on her finger. "I promise to leave you as at least half a man."

"Never touching that. Ever." The crew member says to himself.

"Can you not threaten my crew?" The Captain demands. "They may seem like a bunch of vagabonds and they are. But they're hard working vagabonds."

"Fine. I won't play with them." Anko puts away the kunai.

"So… we're here to do a quick once over of the ship to make sure there's no nasty surprises waiting for us or the client." Shikamaru steps between the Captain and Anko so that they quit their banter.

"Go ahead. If you break something you buy it." The Captain lays down the law. "And I charge outrageous prices."

"Duly noted." Shikamaru agrees to the sensible terms. They have no plans of breaking anything while here. Unless there's an idiot hiding out in the cargo hold or something equally ridiculous. "Anything noteworthy we should be aware of?"

"Yeah." The Captain calls over his shoulder, he's moved on to more important things. Like running a ship. "There's another one of your group in the cargo hold. He's doing some fancy stuff with paper. I really have no idea how it works at all."

"Anko. Ino. Cargo hold. _Now!_ " Shikamaru demands and all three shinobi spring into action leaving a stunned Captain behind.

"Assholes the whole lot of them. Shinobi have no respect for other working class people. At least the first one offered to help. He's one of the few exceptions. Plus he's going to make me filthy rich with one trip! I can take an entire warehouse in one go!"

* * *

"That should do it." I straighten up from my hunched over position. "That's the last box sealed away. I wonder where I can bunk at? This has got to be an overnight trip. Well I suppose it doesn't really matter. I can always have Murasakino set me up with a hammock between two support beams or something."

I gaze out over the now empty cargo hold. Damn I did a good job.

"Who am I kidding? I'm going to do that anyways. Her hammocks are to die for!"

"He's on the other side of the door." I faintly hear a young girl's voice through the closed door to the cargo hold. "Further into the room, on the edge of my sensing range. Just the one."

"Okay." An equally young boy replies. "We need to take him alive. Here's the plan."

"Yeah fuck that." I mumble to myself as I rise up and make my way to the door. "I'm not going to sit here and let Hunters try to take me alive. I swear I lost them all earlier, these…"

 _~Three.~_

"Thanks. These three are persistent." I grip the doorknob with determination set on my features.

I know that these three aren't expecting me to burst out of the room in a flurry of rage but I can't exactly do that. I'm on a ship that I need to stay intact, this will require something I'm not the best at. Precision. I'll have to go oldschool and use only taijutsu and kunai. I'm not going to risk my elemental whips at all, they could crack the hull if I'm not careful.

That being said I'd rather break the ship than be caught or killed. I push out my water heart, it's going to be my trump for this fight. If I do get caught then it's going to come free me by any means necessary. That includes sinking the ship if it has to.

"We're going in three." The young male says again. He sounds… slightly familiar. Maybe I met him back at the bounty station? Oh well, not like he's going to live for much longer. "Two."

I don't let him reach one.

I shove the door open and I'm rewarded with a dull smack as it slams into someone. I don't wait for them to regain their composure, I have the element of surprise. Except one of them wasn't that surprised, a glint of metal is rapidly closing the distance to my face.

I bring up my own kunai and block it from hitting me as I quickly trade a furious exchange of blows with whoever threw it. Whoever this is she's good, keeping up with me isn't easy. Not only am I a lot faster than I look but I'm also much stronger too. But after the very first blow between us was exchanged the kunoichi recognized that I have superior strength and switched her combat style to match me. She's not blocking me, she's parrying me. She's pushing my blows away from her but never fully absorbing the force I put behind them.

" _Oto shinobi!_ " The kunoichi I'm trying to kill snarls at me.

Then I take in her features. Dark violet hair. Long open trench coat. _Konoha headband._

"Anko?" I let my relentless attack falter for just a moment.

The Kunoichi takes advantage of this to land a vicious kick into my gut that sends me tumbling down the hallway.

"Shadow possession complete." The young male voice from earlier says. I quickly strain my body, testing the limits of the Nara's jutsu. I don't know if I can break it with pure strength alone, I might have to get creative. I do a quick once over of whoever it was that caught me, they're good whoever they are. It's not just any Nara, I recognize him too.

"Shikamaru?" No fucking way.

A delicate hand holds a gleaming kunai to my throat. She must be the one I knocked the door into since she was the last to react.

"Alvarcus?" The young kunai weilding girl knows my name.

I know hers also. I'd recognize that uniquely styled blonde hair and those wide green eyes anywhere. "Ino?"

"It is you!" Ino shouts in mixed emotions. She's happy, sad, angry, fearful, and overjoyed all at the same time. Each emotion plays across her face over and over like she can't decide how to react to seeing me at all.

"What the fuck are you three doing here?"


	57. Chapter 57

Author Note: So usually when I write a new chapter I tell myself "Diadru (well I use my actual name but you get the idea) you've gotta get at least 10k words. That's a good chapter size.' And it is. But this one isn't 10k words. For some idiotic reason I decided that I'll smoosh what probably should be two chapters into one for a whopping 18.5k words. It's a new record. I have no damn life at all. Seriously this is 44 pages in Google Docs. I wrote this in _four days._ I may have just a bit of a problem.

Shutting up now so you can move onto the real reason you're here, the chapter.

* * *

"What the fuck are you three doing here?"

Why can't I get a break? Why is it that everything goes wrong? Why does nothing ever go as planned for me? Anko Mitarashi, Shikamaru Nara and Ino Yamanaka have caught me.

Fuck you Fate, Life, Karma, or _whoever the hell is messing with me!_

Why can't I have a normal mission? I'm supposed to be on a vacation! This is supposed to be stress free not spiral out of control in the most chaotic way possible! I just wanted to unwind for a bit! Just go to the Land of Snow, get a specific metal, then do whatever the fuck I want to for the rest of my two weeks!

But no I don't get to have nice things in life! That would be too easy!

"Shikamaru don't let him go." Ino says to her teammate. Good news, she's finally picked an emotion to channel. Bad news, it's anger. She's pissed, with good reason too. I've done a lot of shit recently. "He's going to answer some questions I have. He has this nasty habit of always slipping through my fingers. No more! He's caught and has nowhere to go."

"Hello to you too." I sarcastically retort. "And what makes you think I'm going to answer any of them?"

A senbon lodges itself into my left shoulder.

"I've got my own questions for you." Anko was the one who threw it at me. "Where's Orochimaru?"

"I'm sorry, was that supposed to hurt?" I channel my inner lunatic - which is much easier than I thought it would be - and let out a crazed cackle. "You'll have to do way better than that if you want me to bat an eyelash."

"With pleasure." Anko pulls out a kunai. This one is different from most, one of the sides is like a normal kunai. It's sharp and smooth. The other is what is different. It's broken and jagged. It's a serrated blade, one meant to cause damage and pain not death. It's a torture tool.

"Anko no!" Ino steps between us but it's not her trying to stop Anko that surprises me. It's how she's standing. She's staring Anko down, daring the older kunoichi to try to touch me one more time and her _back is facing me._

She's turned her back on me. She's leaving herself wide open for me to attack her, to do anything and everything I possibly can think of. A quick jutsu or maybe a kunai to the base of the skull, my options are limitless. But she trusts me enough to show her unprotected back to me. She truly thinks that I won't do anything to hurt her. In the shinobi world you only willingly show your back to those you implicitly trust above all else.

"Ino move or I will move you." Anko threatens her student. "This is my chance. He has to know where Orochimaru is at."

"You will do nothing! He is not some random Oto shinobi for you to torture! He is not some stranger that we don't care about! He is not some worthless statistic of Orochimaru's! He is my friend!" Ino gets right in Anko's face and shout so loudly that spittle flies out of her mouth. "Don't think for an instant that your questions are more important than mine! I don't care if he knows where Orochimaru is at! That doesn't matter! I want to know what happened to my friend! I will not stand by and do nothing as you make him suffer more! He's been through more than you can possibly imagine and you want to add to his pain and suffering? I will not allow it! You have no idea who he even is! He is one of Konoha's most loy-"

"As amusing as this is." I cut in before Ino can reveal the truth about me. That was too damn close, way too damn close. Yet it was also heartwarming. Even after all the stuff I've put Ino through it's nice to know she still feels that way about me. That she doesn't think I've become a monster. "Shikamaru has to be almost at his limit."

"He's not wrong." Shikamaru strains out under great pressure. "He keeps periodically stress testing my jutsu. Every couple of seconds he flares his strength to try and break it. He's coming closer and closer each time."

"You can feel that?" That's interesting, I never knew the Shadow Possession jutsu was that detailed.

"I'll poison him." Anko sheaths her serrated kunai with a huff. She's backed off for now but by no means has she given up on asking me where Orochimaru is at. "One of my snakes should be enough."

Works for me, poison won't do jack shit to me.

"That won't work." Ino denys Anko's idea. "Poison doesn't work on him. He made that very clear during the Chunin Exams we just went to."

Well shit. There goes that idea.

"Chakra suppression tags?" Shikamaru offers with his strained voice. "I'm close to my limit."

"We don't have any." Anko points out. Then she turns to Ino. "Why don't you just hop inside his head? You can get your questions answered and then he won't be able to go anywhere."

"That's a bad idea." Ino hesitantly shoots me, or rather the Jiongu, a fearful look over her shoulder. She still has her back to me. "His mind is unique. The best way to describe it is like he has a built in defense."

"Not to mention that it's not the prettiest place." I chime in with a mocking tone. "Seriously you would not believe the things I have bouncing around in there. It got dark, really dark."

"Oh quit it with the act! We all know you're still a good person! You're not scaring us away that easily!" Ino reprimands me before turning back to her teammates. "Why don't we just tie him up? Why go through all of these complex ideas when the basics work?"

"I'm not acting. Pop on inside if you want to see for yourself." I attempt to shrug in indifference but someone still has me caught in a jutsu. Wait a moment, why the hell am I still here? I can get out of this anytime I want to. "And I vote for tying me up. That's the best one I've heard all day, especially since I have this little thing called _chakra_ at my disposal."

"That is a good point." Anko points out. "There's no point in tying him up if he can use a jutsu to cut the bonds."

"Wow that was a lot of points there." I cheekily sass her. "Oh, Shikamaru. This is just a friendly warning, but if I were you I'd dodge."

"Dodge what?" He smartly asks. "I've still got you caught, you're not free yet."

"True, but did you think you're the only one who plans ahead?" I ask him. "Remember those monsters I used to save you way back during the invasion?"

His eyes go wide and he throws himself to his left. Just in the nick of time too, my water minion finally dropped from the ceiling to land right where he was.

"What the fuck is that thing!?" Anko roars as my water monster leaps down the hallway to stand by my side. It also has the added effect of causing both Ino and Anko to retreat towards Shikamaru so we're on opposite ends of the hallway.

And I'm on the side with the exit. How convenient.

With a sickening squelch I pull my loyal minion back into me. Every other person down here turns pale at the grotesque noise and action. It's not everyday something this bizarre happens, even if two of them have seen it before. It takes time to get used to the strangeness of it.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find another way to get to the Land of Snow." I calmly open the door to the exit. "Oh, by the way there's a large scroll full of the ship's cargo. Could one of you unseal it all when you reach your destination? I promised the Captain I'd do that. Thanks!"

I sprint out of the door and start weaving my way through the ship to make it to the deck so I can leave this cluster fuck behind me. Seriously this is supposed to be a vacation for me! So much for that!

"After him!" Ino shouts and she sprints after me. Right behind her are Anko and Shikamaru. "We can't let him get away again!"

Seriously though. First Kakuzu popped up out of nowhere. Though looking back on it, it does sort of make sense? He's a Hunter himself so why wouldn't he frequently visit bounty stations?

"I've got a plan." Shikamaru tells his team. "We just need to corner him for thirty seconds. We don't even have to catch him, all I need to do is talk to him."

Now I'm running away from Konoha shinobi? Konoha shinobi that I personally know? I swear there's no way this could get worse! Well at least it's not like Kakashi or Naruto will pop up randomly. Then the world really is out to get me.

I finally fling open one final door to reveal the deck of the ship. I'm free!

"Rasengan!" An orange blur darts at me from the opposite side of the deck.

"DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE BETTER SHIT TO DO!" I roar as _Naruto fucking Uzumaki_ is charging at me with his signature attack fully powered up.

Naruto's eyes widen as he recognizes my voice but he doesn't slow down his charge. If anything he pours on more speed, he's intent on ramming the Rasengan into my chest.

That's unexpected. Maybe he took Sasuke and me leaving harder than I anticipated?

Like hell I'm letting that happen. When his attack is barely half a meter away I snap my arm out and grab his wrist. Then using his own momentum against him I spin both him and myself around and throw him overboard.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I shout as a geyser of water taller than the mast of the boat sprays up from where he landed in the ocean. "Don't use jutsu around things you don't want destroyed! Don't you need this damn ship to get to Snow?"

"Alvarcus?" A new voice calls out to me. But it's not a new voice to me, it's just one I haven't heard in awhile.

"Kakashi-sensei?" No fucking way. Kakashi is standing in shock over by what looks like a camera crew and actors. They're all staring at me with mixed emotions. Some of the crew feel fear, obviously their shinobi and I don't get along since Naruto didn't hesitate to attack me. Others feel surprise, like they've never seen shinobi in action before. But it's the last one who worries me, if I had to hazard a guess I'd say this person is the director. He's impressed and planning, thinking of ways to incorporate me into his work.

"This! _Is! BULLSHIT!_ " I roar at my sensei. "I'm supposed to be on vacation! Vacation! You know, the thing people go on to get away from stress and their problems! But no! Let's just pile more shit onto my plate! Because why the fuck not! It's not like I care at all!"

A firm hand falls onto my shoulder from behind me.

"Will you come quietly or do I have to use force?" Kakashi himself says. I've forgotten just how fast and crafty my sensei is, he must have switched with a clone while I was yelling. "You're good, very good, but I'm _better._ I know your strengths. I know your weaknesses. I know how you think. I simply know you. You don't have a chance of beating me and I'll die before I let you take anyone else hostage again."

"Why is nothing ever easy for me!" I whine to myself. "Okay. Kakashi-sensei -"

"I'm not your sensei any longer." He growls out to me.

"Whatever. Like I was saying, _Kakashi-sensei_ , you're not the only one who knows the other." I reach into my coat as Kakashi's hand crushes my shoulder. It would be useless if I didn't have the Jiongu to fix it for me. "I know you very well too. I know one of your biggest weaknesses."

"Great!" Anko says as she busts out onto the deck with Ino and Shikamaru. "Kakashi got him."

I whip out a dull green book and instantly the hold on my shoulder is released and Kakashi's entire demeanor has changed. He's no longer Kakashi of the Sharingan, he's Kakashi the pervert and I'm dangling something very… perverted right in front of him.

"I present _The Great Outdoors_." I show him the book's cover. "One of Jiraiya's rarest works. There's only two hundred in the world."

"Oh you've gotta be shitting me." Shikamaru groans in defeat.

"How did you find that?" Kakashi whispers out as he reaches for it slowly. "Can I…"

"Now I know that's not quite enough to guarantee you're harmless to me. So let me add on something else to it." I open the front cover of the book and show him the inside. "It's a signed copy."

"Is this actually going to work?" Ino asks Anko and Shikamaru. "Like… really?"

I've been holding onto this baby for this exact situation. Ever since I saw it at the War Games I knew I had to keep it. Kakashi is the only one who could possibly appreciate this enough and I know that if we ever did meet I'd need a way to best him. I know that I can't fight evenly with him yet so this was my solution. I just didn't think it would be this soon.

"Have I ever mentioned that you're my favorite student?" Kakashi gives me his sweetest eye smile. "Because you are."

"I know I am." I snap the book shut and tantalizingly dangle it in front of him. "The book is yours as long as you promise to not try and capture me."

"Done!" He's practically frothing at the mouth. Mask? Whatever. "Gimmie!"

"Of course it worked." Anko heaves out a sigh. "Seriously Kakashi it's shit like this that makes people not take you seriously."

"Catch." I toss my sensei the book. I've missed him and his antics. "Now if you'll excuse me, I was running away from-"

"Shadow Possession complete." Shikamaru smirks. "Again."

"-them. Fucking dammit." I attempt to hang my head in shame but _someone_ doesn't let me! This jutsu is annoying! "We're doing this again? Do you really expect it to end any differently from before?"

"Not really." Shikamaru admits as he walks both himself and me closer together. "I just need to make you listen for a bit."

"Oh?" I calmly say despite not being in control of my body. I'm tired of this bullshit being caught by shadows. I'm going to see just how good it really is. "You think you can convince me to return to Konoha with words alone?"

I launch a whole bunch of chakra strings out of my back and connect them to various parts of the ship. My plan is simple, I'm going to use them to pull me out of the jutsu since just brute force isn't working. Both of them together should do the trick, and if not then I'll just wait until he runs out of stamina again and knock him out. Like I said I'm tired of being caught.

"Nah I'm not that optimistic." Shikamaru waves off my words and I mimic him. Wow this is super annoying. "I'm just going to convince you to stay with us for this mission. We're here to protect the actress Yukie Fujikaze and you're going to help us."

"Why the hell would I do that?" I ask in genuine confusion. I even halt my plan of escaping just to figure out what he's talking about. "I don't remember hitting you on the head. Did you trip and fall while chasing me? You're not making any sense at all."

"It's very simple, you owe me an easy paycheck. I'm cashing in on that favor." Shikamaru darkly smiles in victory. "Or are you not a man of your word?"

That _fucker._ He's cashing in on the one favor I owe him. Back when I was still in Konoha, mere days before Sasuke and I left for Orochimaru and Sound, there was a very fun mock battle between the Rookie Nine and some ANBU. Cat was supposed to stop me from finding Tora and I was supposed to get Tora back to Tsunade. I recruited Shikamaru to help me fight against the overwhelming number of ANBU that Cat rounded up by _saying I'd go on a mission with him and let him slack off as much as he wants to._

"You, Shikamaru Nara, are an asshole." I growl out in anger and resignation. "Fine. I'll help keep the actress alive. That's it. I'm not going to fight any battles for you. I'm not going to do the entire mission alone. All I'm going to do is make sure she doesn't die. If someone throws a kunai at her I'll make sure it misses but it's up to the rest of you to kill the one who threw it. That's the best you're getting out of me. I'm here for my own reasons too, so if I do something you don't approve of or understand why I did it just shut up about it. And I'm not starting until tomorrow morning, I've got a couple things to do."

"Welcome to the team." Shikamaru drops his hold over me. "Good to have you back."

"You're going to help us on our mission?" Ino asks excitedly. "You're not going to run away this time?"

"Not right now at least." I'm going to regret this. I'm going to massively regret this. "Looks like you're stuck with me until the mission is over."

"Good!" Ino loops her arm around mine. "You've got some explaining to do and I will get my answers."

"Uh… how about no?" I slide my arm out of hers and walk back towards the interior of the ship. "I don't even know where I'm sleeping tonight. I've got stuff to do still. Not to mention seal away whatever other cargo the Captain brings. This wouldn't be an issue but _some people_ just had to interrupt my work!"

"I'm not sorry!" Ino calls to me as I step inside the ship once more. "And I will get those answers whether I have to pry them from your head or not!"

"Sure you will." I let the door close behind me. The second it closes I lean my back on it. "Why does this shit always happen to me? I just wanted a normal mission. Just one. Apparently that's asking too much."

"This is perfect." Ino sinisterly says to herself and I hear her through the door. I can just picture her in my head with an evil grin on her face as she rubs her hands together with malicious intent. There's even a backdrop behind her, one of scary monsters and eldritch horrors. I can even picture her coat flapping in the wind to add to the image.

Hold on, she's wearing a coat?

I push myself off the door and crack it back open and poke my head out. Either I'm crazy or she's dressing like Anko, I have to check. I do a quick once over of Ino - okay so it might have been a very long and drawn out look - fully taking in her new look. "By the way, I like the coat."

The last thing I see before I shut the door again is Ino's flushed face.

* * *

Down in the Cargo Hold

"Well this got fucking pointless." I say to the large empty room.

There are only two things in here, me and the large scroll I left behind. That's fine, I need to come to terms with some stuff and here's as good a place as any to add a few more storage seals to the scroll. That way when the Captain comes back with more cargo it'll be quicker to seal it all away. They might not even need to bring it into the boat at all, it's possible I could seal it away on the dock.

"This was supposed to be me getting away from it all. Not dealing with people." I gently give the scroll a shove to unroll it across the ground. "And it just had to be these people. Seriously who the hell did I piss off?"

"Me for starters." Naruto says from the open doorway. He's standing in the doorway, blocking the exit, and he's mad. Really mad, it's like he came here for a fight.

"Hey Naruto." I say to him. I only glanced up from the scroll for an instant before returning to it. I don't care if he's here for a fight, I'm not participating. "How's things?"

"You. Me. Outside. Right now." He demands as he stomps towards me.

"Why the hell would I do that?" I pull out a scroll from inside my coat that holds my ink and brushes. "I've got better things to do."

"Because you said the only way you'll come back to Konoha is if someone drags you back kicking and screaming." He stops an arm's length away from me.

"And?" I look up from the scroll to blandly look at him. It's like I'm not even invested at all in this conversation. "Do you really think you can defeat me?"

"That is it!" He shouts and his eyes flash red for an instant. "Why does everyone keep underestimating me? I am not some weakling! I can stand on my own two feet! I do not need to be coddled like an infant!"

"Naruto Uzumaki." I rise up to my feet to stare him straight in his eyes. "Do not make the mistake of thinking that I consider you weak. You're the jinchuuriki of the Ninetails. You're being trained by a Sannin, arguably the most skilled of the three. It's not a question of how strong you are, it's a question of how much resolve you have."

Naruto's face scrunches up in confusion. "Resolve?"

"Yes. Resolve." I levelly reply. "Do you posses the constitution to go as far as is needed to defeat me? Let me clear some things up for you. I've taken a beating from Lee with _five gates open._ I went on to win that fight. I've been literally disarmed, beheaded, had my legs cut off and my heart ripped out. _I do not stop fighting._ Even when all of that happened to me I continued to wage war against my opponents. Do you truly want to know what it will take to beat me? For me to admit defeat and surrender to you so you can bring me back to Konoha?"

"Yes." He confidently replies. "I do."

"You'll have to kill me four times." Once my words sink into Naruto he stares at me in shock. His mouth is open and his eyes are wide. "You'll need to destroy four of my five hearts. That means sheathing cold hard steel in my chest. Ripping me to shreds with the Rasengan. Spearing your hand into my torso to crush my heart. Can you do that? Can you go through the pain of killing me? Imagine it, watching the light leave my eyes only for it to come back. Then having to do it all over again. Then again. And again after that. So you see, it's not a question of if you're strong enough. It's can you bring yourself to kill me?"

"So that's why I asked you if you think you can defeat me." I continue speaking. "Not because I don't think you can but because I know you're not like me. You're a good person, you don't like hurting people. You abhore killing and do everything possible to avoid it. You want to make friends with the world. Someone like that, like you, simply can't attack someone they once saw as a friend with the intent to kill. Not to mention doing it four times. It goes against who you are as a person."

"Alvarcus what do you mean that you're not like me?" Naruto softly asks. "You made it sound like… what do you mean by that?"

"You're a good person." I turn away from him to look at the scroll again. "I'm not."

"But you _are_ a good person. You're just lost." He quietly says to me. His anger has left him. "You don't like hurting people. You'd never kill a friend. You don't enjoy killing at all. I know you, you've never been like that."

"The Alvarcus you knew is gone." I softly admit to him. "I've changed. Naruto I _have_ enjoyed hurting people. I _have_ enjoyed killing on multiple occasions. I _have_ killed someone I consider a friend."

"I refuse to believe that." Naruto tries to convince himself of that too, not just me.

"Only a few days ago I tortured two shinobi to death. It wasn't because I was ordered to, it was because I wanted to." I quietly say to him without tearing my gaze off of the scroll. I can't face him. I just can't. But I can't stop talking. Everything I've violently suppressed is spilling out. "Before that there was this girl, she liked me. I think something might have formed between us but that bond never got a chance to blossom. I watched her head fall off her shoulders. Then I brutally slaughtered everyone who was in the team that did it. I ripped them to shreds and _I_ _loved every moment of it._ The rush of exhilaration I felt when their blood flew through the air, the burst of joy when the light left their eyes, the screams they made as I burned them alive. It was delightful. I still have some of their hearts. But that's not the worst part. No, that award goes to Gina. We lived together for two months. She was a medic, she patched me up when I needed it after battles. But eventually I had to leave her behind in hostile territory. I just couldn't leave her to that horrible fate. So after we shared a heartfelt hug, I gently took her face in my hands and broke her neck."

"Alvarcus…" Naruto hoarsely says. I don't know what emotion he's feeling, I'm too busy wrestling with my own.

"So that's why we're not alike. You may house a monster within you but you are not one. However I am a monster. What else can I be?"

"You're not a monster." Naruto weakly tries to reassure me. "There's still hope. You can be saved still."

" _Don't you dare lie to me!_ " I snarl at him as I whirl to face him with pure rage in my eyes. "I know what I am! I am the scum of the earth! I am the one who wades into a sea of blood simply because he can! I am a monster! It doesn't matter what I do from now on! It won't matter even if I save the world from a great evil! I have committed grave sins against humanity, unforgivable sins. Do not try to feed me false hope! Do not think that you can bring me out of the darkness and back to the light! The light doesn't want me anymore! I am not the Alvarcus you once knew. I am not a good person. _I am a monster_."

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" Naruto asks me with a spark of something in his eyes. "I refuse to accept that anyone is irredeemable. One day I will make you realize that you're a good person, that you've alway been one. You've just gotten lost, that's all. You're not gone forever, you just need someone to reach out and help you find the right path again."

"Oh and you think that person is going to be you?" I shout at him in anger. "News flash, once this mission is over I'm going back to Orochimaru. I can assure you that he's only encouraging my descent into darkness."

"It might be me, it might be Sasuke, it might be anyone." The spark in Naruto's eyes has caught fire. "You haven't made the jump to darkness yet. You still feel regret and remorse for your actions. If you didn't you wouldn't have bothered telling me any of this. Someone, someday, is going to reach out to you. They'll extend a hand to pull you out of your darkness. When that person does reach out to you, you better take their hand."

I know what is in his eyes now. It's something I used to have myself. The tiny spark has grown into a raging fire. The Will of Fire burns brightly in him.

"Because if you don't, I'm going to find you and beat some sense into you." Naruto resolutely says. "Then I'll make you take their hand. That is a promise. I do not go back on my promises."

Naruto turns on his heel and confidently walks out of the room. He meant every single word he said to me, he thinks I can be saved. That I can be redeemed.

"Alright Naruto. Say someone does find it in their heart to reach out to pull me from my darkness. There's just one tiny thing you overlooked." I quietly say to the empty cargo hold. "Am I even worth saving anymore?"

* * *

"Kakashi." Anko pins her superior in a very intense stare. It's just the two of them in one of the cabins of the ship. Kakashi has taken over one of the two beds, he's laying on it and making good use of his time to read. Anko is sitting on the other bed while glaring at him. "You let him manipulate you."

"You're right." Kakashi snaps shut his newest book. "I could have stopped him. I could have fought him and won, even with all of his tricks I have at least two up my sleeves to counter them."

"Why didn't you?" Anko asks in anger. "He could be my chance to find Orochimaru. He's a missing nin, you know what we're supposed to do to missing nin. Capture or kill."

"Anko I can't." Kakashi says with true emotion. He's under great strain as if he's carrying a huge burden. "He's my student. Even if he left the village. Even if he's learning under Orochimaru. Even if he's a missing nin. I simply can't bring myself to truly hurt him."

Anko sits there and looks at Kakashi for a long time. Many minutes pass as she debates with herself over something.

"Who would have guessed that you have a soft spot." Anko has made up her mind. "I've only just taken Ino under my wing, I can't imagine how conflicted he must make you feel. I won't try to bring him in."

"Thank you Anko." Kakashi sags in relief.

"This generosity does not extend to next time." She says with a tone of finality. "And don't think for an instant that I'm not going to try and get information out of him on this mission."

"Of course. You're more than welcome to try, I won't stop you." Kakashi agrees. Then he opens his book back up. "I doubt you'll get anything out of him though. He's a tough little bastard."

"He has to be with you as his sensei." Anko playfully tosses an insult at Kakashi.

"Haha. Very funny." Kakashi turns a page in his newest book. "Now get out of here, you're bunking with Ino not me."

"Aw, don't you want me to take your body heat?" Anko rises up from her spot and moves towards the door.

"No." Kakashi flatly says without sparing her a glance. "Mine is my own. Steal Ino's or something."

"Kakashi you scoundrel!" Anko bashfully fans herself, as if she's never heard anything promiscuous before. "I would never abuse my teacher student relationship like that! No matter how cute the little genin mini me is! Those books are such a bad influence on you!"

"Goodbye Anko." Kakashi rolls his one visible eye.

"You're no fun today." She pouts as she finally leaves Kakashi alone to his book.

* * *

That Night

"Naruto?" Shikamaru calls out to his friend. "You okay there? You've been very quiet ever since you went to confront Alvarcus. That was hours ago."

The three younger shinobi are all sharing a meal together. They're in one of the cabins and are eating on the beds. It's something that they'd never do at home or under adult supervision, but neither of those things are happening right now.

They tried to invite Alvarcus to eat with them but he declined. He said something about needed to set up the world's best hammock and scampered up the mast to the crow's nest.

"You really have been off for a while." Ino agrees with her genin teammate. "Did he say something to make you like this?"

"Oh." Naruto looks up from his meal. He's been idly poking at it and has barely touched it at all. "It's… nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing." Shikamaru presses forward. "He did something, didn't he?"

"He talked about some of the stuff he's done." Naruto looks at each of them in the face, one after the other. "It's pretty bad."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad are we talking?" Ino asks.

"A strong nine." Naruto doesn't hesitate to respond. "A very strong nine."

"That's bad." Shikamaru winces. "What did he do?"

"I don't think I should say." Naruto hesitates to share what he learned with Ino and Shikamaru. "I don't think he even wanted to tell me that stuff, it just sort of came out. Once he started to he couldn't stop."

"You can tell us." Ino gently urges. "We won't tell anyone."

"No." Naruto decides. "I won't betray him like that. You'll have to hear it from him. If I told you he would never forgive me, he'd never trust me again."

"Can't blame you for that." Shikamaru lazily plops back fully onto the bed. "This whole mission got really messed up quick, didn't it?"

"You can say that again." Ino agrees. "First there was me getting forced into it, then the Kusa base and Eito, now Alvarcus popped up out of the blue. I've never been on a mission that spirals out of control like this and we've only just met the client!"

"You've got to get out more." Naruto joking says to here. "I went on three missions with Sasuke and Alvarcus before they… you know. Now _those_ really spiraled out of control!"

"Really?" Shikamaru asks in mild interest.

"Oh yeah!" Naruto eagerly starts to share his experience with his friends. "And get this: They were all D-ranks too!"

* * *

"Ah… this almost makes it worth it." I recline back in my oversized hammock as I gaze up at the night sky.

I've commandeered half of the crow's nest and had Murasakino build me the hammock of the gods. It's soft yet supportive. And the best part is I can sprawl out as much as I want to! There's enough room up here for three people! Not to mention the view I get from way up here. There are so many stars, so so many. This is what this trip was supposed to be about. Me simply enjoying the little things. Just relaxing and doing something for me and not worrying about anything else.

"Hello!" An unknown voice calls out from the deck. "Mister shinobi-san!"

Too bad I never get to actually enjoy anything. Maybe if I ignore him he'll go away?

"Mister shinobi-san?" He calls out again. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Why can't I just be left alone?" I whine to myself as I poke my head over the edge of the crow's nest. "The hell do you want?"

"Can you come down here?" The man nervously looks at my high perch. "I'd go to you but I'm not very good at climbing things."

"No." I bluntly tell him. I think I know who this is.

"Ah. Right." The man nervously adjusts his shirt collar. "So… what you did today was impressive. I'm actually the Director of the movie we're shooting and I want you to play a part in it. What do you say, want to make it on the big screen?"

"Fuck no." I pull my head back over the edge and sprawl out on the hammock again. I've laced my fingers together and have them supporting my head and I have my ankles crossed, it's the epitome of a relaxed position. "Oh this is so nice. Murasakino really knows how to make these."

"Mister shinobi-san!" The Director calls out again. "Please just hear me out! I'll even let you play whatever roll you want! Hero, villain, it's your choice! I can make it work either way!"

"What part of fuck no didn't you understand?" I call out without bothering to look at him. "Was it the 'fuck' or the 'no?'"

"You're a very vulgar person, aren't you?" The Director shouts back at me.

"You're just now realizing this?" I yell back at him. "Now let me reaffirm that notion. Fuck off!"

"Fine, fine, I know when I'm not wanted." The Director turns and leaves. Finally, I get some peace and quiet. "Jura you're new assignment is to keep a camera on him at all times. He's simply too good to pass up. The way he moves, the way he reacts, the way he's dressed. We simply must use him permission or not! I haven't been so inspired by a person in so long!"

"Mental note: Destroy all the footage of me before leaving." I mutter to myself. "Stupid idiots, do they really think I'm going to let my face be plastered to a big screen?"

"I don't know, it could be your true calling." Ino jokingly says from off to my left. She scaled the mast just to see me. She's standing on the half of the crow's nest that hasn't been turned into a hammock. "You really do have lovely hair. It's gotta be easy to work with. Hm, perhaps I should style it for you? You haven't really changed it at all since the Academy. You just let it lay down all flat like."

"Don't touch my hair." I say with a hint of a playful warning. "There's a reason my style hasn't changed, I like it this way. That being said you've sure changed a lot."

"I have?" She asks in confusion. "Sure I got a new hairstyle but it's not that different from before."

"I meant your attire." I swivel my head to pointedly look at her. I slowly drag my eyes up and down her body. "Or lack of. Did I mention I approve?"

Whoops, hopefully that didn't come across as perverted. Can't take it back now.

"You think so?" Ino blushes madly and she smooths out her coat. Yet she doesn't make any move to cover herself. "It's a bit drafty but it's been so much fun! You wouldn't believe how easily flustered boys are!"

"Oh do go on." I drone out. "I'm simply captivated."

"You know you're the only one to react differently." Ino huffs in mock anger. "They all blushed then looked away. Or attempted to look away, they kept stealing glances whenever they thought I wasn't looking. But you've simply accepted it and moved on. What? Am I not pretty enough for you?" Ino plants her right hand on her hip and uses her left to gesture to her body.

"Yeah I won't be answering that." I dryly respond. "That's not a loaded question at all."

"What are you gay or something?" Ino blurts out. "I mean come on! I'm hot! Though you do spend a lot of time with Sasuke and he's dreamy. Oh! Are you two a thing?"

"Okay, first of all I'm not gay." Clearing that one up right away. "I can't speak for Sasuke but I don't swing that way. Though I have been hit on by guys before."

"Wait really?" Ino asks in surprise. "You have?"

"Yeah, it was very flattering. He thought I looked attractive enough to hit on me, that's a compliment right there. I just thanked him for the compliment then explained that I'm straight. That was it, no big deal. We both got a good laugh about it and he still bought me a drink anyways. Nice guy."

"Huh." Ino doesn't know how to respond to that.

"Second of all," I continue before she can ask more questions like who was he and where did we meet and how was I someplace that I can drink. It's for the best she doesn't ask those questions since that particular experience didn't happen in this lifetime, it's from my first life. "Yes. You are hot."

"Then why aren't you blushing! Or flustered! Or reacting at all!" Ino practically shouts at me. "How are you not reacting!"

"Ino, when you've done the things I have something as simple as showing a lot of skin isn't as impactful." I bluntly tell her.

"Wait have you had… had…" She blushes madly and starts to fidget. She's digging her toes into the floor.

"Have I had… come on. I don't know what you're asking." I urge her to finish her sentence.

"Sex!" She blurts out then swiftly covers her mouth with her hands.

"Hold on a moment." I fully swivel my head from the stars to give her my full attention. "You're okay with asking if I'm gay but you don't want to ask me if I've had sex?"

"I didn't think you'd answer the first one!" She defends herself. "I was trying to fluster you, get you caught off guard! I didn't know you'd actually tell me an answer! Now spill it! Have you?"

"Have I what?" I tauntingly tease her as a playful smirk forms on my face. Two can play that game Ino. "I don't know what you're asking."

"Alvarcus Mar you know exactly what I'm asking!" Ino correctly accuses me. "I expect an answer!"

"I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question?" My smirk grows wider. "I seem to have forgotten it."

"You insufferable bastard!" She stomps her foot in anger. "Have you… have you had… have you had sex?"

"There. It wasn't that hard to ask, was it?" I tease her a bit more. She's cute when she's all angry and flustered like this.

"Yes it was! It's so awkward!" She huffs out and crosses her arms and starts to tap her foot. "Now. I expect my answer."

"Nope!" I easily answer her and pop the p.

"Then what did you mean when you said 'showing a lot of skin isn't as impactful?'" She asks.

"For starters we're shinobi, privacy isn't always an option. If you've never undressed in front of your teammates until now then you're a fluke. Then the couple weeks I spent with Jiraiya the Super Pervert, you can imagine how that went. He tried his best to corrupt me, and I hate to admit it but he did succeed a little. Then there's the whole Orochimaru having me sit in on some of his more… crazy experiments. Test subjects don't need clothes."

"Oh." Ino's voice softens. "He's had you sit in on experiments? Like on people?"

I've soured the mood. It's not the light hearted, albeit very peculiar, one from before. I've stained it by bringing up Orochimaru, the nice moment we were sharing is gone.

"Yes." I quietly reply as I turn my gaze towards the stars again. I don't want to see her change her opinion of me. I don't want to watch her begin to hate me.

"Have you… participated?" Ino hesitantly asks me.

"Only when he's asked me to." The once nice night isn't so nice anymore. Even the stars seem dimmer. "There are even a few I straight up refused to participate in. He didn't like that."

"Oh." She softly says again. "Do you mind if I ask what they were?"

"You don't want to know." I will not be sharing what they've entitled. What I've witnessed. What I've done. "And I don't want to remember. The difference is you have a choice. I'm going to always remember them."

"Oh." She awkwardly rubs her arms with her hands, like she's trying to warm herself up. "They're that bad?"

"Ino." I let just a hint of emotion leak into my voice. It's not anger or rage at her for asking me. It's desperation, the tone of someone who has simply lost hope. "Can we not? Please?"

A long silence falls between us. She's simply standing there watching me with mixed emotions. Pity, respect, fear, anger, sadness, trust, disgust. Every single one of those plays across her face. She feels conflicted about me. She doesn't know what to feel towards me anymore.

"You know we all miss you." Ino solemnly says.

"Ino. Please." The pain in my voice causes her to flinch. I'm all but begging her on my knees. "Don't make this harder on me than it already is. Please."

"I miss you." She softly continues despite my plea. "No one else knows what you're really doing. They all think you went missing nin, that you've abandoned Konoha."

"Ino-"

"They're wrong." She doesn't let me get a word in. "They're all wrong. You've never abandoned Konoha, you never abandoned us. You willingly subjected yourself to this because you want to protect everyone. You're one of the most compassionate people I've ever met, you've cut ties to your home so you can protect it. You always look out for everyone, you wouldn't believe how much everyone has been training recently. They're leagues better than they were because of you. You've never once stopped caring about us."

"Alvarcus, no matter what anyone else says I want you to always know something. Even if all of the world calls you evil and a traitor, I want you to know that I'll always see you as a hero. You're a hero that doesn't get any recognition, you're a nameless hero that works in the shadows to achieve your bittersweet victory. But you are a hero. Never forget that."

Ino doesn't wait for my reply, she turns away from me and hops out of the crow's nest. She expertly lands on the deck and walks away like she didn't just do something that kills normal people.

She only makes it to four steps from the door before something unexpected happens. A dark green coat lands on her head, wrapping around her and obscuring her vision. She quickly pulls the still warm coat off her head and sends a questioning look at the crow's nest. It's my coat, the one I was wearing.

"It's cold where we're going." I lean back into my hammock and gaze up at the stars once more.

"Thank you Alvarcus." Ino pulls the slightly too large coat on and zips it shut. "Wow. It's really warm in here."

"No Ino, thank you." I whisper out to the sky, too soft for her to hear me.

* * *

"Hey Anko." Ino tiredly stumbles into their cabin and gives her sensei a wave. Anko was laying on one of the two beds until she saw Ino. Or rather what Ino is currently wearing, once Anko registered the change in dress she sprung off the bed to hurry Ino into the room and sit her down.

"Ino, I've never been more proud of you." Anko truly praises her student. "I didn't know you had it in you. Literally."

"Uh… thanks?" It comes out as a question, Ino has no idea what her sensei is talking about.

"So. Alvarcus huh?" Anko sits down next to her student.

"Yeah?" Ino is completely lost. She has no idea why Anko is acting like this.

"How is he?" Anko eagerly gossips.

"He's good." Ino truthfully responds. She thinks that he's slightly better than when they last met. Probably something to do with not beating down all of his friends this time. "Though we're not done yet. I'm just getting started."

"Just getting started?" Anko briefly looks wistfully off into the distance as a fantasy runs through her mind. Then she collects herself, there are still more questions she has for Ino. "I bet you are, finally discovered how much fun it is. Speaking of discovering, did you discover anything… interesting?" She suggestively says.

The suggestive tone goes right over Ino's head. "Well he's not gay I can tell you that."

"You naughty girl!" Anko wipes a tear out of her eye. "You even made off with his clothes!"

"Actually he gave me his coat." Ino lightly grasps the still very warm material. Alvarcus's residual body heat hasn't left it yet.

"Even better!" Anko wraps Ino in a hug. "I'm sorry Ino, but I just have to ask."

"Ask what?" Ino returns Anko's heartfelt hug. The older kunoichi is being very weird.

"Does he really have unlimited stamina or did you screw him senseless?"

" _What are you talking about?!_ " Ino forcibly breaks their hug and scoots away from her sensei in shock.

"Oh don't be like that! It's obvious you two fucked." Anko grins at Ino lecherously. "BOINKED! Sorry, it's just so much fun to say. But seriously, tell me everything. I'll let you know if he actually was good or if he's as new to sex as you are. Did he come onto you or did you seduce him? Oh, what was your favorite position? No no! Answer this one first, what's he working with down there?"

"WHAT?! WE DIDN'T - NO! IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" Ino yells at Anko as her face turns scarlet.

"Shit really?" Anko's attitude does a complete turn around. "But the coat! The stumbling into our room! Our conversation! You mean you didn't?"

"No we didn't!" Ino pulls her knees up to her chest and buries her face in them. She's beyond embarrassed. "He gave me the coat because he thought I was cold. I was stumbling around because I'm tired. And our conversation? You asked me how he was and asked if I found out anything interesting. How does any of that point towards s… se… sex?"

"Honey you've got to get over the embarrassment of saying sex. It's really not that big of a deal." Anko reprimands Ino slightly. "I guess we just had two different thoughts. I saw one thing but another happened. Whoops, my bad? You sure you two didn't fuck? Go for a romp in the hay? Boinked?"

" _I did not have sex with Alvarcus!_ " Ino roars at her sensei.

"Finally you said it without stuttering! Now to get you to say fuck, that's the next step." Anko grasps Ino's hands in her own. "Repeat after me, 'fuck.'"

"No!" Ino yanks her hands out of Anko's grasp.

"Ahem." A distinctly male voice awkwardly coughs to catch the two ladies attention. "Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, you close the door before having one of these talks?"

"Sorry Captain, won't happen again." Anko sheepishly rubs the back of her head. "Well… it probably won't happen again?"

"Just shut up and go to sleep. We're setting sail tomorrow around midday, make sure all of your business here is finished by then. If you're not on the boat we're not waiting, I've got a schedule to keep." The Captain closes the door himself. He doesn't trust either of them to do it.

"Hey Ino?" Anko asks one last question.

"Yes?" Ino huffs out in angry embarrassment.

"If you two ever seal the deal you've got to tell me how nice his unlimited stamina is."

"If it will get you to shut up then fine!"

"I'm going to hold you to that." Anko smiles in victory. "That's the dream, unlimited stamina. You have no idea how lucky you'll be if you get him."

"Will you be quiet!"

"Fine, fine, I'll be quiet." Anko plonks down on her bed. Then a mischievous grin forms on her face. "BOINKED!"

* * *

"Summoning Jutsu." I lethargically swing my arm at the ground. "Dammit."

It's too far away. I'm not getting out of my hammock though. I'm too damn comfy.

"Summoning Jutsu." I lightly tap my own chest. There. Laziness for the win.

Poof

"Sup Al." Shirokumo looks down on me. "So, let me guess. Didn't want to get up?"

"You got it." I confirm without a hint of shame. "You're not going to believe the kind of day I had."

"Which member of the Akatsuki did you run into this time?" Shirokumo let's out a large sigh and hops off me to settle on the hammock. Even another spider appreciates Murasakino's work. "You've already told me about Kakuzu at the bounty station, I thought for sure that it would be awhile until you ran into the next one."

"You're half right." How sad is that? Shirokumo knows my shitty luck so well he can guess what happened to me. "I ran into a team from Konoha."

"Shit." He eloquently sums up the situation. "You're still here though? You didn't run away?"

"I tried to." I shrug in my reclined position. "I got sort of blackmailed to help them on their mission. Turns out one of them remembered that I owed him a favor. The dick cashed in on it. So now I'm stuck working next to Shikamaru, Ino, Naruto, Anko and Kakashi."

"I thought you were on vacation?"

"I am on vacation!" I whine to the dark sky. "But no one else cares about that and now I'm stuck keeping an actress alive! Gah! I just wanted a nice simple mission! I didn't call you here just to chat though. I've got some questions that I want answered."

"What are they?" Shirokumo recognizes that it's time for business and turns serious. "I'll help however I can."

"Tell me everything you know about the actress Yukie Fujikaze. She's who I am supposed to keep alive."

"For starters that's not her real name."

"No shit?" I turn my gaze from the beautiful night sky to look at my proud summon. "Tell me everything."

* * *

The Next Morning

"Oi. Naruto. You go get him." Shikamaru orders Naruto to come get me down from the crow's nest.

"What? No!" Naruto sputters out. "He won't listen to me. You go get him Ino!"

"That's a bad idea." Anko cuts in and I can feel the playful smirk on her face from way up here. "If Ino goes up there they won't come down for _hours._ I'll go get him."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ino growls out in warning. "You know damn well that nothing happened."

"Not yet. You're wearing his coat still. If that's not an invitation then I don't know what is." Anko gloats as Ino blushes.

"Yeah." Shikamaru says as the three males turn to Ino. "What's up with that?"

"This is the only piece of clothing I have that closes. News flash: it's cold. Still this is a summer coat, it's only doing so much." Ino calmly explains. If she gives Anko an inch she takes a mile.

"But it's not yours. It's Alvarcus's." Naruto bluntly points out. "How'd you get it?"

"She'll tell you all about it later." Anko happily promises for Ino. "I've got a missing nin to fetch so we can go meet with the client."

"Oh no." Kakashi cuts in. He's probably restraining Anko from ascending the mast somehow. "You'll stab him awake. Then keep stabbing until he tells you about Orochimaru. I'll get him. He'll listen to me, I was his sensei at one point. I'm sure he still sees me as an authority figure."

"Or you assholes could just have a long and loud conversation beneath me." I look over the edge of the crow's nest and glare at each individual. "No one can sleep through that."

"You slept up there? All night? While outside?" Naruto asks me in confusion. "Why would you stay out here? It's gotta be cold at night and it's only going to get colder."

"Because the view is amazing and this is the last spot I thought you all would look for me." I monotonously answer him. "So much for avoiding you all during this… excursion."

"Morning Alvarcus." Kakashi sends me a wave like I didn't just yell at him. "We're meeting with the client, come down here."

"No." I immediately dismiss that idea. "I don't feel like it."

"For some reason I'm not surprised by that." Naruto sighs.

"So…" Shikamaru turns to Kakashi. "What was that bit about him viewing you as an authority figure?"

"He does take after you a lot, you've never been the best with authority figures yourself." Anko points out. "Who knows, maybe he'll show up three hours late."

"Haha. Very funny everyone." Kakashi let's the joke at his expense slide. "Alvarcus. Get down here. Now. You're making me look bad."

"Don't care." I brush him off again. "Besides, you make yourself look way worse all the time."

"He's not wrong." Shikamaru points out.

"You don't usually care about your image." Anko agrees. "Even when you've had to be around the Daimyo for missions."

"Don't remind me about the Daimyo." Kakashi shivers. "For some strange reason he liked me. He kept requesting me back so much that I contemplating faking my own death so he'd stop."

"He's really that bad?" Naruto asks.

"He's _worse._ " Kakashi morbidly confirms. "Enough about that. We've got to get MY STUDENT WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO HIS SENSEI down here."

Hm, I think he's slightly angry with me right now. Oh well, not like I've had worse happen.

"So we're playing the passive aggressive game now?" I cheekily sass my former sensei. "Well I suppose if my sensei did order me to go down I would go down, but Orochimaru isn't here."

Ouch. I should not have said that, that was a low blow even by my standards.

"HAHAHA!" Anko doubles over in laughter. "Ino are you sure he's not gay?"

"Alvarcus. Seriously. Phrasing." Naruto hangs his head in shame. "Whenever we're together you say something like that. You've got to stop."

Alrighty then, guess no one else took that seriously? That's for the best.

"Alvarcus get down here or I will tell them about when I used a Forbidden Taijutsu Technique on you." Kakashi threatens me with a tinge of victory on his features. He's talking about the Thousand Year of Death.

If it is war you want, war you shall have.

"Go for it puppet man." I wiggle my fingers at him like a puppet master. "I've got my own stories about you I can share."

"You're never going to let me forget about that, are you?" Kakashi backs off that tactic.

"Are you going to let me forget about it?" I quip back to him. "Pretty sure mine's worse."

"I'm a jounin. Jounin should never have that happen to them." Kakashi twitches in disgust. "Not to mention half of it was my own fault."

"I know what I'm bugging you about from now on." Anko grins deviously. "Puppet man? What could that mean? I've got to know!"

"Great. Now this has happened." Kakashi groans out. "This is going to be a long mission."

"How the hell do you think I feel?" I share a brief moment of mutual pain with my former sensei.

"Okay, this is stopping now." Ino speaks up. "I've wasted enough damn time out here! I want to go back inside! Alvarcus Mar you have until the count of three or I will punish you."

"We're doing this now?" I look down at Ino. She looks pissed. "It didn't work on me before, what's changed?"

"I know how to punish you this time. The first time I didn't have anything prepared." Ino wrathfully grins at me. "One."

"Really?" I sigh in boredom as I plant an elbow on the railing and hold my head in my hand. My posture screams uninterested. "Been through this before."

"Two." Her grin widens.

"Do you really think that you can intimidate me like this? Ino I do shit like this all the time and my version is way better than yours. Hell I convinced a group of eight highly trained shinobi to surrender because they didn't want to fight a Mad King!"

"The hell is he talking about?" Naruto asks himself but I don't feel like elaborating.

"Three." Ino confidently says. "Now it's punishment time."

"I can take it." I sigh out in boredom again. "But maybe don't try to invade my mind? That didn't end well for either of us."

"So everyone," Ino sends me a smirk one last time. "Does the name Midori mean anything to you?"

"I'M DOWN!" I leap over the railing and start to fall the relatively short distance to the deck. "I'M DOWN I'M DOWN I'M DOWN!"

"Woah." Shikamaru's eyes widen. "That was _fast._ "

"That goes doubly for him, he doesn't like heights." Naruto is just as caught off guard as Shikamaru. "Who is Midori?"

"Don't tell them!" I scamper over to Ino and take one of her hands in both of mine. "I'll never live it down! Please!"

"I counted to three. You need to be punished." Ino smiles sweetly at me. "This is your fault. You should have listened to me when I gave you a chance."

"Not that! Anything but that! What do you want?" I'm begging her without a hint of shame and she's loving every moment of it. She likes that she has a form of power over me, that the one who always manages to get away or avoid her is finally at her mercy.

"I don't know, you better offer me something _very_ good." She tenderly pats my cheek. "If your offer isn't up to my standards then they'll learn all about Midori."

"Seriously who is Midori?" Naruto asks again.

"OH! OH!" Anko giddily calls out. "Offer to be her personal heater!"

"Yes! That!" I quickly agree. "Personal heater! Heat on demand! Whenever you want!"

"Hmm…" Ino ponders it for a moment. She's balancing it on a scale in her mind, then she comes to a decision. "Nope! Not good enough! So Midori is-"

"AND CLOTHES!" I blurt out. I will not let any more people know about Midori! Too many know the way it is! "Clothes of the highest quality you've ever seen! Elegant ballroom dresses, the most comfortable silk pajamas you've ever dreamed of, and more! I'll even get them custom made just for you! Whatever you want I assure you I can provide!"

" _Really?_ " Ino's pupils dilate and it's her turn to take both of my hands in her own. "You'd do that for me? As much as I want?"

We would look adorable right now except for the fact that I'm full of desperation and she's giggling like a perverted schoolgirl at the prospect of clothes.

"Yes! Just drop Midori forever! Never bring her up again!" I beg her. I want that piece of my past buried forever. Never to see the light of day again.

"Oi." Anko buts in. "None of these clothes can have fasteners of any sort! I will not have my student regressing and slacking off! She won't be forgetting one of the most important things I've taught her!"

"Only those that are designed to close like that." Ino adds with stars in her eyes. "I don't want a t shirt or a dress cut down the middle but any jacket or coat I get that's just fine!"

"Done!" I'm so glad that's over with.

"Who the fuck is Midori?" Naruto shouts out.

"Doesn't matter." Ino loops her arm around mine. "You and I will be spending a lot of time together, there are so many clothes I've always wanted and you said you'd get me whatever I want!"

"Yes of course!" I submit to Ino. Who knew, the girl can be scary when she wants to.

Ino merrily leads me over to the interior of the ship so we can talk business.

"Uh…" Shikamaru points in the opposite direction Ino and I are walking. "We've still got to meet with the client. She's that way."

"Oh. Right." Ino sheepishly smiles at the rest of the dumbstruck group. "Alvarcus we'll talk business later. Mission first."

She spins us around and starts walking the both of us in the other direction.

"You're not going to let go of him?" Kakashi says with just a touch of… approval? It doesn't seem like he's approving of Ino manipulating me but rather that she hasn't let go of me.

That's weird. Why would he approve of that? Oh well, it's not important.

"I finally have him trapped." Ino tightens the link between our arms. "He's not getting away that easily again. Come on Alvarcus, we're going to make this meeting snappy. We have more important things to do."

"Yes Ma'am." I continue to submit to her and let her steer me to where the client is supposed to be waiting.

"Right. So. That happened." Naruto says in shock. "That did happen right?"

"I think so?" Shikamaru says in disbelief. "Ino cuffed Alvarcus. _Alvarcus._ You know, the A-rank missing nin that literally attacked us yesterday?"

"He's A-rank?" Naruto looks towards where I disappeared to. "That's so cool! I wanna be A-rank!"

"And like that we've lost Naruto." Shikamaru sighs. "Can we just go meet with the client now? This was too eventful. Way too eventful. I hope the entire mission isn't this way."

* * *

"Thank you all for coming." A well dressed older gentleman with round glasses greets the six of us. "My name is Sandayu Asama, I welcome you all to call me Sandayu."

"That's nice." I tug my arm. It's still firmly looped together with Ino's. "Can you let me go now? I promise to give you the clothes, you don't have to hold me hostage."

"Nope! You'll just have to suffer." Ino rebukes my request without batting an eyelash. She's enjoying this too much.

"Ah how cute." Sandayu says to himself. "Anyways, this is Yukie Fujikaze. The actress you all will be escorting."

Sandayu graciously gestures to her. She's dressed for her role as a princess, an elegant robe with lavish details. She herself has long black hair that's swept on each side of her face and light blue eyes. And she's scowling at us.

That's weird, didn't she hire the Konoha shinobi to escort her?

"Or I could pay you all now and send you on your way." She condescendingly scoffs out. "I do not even want to be here, I am sure you all feel the same way."

Okay this is very weird. What kind of a person hires shinobi then tries to send them away early?

"Sorry Princess." Kakashi apologizes to the actress. "But we've been over this already. Sandayu hired us to protect you, only he can terminate the mission early. You can offer us all the money in the world but our honor as Konoha shinobi won't let us accept it."

"Tch." Yukie turns her head away from us and crosses her arms in disgust.

Ah. That clears that up. I've got to keep this chick alive. It's going to suck. "I hate you Shikamaru. I hate you so much."

"Now you know how I felt." He's been waiting for this for so long. The smug look on his face is annoying, he's lucky Ino has me trapped or I'd wipe it off his stupid face! "Sorry about him, he doesn't want to be here either. My name is Shikamaru Nara, I am the leader for this mission."

"We've already met, Kakashi Hatake at your service." Kakashi does his little half wave of introduction. "Sorry about the genjutsu. Had to get you on the ship somehow."

"Hi!" Naruto beams at Yukie. "Naruto Uzumaki! I'm a huge fan! Can I have an autograph? I didn't get a chance to ask you when we first met."

"No." Yukie barely takes the time to glance at him. "I do not do autographs."

"Aw. Darn." Naruto wilts.

"Anko Mitarashi." That's all Anko takes the time to say. For some strange reason she keeps glancing at Ino and I with a weird look about her.

"Ino Yamanaka." Ino daintily dips her head in acknowledgement of Yukie. "Pleasure to meet you."

A long silence falls among us. It lasts for a good minute.

Everyone turns to look at me.

"What?" I question the odd looks.

"You're not going to introduce yourself?" Shikamaru asks.

"Hell no." I snort out in mild amusement. "I'm not here as one of your underlings Shikamaru, I'm just some dude that owed you a favor. We agreed that all I have to do is keep miss doesn't-want-to-be-here alive. That's all I'm going to do."

"I'll pay you triple what he is if you get me out of here." Yukie boldly offer me in front of everyone else. "Triple."

"Sorry, for some ungodly reason I have a sense of honor." I point at Shikamaru with my free arm. "He called in a favor, I'm doing this for him. Not you. You don't mean jack shit to me."

"Alvarcus!" Kakashi attempts to reprimand me. "That's not how you talk to who you're protecting!"

"Oh shut up. I'm not your underling either." I turn my gaze onto my former sensei. "I agreed to keep her alive. I did not agree to care about her, become her friend, have deep and meaningful life changing conversations with her, or enjoy being in her presence. I'm forced to be here because I'm just a big softie that won't go back on my word! At the best I'm going to act as an over glorified meat shield. I am solely on defense. Defense just for her. That's it."

Another silence falls over us for a long minute. But this one isn't awkward, it's a stunned silence.

"Well… technically he's not wrong." Shikamaru regretfully admits. "That is all we agreed on."

"Why do you make everything so difficult?" Ino demands without expecting an answer. "His name is Alvarcus Mar. If he won't tell you then I will."

"Dammit Ino." I groan out in defeat. "Why did you do that? Now they know whose name to scream when a kunai is flying at her. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?"

"Not as annoying as you being stubborn." Ino sends me a glare. "I can guarantee you that."

"Wow." Naruto says out of the corner of his mouth to Shikamaru. "We're lucky we brought her along if she can keep Alvarcus in line."

"No shit." Shikamaru agrees. "I thought this would be like old times, he's fighting this tooth and nail. We really are lucky."

"Believe me." Anko happily inserts herself into their side conversation. "I'll be doing everything in my power to make sure Ino gets lucky too."

Ino flushes crimson and immediately let's go of my arm.

"Right." I shoot her a questioning look and she turns away from me. "I'm going to ignore whatever the hell that was supposed to mean and use this brilliant opportunity to flee like someone who would rather be anywhere but here. Oh wait, that's exactly what I am right now. Bye!"

I sprint out the door and slam it closed behind me.

"Dammit!" Ino stomps her foot. "Anko you made me lose him! How am I supposed to corner him again like that! And he still owes me those clothes!"

"Not my fault you let him go!" Anko let's out a hearty laugh. "Don't worry Honey, I'll think of something for you."

"No! No! Absolutely not!" Ino's tone change from one of anger to fear in an instant.

"Okay… so… yeah." Shikamaru awkwardly turns back to Yukie and Sandayu. "We're actually very skilled. Anko and Kakashi are both jounin. Hell Kakashi is one of the best Konoha has to offer. I'm a chunin and it has been said that I'm the smartest of my generation. Though I have been feeling pretty dumb today. Naruto here is being trained by one of the Legendary Sannin so you won't have to worry about him at all. And Ino is like a delicate flower, at first all you see is the pretty rose petals but then you realize too late that the flower has thorns. So there's no need to worry! You're in good hands I promise!"

"And what of… Alvarcus?" Sandayu asks. He's had a hard time taking in all of this. Half of them aren't even acting professional. But isn't that a good thing? They're all that confident in their skills that an escort mission isn't something to worry about? That's what he's hoping at least.

"He's strong." Shikamaru assures the client and Yukie. "Probably only Anko and Kakashi are better than him."

"Actually it's probably just me." Kakashi cuts in. "Anko may have landed a blow on him but Alvarcus didn't fight anywhere near his maximum capacity. He's good at taijutsu, to stand on even ground with a jounin - special jounin or not - is not something that's easy to do, but it's ninjutsu that he truly excels at. I think that I might be hard pressed to win a battle with him if he truly went all out. Even then it's only because I know him so well, I hate to admit it but he could simply outlast me. That kid is a stamina freak."

"Hear that Ino?" Anko suggestively wags her eyebrows. "Stamina freak."

"Shut up!" Ino shouts at the older kunoichi.

"Consider my worries abated!" Sandayu claps his hands together with a pleasant smile on his face. "We leave ourselves in your care."

"Speak for yourself." Yukie mutters under her breath. Every shinobi heard it, Yukie underestimated just how finely tuned shinobi senses are.

But none of the shinobi call her out on it.

"Well then!" Sandayu continues speaking pleasantly. "We should be setting sail soon. This is all so exciting!"

"Yeah." Shikamaru doesn't return anywhere near the same energy level Sandayu has. "We will leave you alone for now. When we get closer to Snow we'll step up our presence around you."

The rest of the shinobi leave the room, it's just Yukie and Sandayu left.

"Why are you so insistent that I go back there?" Yukie rounds on her manager. "You and I both know there's nothing left for me there! Nothing!"

"I am hoping that you will find something there." Sandayu softly speaks her. "Something that you've lost a very long time ago."

"And what is it? What is this mysterious thing I'm supposed to find?" Yukie angrily asks, showing more emotion in this one moment than she has all week.

"Hope." Sandayu looks at her with teary eyes. "I want you to hope again."

"Ahem." I clear my throat from the doorway. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No. Of course not." Sandayu excellently conceals his emotions as Yukie stiffly looks at me then snubs me by turning off to the side. "Did you need something?"

"Sorta." I casually walk over to Yukie and hold out a small sealing tag. "Keep this on your person at all times."

"Why?" She doesn't take it from me. "I don't need your trinkets."

"This _trinket_ may save your life." I let a little bit of killing intent manifest around me and suddenly I have her full attention. "Let's set something straight right now, right here. I do not care about you. I do not care what you think about me. I do not give one single fuck who you are, what you've done, where you're going or what you're going to do. For the foreseeable future I have to keep your ass alive. This is not something I'm doing for Sandayu. This is not something I'm doing for you. I'm doing this because I owe a friend. So until we part ways my word is law. If I say run you run. If I say hide you hide. If I say _take the fucking seal_ then you take the fucking seal." I wiggle the seal at her. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal." She snatches the seal out of my hands.

"And to make sure you don't do something stupid like rip it to shreds, it's not a way to track you." I let just a little bit more killing intent waft off of me. "They way I fight can get very… explosive. That _trinket_ will make sure none of them explode next to you. If I discover that you've destroyed or thrown away that seal then I'll permanently draw it on your skin. So don't lose it."

I spin on my heel and let my killing intent fade. Then I plaster a goofy grin on my face just to fuck with them. "Toodles!"

I might as well try and have fun somehow. Not my fault if it happens to drive them to insanity.

* * *

Half an Hour Later, Kakashi's Cabin

Kakashi is greedily reading his book while sprawled out on his bed. He's giggling every once in awhile when he reads an extra good part. It's been a long time since he's had new reading material, especially one from Jiraiya-sama himself.

Then two sharp knocks on his door interrupt him.

"What?" He irritably barks out.

"I need thirty seconds of your time." His wayward students says from the other side of the door. "Or potentially five minutes."

"Fine. Get in here." Kakashi says just a little bit too eagerly. This will be the first time that he has been alone with me.

I meekly open the door and walk in then close it behind me.

"So… uh… hi?" I weakly attempt to open up conversation.

"Hello." He just as awkwardly says back to me. "How have you been… nevermind. That's a bad question to ask."

"Yeah…" This is terribly awkward. Alright I came here with a purpose, just do it. "Kakashi do you trust me still?"

I hold out a sealing tag to him.

"Do you trust me enough to take this seal and keep it with you? Or potentially let me draw it on your body?"

"What does it do?" He stand up and takes off his jonin vest. He still trusts me. He's going to let me place a seal on him.

"I've added an… let's say explosive surprise to my minions. This seal will make sure they don't go off near you." I pull out a brush and some ink.

"You always did take everything too far." He fondly smiles back on his memories. "When you first asked me about chakra strings I admit I was disappointed. But the things you've done with them are phenomenal. Now you've taken up fuinjutsu. I don't know whether to be excited or terrified of what you'll do with that."

"Probably best to be terrified." I admit. "Any particular spot you want it?"

"Above the right shoulder blade." He takes off his shirt next to give me access. "Just… please tell me you're not going to cause any crazy chain explosions to go off?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm going to do that?" I exasperatedly ask. "This is going to be cold."

"Won't be as cold as the Land of Snow." He points out. "And it's you. You'd have a field day with explosive tags."

"Sad thing is everyone is right. I've set up a base and a half of Orochimaru's to blow." I being to draw the seal on him. "They're going to have one hell of a boom."

"Wow. How many seals did that take?" He's impressed.

"A few thousand. No big deal." I nonchalantly reply.

He lets out an appreciative whistle. "That's a lot of seals."

"Yes it is. Best part is Orochimaru gave me all the blank sealing tags. He gave me the tools to destroy the bases."

"Orochimaru." Kakashi turns bitter. "He's not hurting you, is he?"

"Kakashi. He hurt me long before I went to him. Do you really think he'd stop? If anything it's gotten worse. He's made me do things that would get me executed on the spot in Konoha. He's warped me as a person. I've changed. I'm not the innocent genin I once was."

"Alvarcus I'm so sorry." Kakashi's head droops in shame. "You shouldn't have to do any of this. None of this is your responsibility."

"I made it my responsibility."

"What has he made you do?" Kakashi hoarsely asks.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I ask him, this is his one chance to reconsider. "You will never be able to look at me the same again. I'll give you a teaser, a mere taste of what I've done. Murder. Straight up, cold blooded murder."

"I'm so sorry." Kakashi apologizes again. "It's all my fault. If I had just been a better sensei. If I had done more then maybe I wouldn't have pushed you both away. Maybe Sakura wouldn't have died. I should have done more."

"You didn't push me away." I assure him. "I left because I didn't want Sasuke to become twisted by Orochimaru. I left because I had to protect my best friend. Sasuke is… a different story. I won't sugar coat this, you might have had a hand in him deciding to leave but by no means were you the reason he left. Orochimaru offered him the one thing he dedicated his entire life to: training to kill Itachi. Sasuke left for his own reasons. And Sakura… she's dead because of me."

"Alvarcus it wasn't your fault. We never figured out-"

"I know who killed her." I force out. "Kakashi I know everything about her death. I know who ordered it, I know why they ordered it and I know who held the blade that slit her throat. She's dead because of me. Because I didn't go to Orochimaru sooner. Did you know that on the night I left it was the third time I've been asked to go to him? I turned him down twice. He didn't like that, so he took it into his own hands to change my mind. He figured that the best way for me to go to him was to sever my ties to Konoha. Orochimaru is the reason Sakura is dead. Orochimaru is the reason my parents are dead. Because in his sick and twisted mind he thought that would push me to him."

He's stunned into silence. He can't form a single word.

"It's not you who should be apologizing to me. Kakashi I am sorry. I got one of your student's killed. I abandoned Konoha with the other one. I became everything that I thought I would stand against when I first got my headband. I've been kicked out of my home. I've become a dark and violent person. I've become everything that I was taught to hate. And when this mission is over and I've fulfilled my debt to Shikamaru, I'm going back to that place. The place where my humanity is at risk. Or what's left of it."

"You don't have to. You can come back with us." Kakashi offers. "I can convince Tsunade to go easy on you. She will listen to reason, she knows what you've done for Konoha! What you're doing for Konoha! We can get you a public trial and use that to explain everything you've done to the public! You don't have to go back there!"

"The only place in Konoha for me is a prison cell. Even if we convince every single resident of Konoha of my spying on Orochimaru I'd also have to admit everything I've done while being gone. Those acts would far outweigh the good I've done."

"I do not want to lose everyone!" Kakashi shouts and slams his fist into the mattress.

"You haven't lost me." I calmly assure him. "I'm just… not as close as I used to be. You could accept letters from Shirokumo. Tsunade never has to know. We don't even have to talk about anything important, just be penpals. A way for both of us to know the other is alright."

"I can't." Kakashi forces out under great strain. "I think she has me under watch to make sure we don't communicate. I cheated when Shirokumo came the last time, I spun it as me luring him into a false sense of security. It won't work again. I'm even under orders to bring you in should we ever meet. She said to use any means necessary."

"I'll be sure to slip away before you have the opportunity to capture me." I assure him. "I can't do much good in a jail cell. Plus Sasuke does need me."

"How is Sasuke?" Kakashi asks, steering the conversation to a new direction.

"Well… his mental state is better than mine." I admit to my former sensei. "Probably due to Orochimaru focusing on me more. It's kinda ironic, lately he's been reining me in instead of me reining him in. He's doing well though, it's good for him to escape from all of his fangirls. Though he did just get one at this new base we're at. Hell I got one too. It's weird, she won't leave me alone."

"You've got a fangirl?" Kakashi asks in bewilderment. "Orochimaru has shinobi like that?"

"Otogakure and the rest of Orochimaru's bases are full of normal shinobi." I supply. "They're actually not all weird. Though some of them have extra parts or strange powers. I've yet to meet someone weirder than me though."

"You're not weird. Just unusual." Kakashi corrects me.

"I meant physically. I'm literally made of threads. That's pretty fucking strange."

"Fair point." Kakashi concedes.

"Yeah." I agree. "So you out of that funk now? Cuz I've still got to give this seal to everyone else."

"I'm good now." He assures me. "Or as good as I'm going to be."

"That's all I ask for." I put away my brush and ink.

"You took a lot longer on the seal than I thought you would." He points out. "Figured someone capable of making thousands would be a quick worker. You've been here for half an hour."

"I can't be amazing at everything." I get up and move to the door. "We can't all be you, Kakashi-sensei."

"Cheeky brat." He fondly says as I shut the door.

I only spent five minutes on the seal.

* * *

"Oi." I poke my head into Shikamaru and Naruto's cabin. "You two busy?"

Shikamaru is lazing about on his bed while Naruto is pestering him. No doubt Naruto is bored and wants Shikamaru to entertain him. You couldn't find two more different people.

"Alvarcus!" Naruto beams up at me. "No! Come in! Do you want to hang out? Maybe play a game? Or spar? Or anything! Whatever you want to do I'm willing!"

"Are you willing to let me place a seal on you?" I bluntly ask. "If not I've got a tag for you both to carry around."

"A seal?" I've piqued Shikamaru's interest. "What does it do?"

"Potentially stops you from dying in a very painful way." I offer up an innocent shrug.

"What?" Shikamaru dully responds. "I didn't hear you right."

"Okay, long version it is." I've got both of their attention. "I've got this variant of a technique that is pretty indiscriminatory so I made this seal to make it not go off near people or things I'd like to not have ripped into tiny shreds."

"What the hell have you been learning?" Naruto lets slip out in awe.

"A little of this and a lot of that." I shrug again. "Nothing too interesting."

"Way to downplay your skills. Severely downplay." Shikamaru holds out a hand. "I'll take a tag. I don't want a seal on my body."

"I should probably take a tag to." Naruto glances nervously at Shikamaru.

Ah. Right. He's already got a very impressive seal on him. We don't want this one to interfere with that.

"Cool." I pull out two premade tags and hand them out. "Let me know if they get damaged or need to be replaced. You _really_ don't want to get caught up in this technique."

"I wish my Sannin taught me cool stuff like yours." Naruto pouts.

"No." I turn and leave the room. "You don't."

The door closes behind me.

* * *

"You." Anko hisses at me.

"Me." I wiggle a tag at her. "I've got something for you."

I've gone to her and Ino's room. It's just Anko in this one though.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that's not a detailed plan about Orochimaru and the best spots to set up an ambush on him." Akno glances at the paper. "Is that a seal?"

"Yep. I want you to keep it on you until we part ways again." I wiggle the tag again.

"And why the hell would I do that?" She sneers at the paper. "I'm not a fan of seals."

"It'll make sure that one of my techniques doesn't rip you out of this dimension and into a void of pure darkness for all eternity?"

"Holy shit." Anko regards me in a new light. "You've got a jutsu that will do that?"

"Well… sorta. It's not a jutsu per say, more of a failsafe. A whole bunch of stuff has to happen then the techniques activates and bam! You're in a new dimension."

"Never would have guessed you as a person for a suicide technique." Anko snatches the seal out of my hand. "Alright, I'll hang onto this for a bit."

"Cool." I pause halfway out the door. "Do you know where Ino is? She's the only one who doesn't have one."

"I thought she was with you?" Anko says in confusion. "Speaking of Ino… what do you think of her?"

"She's a nice girl." I honestly reply. "Still a bit too innocent and knows _way_ too much about me, but nice."

"And…" Anko drags the word out, making it stretch for several seconds. "Do you think she's cute?"

"Considering that last night I called her hot to her face, yes. I do think she's cute. Why do you care?"

"No reason!" Anko grins deviously to herself. "No reason at all."

"Right, I'm going to walk away from whatever the hell that was."

* * *

"Hello Alvarcus." Ino warmly greets me. "Long time no see."

"Hey Ino. It's only been a few hours." Suddenly the boat lurches beneath us. "What do you know, we've finally set sail. About damn time too, I want this mission over with."

"And I want it to take forever. Or at least as long as it takes for me to convince you to come back home." Ino seriously tells me. She means every word of it, she's going to spend as much time possible trying to get me to go back.

"Is there any particular reason you're in my hammock?" I ignore what she just said and ask this instead.

"I got tired of standing around waiting for you to come up here." She runs a hand along the soft material. "So I hopped in. I see why you slept here, this is freakishly nice."

"I know right?" Murasakino your hammocks are amazing. Simply the best. "I rarely sleep on anything else even when on missions, sometimes it's a toss up if I should keep my bed or just switch over to hammocks full time. That being said I have _very_ nice sheets and there's something about a mattress and crawling into a cocoon of blankets that's amazing."

"You'll have to get me a set of those with my clothes then." She runs a hand over the material again. "If they're anything like this then I'll be ecstatic."

"They'll probably be better. The Weavers tend to go overboard when I ask them to do something. There was this one time that I asked for a set of clothes and they came back with twenty five sets of everything. Seriously what the hell am I supposed to do with twenty five different sets of bed sheets?"

"The Weavers?" Ino questions from her reclined position on her back. It's a good thing she has my coat over hers, otherwise I'd be getting quite the eyeful. Gravity would help pull it open to expose even more skin than usual.

Well not like it would change anything, it would just be harder to focus. That was a poor choice of words, maybe Naruto is onto something. Every once in awhile I phrase things strangely.

"They're a group of Spiders that make clothes and stuff for other summon creatures. They also made my entire wardrobe, my bed sheets, and the hammock you're on. They'll also be the ones making your clothes. Fair warning, expect a lot."

"I'm strangely okay with that." Sure Ino. There's nothing strange about that. If anything you're even more excited about it now.

"How're you not cold?" Ino asks out of the blue. "There's a chilly wind up here. At least in the hammock it's a bit sheltered from the wind but standing up like you are? You must be getting a faceful of it. And… I have your coat."

"Meh." I dismissively wave off her concern. "My body temp is higher than average. Not really sure why, but it does come in handy. It takes more to get me cold."

"That explains why your coat was so warm last night." Ino reflects back on that moment. Then she focuses on me again. "Maybe you would make a good personal heater."

"It was part of our deal." I shrug.

"I'll have to keep that in mind." Ino wiggles around in the hammock for a bit, finding a new position. "So… you're not running away right now. Maybe taking over the hammock was a good idea if it forces you to stay here."

"Actually I was looking for you." I pull out another tag. "If you're willing to I'd like to place this seal on you. If not then keep this tag on you instead."

Ino takes the tag from me and intently looks over it. "Wow this is pretty. You made this?"

"Yep." That's a new reaction. I've never had someone call a seal pretty before.

"What's it do?" She asks as she continues to look at the intricate parts.

"I have this technique that can activate on its own. It kinda swallows up everything in a five meter radius whole. Not even air is spared." I explain. "Having this seal makes it not activate next to you. It's a failsafe so the things and people I care about don't get swallowed."

"You can put it on me." She hands the seal back to me. "Is there a particular spot it should go?"

Huh. Didn't expect her to let me put it on her. Honestly I'm still a little surprised Kakashi did. It takes a great amount of trust to let someone place a seal on you.

"It doesn't matter. Kakashi let me put one on his shoulder blade." I throw him out as an example. "I can put it wherever you want."

"The shoulder blade sounds good to me." Ino says. "If Kakashi thinks it should go there then I'll follow suit. He knows his stuff."

"Right. So there's just one problem with that." I didn't see this coming. "That means the coats have to come off. You're okay with that?"

"Oh. That would have to happen." She debates something in her mind for a moment, then settles on one of them. "I'll lay face down on the hammock. Not like it'll be any more revealing than what Anko stuffed me into."

She hops out of the hammock and takes off my coat. She's just in her purple one now.

"You'll have to turn around for this part." A pink tint blossoms on her cheeks. "I'm not giving you a show."

"Here." I unwarp my scarf from around my neck and toss it to her. "You can use that to tie around your chest. You never know when something crazy will happen. Like Anko randomly popping up here for some unknown reason."

"Thanks." She takes the scarf. "Now turn around."

"Of course." I turn around like a gentleman. It would be so easy to spawn an eye or two on the back of my head with Eyes of the Damned. Hell I could even spawn one on a string! NO! BAD ALVARCUS! BAD!

"Done." Ino calls out. She's laying face down on the hammock. "So how long is this going to take? It's even colder up here without anything on."

"I don't know, I've never gotten a girl topless before. I might have performance anxiety." I tease her.

"Shut up and get this over with!" Ino buries her face into the soft hammock. "It's embarrassing enough the way it is."

"Alright, alright I'll quit teasing you." I pull out my brush and ink. "This is going to be cold."

"Colder than it already is?" Ino points out. "Now hurry up!"

"You're going to have a terrible time in the Land of Snow if you're already bitching about the cold." I start to draw the seal and she shivers as the brush touches her.

"Hey Alvarcus?" Ino softly asks me with a lot of apprehension. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I say as I continue to work on the seal. "Can't promise I'll answer though."

"What's that scar on your neck from?" She hesitantly asks. "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, I've just always wondered."

"Oh that?" That's not what I expected. I was prepared for something like 'why won't you come back?' "It's from my first decapitation."

" _First decapitation_?"

"Yep. Crazy nutjob with a big ass sword."

"I feel like that was an oversimplification." Ino fishes for more information.

"That's because it was." I don't give in.

We fall into a silence for about twenty seconds before she speaks again.

"How many scars do you have?"

"So many that I've lost count. At this point I only remember the most severe ones or those that were given to me under unique circumstances." I conversationally reply despite the rather personal question. "What about you? Any scars to talk about?"

"Nothing like yours." She mumbles under her breath. "There's one on my left thigh. I didn't dodge a kunai from an enemy. I've never seen Asuma that angry before."

"I bet. I've only seen Kakashi pissed one time, that was when I had my first kill. We were on a mission and the client purposefully left out some key details, like there being shinobi after his head. They attacked, I killed one of them on accident. Kakashi was _pissed_ at the client."

"You've been on the craziest missions ever." Ino sighs in forlornness. "You're always right in the middle of something crazy. You have to lead such an exciting life full of adventure. It makes me feel… well inadequate. We're the same age and I'm from a prominent clan. You're from a civilian family. You've done so much, you're so skilled, you're so untouchable. You stand leagues above everyone else. I ask myself a question every now and again, how can I possibly catch up?"

"I am not someone you want to compare yourself to." I calmly tell her. "My life is definitely full of crazy adventures but I would not call them exciting. Exciting sounds like they're good adventures and I assure you most of them aren't. Eventful would be more accurate. I'm done, you can put the coats back on."

I step away from her and turn my back once more as she redresses.

"I'm decent again." She gives me permission to turn around. "Hey Alvarcus?"

"Yes Ino?" I ask. She didn't hop back into the hammock, instead she walked over to stand next to me.

"There's more to you leaving than just spying on Orochimaru and protecting Sasuke, isn't there?" She asks me. "I have this feeling that you're doing _more_ than that. I think that if it was just spying and protecting Sasuke you wouldn't have refused Tsunade's offer to come back. It was such a good offer, a clean slate, total forgiveness and Orochimaru would be dead. You could have come home. But you didn't. Why not?"

"I'm also going to single handedly destroy Otogakure and every single base of Orochimaru's I can find." I admit to her. Why not? It's not like it's going to change anything. I truly can't go back to Konoha now.

"See what I mean! You're always doing something exciting!" Ino lightly smack me on the arm. "That's not what I meant. When we last saw each other you said that everyone needs something to push them to improve. That they need to get better. You made it sound like something terrible is going to happen that we'll all be involved in. Why does everyone need to improve? What do you think is going to happen?"

"I hope nothing happens." I truthfully share with her. "If I have anything to say about it, it will never happen. I just don't know how to go about stopping it. I have a few ideas, each more crazy than the last, but I don't have a plan. At best I can plan to counter some things that might happen. That's it, I don't even know if those things will even happen at all." Too much could have changed from canon. I could have ruined my future knowledge completely. I may have to rely purely on my own skills now.

"What are you talking about? What's coming? What are you trying to stop?"

"War." I turn to look her in her wide shocked eyes. "I'm trying to stop the Fourth Shinobi World War."

"Why you?" She asks with a mix of pity and fear of what I've said is to come. "Tell the Kages! Surely they can take action!"

"I'm the only one who knows what's happening. I'm the only person besides the other mastermind trying to force the Fourth Shinobi World War to happen that has all of the pieces of the puzzle. That is part of the reason I've gone to Orochimaru. Orochimaru is investing a huge amount of his time and resources into my training and thanks to him I might be ready in time. Even if it is at the expense of my humanity. My dream is no longer just a dream, it is a necessity. I _must_ become S-rank at the minimum if I want to stand a chance against the people I have to stop."

"I do not have the luxury of kicking back in Konoha. I have a war to stop at any cost. I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that it doesn't happen. If by damning myself I can save thousands upon thousand of lives I will gladly throw myself into Hell with a smile on my face."

"How can I help?" Ino has a fire blazing behind her eyes. She's brimming with determination and sheer willpower. She truly wants to help me.

"Become better." My words don't negatively impact her resolve. If anything they've only stoked the flames inside her. "Do not settle for above average. Strive to be the best you possibly can. Learn every clan technique you can. Push everyone else to reach a new level then surpass it. And until you can stand on an equal playing field with the most deadly shinobi of this world, until you think you can easily beat me at my own game, _run away from the red clouds._ "

"The red clouds?" She repeats, not truly as a question, but to make sure she heard me correctly. She's taken every word I've said to heart.

"Yes. If you see red clouds abandon whatever you're doing and run. Run as if your life and the lives of everyone you care about depend on how fast you move. _Run away from the red clouds._ "

"Okay. I can do that." She confidently assures me. "You don't have to do everything alone. I will make sure everyone in Konoha improves so much that they'll all be better than you. Don't worry about us, I'll keep everyone in line for you while you're gone. On one condition."

"What is it?" I ask her.

"Once you've stopped the war, once you've defeated Orochimaru, once it's all over come home. Come back to Konoha where you belong. Promise me that. Promise me that once it's done you'll come home. I want to hear you say it."

"Okay Ino. I promise. Once it's all over I will go back. Whether it's as a hero or villain, I don't know. But I will go back."


	58. Chapter 58

Author Note: Just so this is very clear, this chapter starts just after the last one ended. It's still the same day.

* * *

"OI!" Naruto's voice calls out from the deck.

Ino and I share a quick look.

"I'm not here." I calmly say to her as I throw myself onto the hammock. "I was never here."

"What like I'm supposed to be up here?" Ino scoffs out with an undignified snort. "This is the last place he'd try to find me, he's gotta be looking for you. I guarantee it."

"ALVARCUS!" Naruto shouts again, this time specifying who he's looking for.

"Told ya." Ino smirks in victory at me.

"I'm still not here." I grumble under my breath. "Maybe if I ignore the problem he'll go away."

"Let's see how that works out for you." Ino smiles to herself at my antics.

"I'M GOING TO COME UP THERE IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME!" Naruto is drawing a lot of attention. Some of the sailors, movie crew and even the Director are watching him in amusement. It isn't everyday you see someone dressed in bright orange yelling to the sky without getting a response.

"Dammit man!" I lazily roll over and poke my head over the side of the crow's nest. "Can't you get the message that I don't want to be bothered? Like at all? Ever? On this entire excursion?"

"Pfft like I care about that!" Naruto waves off my obvious hostility. "We're doing lunch! Shikamaru, Ino and me. We still need to find Ino though but she'll totally be there! Join us! It'll be fun!"

"No thanks." I pull my head back over the ledge. "Seriously I'm on vacation. That means doing things that don't stress me out. Too bad most of the things that stress me out are perfectly content with constantly bothering me!"

I may have been shouting for Naruto to hear me but I'm also starring straight at Ino. Get the hint, I want some me time. You know, where no one else bothers me at all? Including you?

"ALVARCUS COME ON!" Naruto whines louder than most people yell. "WE HAVEN'T HUNG OUT IN FOREVER!"

"Yes Alvarcus. We haven't hung out in forever. I think this will be good for you." Great. Ino is joining in on trying to get me to go do lunch.

"What do you call the entire conversation we just had? That counts." I point out. "We even had a nice little heart to heart talk. It was cute."

"That's not hanging out, that's… I don't know what to call that. But not hanging out!" Ino starts to tap her foot. "Do I need to threaten you again?"

"Probably." I admit. "I really don't want to do this. You can't use my female form though, Midori is off limits."

"I still need to get those clothes from you." She points out without lessening the tempo of her tapping foot. "But that's for later. Right now we're doing lunch."

Ino takes two steps forwards so she's standing right next to the edge of my hammock. Then she grabs the edge of it and a very sinister shadow dances on her face as she grins at me with evil intentions.

"Don't do it." I warn her in the most serious tone I can muster.

"Look out below!" Ino cackles and with a mighty heave she flips the hammock and me over. Unfortunately the other side of the hammock is right next to the edge of the crow's nest. So yeah, she literally flipped me off.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" I shout as a fall a surprisingly short distance of two meters, then all my downward momentum halts. I launched out a few chakra strings from my back, some attached to the mast and the bottom of the crow's nest while other's attached onto the deck and the cabin of the ship. I'm suspending myself midair. "The fuck Ino?! I was so comfy!"

"He can _fly?_ " Fantastic, I can feel the Director salivating at my sheer awesomeness. I just made him want me in his stupid movie even more.

"I forgot he could do that." Naruto rubs his chin in deep thought. "What else can he do again? I know he loves chakra strings. Wait a moment, Ino? Was she up there entire time?"

"I'm not sorry!" Ino leans half of her body out of the crow's nest to look down at me. "Whoa. You're floating!"

"And you're falling." I playfully grin up at her as I change the final string I made, which is currently wrapped around her waist, into an earth whip. "How terribly unfortunate."

Her eyes go wide and I give it a sharp tug pulling her out of the crow's nest.

"ALVARCUS YOU BASTARD!" She screams on the way down. I even cackle crazily as she passed me, it was hilarious. Still though she's a kunoichi and landed perfectly on her feet. Though she was forced to a knee to spread out the force, like she just stumbled and not fell an insane distance. Then she straightens up and dusts off her coat and sends me an angry glare. "You come down here right this instant! After that you're definitely going to lunch if I have to drag you kicking and screaming! You owe me!"

"Uh… you threw me over first? If anything we're even now." She couldn't have forgotten that already. There's no way.

"Yes, but you are wearing pants. I on the other hand am wearing a skirt. You owe me." She crosses her arms to intensify her angry glare.

"True but under the skirt you're wearing shorts." I point out from my still suspended position. "You didn't give anyone a show."

"And you know that how, exactly?" Ino's tone changes from angry to _livid._ "Alvarcus Mar have you been creeping on me?!"

"Yeah that's not going to work. Ino your skirt is anything but conservative. Everyone knows you wear shorts under it." I don't let her obvious attempt at flustering me work.

"Damn I thought that would work. Seriously how are you always so collected? Nothing phases you." Her mock anger vanishes and she cutely pouts. "It's not fun if you don't react at all."

"It's not that I don't get flustered, it just takes more to fluster me. That's all." I should probably stop floating in the air. It's weird talking down to everyone. Plus all the pointing from the movie crew members and sailors is getting annoying.

Okay so it's only slightly annoying, it's very nice to get this much recognition. Even if it's only for a simple trick I have, this isn't anything truly impressive.

"Well how about this!" Naruto clasps his hands together in preparation for a jutsu. "All men throughout the world cry in defeat when they see this jutsu! It's unbeatable, no one has ever bested it! Sexy Jutsu!"

A cloud of smoke envelops his body and I know exactly who is going to come out of it.

"Alvarcus-kun!" A flirty female voice calls out as the smoke disperses. "Why don't you come on down here?"

Naruko. He's gone and turned himself into Naruko. Long blonde hair pulled back into twin ponytails. Luscious full lips curled into a seductive smile and wide playful eyes. And she's wearing absolutely nothing, she's being covered by thin trails of smoke that seemed to linger and keep the more… shall we say interesting bits hidden. Very generously sized interesting bits, Naruko is _stacked._

"We can have so much fun together Alvarcus-kun!" Naruko flirtily calls out again and sends me a saucy wink. "As much fun as you want!"

"Hehe!" I let a wide lecherous grin form on my face. It's one that Jiraiya would be immensely proud of. "HAHA! YES!"

I let the strings holding me fade and fall all the way down to the deck. Unlike Ino I don't bend my knees to absorb the blow, rather I keep them straight and crack the wood in the process of landing. Whoops, oh well I made this trip more than profitable for the Captain. He'll forgive me. Then I extend out both of my arms towards Naruko, stretching my already massive perverted grin even wider.

"Come to daddy!" I wave my extended hands in a 'come hither' motion as I start to close the gap between us. "Yes yes yes yes yes! Oh we're going to have so! Much! _Fun!_ "

"Alvarcus-kun!" Naruko happily skips towards me, mirroring my open arms.

When we're half a second from embracing I let my act drop. The goofiness and perversion that was on my face vanishes and it's replaced with something more sinister. Naruko's eyes widen in shock at my sudden switch from pervert to prankster but it's too late for her to change course.

"Gotcha!" I snatch both of her wrists in my own hands then start to fall backwards. This causes Naruko to be pulled down on top of me but we don't land chest to chest. Instead her stomach hits the sole of my foot, I propped a leg up as I tumbled backwards. Using the momentum from our planned fall I continue to roll backwards even after my back hits the ground and using the leg that Naruko is braced on I push her off of me. She goes flying through the air, over the side of the ship and crashes into the probably freezing water. I don't stop there though, I continue my roll until I've done a complete somersault to land on my feet again.

I fully straighten up and casually dust myself off to scores of shocked faces and one person clapping like this was the best show they've ever seen.

"That, ladies and gentlemen, is a move I call the cold shower." I bow to my audience. Okay so I'm a bit of a showman at heart, I don't deny that.

"Jura. Please say we got that on camera." The Director says out of the corner of his mouth.

"Hell yeah we did." Jura confirms. "From the moment Orange Boy started to yell up at him."

" _Perfect._ "

"Alvarcus why?!" Naruto shouts from down in the water. "It's so cold! This is the second time you've done this to me!"

"If you were a good shinobi you would have landed on the surface dumbass!" I yell back to him.

"Oh. Right. I can do that." He says in embarrassment. A wet and disgruntled Naruto climbs back onboard. He's also shivering while hugging himself for warmth. "S-s-so c-c-cold."

"Alvarcus." I feel a light tug on my sleeve.

"Yes Ino?" She's the one tugging on it and she looks… off. Not angry, not perturbed, not revengeful. Just off.

"Thank you for disciplining him." She says without a hint of playfulness or joy. She's deadly serious.

"You're welcome." I dip my head to her. "I think? I just thought it would be funny."

I turn back to the wet and shivering Naruto. I was totally right, it's hilarious.

"And Alvarcus." She tugs on my sleeve again to draw my attention back to her. "Never do that again. That was so not you. Just no."

Is that why she's so off? Because of how I acted?

"What?" I question her. "The whole acting like a pervert to misdirect him?"

"Yes. That." She confirms with a forceful tone. "That was so out of character for you."

"But I _am_ perverted." I tell her without a hint of shame. "I just keep those thoughts in my head. Most of the time. Usually. When it suits me to? Seriously though there's some freaky stuff that goes on in my head. I made a tentacle monster. _A tentacle monster._ That aint normal. Though I'm not sure what's worse, the tentacle monster or the whole 'I might have a domination and submission fetish' thing I did at the Chunin Exams. It's a toss up between them for first place."

I blame Orochimaru for that. He's inadvertently turned me into a masochist, I'm way too comfortable with letting someone I'm not threatened by wound me then using that to mess with their heads.

Unknown to Alvarcus, Ino and Naruto they're not the only shinobi present. Hidden within plain sight, or more specifically within the gathered crowd that is still watching the three shinobi mess around, Anko saw everything happen.

'Ino.' Anko thinks to herself. 'You have no idea how much fun you could have with him. It sounds like he's willing to try anything once.'

"I thought those were both acts?" Ino asks in surprise.

"They were but I had to get inspiration for them from _somewhere_." I tap my temple. "I'm not kidding when I tell you my head isn't the prettiest place. There's some weird shit bouncing around in there, some of it even makes me go 'what the fuck was that?' I creep myself out sometimes. Sexuality can be it's own weapon. Sure I tossed Naruto into the water for trying to use it against me but that does not mean I won't use it against my opponents. Hell Anko introduced you to the whole thing, or at least got you to step up your game. That coat trick is all about knocking opponents out of their rhythm. That's what Naruto's Sexy Jutsu is meant for and that's what I do too. It's just that mine are a lot more extreme." I explain to her.

"Really?"

"Yep. Pretty sure I'm certifiably insane at this point. You've gotta remember that I do have a filter, there are things I won't do or say. But you've heard and seen the things I am willing to say and do, so ask yourself this: What kinds of things are so weird or fucked up that even I won't do or say them? Not only perverted stuff either, I've thought of several jutsu ideas that I've outright told myself no, don't do that. They're so terrible and horrific that I shy away from them. Being able to use all five elements has really opened up numerous possibilities for me."

"I don't want to know." Ino decides. "Besides we've gotten off topic, I was thanking you for disciplining Naruto for using that outrageous technique."

"You don't have to do anything special." I wave off her thanks.

"I insist." She presses forwards despite my dismissal. "At least let me treat you to lunch. It's the least I can do."

"Well… I suppose I could eat." I accept her offer. "Sure, I'll take you up on that offer. Lunch it is. But that's it! Then you're leaving me alone for at least six hours! I've had way too much excitement today."

"Good! Now follow me." She turns and starts walking towards the cabin. "I don't know how you can stand being out here, it's cold!"

"Ino!" Naruto whines while still shivering. He's barely moved from the spot where he pulled himself back onto the deck. "We're supposed to get him to -"

"Shut up I'm doing a thing!" Ino cuts him off from finishing his sentence. "And you! Go change out of those clothes before you catch a cold! You're just standing there like a moron!"

"I think my feet froze to the deck." Naruto sheepishly replies.

"You're hopeless." Ino flings open the door to the cabin and sends me a beckoning wave. "Let's go. I owe you lunch."

"Sure." I follow after her into the cabin and the door closes behind us.

"Jura." The Director doesn't even ask a question.

"Oh yeah. Got it all."

"That kid is _gold._ "

"Why does Ino get special treatment?" Naruto whines to himself as he's rubbing himself in a vain attempt to warm up. "He listens to her but not me? Come on how unfair is that!"

"You went about it all wrong Kiddo." Anko steps out of the crowd and walks over to the shivering genin. "Alvarcus isn't like you, he's not going to leap at every offer of social interaction he can. He's someone who needs to be pushed into it, at times he even needs to be manipulated into it. Especially so because he has decided to distance himself from anything to do with Konoha."

"But he always caves for Ino!" Naruto whines again. "Why is that?"

"Two reasons." Anko explains to the thick headed genin. "One: They know each other better than you two know each other. Earlier today he admitted to me that she knows way too much about him. He didn't seem particularly bothered by it though. How many times has she been inside his head? It's at least once - I've picked that much up from contextual clues - and I'd wager it's either two or three times. There's something that the Yamanaka Clan doesn't broadcast about their clan jutsu, they're very intimate. There's no secrets that you can keep hidden from a determined Yamanaka who has a lot of time on their hands. The best you can do is slow them down and that's only if you're aware they're in your head. But here's where it gets tricky, a Yamanaka doesn't view the memories from a third party perspective, they relive it themselves. They experience exactly what the person did. All the pain, pleasure, sadness, rage, happiness and all the rest of the emotions of each memory. I can guarantee you that Alvarcus has some very unpleasant memories and Ino has probably seen a few. But because she has she understands him better, she knows who he is as a person more than you do."

"Two: He subconsciously treats girls differently. He's inclined to give in to them easier and is much less rough and vulgar around them. Or didn't you notice that his cursing drastically drops whenever he's around girls? I'm pretty sure that's part of his upbringing, I bet his parents drilled into his head to always treat women with respect. Though he does still curse a lot when he's in combat, that rule seems to fly out the window then. He's not that way around guys at all, he's worse than most of these sailors. Sure he will still say some very outlandish things but that's only after he's known the girl for a while. Yet even then he's refined about it, he's not as crass as he could be."

"That is so unfair!" Naruto pouts, or attempts to. His shivering kind of ruins the entire image. "We're friends too! Shouldn't he at least listen to me?"

"Kiddo life is unfair." Anko sighs in disappointment. She's going to stick to just teaching Ino. It's a lot simpler that way. "You really should go change."

And with that Anko walks away from Naruto.

But there's a third reason that she didn't share with Naruto. Anko is very confident that Alvarcus has seen the beautiful young woman Ino has become. She's betting that there's something more… primal behind it.

Even if Alvarcus doesn't realize it himself.

'Hahaha!" Anko lets out a raunchy laugh as numerous scenarios run through her mind. "BOINKING!"

* * *

"You played me." I scathingly glare at the victoriously grinning Ino.

"Yes." Her grin widens. "Yes I did."

"Ino have I mentioned how nice it is that you came along with us?" Shikamaru says with just a hint of a devious grin dancing on his face. "Because it is."

"Hate you." I let my head thunk onto the table. "Hate you all."

Ino manipulated me. She tricked me into going to lunch with the gang. I'm actually pretty impressed, but that's overshadowed by my own sheer stupidity for not noticing it.

This is how the whole trip is going to be. I can feel it.

"Come on, you don't mean that! We're all friends here!" Naruto pats me on the back. "Uh… Alvarcus?"

" _What?_ " I don't bother to look at him. I just lift my head up and slam it into the table again.

"Don't freak out, but you've got a lump on your back." Naruto poke me in the back this time. "And it's huge. Is there a doctor on this ship?"

"Are you being serious?" I quit slamming my head into the table to look at him.

"Yes. You've got to get that looked at." He's being completely serious.

"Dude." Shikamaru drones out. "It's his masks."

"Oh yeah that's a thing." Naruto quits poking me.

"How the hell did you forget that I have masks stitched onto my back?" I aggressively asks while thunking my head into the table again. I need to kill some brain cells if I have to be around this level of stupidity.

Oh wait, I don't even have brain cells anymore. _Fantastic._ I can't make myself more stupid for this.

"Masks go on your face." Naruto shrugs. "It's weird to have them anywhere else."

"Okay that's a surprisingly good point." Shikamaru admits. "It is strange to have them anywhere else."

"Can I leave now?" I whine with my face pressed into the table.

"No." Ino lays down the law. "And quit trying to break the table! We need to use it still!"

"Shouldn't you be more worried about his face?" Shikamaru asks. "That's gotta hurt. He's not being gentle at all."

"This is nothing for him." Ino dares me with her eyes to slam my head into the table one more time. "If either of you saw him during the latest Chunin Exams neither of you would be concerned at all. You would not believe the amount of abuse he can take."

"How much?" Shikamaru is assessing me out of the corner of his eye. Great, he's trying to get a plan together to capture me and take me back to Konoha.

"He told me that he's taken a beating from Lee with five Gates open." Naruto supplies. "That's impressive."

"No shit?" Shikamaru fully turns to me. "Lee kicked your ass?"

"No, I won that fight." I'm going to call that a win.

"Damn." Shikamaru praises me in his own way.

"Can we not talk about that?" I whine as I softly - so Ino won't get mad - place my head back on the table. "Better yet you all could let me leave."

"No." All three of them reply at the same time.

"Worst. Vacation. Ever." I groan out.

"Hey Naruto." Shikamaru steers the conversation away from me. Thankfully. "How's training under Jiraiya been? That's gotta be cool, being trained by a Sannin."

"It's is pretty awesome when we actually train." Naruto smiles fondly on him memories. "I've learned a whole bunch under him, I'm way better than I was before. He's taught me lots of jutsu and we've worked extensively on my taijutsu. I'm really glad he helped me with that, I was terrible. But one of the most important lessons he taught me was to plan."

"You fancy yourself a strategist?" Shikamaru asks in interest. I don't blame him, that's kind of his own thing.

"Nope!" Naruto plasters a huge grin on his face. "I'm more of a three steps ahead kinda guy. You're fifty steps ahead. I couldn't hold a candle to you. But I do have a whole new bunch of tricks with Shadow Clones."

"Like what?" Ino asks.

"I can use henge to transform them into whatever I want." Naruto boats proudly. "It's a lot of fun to make one into a kunai, throw it at an enemy, then have it transform back once the clone is in punching range. That's just one of many."

"Do you still need a clone to help make the Rasengan?" I ask. "That's a huge weakness."

"Yeah." Naruto wilts a little bit. "I'm working on it though, it's way more complex than it looks."

"Is it though?" I ask again.

"You don't know how it works. Trust me." Naruto assures us, well me in particular.

"Yeah. Sure. Let's go with that." My words cause Shikamaru to quirk an eyebrow at me. Interesting, he might have caught me. I've got to be more careful around him, that kid is way too observant and smart for me to let my guard down. "What about you two? Learn anything cool recently?"

"Anko has started to show me some of her other tricks." Ino admits. "You know, besides the coat. She hasn't decided which one to teach me though. She's still debating over which one to start with."

"I've gotten better with the shadows." Shikamaru shrugs. "That's about it really."

Smart boy. He didn't reveal anything to me so he can use whatever he wants to later. It's exactly what I would do.

"How about you?" Shikamaru asks. "You're learning under a Sannin too, I'm sure you've learned cool things."

"You're not wrong." I'll play his little game. "I've learned a plethora of new jutsu of every element. My ninjutsu library is insane. But what really stands out for me would be my Spiders."

"Really?" Shikamaru's interest is piqued. "You've signed a Summoning Contract? Wait. No duh. Choji and Ino both told me about how you caught them. That was a dick move by the way."

"I keep getting reminded of that recently." By literally everyone here but Anko. "I like Keji. He's got style."

"It was certainly an… unique experience." Ino winces as she remembers that particular encounter. "Not something I want to do again."

"I promise nothing." I quickly interject.

"So!" Naruto eagerly cuts in. "Anyone got any fun mission stories to tell?"

"Practically all of mine since leaving are not fun or make me look crazy. Or both. Sadly it's usually both." I blandly tell everyone. "Though there was the time everyone but you fought ANBU for me. That was entertaining!"

"That happened!?" I have Naruto's full attention.

"No one has told you about that? Nevermind, dumb question. You've been out of the village." I metaphorically roll up my sleeves in preparation for story time. "Alright so here's how it all went down. Ino, Shikamaru, feel free to chime in for the parts you were there for."

* * *

Meanwhile, At the Base

"Sasuke!" Sakon whisper shouts in fear to the Uchiha as he's walking down what he thought was a deserted hall.

Sasuke halts his forward march and looks around, Sakon isn't in sight. Maybe he's hearing things?

"Over here Sasuke!" Sakon whisper shouts fearfully again.

Sasuke's gaze is drawn to the noise and he finally sees Sakon. He's inside a room and barely has the door cracked, it's just enough to see one of his eyes.

"Sakon?" Sasuke questioningly asks. "That you?"

"Yes!" Sakon quickly confirms. "Come in here, we need your help! Please!"

"We?" Sasuke asks as he strolls over to the room and enters it. "Hello Jirobo, Kidomaru and you too Sakon. You three look like shit."

"That's because we haven't slept in two days!" Kidomaru shouts in one part anger and three parts fear.

"Why the hell not?" Sasuke bluntly asks.

"It's Alvarcus!" Jirobo yells so forcefully spittle flies from his mouth.

"Uh… what?" Sasuke isn't following this at all. Alvarcus is out on his 'totally not a vacation' mission so what could he possibly have done to the Sound Three?

"No one has seen him in _days!_ " Sakon crazily supplies.

"The last we saw him was when we pranked him with the Prince of Sound thing!" Kidomaru continues.

"When he swore vengeance upon us! He's been planning his revenge for days! _DAYS!_ You've got to help us!" Jirobo finishes.

Sasuke has an evil thought. It's not an overly complex thought or even one that requires much effort to do, it's very simple.

He's going to _not_ tell them that Alvarcus is on a mission and let them stew for longer.

"I'm staying out of this." Sasuke turns around to leave. "He made me into a Butler. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? I want no part of what he has in store for you three."

"WAIT!" All three of them shout out in fear.

"Just go check on him?" Sakon asks. "See what he's up to, maybe find out what he has planned for us? That's all we're asking!"

"Hmm…" Sasuke watches as hope flutters faintly across each of their faces. Then he crushes it. "No. This is all on you." Sasuke steps out of the room and sends a look over his shoulder. "For the short time we knew each other it was interesting. I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but you three were tolerable. That's a compliment coming from me."

"Sasuke please!" Jirobo begs him.

"Nope. Good luck surviving!" Sasuke slams the door in their faces. "Now I see why Alvarcus does that kind of stuff, it's entertaining. I wonder how he's doing?"

* * *

Half an Hour Later

"Glad that's over with." I mutter to myself as I'm walking up the mast to my hammock. I'm only partially lying to myself. I did enjoy retelling the events of a Game of Cat and Mouse and Naruto was an enthusiastic audience. But Shikamaru and Ino didn't let me gloss the story up as much as I wanted to.

Yet I can't get used to being around them. I will be leaving them again and soon at that. The very first chance I get.

"Now I can just kick back and relax." I lazily fall into my hammock and let a very contented sigh escape me. "We should be close to the Land of Snow tomorrow afternoonish, provided that there's no unexpected events that happen. Right, I'm going to expect several unexpected events to happen."

"Alright everyone!" I hear the Director call out beneath me. "Are we ready to shoot that scene? The deck of the ship is the perfect spot!"

"You've gotta be shitting me." I groan out.

* * *

A few Hours Later, With the Konoha Group

"We're all here. Good." Shikamaru temples his fingers together. "We've got to get some form of a game plan together."

"What do you want us to do?" Kakashi asks. "This is your mission, use us however you want."

"I'll take you up on that offer." Shikamaru readily accepts Kakashi's statement. "Okay, so first of is you Kakashi."

"Me? What will I be doing?" Kakashi diverts a smidgen more of his attention to his team leader.

"You're the best one here, that means you get to go after the biggest threat. If we're confronted by a group it's your job to remove their strongest member."

"Simple enough." Kakashi agrees.

"Anko, you're the next most skilled here." Shikamaru turns his intense gaze onto her. "You're going to be focusing on defense. If anyone slips by the rest of us you'll be the last line of defense."

"Aw. I wanted to play." Anko pouts at Shikamaru. "But I do get where you're coming from. This way our forces are evenly spread out among offense and defense. I just don't like it."

"You don't have to like it, you just have to do it." Shikamaru moves on. "Next will be Naruto, me then Ino. We'll be defense or support for Kakashi. We'll break off in that order, so if there's a pair of attackers Kakashi and Naruto will handle them while Ino and I support them. If there's three I'll join, if there's four then Ino joins too."

"Sweet! I get a cool job this time!" Naruto fist pumps.

"You're way too excited for this." Ino sighs. "I hope nothing goes wrong. I'd rather not fight in snow, it sounds very unpleasant."

"What if we're attacked by a group of bandits? Those can get pretty big, way larger than four." Kakashi points out.

"They're bandits. Naruto can send in a horde of Shadow Clones and we'll call that good." Shikamaru easily answers the question. "So, we good? It can change at a moment's notice but that's the basic plan we'll stick to."

"What about Alvarcus?" Naruto asks the question that everyone was thinking. "Why didn't you include him?"

"We already know what he's going to do." Shikamaru frowns. "He made that clear earlier today. He's on defense for Yukie."

"Then why am I on defense?" Anko asks. "If Kakashi is right about him being as strong if not stronger than me why are we both on defense?"

"Because he's on defense for _only_ Yukie." Shikamaru's frown deepens. "I don't want to say this, but Alvarcus has changed. He's not the same as we remember so we can't expect him to act like he used to. I'm not willing to risk the lives of everyone else on the off chance that Alvarcus will step up and save them. That's why you're on defense Anko, because someone has to look out for the rest of our group. He'll keep Yukie alive, I have no doubt of that, but he doesn't care about anyone else."

"He cares about us." Naruto points out. "Even if he says he doesn't he cared enough to stay. Plus he took the time to give us those seals so we don't get ripped to shreds."

"True, but he knows that we can defend ourselves so he's not worried about us." Shikamaru explains to Naruto.

"Ripped to shreds?" Kakashi asks. "He gave me a seal but he told me it was so nothing explodes next to me."

"Strange." Ino speaks up. "He told me that it's because he's got a move that swallows everything whole in a five meter radius. Not even air is spared."

"Ha! I got the best one!" Anko gloats. "He said that it'll stop me from being torn out of this dimension into a void of endless darkness! Pretty sure it's a suicide technique. Those are always nasty."

"Dammit. He's good." Shikamaru's frown deepens even further. "By telling us all different versions he's basically not revealed exactly what the technique is. It could be any one of those or none of them but he still got the desired effect of us being protected from it. How the hell am I supposed to get a plan together when I don't know enough about him? At this rate I won't have anything ready to beat him by the time we're finished with the mission."

"You'll have to face the possibility that he will get away." Kakashi reluctantly admits. "Alvarcus is very crafty, you can plan ahead as much as you want to but all he has to do is find one exploit, one weak point to escape."

"What do you mean 'you'll?' You have to face it too." Anko cuts in.

"I've already lost him twice. A third time will not surprise me." Kakashi's demeanor darkens. "I recognized it as a possibility the moment I first saw him. It's very likely that he will escape again, I've come to terms with it."

"I've got an idea! It'll make him reveal more moves than we've seen so far!" Naruto happily throws out a suggestion. "It's simple, we can all ask him for a spar! We all fight differently so we'll be sure to see a variety of his skills! It's perfect!"

"That's not a bad idea." Shikamaru concedes to Naruto. "But there is a problem with that."

"What is it? It's foolproof." Naruto boasts.

"He can always say no." Ino blandly points out. "He doesn't have to spar anyone and good luck getting him to do anything at all. It's a miracle I've gotten him to do as much as I have. He's freakishly stubborn."

"Guys." Naruto leans forward in anticipation. "I've got a plan."

* * *

"OI!" Naruto shouts up at me. "ALVARCUS!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I roar back to him. "THE DAMN MOVIE CREW JUST STOPPED FILMING! I'VE GOTTEN FIVE MINUTES OF SILENCE! _FIVE MINUTES!_ "

"I'M COMING UP!" He shouts to me.

"Why? Why don't you people just leave me alone?" I whine to myself. "I think Shikamaru is my favorite. He's the one who has bothered me the least."

"Oh shut up you know you've missed us." Naruto isn't phased at all by my prickly demeanor.

"You know what else I've missed? Peace and quiet." I haven't had that in what feels like years. Oh wait, it has been years. How sad is that?

"So I've been wondering." Naruto ignores my obvious jab at him and everyone else. "I've been trained by a Sannin. You've been trained by a Sannin. Whose Sannin taught better? Yours or mine?"

"I promise Jiraiya's teaching methods are a lot more friendly than Orochimaru's." I monotonously say to him. "I promise it."

"You sure? Jiraiya threw me off a cliff." Naruto returns my blunt tone.

"Orochimaru shoved me down into a hole filled with hundreds of his failed experiments and told me to survive. He left me down there for two months." I one up him. "I'm going to win the game of who has the more fucked up sensei."

"Yeah well one time Jiraiya threw me into a whore house -"

"Brothel." I cut in.

" - _whore house_ and said good luck!"

"Orochimaru ordered one of his kunoichi to seduce me." I'm winning this. "I'm half expecting him to do it again too, I've gotten a fangirl. She'd be more than willing to take that mission."

"I've got to constantly put up with Jiraiya running off to perve on women! Top that one!"

"I've got to constantly put up with Orochimaru asking me to help him with his experiments. You know, the ones that kill people or horribly deform them forever?"

"Damn that's a good one." Naruto's face scrunches up in concentration. "Jiraiya constantly finds new ways to make my training horrible! One time he tied boulders to my limbs and told me to climb a tree! The boulders were so heavy the tree broke!"

"Naruto. Orochimaru constantly maims me horrendously during training." He went down a poor route. "If he doesn't cut of at least one of my limbs during training it was an easy day. On the hard days he cuts them off tens of times."

"Dude." Naruto winces in sympathy for me. "That's fucked up."

"News flash: Orochimaru is fucked up." You could describe all of Orochimaru with those two words. "But his training has made me really good."

"How good?" Naruto boldly asks with a tint of victory.

"Very." I vaguely reply.

"Better than Jiraiya has made me?" Naruto asks with eagerness. He's planning something, something I'm not going to like.

"I dunno." I admit. "Depends on the situation. I know what I'm good at but I'm pretty sure our strengths don't line up exactly. You could probably beat me in some areas while I beat you in others."

"Want to find out?" He very enthusiastically asks me. He's practically vibrating in giddy excitement. "It's like seeing which Sannin is better by comparing their students!"

"Nope. I don't particularly care." I turn my gaze skyward, the sun is beginning to set. It's really pretty to watch the sun set over an ocean, the water makes it even more beautiful than usual. This is what my vacation is supposed to be about.

"Ah come on! Where's the fun in that?" Naruto urges me to spar him. This is _not_ what my vacation is supposed to be about.

"Say hypothetically I do accept. Where would we spar?"

"Uh… on the deck?" Naruto offers.

"Okay so I'm going to point this out right now." I pin him in an intense look. "If you and I ever fight it's going to get messy. We'd trash everything around us with impunity. If we sparred on the ship there wouldn't be a ship left once we're done. We'll be luck if there's any driftwood left."

"Maybe once we get to the Land of Snow?" He offers another option.

"You're on a mission stupid. You shouldn't be sparring anyone." Seriously was this his whole goal of coming up here? To get me to spar him?

"You're on a mission too!" He accuses me. "Don't blame just me!"

"Okay, one: no I'm not. I owe Shikamaru so I'm returning a favor. Two: this was all your idea. You don't get to share blame with me because I can't be blamed for your ideas. If you're really that bored summon a Toad to play with or something."

"What?" Naruto reels back in shock. "I would never abuse the Toads like that!"

"I summon a Spider for conversation all the time. It's not abuse, it's forming a good relationship with your Summons. I bet they'd love to hang out with you. You just have to find the right one. Preferably one that isn't as big as the ship."

"Really? You summon the same spider all the time?"

"Yep." I easily confirm. "We're friends. Sometimes we just hang out and give each other shit while other times he's someone for me to shout my problems at. Hell he's the main reason I know about other Spiders too. I ask him 'hey, I need someone that can do this' and he points me at someone who can."

I don't say this enough, but Shirokumo you're freaking awesome.

"That's a great idea!" Naruto shouts out. Kid has way too much energy. "I should totally summon a Toad to talk to!" Then he wilts. "But they'd hate the cold. I don't want them to suffer."

But you are totally fine with making me suffer? Asshole.

"It's not just the Spider that I talk to." I confide in him. Frankly he's the only one who might begin to understand what it is like to have another voice in your head. "The Jiongu and I talk a lot too."

"You do? I thought you didn't like talking with it." He asks tentatively. He knows it's a sensitive subject for me.

"Nah, we're cool now." I assure him. "Honestly I just had to adjust to a new voice in my head and learn what it's like. Sure it encourages me to be more bloodthirsty but sometimes it won't shut up about meaningless things."

 _~Aw, Host you do care!~_

Yeah yeah shut up for now. I'm trying to get him to talk to Kurama.

 _~How is it that you can be so nice one moment then mean the next?~_

"It's not the same as mine." Naruto rests a hand on his seal. "Mine is pure anger and hate and wants to escape. Yours chooses to work with you."

"True mine did immediately choose to work with me, that did make it easier to get along with." I swivel my head to look at him. "But who said yours is pure anger and hate? Who said yours won't work with you given enough time?"

"Alvarcus you haven't felt it." Naruto drops the act of a bubbly always friendly person. "It's destruction incarnate. Whenever we meet all that he feels like is fury and malice."

"How can you be sure that isn't a byproduct of his own experiences? Naruto he's sentient. He can think for himself. He has wants, he has feelings, he has emotions. Most importantly he's not an it, he has a name."

"Yeah, the Kyuubi." Naruto supplies what he thinks is his name.

"No, that's a title. It's what he is, not who he is. It's the equivalent of calling you Human. Do you really think a being that transcends our short lifespans doesn't have a name?"

"He has a name?" Naruto softly asks himself. "Do you know what it is?"

I open my mouth then freeze.

The manifestation of pure fury of the likes of which I've never experienced explodes out of Naruto. Naruto changes, his whole body doesn't physically change but the way he carries himself does. It's feral like a beast. His hair casts a dark shadow over his eyes and his whisker marks thicken. His nails elongated into claws and his once bright blue eyes have become a pair of searing hot coals. The sheer presence that he's manifesting is staggering, the basic prospect of _breathing_ becomes an impossible challenge.

I've never felt power on this scale.

" **You will not tell him my name!"** That is not Naruto's voice. It's too deep, too harsh. Too menacing. Too pained.

Just as quickly as the oppressive aura around Naruto formed it vanishes and Naruto falls to a knee panting.

I quickly spring out of my hammock and rush to his side.

"Naruto!" I grasp him by the shoulders. "Naruto look at me! Show me your eyes!"

He stays still, only massive breaths shake his form. There's no response, there's no other movement.

I reach into my coat and pull out a tag. It's a very specific tag, it's not even one that I made myself. It's one for study that Orochimaru crafted and gifted to me, it's a bijuu chakra suppression tag.

"I fucked up." I apologize to him. "I'm sorry. I should have seen this happening."

I hold the tag tighter in preparation to place it on him.

Then his hand swats at the one I have on his shoulder. "Not your fault."

"Naruto?" I hopefully ask. Yet it is too soon to put the tag away. "Your eyes. Let me see them."

"The hell are you on about?" He huffs out between breaths and looks at me weirdly.

Blue. They're blue.

"Naruto!" I throw my arms around him in a hug. "It's you. I'm so glad it's you. I thought I caused him to escape."

"He's not getting out that easily." Naruto brags with false bravado. His entire body is trembling. He's way more terrified than I am. "I've never felt him like that."

"I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm so sorry. That should have never happened." I fucked up. I majorly fucked up. I caused Kurama to manifest for an instant. I didn't even know that was possible.

"It's not your fault, you didn't know he'd do that." Naruto assures me.

"How'd he get past the seal?" I ask. "Even if it was just for an instant he's found a weakness. He's going to exploit it from now on."

"I don't think he's going to do that." Naruto shares as we break the hug. "Jiraiya told me that the seal is meant to suppress him, and he's a mass of anger and hate. That's what the seal focuses on suppressing. But what he just felt wasn't anger or hate, it was fear. I really doubt that something as prideful as the Kyuubi will resort to being afraid to escape."

"Either way have Jiraiya look at the seal as soon as you can." I demand.

"No shit I'm doing that!"

"NARUTO!" Kakashi appears in the crow's nest with his own sealing tag. "HANG ON DON'T GIVE IN TO - oh."

"Uh… hey?" Naruto weakly waves at Kakashi. "False alarm. I'm good."

"You sure?" Kakashi asks in confusion. "I felt that. Hell Shikamaru felt that and he has no knack for sensing at all."

"Yep. Totally fine." Naruto says as we both stand up. "Sorry about that."

"Okay… then?" Kakashi slowly pockets the seal. "I'll just… go now? How am I supposed to explain this to everyone?"

"Shit." Naruto's eyes widen in a new type of fear. "How are we going to do that?"

"If you don't want them to know yet you can always blame it on me." I offer.

"Alvarcus I won't-"

"Hear me out first Naruto." I cut him off from outright dismissing my idea. "I'm relatively unknown and I've been trained by _Orochimaru._ So naturally I've got one hell of a killing intent. After all why wouldn't Orochimaru train me to have one of the most oppressive and scary killing intents ever? Plus with all the stuff I've done it's not even that ridiculous of an idea, my killing intent is actually scary already. Just not _that_ scary."

"That won't work." Kakashi cuts in. "It wasn't killing intent that we felt, it was hate."

"Then Naruto called the Spiders lame and I proved him wrong by summoning one that felt like that." I offer another solution. "No one knows the true extent of my Summons, hell even I don't. It's not that far of a stretch."

"It's plausible." Kakashi says after thinking it over for a few seconds. "Doubly if I back it up. After all I did rush out here and saw it before it left."

"Okay." Naruto agrees to my impromptu plan. "We'll go with that. Alvarcus summoned a big scary spider."

"When you say it like that is sounds super lame."

* * *

"-and it was HUGE!" Naruto exaggeratedly waves his arms in a grand gesture.

"It wasn't." I correct him with a sigh. "Barely the size of a pony."

"That is huge for a spider." Shikamaru points out.

"Honestly it's pretty harmless." I continue as if Shikamaru didn't speak at all. "That one isn't a fighter at all, it's more of a shock and awe thing. It's very demoralizing to fight against something that feels like that. Naruto insulted my Summons so I whipped out that one to scare him straight on how awesome they really are. I might have gone just a touch overboard."

"So let me get this straight." Anko looks at the both of us with an unreadable expression. "Naruto goes to challenge Alvarcus to a spar by insulting his Summons, then Alvarcus pretty much says 'fuck you I'll show you how cool the Spiders are' and summons whatever-it's-called to scare Naruto into respecting them? Did I get all of it?"

"You forgot the part where they both thought what they did was a good idea." Ino dryly adds on. "You both are better than that."

"Apparently not?" I weakly send Ino an innocent smile.

"Just don't do it again." Kakashi says despite having his nose buried in his newest book. I'm fairly certain this is the second time he's reading it.

"I promise nothing!" I cheekily say as I sprint out of the room.

Finally, now I can relax.

* * *

With Anko and Ino, their Cabin

"So… I've decided what to teach you next!" Anko merrily clasps her hands together in happiness.

"Really? What is it? That shooting snakes out of your sleeves trick? Because that one looks really cool! Oh! How about how you flick kunai and senbon hard enough to embed into wood? That could be very useful!"

"You'd want to learn how to use snakes?" Anko asks in surprise. "Pretty much everyone in Konoha hates snakes."

"Yes I would totally be okay with that!" Ino assures her sensei. "I would have so much fun doing it, imagine how easy it would be to trick people too. They'd never expect it, I mean what kind of girl _likes_ snakes enough to make them into a weapon? The stereotype is that we're all afraid of them. They'd probably expect me to use unicorns or pandas or something cute and fuzzy. Not, you know, the equivalent of the boogeyman of Summons for Konoha."

"Huh." Anko is so shocked that she sits down on one of the beds. "I'll have to check a couple of things first. You'd have to sign the Summoning Contract but I don't know if they'll let me pick someone to sign it. Orochimaru is the Contract holder but I'm not too sure they like him that much. They could let you but I simply don't know enough about it to confirm it."

"Aw. Damn. I can't learn that then?" Ino dejectedly asks.

"It's not off the table yet, it's just unlikely. Plus you'll face a lot of ridicule from the citizens and shinobi of Konoha. You might be okay with snakes but I can assure you most of them aren't."

"So? I've got to get stronger, having a Summon will do that. Even if I only ever learn the one move."

"I'll look into it for you." Anko is still shocked that Ino _wants_ to use snakes. "That's not what I had in mind though."

"Well what is it?" Ino eagerly presses onwards. "At first I thought your coat trick wasn't that useful but I was very wrong so I'll learn whatever you want to teach me."

"Good!" Anko pulls herself out of her shocked stupor and grins evilly at her student. "This technique will serve two purposes. One: it's going to make you _very_ hard to capture for any extended periods of time. Hell even being tied up won't stop you from escaping anymore!"

"Fantastic!" Ino has a spark of determination in her eyes. "What is it?"

"The Soft Physique Technique." Anko happily tells Ino. "It's going to let you contort in crazy ways without hurting yourself. If you get really good at it then you'll even be able to stretch out your limbs a bit. I've never gotten that good with it - at best I'm slightly more bendy than a normal person - but my sensei is so proficient with it he can stretch his neck several times his body length."

"Uh… how's that supposed to help me be a better kunoichi?" Ino asks in confusion.

"You're going to become super flexible, dodging attacks will become much easier. When I'm done with you, you'll be able to touch your toes while keeping your legs straight by bending over _backwards._ " Anko smirks in victory at Ino's gleaming eyes. She's gotten the attention of the younger girl with that.

"Yes! That! I'll learn that!" Ino giddily claps in anticipation. "So what's the second reason?"

"You're going to be super flexible." Anko lets a lecherous grin form on her face. "It's going to make boinking a hell of a lot more fun."

"W-what?" Ino stutters out in embarrassment.

"You heard me." Anko predatorily stares down at the suddenly nervous Ino. "You'll thank me once you get finally laid."

"B-but jutsu shouldn't be misused like that!" Ino blurts out.

"Ino, Honey." Anko tenderly pats Ino on the head. "Do you really think shinobi and kunoichi _don't_ use jutsu to spice up their bedroom fun? The henge alone makes roleplaying a hell of a lot more intense. Sex is great, but shinobi sex is _fucking crazy._ " Anko pauses for a moment. "Although sometimes you're literally fucking crazy, a lot of shinobi aren't completely sane."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah." Anko shamelessly confirms. "I know you've got your sights set on Alvarcus -"

"No I don't!" Ino blurts out. Anko doesn't buy it for a minute.

"- but Naruto is going to be so much fun too! Although he's a tad more of a specific kind of fun while Alvarcus has _limitless stamina._ That's just all around fun!"

"What do you mean _Naruto_ is going to be fun?" Ino asks in confusion. "I bet he hasn't even kissed anyone yet! He's way too… too… he's Naruto!"

"Have _you_ kissed anyone yet?" Anko quirks an eyebrow at her innocent genin.

"Yes I have!" Ino haughtily turns her nose up at Anko. "Several times!"

"And just who was the lucky boy?" Anko asks.

"None of your business!" Ino refuses to answer. "Now tell me how Naruto of all people is supposed to be fun! I don't believe it! He probably thinks girls still have cooties!"

"Well it depends if you're into this sort of thing, it's not everyone's cup of tea. Hell it's not even my cup of tea, I just know there are people out there who would have a great time with him _and all of his clones_."

"What do you - oh. OH."

* * *

"Unclean." Naruto stops what he's doing to glare at his hands. "I feel unclean."

"Uh… Naruto?" Shikamaru worriedly asks. "You okay?"

"UNCLEAN!"

* * *

"Oh is right." Anko smirks at Ino's discomfort. It's not a big as it usually is, she's slowly becoming used to these kinds of talks. That means it's time for Anko to step up her game. "Alvarcus may have unlimited stamina but Naruto has unlimited di-"

"STOP!" Ino darts forwards and clamps a hand over Anko's mouth. "Please. Just stop. Do you ever _not_ think about something to do with sex?"

Anko prys Ino's hand off her mouth. "Not when my student is too damn shy. Honey we're kunoichi, our bodies can be better weapons than kunai. I'm just giving you a head start on using it. When all the other girls your age realize this they'll model themselves after you because you'll be the only girl around their age that knows what she's doing."

"Really? You think so?"

"I know so. It happens every generation, including mine."

"Who did you model yourself after?" Ino asks.

"No one." Anko smiles down fondly at Ino. "They modeled themselves after me."

"Oh." Ino softly says as she regards Anko in a new light.

"Oh is right." Anko uses the same phrase as before. "Now enough chit chat! Let's get started on that new technique, it's not going to learn itself!"

* * *

"Ah." I let out a contented sigh. Again. For the who-knows-how-many time today. "This is what vacation should be."

The sun has only just set which is a shame. I was looking forward to watching it fully set for the night but Naruto popped up and then that fiasco happened.

Enough said about that.

At least the Konoha shinobi know I won't be going anywhere tonight. We're in the middle of an ocean so there's nowhere for me to go. That also means they have no reason to come check on me.

Since it's night that means the the movie crew is also not active, the lighting is terrible and I doubt they want to shoot a night scene on ship for the next movie. If for some ungodly reason they do I'll just have the Jiongu turn off my hearing.

It's fantastic, I can finally get some true relaxation in.

"Hey Jiongu?" I ask my loyal companion.

 _~Yes Host?~_

"Do you have a name?" I should have asked this way sooner but it never occurred to me to do so. I'd be a massive hypocrite if I didn't at least ask the Jiongu after the Naruto fiasco.

 _~I… I've never been given one. I've only ever been called the Jiongu.~_

"Do you want one?" I ask. "I'll call you whatever you want me to, even if you decide that just Jiongu is good enough."

 _~I don't actually know. The idea of a name is so… strange to me. I have existed for many decades but none of these things mattered, I wasn't even aware of something like a name. I've only ever existed, similar to a tree. We were both alive but did not have the capacity to think. Just recently have I been made truly aware of these more complex concepts and ideas. Only my time with you has opened my eyes to these… feelings. I don't know what to call myself.~_

"Think about it for as long as you want to." I stare up at the stars that are just beginning to show up as the sunlight becomes more scarce. "There's no rush."

 _~I will let you know if... when I come to a decision.~_

"Of course, take as much time as you need." I smile to myself. "It's not like I can get rid of you even if I wanted to. We're stuck together until the end."

I'm perfectly content with that.

 _~Yes. Until the end.~_

A pleasant shiver courses throughout my body. The Jiongu is happy.


	59. Chapter 59

The Next Morning

"Huh." I swing myself out of my hammock and stretch my arms to the sky. "It's actually a bit chilly now."

I quickly fly through some hand signs and touch the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu: Care Package!"

A small plume of smoke puffs into existence right where I touched the ground.

"Sweet. So that did work." This is something that I kind of came up with myself. I took the idea of being able to summon a Nest Egg - which is basically just summoning a mass of webs and whatever is inside it - and changed it to suit my needs. Basically this is a new way for me to get stuff from the Nest, in this case a new coat.

All I did was Summon Murasakino a while back and asked her to make me a snow white coat and told her to wrap it like a Nest Egg. I wanted to see if it would work, plus this way my Summons don't have to brave the fierce cold on this mission.

Why do I need a snow white coat you ask? I'm a shinobi, I should at least try to blend in with my surroundings and right now I'm in the Land of Snow. Plus Ino kinda has my other one.

I scoop up the small package.

"A package?" I turn over the small bundle. "For me? Who would be so kind? Oh, it was me! Thanks me!"

 _~Host, I know you like to act insane to freak people out but that was just weird. There's no one but us up here.~_

"Be quiet you." I shush the Jiongu. "Hold on a moment, are we not moving?"

I look out over the water and sure enough the nearby icebergs are not getting closer nor farther away.

"Why the hell aren't we moving?" I ask myself. "Better yet why the hell are we docked next to an iceberg?"

"This! Is! Perfect!" The Director happily shouts from down on the deck. "Yes yes yes! We're going to the iceberg to shoot a scene! We even have a glorious sunrise as the background! I couldn't have timed this better if I tried! Everyone, let's go!"

"Oh come on we're not even at Snow yet and we're already making detours for the stupid movie?" I whine as I flip the new coat onto my shoulders. "Dammit I have to actually do my job now."

I walk down the mast while grumbling the entire time.

"Stupid Shikamaru. Stupid debt. Stupid movie. Stupid everything!" I'm not trying to be quiet about my whining, I've even attracted the attention of a couple members of the movie crew. "That's right I meant you people!"

They quickly look away from me.

"You seem very chipper this morning." Shikamaru says as he and everyone else walk out of the interior of the ship. "Already bitching and the day has just started."

"Fuck you too." I shoot him a glare for an extra effect.

"Wow, something tells me he's not a morning person." Naruto loudly whispers. He meant for everyone to hear that, he's enjoying my discomfort. Asshole.

"You've got it wrong." I correct Naruto with a hint more irritation bleeding into my words. "I'm not a doing-things-I-don't-want-to-do person. The morning has nothing to do with it."

"You sure?" Anko asks with a playful smile. "You look like you just woke up."

"I did just wake up." I growl out. "Then the next thing I do is discover the idiot Director decided that filming on an iceberg is a good idea. So now I have to actually go be around… _people._ " I shudder as I say the last word.

"Oh come on people aren't that bad!" Naruto cheerfully smacks me on the back as we all move towards the movie crew.

"I have to go keep a self entitled bitchy Princess alive. That means staying close to her and I'm not even supposed to be here!" I stomp my foot on the ground.

"You do know she's not actually a Princess, right?" Ino asks me with a confused look on her face. "She just plays one in the movies."

"Yeah." I distractedly answer her. "Sure. And her uncle doesn't rule the Land of Snow either."

"Quit whining." Kakashi chastises me. "You've got the easiest job out of everyone."

"I shouldn't even have a job!" I yell to up to the sky.

"You know, I would feel bad about this if you were anyone else." Shikamaru nonchalantly says. "But you did this exact same thing to me so I have no remorse at all."

"Hate you." I hang my head. "Hate you all."

* * *

Hours Later

"Scene thirty six cut two!" A stage hand snaps that black and white movie thingy together in front of a camera lense. I've always wondered what those are called but never had the motivation to find out.

"ACTION!"

The entire crew, actors, lighting people, cameramen, microphone pole holder people, and more that I can't identify all spring into action to make a very intense confrontation scene between Princess Fuin and Mao come to life.

And I couldn't give less of a shit.

"This is dumb." I vocalize to the rest of the shinobi here. We've all been shooed into one spot and told - very rudely told might I add - to stay out of the way by the Director.

"It's a mission." Ino shrugs. "They can't all be exciting like you're used to."

"Eventful." I correct her. "Don't worry, now that I've been roped into this it's sure to spiral out of control as soon as possible. And it's not going to be a controlled spiral either, no that would be too easy. It's going to be like leaping off of a cliff head first, with your arms spread wide open, a smile on your face and sharp pointy spikes at the bottom that are dipped in acid."

"I'm not surprised you're a pessimist." Shikamaru says out of sheer boredom. The only thing keeping him awake is Naruto who throws snow at him when his eyes start to droop. It's been the only amusing thing to happen for hours.

"I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. Just wait, it'll happen." I promise him.

"Alvarcus isn't technically wrong." Kakashi shrugs while he diverts less than half his attention to our conversation. I bet you can guess where the other half is. "Most of the missions I've been on since he left have been relatively normal. Okay so they're all still outlandishly difficult but that was in the mission parameters."

"Yeah, every mission we took together went crazy really quick!" Naruto adds on his own experiences. "We're three for three so far, I'm not going to be surprised if it becomes four for four."

"Is your luck really that bad?" Anko asks in genuine curiosity. "I've heard some crazy things in my day but not ever having normal missions? You have had a normal mission, right? Excluding D-ranks."

"Excluding D-ranks? Hell some of my D-ranks have been crazy missions too. I've had one normal mission. I think. Shit. Maybe?" I wrack my brain for whatever it was. I know I've done one of them but what was it exactly. "Yeah, Tsunade sent me to deal with a bunch of bandits once. I was done within a day and nothing weird happened. Though she didn't pay me fully for the mission, does that count? No, wait that bit is on me. Pretty sure I pissed her off and the pay cut was a punishment."

"I almost felt bad for you for a moment." Shikamaru snickers out. "Then I remembered how you act and what you force people to do."

"That's real rich coming from you." I heft back a leg and kick snow in his general direction. It didn't even come close to hitting him. Dammit.

"You took care of some bandits?" Naruto asks. "How'd you do that? Beat some sense into them until they saw the error of their ways?"

"No." I look at the innocent boy with a confused look. "I am a shinobi. I was told to remove a problem so I removed it."

"I got that but how'd you do it?" He presses for an answer. "Maybe show them that what they're doing is wrong and hurts others?"

"I shoved cold steel into their spines." I levelly say with as little emotion as possible. "Like I said, I am a shinobi. I was told to remove a problem so I removed it."

Naruto reels away from me once he truly processes my words. He took a step back in pure shock that I'd resort to killing so easily, so quickly.

"It's certainly an effective way to do it." Kakashi says between pages of his book. "Not one I particularly approve of or remember teaching you."

Everyone but Anko is standoffish with me. She's the only one who simply accepted it and moved on, everyone else is bothered by it.

"Okay quit it with those looks. I didn't kill _children._ " On that day at least. "They were bandits. Thieves. Liars. Murderers. The world is better off without that scum."

"And who are you to decide that?" Naruto heatedly demands an answer from me. "What makes you better than them? HUH!"

"For starters I'm still breathing so I am better than them." I sassily respond and Naruto's anger spikes higher. "Second of all it wasn't me who made that call, it was the Hokage. Your precious Tsunade. She said take care of them and sent me to do the job. I didn't decide that they would die, I was just the tool that killed them. Jeez Naruto you're acting like you've never killed anyone."

"I haven't killed anyone." Naruto proudly says. He's being completely honest, there's not a hint of a waiver in him.

"Damn." I let out an appreciative whistle. "Consider me impressed. It's alright, my kill count makes up for that. I'll loan you a dozen or two if you want."

"Keep them. I don't want it." Naruto didn't get that I was joking. It went right over his head. "What is your kill count at anyways?"

The atmosphere shifts from generally neutral to dreadfully awkward. Everyone has subtly become tense and hyper aware of me in this one instant. They all want to know how I'll respond yet are also dreading being asked that question themselves.

"My kill count?" I tap my chin with a finger while I reflect back. "Good question. I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? I know you have killed before from our… conversation down in the cargo hold but you don't know how many?" Naruto asks in surprise. "Didn't you count?"

"I did count for the longest time." I admit to him. "Every once in awhile their faces would haunt my dreams and prevent me from sleeping. Now it's just a few faces that do that, the ones that were important or impactful. I would like to say I've simply forgotten the number, lost it in the vastness of the human mind, but that's a lie. I didn't forget it, I just lost count."

"You… lost count?" Naruto can't comprehend that idea. He simply can't wrap a mind that hasn't taken a single life around it.

"Yes. I have killed so many people that I've simply lost count. There are just too many of them for me to tell you an accurate number and I gave up trying to keep a general estimate long ago. I'm pretty sure I'm over a hundred at this point. Maybe even closer to two."

"Really?" Naruto says with wide horrified eyes.

"Yep." I nonchalantly confirm. I'm acting like it's no big deal to try and lessen the blow to Naruto. "Going to Orochimaru skyrocketed it though, I'll tell you that. He doesn't particularly care about people unless they can be useful to him."

"Don't need to tell me that." Anko snorts out in dark amusement. "He used me long before he started using you."

An uncomfortable silence falls between all of us shinobi.

"Not awkward at all." I blurt out after a minute of the tense quiet. "I hope something explodes."

 **BOOM**

"Holy shit that worked?" I say in disbelief as each shinobi's eyes dart to one of the higher peaks of the large iceberg we're on. The movie crew has been using small explosions for practical effects for their movie but nothing near this size. Nor did anyone ever venture up that high. That can only mean one thing.

Someone else is on the iceberg with us. Someone hostile.

I'm not the only one to draw that conclusion, all of the shinobi spring into action. Kakashi blurs to stand protectively between the explosive and everyone else, whoever comes out of that spot has to get through him first. Naruto, Ino, Shikamaru and Anko are all evenly spread out among the movie crew to react as quickly as possible should another threat appear. I moved right next to Yukie, absolutely nothing will get to her while I'm here.

"WHO THE HELL RUINED MY SCENE!?" The Director roars at the explosion. "I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PLATE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TIME WE SPENT SETTING THIS ALL UP!"

"Well that was unexpected." I comment offhandedly, more to myself than anyone else, as I spare the furious Director a glance. "He's always been nice to me, even when I was a dick to him."

"That's because he likes you." Yukie distractedly adds as she's staring at the smoke. "I have no idea why though, you're an ass."

"Yes I am." I easily agree. "I'm assuming you still have the trinket on you?"

"I do." She confirms.

"Good. You will never know when shit gets real. Best to always be prepared for the worst." I scan the debris, looking for anything remotely human shaped. "Who the hell makes a flashy entrance like that then doesn't do anything - oh there he is. About damn time."

A lone figure is standing up, he hid himself under a stark white sheet of some sort that helped him blend in with the snow. He's a tall man with light blue hair that's pulled back in a ponytail with a single strand escaping and hanging down in front of his face. His eyes match his hair's color and there's two vertical markings that run through them on his face. He's wearing a ridiculous hat, it's like someone cut the top off of a snow cap. Seriously, it looks bad and horribly ineffective at keeping his head warm.

But that's all irrelevant, it's what he's wearing beneath the neck that catches my attention. It's a light blue, borderline white, tunic with dark blue markings on it. His right hand is encased in a metal gauntlet of sorts and on his left shoulder there's a single pauldron of metal with a blue and white yin-yang design on it.

It's chakra armor.

But not the chakra armor I'm here for.

"Who the hell is this guy?" I blurt out the question that everyone is thinking.

"Nadare Roga." Kakashi answers my question with a hint of… holy shit that's fear. Kakashi is afraid of this guy? _Kakashi?_

"So you do remember me!" Nadare smiles down on Kakashi. "The one who got away. I'm glad I left an impression. Unfortunately you are not the mission objective."

"Correct." A female voice calls out from the east. "We're here for Princess Koyuki. Do you still wear the Hexagonal Crystal around your neck?"

This woman has shockingly neon pink hair and for some ungodly reason also saw fit to defile her hat. She's cut two holes in it so that she can have what looks like two pigtails pop out of it. She also has pale green eyes, but I'm still stuck on the whole cutting holes in the hat thing. Why would anyone do that?

Like Nadare she's also in a suit of chakra armor but her metal yin-yang symbol is on her back instead of the shoulder. Interesting, have the chakra armor suits been customized to each individual? Does that mean they all have unique secondary functions?

"We can always find out." Another male voice calls out from the west. "It isn't like Doto will care if she dies, we just need the Crystal."

This man has darker purple hair and _also cut off the top of his hat to show it off!_ What the hell is wrong with these people? Sorry sorry, that's unimportant yet extremely annoying! Anyways his eyes are all one solid color, almost similar to mine but they're a lighter shade and he's actually got eyeballs still.

Like the rest of his team, this guy is wearing chakra armor. His is a lot different from the other two I've seen, theirs was conservative. It was built for someone with a lighter frame in mind. But this guy is a beefcake and he's got way more metal on him than the other two. Both shoulders are covered and one has an ornate spike jutting out of it, his gauntlet is a lot bigger and the yin-yang symbol is on his chest.

Also he's got a snowboard on his back. What? A snowboard? Why the hell does a shinobi have a snowboard?

"I'm totally stealing that the first chance I get." I promise myself. I've never gone snowboarding before but that was because I was too uncoordinated. But now I'm a shinobi! I bet it'll be super easy!

"Mizore, Fubuki." Nadare calls out to his two underlings. "You know what to do."

"Everyone back to the ship!" Shikamaru shouts over the racket of everyone else.

"But what about -"

"MOVE!" Shikamaru cuts off the crew member from finishing his sentence. "Your life is more important! Those are shinobi! Get your asses back to the ship! NOW!"

Everyone explodes into motion. The movie crew is scrambling around like mad to gather as much as they can before running back to the ship but I don't really think they're in any danger. Shinobi are trained to remove the biggest threat as quickly as possible and right now that threat is the other shinobi. Us. These Snow shinobi will deal with us first then move onto their true mission goal.

Which is something Yukie has wrapped around her neck and I've sworn to protect said neck from all harm.

"I fucking _knew_ it would spiral out of control." I seethe as I grab Yukie's wrist. "Come on, that means us. I'll have to get that snowboard later, your life is more important. Though it is close."

"You're not getting away that easily Princess!" Mizore, the guy with the heavy armor, is making excellent use of his snowboard. He's careening down the iceberg at breakneck speeds with every intention of snatching Yukie away from me. "You're mine!"

"No she's NOT!" Naruto springs forward and lands a heavy punch to the side of Mizore's face and it knocks him off course away from Yukie and I. "You'll have to go through all of us before we let you touch her!"

"Well that makes my life easier." I tug on Yukie's arm and she stumbles. "Oi. Princess. Walk or I drag you. I don't care which."

"You're not getting her back to the ship." Fubuki shouts at me as she flies through hand signs. "Ice Prison Technique!"

The ice between me, Yukie and the ship surges to life. It bursts from the ground like a geyser and forms a very tall wall blocking the shortest route back to the ship.

"You have a bloodline?" I divert almost my full attention to Fubuki, I've only met one other Ice user and Haku was deadly.

 _~No, she doesn't. She's a water affinity but must have undergone extensive specialized training to learn how to manipulate ice. Haku was a true carrier of the Hyoton, Fubuki is a cheap imitation. All she's doing is manipulating the water in the ice instead of creating ice itself for her jutsu. She's nothing special, if not for that armor enhancing her abilities she'd have no hope of making a wall this size.~_

"Aw. Lame. Guess I won't be stealing your heart." I turn away from her and walk straight at the wall.

"Sorry kiddo, you couldn't steal my heart if you tired." She darts at Yukie while talking to me. "You're way too young for me. I'm not a cradle robber."

"Not what I meant but whatever." I glance down at her feet. "Oh, this is going to be funny."

"No this is going to be victory!" She shouts as she's barely a meter from Yukie.

Then all of her momentum vanishes and she's rooted to one spot.

"WHAT?!" Fubuki yells in fury. Her mouth curls in distaste and her face scrunches up in anger. "Why can't I move?!"

"Shadow Possession Complete." Shikamaru smirks at her back, he snuck up behind her while her attention was on Yukie and I. "I'll take her away from here and deal with her. Get Yukie back to the ship."

"Fuck off I was going to do that anyways." I stick my tongue out at him. "You don't get to order me around!"

"Just do it." Shikamaru sighs as he sprints away with Fubuki mimicking his movements which forces her to follow him.

"If I let go of you are you going to run away?" I spare Yukie a glance. She's deadly pale and trembling. Her eyes are out of focus and she seems like she's not here, as if she's lost in her own memories. "Right. Well at least I don't have to worry about you running away."

I let go of her wrist and fly through the hand signs for one of my favorite jutsu. "Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!"

Long story incredibly short: The pathetic ice wall didn't stand a chance to my awesomeness.

"Now then." I grab Yukie by the wrist again and proceed to pull her behind me. "We're going to the ship, I'm shoving you into a room, then I'm going to leave a minion behind with you, after that I'm coming back out here to get that snowboard."

I quickly march Yukie back to the ship. Not everyone is back onboard yet, Anko and Ino are both standing guard as the movie crew are scrambling to get all of their equipment back on the ship.

"Alvarcus!" Ino's eyes light up with relief as she sees me. "You're okay! And you've got Yukie!"

"Pfft it'll take more than those morons to beat me. Have you seen their hats? Stupid, all of them." I spit in their general direction. "Besides I'm not fighting a single one of them."

"IS THAT A FREAKING WATER DRAGON!?" The Director cackles in glee. "DON'T STOP FILMING! DON'T STOP NO MATTER WHAT!"

"Huh." I glance over my shoulder. "Kakashi is getting serious to go that far."

"You want to go help him?" Anko asks. "I'll take the Princess off your hands for you."

"He's a big boy, he can handle himself." Even if he's scared of Nadare. I've got to find out if that's going to be a problem later. "He's just stalling so you have enough time to get everyone back on the ship. Not to mention I've fulfilled my part, Yukie is alive still."

"But what if they're losing!" Ino shouts in frustration. "You have to go help them!"

"No I don't." I bluntly tell her without a single regret. "They all know exactly what they're capable of and they haven't once called for help. But if it really bothers you that much then go yourself. Sure you might not be able to help Kakashi but Shikamaru might appreciate it."

Ino shoots Anko a questioning glance, she's asking for permission.

"Go ahead, I've got this on lock down." Anko assures her. "Help your friends."

"Thanks!" Ino sprints off to join the battle.

I maneuver the all but catatonic Princess behind me and turn to watch the battle with Anko. We're both surprisingly relaxed considering what is happening right before us.

Kakashi and Nadare are darting around all over the tall peaks of the iceberg, they're clashing together with brilliant sparks of metal on metal. Every once in awhile Nadare will back off and use a jutsu but Kakashi counters with the same exact one to render it worthless. Except Nadare is slowly gaining the upper hand, it's barely noticeable right now but Kakashi's chakra usage is wearing him down much faster than Nadare is tiring.

Naruto, on the other hand, is having the time of his life. He's constantly bombarding Mizore with Shadow Clones while Mizore is doing everything he can to either dodge them or pop them. I do have to say I was wrong about the snowboard, it's an effective way to maneuver around in the snow but I have no idea what exactly he's using to propel himself forwards. Maybe he's a Wind type and shoots blasts of air out the back of the snowboard? Eh, I'll figure it out when I steal it.

Shikamaru was struggling with Fubuki, once he reached his stamina limit with the Shadow Possession Jutsu she broke free and instantly took to the air. So her armor grants her wings and she uses it to fly, that's unexpected. But being in the air causes her shadow to disappear so all of Shikamaru's favored shadow jutsu can't be used. He's had to rely on dodging and his own kunai to attempt to bring her down. But that was before Ino came to his aid, now with both of them it's Fubuki on the ropes. She's constantly having to dodge sharp objects that are thrown at her from two sources.

"You can go too you know." Anko offers nonchalantly. "I'll watch the actress."

"Not part of the deal." I dismiss that idea instantly. "I'm here on defense for Yukie. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less. This fight is their own."

"You weren't always this big of an asshole." Ano conversationally says to me as we continue to watch everyone battle.

"Orochimaru changes a person." I shrug indifferently. "I'm a lot more jaded as a person now."

"Orochimaru." Anko venomously snarls his name. "What will it take for you to tell me where he's at? I'll give you anything you ask for."

"No." I bluntly deny her. "Ouch. Naruto that was a low blow even by my standards, I avoid the balls."

"I mean it when I say anything." Anko doesn't take her eyes off the battle but I know that she's paying more attention to me than it. "I have ANBU connections. I can sneak you back into Konoha, no questions asked. You'd become an ANBU, working in the shadows full time. You'll always have to wear the ANBU mask since we can't risk your face being recognized but you'd be back. It's gotta be better than Oto."

"Funny, you're not the first one to try and use that line of thinking against me." That award goes to Danzo Shimura. He offered me something eerily similar. "Anko. Show me your tongue."

"What?" She takes her eyes off the battle for the first time to look at me with a creeped out expression. "Why the hell would I do that?"

"Shut up and do it or I will pry your mouth open myself." I threaten her. I have every intention of following through with it too, if she's ROOT that changes everything.

"Kinky! I might prefer it that way." Anko winks at me. "Thought you were into Ino not older ladies like myself."

"You've just upgraded to me ripping it out of your mouth if you don't show me yourself." I'm deadly serious. She wasn't shown as being in ROOT in canon but I'm not risking it. I have to make sure. "Anko. Now."

"You're no fun." Anko pouts as she stick her tongue out at me. "There. Is your weird fetish satisfied?"

"Yes." It's blank. She's not ROOT. Good. "Thank you."

"Soooo… where's Orochimaru at?" Anko doesn't even try to mask her true goal. "Remember, anything you want. Just ask."

"No." I deny her again. "Are these idiots done throwing their shit back on the boat yet? They're taking forever."

"Why? Why won't you let me go kill him!" Anko yells at me with true anger and pain in her eyes. "He's tormented me! He was my sensei and he cast me aside like trash! I will kill him! He's made my life full of suffering!"

"Anko Mitarashi." I call her by her full name to impart how serious I am about what I will say next. "What Orochimaru has done to you is unforgivable. I do not deny that he has caused you a lot of pain and suffering, far from it. Rather I sympathize with you, I truly understand where you're coming from. But Orochimaru is not yours to kill. He's mine."

"You don't know jack shit!" Anko whirls on me, all thoughts of watching the battle are long gone. "Listen here you little fuck you can't begin to imagine how he's hurt me!"

"No _you_ listen!" I round on her with even more aggression than she has. "He cast you aside but he _murdered my family._ He gave me a kinjutsu that has taken my humanity from me, there's more of it in me than me in me. He ordered my teammate slaughtered and desecrated. He has experimented on me _three times._ He has ordered me to kill children just to satisfy a sliver of his curiosity. Yet none of that is the worst thing he's done. Have you ever wondered why I looked like him instead of my own parents? It's because he used me in an experiment before I was even born. He imprinted himself on me just because he wanted to find out if he could. So you tell me, whose life has he fucked up more?"

Anko stepped away from me in surprise. She visibly flinched with each new thing I added to my list and her anger has changed into pity.

"He's done that much to you?" She tenderly asks.

"No. He's done _more_." I darkly assure her as shadows dance upon my face. "I plan on killing him myself, but right now he serves a purpose. He's training me."

"I remember his training." Anko winces. "It's hell."

"I promise it's only gotten worse. You die if he cuts off your limbs. I don't."

"Ouch." She winces again.

"Yeah. Ouch." I snort in amusement then the entire iceberg shakes. "The hell is going on now?!"

Anko and I dart our eyes back to the battle. Naruto, Ino and Shikamaru are all hauling ass towards the ship. They're running as fast as the slippery ground will let them.

"GET ON THE SHIP!" Shikamaru yells out in a panic. "GET ON THE SHIP NOW!"

"Well you heard the boy!" I quickly spin around and scoop the still out of it Yukie into my arms in a bridal style cradle. "Up we go!"

Anko and I land at the same time and only five seconds later Naruto, Ino and Shikamaru join us.

"So what's going on?" I casually ask as I set Yukie down on the ground. "Why the sudden rush?"

"Don't know." Shikamaru pants. "Kakashi shouted at us to run for it. He's doing something."

"Huh. I wonder what it'll be?" I stroll over to the side of the ship then something bursts from underneath the surface of the water. "IS THAT A FUCKING NARWHAL?!"

A monstrous narwhal made of pure ice elegantly leaps out of the water. It's aiming to crash down on the ship.

"OH HELL NO! I AM NOT DYING TO A FUCKING NARWHAL!" I yell out, drowning down all other noise. With a sickening squelch my wind minion rips itself out of my back as I'm flying through hand signs. Both my minion and I ready our respective strongest elemental attacks to melt the stupid ice animal.

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE ANOTHER NARWHAL!?" I didn't get to finish my combo jutsu in time because _another fucking narwhal_ blew out of the water and slammed into the first one, knocking them both into the iceberg we were just on.

The resulting waves caused by the two narwhals destroying the iceberg send the ship rocking severely but they also push the ship away from the epicenter of the crash. Which also is away from the shinobi that attacked us.

Yay, small victories.

"Oh good you all made it." Kakashi idly says from behind us all. "I didn't know if my jutsu made it in time or if you all were off the iceberg yet."

"YOU!" I whirl on him with fury in my eyes. "Who the hell makes a jutsu that uses a narwhal!? Huh?!"

"No idea, I just copied it." Kakashi shrugs. "I thought it was strange too. It might make sense if the jutsu was used to spear people on the horn but it just hops up then crashes. I guess the creator likes narwhals?"

"I've had it with the stupidity!" I throw my hands up in the air and storm over to the mast. "Cutting holes in hats!" I start to walk up it. "A snowboard as a weapon! Flying suits of armor! And fucking narwhals! That's it! I'm done for today! No more! Nothing makes sense today! NOTHING! And by the way I fucking called it! I told all of you this mission would spiral out of control! I fucking called it!"

"He took that surprisingly well." Shikamaru sarcastically says.

"Really?" Naruto hopefully asks.

"No." Everyone else deadpans to Naruto.

* * *

"Okay camera crew." The Director sits them all down. "What all did we get?"

"I got the orange boy fighting the snowboarder."

"I got the other two kids fighting the flying chick."

"I got the silver haired dude and the blue haired dude go at it."

"Jura?" The Director asks. "Anything to add from your special assignment?"

"Oh yeah. Turns out the kid can spit fire. Lots of fire."

"Gentlemen. Ladies." The Director looks at everyone in turn. "We're going to make the best movie in the history of movies."

* * *

Thirty Minutes Later

"Why the hell am I here again?" I growl out to the rest of the people in the room. "There's no reason for me to be here. None at all."

"Yukie and Sandayu told us they're going to explain why those shinobi are after Yukie. More specifically something she has. It's important to the mission." Shikamaru blandly tells me with a frown of distaste on his mouth.

It's not that he's frowning at me or anyone really, he's frowning because he doesn't like not knowing things. He's a kind of guy that wants all the pieces of the puzzle, and a picture of it, and detailed instructions on how to put it together.

"And how, oh wise one, does that involve me?" I growl back to him again.

"Because you need to know why they're after her just as much as we do." Shikamaru bluntly says. "It's important to the mission."

"No it's not." I dismiss his logic with a irritated wave. "I'm just supposed to keep her alive. I don't care who is after her, it doesn't matter. _At all._ "

"You're not even curious to who they were? Or what they were after? Or why?" Ino asks me in confusion.

"Frankly I don't give a damn." Plus I already know all of this thanks to Shirokumo. The spy network is really paying off, I knew this days ago. It's fantastic, now I can leave and go do my own thing because we'll be getting off the ship soon and then I'll have to actually be more attentive to my bodyguarding role. "I don't _care_ if her uncle Doto ordered the shinobi to retrieve the Hexagonal Crystal to unlock a hidden secret of the Land of Snow that her dad made before said uncle overthrew him to assume leadership of the country. None of that has anything to do with keeping her alive so I'm outta here. I've got better shit to do."

I stomp over to the exit in a displeased attitude.

"Dragging me down here for this." I mutter. "Barbarians. It's like they don't understand that the mission would be the same if Iwa shinobi were after her head. It's just keeping her alive, they're blowing this way out of proportion."

The door swings shut behind me.

"So… I've heard him say some crazy things but that's new even for me." Kakashi sheepishly admits. "But the craziest thing is I can confirm half of what he said is true." Kakashi turns his gaze onto Yukie. "I remember being sent on a mission here, one to smuggle a particular person out before their tyrannical uncle could start his coup. I opposed a Doto Kazahana and those same three shinobi years ago to smuggle out the daimyo's daughter. You've grown a lot, Koyuki Kazahana. I didn't even recognize you."

"You two know each other?" Anko asks in surprise. "Kakashi I had no idea you've saved a princess! That's like something out of a fairytale!"

"Yes." Koyuki admits with a great deal of strain. "He's the one who got me out, it seems fitting that he brings me back."

"That's not everything." Sandayu takes up speaking once it becomes clear that Koyuki is done. "That... "

"Alvarcus." Shikamaru supplies,

"Thank you. Alvarcus was completely right about everything." Sandayu pushes his glasses up his nose in preparation to tell the story. "Many years ago…"

Each shinobi attentive listens to the sad and tragic tale Sandayu weaves about Koyuki and the Land of Snow's past.

"So there you have it." Sandayu finishes his long history lesson. "She's the Land of Snow's final hope. She's the only person who the people of this country will acknowledge as a true leader. A fair and just Daimyo. It is all up to her to restore peaceful ways to our home."

"This mission just got way more difficult." Shikamaru groaned in resignation. "Alright, we'll help. It takes shinobi to defeat shinobi, civilians like yourselves won't stand a chance. We will defeat Doto and his posse but it is your duty to step up and lead the people."

"I don't even want to be here." Koyuki harshly spits out those words. "I do not care about this dreadful place any longer."

"That's too bad because this 'dreadful place' cares about you. You have a responsibility to the people of this country." Shikamaru does not mince his words.

"You know nothing." Koyuki storms out of the room to go to her own quarters.

"I am sorry for the way she acts." Sandayu bows to the gathered shinobi. "I believe her heart will change once she sees what has become of her home with her own eyes. It is one thing to be told that your people are suffering but it is another thing to see it first hand. I believe that will rekindle her flame, her hope. I bid you all farewell, she shouldn't be alone right now."

Sandayu leaves after his Princess.

"Anyone else pissed off that Alvarcus knew all of that but didn't tell us?" Anko asks the rest of the Konoha group. "Cuz I sure am. That would have been nice to know before we got into this mess."

"Hell yeah I am." Shikamaru passionately agrees with Anko. "How long did he know? What else does he know that he's not telling us?"

"Do you really think we can get him to answer those questions?" Naruto brings up a very good point. "He doesn't even want to be here, not to mention actively trying to help us."

"I can get it out of him." Kakashi promises. "He will listen to me for something this serious."

"Yeah cuz he respects you as an authority figure so much." Shikamaru bluntly denies that idea. "Alvarcus doesn't respond well to demands and orders especially from those he knows don't actually have any power over him. Hate to break it to you, but that includes you Kakashi."

"Yes, you're right." Anko slyly shoots a particular member of the group a look. "He's always responded more favorably to a… lighter touch."

"Someone who knows him well enough to trick him several times." Shikamaru joins in on Anko's sly look. "A person he has a soft spot for."

Everyone else gets the idea. They're all staring slyly at one particular member.

"What?" Ino asks in confusion. "What's with all the looks?"

* * *

The Crow's Nest

"Hey Alvarcus -"

"Go away Ino." I cut her off from finishing whatever the thought was. "I don't really care what you have to say about that confrontation at all. I did exactly what I promised to do, keep Koyuki alive. I didn't help anyone else because I don't have to, they can look after themselves. So if you're here to rip me a new one save it. I'm not in the mood."

"It's not about-"

"What part of go away didn't you understand?" I say with just a hint of a warning in my voice. "You're not going to convince me to do more. It's not happening."

"Will you let me finish?" She snarls out at me. "I hate being interrupted."

"Will you go away? Because I hate socializing after a battle. Even if I didn't really do anything. Plus I've got to figure out how I'm supposed to do what I came here to do while also upholding my agreement with Shikamaru. I'm busy." I'm banking on Doto showing up himself at some point. Then I'll get his armor off of him and get him to tell me if there's any more of the metal that is easy to get to. I wouldn't hurt to have a good supply to work with.

"I WANT MY CLOTHES!" She shouts at me in anger. "YOU! ME! MY CABIN! CLOTHES! _NOW!_ "

"Oh. Whoops. Totally read the situation wrong. My bad?" That's not awkward at all.

"I have waited long enough!" She snatches my wrist in her hand. "We're doing this now before you miraculously slip away again!"

* * *

Ino and Anko's Cabin

"Here." She viciously throws a notebook at me and I snatch it out of the air before it hits my face.

"Uh… thanks?" I hold up the notebook in confusion.

"You moron it's a collection of all the stuff I want!" She crosses her arms and starts to tap her foot in impatience at me. "Go on. Make them."

I crack open the notebook, correction sketchbook, and flip through a couple of pages. There are detail drawing and descriptions of each outfit. Yeah I'm totally at a loss. The hell is a camisole? Or a cardigan? There's a difference between a jacket and a coat? What? I think that one is maybe a dress? But there's only one shoulder strap, is that a thing people wear?

"Okay yeah so it's the Weavers that need this." I snap it shut and give it a little dramatic wave. "How are you with giant spiders?"

"Probably okay?" Ino squeaks out. "How big are we talking? The size of a dinner plate?"

"No, the size of a full grown bulldog." I bluntly tell her. "She also wears a purple scarf if that matters."

"Do… do you have to summon her?" Ino whines. "I'd rather not."

"At least you're honest." I sigh out. "If you want them made correctly then you two should sit down and have a powwow about all the stuff you want. Plus Murasakino can get your measurements and what not so that the clothes fit better. I did promise tailored and I will deliver it."

"Well… I suppose that's okay." Ino reluctantly admits. "Can you just be between me and her at first? Until I adjust? It would make me feel more comfortable."

"Fine. Thanks for not making it into a big deal, usually people freak the fuck out." I take two steps away from Ino and while facing away from her I summon Murasakino.

"Summoner?" Her familiar scratchy voice calls out to me. "Oh hello! I've never met one of his friends before! She is your friend right?"

"Yes she is. Ino meet Murasakino. Murasakino, meet Ino. She's going to be your new model." I blandly say to the two females.

Ino pokes her head over my shoulder and gives Murasakino a little wave. She's taking this much better than I thought she would. Probably because she dealt with Keji before.

"You… you got us a model?" Murasakino asks in confused surprise.

"That's not going to be a problem is it?" I hope not. "I did kinda promise her I could get her excellent clothes so she would stop blackmailing me."

"No no think nothing of the sort!" Murasakino scrambles to assure me it's okay. "We'd love to work with one of your friends! Step out from behind him dearie I'm not going to bite. I want to see what we're working with."

Ino hesitates for just a moment then she steps out from behind me. "Hello. Thank you for doing this for me, I truly appreciate it."

"She's gorgeous!" Murasakino happily says. "Summoner where did you find us such a beautiful model?"

Ino flushes pink under the praise and plays with the hem of her skirt in happy embarrassment. "Oh please, there's no need to be so bold!"

"She found me." I answer Murasakino. "Then blackmail happened. Now you're here to get me out of it. Fair warning she's got a _lot_ of stuff for everyone to do."

"Well come on dearie! Sounds like I've got my work cut out for me, let's talk shop." Murasakino hops up onto a bed - pretty sure that one is Anko's but hey not my problem - and pats a spot next to her with one of her many legs. "What all do you want?"

Ino snatches the sketchbook out of my hands and eagerly plops down next to Murasakino. "For starters all of these. I've been keeping this with me for years now, whenever I see someone wearing something I like I'll sketch it down in here and add notes. I've even tweaked a few to how I personally would want them to look."

"Oh Kami she said for starters." I groan out as I collapse onto the other bed.

"You have other ideas to use? Ones that aren't in this sketchbook?" Murasakino eagerly asks.

"Yes! I've got plenty of ideas and images in my head that I haven't put in here yet." Ino easily confirms. "You're the expert here, I'm just a girl dreaming about what she wants. If there's something wrong with these designs let me know and we can tweak them."

"True some of these are a bit intricate but there's nothing in here that we can't make!" Murasakino turns all eight of her beady black eyes onto Ino. "Say, deary, is this all you want or can we make more for you? There's a whole bunch of us back at the Nest and we all like to make our own ideas too. Plus we rarely get to work with a model, not to mention one as pretty as you! It'll be so much fun!"

"Of course that's fine! A collaboration effort is much better than a single mind, I'm sure they'll think of things I never would have! I'll gladly accept whatever you decide to make me!" Ino has stars in her eyes and she's drooling at the prospect.

"I've created a monster." I say to myself while watching them both dissolve into giggles about clothes.

* * *

Anko is casually strolling around the ship. First she went to get something to eat, maybe tormented a few people, bothered Kakashi about whatever puppet man meant, and now she's bored.

And tired, she's heading back to her cabin for a nap.

She's about to open the door when a noise stops her. It's coming from inside her room and she knows exactly what it is. It's Ino's voice.

"Yes!" Ino passionately shouts.

"Keep it down!" Alvarcus hisses back to her. "People are going to hear you."

"But - but it's just so _good!_ " Ino whines.

"That doesn't make it okay to yell! I don't particularly want people to know about this, they'd never leave me alone."

"But Alvarcus what if I want more?" Ino whines and Anko can visualize the cute pout on her face. "It has to be you! You're amazing!"

"I know I am." Alvarcus has smugness bleeding off of his words. "But I don't do this for just anyone. You're a special case."

'They're boinking. They're totally boinking.' Anko lecherously grins to herself. 'And Ino _loves_ it.'

"Alvarcus!" Ino whines out yet again. "You can't do this to me! You've shown me so much you can't take it all away now! I won't stand for it!"

"Ino you don't get a choice. This will only happen if I let it happen, this one time is a unique instance. I don't care how much you enjoyed it."

'They're figuring out who wears the pants in their relationship.' Anko draws a conclusion. 'It's in this moment that they figure out who is the alpha. My money's on Alvarcus, when his eyes are set on a goal almost nothing will stop him from completing it. And now that goal is Ino. This is so good! I get to hear the pivotal point in their relationship! YES! Ino remember everything I've taught you!'

"Alvarcus Mar you will let me do this whenever I want to!" Ino demands, she's asserting her authority.

"Ino Yamanaka do not mistake my kindness for weakness." Alvarcus growls out wielding much more authority than Ino ever could. "I _allowed_ this to happen because you mean something to me. You do not hold the key to this, I do. It is by my will, my actions that I let this happen. I do not have to show you this kindness. Do not abuse the amount I have already shown you."

'Alvarcus won.' Anko smirked to herself. 'I bet he has her pinned up against a wall and everything, ready to claim her as his! Oh I've got to see this, it's too good to pass up!'

Anko tightly grips the doorknob and yanks the door open so quickly it's a miracle she didn't rip it off its hinges.

"COME ON! THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Anko shouts at the two fully clothed teens.

Alvarcus is casually lounging on one of the beds while Ino is sitting on the other with a giant spider next to her. They're both intently poring over a sketchbook.

Or they were, Anko's outburst drew all three of their attention to herself.

"If you're here for clothes too you can fuck off." Alvarcus growls in anger an Anko. "I'm already regretting doing this for Ino."

"It would be nice to have more than one model." Murasakino eyes Anko up and down. "She'd do nicely."

"OI!" Ino lightly tugs on one of the spider's legs. "Me first, once we're done you can move onto her. We're barely halfway through."

"GAH!" Anko throws her arms up in angry defeat and storms out of the room. 'How does this keep happening!? What do I have to do to get them to fuck each other already! This beating around the bush shit is pissing me off! They're alone in a room with beds and they're not screwing each other senseless? They're _teenagers!_ How are they showing such restraint?'

Anko continues to storm down the hallway of the ship.

'Before this trip is over it's happening. I'm going to do everything in my power to make it happen. They're just too cute together to let this opportunity slip away.'

* * *

Hours Later

"Here we are, the Land of Snow. Hope you all enjoyed the trip! I know my bank account did!" The Captain happily shoots me a thankful look. "Laddie, that offer stands. If you ever need a job come find me, no questions asked. If you want it, it's yours."

"Thanks Captain." I roll up the large scroll that I used to seal away the cargo hold. Then I seal that scroll into one that's much smaller, who knows? Maybe I'll end up needing it later. It is convenient to have a whole bunch of large storage seals already made. Plus I have no idea how much metal I'm going to end up stealing, I highly doubt that all of it is on Doto. There's got to be some in a lab or something. I should really get Shirokumo to look into that. "But I like what I do."

Usually.

"Take care Laddie." The Captain smacks me on the back affectionately.

"You too Cap." I send him a wave as I leave the ship's crew to go to the movie crew and the Konoha shinobi.

They're loading up all of their equipment into large trucks but these trucks have been customized for the snowy and icy conditions. Instead of having rear wheels they have tracks that span almost the entire length of the vehicle. That way the weight of the truck is spread out over a greater surface area and that makes steering and maneuvering much easier.

The Land of Snow is a lot more technologically advanced than the rest of the world.

"So…" I open up conversation with the only other shinobi present. "Which one is Koyuki in?"

"You don't already know?" Shikamaru condescendingly says to me. "I'm sure as hell not going to tell you. Information is a two way street."

"Are you still pissed that I didn't tell you about Koyuki?" I snort in amusement. "Funny, if I recall correctly I agreed to keep her alive and that's it. Where in there does it say sharing information?"

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Naruto joins Shikamaru to gang up on me. "You're supposed to tell people important things like that! It doesn't matter if you said you would or not it's called being a good person!"

"But it's completely irrelevant." I brush off both of their anger at me. "It doesn't matter who she is. It doesn't matter what she's done or will go on to do. The entire mission parameter is keep her alive as she goes around the Land of Snow. _That's it._ None of us are here to save these people. None of us are required to do anything to either aid them or hinder them. We don't even have to look after the movie crew or Sandayu, it was only Koyuki listed. So that's what I'm doing. I'm keeping her alive at all costs. Because that's what the mission is. It makes no difference to me if it's Snow shinobi or Iwa shinobi or _Konoha_ shinobi. If someone tries to kill her I will stop them. Simple as that."

"Orochimaru has sunk his fangs deep into you, hasn't he?" Anko says in disgust. "I remember you, before you left. You wouldn't idly stand by as others suffered."

"She's right." Kakashi joins the surprise intervention. "Remember our first C-rank? I was set on returning to the village because we were lied to about what the mission entitled. But one of my genin, moments after taking a life for his first time, stood up and looked me straight in my eye and said 'we can't let a whole country die.' What happened to that shinobi? Where is he now that another country is in need?"

"You know damn well what happened to me!" I snarl at my former sensei. "Don't you _dare_ play that card! I am anything but apathetic!"

"Yet here you are." Anko gestures to me. "Idly standing by as your friends fight life or death battles. Telling us that we don't have to do anything simply because the mission didn't say so."

"You know nothing about me!" I growl out at her. "Do not think for a second you know who I am and what I've done!"

"We are Konoha shinobi." Naruto takes over speaking. "It does not matter if the mission scroll did or did not say so, if there are people in need how can we just ignore them? How can we go back to our home and say we left them to suffer and die?"

" _You_ are Konoha shinobi." I scathing shout at the whole group. " _I_ am an Oto shinobi."

"You're right." Naruto reaches into his coat and pulls something out. Before I can make out what it is he throws it at my head. Out of pure reflex my left arm darts up and catches it before it can connect. "But you used to be a Konoha shinobi."

I take a look at the object he threw at me. It's a rectangular piece of metal on a dark blue cloth. I know what this is.

"You used to call him sensei." Naruto points at Kakashi with a sharp stabbing motion. "You used to call us allies. We fought together, we saved Konoha from being trampled by a jinchuriki. You used you own body as a shield for me and because of that you lost your original heart. Alvarcus I thought you _died_ to protect me. Only one other person has ever shown me that kindness. Someone as good as that, someone willing to do anything to protect his friends, is who you are."

It's my old Konoha headband.

"You're not _him._ " Naruto viciously points at me. "You're not someone who stands by when he can make a difference. You're not this uncaring and disconnected person."

"You naive _child!_ You know nothing of the real world! You don't know the horrors out there! The things that people do, the things _I've_ done!" I pull out a kunai and with a quick slash I forever desecrate my own Konoha headband. "This is who I am now. I am not some naive child that thinks he can save everyone. I am not some innocent that believes that there's good in everyone. I understand that there are people in this world that are beyond redemption. Beyond forgiveness. There's evil in this world, I have seen it. I have experienced it. I have done it. You all need to understand that there are people who are simply beyond saving. _I am one of them._ "

I drop it in the snow and turn away from them all.

"I'm done wasting my time here. Summoning Jutsu: Care Package!" A large parcel appears in a cloud of smoke and I viciously rip it open to reveal a long stark white cloak. It's too big for me, it's even too big for Kakashi. But it's the perfect size for one of my minions.

With a sickening squelch my water monster rips itself out of my back and I throw the cloak at it.

"Find Koyuki and protect her at all costs. I'll come back and pick you up when my own business is done. Maybe." My minion swings the cloak over its shoulders and pulls the hood over itself. All that can be seen of it is the white mask on its face and just the faintest slivers of its feet when walking, everything else is covered.

"Alvarcus what are you doing?" Kakashi demands an answer from me.

"None of your damn business." I snarl at him. "I am here for my own purposes. I did not just appear to help you on this _meaningless_ mission."

I start to storm away from the group, heading towards a treeline that the large truck have no hope of passing through. I do not want them to follow me and since they're required to stick with Koyuki the only hope they have to chase me is to get the entire convoy to do it. But with where I'm heading they have no chance to do that.

"Alvarcus wait!" Ino shouts at me. "They don't know -"

" **INO!** " I roar at her with so much ferocity that she steps back and Anko steps between the two of us. She's protectively shielding Ino from my wrath. " _You_ should not know. The only reason you do is because if I didn't tell you you would have ripped it from my mind."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Shikamaru asks as he's preparing himself to go on the defensive. My actions have set everyone on edge.

"The real reason he went missing nin!" Ino shout to everyone. "He's still loyal to Ko-"

I release the full might of my killing intent. The already below freezing temperature plummets even further and a very surreal sensation falls on each Konoha shinobi. It's the feeling of being watched from the shadows, the feeling of something much more powerful and deadly than you gazing longingly at every kill point on your body. It's the feeling of a monster hunting its prey, it's a feeling that promises an inescapable death.

" _Ino Yamanaka_." I don't shout these words. There's no need to, everyone's attention is directed fully onto me already. It's not just the shinobi, some of the movie crew came out to see what we were yelling about. A few have passed out, some have wet themselves in fear, others have simply fallen to their knees in defeat with tears streaming down their faces. "If you value what remains of our friendship you will say no more."

Ino musters up every scrap of courage she can find to speak. Even then she can't stop herself from stuttering in fear. "T-they have a r-right to know w-why you're g-gone."

"And I have the right to withhold that information from whoever I want to." I narrow my eyes at her and she shrinks on herself. "It is not your secret to share. So _don't._ "

"If you l-leave I'm going to t-tell them!" She shakily threatens me. She's trembling behind Anko's back, she's - no one here - has ever seen me this pissed before. This unrestrained. This threatening. This exposed.

"You're just a girl playing at being a kunoichi. That's not how you threaten someone. _This_ is how you threaten someone. Jiongu." I say and my loyal water minion falls down in a kneeling position before me. When I speak it is with all the warmth of ice. "If she shares that information slaughter everyone here except Koyuki."

"Alvarcus!" Kakashi roars at me in unrestrained anger. "That is too far!"

"You all need to get something threw your thick skulls!" I shout back. "I do not want to be here! I do not want to go back to Konoha! I can't be saved! Leave! ME! **ALONE!** "

I whirl back towards the trees and start sprinting towards them.

"Alvarcus stop!" Naruto shouts after my retreating form. "Alvarcus don't run away! Don't leave again! Please!"

There's real pain in his voice. This is hurting him, not physically but emotionally. He hasn't seen me since we got Tsunade together. He hasn't seen what I've become. But now he's seen it first hand. He knows now. And it hurts him to realize that I don't want to go back.

I don't look over my shoulder as I disappear from their line of sight. I don't spare them a glance.

* * *

"We fucked up." Shikamaru elegantly sums up the entire situation. "We fucked up bigtime."

"No shit!" Anko spins around and quickly looks over Ino. "You okay? You're still trembling."

"He's gone again." She says as tears start to form in her eyes. "He seemed so much better from last time. He was connecting with everyone again. He seemed like he was shifting back to his old self. I thought… I don't know what I thought but I didn't think he'd run away!"

"Shh Honey." Anko pulls the emotional wreck that is her student into a hug. "No one saw this coming. It's not your fault."

"It's not over." Naruto promises with determination. He has a fire brewing in his eyes and he stands tall despite everything that just happened.

"How the hell can you say that?" Shikamaru questions is bewilderment. "Did you not _feel_ what he did? Naruto that was the worst killing intent I've ever experienced!"

"We'll see him again." Naruto confidently assures everyone. "Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even on this mission but we will see him again. And when we do we try again. Then again after that. We try as many times as it takes until we bring him home. I refuse to give up on him even if he's given up on himself."

"Good luck with that." Shikamaru points at Ino. "Look at her, he made her like this. She's the one that he likes the most out of all of us. If he's willing to do that to her then what's he willing to do to us?"

"He won't hurt any one of us." Ino says between tears. "He… he cares about us. Even if he did all of that. He still cares in his own way."

"You two need to pull your heads out of your asses." Shikamaru scathingly shouts at his friends. "Did you two not see what he just did?! That is not how you treat people you care about! He threatened to slaughter everyone here! As far as I'm concerned he's an enemy now."

"He is our friend!" Naruto gets right in Shikamaru's face. "You will not hurt him more than he already is!"

"If we run into Alvarcus again we will treat him as a hostile threat. If he takes one malicious action against us we will _remove_ the threat." Shikamaru narrows his eyes at Naruto, daring Naruto to challenge him. "That is an order from your team leader."

"I refuse." Naruto doesn't hesitate to deny the order. "I will not accept that."

"Then stay out of my way." Shikamaru growls out a warning to Naruto. "Enough of this! We're here to do a job! It has nothing to do with Alvarcus. We're going to rotate shifts guarding Koyuki. The order is Kakashi, me, Naruto, Anko, then Ino. Three hour shifts. Kakashi you start now."

Kakashi takes two steps and the water monster falls in step next to him. Kakashi turn his head to the cloaked figure. "I will end you if you try anything funny. If you so much as _twitch_ and I don't like it you die. Understand?"

The monstrosity nods its acceptance.

"And why the fuck aren't you doing anything for Alvarcus?" Kakashi growls out to the Jiongu. "You're sentient, he's your host. You should care about him much more than anyone else here, even me. He's the reason you're alive but you've let him fall so far down the path of evil? Do you not care about your host at all?"

 _~Perhaps it is time I do something for my Host.~_

* * *

" **FUCKING DAMNIT!** " I roar once I'm far away from everyone else. My roar is accompanied by a gigantic gout of flame that spears upwards to the sky.

"I am tired of this!" I shout and a furious surge of wind explodes from me, shredding several trees into splinters. "I am tired of people trying to get involved in my life! I do not want to make friends! I do not want to have happy meaningless conversations about my life! I don't want to deal with _anyone!_ "

"No more!" I punctuate those words with a roar of lighting that pierces through several trees, leaving behind large holes in all of them. "No more people! No more idle conversations! No more beating around the bush! I do not care if they want to save me! I do not care if they think I'm a good person! I am not! I know it! The world knows it! Everyone but them knows it!"

"I am not here to rekindle past flames of friendship." I slowly go through hand signs. "I am not here to save a country. No, that's all meaningless. It all pales in comparison to what I am here for. I'm here to get something to help me stop a _war._ I don't have time for these pointless interactions."

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground with so much force it cracks beneath my palm.

"Sup Al?" Shirokumo casually greets me. "Wow it's fucking cold here."

"Shut up. I don't have time for pleasantries." I snarl at him, letting my anger at myself and the Konoha shinobi bleed into my words. "Where's Doto?"

"Well aren't you in a fantastic mood." Shirokumo grumbles at my obvious anger. "Right now he's on a train. I don't have his exact location."

"He's got a fucking _train?_ " What the fuck?! No! Not important. I can break a train in two. "Where's he headed? I'll beat him there."

"To the caravan. That Koyuki is in. Which you're not. What's that about?" Shirokumo asks.

"They pissed me the fuck off." I snarl out as the conversation springs back to the front of my mind. "They want to _save me._ I got tired of dealing with that bullshit so I left. I have more important things to do than listen them try and feed me false hope and ideals."

"Ah." Shirokumo awkwardly says. "You know they might have a point."

"Goodbye Shirokumo." I dismiss my summon and he is forcibly sent back to the Nest. "I've already heard that from them I don't need to hear it from you."

I turn my head back the way I came.

"So Doto is after Koyuki." I start to retrace my steps. "Fine. I'll tail her until he shows up. Then I'll get what I came here for and get the fuck out."

* * *

Hours Later

"That is just pathetic." I'm perched high in a tree while staring down at a woman who is in an unconscious heap on the ground. It's Koyuki, she must have escaped somehow. I'm almost impressed, she got away from not only the Konoha shinobi but my minion as well. "You escaped and ran away. Do you really think that is going to change anything? You think that the Konoha shinobi are that feeble and weak willed?"

" _Do you not see the hypocrisy in those words?"_ A faint voice whispers into my ear. It's not a voice I've never heard before, in fact it is one I'm very familiar with. It's Tsunade's voice.

"Holy shit I'm actually crazy now." I say to myself. "I'm hearing voices in my head that's not the Jiongu. I'm actually crazy."

" _Yes, it only took me this long to twist and turn you."_ Another voice speaks in my head but this one is sinister and evil. It's Orochimaru. " _I'm so happy you've become like me."_

"I'm nothing like you." I snarl out. "Why the fuck am I responding? You don't exist. I'm imagining things."

" _But you are like me."_ Orochimaru continues. " _Isn't life so much more fun when you don't care what happens to others?"_

"I do care for others. I'm nothing like you. I refuse to fall down to your level." I wage war with the imaginary voice.

" _You used to."_ Tsunade softly chimes in. " _You used to be someone I admired, the representation of all the good Konoha can offer. Someone willing to sacrifice everything for their friends."_

"I'm trying to stop a fucking war!" I snarl out. "I care so much about people that I'm planning to stop a war before it starts! You don't get to say I don't care!"

" _But what about the people of this country?"_ Tsunade brings them up. " _They're fighting a war right before you yet you do nothing. What caused you to fall so far from the shinobi I respected?"_

" _I know!"_ Orochimaru cuts in. " _It was me! I took him and made him like me! We're monsters in arms!"_

"NO!" I'm fucking insane. I'm arguing with voices in my head. "I am not like you! I will never be like you! I want nothing to do with my family's murderer!"

" _Kukukuku, it's far too late for that!"_ Orochimaru laughs in glee. " _After all, you're my child!"_

"I AM NOT YOUR CHILD! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR CHILD!" My roar echoes across the barren tundra.

" _Then why do you act like him?"_ Tsunade asks of me. " _Why is it that when faced with a problem you react exactly like your father would?"_

"He's not my fucking father!" I snarl out.

" _Isn't he? Because that's what I see."_ Tsunade's words cut me to my core. " _I don't see you, I see another Orochimaru."_

"I am better than him! I am not him! I am nothing like him!"

" _Then prove it."_ Tsunade demands. " _Your words mean nothing, your actions do."_

" _And right now you're acting exactly how I want you to!"_ Orochimaru happily says. " _You're only thinking about yourself and what you need! Just like your father! Just like me!"_

"ENOUGH!" I shout out and I grab a kunai. Then I bury the blade into my temple without even a wince of pain. "I am not crazy! I do not have voices in my head! What the fuck am I doing responding to them like that? No! I'm not crazy. I'm not."

With a sharp tug I pull out the kunai.

"Okay." I look at the kunai that was just in my head. "Maybe I'm a little crazy. None of that shit was normal."

* * *

Hours Later

"This is pointless." I sigh out from my high perch in the trees. "Are they ever going to find her? She's going to be at risk for frostbite."

 _~Host Naruto is approaching.~_

"About fucking time." I growl out.

I watch from my high perch as Naruto stops a few strides away from the fallen princess.

"How long are you going to fight this?" He asks her and miraculously she begins to stir. "Come on. Everyone is waiting."

Naruto doesn't wait for a response, he bends down and picks her up. He starts walking them back towards where everyone is waiting.

" _How long are you going to fight this?"_ Tsunade asks me. " _All they want is their friend back."_

"Oh my god I am fucking crazy. It's happening again." I'm half tempted to slam my head into a tree. Repeatedly. "Shut up. Just shut up."

I begin the delicate process of tailing the two people. Doto is after Koyuki so I'm sticking near her until he shows up.

" _My how far you've fallen."_ Tsunade condescendingly says in my head. " _Reduced to stalking after your own friends. You could be down there right now. You could be the hero that found the Princess. Instead you're the coward that ran away."_

"I am not a coward."

" _You are."_ Tsunade assures me. " _If those who have the strength to make a difference do nothing then they are cowards. They're too afraid to step up to the challenge and instead step aside like weaklings."_

"I am not weak!" I snarl at her.

" _Chakra and jutsu does not equal strength."_ Tsunade lectures me. " _True strength is never giving up. Never succumbing to defeat. Always striving to move forward. You hold a great amount of power and talent at your fingertips but you are lacking in strength."_

" _That's not what I've taught him."_ Orochimaru cuts in. " _He knows from my teachings that power rules over all. That you can't depend on others that the only person you can rely on is yourself. He's taken my lessons to his heart! All five of them!"_

" _But you are not his sensei."_ Tsunade speaks. " _You're merely a stepping stone, his true sensei is Kakashi. And Kakashi imparted a very important lesson to Alvarcus. One that he remembers from before they ever met in this world."_

"Those who abandon the mission are scum but those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum." I recite from memory. "I have not abandoned them."

" _Then what do you call this?"_ Tsunade asks.

"That's it!" I snarl out at a quiet volume as I continue to tail Naruto and Koyuki. They're heading into a tunnel and judging by the tracks left in the snow the rest of the movie crew and Konoha gang are on the other side. "I've had enough of this bullshit gimmick of angel and devil on my shoulders!"

" _Yes that's right! Ignore her! You don't need friends, they'll just be in the way. All you truly need is unrivaled power."_ Orochimaru doesn't listen to me and continues talking anyways. " _All you need is me."_

"I do not need you. I am using you." I say back to the voice in my head. God dammit I'm insane.

" _You're becoming him."_ Tsunade points out. " _You've stopped caring about people. Isn't the real reason behind this trip to calm yourself down and start to care again? The sword was just a ruse for Orochimaru. Even you recognize that you're becoming like Orochimaru."_

She's right. That was the entire point of going on this trip. It was to collect myself and start caring again.

" _That's never going to happen."_ Orochimaru snorts. " _If he cared about people he'd be down there right now helping the Konoha gang. But instead he's running across a mountain to beat Naruto and Koyuki to the exit. At the very least he'd do something like planning to save the people of the Land of Snow but there's not even a single thought of that in his head. It's like he's afraid to care about anyone again!"_

" _Alvarcus why are you afraid to care about people again?"_ Tsunade asks softly.

"Because it hurts so much to lose them." I admit and my throat starts to block up and my eyes start to water. "I've lost so many people. Each one of them rips out a piece of me, it's the worst kind of pain imaginable. It surpasses everything else I've been through. I don't want to go through that pain again. I don't want to watch as they die before me. I'm afraid to care about people because I don't want to lose anyone else."

" _So you're sacrificing your humanity to spare yourself pain?"_ Tsunade gently asks. " _Alvarcus the bonds that you make with people will last lifetimes. Just because you can lose someone does not mean you will."_

"How can you say that?" I weakly ask the voice in my head. "If I might get hurt again then why even form the bond in the first place?"

" _Alvarcus you do not have to stand alone."_ She assures me. " _You will not lose them because they can stand on their own two feet, and should they stumble you'll be there to catch them before they fall. One person cannot become all powerful. No matter how hard you try there will always be things that you can't do. That is why these bonds are important. Because when it is your turn to stumble and fall it will be your friends who reach out and catch you."_

"But they have to hate me now." I hang my head in shame as I perch in a tall tree overlooking the convoy of trucks. I've beaten Naruto and Koyuki here, they're still moving through the tunnel. I had the advantage of moving at shinobi speeds while Naruto is walking with a civilian on his back. "How can I possibly go back to being friends with them?"

" _Do you not remember what Naruto said to you?"_ Tsunade asks. " _One day someone is going to reach out to you to pull you from your darkness. Alvarcus every single one of them extended their hands to you. All you have to do is take them."_

" _But it's far too late for that!"_ Orochimaru cuts in. " _He already swatted them away. He's lost that chance."_

" _It is never too late."_ Tsunade assures me. " _All you have to do is take their hands. All you have to do is start to let people in again. All you have to do is allow yourself to care. There's no reason to be afraid of opening yourself up and letting these bonds form."_

Two very surprising things happen in the next moments. The first is Naruto with Koyuki still on his back bursting out of the mouth of the tunnel at top speed. The second is a train barreling out a fraction of a second after they did.

Naruto and Koyuki tumble down a small slope and crash into the snow. Naruto is clearly exhausted from the all out sprint that outran a train and Koyuki is staring at the train in terror.

"It's been a long time, Koyuki." A male voice says over a loudspeaker that's mounted to the train.

"I-I know that voice." I hear Koyuki say to herself with my Jiongu enhanced hearing. "It's Doto."

"It's been ten years." Doto steps out onto the roof of one of the train cars. "Come, let's get a look at that face."

Doto doesn't get a good look at his long lost niece because he's distracted by something else. That something else is roughly two dozen logs and a small avalanche of snow slamming into the side of his train. Except Doto doesn't seem particularly bothered by the sudden turn of events, if anything he seems mildly amused at the feeble attempt to damage his vehicle.

"There you have it men!" Sandayu, who has changed into plate armor and strapped a sword to his hip, shouts to the surprisingly large group of men behind him. There has to be at least fifty gathered in total, all here to attempt to overthrow Doto and see their Princess. "Princess Koyuki has returned, with her at our side we will be victorious!"

A loud cheer sound from the gathered residents of the Land of Snow.

"CHARGE!" Shouts Sandayu as he begins to sprint down the snowy hill at the train. "FOR KOYUKI!"

"FOR KOYUKI!" The men answer his charge with one of their own.

" _They're going to die."_ Tsunade's voice regretfully points out the obvious. " _None of them can stand up to shinobi. Naruto is too far away to make a difference. Only you can save them."_

" _There's no need to save them."_ Orochimaru apathetically says. " _They are worthless to you."_

"I'm sorry Doto-sama, I thought we already suppressed all traces of a rebel faction." Nadare turns to Doto. "Shall I fix that?"

"No." Doto denies, he has something different in mind. "These kind of people only respond to one thing. A show of absolute force."

The sides of the train cars all open up to reveal a machine of sorts. I have no idea what it's made to do exactly but I can promise one thing, it's made to kill.

" _What will you do?"_ Tsunade asks me. " _Will you save them like the good person you truly are?"_

" _Or will you hide behind your mask of a monster and let them die like I would?"_ Orochimaru asks.

What will I do? Will I throw myself in harm's way to save the lives of fifty people or will I watch and do nothing? Will I step up or will I step aside?

" _Orochimaru has sunk his fangs deep into you, hasn't he?" Anko says in disgust. "I remember you, before you left. You wouldn't idly stand by as others suffered."_

"READY!" A strong voice shouts over the loudspeaker.

" _She's right." Kakashi agrees with Anko. "Remember our first C-rank? I was set on returning to the village because we were lied to about what the mission entitled. But one of my genin, moments after taking a life for his first time, stood up and looked me straight in my eye and said 'we can't let a whole country die.' What happened to that shinobi? Where is he now that another country is in need?"_

"AIM!" The strong voice says again.

" _You used to call him sensei." Naruto alludes to Kakashi. "You used to call us allies. We fought together, we saved Konoha from being trampled by a jinchuriki. You used you own body as a shield for me and because of that you lost your original heart. Alvarcus I thought you died to protect me. Only one other person has ever shown me that kindness. Someone as good as that, someone willing to do anything to protect his friends, is who you are."_

"FIRE!" The strong voice shouts for the last time as countless kunai launch out of the many holes on each train car. The charging men have no chance to stand up to that. If no one does something they'll die in the next three seconds.

" _You're not_ _ **him**_ _." Naruto viciously says. "You're not someone who stands by when he can make a difference. You're not this uncaring and disconnected person."_

I suddenly appear between the charging men and the wall of cold steel with determination set on my face.

"I will not allow these people to die!" I fly through hand signs faster than I ever have before, so fast that only someone with a Sharingan could have a hope of seeing what signs I used. "BURDEN OF ATLAS!"

The wind bends to my iron will, it feels like the sky itself is falling down upon me. The snow blasts away from me and the ground cracks under the sudden all powerful force. The charging men are violently forced to the ground or thrown back the way they came. But most importantly, the entire wall of kunai that was launched out of the train is forced to the cold ground. Countless kunai are launched from the train and every single one of them are blown downwards the instant they come in range of my jutsu.

Yet my knees do not bend despite the intense pressure I'm subjecting myself to. I do not have the luxury of buckling like the rest of the civilians behind me because the moment I fold is the moment they all die.

So I will not fold. I will endure despite the humongous drain on my chakra. I will endure because I have had enough of not caring. I will endure because I refuse to be this apathetic monster that I've slowly turned into.

"NO MORE!" I roar over the buffeting winds of my jutsu. "No longer will I do nothing when someone is in need! No longer will I stand aside when someone needs my help! No longer will I be like Orochimaru! _No longer will I be a monster!_ "

The sheer size of wind slamming down from the Heavens is staggering, the wall of kunai stretches thirty meters wide. My jutsu stretches forty.

"So send your kunai at me!" I roar at the train as a whole. "Send your shinobi at me! Send everything you have, spare nothing in your all out assault against me! You will not be the one to defeat me! I will not allow myself to be defeated by this! I will not yield! I will not stop fighting until my final breath is taken! I will go on until the end!"

"Interesting." Doto assess me, the one thing stopping him from slaughtering all of the people at my back. "I accept your challenge. Do not stop firing."

The train and I wage our war of endless metal against limitless wind for five grueling minutes.

Then I am awarded with the sounds of the machine clinking. They're run out of kunai, they launched them all at me and I stopped every single one of them.

"Ha!" I collapse down to my knees and heave out huge labored breaths. "Told you I'd win."

"Consider me impressed." Doto claps at my display of my strength. "The sheer amount of chakra at your command is staggering, to keep that large of a jutsu going for five minutes is commendable. But now you've exhausted yourself. You can barely move. You're wide open."

Doto rears back his own arm and throws a singular kunai at me. It's heading straight for my heart. I'm too exhausted to move, I threw everything I had into that jutsu and I was already down a heart to begin with. Looks like I'm going to be down two for a bit.

 **CLANG**

"Kakashi-sensei?" I look up at his back. He's standing protectively before me and blocked the kunai that I couldn't dodge.

"You will not harm my favorite student." Even though Kakashi's back is to me I can feel the pride radiating off of him. "Well done Alvarcus. Rest for now, we'll take it from here."

A lone kunai flies through the air, but this one didn't come from the train. It came from behind me. It flies straight and true to embed itself into the very last train car and the slip of paper that's been tied to it ignites.

With a loud ground shaking explosion the car is destroyed. Someone blew it up. Using every ounce of willpower I have at the moment I turn my head to look at where the kunai came from.

"Shikamaru?" He's the one who threw it.

"You and I are not okay yet." He growls at me. "This one act of kindness does not clear you of what you've done. You've got some serious explaining to do before you earn my forgiveness."

"We're at a disadvantage." Doto decides. "We shall withdraw for now. Move the train." As if it's by his will alone, the train starts to move forwards.

 **BOOM**

An explosion from high up on a cliffside knocks free tonnes of snow. All of it gathers momentum from the free fall and slams into the side of the train.

"Ino?" She set off that tag.

"You owe me an apology!" She shouts at me. "And my clothes!"

But Ino's tonnes of snow isn't enough to stop the train, after all it was built with these very conditions in mind. It powers through, chugging along the tracks to a bridge. The small avalanche only slowed it down.

 **BOOM**

Another explosion goes off, this one is on a key support strut to the bridge that the train has only halfway crossed. As the bridge crumbles down the deep ravine it drags the train with it, but someone on the train was expecting something like this to happen. The half that has already made it across decouples from the rear train cars. Those rear train cars fall down to their doom.

"Anko?" Are they all here? Did they all come to help me?

"You… I don't actually have anything." I'm surprisingly not surprised. "Damn. I could have sworn I had something for this. Just don't pull any shit like that again and we'll be cool."

"Alvarcus!" An orange blur tackles me to the ground in a bear hug. "You're back!"

"OOF!" The air in my lungs forcibly leaves. "Naruto you're so lucky I can't move that well right now. I would have dodged that. Let's not make this a thing, I'm not really a touchy feely kind of a person."

"Shut up and let me hug my friend." He orders and I let him continue to squeeze the life out of me. "Who was it?"

"I'm sorry?" I ask him as he finally releases me and pulls me to my feet. "Who was what?"

"The person who pulled you from your darkness?" He eagerly asks me. "Who was it? Oh please say it was me!"

"Sorry Naruto, it wasn't you." I chuckle at his antics.

"Aw damn! That means it was Ino!" Naruto wilts dejectedly. "It's always her dammit!"

"It wasn't her either." I turn my eyes to a new figure that joins us. It's taller than everyone else here and is wearing a white cloak. Its face is covered by an equally white mask. "It was the Jiongu."

The water minion stops its walk towards me and tilts its head in question.

"That was you right?" I plead with the minion. "Please say that was you. I'm not actually schizophrenic right? Oh fuck fuck fuck say that was you!"

A pleasant shiver courses through my body.

 _~I suppose that using Tsunade and Orochimaru's voices to whisper into your mind was a bit extreme. But someone had to do something and like you've said before, I am the only one who truly understands you. No one else could fully comprehend what you needed to hear. So it fell to me to show you that you've slowly become the thing you hate and bring you out of your funk.~_

My water minion discards the cloak and merges with me once more.

"Thank every deity in existence." My shoulders slump in relief. "I thought it was you after a while. Only you can talk in my head like that. That's a huge relief. Seriously I thought I really was insane for a moment there. Who the hell hears voices in their head like that?"

Everyone is looking at me in confusion. They have no idea what I'm talking about or they're just worried that the person saying their not insane is talking with himself. Because that is the epitome of sanity.

"Can we just go inside now?" I groan as I dejectedly hang my head. "And yes I know how bad that just looked."

* * *

Inside one of the Trucks

Every shinobi is present. They're all arranged in a semicircle around me, on the left most is Naruto. The only thing restraining him from pestering me about anything and everything is everyone else's less than pleasant mood.

Next in line is Shikamaru. He's wearing a disapproving frown and is blatantly cleaning a kunai. The kunai was clean when he pulled it out of his pouch, he wanted an excuse to hold a weapon while in my presence. I don't blame him.

In the middle of the semicircle is Kakashi and he seems happy yet also extremely nervous. I think he's glad that I've declared everything I did but he's worried how everyone else will respond to me. Since I did recently - just today in fact - threaten to slaughter the entire movie crew. So yeah, he's nervous for a good reason.

On Kakashi's right side is Ino. And she's _pissed_. That's going to be a joy to deal with, I guarantee she will have some very nasty things to say to me. That's fine, I deserve all of it.

Then on the far right is Anko. She seems surprisingly okay with everything that went down, maybe because of her own experiences? Konoha welcomed her back after she spent years with Orochimaru. I haven't been gone anywhere near that long so she might see this as less severe.

"So I have some explaining to do." I break the tense atmosphere.

"No shit." Shikamaru aggressively cuts in. "The hell is wrong with you?"

"A lot of stuff." I easily admit. "So many things that you would be hard pressed to write it all down. I don't know where to start really."

"Why you left Konoha." Ino scathingly provides a suggestion. "Start from the beginning."

"We're going to be here for a while." I sigh as I lean back into my chair. "So. Why did I leave Konoha? You all want to know that?"

I get an unanimous nod from everyone.

"Because Sasuke asked me to." I offer up an innocent shrug as three out of five jaws drop. Pity, if Kakashi and Ino didn't already know I bet I could have gotten all of them. "He came to my house in the middle of the night and said he's leaving. I couldn't let him go to Orochimaru alone, ironically out of fear he would become twisted into something dark."

"You left Konoha." Anko slowly says to make sure I understand exactly what she's saying. "You went to Orochimaru. You cut ties to everyone for _Sasuke?_ "

"Yep!" I cheerfully smile at the still flabbergasted jonin. "Well he wasn't the only reason just the biggest one. Sasuke will become a very strong person, one that even Kages will learn to respect. I can't let him fall into evil, his entire life has been one big shitshow. Orochimaru would have easily tainted him so I decided to watch over him and keep him from being corrupted by Orochimaru. It worked, just not how I expected. Sasuke, while he's still rough around the edges, is inherently a good person. Orochimaru didn't work on corrupting him at all because Orochimaru had someone else that he wanted to corrupt more. Me. My presence pulled Orochimaru's attention off of Sasuke and onto me simply because Orochimaru wants me more."

"But doesn't Orochimaru desperately want a Sharingan?" Anko asks. "He became obsessed with it at the end of our... relationship."

"True, Orochimaru does desperately want a Sharingan." It's one hundred percent accurate. "But he wants something else more. He wants someone who will never betray him, someone who will stand as his equal, someone that is just as enthusiastic about his projects as Orochimaru is. He thinks he found that in me. Plus there's his whole child complex he has with me, that's not fucked up at all."

I'm not going to add that he wants that person to also be 'immortal.' He doesn't want to waste all of that effort for someone who will perish.

"You're a fucking asshole." Shikamaru growls out. "You never abandoned Konoha you left to protect Sasuke. Then why the _fuck_ did you hurt everyone at the Chunin Exams?"

"Orochimaru thinks I am loyal only to him. How the hell was I supposed to react? Pull out a picnic basket and have happy conversations with everyone? No, I had to put everyone down. Violently. Even then I'm pretty sure he expected me to kill everyone. I've kinda established that reputation throughout Oto."

" _Fine._ " Shikamaru snarls out. "Say I accept that as valid reasoning. Then why the hell are you so uncaring and violent!? How are you okay with threatening to slaughter people?! What happened to you since you've been gone to change you that much?"

"A long list of things that I'd prefer to not share." I admit with a great amount of shame. "Shikamaru, when I called myself a monster it's not because I barely resemble a human when you cut me open and look inside. It was because of the things I've done."

"You don't get to have the luxury of not sharing. Tell us exactly what you've done." Shikamaru demands with his full authority.

"Shikamaru." Naruto softly says to the shadow user. "Let this one go. You want him to relive all the horrors he's been through? If you ever valued your friendship with him please let this one go."

Naruto shoots me a pitiful look out of the corner of his eye as he addresses Shikamaru. He got just a taste of what I've done when we met down in the cargo hold.

"Fine." Shikamaru grunts out then falls silent.

"So now that you're back does this mean you're back back?" Naruto eagerly asks with hope etched onto his entire body. "Oh! I bet I can convince Jiraiya to take you with us! It worked once so why not again? It'll be so much fun!"

"Naruto I'm not going back to Konoha." I bluntly tell him and everyone present refocuses their attention on me. "Sasuke is still with Orochimaru. I'm not going to leave him there alone."

"You're talking like you have a choice." Shikamaru cuts in again. "News flash: You're an A-rank bounty. We're duty bound to bring you or your head in. Do you really think you can stand up to all five of us at once?"

"I bet I could take on four of you at once. Kakashi though, he's a whole different story." I look at my quiet sensei. "I don't think I can best him. Not yet at least. But I won't go quietly, I'll make you work your ass off to capture me."

"Hm. Work. No thanks." Kakashi easily denies. "I'd much rather spend that time reading. Or just not working, I'm not picky. This was supposed to be an easy mission for me too."

"Yeah." Anko cuts in with a cheeky grin. "I think I'm busy that day. My schedule is packed full I can't fit in taking down an A-ranked bounty anywhere."

"Well… I suppose he's got a point." Naruto admits. "Sasuke does need him. Can't help him if he's in jail."

"I will not try to force him back." Ino angrily growls out. Oh boy. I can't wait until she explodes on me. It's going to be legendary. "And you have no chance against him on your own so it's best to just let him go."

"You're all too soft." Shikamaru sighs in defeat. "Seriously, just because he's our friend doesn't mean we should bend the rules all the time for him. I'll let it happen just this once. Next time you're coming back."

"If you can defeat me I'll gladly go back." I promise Shikamaru. It's the exact same thing I've promised every other friend back in Konoha.

"So I'm going to ask the question that we should have asked when we first saw you." Anko speaks up. "Why the hell are you even here?"

"Yeah that's a good question. Why are you here?" Naruto asks too.

"Oh." Huh, that has never come up before. "Simple, I'm here to get a specific metal. Doto has some of it in his Chakra Armor so if you all could avoid destroying it that would be fantastic. There's probably more _somewhere_ I just don't know where at."

"Then he's yours to deal with." Shikamaru barters. "If you want his armor you get to beat him."

"Sure." I easily agree. I did plan on dealing with him before but now it's official. He's my problem. "I've even got a few ideas on how to work around the chakra armor absorbing ninjutsu. It's going to be hilarious if it works."

"I'll be sure to watch then." Kakashi says. "Now I believe it's best that we go explain what's going on to everyone else."

"Yeah." Shikamaru rises with Kakashi. "Great. I can't wait until the Director demands that I be in his movie."

"I wanna be in the movie!" Naruto chases after the other two shinobi. "Wait! Lemme be in the movie!"

It's just Anko, Ino and I left in the room.

"Soooo… you two going to be okay in here if I leave too?" Anko asks as she shoots the both of us a very peculiar glance. It's nervous yet excited at the same time. I have no idea where the hell either of those came from.

"Oh yes." Ino doesn't spare Anko a glance. "We're going to be just _perfect._ "

Great. I wanted to put this asschewing off until later. Too bad Ino wants to do it now.

"Uh… yeah?" I squeak out.

"Cool. I'm gonna go now. Have fun kids." Anko leaves the room too.

Now it's just Ino and I.

"Ino I'm sorry-"

 **SLAP**

"I deserve that." I admit as my face stings. "I've been a massive ass and I'm sorry-"

"Shut up!" She demands then does something I don't expect.

She pulls me into a hug. A warm and tender hug.

"Just shut up." She says much softer this time. "Don't _ever_ do that again."

"Which part? The whole asshole part or the saving people thing? Cuz I'd like to keep saving people."

"You ass." She laughs softly. "You know exactly what I meant. Quit trying to push everyone away. Quit trying to do everything alone. Let people in again, let them help you."

"I will." I assure her as I finally return her hug. "Thank you Ino."

"For what?" She asks. "Slapping you? Because I'm willing to do that again. It felt great. Amazing even."

"For not making me tell them about the spying. Or the plotting against Orochimaru. Or the War."

"They've had enough excitement for one day." Ino says as she buries her face into my shoulder. "Hell I've had enough excitement for the whole month and the mission isn't even over yet."

"Sorry? That's kinda my fault." I awkwardly admit. Hey it's tough to own up to all the shit I did.

"Yes." Ino instantly agrees. "Yes it is. It's completely your fault."

"I did warn everyone that I don't have normal missions. Everything goes wrong around me."

"You were so right." Ino laughs to herself again. "Seriously why the hell does nothing ever go smoothly for you?"

"I ask myself that question every day." Hold on a moment. She's cursing. Ino doesn't curse. "Well would you look at that. Anko must be a bad influence on you. First ass, then hell, and hell again. Ino you potty mouth!"

"You have no right to talk about me cursing." Ino says with an accusatory tone. "I've never heard anyone else come close to the things you say."

"Yeah I curse a fucking lot. Exhibit A, right there. Haha that was a good one! Wow I need to get out more."

"Yeah you really do."

"Uh… Ino?"

"Yes?"

"Is there a reason you're feeling up my back?" She's been running her hands up and down it for a while now.

"It's just so strange." She says distractedly. "Do you have any idea how weird it is to hug someone with five masks on their back? There's no good spot for me to put my arms."

"Well aren't you feeling confident. You have the balls to slap me then feel up my back within the same ten minutes?"

"Shut up or I slap you again." She threatens. "Seriously though aren't they extremely uncomfortable? Even sitting down in a chair they have to get in the way, not to mention laying down on your back."

"Eh you get used to it." I nonchalantly say. "So… just out of curiosity just how long are you going to keep hugging me? Not that it isn't nice but you don't want to send the wrong message."

"EEP!" Ino breaks the hug and quickly steps away with a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks. "I'mGoingToGoNowBye!"

With those inspiring parting words Ino flees from room.

"Fucking dammit!" I faintly hear on the wind, it sound suspiciously like Anko.

"Well. That wasn't strange at all." I shrug to myself and make my way out of the room too.

* * *

Later

I've wandered off on my own for a bit under the disguise of scouting for threats. I've move way ahead of the trucks to survey the terrain and what not but in reality I wanted to be alone for a bit. Or in my case just me and the Jiongu.

I need to have a conversation with it and I don't want to be overheard or seen as crazy. Again. Cuz I've definitely not done that recently.

"Hey Jiongu?"

 _~Yes Host?~_

"Thanks. For everything."

 _~You don't need to thank me. You are my Host and I am your Parasite. One can no longer exist without the other so we protect each other. From all sources, pain, violence, and even yourself.~_

"Still it has to be said. Thank you Jiongu."

 _~Sureddo.~_

"I'm sorry?"

 _~Names are not something that someone decides for themselves, they are given. Before we left on this trip you referred to yourself as Sureddo be cause it was 'your thing.' But that thing you got the name from was me, hence you called me Sureddo. You've named me. So that is what I've decided upon. My name is Sureddo.~_

"It's nice to meet you Sureddo." I affectionately say to my friend.

 _~It's nice to meet you Alvarcus.~_

That's the first time that it has called me by my name.


	60. Chapter 60

The Next Morning

"Summoning Jutsu!" I lightly tap the floor of the room I'm alone in.

We've made camp in an 'abandoned' town. It's not really abandoned, it just looks like that from an observative view. In reality this is where the group of men that came to attack the train were stationed, this is their camp.

I've wandered around for two reasons. One: to familiarize myself with the layout. Two: I wanted to find a private spot to talk to Shirokumo.

I need to apologize to him.

There's a small puff of smoke that materializes where I touched the floor. That's it, there's no warm greeting of Sup Al. Just the puff of smoke and a very irate white spider glaring at me.

This is going to suck. That doesn't matter, it needs to happen.

"Shirokumo I am sorry." I immediately apologize to him with the first words out of my mouth. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you and taking my anger out on you when all you were trying to do was look out for me. I'm sorry that I've been such an asshole."

"I've been under such an insane amount of stress and pressure. I've just shoved all of that into a metaphorical glass container and it finally shattered. I know that you only were looking out for me, that what you said wasn't intended to piss me off. So I am sorry. Truly, I am."

"You're damn right you should be sorry!" Shirokumo shouts at me. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to put up with you? My life used to be easy! Easy! Ever since you came into the picture it's been a shitstorm!"

"Well I won't argue that." I weakly admit, I know how messed up my life here has been firsthand. Then I let a cheeky smile form on my face. "But it's been a hell of a lot of fun, hasn't it?"

"You're right you dick." Shirokumo lets out a happy chuckle and climbs up me to rest on my head. I have no idea why he likes it up there so much. "So what happened?

I wince. "Long story incredibly short: The Konoha nin tried to make me realize the error of my ways by ganging up on me to have a surprise intervention. I… kinda didn't take it well."

"No shit." Shirokumo snorts. "What did you do? Please say you didn't threaten to kill anyone."

"Oh. Uh. So funny you should mention that…"

"Al. Please say you didn't." Shirokumo begs me but he already knows the answer.

"Maybe a little?" I squeak out. "Only… everyone but Koyuki."

"Al come on! You can't solve everything like that!" Shirokumo thwaps me on the head with two of his legs. "Obviously you've all patched things up. Right?"

"Yeah. We're mostly cool. I still have some redeeming stuff to do for a couple of the members but they're no longer going to come after my head. Hopefully. Anyways they shouldn't, I've been pulled out of my funk and am willingly helping them now."

"Huh." That entire concept stumps Shirokumo. "Who pulled you out of your funk? And why the hell are you calling it a funk? There's got to be a better word for it."

"There probably is a better word for it but funk makes it sound less like I was a murderous blood starved monster that got off on torturing people that caused me minor inconveniences. So yeah, I'm sticking with funk."

"Good point." Shirokumo agrees with me wholeheartedly. "So who was it? Sure as hell wasn't me. That Ino girl?"

"Why does everyone assume it was her?" Why is that a thing? Seriously this is becoming a trend. What the hell people?

"Uh… she's the only one of your friends to know most of the big picture? She's the only one of them that's experienced a sliver of your suffering? She's the only one who doesn't constantly judge you on your actions, she just wants to make sure you're okay? She's the one who knows you the best. That's what it all boils down to. Well here at least, I'm sure Sasuke knows you better than she does but he doesn't know that you're doing all of that extra stuff on the side. You know, the whole Akatsuki stuff."

"Oh yeah, speaking of the Akatsuki I want you to do something for me."

"Oi. Later." Shirokumo pokes the top of my head. "We're talking about who got you out of your funk. So who was it?"

"Sureddo." I easily supply but Shirokumo doesn't understand. "The one being that knows me the best out of everyone, including Sasuke. The Jiongu."

" _Really?_ " Shirokumo says in disbelief. "The bloodthirsty heart stealing thread monster convinced you to stop being a bloodthirsty heart stealing thread monster? Don't you hear how absurd that sounds?"

"Oh yeah, threw me for a loop too." I assure him. "But there's something you got wrong there, hell even the Konoha nin assumed this too."

"Go on." Shirokumo urges.

"I've decided to start to _care_ again. About people. About things. Just caring in general. Basically I'll stop instantly resorting to extreme methods right off the bat, the days of me horribly burning someone because they won't get out of my way are over. That's what's changed about me, my threshold for using violence has increased. I'm still going to be violent when I battle. I'm still going to mock and tease my opponents so viciously they'll think I'm insane or drive themselves to insanity instead. Everyone thinks that I'm back to being the chipper innocent - okay innocent ish - Alvarcus they once knew, the me before I left for Orochimaru. But I can never truly go back to being that person, even if I don't want to admit it Orochimaru has stained me a different color."

"What are you saying?" Shirokumo asks. "You're not making the most sense. You're not going to be violent but you are? Give me the simple version."

"Ino sees me as a hero. Orochimaru has been trying to make me a villain. I am neither." I calmly explain. "In the scale of good and evil, light and dark, I've found my spot. I am not the shining beacon of the world, I am no hero. Nor am I the strong pillar of darkness, I am no villain. I am in the middle, gray if you want to stick with the light and dark metaphor. I'm something that's defined as an anti-hero, someone who does good in this world but they do good by using questionable means. I'm going to use every tool at my disposal, every weapon no matter how questionably immoral, to achieve my goal. And that goal is stopping a war or at the very least minimizing the casualties on the population as a whole."

"You're going to need some crazy tools to stop a freaking war." Shirokumo bluntly points out the obvious. "Or did you forget that the group trying to start the war is full of S-rank threats?"

"Believe me, we haven't seen the beginnings to their real strength yet." I grimly assure my summon. "They've got shinobi that can level entire villages _with a single jutsu._ "

"Holy shit." Shirokumo blurts out in shock. "That's… that's not S-rank. That's above S-rank."

"Well the moves necessary to level a village do have very high costs, one of them straight up kills the user to cause an explosion spanning 10 kilometers and the other drastically shortens the user's lifespan if used on that scale. It's not like they can churn those things out whenever they want to."

"Still. You don't have anything near that."

"True, even their normal combat is at a higher level than mine but that gap is closing quickly. But I don't need to close the gap, I don't need to stand evenly with them. I need to stand _above_ them."

"And how the hell do you plan to do that?" Shirokumo blandly asks me.

"Well… Honestly I've got no fucking clue." I admit with a half shrug. "I've got a few ideas but nothing concrete since they all require me to go down different paths."

"What do you have so far? Maybe I can help somehow. Find an ancient tome or something?" He offers.

"Well, I see four main ways. First: I just throw everything I have into bettering myself. I'll drastically lower learning new skills and perfect the ones I already have. It lines up well because I have a Sannin willing to help me improve and spar against."

"Yeah that could work, but will that make you good enough? The Jiongu makes you deadly but not anywhere on the same scale as some of those people. Especially since by now they all know you have it, you can't use it as a surprise against them. That was something that could have won you the fights but now it's off the table."

"That's why I won't go down that route." I concede to his points, I've already thought of them myself. "Second: Fuinjutsu. Some of the deadliest people to ever walk this world were Seal Masters. If I fully dedicate myself to studying that particular art then I could stand a chance, I even have some crazy ideas to implement."

"But that takes time." Shirokumo points out another flaw. "You don't have that much time, you're going to end up cutting it close with your sword the way it is. Fuinjutsu takes years, decades to master."

"Again, probably not going to go down that route. I could become a deadly force with above average general skills and above average fuinjutsu, hell I could probably become S-rank myself that way. But I won't be able to stand up to the Akatsuki if I'm only above average. I need amazing. That takes us to the third option: The Rinnegan."

"Yeah there's just one tiny problem with that." Shirokumo snorts out. "You'd need it to fight the Akatsuki but the only person alive that has it is in the Akatsuki. That one is out."

"True, but those eyes play a key part in the coming war. If I get the chance to make them mine, they're mine. Plus come on! They're fucking _cool!_ "

"Well I can't deny that one. They certainly are… cool. What's the fourth reason?"

"Fourth is the one that I'm most afraid to try." I shamelessly admit. "Going down this route could - and according to statistics _would_ \- kill me. I can't help if I'm dead. Plus I have no idea if Sureddo and it would get along or cause major problems. Not to mention I don't even know if I can go down this route even if I want to."

"Quit beating around the bush and tell me what it is." Shirokumo demands.

"I could become a Sage." My easily spoken words cause Shirokumo to freeze on my head, his entire body locked up. "You okay up there?"

"You… know about Sages?" He tentatively asks.

"Oh yeah." I confirm. "They take in Nature Chakra to enhance both themselves and their jutsu. Everything about them becomes better. They're faster, they're stronger, they're more intune with their senses. Hell they even get some special abilities too!"

The Toads granted Naruto a specialized Sage taijutsu combat style where he can manipulate the nature chakra around him to strike at his opponents even if he misses. The Snakes grant the user command over inanimate objects, I vividly remember Kabuto making a cave do crazy things. The real question is, do the Spiders have their own version of Sage Mode?

"Then why haven't you said anything about Sages to me before?" Shirokumo asks me.

"Well… it's not my place to ask. To be offered to learn how to become a Sage is a great honor, it is not something that one can just demand. It's not up to me to decide if I want to become one, it's up to whoever the Great Spider Sage is, or his or her equivalent. I have to be deemed worthy and you've seen all of my actions recently. They're hardly Sage material. Plus I have no idea if there even is a Spider that can teach me it, it's very possible that there isn't one. So I've never brought it up."

"If we do have someone that can teach you to become a Sage, would you do it?" Shirokumo asks.

"I'd be risking turning into a statute forever. It is a huge risk, but if I survive it then I'll become that much more of a threat. It's either I die or I become ridiculously stronger. But in the end I simply may not have the choice. It is not something that I particularly want to do but it may be something I _have_ to do. Right now becoming a Sage is the most likely and best option for me to stand against the Akatsuki. So to answer your question, yes. If offered to become a Sage I would attempt it, not because I want to but because I need to."

"Hm." Shirokumo assesses me. "You don't want to do it but you will. Not technically for yourself, but for others. The reason you would become a Sage is to save the world, not just for power."

"Wow that didn't sound cheesy at all." I snort in amusement. "Yes Shirokumo, I'd do it to save the world. Jeez do you have any idea how lame that sounds?"

"Interesting." Shirokumo distractedly says, he's lost in his own thoughts for a moment. Then he refocuses on me with a jovial aura. "Well I best be off now! Things to do and people to meet! Plus it's freaking cold here even if we're inside."

"Alright alright go back where it's warm." I laugh at his antics. "I get it, you're cold. See ya next time."

"Bye Al." Shirokumo poofs away leaving me alone in the empty room.

"Whew." I wipe nonexistent sweat off my brow. "That went much better than I thought it would."

* * *

The Nest

"Oh wow it's so much warmer here." Shirokumo happily says the second he lands on his legs. All eight of them.

"So how is our Summoner?" Arachne greets him warmly. "I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's close." Shirokumo says to the much larger spider. "He's very, very close."

"Close to what?" Arachne blinks all eight of her eyes.

"Passing the Trials. He only has one left."

"Do you think he will pass them?" Arachne eagerly asks. "Having a Sage is so much fun, plus we can lord it over all the other Summon creatures. Ha ha we've got a Sage and you don't!"

"The Toads have a Sage." Shirokumo bluntly points out.

"Pfft he's half a Sage at best. Never finished the training." Arachne easily dismisses Jiraiya. "We will make sure he's a true Sage, a perfect Sage."

"If he passes."

"Yes, if he passes." Arachne agrees. "There's only one left though. He could pass quicker than we expected."

"He's already blown through them. It takes other's decades to pass one yet he only has one left."

"True." Arachne clasps her front two legs together. "It's all so exciting!"

"Yeah. Exciting. Let's go with that."

* * *

Back in the Land of Snow

RIght now most of the shinobi are gathered in this one room. Anko is continuing to teach - or torment not really sure which one it is - Ino something. She's slowly making Ino stretch backwards farther and farther. It's actually very impressive, Ino's flexibility is outstanding. She can almost bend all the way down _backwards_ to touch her toes. The only reason why I say it might be tormenting and not teaching is because Ino is blushing the entire time.

That might be because Anko forced her back into just the purple coat for now since we're inside. And… well… a coat that doesn't close and bending over backwards don't mix well.

Kakashi, on the other hand, is being his usual self. He's lounging in a chair and doing exactly what I expected. He's reading his books. Although he's swapped out the green one I just gave him for a bright yellow one, no idea why. Maybe he wanted a change? Meh it's not important.

Naruto is the only one missing, he's on Koyuki watch right now. On top of that he's got around ten-ish shadow clones acting as scouts around the abandoned town we've made camp in just incase Doto and his idiotic hat defiling shinobi decide to come back.

That leaves Shikamaru and me. We're sitting next to each other, doing our own things. He's practically asleep and I'm idly staring off into space while pondering how to start talking to him.

Well, here goes nothing.

"So…" I semi awkwardly attempt to open up conversation with Shikamaru. "How's things?"

"You want the truth?" He asks without bothering to look at me.

"Yes?" Honestly I probably don't. He's going to say something bad, I can feel it.

"Shitty. This entire mission has been one giant problem after the next." He finally looks at me with an accusatory glare.

"Okay, totally my fault. I admit it." I called it, I knew he'd say something like that. "But I'm here to help now. Willingly this time."

"Doesn't make up for all the shit you've done recently." Shikamaru sighs. "But it is a start."

Yes! It's a start, that means I'm doing something right for once! WOOT WOOT!

"So Shikamaru, since you're the team leader and all, is there any specific role you want me to take? I know before I was pretty adamant about only protecting Koyuki but I can do more if you want me to."

"Keeping everyone alive is your greatest priority." Shikamaru instantly decides, I bet he already thought about it. "As much as it pains me to admit, you're probably the next strongest here after Kakashi. He's running offense so you'll be running defense with Anko. Naruto, me and Ino are all bouncing between the two as needed."

"Cool. Simple enough. But I'm still going after Doto if he shows up, I do need that armor."

"Whatever, by the time he decides to fight we'll have taken down most of his lackeys so we can divert more manpower to defense."

"EVERYONE COME QUICK!" Naruto shouts at the top of his lungs as he bursts into the room. "There's - there's - oh just get outside! I don't know what the hell it is!"

The relaxed mood of everyone is instantly replaced with one of alertness. We've all drawn the same conclusion based off of Naruto's actions, something is wrong. Really wrong.

So like a bunch of highly trained killers that have been taught to react to threats at the drop of a hat we all move like a well oiled machine to get outside and assess the threat that has Naruto so worked up.

"I don't see anything." Anko says as she scans the horizon for threats.

"Me either." Ino is scanning a different section of the horizon than Anko.

"Naruto." Shikamaru crassly says to the freaking out genin. "If this is a prank-"

"Over there! Look! In the sky!" Naruto points due east towards the sky, sure enough there's something there. The only reason no one noticed it before was because it used various mountains and the sunrise to hide itself, the glaring brightness of the sun drowned out whatever this is while the towering peaks blocked it completely from our vision. "What the hell is that!?"

We're not the only people to be outside, there's a large part of both the group that assaulted the train and the movie crew outside too. We're not the only ones to notice the object flying towards us.

"It's Doto's warship!" One of the men that attempted to assault the train shouts. "He's found us and brought out his warship to exterminate us! We have to run!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I say in exasperation. "That's not a warship, it's a fucking blimp. Doto has a blimp. One of his shinobi has a snowboard. Another has wings. The last one has a narwhal jutsu. What the hell is going on with this country?"

"You know what that is?" Shikamaru asks me with his entire intellect devoted to figuring out how to take it down. "How do we stop it?"

"Well it depends on what gas was used to provide it with lift." I begin to explain. "How blimps work is there's a giant balloon, for lack of a better term, attached to the thing that is supposed to fly. The balloon is filled with a gas that's lighter than what the atmosphere is made up of to give it a kind of buoyancy, like a boat in water. Instead it's that giant thing in the air. The two most likely gasses to be used to provide the blimp with it's 'lift' are hydrogen and helium. Hydrogen is the better gas to pick if you're basing it solely off of lift power since it's lighter than helium but hydrogen has a nasty side effect of being horrendously flammable. Just one spark and boom, no more blimp. Helium, on the other hand, is not flammable but provides less lift power. So if Doto filled up his blimp with hydrogen we're going to make a massive fireball the likes of which this world has never seen before - which is the one I'm hoping for because that shit would be _awesome_ \- but if it's helium then we have to do it the old fashioned way, use a fuckton of explosive tags or really impressive jutsu to blast it out of the sky. Or we could just board it and kick everyone else off of it. Preferably while still in the air."

The only response I get is silence and slack jawed observers.

"What?" I quickly rub my face. "Was there something on my face? Did I get it off?"

"That… was incredibly specific." Kakashi is the first to recover. "How do you know all of that?"

Shit. Time to lie my ass off and hope no one catches me. It's not like I can say I was bored one day and Googled it. Oh what's Google you ask, this magical thing on the internet from my previous life. Yeah, that would go over well.

"Uh hello? I've been living and training under Orochimaru, sure he's a shinobi first but he's a scientist second. He likes to know how things work and I've picked up a bit of this and that from him."

"Okay." Naruto pulls himself together. "Alvarcus is actually incredibly smart. Never would have guessed that."

"What the hell? Did you think I was a moron or something?" I accuse Naruto.

"A little?" Naruto admits shamefully.

"You do the weirdest stuff ever." Ino blandly points out. "If I haven't been inside your head and seen just a glimpse of what your thought process is like I'd consider you a massive idiot too."

"Yeah you don't exactly scream intelligent. Nor do you look the part." Anko agrees with the other two shinobi.

"I always knew you were above average but never thought you'd be this smart." Even Shikamaru thought that! "You did a lot of stupid stuff, even before you left. I distinctly remember you being blamed for setting a building on fire in Konoha while on a demolition mission after the Invasion. Then it exploded and ANBU had to step in."

"I've always known he's smart." Oh thank you Kakashi! Thank you so much! "Alvarcus may seem like a bumbling fool most of the time but in reality he's a gifted strategist in his own right. It's just that his plans tend to be a bit unorthodox and potentially scarring. I figured that out when we fought Zabuza."

"Zabuza?" Naruto asks. "Who is Zabuza?"

"Ex member of the Legendary Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. He's dead now." I bluntly say. "Guys, don't we have bigger problems than trying to insult my intelligence? Like say, the FUCKING BLIMP THAT'S ALMOST ON TOP OF US?"

"Right. Here's the plan." Shikamaru temples his fingers together as he goes deep in thought. "We've got to get Koyuki out of here-"

"Why must I leave?" Koyuki and Sandayu boldly walk out of the building that we were all in only minutes ago. "What is _that?_ "

"That would be your uncle's blimp." I monotonously summarize in six words. "We're going to get you away from it, right now."

 **SCREEEEECH**

The sound of microphone feedback tears through the air.

"Good morning you miserable wretches." Doto's voice resonates out of the speakers mounted to his blimp. "I will give you one chance, only one, to hand over my long lost niece. If you comply I will spare you lives for today and forgive you all assaulting my _very expensive and hard to make_ train. Should you fail to bring her to me I will level this entire town with impunity. You have five minutes to produce her, the clock starts now."

"So." I turn to the rest of the group as I pull out a kunai and wrap one of my explosive tags around the hilt. "Can I attempt to make the world's biggest fireball right now? Cuz I'm getting a bit twitchy."

"Alvarcus it's above us and the town." Kakashi denies. "If it is a fireball waiting to happen and you spark it now it's going to fall down on us. That's bad. We don't want that."

"But Kakashi! I wanna make a fireball! Not just any fireball the world's biggest fireball!" I stomp my foot like a child that was just told they can't have only cookies for dinner.

"No!" Ino thwaps me in the back of the head. "I don't want a burning lump of metal falling down on my head! Do it later!"

"Ow. Fine. Later when there's less people in the crash zone." I tenderly rub the back of my head. "I let you slap me once and now it's open season. Let's not make this a recurring thing. I'm not a fan."

"When there's _no one_ in the crash zone." Ino firmly demands. "And someone has to stop you from doing stupid things, if it's by smacking you around then so be it. I'll _gladly_ smack you around as much as needed. I wasn't kidding when I said if felt good. It's very therapeutic."

"Wait wait wait." Naruto butts in. "Ino you _slapped_ Alvarcus?"

"Yes she did. Then she proceeded to feel up my back and comment about my masks and how uncomfortable they must be." I blandly share with everyone and I feel just a hint of satisfaction at Ino's mortified face when I shared the part about her feeling me up. "Anyways, and I have no idea why _I'm_ being the voice of reason here, we've got to do something."

"You're right. I suppose we should do something about that." Kakashi straightens up, his lackadaisical posture vanishes. He's all business now, he's ready to fight to the death. "So. Shikamaru. Team leader. Orders? We've got about four minutes before Doto does whatever he's got planned."

"Okay. Okay. I've got this. Just give me a moment." Shikamaru racks his brain for any and all possible solutions. "Can anyone get up there?"

"No." Kakashi instantly and briskly answers.

"Nope." Anko follows suit.

"Maybe?" Naruto says as he's judging the distance from here to the blimp. "I could summon a Toad to leap me up there but it's really cold here and I don't know if I can convince the one I'd summon to go through with it. Plus he's so big he could take the entire thing down once he lands on it."

"So no." Shikamaru decides and continues plotting with the new information.

"No. I've got nothing that could do that." Ino says.

"I can get up there." It's my turn to judge the distance from here to the blimp. It's not that far. I could have one of my minions throw me up there. "I can easily get up there. There's just one tiny problem though."

"And what is it?" Shikamaru asks. "We could use someone on the inside."

"Yeah… it's just… well you see…" I awkwardly trail off.

"Alvarcus has a crippling fear of heights." Kakashi sighs out. "He locks up when he's high in the air without a secure handhold on something."

"Oh yeah. He freaked out when we were on Gamabunta way back when." Naruto reflects back on his memories. "It was weird to see him so out of it."

"You're afraid of heights?" Shikamaru asks in disbelief. "But on the ship you made the crow's nest your bunk! That's the highest point on the boat!"

"Well yeah but it wasn't that high. Plus I knew that I could easily catch myself with the mast if I fell whenever I wanted to. But the blimp is _way_ higher and if I fall off that there's nothing for me to grab onto. It's a long drop down to the cold hard ground. It's not technically the height I'm terrified of, it's falling for extended periods of time without being able to stop myself. It's fucking terrifying, I like being in control. In the air like that, you can't change anything. The only choice you have is to plummet."

"Wow. I never would have guessed you'd have such a mundane fear." Shikamaru says. "Alright, so no one goes to the blimp."

"I vote for making it into a fireball." I voice again as I flip the kunai in the air then catch it. "Ready and willing."

"No." Everyone else says in unison.

"You all suck." I pout as I put the kunai away.

"Alright so here's the plan." Shikamaru finally says something productive. "Kakashi and Alvarcus are going to stop whatever it shoots at the town. We don't know what will come out of it so we need our best ready to stop it. Anko, Naruto, Ino and I will stick with Koyuki and the rest of the people here to protect them from any Snow shinobi that attempt to infiltrate and kidnap her."

"That's it?" I ask in confusion. "I thought you were some up and coming genius strategist. Shouldn't you have specific roles for everyone and they somehow mesh together to make a complex plan come to fruition? You know, like I get to burn down the blimp, Kakashi takes out Nadare, Naruto takes out snowboard guy who's name I forgot, Anko takes out pink pig tails whose name I also forgot and you and Ino protect everyone else while we're looking awesome?"

"Yeah!" Naruto chimes in. "Why don't we do that?"

"Because we don't know if they have anything else planned you morons." Shikamaru scoffs out. "We don't know what they're going to do, we don't even know if that team of three is the only threat on the blimp. So we're going with my plan. Kakashi and Alvarcus stop the blimp from destroying the town. Everyone else protect the civilians with an emphasis on Koyuki. Got it?"

"Fine." I huff out. "I still wanna make it a fireball."

"What if it's made of the not flammable gas, helium?" Anko asks.

"Oi." I turn a glare on her. "Don't ruin this for me. I want this to happen so badly. I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen."

"You little punk that's exactly how I feel!" Anko slips up and lets anger dance on her face for a moment. "Man up already!"

"Uh… what the hell are you talking about?" I intelligently respond with a look of confusion.

"How are you both this damn _dense!_ " Anko shouts out with an added stomp for effect. "I swear the only way to get you two to realize it is to throw you both in a room and lock the door! Gah!"

I glance at the rest of the shinobi here.

Kakashi looks mildly amused. Naruto looks just as confused as I am if not more. Shikamaru is quickly glancing between Ino and me. Ino is… blushing madly? What? Why would she be blushing?

Unless… no. It can't be. Does she like -

 **SCREEEEECH**

The sound of microphone feedback rips through the air again.

"Ah, Koyuki darling, how nice to see you again." Doto's voice resonates through the entire town.

"What!?" All of the shinobi quickly look to where we last saw the Princess, barely two meters away with Sandayu. The only person there is an equally caught off guard Sandayu and _no Koyuki._

"Koyuki no!" Sandayu yells as he spots his charge standing ontop of a building staring up at the blimp with a sense of resignation.

"She slipped away while we were planning!" Naruto shouts out. "But why! Why would she do that? We're here to protect her!"

"The idiot probably didn't think we were capable." I snarl out. "Great. Now we have to get her out of this mess."

"DOTO!" Koyuki shouts up at the blimp. "I am here! Spare these people like you promised and I will willingly go with you! They don't need to die! They don't deserve to die! Not for me, not for this!" She grabs the Hexagonal Crystal that's around her neck to emphasis her point. "I have what you want. Come get it."

"You've gotta be shitting me." Shikamaru groans out. "Kakashi stop her!"

"You've got it." Kakashi takes off in a burst of unrivaled speed that kicks up snow along his path. He's not bothering to go through the building, he's running straight at the walls of it. He's going to run right up it to Koyuki.

It's a smart move, send our fastest shinobi along the quickest path to protect the package.

"No, how about you come to me?" Doto laughs over the speakers as a door opens on the blimp, revealing a minion with a metal gauntlet. The minion _fires his fist_ at Koyuki and a long cable keeps them connected. The fist grabs Koyuki around the waist and quickly starts to reel her in. Doto is taking Koyuki aboard the blimp.

Kakashi wasn't fast enough, he couldn't get there in time.

"Oh come the fuck on!" I shout at the blimp despite no one on it being able to hear me. "Who the hell has retractable limbs!?"

 _~Uh… technically you do. We can totally do that too. Just saying.~_

"Alvarcus." Shikamaru immediately turns to me. "You're not going to like this."

"Do I have to?" I whine out. I know exactly what he wants me to do. I really don't want to do it.

"Look on the bright side, once you get Koyuki out you'll be able to make that fireball you won't shut up about." Shikamaru points out.

"You're playing me." I accuse him. "You're using what I want against me. I know it. And you fucker it's working! DAMMIT!"

I quickly take off my coat and toss it to the ground. I'm just in a long sleeved black shirt now and I lift the back of that up too.

"What the hell are you doing?" Anko asks. "Put your damn clothes back on this is not the time or the place _or the right person_ to do this around!"

"Shut up. I don't like ruining my clothes even if I can replace them super easily. So, what are you thinking? Two? Three?"

"The hell? Are you mad?" Anko asks me again.

"Probably, now shut up. I'm not talking to you. So two or three?"

 _~You're much lighter than a boulder and the distance is shorter, two will more than suffice. It's probably overkill but I'm not certain one will work. Which elements do you want to leave behind?~_

"Water and earth. I need overwhelming force if I'm doing this alone so I'm bringing the three most destructive elements I can. Water is my weakest and earth is mainly defensive but as an added reason I doubt there's water and earth just hanging out on a fucking blimp. Plus I have to bring fire for this, that blimp is going to burn."

 _~Two it is.~_

My loyal minions squelch out of my back then quickly merge into one even bigger humanoid figure. Except this humanoid figure has only one massively disproportionate arm. I quickly hop into the humongous open hand and squat down.

"Holy shit." Shikamaru says. "You're going to _throw_ yourself at it?"

"Shut up shut up shut up! I'm already strongly against this quit making it worse for me!" I shout at the Nara. "Sureddo."

 _~Yes, Alvarcus?~_

"Don't fucking miss." I snarl out.

The double minion rears back and the threads within it bulge as it prepares to throw me. With a mighty heave I'm thrown through the air. Thrown doesn't do it justice, I'm like a bullet. The sheer force that Sureddo put behind the toss is incredible, it's so incredible that I'm almost already to the ship after two seconds of airtime.

"SHIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LAND?!"

 _ **CRASH**_

"Ouch." The konoha gang winces in sympathy as they stare at the human sized hole in the exterior wall of the carriage of the blimp.

"So… am I seeing things or did Alvarcus just go flying at the blimp?" Kakashi asks as he rejoins the group.

"Even better." Shikamaru points over his shoulder at the gigantic thread monster. "He threw himself at it."

"Wow." Kakashi looks from the monster, to the hole in the carriage of the blimp, then back to the monster. "Maybe he is crazy after all."

* * *

On the Blimp

"Fuck that was a bad idea." I thankfully breached the ship in a storage room. The only stuff in here is wooden crates. Or what used to be wooden crates, now it's scrap wood and splinters because I broke them. "Never doing that again. _NEVER!_ "

I dust myself off and make my way to the door. It's time to cause glorious mayhem until I find Koyuki. It's going to be so much fun!

"Why the hell is the door locked?" I mutter to myself as I jiggle the handle. It's not budging at all. "Better question: why did I even try it in the first place? I'm here to make a statement."

With a deafening bang I kick the door. Said door goes flying off it's hinges and crashes into the other side of the hallway. It causes quite the ruckus, the loud noise echoes throughout the entire blimp.

Good. I've got a Princess to find.

The instant I step out into the hallway I'm confronted by four shinobi, they must have been the closest bunch and came to investigate.

"Who the hell are you?" One of them rudely shouts at me while brandishing a kunai. The other three shinobi all also fall into a combat stance, one draws a sword, another preps for a jutsu and the last draws two kunai. "And how did you get onboard?"

"Where's Koyuki?" I ask my own question in return with an air of nonchalance about me.

"Like we would tell you!" The sword wielding shinobi shouts at me.

"Surrender or die!" The two kunai wielding shinobi demands.

"Alright." I roll my shoulders in preparation for what is about to happen. I don't really need to warm up at all I just think it has a nice added visual effect. "So I've turned over a new leaf so to speak. I've made a promise to myself to be less violent and be more humane when I deal with people. So here's what's going to happen, either you tell me where Koyuki is or I kill all but one of you. The one I spare will then run away and tell everyone what just happened and that will cause the rest of the shinobi on this blimp to swarm me. And then we rinse and repeat until someone cracks and tells me where Koyuki is. How about we skip all that and one of you mans up and tells me what I want to know?"

"Yeah and I want your big titted blonde Hokage to blow me! But neither of those things are going to happen!" The original shinobi that shouted at me shouts at me yet again. "I know your kind, you all talk a big game but you don't have the balls to follow through!"

"Oh you poor ignorant fool." I with a large amount of faked sadness and disappointment. "The other shinobi are from Konoha. I'm from _Otogakure_. There's just a minor difference between the two."

" _What?_ " The dual kunai wielder intelligently says.

"Now who to spare?" I tap my chin with my index finger as I analyze each of the four shinobi before me. "You that hasn't talked yet, jutsu boy, it's not because you can't talk is it?"

"I do not speak because there is no point to." The shinobi who is still holding the final hand sign for his jutsu says. "It does not matter where you are from, you either surrender or die."

"Oh I like you!" I clap my hands together with a radiant smile on my face. "So will you kindly allow a soon to be dead man one final question in life?"

"I will, ask it." The jutsu wielder humors me, hell all of the shinobi here are humoring me. They think that I'm stalling while trying to come up with a plan. Unfortunately for them I've already wrapped them in one.

"Thanks! You're a nice guy, don't forget that. Here's my question, what's the opposite of push?"

"Pull?" The jutsu wielder says but it comes out more as a question than an answer. He can't fathom why I asked that specific question.

"Correct!" I lift up my left arm and point it at the four shinobi. "The answer is _pull!_ "

I yank my arm away from them and three shinobi fall slack as their heads drop dully to the ground. Brilliant rivulets of crimson blood splatter out of each severed neck, forever staining the once pristine hallway.

"So." I turn my full attention to the one remaining shinobi, it's the jutsu wielder. "This is the part where you run away and get reinforcements. Pissing yourself is optional but highly encouraged."

The shinobi doesn't do that, instead his arms fall slack - his jutsu long forgotten - and he drops to his knees. His eyes go super wide as he stares uncomprehendingly at the corpses of his fellow Snow shinobi. He slowly reaches out his right arm to the nearest corpse which still has copious amounts of blood pouring out of the neck.

"Uh… buddy? You alright there?" I awkwardly ask him. "There's supposed to be running away going on right now but you're not. Go on! Shoo!"

"You… you killed them." He softly says as his eyes start to water. "You killed them all."

"Dude." I bluntly say. "You're acting like you've never seen a comrade die before."

"I haven't." He softly admits as the expanding pool of blood on the ground reaches his knees, tinting his white clothes red. He doesn't seem to care though. "How… how do I... "

"Hey. Buddy." I walk over to him and place a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Look I'm not going to sugar coat this, shit like this happens all the time. It's fucked up and horrible. Today you got lucky, I could have easily picked someone else to live. But you did live, learn from this. Learn that there's always someone stronger than you out there, even if he's a kid like me. Hell there are loads of people way stronger than I am, I know that. Never under any circumstance underestimate an opponent. Sure I could have been bluffing but I was too relaxed about it. Too confident of the outcome and didn't try to get away. You've gotta learn how to accurately read these kinds of things. So get up, go find your other shinobi and try and stop me. Never quit moving forward no matter how impossible it seems."

"But how DIE YOU FOOL!" The shinobi roars as he drives a kunai deep into the underpart of my chin, spearing through my mouth and my tongue and into my cranium. "HAHA! Did you really think that I was that pathetic? If they couldn't stand up to you then they have no right to live! You did me a favor by removing the weak! And now you're dead! You let your guard down!"

"Blurgheuryzidsgf." I attempt to speak as the hand I have on his shoulder clamps down _hard._ I give him a sagely nod and with my other arm I lightly pat him on the back. "Blurreoiwuyrugn."

"How're you alive?! Release me! Let me go!" The shinobi flails around in my inescapable grip in a vain attempt to free himself.

"Blurguiyibnsuf." I nod sagely once more. Then with my free arm, the one that just patted his back, I pull out the kunai preventing me from talking and drive it deep into his shoulder. He screams in pain, the loud wails echo down the long hallway no doubt drawing even more attention to me. "Sorry about that, I had something in my mouth. It's gone now. In order I said 'good, I thought you were a sniveling baby.' Next I said 'this is a new one for me, congratulations.' Lastly I said 'I will let you go but you need your kunai back. Can't have a shinobi without his kunai, that's just bad form.' Just incase you were wondering."

"Are - are you immortal? Can you not die?" He asks me as I shove him away.

"Now isn't that a good question." I sneer at the once proud shinobi who has been reduced to the weakling before me. "How about we find out together? Go fetch your friends. I'll be around here somewhere exploring the blimp to my heart's content."

"Y-yeah." The shinobi shakily stands up. "I'll just be going now."

"Oh and don't forget I let you leave!" I call after his retreating form.

 _~I thought you weren't going to do stuff like this?~_

"Hey I was drastically nicer. I gave them all a chance to give me what I want, hell I gave them two chances! I also didn't prolong their suffering, the three died so quickly they didn't feel what happened. As for the final one, if he didn't stab my mouth shut then I wouldn't have stabbed him in return. I could have tortured them until they told me what I wanted to know."

 _~Huh. I'm strangely okay with this. You were still very violent.~_

"Not when you compare me to what I've recently done." I shrug. "Plus what I'm about to do next is very fucked up but I need results and I need them quickly."

 _~What are you going to do?~_

"Take a trophy."

* * *

With the Shinobi that Fled

"Doto-sama!" The shinobi bursts into the control room for the blimp. "We've got a problem! A really big problem!"

"You useless fool!" Doto rounds on the wounded shinobi with rage in his eyes. "You _dare_ to interrupt me as I am talking with my family!"

Sure enough Koyuki is standing next to Doto and she looks visibly cowed. She carries an air of defeat around her, one of resigned acceptance. She's given in to what she thinks is fate.

"I am so close to achieving my decade long goal and you _interrupt me!_ " Doto's loud booming voice causes the shinobi to flinch back in fear. "You better have a stellar reason to do something so brash!"

"We've got a major problem! Someone made it aboard the warship and is looking for Koyuki! He's already killed three of us!" The shinobi rushes to get those sentences out as he kneels before his leader. "I would have died to him too but he let me live. He held my life in his hands and told me to go get more shinobi to stop him. I think he's crazy. I stabbed him in the head with a kunai and he tried to hold a casual conversation with me while the kunai prevented him from speaking correctly!"

"Hello!" I say to everyone in the bridge of the blimp as if I'm warmly greeting longtime friends. I've tailed the shinobi in hopes that he'd bring me straight to Doto and by extension Koyuki. It worked perfectly. "You doing okay there Koyuki?"

"I - but how - in the air - I don't - huh?" She can't form a coherent sentence. Poor thing, she's had a very rough couple days.

"I'll get you in a moment, don't worry. Just stay right there and I'll handle everything." I calmly reassure her. It didn't calm her down at all, if anything she looks even more confused. Oh well, it happens. After dealing with the Princess I turn to the threats in the room, Doto and the shinobi I spared. "So just a couple of things I think need to be clarified, this isn't a warship it's a fucking blimp. This doesn't deserve to be called a warship at _best_ it's an over glorified balloon. Also it is very likely that I am crazy, I mean I did throw myself up here. Willingly might I add, it was my own damn idea and I did that without a landing strategy. Lastly, you dropped this."

I lightly toss a severed head that I brought with me. It hollowly bounces twice on the floor, leaving wet red blotches where it touched. It slows to a roll and rests at Doto's feet.

"I recognize you." Doto eyes me up and down quickly while ignoring the severed head at his feet. Koyuki on the other hand can't tear her eyes away from the head, she's staring at it with a mortified expression. "You're the one that saved the rebel faction from my train. That was very impressive."

"Glad you like my work, I aim to please." I theatrically bow to him. Cuz why the fuck not? I might as well have a little fun as I figure out how I'm going to get Koyuki away from him. "Just wait until I destroy your blimp, it's going to be fabulous! Say is it hydrogen or helium? Please say hydrogen!"

"Helium." Doto humors me with a smirk on his face, I think he's enjoying my antics. That's new, usually I'm insulted or called insane at this point. Usually both at the same time. "I am not that unintelligent. You yourself seem very smart, I could use shinobi like you. What's your price?"

"EEK!" I cover myself up and leap a half step away from Doto. "PERVERT I AM NOT FOR SALE! AND I'M THIRTEEN YOU PEDOPHILE!"

"Amusing." Doto smiles at me. Okay this is pissing me off. He's supposed to be freaking out or confused or at least reacting! It's not fun if no one reacts! "I had no idea Konoha could produce such _unique_ shinobi."

He insulted me. He put extra emphasis on unique. That dick straight up insulted me.

"Alright fuck this." I drop my act. I let a fair amount of killing intent manifest around me and boldly stare Doto straight into his eyes. "You're not reacting how I expected so I'll take a different route. Give me Koyuki and drop us off or die. Your choice. You have ten seconds."

"I'll return your ultimatum with one of my own." Doto isn't phased at all by my sudden switch from lunatic to predator. If anything he's happier that he's seeing this side of me. "Surrender to me or I kill Koyuki."

Doto swiftly holds a kunai to his niece's throat. She finally peels her eyes off of the head to stare at her uncle in fear, she truly believes he will follow through with the threat.

"Really?" I darkly snort out. "Don't you need her alive? Don't make threats you can't back up, that's a novice mistake. Wanna try again? I'll wait."

"That is where you are mistaken, I only need the Hexagonal Crystal." Doto easily supplies me with a dangerous glint in his eyes. He's being one hundred percent serious with his threat. "The only reason she's still breathing is because I can use her to keep the rebel factions in line. Should they step one foot out of line I will have her publically executed. I do not need her alive, she simply serves a purpose if she is. I can make it work either way. So what is your answer? Surrender to me or Koyuki, who you have been hired to protect, will perish. You have five seconds."

"You're a dick." I throw the insult at him. "Fine. I accept. Bind and gag me if you're into that sort of thing but there's one thing you should know."

"Oh do go on." Doto tilts his head slightly in amusement. "I haven't had this much of a challenge from someone in _years._ I miss this, it brings back memories. Nowadays it's either they roll over out of fear or respect and take it like the ants beneath my boot they are or they can't put up a good fight and die far too quickly. But you, you seem _fun._ Possibly insane with a multiple personality disorder but fun."

"Right… I'm going to ignore the whole part where you called me insane." It's official, I really don't like this guy. "Koyuki is the only reason this blimp isn't a buring mess of molten metal. Because she is on this blimp it hasn't exploded yet, so the second she dies - by you or someone else - I'm destroying it and everyone onboard. It's in your best interest to keep her alive at all costs because right now she's the only thing protecting you from me."

"Of course of course." Doto waves off my threat with ease. "I prefer if she survives, I just won't lose anything if she doesn't. There's no need to worry."

"Yeah something tells me that I should worry." Well this sucks. I've got to surrender to keep her alive. That's fine, I'll just break out of prison. I've always wanted to break out of a prison. I have the weirdest bucket list ever. "You're way too relaxed about this, I killed three of your shinobi and you wanted to hire me? You've got issues. That means alot coming from me."

"I recognize talent when I see it. Your potential is great, I can feel that you've barely scratched the surface of what you can truly do. So I offered you a spot in my forces, surely I can provide more than Konoha. They're too soft for people like us, people willing to do whatever we can to achieve what we want. It's too bad for you that I had the better hand in our game of threats, perhaps under my tutelage you can become great."

What. The. Hell.

Why does everyone want me to join them? First Orochimaru demanded I join him multiple times, Danzo attempted to recruit me into his ROOT, fucking Tobi invited me into the Akatsuki when I become S-rank and Doto is offering me a spot too?

"No thanks. It's too cold here." I blandly deny his offer even though I'm shouting curses in my head. As I'm insulting various people and deities in my head I hold out both of my arms towards him in a sign of surrender. "So are you going to tie me up or handcuff me? I vote handcuffs, they're so much more fun! Oh oh both! Do both! Tie me up and handcuff me! _WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING?!_ Not you! You don't get to do that! Have one of your hot kunoichi do it! A scantily clad leather wearing kunoichi that demands to be called Mistress if you got one!"

A long silence descends on everyone present. They're all looking at me with different emotions ranging from shocked, scandalized, amused, _inspired,_ and disbelief.

"Holy shit." My arms droop down a little as I realize something about myself. "Maybe I am into bondage? I could have gone anywhere and said anything but I went _there_. What does that say about me? I… I need to think on this."

 _~Well… just pointing this out mind you, it doesn't actually mean anything, but between me and the Spiders you have two very easy and reliable ways to restrain people. So… yeah.~_

CLICK

While I was distracted someone stepped up and clasped a pair of handcuffs around my wrists. They aren't just any handcuffs, they take up about a quarter of my wrist and forearm. The reason for that isn't because it's a stylistic choice, it's to provide room for a chakra suppression seal that has been etched into each cufflink. That's very smart, normal shinobi would have no way out of this. I do though, I can think of a few off the top of my head.

"I'll be your Mistress." The person, no, the kunoichi who cuffed me succulently says as she runs a finger up and down my arm. "I don't have any leather but I do have a corset. It'll be so much fun to break you!"

"EEP!" I squeak out and try to move away from her. "Doto where's the prison at! Where! I've got to go! Get me out of here! BACK! BACK I SAY!" I swat at the kunoichi that wants to be my Mistress. "Vile strumpet I will not succumb to your feminine charms!"

"Is he always like this?" Doto asks Koyuki as he sheaths his kunai. "He acts this way one moment then another the next. It happens so quickly."

"Yes." Koyuki forces out. "He's insane. There's no other way to describe him."

"Take them both to the warship's hold." Doto orders with a drawn out sigh as he rubs his forehead in resignation.

"It's a blimp!" I shout at him while struggling in the bearhug of the kunoichi. I let her catch me to further the illusion that I am rendered harmless. I'm putting up with her, for now. "Let me go! Unclean! Unclean!"

"There should be a Mistress in there somewhere." The kunoichi smiles sweetly at me and I feel a strong sense of foreboding. "Guess who the head jailor is?"

"Uh… not you?" I weakly guess as she snags the chains between my handcuff and starts to drag me out of the room towards what I'm guessing is the blimp's cells. "It's you, isn't it?"

" _Mistress._ " She narrows her eyes at me. "It's you, isn't it _Mistress._ "

"Why did I have to open my stupid mouth?" I whine to myself as she drags me to my doom. "Why?"

* * *

"Hm." Sasuke looks up from his book and stares intently off in the distance. Keen observers notice that he's staring north. "I have the feeling that justice was served. That someone who always plays with fire finally got burnt."

* * *

In the Prison

"Welcome, newest plaything, to the warship's hold." The head jailer says with a grand sweeping flourish.

"Uh… you've already thrown us both into cells?" I awkwardly point out. "The time for that introduction was when we walked into the room, not when you've already chained me to a wall. And about that, can you let me down? Please? Also it's a blimp."

"No." She runs a manicured finger across my jawline. "You didn't say Mistress."

"Right… I'm totally not comfortable with this." I bluntly tell her. "So Koyuki, fancy a breakout?"

"A breakout?" The jailer scoffs at me and lightly pats my face. Why is it the face? Why? "You're chained to a wall with chakra suppressing cuffs made of the strongest metal we have. You have zero hope for an escape attempt, even if you do somehow miraculously get out of those restraints you have to get through your Mistress who will be very _displeased_ with her newest toy."

"What she said." Koyuki weakly says as she's huddling in the corner of her own cell. She's hugging her legs to her chest in defeat, she's been beaten already. Not physically, but she's lost hope. She's given up. "Minus the Mistress part. I want nothing to do with that."

Okay, so maybe she hasn't given up entirely if she's joking. Ah, I bet she's waiting for the rest of the Konoha team to come save us. Too bad I'm not going to sit here and wait for them.

"Just because you don't see a way out doesn't mean there isn't one." I stare the kunoichi into her eyes. "So… are you willing to surrender or do I have to get creative?"

"Ha! Me surrender when I have you chained to a wall? No, no. The fun hasn't even started yet, I get you for a few more hours. At the minimum." She walks over to a table and unrolls a cloth bundle to reveal various tools. They're not all torture tools either, of course there's the usual rusty blades, pristine knives and blunt bludgeoning instruments but she has feathers and honey and… whipped cream? "Which do you want first? Pleasure or pain?"

"Yeah that's not going to happen." I disregard her and turn to Koyuki. "Grab your things Princess, we're leaving. I've had enough of this."

"Aw how cute, you think you have power here." The jailer grabs a sharp gleaming knife and stalks over to me. "The only thing you have here is me. Me and whatever I decide to do to you."

She swiftly slashed the blade across my chest, severing my shirt from hip to shoulder and lightly cutting into my torso. It's not a serious wound, my skin was barely broken. At best it's a superficial wound. One meant to cause intense pain instead of dealing damage.

"Oh." I lazily look down at the sinisterly grinning kunoichi. "So you've started with pleasure?"

"Pleasure? No that was pain. Perhaps you need more?" She expertly twirled the blade around her fingers like someone would a coin. "Usually I get at least a wince of pain with that."

"You'll have to step your game up." I casually respond to her. "Pain and I are very close friends. Some would say we have a blossoming romance."

"You're putting on a magnificent act." The jailer praises me. "But bravado will only get you so far. I'll break you, I've broken everyone. You'll be _screaming_ Mistress, just wait."

"You think I'm bluffing?" I snort out in amusement. "Tell ya what, since someone rudely ruined my shirt by cutting it in two, why don't you take a look at my chest. Then tell me if I'm bluffing."

"If you insist." She steps forwards and grabs a fistfull of my sliced shirt. "This is just in the way, how about we remove it completely?"

She rips the ruined shirt off of me revealing my torso to the world.

I'm rewarded with the sound of two sharp gasps, both the jailer and Koyuki are staring at me with wide horrified eyes.

"Now you see I wasn't bluffing." I darkly say to her as the already cold temperature in the room plummets. "What you did to me was as refreshing as a summer breeze, a gently caress from a lover. You do not know pain. Don't worry, I'll teach you."

I smoothly slide both of my hands out of the restraints that have been bolted onto the wall. I'm mimicking the Soft Physique Technique, I had the rigid threads in my hands that mimic bones go slack to slip out of the tight bindings. It looked like my hands went completely boneless for a few seconds. I do the same with the restraints on my feet, my feet go completely slack and I tug them out of the bindings. I'm free.

But it's not enough.

I let the Jiongu out of my wrists and will it to wrap around the kunoichi. She's being restrained by her wrists, her feet and her neck. She didn't even try to dodge, she's just staring at me with wide horrified eyes.

A lone thread breaks off from the rest and fishes around in her pockets, after searching in two of them it pulls out a key. Not just any key, the key to the chains I was just in. The lone thread quickly unlocks the restraints and I maneuver the jailer to take my place. With four loud clicks she's locked in place, completely helpless to do anything at all. Completely at my mercy.

"Now then." I reel in the black threads that were holding her. "I'll be going now, thanks."

Like nothing outlandishly freaky happened I turn away from her and walk over to the door to my cell. With a specific application of force I smash the lock.

Okay fine I kicked the door down.

"Koyuki shall we depart? It's dreary is this place, it's not good for my complexion." I kick her door down too, driving the heel of my foot with as much force as possible into the lock to shatter the intricate components.

"You're actually saving me?" She asks in confusion. "But you always seemed so… so indifferent. Like nothing mattered to you as long as I keep breathing. Sometimes I even thought that was optional."

"People change." I hold a hand out to her to help her to her feet. "Plus I'm supposed to keep you alive for Shikamaru, I don't want him to get a bad mission record back in Konoha. We're friends, it's what we do."

"Okay." She takes my hand and I pull her to her feet. "But how are we supposed to get off the warship?"

"Blimp." I correct her. "And I have no idea. I'm sure something will miraculously work out for us. If not then we can wait until it lands or I could just steal it. But who the hell wants a blimp? Where would I put the damn thing when I'm not using it?"

"You're surprisingly relaxed for someone who was just about to be tortured." She points out.

"You're surprisingly relaxed for someone who just saw all of my scars." I counter. "Usually people freak the fuck out and I have to calm them down. It happens all the time."

"Oh, those are makeup." She waves me off.

"Uh no they're -"

" _They're makeup._ " She growls out at me. "If they were real then I would be freaking out, but since they're makeup I'm fine. _Because they're makeup._ "

"Ah. Right. Totally makeup." I see what she's doing, she's ignoring the obvious because she knows that she needs to leave and being traumatized by my scars will make her lock up. We can't afford that. "And whatever weird things I do are just crazy special effects. That's it. Just special effects."

"Yes." She attempts to convince herself. "Just special effects. Because shooting threads out of a wrist is just something that can't be done. It's a special effect."

"Exactly." I blandly agree with her. "So, shall we get going?" I gesture at the exit.

"Let's." We both make our way to the door.

"Wait!" The jailer calls out from behind me while rubbing her thighs together. "Master wait! You haven't punished me yet! Master I need to be punished! I've been a naughty girl and you have to discipline me!"

"Okay I admit that I toe the line _a lot_ with my actions and what I say. But I'm always close to the line, sure I may step past it once in awhile but I never stray far from it. You, you sprinted past it while cackling like a madwoman. This is not the time or place for that, even if we were both into it - which I'm pretty sure I'm not but that is up in the air right now - you don't ask an escaped prisoner to torture you! Seriously woman learn some restraint!"

And with those parting words Koyuki and I leave the blimp's hold as the jailer wails in anguish behind us.

"Chick has _issues._ "

* * *

With the Konoha Shinobi

"When is this blimp going to land?" Shikamaru huffs out. "We've been chasing it for hours. Hours. I can only run for so long."

"Please this is nothing." Anko lightly pats the panting chunin on the back. "Man up, your friend and Koyuki are on that blimp. We're not going to let something as meager as being tired slow us down!"

"But that's what being tired means." Shikamaru groans out. "Why hasn't Alvarcus done something yet?"

"That's actually a good point." The noticeably not panting Naruto speaks up. "Didn't he want to make a fireball or something?"

"Koyuki is on the blimp, she comes first." Kakashi chimes in. "He's got to get her out then he can make it go boom or whatever he has planned for it."

"You think he's alright?" Ino asks worriedly. "He's up there all alone in hostile territory. He could be being tortured right now!"

"Pfft yeah right." Anko laughs at the crazy idea. "If anyone is being tortured it's the other people on the blimp, I promise you that."

"Yeah." Kakashi winces in sympathy for those unfortunate souls. "Alvarcus is… creative. Very creative. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way."

"I just wonder what he's up to." Ino glances up at the blimp.

* * *

"Let's see what's behind door number one!" I grasp the doorknob and give it a yank. "The fuck?"

We must be in the living quarters because I'm staring into a room. It's very small, only enough room for a bunk and a dresser. It's practical and efficient.

What's not practical and efficient is all of the unicorn paraphernalia. Unicorn posters with rainbows shooting out of their horns, various stuffed unicorns of every color imaginable, delicate porcelain figurines line the dresser and even the sheets have unicorns prancing on it.

"That's a lot of unicorns." Koyuki pointlessly points out like I didn't already notice.

* * *

"Whatever it is I bet it's more entertaining than this." Naruto whines. "Why does he always get to do the cool stuff?"

"Says the kid being trained by Jiraiya of the Sannin." Shikamaru dryly says while dully staring at Naruto. "And the kid that helped stop an invasion. And the kid that helped get Tsunade to -"

"Okay fine I get it." Naruto cuts off his friends from continuing. "But he _always_ gets the cool role. He's never on the chasing after the blimp team. He's always right in the thick of it."

"You're not wrong." Kakashi agrees with a shrug. "He's always doing something eventful. Never a dull moment with him."

* * *

"What's behind door number seventeen?" I grasp another door knob and yank the door open.

Two surprised faces stare at me in fear, not because of who I am but because of what they're doing.

"Oh. Might I suggest a good lock or perhaps a sign warning people to not disturb you? Er… awkward... I'll just be going now. I'm taking this shirt though thanks!" I quickly shut the door.

"Who was in there?" Koyuki asks. She didn't get a good look because I closed it too quickly.

"Two very naked people."

"O-oh."

* * *

"Is it just me or is the blimp descending now?" Ino asks the others.

"It's not just you." Kakashi assures her. "We must be rapidly approaching it's landing spot."

"Alright, first thing first." Shikamaru authoritatively speaks up. "We need to save Alvarcus and Koyuki."

"That's assuming they need saving." Anko cackles madly. "I bet they have everyone screaming in fear and the enemy will sprint out of the ship the moment they land!"

"Sure." Shikamaru rolls his eyes. "Assuming they need help we'll be there to provide it. How about we take down the first four people we see and steal their uniforms? Then we can move around more freely without drawing too much attention to ourselves."

"Works for me." Kakashi shrugs in indifference.

"An infiltration mission! Haven't done one of these in awhile!" Anko clasps her hands together while plotting. Plotting what? No one really knows.

"Yay. I'll be able to wear something that closes again." Ino stares accusingly at her sensei.

"It's decided." Shikamaru stops that argument before it can happen. "We'll take disguises and locate Alvarcus and Koyuki. Shouldn't be too hard, I bet they'll be attracting a lot of attention."

* * *

"The security on this blimp is terrible." I conversationally say to Koyuki as we continue to explore it. "No one has raised an alarm, no one as accosted us, no one has even attempted to stop us from moving about."

"Maybe because the only people who know we've escaped are either tied up or too busy with each other to care?" Koyuki helpfully points out. "No one else knows so why would they raise an alarm?"

"Good point." I concede to her. "Sure makes moving around much easier. Not to mention letting me rig this blimp full of seals. Terrible security, simply terrible. If I didn't immediately make my way to find you I could have done this the second I was on the blimp."

"Doto's shinobi are too confident." Koyuki provides the reason we're not being harassed by shinobi right this very instant. "They're too used to everything falling into place for them, no one stands up to them anymore. It's made them arrogant."

"It's made them stupid." I snort out. "Never _ever_ give a shinobi time to prepare. It only makes us more deadly. That rule goes doubly for seal users, it gives us plenty of time to make our seals. I may be deadly with my jutsu but I'm imaginative with my seals. I'm not sure which one is worse."

"What do those fancy squiggles even do?" Koyuki looks at the most recent seal I've left behind.

"That's a wonderful question. You'll see when the time is right."

* * *

"Doto-sama!" A panicked shinobi bursts onto the bridge and immediately falls down to a kneeling position. "The prisoners have escaped!"

"WHAT?" Doto roars in fury at his incompetent subordinate. "Find them! Find them and bring them to me! NOW!"

Doto stomps over to an intercom system as the panicked shinobi flees from his master's wrath to find the prisoners.

"Attention everyone onboard." Doto says into the microphone. "It appears that our guests have escaped. Find them. Find them and bring them to me. The one who does shall be greatly rewarded, I will provide whatever you ask should it be within my considerable power to grant it. And to the prisoners that so unintelligently fled, you will not leave this warship unless you're in chains."

"It's a fucking blimp!" A very faint voice can be heard is one strains their ears to the maximum.

"Pilot. Stop our descent." Doto demands as he regally sits back down on his luxurious armchair. "We will resume once they're caught again. Don't want them slipping away."

* * *

"The blimp has stopped descending." Kakashi grimly tells the rest of the team as they shove four almost naked bodies into a closet. They've infiltrated the landing zone and acquired their disguises already.

"That's going to be a problem." Naruto squints up at the blimp. "Wonder what caused it to stop?"

"My money's on Alvarcus. I bet he did something." Shikamaru sighs. "Probably something stupid."

* * *

"I blame you for this." Koyuki scathingly snarls at me as I'm carrying her bridal style while sprinting down a long hallway. "This is entirely your fault."

"How the fuck is this my fault? I'm here to save your ungrateful ass!" I snarl right back at her. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to dodge when I'm carrying you? You're lucky that I have a trick to redirect kunai and that you're the mission objective or I'd turn your ass in and get that reward for myself!"

"You wouldn't dare." She calls my bluff.

"Oh really?" I come skidding to a stop as the mob of shinobi behind us starts to close the gap. Once everyone went on high alert we were instantly found. "Let's see… which way is the bridge again? There should really be signs around the ship. That would make navigating much easier."

"CHARGE! FOR DOTO-SAMA!" A warcry rises up behind me from the mob of shinobi barreling down the hallway.

"Will you all shut up I'm thinking!" I shout at them in anger.

"CHARGE!" The warcry rises up once again.

"Fuck off!" I shout at them as my wind mask branches out of my back and turns to face them. Then a gale rips out of its mouth and every single shinobi that was valiantly charging towards us is ungracefully hurled down the hallway. They all slam into the far wall, making a large mound of painfully moaning bodies.

"What the hell is that?!" Koyuki shouts into my ear even though she's literally in my arms.

"Damn girl did you have to be so loud? I'm right here." I would rub my ears but I'm holding a Princess still. How unfortunate. "That, my dear Koyuki, is one of my special effects."

"R-right." She stutters out as she pales when I withdraw the mask back into my back. "Special effect. That's all it was."

"Exactly." I can't believe that's actually working. "So. Quick question. Do you believe Doto is a threat to your safety?"

"What?" Koyuki asks in bewilderment. "Of course he is!"

"A big enough threat to remove?" I seriously ask her.

"Are you asking me if I want my uncle dead?"

"Yes. I am." I confirm. "I'm trying to not be as… violent as I have been recently. No that's not right, I don't care about violent. I'm trying to be more restrained about when I'm violent, that's more accurate. I could easily waltz onto the bridge and slaughter everyone, hell the pile of shinobi behind us is lucky I didn't use my fire heart -"

"Fire heart?"

"- and used wind to push them around. So this is me trying to be a less indifferent and uncaring version of me. I need a reason to kill, a valid reason."

"Didn't you kill three people the moment you arrived on the warship?" She asks in confusion.

"I said trying? I mean they were in my way and threatening my life, that's good enough right?" I weakly make an excuse. "And it's not a warship it's a fucking blimp. This pathetic balloon doesn't deserve to be called a warship. We're getting off topic."

"Koyuki Kazahana, do you want me to protect you by removing the threat that is your uncle Doto Kazahana? The man that killed your father. The man behind all of your suffering. The man that has driven the Land of Snow into poverty and despair. Will you allow me to kill him for you? I sharpened the blade. I will hold it against his throat. I am ready to spill his blood to the ground. But I will not decide if he will die, that falls to you. It is by your will that I kill him. This is your choice."

"Ye-"

"Wait." I cut her off. "Think about what you're agreeing to. Take the time to draw your conclusion, this is something that I will not have you second guessing after it's done."

We fall into a silence that's only broken by the moans of the pile of shinobi at the other end of the hallway.

"Yes." She confidently says. "I want Doto dead."

"It will be done." I assure her. "But when the Konoha shinobi freak out and start yelling at me you will step in and tell them that you asked this of me. That you were the one that decided his fate, not me."

"If that is the price I must pay, then I will pay it." She balls her shaking hands into fists. "I'll gladly pay it."

"Sweet!" I happily chirp out. "Let's get going then! I've got a man to kill and steal armor from!"

"Wait right now?" She asks me in shock as I start to jog down another hallway.

"Well… we've got to find the bridge first."

* * *

"So… Uh… now what?" Naruto asks as he stares up at the hovering blimp.

"We wait." Shikamaru says. "Eventually it will come down."

"Bets on if it crashes or lands?" Anko asks the group.

"Stupid bet." Kakashi smiles to himself. "Alvarcus is on there. It's crashing."

"Totally crashing." Naruto agrees. "Dude knows some crazy jutsu, it'll be lucky if it's still in one piece."

"Crashing while covered in copious amounts of fire." Shikamaru goes one step further. "Alvarcus really wanted that fireball."

"I bet it lands." Ino goes against everyone else. "Sure Alvarcus is on there but so is Koyuki. He can survive a crash but she can't and he knows that."

"You really think that's going to stop him?" Anko asks. "He'll probably hop off then make it go boom. I bet he does that, I'm saying it's crashing too."

"We'll just have to wait and see won't we?"

* * *

The Bridge

"How hard can it be to subdue two people?" Doto mutters to himself. "Just two. One isn't even a kunoichi. Why is it taking this long?"

"You could send us after them." Nadare offers to his boss. "Between me, Mizore and Fubuki we will make short work of their recapture."

"No." Doto denies that option. "You three will stay here with me. Let the pawns tire him out, that's what they're for. Then when he's weakened we shall defeat him once more. It won't be just a defeat, I want total defeat. Unquestionable victory. We will take everything he throws at us without flinching and then we will end it with one blow. We will show him just how strong we are and tempt him with our own power to join our side."

"Is there any particular reason you want him to join us?" Nadare asks. "He may be slightly above average in skill but that doesn't mean much."

"You lack something, Nadare." Doto sneers at the deadly shinobi. "Yes, you are a very strong fighter yourself but you cannot see him like I do. He has potential, lots of untapped potential. I will make full use of that to further my own goals."

"Right. So just a couple of things." I casually stroll into the bridge with Koyuki trailing behind me. I have my fingers laced together and both of my hands behind my head, I'm giving off an completely relaxed vibe. "One: Pretty sure I already did this kind of intro but fuck it I'm doing it again. Two: It can be very challenging to subdue two people, especially someone as crafty as I am. Three: It wouldn't matter if you sent those _hat defiling monsters_ after me, I'd crush them in a moment. Seriously though why the fuck did you all cut holes in your hats? No nevermind, moving on. Four: You don't have enough pawns to tire me out. I'm just that good. Or is it they're just that bad? Whatever. Five: The only way to make me acknowledge 'total defeat' is to kill me, so that's a bit counterproductive for your whole make me join you scheme. Six: I am far, far, _far_ above slightly better than average. Don't insult me, you all have seen nothing. I am capable of feats that none of you could ever hope to match. Seven: Fuck you and fuck your goals. I'm not doing shit for you. Eight: This whole listing off things idea got really old quick so I only have one more. Nine: I want my reward."

"Your… reward?" Doto questions me. "What reward?"

"You promised to reward whoever brought you me and Koyuki. I brought you me and Koyuki. I want my reward." I start to tap my foot on the ground. "Are you going to ask me what it is?"

"What… do you want?" Doto forces out. He's thinking that after I get the reward I'll submit to him again since I did kinda imply that. But he's wrong, very wrong.

"Your armchair." I bluntly tell him. "I'm something of a collector and that's a damn nice chair. I want it."

"Fine. It's yours." Doto agrees. "Now Nadare, Mizore and Fubuki will escort you back to the warship's hold and make sure you stay there."

"FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME IT'S NOT A FUCKING WARSHIP!" I yell at the top of my lungs at the idiotic man. "YOU'RE FLYING A GLORIFIED BALLOON! A BALLOON! IT'S LAME!"

"Just go back to the hold already." Doto waves me off. "I don't have time for this."

"What you think I'm willingly going back there?" I scoff out and the lazy yet alert posture of Doto and the three shinobi swaps to something more rigid. They're ready for me to lash out at them. "The jailer lady is crazy. I'm saying that. Surely you see how meaningful that is."

"You just have to make this difficult don't you?" Doto sighs. "Nadare, subdue him."

"With pleasure." Nadare cracks his knuckles in preparation for what he thinks will be an easy beatdown. "His voice pisses me off, he never shuts up."

"How about instead of me flattening your best shinobi we make a friendly wager?" I offer to Doto.

"Nadare stop." Doto orders and Nadare obeys as his face twists in disatisfaction. "You have piqued my interest, what is this wager?"

"Well I know I said friendly wager but it's more like deadly wager." I halfheartedly shrug. "I will send an attack at you with the intent to kill. You will attempt to survive it. Should I win, well you're dead so there's that. I suppose that would make Koyuki the next ruler of the Land of Snow so… how about your shinobi support her and her goals? Oh! I want to take Nadare, Mizore and Fubuki back with me so they won't be staying. Should you win I will fully submit to you and whatever you have planned for me. I will become exactly what you want me to and throw my full being into making your goals a reality. How's that for a wager?"

I stuff my hands into my pants pockets.

"All I must do is survive?" Doto asks for clarification. "Even if I'm wounded I win, no matter how severely?"

"Correct." I assure him. "As long as you survive you win. You can dodge, you can block, you can take it, you can counter it, whatever you want to do."

"Doto-sama you can't possibly be considering this." Nadare says with a sneer. "Just let me beat him into submission."

"No, this sounds fun." Doto rubs his hands together. "It has been so long since I've actually had to accomplish something with my own two hands. This is a perfect opportunity, he knows nothing about me or what I'm capable of. All I have to do is survive. Then he's mine."

"So… do you accept?" I ask Doto.

"I do." He raises himself to his full height which towers over me.

"And you three." I turn to Nadare, Mizore and Fubuki. "You're part of this as well. You will uphold your end, yes? Should I win you will be coming with me."

"Not like you're going to win." Nadare scoffs out. "Fine."

"Meh. Why not?" Mizore shrugs.

"Sure." Fubuki agrees too. "It'll be interesting to have you around. You liven things up."

"Glad that's all cleared up." I turn back to Doto. "So you ready? Need to go get anything?"

"You wish to do this now?" Doto raises an eyebrow at me in surprise. "Acceptable. I am always ready."

Good. That means he's in his armor. I'm going to use that against him.

"Sweet. So uh… no one stand behind him that doesn't want to die. I will not be held responsible for any accidental deaths." I take my hands out of my pockets, they're curled into fists.

"This attack of yours won't destroy my warship will it?" Doto asks as he falls into a combat ready stance. It's one that highly maneuverable, he's ready to spring out of the way the second something goes wrong for him.

"Nah." I tell him. "It won't destroy your _blimp_."

I slowly begin to go through hand signs, so slowly that most genin are capable of going faster than me. It's not that I have to go this slow, it's that I want Doto to assume I'm using ninjutsu.

"Earth Release." After the final hand sign I rear back my right arm like a pitcher. I channel a staggering amount of chakra to my arm, beefing it up as much as possible.

"Ninjutsu?" Doto relaxes as he hears my words, sees my actions, and feels my chakra. He straightens out of his combat stance and spreads his arms wide. "Come, I shall receive it! Do your worst!"

" **TINY PEBBLE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** " I roar out as I winde back even further. Then I throw the pebble with every scrap of strength I can muster.

The pebble rockets out of my hand with twice the velocity of a bullet. It flies straight and true to its target, then goes through it, then goes through the far wall to to disappear off in the distance.

Doto's head exploded. A chunky shower of gore splattered across the far wall. His head is just gone, it's been ripped to shreds by the pebble.

"Holy shit." I say to myself. "I didn't think it would just be gone. I expected a hole not _that._ "

Doto's body falls to its knees for a brief moment then collapses to the ground. He's well and truly dead.

"It's… it's over?" Koyuki softly asks herself.

"That's right Princess. It's over." I confirm. "Congratulations on becoming the new Leader of the Land of Snow by the way."

"D-Doto-sama?" Nadare stares at his headless boss in denial.

"He's… dead?" Mizore refuses to accept it. But the longer he stares at the cooling corpse the less he can deny that it has happened.

"But you used ninjutsu!" Fubuki shouts at me. "Doto's armor should have absorbed it! His is way better than ours! His can take in an insane amount of chakra before it has to be drained, way more than you used! So how!"

"Oh that's simple." I dust my hands off. "I didn't use ninjutsu."

"Bullshit!" Fubuki shouts at me. She's the only one out of the three that isn't still in shock. "I felt that chakra! I'm not even a sensor that's how much you pumped into it! You made the hand signs! You called it out! It was ninjutsu!"

"This is the best example I'll ever have to prove this point." My words pulls everyone's attention to me. "Two points really, the first is that information is powerful. I knew that he had chakra armor since before I saw a single snowflake. I've had days to come up with a way to work around it. That was just one of them. The second is that misdirection can be very powerful. In this case deadly."

"What?" Nadare asks me. "Misdirection?"

"Yes. Misdirection." I'm in lecturing mode which is quite interesting since I'm the youngest one here, if anything they should be lecturing me. Oh well minor details. "That pebble wasn't created using a jutsu. It wasn't made up of chakra. It was a plain pebble that I picked up off the ground. There was nothing special about it. I didn't put a single drop of chakra into the pebble, it all went into strengthening my arm. The chakra armor you all wear stops chakra based techniques and projectiles. My pebble was the perfect solution, all I had to do was throw it hard enough at a spot not protected by armor. The head."

"You see, you all assumed that I was prepping for a jutsu. I lead you to make that assumption because I knew that Doto, hell all of you, are proud of your chakra armor. But above that you're _reliant_ on it. You use it all the time, it's your first line of defense when it really should be your last. Today that assumption - my misdirection - cost Doto his life. I played him from the moment I walked in here. I took what he thought was his biggest strength and made it his most glaring weakness."

"You found a way around the armor that easily?" Mizore has finally accepted everything that has happened.

"Yep." I stroll over to Doto's body. "By they way I'm taking his armor. If that bothers you then fuck off."

"I don't believe it." Nadare looks at me, then down to Doto's corpse, then back to me again. "You just waltzed in here and killed him."

He slowly walks over to stand behind me.

"Yeah. Wasn't even that hard." I unclasp the chestpiece from Doto's corpse. "Huh, this one is black. Your's are white. Whatever I prefer black. Looks more menacing."

"There's just one flaw with your grand plan." Nadare says from behind me. "You didn't expect us to betray you. You've let your guard down."

Nadare lunges at my unprotected back with a kunai aimed at the base of my neck. He intends to sever my spine and kill me in one quick blow.

He's greeted with a spear of black threads that pierces his heart, killing him instantly.

"I never let my guard down." I darkly say as I continue unstrapping Doto's armor from his corpse. "I can't afford to, not when I'm living with Orochimaru."

"Nadare!" Mizore darts to my left side while rearing back his metal plated fist to crush my skull.

"You will die for what you have done today!" Fubuki darts to my right side with a pair of kunai in hand.

Black threads spear out of my shoulders like the world's most demented pauldrons. They intercept each attack with ease and wrap around the hands of both offenders.

"This is your own fault." I tell them with a hint of sadness and regret in my voice. "None of you had to die. I gave you all an out, you just had to come with me. You couldn't stay here so I gave you the next best thing, a chance at a new village. A chance to live. But you've thrown my generosity away for the petty revenge of a mad tyrant. I will not apologize for killing you. I am not sorry about it. I am just disappointed that I have to."

"Fuck you!" Mizore shouts in my face as he struggles to free himself from the black threads that are slithering up his body. "What the hell is this?"

"That is the Jiongu, more specifically Sureddo. It is also what's going to kill you." I don't mince my words. They picked this fate. I gave them an out. I did more for them than what was expected of me.

"Get these stupid things off of me!" Fubuki yells at me as the threads wrap around her neck. "You fucking basta-"

 **CRACK**

"You killed Fubuki!" Mizore snarls at me in rage as he renews his struggle. It's too late, the black threads are wrapped around his neck already.

 **CRACK**

The two bodies flop lifelessly to the ground, never to move again.

"Did you all think I was joking when I said that I can flatten everyone on this ship with ease?" I stare down at them in disappointment. "I could blast this thing out of the sky whenever I want to. I can slaughter everyone here like it's a stroll through a park. It wouldn't even make me break a sweat."

I look up from the corpses and turn my gaze on the horrified crew on the bridge.

"Anyone else want to try and kill me?" I call out to them. No one steps forwards. "Then land the fucking blimp. I want off this thing. And if one of you calls this thing a warship I will throw you out a fucking window!"

* * *

"Called it!" Ino pumps a fist in the air in victory. "I knew it would land!"

The moment the blimp lands numerous ramps lower to the ground and shinobi and crewmembers alike pour out of the blimp like it's on fire.

"And I called everyone running away like pansies." Anko laughs to herself. "So I was half right."

"Doesn't count." Shikamaru grunts out as the four of them watches the mass exodus. "We're assuming that Alvarcus caused that right?"

"Oh yeah." Naruto agrees. "That's totally his style."

"Look, there he is." Kakashi points at a specific ramp. "Good, he's got Koyuki with him. She seems relatively okay. Considering all that must have happened and that she was stuck with Alvarcus for a while. We really should not chose him to spend a lot of time with clients. That's a bad idea."

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" Alvarcus loudly calls out over the dull roar of the scrambling people from the blimp, attracting everyone's attention to him. "Thank you. Doto Kazahana is dead. Nadare and his team are dead. The old regime, the brutal subjugation of the Land of Snow, is dead. You all can go back to your families. You can go back to your friends. You can go back to your lives. You no longer have to constantly live in fear of your oppressor, you no longer have to serve him. It was not me that did this, nor was it the ragtag bunch of Konoha shinobi that you've no doubt been informed of. This was the will of Koyuki. She could no longer stand by as her people suffered, she's returned to bring prosperity and justice to her home. To your home. She is a kind and benevolent person, a true leader if there ever was one. And after that cool and inspiring speech she better not fuck it up."

"He ruined it." Naruto facepalms. "It was such a cool speech until the end and he ruined it."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Jura you got that right? Please say you got that!" The Director cackles in glee.

"Hell yeah I did!" Jura pats his camera. "You were right, that kid is _gold._ "

"How the hell did they get here?" Anko asks while staring in shock at the entire movie crew.

"Well we were just waiting around for a long time? Maybe they caught up?" Kakashi guesses. "I have no idea. We should go meet up with Alvarcus and Koyuki, better ditch the disguises so he knows it's us."

"Or, and I'm just throwing this out there, we could not?" Ino offers.

"Nope. Take it off." Anko demands. "The cold does you good, makes you appreciate the finer things in life. Plus isn't your personal heater down there? That was part of the deal you two made, clothes and heat on demand."

"I don't wanna." Ino crosses her arm and pouts.

"Too bad."

* * *

"Wow." I look over the sea of relieved faces before Koyuki and me. Everyone - ninety eight percent of everyone - is elated at the news of Doto's defeat and Koyuki taking his spot. "I didn't think that would work."

"Then why did you do it?" Koyuki asks as she's smiling and waving down at her new subjects, she's already acting like a leader. I bet her actress background is coming in handy.

"I wanted to?" I shrug. I'm letting her get all the attention. "Plus it was a perfect tactic to root out any opposition, that was a great moment to attack us. Out in the open, surrounded by enemies on all sides while boldly declaring their boss is dead. If that doesn't make someone go blind in rage and attack then I don't know what will. Oh wait, yes I do. Thanks Orochimaru."

Five blurs land on the platform near us.

"Sup everyone." I nonchalantly greet them. "So remember that whole spiel I said a while back about not doing the entire mission for you when we first met? Guess what I did."

"Fulfilled you debt to me." Shikamaru smriks. "That was what you promised way back then. That you'd take me on a mission where I could slack off as much as I wanted to. Not quite exactly that, but I'll settle for this."

"Good. Because this is all you're getting." A full body shiver of revulsion passes through me. "I do not want to do this again."

"You had fun." Koyuki interjects into the conversation. "Don't even attempt to deny it, I was there for the whole thing."

"True. Some of that was fun." I pat my pocket that two scrolls are in. During the descent I went and recovered all the items that were taken from me when I was tossed in jail. "And I managed to get what I came for and an armchair! How cool is that!"

I was a bit worried about the armor not being able to be sealed away because of the whole resistant to chakra thing it has but it worked. Talk about convenient.

"Do we even want to know?" Kakashi asks Koyuki. Specifically Koyuki, he knows that if he asked me I'd go right ahead and relay everything with grand embellishments.

"No. No you do not."

"Wait!" I cut in. "Everyone away from the blimp! Back away from the blimp!"

"Move!" Kakashi orders as he grabs Koyuki and hauls ass away from the blimp. Everyone is right on his heels except for me.

I've moved just far enough away so that I can see the entire blimp and I'm staring up at it in giddy anticipation. "Come on! Come on! Any second now!"

 **FUWUMP**

The entire blimp is engulfed in brilliant crimson fire in an instant, my seals that I laced throughout the ship finally activated.

"Yes! YES! **YES!** " I cackle in glee as the fire rages, burning the insult to warships to nothing. "Burn! Burn! Ahaha! AHAHAHA! **AHAHAHAHAHAHA!** "

Everyone of the Konoha group looks at Kakashi accusingly.

"I didn't teach him that!"


	61. Chapter 61

Author Note: Sorry it's a bit late, there were a couple of scenes that I struggled to get to a point where they felt right. It took a good 5-6 rewrites. I didn't want to trade being on time with shoddy work vs being late and feeling good about what I wrote.

* * *

Two Days Later

At the Royal Palace in the Land of Snow

Koyuki Kazahana, the newest Leader of the country, is sitting at a large desk. Said desk is covered with paperwork, heaping mounds of it take up so much space that barely any of the beautiful wooden tabletop can be seen.

She's been working on the piles for hours already, the worst part is this is only her learning how everything is set up. Doto changed a lot in the decade she was gone and what little she remembers about the government is long gone.

"I have half a mind to just revamp the entire thing." Koyuki growls to herself. "Almost none of this is salvageable. I don't know if I'll even keep the Research and Development department the same."

"That sounds really annoying." I pleasantly say while leaning on the doorframe to her office. "Hey Koyuki, how's things?"

"Alvarcus?" Koyuki looks up from her paperwork in surprise. "I thought you would have returned to whatever vile hole you crawled out of by now. What are you still doing here?"

"I didn't really have anything better to do?" I offer up a helpless shrug. "Plus the Konoha shinobi are still here, someone has to make sure they don't fuck up all the hard work I've invested in you."

"The person at most risk for ruining your hard work is you." Koyuki blandly points out.

"Sadly that's very accurate." I agree with her. "But it's time I leave, I came to say goodbye."

"Really? You came to say goodbye?" Koyuki sounds pleasantly surprised by that.

"Well it's also to let you know that I'm not around here any longer. That means you can't come crying to me when shit hits the fan again. I've also come to give you some advice, if you're willing to accept it."

"Of course. It's the least I can do for the Savior of Snow." She graciously dips her head in acknowledgement.

" _Please_ say that's not what everyone is calling me." I groan out. "I have enough shitty titles the way it is."

"No, it's just what I call you." Koyuki grins playfully at me. "I need something to get under your skin. Consider it petty revenge for all the things you subjected me to."

"Fine. Just don't make it an official title. I have enough the way it is."

"No promises." She smirks at me. "So Alvarcus the Savior of Snow, what's your advice?"

"Cheeky bitch." I chuckle at her antics, it's good to see her acting like a person. Even if it is at my expense. "In the coming years of your rule one day you may find that you need assistance from another village. _Do not pick Otogakure._ Do not make the mistake of thinking that everyone in Oto will end up like me. Do not make the mistake of thinking that Oto's offers are the right ones to pick. No matter how tempting _do not accept._ The Land of Snow was just redeemed, I do not want to see it condemned again."

"You do not want me to pick your own village?" Koyuki masks her emotions, the playful air we had about us moments before is gone. Now it's two very powerful people discussing the future of a country. One is the country's leader, the other is one of the most influential people in Otogakure. After all I am one of the select few people Orochimaru will listen to.

"Correct. Do not pick Oto. Do not pick Orochimaru. Do not pick me." I am being deadly serious. "Otogakure is not a good place. In the long run it will only hurt your home. Trust me, I've seen the corruption that Oto and Orochimaru are capable of first hand. I've experienced it myself, hell you saw me when we first met. You want nothing to do with us. Avoid us at all costs."

"Consider it done. The Land of Snow shall not work with the Land of Sound." Koyuki regally says, then her face softens. "But you are always welcome here. I owe you too much to bar you from here forever. My people owe you too much. You may come and go as you please."

"Cool!" I merrily chirp out dropping my own seriousness and replacing it with my usual chipper self. "I'll be going then. Bye Koyuki, may we never meet again."

"Goodbye Alvarcus, I hope to see you soon."

"No you don't, trouble follows me everywhere I go."

"Okay, part of me wants to see you again."

"That's better." I step out of the room and close the door.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and start whistling as I'm walking out of the Royal Palace, drawing a lot of attention to myself with the horrible tune. Seriously I can't whistle for shit.

But I'm doing that on purpose. I want to be publicly seen as being slightly incompetent by the masses. It will make them not blame me later.

Because in my pocket I'm holding the Hexagonal Crystal.

* * *

Thirty Minutes Later

"You're leaving." A delicate voice accuses me from my temporary lodging doorway. "You weren't even going to say goodbye?"

It's Ino, she looks very displeased with me.

"Uh… yeah I'm leaving. _Tomorrow._ " I bluntly tell her. "I'm just packing so I don't have to do it in the morning. Did you think I was going to run off without saying bye?"

"Duh. Look at your track record, it's what you always do." She sags in minute relief at hearing me say I'm not leaving yet. "So. This is your last night here. With us. Before you leave again."

"Yep that pretty much sums it up." I toss a final scroll on top of the rest, I'll stuff the scrolls into various pockets in my coat when I leave tomorrow morning. Fuinjutsu makes traveling so much easier. I put a suit of armor and an armchair in a pocket. Fucking brilliant! "Oh yeah that reminds me I have something for you. Summoning Jutsu!"

"Sup Al?" Shirokumo says from on top of my head.

"Gah how did you get up there I touched the ground!?" I shout at him.

"I'm just that good." I can feel the pride wafting off of him.

"Fine fine. I'll just ignore that." I really shouldn't be surprised by that, the little guy loves using my head as a perch. "Shirokumo it's time. I need the Package."

"The Package?" He asks in a very serious tone. "Are you aware of the full ramifications of what that entitles?"

"Yes. I am very aware. I need it regardless."

"Summon me back here in ten seconds." Shirokumo vanishes in a cloud of smoke that blinds me for an instant.

"What was all that about?" Ino asks in curiosity. "What's the Package?"

"You'll see." I fly through the hand signs once more and touch the ground. "Best step back a bit, I'm not sure how big it's going to be."

Ino quickly steps back to give me more room.

"Summoning Jutsu!" With a huge cloud of smoke that fills up half of the room Shirokumo reappears before us but this time he's perched on a gigantic brown sack instead of on my head.

Now when I say gigantic I don't mean the size of a beach ball or an oversized backpack. You could fit six fully grown adult male bodybuilders in this sack. It's probably going to be impossible to move this out of the room because of its sheer size.

"I present the Package." Shirokumo bows elegantly from on top of the oversized sack. "And now I'm going to run away from the aftermath."

The cowardly spider vanishes once more into smoke. I really wish I could do that right now, it would be amazing.

"Well. There ya go." I say to Ino as I point at the sack. "The Weavers finally finished. Have fun."

"You mean… it's my clothes?" Ino squeaks out with wide hopeful eyes. "They're all done? All of them?"

"I did have to tell the Weavers to stop. They would have kept going forever if I let them but I think that is enough." Six fully grown adult male bodybuilders. It's fucking massive. I lean a large scroll on the bulging sack. "Here. It's the scroll that I used to bring over the cargo on the ship. You can seal away the clothes into that so you can get them all back to Konoha. Cuz there's no way in hell you're picking all of that up. There's a good twenty or so large storage seals on it so you can pack them away however you want to."

" _Squee!_ " Ino leaps at me and envelops me in a crushing hug. "Thank you Alvarcus! Thank you so much! This is amazing!"

"Yeah yeah." I smile to myself at her excitement and pat her on the back while she tries to crush me via hugging. "Just… let's not make this an ongoing thing yeah? The Weavers get so fiesty when they get open orders like that."

"You mean you could get me more?" Ino squeezes me even tighter. I didn't think it was possible. "Could you?"

"Well technically it's possible-"

" **YES!** " Ino breaks the hug in favor of firmly grasping my shoulders and forcing me to look her in the eyes. "I'm going to come to you if I need anything. A new dress for an elegant ballroom dance, a swimsuit to make the girls jealous and the boys drool, a nice pair of silk pajamas to curl up and read a sappy book in."

"Pretty sure all of that is already in there?" I weakly gesture to the gigantic sack again. "And how do you plan on contacting me? I'll be in Oto, you'll be in Konoha. They're not exactly neighbors or even on speaking terms."

"You were in contact with Tsunade." She points out. "Surely it'll be much easier to get in contact with me. I'm not the one under constant guard. How did you do that anyways?"

"Trade secret." I mildly laugh as she pouts without releasing my shoulders. "Sure I could do it but I don't feel right about using my spy network for something so… small." I wanted to say unimportant but I think that would get me yelled at.

"Wait you have a spy network?" Ino asks in surprise, the clothes are momentarily forgotten. "Really?"

"Yep! How else would I possibly know the things I do? I knew that Koyuki wasn't Yukie the night we met. It's a damn good network."

"Wow. You're always doing such cool things." Then her face darkens. "Alvarcus Mar have you been _spying on me?_ "

"Yes." I easily admit. "I have been keeping tabs on all my friends back in Konoha. I prefer to say keeping tabs, spying sounds wrong."

"Perfect!" She finally lets go of me and skips over to the sac of clothes. "Then you'll know if I want more clothes, I'll leave a note on my desk for you."

"Shit. I walked right into that one." I sigh as I accept my defeat.

"Yes! These are _amazing!_ " Ino has opened the sack as is rummaging through its contents with glee.

"Uh… Ino?" I call out to her.

"It's so pretty!" She holds up a top of some kind then tosses it onto the bed. She's completely ignoring me. "Oh this one is just gorgeous! And such a lovely material too!"

"Right." I turn and walk out of the room. "I'm just going to go now."

* * *

Minutes Later

"Anko I need your help." I sorrowfully ask the kunoichi. It's just her and I, I tracked her down and cornered her.

"This is new, you need my help?" Anko looks very interested all of a sudden. "With what exactly?"

"It's Ino." I admit as my head droops a little and my shoulders slump. "I don't know what to do."

"Huh." Anko looks me up and down, evaluating me. "Really? You don't know what to do?"

"I have absolutely no fucking clue." I shamelessly admit. "I've never done this before. I'm in dangerous waters and I don't want to leave a bad impression."

"And you came to me?" Anko asks for clarification. "Not Kakashi? He's your sensei, surely he'd be more than willing to help you out. Probably provide better advice too, he's gone through what you are. Not really sure how much I can relate."

"Pfft you think Kakashi would be a better source of advice?" I snort out in amusement. "Anko I'm dealing with Ino. She's a girl. You're a girl. You'd give me way better advice than he would."

"That's actually a good point." Anko taps her chin in thought. "Okay. Here's what you do. Ino is just as nervous about this as you are so you need to man up and take charge. I'm not talking about shoving her against a wall and having your way with her - unless she's into that. I could see it - I'm talking about being confident. Don't second guess yourself, even if you don't know what you're doing act like you do. It will make her feel better and once you get it in instinct will take over. Watch her, don't just stare at her as you two fuck I mean really watch her. Look and see what she likes, watch for little twitches of her face and if she moans out loudly as you hit a certain spot. Take your time with her, don't rush things. Enjoy it and do everything you can to make sure she enjoys it too. After the first time she'll be ready to do more, it's just getting over that initial hump. Hehe, literally in this case."

" _What the fuck are you talking about?!_ " I shout at the crazy lady before me.

"What?" She looks at me in confusion. "Didn't you need advice about sex?"

"No! Not at all! I know what I'm doing!"

"You're not a virgin?" Anko reassess her opinion of me. "Damn, who was the lucky lady?"

"Why the fuck would I share something private like that with you? That's not what we're talking about! Why the hell did you assume I meant sex?"

"Hello! Open your damn eyes! She _likes_ you!" Anko says in mild anger. "How the hell have you not seen it? And you like her back! Don't attempt to deny it, I know what I see."

"I know." I change from outraged shock to depressed. "I know she likes me. I've known for a couple days now."

"Then why haven't you done anything! You two are so cute together! Seriously sometimes it makes me want to gag."

"Anko she lives in Konoha. I'm in Otogakure. There's no hope for a relationship to form. None at all. That's assuming that I even _want_ to change our friendship into something more. I value that friendship, I don't want to lose it."

"Hey you can fuck and still be friends. Ever heard of friends with benefits? It's a thing." She continues to push the idea.

"Anko stop." I order her. "It's not going to happen. Even if she wants it to. Even if I want it to. I'm not going to allow it to happen. Now I came here with an actual goal. Ino is gushing over a new mountain of clothes in my room. I need someone to get her out of it so I came to get the only other female I know to do it because I'm way out of my comfort zone and you're probably the only one here that can relate to her and know what to say to get her out."

"Why the hell won't you?" Anko asks me in anger. "She's hot! She's willing! You like her! It's perfect!"

" _ **ANKO!**_ " I roar at her. "I have my reasons. _Drop it._ "

"Did your kinjutsu make your dick not work anymore?" She glances down at my crotch. "Talk about a waste of potential. Unlimited stamina."

"I am fully functional." I growl out at her. Though I might shoot blanks. Not really sure about that one.

 _~I am capable of replicating the functions of every organ I devoured. That does include all parts of the male reproductive system. That means you can 'shoot blanks,' as you so elegantly put it, if you want to.~_

"Then prove it you limp dick pansy." Anko attempts to goad me.

"That's not going to work." I brush off her attempt to rile me up. "Now leave it alone and get Ino out of my room so I have somewhere to sleep tonight."

"You are the most unreasonably stubborn person I have ever met." Anko narrows her eyes at me as if she's rising up to a challenge. Great. "Fine, I'll get Ino out of your room."

"Thank you." I turn around and walk away from the scheming kunoichi.

"This isn't over." She softly promises herself. "It's not over."

* * *

"Ino!" Anko calls out in a singsong voice as she bursts into Alvarcus's room. "A little birdy told me-"

She immediately cuts herself off from talking. The gears in her head are whirling as fast as they possibly can at the sight before her. She's planning and plotting, using this surprising new information to enhance what she already had. It's going to be _perfect._

"Anko!" Ino quickly wads up the clothing she was holding up to admire and embarrassingly hides it behind her back. "Uh… hi? You didn't see anything."

"Oh Honey, I saw it all." Anko plops down next to her protege. "There's no need to be embarrassed about owning sexy underwear, even if a boy gave them to you."

"I - but he - never - it's -" Ino flounders like a fish out of water to make an excuse.

"Save it, I know that Alvarcus got you them. He recruited me to get you out of his room since _someone_ got carried away."

"You know?" Ino tentatively asks.

"Yep! He wants his room back. Just one question though, why the hell was it spider web themed?"

* * *

With Alvarcus

I rap my knuckles on Kakashi's room's door twice.

"You in there Kakashi-sensei?" I know he's in there, I had Sureddo lead me to him but I'm choosing to be courteous by giving him the chance to say no.

Though if he said no then I'd know he's in there anyways and barge in regardless. Funny how that works.

"Alvarcus?" Kakashi opens the door and ushers me inside. "Did you need something?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow." I tell him. I'm not going to beat around the bush. He doesn't need me to sugar coat anything, if anything I think he prefers it this way. No lies, no hidden messages, just straight up conversation. "I don't know when exactly I'll be leaving and I wanted to make sure I said a proper goodbye this time. One for three is better than zero for three."

"Yes. The last two times were very… unpleasant experiences." He turns his one eye on me with an accusatory glare. "Unpleasant experiences indeed."

"Totally my fault." I wince under his intense glare. "Not denying that one."

"At least you're not slinking away this time." Thankfully Kakashi drops the justified glare and sighs. "You know you don't have to slink away. Just because we all agreed to not force you back doesn't mean we won't gladly bring you back with us. You can always come."

"It's a very pleasant and appealing idea." I admit to him and I'm not lying. Being able to return to Konoha would be fantastic. "But we both know that is not going to happen. Kakashi, I hate to admit this, but Konoha will not welcome me back into her ranks. No matter how much influence you hold, no matter how many people you sway, Tsunade has more power. She's declared me a true missing nin, I can't go back."

"Surely one of Konoha's prison cells would be much more accommodating than _Orochimaru._ " Kakashi snarls out the final word with vehemence.

"Do you really think I'm the type to sit and stew in a prison cell?" I laugh at the absurd idea. "No, that's not for me. Besides, even if Konoha's cells are better than Orochimaru there's something I've left with him that I will not leave behind."

"Sasuke." Kakashi doesn't guess, he knows exactly who I was referencing. "The one student who actually left."

"Hey I left too. You don't get to pin it all on him." I come to my friend's defense.

"But you would have never left if he didn't." Kakashi correctly points out. If Sasuke stayed I would have too.

"True. That does not change the fact that I left." I counter his argument.

"You remain loyal to Konoha. You may have left but you didn't forsake us. Sasuke, he did both. He went for his own purposes, his own goals, his own desires. You on the other hand attempted to make the best of a terrible situation."

"Terrible? More like the fucking shittiest situation of all time with an extra serving of fuck you added on the side."

" _Language._ " Kakashi narrows his eye at me. "I let it slide when in combat situations because it throws the enemy off their game but not when we're having a casual conversation."

"This is what you call casual?" Good to know he still does that. I've missed Kakashi a lot, even when he does get on my case about things. "I'd hate to see what you call serious."

"When you've been included in wartime counsels your scope of casual vs serious gets drastically skewed." Kakashi points out.

"You were in wartime counsels? Weren't you barely a kid when the last war happened? Wait wait stupid question. Minato was your sensei, no shit he brought you along for those talks. Given you probably weren't contributing to the talks but you were definitely paying attention."

"You know who my sensei was?" Kakashi sounds genuinely surprised. "And you know his first name? They've purposefully removed it from the Academy textbooks, it's either the Yellow Flash or the Fourth. How much do you know about him?"

"You really want to know?" I ask him and get a curt nod in return. "Alright. Let's see… Minato Namikaze. Fourth Hokage of Konoha, one of the best Seal Masters to ever be alive, got his title Yellow Flash by slaughtering a bunch of Iwa shinobi and that's one of the more recent reasons that they don't like Konoha, his sensei was Jiraiya, he's also signed the Toad Contract, he was the one that stopped the Kyuubi by sealing it into Naruto and a byproduct of that killed him since the seal he used required his life in return, he's married to Kushina Uzumaki who he saved from being kidnapped and that was the moment she started to return his affections, he was sensei to you and Obito Uchiha and Rin Nohara, and this one is my favorite because everyone alive is doing everything in their power to ignore it: he's Naruto's father."

Kakashi sits down right where he's at in shock. He's practically falls down to the floor, completely ignoring the perfectly good chair two steps away. "H-how?"

"I'm in the information business." I offer up a smug smirk. "Did you really think I was spying on _just_ Orochimaru? I don't do half assed. I'm full ass or no ass. Wow that sounded way better in my head."

"Holy shit." Kakashi whispers out as he's staring at me with one wide eye. "Holy fucking shit."

"Language." I cheekily sass him as I hold out a hand to help pull him back on his feet. "Come on, aren't you supposed to set a good example for me? Falling on your ass and cursing is not the way to do it. Though it was hilarious to see that, just saying. Glad to know someone can get you caught off guard."

"You can't tell Naruto." Kakashi demands while still sitting on his ass on the floor. "He's not ready to know, it's for his own safety."

"No shit I'm not a dumbass. Naruto would go boasting about it so much and the news would make it to the wrong set of ears. Then the loveable idiot has assassins after his head. Not like that's a new thing for him with the Akatsuki and all but they don't want him dead. They want his Bijuu." I wiggle my hand at him. "Plus it's not even my place to tell him who his parents are."

"Do you have any idea how many people would come after you for just that piece of information?" Kakashi takes my hand and I pull him back up. Then he goes over to the chair and sits - let's be honest it was more like falls - into it. "You've got accurate information on both Orochimaru _and_ the Fourth Hokage? People would kill just to have an audience with you, no not even that. To ask you a single yes or no question about either of them."

"Kakashi at this point my spy network spans the entire Elemental Nations." I bluntly tell him. "There's only a short list of very small towns that I don't have someone in yet. Every nation, major and minor alike, I have someone in. If I want a piece of information it's only a question of how long will it take me to get it, not if I can get it. Honestly I don't know whose is better at this point, mine or Jiraiya's or Sasori's. They're the only other two that I know of that has something as expansive as mine."

"Sasori? As in Sasori of the Red Sands? The S-rank missing nin of Suna? The one who earned his title by spilling so much blood that he turned the sands red wherever he went? _That Sasori?_ "

"That's the one." I easily confirm. "He's actually not that bad of a guy. I met him once, he threatened me and then we talked it out. Had a nice little chit chat then went our separate ways. To this day I'm a little confused that it actually went down like that. Even when threatening me he was surprisingly civil." Hell the entire Akatsuki are like that: surprisingly civil.

Except Kisame. Fuck him and fuck Muffins!

"You've… met him?" Kakashi asks me in surprise again. This is becoming a trend. "How many S-rank shinobi have you met?"

"Uh… good question. Let's see. The Third Hokage, Jiraiya and Tsunade are all the friendly ones. Then there's Kisame, Itachi and Orochimaru which you already knew about. Then Kakuzu, Hidan, and Sasori. That's only counting the ones that I've had conversations with and they probably remember who I am, it's possible that I've unknowingly walked past one and even though I know most of the Kages are S-rank I don't count them since I haven't actually met them. So that makes nine S-rank shinobi that I've met and are on a tentative first name basis with. Holy shit that makes nine. How the hell am I still alive?"

Even better: it's actually ten. I left out Tobi. Or Obito. Or Madara if he's still going by that. Fuck it how about Mabitobi? Ma from Madara, bito from Obito and bi from Tobi. Mabitobi. Get it? Ma-bi-to-bi?

No. Just no. That's fucking lame.

I'm totally going to say that to his face next time we meet. I bet his reaction will be hilarious. Or potentially life threatening. Better not. Who the hell am I kidding I'll end up calling him that eventually.

"Alvarcus. You've got to stop doing that. _I've_ barely met more S-ranks than you have."

"I promise nothing. It's not me who seeks them out, we just bump into each other and I scramble like mad to make sure I and everyone I care about can continue to breath. Even if I don't have to breath I like breathing, thank you very much!"

"You don't have to breath?" Kakashi asks yet again in surprise.

"Did I never tell you that?" Whoops. Guess I haven't. "Yeah I don't need to. Found out when Tsunade of all people stuffed me inside a seal and presented me to Orochimaru in a vain attempt to earn his trust to get close enough to heal his arms when she really planned to kill him. That didn't piss me off at all."

"Alvarcus." Kakashi sounds strained, like he's in emotional pain. "Please. Just stop with these insane stories. I don't know if I can keep taking it one after the other like this."

"Yeah my mission record is pretty… fuck it I'm cursing here. It's fucked up. There's no way around it." Then I smirk with fake malicious intent on my face. "Want to hear about the time I made eight highly trained assassin specialist shinobi surrender to me using only my words and superb acting skills?"

"No. No thank you." Kakashi quickly denies. Then he pauses and reconsiders. "Unless it's funny."

"Oh it's hilarious!" I assure him.

"My hilarious or your hilarious? There's just a little difference there."

"I'll tell you the story then you tell me." I compromise with him and at his nod I start weaving the tale. "So Orochimaru does this thing called the War Games to test his shinobi with as close to real live combat as you can get. And I know I only said eight but there were twenty four shinobi against Sasuke and I. This, this is the story of how we conquered them. It was total defeat, they never had a chance."

"I thought you said this was supposed to be funny?" Kakashi cuts in.

"Just wait." I promise him. "It's hilarious."

* * *

One Hour Later

"Good ol Kakashi." I sigh to myself as I make my way back towards my room. "It was nice chatting like that with someone, he's the only one here I can do that with. Shikamaru would just brush me off, Naruto would ask to go spar or something like that, Anko would attempt to get me to go after Ino again and Ino is... well she's Ino. Probably try and tempt me to go back to Konoha? That sounds about right, assuming she's done gawking at the clothes."

I quickly look left then right. I'm alone in the hallway.

"I suppose now is as good a time as any to go see what this unlocks." I reach into my right hand pocket and wrap my hand around the Hexagonal Crystal.

"OI!" Naruto's voice echoes down the long hallway. As I look at him I can't help but think he looks a bit panicked. Huh, that's weird. "Alvarcus there you are!"

"Guess I'll do that later. Not like it's going anywhere." I release the Hexagonal Crystal and give him a cheery wave. "What's up?"

"Ino said that you're leaving!" He blurts out. "You can't leave! You haven't said goodbye yet!"

I sigh and massage my temples. "You ran out the second she said I'm leaving, didn't you? You didn't stick around to hear her finish and say that I'm leaving _tomorrow?_ "

"Oh. Uh. Maybe?" He smiles at me innocently as he rubs the back of his head.

"Naruto you moron." I playfully insult him with a friendly smile on my face. "Yeah I'm leaving but not until tomorrow. I wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Plus I'm not done ransacking the Palace to see if there's any other furniture I want here. I don't know what to get next, perhaps a nice dining room set? Er. Uh. You didn't hear that. Forget I said anything."

"What?" He asks me in confusion.

"Exactly." I am quick to move on before he connects the dots and tells Koyuki who exactly took a nice set of the Palace's fine china. Definitely wasn't me. "So did you need anything? You know besides demanding that I say goodbye, we've covered that."

"I've got a few questions if you have the time." Naruto lets some of the innocent go lucky persona he has fade. Whatever he wants to talk about it's serious.

"I'll hear them. Can't promise I can answer." I tell him. "Is this something we can do here or should we go somewhere more private?"

"Definitely more private." He decides after a moment of consideration.

"We can use my room." I offer. "I've got a handful of sound dampening seals left over from when I soundproofed my room at Oto. We can use those for an extra layer of privacy."

"Sweet. Lead the way."

I do just that.

* * *

Alvarcus's Palace Room

"Dude. Your's is bigger than mine." Those are the first words out of Naruto's mouth once he sees the room.

"Thank you Naruto." I'm totally going to fuck with him. "But keep in mind that size isn't everything, it's also how well you can use it. Though size does help."

"Aw shit." Naruto groans. "I did what you do."

"Yep. Phrasing." I plop down on my bed and sprawl out on it. Good thing Ino got all of her clothes out of here otherwise there would hardly be any room. "So what's up buddy? You had questions?"

"Yeah I've got a couple." He sits down in a chair facing me.

"They about Sureddo?" I bluntly ask him. "That's the Jiongu's name in case you forgot."

"No. I've decided to handle my extra voice in my own way. Yours works for you but I don't think it will work the same way for me." Naruto shares with me. "The Jiongu and the Kyuubi are two very different beings, but you were right. I've been looking at him as a monster instead of as a person. Even if he's a giant tsunami causing fox he still has feelings too. I just need to connect with him."

"How's that going for you?" I curiously ask. If he's already starting to work on lessening Kurama's hatred then that's great, he could befriend him that much quicker.

"Well… right now he's screaming at me to kill you. So there's that." Naruto weakly admits. "He's spewing some bullshit about asserting myself as the alpha male, that you're a threat to me. I know what the real reason is, he _really_ doesn't like that you know his name."

"Don't you dare ask me what it is." I cut in before Naruto can do something stupid like that. "I don't want another episode."

"Me either." Naruto wholeheartedly agrees. "I didn't want to talk about our respective voices in our heads, I wanted to talk about Spider."

"The Spiders?" I question him. "Sure I'll tell you some stuff about them but I'm going to keep most of it secret. They're my Summons and I don't want what they can do to be public information."

"No, you misheard me." Naruto corrects me. "Not the Spiders. Spider. The one who let you sign the Contract."

Oh. Spider. My secret alias that I'm using to pass information to Jiraiya so he can pass it to Tsunade and Konoha. I didn't expect this.

"Ah." Is my informative answer.

"Yes. What's his real name?" Naruto asks with a lot of interest. I have his full attention.

"If he's kept it from you then I won't be the one to reveal it." Although I did just tell Kakashi that I have an Elemental Nations spanning spy network. It wouldn't be too hard to connect the dots. I'm going to bank on the idea that Kakashi wants to avoid Naruto because he's ashamed he didn't do more for him when he was younger.

"Alright, I figured that wasn't going to work." Naruto leans forward in the chair. "Instead I'll ask this, is he a good person? Is he trustworthy?"

"Is he a good person?" No. I'm not a good person. Even if I've turned over a new leaf I'm still not good, yet neither am I bad. I'm in the middle. "I wouldn't call him a bad person but then again he's not good. He's more good than bad though it is close. Is he trustworthy? Absolutely, as long as your goals and his line up and you return his trust. He can be very vengeful at times so don't give him a reason to turn his ire onto you."

"Hmm." Naruto ponders deep in thought for a moment.

"Any particular reason you ask?" I give him a question of my own.

"Not really." Naruto shrugs. "I wanted to compare him to Jiraiya and see how different the two are. No one is really open with me except for you. I can ask you anything and the worst response I'll get is 'I don't want to answer that.' You're honest with me. You don't judge me. You don't scorn me. It's really nice to have someone like that."

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a damn good cover story. He provided a plausible reason for the question then brought up something that most definitely will lead me away from prying further into the reasoning behind asking that specific question. Naruto Uzumaki, you're a lot better at being a shinobi than I gave you credit for. I won't be making that mistake again.

"You do the same for me." I easily respond to him. "We've talked about our inner voices - and damn is that accurate - with each other a lot. I may act like it's easy to open up about Sureddo but sometimes it's not. You've opened up to me about the Kyuubi. Frankly we're the only people who know what it's like that we can talk to. Sure there are other jinchuuriki but neither of us can really talk to them, even then they might outright refuse to talk about it with me. I'm not a jinchuuriki, I just have a freaky thread being that speaks to me. It's similar but not the same."

"True but it's still hard to connect with other jinchuriki even if I am one." Naruto admits. "Gaara and I shared a heart to heart talk once, but that was more based on our childhood and dealing with the scorn of being a jinchuriki instead of dealing with the Bijuu themselves. You're the only one that I've opened up to about the Kyuubi himself."

"Same." I give him a slight nod in thanks. "Sure I've mentioned some stuff about being a Host of the Jiongu to some people but I've never really talked about what it's like to deal with it to anyone else. At best they know it's a bloodthirsty thread being that speaks to me. That's it."

"Yeah." Naruto says as a silence falls between us.

It stretches for a good twenty seconds as we both simply sit there in contentment being in the company of someone who understands.

"So wanna go spar?" Naruto breaks the silence.

"I knew you'd ask me that." I groan out. "No. I want to relax. I've got to leave tomorrow, I can't do that if I'm tired."

Jokes on him, I don't get tired. I just really don't want to spar.

"Aw. You're no fun." He pouts then rises up. "I'll go bug Shikamaru some more then. That kid is so damn lazy, it's fun to try to get him to do things. Ino and I have a little game going to see who can get him to do more."

"Go have fun." I toss Shikamaru to the wolves. Better him than me. "I'll just be here relaxing."

"Cool. See ya." Naruto leaves.

"Or I'll be seeing just what exactly this unlocks." I reach into my pocket once more to hold the Hexagonal Crystal. "Can't forget about that."

* * *

An Hour Later, Alvarcus's Room

"Let's see." I look over my hastily gathered materials. "I've got the storage scroll premade already. I've got Shirokumo on standby to whisk it away to the Nest if I have to. I have a very flimsy cover story, something like wanting to wander around and see the sights before I have to leave. So I'm all set! Let's get this show on the road!"

It's time to go see just what exactly the Hexagonal Crystal unlocks.

Two soft knocks land on my door.

"Or not." I swear I'm going to find out your secrets eventually. "Who is it and what do you want?"

"It's Ino. I want to talk to you about something." She sounds nervous, very nervous. I wonder what caused her to act like this? "Anko maybe pushed me to do this a little bit so… yeah."

"Well get in here and get it over with." I open the door for her. "You can't always let Anko trample all over you, you know. You've got to stand up for yourself. That being said her getting you to change your usual attire is something I'm totally okay with."

"I want to do this too, she's just… well she's being Anko." Ino hesitantly enters my room. "I give an inch and she takes a mile. But she's right, if I don't do this I'm going to regret it."

"Alright. I'll bite. What does Anko want you to do and why does it involve me?" I'm not sure I'm okay with where this is going. Just what did Anko tell Ino?

"It's a little awkward." Ino confesses as she plays with a loose thread on her coat.

"We're a little bit past the awkward phase." I blandly point out. "You have been inside my head, that's gotta be way more awkward than whatever the hell this is. Not to mention all the other shit I've done."

"Will you be quiet? You're not making this any easier on me!" She huffs out in annoyance that is quickly replaced with nervousness. "It's just…"

"Come on. Spit it out." I coax her to tell me the purpose of this visit. "Any second now. I'm waiting. It's not that hard, just -"

"Fuck it." Ino grabs a fistful of my coat and pulls me to her. Then she crashes our lips together in a searing hot kiss.

She's kissing me.

And I'm kissing her back. My arms naturally wrap around her waist and pull us closer together. Her arms wrap around my neck trying to deepen the kiss even more. It's freaking amazing. The softness of her lips, her subtle fragrance and the feeling of her hands running through my hair. Amazing.

Like all good things it came to an end, but this was an abrupt and sudden end. I gently yet firmly pushed her away once my brain rebooted and got over the sudden influx of sensations.

"Alvarcus?" Ino softly asks. She's scared right now, there's a speck of fear in her eyes. She's afraid of how I'm going to react. "Is everything alright?"

"Ino I'm sorry." I make the mistake of looking into her beautiful green eyes and see them widen in pain. "I can't. We can't."

"W-what do you mean?" She shrinks on herself. She's feeling terribly insecure right now. "But you just were! You were enjoying it! You kissed me back!"

"I know. It was amazing too, but that doesn't change anything." I gently say to her, she's very fragile right now. "Ino look, I may sound like a dick here but we would never work out. Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Otogakure. You'll be going back to Konoha. I have no idea when we will see each other again. It might even be on a battlefield as enemies. I don't want to put you through that. I don't want to go through that. It would never work, we're too far apart."

"You… don't even want to try?" Her eyes start to water.

"Ino I could never devote enough time to you." I softly continue speaking. "I have too much on my plate right now. I'm trying to take down a village, keep my friend out of harm's way and trying to stop a freaking war. I simply don't have enough time for a relationship with anyone. There are things that I have to put before my own wants and needs, the fate of the world is one of them. Even if none of that was going on, you deserve better than me."

"I don't want better than you. I want _you._ " She reaches out and grasps my hand in hers. "Alvarcus please. Let's just try. That's all I'm asking."

I didn't want to do this. I don't want to say what I'm about to. It will only hurt her more. "Ino what about Sasuke?"

"Sasuke?" She harshly scoffs out in disgust. "You think I still care about him? Alvarcus there was a time when him and I had something, I'm not even sure what that was, but it's gone now. I thought he cared about me, I thought I mattered to him. Then you told me he left. He abandoned not just Konoha but me too. I've stopped caring about Sasuke ever since I found that out."

"But he hasn't stopped caring about you." I gently pull my hand out of hers. "He made sure to check up on you when we were at the Chunin Exams in Kusa. He still cares about you. Ino he's my _best friend._ Even if you want nothing to do with him anymore he still sees you as his girlfriend, he doesn't know how you feel about him now. I can't, I _won't_ hurt him like this. No matter how much I want to."

"Sasuke." Ino angrily growls out. "Because of him. Because of that arrogant self entitled prick you won't even try."

"Yes. I am sorry Ino but I won't betray him like that. I will not add that to the list of reasons I can't live with myself, it's long enough the way it is."

"Alvarcus Mar you're a bastard." Ino whirls around in fury and storms out of the room. "I hate you."

She slams the door shut with so much force the frame shook. But her anger was faked, it's just masking the real emotion she's feeling. The tears streaming down her face told a very different story.

"Don't worry. I hate myself right now too."

* * *

Later that Night, Alvarcus's Palace Room

"I really need to go see what this thing does." I hold up the Hexagonal Crystal to the light. It has a deep purple tint to it, one unlike any other gemstone I'm familiar with. "According to Doto this tiny little thing unlocks a super weapon of mind boggling power. That would be fantastic to have on my side during a confrontation with the Akatsuki."

It's rather pretty, especially when the light refracts through it. It sends sparkles dancing around the room in a symphony of lights.

"Yeah you do." Shirokumo's scratchy voice says from the ceiling. He's been wandering around up there for a while now, checking it all out while debating if it's worth it to start a new web. I'm only here for one more night after all. "You've had that all day and you haven't seen what it does yet?"

"I'm more surprised you don't already know." I shrug as I continue to admire the crystal. "This is the first time you don't have info on something."

"Doto was trying for years - a whole decade - to figure out what that unlocks. I've been trying to for about three days now and even then the spider presence here is miniscule. We don't like the cold, I'm working with about a tenth of what I normally have."

"You can call them off the search, I'll just go find out myself." I offer him. "Not like I have anything better to do, I can head out now."

"Yeah you do that. About damn time you got off your ass and did something." Shirokumo laughs to himself.

Someone pounds on my door twice interrupting my admiration of the Hexagonal Crystal.

"Another time then." I quickly pocket the crystal once more.

"Alvarcus you have some explaining to do!" That's Naruto's voice. He sounds pissed.

"You made Ino cry." And Shikamaru, he sounds even more pissed than Naruto. "You better have a damn good reason."

"You two don't understand." Ino sniffles out. "Just leave it alone."

"What are the odds that if I pretend I'm not here they'll go away?" I mutter to myself.

"Alvarcus open the damn door or I break it down!" Naruto threatens as he slams the door once more, rattling it in the frame. "You will apologize for whatever you did if I have to beat it out of you!"

"Yeah that's about what I expected." I mutter to myself. Then I raise my voice up. "Didn't you try the doorknob? It doesn't have a lock."

Moments after I finish speaking the door flies open and Naruto storms inside with rage in his eyes. He stomps his way right up to me and gets right in my face, staring down at me accusingly. Turns out he's slightly taller than I am, good for him.

"Alvarcus. Apologize. _Now._ " He demands.

"Naruto," Ino says with puffy red eyes. "he doesn't have to-"

"Shut up." Naruto cuts her off without looking away from me. "He made you cry. That is never okay."

"Naruto is right." Shikamaru is standing supportively next to his teammate. "You hurt her."

I let out a loud sigh. "She didn't tell you the reason she was crying, did she?"

"No." Shikamaru answers. "She was too busy bawling her eyes out to make coherent sentences. All we caught was Alvarcus repeated over and over."

"You owe her an apology." Naruto demands again.

"Did neither of you stop to think that she didn't tell you two why she was crying for a reason?" I look at Naruto then over his shoulder and Shikamaru and my eyes settle on the still sniveling Ino. "It's a rather… sensitive subject. If she hasn't told you herself then I won't share out of respect for her choice."

"Don't give me that bullshit!" Shikamaru angrily yells at me. "You just don't want to say how you hurt her!"

"Right now it's not me who is hurting her, it's the both of you." I snarl out. "Ino is obviously upset with me and you two drag her to confront me _hours_ after I made her break down in tears? How insensitive can you be? She doesn't want to be here but you two idiots forced her here!"

"Don't try and twist this on us!" Naruto cuts in. "We wouldn't even be here if you didn't hurt her! Now apologize!"

"You morons don't even know the full story." I vehemently say. "Yet you're here demanding an apology? How pathetic. Do you really think that she's the only one who was hurt? Do you think that _I_ didn't get hurt too? I did not enjoy what I did. I did not revel in joy as her tears fell to the ground. No, watching her get hurt only hurt me in return. I did not want to do it."

"What did you even do?" Shikamaru asks. "What could you possibly have done to hurt -"

"I KISSED HIM!" Ino blurts out as fresh tears form in her eyes. "I kissed him and he rejected me. There. Now you know what happened."

Naruto and Shikamaru both stare at Ino in shock. Then they drag their eyes over to me.

"Yeah. Bet you two feel _real_ good about yourselves right now." I sarcastically say to them. There's just a hint of a threat in my voice. A warning, to caution them against making this worse for Ino.

"You kissed?" Naruto hesitantly tests the waters. "Like full on kiss or just a peck on the cheek?"

"Definitely full on kiss." Shikamaru is analyzing us both in a new light. "Neither of them would have anywhere near this kind of reaction if it was a harmless peck. The real question now is why did you reject her? It's obvious you two like each other."

"Holy shit why is this such a huge deal to everyone? Ino I understand but you two?" I rhetorically ask everyone in general. "Let's go for the simple version, maybe that will make it through your thick skulls. I. Am. An. Oto. Shinobi."

"So? If anyone could make that work it would be you." Naruto points out. "Alvarcus you're a crafty bastard. You're living under Orochimaru's nose while playing him, you're only there for Sasuke. You really going to tell me you couldn't manipulate him into letting you take missions near Konoha?"

"Naruto we're fucking _enemies!_ I'm supposed to kill any and all Konoha shinobi on sight and you all are supposed to take my head back to Tsunade! We agreed to do neither of those because of our friendship but do you really think that we're not going to be severely punished when we go back to our respective Kages? Orochimaru will be _furious_ with me. As in torture me for days furious."

"Then don't go back to Orochimaru." Shikamaru offers. "Come back with us. We will convince Tsunade to reinstate you as a Konoha shinobi. You can be back home where you belong. You won't have to reject Ino. It's the best solution."

"Shikamaru you're a _chunin._ " I viciously point at him. "You don't have the influence to make something like that happen. Nor do you Naruto. Nor does Kakashi, him and I have already discussed that course of action. Tsunade will not welcome me back."

"Then call in your favor that the Nara Clan owes you." Shikamaru offers as his mind is moving faster than it ever has before. Scenario after scenario are playing over and over in his mind. "The Clan Head, my father Shikaku, is also the Jonin Commander. He holds a lot of sway with the Hokage. Hell I would wager that the Aburame Clan owes you one too since you also saved Shino during the Invasion. Call in those favors. Tsunade will listen to two whole clans standing up and vouching for you."

"This is all wishful dreams of ignorant children." I sigh, a long and drawn out sigh. "You all already know the only way I will go back to Konoha. You're all forgetting that my best friend is in Oto and he desperately needs me there. I do not particularly want to go back to the Leaf, so I have to be forced back. Ino I am truly sorry, in another time or another place I would gladly take you up on your offer. I would love to, truly. But this is neither of those."

Naruto lunges forward with a punch aimed at my head. I swiftly bring up my left arm and push it so his fist sails to the left of my face, missing completely.

"The fuck Naruto?" I snarl out at him. "I was sort of apologizing to Ino! Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No!" He follows up with a kick that I sidestep. "I want you to come back home! I want you to be free of all of these burdens you place on yourself! I want my friend back! So if the only way to do that is to beat you to a pulp then I will!"

I let his next punch connect. He slams his fist with a lot of force deep into my gut, so much force that I am thrown into a wall. Not enough to damage it, but enough to make Shikamaru and Ino wince.

Naruto is next to me in a moment with another punch reared back and ready to fly.

"You are incapable of beating me." I casually tell him. "It's not that you can't -"

His fist slams into my head, forcing me to look right for a moment. Then I turn back to him like nothing happened.

"Alvarcus!" Ino shouts in worry.

"- you simply won't be able to." I continue like what is going on is an everyday occurrence for me. "You can't stomach the feeling of plunging cold hard steel into another's body -"

 **SLAM**

"- the feeling of metal spearing into flesh, ripping into it. Tearing into it. You, who has never -"

 **SLAM**

"-taken a life before has no hope of taking his friends. And it will not be just once, no that -"

 **SLAM**

"- would be too easy. It will be _four times._ I would be your first four kills. Your friend. You simply don't possess the constitution to go that far. You can't bring yourself to cause pain on that level."

 **SLAM**

"So I'm not even going to fight back. Wail on me as much as you please, I will win without throwing a single punch. Not because I am better than you. Not because I am more skilled. It's because -"

 **SLAM**

"- you're a good person. So hit me, get your anger out of your system. Then we can go back to talking like adults instead of a child throwing a temper tantrum."

 **SHINK**

"You forgot about me." Shikamaru says as I look over at my left hand. A kunai has speared through it, pinning me to the wall. "I have no qualms about taking four of your hearts."

"And you never even knew about me." Shirokumo drops from the ceiling on a single near invisible strand of spider silk and quickly sinks his fangs into Shikamaru's neck. Within the next instant he's back on the ceiling.

Shikamaru's body crumples to the ground.

"Shikamaru!" Both Ino and Naruto rush over to their fallen friend.

"Oh don't freak out, he's just unconscious. He'll be up in ten minutes, fifteen max. Poisons were never my strong point." Shirokumo scuttles across the ceiling to stand directly above me. "My Summoner may choose to not fight back but that does not mean I won't."

"You're still here?" I ask him. "I thought for sure you'd go back once the shouting started."

"And miss this?" Shirokumo gestures one leg at everyone on the ground. "I wanted to see your friends interact with you then shit went down. Well done by the way, she's hot. For a human."

"Not helping." I warn him.

"What? I'm a guy. You're a guy. Can't we compliment each other on the hotness of females we land?"

"We can but this is not anywhere close to the right time or place for that and I didn't 'land' her, we kissed each other then I broke her heart. Now shut up or I'm sending you back."

"Shutting up. You got it." Shirokumo mimics zipping his mouth shut and throwing away a key. It's really weird to see someone do that who doesn't have any fingers.

"Sorry about that." I apologize to the three Konoha shinobi in the room. "Shirokumo is rather protective of me. Selectively protective, considering he let Naruto wail on my face."

"You let that happen too." Shirokumo chimes in and I send him a scathing glare. "Right. Shutting up."

"Alvarcus why?" Naruto asks in resignation. He's finally accepted that I'm going back to Oto after seeing Shikamaru fall. "Why won't you just come back?"

"Because it is necessary." I calmly tell him. "I am needed in Otogakure and not just by Sasuke. Did you never wonder why Orochimaru hasn't taken any other large actions since after the Invasion?"

"He hasn't?" Naruto scrunches his face up in confusion.

"No." Ino softly says. "He hasn't. Orochimaru must have long since recovered from the Invasion, or at least as much as he is going to but he hasn't taken a single major action against anyone. Unless he was behind the base that was destroyed on the way here."

Oh fuck they know about that? Thank Kami that Shikamaru is unconscious he might piece together that it was me who did that. I really don't want them to know about that even if it was done before my little redemption episode thingy. No idea what to call that.

"That's right, Orochimaru hasn't had the time to do something major." I calmly continue as if Ino didn't bring up one of my more horrendously impressive feats of carnage. "It's because he's been focusing on _me._ I've kept the Snake Sannin busy, he's devoting the majority of his time to training and improving me. It's borderline obsessive. No, it's definitely obsessive."

"You're keeping him in check?" Naruto asks in surprise.

"Sort of. I can only do so much the way it is. You've wondered how I got so strong, there's your answer. When I finish with what Orochimaru is teaching me I immediately ask for more."

"He does more than that." Ino softly says again. "He is always doing what he can to protect us, protect Konoha in his own way. He never gave up on us, he never abandoned us. Abandoned me."

"GAH!" Naruto throws his hands up. "FINE! I will compromise with you. Next time we meet I will beat you into the ground so hard that the Underworld shakes. Then you will come back with me. But you have to apologize to Ino and to Shikamaru! Now I'm taking this," Naruto slings Shikamaru over his shoulder, "back to our room. I'll calm him down once he's awake again then after you two are done Alvarcus you come find us and apologize."

Naruto walks out of the room, leaving Ino, Shirokumo and me by ourselves.

"Shirokumo you go too." I tell the white spider who is still perched above my head on the ceiling. "I trust you but she barely knows you exist."

"Aw do I have to? This shit is entertai-" I force him back since he didn't leave of his own will. He'll understand. If not I'll explain what happened to Arachne and she'll break out the peanut butter. Whatever the hell that means, I never found out and I don't want to find out.

"Ino look." I sit down on the floor across from her, she never got up when she got down next to Shikamaru. "I am sorr-"

"Shut up." She cuts me off then looks around nervously. "Just… can you wait here for a few minutes? I need to get some stuff from my room."

"Uh… sure?" It comes out as a question even though it should be a statement. "If it makes you feel better."

"Thank you." She rises up and quickly walks out of my room, leaving me and my thoughts alone.

"Oh fuck what if she gets _Anko?_ " I groan out to the empty room as I stand once more. "I'm fucking outta here if she brings Anko back. Great. Now I can't get that thought out of my head. Please be a giant stuffed animal, I'd handle that way better."

A terror filled three minutes later Ino opens the door and comes back in. The good news is that she didn't bring Anko. However…

"Ino why did you bring a backpack and the massive scroll I gave you?" I hesitantly ask her. She better not be thinking what I think she is.

"Naruto and Shikamaru were only half right. Their idea of bringing you back to Konoha isn't the only solution that appeases everyone." She readjusts her backpack. "I'm going with you."

Aw fuck I was right. She wants to come to Oto and Orochimaru.


	62. Chapter 62

"I am going with you." Ino stares me straight in my eyes. She readjusts the strap to her bag into a more comfortable position and narrows her eyes at me, daring me to tell her what she doesn't want to hear.

"No." I fold my arms and level my own glare at her as I immediately dismiss that idea, regardless of her intense stare. "Ino you wouldn't survive over there. You'd be eaten alive and I mean literally. There are some fucked up _things_ in Otogakure. Things that make me look tame in comparison. I have seen the creatures Orochimaru creates, they are not pleasant. They are twisted and vile creatures, they have had their humanity stripped from them and embraced it. Thrived because of it."

"I'll have you to protect me." She pleads her case as she takes an aggressive step towards me. "Orochimaru listens to you. You can make sure he lets us work on the same team. Plus I am a kunoichi, I may not even need your protection. I'm deadly on my own."

"Ino I can't order him around, he orders me around!" I am almost yelling at this ridiculous idea. "You're a Yamanaka, you have the Mind Techniques. He'd love to dissect you to figure out how they work. At the _minimum_ he would try to enhance your capabilities and that is always painful. Not like getting cut with a kunai painful, like the pain that you experienced when you first visited my head. _That_ kind of painful."

"I don't care." She waves off my warning.

"DAMMIT WOMAN I AM NOT WORTH IT!" I roar at her with every drop of fury I can muster. "Go back to your friends! Go back to your home! Go back to your family! Go back to Konoha! Go back where it's safer!"

"WHY WON'T YOU?" She roars right back at me. "They're your friends too! It's your home too! It's your family too!"

"My family is dead." I don't hang my head in shame, instead I let shadows dance on my face. Obscuring it just enough to become menacing. I need to make a point, that Orochimaru is inhuman. "Killed on the orders of Orochimaru himself, carried out by one of his best shinobi. I have vowed to myself to see them both brutally murdered by my own hand. I'm not there for just Sasuke. I'm not there for just spying on Orochimaru and protecting Konoha. I'm there to get revenge. You want no part of that."

"That is not for you to decide!" Ino stomps her foot in anger. "I am going with you and that is final! It doesn't matter where you go, Oto or Konoha, I am going too!"

"No. I will not allow it to happen. I will not willingly take someone I care about back to that hellhole."

"You do not get a choice." She tightens her grip on the backpack. "I am going with you even if I have to follow you."

"I don't get tired. All I have to do is sprint at my top speed then you'll be far behind me with no hope of discovering my trail. You have no idea where you're going. It will be child's play to lose you." I turn away from her and start walking towards my bed. "Or I could just stay here until you have to leave then the Konoha shinobi would take you back with them. I don't have to leave tomorrow, I still have plenty of time until Orochimaru expects me back."

"I'll just have to find out where I am going on my own then." I hear her whisper to herself.

"Ino no!" It's too late. She's already on the last hand sign, one I've come to dread.

"Mind Body Transfer Jutsu!" She casts out her own mind and it slams into mine.

"You stupid girl!" Those are my last words as we're pulled into my mindscape.

* * *

Alvarcus's Mindscape

"Everytime I come here I'm always surprised." Ino says as she stares out into the endless void. "Not just at what your mind is like but also because it's always in your mindscape. Only those with a strong will even get the chance to fight for control of their bodies and this is the third time in a row that we're here. It is supposed to get easier to take over the more you've been in someone's head, that's what tou-san always said. Something about knowing how the mind is set up already. But you, you're so complex. Like a puzzle that I've been working on for years yet am no closer to understanding than when I started."

"Ino why did you do this?" I'm standing next to her, also staring out into the vast darkness. "You're never going to find where I am going."

 _~Back again?~_

Sureddo sounds oddly pleased at that.

"Yes, I am." Ino confidently responds to Sureddo. "You do not scare me enough to stop me."

 _~Is that a challenge? I can show you so much more, not only Alvarcus' pain but also the pain he has caused others. The pain_ _ **we**_ _have caused others.~_

"How about no?" I cut in. "Can't you just kick her out?"

 _~I do not want to kick her out even if I could. It's so very rare that I get to meet someone else besides the Host.~_

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I accuse Sureddo.

 _~Yes, yes I am.~_

"I want to make a deal with you." Ino calls out to the voice of Sureddo. "If you're willing."

 _~Depends on the deal.~_

"I want you to show me where Alvarcus is going and in return I will fully experience a memory of your choice, no matter how... extreme." Ino bargains with Sureddo.

 _~No, the Host is right in choosing to not bring you back with us. You are too weak for it, you will break under Orochimaru's rule. You would not last a month, you'd barely last a week.~_

"I am stronger than you both know." Ino raises herself up to her full height.

 _~Yet you are not strong enough.~_

"Then I shall take what I came here for!" Ino shouts a threat into the void. "I am a Yamanaka, in the mind there is no equal! It will only be a matter of time until I find it!"

She starts to float off into the vast emptiness in search of the answers she desires.

"Ino Yamanaka." I say with an edge in my voice as I clamp a hand down onto her wrist, stopping her from exploring. "You are past the point of playing with fire. You have spilled oil all over yourself and are about to strike a match. You do not know _half_ of the horrors I have hidden away in my mind."

 _~For every memory of the Host's that you view I will rip one out of your head. Then after viewing it I will make sure the next one of Alvarcus's you see will be more_ _ **extreme**_ _in every sense of the word. You show us a painful experience, I show you_ _ **torture.**_ _You show us a training session, I show you one of_ _ **Orochimaru's**_ _training sessions. You show us a fond memory of your sensei, I show you one of Alvarcus' fond moments with his. Whatever emotion yours has, I will show you one of Alvarcus' that is more severe. Be it pain, pleasure or just simply uncaring, you will see it.~_

"You can't do that." Ino scoffs out. "True this is a two way street but you lack the finesse to accomplish your threat. It takes years to master mindwalking."

"Big mistake Ino. Did you forget where we are?" I ask her.

 _~Yes, child, did you? For we are inside a mind that is not my own, yet I am still here. I have been 'mindwalking,' as you call it, ever since I joined Alvarcus. Ever since the Parasite and the Host unified. You think you have an advantage because you have visited his mind three times. I have been_ _ **living**_ _in his mind. You have no power here.~_

"We will just have to test that now won't we?" Ino boasts about her skills and I am sure they're very good. But they will not be enough to overcome the Jiongu, to best Sureddo who has lived with me for a long time. It just won't happen.

"You're both forgetting something very important." I cut in between their threat throwing. "This is my mind. Sureddo you will not interfere with what comes next."

 _~I will do as you ask unless she treads somewhere we don't want her to be. As you said before there are things in your mind that must never come to light.~_

"Trust me, by the time I'm done she will never want to come back." I turn to Ino. "You want to go to Oto? You wish to follow me back to Orochimaru?"

"Yes." She promises me with a steely look of determination.

"Then allow me to give you a mere glimpse of what that life is like." I dramatically sweep my arm towards the endless void and it changes.

Colors spring into existence, shapes and object and even people fill the once empty void. It is not a bright and colorful field of flowers though, no that is not what I am showing her. This is a cold and dreary cave. One that has never known the grace of sunlight. It's a hole in the ground that is best left forgotten forever but it is also where Orochimaru tosses his failed experiments. It's the Pit.

I'm showing her the beginning of my descent into madness.

"But how?" Ino asks as she's staring wide eyed at the sudden change in scenery. "You shouldn't be able to do this!"

"And why not?" I rhetorically ask her. "This is my mind. I am God here. The only God, the one true God. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. The only thing limiting me is my own imagination. Calling up a memory is nothing."

"But only the most skilled Yamanaka have ever been able to call up a memory so smoothly and with such detail! I don't understand you don't have any training! It doesn't make sense!" She can't comprehend it.

"The difference is I am not invading a mind, I am simply using my own." I gesture around the cave. "Now tell me, what do you see?"

"You and Sasuke." Ino says, she's playing my game. She thinks that the longer she's in here the more time she has to find where I am going. Too bad that will be the furthest thing from her mind very soon. "You're both on high alert while in a cave. What's so special WHAT IS THAT!?"

"That, dear innocent Ino, is one of Orochimaru's failed experiments." I look at the snakeman, he's one person I will never regret killing. Well Sasuke killed him, I killed the rest of his posse. "Meet Apodora, a scumbag of the highest degree."

"WHAT IS THAT THING?" Ino shouts out in fear again.

"That is Gina." I look at my dead friend. My murdered friend. Brilliant red hair. A pair of bat like wings jutting out of her shoulders. A long leathery tail extending a ways out of the base of her spine. "And she's a she, not a thing. Nice girl, helped Sasuke and I out when we were in a bind."

"R-really?" Ino stutters out in shock. "That _thing_ helped you?"

"Yes." I let a hint of anger seep into my voice. " _Gina_ helped us."

With another wave the scene changes again.

"Gina is nervously offering her services to Sasuke and me. Mainly Sasuke, I didn't actually need treatment but you get the idea." I explain to Ino as we watch the conversation between Sasuke, me and Gina. "You see Gina had a rough life. She was a kunoichi before this, before Orochimaru got to her. He changed her, twisted her to become something most consider less than human. Orochimaru considers her a failure so he chucked her down here in the Pit. The Pit is a difficult place to survive in. The weak die while the strong fight for dominance. Gina was weak. So pitifully weak that she had to rely on others for protection. Down in the Pit there is only a few things that one can offer someone else. Your own skills or…"

"Your body." Ino's eyes widen in sudden realization. "She offered herself to survive didn't she?"

"No." I correct her. "I assume she offered her skills as a medic to Apodora the snake dude. He took her skills. Then he took her body. Repeatedly. Probably passed her around his little gang of scumbags too."

"She… she was raped?" Ino tears her eyes off of Gina healing Sasuke to look at me, to watch my face and see if I'm lying to her.

"She never explicitly said it and Sasuke and I had enough common sense to not ask her." I turn towards Gina. The shade of Gina. "When Sasuke and I arrived down in the Pit we demolished everyone down there. We beat them all into submission and Gina saw that as a chance to escape from her horrible fate. Ino she was broken, so very broken. She only referred to herself in the third person, she reverted back to a simple mind - almost childishly simple - to try and cope."

"Alvarcus why are you showing me this?" Ino asks me with a great deal of pity for Gina. "I get that what happened to her is terrible and I'm not disputing that. But what does this have to do with me going to Oto?"

I wave once more and the scene shifts again.

"Sasuke and I became kings when we were down here." Now we're looking at one of the more luxurious caves, one with blankets and other niceties that the others lacked. It's the cave that Sasuke, Gina and I took over. "Gina stood in our shadow, gaining our protection as long as she helped us. Quickly a friendship between the three of us formed. She was easy to get along with and made things more interesting when she was around. But being kings also means having enemies. The people down in the Pit knew that no one could stand up to us physically so instead they tried to outsmart us. They kidnapped Gina to try and force Sasuke and me into submission."

The memory Sasuke and I sprint out of the cave. We're desperately running towards Gina.

"Oh my God." Ino whispers out in fear.

Gina is tied to a stone column with fleshy rope. Surrounding her are ten beasts, all differing animals. They're enjoying this, laughing as she struggles in vain to escape and uproariously laughing as Sasuke and I halt before them.

"Do you think they… they…" Ino can't finish her sentence.

"I don't know if they used her again before we got there." I admit. "But every single one of them had the intention of using her later, I promise you that. Now do you remember our dear friend Apodora? He's the one who was behind all of this."

As if on command Apodora slithers out of his hole to beseech Sasuke and I with his asinine rules that we must abide by.

"What did you do? Did you save her?" Ino asks in fear.

"Watch." I order her.

We spend the next few minutes in silence watching the scene play out. My quick and efficient beheadings, Sasuke's Jiongu inspired genjutsu and Gina tackling us both with tears streaming down her face.

"So you did save her." Ino's tone has lighten up slightly.

"Yes. We did save her then." I wave my arm once more and the scene shifts again.

"That's Orochimaru." Ino can't help but stare at him in shock. "He's sitting down at a table in this place?"

"Yes, he's come to fetch Sasuke and me." I easily tell her. "We were never meant to remain down in that hole, it was a test that he put us through. Now watch."

" _Oh you poor poor thing. You aren't coming with us." Orochimaru smiles sadistically at his failed experiment._

"Alvarcus what does he mean by that?" Ino asks me as she watches Sasuke barter with Orochimaru for Gina to come with us.

I don't respond. I'm not even look at the scene before me, I'm staring intently away from it at a wall.

"Alvarcus?" Ino asks again. "What's going on? What happens next?"

"Watch." I demand of her. "This is the life that you're asking to live. These are the kinds of things that Orochimaru forces people to do. This is -"

 **CRACK**

"This is one of my worst memories." I weakly admit to Ino while doing everything I can to ignore the sound of a neck breaking. "It is when I truly started to fall into darkness."

"You… you killed her?" Ino asks in shock.

"Yes. I did." I force myself to stare Ino in the eyes. I'm trying to make a point here, I will not allow my own squeamishness to get in the way of it. "She was my friend. We joked together. We laughed together. I helped save her and she constantly healed us. And when the time came to part ways I killed her."

"But you did it to spare her from more suffering." Ino makes the same excuse I did way back then. "Even with the brief instants you showed me I know that only torture and hell were left for her down there."

"True. But I still murdered a friend on the whims of a madman. The very same madman that you want to go to." I wave my arm once more, banishing the memory and returning us to the black void. "I showed you that to make two points to you. One, you could end up like me and have to murder someone you care about. That action, it's soul breaking. I have never been the same since it happened."

"The only person I care about in Oto is you." Ino cuts me off. "Orochimaru likes you too much to make me kill you."

"Correct, but will he like you enough to make me not kill you?" I ask her and she pales. "Because that is something that could easily happen. The second point I was going to make is this: What if you end up like Gina?"

"W-what?" Ino stutters out with wide terror filled eyes.

"Orochimaru may - _will_ \- experiment on you and once your trip through hell is over he might decide that you're a failure." I calmly force myself to explain to her. "He could toss you down in the Pit. Ino you're a support fighter, not a frontline fighter. You wouldn't last a week without help. Gina was a healer, a medic, she could offer that to other people down there. But you? Your skills are not in high demand. You would be the lowest of the low."

"But couldn't you-"

"No. I couldn't." I don't let her finish. "I do not control Orochimaru. I can _sometimes_ sway him if I have a very, _very_ good point or if it's him who asks me for my opinion. I can demand nothing, absolutely nothing, from that vile creature. No one can protect you from Orochimaru in Otogakure. _No one._ "

"Okay." Ino softly says. "I get it. I won't-"

"No. I don't think you do." I cut her off once more. "We're not done yet."

I wave my arm once more and the black void is replaced with Orochimaru's Lab.

"Oh God no." Ino falls down to her knees as the sight of the Lab. "Please say he's not going to experiment on you?"

"He does, he most certainly does." I darkly assure her while making no move to help her up or comfort her. "Just not in the way you think. This memory is the day I truly earned Orochimaru's trust. Now _get up._ You want to go to Otogakure? I'm giving you a taste of what you're seeking."

Ino forces herself to stand with every scrap of strength and willpower she can muster. "W-who is that?"

She's asking about the body strapped onto the operating table, the one Orochimaru and I are looking down on.

"That is the first innocent I have ever killed." I reply evenly to her question even though I feel sick in my stomach as I force myself to relive this memory. "And the kicker is _he's a Konoha shinobi._ "

"Alvarcus please say your lying." Ino begs me.

"No. This truly happened." I point at the soon to be killed child. "These are the kinds of actions I have done. These are the dark deeds that I did in the name of Orochimaru. This is the kind of life you are asking for. _You will watch this._ "

"No. I don't want to." Ino begs me, completely forgetting that she can leave my mind whenever she wants to. "I don't want to watch this! I don't want to see you do these things!"

"I don't care if you don't want to." I snarl out at her as my hand clamps down on her shoulder, forcing her to face the scene. "Ino you have no idea what you were asking for when you said that you wanted to go to Oto with me. You can't fathom how depraved Orochimaru can be. It doesn't matter if you don't want to watch. You need to. So you're going to."

" _That was better than I expected!" Orochimaru praises me as he looks as the shredded insides of the dead genin. "This is a success. You're exceeding all of my expectations today!"_

"No more." Ino fumbles as she tries to loosen the grip I have on her shoulder with shaky hands. "I don't want to see anymore."

"No. We're not done until I feel that you fully understand what you're asking for." I wave my arm once more, changing the scene back to the black void again. "Ino you once called me a hero. Once I'm done you'll never call me that again. What do you want to see next, me being tortured or me torturing someone?"

"Alvarcus please stop!" Ino begs me with tears flowing down her face. "I don't want to see you do those terrible things!"

"Both it is." I wave my arm once more. "Remember Ino, this is the life you were asking for. _You asked for this._ "

* * *

I crack my eyes open to see the ceiling of my Palace room. I've collapsed on the floor when Ino invaded my mind. I push myself up on my feet and look at Ino who is doing the same.

"So now you understand." I say to her with an even tone. "You know what horrors lie in wait over at Oto. You comprehend the depravity of Orochimaru."

"Y-yes. I do." She shakily tells me while looking at me with a terrifying mix of fear, pity, longing and disgust. "I-I am so sor-."

" _Don't you dare say you're sorry._ " I snarl out. "I am sick and tired of everyone always hollowly apologizing to me. You may have seen my memories but you didn't experience it like I did. The only words I want to hear come out of your mouth are: I am never going to Otogakure."

"I never knew you did those things." Ino doesn't say what I want to hear. "Such terrible things."

"Yeah I know I'm a fucking piece of shit. There is a reason I called myself a monster. Now I want to hear you say it." I demand once more.

"I am never going to Otogakure." She promises me. "But I am still going to hold you to your promise. Once it is all over come back to Konoha. You've suffered enough. You've done enough. You don't deserve to go through more."

"Even after all of that you don't hate me?" I question her. I did not pull any punches, she saw the worst of the worst. I showed her crimes against humanity as a whole, things so fucked up that no one sane would wish it on their worst enemy.

"I don't think I can hate you." She confesses. "I can definitely be pissed off beyond all belief with you but hate? I don't think I can. That being said I will never be able to look at you the same way again. I can't help but have those memories flash through my mind. They're so… so…"

"Fucked up beyond anything else you've ever seen?" I supply.

"Yeah." She slings her backpack over her shoulder and grabs the massive scroll up again.

Glad that's all done with. Hell I bet she doesn't have any romantic interest in me anymore, two birds with one incredibly fucked up stone.

 _~You're certainly not wrong, that was very harsh. I didn't even have to do anything, it was all you. Although I admit it would have been… amusing to show her one of your fantasies that involves her. Mix in a little pleasure with all that pain.~_

Oh hell no! That would have been very counterproductive!

"Oh and Alvarcus?" Ino pauses halfway out of my door.

"Yeah?" I look at her.

"You're way better at kissing than Sasuke." She steps out and closes the door.

"Right." I awkwardly say out to the empty room. "I did _not_ need to know that. I swear that this is going to come back to bite me in my ass. I swear it."

 _~Ass biting? You have the strangest sexual fetishes.~_

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

* * *

With Naruto and Shikamaru

"Naruto let me leave." Shikamaru demands. "How could you leave the two of them alone after that?"

"Because they needed to talk things out." Naruto says as he blocks yet another attempt from Shikamaru to escape. "Plus after that's all done Alvarcus is coming here to apologize to you about the knocking you out thing."

"Hey." I poke my head into the room to see Naruto strong arming Shikamaru. Literally, he's holding him back with an arm. "Sorry about you being so inept at being a shinobi that you didn't see the huge white spider on the ceiling and he managed to poison you. Buh bye!"

I quickly pull my head out of the room and slam the door shut.

"Hold up is that all I get?" Shikamaru asks in confusion. "That was more of an insult than an apology!"

"It's Alvarcus. Are you really that surprised?" Naruto asks.

"As sad as it is, no. I'm not even remotely surprised."

* * *

"Right." I start stuffing scroll after scroll into various coat pockets. "I'm getting the fuck outta here before anything else can go -"

"So loverboy." Anko says as she's leaning on my doorframe. She's even inspecting her nails to add a dramatic flare. "How'd it go?"

"It was fantastic." I dryly retort to Anko as I continue stuffing things into my coat. "So good that I have to run away because I don't think I can control myself around her anymore."

"Really?" Anko asks hopefully. "Damn I knew you'd be good but Ino is too? She's been holding out on me, the little minx!"

"No you moron." I scoff out with a roll of my eyes that goes unseen. Stupid sunglasses. "We barely even kissed and I put a halt to that as soon as possible."

" **WHAT?** " Anko roars. "Why the hell would you do that?!"

"Here." I pick up a scroll. "That will explain everything."

I throw it at her.

"Aw did you write her a love letter?" Anko snags the scroll out of the air. "It's a bit sappy but -"

 **POOF**

The scroll explodes into a thick black cloud of dust. The cloud quickly expands to encompass the whole room, casting it into pitch blackness.

"Bitch you better not be running away from me!" Anko shouts through the thick smoke.

There's no reply. I already jumped out the window and am two roofs away.

"Dammit!" Anko stomps her foot as she leaves through the door, it's the only exit she can reliably find in the dark. "I never got them to boink!"

* * *

 _~You sure that was a good idea?~_

"Oh shut up I said bye to everyone." I sassily reply to Sureddo as I'm sprinting over snow. I'm already outside of the city the Palace is in, it only took around two minutes to escape to the wilderness of the Land of Snow. "Well not really Shikamaru but I think he'll be okay with that. We were never that close to begin with. And about Ino, it's for the best that I make a rift between us. I wasn't kidding when I said she deserves better and that I don't have time for a relationship. Not to mention that I totally ruined whatever could have formed with that memory stunt."

 _~No not that. Anko can be scary and you just pissed her off. The next time you two meet it isn't going to be pretty.~_

"You don't need to tell me that." I heave out a sigh as I'm sprinting towards a specific location. "She is one of the select few that Orochimaru has trained. She's got to know some very… intense jutsus."

 _~I have no doubt about that. So is there a reason you're heading west? The port is to the south.~_

"I'm finally going to go see what this little doodad does." I pull out the Hexagonal Crystal and hold it up so it can twinkle in the light. "Really hoping for a super weapon."

 _~What are the chances it's something lame like a rainbow machine?~_

"If it's a fucking rainbow machine then I'm blowing it up."

* * *

"Kakashi!" Anko bursts into his room without bothering to knock. "Your student up and ran out on us!"

"Huh." Kakashi barely spares her a glance from his book. He's revisiting the green one. "I'm surprised he managed to stay this long. He stayed a few extra days past what I expected, I thought that the instant Koyuki was safe he'd leave."

"You're not freaking out?" Anko asks in confusion as the masked jonin pays more attention to his book than the news she just shared. "We can get everyone together and chase him down. With your tracking skills it'll be a joke."

"No thanks." Kakashi turns a page in the book his favorite student gave him. "I'm at a good part."

* * *

"What the hell do you mean he left?" Shikamaru almost yells at Anko. He's pissed but not insane, he knows better than to actually yell at her.

He's seen what she's done with Ino, he doesn't want to become her next plaything.

"He left. Simple as that." Anko casually says as she's eating a snack. "Total dick move too, he threw a scroll at me that must have had a smoke bomb sealed into it. I hate those things."

"He tricked you?" Shikamaru sounds mildly impressed. It's not easy to fool a jonin, special or otherwise.

"I may have been a smidgen distracted. I was basking in my own potential success." Anko shrugs. "They kissed, and while it's not exactly what I wanted it's a start. I'm not giving up yet, they'll meet again. I can feel it."

"You do know that he rejected her right?" Shikamaru asks in confusion. "Pretty sure that ended whatever could have been. Ino has a vengeful streak in her, I know that first hand."

"Please, he's just playing hard to get." Anko waves off Shikamaru's words. "Extremely hard to get with the whole different villages thing. Stupid boy thinks that's going to stop me, like he knows me! Something as little as that will only make it more fun!"

"Yeah… I'm not touching that." Shikamaru turns and leaves the slightly insane kunoichi alone. "Why do I always get stuck with the crazy ones?"

* * *

"He's gone?" Naruto looks up from a very tiny toad that he was playing with. He was bored and took Alvarcus' advice: summon a toad to hang out with. Unfortunately this blue and green toad is too young to talk so they've resorted to playing a few games of tic tac toe.

Naruto is losing badly.

"Yep." Shikamaru lazily drawled out from the doorway. "Anko confronted him and he bolted. Not too surprised by that."

"Can't blame him for bailing." Naruto shrugs and turns back to the ongoing game. "Anko is… well…"

"Yeah." Shikamaru agrees with Naruto, no words were needed to convey the meaning. "Who could have guessed that she'd change Ino so much so quickly?"

"Dude I know right?" Naruto makes his move and hands the pencil off to the toad. "Kinda makes you wonder if Anko pushed Ino into going after Alvarcus."

"Most definitely." Shikamaru doesn't even pause to think about that, he came to the same conclusion a very long time ago. "Anko has been pushing Ino a lot. I can't wait to see Inoichi's reaction to his daughter's new style."

"That's going to be… eventful?" Naruto scratched his head as he's working on his next move. "Is that even the right word?"

"Close enough." Shikamaru turns to leave. "By the way Naruto, your toad is cheating."

"WHAT?!" Naruto shouts as he pins the toad in a mock angry glare.

"No I'm not!" The toad croaks out while holding his front legs up in a placating gesture.

"Wait I thought you couldn't talk?" Naruto accuses the toad.

"Er uh…" The toad looks around as if an excuse will conveniently jump out from around a corner. "I meant croak?"

* * *

"So Ino." Anko throws open the door to their shared room. "A little birdy told me that you and - Ino? Are you okay?"

Ino is sitting on her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. She has her arms wrapped around them, hugging them closer to herself. She has taken a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders and is staring blankly off into space.

"Ino?" Anko asks softly again after a long pause.

She still doesn't get an answer.

"Ino Honey?" Anko sits down next to her on the bed and lightly lays a hand on Ino's shoulder.

Ino flinches badly at the contact, jolting her whole body away from the gently gesture.

"Anko?" Ino asks in distracted confusion. "When did you get here?" She just noticed her fellow kunoichi.

"Not too long ago." Anko tells her as she wraps the young girl in a hug. "Ino what's wrong? You can talk to me."

"I… I don't know how to do that." Ino confesses as she scoots deeper into the comforting embrace. "It's so complex and strange and outlandish that I don't know if you'd even believe me. I don't know if I believe it and I was there."

"Start from where you think is best." Anko gently starts rubbing Ino on the back. "Take your time, we're in no rush."

A long silence falls between the two Konoha kunoichi. Anko keeps rubbing Ino's back to try and comfort the distraught girl and is waiting patiently. Ino's face is switching from emotion to emotion over and over. They range from fear, disgust and revulsion to smiles, happiness and longing.

"Anko?" Ino finally musters up enough courage to speak. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Anko instantly replies. "I'm here for you."

"You were Orochimaru's student for a while." Ino says as Anko stiffens slightly, just enough for the genin she's hugging to notice. "Did he ever… ever make you do bad things? Terrible things. Like torture and killing innocents and _worse?_ "

"Ino where is this coming from?" Anko has stopped rubbing Ino's back.

"Alvarcus." Ino shamefully admits. "I might have overreacted and invaded his mind and he showed me what life in Oto is like. He showed me horrible things. Things that I couldn't even begin to imagine yet he's lived them. He's done them. I want to know if he made it all up. I want to believe that he's not capable of those atrocities but they were so _real._ You're the only other one here that knows Orochimaru, would he force someone to commit _murder_ because he wanted to test their loyalty?"

"Yes." Anko clutches Ino tighter for comfort. To comfort Ino or herself she's not sure anymore. "Orochimaru is more than willing to do that. He's done it before Alvarcus and Sasuke went to him, I don't see him changing. Ever. Ino whatever you saw was real."

"O-oh." Ino wilts in Anko's grasp.

"I'm sorry you had to see those things." Anko needlessly apologizes but she feels like she has to regardless. "But I have to ask Ino, why did he show you them? It must have hurt him so very, very much to relive those experiences. They're some of the worst parts of our lives. If not the worst part of our lives. Orochimaru is that bad. So why did he show you them?"

"To protect me?" Ino says even though it is more of a question than an answer. "I think he wanted to protect me from myself."

* * *

Two Hours Later

"Well shit." I stare out at the rapidly expanding large fields of grass that are replacing the cold snow on the ground. "So much for a superweapon. I think I just killed an ecosystem. That's a new one."

I turn back to the pedestal that the Hexagonal Crystal went into. I'm ignoring the tall imposing reflective constructs that rose in the air as I put the key in its hole.

"What kind of an idiot builds a giant heater?" I scoff out as I twist the Hexagonal Crystal in reverse and remove it. "This would kill the country, such and extreme climate change would kill off practically all the wildlife. Not to mention how much ice it would melt, that could raise the oceans up a lot and kill off any coastal town or port. Hell this could be a world effecting thing, I bet that climates all over the world would change if such a massive cold spot became a warm one. Cuz that wouldn't fuck anything up at all."

The constant hum of the machine fades as it shuts down.

"Now, time for the real question." I crush the Hexagonal Crystal in my hand, turning it to dust so no idiot can turn the heater back on. "How the hell am I getting back to Oto?"

 _~You could swim?~_

"Fuck that." I shiver at the idea of doing that. "Fuck that sideways with a rusty shovel that's been dipped in dirty swamp water then sprinkled with just a dash of red peppers."

 _~How do you come up with those things?~_

"You don't wanna know."

* * *

In Konoha, Danzo's Livingroom

The feeble old man with a cane is pouring a cup of steaming tea. This is something that he rarely has time for nowadays, simply enjoying a cup of tea by himself. Running an underground branch of ANBU is a lot more time consuming than people realize. While maintaining the secrecy of the entire unit on top of that? The Elder has almost no time to himself so moments like these are rare. Very rare indeed.

Which is why he's in a very foul mood because before him kneeling on the floor of his living room is a ROOT shinobi.

"Explain your presence here." Danzo places his displeasure to the side for the moment. He will hear what his subordinate has to say before jumping to conclusions or doling out punishment.

"You wished to be immediately informed of anything about a specific rouge shinobi." The kneeling masked ROOT member emotionlessly says to his commander. "We have found something… disturbing."

The shinobi falls silent, waiting for Danzo's permission to continue.

"So Alvarcus Mar has come out of the shadows." Danzo takes a sip of the still steaming tea, nearly scorching his mouth in the process. That's okay though, this is when he thinks the tea is the best. "Orochimaru has let you off your leash. Continue, leave nothing out."

"Of course Danzo-sama." The shinobi continues in his emotionless tone. "We believe he's behind the recent destruction of the Kusa outpost."

"Interesting." Danzo takes another sip of his tea. "The Kusa survivors did not see their assailant. What new piece of information do you have that makes you think Alvarcus was involved?"

"It's an intercepted letter from a bounty station sir." The shinobi reaches into one of his many pockets and pulls out a plain looking letter. "Three bounty hunters were following Alvarcus, to attempt to claim his bounty, and witnessed him use a… forgive the vagueness but the letter gets unclear. They witnessed him use a combination jutsu and black monsters that came out of his back to hurl flaming boulders at the Kusa base."

"That matches the description from the Kusa survivors exactly." Danzo places his tea down on the coffee table next to his chair. "I take it they incurred losses? The Hunters."

"No." The shinobi answers Danzo's question. "They ran away, Alvarcus never pursued them."

"How peculiar." Danzo falls silent for a few moments, attempting to figure out something. "He had to know they were there. Why spare them and let them report what they witnessed? Sloppy. Very Sloppy. Unless… he wanted witnesses. Perhaps he wants to make a name for himself? No, he's already done that. He's becoming well known throughout the shinobi world from his past feats. So why? Why would he… no not him. Orochimaru. Orochimaru must have ordered it. Ah! Orochimaru used him to make a statement. Now I see, that's just like that slimey traitor. This is intended to send a message to the rest of the world to leave Oto alone or face destruction. Orochimaru has no need to build himself up more, so instead he's showing the world that it's not just him to fear. He has another shinobi capable and willing to cause mass destruction. Clever, very clever."

"Orders sir?" The shinobi asks. "We can deploy a retrieval team immediately. They will not rest until he's found and brought before you."

"No." Danzo dismisses. "I won't waste my own resources on such a small chance. Not only is Alvarcus deadly, more so than I expected, he is also under Orochimaru's protection ninety nine percent of the time. Instead I will let other pawns bring him in for me."

"I am sorry Danzo-sama, but I don't understand what it is you want me to do." The shinobi says to the old man.

"Nothing. You will do nothing." Danzo pockets the letter and rises up off his chair. "However I need to go speak to the Hokage. One of our missing nin needs an updated Bingo Book page."

* * *

"You better have a damn good reason for coming into my office unannounced." Tsunade growls at one of the Three Elders. This one is her least favorite.

"Of course." Danzo takes a seat even though Tsunade didn't offer one to him. "As much as I loathe to admit it you are the Hokage. I would not deprive Konoha of her Hokage without good reason."

"Just spit it out already." Tsunade says without bothering to hide her displeasure of the man before her.

"Straight to business then." Danzo sighed in discontent. "Do you agree that the shinobi behind the Kusa base's destruction should be considered S-rank?"

"Hell no!" Tsunade snarls out in rage. "He doesn't deserve the satisfaction of becoming S-rank! The only way I'll make Alvarcus S-rank is if he assaults Konoha alone and escapes!"

"You knew it was Alvarcus?" Danzo asks before he can think better of it. It is never good to display weakness.

"Of course I knew!" Tsunade shouts at the old man. "Now if that's all then get out of my office!"

"Tsunade shouldn't we-"

"I am your Hokage." Tsunade growls out at the Elder. "You will refer to me as such."

"Hokage-sama." Danzo says without displaying a lick of discomfort. "Shouldn't we at least raise his bounty?"

"No shit I'm raising his bounty he destroyed an entire base with one jutsu!" Tsunade shouts at him. "Now get out of my damn office and quit wasting my time!"

"Of course." Danzo rises up. It's not exactly what he was hoping for but with a larger bounty on his head the more skilled Hunters will go after him. He'll settle for this.

Danzo hobbles out of the room, leaving Tsunade alone.

"Playing it a bit close to the chest, aren't we?" Shikaku steps out of the shadows that he masked himself in to take the seat that Danzo recently vacated. "I told you about Alvarcus' role only minutes ago."

"But he doesn't know that." Tsunade sends a glare at the door. "I love getting one up on that man. There's something about him that sets me on edge. Tell me again how you found out about that?"

"Ibiki was at the bar that the Hunter team went to. They were in the process of drinking themselves to death while talking about what they saw. He overheard them then when he got back he told me. Then I told you. Tada."

"And why was Ibiki in a bar near the border between Konoha and Oto?" Tsunade asks her Jonin Commander.

"Dunno. Probably looking for some poor Oto shinobi to try out new torture techniques on." Shikaku shrugs. "I didn't ask for specifics. He was on vacation."

"We do vacations?" Tsunade asks in surprise and a glimmer of hope. "Can I-"

"Hokages don't get a vacation." Shikaku denies.

"How unfortunate." Tsunade smiles down vindictively at Shikaku. "I believe your workload just doubled for the next month."

"Whatever. At least I can take a vacation later."

* * *

One Day Later

"Sup guys." I nonchalantly nod at the two gate guards to the main base hidden in the Land of Sound. I'm back at the first base, the one with the Pit. The one where it all began. I'm not here on official business though, this is a personal detour. I have the time now so I figured why not? No idea when I'll get another chance like this.

"Busy day?" I stop to make some small talk with them both.

"Who the hell are you?" The left guard immediately goes extremely alert and leaps into a combat stance.

"How the hell did you find this base? Talk or die!" The right guard mimics the left.

"Oh. Uh. You two don't know me?" I ask while trying to be as non threatening as possible. "I knew Orochimaru-sama keeping me and Sasuke hidden would be a bad idea. Golly gee this is awkward. Golly gee? The fuck did that come from?"

"Who the hell are you?" The left one asks again. He also draws a wicked looking katana and points it at me menacingly. "I will not ask a third time."

"Whoa!" I placatingly wave like I'm actually threatened by him. Basically I want him to stay calm and not swing at me. If he swings then he gets knocked on his ass but that would send the wrong message. "Okay okay! You both know how Orochimaru-sama has two students that he kept hidden away from the masses?"

I get two swift nods of confirmation.

"Cool. That makes this easier. I'm one of them. Alvarcus Mar at your service." I do a sweeping bow before the shinobi just because I can.

"Bullshit." The left one scoffs out. "We've heard the stories about him. You're nothing like him, he's something else entirely. Hand crafted by Orochimaru-sama himself to be viciously brutal at the slightest provocation. Also he's insane. Certifiably off his rocker. Totally looney."

"Uh what?" I ask in confusion. "But I'm me? And fuck you asshole I'm right here! Don't call me crazy you're crazy!"

"Alright kid." The right guard speaks up. "If you're the big bad Alvarcus then prove it."

"Okay." I shrug in indifference. "What do you two wanna see?"

"A spider." The right guard asks.

"One of your monsters." The left one asks. "Show both then you've proven your identity. Fail to do so… and we'll toss you somewhere dark and scary with real monsters."

"No thanks, I didn't particularly enjoy my two month stint in the Pit." I slowly go through hand signs for the Summoning Jutsu. "Summoning Jutsu!"

 **POOF**

"Alvarcus?" One massive hairy leg steps out of the even more massive cloud of smoke. Those assholes wanted to see a spider? Well I'm showing them a spider! Not just any spider, the Mother of Spiders herself! "Oh hello! Are those two my prey? It's been so very long since I've hunted a capable human, they make you work so hard for it! That's alright, it makes victory that much sweeter."

"Holy shit." The two guards share a nervous look. Suddenly they're afraid.

 **SQUELCH**

"HOLY SHIT!" They needlessly repeat as my water monster stands protectively behind me.

"So… yeah." I casually pat Arachne on one of her legs like she's an overgrown puppy and not… well… a humongous spider of epic proportions. "You done goofed."

"A-A-A-Alvarcus-sama!" Both guards stutter out while staring at me with a new emotion: fear.

"Forgive us!" The left one graciously bows to me. "We didn't know it was you!"

"Please spare us!" The right one bows as well. "We were only following procedure! It was not intended as a slight against you!"

"Oh shut up already. I'm not going to get mad at you for doing your job. Idiots." I pull my water monster back into me as Arachne is looking around in confusion.

"So I'm not here to fight?" The spider asks me as six of her eight eyes focus on me. The other two are keeping tabs on the suddenly cowed shinobi. "Why is it that whenever you summon me it's never to go to battle? I want to stretch my legs too you know! And I've got way more than you that need stretching! I am not just some show piece to scare your foes!"

"Sorry?" I meekly offer an apology to her. "It's just your good at that and I don't like putting any of the Spiders in harm's way. I like you all too much."

"You're impossible to stay mad at." Arachne sighs out. "Just give me someone to fight next time."

"You got it!" I flash her a thumbs up then she vanishes into a cloud of smoke. "Whew! I didn't know she felt that way! So we cool? I can go in right?"

"Y-yes! Yes of course! Please enjoy your stay!"

"Awesome!" I casually walk past the guards and enter the base. "Oh and one question. Is Kabuto here?"

"N-no. He has been away for months."

"Pity. I wanted to rip off a limb or two." I make my way deeper into the base. "Orochimaru-sama said I can't kill him but he never forbid me from extreme maiming or dismemberment! Yay for loopholes!"

The door closes behind me.

"We're… alive still?" The right guard asks the left in confusion.

"We must have gotten lucky. You heard him at the end right? He wants to kill Kabuto - one of the best shinobi in Oto - and Orochimaru-sama had to tell him no. That means he _can_ kill Kabuto."

"We fucked up. Do you think he'll remember us?"

"God I hope not."

* * *

"Nice guys those guards." I mutter to myself as I appear to be wandering aimlessly through the base. Except I'm not, I'm following a specific set of directions that Shirokumo gave me. There's something here I want but I didn't know exactly where it was so he found it for me. "Pity I didn't get their names, I've gotta mess with them more."

I round a corner to stroll down a hallway with numerous doors. It looks exactly like most hallways here with only one exception. There's no one else in this hallway.

That's because this is Orochimaru's own hallway, each room has been crafted to suit a specific need of the Snake Sannin. Only those who have permission, vitally important news or a death wish venture down this hallway. It doesn't matter if he's here or not, no one is ever 100% sure he's gone.

So which of the three does that make me?

I certainly don't have permission to be here but I doubt he'd care since it's me. Though if he knew exactly why I am here then he would most definitely care. Oh well not my problem, he's over at the Northern Base. Or just not here, sensing for the win!

Nor do I have vitally important news. Doubly so because if I did I'd haul ass back to where he's actually at and not make this detour.

Guess that means I have a death wish. Considering what I'm about to take it's not even that unrealistic of a concept.

"Here we are." I stop before an unmarked door. "Ladies and gentlemen what's behind door number one? You're options are A: A brand new car! B: A brand new torture device to make those deserving scream out in anguish! C: A severed hand that has started to decompose yet has a ring on it!"

I swing open the door to reveal it's contents.

"Or I'm off by one." I look at the… closet. "I've opened up a cleaning closet. Whoops."

I move over a door.

"Right. Let's try that again. Same options." I swing open this door. "And our winner is C: A severed hand with its very own ring! And the crowd goes wild!"

The sound of a cricket chirping echoes down the hallway.

"Thank you, thank you! Please hold the applause!" I stride into the room and smoothly slide the ring off of the little finger. Then I pull out a plain silver ring that I acquired off of one of my foes and slide it back on the finger. Only under close observation will someone notice the switch.

I hold up the innocent looking ring to see it in better lighting.

"Yeah that totally needs a washing." A flake of decomposing skin falls off the ring and floats down to the ground. "Very vigorous washing. Is there bleach in this world?"

 _~I thought you weren't going to join the Akatsuki?~_

"It's nice to have options." I pocket the ring for now, once it's clean I'll find a better spot for it. Maybe it'll join the scroll that's in my forearm, the one that counts down Oto's destruction. "Plus if I have the ring then no one else can, it limits the Akatsuki even more. It will keep them from gaining a new member that I have no knowledge on. Either way I come out on top."

 _~Very cunning. Very cunning indeed.~_

* * *

Amegakure

"Hm." An orange haired individual with numerous body piercings stares off to the west. He was standing on a balcony in the tallest building, looking over his village to remind him why he is continuing his plans.

But he didn't expect this.

"Pain?" A blue haired woman joins him on the balcony. "Is everything alright?"

"Something has changed." Pain's purple eyes narrow as he continues to stare to the west.

"Do we need to adjust out plans?" Konan asks as she joins her friend to look off into the distance.

"No." A third voice joins the mix. "That is a potential new ally that I've begun to recruit. A replacement for Orochimaru, ironically being trained by Orochimaru himself."

"Madara." Pain turns to face the newcomer, complete with his orange mask. "Why did you only now inform me of this? Did you think it inconsequential to our mutual goal? Another ally will only help."

" _Do not forget your place Nagato._ " Madara snarls out at the Rinnegan wielder. "You are only the puppet leader. I am the one who is the true leader."

"Do not presume too much." Konan's body shifts. No longer does her flesh resemble flesh, now it's as if her whole body is one giant paper mache. A few leaflets flake off of her to float in the wind. "Without our support you have no hope of success."

"Yet without me the Akatsuki wouldn't exist." Madara sneers at the paper woman.

"Let us put our meaningless differences aside." Pain intervienes. "We are united by a common goal. All of the Akatsuki is united under this goal. Petty squabbles have no place here, they only hamper us." Pain turns his full Rinnegan fueled gaze onto Madara. "That being said, it is imperative that we keep each other up to date on things that effect that goal. Something like a new recruit is not something to keep to yourself. Who should we send to retrieve this new recruit?"

"No one." Madara starts to fade from existence. "He requires a more delicate touch. I have already laid the framework, all he has to do is make the choice himself. You will know if he accepts."

Madara fades from this timespace.

"When this is all over he is not someone I will miss seeing." Konan shares with her lifelong friend.

"Agreed." Pain confides in her. "But he has his uses. For now."

* * *

The Next Day, Northern Base

"I'm bored." Maiko heaves out a heavy sigh as she's curled up in a chair.

"Then go bother your team or something. They always are willing to give you some time." Karin says to the bored girl without bothering to look up from her notebook. Karin is doodling drawings that are borderline smut.

There's a specific black haired boy that is heavily featured in most of them. All of them.

"But I don't wanna!" Maiko pouts and her cat ears wilt. Then they spring back up suddenly. "Watcha doing?"

"NOTHING!" Karin slams her notebook shut and flushes red in embarrassment. "NOTHING AT ALL! NOTHING TO SEE HERE!"

"Oh!" Maiko playfully smiles at Karin with just a hint of a feral look about her. "Now that sounds entertaining! Gimmie!"

Maiko springs up out of the chair and lunges at the notebook.

"No!" Karin holds her notebook away from Maiko with one arm while the other is holding her at bay. "Bad kitty! Bad! Don't make me get the squirt bottle!"

Maiko freezes.

"You wouldn't dare." Maiko levels a pleading glare at her friend. She's both mad and scared at the same time.

"Yes I would." Karin gloats in victory. "It wouldn't be the first time I got you wet - he's back."

"Hahaha!" Maiko doubles over in laughter. "You should have finished that sentence! That sounds so _raunchy!_ "

"Maiko." Karin grasps Maiko by the arms and makes her stand straight again. " _He's back._ "

"Who?" Maiko asks in confusion.

"Alvarcus." Karin slowly says as if she's talking to a child. Technically she is but this child is also a kunoichi. And part cat. So… yeah. "Alvarcus is back."

"About damn time!" Maiko squirms in Karin's grasp, attempting to break free. "Lemme go! I want to go glop my boytoy!"

"Glomp?" Bewilderment flashes across Karin's face.

"Squeeze tightly until asphyxiation. You know, hug to death. Glomp." Maiko lectures Karin.

"Right…" Karin trails off skeptically.

"If it was Sasuke you'd try the exact same thing." Maiko accuses her friend. "Don't bother denying it."

"Speaking of Sasuke." Karin switches her hold to take Maiko by the hand. "He's going to want to know this."

"NO!" Maiko attempts to plant her feet but Karin simply drags her along. "I wanna go glomp! Lemme go glomp!"

"Are you even sure that's a word?" Karin mutters. "Anyways he's still a ways out. Just crossed the border of my sensing range, we have plenty of time."

"Why the hell did you tell me now then?" Maiko asks. "Way to lead a girl along."

"Oh shut up."

* * *

"SASUKE!" Karin shouts into a large training field. "GUESS WHAT?"

"GO AWAY YOU INFERNAL WOMAN!" Sasuke roars back. "NO YOU CANNOT WATCH ME TRAIN! NO YOU CANNOT WAIT OUTSIDE THE DOOR! AND QUIT ASKING ME FOR A SHIRT!"

"Please say you didn't do that?" Maiko looks at her friend in a new light. Karin is practically drooling as Sasuke is flying through kenjutsu forms. "Nevermind. You'd totally do all of those."

"Jokes on him." Karin quietly shares with Maiko so Sasuke can't hear. "I already have a shirt."

"Really?"

"Yep!" Karin easily answers her as her eyes dart to a shadowy alcove in the room. No one is visibly there but she's feeling someone. There's only one person she knows that can mask their presence this well and if he's hiding it must be for a reason.

"Girl you have problems." Maiko gently pats her friend on the head. "It's alright, we'll get through this together."

"HE'S BACK!" Karin shouts at Sasuke.

Sasuke moves so quickly from his spot to stand next to the two girls that all they could see was a blur.

"He's back?" Sasuke asks eagerly.

"Yep." Karin pops the p. "Gonna be here in about twenty minutes at the rate he's moving."

"Well then." Sasuke sheaths his sword and nods to the girls. "If you will excuse me, I have business that needs my immediate attention."

Then he sprints out of the room.

"OI!" Karin shouts after him. "WE'RE COMING TOO JERK!"

Karin takes off after him while dragging Maiko again.

"Karin!" Maiko whines. "I can run you know!"

They all leave the training field, leaving it empty.

Save for one person who was hiding in the shadows to observe his next body.

"Fantastic." Orochimaru smiles to himself. "He's back early. I wonder how it all went?"

* * *

"I'm back baby!" I shout as I'm standing before the doors to the base.

"ALVARCUS!" The doors burst open and a feline form darts out. "I'mma glomp you!"

"Dodge!" Karin shouts. "She's going to OOF!"

Maiko slams into Karin, tackling her to the ground and squeezing her with everything she has. "Alvarcus it's so good to see you again!"

"Maiko!" Karin wheezes out. "Stop! Need! Air!"

"Huh?" Maiko loosens her grip and looks at the person she's hugging to death. "You're not Alvarcus!"

"No shit." I chuckle to myself as I'm standing where Karin once stood. "Bonus of having outlandish chakra reserves: I can replace with unsuspecting people."

 **THWAP**

"The fuck Sasuke?" I rub the back of my head where he just smacked me. "I just get back and you assualt me?"

"It just felt right." Sasuke sighs in contentment. "So you better now?"

"Oh yeah. Loads." I honestly tell him. Sure shit went down but I still came out better than when I left. Let's be honest that was a very low bar. "How's things here?"

"Stopped a prison break while you were gone." Sasuke offers. "You would have loved to be there."

"No shit?" Dammit! I wanna stop a prison break!

"Yes." A sinister snake like voice interjects. "I'm sure that my prisoners would have rushed back to their cells the moment they saw the Heart Thief come to get them."

"Hey." I jauntily wave at Orochimaru despite the always present revulsion I feel for him. "I'm back! I even got it too!"

"You did?" Orochimaru sounds eager, very eager, to see the armor. "May I see it? I've always wondered what it looks like."

"Sure!" I pull out a scroll. "Here we go!"

 **POOF**

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru says with fake displeasure. I think he's missed my antics. "That's a chair."

"Whoops. Wrong scroll." I cheekily grin at him. "My mistake."

"Dammit." Sasuke facepalms. "He went and found himself an armchair."

* * *

Omake: An alternate scene that I wrote but scrapped. I was too lazy to delete it so… here ya go.

For the record this _did not_ happen. It's just something I thought would work then didn't like how it fit in with the rest of the chapter and went a different way, so different that this is massively out of place now. But I also really like it for some reason so I made it a little Omake.

At the Port Town Across the Ocean

"Why the fuck are we here?" A tall imposing man asks an equally imposing yet slightly taller man. "I'm freezing my balls off!"

"We're not even in the land of snow and you're complaining?" This man has almost completely hidden his body from sight. He's wearing a long flowing coat and has a mask that covers his entire head except for his eyes. "We are here to make money. For our group. Because that's our job."

"Can't we do it somewhere that's not fucking freezing?" The first man that spoke hugs his coat to himself. "Come on it's not like the boss said to go here, he just said make us some fucking money! We could be on a beach with hot heathens just begging to be sacrificed in the name of Jashin-sama!"

"Not if we want to get this bounty." Kakuzu tells the shivering Hidan. They're sitting in a cafe and each has a seaming cup of coffee before them. "I have a contact at a bounty station that gave me a nice piece of information about an outlandishly impressive bounty. It's almost a Kage level bounty."

"Whew." Hidan whistles at that, even he knows that's tough to do. "Boss-man will definitely be happy about that. Unless your contact lied to you, then we're fucked. If he did I call dibs on cutting him to tiny pieces!"

"This contact wouldn't dare." Kakuzu scoffs out with indignity. "I've made him filthy rich, he would never cross me."

"Who is the bounty anyways?" Hidan asks as he takes a huge swig of his coffee. "ACK! This shit is terrible!"

"Of course it's terrible." Kakuzu rolls his eyes. "It's the cheapest one they have. The target is from Konoha, in fact he's supposed to be one of Konoha's top shinobi."

"Oh that'll make boss-man even more happy!" Hidan laughs as he pounds a fist onto the table, rattling the two cups that are on it. "What's his name? I want to know who is going to be such a great sacrifice to Jashin-sama."

"Kakashi Hatake." Kakuzu leans forward dramatically. "One of the last people alive in possession of a Sharingan."

"Now that's interesting." Hidan eyes his coffee with distaste, then shrugs and drinks more anyways. "We gonna bring that back with us? If boss-man doesn't want it then maybe Sasori could use it for a puppet? Or not, those things creep me out enough the way it is."

"You wouldn't give it to Itachi?" Kakuzu raises a singular eyebrow at his lunatic partner. "You know, the _Uchiha_ that is a part of our merry band? One of the more dangerous of us all, enough that even _I_ wouldn't go after the insane bounty on his head?"

"Oh fuck that's right!" Hidan slams his cup down on the table, nearly breaking them both. "Itachi has first dibs. How the fuck did I forget about that bastard?"

"Because you're an idiot."

* * *

Two Days Later

"Thanks Cap!" I call over my shoulder as I vault over the side of the same ship I rode out on. I was mulling around the port we made harbor at and bumped into the Captain. The nice guy offered me a ride back to the mainland.

"Remember Laddie, there's a spot on my crew for ya." He calls after me despite the fact that I'm already running away from the boat. "Just come find me and my ship!"

"You got it!" I shout back. Then I lower my voice so that he can't hear me. "Except I don't know your name or the name of your ship so finding you is going to be so unpractical. I'd have to do so much work and thieving to figure it all out. Good thing I don't want to be a sailor!"

 _~You're in a surprisingly good mood.~_

"Yeah well I don't have to deal with anyone else for a while." I shrug to myself as I'm wandering around the town. "Now the real question is should I crash here for the rest of the day and start fresh tomorrow morning?"

 _~It's not like you can't run all the way back to Oto right now. It's entirely up to you, you will still be back early even if you leave tomorrow morning.~_

"I think you just sold me." I start scanning the buildings around me, looking for a hotel. "I've got plenty of time. I'm going to take some me time, focus on just myself. It'll be so nice to be alone for a bit. Well not technically alone, you're always there."

 _~True, but I will be quiet if you want me to. It's not like you're getting rid of me, we're stuck together.~_

"Why is it that you sound happy when you say that?" I cheekily ask Sureddo.

 _~I don't know, why don't you tell me? You sound happy yourself - Host we have a problem.~_

"Are you fucking shitting me?" I groan out. "What is it now?"

 _~I think it's -_

"CONVERT!" I'm scooped up into a bear hug from behind. The force of the hug would crush a normal person, whoever this is they're dangerous. "Oh _finally_ something goes my way! How the hell have you been? You ready to accept Jashin-sama as our lord and savior? Wait you are the Convert right? I didn't just grab some random asshole did I?"

"Who the fuck are - Hidan?" Oh HELL no! Slicked back lavender hair. Giant three pronged scythe strapped to his back. Black cloak with red clouds on it.

What. The. Fuck.

"Hidan why are you making such a racket?" A deep gruff voice sighs from behind Hidan, I can't see the speaker but I know exactly who it is. "Please say you didn't just murder some poor nobody. We don't get paid to kill random people."

"No it's even better than that!" Hidan spins me around and presents me to Kakuzu. "Tada! Lookie at what I found! The Convert!"

"The Convert?" Kakuzu turns his gaze onto me and his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

"Kakuzu?" I refuse to believe this. Why the fuck is this happening?

WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS GO SO WRONG?

"Muffins?" Kakuzu asks in equal surprise.

"Fuck you and FUCK MUFFINS!" I roar at the much more skilled, older, and deadly man. "I'm a fucking _shinobi!_ I kill people because it gets me a paycheck! I refuse to be called something so damn lame! That's it! I'm murdering Kisame next time I see him! I'll take that stupid big sword of his and shove it so far up his ass that it comes out his mouth! Then I'll rip it out and stab him repeatedly and when that fucker asks me why I'll stare him straight in his eyes and just before the light leaves them forever I'll say _Muffins._ I want him to know he died because he called me a fucking pastry!"

Wow that was a bad idea. But it felt _so good._

"HAHAHA!" Hidan is doubled over in laughter while maintaining a grip on my shoulder. "Oh I'd love to see you say that to Kisame's face! That's great! You're fucking _perfect_ for Jashinism!"

"I'm not subscribing to your dumb religion." I pry Hidan's fingers off of my shoulder, it took a lot more force than I expected. He's got an iron grip.

"And that's why I like you." Kakuzu snorts in amusement as Hidan wilts at my blatant dismissal of his religion. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, when it's there at least."

"Oh haha very funny." I dryly say to Kakuzu. "Let's all poke fun at the guy who has been decapitated. Like you two haven't ever been decapitated before."

"Loads of times!" Hidan slams a hand on my back but I don't stagger under the blow. I was ready for it. "Welcome to the club! Isn't it hilarious to see the shock on people's faces when they cut off your noggin and you just put it back on like nothing happened?"

"Actually yes. I think that's the first thing we agree on." I admit to the lunatic that wants me to worship a God by killing loads of people in said God's name. "Though usually I try to avoid it at all costs."


	63. Chapter 63

This isn't awkward at all. I uncomfortably look around Orochimaru's office as the Snake Sannin is studying me.

His eyes are roaming over every miniscule feature, searching for something. I hope it's for a new scar or obvious signs of combat and not something more sinister. With him I can never tell if he's trying to be considerate or a massive creep.

"I take it that the mission went well?" Orochimaru asks me.

"I suppose you could say that." I dance around his question. I don't think he'd take me teaming up with Konoha shinobi well. Especially my old sensei of all people. "Totally wrecked that base by the way. Any news about that? Did Kusa fuck off or did she send more sheep to the slaughterhouse?"

"Kusa is withdrawing." Orochimaru has a pleased aura about him. "Did you really have to rain down fire from the heavens upon them? It was a tad excessive."

"Damn I'm totally going to call it that. The Fire of Heaven. Thanks for the idea."

"You're more than welcome. Now, was it necessary?"

"True it was excessive." He's not wrong, not even a little bit. "But you wanted me to make a statement, to show what I am truly capable of. So I did."

"Enough about the Kusa base." Orochimaru moves on. "Tell me about your visit to the Land of Snow."

"I got the armor?" I awkwardly fumble for a new topic. It failed horrendously.

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru leaks off some killing intent, enough to let me know he's serious. "What happened."

"Nothing major, just bumped into my old sensei and some past friends from Konoha who proceeded to blackmail me into helping with their own mission which resulted in me toppling the dictatorship that once was the Land of Snow's government by blowing Doto's head off with a pebble. Oh! I also attempted to get you a few new recruits but they kinda sorta tried to kill me so I killed them. Sorry about that."

"You should know better than to lie to me." Orochimaru narrows his eyes at me in disappointment. "Now tell the truth."

"You're right my bad." I hang my head in shame. "I also found a bounty station before all of that and got a Bingo Book."

"You're... not lying?" Orochimaru says to himself as he's analyzing me for the smallest of reactions.

"Nah." I let a long and drawn out sigh through my lips. "I can think up of some crazy shit but even I couldn't pull that one out of thin air. Seriously it was a total cluster fuck. It's a miracle that nothing went majorly wrong. I mean all that shit happened but I'm still back in one piece!"

"Really?" Orochimaru asks in mild surprise. "Back in one piece?"

"Not for everyone else's lack of trying." I sheepishly admit. "So yeah. I blew up the base, found a boat, got confronted by some Konoha shinobi, got blackmailed by said shinobi, ended up protecting an actress who turned out to be a Princess, had a minor mental breakdown, unwillingly boarded a blimp -"

"A blimp?"

"Yeah think giant balloon and you've got it." I quickly explain to him.

"Ah the warship." Orochimaru states matter of factly.

"It's not a damn warship! It's a fucking blimp! Ahem. Anyways where was I? Ah yes, after boarding the blimp unwillingly might I add, killed a few people, found Doto and my armor, was taken pseudo prisoner because he threatened to kill the Princess, some crazy chick attempted to torture me and failed horribly at it, broke out with the Princess and murdered Doto with a pebble. After that I just kinda explored the Land of Snow for a bit and made a pit stop at the main base. Did you know your guards don't know who I am? That wasn't awkward at all."

"You're leaving a great amount of detail out." Orochimaru coolly levels an intense stare at me. "Particularly about the Konoha shinobi that you so conveniently glossed over."

"Well yeah." I snort out. "Idiots tried to get me to go back to Konoha with them. Yet here I am, reporting back to you. You would think that after me going to Oto for the _third damn time_ they would learn that I want to be here. Seems like only Kakashi understood that, he hardly tried to get me to go back."

"You escaped from under Kakashi of the Sharingan's nose?" Orochimaru sounds impressed with me.

"It's not like that." I explain quickly before he can do something I don't want. Like insisting on stepping up my training yet again. "He still harbors a soft spot for me, I was his student for a while. He let me go, he couldn't bring himself to take me down. Now that I think about it I probably got lucky it was him there instead of Gai or Asuma or even Kurenai. They'd try much harder to stop me, he just kinda let it happen. Kinda similar to when the Third Hokage let you leave Konoha."

"Splendid!" Orochimaru chirps out in happiness. "It's always uplifting to know that you choose me over them. I admit, I have my doubts once in awhile yet you always lay them to rest. Now you must be tired from your journey, go rest. I will call on you to answer any more questions I have at a later time, for now my curiosity is satisfied."

"Cool." I rise up and make my way towards the door.

"Oh and Alvarcus?" Orochimaru calls after me. "You've missed a week and a half's worth of training. We're going to do double sessions until you're back on track."

"Do we have to?" I whine out.

"Yes, yes we do." Orochimaru grins sinisterly. "I've had plenty of time to come up with new ideas, you going to Snow was a boon for me. These sessions will be extra fruitful."

"Fantastic." I groan out as I leave.

Orochimaru's pleased smile vanishes the moment the door closes behind his child.

"Unacceptable." Orochimaru spins his chair to look at the massive map of the entire elemental nations that he has on his wall. He's glaring a specific village, one of the big five. "He's still too soft. It should not have been them who let him go, it should be him that let them go. No, not even that. He should have killed them regardless of his past connections."

Orochimaru is pulled out of his intense glare and thought process by a sensation in his left hand. It's spasming uncontrollably, not enough to be a real problem but enough for others to know something is wrong with him.

"So it begins." Orochimaru firmly grasps his left hand in his right in a vain attempt to stop the twitching. "Alvarcus you must hurry, I need you to be able to stand by my side. While I am incapacitated you will be my sword. You will be my shield. You will be the one who acts in my stead until I can claim the Uchiha."

* * *

I quickly rap my knuckles twice on Sasuke's room's door.

"You in there buddy?" I call out.

There's no answer.

"Huh." I scratch my head in confusion. "I thought for sure he'd want to catch up especially because of that conversation we had moments before I left. Well whatever, not like we're going anywhere soon."

With a lazy shrug I take the ten steps down the hallway to my own room.

"Now where am I going to put my armchair?" I ask myself as I swing my door open.

"There you are!" Sasuke heatedly says as he rises up from my couch. Guess he did want to talk after all since the bastard decided to hang out in my room and wait for me. "Orochimaru sure took his time debriefing you."

"Not my fault?" I hesitantly say. "Okay, kinda my fault. The mission was totally fucking weird and I'm the one saying that."

"We'll get to that later." Sasuke walks over to the door I just entered and holds it open. "You coming?"

"Where to?" I follow after him as we both step into the hallway. "Is my couch not comfy enough? I've got an armchair now too, maybe that is more to your liking?" I giddily pull out the scroll and wave it around in the air. "Where should I put it? I'm running out of space, I might have to knock down a wall and take the room next to mine too. What's in that one anyways? Whatever they or whatever is in it can be relocated. This is much more important."

"You and your damn furniture." Sasuke shakes his head in exasperation. "We're going to a training field."

"Any particular reason?" I ask as we're making our way through the base.

"It's the last place anyone will look for us. We've got some talking to do."

* * *

Training Field

Sasuke and I are standing five meters apart from each other. The usually pleasant air temperature in the room is cooling rapidly as we both flex our metaphorical muscles. We're slowly raising our killing intents at each other.

Sasuke didn't want to come here only to not be disturbed, he wants to spar too.

"Yours feels different." Sasuke says as both of our intents stop climbing. We can each go farther, much farther, but this is a spar. It's little more than a friendly contest.

"Different how?" I curiously ask him. I always knew that each killing intent is slightly skewed to each individual. They all carry a sense of promised death but each unique person naturally emits their own personal flavor. For example Orochimaru's feels like thousands of snakes are slithering all around you and they can kill you with just a single drop of poison.

"It's back to how it used to feel. No that's wrong, it's just closer to that. Back before we went to Orochimaru." He shares with me. "It used to feel like there was a ferocious monster lurking in the corner of my eye, always just out of sight but close enough that I knew it's there. But what was really scary about yours was that there was no true intent to kill. It felt like the monster wanted to torment me into insanity and if I happened to die in the process then so be it."

"That did fit me surprisingly well. Even now I really enjoy messing with people, doubly so while we're fighting to the death. Dare I ask what it felt like after we went to Orochimaru?" I know that he twisted me into something else, something more dark and violent. How did it affect my killing intent though?

"Bloodthirsty." He sums it up in one word. "Like you were prepared to wade through a sea of blood while cackling in joy. Like you were ready and willing to cause as much pain as possible simply because you wanted to see if you could cause more than the last time."

"So what does it feel like now then?" Called it by the way. I knew it was dark.

"A bit of both." Sasuke tilts his head as he falls deeper into thought. "There's a monster hiding just out of sight, lurking on the edge of my vision and breathing down my neck. It wants to play with me, see how I tick and push me onto the brink of insanity and beyond if it can. It won't act on it's own though, not at first. It wants to wait for me to make a mistake before it starts to play. It also promises death to those who are stupid enough to challenge it. Death in a very painful and unique manner."

"Huh." That's almost exactly how I've decided to act now. Give everyone one chance then it's open season. Example A: Nadare and his team. Example B: The shinobi that confronted me when I first got on the blimp. I gave both groups an out, they didn't take it and instead attacked me. So they died.

"What about mine?" Sasuke asks me eagerly.

"Your's feels like a cold calculative killer is watching me, seeing everything about me. I'm standing in a brightly lit empty white room but the ever present feeling of eyes on me does not fade. They see all, exactly what I am going to do and what I have done. Nothing remains hidden from those eyes. They bring a sense of finality with them, that no matter what I do, no matter how creatively I plan, you will see through it and systematically best me at everything I attempt with ease to slide a kunai into my heart. It's pretty scary to be honest, particularly for me since I like to plan out how I want my battles to go. The idea that my opponent knows every move I'm going to make is the worst feeling, it ruins all of my hard work and fun."

No doubt his killing intent is being influence by his Sharingan. Not surprised at all.

"So I'm your antithesis." He sums up. "You're chaos and insanity while I'm all seeing and focused. How the hell are we friends?"

"Opposites attract or some other bullshit reason like that?" I shrug as we both let our respective killing intents fade. "I'd prefer to say that we both had a healthy respect for each other and that respect grew into friendship after a few battles and training sessions."

"Your second one was way better. Let's go with that." Sasuke smoothly glides into a combat stance. His right foot is forward and his right hand is wrapped around the hilt of his sword. "Rules for the spar?"

"Avoid my face and my hearts please. I'd like to keep them both intact. Usual rules for you, no deadly or severely maiming attacks." I start to remove my outer layers, no need to ruin an expertly made coat. "We limiting this to a specific branch? Like only taijutsu or ninjutsu?"

"How about only genjutsu?" Sasuke arrogantly smirks at me. "Unless you have a problem using it. I hear you might have performance issues."

"Fuck you." I say with no real malicious intent behind it. "You know damn well that I can't use most genjutsus. You know what? Fine, let's do just genjutsu. I'll let you trap me over and over and over again and each and every time I'll casually break out of it while belittling your skills. Does that sound fun?"

"Okay okay you made your point." Sasuke says to me. "Not like you're special I can get out of almost every genjutsu too."

"Says the kid who was trapped in a month long coma because of one." I sassily point out. "You've got a really good track record going for you there."

"You think you can stand up to the Tsukuyomi?" He throws it back into my face.

"Huh. Can I get out of that?" I ask for no real reason. "I suppose it would depend on Sureddo's reaction time. I don't break myself out of genjutsu, Sureddo does it for me. So let's say it takes Sureddo on average a… let's go with a half second to recognize the genjutsu and then cause me pain to jolt me out. Well in the Tsukuyomi Itachi commands time itself, he can drag out a second to last for a day. So I'd be stuck in there for half a day before Sureddo breaks me out and that's assuming that it's not trapped with me. I should be alright from any lasting brain damage, unlike you and Kakashi, since I don't technically have one anymore which is really fucking weird to think about. Even if it was damaged Sureddo can just go and fix it for me since it devoured it and knows how it's supposed to be. Plus I'm accustomed to pain, very intimately accustom to it might I add, so most if not all of Itachi's torture methods will be less effective on me. So… Sort of?"

"You are the most broken person I have ever met." Sasuke bluntly tells me as he's taking that all in. "Okay. Couple questions. The hell is Sureddo?"

"Oh that's the Jiongu. It has a name now." I easily share.

"Right. I'm going to accept that and move on." Sasuke skeptically says. "How do you know how the Tsukiyomi works? I never told you."

"You think that your _spymaster_ friend hasn't dug any information up on the person that you want to kill?" It's my turn to look at him skeptically. "Seriously dude, I'm in the information business bigtime. I think I might have the best network too, easily top five. You know about Amaterasu right?"

"The legendary black flames." Sasuke sounds longing as he says those words. "The pinnacle of the Uchiha's fire jutsus, probably even the pinnacle of fire jutsu itself. It's every Uchiha's dream to one day wield Amaterasu for themselves."

"Cool. Glad I'm not dropping that one on you." Bullet dodged. Being a spymaster is super convenient for sharing knowledge I shouldn't know.

"So you know where he's at?" Sasuke conversationally asks me.

"Not specifically." Crafty ass. He's trying to worm information out of me. "He and his big blue friend are constantly on the move, they're hard to pin down for long. Spiders can't exactly move at shinobi speeds, not to mention S-rank shinobi speeds. I have to wait for them to pop up again once they leave where they're at and they're never in the same place for more than three days."

"Good, that means when I'm ready we can find him." Sasuke rolls his shoulders. "So we sparing or what?"

"Hold up a moment." This needs to be clarified. "Did you just admit you weren't ready to face Itachi? _You?_ "

"Uh yeah?" His brow furrows in confusion. "Alvarcus we've got to deal with Orochimaru first. One S-rank at a time."

"Holy shit. You've matured." I did not expect that. Never would I have expected that.

 _~Perhaps you should take those words to heart. One S-rank at a time, not a group of nine.~_

Oh be quiet they only work in pairs. It'll be two at once wow that sounds way worse than I expected.

"Shut up you idiot." Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Orochimaru has to go if I want to kill Itachi. Plus he did… well... I'm not the only one who lost family."

"True." I finally take up my own combat stance, it's a loose one that leave myself wide open everywhere except my chest. "So how about that spar?"

I don't want talk of Orochimaru to damper the pleasant mood that we're both in.

"Gladly." Sasuke smiles to himself. "It's been a long time since we did this, I've got plenty of new moves. I think I feel a win coming my way."

"You're right, it has been a while." I grin at him predatorily. "Just imagine how many new moves I've come up with. Now tell me which one is scarier?"

"Fair point." Sasuke concedes as he springs forward and in one fluid motion draws his sword and attempts to slash diagonally across my chest. He would have reopened the massive scar that Sureddo gave me on one of its earlier uses but I leapt backwards out of his range. "But you're forgetting that I know your style. I can see through your parlor tricks."

"You and your damn fancy eyes!" I accuse him as I throw six kunai at him at once. I miss my chakra strings, I don't use them nearly as much as I used to. They're my original skill after all.

Sasuke precisely swings his sword and knocks all six of them out of the air with ease. "They're more than just for looks."

"Cheats! Cheats I say!" I playfully shout at him. "And you call me broken?"

"You're way more broken than I am." Sasuke darts in again, attempting to pierce me multiple times as lighting arcs down his blade. He's being serious to start out with that, must really want that win.

"Yeah for now. Give it some time, you'll end up passing me again one day." I intercept one of his thrusts with my own kunai and close the distance between us. While ignoring the sudden jolt from the lightning I swipe my kunai at his legs in an attempt to slow him down, turns out he's faster than I am. Not by much but just enough that I want to remove that advantage.

"I hope so. I'm tired of being second." Sasuke planted the tip of his sword in the ground and used it as an anchor to raise himself up in a hand stand to avoid my swipe.

"Show off." I lob an insult at him as I swipe at the arm holding him upside down.

He pushes off the hilt of his sword to push his body upwards to avoid yet another strike. On his way back down he easily grasps the hilt again and lands back on his feet and leaps away with his sword to put some distance between us again.

"I hate to repeat myself but, _show off._ "

"Told you I had new moves." He cheekily taunts me. "Given that one is really not a good one to try in a real combat situation. I can't really do much while I'm upside down and balancing on a sword handle."

"I guess it's my turn to show off then." I whip out a scroll and Sasuke's eyes widen slightly in fear. He knows that whatever is in there does not bode well for him.

He lunges forward with every intent of severing my wrist and by extension removing the scroll from my posession.

Too bad for him I expected that. One stark white mask sprouts out of my back and arcs over my shoulder and shoots out a gale of wind, buffeting Sasuke so much that he's forced to halt his advance.

"You showed me an impractical move it's only fair that I return the favor." I unfurl the scroll as Sasuke has quit fighting to get through the fierce wind and has opted to put as much distance between us as possible. "Although mine isn't new, it's more of an enhancement. And a whole lot less impractical now that I know how to make seals."

 **POOF**

"Wait that's it?" Sasuke lowers his guard for a moment as he sees what was hidden inside the scroll. "Kuani? Just a bunch of kunai?"

"One hundred twenty seven to be exact." I pleasantly tell him. I'm stalling a bit, this move takes a few seconds to get ready and a whole lot of focus. "Used to be one hundred twenty eight but I lost one and haven't bothered to replace it. I've slowly doubled the amount of kunai I can use for a specific move of mine. I went back to square one and used a single kunai. Then two. Then four. Then eight. And so on you get the idea. Still have no idea where that one went to though."

"You think I can't stop or dodge that many kunai?" Sasuke ask with confidence. "I've been put through dodge training too."

"Yeah but not my dodge training. Plus I'm not throwing them."

In unison all of the kunai lift up off of the floor and float around me in a sphere. They start to rotate, moving faster and faster until they're little more than a mass of spinning blades.

Then I take a step forwards.

"Oh." Sasuke utters out as his face pales. "Shit. You can walk and do that now."

"I present Metal Tornado 2.0." I proudly state.

"Whirling Death is still cooler." Sasuke blurts out.

"Fuck off it's my move so I get to name it!" I wish I could run and do this. Then he'd have no chance. As it is I can barely walk at a civilian pace, good thing he doesn't know that.

"Yeah, yeah." Sasuke rolls his shoulders as I slowly close the gap between us. "Call your stupid move whatever you want."

"You said this was cool once! Don't think I don't remember!" I accuse him as the gap closes even further.

"True but then I figured out a weakness to it." Sasuke flies through hand signs and rests on the final sign. "You have to focus a lot to keep that going, any huge unexpected change should shock you enough to lose control of the rotation."

"Good luck with that." I taunt him as I advance further. "I'm prepared for just about anything. You won't startle me enough no matter what you do. I promise there's more weird and fucked up things in my head than yours."

"That's it though, I meant literally." Oh shit. "Lightning Release: Lightning Bullet!"

A super charged sphere of pure electricity surges out of Sasuke's mouth and slams into my rotating kunai sphere. My _metal_ rotating kunai sphere. The lightning arcs to each kunai, jumping from one to the next in an instant. But something else is going on too, the lightning is also arcing to me from all of the one hundred twenty seven kunai that are floating around me.

The sudden influx of voltage makes me twitch and spasm uncontrollably, disrupting my focus exactly like Sasuke said and the once impressive display clatters to the ground in shambles.

"Dammit." I whine out while looking at the mess I'll have to clean up later. "Now I'll never be able to use that against you again."

"Nope!" He springs forward once more with his sword held high above his head, ready to cleave me in two. "So how was your trip? Anything eventful happen?"

"You have no idea." With a single chakra string I pull one of the kunai off the ground and into my hand to parry his blow. I forced the blade to divert off to my left and quickly counter attack by slashing at his hands so he drops the damn pointy stick. "It was the usual for me."

"So total cluster fuck?" Sasuke surrenders his sword in favor of keeping his wrists intact. He then brings his foot up and plants it on the underside of my chin, forcing me to look skyward and back a step to prevent myself from falling on my ass. He doesn't stop there, using his leftover momentum from the kick he does a backwards hand spring to snag a kunai off the ground for himself.

"Dude what's with the acrobatics? You're all over the damn place! But yeah total cluster fuck. Bumped into Kakuzu of all people at a bounty station." I start to hurl all of the kunai on the ground at him in a machine gun inspired fashion. Just because I couldn't keep the Metal Tornado going doesn't mean the kunai are gone forever.

"Really? How'd that go? He didn't try to claim your bounty did he?" Sasuke must have paid attention during dodge training, he's expertly weaving through the barrage of kunai and blocking those that he can't. His fancy red eyes are darting all over the place, resting for the faintest of moments on each projectile before coming up with the best route to slip between them.

"Nope. He actually helped me get a Bingo Book. Turns out you need a sponsor to get one, I thought they just handed them out to whoever asks." I stomp my foot on the ground to raise up two walls of earth to force Sasuke into a hallway so he has less room to maneuver around the barrage of kunai. "Though some dumbass did try to stick an explosive seal on my chest to claim it. I put it on his back instead and gave Kakuzu the bounty on him as a thank you."

"I'm not even surprised." If Sasuke wasn't hyperfocused on dodging he would be sighing in resignation.

Sasuke jumps into the air and lands in a crouch on the left wall. He rests there for less than a second before jumping again, this time landing on the right wall even higher off the ground. With one final jump he barely dives over the ledge of the left wall to escape the restricted space. The jackass even adds in a flip on his way back down to the floor because he can. He doesn't stop there, the instant his feet hit the ground he takes off running. He's sprinting around me in a perfect circle, never adding distance nor closing the gap.

Just because he's highly mobile doesn't mean the barrage of kunai is stopping. It won't stop till I run out and conveniently I can pick them back up as much as I want to. Chakra strings for the win!

"Yeah. It was unexpected. Though the actual destruction of the Kusa base did go off without a hitch. Did exactly what Orochimaru wanted, scorched earth with a handful of survivors to tell the tale. It'll be interesting to see how the other nations react to that. I wasn't subtle at all."

"What did you do?" Sasuke asks as he's making his third lap around me.

"Rained down flaming boulders from the sky. Shock and awe tactics at its finest." I casually say like it is no big deal. "I'm calling it Fire of Heaven."

"You can do that?" He asks in surprise.

"Yep. Takes a couple minutes to set it up and it also falls into the 'impractical' category. Plus there's no way that it won't be added to my Bingo Book page, I'll never be able to use it anywhere near as effectively again."

"Well whatever works." Sasuke skids to a stop and flexes all of his fingers.

Numerous strands of near invisible wire snap taut around me. Some strong cords wrap around my limbs to pin me in place, holding my right arm fully extended while raised thirty degrees above parallel to the ground. My left arm is tightly bound against my torso, trapping it there. Both of my legs have been tied together forcibly, the only reason I am still standing is because the wires are supporting my weight.

Other finer wires cut into my skin, they're wrapped around me in specific places. Places where on anyone else a major blood vessel would be. Sasuke has even managed to get one around my neck, it's biting into the scar that Kisame gave me. He's letting me know that at any moment he can cut me to pieces.

"Hey! Not cool!" I squirm in the mess of wires and the sharp ones dig deeper while the thicker ones tighten my bonds.

"I believe that's my win!" Sasuke boasts with a laugh. "Shouldn't have let me set that up."

"You're stealing my style!" I glare at him. "I'm the string guy! Me! Not you! You gotta ask about these things before you go and do it!"

My fingers on my right hand twitch as I extend out a wind whip to cut Sasuke's stupid wires.

"No you don't!" Sasuke sends lightning shooting through the wires he's holding. The sudden _unnecessarily large_ voltage courses through my body making me twitch involuntarily and lose control of the wind whip. "Can't be having you worm your way out of this one. You should just admit defeat."

"OW!" I shout out as the spasms finally die down. "Did I piss you off or something? That was one hell of a jolt."

"Not recently. I'm just making sure you stay put until you acknowledge that I'm the victor." Sasuke smugly smiles at me. "Whenever you're ready is good for me. Though I do prefer sooner rather than later."

"You and your damn chakra seeing eyes. If you were anyone else I would have been out of this already." I narrow my eyes at him, he sees too happy. "This is because of the butler thing, isn't it?"

"Why I would never!" Sasuke's smile grows wider and suddenly looks more vindictive than smug. "Getting vengeance because someone forced me into a penguin suit _twice_? That doesn't sound like me at all. This is just a friendly spar, I would never bring something else into that."

"Yes you would." I bluntly accuse him.

"Oh yeah. Definitely would." He readily agrees.

"So have you had your fun? Do you feel better now?"

 **ZAP**

"OW!"

"Much better, thanks for asking."

"Good." I smirk at him as black threads slowly sprout from the ground behind Sasuke. They extend high and higher until they're behind his neck. Then they dart forward and clamp around it, effectively collaring him with something more threatening that wires. "Cuz playtime is over."

"What?!" His eyes dart around the field looking for any telltale signs of a monster. Except there isn't any. That's because I didn't use a monster for this. "Out of your feet."

"You got it! I had to avoid your fancy eyes somehow so I did something that they simply couldn't see!" I merrily flash him a brilliant smile. "I'd give you a thumbs up too but I'm slightly indisposed at the moment. I hope you're happy, I ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes for this."

"We're at a stalemate. We both have each other dead to rights." There's a glint of excitement in Sasuke's eyes, he's having a load of fun. "I don't know about you but I don't want to settle for a tie."

"Mutual release of the other's bonds on three?" I offer a compromise. I don't want to settle for a tie either. Neither of us have begun to scratch the surface of what we're truly capable of.

"One." Sasuke starts to count. "Unless you're enjoying this. I know you have that weird bondage thing."

"Go fuck yourself. You know that was all an act. Two." I continue as we both slacken the bonds on the other.

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that. Three." He finishes as the Jiongu releases him and snaps back to me and the wires holding me fall slack to the ground.

Neither of us waste time, we both move in sudden bursts of speed to put distance between us and move away from the spot we were just trapped at. Neither of us are above retrapping the other with the exact same tools and method moments after the release.

"You weren't kidding when you said you have new tricks." I praise him. "Also I'm honored to be your source material. Mimicry is the greatest form of flattery."

"I used wires before you learned chakra strings." Sasuke points out. "That means you're copying me."

"Okay yeah but when we ask someone outside of the two of us which one is the string/wire guy they're going to always say me. I guarantee it."

"I hate it when you're right." Sasuke grunts out in displeasure.

"I love it so it's okay, we balance out." I test out my limbs as we talk, rolling my shoulders, bending my elbows and stretching out my legs. There's no real need for me to do this and Sasuke knows it.

But it's also pissing him off a little bit so I'm going to keep going. Small victories.

"So you stopped a prison break while I was gone?" I ask him as I bend over to touch my toes.

"Yeah. It sounds way cooler than it really was." Sasuke must have thrown a kunai as I'm bent over because there's one stuck in me. It's pinning my right hand to my right foot. I casually straighten up, ripping the kunai out of my foot but leaving it embedded in my hand. "Twenty or so made it outside, Orochimaru had Karin track them down and me take them down. Those who didn't return willingly didn't survive."

"What are the chances it'll happen again?" I rip the kunai out of my palm and throw it off to the side. "I want to stop a prison break. Or is it break out of a prison? Both. Definitely both. I did sorta break out of one already but that wasn't a prison."

"Uh… what?" Sasuke asks in genuine curiosity. "Who managed to capture you? You're a slimy bastard, always wiggling out of every tight situation you get caught up in."

"I didn't get captured, I surrendered. Doto was going to kill someone I needed alive if I didn't. I broke out within ten minutes, he had terrible security. Plus his torturer didn't know what she was doing and she was weird. Like really weird and _I'm_ saying that."

"Okay how about you start from the beginning?" Sasuke bites his thumb and slams his hand on the ground. As the cloud of smoke dissipates a large vibrant red and black snake rears its head. It has to be six meters long and it's thick body is made of pure muscle.

"Sasuke-sama?" The snake says as its forked tongue flick out of its mouth to taste the air. "How may I be of service?"

"Capture him." Sasuke points at me with a smirk. "Don't bother using poison, he's immune. You'll have to physically restrain him. Any kind of illusion is out too."

"Of course." The red snake coils up on itself and rises into the air. It's intently looking at me, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

"Beginning as in when I got to Snow or when shit started going wrong?" Two small pools of blood form in each of my palms. My hands are masked in a cloud of smoke for a brief instant, once it clears I'm holding two large balls of webbing, one in each hand. I lob the first one high in the air above the snake and it curiously tracks the innocent looking orb. Then I launch the other web ball as hard as I can at the first.

The two web balls collide and break apart above the snake. Out of the broken orbs come thousands of tiny spiders, they rain down on the snake and mercilessly attack it. There's every kind of spider imaginable and they're all moving around the scales biting into the snake's flesh to inject their poisons.

The large snake starts thrashing in agony, slamming its body into the ground and the walls in a vain attempt to crush the spiders. It rolls while hissing in pain, venom flies from its mouth involuntarily. Quickly it becomes too much for it and the snake flees in a cloud of smoke, leaving a mass of spiders where it was.

"When it all started to go wrong I guess." Sasuke flies through hand signs and his cheeks swell. He launches out a blisteringly hot fireball towards the mound of scuttling spiders. Before it can connect the spiders are replaced with a cloud of smoke, I sent them back.

"Hm. That would be in the ship's cargo hold, the one I took to get to Snow." I send my own wave of fire at Sasuke, scorching the ground itself as it rages towards him. I'm rewarded with a blackened log. "How the hell do you always find logs in out of place areas? Whatever, not important. So basically I was putting the cargo in seals for the Captain to earn my passage and guess who decided to attack me?"

 _~He's hiding off to your left on the ceiling behind a stalactite.~_

"Anko, Shikamaru and Ino of all people." I fly through hand signs for False Darkness and let it rip. The lightning streaks out of my mouth and straight through the stalactite moments after a blur drops from the ceiling. "Dammit. I hoped I'd get you with that."

"And how is she?" Sasuke casually asks but I can sense a hint of eagerness in his voice. But that eagerness is overshadowed by the sound of a thousand birds chirping. "Chidori Senbon! Dodge that!"

Countless senbon of pure electricity launch themselves at me with no hope of dodging. The spread is far too great, going left or right or even upwards is still going to get me impaled.

"Okay." I casually say as I twist my entire body around and the earth beneath me softens and I sink into it. All of the deadly senbon fly over me but I don't stop there. While underground I push out my earth heart and give it a bunch of tags. A bunch of explosive tags to be more precise. Then once the barrage of senbon halts I have the monster push me back topside. "You really should plan for something like that to happen. I have at least two other ways to stop that and that's after only a moment's consideration. Lightning may trump earth but that's only if I use a wall to stop it. Hell give me one minute and I bet I can come up with more."

"I knew you could stop it." Sasuke has moved positions since I was topside. "I just needed to lock you down for a moment. I wanted my sword back." Sure enough he's holding the blade again.

"You played me." I accuse him and he chuckles to himself. Or to piss me off, I wouldn't put it past him. "Back to your question though. Ino is… well it's complicated."

"Complicated how?" Sasuke's good mood lessen slightly.

"Complicated enough for it's own conversation, we can talk about that more in depth after I tell you everything else that happened. Deal?"

"Deal." Sasuke readily agrees. "So you bumped into Anko, Shikamaru and Ino?"

"Yep. We scuffled in the ship and I attempted to bail. Made it past them and onto the deck then Naruto and Kakashi were there. Ended up throwing Naruto into the water, Shikamaru caught me in his shadows and then blackmailed me to help them on their mission before I broke out of them."

"He blackmailed you?" Sasuke asks in surprise. "How'd he do that? _I_ can't do that."

"I owed him a favor. Remember the Rookie Nine vs ANBU?"

"Ah. Continue."

"So I was forced to help. After a couple days journey we made it to Snow, a stupid movie Director made us shoot a scene on an iceberg where we confronted the most ridiculously stupid shinobi ever. They cut holes into their hats. _Holes._ Moving on! Shit went down, I made sure the Princess stayed alive - oh that was the mission they were on, keeping the Princess alive - and we fled back to the ship. Some dumbass used a narwhal jutsu, Kakashi mimicked it and we made our escape."

"You're leaving a lot of details out." Sasuke points out.

"Yeah most of it was boring or the Konoha shinobi trying to convince me to go back to Konoha. Add a dash of trying to get me to talk about Orochimaru and Oto on top and you got the whole trip in a nutshell."

"Fun." Sasuke sarcastically says.

"Loads." I match his tone. "Then we made it to the mainland, they staged an intervention with me, I didn't take it well and actually bolted for real but hung around to keep my word to Shikamaru, Princess ran away from them and I tailed her, Sureddo started messing with my mind to fix me by using Tsunade's and Orochimaru's voices and boy did that convince me I was insane! Then Naruto found Koyuki the Princess, brought her back to the group but bumped into Doto's train before they got there, a bunch of rebels picked this moment to attack the train and Doto used a bunch of mounted Kunai launchers to kill them all. I had a massive change of heart and saved everyone, then the Konoha group saved me cuz I used all my chakra to save the rebels, and we had a nice sappy reunion moment."

"The next day Koyuki goes and gets herself kidnapped on a blimp and I'm the only one who could follow her on it so I did, killed a few people, found Koyuki and Doto and exchanged some words with them, Doto forced me to surrender or he'd kill Koyuki, I jailbroke us both, killed Doto with a pebble which was fucking hilarious by the way, claimed my armor which was the real reason I went there, then protected Koyuki for a couple more days because I had time to kill. Also stole a key off of her that I thought lead to a superweapon but it turned out to be a giant heater so I had to break it. Then I came back here. That's it in a very, _very,_ simplified version."

"Wow." Sasuke is staring at me in bewilderment. "Maybe it's just you that has the bad luck, I mean I had to deal with a jailbreak but it was easy. Nothing else went wrong while you were gone."

"I am forever cursed by the luck gods." I hang my head in shame. "I have no idea how I pissed them off but apparently what I did is unforgivable. They throw heaping mounds of bad luck my way then give me just enough good luck to make it out so they can continue to torture my poor soul."

"Seriously you should have died like a hundred times by now." Sasuke bluntly says, not pulling his words in the slightest.

"I know right?" I whine. Kicker is I already have died once, I'm the only person who gets to die twice.

"So are you good then?" He asks me. "You left in a really bad spot."

"Am I good?" I repeat the question to give myself a bit of time to form an answer. "No. I'm not good. I'm still kinda fucked in the head about a lot of stuff and am really violent when the situation calls for it. But I am loads better now than when I left. Sureddo of all people talked some sense into me, compared me to both Tsunade and Orochimaru to illustrate my own actions. He forced me to confront who I am becoming. I was too much like Orochimaru for my tastes so I've decided to change things up."

"Good." Sasuke shares a true smile with me. "I'm tired of taking care of your dumb ass."

"Oh shut up it's not like I haven't dealt with any of your bullshit!" I aggressively point at him. "Which one of us ran off to attack an S-rank shinobi again?"

"And which one of us does Orochimaru call child?"

"Which one of us needed saving from a coma?"

"Which one of us is constantly bumping into other S-rank shinobi?"

"Which one of us is… uh… reliant on a bloodline?"

"Like you don't massively rely on the Jiongu."

"Okay how about we agree that we're both pretty fucked up and have to look out for each other a lot?" I offer a compromise.

"I can agree to that." Sasuke sharply nods once.

"Cool. So just a heads up, while we were talking I had my earth minion lace the ground with explosives." Said minion bursts from the ground behind me as I finish my sentence. "So have fun with that."

"You suck." Sasuke lamely insults me. "I was waiting until we were done talking to start again! You cheated!"

"If you aren't cheating you aren't trying." I quip to him and he sighs. "Come on, we're shinobi. It's literally in the job description."

"Fine." Sasuke leaps up from the ground and lands feet first on the ceiling. "I'll just stay up here."

"I'm going to guess you didn't get the ceiling?" I ask while looking at my earth minion. It shakes its head no. "Brilliant. What a waste of seals."

After pulling my earth heart back inside me I spring up to the ceiling, we're now fighting upside down. I have the slight advantage though, all of my summons are capable of fighting up here. That alone gives me a huge advantage.

"Let's take this to the next level." Sasuke grins superiorly at me as inky marks spread all over his skin. "I want to see how far we can go."

"Uh that's a bad idea." I carefully say. Last time he used the curse seal he stabbed me in the heart.

"Don't tell me you're scared. I know last time didn't go that well but I've gained more control since then." Sasuke experimentally flexes an arm to get used to how he moves with the boost.

"Really? You think I'm scared of you? Please, that's not it at all. If we really want to see how far we can go we're in the wrong spot. Sasuke I've broken a fucking island. We're still inside the base. I don't know about you but I don't particularly want to explain to Orochimaru why his base suddenly came down around his shoulders. When we push ourselves we get destructive. There's a reason I haven't been tossing around my ninjutsu like crazy."

"Oh. Yeah good point." The inky black marks recede back to his shoulder. "We'll have to go to an island or something next time. Seriously though I do want to go all out against you sometime. It'll be interesting to see which one of us is better at which skills."

"I guarantee you have me beat in genjutsu. Can't use them and whatnot."

"Couldn't you just limit yourself to one heart? Get rid of the conflicting types of chakras?" Sasuke offers me a solution.

"Yeah that would work but I'd rather have four spare lives. Genjutsu vs not dying when someone kills me? I'll take not dying any day of the week." I reach into a pant pocket and pull out a scroll. "Now what should I use against you next? This one?"

I weigh the scroll in my hand and study it. Then I toss it in the air and catch it to taunt Sasuke. But the scroll only went up, it never came back down.

"Huh? Where'd it go?" I look up.

 **BANG**

"AH!" I squeak out and flinch rather badly.

"Holy shit." Sasuke is staring at me weirdly. "You forgot we are on the ceiling."

"NO I DIDN'T!"

 **BANG**

"Uh… so we might have a little problem." I nervously look at the floor.

"They're all going to go off now, aren't they?" Sasuke says with a touch of fear.

"Yep. We should run."

 **BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG**

"MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Sasuke shouts.

* * *

Konoha, Hokage's Office

There are currently six people in the office of the most powerful person in Konoha. Obviously the Hokage herself is present and she's staring down a team that just returned.

She's very displeased with this team.

"So let me get this straight." Tsunade leads forward without a hint of mercy in her eyes. "You come in contact with an A-rank missing nin and _don't even attempt to attack him?_ "

"Well we all did attack him at first, I think only Kakashi didn't. You did forget something though." Naruto chimes in with a smile. "The part where we completed the mission."

" _Naruto Uzumaki!_ " Tsunade roars at the genin and slams her fist into her table. The feeble wood snaps in two, sending everything on it crashing to the ground. Tsunade rises up from her chair and stares down the team before her. "You don't have any idea of what you've done! None of you realize how dangerous Alvarcus is! None of you know what he's capable of. _You all let him walk away._ "

"Hokage-sama I accept full responsibility." Kakashi steps forward to face his Hokage's wrath. "It was because of my connection to him that I convinced the others to let him go. I couldn't bring myself to harm my student."

"You are staying after." Tsunade snarls at the jonin. "I gave you specific orders to bring him back or kill him. You disobeyed me. You disobeyed your Kage. Because of your _mistake_ more people will die. Our allies will die. My very own shinobi will die. You let one of Orochimaru's best shinobi return to him without raising a hand against him. Because you couldn't harm him."

"Alvarcus is a lot of things." Kakashi softly says. "He is not -"

" _SILENCE!_ " Tsunade roars once again and everyone flinches away from the enraged woman.

She intently stares down each individual. She rests her livid gaze on everyone in turn, lingering for ten seconds on each. It's one of the most terrifying experiences some of them have ever had.

"Kakashi." Tsunade breaks the silence. Her anger has only gotten worse. "Fetch the rest of the Rookie Nine and team Gai. You have ten minutes."

"Yes Hokage-sama." No one sees Kakashi leave, one moment he was there the next he wasn't.

"Hokage-sama?" Anko timidly speaks up, her usual air of confidence is long gone. "Why do you want the rest of the Rookie Nine and team Gai here?"

"Because I will make sure he won't get away twice." Tsunade crosses her arms and glares at Anko, daring her to ask another question. Anko doesn't. "Now shut up and wait."

* * *

Ten Minutes Later

"Holy crap it's Naruto!" Kiba shouts the second he steps into the office, he's the last of the Rookie Nine and team Gai to enter. "Is that why we're all here?"

"No." Tsunade growls out. The ten minute interlude didn't lessen her anger at all. "Now be quiet."

"Yes Ma'am." Kiba instantly rolls over for the alpha, he knows when to remain silent.

"Are we in trouble?" Choji asks as he pockets the rest of his bag of chips. Now is not the time for snacking.

"Not those of you that just joined us." Tsunade narrows her eyes at the team that just came back and the three youngest flinch under her gaze. The older two force themselves to not react. "You're all here because you're the most likely to ignore the capture or kill order we have out on Alvarcus."

"Alvarcus? Did they run into him on their mission?" Neji asks with a forced straight face to not betray how he feels about his missing friend. He's not even sure how he feels about the runaway himself.

"Enough with the questions!" Tsunade yells at the gathered shinobi. "You all will remain quiet and listen! You are not here for a pleasant conversation you are here because you're all liabilities!"

The room falls deathly silent, the late comers finally grasp the seriousness of the situation.

"Alvarcus Mar is currently listed as an A-rank bounty." Tsunade very clearly starts speaking, she will make sure everyone understands this. She will not stand for blatant disregard of her orders again. "You all know how he earned this, by going to _Orochimaru._ What you all don't know is the latest thing he's done to solidify his place as a threat to Konoha and her interests."

"Just under two weeks ago one of our allies bases was destroyed." Tsunade starts to pace before the group, making sure to look at each face to further sink in her message. "This base belonged to Kusa who we have allied with to keep Orochimaru in Oto. That specific base was the first of many that would help keep Orochimaru limited and confined. It was going to be a grand plan of two countries working together in ways that has rarely happened before. We were going to have half Kusa and half Konoha shinobi man each base. It was the beginning of a truly prosperous unification of the two countries."

"But it will never happen. The base wasn't just destroyed. _It was obliterated._ Not even a single building was left standing, they were pulverized to dust. Out of the thirty Kusa shinobi there only three managed to survive due to _luck._ The wounded were left to suffer in agony, the dead were left for the vultures to feast on. Because of this base's utter annihilation Kusa has withdrawn to fortify herself for an assault from Oto. What once was going to be a union of two countries has now vanished forever. It is also the base you told me about in your report Shikamaru, the five of you know first hand what I am talking about."

"This was not the work of Orochimaru. I have no doubt that he ordered it but he did not get his own hands dirty. Nor was this accomplished by a team of his highly trained shinobi. This was done by one individual."

Tsunade takes this moment to make eye contact with each person present. Some individuals meet her gaze confidently, others display sympathy for the unfortunate Kusa shinobi, some are confused as to why Tsunade is telling them this, a few remain stoic and apathetic, only one person has tears of regretful acceptance in her eyes.

Ino has finally decided how she feels about him.

" _Alvarcus did it."_

* * *

That Night, Otogakure

"Are you here to finish the job?" A burned husk of what once was a proud shinobi wheezes out under great duress. He's confined to his hospital bed and is almost completely wrapped in bandages. He smells rank, not because he's dirty but because of the liters of healing balm that are on him. "I always knew you'd come back. A monster never lets its prey survive, they only live until the monster is done playing."

"No. I am not here to kill you." I hang my head in shame. "I am here to apologize. I know that those words sound hollow, that they are meaningless. In reality they are, words mean nothing. But I can't heal you. I can't turn back time to save you from me. I can't do anything for you. Those words may be hollow, but they are the only thing I can offer you. I am sorry, so very sorry. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you I will do it. I know that they are very unequal, what I did to you can never be undone. I can never truly redeem myself from those horrible actions. So I am offering whatever I can, I am not expecting you to accept my apology. I just want you to know that I truly regret what happened."

He doesn't instantly respond. He's laying in the bed looking at me. Weighing what his reply will be.

I patiently wait for him. As much as I do not want to be here this is something that has to be done.

"There is one thing you can do." The burned man speaks, breaking the silence. "Finish the job."

"You wish for your own death?" I calmly ask him. "I will do it but I want to make sure you've thought it through. Speak with the doctors, find out when you will -"

"I won't get better." He cuts me off. "You burned more than just flesh. You melted muscle and bone, seared nearly all of my nerves and charred a fair portion of my organs. The only reason I am alive is because Orochimaru transplanted organs into me, ironically from the two shinobi you two tore apart. He didn't do it to save me, he did it to see if he could. My life is over, I'm just waiting to go onto the next. If there is a next, I hope all that hooplah about paradise is real. Maybe I'm destined for fire and brimstone. Perhaps it's just emptiness. I don't know, but I am ready to take that leap."

"Okay." My surprisingly steady hand reaches into my coat and pulls out a kunai.

"Wait." The burned man stops me. "I am a shinobi. I want to die on my feet with a blade in my hand, not on my back."

"Of course." I flip the kunai 180 degrees and gently place the handle in his hand. His fingers twitch slightly but they're incapable of gripping the weapon.

"Ha." He darkly snorts out. "You really did a number on me, so much for that last wish. Just do it."

"Just a moment." A pool of black threads slowly creeps out of the back of my shirt along with a white mask. The monster doesn't take its usual humanoid form, instead it remains in a bundle and moves over to the burned shinobi.

It gently wraps itself around him, securing a hold on each limb, mimicking all of his joints. Then the shinobi does what he thought was impossible: he grips the kunai.

It's acting as an exoskeleton for him.

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that right?" The shinobi seemingly pushes himself up off the bed and raises himself up to his full height.

"I know." I solemnly tell him as I bury another kunai in his chest.

"I do not forgive you. I will never forgive you." The burned man coughs up blood onto me, staining my clothes and splattering against my face.

"I know. It doesn't matter, even if you did forgive me." I pull the kunai out and he slumps into me in a crimson hug. "I will never forgive myself. Today you get the release of death. I must live on with what I have done. My actions will haunt me for the rest of my life, maybe even longer."

" _Good._ " The light leaves the shinobi's eyes, he's dead.

* * *

Konoha

"Is it true?" Kiba asks Shikamaru. "Is what Tsunade said true?"

The Rookie Nine and the members of Team Gai are all in a training field. They've gathered to discuss Alvarcus and his actions. They're here to agree on what to do to him. Should they ignore their Kage and try to save their friend? Should they do what society says to and kill or capture their friend?

Is he even their friend anymore?

"The base was destroyed." Shikamaru is sitting down on ground with his back on a tree. He's only halfway focusing on the conversation, he's trying to figure Kiba's question out for himself. "I can confirm that much."

"What of Alvarcus' role?" Shino asks. "Is he capable of that?"

"Yes." Shikamaru easily confirms. "Without a doubt he can accomplish it. I have personally seen him do amazing feats with ninjutsu. He's given me glimpses of what he can do, he expertly utilized three of his minions to save me during the Invasion. On the Snow mission he used jutsu on such an impossibly wide scale, so insane that barely a handful of people could accomplish what he did. He sustained a roughly thirty meter long wind wall for _five minutes._ Those two instances tell me that he's an expert at using multiple elements together and has enough chakra to make amazing feats seem commonplace. So it's not a question of if he is capable, it's a question of if he would."

"He's definitely changed." Choji speaks up. "After the Chunin Exams in Grass I was the second to last one left standing, on top of that I had an observer's role. He's changed. He's cold. He's calculative. He's manipulative. He's cunning. But I wouldn't call him cruel or malicious. Even when he was fighting against us with Sasuke then he didn't once use a lethal attack. We had ample time to move out of the way of the dragon jutsu."

"Yeah but you all didn't see him lately." Naruto takes this moment to interject.

"Wait aren't you supposed to be hidden away somewhere?" Kiba asks his orange loving friend.

"Tsunade forgot to tell me to go with Kakashi. So technically I'm good? Until she realizes her error and sends him to get me." Naruto shrugs. "Anyways, when we first bumped into Alvarcus on the Snow mission he wasn't in a good spot. He told me some of the stuff that Orochimaru has forced him to do. Guys… it's bad. Really bad."

"How bad? Like helping out in experiments bad?" Tenten asks for clarification.

"That and more." Naruto grimly confirms. "Much more. I won't go in specifics, he told me that in a moment of confidence. I won't betray him like that."

"Even if he was the one who destroyed the base?" Neji monotonously asks. "Even if he has that much blood on his hands?"

"He has much more blood on his hands than all of us put together." Shikamaru darkly drops a bomb on everyone else. "He has killed so many people that he's _lost count_ of how many lives he's taken. He thinks that he's closer to two hundred than one hundred."

" _Holy shit._ " Kiba aptly sums up for everyone present. "Alvarcus? He's killed that much?"

"Yes. He has. I heard the words straight out of his own mouth, there wasn't a hint of a lie in his eye." Shikamaru confirms. "I believe he did destroy the base. All of the facts point towards it. There's no other explanation, there's not even a _rumor_ of someone else in Oto that is capable of doing that."

"He was never one to take those actions before." Lee speaks. "I don't think that he's-"

"Lee." Ino cuts in for the first time, she's been off in her own world for a long time. Not participating, just watching. "I've seen some of his memories, his absolute worst memories. I don't want to say this but it's the truth. Alvarcus did it. But that's not what we're here to talk about, we all know that Tsunade wouldn't lie to us about that. We're here to figure out if we're going to kill him or not. _That's_ why we're here. Quit beating around the bush."

"He's beyond redemption at this point." Shikamaru awkwardly says. "If he surrenders then I'll bring him back. If he doesn't… then I'll bring his head back. He's our responsibility as Konoha shinobi."

"I'm with Shikamaru." Choji speaks how he feels. "If he'll submit then awesome. If not then… yeah."

"I don't want to hurt him." Hinata softly says to the rest of the group. "I'm the only one here who has actually hurt him before, it just felt wrong. But we can't let him continue on. He has to be stopped, I just don't think that I can do it."

"That's alright." Kiba reassuringly pats Hinata on the back. "I'll be the one to fight him if it comes to that."

"You will not have to fight alone." Shino steps forwards. "I've proven effective against him in the past, my beetles are difficult to detect. Especially by someone with a large chakra supply. I will help bring him down."

"Hinata's right." Tenten nods at her. "He's got to be stopped."

"I… I don't want to have to kill him." Lee looks down at his feet. "I'd rather he came back to us on good terms. But I agree with Shikamaru. I will allow him a chance to surrender before ki… before attacking him."

"We should be the team sent after him if at all possible." Neji speaks his mind. "We know that he's weak to the Gentle Fist. We know that Lee is faster than him and capable of making Alvarcus go exclusively on defense. Tenten is familiar with seals, she can bind his chakra and maybe even the Jiongu. We have the best chance of subduing or killing him."

"He's our _friend!_ " Naruto lividly shouts at everyone. "We have to save him! I refuse to kill him! What is wrong with everyone? How can you all say that?"

"Because of what he's done." Ino speaks and everyone looks to her. "I was not lying when I said that I've seen him commit atrocities. He's done terrible things, things that will haunt me forever. I won't kill him, I don't think that I can bring myself to do it."

Ino looks at every person individually to make sure they understand her. They all seem hesitant, particularly Shikamaru and Naruto. They know that she formed something with Alvarcus but not the full extent.

She takes a deep breath to steady herself.

"It's time that you all learn the truth about Alvarcus."


	64. Chapter 64

"Alvarcus we've got a problem!" Shirokumo shouts before the smoke that accompanied his appearance has a chance to clear. He darts out of it and starts frantically pacing back and forth on the floor.

"What's wrong?" I stop cleaning my lab to give him my full attention. Turns out I must have left an impression on everyone here, no one set foot in my lab since I left. That means the mess I made moments before departing was waiting for me when I got back.

Joy.

"She told them." Shirokumo quickens his panic fueled pacing.

"Right so couple of questions." I squat down so I'm closer to the freaking out spider. "Which she and who did she tell and what did she say?"

"Ino. Your friends. Everything." Shirokumo stops pacing like a madman. In this case a madspider?

"Could you please repeat that?" I pleasantly say to him. "I could have sworn you said Ino told my friends everything."

"Alvarcus she told them _everything._ " All of his beady black eyes turn to me.

"Now when you say everything…" I trail off.

"The real reason you're at Oto. The real reason you won't go back. All of the stuff she saw in your head." He takes a massive breath. "Alvarcus she told them about you trying to stop the war."

"Did she mention the Akatsuki at all?" I ask him. "Did she tell them to run away from the red clouds?"

"No."

"Idiot." I snarl out. "I explicitly stressed that. It is the most important thing she could have said. Did she tell them about me spying on everyone?"

"Yes."

" _Fantastic._ " I push myself up and stomp over to a upright table. Nine separate scattered sealing tags on the ground flutter into the air and land on the table in a three by three square. "At least she couldn't tell Naruto I am Spider. I only told her I was spying on Orochimaru."

"What do you plan to do now?" Shirokumo asks as he scales my body to rest on my head. "You can't make them forget it all, it's impossible. Your only Yamanaka friend is the one that told them, there's no way she'd remove their memories."

"I'm doing the only thing I can do, damage control." Nine brushes and inkpots float onto the table. The brushes dip into the ink pots in unison and start to intricately draw on the nine tags. "It's true that I can't remove their memories."

Quickly the seals start to take shape. Each one starts out with a square outline and slowly fills up with added lines. Each line is perfectly straight but none of them seem to have any sense of order. It looks like a shattered pane of glass.

"What I can do is make my very own curse seal."

* * *

That Night, Nara Clan Compound

"Shikamaru." Shikaku lazily leans against the doorframe to his son's room. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Shikamaru is laying on his bed, on top of the covers, and is staring at the ceiling. He didn't even bother to look at his father.

"Bullshit." Shikaku bluntly dismisses his son's words.

"Mom's out?" Shikamaru raises an eyebrow at his father's choice of words.

"Yeah. Just you and me." Shikaku strolls into the room and sits down at the foot of the bed. "You had one hell of a mission."

"Stupid jonin commander." Shikamaru grumbles. "I can't get anything past you. What's the point of being a teenager if I can't sneak around behind your back?"

"You're too lazy to sneak around behind my back." Shikaku smiles softly at his child. "Though if you want me to I'll look the other way once in awhile. Especially if there's a girl involved."

"DAD!" Shikamaru flushes red in embarrassment.

"Offer stands." Shikaku smiles back on his memories for a fleeting moment, remembering his own experiences with his father. They had a very similar deal. "Now what part about the mission is eating at you? You can talk to me, even if it's just to get it out."

Shikamaru doesn't reply instantly. Shikaku doesn't let the silence get to him, he's waiting patiently. He knows that Shikamaru likes to think everything through before acting, conversation is no different.

"It's not the mission that's bothering me." Shikamaru finally speaks after minutes of silence.

"Is it Tsunade telling you what Alvarcus did?" Shikaku guesses. It's not a bad guess, to him it's the only other option.

"How much do you know about Alvarcus?" Shikamaru asks. "And I don't mean as a person. I mean how much has he done for Konoha? Before he left for Orochimaru and after he left."

It's Shikaku's turn to be quiet as he comes up with a response.

"Alvarcus was an asset to Konoha. He was quickly becoming one of our best." Shikaku dances around giving a specific answer.

"But not anymore." Shikamaru intently studies his father who is not betraying a single emotion.

"Yes." Shikaku confirms. "Not anymore."

"We should honor our debt to him." Shikamaru shares his thoughts. "I know that him fleeing the village is supposed to nullify that debt. He deserves it. He's earned it. Dad he saved my life, how can we not honor that?"

"You know something I don't." Shikaku correctly accuses his son. "What is it?"

"A lot. I think." Shikamaru admits. "I'll tell you first thing tomorrow morning when I have it all sorted out. It's a lot for me to process and I want to make sure I have it straight before I tell you."

"Deal." Shikaku rises up off the bed. "First thing in the morning. I'll hold you to that."

"Thanks for the talk Dad." Shikamaru says as Shikaku leaves the room.

"Of course. You can talk to me whenever you need to." Shikaku shuts the door behind him.

 **POOF**

"Hey." A large white spider appears in the corner of the room. "I'm not here to fight. I'm here on behalf of Alvarcus. Mind releasing me from the shadows now?"

"How can I trust you?" Shikamaru asks without removing the shadows from Shirokumo. "I don't even know if I can trust Alvarcus and you're not him."

"Right well I'm just here to drop this off." Shirokumo attempts to point at the letter on his back but his limbs refuse to move. "This being the letter. If it makes you feel better you can pull your shadow back just enough for me to move then I'll drop the letter and leave. That way you'd have me trapped in a corner if I'm up to no good. Deal?"

"Fine." Shikamaru's shadow retreats until it's a hairsbreadth away from Shirokumo's. "Now drop it and go."

The letter flutters to the ground. Shirokumo is gone in smoke before it lands.

"Now what the hell could he have to say to me?" Shikamaru spawns a clone into existence. It walks over and picks up the letter. "Didn't dispel. Should be okay to touch then."

The clone hands the letter to his maker. Shikamaru unfolds the piece of paper only to feel a sudden burning sensation on the back of his left hand.

"OW!" Shikamaru drops the letter in shock to stare at the new black mark on his hand. "What the hell is this?"

After studying it for a few minutes Shikamaru gives up on trying to figure it out. He knows it's a seal of some sort but he has no idea what it is supposed to do.

 _Dear Shikamaru,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

"DAD!" Shikamaru shouts out as he flings his door open. "I need a sealmaster!"

* * *

Akimichi Clan Compound

"There!" Chouza heartily slaps his son on the back. "Nothing a good meal won't fix!"

"Yeah. Food always helps." Choji sighs in contentment. "Do you mind if I turn in early? I had a very trying day today. Kinda need to process some stuff."

"Of course." Chouza nods his acceptance. "It's hard to learn that someone you knew is capable of all that. Even more so when that someone was your friend. You know that I'm here for you and if you don't want to go to me you can always go to your mother."

"Thanks pops." Choji rises up and makes his way towards his room. "But I just need to sleep on it. Let it all sink in before I can really accept it. Something like this… it's crazy."

"Take your time." Chouza waves Choji upstairs. "Now get some sleep! I'll see you bright and early tomorrow for training!"

"Ugh can't we make it noon tomorrow?"

"No! Ten! I'm already giving you an extra two hours! Be grateful you got that much!"

"Thanks pops." Choji drawls out. "You're the best."

"And don't you forget it!"

Choji leaves his father behind and enters his room. It's exactly as it should be except for one folded piece of paper sitting on his pillow.

"What's this?" Choji picks up the paper. "OW!"

The paper falls down onto his bed as he tenderly rubs the back of his hand. A unique black square has formed on it.

"What's going on? What is that? Some kind of seal?" Choji picks the letter back up. "Who would want to put a seal on - oh. Bastard."

 _Dear Choji,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

"Uh pops?" Choji makes his way back downstairs. "I've got a problem."

* * *

Aburame Clan Compound

"Do you know how to remove this?" Shino holds his recently defaced hand to the light so his father can study the new mark.

"How did you acquire it?" Shibi asks as he takes Shino's hand in his own and twists it around to get a better look at it.

"Ino shared some information about Alvarcus with me. Somehow he found out and sent me a letter. Once I touched it that seal appeared." Shino sums up the fiasco rather astutely.

"You still have it?" Shibi asks and Shino produces the letter.

 _Dear Shino,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

 _PS, If this hurts your hive at all I'm very sorry. That wasn't my intention._

"He cares about your hive?" Shibi asks. He's slightly caught off guard by Alvarcus's caring despite being a missing nin. "Peculiar."

"He is a very peculiar person." Shino admits without shame. "Do you know how to remove the mark?"

"No. We should go see the Hokage about this." Shibi decides. "She may know what to do about it."

* * *

The Inuzuka Clan Compound

"Hey Ma?" Kiba hesitantly pokes his head into his mother's office. "You got a minute?"

"What's up pup?" Tsume looks up from her paperwork and waves her son in.

"I've got a… well I wanted to ask you something." Kiba nervously walks in and sits down in one of the chairs opposite his mother.

"Ask away. I'm your mother, you can ask me anything." Tsume assures her son.

Kiba isn't too sure of that. His mother is known to be quite… expressive in her reactions.

"Okay. So. Let's say that there's this pack. One of the members of this pack leaves and the rest of the packmates shun him and hate him for leaving. But then they find out that the one that left did it to protect the pack. He left for the benefit of the pack as a whole by sacrificing himself. Would… would you let that lone wolf back into the pack? Or would you insist on continuing his exile?"

"That…" Tsume devotes her full attention to Kiba. "Is a very difficult question. In most cases no, I would not let that lone wolf back in. The pack is a unit, abandoning it in any way is a grave sin. But if that lone wolf did it _for_ the pack… well that's where it gets difficult. I would need more information to go off of to give you an honest answer. What brought this up?"

"Alvarcus." Kiba hesitantly admits. "I've learned some stuff about him recently."

"That's your pack." Tsume tells her son. "You have to make the call about how you'll treat him. I know that he's a missing nin. I also know that he was once a packmate of yours. It's… difficult to put a packmate down. I'm speaking from personal experience. If you decide that you won't or can't I will not shun you regardless of what everyone else thinks."

"Right. I'll-"

"No." Tsume cuts off Kiba. "Don't decide now. Think on this. Alphas do not act impulsively, I am no exception. Every action of mine is thought out, from how I act around certain people to when I fly off the handle in rage. Take your time and truly think. You may not be the alpha of your pack but that does not mean you won't become one eventually. You better start acting like one now."

"What do you mean I'm not the alpha!" Kiba almost shouts at his mother. He has more sense than that, it's just a slightly raised voice. "Of course I'm the alpha!"

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that." Tsume turns back to her paperwork. "Now scram! Us alphas have work to do!"

"Gah!" Kiba rises up and stomps out of the room. "Even when giving advice she insults me!"

"It's motherly love!" Tsume calls after him. "If I don't encourage you to do better than you never will!"

"You have the worst form of encouragement ever." Kiba mutters under his breath.

"I heard that pup!" Tsume shouts at him. "You'll thank me in five years, just wait!"

"Yeah whatever you say Ma!" Kiba leaves his mother alone and makes his way to his room.

"Yip!" Akamaru instantly assualts him the second he opens the door.

"Whoa down boy! I was gone for five minutes! Geeze you'd think you'd like the nap!" Kiba affectionately places the small dog on his head. Pretty soon he won't be able to do this, Akamaru is hitting a growth spurt. "Hey. What's this black spot on you?"

Kiba runs a thumb over a new patch of black tinted fun on Akamaru's front left leg.

"Yip!"

"A spider left me a note?" Kiba asks in confusion. Then his eyes land on the piece of paper on his pillow. "Okay. So either I'm crazy, you're crazy, or you're telling the truth."

"Yip!"

"Right… spider left me a note." Kiba walks to his bed and scoops up the letter. "OW!"

A shattered square appears on his hand.

"You've gotta be shitting me." Kiba groans out as he reads the letter.

 _Dear Kiba and Akamaru,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seals. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one. Even for adorable puppies._

 _Alvarcus_

 _PS, Woof. Woof woof woof. Bark. Woof. Snarl. Howl. Woof. Yowl? Snort. (That says sorry about ruining your fur, but it had to be done. Blame Ino. Incase you don't read dog.)_

* * *

The Hyuuga Compound

 **POOF**

"Can't trick a Hyuuga to read a letter without looking at it first so sorry about this!" A white spider appeared at Hinata's side and lightly touched a slip of paper to her hand before she had time to react.

"OW!" Hinata shouts out as the spider drops a different piece of paper.

"Read that!" Shirokumo says.

 **POOF**

"What just happened?" Hinata asks the empty room as she's staring at the innocent looking paper on the ground. Her veins in her face bulge for a brief moment to study the letter but she sees something else.

"NEJI DODGE!"

"OW!" Neji didn't hear her warning intime. However he had better reaction time than her because there's now a hole in the floor that needs patching. He busted it while attempting to flatten the spider that tagged them.

"Neji?" Hinata asks as she joins her cousin in his room. "You got hit too?"

" _Yes._ " Neji seeths as he's glaring at his hand. "Another one for the collection."

"I got a letter." Hinata hold up the piece of paper the spider left behind.

 _Dear Hinata,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

"Did you get one too?" She asks Neji.

"I did." Neji picks his up off the ground. "How considerate. He apologized."

"He apologized?" Hinata asks in confusion.

Neji shoves the letter into her hands and stomps away. "I'm going to go see if the Elders know how to remove whatever this is."

 _Dear Neji,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

 _PS, I am sorry if this conflicts at all with the Caged Bird Seal. That was not my intention and I built in a failsafe that_ _ **should**_ _kick in and remove the seal if you experience pain lasting longer than five minutes. You should note that I specified that it will only be the first five minutes after the seal is put on you so don't bother trying to torture yourself out of this. It won't work. Blame any pain you experienced on Ino, if not for her than none of this would have happened._

"I'm coming too!" Hinata hurries after Neji.

* * *

Lee's House

"How unyouthful." Lee looks at the new marks on his hand. "To label such a sinister thing as 'The World's Best Training Regime' is unthinkable! Who would do such a thing?"

 _Dear Lee,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

"I shall do five hundred situps and then five hundred pushups to make up for my failure!" Lee clenches a fist in determination. "Actually… maybe I should see about getting this removed first. Gai-sensei would be upset with me if I left it alone."

* * *

Tenten's House

"A… A love letter?" Tenten stares at the slip of paper with a heart on it that has been slid under her door. "OH THIS IS SO EXCITING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GET A LOVE LETTER!"

"Please be from Neji!" She eagerly bends down to scoop it up. "Please be from Neji OW!"

The sudden jolt of pain causes her to drop the letter.

"That's no love letter!" Tenten glares at the letter, ignoring the sensation on her hand for now. "How repulsive! Vile creation! Once I find out who did this I'll - _Alvarcus_."

 _Dear Tenten,_

 _Blame Ino for your fancy new seal. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands, or technically yours. You'll find that speaking about what she told you just got a lot more difficult. Painfully difficult. Don't bother trying to find a workaround. There isn't one._

 _Alvarcus_

"What a dick! Playing with a fair maiden's heart like that. How rude!" Tenten takes this moment to look at the back of her hand. "Whoa. That's one hell of a seal. I have no idea how to even begin to start unraveling that. I wonder if everyone else got one too?"

* * *

Kakashi's Apartment

"How does he not have any ramen?" Naruto whines as he's raiding Kakashi's cabinets. "Stupid stupidface wouldn't let me go to Ichiraku's Ramen."

 **POOF**

Naruto whirls at the unexpected sound with a kunai in hand. He's ready to deal with whatever decided to sneak up on him.

"Oh it's you." Naruto lowers his kunai but doesn't put it away. "Shirokumo right?"

"Yes. Nice to see you again Naruto." Shirokumo climbs up the table to help even out the height difference. "I've been making rounds through your friends on behalf of Alvarcus."

"Careful." Naruto warns the summon. "I cherish my friends above all else. If you hurt them there will be hell to pay."

"They're Alvarcus' friends too moron." Shirokumo sighs as one of his many legs scratches his underbelly. "He'd never go out of his way to hurt them."

"Really?" Naruto sarcastically stretches the word out for a few seconds.

"Okay good point. Al's an ass. We all know that." Shirokumo admits. "But I haven't been going around hurting them. I've been making sure that they can't talk about him. You're my last stop. I've dropped off every other letter but you need a more personal touch."

"How'd you manage to get them to stay quiet?" Naruto innocently asks but his grip on the kunai tightens.

"I was just a messenger. It was Alvarcus that made the seal that prevents them from sharing certain information about him."

" _You put a seal on all of my friends?_ " Naruto snarls out in rage.

"Yep." Shirokumo easily ignores the irate genin. "I would put one on you too but you have one that no one wants to see react badly. So I'll have to use a different method to keep your mouth shut."

"You don't have anything on me. You can't keep me quiet." Naruto boasts. "It won't matter if they can't talk. I will. Tsunade will see reason, she'll let him come back. She has to. You can't threaten me."

"Of course I can threaten you." Shirokumo snorts out in dark amusement. "If you so much as attempt to pass a single piece of information to anyone about Alvarcus that the general public does not already know I'll tell them all about the Kyuubi."

Naruto freezes and his eyes are as wide as saucers. All the blood drains from his face.

"Told you I can threaten you." Shirokumo smirks. "You keep Alvarcus hush hush I'll keep the furry fox in your gut hush hush. Do we have an accord?"

"Raikiri!" Kakashi's fistful of lightning spears its way through the table where Shirokumo once stood. "Naruto. What did he say?"

A lone piece of paper flutter to the ground. Naruto picks it up and quickly reads it.

 _Dear Naruto,_

 _Blame Ino for what I have done. I trusted her and she betrayed that trust. I've taken matters into my own hands because she forced me to. I don't want to tell anyone about the Kyuubi. That's your secret to share or keep, not mine. But you've learned of my own secrets. I needed insurance that those won't be shared either so I've had to resort to this. I am sorry but Ino forced my hand. You keep quiet and I'll keep quiet. Don't think that because I'm in Oto I won't find out. I have eyes and ears everywhere. It's only a matter of time. So be smart and don't say anything._

 _Alvarcus_

"We're going to the Hokage." Kakashi says from behind Naruto. He was reading over his shoulder. "Right now."

* * *

The Yamanaka Clan Compound

Ino is alone in her room, in fact she's the only one in her house. She managed to get home while both of her parents are out. She's staring uncomprehendingly at her left arm, like it's a foreign entity that just latched onto her.

For all intents and purposes it is. Not even five minutes ago it was blemish free. Now an intricate pattern takes up the back of her hand and all of her forearm. A few tendrils even sneak past her elbow. It's a very extensive seal array, the likes of which she's never seen.

Then she forces her eyes off of her tattooed arm to the letter that caused it.

 _You fucked up._

 _I trusted you. I shared things with you about me that no one else knows. I confided in you. I let my guard down around you, let you into my fortress. I showed you a kindness that I have never shown anyone else. Not even Sasuke._

 _This is how you repay me? You tell everyone else about those things. You tell them everything I explicitly told you to not share. You betrayed me. I extended a hand of trust and you slapped it away. This is your punishment. You told them everything about me so I took that away._

 _You can no longer speak about me. You can no longer share my secrets. You can no longer join in plans to plot my downfall. You can no longer happily reminisce about the good times we all had together with your friends. You can't even speak my name._

 _Should you attempt to go against those rules you will experience pain beyond your wildest dreams. Pain so severe and so all encompassing that the brief moment the Jiongu showed you when you first invaded my mind will seem like a pleasant summer breeze. You've seen first hand how depraved I can be when properly motivated. I'd advise not risking it but feel free to find out for yourself. I know now how little you value my word._

 _I didn't want to do this. I hated every moment I spent crafting that seal. It pained me. You forced my hand. Not only did I have to put a seal on you, your actions forced me to put a much less severe seal on each person you told. That's right, you made me place a curse seal on everyone. Shikamaru. Choji. Kiba. Shino. Hinata. Neji. Tenten. Lee. Naruto. Hell I even put one on Akamaru. That is the extreme that you forced me to go to._

 _This is your fault._

"Ino!" Inoichi happily calls out to his daughter. "Come down and say hi! I want to hear all about your mission!"

Ino doesn't respond. Her eyes are bouncing back and forth between her arm and the letter. She can't accept it even though it's right before her.

"Ino?" Inoichi calls out from the bottom of the stairs this time. "You okay?"

She still doesn't respond.

"Ino I'm coming up." Inoichi quickly climbs the stairs at shinobi speeds. It took less than a second.

Ino remains silent.

"Ino what's -" Inoichi cuts himself off from speaking. He's doing the same thing his daughter is, staring uncomprehendingly at her arm and its new artwork.

"D-dad?" Ino shakily says as she loses her grip on the letter and it falls to the ground. Then she throws herself at him and crushes him in a hug.

"Shh." Inoichi tenderly returns her embrace and speaks in quiet soothing tones. "Shh. Tell me who did this."

"I-I can't. Dad I can't say. That's what it does." Tears start to run down her face. "C-can you get rid of it?"

"I don't know." Inoichi regretfully admits to his daughter and her sobs get worse. "But I know plenty of seal users. I'll even drag Jiraiya kicking and screaming to look at that if I have to. We can start with Tsunade, she was his teammate. I'm sure she picked up a couple of tricks, if not she's the one person who will know where he is."

"O-okay." Ino doesn't loosen her grip on her lifeline.

Inoichi scoops his daughter up into his arms and starts carrying her to the Hokage Tower. "It'll be okay. We'll get through this together."

"B-but what if we can't?" Ino says between sobs. "What if it's there forever?"

"Then be thankful it looks pretty."

"Haha." Ino softly giggles between chest shaking jolts of tears. Then she holds her arm up again. "I s-suppose it does look kinda p-pretty."

* * *

The Hokage's Office

"I need to get a bigger office." Tsunade sighs out at the crowd of people before her. "So let me get this straight. That one," She points at the very visibly shaken Ino, "found out stuff about Alvarcus and shared it with you all. Instead of me. The Hokage. I'm going to overlook that for now. Then somehow Alvarcus found that out and managed to get a _curse seal_ on each of you using letters and… a teleporting spider? You all hear how ludicrous that sounds, right?"

"He even got Akamaru." Kiba whines while stroking his dog. "Ruined his perfect white fur and everything."

"Ino's is much more extensive than the other's." Inoichi says. "They simply can't speak about what she told them. They're more than welcome to share general information and reference him. She, on the other hand, cannot even utter his name now."

"And this all happened in what?" Tsunade looks at a clock. "Six hours?"

"It would seem so." Shibi gently places a hand on Shino's shoulder. "Most everyone was at home when it happened, their guards were lowered. No one expects to be attacked in their home, and through a letter no less."

"We're not here to talk about how they got it!" Tsume cuts in. "We're here to get rid of it! When's Jiraiya coming back?"

"I don't know. Could be years if he manages to sneak Naruto out from under my nose." Tsunade rubs her brow in defeat.

"For the record I can't be blamed for that." Naruto cuts in. "He has this nasty habit of throwing me over his shoulder then running like hell. Basically it's kidnapping."

"We don't have anyone else that can look at them?" Shikaku pointedly looks at Tsunade. He damn well knows that there's at least one other person who is a very good seal user. He also knows that Tsunade hates his guts.

"I know of another seal user, I hesitate to call him a seal master because I don't want to give him the satisfaction, but he knows seals pretty well. Curse seals in particular." Tsunade admits.

"Tsunade-sama." Hiashi speaks up. "Our Elders are baffled by this, they have no idea how to begin unraveling it."

"I'm not talking about one of the Hyuuga Elders." Tsunade heaves out a sigh of regret. "I'm talking about Danzo Shimura."

"Ah." Kakashi's one visible eye narrows in distaste. "Him."

"Hare!" Tsunade calls out and instantly there's an ANBU kneeling before her. On the ceiling. There wasn't any room on the floor.

"Yes Hokage-sama?" Hare professionally asks despite their awkward spot.

"Fetch Danzo. Tell him I… Tell him I need his expertise." Tsunade's face scrunches up in revulsion as Hare takes his leave. Or is it her? One can never tell with ANBU. "I hate relying on him."

An awkward silence falls onto the gathered group.

"So…" Choza drawls out. "Anyone know any good jokes?"

"Two of my clansmen - one of which is my very own _daughter_ \- have been infected with a curse seal and you're asking about _jokes?_ " Hiashi seeths at the other clan head.

"Oh calm down." Shikaku draws Hiashi's attention to himself. "It's not like the Hyuuga's aren't used to having a seal branded on them unwillingly. You'd think you would be used to this by now."

" _You dare -_ "

"SHUT THE HELL UP OR GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" Tsunade roars, stopping the argument before it can begin. "YOU ALL CAME TO ME WITH THIS MESS SO WE'RE FIXING IT MY WAY! NOW BE QUIET!"

Courses of 'Yes Ma'am' come out of everyone's mouth.

* * *

"I can't help but admire whoever pulled this off." Danzo admits to the gathered shinobi. They've relocated to a bigger room, one that is also brightly lit and has various sealing utensils stocked. "Tagging various clan heirs and other prominent genin while they're at home? Perhaps we should consider acquiring whoever did this. If that fails then we must eliminate that threat. That kind of power..."

"Admire later." Tsume growls at the Councilman. "Fix now. _Please._ "

"I shall need to examine it before I attempt to remove it." Danzo looks at each afflicted shinobi in turn. "Who would like to step up and let me look at their seal?"

"I got this." Choji says with a shrug and steps forwards. "Best I can tell it's a fancy square."

"Well my boy you're not wrong." Danzo gently takes Choji's hand in his one working hand. He pulls it closer to study it, twisting it this way and that way to get a full understanding. "Yet there's so much more to it than that."

"How much more are we talking?" Choji asks.

"Who was it that put this on all of you again?" Danzo conversationally asks Choji. "This might sting."

"Alvarcus did OW!" The black marks on Choji's hand start to expand. They expand too much to be contained to just his hand and spill onto the large sheet of sealing paper that Danzo prepared for exactly this. "That much more. Wow that's a lot. Alvarcus made that?"

"Alvarcus?" Danzo needlessly repeats as he turns his eye to Tsunade. "The same one that you won't promote to S-rank?"

"Correct. He doesn't deserve the satisfaction." Tsunade stiffly answers. "Now do you know how to remove it?"

"Just a moment please." Danzo looks down on the now expanded seal.

'Curious.' Danzo thinks to himself. 'This is eerily similar to my seal that I use to suppress my ROOT shinobi yet it appears to have been modified. No, not modified. Completely remade like Alvarcus knew the logic behind the seal but not how to craft it like mine. Interesting.'

Danzo pours over the expanded seal, taking in as much as he can and looking for a way to remove it.

'He's made his need a specific key to unseal. If the key isn't used to unseal them their chakra network in their hand will be devoured. Alvarcus Mar, you're quite the resourceful one. You've taken up fuinjutsu under Orochimaru. It's no wonder you can make a curse seal like this.'

"I know how to remove the seals but I lack the necessary tools." Danzo taps Choji on the back of the hand and the seal retreats to its new home. "Alvarcus has made a key for the seals, removing the seal without the key will have undesirable side effects."

"What happens if you removed it anyways?" Shikamaru asks. "I'm not a huge fan of this."

"It would destroy all of the tenketsu in your left hand rendering all ninjutsu and genjutsu inert." Danzo shares the bad news with everyone.

"And what of my daughter's?" Inoichi asks as Ino timidly pulls back her sleeve.

"Whoa." Kiba says in surprise. "That's a hell of a lot more intense."

"You poor child." Danzo says with a grandfatherly air about him. "Come here let me see if I can do anything."

Ino holds her arm out to Danzo and he gently starts maneuvering it about to study it.

'To think that Alvarcus is capable of such feats. He's designed this one to make _her_ set off the seal. He's defined what will activate the seal, which is mentioning anything to do with him, but it is her that subconsciously decides whether or not what she says counts as mentioning him. He's outlined the rules and she's the one who enforces his will upon herself. I am truly impressed, by setting it up this way he's covered every possible venue she could use to try and get around the seal because in the end it is still her trying to communicate about him. Even writing about him is forbidden.'

Danzo allows himself a moment of admiration before returning to his usual self.

'Truly it is a shame that he turned his back on me, on Konoha. I could have made him great. Instead he cannot be allowed to roam free. He knows too much. He has to be put down. I gave him a chance to join me despite his transgressions and he refused me. He's given me no choice. I'll have to get a spy in Oto. He'll feed me information about Alvarcus and when he ventures out next I'll have a team waiting. Yes, that's the best choice. If the spy gets caught, well it's not like he can't be replaced given enough time. The payout far exceeds the risk.'

"I am sorry child but there is nothing I can do for you." Danzo says to Ino. "Yours will be much harder to remove, I'd say the only person that could successfully remove it even if they were in possession of all _three_ keys would be the creator himself. I doubt even Jiraiya would attempt to tackle this one, if it had a more severe set of rules and punishment then perhaps he'd try something crazy. As it is now it will not inhibit you at all, provided that you don't discuss anything to do with Alvarcus."

"So that's it then?" Ino looks solemnly at her arm. "I'm stuck with this forever? It doesn't even fade when I'm not using chakra."

"Unless Alvarcus releases you himself." Danzo confirms. "He's layered multiple triggers into the seal, it's so complex and intricate that I dare not even expand it for fear of tripping one and causing it to go off. Though, and I don't know how much this will console you, it should fade on his death. There is always that option."

'I may not have to use my own shinobi to kill him.' Danzo plots to himself. 'Perhaps they will use this as fuel and kill him for me.'

"I don't think that option has a high chance of success." Shikaku intervenes before anyone can do something rash. Like agreeing with Danzo for instance. He wants all of these kids to be distanced from the man as much as possible. The only reason he hinted at bringing him here was because he had no other options to try and help his son and everyone else. "They've faced off against him before and lost. Badly lost."

"I suppose it is up to the individual." Danzo says in forced indifference. "Will they attempt to kill the traitor or will they flee from him like cowards?"

"You go too far!" Lee vigorously shouts at the feeble old man. "Alvarcus is -"

Lee doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence. He's fallen to his knees while gripping his left hand. His jaw is firmly set and he's intently staring off into the distance as his eyes water. He's holding himself in check, doing everything he can to not cry out in agony.

But his iron will wasn't strong enough, a low whine of pain manages to escape out of him.

"Lee!" Neji and Tenten both rush to his side.

"I'm okay." He assures them once the pain has stopped. "It's alright, it was bound to happen eventually. At least this way I know what to expect."

"Out of my way." Tsunade shoves both of Lee's teammates to the side. "Hand. Now."

Lee extends his now viciously red hand towards the world's best medic nin. Tsunade takes only five seconds to figure out the damages.

"It targets your nerve clusters, sending them sharp and irregular jolts of chakra. There will be no lasting damage unless you keep setting it off." Then she turns her eyes to Ino. "Though I have no idea what yours does specifically. I have no intention of finding out. Ino as the Hokage I hereby order you to never speak of Alvarcus again in any form whatsoever unless I personally tell you otherwise _and_ that seal is gone. Both of those conditions must be fulfilled."

"Of course Hokage-sama." Ino's head wilts in defeat.

"Now I suggest you all attempt to go about your lives as normal as possible. We don't want anyone else to know that practically all of Konoha's Clan Heirs have an unsavory seal on them."

"How am I supposed to hide this?" Ino holds her arm up again, displaying the intricate black marks to the world. "Mine doesn't fade."

"Wear gloves." Tsunade bluntly tells her. "Now as annoying as it is I have other things to do. If you need to talk to someone go talk to your parents or sensei, they're more than qualified to handle that. Now out with you all! Scram!"

Everyone makes their way to the door.

"Danzo." Tsunade calls out. "The Clan Heads and I want this to stay quiet. Don't do anything… rash."

"Of course Tsunade." Danzo sinisterly smiles at the Hokage. "I would never want to hurt Konoha by depriving her of Clan Heirs."

"And her exceptional genin." Tsunade adds on as her eyes narrow.

"It goes without saying." Danzo regally nods to her. "I will take my leave."

'But I will make no assurances for Alvarcus.'

* * *

Secret ROOT Facility

"Oh my." Danzo says upon entering his office. When he left it his desk was spotless. Now there's a single sheet of paper sitting on it. "You really are quite the crafty one."

Danzo hobbles over to his desk and looks down at the thankfully face up letter.

 _Stay away from them or I expose you to the world._

"I wonder what you would do if I exposed you to the world?" Danzo ponders aloud.

"He'd probably make that drawing a reality." Shirokumo blandly says from above the door. He was sitting there the whole time. "A very painful reality might I add."

Danzo whips out a kunai and instantly a coating of wind forms on it. Then it sails out of his and towards Shirokumo. The wind enhanced blade bounces off of Shirokumo's exoskeleton without leaving behind a scratch.

"Is that any way to treat a messenger?" Shirokumo dryly retorts. "And to think I had so much fun last time I saw your wrinkled mug."

"You are more than you seem." Danzo analyzes Shirokumo in a new light.

"I could say the same thing about you." Shirokumo teases Danzo. "You will leave them alone or face destruction. Do not piss off my Summoner more or he may march over here and kill you. Even if you're behind Konoha's sturdy walls."

"He has nothing to worry about." Danzo sits down at his desk, it's obvious that the spider isn't here to fight. "I have no plans for any of his friends. They're already an asset to Konoha, they don't need my help."

"Good. Glad we came to an understanding." Shirokumo raises his front two legs together.

"I was wondering." Danzo calls out before he vanishes. "Has he given any thought to my offer?"

"You mean that picture wasn't enough of a 'go fuck yourself' message for ya? I'm sure if you asked for it he'd commission another piece. It could be his very own line of artwork."

"After my rage subsided I realized what a magnificent move it was." Danzo is attempting to play the Spider, to sway the messenger to his side first. Then he'll work on getting Alvarcus before him and exacting revenge. "To make someone like _me_ descend into a rage fueled tantrum? He has such potential."

"You know you're not even the third person to say he has potential." Shirokumo blandly says. "Pretty sure you're like the tenth. I've never bothered counting. By the way there's another message on the back and the paper isn't trapped with a curse seal."

 **POOF**

"How interesting. There's more." Danzo pulls out another kunai and flips the page over.

"Five? Why does it say five?" Danzo says aloud in confusion. Then the number shifts into a four.

That's all the motivation Danzo needs. He sprints out of the office, leaving his cane behind, and slams the door closed.

"Brace for impact!" He shouts to the two guards outside his door.

All three of them throw themselves to the ground.

A soft pop echoes through the closed door.

"A dud." Danzo stands up as his two shinobi dust themselves off. "How sad, to have crafted such a masterpiece for the Yamanaka yet blunder an explosive seal? I expected more from you."

Danzo opens the door to his office.

Everything is covered in rainbow glitter. The desk, the walls, the floor, the ceiling. _Everything._

"I want his head on my desk." Danzo growls out in anger as his fists bundle in rage. "On my new desk. I want that one burnt."

* * *

One Month Later

"Alvarcus." Sasuke awkwardly says as he enters my lab. "You doing okay buddy?"

"I'm done." I happily say as I lean back in my chair and stretch my arms to the sky. "It took one month of total devotion but I finished it."

I hold up a slim dull metal cylinder to the light. It is notched to provide extra grip on itself and is long enough to comfortably hold in both hands. One end is capped while the other has what looks like a metal cork on it to seal the hollow device.

" _Finally._ " I sigh out as I set it down. "It can hold a practically limitless amount of chakra inside of it. It's perfect."

"Oh good so you're done with your project?" Sasuke chipperly asks.

"Done with half of it." I stand up and twist my back to work out non-existent kinks in it. "Or maybe a third? I have to make a blade next then figure out how to make them work together. So yeah. That's okay though. I thought this would take way longer to do, the hilt was surprisingly easy to work with."

"You call a month long devotion where you wouldn't sleep or eat for five days straight easy?" Sasuke says in exasperation.

"Hey I slept!" I feebly make an excuse. "I slept in here a lot."

"Yeah when you passed out from exhaustion." Sasuke blandly points out. "Alvarcus that's not healthy."

"It was training?" I attempt to make yet another excuse. "To see how long I can go without sleep?"

"You're a terrible liar." Sasuke sighs. "Okay so you're done now right?"

"Yeah. For a while." I nod yes.

"Good. Now go sleep." Sasuke demands. "You need to rest."

"Fine." I agree as my exhaustion finally catches up with me now that I'm not ignoring everything else but the hilt. "But I want the record to show that I decided to sleep."

"Whatever."

* * *

Three Days Later

"So… he's been sleeping for three days straight?" Sakon awkwardly asks Sasuke as they and the rest of the Sound Three are standing outside Alvarcus' room.

"Yeah." Sasuke sighs in resignation. "Idiot always pushes himself too far. Usually the Jiongu can compensate for it but every once in awhile it can't."

"Kid has issues." Kidomaru eloquently sums up the situation. "Uh… you wanna go get him Sasuke? He's liable to attack literally anyone but you. I swear you two are gay for eachother."

"Haha very funny." Sasuke glares at Kidomaru. "I'll have you know that I am perfectly straight and should anyone ever imply otherwise again they will meet a very untimely death."

The door that the four people are standing outside of creaks open and a head with a tangled mess of black hair and even blacker eyes pokes out of it.

"Not gay. Hate you all. Shut up and go away. I'm sleeping." I growl out at the people who woke me up. "Now or Sureddo gets to play."

"Oh good you're up." Jirobo ignores the not so subtle threat. "Orochimaru-sama wants to see you and the Sound Three. In an hour or so."

" _Fine._ " I force out through clenched teeth. "I'll be there in an hour. Now fuck off."

The head retreats back into the room and slams the door shut.

"He's not a morning person." Kidomaru attempts to break the awkward tension that has filled the hallway.

"It's three in the afternoon." Sasuke bluntly says as he turns away from the Sound Three. "He's not a waking up person."

* * *

One Hour Later, Orochimaru's Office

"Alvarcus!" Orochimaru happily says as I enter the office. I'm the last one to get here. "It has been awhile, how are you?"

"Swell." I glare at the Sound Three. "Except for the fact that a bunch of assholes decided that talking loudly outside of my door was a good idea."

"And how goes your project?" Orochimaru eagerly asks. "You've been completely immersed into it."

"The hilt is done." I allow a glimmer of pride to form on my face. "One step closer to the finish line."

"Magnificent!" Orochimaru's face twists into an affectionate smile and he clasps his hands together in joy. "You'll have to show me before you leave. I don't want to wait until you come back."

"Wait what? I'm leaving somewhere?" Is he giving me a mission?

"Yes you are and the Sound Three are going with you." Orochimaru's eyes flash towards the silent shinobi. They haven't been addressed yet so they are not speaking. They've been trained well.

"This sounds important." I narrow my eyes slightly as I ponder what the mission could be. "You're sending me with all three of your personal bodyguards? That's a lot of firepower, doubly so since you know just how destructive I can be. Did someone piss you off recently?"

"No no, quite the contrary." Orochimaru's smile dampens slightly as we talk business. Yet it doesn't go away. "This isn't a mission of warfare but rather a mission of the diplomatic nature."

"Okay so this is a huge mistake then." I interject before he can continue. "You really want _me_ of all people to engage in diplomatic negotiations? That's a terrible idea! I have no training for it, I don't really know what I can ask for and what I can offer up as compensation. Not to mention that I'm prone to resorting to force rather quickly. I'd make a terrible diplomat."

"I cannot send anyone else." Orochimaru temples his fingers as he begins to lecture me. "Like it or not your name now carries a great amount of weight. You're Alvarcus Mar, wielder of a long forgotten kinjutsu, you earned your notorious title by ripping out other's still beating hearts and taking them for yourself, at age thirteen you've stood against multiple S-rank shinobi and lived, you've single handedly destroyed an entire outpost with one jutsu, and most importantly _you're my child._ You see, there is no one else to send. It would be an insult to use anyone but you."

"Alright fine!" I've lost this argument. Hell I lost it before I even knew I was fighting. Stupid shinobi and their manipulative background. "I'll go on the stupid diplomatic mission. So am I supposed to get us more land or something? Secure an alliance with another nation? Perhaps you want me to slaughter the delegation that I'm supposed to meet with? I vote the last one. Unless something ridiculous is happening, like me meeting with a Kage."

"Well they're not quite a Kage but they are more than capable of holding their own against one for a while before succumbing to defeat." Orochimaru drops a hint.

"Hm. Right. So not killing them."

"With the correct amount of preparation I believe you could." Orochimaru thinks I can kill someone who can stand against Kages? He thinks I'm that good? Damn, maybe I am a lot deadlier than I think. "This particular type of shinobi have a few glaring weaknesses, ones that you're surprisingly suited to exploit."

"Oh goodie. So I am killing them?" I hope not, I don't really want to find out if I can. I'd prefer to have a few more trump cards before doing something like that.

"No, that is not the point of this meeting." Orochimaru ups his intense yellow stare at me. "Someone wants to meet you."

"What?" I'm staring at him in disbelief. "Who in their right mind would want to meet me?"

"Someone who has a bone to pick with Konoha. Someone who would like to see her crushed under his boot. Someone with a long list of reasons to hate our mutual birthplace. Someone I wouldn't mind having on our side, despite his temper."

"Holy shit." I can't believe it. This is insanity "You want me to meet with _the Raikage_?"

"Good heavens no! I would not send my child to a slaughterhouse!" Orochimaru thankfully denies that idea. "He can't make time to meet with a lowly shinobi of Otogakure. He's sending someone in his stead, someone who he trusts and believes will be able to overpower you should things go south."

"If he's sending his brother I'm not fucking going. I refuse to listen to his shitty raps."

"I'll consider it a good thing that he's sending Yugito Nii instead." Orochimaru drops a bomb on me. "You will be meeting her and a group of most likely disposable Kumo shinobi. The point of this meeting is to see you and get a judge of who you are as a person. They have caught wind of my… condition and have slotted you as the next in line to take over Oto. They want to see what to expect should I pass. Naive children, to think that I would so easily surrender to death. We shall humor them with this meeting and attempt to make inroads to form an alliance against Konoha at best. At worst there will be another enemy at my throat, nothing I'm not used to."

"Okay. So just a couple of questions." I take a deep breath. "Just one really. Why in the blazes of hell would they think I would be the one to take over Oto?"

"Simple, you are my child. I've raised you to be the strongest, the smartest, the _best._ Next to myself of course. You have earned yourself a sense of respect and fear throughout my ranks, something that only I have accomplished before. When you speak people listen. When you send out orders people fall in line. You have become so much more than what I hoped for you, you've grown further than I expected in the year that I've taken you in. It is only natural for observers to assume that the mantle of leadership would fall to you."

"O...kay." That is a tough pill to swallow. "Right. So say I accept all of that - which right now I'm still processing - you want me to go meet with a jinchuuriki and just… I don't know... hang out with her?"

"That is not how I would phrase it but yes. In its simplest form that is what you will be doing. Try not to do something stupid please."

"I promise nothing." I quip back to him as Orochimaru sighs in resignation. "So uh when am I leaving? Not right now I hope. Totally not ready."

"No, you will be leaving in three days." Orochimaru abates my worries. "There is something I want you to sign first."

"Dammit." I groan out. "Can't you make one of the idiots over there who haven't said a single word fill out the paperwork instead? I hate paperwork. Hell I think everyone hates paperwork."

"You're not wrong. Paperwork is the worst, but I feel that you'll enjoy signing this." Orochimaru points to a huge scroll that's in the corner of the room. "After all, an earth wall or wind wall will only go so far."

"Now that will make things interesting." A devious grin dances upon my face. "Interesting indeed."

* * *

One Hour Later, Alvarcus' Room

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground and a cloud of smoke appears.

"Sup Al? Haven't seen you in weeks. How ya been?" Shirokumo asks as he looks around the room. His eyes settle on his webbing on the ceiling. He scuttles up the wall to his webs. "Just as I left it."

"Finished the hilt, was unceremoniously told that everyone thinks I'm Orochimaru's replacement should he actually die, and got told to go play nice with Yugito Nii from Kumo of all people. So I'm just peachy."

"Why is nothing ever simple with you?" The trusty spider sighs in defeat. "How can I help?"

"Find out why the Raikage is intent on me meeting with someone in his ranks and make sure it's not a trap. Oh and see if the Akatsuki is somehow involved in this, I wouldn't put it past them to try and use me as a way to get to Orochimaru or even to attempt to recruit me again. Basically find out what I'm getting myself into. I leave in three days, can you handle that?"

"Easy." Shirokumo waves of my tall list of demands with ease. "You don't realize how damn good I made our network. I can have most of that in a single day, maybe less. The spiders of this world are eager to please you."

"Good." I plop down into my newest piece of furniture, the armchair. "I think it's time that Spider gets in contact with the jinchuuriki."

"You didn't plan on doing that for a while." Shirokumo points out.

"Meeting Yugito now has moved my plans forward. Besides, when else will I be able to sit down with one of the two jinchuuriki from Kumo and talk?"

"You have the strangest life ever."

"I know right?"


	65. Chapter 65

One Week Later, Orochimaru's Office

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru studies me, taking in my disheveled appearance. Wrinkled clothes, dirt all over me, rips and tears throughout my usual pristine coat, a missing pair of sunglasses and scarf that expose the only two features of mine that I want hidden. And the sticky dried blood that has been splashed all over me. It has splattered on my coat, been sprayed onto my face, it's staining my pants. I look like I've been to war. " _What. Happened._ "

"Shit hit the fan at one hundred kilometers per hour." I say from my chair that has been ruined forever unless Orochimaru has some seriously strong cleaning supplies. "I'm used to cluster fucks. This… this was something else entirely."

"Where are the Sound Three?" Orochimaru asks, he's forced himself to respond calmly. He's almost at freak out level. Seeing your 'child' stroll into your office while covered in blood would do that to anyone.

"Kidomaru is on my left arm." I point to it, or more specifically the blood. "Sakon and Ukon are all over my legs. Jirobo is the only one not on me, he got vaporized. I think? I was a little busy at the time so I didn't see what happened to him."

"My elite bodyguards are dead?" Orochimaru asks for clarification even though the evidence is right before him.

"Very dead." I grimly confirm with one sharp nod of my head.

"Why is it that your chakra levels feel so low?" Orochimaru asks me as concern flashes across his features again. He knows damn well why my chakra levels are low, he just doesn't want it to be true. "Is it because…"

"Because I'm working with a single heart." I bluntly tell him. "I lost the other four. I'm running on the bare minimum."

"You… you _lost them?_ " Orochimaru is staring at me in fear, worry and relief. He's terrified that someone or some group was capable of reducing me to this. He's worried that it could happen again, no doubt training is going to majorly suck. Yet above all of that he's relieved that I came back alive.

"All but water, arguably my worst element." I slouch in the chair to get more comfortable. He's very emotional but I'm not, it is all in the past for me. "It's like giving a katana user a tanto. They're still going to be good with it, but nowhere near their skill with a katana. Which is really fucking annoying might I add."

"Tell me everything that happened to you after I gave you the mission." Orochimaru demands while his fists ball up and fury overtakes his entire body. He's trembling in rage.

"We're going to be here a while."

* * *

Flashback, The Morning After Receiving Mission

"So." Sasuke opens up a new conversation as he sits down across from me in the Mess Hall. We're getting breakfast and catching up. Basically he was telling me everything I missed during my month long isolation. Frankly it wasn't much, Oto is surprisingly boring. "You've got a mission with the Sound Three?"

"Yep." I idly poke at my breakfast. It was so good, up until I saw it. It smelled amazing. The hint of eggs, bacon and bread had wafted through the air and made me hungry. But once I got the meal it all changed. The eggs and the bacon I have no problem with, in fact I rather enjoy them. It's the damn muffin that is pissing me off.

Fucking muffins.

"And…?" Sasuke trails off with a roll of his eyes. He wants me to elaborate more. Fine, I will.

"Orochimaru-sama is sending me on a diplomatic mission to -"

"Okay hold up." Sasuke cuts in before I can finish. "You're going on a _diplomatic_ mission? _You?_ "

"Thank you!" I throw my hands up in exasperation in a vain attempt to make myself feel better about being the new face of Oto. Fuck that's terrible, how did it come to this? "But yeah, diplomatic mission to meet a very high ranking Kumo shinobi. Sound Flunkies are my escort."

"Isn't that just a tad excessive?" Sasuke is bringing up all the same points I did to Orochimaru. I'm not even remotely surprised. "Aren't bodyguards supposed to protect their principle? That usually requires that they're stronger than the principle."

"I know! At least now I can make them kill or defeat or whatever-I'm-in-the-mood-for-at-the-time anyone we come across. I'll just kick back and relax as they fight for their lives."

"I suppose that's one way to look at it." Sasuke shrugs off my uniqueness like he has the last thousand times. "Very high ranking Kumo shinobi?"

"Yugito Nii." I fill in the blank for him but he has a vacant expression. "Jonin. Very skilled. Very deadly. Also rumored to be very hot. By that I mean she can light herself on fire. That's the rumor anyways."

"You're going to ask her to teach you that, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah. Wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world." I grin deviously to myself at the idea of yet another way to play with fire.

* * *

Present, Orochimaru's Office

"I do not need you to recount everything in such detail. Not until you leave the base." Orochimaru interrupts my storytelling session. "Did anything noteworthy happen before you left?"

"Noteworthy?" I look upwards and tap a finger on my chin as I rack my brain. Jiongu-brain. Sureddo-brain? Whatever, not important. "Let's see, there was the usual stalking by Maiko which should be concerning but she's left me alone lately so, meh, it's not a problem yet. There was a couple more Sasuke and me powwows. Nothing too important, just idle chitchat and a joined training session. Did you know that kid can hit anything with anything? It's freaking crazy how accurate he is, I thought I was good but damn! The dick stole my shoe and used it in training, he made it hit three different targets _in one throw!_ Then he wouldn't give it back and I had to threaten to somehow force him back into the butler suit to get my shoe back and-"

"You're off track." Orochimaru points out.

"Whoops. Oh! This was interesting. It's also something that you might already know though." I scratch the back of my neck.

"Do tell." I've sparked Orochimaru's inquisitive side, he wants to know what kind of carrot I have dangling on my stick.

"Do you know what happens when someone opens up a Rashomon gate?"

"They can open?" Orochimaru asks me in surprise.

"Wait wait wait." I'm staring at him in bafflement. "You've had a summon for a giant gate for years if not decades and you've never tried to open it?"

"It never occurred to me to try." He admits without shame. "The Rashomon is revered for its defensive capabilities, the legend says that Hashirama used them to deflect an attack from a Tailed Beast. I was much more interested in that."

"Fair enough." I shrug in indifference. I get where he's coming from.

"So tell me, what does happen when someone opens a Rashomon gate?"

* * *

"Holy shit." Sasuke and I say in unison.

We're hiding on the ceiling off in a corner under a genjutsu that he cast. We're up here for one reason: someone Karin knows told her that they overheard someone else plotting to break into my lab and steal the chakra armor for themselves. Obviously they know how terrible it went for the last person to do that, they're only planning to poke their heads in and observe my lab. Prepping to get a game plan together for when they actually steal the armor.

Too bad Karin told Sasuke, Sasuke told me, and I was curious to experiment with the Rashomon. So here we are, Sasuke and I are staking out the door to my lab that I switched with a mini Rashomon gate.

The offenders showed up just as planned, they checked the hallway for observers as was expected, then they opened up the gate. That's where it all went weird.

"It fucking ate them." I blurt out as Sasuke and I are both staring in shock at the gate. "They opened it and blue tentacles shot out and pulled them inside. My doors eat people _._ That's fucking _AWESOME!_ "

* * *

"The Rashomon… eats people?" Orochimaru sounds skeptical.

"Well not _technically._ " I adjust in the chair, peeling my sticky coat off the back and moving into a new spot. "As far as I can tell it's just that one specific gate that does the whole blue tentacles of death move. The huge big ones that you used as a shield that one time don't do anything fancy, they're just big ass durable gates. It looks like each door _might_ have the potential to do something unique. I haven't played with it enough to figure it all out."

"Interesting. Let me know what you discover."

"Of course." I nod my acceptance. "Oh and sorry about those two shinobi. Totally didn't mean for them to die."

"They were less than pawns. You're a mighty king. I don't even consider it a loss." There's the depraived and cold Orochimaru. I've been wondering where that side of him has been. "Anything else worth mentioning?"

"Uh… nope." I reply after thinking for a moment.

"Then tell me what happened once you left."

* * *

Flashback, On the Road

"So where are we going again?" Jirobo asks me as the four of us are running towards our destination. We're in a loose diamond formation, I'm up front by myself. Kidomaru is taking up the rear and Sakon, Ukon and Jirobo are on the sides. "Somewhere in the Land of Hot Springs, right?"

"How did you forget already?" Sakon berates his teammate. "Yes, we're going to the Land of Hot Springs. No, we're not going to the shinobi village in that country. We're meeting the delegation from Kumo at a lesser visited resort town. The shinobi population there should be nonexistent and even if there are shinobi there we're all leagues better than them."

"Not to mention that the Kumo shinobi will certainly be just as deadly as us." Kidomaru chimes in. "Nothing in that country could stand against one of us, not to mention all four plus the Kumo squad. This is going to be a cakewalk. I think that Orochimaru-sama is giving us a vacation!"

"Perhaps." Sakon graciously nods his head to Kidomaru. "It wouldn't surprise me, I am his favorite. You know how he loves to study bloodlines, especially one as unique as mine."

"Bullshit! I'm the favorite! He gave me my curse seal before both of you!" Jirobo angrily shouts at Sakon. "He graced me with his crown achievement first. I'm the favorite!"

"Keep dreaming big guy." Kidomaru lets out a belly laugh full of amusement. "He gave me four more arms. He killed two people for me, I'm totally the favorite."

"Sakon. Jirobo. Kidomaru." I growl out in barely restrained anger. Their pointless arguments have set me on edge since the moment we left. That was an hour ago. "I win."

* * *

"Yes." Orochimaru smiles down at me. "You do win. By a considerable margin might I add, even more now that they're dead. When will you be getting to that part?"

"Eventually." I dance around the question. "It'll be best if I tell everything chronologically. Otherwise you might have questions and you would make me stop every five seconds to answer them. This way you'll already know everything."

"Acceptable." Orochimaru is slowly becoming enwrapped in my story. "What happens next? Attacked by bandits on the road?"

"Surprisingly no. We made it to the meeting place without any issues. If you count the Sound Three's usual antics of trying anything and everything to test my patience as not being an issue."

* * *

Flashback, A Clearing Just Outside of the Town

"Are we late?" I sarcastically say as the Sound Three and I boldly stroll into the clearing that both parties agreed to meet at. Unfortunately we're not the first ones here despite being half an hour early, the Kumo shinobi are here. "Or are you just that eager to meet me?"

By the looks of things they just got here, they're all still standing and they're hyper alert. Boredom hasn't had a chance to sink in yet or they're much more disciplined than I expected. Honestly I'm surprised none of them threw a kunai at us as we dropped in on them. Maybe they have a sensor that warned them about us?

There's four of them, just as expected. They don't have anyone else hiding around, Sureddo would have told me by now. So it's just this hulking brute of a man who has lost his shirt and seems to be constantly flexing to show off his strength, a bored lady who has been knitting this whole time and has only glanced at the four of us once before deciding to ignore us all, an extremely nervous boy who is very twitchy and his frantic eyes can't seem to pick someone to rest on, and of course Yugito who looks like she'd rather be anywhere but here.

I don't blame Yugito for her obvious distaste for this whole thing, it was probably a slap in the face to get this mission. Who wants to be told to go ask a barely a teenage boy a bunch of questions? Not me, that's for damn sure.

"So I'm going to guess that you're Alvarcus?" Yugito drags out a long sigh as she lethargically pushes herself off the ground to walk over to me. She really doesn't want to be here. Her entire body language is practically screaming 'I've been forced to do this and am hating every second of it.'

"Good to meet you Yugito." I casually stuff my hands into my coat pockets and walk over to her with a pep in my step. "Sound Three why don't you go bother the Kumo shinobi? Us grown ups need to talk."

"Grown ups my ass." Kidomaru grumbles under his breath. "I'm a few years older than you so HA! Take that!"

"Fine, then those that matter need to discuss business away from the petty squabble." I smirk in victory as Kidomaru's anger grows. "Shoo, go bother someone else. I'm busy."

"You're an asshole." Kidomaru turns away from me and Yugito back towards the rest of the shinobi. The Oto shinobi are trying to suppress laughter while the Kumo shinobi are intently analyzing me. Except for the knitting one, she doesn't care in the slightest. "I don't know why I keep trying to rile you up. Oh wait, yes I do. Getting one over on you is so _satisfying._ "

I pointedly ignore him as Yugito and I move away from the other six shinobi. No doubt they're going to do the tried and true method of sizing each other up and attempting to establish dominance. The entire thing is just so pathetic.

"You know." Yugito does a quick once over of me, taking in my rather plain appearance. If you ignore the crimson scarf around my neck even though it's hot outside. And the muted green trench coat that should make me die of heat exhaustion. So yeah, I look weird for where we are in the world. "I thought the Heart Thief would be scarier. You seem… tame."

"That's because you don't know me. We literally just met, I haven't had a chance to show you just how… scary I can be. Not to mention the fact that I was told to play nice with you." I let a sinister smirk dance upon my face. "The Sound Three can personally verify just how malicious I can be. If you don't believe me ask them about the three hundred rubber ducks. Besides, I could say the same thing about you."

"Really now?" Yugito blandly humors me by replying. She must really hate this, having to talk to who she thinks is nothing more than a spoiled brat. Why wouldn't Orochimaru of all people spoil his child rotten?

"Yes really." It's my turn to do a quick once over of her. "Long blonde hair. Dark eyes. Red lipstick? Not to mention your rather unassuming outfit. Slightly modified Kumo jonin gear, you've added some flair to your uniform. You're very inconspicuous for a jinchuuriki."

"So Orochimaru told you about me?" Yugito finally looks at me with a sliver of interest no doubt because I let her know I know she's a jinchuuriki. "Figures."

"He didn't have to." That peaks her interest a little more. "I did a little digging once I was given this mission. I don't particularly enjoy not knowing anything about who I am meeting, doubly so when I'm not supposed to kill them. It was very easy to get basic information about you, you're in the bingo books."

"So are you." She quickly retorts back with a spark of fire in her eyes. She doesn't like the fact that I took the time to research her. "It's one hell of a page, no one is completely certain what you can do. You're rapidly climbing the ranks too, a lot of people expected you to get S-rank for your stunt with the Kusa base. How did it feel to cause so much destruction? What went through your mind when you killed so many people?"

"What went through yours when the Nibi was forcibly sealed into you?" I answer her question with one of my own. "Did you scream in anguish at your own pain? Or did you cry in desperation for poor Matatabi who only wants to live her life free from the chains that humanity has forced upon her? How does it feel to be nothing more than a cage for an entity much stronger, older, and wiser than you? How does that make you feel, to know that you were picked to force another into slavery?"

Yugito reels back from my words, totally shocked at the abrupt turn I made the conversation take. That or me revealing I know her bijuu's name really got to her. Aw shit, does she know Matatabi is the Nibi's name? Hopefully I didn't fuck that up. Oh well, I've got to roll with it now.

"Are we done measuring dicks now?" I bluntly ask her in a bored tone as I pick a speck of dirt out from underneath my fingernail. "Frankly I really don't care whose is bigger."

"You… are not what I expected." Yugito drops the bored air she had about her. I finally have her full attention. No, it's more than that. She's completely changed how she was looking at me. At first it was as a potential non-threatening hostile, someone to be wary of but not one to fear. But now it's changed, she's displaying emotions that don't make sense. She's… sad. So terribly sad. Yet she's also suddenly scared too, it's very small but there's an inkling of fear in her eyes. "Nothing at all like it."

"No shit." I snort out in amusement. I'll figure out what caused her sudden flip in emotions later, right now I've got more important things to do. "You've got to realize that we both were dealt the same hand. Our superiors told us to go play nice with someone we don't know and on top of that there's a huge age gap between us. You're what, late twenties? I'm barely a teenager. Then we're told to leave a good impression, me to try and strengthen ties to Kumo and you to try and get in my good graces should I inherit Oto. So here's what I propose, as a sort of fuck you to our respective superiors for forcing us into this situation we take a few days to complete our assignments. We're in Hot Springs, let's kick back and relax while we do what we're here for."

"Well…" Yugito ponders in thought for a moment. "I did get screwed into doing this. I'm game, might as well make the best of a bad situation."

"Sweet." I lace my fingers together and place my hands behind my head. "So know any good hotels arou-"

"How dare you!" Sakon's shouting draws both my attention and Yugito's away from our conversation. It looks like the Sound Three and the Kumo shinobi are getting ready to fight. They're all acting hostile and are holding kunai or… a knitting needle?

"Just saying the truth." The brute looks down his nose at Sakon with an arrogant air about him. "Orochimaru isn't what he used to be. He's dy-"

"You will hold your tongue or I will rip it from your mouth!" Jirobo steps to be in front of the brute, ready to find out who is the strongest. "You know nothing of Orochimaru-sama!"

"Well I know that the Third Hokage did something to him." The knitter twirls the needle around her fingers, displaying a surprising amount of control for such an unusual weapon. "Something that he can't stop. Something lethal."

"We will not stand by as you insult Orochimaru-sama!" Kidomaru roars. If one looks very closely his skin has taken on a slight golden tint, he's already excreting that weird substance that I never bothered to learn the name of. "Take. It. Back."

"Make me." The knitter idly tosses the needle in the air and catches it. Then she sneers at Kidomaru. "Or are you cowards?"

"That is it!" Sakon shouts as he readies himself to attack. His curse seal starts to expand, taking over all of his skin. It's not just him either, both Kidomaru and Jirobo are letting their curse seals spread. "You will -"

" _ **SOUND THREE!"**_ My voice completely drowns out all other noise as it resonates through the clearing. It carries the will of a person who demands to be heard and have his words followed to the letter. It demands respect and obedience.

It gets it. Every single person here is now fully focused on me.

"You're embarrassing us." I stomp over to them as I let my anger bleed out of me in the form of killing intent. Sweat forms on each of their brows, suddenly attacking the Kumo shinobi is the furthest thing from their mind. "We are a delegation sent by Orochimaru-sama to represent him. We are acting in his stead. _This is how you choose to conduct yourselves?_ "

"B-but they -" Sakon stutters out but I don't let him finish.

"It doesn't matter what they did!" I don't stop my furious stomping until I'm right in his face. "They're riling you up on purpose you insufferable simpleton! They want to see how you would react! It was a test! You failed it. _Horrendously_."

"They insulted Orochimaru-sama!" Jirobo attempts to plead their case. "We can't let that slide!"

"You can and you will." I snarl at them all. My fierce tone brokers no argument. I'm daring them to continue this farce. "Or you will face my judgement. This is your one chance to avoid punishment. Apologize to the Kumo shinobi for your actions and I will forgive your transgressions. You will not get another opportunity."

"I can't forgive them!" Kidomaru blurts out even though he's trembling in his boots. They're all scared, no not scared. Scared isn't strong enough, they're _terrified_ of me. "They insulted our Kag-"

" _ **They insulted my father!"**_ I roar at the top of my lungs and the clearing goes deadly silent once more. Not even the sounds of nature dare to break it. "Do you see me vying for their blood? Do you see me attempting to rip them to shreds? Do you see _Orochimaru's son_ trying to rip out their hearts? No. You don't. Do you know why?"

None of them respond. They are rooted to the spot, like their instincts are telling them that even the slightest movement will provoke the beast before them.

"Because he wouldn't want me to." My voice is low and gravelly. It's almost more terrifying than when I was yelling, those were the actions of a wild man. These actions, the softly spoken words, are the actions of a controlled man. A man who will meticulously plan out revenge and relish in dark joy as he gets his vengance. "Sound Three. You have disappointed me and I will not allow you to ruin this."

"Al-Alvarcus-sama p-please for-"

"You all will go into town and check into a hotel room." I evenly say to them and they flinch at the coldness of my tone. "You will remain there until I say otherwise. You will not harm anyone while here, including the Kumo shinobi. _Am I clear?_ "

"Ye-"

" **MOVE!"** I roar and the Sound Three flee from me to follow my instructions. Once they're out of sight I take a deep breath. I hold it for a fleeting moment then let it all rush out. If only getting rid of my stress was that easy.

I casually turn on my heel to face the other four people in the clearing. The young teen is absolutely terrified of me, his knees won't stop shaking and he's sweating buckets. The brute of a man is showing a look of respect, he has acknowledged me as someone not to cross lightly. The knitter went back to knitting, I think she has OCD or something. Yugito - the only one whose opinion and reaction really matters - has her arms crossed and a look of approval.

I just earned respect for telling off my underlings and seeing through their ploy to manipulate them. Wait. Hold on a moment. That doesn't make sense. It's not a respect and approval of someone who has earned it, it's for someone who has passed a test.

"You cheeky douche waffles!" I accusingly point a finger at them with a playful smile on my face and an air of friendliness. It's not them I'm mad at. "This wasn't a test for them it was a test for me! You didn't care how they reacted you wanted to see how I'd react to them reacting!"

Okay so I just lied, I am a little mad at them. I don't like being manipulated.

"Haruku you owe me five spools of yarn." The knitter says without looking up from her work. "Told you he'd see through it. I expected no less from that man's son."

"HAHA! I'll gladly pay up that was great to watch!" Haruku, the brute of a man, let's out a deep belly laugh. "Kid you got style! I like it!"

"I-I'm just glad that's over." The nervous wreck forces a contribution to the conversation.

"Though it was mildly interesting to watch." Yugito chimes in.

"Right. Please don't let the next five seconds stain our future relationship." I clear my throat. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And fuck me for falling for it! Okay, there. Got it all out of my system."

"Well wasn't that vulgar?" The knitter blandly says to me.

"Knits, that was nothing." I assure her.

"Knits?" She _finally_ looks up from her knitting in confusion then a moment of clarity his her harder than a semi truck. "Oh. I get it. Because I'm always knitting. How original."

"Honestly I'm a little disappointed I didn't have anything better but then again we just met. I'll have to ease you into my madness." I turn away from them all towards the town. "I'm getting a hotel. A very expensive hotel that Oto will be paying for. We can meet up later for chatting and whatnot once we get settled in Yugito. This is going to take three days at least, I'm thinking four."

"How am I supposed to find you if I don't know what hotel and which room you have?" Yugito calls after me as I'm walking away.

"Listen for the screams." I shout back to her over my shoulder. "Wait that won't work. You won't be able to hear the screams, I brought sound dampening seals. Don't worry about it, I'll find you. You smell like burnt cat, it'll be easy. Oh god why do I know what that smells like?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but did he just do like four major personality jumps in five minutes? First it was laidback leader, then blunt cocky arrogant prick, outright terrifying and cold dictator, then whatever the hell that last one was. I think I see why his bingo book page says 'possibly insane.'" Yugito speaks to her teammates. "And I do not smell like burnt cat!"

* * *

Present, Orochimaru's Office

"You… you truly said that?" Orochimaru asks me in genuine surprise.

"Yeah." I offhandedly confirm. "I don't know when I've ever been around a burnt cat before. I mean I've accidentally roasted a rabbit or two with seal malfunctions but never a cat. Maybe burnt cat and burnt rabbit smell similar? Oh no! Did I torch Tora but then violently suppress the memory and it's only now surfacing?! But I like Tora, why would I do that?"

"Tora? Who is Tora?" Orochimaru is confused by my distracted musings. "No, I must not get distracted. I didn't mean the burnt cat, I meant something else."

"Oh? What was it?" I pull myself away from ransacking my memory bank for a burnt cat. "Perhaps I can clarify?"

"Father." Orochimaru breathily whispers out. "You called me father."

"Hm." Did that slip out? Please say that wasn't a Freudian slip cuz that would make things… awkward. "I suppose I did. Sorry if that bothers you, it was in the heat of the moment and I really wanted to drive my point home to those morons. Who are now dead. So that ended up being a waste of my time."

"No no! It didn't bother me!" Orochimaru blurts out then quickly reins himself in. "I mean it's fine. I call you my child, it's only natural that you call me father."

"Don't expect it to stick around." I'm stopping this now, damn his reaction. I won't call him father. _Again_. "It's just… to me you've always been Orochimaru. It's who you are, but calling you father feels like I'm assigning you a title. Like me calling you the Snake Sannin or you calling me the Heart Thief. It just doesn't feel right. It's not who you are, it's a part of who you are. You're so much _more_ than just that."

"I suppose that does make sense." Orochimaru says after a scary pause. "It does seem rather… limiting considering everything I've done. Doubly so since we are a very unique case, we're far from the normal."

"You're damn right about that." I snort out. I'm so glad he agreed and didn't insist on me referring to him as that. I don't think I could take it. Where the hell did it come from in the first place? "So back to the story?"

"Yes, back to the story. What happens next?"

"A dinner date." I bluntly tell him.

"Excuse me?" Orochimaru is startled, he would never expect that. "Not torturing the Sound Three?"

"Oh believe me they got what was coming to them, just not from me. I summoned Arachne in their hotel room and told her to have fun." I smile fondly on the screams of terror. "Left them together for a few hours. There was one hell of a mess to clean up after she was done. I felt bad for the custodians so I made them clean it incase you were wondering."

"I wasn't." Orochimaru sighs as we both slip back into our normal atmosphere. "Now you mentioned a… dinner date? Should I be worried?"

"The dinner date was mostly professional, we handled business and once it was all taken care of we simply enjoyed the other's company. Okay so that might have been stretching the truth a bit, I know I had a good time."

"I can't help but feel worried." Orochimaru admits with a tinge of concern.

"Then you're in for one hell of a ride, it only gets weirder from here."

"Just tell me about the dinner date. I'll deal with the rest as it comes."

* * *

Flashback, First Night at the Resort

"So..." I semi awkwardly try to open up conversation with Yugito.

She has traded her outfit out for something a little more classy and that doesn't scream I am a shinobi. She's dressed up in a… well for lack of a better term a little black dress. That's not the only thing that has set me on edge though, when I finally tracked her down after siccing Arachne on the Sound Three and listening to their screams she demanded that I go back and change into something nicer.

So here I am, wearing black dress pants, a high collared white button up dress shirt, my sunglasses and scarf. But did she stop there? No, apparently she is set on making this trip hell for me because she then proceeded to drag me to the best - and most expensive - restaurant in town.

"Yugito, darling, I hate to break it to you but you're way too old for me. Did you not hear me earlier when I said I was barely a teenager? By that I meant thirteen." I glance at the fancy sign for the restaurant then return my gaze back to her. "Never pegged you as a cougar. Hell this is pushing craddle robbing territory."

"Stuff it." Yugito doesn't get riled up at my jab at her sexual preferences, either she's extremely confident and self assured or has been forewarned of my tendencies by someone else. "We're here to talk business then once that's done I'm going out to a bar, hence the outfit. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to find someone in Kumo? Even just a one night stand? Very difficult, no one wants to date a jinchuuriki because no one wants to piss me off. I'm taking your advice, as a fuck you to the Raikage I'm going to have as much fun as possible."

"Ah, so you're in heat then." I state in a matter of fact tone. "Interesting, I've only really sat down and talked with one other jinchuuriki. He only displayed one animalistic trait, whiskers if you're curious. I wonder if he has more or if you're a unique case?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." Yugito doesn't even twitch at my words, she merely shrugs them off and walks inside the restaurant.

"You're no fun." I pout as I follow her inside.

* * *

"How's life in Oto?" Yugito asks me over our meal. We went it, got seated instantly and ordered. Then we sat in relatively awkward silence until our food arrived. Well the silence was awkward for her, I was just waiting for her to speak while amusing myself by watching the other people in the restaurant.

"Depends who you ask. For some it's an easy life, no life in Oto is never easy. A good life, a certain type of individual can prosper in Oto. For others it is hell personified." I casually say as I cut up my steak with the efficiency only a shinobi can manage. "It's surprisingly easy and usually civilized for me. Perks of being the boss' 'child' I suppose. Though there always are a few idiots who want to do something to test me."

"And what happens to them?" Yugito asks as she's idly spinning the water in her glass. "Those who want to test you?"

"It varies." I shrug as I take a bite of my steak. "Totally not worth how much it costs. Good thing I'm not paying. Anyways, like I said it varies. The two extremes are a stern talking to or hours upon hours of torture as I do everything in my power to cause as much pain as possible while keeping you alive until Death takes pity on your soul and takes my plaything away. Then I jolt your heart with electricity to restart it so I can get another hour or two of fun. I wonder if the mashed potatoes are any better than the steak?"

"Uh… what?" Yugito uncertainly asks in great confusion.

"The potatoes." I point at the mashed white lump on my plate. "I wonder how good they are. I bet they'd be better with shredded cheese on top. OH! Melted shredded cheese!"

"Not the damn potatoes." Yugito let's a tinge of anger surface at my obliviousness. "You torture people?"

"Oh that? Why didn't you say so sooner? I've been known to use torture on various occasions. It's a very rare thing, I don't go around torturing people because I'm bored. I'm not a monster, thank you very much! People must earn punishment from me, one fitting their actions. Usually I go to great lengths to find something specific to each person and subject them to that form of punishment instead. For instance there's this one person at Oto who I've forced into a suit on multiple occasions because I know he hates it. Things like that."

"What did the person do, the one that you tortured for hours on end?" Yugito has forgotten about her meal, she's fully engrossed into our conversation.

I, however, have not.

"The potatoes also aren't worth how much they cost. How terribly disappointing." I eye my fizzy drink next, I just asked the waiter to bring me the best drink they have. "You better not be a letdown too. You're my last hope. To answer your question, that specific instance was actually a pair of collaborators. They destroyed something of mine that I valued greatly, something that took a great deal of effort and time to replace."

"What did they destroy?" She pries for more information.

"You will never know." I bluntly tell her as I sniff the drink. "Cherries? Is that cherries? No. Maybe? I have no idea. Anything else you want to know? I assume you have some form of a list from the Raikage?"

"Yes actually." Yugito magically pulls a sheet of paper out from underneath the table.

"Holy shit." I place my drink down to gawk at the long piece of paper. "I was kidding when I asked about a list, I didn't think you'd actually have one. Where the hell were you hiding that? You didn't come in with a handbag."

"You will never know." She throws my own words back at me. "Let's see, he's got quite the list of things he wants answered. Let's start with an easy one. Do you have the Jiongu?"

"Do you have an uncontrollable urge to play with yarn balls?" I ask her a question of my own.

"The hell?" Yugito looks up from the list with a heated look about her. I've made her mad, whoops. "I'm the one asking the questions, not you."

"Tell ya what, for every question you ask I'll answer after you answer one of my own." I smirk at her. Hey, if I'm going to be interrogated I'm going to have fun while it's happening. "If you lie in your answer, I'll lie in mine. Also, there are some things that I just won't answer. For those I will not bother asking you anything since I won't be answering. Do we have an accord?"

"Fine you brat." Yugito huffs out angrily. "No, I do not have an uncontrollable urge to play with yarn balls."

"Hm. That does make sense if Knits was sent as a teammate of yours, I could see her getting super pissed if her yarn magically disappeared." I take another bite of my steak. "The second bite isn't any better than the first. To answer yours, yes. I am in possession of the Jiongu."

"How did you get it?" She asks me without looking down at the list. She's asking this on her own.

"Do you ever talk with Matatabi or do you just ignore her?" I counter her question again.

"That… is a very personal question." She skirts around answering.

"True." I concede that point to her. "So is asking how I acquired the Jiongu. You asked me a personal question, it's only right that I get to do the same."

"Why do you want to know?" She tentatively asks me.

"I'll give you this one for free." I allow her a break mainly because I don't have another question for her yet. "The bijuu interest me, not in an 'I want to collect them and bend them to my will' kind of way. Honestly it's more of a curiosity than interest, I want to know what they're like. They're beings that transcend humans in so many ways. Power, strength, chakra, lifetimes. Imagine what they have seen, what they have lived through. I've always wanted to chat with one."

"You want to chat with the Nibi?" Yugito asks skeptically.

"Not Matatabi specifically, any and all of them if possible." She's lucky, that's the second question I've let slide for my own interests. "So Yugito, do you speak with Matatabi at all?"

"Rarely." Yugito admits awkwardly after learning of my interest in doing what only she and eight others have the chance to do. "Only in times of dire need, it was more frequent back when I was younger and had less skill utilizing the Nibi's chakra. I do ignore it sometimes, usually we keep to ourselves."

"Shame. I'm sure the bijuu are excellent conversationalists once you get them to open up. Just need to find some common ground." I scoop up a bite of mashed potatoes next. "I got the Jiongu from Orochimaru-sama, he forcibly gifted it to me."

"There's a story behind that." She doesn't ask, it's a statement. She's trying to get information without having to give any. Smart woman.

"Yes, there is." I civilly reply with a friendly smile. "Next question?"

"You could just tell me everything that is true in you bingo book page. That would save a lot of time." She runs a finger down multiple lines on the sheet of paper. "There's a lot of those here."

"I suppose I could." I push a chunk of steak around my plate in boredom. "But I won't. I will only reveal if I have one more skill to you, you can choose which one to ask about."

"Do you have access to the Storm Release?" She instantly asks without a moment of hesitation.

"Ah, good old bloodline theft. A classic. Figures you'd ask me about that one." I smile affectionately at nothing as I stare off into the distance dramatically. "Why do you refer to Matatabi as it and Nibi?"

"That is what it is." Yugito says to me. "A beast capable of speech is still a beast."

"How would you feel if someone always refered to you as woman despite knowing your name? Or kunoichi? Or jonin? Or Kumo shinobi? Or jinchuuriki? Never using your name, only using something that you are to refer to you. Not using who you are."

"I would make them use it." Yugito says with conviction. "They would have no choice but to use it."

"But what if you can't? The only option you have is to ask them to use it and they don't intentionally. I know it would make me livid. I have a name for a reason, that name means me. It defines me and it is solely mine alone. It is a symbol of myself, the entire being of me."

"I fail to see where you're going with this." She interjects.

"Not using someone's name intentionally is an insult." I explain to her as if I'm talking to a child. How ironic, the child is lecturing the adult. "Every time you say Nibi or it you insult Matatabi. You insult the bijuu who is imprisoned within you."

"That's different." She assures me. "The bijuu aren't people."

"Does that mean they don't have feelings? Are you truly that insensitive of a person?"

"You never answered my question." Yugito points out to avoid answering mine. That's okay, I've made my point known. I've planted the seed in her mind that Matatabi deserves respect and should be treated better. Now all I can do is wait and see if it takes root.

"No, I do not have the Storm Release. Kumo's bloodline is safe in Kumo." I assure her.

"Good. Next question then." She looks over the long list of prepared questions before deciding to pick one. "How did you earn the title Heart Thief?"

"What makes you continue to think of me as a child?" I counter with yet another question.

"I'm sorry?" Yugito asks in confusion. "I don't understand your question."

"It's simple." I drop my bored act to focus solely on her. "You've seen me masterfully order around my underlings while maintaining a sense of professionalism in front of a delegation from another country. You've seen me easily see through your attempted deception at my expense. You've seen me instantly adjust to an unexpected event when you demanded we go here. Even now you're watching me artfully manipulate you, I managed to get information on Matatabi from you in return for very little. Yet despite all of that you still consider me as a child. Why won't you take me seriously?"

"You're thirteen." She bluntly tells me. "I don't care how much training your daddy gives you. I don't care what tricks you've learned from him. I don't care that _his_ underlings fall in line for you. None of that matters in the face of experience. You're green, you're young, and you're nothing but a better than average child who is mislabeled in the bingo books because he pulled one big stunt out of his ass. Knowing all of that how could I possibly take you seriously?"

"I didn't think that you would be so short sighted. To answer your question, I earned my title by ripping out the heart of my parents killer after brutally destroying every other major organ he had in unique ways in a stadium full of onlookers." I curtly respond to her with too much politeness. She knows that I didn't take that well. "You would do well to never underestimate anyone, no matter how much you _think_ you know about them or how confident in your own skills you are. It will get you killed."

"Oh?" Yugito let's a hint of her anger bleed off of her in the form of her own killing intent, not enough to be detected by anyone who isn't a shinobi. At most they'll feel slightly on edge. But I am a shinobi, I know when a killing intent is put to use. Her's is hot like a raging inferno. "Was that a threat?"

"I will answer if you answer this." I lean slightly towards her and scoot my plate out of my way so I can place my arms on the table before me. I have my fingers laced together and my forearms flat on the table for extra dramatic effect. "How does it feel to know that I could have killed you anytime I wanted to since we sat down?"

A brown speck of a spider repels down from the ceiling and lands on Yugito. It quickly bites into her neck before Yugito can react but does not inject any of its deadly venom.

Yugito goes ramrod straight in her chair at the sudden pinch in her neck.

"That, dear jinchuuriki, is a very venomous spider." I politely explain to her as if we're good friends and I don't have her life in my hands. "A thousandth of a drop of its venom is lethal enough to kill twenty shinobi. Right now its fangs have pierced your skin - no doubt right over a major blood vessel - and it is waiting for my command to either let you go or release its venom. I had it waiting above you on the ceiling since the moment we entered this establishment. You wearing a little black dress only made the job easier to accomplish, your normal attire has a turtleneck. Thank you for the assistance."

"You want to know how it feels to know that your life is in the hands of another. It feels like this." Yugito lifts her hand up and fingernails glow blue with chakra and shoot outwards towards my neck. The claws spear through my scarf, poking holes into it, but rest firmly against my skin. It's a warning that she is capable of killing me too if she should choose to. "Call it off."

"To answer your question, yes." I lean forwards more, causing her razor sharp claws to stab into my throat. Her eyes go wide in shock as I keep pressing forward until they can be seen exiting the back of my neck. I ran myself through on her claws. "That was a threat. You need an awakening, a reminder that being a jinchuuriki does not make you invincible. Everyone over in Kumo doesn't want to remind one of their major powerhouses that she's capable of losing, capable of being defeated. I, however, simply don't give a fuck about how you think of me."

"How are you alive?" She asks me in equal parts awe and shock. The fear hasn't set in yet. It will, give it time.

"This is a mission where I am supposed to earn the trust of Kumo. You are not Kumo, you're simply a part of a much larger umbrella." I continue speaking without answering her question or leaning backwards to remove the claws in my throat. "Orochimaru expected me to play nice with you, earn your favor by giving gifts and being the model child. I am not a model child, I constantly do things no one ever expects. I cause chaos and panic wherever I go. Trouble follows me like it's my best friend. So when Orochimaru told me to earn the trust of Kumo I decided I'd do it my way. I'd give one of Kumo's jinchuuriki a very rude but much needed awakening because no one in Kumo had the balls to do it themselves. I'm doing your whole country a favor."

"You are a very interesting person." Yugito says as she withdraws her claws from my throat. "Call off your spider, you've made your point."

"Good." I slowly lift an arm up and stick a single finger out and place it on her neck next to the spider. The brown speck climbs onto my finger and I lean back into my chair and idly watch as the spider runs around on my hand and fingers like a kid playing on a jungle gym. It even repels down a strand of web and uses it as a swing.

"Alvarcus Mar, I recognize you as more than a child." Yugito declares to me without a hint of a lie in her eyes. "You are skilled. You are intelligent. You are deadly. You are a planner. You are a shinobi."

"Glad we're finally on the same page." I snort out in dark amusement. "Should have opened with threatening you if I knew it would go so well."

"Since I recognize you as a fellow shinobi I have no problem asking you this. I do not ask you this as a Kumo shinobi to an Oto shinobi. I do not ask you this as a more experienced nin to a lesser. I simply ask you this as one shinobi to another." She dramatically leans forward with a vindictive smile on her face. One that promises suffering. "Will you spar with me?"

* * *

Present, Orochimaru's Office

"Alvarcus please say you didn't." Orochimaru is almost begging me. Almost, it would be unbecoming of someone of his stature to actually beg but you get the picture.

"You know me. Do you honestly think I turned down a spar from a jinchuuriki?" I casually ask him as I stand up because my butt is getting sore. I had to peel myself off the chair, the blood has glued me to it. "You have to get a better chair. This one is so uncomfortable."

"That is irrelevant!" Orochimaru seethes in anger once he accepts that I fought the person he expected me to attempt to befriend. "Alvarcus you baited a jinchuuriki! One of the few who has near full command over their bijuu! Do you understand the full ramifications of your actions? You turned Kumo against us! Purposefully!"

"Really?" I smirk at him. "When did I say that?"

"You mean to tell me that even after threatening her life she didn't react… poorly?" Orochimaru chooses his last word carefully. He didn't want to outright say she attempted to kill me.

"Oh she reacted very poorly." I darkly assure him as I recall our fight. "It was a beatdown for the ages, don't think anything else. But it also earned her respect, she recognized me as a fellow shinobi. Dare I say it, maybe even an equal."

"You fought a jinchuuriki." He states, forcing himself to act calmly.

"Yes. I did." I easily confirm it.

"Did she claim any of your hearts?" He asks me in an attempt to rationalize how I lost them. It would make sense to lose them to a foe of Yugito's skill.

"How about I tell you how it all went down?" I plop back down in the chair once more.

"I never thought I would ask you this." Orochimaru rubs his brow in a vain attempt to relieve stress. "Alvarcus, how did your battle with the jinchuuriki go? Did you win? Did you lose? Is the town still left standing?"

"Ah ah ah!" I wag my finger at him. "You'll have to wait and see, I'm not going to spoil anything."

"I do not like waiting." Orochimaru warns me with a touch of a threat in his voice. "You are far too relaxed for what is happening."

"That's because I know how the story goes. So, a tale for the ages. Alvarcus versus Yugito, Jiongu versus jinchuuriki. Who will win? Me with my seals, summons and unorthodox techniques? Perhaps Yugito with her bijuu specific powers, experience and overwhelming strength?"

"Alvarcus. Do not make me wait any longer or you will regret the consequences."

"Fine, fine!" I pout as he ruins my fun. Honestly I'm surprised it took him that long to put a stop to it. "I'll tell you how it went down."


	66. Chapter 66

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru pins me in an intense stare. He's tired of waiting to find out what happens next. "I have waited long enough. Tell me what happened or you will regret the consequences. An increase in training will be the least of your worries."

"Alright jeez!" I awkwardly try to adjust in my chair but my bloodsoaked coat is completely stuck to the back of my seat. This coat, this whole outfit, is trashed. "Like you weren't going to step up my training regardless of whether or not I fought a jonin."

"Yugito Nii is far more than just a jonin." Orochimaru begins to lecture me. I think it's a form of a defense mechanism, a way to push the sheer audacity of my actions aside for however brief a period of time. "One of the strongest shinobi in Kumo, trailing behind the Raikage and Bee. She is a force of destruction, one who has completed many impossible missions with flying colors. On top of all that she's a near perfect jinchuuriki and _you baited her so she would spar you!_ "

"That's not even remotely true!" I scoff out like it's insane.

" _Alvarcus._ " Orochimaru angrily growls at me.

"Okay, maybe a little true?" I helplessly shrug in a what can you do about it manner. It only made him more mad. "Right! So storytime before you get more mad at me! I promise it ended well! Or… sorta well? Well-ish? You could call it well if you squint from a distance in the middle of a sandstorm while it's a moonless night."

"And we're not even to the part where the Sound Three died." Orochimaru sighs in resignation. "When will you be addressing that? And why they're all over you while you're at it."

"I mean, I could just skip to that part if you want." I offer him. "Totally glossing over me vs Yugito, but hey if you really want me to I can."

"Just…" Orochimaru has dropped his head into his hands, they're covering his face like he thinks that not seeing me will make things better. I think I gave him a stress induced ulcer. "Tell me what happened with the jinchuuriki."

* * *

Flashback, the Day After the Dinner Date

"How are we going to do this?" I boredly ask Yugito as we stand a few meters away from each other. I'm idly kicking around a stone while she's studying me, learning how I move. She's preparing as much as possible before our spar.

We mutually agreed to wait until now to have our spar for a couple of reason. Neither of us felt like fighting in our fancy clothes. Neither of us felt like doing anything strenuous on the first night. Okay so mainly Yugito really wanted to go out to a bar or seven, that was totally the biggest reason we waited.

But our waiting had an unexpected side effect. In hindsight it really shouldn't be that unexpected, but what can you do? The Sound Three and the rest of the Kumo shinobi are here to watch. We've got ourselves a crowd of adoring fans.

"Up to you." She graciously allows me to set the terms for our spar as a cocky smirk plays on her face. "Just be prepared to hit the ground. _Hard_."

I'm going to wipe that smirk off her face. Preferably with liberal amounts of fire and just a dash of insanity.

"Alright then, since you're so generous I will gladly set the rules." I send my own smirk at her as I start to unnecessarily stretch my legs out. "Obviously lethal force is forbidden, neither of our bosses would be happy if we killed each other. This is a spar between you and me, that means neither of us will attack anyone else. That also means that no one will jump in and interfere, should your posse or mine break that rule then the other person is the victor."

"Simple enough." Yugito sharply nods once to symbolize her consent so far. "Anything else?"

"Yes." This is where I'm going to make it interesting. "Other than the previously stated rules absolutely nothing is off limits."

"Oh? Are you sure you want to make that rule?" Yugito taunts me, trying to get me to admit that I'm scared of the bijuu she has or just of her own prowess. "You're giving me permission to use my full strength against you? You do know that I can fully transform into the Nibi right?"

"Into Matatabi." I correct her. "And yes, I am well aware of that fact. I want to see how I measure up against an almost perfect jinchuuriki. Yet you're forgetting that I'm also letting you know that I will be using everything at my disposal. It may sound like bragging, but it's quite the arsenal."

"Duly noted." Yugito smoothly slides into an advanced taijutsu stance, or at least one suited to her specific abilities. She looks almost catlike with her fingers curled like claws and the way she's lowered to the ground as if she's ready to pounce on her prey. "Shall we begin?"

"This is not going to end well." Sakon groans out in resignation. "How are we supposed to tell Orochimaru-sama that we let his child fight a jinchuuriki?"

"Well… shit. I didn't think about that." Kidomaru admits as his eyes dart from fighter to fighter.

"You're not alone in that boat." Haruku grimly cuts in. "We have to tell the Raikage that we let this happen too. She's supposed to ask him questions not kick his ass."

"You won't have to worry about that." Jirobo tries to comfort the bigger man. "Alvarcus is definitely not weak. I wouldn't be surprised if he won."

"We'll just have to wait and watch." Knits ironically says because she hasn't bothered to look at either of the two fighters for more than two seconds.

"Okay jinchuuriki." I taunt Yugito as I refrain from taking up my own combat stance. "Whenever you're ready."

"This will be over in moments." Yugito promises as she moves so quickly that to an untrained eye she'd be little more than a blur.

But my eyes are far superior to most.

She attempted to slash at my leg to limit my mobility. She didn't make it that far. The instant she was within my range I lashed out with my left arm and wrapped my fingers around her neck. With practiced ease I lift her up just enough so that her feet don't touch the ground then I slam her down to the earth below with a staggering amount of force, enough to form cracks around her.

"I told you before." I say as I release her and jump away from her before she can retaliate. "You would be wise to never underestimate an opponent, no matter how young they are or how confident in your own skills you are. Do not hold back against me or you _will_ lose _._ "

"You're faster than I expected." Yugito admits as she casually rises up from the ground. She's not harmed at all from my slam, she's barely even dirty. "Stronger too."

"Will you quit limiting yourself or do I need to push you further?" I bluntly ask her. "Come at me with your real skill, show me why the Raikage picked you to come meet me. Come jinchuuriki, display the power of Kumo!"

"You want to see just how good I am? Then I'll show you." She calmly says from behind me. I didn't see her move at all, one moment she was before me the next moment she tried to stab a kunai into my thigh. I blocked it with one of my own, just barely. I didn't expect her speed to be so extreme. I'll have to adjust my own to match.

We don't stop there, we quickly exchange a furious set of blows. I swipe at her eyes, she nimbly bends out of the way and lands a light cut on my left hip. She darts in to try and run my leg through and I swat her kunai away while grazing her shoulder in return. Trade after trade we dance around each other, neither landing anything more than a superficial wound. Cuts and scrapes are meaningless in a battle of shinobi, we are trained to ignore such petty wounds.

Finally, after a solid five minutes of our furious dance, we break apart. She has a dozen or so new tears in her clothes and less actual wounds that managed to break skin. I have significantly more than her, almost double.

"How unfortunate." She cockily smiles at me while twirling her conspicuously blood free kunai around. "Though I must commend you, I thought this would be over in a flash. You're holding your own surprisingly well."

"I agree, you haven't even touched Matatabi's chakra yet you can trade blows with me. That is not something to dismiss, I wasn't holding back my strength as much as I usually do." I idly flip the kunai in the air, letting it complete three full revolutions that send the small amount of her blood on it flying before catching the handle once more.

"You're holding back on me?" She narrows her eyes at my implied insult to her. After all, why would a thirteen year old hold back against a jonin? Not to mention a jonin jinchuuriki of all people.

"Like you weren't doing the same." I accuse her. "I watched your movements. You had sudden bursts of speed to block me whenever I managed to exploit an opening. Then once the blow was intercepted you reigned in how fast you move. You're still holding back."

"Forgive me for not wanting to outright slaughter a kid." Yugito admits without shame. "You may say you can take it but I have to make sure first. So far you've proven you can at least survive a little bit against me. That being said any of those nicks and scratches I landed on you could have been much more severe."

"Hmm?" I look down at my clothes, sure enough they're spotted with cuts and tears. "I liked this outfit. You've ruined it. At least I got you back."

"I tagged you more." She points out while pointing at my aforementioned ruined attire. "A lot more."

"True." I hold my kunai out so she can see it and the few drops of blood that remain clinging to the blade. "But I drew first blood."

"No you did- oh." She looks at her own kunai. It's shiny and clean. "How curious. I felt it graze flesh. How did you manage that?"

"Trade secret." I condescendingly tell her. "Perhaps you'll find out if we continue. Who knows, maybe you'll finally push me to do something interesting."

"Interesting eh?" Yugito's hand swiftly darts into her hip pouch and flings a kunai at my head. "How's this for interesting!"

I casually tilt my head out of the way of the projectile and see something unexpected. Trailing on a piece of string behind the kunai is a tag. Suddenly the tag sparks and throws off a blinding white light. She flashbanged me from less than an arm's length away.

"Bitch!" I stagger backwards under the sudden influx of light and bring my arms up to protect myself from her follow up attack. She doesn't disappoint, not even a fraction of a second later she's standing off to my right with a kunai ready. She plans on firmly laying it against my throat to force me to submit.

But that's not what happens. As her hand darts forward mine springs up and grasps her wrist, stopping the blade centimeters from my neck.

" _What?_ " Yugito snarls out in rage. "I saw it. You got a faceful of that tag, even your sunglasses wouldn't protect you from that much light."

"You're right." I calmly tell her as I kick her in the gut, sending her flying away from me. "You caught me off guard, I didn't expect that little trick. But my eyes adjust quicker than most, I was only blinded for a mere instant. Nowhere near enough time for you to do anything significant. My staggering was only so you would come in close and I could tag you myself."

"What!" Yugito's eyes dart down to her stomach, the spot where I kicked her in search of the tag. "Where is it- OOF!"

My heel slams into the back of her neck, forcing her to smack face first into the unforgiving ground. I quickly follow up with two more near crippling blows, one swift punch to the side of her left knee in an attempt to dislocate it and a stomp to her right elbow because that is the arm she's favored for her kunai.

"I lied about the tag." I whisper down to her as I rear back my leg to punt her across the clearing. "Misdirection is one hell of a tool."

My foot sails towards her torso.

It doesn't connect. She rolled out of the way and in a admirable display of flexibility and contorting managed to make it back to her feet.

"Dick." She says as she slowly tests both of the joints that I assaulted. Her leg seems to be fine but her arm is moving slightly slower now. Good, that means I did some damage.

"You're not wrong." I don't allow her insult to get to me, I've been called much worse. "So have I proven myself yet? Will you finally fight me for real?"

"You're just full of surprises." She calmly quips to me. "Fine. No more holding back."

"Good." Finally. Now it's a fight. "About damn ti- oh no. I've been impaled."

"Perhaps you weren't ready for me to truly fight?" Yugito taunts me from my side. The woman is fast, I'll give her that. She also knows how to use it and has a strong sense of revenge too because her glowing blue claws are buried in my knee. She twists her hand causing the claws to shred my knee further. "How's that feel? Painful? I commend you for not crying out for daddy."

"Hahaha! About fucking time!" I laugh right in her face, her expression swapped from vindictive joy to utter surprise. This isn't how she expected me to react. At all. "This is what I wanted! Someone to play with! Someone who isn't afraid to hurt me! Someone who can stand on equal ground with me and dish out just as much as I do! Yes! Let's play jinchuuriki!"

I raise my knee up, ripping her claws out of it in the process, and plant it in her gut. She doubles over as the air rushes out of her lungs. I don't stop there, I plant an elbow in the back of her head that forces her down to a knee.

"Come now!" I land three consecutive punches to the back of her skull that force her closer and closer to the ground. "Where is all that spunk you just had! Where is your confidence now! Where is your strength! You disappoint me! For a mighty jinchuuriki to be manhandled by a lowly Oto shinobi! Disgraceful!"

"Alright fucker. Let's play." A cloak of blue flames bursts to life around Yugito so violently and with so much force that I'm thrown across the clearing and _through_ a tree.

"That's more like it." I say as I roll away from the falling tree to prevent myself being crushed by it. "Are you finally using Matatabi's chakra?"

"No." Yugito says as she stalks towards me while the blue fire continues to rage around her. It's swirling like a tempest of wind would, spinning around her in elegant yet chaotic patterns. The very ground beneath her is charring black from the mere presence of the blistering flames yet Yugito herself remains unscathed. "This is simply an ability of the Nibi's jinchuuriki. The chakra you see is my own."

"Before this battle is over I will make you use Matatabi's chakra. I promise you that."

* * *

Present, Orochimaru's Office

"Alvarcus are you mad!" Orochimaru shouts at me. "Why do you insist on pushing her so far! Why must you challenge her! WHY!?"

"Dunno really." I shrug and that only pisses him off more. "It's one of my character flaws, I always end up pissing off people stronger than I am."

"It is a miracle you're still alive."

"About that…" I awkwardly trail off.

"It gets worse, doesn't it?"

"Much worse."

* * *

Flashback, The Battle

"I will make you regret speaking those words." Yugito promises as we face off against each other once more.

"And I'm going to make you regret using a flame cloak." I fly through handsigns before she has a chance to react and my cheeks swell. "Wind Release: Pressure Damage!"

The furious gale of wind tears through the air and slams into Yugito. She's not lifted off her feet like the usual opponent is when I use this jutsu against them, I reigned myself in. The point of this isn't to knock her down, it's to feed the fire.

And the fire greedily gobbles up the wind, roaring to an all new blistering heat and roasting Yugito inside of it.

But Yugito doesn't panic, instead she throws the fire off of herself and onto a nearby tree which is quickly consumed in the vicious blue flames. Despite her impressive reaction time and quick response she didn't escape unscathed, she's smoking.

"You're hot." I monotonously point out.

"You're too young for me." She blandly replies without flinching. "Go find someone your own age, didn't you cover that already?"

"No, you're smoking hot." I literally point to her this time.

"Again, too young for me." She idly adjust a stray strand of hair while we talk. "Though I appreciate the compliment."

"I… fuck it." I give up. I'm not going to bother explain it. "Let's play some more."

It's my turn to lunge at her with my fist reared back ready to pummel her face in. As my fist sails towards her face she twists her upper half to let it pass with barely a hair's breadth of wiggle room. She capitalizes on being inside my guard and eagerly buries her elbow into my solar plexus. She doesn't stop there, her claws form once more and she slashes them across both of my thighs digging deep into my flesh. She's trying to stop me from being able to move.

I'm not hindered by her attack, not even a little bit.

I respond to her blow with one of my own, I violently slam my head into hers dazing her for a brief instant. It's just long enough for me to reach into my hip pouch and pull out a scroll. I quickly unfurl the meter long piece of paper and wrap it once around her neck. Then I leap away from her to watch the show.

She's quick to try and remove the crude collar I gave her but she's not fast enough. She couldn't stop the seal from activating and it is a _masterpiece_.

Gluttonous amounts of fire billow forth from the seal completely covering everything in a five meter radius from its origin point. Which is Yugito's neck.

"Haha! It's not as fun when someone else lights you on fire is it!" I laugh crazily as the fire continues to rage around her. "Totally knew that would be awesome. Aw crap it turned blue."

The now blue fireball, also known as Yugito, sprints at me and starts shredding me with her claws. She's slashing them over and over again, aiming at anything and everything. But despite her crazy attack my arms always intercept her claws, limiting the damage to just my arms instead of my… well my everything.

But it's not just the claws that are hurting me, even if the actual damage is negligible to me. Her cloak of fire is slowly but surely burning my flesh, starting with my fingers. They're getting hotter and hotter, pretty soon they'll turn to mush.

"You better toss in the towel soon." Yugito says as she continues her relentless assault. She spears her hand forward once more, aiming for my shoulder. Unlike each blow before this one connects, it's such a forceful hit that the claws stab all the way through me. "I'm amazed that you can move your arms at all, let alone stand the heat of my fire. That last hit is just icing on the cake."

"HAHAHA!" I cackle like a madman as my left hand darts out and wraps around her neck once more. Her eyes widen in shock and fear as my right arm raises up to ready a punch. "I haven't had this much fun in ages!"

 **SLAM**

Yugito goes flying away from me, bounces twice across the ground before tumbling to a no longer on fire heap.

"No one over in Oto fights me like you are now! Even if they've seen me take a ridiculous beating they still don't attack me like you do! You don't have any issues using crippling attacks against me! I'm having so much fun, why would I want to stop now!"

"You're insane." Yugito spits out an insult at me as she pushes herself back to her feet.

"No, you're the insane one. I just love the thrill of battle and truly enjoy freaking people the fuck out." I take this moment to experimentally roll my right shoulder - the one she stabbed - around for shit, kicks and giggles. "I don't know if you've noticed or not but I'm beating you."

"I have noticed." Now that is unexpected, perhaps her judgement isn't as clouded as I thought. "Overall you've taken more damage than me but you haven't slowed down at all. You've done the opposite, you've sped up and hit harder. But me? Your attacks are starting to take their toll. I'm weakening. At the start of this fight you'd have no hope of grasping my neck like that."

"Aww is that a surrender I hear?" I arrogantly speak down to her to rile her up. I don't want to stop this yet, I'm having too much fun. I never thought I could hold my own against her like this.

"No, it is an acknowledgement of your prowess. I recognize that I will not be able to beat you like this." A red haze forms around her, encompassing her entire body. It bubbles like a viscous liquid and clings to her frame despite the laws of physics. Most worrisome of all is the single red bubbling tail that is twitching around behind her. "But I am far from beaten."

"That's the spirit! I've been saving this move for a while!" I whip out another scroll and unseal its contents. A mound of kunai clatter to the floor at my feet. "Let's see just how good that chakra coat really is!"

I extend out five chakra strings from my fingertips and let them connect to five unique kunai. Said kunai rise up into the air as if by my sheer will alone, but then something different happens. I make five elemental changes, one per string and kunai. Each respective element quickly wraps around the kunai adding on an extra layer of deadliness.

"Let's see what lightning does!" I let it fly and it is little more than a straight blue line aimed right at Yugito's chest.

She moves out of their way, no, moves doesn't do it justice. Every step she takes sends dirt flying to the air. Every swing of her arms cause the very air to burn. Her very presence causes destruction wherever she is.

The kunai sails past her by a wide margin and hits a tree. Then goes through it. And the next one. And the one after that. And a boulder. And keeps going.

"Damn kid. You should have opened with that." Yugito praises me as we both stare at the inconspicuous hole in multiple trees and rocks.

"Meh, this isn't really my style but I wanted to try it out." I wiggle my fingers and the kunai respond, they're tracking Yugito who has started to move around the clearing to make hitting her harder. "Let's see what water does!"

The water kunai speeds off towards Yugito at a much slower speed. She doesn't bother stepping to dodge, she just tilts her head out of the way. But on its way past the water that covers the kunai reaches a razor sharp tendril out to her, it would have ripped into her shoulder but her chakra cloak stopped it from causing damage.

"Alright, I'm not really a water guy but that was fucking cool." The kunai used the water to branch out and make another blade. That's water's greatest strength, the sheer versatility of a fluid.

"Hm. I suppose I'll have to actually try to avoid them." Yugito spares her shoulder a glance. "Or not, it didn't even do anything."

"Then eat this one!" The earth kunai goes soaring at her next but unlike her boasting moments before she makes sure to give this one a wide berth. Good thing too because once the kunai hits a tree it splintered it. Seriously it looks like someone stuck an explosive tag inside the tree and set it off, a chunk of the trunk is just gone. "Ooooh! I like that one!"

"You have issues." Yugito dryly informs me.

"Sweetheart you have no idea. I haven't even used my favorite element yet." The next kunai, wind, isn't thrown like the other so far. Instead of throwing it like normal - like a spear - I threw it like a shuriken. It spins horizontally at a ridiculous speed and rips through the air towards Yugito.

She drops to the floor and lets it sail harmlessly over her head before standing back up to watch the aftermath. It doesn't disappoint, the spinning kunai cleanly cuts through four trees before finally running out of steam and falling to the ground.

"Good God kid how much chakra are you putting into those things?! And how can you use so many elements!? What the hell kind of a shinobi are you!" Yugito rounds on me with a weird emotion in her eyes. Is that worry I see? Or fear? Or excitement? I can't tell. Oh wait, it's not an emotion. Her eyes are red, that's why they're weird.

"More chakra than most chunin have. The Jiongu is amazing. A damn good one." I easily answer her questions in order as the final kunai lights up in flames. "Shall we see what the last one does? It's the one I'm most excited for!"

The final kunai glows red hot before I let it go. It takes off towards Yugito and she expertly moves way the hell out of the way. Good call too, because it did something neither of us expected. It melted, the molten metal split apart into tiny globs of liquid steel that splattered across a large area. A searing hot flame bursts to life everywhere one of the drops touches, the heat is just that extreme.

"I _really_ like that one." I sensually let a throaty growl out while observing the aftermath. A new batch of kunai lift into the air and point at Yugito. "Now then! Dance jinchuuriki! DANCE!"

Countless kunai sail after the red blur that's sprinting around the clearing. She outpaces all but a few of my best and luckiest throws, but even those don't hit her. She used her tail to swat them out of the sky before they could connect.

"That's right! Run!" I call after the red blur. "I could use some target practice!"

On and on this goes as I deplete my stock of kunai. She's patiently waiting for me to run out as I continue to laugh my ass off. And sure enough I do run out, and sure enough she tries to take advantage of that moment.

"You've thrown your last kunai." She says as the red blur abruptly alters course and makes a straight line to me. I don't bother attempting to dodge or block as her hand wraps around my throat, nor do I bother crying out as the acidic chakra starts to eat through my scarf and into my skin. "You should have kept better track on how many you had left."

"That's just it though." I clamp both my hands around the arm that she's using to hold my neck, not in an attempt to free myself but to hold her in place. "My kunai come back."

All the kunai that I threw earlier raise up into the air once more with their deadly points aimed at us both. All the kunai I can reach at least, all of the lightning ones are long gone and some of the winds have sailed past my reach too. Not to mention the now liquid fire ones, so yeah.

"You're going to hit yourself." Yugito calmly points out as her chakra continues to eat away at me. "I'm surprised you can stand the feeling of the cloak, very few people can tolerate it without flinching. Are you suicidal?"

"Let's find out!" With a crazy grin I let the kunai fly. They all sail towards us but neither of us flinch. We're waiting for the other to act first.

At the last possible moment we both make our move. I stomp a foot to the ground and three walls of earth spring up around me, with their addition I'm completely protected. Yugito's body covers my front and the walls the rest.

Yugito merely snorts in mild amusement and coils her chakra tail around herself to take the hit for her.

"Impressive, but not good enough." Her hand clamps down harder on my throat. "Surrender, I have you dead to rights. You're not going to be able to escape my grip."

"That's what you think." I release my grip on her arm and point my index finger at my neck. "Jokes on you, I don't actually need this."

"Need what - HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Yugito shouts as I form a wind whip around my own neck and sever it. My head topples off my shoulders and she reflexively release what she thinks is a dead body. But my head doesn't reach the ground, I caught it before it could fall that far.

With practiced ease I lift my severed head back up and hold it a good ten centimeters away from my neck. Countless black threads eagerly dart out of each part of the wound I gave myself and grasp onto each other. The threads coil and with a sharp and sudden yank my head is pulled back where it belongs.

" _What the fuck was that!_ " Yugito shouts at me in fear, revulsion and terror.

"A really stupid way for me to ruin a scarf." I roll my head around for added effect and to creep her out more. "You'd think I would be more considerate to them because of the scar and all, but I have like thirty stuffed into a scroll somewhere. Shit did I bring that scroll? No idea. Oh sorry I'm off topic! Shall we contin- what the fuck lady!"

"Like you said earlier, misdirection is one hell of a tool." Yugito chuckles to herself at my new situation. "Hope you didn't need this?"

She's holding my left arm. She ripped it off. While she was 'freaking out' she had her tail stab into the ground and move beneath me. It burst forth with a vengeance and took my arm off my shoulder and tossed it to her.

"Oi! I want that back eventually don't destroy it!" I call out to her as she's swinging it around in mock boredom. I wish I had a heart in it, that would be so nice. Then it could smack her around from over there!

"Hey. Noise boys. Hold that." She throws my arm to the Sound Three.

"Noise boys?" Kidomaru asks in confusion as he catches my limb. "Did she mean us?"

"Well she did throw it at us, so probably?" Jirobo shrugs. "Not like we haven't been called worse."

"Where the hell was that mentality when the Kumo shinobi brought up Orochimaru?!" I shout at them. "Would have made my life so much easier but no! No one thinks about me!"

"Don't worry, I'm thinking about you." Yugito promises me as I topple to the ground.

"Dammit woman I need that! Give my leg back!" I awkwardly flail on the ground. "Have you ever tried to move with only half of your limbs? It's fucking impossible."

"This is hands down the weirdest conversation I've ever had." Yugito shakes her head as she mutters to herself. "No. I won't give it back."

"Fine!" I point at my leg and in my best regal voice I call out, "Leg! I demand that you kick her in the face! Do your master's bidding and I will greatly reward you with a wonderful hot springs bath and a slightly unethical amount of lotions and other skincare products!"

The clearing goes silent at my outlandish statement. The Kumo shinobi are looking at me as if I'm crazy, the Sound Three are just really confused and Yugito I can't read. Pity, I wanted to see her reaction to that.

"Wow you really are insane, aren't y-"

 **SMACK**

My foot meets Yugito's face and she drops it more in shock than because of the blow.

"HAHAHAHAHA! OH YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!" I'm smacking the ground because I'm laughing so hard. "Oh man that was priceless! Hate to break it to you, dear jinchuuriki, but shit like that only works once on me."

Yugito glares at the offending limb which is flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water.

"Fire Release." She says while continuing to glare at the limb.

"Shit Yugito no! Don't do it!" Fuck fuck fuck! This is bad! Really bad!

Luckily for me, well everyone really, she punts my leg in the air before releasing her jutsu. "Pillar of Flame!"

A blue tower of fire surges upwards and envelopes my leg completely, turning it to ashes in an instant. But that's not where it ends, out of nowhere a black sphere expands out of where my leg used to be. It grows to be five meters wide in an instant and overtakes the top half of a nearby tree. It stays at that size for a fleeting second, the sphere of blackness, before collapsing on itself. The top half of the tree is completely gone. The only thing left is a human heart that wetly splatters onto the ground below.

* * *

Present

"Ah, so she did claim a heart." Orochimaru sagely says with a nod of his head. "It does make sense, she's quite the kunoichi."

"OI!" I berate him. "I'm in the middle of a good part you can't just jump in like that! Totally kills the vibe."

"Then by all means please continue."

* * *

"The fuck is wrong with you?!" I shout at her. "You turned my leg to ashes!"

"What's wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you!" Yugito aggressively turns to face me. "You're lying on the ground and you're taunting me?! ME?! The one who took off those limbs! Not to mention whatever the hell that black sphere was! Was that a fucking _heart?!_ You shouldn't be able to do anything! How did you do all that?"

"Fuck you that's how." I growl out in anger. She destroyed my earth heart along with my leg. "I'm not going to let this slide."

"Please, you're beaten." She condescendingly says from a good distance away from me. "You don't have an arm. You don't have a leg. You can't walk. You can't use jutsu. I've won."

"Yet you're still way over there." I sassily say to her as a thick fog starts to waft out from under my coat - courtesy of the water mask stitched onto my back - and it quickly shields me from view and rapidly expands to encompass the whole clearing. It stops just shy of the onlookers who are getting more nervous as the battle escalates. "There's something you should know about me, I never stay down."

"Stupid boy." Yugito leaps high into the air. At the peak of her jump she extends out a single leg and starts her fall back down to the earth. With a mighty axe kick that cracks the ground beneath her foot she slams into the spot where I used to be. She expected to hit flesh but only hit earth. "What? Where did he go? Can't have gone far, he can't walk."

A single arm pokes out of the smoke and grabs the limb that Kidomaru is holding.

"I need that." I say as I take my limb back from him and countless black threads reattach it to my shoulder. "Thanks for holding onto it for me."

"Uh… you're welcome?" Kidomaru says uncomfortably. "How'd you get over here anyways?"

"I walked." I bluntly tell him before vanishing further into the thick fog once more.

Not a moment too soon either, Yugito heard where I was and launched three glowing blue fireballs at me. They missed me by a very wide margin but the spectators aren't that lucky, the attacks are heading straight for them.

"Tch." The sound of displeasure escapes my lips as I pull out three very specific and unique kunai from my pouch. I've etched a fire seal into each one in preparation for this battle, I wanted to save them for later but letting Yugito torch everyone on accident is _slightly_ more important that shocking the shit out of her later.

The three kunai fly true and intercept the fireballs. The blue orbs are quickly sucked into the kunai then something unexpected happens. After traveling a measly meter with their contents all three kunai exploded and released the fire they sucked up once more. Thankfully though it just exploded and didn't keep moving forward towards the spectators.

"Dammit woman there are people over there!" I shout at her and immediately relocate to a new spot in the manmade cover.

"How the hell can you move so quickly?" She asks the fog while straining her senses to the extreme, praying for me to make a mistake and give myself away.

A single kunai is the only response she gets. This isn't even one that's special, it's just a plain kunai. But the explosive tag wrapped around its handle is a whole other story.

She swats it out of the air with her tail but once it touches the kunai it explodes, forcing her to stagger back two steps.

"Well now, consider me impressed." I call out from above her. "To only be pushed back a few steps? I once stuck an equivalent of that to a man's back and he turned into a chunky paste. Well done."

"There you are!" She looks skyward at me and sees something worrisome. I'm suspended in the air, a good ten meters above her, with both legs. One leg is tightly bound in bandages while the other never left me. That's not the most pressing issue for Yugito, the reappearance of my leg is a minor curiosity to what I'm holding in my hands. It's an already unfurled scroll, one that is ridiculously complex, just begging to be activated. "Uh oh."

"Uh oh is right." I cheekily smirk at her as I spark chakra against the seal. "ACTIVATE!"

 **BOOM**

"Fucking dammit!" The force of the explosion in the air rockets me to the ground, making a crater with the impact. "That's not supposed to happen!"

"You… okay?" Yugito awkwardly asks into the deep fog, she can't see me but she can certainly hear the stream of curses spewing out of my mouth.

"Fuck no! How the flying shit would I possibly be okay you moron!" I shout back to the faintly glowing red section of the fog. I can't see either, but Sureddo can sense her. He's guiding me on how to move around her. "That wasn't an explosive tag! It was going to be so cool too!"

"And… what exactly was that supposed to do?" Yugito prods me for information. "Since it wasn't supposed to blow up in your face. Literally."

"Nothing major." I dust myself off as I fly through the handsigns for the Summoning Jutsu.

Seven rat terrier sized spiders poof into existence in a perfect circle around me. They are a range of colors, from a shiny black to a nice dull green. There's even one that has a fancy black and yellow striped top half and on the bottom it has a black and white striped pattern. They don't waste time greeting me, these seven know exactly what I want them to do and scurry off to complete their tasks. Now I have to stall for a bit to give them enough time.

"That seal was supposed to indiscriminately suck up any and all bijuu chakra in a set range." I mockingly say to the only one here using bijuu chakra. "After that I could use said chakra to power a barrier ninjutsu, like say one that would box you in until I let you out. But… well it needs some tinkering still. Not quite sure where I went wrong."

"I suppose luck is on my side." Yugito gloats from her spot in the mist. I hope she's not planning anything nefarious. That could be painful. "You're bingo book page doesn't mention anything to do with seals, yet you feel skilled enough to make that?"

"This is my first battle where I'm actively using seals that aren't your generic explosive tags, I expected to run into some errors." I supply her with this information mainly to stall a little longer. Plus it won't hurt to have her become more wary of when I whip out a scroll or a tag. "I'm playing with a new toy, figuring out how to use it to get the most fun."

"I'll see to it that your page gets and update." Yugito promises. "At least the standard Kumo bingo book."

Well this is awkward. I lied about what that seal really was. That truly was an explosive tag, it was all the setup for me to summon those seven spiders and give them enough time to move away from me without Yugito trying to attack me. Wait a moment, she said what?

"I'm in the Kumo bingo book?" I ask for clarification. I can't have heard that right. Why the hell would she be ordered by the Raikage to meet with me if I'm in their bingo book?

"Yes." She says from a new spot, she's moved off to my left. She sounds like she's the same distance away though. "We're not actively seeking you, it's more incase someone bumps into you on a mission. That way they know what to expect, we have a whole slue of shinobi in that section. Although after meeting you the page doesn't do you justice. It needs some serious work."

"Thank you for the compliment!" I chipperly say to her, well the red glow. Kinda can't see far cuz of my fog.

"It wasn't." She bluntly says. "So… uh… you going to keep standing there or what?"

"I'm sorry?" I ask in confusion as a single spider comes into view, dips its whole body once then hands me a single strand of thread before it poofs away. It's set up. Good. "I was waiting for you to attack."

"I was waiting for you to recover from the tag."

"Lady." I monotonously say to her general direction. "You ripped off two of my limbs and I taunted you as I laid on the ground. Do you really think a measly explosion would phase me at all?"

"You told me not to underestimate you, so this is me not underestimating you." Ah, she is capable of learning lessons I want to teach her. Good, then perhaps my lesson about Matatabi will sink in. "Figured you had some trap rigged up around you and were simply waiting for me to trigger it."

She's not entirely wrong. Oh no! Does that mean I'm becoming predictable? Perhaps I should step up the insanity factor. No, that's a bad idea. I'm supposed to win her over not drive her crazy.

Maybe I can do both? Eh, better not risk it.

* * *

Present

"So you _can_ see reason." Orochimaru sighs in relief. "Good. I've become increasingly worried as of late. I hear the strangest stories about you, I have no idea if they're true."

"You mean like the Kitchen Fiasco?"

"Yes. It took the staff three hours to clean up the mess." Orochimaru intently looks at me. "We never found out who did it."

"I suppose you never will." I innocently, a little too innocently, reply to him. "Oops. Did I say you? I meant we. I suppose _we_ never will."

"Alvarcus did you -"

"BACK TO THE STORY!"

* * *

"If you're waiting for me to make a move then I'll make one." I fly through hand signs and four clones spawn into existence around me. Three of them are quick to scatter into the thick fog while the fourth runs over to engage Yugito.

"Really?" Yugito scoffs out as she dispatches the clone with a single swipe of her hand to the clone's throat. It barely lasted two seconds. "What did that accomplish?"

I don't respond, however one of my clones does for me.

"Well it was a water clone." Clone-me awkwardly offers up a flimsy excuse. "At the very least I can make a wet pussy joke now. That's something right?"

"Kid, you really need to get out more." Yugito blunty says a streak of red blurs towards the clone that spoke. Yugito easily kills this one too, it tried to block a blow and burst into water that sprays everywhere. "Another clone? Did I scare you off?"

"Please," yet another clone scoffs out in indignance, "I've been living with Orochimaru for over a year now. Do you really think that you scare me? I've faced things far more terrifying than a simple jinchuuriki."

"You will learn to fear me - quit it with the clones already!" Yugito shouts skyward as she's throwing a minor temper tantrum. This clone died because she kicked it so hard that her foot went through its chest.

"I dunno, it's pretty entertaining to watch you run around like an idiot." The final clone says from its spot in the fog. "Just wasting time, keeping your bijuu cloak activated. How's that feel now? Is it corroding your skin yet? I suppose you're only on one tail - given you only have access to two but whatever - but it can't feel pleasant."

Yugito becomes a red streak once more and stops just shy of the last clone.

"I swear if you're a clone I will burn your other leg." She means every word she's saying, there is no mistaking the conviction she has in her voice.

I will the final clone to burst into water, soaking the ground even further.

"Well this just got awkward." I say to her as I toy with the thread my spider handed me. "I'm rather attached to my leg, literally. I prefer it stays that way."

"That's it!" She roars as her chakra spikes. "No more of this hiding in the fog bullshit!"

What happens next took me a moment to fully understand. Her constant red glow switched to a purple. _Purple._ Not even a dark cool purple, it's the least cool you can possibly get purple. But what's really bad about that is I know how the color purple forms, by mixing red and blue. She's turned on her flame cloak while her bijuu cloak is still active.

"That's not good." I mutter to myself as my visibility increases. The flames roaring around Yugito are so intense that the moisture in the air that is making up the fog is evaporating. Thankfully the water on the ground is much more potent than the water in the air, it's evaporating at a much slower rate.

"There you are!" Yugito practically sags in relief at seeing just one of me, she really didn't like that I hid behind clones. "You finally going to fight me for real now or are you going to bitch out and make more useless clones?"

"Useless?" I rhetorically question her. "They were far from useless, you just couldn't see their purpose. Don't worry, I'll show you."

"Scary." She sarcastically snorts out with a roll of her red eyes and lets her flame cloak fade again. No need to waste chakra. "I'm quivering in my boots."

"You know, it's a really bad idea to give shinobi time to prepare." I condescendingly tell her as she glares at me. She hates the fact that a thirteen year old is lecturing her. "Because when you do that, things like this happen."

I raise up my left hand to show her the single thread I'm holding. Her eyes lock onto it and trace it skyward, to where it joins into a much larger structure. It's a web that covers the entire clearing being held up by the trees that line our battlefield.

"When did you have the time to do that?" She asks me while balking at the sheer size of the web. "Ah, the fog. It was to cover yourself while you built it. But it doesn't matter, all I have to do to avoid it is not jump. Simple, you wasted all that effort."

"Did I?" I sharply yank on the thread in my and and the entire web above us falls to the ground. I nimbly weave my way through a gap the spiders left for me but Yugito wasn't that lucky. She has a boatloads of strands draping across her.

"Is… that it?" She asks in confusion as she tests the strength of the web, easily breaking her right arm free. "Was this supposed to restrain me? They break like paper."

I don't bother answering her, instead I kneel down and place both my hands on the webbing that now covers the entire field. This is going to be good.

Those seven spider that I summoned aren't known for their strong webs. Nor are they know for their fighting prowess, nor are they skilled in making specialized things like the Weavers. What they possess is borderline insane chakra conductive silk.

"CLEAR!" I channel a staggering amount of lightning chakra into the webs and the electricity eagerly surges throughout the web. The blue chakra sparks from strand to strand, arcs across the puddles from my clones and shocks everything it touches indiscriminately. Which includes the kunoichi that's draped in the webs and is standing in a puddle.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Yugito cries out in pain as uncountable volts course through her body. She starts spasming involuntarily yet somehow remains on her feet. Then through clenched teeth and by sheer force of will she manages to harshly speak. "It's! A! Two! Way! Street!"

"You've gotta be shitting me." I groan out. "That's just unfair."

The webs around her are slowly turning red. She's pumping her own chakra into my web to counter me, forcing back the lightning while hoping for it to reach me in return. Damn that's resourceful. And annoying.

Very annoying.

"I worked my ass off to set this up and you just waltz right in and take advantage of me! How dare you!" I pin her in an accusatory glare.

"You're the one that said anything goes." Yugito can talk normally now that her corrosive red chakra is pushing my lightning back. "Are you ready to be put in your place?"

"Uh… we're even right now." I bluntly point out. "Sure your chakra is overtaking mine but in the end all I have to do is get rid of the web and we're back to square one. The hits that you can dish out are not enough to make me surrender. You're using a double edged sword to even the playing field between us, you can't keep that cloak up forever. I'll win simply because I can outlast you."

"Kid, I've still been holding back." Yugito confesses to me. "But now it's time for you to see just how outmatched you really are."

"Alright then." I casually stand up and with a sweep of my hand burn the web into ashes, returning the field to normal. Well normal as in there's not a chakra conductive web on it, all the craters and damages from our battle are still there. "Go ahead, put me in my place. _If you can_."

Yugito slowly walks towards me, she doesn't sprint. She doesn't even attempt to do anything nefarious. She's simply closing the distance between us at her leisure. If that's how she wants to play this then I'll accommodate her.

We stop barely a meter apart from each other, we're both waiting for the other to make a move.

"This is bad." Haruku says to the other spectators. "Like _really_ bad. As in we should run away bad."

"This is just a spar." Knits says while focusing on her work. "She wouldn't, not for something so petty."

"You know how much she hates to lose." Haruku points out. "You really think she'd hand over a victory to Oto? No, she won't even settle for a tie. She's going to go for undisputed victory, in other words his utter annihilation."

"Jirobo. Kidomaru." Sakon nervously says to the other two members as he flies through the hand signs for the summoning jutsu. "Stand behind me. I'll summon a defense when it gets out of hand."

"Don't you mean _if_ it gets out of hand?" Kidomaru asks as the other two Oto shinobi dryly look at him. "Point made. You sure your summon is going to be enough?"

"No, and that is what worries me." Sakon confesses. "Orochimaru-sama told me that Alvarcus has breached it once before and Orochimaru-sama's is in a different class than mine. I wouldn't put it past him to do it again, especially since mine is weaker. It's just that we don't have a better option."

"We're so fucked." Jirobo elegantly sums up the situation and everyone agrees with him.

* * *

Present

"Alvarcus what did she do?" Is that eagerness I hear in Orochimaru's voice? I think it is. "What could she have possibly done to set her own shinobi on edge so much?"

"The Sound Three freaking out didn't phase you?" I ask in mild confusion.

"That's not even a question." Orochimaru dismissively waves off my query. "You've repeatedly terrorized them. Not to mention that they have sit in on our training sessions a few times, they know just how zealous you can get. Plus they know how you took down that base by yourself, a feat that all three of them might not be able to do. So no, I am not surprised that the Sound Three reacted that way."

"Oh." Damn, people are getting used to my crazy. That's unfortunate, I rather enjoy freaking people out. "Well… The Kumo shinobi were correct to be scared of what Yugito did next. She escalated things to a whole new level."

"She's already swathed in a bijuu cloak. What could she possibly do to… No." Orochimaru figured it out. He pieced together what Yugito did next. He actually looks fearful, he's scared of what she has done to me. "She didn't."

"She did." I calmly reaffirm his guess.

* * *

"Consider yourself lucky." Yugito says to me as her chakra spikes to new heights. "Very few people have pushed me this far and lived to talk about it. Lucky for you I don't want you dead. This time."

"Oh boy that doesn't sound good." I should stop her. I should dart forward and attack as she's amassing chakra. I should do something. _Anything._ But I don't. I patiently stand there and let her finish her task. "This is a very rare opportunity, thank you for allowing me to fight a version two jinchuuriki. I can't wait to see how I measure up against you."

"You're -" Yugito doesn't finish her sentence. She can't because she's roaring in pain as a solid dark red chakra boils across her entire body. The force of the sudden manifestation of such a large amount of chakra causes the ground beneath her feet to crater and everything - and everyone - near her are forcibly shoved away. After the dark red chakra finishes overtaking her form she drops down to all fours as a single tail waves in the wind behind her. She opens her mouth and steam rolls out of it along with "- **welcome."**

Because of her explosive transformation my body is shoved through a tree and crashed into a boulder so hard it shattered to tiny rocks. I kept going, bouncing off the ground three times before coming to a halt thanks to a particularly thick tree trunk. Not only was I thrown a good thirty meters I'm steaming. Her mere presence was enough to cause heat that intense.

"Alright." I slowly break my way out of my impression in the trunk. "I've felt some pretty painful stuff, so you know this means a lot coming from me. That hurt."

" **Then this is going to be agony."** Yugito closed the distance between us quicker than the blink of an eye. Her speed is off the charts, I have no hope of matching it. I can only pray that she can't hit that much harder. I'm going to find out right now, she has laced her fingers together and raised her arms far above her head. She brings them down without fanfare and slams them directly on my skull.

The ground gets its biggest crater yet with me at the epicenter. It's a good ten meters in radius and five meters deep. I'm laying sprawled on the ground face up waiting for my brain to restart as rubble and a tiny trickle of water fall down my hole and rest against me. "Did anyone get the name of the _fucking mountain_ that just hit me?"

" **You're still conscious?"** The version two jinchuuriki taunts me from outside the new indentation in the earth. She's slowly circling the perimeter on all fours while never taking her eyes off me for a moment. " **I'm just impressed that you're alive."**

"Fuck me that hurt." I roll over and manage to push myself up to my feet to get a look at the woman who put me here. It took a surprising amount of effort. But not enough for me to not taunt her with a cocky smirk plastered on my face. "I rank that at number eight for the most painful experiences of my life. Congrats, you made the top ten. You would rank higher but when you're as desensitized to pain as much as I have become you have to broaden your horizons to include emotional pain too otherwise there isn't a list at all."

" **You can move too, only two other people have taken an attack from me like that and could stand afterwards. You're full of surprises."** She says as she continues to pace around the hole.

"Jinchuuriki." All the playfulness and cockiness has left my voice. I'm focused, I'm serious, and I will give just as good as I got. "You have displayed the power of Kumo, you are truly a force unlike any other. Few shinobi in this world can stand on equal ground with you, and even fewer stand above you. Shall we find out where I fall in those categories? Am I beneath you? An equal? _Or better?_ "

" **You are so very far beneath me."** Yugito scoffs out as she stops pacing around the indentation she used my body to make. " **Just look at yourself, then look at me. You simply can't measure up against me, the gap is too wide."**

"Sound Flunkies." With the ease of a person idly going through a stroll in a park I detach my hip pouch and toss it towards the general direction of the Sound Three. "Hold onto that for me. There are things in there I'd rather didn't get destroyed."

Jirobo easily catches it and there's a faint sound of crinkling paper. He's quick to open it and peer inside. "What's in here that's so important?"

Sakon and Kidomaru are quick to look inside too.

"Alvarcus you idi-"

" _SAKON!_ " I roar despite not being able to see him. "Hold your tongue."

"Yes, Alvarcus-sama." Sakon is easily cowed by my words despite knowing what I voluntarily gave away. "As you wish."

"Thank you." I refocus my attention back onto Yugito who has patiently waited for me to finish the side conversation. "Now then, where were we?"

" **I am putting you in your place."** Yugito becomes a red streak. She blurs down one side of the crater and then up the other in an instant. On her way past me her claws ripped into my shoulder, completely severing my arm. The limb doesn't let gravity take hold before it is stitched back onto me by black threads. " **And getting slightly pissed off."**

"You and me both." I snarl out as the sound of fabric tearing echoes throughout the crater. Out of my back sprout three thick black tendrils and each one is capped by a unique white mask. Two hover just next to my shoulders while the third is hanging menacingly over my head. I didn't bother with removing my shirt and coat, I had Sureddo go through it.

" **No."** Yugito streaks down the crater once more with her claws at the ready. Her speed is so great that all I can do is take her attack. She lands eight crippling blows to me in less time than it takes to blink. All three of the black tendrils have been severed between my mask and back. Both of my arms have been sliced off my shoulders. Each leg has been separated from my torso. My head is lifted into the air from the force of her claws slicing open my neck. " **I am not letting you play any longer. Surrender."**

Each wound comes to life with uncountable black threads. They shoot out of each severed piece and spring out of my torso to latch onto each other. With a gut wrenching squelch I'm pulled back into one piece again. Within the next instant each part is stitched back together, crudely fixing all the damage she just dealt.

"I have not been beaten yet jinchuuriki!" I shout to her as an inconceivable amount of chakra surges through me. Before the mask hovering near my left shoulder is a hyper condensed sphere of water, so dense that light can't penetrate through it. Before the mask hovering near my right shoulder is a crackling ball of pale blue lightning throwing off sounds of thunderbolts. Before the mask above me is a spinning vortex of wind so wild it's causing fluctuations in the air around it. Before me is a ball of fire burning so intensely it's white.

"Everyone behind me!" Sakon screams in fear and all five of the other spectators, Kumo and Oto alike, listen to him. "Summoning Jutsu: Rashomon!"

A daunting hell gate rises from the ground. It has a red spikey border with a dark purple demon's face on the doors. It stands bravely between the shinobi and me.

"Brace yourself jinchuuriki! You face my full might!" I shout upwards to Yugito as I bring each sphere together. They eagerly accept the other elements and form one orb full of nature's wrath. With a crazy gleam in my eyes I roar out the name of my strongest attack. " **ELEMENTAL MONSTROSITY!"**

The fury of the elements rips out of my hands in a devastating laser aimed straight at Yugito. Each of the four elements included in the attack are feeding off of each other, pushing the already incredibly destructive jutsu to new heights. Every possible form of matter it comes in contact with is simply gone, I don't know of a word to describe what happened to it. Annihilation is too weak of a descriptor.

But stubborn - and possibly insane - Yugito doesn't move out of the way. She's standing right in its path as she braces to take the hit.

" **MY!"**

She is forced backwards as my attack finally slams into her. Despite her strong stance she continues to be pushed back, causing twin furrows to be torn into the ground by her feet.

" **Name!"**

Her resolve doubles as she digs her feet even deeper into the ground. Her _twin_ tails spear into the earth to try and help stop her from being pushed back. Yet even that doesn't stop her from being forced back, it only slowed her down.

" **Is!"**

Her own chakra spikes, dwarfing the amount I poured into my furious all out attack.

" _ **YUGITO!**_ "

A vibrant swirling blue and black flame comes to life around her. It quickly expands to titanic proportions, dwarfing the tallest trees around us, and starts to take on a recognizable shape. A four legged beast made of blue fire, one with two tails that always dart around, and a pair of mismatched yellow and blue eyes. The nekomata that stands at the apex of its species, the second of the nine tailed beasts. One of the primordial forces on this planet that can cause disaster just by existing. One of the few entities that humanity as a whole is terrified of. The two tails, the Nibi.

"Matatabi." I breathily say in awe of the second fully formed bijuu I've laid eyes on.

She roars. No, that doesn't do it justice. The sound that comes out of Matatabi's mouth is so loud, so intense, that it cracks open the ground under the intense sound waves and it shakes as if there's an earthquake.

It obliterates my jutsu by its sheer scale of volume. My strongest attack, my final trump card, my last resort where I pour in everything I have left broke like glass being dropped onto concrete.

"Every bit as impressive as I imagined." I chuckle to myself as I fall over backwards to the ground. "That's it. I'm spent, I've got nothing left for at least the next five minutes. That's ample time for you to do whatever you want to me. Congratulations Yugito, you beat me. I surrender."

" **It's… over?"** Yugito asks with Matatabi's mouth. She's hesitant still, waiting for me to have another sneaky counter attack to her.

I'm fresh out.

"Yep." I actually let out a pleasant laugh this time despite the building sized cat standing over me. "You'd think I would know better than to try and overpower a jinchuuriki. Guess I couldn't resist testing myself. Gotta say, the kitten has claws. I would know, they cut me to shreds a few times."

" **I…"** Matatabi's form fades away into wisps of blue flames, growing smaller and smaller until there's just Yugito left. Her skin is an angry red and she's gulping down huge lungfuls of air. I made her earn her victory, no one can deny that. "... can't believe you can crack a joke after all that."

"Why? That was a spar. I had fun." I say from my spot in the bottom of the crater that I never managed to get out of. Yugito hops over the lip of the crater and slides down it to reach me. With strength that her frame shouldn't be capable of she hauls me to my feet and throws an arm over her shoulder.

"Did you selectively forget some parts?" Yugito asks me as we stagger our way out of the crater. "Like… when I dismembered you? A lot? Kinda feel bad about that now."

"Don't. I'm used to it." I chuckle as we exit the crater. "Or did you forget the part where I cut my own head off? If I don't get dismembered at least twice during a training session that's an easy day. Honestly I'm more surprised you took advantage of that yourself, once you found out I could take it you had no issue dealing it out. Though I admit our spar got a little out of hand."

"A little!" Sakon shouts as he and the other five spectators storm their way over to us. " _A little!_ You two knocked over my Rashomon! That's never happened before! We nearly died because of it!"

"Sakon." I say but he ignores me.

"And now you can't walk! Great! Just GREAT! We're not medics! How are we supposed to get you back to Orochimaru-sama now?"

"Sakon!" I say louder.

"Now I have to be responsible for your sorry ass because you thought it was a good idea to fight a fucking _jinchuuriki!_ Orochimaru-sama is going to kill me over this for sure!"

"Will someone please hit him for me?" I ask everyone else. "I don't wanna move."

 **SMACK**

"Thanks Kidomaru, you've always been my favorite." I nod at the fellow Spider Summoner.

"It's what I do." He nods back.

"Sakon." I calmly speak to him. "Will you please quit freaking the fuck out?"

Sakon takes a massive breath, holds it for a count of seven, the lets it all rush out.

"Good." I continue to calmly address him. "Don't speak, just listen. I'm sorry about the Rashomon almost crushing everyone, but Yugito here is half responsible as well. Don't blame just me. It's highly possible that the Kumo shinobi have a medic, do you really think the Raikage wouldn't send one along just incase? Also, I _technically_ don't need medical attention so there's no need to worry about that. If I have to I'll wear a fuckton of bandages, not like I haven't done that before. Don't worry about Orochimaru's reaction, if he's mad at anyone it'll be me since I orchestrated this whole thing. Lastly, I can walk."

"You are the most infuriating person I have ever met." Sakon says as he turns around and walks away to give himself some time to cope. Poor guy.

"Wait a minute." Yugito shoots me a stern look. "What do you mean you can walk?"

"Hm?" I send a questioning look at her. "Oh, that. Yeah I could have walked out of that crater under my own power. Thanks for the help though. It was a nice show of sportsmanship. Shinobimanship? I like that, it's a word now."

"I… what?" Yugito balks at the new word I just decreed. "No! You're distracting me! If you can walk then why the hell are you still leaning on me?"

"You're hot. I'm a teenager." I bluntly speak to her as if I'm trying to explain something to someone who just isn't getting it. "You may have won the spar but I think I won the day."

 **THUD**

"Totally worth it." I say as I rub my temple.

Ah shit I pulled a Jiraiya!

* * *

Present

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru is intently analyzing me, cataloging every minor twitch and movement. He's trying to gauge my reaction to what he is about to ask. "Why did you purposefully lose?"

"You did notice." I dramatically lean forwards in the bloodsoaked chair and place both my elbows on my knees. I have my fingers laced together and have given Orochimaru my full attention. "What gave it away?"

"You roused my suspicions early on." He calmly explains. "You prefer ninjutsu, you've always favored it. Every chance you get you use it, either to devastate your enemies or for meaningless tricks. But you only used taijutsu against her until you couldn't without hurting yourself, when she first used her flame cloak."

"That's hardly anything to go on." I point out. "I've used only taijutsu before, usually against people that are far beneath me."

"This is Yugito Nii we're talking about, not some minor peon." Orochimaru counters me. "That is not the only instance you avoided ninjutsu, you heavily relied on seals, new and untested techniques and your summons. Even when she donned the bijuu cloak you used your less refined skills. Alvarcus you didn't even make a single Jiongu monster."

"So?" I tilt my head in curiosity. "That was a spar, I didn't want to reveal too much about how I fight. Especially to someone who is on a mission to report on me. It's the biggest misdirection I've ever done, Yugito is sure to list everything in great detail to the Raikage. Then all of Kumo will get a brief description of skills that I don't consider my strongest. They won't expect me to rain ninjutsu upon them."

"That is simply an excuse for your actions, not the cause." Orochimaru is right, that was a happy byproduct not my true intention. "But not using the Jiongu wasn't the biggest clue. It was something minor, something easily glossed over. You threw away your hip pouch."

"I fail to see how that makes you think I threw the fight." I don't display any emotion, not giving him a single extra piece of information to work with.

"It's because I know you've learned how to craft bijuu chakra suppression seals." Orochimaru bluntly informs me. "You both acknowledged that you're better than her _unless_ she uses her bijuu's chakra. But still you were even until she pushed herself further to version two. Do you really think I don't know you that well? The moment you learned you were going to meet with her you instantly came up with several ways to counter and defeat her. If you didn't have bijuu chakra suppression seals in your hip pouch I will summon Kabuto to this base and let you kill him in any way you see fit."

"... I didn't have those seals in my hip pouch?"

" _Alvarcus._ "

"Okay fine!" I break out of the masked state I went in to shield my emotions from Orochimaru. "You're right, I could have slapped a seal on her at any moment and kicked her teeth in. There! Happy now!"

"No." Orochimaru narrows his eyes at me. "You have yet to tell me _why._ Why did you intentionally lose?"

"I could say some bullshit reason." I casually say to the Snake Sannin and he raises an eyebrow at my… unique choice of words. "I could say that it was because I didn't want her to know I can make them. I could say that I didn't want to broadcast even more of my skills, no doubt I'll have an updated Bingo Book page by next issue anyways. I could say that by letting her win it would secure a beneficial relationship between our respective villages. I could even say that I didn't want to besmirch her worth as a kunoichi by beating her. In the end none of those are the real reasons."

"You're also slightly wrong about your phrasing." I tell Orochimaru. "I didn't intentionally lose, I just knew that I would. I went into that fight with that mentality because as of late I've realized something about myself."

"What would that be?" He prods me to continue.

"I rely too much on the Jiongu." I supply him with the answer. "This was a test for me, to see how I would hold my own against someone like Yugito _without_ heavily relying on Sureddo to overwhelm everyone. I've been using it as the first line of attack when really it should be the last weapon to leave my arsenal. That's only one of two reasons though."

"And what is the second?" He's trying to keep his face void of emotion. Keyword trying. There's a spec of something dancing in his eyes, not enough for anyone to recognize it, but for someone who knows him it's glaring. It's approval. He's glad that I've recognized my flaw and am attempting to correct it.

"I got what I wanted." I easily share.

"I don't follow." His brow furrows as he tries to figure out what I mean by that. "Explain."

"It's very simple, I wanted to see Matatabi. I couldn't push Yugito enough with my secondary skills so I had to resort to something extreme: my strongest attack. I've made a sorta life goal to speak with a bijuu, for now I'll settle with seeing another. That puts me at seeing two."

"Hm." Orochimaru ponders something for a few moments before discarding whatever plan he had. "Well it's not like you're pressed for time."

"Huh?" The hell does he mean by that? "Oh right, pseudo immortality. I can't die, I have to be killed. I get it now. Funny how you forget the little things."

"I would hardly call a version of immortality a 'little thing.'" Orochimaru lightly scolds me for casually talking about one of his own life goals. "Enough of that for now. I have a question for you."

"Ask away. Though if it's about something that happens in my story you'll have to wait. I don't want to spoil anything."

"You made that abundantly clear the last time." Orochimaru rolls his eyes at me. "What do you think of Yugito?"

"What do I think of Yugito?" I repeat the question as I mull it over in my head. "She's very prideful, to the point of being thick headed. She has issues recognizing others that she has already labeled beneath her. She's also a very blunt person and very hard to rile up. Yet on the other hand, once you prove yourself to her she shows a whole new side. She cares for those she considers friends and has earned her place near the top in Kumo's hierarchy. She…"

"Yes?" Orochimaru leans forwards in anticipation. "Go on."

"She grows on you." A truly happy smile spreads over my face. "Like a fungus."

* * *

Omake: The Kitchen Fiasco

"AHAHAHAHA!" A crazed voice echoes out from the kitchen into the packed cafeteria during the middle of the dinner rush. "YES! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND SOME OF THIS!"

"Hey Maiko." Seiji asks his teammate. "Correct me if I'm wrong but…"

"But what?" Maiko looks up from her meal.

"Isn't that Alvarcus' voice?" Seiji points towards the kitchen where the crazed cackles are coming from.

"I have no idea." Maiko shrugs with a coy smile on her face.

"YES YES YES! DIE! DIE YOU INFERNAL PASTRY! DIE! _FUCKING MUFFINS!_ "


	67. Chapter 67

Author Note: So the good news is that there's a new chapter out! The bad news is that they're going to take a lot longer to come out now. I've gotten a new job and I'm clocking around 70 hours a week, so yeah. Bye bye free time! Just to make sure, this is not abandoned. I'm still working on it and plan to continue until the end. Whenever that may be. Never thought this would be over 500k words when I started so who knows! Maybe I'll end up breaking a million. That is both impressive and sad but I really enjoy it so in the end that's all that matters!

Enough of me rambling, onto the real reason you're here! The new chapter!

* * *

"Ah." I sink further into my luxurious private bath at the town's best hot spring spa. I let the freakishly nice warm water creep all the way up to my neck before stopping my descent. "This is the life."

I lazily look across the surprisingly spacious tub I am in, frankly it is more like a large jacuzzi than a tub. Plenty of room for others, after all this is a private room. Usually it's couples that take these and they do some more… amorous activities. Anyways, I look across the pool towards a chilled glass of water.

It's too far away for me to grab.

"Chakra strings for the win." I smile to myself as the glass seemingly on its own accord smoothly slides across the edge of the pool to my hand. "How petty, using a jutsu to make my life easier. Fuck it, I refuse to feel bad about that. I deserve a me day. One where I can just kick back and relax."

A few minutes pass in relative silence, the only sounds that are heard are the lapping of the water shifting in the pool and the steady trickle of new water falling down into the tub.

"Are those bubbles?" A bottle of some mysterious liquid lifts into the air and floats to my waiting hand. "Not just any bubbles. Vanilla scented bubbles. Whoops. I 'accidentally' poured in the whole thing. How silly of me. You'd think a shinobi would be better than that, oh well."

The very pleasant smelling bubbles quickly take over the entire bath, completely hiding the water from sight.

"Ah." I refreshingly sigh out once more. "This is the life."

* * *

Present, Orochimaru's Office

"I do not need to hear the details of your visit to the hot springs." Orochimaru monotonously scolds me while wearing a blank face. Then a flicker of emotion dances across his face. "I fail to see how it is of any importance. But you do know what is important? Telling me who _murdered my elite bodyguards!_ "

"Well if you would let me continue and not keep interrupting me for side conversations I might get to it sooner!" I snarkily retort as I childishly pout. The effect is completely lost, it's impossible to look childish while covered head to toe in blood. "You sent me on a mission to win over Yugito and by extension Kumo. I'm recounting everything of importance that happened on said mission since you gave it to me. Oh what's that? You want to know who told me to do that? You did. What a curve ball!"

"I will only let so much sass slide." There's a warning in his tone, I may have gone slightly too far. "You're quickly approaching the limit."

"Message received." I let my childish pout fade. "But really though I wasn't telling you about the bath just for shit, kicks and giggles. It does relate to the diplomatic mission you sent me on and it could reveal something that you don't know. Plus all this went down on the last day we were there, the only thing left to tell after this is how the Sound Three died."

"Fine." Orochimaru growls out in increasing anger. "Continue your... ballad of the bath. Because I have nothing better to do while I patiently wait to hear what happened to the Sound Three."

"I promise it's relevant! Or… kinda relevant?"

* * *

Flashback, The Hot Spring

"Ah." Only my head is showing above the excessive amount of bubbles in the pool. "This is the life."

 _~That's the third time you've said that.~_

"I know. And it is." I scoop up two handfuls of the bubbles and clap my hands together. They explode and fly everywhere. "Hehehe. I'm doing that again."

 _~This is the infamous Heart Thief. The shinobi who abandoned his home. The shinobi who chose to live in his own personal hell. The shinobi who has plotted the downfall of an entire village and is successfully pulling it off. The person who is scheming to stop the Fourth Shinobi War. People already whisper your name with a sense of fear and respect, both of which only grow with each achievement you add to your already impressive mission history. And you're playing with bubbles.~_

"... Dick." Sureddo isn't wrong though. But it's so much fun! "Wanna join? Not like I can't spare a heart or two for a while."

 _~No thank you, I have no desire to do something so… asinine.~_

"You're missing out." I clap my hands together once more, causing a bubble apocalypse.

 _~Whatever you say. Besides, I'm not too sure your visitor would take well to me lounging in the bath.~_

"Visitor? What visitor?" I perk up at that. "If one of the Sound Three ordered me a hooker as revenge I will hurt them."

 _~Sorry to disappoint, it is not a hooker. Yugito is about to walk through the door.~_

"Shit really?" My eyes dart to the only entrance. Well the only conventional entrance, I am a shinobi. If there isn't an entrance I'll make one. Preferably with liberal amount of fire and chaos. Chaos is optional.

The door to the private bath slides open and none other than Yugito herself steps in. She's draped in only a towel, much like how I was when I entered myself. Though I wore a long robe instead of a towel to hide my scar torn body. No need to freak out the other people here, that's the reason I got a private bath. I wanted to bathe in peace and not be stared at.

"I'm sorry." Yugito awkwardly says once she realized that someone is in here. "I didn't know it was occupied - oh. It's you."

"Sup." I pleasantly greet her with a wave, the motion causes bubbles to scatter in the wind.

It also revealed my limb to the world and Yugito's eyes quickly latched onto it. It is the first time she's seen my bare skin and all of the marks that are littered across it.

"Just out of curiosity, how many of those are from me?" She asks from her spot near the door.

"Hm?" I lift my arm out of the bubbles and hold it in front of me. Logs that have gone through a wood chipper are less marked than my arm. "Excellent question. I have no idea. Definitely not the majority though, that award goes to someone else."

"Who?" She conversationally asks but I know her true intentions. She's subtly probing me for information. Let's see how she reacts to this.

"Orochimaru." My easy answer shocks her, just for a moment. Her eyes widened and her jaw went slack but she quickly reigned in her emotions before they could run wild. "Nothing says I love you like repeated dismemberment."

"Seriously?" She adjusts her towel. "Your own _father_ is responsible for the majority of the scars on your arm?"

"Nope!" I merrily say while popping the 'p.' "He's responsible for the majority of _all_ my scars. Training is a bitch! Plus technically he gave me the Jiongu so by the transitive property all those scars could be attributed to him also. He's pushing like 90%. I think."

"That's… that's fucked up." She eloquently sums up.

"That's one way to put it. Another is saying he's effective at training me, you of all people should know that." I idly scratch the back of my head, making a quizzical motion. "So are you going to continue to stand there or do you want to get in? I don't mind sharing."

" _Excuse me?_ " She snarls out as her anger spikes.

"Get your mind out of the gutter I didn't mean like that you moron!" I scoff out while waving off her rage. "We're friends. No, that doesn't sound right. Pals? No, not that either. Sparring buddies? Closer. Oh, I know. We're both on a mission to get to know each other. So let's get to know one another. Obviously you wanted a private bath for your own reasons and I'm not going to pry but the only reason I got one was so that the civvies wouldn't constantly stare at me. I don't mind sharing with a fellow shinobi. Especially since this tub is made to hold eight people. Not like there isn't plenty of room."

"O-oh. Right." She quickly scans the room once. "Well… I suppose I could. It would make sense for the mission. Fair warning, I wanted a private bath because Matatabi really hates water. Like _really_ hates it. Not only is she a cat she's practically make of fire, so I might be a bit jumpy. Try to not make any sudden movements please."

She said Matatabi. My lesson did sink in. Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks. Old cat? Eh, whatever.

"No quick or sudden movements. That won't be hard to do, I'm here to relax." I sigh out in contentment.

"And you will look away as I get in." Her tone brokers no argument. "Or I'll make the beating you got during our spar look like a pleasant morning jog."

"Duly noted." I turn my back to her as the water laps at my neck.

I feel the water shift as she steps into the pool. Good thing I put the bubbles in otherwise we'd both be getting an eyeful.

"You may turn around now." She tells me and I slowly do just that.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, simply relaxing in the bath and acclimating to the presence of the other person.

"So." Yugito breaks the slightly awkward silence. "You're okay from the spar? No lasting damage?"

"Totally fine thanks to that super duper scared kid you brought along. He fixed me up well." I confidently assure her. "There's no need to worry about me, I've been through worse. Wow that's a depressing sentence."

"What could have possibly been worse than that?" She sounds skeptical. I don't blame her, I took one hell of a beating during our spar, especially when she went to version two. I've never had all my limbs and head cut off at the same time before.

"Getting the Jiongu isn't a pleasant experience." My mood sours for a moment as I remember exactly how Sureddo and I came together. "Not only that mine is altered by Orochimaru of all people. So yeah, enough said about that."

"That bad?" She questions me.

"Probably on par with getting a bijuu sealed into yourself. Maybe worse, I've only been through one so I couldn't tell you specifically."

"Ouch." She winces in sympathy as she remembers her own experiences.

"Yeah. _Ouch._ " I darkly chuckle to myself.

We fall into a silence once more, but this one is tainted. The once pleasant-ish mood has been spoiled.

"Hey Yugito?" It's my turn to break the quiet.

"Yes?" She looks up from the countless bubbles shifting on the water's surface and gives me her full attention.

"I want you to do something for me. If you do it I'll answer three questions of your choice. What do you say, interested?"

"Depends on what it is you want me to do." There's a touch of a warning in her voice. Probably because a teenager is asking for a favor while we're both naked in a bubble bath. Wow I really should have thought that one through.

"Nothing major." A single chakra string extends towards my folded pile of clothes and connects to my hip pouch. The pouch is dragged across the ground towards me and I pick it up once it is in arm's reach. I rummage around in it for a brief moment before withdrawing something. "If you could attempt to fill this with as much chakra as possible, that would be fantastic."

I hold out the hilt of my version of the Sword of Totsuka to her. I've tested it myself by pouring in a huge amount of chakra into it and it didn't have any issues. But I don't want huge, I want an _ungodly_ amount of chakra. I'm simply not capable of that.

But the jinchuuriki sitting across from me is.

"And what do you plan to do with my chakra?" She asks as she studies the unassuming piece of metal.

"Absolutely nothing." I quickly and confidently assure her. "This isn't about your chakra, it's about testing the receptacle. If you want I'll even let you watch me empty it before we part ways."

"Alright." She hold out her hand and I give the hilt to her. "So fill it until it breaks?"

"Or you can't put anymore into it." I nod in confirmation. "If it starts to burn your hand that's usually a sign it's about to explode. Fair warning."

"Great. You gave me an explosive device." She eyes the unusually plain piece of metal with a great deal of doubt. "You do know that I have a freakishly large amount of chakra at my disposal, right? Just how much do you want me to sink into it?"

"Oh I don't know." I sarcastically ponder for a moment to build suspense and because Yugito really needs to lighten up. She takes everything way too seriously. "Let's go for… all of it."

"All of it." She monotonously repeats.

"All of it." I smirk and bob my head in confirmation. "I built it to take much more than the measly amount of chakra you have access to, it's just that you have way more chakra than anyone else I've met recently."

Though Naruto does have you beat but we're not exactly on the best of terms right now.

"Fine." She thinks I'm challenging her. Well… whatever. I got what I wanted in the end. "Don't go crying to daddy when I break your toy."

"Pfft I wouldn't waste my time." I snort out in dark amusement. "He'd simply raise an eyebrow at me and say something like 'quit wasting my time with something so trivial. You built it once, do it again.' Or he'd flay me a little, but I'm getting used to that."

* * *

Present

"You're painting me in a very bad light." Orochimaru points out _with a raised eyebrow._

Called it.

"Well duh. You're supposed to be feared by all, I should be no exception. Those under you are hardened beyond any other village's standards. Those you've personally trained even more so, they are to be taken seriously no matter how weird or crazy they seem. And then there's me, the person you call child. You should hold me to the highest standards of all and you do. I'm just tweaking it a little to further your reputation as someone you don't fuck with."

"Alvarcus. I have to ask. Do you ever _not_ plan things out ahead of time? Do your words and actions ever not serve another purpose?"

"On occasion yes." I honestly reply. It's true that I am always looking ahead and steering my environment to better suit me as needed. "For instance when I stole the jacuzzi Yugito and I used."

"You… you _what?_ "

"Stole the jacuzzi." I easily confirm as I pull out a single scroll and wiggle it in his direction. "By the way I need a plumber. Do we have one of those on hand?"

"I cannot believe this." Orochimaru shakes his head in disbelief and disappointment. "Yet at the same time I am not surprised. Oh, the irony. And why on earth do you need a plumber?"

"I want to set this up in my room." I idly toss the scroll in the air and it tumbles end over end. Without looking at it I snag it out of the air and repeat, almost as if it's a nervous tick. Except I'm just bored not nervous. "There's no hot water lines in my room, I need one. Unless you want me to royally fuck up the water lines. Wait, nevermind I'll figure something out with seals. It'll be a good side project for me since it is something I've never tried before."

"So no plumber then?" He asks.

"Yep." I sharply nod once as my mind runs down the rabbithole to chase after the thoughts of a completely standalone jacuzzi, one that doesn't rely on anything else to run. "Totally going to make it mobile. That's a great idea. Maybe I should install some wheels on it? Wait no, I'll just stuff it into a seal for ease of movement. Dumbass, that shouldn't have been a question."

"Ahem." Orochimaru clears his throat. "I believe you were doing something?"

"Oh right my bad!"

* * *

Flashback

"So I owe you three questions." I idly start to flick some bubbles around. They're so much fun to mess with. "Ask away."

"Any questions that I want?" She asks me for clarification.

"Yep. You now have two left." I smirk at her as her face scrunches up in anger. "Just joking! You should have seen your face, it looked like someone stole your catnip."

"If you mention catnip again I will hurt you severely." She sends her best glare at me. I've seen better.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Just ask your questions already." I easily wave of the pitiful glare. Seriously, Iruka of all people has her beat. Iruka. The Academy teacher.

"I've found my interest peaked, you were originally a Konoha shinobi." She seriously starts setting up for her first question. It would be more serious if we weren't in a bubble bath. "One of the softest - if not _the_ softest - of the shinobi villages out there."

"Do go on." I sassily encourage her. "Keep telling me things that I already know, you seem to have a talent for it."

She doesn't let my sass get to her.

"You abandoned it. Left it. Became a missing nin from arguably one of the best villages to be a shinobi." Her entire face has hardened. I can't read anything from her right now. "Why did you leave Konoha?"

"Now isn't that a complicated question." I stall for a brief moment. She's definitely picked a challenging question. Too bad for her I'm an asshole that will purposefully skirt around giving her a satisfactory answer. "I left Konoha for one reason. I was asked to by someone who I was unwilling to abandon."

"The Uchiha." She smirks in victory, breaking her moments long facial facade. "You left the softest shinobi village for the Uchiha. I knew it."

"If you already knew it then why did you waste a question on it?" Crafty kitty. I won't be making that mistake again.

"I felt like it." She idly shifts, rising up minutely out of the water and inadvertently showing a great deal of her chest, nothing truly… let's say interesting was revealed thanks to the abundance of bubbles in our shared bath but it is much more than she seems aware of.

Or is she trying to distract me, the person she thinks is a hormonal teenage boy, by using her body to knock me off my A game? I did call her hot plenty of times, she could be trying to take advantage of me. Crafty kitty indeed.

"Because you felt like it." I snort in amusement and don't react at all to her actions. "Careful Yugito, that sounds like something I would do. I might be rubbing off on you. Wow that was a bad choice of words. How about we just move to the next question?"

"Why Otogakure?" She doesn't hesitate to ask. "You and the Uchiha could have gone anywhere. Except for Suna since you two did play a major role in defeating them during the Invasion. Hell I would wager that even Iwa would welcome you both with open arms, Onoki would love to steal two of Konoha's promising shinobi. You both literally could have picked anywhere but you traded the softest village for the harshest."

"Why Oto indeed." Not like I can tell her the whole truth here but I can definitely put my own personal spin on it and still make it truthful. Just not completely truthful. "For some context you'll need to know one piece of information about me, more specifically a dream that I have. I wish to be considered as one of the strongest and most influential shinobi to ever walk this world. I wish to be counted among the best of the best, be placed at the pinnacle of shinobi. I want my name to be whispered by my friends with a sense of great respect and my enemies with unconditional fear. I want to stand among the numbers of those who bear the title S-rank shinobi. That, dear Yugito, is my longest life dream."

"You ask me why we picked Oto. We chose that village because we both knew that we would grow at an abnormally fast rate under the tutelage of Orochimaru. Look at me, I'm only thirteen yet I could hold my own against you. One of Kumo's top shinobi, a person who stands near the summit of her own village _and_ has nearly perfect control over her bijuu. Don't you see how absurd that is? Otogakure is undoubtedly the harshest and most unforgiving village of all yet Sasuke and I have _thrived_ while there. Just imagine how far I'll progress in the future."

"Oto is harsh. Oto is cruel. Oto is a place full of suffering and sadness and torture. We were tossed into hell and came out the other side covered in blood and leagues better than we were. But it has hardened us. Quite simply we couldn't have asked for a better village. The fact that Orochimaru considers me a child is only a bonus."

Despite the warm water we're lounging in a chilly silence falls between us both. She's contemplating my words, trying to rationalize how anyone could possibly want to go to Otogakure. The cold silence stretches on for an unreasonably long time.

"I don't understand it." Yugito has given up trying to rationalize my words, trying to figure out my personal motivation. "You went to achieve a dream? That seems… out of character."

"Believe it or not, either way it is true." I assure her but what she has picked up on is that there's more to it than just fulfilling a dream. "What is your final question."

"Have you died before?" She conversationally asks me.

* * *

Present

"Alvarcus how did she find out?" Orochimaru has a new emotion playing around in his eyes, one that no one associates with the crazy shinobi. He is the one who experiments on the living to satisfy his curiosity, he is the one who ruins live on the smallest of whims, he is the bringer of horror. But the tables have turned on Orochimaru because he's experiencing what all his victims have.

 _Fear._

True unadulterated terror. It's taken over his entire being. No longer is he impatiently waiting for me to share the part he wants to hear, now his mind is running on maximum. He's plotting and planning how to make sure that my secret doesn't spread farther.

"No, it is irrelevant for now." Orochimaru rises up from his desk and starts pacing back and forth before the map on his wall. "First we must eliminate her, she can't continue to breath and know that. This could mean war with Kumo and her allies but it is a risk I am willing to take to keep you safe. Alvarcus your training must be put on hold in favor of... on the job experience. As I am now I doubt I could defeat her alone, so you will accompany me as we slay the jinchuuriki."

"Calm down!" I shout at him. "I've got this-"

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" Orochimaru whirls towards me in rage. "Alvarcus the Edo Tensei is an imperfect jutsu! There are ways around it! There are ways to send the summon back to the Afterlife! There are risks! I will not have my child taken from me! Least of all by something I've left open for others to exploit! We must act swiftly and with extreme force! The question is not if she will die, it is when will she die!"

"Will you just shut the fuck up for **ACK!** " My sentence remains unfinished because my throat is being crushed while I'm forced against a wall. The bloody chair is long forgotten, toppled to the ground in Orochimaru's emotional outburst.

"You will remain quiet and listen." He harshly whispers to me. "You fail to grasp the severity of this situation. You still think me untouchable, but that is hardly the case. Alvarcus I have my own weaknesses, no matter how few and minor they can still be exploited. But my biggest weakness right now isn't something as petty as my arms failing me. It isn't even my inability to use jutsu. It isn't my degrading body. My biggest weakness is _you._ "

"I… what? Me?" There's no way I heard that right.

"Has that magnificent mind of yours stopped working?" He drops me to the floor and I expertly land on my feet. " _You. Are. My. Child._ You are my shatter point. Until you are capable of standing as an equal with me, until you have achieved your dream, until you share the title of S-rank you will forever be my biggest weakness. I will not lose you, not if I can stop it."

"I… I don't know how to respond to that." He would risk war with Kumo just to keep a piece of information about me secret? That's huge. Mind boggling. Unfathomable. Incomprehensible. I don't even have the right words to describe it. "I'm going to push that to the side for now in favor of the more pressing conversation. About Yugito, I handled it already. She won't say a word."

"How can you possibly be certain?" Orochimaru resumes his fear induced pacing. "A shinobi's word is meaningless, we are creatures of opportunity. Our promises are easily broken or exchanged for a better one."

"Because you were right, I have a magnificent mind." I cockily smirk at him. "One that is excellently suited to squirming out of tight situations."

His eyes narrow. "Explain."

* * *

Flashback

"Have you died before?" She conversationally asks me.

I lock up. Every single joint becomes rigid, my muscles coil and my senses are kicked into overdrive. How does she know that? How could she possibly have guessed that? There's no way that she - Matatabi. The fucking nekomata, the god damn _bijuu that's a cat!_

That explains why when we first met she look at me with pity. She stood before the Heart Thief and stared at me in sorrow. The person who just recently destroyed a base full of shinobi, the one who earned his title by violently ripping out his enemy's hearts, and most of all Orochimaru's child. Despite that impressive resume she had the sheer audacity to look at me with sad eyes.

That was when Matatabi told her. It has to be.

So she's known since we first met. Perhaps that was also a factor of her holding back in our spar, subconsciously she limited herself to spare the kid she was fighting more pain. At least until I showed her that I'm a freak of nature, then it was open season.

"I want to hear your answer." Her calm voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Matatabi told me. I don't believe her. So I figured I'd find out for myself. Have you died before?"

"Yes." The word rasps out of my mouth, it's spoken quietly. As if I don't want to admit it to myself and not just her. "I have."

"How did it happen?" She softly and tenderly asks.

 _The sun was blazing brightly in the sky. Three large fluffy clouds dotted the otherwise empty horizon. Refreshing air filled my lungs with every breath. The view from up here is simply amazing._

"No." I snarl out. I don't want to remember. I've forced that memory away for so long, I refuse to let it come back now. "You've used all three of your questions. Not to mention severely soured my mood."

"How were you brought back?" She doesn't heed my warning, opting to ignore it in favor of pressing me for more information. Lucky for me this suits my own plans.

"There's a technique known only to a select few." I start to weave the twisted story. "This jutsu is considered forbidden, a jutsu that under no circumstances should ever be used out of fear. Fear that the person who was brought back from the dead will be tainted, stained by their experiences on the… other side."

"The Edo Tensei." Yugito cuts in. "The jutsu of the Second Hokage, the one Orochimaru used to bring back the dead during the Invasion."

"Incorrect." It is my turn to cut her off. "Did you really think that there is only one jutsu designed to resurrect the dead? The Edo Tensei brings back a zombie-like being at best, there's a time limit to how long an Edo Tensei can survive directly proportional to the amount of chakra used in the jutsu. Not to mention that the Edo Tensei brings back a shell of the former shinobi, after all there is no way the Third Hokage could stand against both the First and Second at the same time."

"There's more than one ressurection technique?" She pointlessly asks. I just told her there was. "Orochimaru knows multiple jutsu that can bring back the dead?"

"Of course there are more than one you idiot." I snort out in an indignified manner. "And no, he doesn't. It wasn't Orochimaru that brought me back. It was a Suna shinobi that he blackmailed into resurrecting me. There's a jutsu designed by the upper echelon of Suna's puppet masters, one designed to breath life into a puppet. The idea behind the jutsu was to raise an army of puppets to march on Suna's enemies. Picture it, a practically limitless supply of soldiers ready to leap into battle. Soldiers that have no need for petty things like food or sleep. Soldiers that don't fear the cold or the heat. It was a marvelous plan, but it had one glaring flaw. Unfortunately, to breath life into another costs the user their own so in the end the jutsu was considered a failure."

"How did Orochimaru convince someone to give up their life?" Yugito asks me in morbid curiosity. The phrase 'curiosity killed the cat' comes to mind for some reason. I have absolutely no idea why.

"It was very easy." I menacingly stare straight into her eyes to completely sell the severity of the situation. "By threatening to brutally torture his daughter. By promising to tear apart his son. By guaranteeing to grind his wife to tiny a chunky paste. Orochimaru threatened everyone he held most dear in his life with a single ultimatum: save me or let them all die horrible deaths. In the end there wasn't a choice. There is very little that someone won't do for the people they truly care about."

"And with a father like yours there is nothing that will keep you from him." She stares off into the distance with a forlorn expression. "He will not even allow Death to take you from him. Perhaps that is the scariest thing about you, the simple fact that should anything actually harm you the perpetrator will bring down the wrath of Orochimaru. Is there anything he wouldn't do?"

"That, dear Yugito, is an excellent question." I rise up from my seated position and step out of the bath. I don't care that she just saw me naked. In fact it suits my plan well, I need her distracted to slip away. Seeing me casually rise up in total disregard to social norms will do that to just about anyone. Not to mention seeing me in all my glory.

The scars and masks you perverts. She's seen dicks before but she hasn't seen anyone else with anywhere near as fucked up a body as mine.

"I believe I've had enough of your pleasant company." With an exaggerated flourish I swing the robe I entered with over my frame, covering my war torn body. "I need that back."

I gesture to the hilt that she's still holding.

"O-oh. Right." She holds it out to me.

"And Yugito?" I firmly grasp the hilt but don't pull it out of her hand yet.

"Yes?" She looks at me in bewilderment.

"I looked. You have a _fantastic_ ass." I let a lecherous grin worm its way onto my face. "The freckle only makes it better, don't let anyone tell you different."

Her eyes go wide in shock and fury.

"Now if you'll forgive me, I'll be taking my leave. I get the feeling that you want to severely maim me." In the next moment I'm gone and in my place is a mop and bucket. Yugito is firmly grasping the mop as the water in the bucket sloshes around from being used as a replacement.

"I will never understand that kid." Yugito releases the mop. "After what he's been through it's no wonder he's insane."

* * *

Present

"So you let her form her own assumptions of your death." Orochimaru focuses on me with a stony face. "You fabricated a fake story - admittedly a very convincing one - but I find that I have a few questions about it."

"Well I don't really see how it is important since we both know it's not true, but hey go ahead and ask anyways if it makes you feel better." I nonchalantly shrug as I pick up the toppled bloody chair and sit back down.

"How do you know about Kisho Tensei?" Orochimaru's tone is suspicious. He suspects me for something but I have no idea what. Probably about why I know of the Kisho Tensei.

Best to play it cool.

"Is that what it's called?" I scratch the top of my head in a careless manner. "That jutsu I spoke about? I've only ever found rumors of it. I really pulled that story out of my ass."

"Yes." His eyes are locked onto me. "How do you know of it?"

"Uh… I ran into Sasori of the Red Sands, you know the legendary puppet master, and he threatened to turn me into a fucking puppet!" I am almost yelling at Orochimaru, displaying some of my trauma from that event to help sell my cover. I can't really say how I really know about it because that would end very well. "So I'm sorry if I did a little research to see if his threat was possible and found bits and pieces that hinted about the Kisho Tensei!"

"I was unaware that you knew there was a library here." Orochimaru sounds slightly surprised and all of his suspicion has vanished. Good. "You don't strike me as the reading type."

"That's because I don't do it as much as I used to. I mainly read for pleasure instead of information, but in the end of the day I am a shinobi. Information can win a battle, even something like knowing where everything is in this base." I brag just a little, but it is true. I've discovered every nook and cranny, the whole shebang. "Hell I know where all of the closets are."

"And… just why do you know where all of the closets are?"

"Because I never know when I might need to use one." I bluntly say to him and his eyes widen in shock. "I already have one stalker and closets make excellent hiding spots from them. Just round a corner and duck inside, bam! Lost the stalker. Do you have any idea how many shinobi ignore the blatantly obvious hiding spots? Like all of them, they think 'oh no one would ever hide somewhere so stupid.' Makes the perfect spot."

"Oh good." Orochimaru sags in relief. "I thought… nevermind. So now are we to the part about the Sound Three or is there something else?"

"Let's see…" I trail off as I tap a single finger against my chin for the sole purpose of making him more impatient. Okay so maybe I am a glutton for pain now, making Orochimaru wait is a terrible idea and I've done it for a very long time now. Oops. "Nope! All that's left is them. Technically it's just their blood that's on me but whatever, minor details."

" _Finally._ " Orochimaru sits back down at his desk and expectantly looks at me. "Go on. I've waited far too long for this."

"Sorry?" I awkwardly apologize. "Kinda? The other stuff was important."

"Alvarcus."

"Right!" I clasp my hands together. "So the Sound Three died -"

 **POOF**

Alvarcus is spirited away in a cloud of smoke, leaving Orochimaru alone in his office.

Orochimaru doesn't fly into a blind rage, even if he is furious. He knows that the only cause for Alvarcus' disappearance is the Spiders, they must have reversed summoned him. That is the only explanation.

Yet that doesn't lessen his anger.

"Prison guards." Orochimaru pleasantly speaks into the intercom system. "I will require the four rowdiest prisoners we have. Those that still have their strength. Those that still have their hope. Those that still have their spirit." Orochimaru's face twists in pure fury and it spills over into his voice. " _I need to break something._ "

Orochimaru rises up from his desk and stalks out of his office with a sadistic smile plastered on his face.

"I think four isn't enough. Better make it five."

* * *

Kumo, the Raikage's Office, Present Time

"So he's not immortal." The Raikage states to Yugito who has just wrapped up the debriefing. "He's died before but when you _cut him into five chunks_ he shrugged it off like nothing and _overpowered your version two state that FORCED YOU TO MANIFEST THE NIBI!_ "

"Yes." Yugito easily brushes off the Raikage's shouts. She's used to it, though this time seems slightly more genuine than the others. "Alvarcus is one of the strongest people in Oto. I assure you that only Orochimaru himself is more of a threat in combat." Yugito pauses before sharing the next piece of her opinion. "Yet I believe that Alvarcus is the most dangerous person in Oto."

"What in the blazes of hell have you been drinking?!" The Raikage shouts at Yugito. "There is no possible way that a _thirteen year old boy_ is more dangerous than _one of the Sannin!_ So what he can take a beating, he's died before! That means he's killable!"

"He is a force that cannot be tamed. He acts solely on his own as he sees fit. Every action he does is one that he has thought out to benefit him - and him _alone_ \- the most. Alvarcus bows to no one." Yugito's eyes dart around the room, checking to make sure they are the only two present even though this is the most secure room in all of Kumo. "He doesn't bow to Orochimaru."

"How do you know?" The Raikage's passion has dwindled in favor of learning more about this enigma of a shinobi. "Did he sit you down for a talk? Did you have milk and cookies together? A nice slumber party?"

"None of the above." Yugito frowns at both the Raikage and what she is about to say. "I watched him assassinate the Sound Three."

* * *

Flashback, the Road Back to Oto

"Hey." I call out to the Sound Three. "Hold up a second guys, there's something that still needs to be done."

"Orochimaru-sama gave you another task?" Sakon asks in surprise. "He only told us about meeting with Yugito. What else is there?"

"I'll explain. First come here." I order the Sound Three and they all obediently fall in a line before me. I pull out a very specific scroll, one that has been specially crafted. "So… basically we have one more errand. Orochimaru gave me a special device he wants tested out."

"Couldn't he test it on the prisoners?" Jirobo asks in confusion. "That's their sole purpose."

"Not this." I casually flip the scroll through the air, letting it complete three revolutions before catching it with ease. "This is supposed to absorb the very essence of the land, nature chakra. Orochimaru wanted an untainted sample, so obviously this couldn't be done at the base since it's full of despair and suffering due to the prisoners."

Not to mention half the shinobi population there but there's no need to say that aloud.

"Oh. So how does it work?" Kidomaru asks while focusing on the scroll. "We gotta do some weird ritual or something? Sacrifice a virgin?"

"Oh shut up, there's nothing like that." I lackadaisically throw the scroll over their heads. All three of them track it, following the trajectory and even turning around once it passed over them. It innocently finishes the arc through the air and bounces twice on the ground a measly ten meters away. "Now we just wait for the seal to spit the device out and turn it on. See, easy."

Without making a single sound I take three steps back.

"Isn't it supposed to do something?" Kidomaru asks.

 **BANG**

Three things happened in nearly the same moment. First, out of the seal came a large pile of small scrap metal. Bent nails, broken screws, shattered kunai and shuriken. Second, an explosion sent all those sharp and jagged metal bits careening through the air at terminal velocity. Third, all of the Sound Three died.

Those sharp and jagged metal bits tore deep into their flesh. They ripped long gashes across their sides. They punched deep into the soft organs, some even went through. Their blood sprayed everywhere, staining them, the ground and even me brilliant crimson.

"Hm." I intently analyze the aftermath. "Perhaps next time I should take five steps back."

 _~How… mediocre.~_

"You sound disappointed." I idly flick my hands, sending some of the blood off of them, while thinking of ways to improve my seal grenade. "I think it was a complete success. My seal worked and I've removed a problem, no matter how small."

 _~Yes but it doesn't feel satisfying. There was no struggle. There was no begging for mercy. You didn't even raise up a fist against them. The just… died.~_

"Exactly." With practiced ease I fly through hand signs and a gout of blistering hot fire removes the final traces of the Sound Three and with them a piece of Orochimaru's soul. "I am a shinobi. A battle for the ages makes for a great story, but it makes a terrible shinobi. We are the blades hidden in the dark, the knife that will slit your throat and once our deed is done we fade back into the shadows. A good shinobi never lets a battle for the ages even start, they finish it on their own terms."

Three sickening squelches echo out from me.

 _~Aww… do we have to?~_

"Yes, you know we do." My three monsters slowly move away from me. "This must be believable. If I did battle against an enemy that killed all of the Sound Three then it would be logical that they could claim some of my hearts before I killed them."

 _~But all three? Why not one or two?~_

"Orochimaru has been distracted lately, delving deep into his studies and leaving me to my own devices. That's great because I can focus solely on the sword but I can't afford that. I need Orochimaru to step up my training, I must grow stronger to be able to beat what is to come. What better way to motivate him to do so than me turning up alone with one heart?"

 _~Fine. But I expect them to be replaced promptly.~_

"Of course." Three wet splats are heard as three ethereal dark sphere expand out of each monster. Once the spheres collapse back into the three hearts there's absolutely nothing left where they were. Even the ground is gone. "I'm not crazy, having all the elements _and_ multiple lives is fucking amazing."

I turn to look off to the east.

"And Yugito." I call out to the not-as-hidden-as-they-thought-they-were Kumo shinobi. "Make sure to tell the Raikage to stay the fuck away from Oto and Orochimaru. They are mine to burn. Mine to kill."

I turn to the west and start heading back to Oto.

"And tell him he's got a stupid fucking name!" I shout over my shoulder. "Seriously who names their kid Ay?"

* * *

The Raikage's Office

"Punk." The Raikage growls out in anger, yet surprisingly there's a mild sense of respect beneath that. The Raikage likes someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind. "What's he at in our Bingo Book?"

"B-rank. Low at that." Yugito provides the answer easily. She did memorize the obsolete page before leaving. "We thought a lot of him was hype. Turns out we were wrong."

"Bump him up to high A-rank." The Raikage says after a moment of consideration. "And add in a warning to leave him alone. If he's directly opposing you on a mission B-rank or lower, abandon it. If he offers help, well let's leave that up to the individual leading the mission. And obviously include all his skills. You know what, just redo his entire page."

"I was worried you'd say that." Yugito sighs in resignation.

* * *

The Nest

"-Sound Three died oh." I'm not in Oto anymore. I'm still sitting in the bloody chair but I'm in a dark clearing. Very little sunlight is shining down on the grassy ground, the thick canopy of webs stops all but the most hearty of beams. "Hello… uh… everyone?"

Every single spider is present. Arachne. The Weavers. Keji. Dokuso. The Sparkers, those with the conductive web. Even Shirokumo is here. But that isn't the end of them, countless other unnamed spiders litter the treeline. Thousands of them. I'd wager that every single spider is present, from the smallest speck of a spider to the hulking Arachne.

The only spider to not be in the circular treeline is Arachne, she's standing forwards and is the closest to me.

"Alvarcus Mar." She speaks and it is a very serious tone. There is no sense of happiness in her voice, no sense of pleasantness at seeing her summoner again. This isn't how she usually greets me, something must be wrong.

"Uh… yes?" I awkwardly rise up to my feet. I get the sense that sitting down will only make things worse.

"You are guilty of murder." Her words kill all other sounds. The scuttling of the horde of spiders quiets, the wind blowing through the webs dies, all of nature seems to pause at her declaration. "You knowingly and deliberately killed a fellow spider. You are guilty of murdering Kidomaru, one of our own. Do you have anything to say?"

With a suspiciously dry mouth I swallow once in preparation to speak.

"I-"

"It does not matter what he has to say!" A spider roars, cutting me off. "He killed my Summoner! Ripped him to pieces like he meant nothing to him! He has committed the greatest crime! We all know the consequences! An eye for an eye! I want Alvarcus de-"

"Kyodaigumo you go too far!" Keji interjects. "True our rules dictate equal retaliation but Alvarcus is an unique case. You wish to take away the Ancient One's personal Summoner?"

"Keji brings up a good point." Dokuso speaks up, even though such an event is happening before her eyes she seems only half invested. "You want revenge, we understand that. But your revenge would only cause the Ancient One pain-"

" _ **You will not bend the rules in my favor!**_ " Shirokumo roars in anger and every single spider's attention is focused on him. They all seem submissive to him. "I am nothing more than another spider. I am not special. I am not someone to raise up on a pedestal. There is a reason Arachne is doing my job for me, it is so I do not skew it unjustly. I am too involved in this."

"It would be an insult to us to ignore you." Arachne herself seems to be the only one capable of speaking back to Shirokumo after his outburst. "You were once our Great Sage. You are still the teacher of our Sages. You are the oldest and wisest of us all. How can we not at least attempt to do something for you, for your happiness?"

What? Shirokumo is the Great Spider Sage? He's the one who teaches the new Sages? He's the Ancient One? Whatever the hell that means. Just… WHAT?

"Shiro-"

" **SILENCE!"** Shirokumo's voice booms, cutting me off from my question. I smartly shut my mouth, I get a feeling that I would have just made it worse anyways. "You are not here to defend yourself. You are not here to debate the morality of your actions. _You killed one of us._ It will be up to Kyodaigumo to dole out your punishment. Fair is fair, you killed his Summoner so now he will chose what fate befalls you. Should he pick death, you die. I cannot stop it. I will not stop it. In fact it may be up to me to carry out the sentence, I doubt anyone else would be capable if you fought back."

"Don't say that." I horsely whisper out as my throat starts to constrict. "Shirokumo please don't say that."

Did I just lose my Summons? Did I go too far when I massacred the Sound Three? I thought it all through. I killed them all in a matter of seconds, they never saw it coming. I plotted my story to Orochimaru, I even sacrificed three of my hearts to sell my story. I thought I had all my bases covered, but I forgot one very key detail. One that I always say.

Spiders are everywhere. They saw me do it.

"Kyodaigumo." Shirokumo turns to the large spider. "What say you? What is his punishment? I will hold no ill will against you, even if you choose his death."

Silence falls throughout the field as everyone, myself included, awaits his answer.

 _~We can fight our way out if it comes to it. It matters not if you only have one heart, you are still beyond deadly. None of these spiders could stand against you if you let yourself loose. If you embraced what you once were you will survive. If you gave in to your bloodlust and cast aside your emotions, if you became a monster again.~_

That is not an option. These are my friends. I've fought next to them, I've bantered with them. I would have bled for them.

 _~We go on until the end. Is this the end that you talk about? Is this the defeat of the Heart… no. Is this the end of_ _ **you?**_ _Of all you worked for? Of all you set out to accomplish? You are willing to let it all end, right here and now?~_

"I want him Wrapped." Kyodaigumo speaks my fate. "I want his stone body to serve as a reminder for all of us that we do not betray our own."

"Wrapped?" I whisper out but due to the silent crowd and landscape everyone hears the one word question.

"Yes." Kyodaigumo focuses his attention on me. "Wrapped. You will be cocooned into the Ancient One's own webs. Webs that he will imbue with a unique property, one that turns flesh and blood to stone."

Turn flesh and blood to stone? That sounds like -

"You are aware that he may survive, yes?" Shirokumo asks Kyodaigumo. "If he does, what then? Will you still seek his death? You know that you can't stand against him now, should he become a Sage then he may even best me."

"He could never best you." Kyodaigumo didn't bother to look away from me when Shirokumo spoke. "If he survives then all will be forgiven. I am not a fool, I won't deprive us of him. I will never serve him, I will never speak to him. Sage or not, he has no place left in my life."

"So be it." Shirokumo turns to face me. "Alvarcus Mar, your judgement has come to pass. You will be Wrapped. Should you live, you are forgiven. Should you die, you will be forgotten. Come, follow me. This must be done in a specific place, one sacred to us."

Holy shit. I'm going to be forced to become a Sage or die.

 _~Why is nothing ever simple with you?~_


	68. Chapter 68

"It wasn't supposed to be this way." Shirokumo sorrowfully says to me. "It was never supposed to be this way."

We're both alone in an almost completely dark cave. The only light to shine in the surprisingly well kept and tidy circular cave is a luminescent spider web that's covering the ceiling. It spans the entire surface, throwing off a soft blue glow that is barely enough to see by. The walls are polished smooth, someone has devoted years upon years to perfect their shine. There are only two irregularities in the otherwise perfect walls, the entrance covered by dark blue curtains that put all of the Weavers best work to shame and a small soothing waterfall that falls into a pool on the opposite side of the entrance.

But the most impressive thing in this cave is the floor. It has a stereotypical spider's web carved into it but it has been shattered. Countless cracks run through the once beautiful piece of art that has been forever desecrated. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say something massive lashed out in anger right in the center of the web.

Which is exactly where I have been suspended from the ceiling. While upside down. And completely cocooned in webs.

"You just had to act impulsively." He starts to slowly circle me as I sway on a slight breeze. "You knew he was a Spider. Dammit Al you fucking new it! Did you really think that we'd just casually overlook you killing him? You should have checked with me before that at the very least!"

"And now you're Wrapped!" He shouts in rage. "Al if you fuck this up you're dead. You do know that right?"

I stiffly nod once. Shirokumo has some seriously strong silk, it took a lot of effort to force the small action to happen.

"I can't even help you." Shirokumo sighs in defeat. "Usually I'm here to cut off the flow of nature chakra if it starts to overwhelm you. But with the shit you pulled you're on your own."

I huff out a sigh of my own.

"Oh shut up you got yourself into this mess!" He accuses me and he's not wrong. He jabs one of his many legs into my chest and there's a spark of chakra that arcs through the webs. It greedily travels through every strand of the cocoon, running along them like a shinobi would a rooftop. Soon it will have nowhere else to go except into me. "We're going to have a serious chat when you get out of here, you hear me mister!"

I don't bother to attempt to stop myself from grinning, even if the cocoon of webs is blocking him from seeing my face. Even if I can start to feel the nature chakra leak into my own chakra pool. He thinks I'll make it.

 _~It would be a shame to disappoint him.~_

Yes. It would be a shame.

* * *

Five Minutes Later

Shirokumo is sitting high in a tree, basking in what little sunlight penetrates the thick layer of webs strung throughout the canopy. He's barely moving, in fact all of him is stark still except one of his legs. It's idly plucking at a lone thread over and over. Each pluck is accompanied by a sharp twang as it oscillates back and forth before settling. He's alone, simply absorbing everything that happened in the last few hours.

 _Twang._

His personal Summoner broke one of their most sacred rules. Probably the Summoner that had - _has_ \- the most potential to bring fame and glory to the Spiders. One of the best Summoners that they've ever had.

 _Twang._

Not necessarily the most eager to use them in combat, that's for sure. But he's capitalized on what the Spiders are good at, making webs. And he has them making the greatest web of all, one that encompases the entire Elemental Nations.

 _Twang._

Alvarcus truly cared for each and every spider he met. He kept them all out of harm's way whenever possible. He makes use of even the most obscure spiders, it's been so long since a Summoner recognized the tunnel spiders as useful.

 _Twang._

Not to mention how close he came on his own to finishing the Trials. He breezed through them. It's supposed to take years, decades even, for a potential candidate to complete one. Alvarcus only had one left. One measly little Trial. All he had to do was ask. Ask to become a Sage.

 _Twang._

Instead it has been thrust upon him. Now he has no choice. It is either become a Sage or be forgotten. Even if he does manage to live it will take years to build back the trust he severed when killing Kidomaru. As of now, it is only Shirokumo himself that is capable of completely trusting the boy.

 _Twang._

"It is horrible, isn't it?" Arachne settles down next to the eldest spider. Her massive bulk doesn't bend the tree limbs at all, she's far too accustomed to moving through them to let that happen. "For Kyodaigumo to go to such an extreme."

 _Twang._

"Yes, I suppose it is." Shirokumo doesn't bother to look at the Mother of the Spiders. Instead he continues to stare at the mouth of a cave. The one sacred to them, the one where all of the Sages are tested. "Very few have lived through it. Less kept their sanity."

"Do you really think Alvarcus has any sanity left to keep?" Arachne dryly asks her friend as she shifts around in the webs for a more comfortable spot to watch the cave.

 _Twang._

"Ha." Shirokumo snorts out in mild amusement. "You may be right about that. Sanity has never been his strongest suit."

The two spiders let a silence form between them. This silence is tense, not because they don't get along but because they're waiting to learn Alvarcus' fate.

 _Twang._

 _Twang._

 _Twang._

"Will you stop that?" Arachne asks with just a little bit of a bite to her tone.

Shirokumo finally takes his eyes off the cave, well only half of them, to look at Arachne. He rests his leg against the single strand of webbing once more and pulls it taunt.

"Shirokumo." There's a distinct warning in her voice, she's daring him to continue.

 _Twang._

"For someone so old you can be such a child." Arachne sighs out, admitting defeat and letting Shirokumo continue his nervous tick. She probably never should have said anything, she can't even remember the last time he seemed so… off. "Do you think he will live?"

"If there's one thing I've learned about our Summoner, it's this." Shirokumo turns his gaze to the cave where he can start to feel the whirling of nature chakra. It's beginning and it will end in a few hours. These are some of the longest hours of his life. "He is a survivor."

* * *

With Alvarcus

 _~How interesting.~_

'What is so interesting?' I mentally ask Sureddo. It's just the two of us now. Sink or swim. Kill or be killed. Sage or death.

 _~This chakra. It… itches?~_

'It doesn't itch to me.' That's… weird. 'Hell how can you feel an itch? Can you even do that? Oh God are my human sensations rubbing off on you? Please say you won't start crying next, I really don't need that in my life.'

 _~Ha ha. Very funny. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like a mild burning sensation, not one that is painful but one that is just irritating enough to make you take notice. The closest thing I have is itching. How does it feel to you?~_

'Like… hmm give me a moment.' I spend a moment to deeply analyze the slim amount of chakra that's worked its way into our shared chakra system. 'It reminds me of what I feel like when I'm livid beyond belief. It feels like rage.'

 _~Now that you mention it, it does feel like rage.~_

'That's strange, I'm pretty sure Sages are supposed to be gentle. I think that was a thing? Shit was that a thing?'

 _~Well isn't that helpful.~_

'Stuff it.' I sass Sureddo right back. 'We're in this together. Starting pointless arguments won't help at all. Let me know if it gets worse for you, alright? I'll think of something.'

 _~I will.~_

A few minutes pass in silence as both Sureddo and I keenly watch the amount of chakra trickling into us.

 _~Host? Is it supposed to be this easy? It's just balancing chakra.~_

'I have absolutely no idea.' I'm not lying either, it's one thing to know how something is supposed to work but another to go through the process yourself. 'Now that I think about it, we may be a little bit… uh... skewed? Yeah let's say skewed.'

 _~I don't follow.~_

'Well to put it simply, you are my chakra system. You have been for over a year. It flows through _you._ On top of that you constantly balance the presence of five unique chakras. Do you really think that balancing two would be difficult for you?'

 _~That is a good point.~_

'Not to mention that it's not really its own unique chakra, it's a part of every chakra. Every single person has the ability to become a Sage, to harness nature chakra for themselves. I've always thought it was because nature chakra is already a part of everyone. So _technically_ you're just maintaining a single chakra right now. It just has a third piece to it in addition to the yin and yang. Kind of like a kid only playing with two toys that suddenly gets a third, at the end of the day they all go into the same toy bin. That was a really shitty analogy. Forget I said that.'

 _~But this had such a build up. It is supposed to be nearly unobtainable. A challenge that only those with a will of steel can pass. One that scarcely a few dozen have ever achieved! We're-_

'Making it our bitch.' I smirk to myself. 'Which is really convenient for us since the only other practical - and saying practical is being _very_ generous - thing I can think of to help us stand against what is to come is the Rinnegan. And well… I get the odd feeling that Nagato isn't too keen on parting with them. Plus there's the whole do I even keep them or squish them beneath my boot.'

 _~Alvarcus let's worry about one thing at a time. We can discuss what to do with the purple eyes later, right now we should be more worried about getting through this.~_

'Fair point.' I'd nod my head in acceptance of Sureddo's logic but that would take too much effort. 'Not to mention what the hell I'm going to tell Orochimaru once we get back.'

 _~It's times like these I'm glad only you can hear me.~_

* * *

Otogakure

"I feel much better." Orochimaru straightens up from his slightly hunched over position. He wanted to get a better angle as he tortured - ahem. Relieved some stress.

Lord knows he needed this.

"Pity though." He disappointedly glances back down at the crude operating table. The recently made corpse is a mash up of parts and pieces. The head and torso clearly belong together, there's nothing that would seem out of place between the two. But all its limbs are mismatched. The pigmentations are all slightly off color, the general sizes are not uniform and even muscle mass is drastically different. The left leg is a handful of centimeters longer than the right and the arms are on backwards. A left arm is on the right shoulder, and vise versa. "I thought… hm. What was his name? Oh well not like it matters, I'll call him Frank. I thought Frank would live longer. I managed to sever and attach all new limbs but he expired so soon! I could have had so much more fun!"

Orochimaru walks over to a sink, having to step over the mangled mess of most of four other corpses on his way, and begins to clean the various bodily fluids off of his hands. Miraculously nothing else on him is stained. Say what you will about the man but he's good at what he does.

"Is he back yet?" Orochimaru stretches out his senses, feeling for his child's presence. "No. Not yet. I suppose I should handle some business then, who knows when the Spiders will be done with him."

The Snake Sannin leisurely strolls over to his intercom system while stepping over the corpses yet again.

"Maiko, darling, could you please come down to my lab? I require your presence." He clearly and authoritatively speaks into the microphone.

Orochimaru sighs as he prepares for a short wait. Maiko doesn't disappoint, she arrives promptly when called. She knows to drop whatever it is she's doing whenever he asks her to even when told to come to his lab which is usually a very, very bad thing. Exactly like a good underling should.

Orochimaru has invested a lot of time and effort to make sure _all_ his underlings respond exactly how she did.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" Maiko asks with confidence but her ears give away her true feelings. They're pinned down to her scalp in terror. "You called?"

"Yes yes!" Orochimaru gestures her to come into the lab. "No need to worry about the mess, in fact that is why I called you here."

"Do you want me to clean it?" Maiko eyes the four corpses on the ground, all of which are missing vital things like arms and legs, and the one abomination on the table. "That could take a while but if you request it of me I will do so. If at all possible I would like to change first, I like this outfit and blood is so hard to get out of clothes. Only if that's okay though!"

"Nonsense, I have people for that." Orochimaru waves off her guess. "It's just I'd rather only make one mess instead of two."

The last thing Maiko sees in this world is a long piece of steel sticking out of Orochimaru's gaping maw and spearing into her chest.

"W-why?" She manages to sputter out as her lifeblood spills onto the ground, mixing with the already large pool.

"Because you might know my son's secret." Orochimaru grants the final request of his experiment, the only reason he's doing so is because she was a success. She served him well, no matter how briefly, so he will allow her this. "Cats have a nasty habit of sensing if someone has died before. I will not allow it to spread."

Maiko crumbles to the ground once Orochimaru withdraws the Sword of Kusanagi from her chest.

"There." Orochimaru turns to make his way out of his lab while stretching out his senses once more. "Still not back. How unfortunate, perhaps I'll make a quick stop by the prison and pick up a few things for him."

Unbeknownst to the legendary shinobi a tiny black speck, one easily mistaken for a clump of dust or even dirt, observed the entire thing. The worst thing about it is that the tiny spider isn't even surprised. In fact it has been warned that this might happen by Alvarcus himself.

After all, he did warn the cat that what she knew could get her killed.

* * *

With Alvarcus

 _~Alvarcus. It's getting worse. The rage. It's getting stronger. It's making me… squeamish. I don't like it.~_

'Well shit. I figured that would happen. It's okay. I've got this. I've totally got this. The end has to be close.'

 _~Host it's burning now. It's very… uncomfortable. I really don't like it. It makes me want to lash out.~_

'It's probably only going to get worse. Tell ya what, you're handling the chakra. Let me handle the rage.' I'm suggesting a divide and conquer approach.

 _~Is that a good idea?~_

'Please, I got this.' I confidently say to Sureddo. 'You constantly do so much for me, let me do this for you. Trust me.'

 _~Okay. I'll push all the rage onto you and manage the chakra myself. But the moment I think you can't handle it I'm taking some of it back.~_

'You worry about yourself. I can handle this.'

I hope.

* * *

Somewhere in the Elemental Nations

"Jiraiya-sensei!" A familiar boy with a mop of ridiculously blonde hair whines. "Where are we going now?"

"Kusa." Jiraiya distractedly responds. He's furiously scribbling in a notebook at finger breaking speeds. "I've got some snooping to do."

"You're going to snoop around in Kusa." Naruto flatly says to his teacher. "Why the hell are you going to do that? Kusa is one of our allies!"

"For new, yes." Jiraiya finishes his mad scribbling and snaps the notebook shut. "But with that stunt your friend pulled things have gotten shaky over there. Kusa is living in fear of an attack from Oto and war breaking out. So we're going to pop over there and casually remind the Kusakage that we have their backs while digging for any information that could hint at them turning on us. Orochimaru is focused on destroying Konoha and the Kusakage knows that. He could dangle one of our secrets in front of Orochimaru's nose to get him to not level Kusa."

"You really except that to happen?" Naruto's head wilts.

"Kiddo, I'm a veteran shinobi. I expect _anything_ can happen." Jiraiya suddenly vanishes in a cloud of smoke, leaving Naruto behind and alone.

"HA!" Naruto shouts at the spot where Jiraiya once stood. "Bet you didn't expect that!"

* * *

With Arachne and Shirokumo

"I don't believe it." Arachne says in undisguised surprise as she stares at the mouth of the cave.

A lone figure is walking out of it, one still masked in the shadows of the cave. A measly two steps later the figure is squinting up at the sky with a raised arm trying to block out the sudden assault of sunlight to his eyes.

He is radiating an aura of doom, it's wafting off of him so strongly that the two spiders can feel it from their vantage point. The innocent looking boy, the one childishly looking around in slight confusion, has a cloak of rage whirling around him. It's so strong, so volatile that nature itself seems to surge in response to his mere presence. The wind has picked up, the ground has become harder, the flora and fauna present all seem to become rooted to the spot in fear of his wrath. No, not his wrath. Of the wrath he's throwing off, they simply can't comprehend this _beast's_ fury. Because if his aura is this strong, then how potent is the wrath he himself feels?

Both spiders know exactly who it is, after all there was only one being inside the cave.

"He lived." Arachne breathily loses the words from her mouth.

Alvarcus' head snaps towards the two spiders, instantly zeroing in on their location.

She doesn't want to admit it to herself but she's feeling fear. Fear from her Summoner, fear from the boy before her. She never knew that a Sage could feel such malice. She's seen a few other Sages go on a rampage. She's watched as Shirokumo beat their senses back into them. She's felt what they were like, even the one that he had to kill to stop.

This is nothing like it. This is in a whole different class.

That terrifies her beyond anything else because if she had to hazard a guess about what made him feel such strong fury is the Spiders.

"For now." Shirokumo rises up from his spot in the web. "We've lost Sages to this madness before. I'll go confront him."

* * *

With Alvarcus

"I feel _good._ " I purr out as I step further away from the cave and a stiff wind rushes past me, whipping my coat and hair into a localized frenzy. I experimentally flex my fingers, curling both of my hands into fists repeatedly. I turn them this way and that way to fully look at them. "Really good. So this is what Sage Mode is?"

 _~Host, are you okay?~_

"I'm perfectly okay." I purr right back to Sureddo as I look away from my hands. "I wonder how easy it would be to crush stone with my bare hands? Like balling up paper? Could I warp metal with my sheer grip now?"

 _~Alvarcus! Keep calm! Think calming things!~_

"Oh shut up I am calm!" I snap at the Jiongu. Then a sudden all encompassing though thunders through my skull. One that shakes me to my core. "My ninjutsu just got upgraded to a whole new tier. That means my chakra strings are _better._ I have to test them out! Right now! This is going to be _orgasmic!_ "

"Keep it in your pants Al." A familiar white spider appears before me, a good dozen meters away. He's wary of me. "You have got to be the weirdest person I've ever met."

"Hey Shirokumo. Or is it the Ancient One? Wait, there's something more important." I barely spare him a glance as I scour my surroundings for something to test my newly enhances strings on. "Are there any trees or boulders or anything around here that aren't important?"

"Personally I'd prefer if a fresh Sage didn't test out his new _insanely destructive_ toy right next to our most sacred place." Shirokumo carefully chooses his words as if he's worried about setting me off.

"Fine. I'll see just how much of a boost I got later." I huff out in indignation as I stuff my hands in my pockets to Shirokumo's dumbfounded expression. "We gotta talk."

"You're… not going on a rampage?" He asks in great confusion. "The rage coming off of you is so strong. No other new Sage has ever felt like this before."

"Rage?" I snort out in dark amusement as I sit down right where I'm at. Usually I'd make a chair out of earth but I'm not risking the jutsu going crazy. "I'm living with Orochimaru. My parent's murderer. Sakura's murderer. The one who imprinted himself onto me moments after I was convinced. The one who plans to steal my best friends body to satisfy some sick dream of his. He's responsible for Tayuya. He's the reason I'm so fucked up."

"So you see, my eight legged friend, I've been living with blistering rage for a very long time and I've had to look at the source of it all and _fucking smile._ You really think this petty emotion has any sway over me? I've decided to embrace my rage by getting even. I let it fester as I play the long game. It's like a fine wine, each moment that passes only makes it better. I'm content waiting until the bottle has aged appropriately before popping the cork. After all I'm a very, very patient man."

"I… wow." Shirokumo relaxes. Minutely relaxes, he's still on guard. Waiting for me to snap at the slightest provocation. "Consider me impressed."

"Me too." I cockily smirk as I intensely examine my left hand once more. Just how much strength - how much power - is lying dormant in my fingertips now? "So now that that's out of the way, _the fuck Shirokumo!?"_

He winces at my angry tone, obviously thinking that I don't have as good of a hold on my emotions as I said.

"Alright, let's just stay calm-"

"I am fucking calm!" I roar at him, it's accompanied by an accusing finger pointing right at the bastard. "The Ancient One? You're a _Sage?_ And not just any Sage the _GREAT SPIDER SAGE?!_ Doesn't that seem like something important to share with me!"

"I've given up that title a very long time ago." If he could Shirokumo's eyes would be narrowed at me right now. "But that hardly matters anymore, it seems that everyone still thinks I hold it. No matter how hard I try to make them realize I'm unworthy."

"Quit your fucking pity party!" I shout at him with just a little too much anger. "Titles are not something that you can just drop. They are not something you decide for yourself, they are something that others force you to live with. Do you think I like being called the Heart Thief? Do you think I enjoy being reminded that I steal other's lives to prolong my own? Not to mention it sounds kinda stupid, like I'm some womanizer or something!"

"It does sound kinda bad." He lets a strained smile worm its way onto his face. It looks terrifying, seriously spiders shouldn't smile. _Ever._ "But you know what's worse?"

"Let me guess." I groan out with a roll of my eyes. "Killing Kidomaru."

"Bingo!" He claps his front two legs together. "Seriously the hell were you thinking?"

"Oh, you know." With a shrug I continue. "Just wanted to rid the world of another cold blooded murderer that has already and would go onto commit atrocities worthy of the Devil himself. One who has killed countless men, women and children alike without mercy or a shred of remorse. One who is loyal to Orochimaru above all else, who would gladly carry out the most despicable orders with a gleeful smile plastered to his stupid face. And to add icing on the cake, he harbored a sliver of Orochimaru's soul in his curse seal. So yeah, how's that for a list of reasons?"

"But he's a Spider you moron!" It's Shirokumo's turn to yell at me. "We have rules in place to handle these things! If you presented your case to us you wouldn't be in this situation! Why didn't you? You knew he was a fellow Summoner!"

"I… forgot?" I weakly reply with a wince.

"How in the blazes of hell did you forget that!" Shirokumo throws up his front two legs in exasperation.

"The War." I bluntly tell him. "Orochimaru. Sasuke. The Akatsuki. Orochimaru again because who knows, I might be slowly forgiving him and that is really pissing me off and scaring me at the same time. Sasuke again because of the whole damn Itachi mess and his own curse seal. Do I really need to go on? Because I can. For _hours._ "

"You made your point." Shirokumo sighs. "But the one thing you overlooked could kill you."

"OI!" I point accusingly at him once more. "We're talking about you right now! We've already covered that I fucked up, hence the impromptu Sage Wrap thing-a-ma-bob. Why the hell didn't you tell me that you're… whatever the hell you are in the Spider's hierarchy?"

"I… uh…" His eyes start to dart around. They're looking for anything and everything that could make this easier on him. There's nothing for him to find. "Was going to eventually? Once you naturally passed the Trials to become a Sage the correct way."

"Not good enough." It's time for my eyes to narrow at him. "I'm not the only one who burned a bridge today, jackass. You burned one too. The only difference is your bridge is still on fire, it's not ashes yet. So it's time to step up, what are you throwing on the fire? Water or oil?"

"Water." He meekly says as he seems to shrink on himself.

"Good choice." I monotonously reply as I cross my arms and await his response.

"I didn't trust you." His whole body dips down lower to the ground in shame. "At first that's all it was. Could I reveal that the impossible had happened? That the strongest Spider could be so easily summoned on a mere whim? No, I couldn't. So I didn't. Then I spent so much time around you, learning your mannerisms and your insanity. Barely a blink later, we were friends. But then I was fearful. I kept a secret, a very big one, from a friend. How could I reveal it without you lashing out at me? How could I salvage our friendship? Would it irrevocably change how we operate? It wasn't something I was willing to risk, so I kept my secret."

Shirokumo's eyes are firmly latched onto the ground as one of his many legs idly pokes at a pebble. I slowly walk over to the tiny spider and squat down so we're closer in height.

"Shirokumo." My even voice makes him flinch. "Look at me."

He peels his eyes off the floor to meet mine.

"If you think that would change anything you're a dumbass." I playfully smirk at him as I affectionately boop him on the head with a fist.

 _ **BOOM**_

A crater instantly form where the spider was, kicking up a large cloud of dust.

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!" I frantically start waving away the dust. "Shirokumo I'm so sorry I forgot I was in Sage Mode! SHIT SHIT SHIT PLEASE BE ALIVE!"

"Looks like you're the dumbass." He lets out a laugh at my expense. The good news is he's behind me. The bad news is he's going to insult me, I can feel it. "Or did you forget that I have _eons_ of experience on you? Doubly, nay _triply,_ when it comes to Sages."

"Yeah well you smell funny!" I lob the childish insult at him.

"Dude." He just stares at me in disappointment.

"I'm having a bad day." I let a long sigh escape my lips.

"It can't be that bad, you're a Sage now! Do you know how rare that is?"

"Shirokumo, you have _no idea_ how weird today has been for me. None at all."

"I'll just take your word for it." He wisely lets it drop.

"So…" I awkwardly scratch the back of my head in embarrassment. "How do I turn it off?"

"Okay, time for a crash course in how Sage Mode works."

* * *

With Naruto

"This is strangely boring." The blonde shinobi looks around for something to amuse him until his sensei returns. "I thought that once I got away for a bit I'd feel better, you know some me time. Figured that would help. Welp, turns out I was wrong. There's no one here to torment, no one to bask in my glory, no one to -"

 **POOF**

"-and he's back." Naruto lets a boisterous smile form on his face. "Hey Jiraiya-sensei, where'd you go off to in a rush? Did God finally take pity on women everywhere and hold an intervention for you?"

"HA!" Jiraiya snorts out as he ruffles the kid's hair with his massive hand. "Like that would get me to turn away from my ways! You'll need way more than that!"

"Alright, so negative on the intervention." Naruto looks up at his sensei. "So where did you go then?"

"Mount Myoboku." JIraiya's face turns sour. "Ma and Pa called me there. They had something very important to tell me."

"Mount… Myoboku?" Naruto half asks, half states.

"Home of the Toads." Jiraiya easily answers. "The news they had is very… concerning."

"New?" Naruto's interest is peaked. "What news?"

"They told me to hurry up and finish my training because _the Spiders have a_ _ **Perfect Sage.**_ "

"Oh. That's bad." Naruto's mood sours along with JIraiya's. Then his brow scrunches in confusion. "That is bad right?"

"Oh yeah." Jiraiya stares off in a specific direction, one where he suspects his old teammate is. "Very bad. I know what we're doing after Kusa."

"Hey Jiraiya?"

"Yeah kid?"

"The fuck is a Sage?"

* * *

Otogakure

 **POOF**

I land on my feet with all the grace of an expert gymnast. After a quick sweep of the room I realize that I'm back in Orochimaru's office. He looked up from his desk that's littered with papers at my sudden appearance.

"Oh good." He efficiently picks up the document he was working on and moves it off to the side. "You're back. What did the Spiders want? And why did it take _nine hours?_ "

"Basically the same thing as you but it took way longer and a couple other things." I heave out a long sigh as I walk over to the suspiciously not soaked in blood anymore chair. Looks like he had someone clean it or scrapped it for a new one. "But basically they saw that Kidomaru's name was off the scroll and wanted to see if I knew anything about it."

"Ah. Yes." Orochimaru's eyes narrow. "What did happen to the Sound Three? I am growing very impatient."

"Long version or short version?" I ask him as I plop down in the chair. Thankfully for the chair the Weavers saw fit to replace my previously bloodsoaked outfit with a new one. Pretty sure they didn't like the fact that I ruined an outfit with the blood of a fellow spider, but I didn't exactly tell them it was Kidomaru's. Who knows, maybe they didn't notice?

"Short." Orochimaru bluntly says as he starts tapping a finger on his desk. "Let me rephrase: Make it _very_ short. I want to know and I want to know nine hours ago!"

"Okay okay jeez!" I'm not surprised by this at all. I did drag it out way longer than I should have. For some ungodly reason I got a sense of victory by holding this over the Snake Sannin. "Super short version coming up! Danzo Shimura sent his ROOT shinobi to assassinate me again. Sound Three tried to protect me and paid with their lives. I killed those that they didn't. That's it in a nutshell."

"Your missing hearts?" Orochimaru asks a simple question.

"They were good shinobi." I easily respond. "Keyword being were. I had to use some extreme force to put them down - pretty sure I made a new lake as a side effect but whatever - and it destroyed their hearts in the process. Can't exactly use a red mushy paste as a heart."

Orochimaru stares at me for a solid three minutes before speaking again.

"And, just out of my own personal curiosity, how _exactly_ do you know of Danzo's ROOT?"

Oh shit. Really didn't think that one through.

"He tried to recruit me a long time ago." I casually reply with a shrug as astonishment washes over Orochimaru's face. "I said no. He took exception to that, doubly so since I left Konoha for you. It took me a while to piece together that it was ROOT that tried to assassinate me the first time - you know when Tayuya died - but once I objectively looked at it the puzzle suddenly made sense. He couldn't really send his hitmen after me when I was in Konoha since I did frequently visit some powerful people like Kakashi and Tsunade but once I left it was open season. Just took him some time to track me down to take my head. Then these shinobi had the exact same chakra suppression seals so that means that he tried again. Simple as that."

Damn I'm good. That was an excellent cover story if I do say so myself. I twisted the truth a lot here but essentially I'm implying that he tried to recruit me before I left Konoha. I can't exactly say that only a few months ago he contacted me and I didn't bother to tell Orochimaru about it. Because that would go over so well.

"Why is everyone so insistent on taking you away from me?" Orochimaru mutters out, more to himself than to me, as he massages his temples in a vain attempt to alleviate his headache.

"Dunno." Another casual shrug accompanies the single word. "You'd think they would have realized it's a lost cause by now." My eyes dart to a corner where four very terrified people are chained. "What's up with them?"

"Oh them." Orochimaru's yellow eyes dart to the prisoners. "They're your replacements."

 _~Well… he did a damn good job. They have fairly good sized reserves - nothing to really brag about - and our missing elements. I can't sense any of the prisoners that would be a better fit. It's rather convenient to live in a giant prison complex, isn't it?~_

"Huh. Thanks." I get up from the chair and start strolling over to the prisoners like I'm going for a stroll in a park instead of preparing to kill four people.

Once I get close enough I pause to ask them a single question.

"Is there anything you would like to say?" I softly yet firmly ask the four. "Anything at all? Feel free to speak your mind no matter how… inventive you may be."

"You're going to kill us, aren't you?" A tall man on the left asks. I don't bother replying, I merely nod once in confirmation. "Thought so. Make it quick. That's all I have to say."

I turn my eyes to the person next to him, it's a middle aged woman.

" _Why?_ " She utters a single word.

"Because life sucks." I bluntly answer without an ounce of pity or remorse in my tone. But deep inside I know this is wrong. This isn't me taking a heart from an opponent that I've bested. Nor is it me executing a criminal. It's because if I don't Orochimaru will know something is wrong. "I am in need of something you have. When I take it you die. It is not personal. It is not even professional. It's just shitty odds stacked against you."

I look over to the next person, a young boy. Probably only a year or two older than me.

"Fuck you." He spits on me and hits me in my face.

"I said you may speak your mind. Nothing more." His head rolls off his shoulders and hollowly thuds to the ground. His body crumples, falling first to its knees then collapsing on top of the severed head. I idly wip the spit off my face while taking a few steps back to avoid the rapidly expanding pool of blood. "Well that felt gross and I've been fist deep into people's chest cavities before."

"Did you have to decapitate him?" Orochimaru groans out. "Now I have to have someone clean that up. We are in my office, not my lab Alvarcus. Look at that mess! Look at it! Probably going to need to install new carpet and everything, the cleaners are miracle workers but this may be beyond them."

"I'm not apologizing. Might I suggest a nice tile floor instead? Maybe a hardwood would look nice too. Either way it is much easier to get blood off of those." I don't bother to look at him. Instead I turn to the last person, a late teens girl. "Anything to say?"

"You've changed." She quietly says, not because she's scared of me but because she's resigned to her fate. "You were hailed as a hero in Konoha. How far have you fallen? What happened to the boy I heard stories about? What have you become?"

"You're from Konoha?" I ask in mild surprise.

"Suna." She corrects me with pride despite being in rags and chains. And speaking with her soon to be killer but such is the life of a shinobi. "Gaara, Kankuro and Temari speak highly of you. Even to this day."

"Curious." Four black spears made of threads surge out of the bottom of my shirt and sink to their four chests. The black spears coil around their most precious organ and rip it out of them, causing small spurts of blood to fly through the air. Within moments the hearts are in their new home, my back.

"I thought for sure I burned that bridge long ago. I guess they really want that ice cream." I effortlessly hold up one of my hands with my fingers spread out. Over each digit forms a small sliver of the elements. I snap my fingers together to form a fist and the elements vanish. "That brings me back up to five."

"Alvarcus. You have been slacking." Orochimaru calls out to me. "We're a bit low on explosive tags."

"I have the next batch done." I turn away from the four bodies. "Want me to go grab the crates? They're in my lab."

"Crates?" Orochimaru asks/states to me. Seriously I'm not sure if that was a question or him just speaking. "You usually only make one."

"Well I have four done if you want them." I start making my way to the door. "I kinda maybe sorta threw myself into it hardcore so I could have some free time for the next few months."

"Four crates!?" Orochimaru doesn't even attempt to keep his voice down, I've shocked him too much. "That's four thousand seals! That's one hundred and thirty three seals a day! No! It's more than that, you were gone for a few days in Hot Springs! Alvarcus when do you find time to do all of that!"

"I'll let you in on the secret. Well mainly it's because I want to brag and am tired of keeping this talent to myself. It's pretty obvious that you of all people will understand why I've kept this specific thing under wraps." I dramatically lean towards Orochimaru despite him being at his desk and me halfway out the door. Four unique pens raise themselves up off his desk and start spinning in the air. Orochimaru's expert eyes track the pens and then widen. The pens aren't just spinning, they're drawing an explosive tag. "It's cute that you think I only make one seal at a time."

The four pens clatter down to the desk as I exit the room. Orochimaru's excited voice carries down the hallway.

"Kukukuku! He's just like me! Brilliant beyond measure! He's truly my child!"

I poke my head back inside to the office.

"By the way I'm going to visit that island again in a few hours. There's a couple of things I want to try out that are a bit… destructive." Like Sage Mode chakra strings. "I can't wait I'm so excited!"

"Of course, you've already turned it into a barren wasteland. What's one more visit? I'll send someone around to grab the crates from your lab."

* * *

Alvarcus' Room

"Okay." I'm staring into the bathroom mirror. Both of my hands are tightly gripping the sides of the sink and my arms are bearing a significant portion of my weight. I'm intently staring straight at my eyes. They're unmasked, completely bared to the world. Or in this case just me and the mirror. "Let's do this."

I close my eyes and go freakishly still. So still that to anyone else I would appear frozen in time. There is absolutely nothing that could disturb me and nothing would dare.

I stay still for a long seven minutes. Then after those excruciatingly long seven minutes I open my eyes.

"So this is what sensing is like." My Sage Mode sensing has kicked in. "That's… a lot of people. Is this what it always is like for you? Always knowing where others are?"

 _~To an extent, yes. I can regulate it to background noise if I chose to. Kind of like how the humming of a fan vanishes if you listen to it long enough.~_

"We really need to work on that time." I comment offhandedly to Sureddo. "Seven minutes is impractical in battle."

 _~I'm still getting used to the process and our chakra supply did just quintuple. Eventually I'll be able to do it in a barely a few moments regardless of how many hearts we have. Five, one, no matter. I'll master this, it would be stupid not to.~_

"Good, but that won't solve the issue of running out of nature chakra in an extended fight. We'll have to come up with something. Maybe Shirokumo has already figured out a work around? The Toads fuse with their Sages to get around it, could he do that?" I pull my focus off of everyone and everything around me, then look into the mirror. My face has changed. "Huh. That's really not what I expected."

It's just some yellow eyeshadow. That's it. No spider web. No intricate pattern dancing across my face. Just some yellow make up.

"What a let down." I sigh as I twist my head this way and that way to further study the new addition. "Not even a cool design. Figures. At least I sorta got my yellow eyes back. That's something, right?"

 _~Shall we take it for a… test drive?~_

"How should I put this." My reflection in the mirror has a wicked grin on his face. " _Fuck yes._ "


	69. Chapter 69

"O-Orochimaru-sama!" One of Orochimaru's faithful - or just too scared to go against him - minions stutters out as he knocks on his office door.

"Never a moment's rest." Orochimaru sighs as he looks up from his paperwork. He finally has things at this base sorted out but the eastern hideout desperately needs his presence to clean up their messes. "Yes?"

"We're being invaded!" The nameless minion sputters out.

"Let me guess." Orochimaru dryly looks at the incompetent minion. He has just been moved to the expendable category. Now if only Orochimaru could remember his name. What was it again? "It's from the south east."

"Y-yes!" The minion fearfully, yet with impressed eyes, sputters out to the Sannin. "The Sensory Team has picked up f-forty three unique signatures!"

"It's just Alv- come again?" Orochimaru's gaze sharpens. One moment he was bored, slightly perturbed and was just a tensy bit contemplating how to eviscerate this minion and the next his _full_ attention is focused. "Did you just say forty three?"

"C-correct sir!" The minion stands at attention, straight back and intently staring at a specific part on the wall. He's reverted to this once Orochimaru's mood shifted. "Unfortunately that's not including your s-son! He's right in their p-path!"

"Hm." Orochimaru pauses for a fleeting moment, weighing his options, before asking one more question. "How strong would the Sensory Team rate this force? Mostly jonin? Chunin? Genin? ANBU perhaps? Heaven forbid Kage?"

"We assessed them as an ANBU unit sir!" The minion barks out, glad for an easy question.

"Curious, very curious." Orochimaru knows something that the general public - shinobi and civilian alike - doesn't. He knows that the myth of ANBU being comprised solely of the elite of the elite is just that, a myth. Sure most of them are above average, easily ranking high chunin at the very least, but it's simply impossible for that many extraordinarily talented shinobi to exist.

Of course there are those that truly are extraordinarily talented in ANBU. These are the elite teams sent to fight against highly dangerous targets, they're the teams sent to assassinate the unkillable, they're the teams that garner the untouchable reputation that ANBU has.

That means, statistically speaking of course, that the force approaching is mostly chunin with a decent amount of jonin and perhaps a few truly talented individuals.

"Is Karin on duty?" Orochimaru asks, pulling himself away from his thoughts for a moment.

"Yes sir!" The minion barks out once more.

"And how did she say my child feels about this impending force?" Orochimaru calmly asks the most pivotal question yet.

Orochimaru knows that Alvarcus himself may not have any aptitude for sensing but the Jiongu does. Surely it will warn him about what's coming. Yet Alvarcus hasn't fled from his island, he's remained. Something is off about it. Almost like...

"She said he felt _furious._ " The minion starts to sweat as he recalls Karin's reaction. Her face drained of all blood, she seemed to shrink three sizes and even curled herself into a ball in a corner as if it would shield her from him. "Furious beyond anything she'd felt before."

"That's not entirely unexpected." Orochimaru mutters under his breath, quiet enough that the minion doesn't hear it.

"And that he felt… excited?" The minion attempts to state but it comes out as a question. Why? Simply because he can't comprehend why someone would be excited about facing down forty three people alone.

"Then it will be fine." Orochimaru turns back to his paperwork. "He thinks he can handle it."

A small tremor goes through the base, one that only the best shinobi's heightened senses can pick up.

"On second thought perhaps I should prepare a task force." Orochimaru looks off towards where he knows his child is. "Even if it is only to take a few of them prisoner before Alvarcus slaughters them all."

* * *

At The Island, Half an Hour Ago

 **POOF**

"Sup Al?" Shirokumo warmly greets me despite all the shit we've just been through. "How's things?"

It's nice to know that he's still with me. Still my friend.

"Same stuff, different day." I casually respond with a shrug.

"So completely bullshit on so many levels it should be criminally insane?" He dryly asks me with his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Exactly." I snort out in amusement. "So just really quick I've got a question we didn't cover about Sage Mode."

"Ask away." He nods once while taking in the surroundings. "Where are we by the way?"

"Oh, remember that island that I kinda blew up? We're on it." I effortlessly reply and join him in taking in the landscape.

Or lack of.

The once green island is now blackened. It used to be relatively circular from a bird's eye view but now it's broken and jagged. Parts of it are simply gone, as if they were ripped out of the ground while in some areas there's more island than there should be. There's craters littered across the entire ten square kilometer island, some small and others freakishly large. Yet the most impressive change to the island is a crack that splits it in two. It looks like it was cut by a precision laser of all things.

"Damn kid, and this was _without_ Sage Mode?" Shirokumo asks even though he knows the answer already.

"Yep. I'm fucking broken!" I cackle like a madman. Or just cackle. Pretty sure I am a madman at this point. Oh God I'm aware of my own insanity there's no way that's healthy. "Though it wasn't all in one visit, it took a while to ravage it this much. Anyways enough about that, I want to know if you've come up with something to work around having to stand still to gather chakra."

"Nope." And with one measly word he crushes my hopes and dreams. "Never had a need to."

"What the hell do you mean you've never had a need to?" I demand an answer from him. "It's like the only flaw that becoming a Sage has!"

"Because I've absolutely _crushed_ anyone who has opposed me while in Sage Mode." He arrogantly brags to me. "No one has lasted past two minutes when I got serious."

"Huh." That little tiny white spider is actually a badass. Never would have guessed it. "Well, that's fair. Guess I'll have to come up with something on my own then. Like usual."

"Shut up you baby." Shirokumo rolls all eight of his eyes at me. "You're a Sage now. Barely anyone in this world should be able to stand against you."

"That may be true but Sage Mode will be my secret trump card. I will only use it when I have to, when my opponent is so deadly that I simply must or I will die. So basically when I fight against the Akatsuki or someone equivalent to them. Basically anyone S-rank. And Danzo. But that's cuz I want to crush him like an ant beneath my boot. In fact I think I might literally do that. It would feel nice. Place a heel on his skull and simply… push… down…" I absentmindedly start grinding a heel into the ground while a deep rumbling growl resonates out of my throat.

"You have issues." Shirokumo's voice pulls me out of my fantasy.

"Hm? Oh Right. Anyways, like I said it's a secret weapon." I take my eyes off the spider and let them roam around the barren island. "Except for right now. Right now I'm going to spend the next few hours fucking around with my new toy. It's going to be great!"

"In that case I'll be going." Shirokumo seems eager to leave. "Collateral damage and all that. Rather not accidentally get squished beneath your boot because you thought I was Danzo."

"See ya buddy." I wave him off.

"Oh one last thing." Shirokumo cuts in. "Tell the Gatekeeper hello for me, will you? Whenever you see him around. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't met him yet."

 **POOF**

Shirokumo vanishes off the island.

"Uh… Sure?" I say to the smoke as I sit down on the ground cross legged. I plant both my hands on top of my bent knees and go freakishly still. "Who the fuck is the Gatekeeper? Meh, I'll figure it out later. Right now I've got something more important to do. Sureddo, if you would be so kind?"

 _~Of course, it's time to stretch our legs and see what we can do.~_

Seven minutes pass at an excruciatingly slow rate. But eventually they do pass and I open my yellow shadowed eyes.

"Huh." I stare off to the south east, in the opposite direction of where the base is. "You feel that too?"

 _~A moment please, let me stretch out my senses.~_

"I'm new to this whole sensing thing, but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say-"

 _~That there's forty three shinobi rapidly approaching us?~_

"Yeah. That." Sureddo finished my sentence for me. It also confirmed that there is indeed a force quickly closing in on us. "Interesting. Did someone finally figure out where this base is? Pretty sure it's off every map and I sure as hell didn't tip anyone off. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty with this, doubly so when I've rigged this base to blow already."

 _~Well, we can always ask them. They should be here soon, I'd give them ten minutes. Max.~_

"So much for taking it for a test drive." I grumble out as crazy, insane and downright deranged ideas form in my head then get dismissed one after the other. I'm trying to get a semblance of a plan together before they show up that's more than 'kill the idiots charging at me.' I mean it works for just about every scenario but I like to be a little more prepared than that.

"I've really got to stop this trial by fire shit. One day it's going to blow up in my face."

* * *

With the Approaching Force, Ten Minutes Later

This specific task forced, dubbed The Blades, is forty three strong. Each member has been hand selected by their commander for this specific mission. Never before has a task force this large been sent out before. Never before has such a strong unit even been crafted.

Yet there is one person that stands at the pinnacle of The Blades. She is the most skilled, the most deadly, the most smart and the most crazy _._ But of all the people present she is the one who was selected to lead this mission on what would be seen as an impossible task for anyone else.

Because when it boils down to it, everyone gathered is only here to support her. Such a strong force has been sent out solely to keep her alive and at one hundred percent and it's only them who are skilled enough to fight beside her.

Anyone else would simply be in her way.

"Ma'am." One of the members calls out to her. "We're almost at the island."

"Good." A dark smile forms on her mouth. Her face could be called beautiful. Her bright green eyes seem very expressive despite her occupation, her jet black hair falls down to her shoulders and frames her face perfectly and there's a coy smirk dancing across her lips.

But there's one drastic blemish on her face. She's been cut with a kunai. The scar runs from her left ear all the way to her right jaw line, jaggedly cutting her lips on it's trek across her face.

"I'm tired of running."

* * *

"Alright Sureddo." I bend down to strike a sprinter's starting pose. My feet dig deep into the ground in preparation for my explosive take off. "We topped off on chakra?"

 _~Sage Mode at maximum. They're just now arriving at the other side of the island. If they have any sensors they should feel us soon. We're not exactly subtle with this boost.~_

"Even the environment is reacting." A crazy grin worms its way across my face as I tense my whole body. "The wind has picked up. It's at our back."

 _~Well then, shall we?~_

"Yes. After all, it would be unbecoming of us to not personally greet our guests." The ground craters as I push off from my stance. The wind tears at my body as I move at impossible speeds, speeds I've never dreamed of reaching before. "It's time to see just what we can do! Let's go play!"

* * *

The Base

"It's so sad." Karin stares off to the south east while muttering to herself. She's mindlessly sharpening a kunai, not because it needs to be sharpened but because she wanted an excuse to hold a weapon in her hands. Alvarcus is scaring her that badly. He's kilometers away and she's barely able to keep from shaking.

"What is it Karin?" One of the other sensors asks.

"All those shinobi." She cuts herself on the blade but doesn't take notice. She's too distracted by the feeling of what is about to happen. A single bead of blood rolls down to the tip of the kunai and clings to it for a fleeting moment. "He's going to kill them. All of them. And he's going to enjoy it."

The bead of blood succumbs to gravity and falls to the floor. The first drop of blood has been spilled.

* * *

"Contact left!" One of the nameless grunts shouts out to his group. Sadly it's too late for them to react.

"Wind Release." I whisper to myself as I fly through handsigns, fuel the jutsu with just a little bit too much chakra, and let her rip. "Pressure Damage."

Wind Release. It's not even remotely close to describing what tore out of my mouth. A literal gale of tornado strength winds - both in size and in quality - thunders across the island while reaping havoc indiscriminately. What little plants that started to grow back are violently ripped from the ground. Any loose debris from my earlier destruction of the island is lifted skyward and hurled with the ease of a child tossing a ball of paper. Nothing is spared from the outrageous force of wind.

Not even the shinobi.

Some shinobi, those that have a good reaction time, managed to stifle some of the effects. A handful raised up earth or water walls, a few dove underground to completely avoid the wind and one individual stabbed his twin swords into the ground as anchors.

But everyone else is thrown away from me like ragdolls. Countless trained shinobi tumble end over end, bouncing off the ground and each other like a bucket of bouncy balls thrown down a hallway. Except this isn't harmless fun, this is accompanied by the sound of bruises forming. The sound of people shouting in alarm and pain. The sound of bones breaking. The sounds of necks snapping as the poor souls land at the wrong angle. The sound of battle.

"Oh _fuck yes._ " I throatily growl out in appreciation of my single jutsu. "I didn't know how much I need that."

"Who the hell are you?!" One of the shinobi who managed to hide behind a wall asks as he and everyone else who dodged - instead of you know, flying like a bitch - quickly regroup.

"Me?" A coy smirk dances on my face and my entire demeanor mirrors it. I'm acting like this is one big game and it's pissing them off. After all I did just kill six of them with my opening attack. Though I must give them some credit, they've rallied nicely. Already as we speak they're moving to surround me, pinning me in to cut off all hope of escape.

Which is perfectly fine, I don't plan on running away.

"Idiot." A kunoichi brashly says. "Did you completely miss the mission briefing? That's Alvarcus Mar. The Heart Thief. Also known as the Prince of -"

A chakra conductive kunai pumped to the breaking point with earth chakra slams into her chest. She explodes in a shower of gore. Her head soars skyward from the force, her arms fly off and one smacks into another shinobi and her legs share the same fate as her torso. They're simply a liquidy human paste.

"I can't believe that stupid fucking nickname has caught on." I groan out as I slump my shoulders in shame. "The worst part is I'm the one who came up with it!"

No one bothers to respond to me with words, no, that would be too polite. Instead they responded with cold steel. Shuriken, senbon and kunai alike are hurled at me from every angle imaginable.

But in the end they all share in the same fate.

The barrage of metal bends to my will, or rather my chakra strings. Each projectile gets caught then spun around me and released at a new target. And with my enhanced senses and my new sensory capabilities each deadly weapon is aimed at a lethal spot. Even on the shinobi standing behind me. A few of them manage to fully dodge, others simply moved enough to avoid a lethal hit, but four of them died on the spot.

Alright that settles it, Sage Mode is fucking awesome and I've barely scratched the surface.

"Straight to business then." I drop my ashamed aura and don the face of… someone mildly curious. It doesn't fit with the sounds of people moaning out it pain from either my jutsu or being stabbed with shinobi grade weapons but that's not my problem. "Tell me will you, who sent you?"

"No." Someone speaks for everyone. "You do not scare us."

" _Really?_ " I drawl out as I survey the damage so far. "You do know that I've already dealt with eleven of you, right?"

Seemingly out of the blue I jump into the air. Not far or anything truly impressive, barely half a meter at best. It's just enough for me to avoid the pair of black glove wearing hands that burst from beneath me. Without fanfare or any flashy moves I throw another chakra conductive kunai straight down. This one is pumped to the breaking point with lightning chakra. It spears through the feeble earth and goes straight through the shinobi's head and out his left foot. It stops after going another two meters down into the bedrock.

"Sorry." I daintily land on my feet and shift to the side to avoid a squirt of blood that comes out of the kunai sized hole in the ground. "I meant twelve. Now I will ask again, who sent you?"

"Combination jutsu!" A pair of shinobi call out as they fly through hand signs. "Flaming Wind Dragon!"

A blistering hot dragon of bright orange fire roars towards me. It's gaping maw is filled with incredibly sharp wind blades that are capable of shredding the hardest of metals known to man to slivers. A feeble human body is no match for such a magnificent beast.

"Summoning Jutsu." With a bored expression I lazily tap the ground with a palm and a droplet of blood. "Rashomon."

An indomitable hell gate rises up from the ground. The red spiky exterior proudly juts into the air while the demonic visage carved into the doors stares menacingly down at the pathetic attack I summoned it to stop.

And stop it the Rashomon does. The Flaming Wind Dragon slams into the gate and explodes into a torrent of raging elements. Fire and wind are scattered as it bounces off the immovable gate rendering the otherwise daunting jutsu inert.

"What was that you all were saying? That you weren't scared of me?" I raise up to my full height which sadly is still shorter than most of the enemy shinobi. But it's them who suddenly feel small, it's them who suddenly feel a daunting weight pressing down on their backs. "Then I shall teach you to fear me."

In an untraceable blur I rocket towards one of the shinobi. I rear back for a swift punch to his temple and my fist flies true. His head is knocked clean off his shoulders, leaving behind a blood squirting stump of a neck. The head hollowly bounces across the ground while leaving behind a trail of splattered red.

"Pathetic. Didn't even manage to attempt to block or dodge." I narrow my eyes in disdain as the corpse falls down to its knees. "I was hoping for a challenge. I don't even know if I should bother finding out who sent you if you all are this weak."

A trio of shinobi spring into action. One of them openly engages me in an advanced kenjutsu style, he's wielding a short sword reminiscent of a tanto. Over and over again he attempts to hack me to pieces while his back up try and fail to herd me around the battlefield with kunai and shuriken.

"How about we make this interesting." I calmly say as I expertly and effortlessly weave around all of the deadly attacks sent towards me. I smoothly raise up my arms - and smirk as the shinobi jump back to put space between us - and untie my scarf. "I'll give you a handicap."

I wrap the brilliant crimson scarf around my eyes, effectively blindfolding myself.

After a single beat from all five of my hearts the trio reengages.

"Ah, that's better." A tinge of excitement has finally squirmed its way into my voice. I bend backwards as the tanto soars a little too close to my face while simultaneously deflecting a kunai with one of my own. "I have to focus a little bit now."

I let our battle drag on, always seeming to be one step ahead of them. Always contorting just enough to avoid damage. Always just out of their reach.

"You three back off." A female calls out to the trio. "He's obviously better than you."

"What's this?" I turn my head to face the speaker and despite not being able to see it appears as if I'm looking right in her eyes. In a grand flourish I bow deeply to her. "Ah, the leader finally reveals herself. Introductions then, I am the one who has been killing all of your forces. How do you do?"

"Oh you know. I'm pissed off that some punk ass kid is killing all of my men." Despite not being able to see I can feel her glare on me.

"I'm not apologizing." I matter of factly state to her as I rise back up. "Perhaps you could answer me, who was it that sent you?"

"Dead men don't get to ask questions." She pulls out a scroll and unfurls it. Out of the scroll pops two gloves with long blades extending out of each finger tip. They look like claws, long wickedly sharp claws meant to rend flesh from bone. Upon further observation there's a slight green sheen to them. Must be some kind of poison or an acid. "Take off your blindfold."

"Why?" I lazily tilt my head in curiosity.

"I want to watch the life fade from your eyes." She spreads her fingers wide and prepares to rush me.

"Interesting, you want to watch the life fade from my eyes." I pull off my scarf and let the wind rip it from my fingers. "I dig the scar. How'd you get it?"

" _Orochimaru_." She snarls out.

"Huh." I pause for a moment out of surprise. "Small world. Me too."

No further words are exchanged. We're both standing there, eyeing the other one. Simply waiting for the other to make a move, never blinking. Never faltering. Never acting. Just waiting.

Except I am acting, I'm taking in nature chakra to top off my supply.

"This is the last time I'll ask." My voice breaks the silence. There's no need to wait longer, I have enough chakra now. " _Who sent you?_ "

No one speaks up.

"Such a shame. After all, dead men can't answer questions." I begin to fly through hand signs at an unmatchable pace. One after the other in a seemingly endless string.

But the kunoichi doesn't stand there and wait for me to finish. The moment I started she lunged at me with the full intention of stopping what will be a devastating jutsu. She's furiously attacking me with all the passion of a starved rabid dog attacking the world's best of her attacks connect. Her all out crazed assault yield zero results.

"Make peace with your God." I clasp my hands together in the final sign and a demonic grin blossoms on my face. "You'll be seeing Him soon."

* * *

"We must hurry." Orochimaru says as he quickens his pace.

"Don't need to tell me that." Sasuke scoffs out as he easily matches the Sannin's pace. "You sure that just you and I will be enough for this?"

Orochimaru and Sasuke are sprinting across the surface of the ocean at crazy speeds. They're rapidly closing in on where Alvarcus is battling forty three shinobi on his own.

"Alvarcus, you and I stand at the pinnacle of Oto. Do you really think that anyone else would be able to stand next to one of us in combat?" Orochimaru distractedly says as the island finally comes into view. "Let alone all three of us at once? If anything we are too much, Alvarcus could achieve victory by himself."

"Then why are we speeding up?" Sasuke asks yet doesn't slow down his pace.

Orochimaru simply points at the island.

"Hn." Sasuke says with crimson eyes, they're far superior than Orochimaru's but he wasn't truly looking before. "That's why. Well it is his style, maybe it's him? I've seen him do something similar before."

"Yes, the Dance of the Dragons. I helped him master that jutsu." Orochimaru correctly assumes what Sasuke is referring to. "But this is ten elemental dragons _acting independently._ "

True to the Sannin's words over the island ten elemental dragons are waging war against something.

The two earth dragons are diving beneath the ground and causing great irreparable rents in their wake. They dive deep, spending a long five seconds under the surface before jumping back topside. But there's something off about their snouts and jaws, they're stained darker than the rest of the dragons.

The two water dragons are gracefully circling the island in the ocean and every once in awhile they spring into action and dive down onto something, most likely their prey. Rarely one of them will fire a beam of water subjected to such intense pressure it looks like a laser, as if gravity has no effect on it.

The two fire dragons are tightly circling a specific spot on the island, without his Sharingan on Sasuke would assume it was a tornado of flames instead of two dragons. They seem to be protecting something of great value and efficiently deal with whatever could be crazy enough to get in their way by turning it to ash in moments.

The two lightning dragons are shooting out lightning bolts from their humongous jaws as they fly high above the island, utterly obliterating whatever or whoever they hit. Over and over they send out their attack, never faltering, never weakening. They rain lightning down on the island with impunity. Whoever said lightning never strikes the same spot twice wasn't using enough lightning.

Lastly the two wind dragons are wreaking havoc on the island, they're streaking through the air just above the ground and shredding anything they touch. Foliage is ripped from the ground and reduced to mulch, large rocks become gravel and debris become dust. Everything hurled by the violent wind is cut down to the smallest imaginable pieces. Every few seconds a dark reddish plume of something gets launched into the air.

"You don't think it's him?" Sasuke asks Orochimaru as both of them wordlessly up the speed yet again. "I don't really know anyone else stupid enough to try that, plus the dragons seem to be loosely acting in pairs. He's just one person, why would there be-"

"The Jiongu." Orochimaru cuts off Sasuke. "Alvarcus and his four monsters makes five. Plus how on earth would he be able to accurately command them from such a distance? Elemental Dragons are not like clones, they require direction at all times. They can't be given the simplest of commands, without direction they simply are a much more destructive version of the elemental bullets."

"Hn." Sasuke reevaluates the situation. "It would make sense. Two dragons for each of them. Shit. With him separate from the Jiongu they could even play type advantage against him. Who could send out so many shinobi that can pull this off?"

"Only the Big Five." Orochimaru grimly says. "I severely doubt any other village has the shinobi to pull this off. There are two shinobi of each element capable of directing dragons with precision of Suna's puppet masters? This has to be a specifically crafted unit with decades of experience working together."

"Guesses as to who?" Sasuke asks.

"For some reason my gut says Iwa." Orochimaru gets distracted as he run through each major village and assesses them. Who could field such a team? Or more accurately who would? "They seem the most likely. It could be a joint operation from Suna and Konoha but the fluidity that each dragon works around the others outstands me, this team obviously knows each other inside and out. Hence, Iwa. It's just like the Tsuchikage to try something insane."

"Insane huh?" Sasuke turns off the Sharingan, it's best to conserve chakra for now. "Doesn't that sound familiar."

* * *

 _~Alvarcus… this is… this is madness!~_

"No." I grunt out as I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. "This is the finesse of wielding chakra strings for years, constantly using all the elements at the same time, the insane kind of mind that would attempt something so devastating and outright crazy, and the amazing capabilities of Sage Mode all stacked together."

Lightning flashes and thunder booms as a leaping shinobi is shot out of the air. The jagged bolt of electricity went straight through his heart leaving behind a gaping charred black hole.

 _~How do you even_ _ **do**_ _this!?~_

"With a lot of concentration and fucking damn good multitasking skills." I grunt out again as I steer a wind dragon towards a trio of fleeing shinobi. They manage to dodge to the right, avoiding the raging dragon, and then get smashed to a paste from below by an earth dragon. "And freakishly quick chakra recovery. And enhanced chakra from Sage Mode makes it much easier to maintain the dragons so keep that coming. Plus the frankly ridiculous sensing range that being a Sage gave me."

One of the twin fire dragons branches away from circling around me and swallow a shinobi attempting a suicide run at me whole. There's not even ash left over, just a few heat warped bits of metal. The fire dragon quickly joins its brother at my side, swirling protectively around me once more.

 _~Alvarcus. You're by far my favorite host. Never forget that.~_

"I know." I smirk to myself. "Oh watch this one! It's going to be cool!"

Lightning flashes and thunder booms as both of my lightning dragons shoot bolts at a water dragon. Said electrically charged water dragon barrels its way through five fleeing shinobi and kunoichi. They're shocked into paralysis as they're pulled inside a watery prison and those that survived the shock and blunt trauma will slowly drown to death.

 _~I'm so proud right now.~_

"Fucking hell I knew it would be cool." I twitch as two new signatures get within my range. "Shit. Well this just got awkward."

 _~That's Sasuke and Orochimaru. Why are they here?~_

"Dunno." Both of my earth dragons launch skyward and slam down on the same spot. Then the two wind dragons follow suit. Then the water dragons. Then the lightning. And lastly the fire. Talk about overkill, there were only four shinobi there. They just happened to be the last four and I had to get rid of these dragons somehow. "Karin probably felt the force coming at me and those two decided to back me up. Kinda unnecessary but it's nice that they did."

I stand up from my cross legged position on the ground and twist my back this way and that way. There's no satisfying sound of pops from my spine, the Jiongu is better than that. Unfortunately. I've always liked to hear them.

"Well there's no point in making them run all the way here. Let's meet them halfway." I bend down and grab a suspiciously body sized mass of white webs from the ground and throw it over my shoulder.

 _~What do you plan on telling them?~_

"Fuck if I know."

* * *

"Hey guys!" I cheerfully wave at both Sasuke and Orochimaru as I meet them on the beach. "How's things? Sorry about the mess there was a pest problem. I took care of it."

"I don't believe it." Sasuke says in disbelief. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"Hm? What was me?" I heft the suspiciously body size white mass of webs off my shoulder and toss it towards Orochimaru. "I got you a present."

"Really now?" Orochimaru looks down at the helpless kunoichi. "You're such a considerate child. But only one? I was hoping for five at least."

"I got a little carried away?" I awkwardly shrug as I nudge her closer to the Snake Sannin. "Still I got you one, it's better than nothing."

"True, but it isn't like you to spare people." Orochimaru takes his intense yellow eyes off of the bound kunoichi to place them on me instead. "What prompted this change?"

"I tried to figure out who sent them but for some ungodly reason they didn't answer me." I strike a thinking pose, I'm idly tapping a finger against my chin while looking slightly upwards. "Perhaps it was because they were too busy running for their lives? Meh, guess I'll never know. Anyways I figured you'd be able to get it out of her with all of your… how should I put this… Gah! I've got nothing! I figured you could torture it out of her or something."

"It was you!" Sasuke exclaims again as Orochimaru bends down to closer examine his latest test subject. "Those dragons were you!"

"Yep." I casually wave him off. "Seriously though who in their right mind would attack us? I mean its _us._ They had to know it wouldn't work. Shit, if it was Kusa shinobi the Kusakage and I need to have a chat. This is just ridiculous."

"Don't worry about that. She's from Amegakure. How interesting, it seems an ex co-worker has discovered the base." Orochimaru says as he stands up from examining the trapped kunoichi. Then he turns to Sasuke. "Dispose of her, will you?"

"And how'd you figure that out?" With a roll of his eyes Sasuke effortlessly stabs the kunoichi in the neck to sever her spine. Instant death.

"Her scar." Orochimaru lightly runs a finger across his face, tracing from his left ear down to the right side of his jaw. "I gave it to her for spiting me."

"Oh yeah she mentioned that during battle banter." Ame. The Akatsuki's headquarters. Pain's lair. Did… did he send shinobi after Orochimaru or after the ring that's resting inside me? Aw fuck, like I don't have enough things to worry about the way it is. I'll just shove this one on the back burner for now.

Though if he did send his shinobi after me it would be a first. I mean basically every other time the Akatsuki and I got along just fine with words. Minus that one time Kisame cut my head off and gave me a new name. Seriously fuck that guy. Back on track though, I thought the Akatsuki liked me? Well some of them do.

I know Kakuzu and Hidan both do. Kakuzu likes the mini-me running around and reminding everyone to fear the Jiongu for him. Hidan wants to convert me and that's worrisome because Jashin and I probably wouldn't get along.

Sasori is kinda up in the air but at the very least he finds me interesting. Though that might just be because he wants to find out if he can puppetify me. Is that at word? Whatever. Itachi… well I have no clue. Maybe he likes that I protect Sasuke? Mabitobi can fuck off for all I care.

Hehe, Mabitobi. Gets me every time.

"You know what?" Sasuke's voice pulls me out of my mental ramblings. "I'm not even surprised. Of course it was you. No one else would be that insane."

"Sasuke, it is for the best to simply accept that Alvarcus will always do something no one expects. You would not believe the debrief we just went through." Orochimaru turns his inquisitive yellow gaze onto me. "Still to this day I simply can't logically explain half of the things he has done. How did he survive the Edo Tensi? How did he live through the Jiongu when no one else has? Why did he decide taunting a jinchuuriki was a good idea? How does he pull off these incredible feats of strength? I have no idea and that's what makes him truly dangerous."

"It's just like I said way back in that Chunin Exams." I smirk up at the Sannin. "The mind is the best weapon and my mind is among the best. It's not my fault you guys can't figure out how I think."

"I bet you thought: What kind of idiots are planning to attack the base? Followed up by: What's the coolest way to beat these morons? And there was probably a couple times you thought about how badass you were as you cut them down." Sasuke flatly says to me.

"Well… shit." I sheepishly rub the back of my head. "Maybe you do know how I think."

* * *

The Base, Hours Later, Alvarcus' Room

"-and that's everything that happened with Yugito." I wrap up my retelling of the story to Sasuke. This time it went much faster, Sasuke interrupts a lot less than Orochimaru.

"So let me get this straight." He levely says to me. "You fought a jinchuuriki."

"Yep." I easily confirm. I mean I did outline literally everything that happened in our fight, I have no idea why he's asking this again. "It was a good time. Well I had a good time."

"Not to mention you pulled off killing the Sound Three without getting caught." I've got to give the guy credit, there's not even a waiver in his voice despite the ludicrous story he just heard.

"You betcha." I graciously dip my head as if I'm acknowledging him praising me. Even though he's not. Whatever, he's just a big party pooper. I'm still morbidly proud of that. I mean my seal grenade worked perfectly! Minus them exploding all over me. That was kinda gross. "Wanted to start more actively tearing down Orochimaru's supports. What better place to start than his elite bodyguards?"

"And you somehow got away with a hot tub of all things?" His eyebrow twitches this time.

"Oh yeah. Tell me this isn't nice. Go on. _Do it_." That's right everyone, we're making liberal use of the hot tub I stole. "Seriously this is like the best thing ever for after training. The jets really massage the muscles and you can't help but relax. The water is the perfect temperature to sink into. It's a shame there's no bubbles, it's better with bubbles."

"You do know that if anyone saw us both in here we'd never live it down, right? It wouldn't matter that we're wearing swimsuits the rumors would be atrocious." He pauses for a moment. He's considering something. "Bubbles?"

"Oh yeah. Last time I got my hands on vanilla scented bubbles." Ah, that really made the hot tub so much better. It gave me something to play with and it smelled great. "It. Was. _Amazing._ "

"How'd you get the water hooked up?" He curiously asks while running a hand through the raging waters.

"Seals." I bluntly answer. "I could go more indepth but it'd go right over your head."

"Seals it is." He concisely agrees with me.

"So I can't help but notice that you're not… well freaking out seems a bit strong but you're not freaking out at all. I mean I just told you I fought a jinchuuriki of all things _and_ murdered the Sound Three in cold blood _and_ you saw me utterly destroy forty three people barely two hours ago and you're just… accepting it?"

"Believe me, it could have been so much worse." I slowly slinks down further into the warm water of the hot tub but even the inviting water can't suppress his shudder. "So much worse."

"Do tell." I lean forwards slightly. He's intrigued me, how could it possibly be worse? Minus being whisked away to the Nest, being put on trial for murder which wasn't really a trial it was more of a sentencing hearing and then proceeding to have Sage Mode forced down my throat.

Shit should I tell him about that stuff? I mean it's kinda relevant but it could hurt our dynamic. I'm a Sage now. If I was a juggernaut before now I'm a fucking… whatever the hell beats a juggernaut. I'm one of those. Really gotta figure that out. But the gap between our strengths just went from just out of reach to kilometers wide.

"It's simple really." He pins me in an onyx stare with a coy smirk dancing on his lips. "You never learned how to set yourself on fire from Yugito."

"AW FUCK!" I shout as I slap the water, sending it flying in all directions. "How the hell did I forget to ask her about that? God DAMMIT! I was so looking forward to that! I would have had so much fun with it!"

"I know. That's why I'm glad it didn't happen." Smug bastard.

"Sasuke that's cruel." I wilt and sink further down into the water. "It would have been just a little fire. Nothing to be worried about."

"Just a little fire he says." Sasuke scoffs out. "I still have nightmares about you burning down my house. I don't even have a house anymore!"

"You mean from that D-rank way back when?" I rack my memories. "The exploding house?"

"Yes. They had to call in ANBU." He groans out. " _ANBU._ "

"Not my fault there were explosive chemicals." I shrug in a what can you do about it manner. "I'm completely innocent."

"Keep telling yourself that. I was there, I know the truth."

"Dick."

"Ass."

* * *

The Next Morning, Orochimaru's Office

"Isn't this a surprise." Orochimaru moves his project plans off to the side of his desk. "It's rare that you seek me out on your own. What do you need Sasuke?"

"I desire more training." Sasuke respectfully demands. He's not crazy, no one truly demands something from Orochimaru but he refuses to be weak by asking.

"Interesting." Orochimaru's eyes narrow in suspicion. "And what, pray tell, brought on this desire? I'm already devoting a significant portion of my time to your training and yet here you are demanding more from me."

"Alvarcus." Sasuke's hands ball into twin fists.

"Alvarcus…" Orochimaru repeats while dragging out his child's name and looking at Sasuke expectantly. He wants Sasuke to elaborate.

"I'm willing to see his back." Sasuke says to Orochimaru as his fists clench tighter. "If it's him who is better than me I can accept that. He's the one person I can always trust, the one person I can always depend on. He's the one person who will drop whatever he's doing to help me. But after seeing what he did yesterday, well, he's so far in front of me that I can't even see his back anymore. I refuse to allow that to happen."

"Why?" Orochimaru innocently asks yet there's something sinister in his eyes. He likes this motivation from Sasuke, after all it is so much easier to train a willing test subject - ahem, student. But he's happy, not for Sasuke, but for Alvarcus. For Sasuke of all people to acknowledge that his child is impossibly far ahead of the Uchiha warms his heart. Any father would be proud of his child's accomplishments, doubly so when someone else notices them.

"I will not be useless." Sasuke's resolve doubles. "He's so far ahead of me that I won't even be able to help him when he needs someone to lean on. I absolutely refuse to allow that to happen. I never want to see the day when he reaches out to me and I have to tell him I can't because I'm too _weak_."

"Okay." Orochimaru dips his head in acceptance. "I'll slot out some more time for you."

"Thank you Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke bows down to the Snake Sannin.

"You know Sasuke, you already have the tools to rapidly close the gap." Orochimaru taps one finger on his shoulder in the exact spot that Sasuke's curse seal is. "You merely have to use them. Stage Two is not something to be afraid of, it's something to embrace with open arms."

Sasuke pauses for a moment as he struggles internally. He's weighing the pros and cons of what Orochimaru is alluding to. He knows what the curse seal does to him, how it warps how he thinks in the heat of the moment. But he also knows how much _power_ comes with it.

Right now he needs power. Not just to stand next to his best friend again but for his own ambition, his life goal. To defeat Itachi.

"Add it to the list of things I need to work on." Sasuke swirls around and leaves the office.

"Of course Sasuke, we will work extensively on it." Orochimaru calls after him while internally smiling to himself.

"I really must thank you, Alvarcus." Orochimaru can't suppress his internal smile anymore, a wicked grin fully blossoms on his snakelike visage. "It's because of you that I get to taste victory."


	70. Chapter 70

Author Note: Long story short, it's time skip time.

Long story less short, I'm doing this my way. Basically I had a bunch of ideas that I wanted to happen but my motivation has gone down to keep making 100% original content and I just really want to get to Shippuden. So I'm cramming a lot of scenes into this one chapter and hopefully making it okay continuity wise and chronologically. This one will cover what's left of the cannon time skip up to whenever the hell I feel like stopping it.

Anyways I'm cramming what would usually be multiple plots with multiple chapters down into one. Seriously if I did this like usual we're looking at another 15 chapters. _At least._ Double lines means a significant time jump. Also it jumps from first person to third for some scenes, just a heads up.

Think of this as multiple short stories.

* * *

"The Blades are dead." A woman with a paper flower in her hair bluntly says to her tall companion. "According to Zetsu he killed all but one of them."

"All but one?" The usually stone faced man asks in surprise.

"He brought her before Orochimaru for questioning." A third voice joins the duo. The owner is displeased. "So, _Pain-sama_ , did he pass your little test? Has Alvarcus proven that he will only be beneficial to our mutual cause?"

"He doesn't bear the title of S-rank." Pain easily dismisses Madara with his words. "We cannot afford to have anyone less than the best in the Akatsuki. It would tarnish our name, our reputation."

"At this point the title is only superficial. He's already worthy of it. Besides," Madara confidently says as he starts fading from existence. "I know for a fact that he will be getting the title soon. There's only so much more that Orochimaru can teach him."

"Where does this assuredness stem from?" Konan questions the Uchiha moments before he fades.

"Murdering the Snake Sannin would earn anyone S-rank."

* * *

Two Days After Sage Mode Massacre, Oto's Training Field

"Something has been bothering me." I say to the otherwise empty training field. I'm pacing back and forth, slowly wearing a new path with each step. While on the ceiling. Hey I'm a shinobi, why the hell wouldn't I fuck around with the laws of physics every once in awhile simply because I can?

 _~What is it Alvarcus?~_

"It's what Shirokumo said." I mutter out loud again.

 _~The part about not having a work around for standing still for Sage Mode? I do have to admit I was taken off guard by that too.~_

"No." I stop my pacing and look up. Or is it down since I'm on the ceiling? Meh, whatever. "He mentioned the Gatekeeper and how he's surprised we haven't met yet."

 _~Ah, that. Maybe another Spider? He should know most of them, he is the Ancient One.~_

"The Ancient One, whatever the hell that means." I cut the flow of chakra keeping me stuck to the roof and acrobatically flip down to the floor. I totally nailed the landing too. "Well, if it's important-ish to Shirokumo I should probably go introduce myself."

 _~Just try not to give a bad first impression.~_

"Its me, when do I ever give off a bad impression?" I get a faint sense of what a facepalm would feel like from Sureddo. "Okay, okay point made."

A single bead of blood wells up in the exact center of the palm of my hand. I kneel down and lightly place my hand on the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu: The Gatekeeper!" I loudly and proudly call out the Spider.

Except nothing happens. There's no cloud of smoke. There's no small or even large spider that randomly appears. Just… nothing.

"Well shit." I stand up and scratch my head. "Did I do it right? This is weird, I've never had performance issues before. Any ideas as to what went wrong?"

 _~Maybe the Gatekeeper isn't a Spider?~_

"What else could it be? All I can summon are the Spiders and the Rashomon. Which are giant gates. Oh."

 _~Oh he says.~_

"Summoning Jutsu: The Gatekeeper!" This time when I touch the ground I focus on the Rashomon contract instead of the Spiders.

This time something happens but it's not the expected cloud of smoke. Instead of the normal method of being summoned, the Gatekeeper has _style._ Out of the ground slowly rises a set ornate onyx double doors. They've been polished to shine like a mirror and they have luxurious golden trim decorating them.

Once the doors have fully risen they swing outwards. A dark impenetrable mist wafts out of them, completely obscuring whatever is inside of them. Out of the mist glides a humanoid figure at an impressive three meters tall. He's wearing a long black hooded cloak that covers his face in a darkness that even my Jiongu enhanced eyes can't penetrate. All I can see under it are two gleaming silver eyes. In his black glove wearing left hand he's holding a massive keyring with countless keys on it but upon further observation the keys are constantly morphing. They never stay as the same key for longer than three seconds. In his white glove wearing right hand he's holding a large leather bound tome with no title.

"Finally, another Summoner to speak with." A harsh raspy voice comes out from beneath the hood as it bends at what I assume is a waist - that cloak is hiding everything - and sweeps his arms out wide. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Alvarcus Mar."

"You don't have legs." I intelligently blurt out before I can think better of it. "SHIT! Er, uh, I meant it's nice to meet you too?"

Seriously though, he's literally floating. Give him a scythe instead of a keyring and bam! It's the Grim Reaper come to add you to the Book of the Dead. Though doesn't the Grim Reaper have red eyes, not silver? Whatever it's not important.

"You seem very different from the other human I've met. He was much more… reserved." The Gatekeeper straightens out of his elegant bow. "How may I be of assistance?"

"Whoa whoa whoa back up a moment." I hold both my hands up in a slow down manner. "You've only met one other human?"

"Yes, Hashirama Senju." The Gatekeeper answers my question. "He was always very respectful the few times he called on me for assistance."

"Right. I'm just going to put the fact that I'm literally talking to someone who fought next to the First Hokage aside for now." But that's really fucking cool. I'm totally going to freak the fuck out when I'm alone again.

"Fight? You are mistaken, I do not fight." The Gatekeeper says as he tilts his head in curiosity. "You know of Little Hashi?"

"PFFFT HAHAHAHAHA!" I can't help but let out an outrageous belly laugh. "Little Hashi? Oh God that's great! Hahahaha! Sorry, sorry! You caught me off guard!" I wipe a nonexistent tear out of my shaded eye and reign myself in. "Okay, okay I'm done. Hehehe! Alright now I'm done. Whew that was good! Anyways, what do you mean you don't fight?"

"It is as I am named. I am the Gatekeeper, I keep a record of each and every Rashomon." He holds up the titleless leather bound tome. "Every Rashomon's function is recorded in here. I know each and every one of them. I know precisely what they're capable of. How else did you think that Little Hashi knew which five gates to summon as his strongest defense out of the many hundreds available?"

"And the keys?" I ask out of my own curiosity. "What are they for?"

"They unlock the doors." The Gatekeeper simply responds.

"Which doors?" I ask another question.

" _All_ the doors." He elaborates for me while proudly hefting the keyring high.

"You know, I think you and I will get along just fine Gatesy." I break out into a devious grin. "Just fine indeed."

"I believe we will, Little Ally." I bet if I could see his face Gatesy would be smirking.

"Oh I _like_ you!"

* * *

Three Months Later

"I wonder…" I aimlessly trail off as I'm pointlessly walking around the base. "What's down this hallway?"

To everyone else this walk is pointless, they simply chalk my actions up to me being me. But I'm doing something, this casual stroll is much more sinister in nature. I like to admire my handywork. I'm making one final pass through of this base for one specific reason: to make sure it's all set to blow. Literally thousands of seals went into this plot. Countless hours crafting crate after crate. Gallons of ink. Scores of brushes.

No one else will ever truly know the extent I went to. No one else will understand how much time and effort and resources I've poured into this base. I can't let it go unappreciated. Even if it's me admiring my own work.

 _~Alvarcus, we've picked up a tail.~_

"Really now? Interesting, I thought that wouldn't happen anymore." I mutter to Sureddo while keeping up my disguise of an aimless walk. "How many and where?"

 _~Three. Behind us. You know them, it's cat's friends.~_

"Holy shit how the fuck did ANBU get in here?!" I whirl around and instantly go on guard. My jet black eyes rake over every single detail of the hallway I just walked down, they dart from potential hiding spots to scuffs on the ceiling to any and everything that's out of place. My ears pick up even the faintest of brushes. I feel the ruffle of the wind against my skin and the slight tremors through the floor.

I'm waiting for a single sense to alert me to the danger. All I need is one, once I know where they are they're as good as dead. I should probably leave one alive to figure out how the hell they got this far into the base.

I'm half tempted to use Sage Mode to find them. Stupid not being able to sense on my own.

 _~Uh… host? Wrong cat. The one with the ears not the one in a mask.~_

"Oh thank God!" I rise up out of my combat stance and sag my shoulders in relief while preparing to call out to them. "Alright you idiots, what the hell do you three want?"

There's no immediate answer but after a long ten seconds they step out of their hiding spots.

One of them steps out of a doorway that is shrouded in shadows. Another rises up from the floor, he must have been hiding behind a genjutsu of some sort or knows a damn good trick. The last one drops down from the ceiling and agilely lands in a crouch.

"Hey guys." I warmly greet them. "You do know that you can just come right up and talk to me right? I'm not unapproachable. Shit did I come off as unapproachable? Maybe? I mean I did kill a lot of people since coming here so there's that. Anyways what's up?"

"He doesn't know." The first one, the one with a sky blue mohawk, says to his team. I think his name was Sora. That sounds right.

"How couldn't he?" This guy has no hair. Absolutely none. Oh and he's mimicking Orochimaru's style. Strange how many people do that here, there's no possible way that it's easy to maneuver around with a giant rope belt. What was his name again? Seiji? "They were close. There's no way he hasn't noticed."

"Still think it's his fault?" The last one, obviously someone with a fetish for sharp pointy objects considering he's got six visible blades on him, asks his team. I remember him, he's Katsuo! He's the usually quiet one. "He doesn't even know she's dead."

"Oh that's why you're all here." I get it now, all the pieces came together. "This is about Maiko."

All three of them tense at her name and stare at me. I think they're mad. Just a little. It's kind of a give away when there's killing intent aimed at you.

"Will you stop that!" I snap at them and shoot a glare of my own at them. To top it off I even cross my arms to show them that I'm annoyed. Just annoyed, not mad. Yet. "I didn't kill her. She got herself killed. It's all on her. I fucking warned her that what she knew could get her killed. And what the hell took you guys so long to come confront me about this? She died three months ago!"

"Then why do you feel like you're lying?" A fourth person steps around the corner of the hallway and walks up to join the other three. She has brilliant red hair.

" _Great._ " I groan out and blatantly roll my eyes. Except it is lost on everyone because of my sunglasses. "Now you're here. Thanks for the warning Sureddo."

 _~It's not my fault, she's completely suppressed her chakra. I've never seen anyone do this before, I still can't sense if she's there or not. It's even better than those seals from the ROOT shinobi, she's doing this all on her own. I'm impressed.~_

"Answer me Alvarcus." Karin stops behind the other three and boldly meets my gaze. "Why do you feel guilty?"

"You insufferable woman can't you just leave me alone for once!" I angrily jab a finger in her direction. "You want the truth? FINE! I didn't kill her but that doesn't mean I don't blame myself! She was murdered because she knew something about me that could be a hinderance in the future. Orochimaru saw fit to help remove that hindrance. _That's it._ He killed her to help me. She just had to be nosy and all up in my business. If she just kept her distance she'd still be alive. So there! Logically I know that it was out of my control but I still think I bear the blame."

"Then why the hell aren't you reacting at all!?" Sora shouts at me as his eyes start to water. "She was smitten with you! She thought you were amazing!"

"Because she was a _god damn kunoichi!_ " I gravelly growl out. "She's far from the first to die for such a petty reason. She's far from the first friend I've lost. Hell _I've_ been forced to kill friends for so much less than knowing a secret. Are you all naive enough to think that any of us are not expendable? Do you all think yourselves invincible? That you wear an armor that protects you and those you care about from death? Open your damn eyes and _grow the fuck up_. We are shinobi. We are the terrors that go bump in the night. We kill and then eventually we are killed. Such is the way of the shinobi."

"How can you be so cold?" Seiji levelly asks me. He's keeping himself in check but even he couldn't stop his fists from clenching together.

"It's not that he's cold." A new voice, one I'm glad to hear, answers for me. "He's not as affected because he's lost so much more already."

"Wow Sureddo you're slacking today." I gently reprimand the Jiongu. "Hey Sasuke. It's weird having someone on my side for this stuff. Thanks."

 _~Figured you'd like the surprise.~_

Cheeky bastard.

"You're welcome." Sasuke spares me a small nod as he takes up a post to my right. "Now will you idiots leave him alone or shall I cut you down to size?"

Only Karin's resolve falters. No doubt because it's Sasuke of all people.

"Have it your way." Sasuke sighs. "That pain you feel right now, that open wound in your chest that won't seem to scab over? Focus on that. Focus on it as is courses through your system. As it makes your limbs tremble in rage and in pain and in sorrow. Focus on it as it causes your eyes to water. Let those emotions fester and grow."

Where the hell is he going with this?

"Feel the emotions. Feel them at their peak." Sasuke pauses and shoots me a fleeting glance. It's almost like an apologetic look. "You didn't even see her body. You didn't reach out to her corpse and beg for your eyes to be wrong. You don't know the beginnings of how much worse that would be." Sasuke viciously points at me. "He does."

Four sets of eyes jolt over to me. I remain stoic, not showing even a sliver of emotion.

"He's had to hold the cold corpse of our teammate." Sasuke has a waiver to his voice, it's very slight. Only I noticed it and that's because I've known the emotionless Uchiha for so long. "We had to face her mother as she accused us of getting her daughter killed. We both have the image of our parent's murder seared into our memories. We are kept up at night by all the faces of everyone we've lost. We've had to go through _so much worse_ than you all are right now and you morons bringing this all up is no doubt making him recall those horrible memories. So let me make this very, very clear."

Sasuke, with his Sharingan blazing a furious red, takes a step forward. He's effectively placed himself between me and the others.

" _Leave. Him. Alone._ "

The other four slowly, and without turning their backs on us, slink away. They're trying to shrink and be as non threatening as possible. They've all been effectively cowed. Yet they're unimportant to me.

I disregard the other four and focus on Sasuke. All I can see is his back as he continues to glare at the retreating group.

This is who he really is. He's someone who is misconstrued and misunderstood. He always gives off an aura of indifference like nothing at all can crack his stoic resolve. But deep within him he cares. Behind his fortress that shields his emotions from the world, behind those near impenetrable walls is a good person.

"Hey Sasuke." I gently place a hand on his shoulder and give it a slight squeeze. "Thank you."

I'm happy to call him my best friend.

* * *

Months Later

"Today was a good day Sasuke." Orochimaru smiles down on his next body. "You're progressing rapidly with the curse seal in the short time we've been working on it."

"You are an effective teacher." Sasuke stiffly replies as Orochimaru raises an eyebrow at the unique word choice. He was expecting 'good' not 'effective.' "It's not so bad now that I've gotten some practice under my belt. It's not something I dread having to use. I control it, it doesn't control me."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Orochimaru blissfully sighs out. "What… what is that?"

The Snake Sannin pauses and sniffs the air. His tongue darts out and flicks up and down twice before snapping back into his mouth. "What is that fragrance?"

"Fragrance?" Sasuke looks up at Orochimaru in confusion while deeply sniffing the air himself. "MMMMmmmmm."

Sasuke gets a glazed look in his eyes and almost zombie like starts shuffling towards the source of the smell.

"I don't know its origin." Orochimaru swiftly alters course after Sasuke. "It's coming from this way."

It takes less than five minutes for the duo to track down the mystery smell.

"Hey guys!" Alvarcus merrily waves to them as Orochimaru and Sasuke burst into the room. "How's things?"

"Alvarcus?" Orochimaru asks in surprise. "Nevermind, no doubt you with your Jiongu enhanced senses smelled it too. Where is that fragrance coming from? We've traced it to here."

"Oh that." Alvarcus picks up a pair of oven mitts and opens up the kitchen's oven. "It's the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies."

"Alvarcus." Sasuke is by his side in an instant. "You're my friend. You know that right?"

"Of course I do." Alvarcus smirks as he goes about the tedious task of removing the cookies from the baking sheet to a cooling wire rack.

"May I…" Sasuke trails off as he reaches towards the hot gooey pastry.

"No." Alvarcus slaps his hand away. "Not until they've cooled down more."

"But they're so good." Sasuke is salivating as he stares at the sugary morsels. It also appears he subconsciously turned on his Sharingan out of excitement. "Please?"

"Patience." Alvarcus goes about cleaning up his mess while the cookies cool.

"You made these?" Orochimaru joins Sasuke. Not as enthusiastically but he's interested in what has caught the Uchiha's eye. "I'm impressed. When did you have time to learn how to bake?"

"The first twelve years of this life." Alvarcus conversationally says. "I did basically grow up in a bakery, you pick up a couple things over the years."

"Ah yes." Orochimaru forgets that Alvarcus had a time before him. Before his real father. "So you did."

" _Alvarcus!_ " Sasuke whines. _Whines_. An Uchiha whined. Orochimaru can't fathom it. " _Please?_ "

"Okay, okay, fine." Alvarcus sighs and waves towards the cookies. "You may have some. Three! You may have three!"

"They're!" Sasuke stuffs a whole cookie into his mouth. "So!" Crumbs go flying as he speaks with his mouth full. "GOOD!"

"I'll be the judge of that." Orochimaru picks up a cookie and eyes it suspiciously. "Even chocolate chip displacement. Right consistency for a cookie. Decent size, though I like mine slightly larger. Now then, the only thing that truly matters is the taste."

Orochimaru takes a bite of the cookie. His eyes widen as far as possible and his eyes seem to glaze over.

He promptly shoves the rest of the cookie into his mouth and chews it while making... questionable sounds.

"Yep." Alvarcus, with a thousand mile smile, picks up his own cookie and dunks it in a glass of milk. "Still got it."

* * *

An Indeterminate Amount of Time Later

"So you're Suigetsu." I stare up at the giant test tube full of water and a white haired boy. "You're naked. Why are you naked?"

"Blurbidguy!" Suigetsu attempts to speak to me but, well, he's underwater. Totally kills any form of response he could have.

"Hm." I walk around the test tube to examine him. "You don't look like much."

"Blargutharme!" He intellectually retorts.

"Yes, yes, I know that the Hozuki Clan is to be feared. The ability to become water is one of the most dangerous kekkai genkai in my own personal opinion. How does one truly damage water? You can't cut it, nor burn it, nor bludgeon it. Lightning will simply course through your system to make you more dangerous. You, Suigetsu Hozuki, have the potential to be truly dangerous." He's staring at me with wide surprised eyes. "No I did not read your mind, it's obvious what you were going to say. Anyways I'm more interested in something else. How do you feel about Orochimaru?"

An impressive killing intent - for a high chunin at least - settles over the room.

"Good." An evil smile forms on my face. "I can work with that. See you in a few years."

"BLUURRRRRGG!" He thrashes in his test tube as I shut the door behind me.

* * *

Otogakure, The Land of Rice, Orochimaru's Office

"How incompetent can these hacks of shinobi be!" Orochimaru shouts at his current paperwork.

"Is now a bad time?" I'm leaning against the doorframe. "I was going to ask you something but I can come back later."

"I just - they're so terrible!" Orochimaru places his head in his hands and all of the air in his lungs whooshes out in frustration. "I have to slash the budget again because my morons of shinobi can't handle their missions!"

"Anything I can do to help? You seem stressed." I fully enter the room and plop down in my usual chair. By that I mean I unseal the armchair I stole from Doto and recline it to the max.

"Unless you somehow have a way of bringing in a frankly ridiculous amount of revenue, then no. You cannot help." Orochimaru doesn't even raise an eyebrow at my antics. He's gotten used to it. Shame. Though it could be because he hasn't taken his face out of his hands yet.

"How much do you need?" I ask him and he shoves a paper towards me. "That's a lot of zeros. Give me a day."

I get up, reseal my chair and exit the office.

"Did he say give me a day?" Orochimaru finally pulls his face from his hands. "No, I must be hearing things."

* * *

One Day Later

"Hey Orochimaru." I boldly stroll into his office and set down a hefty package on his desk. "There ya go."

"What's this?" Orochimaru eyes the package in curiosity.

"A frankly stupid amount of cash." I casually mention and turn to leave. "Should be enough to get Oto's budget balanced."

"How did you get this?" Orochimaru asks as he peeks inside to confirm my words. "Alvarcus how in all of the Elemental Nations did you get this money?"

"I went to a bank?" It comes out as a question even though it should have been a statement. I just don't get what's up with him. It's not that hard of a concept.

"You… you stole this from a bank?" He sounds disappointed. "You are aware that they have countermeasures in place, yes? None of this will be useable."

"I didn't steal it." I roll my eyes at the Snake Sannin. "I made a withdrawal."

"Come again?" He looks up from the money to stare at me uncomprehendingly.

"I'm filthy rich. I just made a withdrawal from my bank." I shrug. "Simple really."

"And, just to satisfy my own personal curiosity, how did you manage to become filthy rich?"

"You know that new clothing line that's become all the rage amongst the nobles?" I can't help but smirk.

"The Midas Touch?" Orochimaru's brain is whirring as fast as it can. "What of it?"

"I own it." I bluntly tell him.

"You own it." He monotonously repeats my words back to me. " _Explain._ "

"Long story incredibly short: The Weavers wouldn't quit making clothes so I opened a store under a penname so that their hard work wouldn't get thrown away. Had a few of your genin teams run it at first so technically I've already helped out some before this. Wait, no, that's not right. Pretty sure I bullied them into it. Anyways I'm off topic, turns out that the Weaver's work is of peerless quality and some young Duke or whatever purchased them all at once. So I figured hey, this seems like it could go somewhere and now I've got twenty six stores across all the nations. It literally fell into my lap."

"How do you get the clothes to the stores?" He asks me.

"Civvies. Just stuff a wagon or thirty full and send them off. If it's a large load I'll hire one or two of your teams to guard it. Don't want profit loss and all that. Custom orders are different though."

"Custom orders?"

"Yeah, there are tailors on site at each store that get the customer's measurements. They send them to me, I pass it along to the Weavers and bam! Custom outfit."

"I. Well. Ahem. Thank you." Orochimaru hides the package inside a drawer in his desk. "It's very generous of you to part with such a large sum."

"Meh, that's the price of a single lower end dress." My words cause his jaw to drop. "I know right? I'm fucking _loaded._ "

* * *

Later That Month

"I bet you're wondering why I called you here." Orochimaru dramatically leans forward, placing both arms on his desk while intensely staring at me with a blank face. "Sit down please."

"I swear it wasn't me." I blurt out while I'm halfway through the door. "The blood isn't even mine."

"You don't bleed." Orochimaru points out.

"I rest my case."

"Just get in here and sit down." He sighs out as I finally fully enter and do as he says.

"So… uh… what's up?" I awkwardly ask.

"Allow me to be blunt." He slides three folders towards me. Each one has a name on it and is thick. It's obviously dossiers on people but what's intriguing is that the folders all have music notes on them. These three are sound shinobi. "I want you to go to the Chunin Exams. These will be-"

"Oh _hell_ no!" I shout and jump to my feet. "No! No! Absolutely not! I've had enough of the Chunin Exams! I don't care anymore! They all go wrong! Without fail! Every damn time! I'm fine as a genin I don't need to be a jonin to become S-rank! If I'm the world's only S-rank genin then fine I'll wear that shit like a badge!"

"What? You a genin? How absurd." Orochimaru has a genuine look of confusion on his face. "Alvarcus I wanted you to lead the genin to Kumo and act as their superior."

"That's a job for a jonin." I stare at him with an 'are you an idiot' look.

"Alvarcus you _are_ a jonin." He matches my look and out does it.

"Wait what?" It's my turn to be confused. "I am?"

"Of course you are." He still looks mildly confused. "You've displayed the traits necessary for a long time. Your combat skills are second only to me, your mind is uniquely wired to squirm out of tight situations that a jonin would routinely find themselves in, people listen when you speak and do as you ask without question and those that do question you are immediately put in their place, and that's not mentioning your very impressive and successful mission history. You put all of my other jonin to shame."

"I'm a jonin. Really?" I eagerly ask and he nods in confirmation. "Since when?"

"Since Kusa." He effortlessly replies. "Did I not mention it to you?"

"Since _KUSA?_ " I say just a little too loudly.

"Strange. Must have slipped my mind." Orochimaru gets lost in his memories for a moment. "I could have sworn I told you when I sent you to meet Yugito. How insulting would it be to send a genin to one of Kumo's best?"

"For someone so brilliant you really suck sometimes." I heave out a large sigh. "Okay. Just… going to take a moment to let that sink in. Jonin. Yay. Do I get a vest? You know what keep it, it would ruin my style."

"Now that that's out of the way-"

"I'm still not going to the Chunin Exams again." I cut off Orochimaru.

"Give me one reason to not send you." Orochimaru is offering me an escape route, so to speak. "One valid reason. Emphasis on valid."

"You mean besides the impending shitstorm that would happen if I went to the Exams?" I sarcastically reply. "I'll do you one better. I'll say six words. Just six simple words and they'll win you over for sure."

"Go on then." Orochimaru has a smile playing on his face. "What six measly words will sway a Sannin?"

" _I can't wait to see Yugito."_

"Perhaps you shouldn't go." Orochimaru concedes.

* * *

Months Later, Konoha, Hokage's Office

"Tsunade please." Asuma Sarutobi pleads to his Kage. No that's not quite right. He's not pleading. He's _begging_. One of Konoha's best jonin, one of the two remaining Sarutobi, son of the Sandaime Hokage and ex bodyguard of the Daimyo himself is groveling before her.

"My hands are tied." Tsunade regrettably says. "I want to send a task force out. Believe me I do but -"

"Then send one!" Asuma's anger flares for an instant. "I'll lead! I won't rest till they're back!"

"As I was saying." Tsunade narrows her eyes slightly at his outburst. "But they are capable shinobi. We can't be sending out retrieval teams because one of our teams is a week late."

"They're all Clan Heirs! Surely an exception can be made!" He pleads his case once more.

"Even more reason to not send out a team." Tsunade starts to rub her brow in a vain attempt to lessen the pressure that's rapidly building there. "Asuma they're literally two of the most skilled genin we have and on top of that Shikamaru is being groomed to take over as Jonin Commander once his dad steps down. They've grown up around each other since the day they were born. They know each other inside and out. They've been trained by you to work freakishly well around each other. In summation, that team is _stacked._ They'll be fine."

"Then why are they a week late?" Asuma asks a question that no one in Konoha can answer. "You and I both know that there are people they can't face yet. We both know that there's scores of shinobi that would gladly kill off three of Konoha's Clan Heirs. Do you really want to stand by and do nothing?"

"That's where you're mistaken." Tsunade has had enough of this conversation. "I am not doing nothing. I am choosing to trust in my shinobi. I'm choosing to trust in your team. Do you really think they'd be happy to have you burst onto the battlefield and save the day? Do you really hold them in such low esteem? Asuma you're better than that. You've trained them better than that. Trust them."

"I don't like it." He says as he goes to leave. "I'll give them three more days then I'm going after them."

"A week." Tsunade barters. "Then come talk to me again and I'll get a team together."

* * *

Somewhere Along Iwa's Border

"We're all thinking it. I'm going to say it." Choji's voice breaks the silence. "We're so fucked."

"Just… give me some more time." Shikamaru hopelessly responds. "I'll think of something."

"You've been saying that for a week." Ino sounds broken.

The trio has seen much better days. Hell most of their bad days are leagues better than this. They're all underground, tucked away in the back of a very complicated cave system. They haven't seen a ray of sunlight in over four days. And to top it all off the three of them have chakra suppressing collars.

Choji is being suspended from the ceiling by his wrists and his ankle chains are tying him down to the floor. He's been pulled uncomfortably tight, his spine and all his limbs are being stretched a hairsbreadth away from their breaking point.

Shikamaru has been expertly strapped to a table. Thankfully it isn't an operating table, he's enduring a different method of torture. Every few seconds an ice cold drop of water falls from the ceiling and splashes directly in the center of his forehead. Every time it lands the Nara flinches. It's constantly distracting him, keeping his mind off coming up with an escape plan.

Ino has her arms securely fastened to a whipping post. She's being constantly forced to hug the sturdy piece of wood and endure whatever their captors deal out. Her once pristine purple coat as become little more than dirty straps of cloth.

Yet that's not the end of it. That would be too simple. Every once in awhile, usually when their captors get bored, they switch spots. All three of their backs have long slashes across them but Ino has more.

The captors like her screams the best.

"Well I don't see you doing anything to get us out of this!" Shikamaru shouts at his teammate as yet another drop of ice cold water hits him.

"Shikamaru don't take your anger out on her!" Choji instantly comes to her defense. "We got caught. We're all to blame. I think we're lucky."

"You call _this_ lucky?" Ino snarls at him. "We're being tortured and then we're going to be killed and then our heads will be sold to the highest bidder! How is this lucky!?"

"It's because we're Clan Heirs." Choji says to both of their disbelief. "If we were anyone else we wouldn't have been captured. We would have been killed on the spot. Now we have time to escape."

"Aww how cute." A brute of a man coos out from the darkness. All three of the Konoha shinobi flinch reflexively at that voice. They all know exactly who it is. He's the one who places them under the dripping water. He's the one who stretches out their bodies. He's the one who laughs maniacally while cleaving into their backs. "You all have hope. Let's fix that."

He comes closer, holding a lantern in one hand and the dreaded whip in the other.

"Ladies first?" He looks over at Ino. She doesn't dare to meet his gaze. "There's no need to be shy! You were so vocal during our last get together!"

He idly flicks the whip.

"Don't you dare touch her you piece of shit!" Choji roars at the top of his lungs. "You touch her and you die!"

 **CRACK**

A new red line appears on Choji's back.

"We have a volunteer." The brute of a man stalks towards his prey. He gently runs a hand almost endearingly down Choji's face. "Usually I'd swap you spots with the cute one but I think you deserve something special today. Now when you thrash in pain from the whip you'll risk pulling your joints out. Fun fun fun! What will happen? Will you endure it or will you cause yourself more agony?"

Choji boldly stares right back at his torturer. Yet he doesn't speak, his courage only goes so far.

"Let's begin." The brute of a man steps back to get a proper swing of the whip.

 **Crack**

 **Crack**

 **Crack**

Choji's will breaks on the third swing. He can't help but scream out in agony. He can't help but try to contort away from the sting of the whip. He can't help it as tears start to stream down his face.

"Please." Ino quietly begs into the darkness. "Please. Please just… please."

She repeats it over and over like a mantra. Just the one word but her eyes speak volumes more. She can only hope it's enough.

 **Crack**

 **Crack**

 **Crack**

"Now then." The torturer turns away from Choji. "Ladies second?"

"I can't wait to watch you die." Ino does the only thing she can to get one back at him. She spits. It doesn't hit him, in fact it falls dreadfully short of him. But her intent was clearly conveyed.

"You're feisty today!" He cackles. "I like that!"

"Hey dipshit! I've seen preteen girls swing better than you!"" Shikamaru attempts to distract him but it's too late.

 **Crack**

It's Ino's turn to scream out into the lantern lit cave. Her shrill cry of pain echoes long and loud. But then unexpectedly it changes. It's slowly turning into a chuckle, then a laugh, then full blown hysterics.

"What's this?" The torturer pauses on his second swing. "What are you laughing about?"

"I won't say!" Ino can't stifle her laughter. "Wait that's not right! Hahaha! I can't say! HAHAHA! I can't say!"

"Hm." The torturer pauses for a moment. Then he shrugs and hefts the whip once more. "Guess I broke her. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop!"

 **CRACK**

 **CRACK**

 **CRACK**

Seen by only one person, a spider disappears down the tunnel of the cave.

* * *

The Following Day

"You know." The Torturer almost longingly calls out to his toys. "I'm going to miss you three."

"What?" Shikamaru asks before he can think better of it.

"We found someone who wants you." The Torturer walks over to Shikamaru. His eyes rake over his body, taking in every minute detail it can. It's like an artist taking the final look of a painting he just sold. "Or at least your heads. They're paying a pretty penny too! My group will be set up for life!"

"Who?" Choji hoarsely asks. None of them have had a drink in days and they're all feeling it.

"I suppose it wouldn't matter if I told you." The torturer moves over to Choji next. He tenderly runs a hand down his face yet again. Choji can't suppress a shudder and the Torturer smiles in victory. "But I won't."

The Torturer moves over to his last victim, Ino. He stops next to her and bends down so that they're at the same height. She doesn't lift her head to meet his eyes but he's having none of that. He reaches out and gently lifts her chin until she's forced to meet his gaze. There's something burning in his eyes. Something different. Something… primal.

"How about one more session?" He speaks to everyone but looks only at Ino. His face is taking up her entire line of sight. She has no choice but to watch as a disgustingly sweet smile forms on his face. "You all don't have much time left but that's okay. I've been given the go ahead to do whatever I want to you all now since only your heads are important. Let's see, I only have enough time to work over one of you but I want to do all three of you. Choices, choices! Oh, I know what to do! This will pain all three of you more than anything else I've done!"

He releases his gentle hold on Ino's chin and stands up straight. He adjust the chains binding Ino so that her arms are locked in place above her head and she's forced to stand on the balls of her feet.

"Plus it's been awhile since I've had someone quite so… exquisite." He rubs a strand of her hair between his grubby fingers. "And you're a screamer, it's so much better when they scream."

He steps backwards and rips off the tattered remains of Ino's coat barring her torso to the world.

"Stay away!" Ino screams at the despicable man before her as she flails in her bonds to try and attack him by any means necessary. She tries to shoulder check him, she tries to headbutt him, she tries everything she can but he's out of her reach. "I swear I'll kill you!"

Despite her words and futile attacks the Torturer's smile only grows. Her words only spur him on like pouring gasoline on a fire. He likes them when they fight back.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Shikamaru and Choji roar in unison as they both wildly thrash in their chains. They don't care how much it hurts them. They don't care that the cold steel is ripping their skin off. They don't care that they're cracking their bones. They only have one thing on their minds.

"TOUCH HER AGAIN AND I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE!" No one knows if Choji or Shikamaru said that. They're both shouting their heads off while doing everything they can to break their restraints.

But the restrictive steel is too strong. The seals confining their chakra are functioning perfectly. They can't do anything to stop this.

"Skinning alive. I'll have to remember that one for next time." The Torturer cracks a grin as his eyes slowly drag over Ino. The only protection she has from him lecherous gaze is her suddenly not long enough shorts. They're also the thing that his eyes lock on. "These are in the way."

The sound of fabric ripping is heard once more.

"Pink panties. Cute." The Torture smirks as his prize worms around. "Those can stay on for now." He reaches for the hem of his shirt and takes it off.

"I will kill you!" Ino's face drains of all blood and her wild flailing doubles in ferocity. The Torturer is slowly closing in on her. "DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

"I gotta give it to ya girlie, you've certainly got some spirit. That's good, I like it when they're feisty! It's so much more fun when I have to work for it!" Then he reaches for his belt.

"YOU FUCKER LEAVE HER ALONE!" Shikamaru shouts out. "I'LL STRANGLE YOU TO… to… death?" His rage fueled shout peters out in confusion.

He's hearing the sound of footsteps. Someone is walking towards them. This has never happened before, it's only ever been this scoundrel of a man that's visited them.

"Ha I knew it!" The Torturer barks out and stops fumbling with his belt to address the owner of the boots stomping down the tunnel. Yet he doesn't look away from his prize. "I knew I'd get one of you to join me! So, wanna take turns or spit roast her?"

There's no verbal response from the person who is just out of sight, instead their footsteps quicken.

"Hey if you don't want her that's all you had to say." The Torturer shrugs and gestures towards the two bound boys. "The bigger one has more fight in him but the scrawny one would definitely curse you better. He knows a lot of big fancy words."

A mass of pure black threads with one stark white mass springs out of the shadows at the mouth of the cave. The monster greedily falls down onto the Torturer and completely envelopes him. Black unbreakable threads wrap around his limbs and force them to remain still. Several cords tightly wrap around his neck to the point that every breath is a struggle. That's not it though, there's someone else lurking just out of sight in the shadows.

None other than Alvarcus Mar steps into the light. There are blood splatters all over him. It's splashed across his legs, it's drizzled over his torso, his hands are completely covered like he dipped them in a bucket of blood and there's a single spray pattern across his face.

"Who the fuck are - URK!" The Torturer only got out four words before his collar of threads choked off the rest of them.

Alvarcus doesn't say a single word. He slowly stalks into the cave. He's heading straight towards the Torturer like a spider moving in on the unfortunate insect caught in its web. Except there's no web, instead it's his ever present companion restraining the man.

As he gets within reach the Jiongu gently lowers the Torturer down to the ground and pulls his limbs spread eagled. He has no hope of escaping the living bindings that dictate his movement, in fact he's so caught of guard that he doesn't even fight back yet.

Once Alvarcus stands next to the Torturer he still holds his tongue. His face is terrifyingly blank as he slowly reaches down and grips the left wrist of his captive. Alvarcus plants his boot on his shoulder and starts pulling the arm up. Higher and higher he pulls until the limb is taunt. The muscles are stretched to their ripping point, the bones are about to snap under the extreme force and a cold sweat forms on the brow of the Torturer.

"Now hold on just a moment - GAAAAH!" The Torturer screams out in agony as his arm is ripped off. Blood squirts out of the jagged stump and the detached limb, spilling uselessly on the ground.

Still there's no emotion on Alvarcus' face. He's remaining completely blank as he's holding the bleeding limb.

"GOD DAMMIT MAN!" The Torturer thrashes around in the living bindings in agony. "That's not at all how you go about torturing someone! You slowly work up to it, now you can't even use my arm to get to me! Start at the fingernails or something you amature!"

Alvarcus doesn't reply. He simply bends down and shoves the stump and the severed limb together. Then the Jiongu takes over, part of the black threads that are restraining the man lift into the air and start weaving the two pieces back into one whole.

The entire time the Torturer is screaming in pain but there's a crazed look in his eyes, almost as if he's evaluating his own torture. His crazed eyes go wide as his limb spasms back to life.

Alvarcus finally breaks his mask of nothing as he moves over to the other arm. A sick and twisted smile of satisfaction has started to take over his face. He grabs the wrist again and once more places his boot on the shoulder. He starts pulling. Slowly increasing the tension until the limb can't take it anymore. It comes ripping off with a sickening tearing sound and a splatter of blood hitting the ground. Alvarcus drops this limb and the Jiongu expertly catches it and goes about the agonizing process of reattaching it.

"Haha not bad kid." The Torturer weakly says. His face is pale and he's struggling to remain conscious. "But from one professional to another, don't cause big wounds. Your victim will bleed out and die from blood loss."

Alvarcus pauses on his way to the left leg of his prey then changes directions. He kneels down over the man on death's door and splays his fingers wide as if they're claws. He rams them into his chest with enough force to penetrate ribs.

Something throbs beneath Alvarcus' skin, several tendrils seem to be pulsating down his arm and into the Torturer. Slowly, over the next three minutes, the Torturer's complexion starts returning to normal.

"That's… that's one hell of a trick." The Torturer finally has a tinge of fear in his eyes now. Before he knew that there was the escape of death quickly approaching for him, but now? Now he knows that he will suffer for so much longer.

"Holy shit." Choji says as he watches his friend go about systematically causing deadly wounds and then fixing them over and over to their captor.

Alvarcus resumes his place at the left leg. He starts pulling this one.

"H-hey now, let's talk this out yeah?" The Torturer attempts to plea to the source of his pain. "We're alike you and - GAAAAHH!"

Alvarcus got tired of going slow. He just ripped off the limb without fanfare but he doesn't drop this one yet. Instead he moves onto the next leg and unceremoniously rips that one off too. Then he releases both legs for the Jiongu to reattach.

"I think that's enough." Shikamaru says with a green tinge to his face. He's about to be sick.

Yet it's not enough for Alvarcus. He reaches into his coat and pulls out a wickedly sharp kunai but before he can do anything with the the Torture does something.

He bit his own tongue clean off in an attempt to drown himself. He knows that Alvarcus can refill his blood supply but he's inhaling the sticky red liquid in an attempt to escape the pain.

Alvarcus pauses, not out of shock or surprise, and simply watches as the man suffocates on his own blood. He watches as the light fades from his eyes as the man is wearing a victorious smile. The Torturer thinks he's won in death.

He couldn't be more wrong.

The Jiongu maneuvers the man so he's on his side and Alvarcus viciously kicks him in the stomach. Dark red blood billows out of the dead man's mouth. He kicks yet again and more blood billows out. After a third time the Jiongu lays the man back down on his back and Alvarcus places a single hand on his chest.

The smell of ozone fills the cave as Alvarcus shocks the man's heart while the jiongu reattaches his tongue.

With several reflexive hacking coughs the torturer is brought back from the dead.

"You do not get to die yet." Alvarcus breaks his silence and with it the Torturer. His eyes are watering and his jaw is trembling in suppressed cries of anguish. His limbs are shivering in fear of what's to come. "You made a grave mistake. You hurt her."

"Please no more." The now broken man shamelessly begs. "Have mercy!"

"Mercy?" Alvarcus says as he towers over the bound man. "You ask for _mercy?_ "

"Yes!" The man continues to beg as tears stream down his face. "Please show mercy!"

"Mercy?" Alvarcus asks as countless black threads leisurely extend out of his fingertips and lower to the Torturer. "Where was your mercy when you whipped her? Where was your mercy when you starved her? Where was your mercy as you pulled her joints out of her sockets? Where was your mercy when you attempted to _**rape her!"**_

The black threads lower down to the man's jaw and wrap around his teeth.

"You did not show mercy!" Two teeth accompany Alvarcus' words.

"Pwease!" The man begs again as he feel the black threads tighten around more teeth. "Mewcy!"

"You smiled happily as you plotted the next session!" Two more teeth fly out of his mouth.

"No mowe!" He futilely thrashes his head around to try and free himself of the black threads. "Mewcy!"

"You are the lowest of the low, beneath the scum of the earth!" Yet another two teeth launch out of his mouth with gusto.

"Stahp! Mewcy!" Blood flies out of his mouth as he fumbles to speak.

"And you have the gall to ask me for _my mercy!?_ " Alvarcus yanks two more teeth out.

"Mewcy! Mewcy! Pwease! Mewcy!"

" _You do not deserve mercy!_ " Alvarcus roars as the final two teeth fly out of the man's mouth. He only has twenty two instead of the full thirty two.

"Ino tell him to stop!" Shikamaru please with his teammate. "He listens to you!"

Ino remains silent as she watches the horror show before her. But she's not repulsed at all.

"Now then." Alvarcus continues going about his business as he extends out the Jiongu from his fingertips once more. The black threads hover menacingly over the man's face, they're swaying from above his left eye to his right. "Which eye do you like better? The left or the right?"

"No no please no!" The man shameless begs once more even though he knows nothing will come of it. "Just kill me! Please just kill me!"

"Kill you?" Alvarcus says in sadistic fake confusion as the Jiongu continues to wave over both eyes. "But we've just started. I have so many things to try still. I'll ask again, which eye do you like better? Left? Right? It's not that hard."

"Ino please! Tell him to stop!" This time it's Choji who calls out to his teammate. But his words fall on deaf ears.

"Please! Ki-" The man stops himself mid sentence because the black threads lowered themselves down to both his eyes. They haven't done anything yet, but the threat that if he fails to answer he will lose both is blatantly clear. "L-left. I l-like the left one more."

"See that wasn't so hard." The black threads over the man's right eye retract back to Alvarcus and the other, the ones over the left, spear into the man's skull and yank the eyeball out. It's crushed to a jelly in Alvarcus' fist.

"No more! Please no more! Kill me! Someone kill me!" The man calls out like a wild animal to anyone and everyone who can hear him.

"No one can hear you." Alvarcus whispers down to him. "No one is there to hear you. Your friends are gone. Do you know why? Do you want to know where they all are? Shh, Shh, don't worry I'll tell you. _I ripped them all to shreds with my bare hands._ "

"Now then, let's make Father proud." Alvarcus pleasantly says as the black threads leisurely worm their way down the man's chest to his groin. "Which testicle do you like better?"

"Don't. Please don't." The man softly whimpers out in total defeat. "Please don't make me answer."

"Both it is." The black threads snake beneath the man's belt. "I have to say this was the outcome I was hoping for."

"That's enough." Ino finally calls or for the Torturer's punishment to halt and miraculously Alvarcus and the Jiongu pause. But they don't move away from the man, Alvarcus simply looks over at her.

"It's not enough." Alvarcus says back to her with conviction. "He deserves so much more for what he was going to do to you."

"I don't care!" Ino snarls at him, all of her pent up rage at Alvarcus and the last week is slowly bleeding over. "I'm cold and chained to a post and hungry and Choji and Shikamaru are still chained too and you're completely ignoring us all and I'm basically naked and I want down! _Now!_ "

"Fine." Alvarcus retracts the Jiongu and moves over to her. With a quick swipe of a kunai the bonds on Ino's wrists and ankles are broken. With a delicate and precise burst of chakra the seal on her collar is dismantled and removed. Alvarcus slides out of his long green coat and holds it out to the shivering kunoichi as she covers herself with her arms.

"Something clean please." Ino turns her head up at the coat in disgust. There has to be six liters of blood soaked into it.

"It shouldn't matter, you're filthy." Alvarcus bluntly points out.

"Clean clothes! _NOW!_ " Ino shouts at him.

"Summoning Jutsu: Care Package." Alvarcus says with narrowed eyes as a ball of webs appear in his hands. "There. Another _clean_ coat of mine I had on standby. Here's a kunai. Go free Shikamaru and Choji. I have unfinished business that requires my immediate attention."

"Do y…" Ino pauses as she considers her next words but she doesn't shove the kunai back to Alvarcus. She's holding onto it. "I can't swing the kunai hard enough to break the cuffs. I was just starved for a week."

Alvarcus literally growls at her for keeping him from his prize for even longer and stomps his way over to Shikamaru.

"Alvarcus how did-" Shikamaru starts to speak.

"Shut up." Alvarcus snarls at the Nara and violently rips the bonds off him with his two hands. "I am not in the Goddamn mood for your questions. The only thing I want to hear out of your mouth is thank you for saving your sorry-pathetic-excuse-for-a-shinobi's ass. For the second damn time too!"

"Thank you for saving me for the second time." Shikamaru monotonously drones out as he heaves himself off the table and sways on his feet. "Asshole."

"I heard that." Alvarcus nastily says over his shoulder as he moves over to Choji. "Choji."

"Alvarcus." The Akimichi smiles at his friend, despite his hostile actions and frankly pissed off mood, as Alvarcus rips off his bonds. He's just happy they all got out of this. "I have no idea how you knew we were here but thanks… for… coming? Ino?"

All three of the boys turn towards Ino. She's standing over the still trapped man - who has pissed himself in fear from Alvarcus - and buries the kunai up to the hilt in his gut. She yanks it out and it is accompanied by a squirt of blood that stains her recently acquired coat. She buries it again. And again. Over and over she stabs the kunai down into her would be rapist. Every time she yanks the blood coated blade out her arms shake in exhaustion but that doesn't stop her. She fights through her weakened state to keep impaling him.

The three boys are rendered speechless by her actions. All three of them simply don't know if they should intervene or not. Two because they're worried about their teammate and the other because he likes seeing this side of her.

Eventually she gets too tired though and her heyday of stabbing is drawn to a close. With her final stab she plunges the kunai into the side of his throat. He lets out a wet gurgle as she _slowly_ drags the kunai through his neck until it's fully split open. Rich red blood pours out of the lethal wound with each beat of his heart.

"What the fuck Ino I wasn't done!" Alvarcus stomps over to the bleeding man with his trusty black threads at the ready to stitch the wound closed. "I don't even know if I can stop him from dying now!"

"No one will save him." Ino puts her foot down. Literally, she's place a bare foot on the chest of her Torturer and is grinding it into the wounds she greatly enjoyed causing. "He tortured me for a week! He whipped me! He laughed as he ate food in front of us! He giggled as he poured out our water before our very eyes! He's the one who almost raped me so that means he's mine to kill! I don't care what anyone else thinks, I get to be the one to kill him!"

The cave somehow goes even more quiet at her declaration. Two of the boys are simply shocked into silence, they had no idea their delicate teammate was capable of such atrocities. But the third boy…

"Anyone else strangely turned on right now?"

"Huh?" For all of his mighty intelligence, Shikamaru simply has no other sound to make for this.

"Oh shit was that out loud?" Alvarcus sputters out. "Whoops. Anyways, I get what you're saying Ino but I still am not done. You can kill him yourself but he still has _hours_ of more suffering to go through."

"No!" Ino snaps at Alvarcus as the Torturer finally dies beneath her feet. For the second time. "I'll say this as simple as possible. I. Want. To. Go. Home."

"'I want to go home' she says." Alvarcus mutters to himself as he rifles through the coat he pulled off himself. There's no hope of getting it back on, not with all the now dried blood. He finds what he's looking for, all three of them. "Big words from someone just wearing a fucking coat and panties."

With a resounding thud Alvarcus slams three scrolls onto the table Shikamaru recently vacated.

"One has basic medical supplies. Bandages and antibacterial cream and that shit. I've never really had a need for it so sort it out on your own. One has rations for two weeks. You should be back in Konoha in a week at the _most_ so splurge to get your energy back. The last one has very important shinobi tools, you know like kunai and shit, and a map that is marked with all of your friendly nin's border patrols. Meet up with one of them and when you tell them what happened leave me out."

"You're not coming with?" Choji asks in surprise as he throws one of Shikamaru's arms over his shoulder. "At least until we meet up with the border patrol?"

"I have other things to do." Alvarcus half answers as he turns away from the recently liberated trio and starts making his way out of the cave system.

"Where are you going?" Shikamaru calls after him.

"I'm going for a walk." Alvarcus says as his fists clench again. He's unsatisfied still.

"Wait!" Ino shouts out and struggles to catch up to Alvarcus who, surprisingly enough, stopped for her as she asked.

"For someone who shouldn't be able to speak to me you're doing a damn good job of speaking to me." Alvarcus mutters just loud enough for her to hear.

"I just have a question." Ino huffs out between labored breaths. Usually such a short distance is even lower than child's play, but for someone in her situation it's a challenge. "Showing up. All... that. Back there with the Torturer. Was it because it was me?"

Alvarcus stares into her eyes, looking for something. What is he looking for? Is it disgust? Perhaps he's trying to judge her anger at him? Maybe he's searching for a fleeting glance of forgiveness? He doesn't even know what he's searching for.

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to."

* * *

One Week Later

"Tsunade." Asuma Sarutobi bursts into the Hokage's office with a vengeance. "Permission for an extended leave of absence."

"Denied." She instantly turns him down. "I know what you want to do and it won't happen. Stay with your team, they need someone to act as a rock. Someone to give them a sense of normalcy. Someone they trust to protect them."

"You and I both know those three are fine, you're the one who treated them. Don't make baseless excuses. Let me go." Asuma storms up to her desk and boldly places his hands on it and looks down at his Hokage. "They hurt my team. I'll tear down their entire operation. They will all die and I'll do it myself. They'll learn the error of their ways."

"It'll never happen." Tsunade sighs out. "I didn't want you to find out till later - I had hopes that you'd put revenge aside for the sake of your team - but they're already dead."

" _What?_ " Asuma forces out through clenched teeth.

"The human trafficking ring known as the Five Tigers is no more. In the last week they've been systematically destroyed. All their hideouts were burned. All their members were slaughtered. Their entire operation that spanned a third of the Elemental Nations has been torn down. The organization's head was nailed to the side of his own warehouse and had forty seven different kunai stabbed into his major organs _in alphabetical order_. I'm morbidly impressed to be honest."

"Who did it?" Asuma angrily growls out.

"No one has claimed responsibility."

* * *

Otogakure

"Where have you been?" Orochimaru asks me as I shut the front gate behind me. "What could have pulled you away so suddenly for a week that you didn't even have time to tell me where you were going?"

"I went for a walk." Alvarcus mechanically says to the Snake Sannin. He's acting exclusively on autopilot. Probably because he hasn't slept for over seven days.

"And all the blood?" Orochimaru asks.

Alvarcus looks at him, then down at his blood covered self, then back to Orochimaru.

"It was a very enthusiastic walk."

* * *

Otogakure

"Well this is a really weird hole I've dug myself into." I awkwardly fumble around the deep hole that was made by a seal backfiring. "How the hell am I going to get out of this one?"

"I can throw you down a ladder?" Sasuke's head pokes over the rim of the hole. "Wait a moment, you can wall walk. Why is this an issue?"

"Oh." I start to make my way up the wall. "I meant more metaphorically. That was a really low point, arguably the lowest I've been and now I've got to get out of it somehow and keep moving forward. It's just so awkward to try and follow that up. Like am I just supposed to pretend that nothing happened? On one hand I like experimenting and trying new things - it really tests my skill and I wanted to do it for a while and I personally like it no matter how fucked up it got - but on the other hand I know what's considered 'socially acceptable.' Such pesky things, morals. Do I stay true to me and say 'fuck off this is mine I'll do what I want' or just roll over and conform to the masses? But really though, how the hell do I keep going after something like that? Do I just jump into the next thing with gusto?"

"I think that your seals have enough gusto the way it is." Sasuke snarkily says as I join him back topside.

"I acknowledge your argument and counter it with one of my own: fuck off they're mine." I dust myself off and go back to what I was doing. "Well right back at it again. Here goes nothing."

* * *

Somewhere in the Land of Tea

Two men are leisurely strolling back to a very grand and lavish office. They both just attended the opening night for their latest and by far greatest venture in the wonderful world of cinematography.

"Jura. We're taking the next six months off." One of the men speaks to the other. He sounds satisfied, tonight was perfect. The movie was ridiculously well received by both civilian and shinobi alike. The civilians loved the dramatic backstory of Koyuki while the shinobi appreciated real life combat. After all those that live a life of a shinobi are intimately familiar with combat, they know when something is faked.

"Are you sure that's long enough?" Jura asks while idly swishing his cocktail. "We've worked night and day on this movie for so long. I think it should be a year at least."

"A year." The Director repeats back as he unlocks the door to his office. He's stashed a celebratory bottle of _very_ expensive champagne for Jura and him to enjoy. They were by far the two hardest workers so they deserve a special little treat. "I think that sounds nice."

The two men enter the office and flick the lights on.

"You know what else sounds nice?" A foreign voice, that's surprisingly smooth and haughty, calls out to the two men. "Not being in a movie."

Both men freeze and their eyes dart to the extremely dangerous individual they both know. There's no way that they could forget that voice. That face. After all they've spent countless hours staring at him for editing in the movie. They've spent a solid week and a half with him. They watched eagerly as he absolutely _destroyed_ everything that got in his way with petty ease.

He's made the Director's desk his own. He's sitting behind it with his elbows placed on the table and his fingers laced together before him. He's dramatically leaning forwards and staring down at the men in unmasked distaste. On the desk to his right is the bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice and three glasses. The bottle has already been opened and all three glasses poured.

"Al-Al-Al-Alvarcus-sama!" The Director stutters out in fear. The night of triumph has suddenly changed to one of terror. "Y-y-you're here! I-I mean-"

"Shut up and sit down." Alvarcus sharply nods his head towards the two chairs before his commandeered desk. "We have business to discuss."

"Yes sir!" Both Jura and the Director all but sprint to take a seat and appease the threat in the room.

Alvarcus doesn't say anything immediately. Instead he simply sits there are stares at the men. He looks directly into their eyes unflinchingly. His face doesn't give his thoughts away, he's just staring without end.

"Did you think I forgot about you?" Alvarcus says after tormenting the men with his gaze alone got boring.

"I mean… well… it's just that… uh…" Jura can't even form a single sentence. "No?"

"Idiots." Alvarcus scoffs out with a roll of his eyes. He reaches over and grabs a flute of champagne and sips it. Both other sets of eyes dart towards the other two filled glasses but Alvarcus makes no move to pass them out. Neither of the men are brave enough to reach for one. "You should both know better than to cross a shinobi, especially me. Did you honestly think I wouldn't catch wind of _my face being on a fucking thirty meter screen!_ "

"N-now if you'll just let us explain-" The Director attempts to intervene but he gets cut off.

"No." Alvarcus growls out at a low volume. He downs the rest of the bubbly champagne and throws the now empty flute against the wall. The glass shatters into millions of pieces and the sharp noise causes both men to flinch back in fear. "You think that any excuse you will give me will be satisfactory? Think again you bumbling morons. As of this moment I'm getting ten percent of all revenue that this movie generates."

"WHAT!" Both the Director and Jura shout out. It's an outrageous figure, this movie is supposed to be the biggest hit of the year. "Ten percent!"

"Oh I'm sorry." Alvarcus picks up the second flute of champagne and starts to idly sip it. "You must have misheard me. I said fifteen."

"But but but that's…" The Director trails off as Alvarcus glares at him over the rim of his beverage. "... that's completely reasonable."

"Good." Alvarcus smirks in victory as he swirls his drink. "I'm so glad we could handle this like adults instead of the other way."

"The other way?" Jura can't stop himself from asking even though he immediately regretted opening his mouth.

"Ah yes, I had another course of action I could have taken." Alvarcus rises up, tosses back the rest of the champagne as if it was some cheap alcohol, and sets the glass down on the desk. "I could have handled this the shinobi way."

"I'm very glad you didn't." The Director meekly squeaks out.

"You know," Alvarcus completely ignores the other man's words as he scoops up the last flute of champagne. He holds it up to the light to watch the bubbles rise to the surface. "This is pretty good."

He picks the bottle up and walks out of the office, flute in one hand and bottle in the other.

"Jura."

"Yes Director?"

"Cancel the sequel."

* * *

Months Later, Konoha

It's a dark night. Many clouds blot out what little moonlight dares to shine down from the sky. Everyone is fast asleep, man, woman and child alike are all curled up in their beds and in the land of dreams.

Except for the shinobi. Shinobi do not care what time it is, such pesky things as nighttime have no sway over their actions. In fact there are shinobi who love the night life much more than the day life simply because the civilian population retreats indoors.

Tonight we follow one shinobi in particular. He's dressed in standard ANBU gear, from the gray vest and black underclothes to the tanto strapped to his lower back. This particular ANBU's mask is stark white.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that, even if he were to stumble into other ANBU patrols. It simply means he's fresh, he hasn't earned his colors yet. Or that his supervisor was lazy and hasn't assigned him an animal. Until this shinobi gets his colors he is simply known as Faceless. It's a rite of passage that all ANBU go through. Some are stuck as Faceless for weeks, others mere days.

We join him as he's standing before a headstone with two names. He's making no moves to hide himself, he's standing tall and in the middle of a cemetery. This one is for civilians, all shinobi are required to be cremated to protect the village.

"Well." Faceless whispers to himself. "I should go."

Except he doesn't. Despite his words he remains in the same spot, simply staring down at the headstone.

"Meow?" A black cat idly strolls up next to Faceless and starts to rub herself against his leg.

Usually this would be cause for alarm if he was even the slightest bit superstitious but Faceless is strangely comforted by the feline presence.

"Hey Tora." Faceless kneels down to scratch Tora behind the ears. He gets a very long and satisfied purr from the cat. "How have you been? Still giving genin teams hell?"

"Meow?" Tora looks up at Faceless and yawns.

"Right." He gives her three more good scratches then stands up from his kneel. "You're a cat. I can't believe I'm talking to you."

"Meow!" Tora mewls up at Faceless, begging him to resume his blissful scratches.

"Sorry Tora." He truly sounds slightly regretful. "But I have other things to do. It was nice seeing you damn it I'm talking to you again. Really gotta stop that, I've got enough crazy the way it is."

He leaps to the roofs and heads towards his next destination.

* * *

The Memorial Stone

Faceless is sanding before the regrettably giant manmade stone. He's running his fingertips across countless names, pausing to trace a few of them that catch his eye. He's only come here for one name in particular but that doesn't mean he won't acknowledge other's sacrifices.

He wonders how many names he put there. How many names have been carved into this stone because of his actions?

"ANBU-san?" A confused voice calls out. It's one that Faceless immediately recognizes, pretty much everyone in the village would recognize that voice.

"Kakashi-san." Faceless doesn't turn away from his ministrations on the stone. He keeps lightly dragging his fingertips across countless names.

"It's rare that I run into someone else here at this hour." Kakashi hangs back a bit, giving Faceless his space. The last thing he wants to do is intrude on someone else's grieving, ANBU or not. "It's usually why I come now. I'll come back later."

"That's alright." Faceless' fingers have stopped on a name. They linger there for a fleeting moment before he pulls his hand off. "Just let me place these flowers then I'll be on my way."

"White lilies." Kakashi softly says as Faceless pulls out a trio of said flowers from inside his vest. "You know that was one of my genin's favorite flowers."

"Small world." Faceless smiles to himself under the mask as happy memories dance in his mind. He gently lays the flowers at the base of the stone. "They're my teammate's favorite too."

* * *

ANBU Headquarters

"Shit." Faceless whispers to himself as he's roaming the maze that leads to ANBU's headquarters. "Left, left, kinda a right, down, and then jump for the tunnel in the ceiling. Okay, I did that so where's the tunnel at?"

He continues walking for another few seconds.

" _Great._ " He groans out as he starts to slam his head into a wall. "I'm lost. Fan-fucking-tastic."

"Faceless?" A voice calls out from the nearly pitch black hallway. "You okay there?"

"No I'm not okay!" Faceless whines as he slams his head into the wall again. "I still can't remember where the hell I'm going in these damn tunnels!"

"Lost again." The voice sighs out as they draw near enough for Faceless to see. They're wearing a monkey mask. "Not even surprised. You really need to work on that. An ANBU that doesn't even know how to get to Headquarters? Pathetic."

"Monkey?" Faceless can't stop himself from asking despite knowing exactly what mask they're wearing. "Shit I didn't think I'd run into you of all people. How the hell have you been you crazy baboon!"

"One of these days that attitude of yours is going to get you into some serious trouble." Monkey sighs out and even though Faceless can't see it he knows that Monkey's eyes rolled. "I have no idea how but mark my words, it will bite you in the ass."

"You mean like me being kidnapped and tied up as someone masquerades around wearing my mask because I'm the only one whose personality lines up with them?" There's a hint of playfulness in Faceless' tone. Monkey has no idea why, the idea of being kidnapped and subsequently replace is horrifying.

"That… was oddly specific." Monkey pauses for a moment. He's weighing the chances that this isn't the real Faceless but rather an imposter that thought he could get away with bragging about the switch. "To be."

"Or not to be- that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer OH SHIT WAIT THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" Faceless flails about like a fish out of water. "Crap crap crap what was the proper response? To be… to be… aha! Got it! Three C! Final answer!"

"God dammit Faceless you've got to stop pulling this shit!" Monkey's worries are abated. It's not impossible for someone to replace an ANBU - especially an idiot like Faceless - but to answer the call and response test _exactly_ how Faceless would and still give a correct answer is impossible. There's simply no way that someone could figure out an ANBU code that was issued earlier this week in such a short time. "I think I know what animal you should be. Sloth."

"Ha I get it! It's because I'm slow! Good one!" Faceless claps Monkey on the back and falls in step next to him. "So where's the entrance again?"

"Just follow me." Monkey groans out.

* * *

ANBU Headquarters, At Ease Room

The At Ease Room is exactly what it's called. This is where ANBU go to relax and hang out with other ANBU. There are multiple forms of recreation, such as billiards tables, ping pong, a throwing range for all forms of projectiles, a generously sized bar (limit two drinks per mask, these are ANBU after all), and chairs, couches, cushions, comfy mats and all other types of sitting furniture around.

Masks are considered optional here but nearly everyone keeps theirs on simply for identification sake. After fighting for someone, bleeding for them, killing for them all while shouting out Boar makes Boar their name. They don't need another name, to ANBU the mask is who you are.

Now usually everyone breaks apart into their own respective teams. One team will take over the billiards tables and play to their heart's content for example. But right now all those fun games are haphazardly pushed against the wall and forgotten. All the ANBU in the room are loosely gathered in a circle, they're spread out among the sitting furniture as they see fit but right now there's a group event going on.

Actually it's more accurate to call this Show and Tell. It's an unusual event that happens every once in awhile for shinobi. They get together and take turns showing off their scars. It's almost like a competition to see who can one up the last scar.

"Not bad Rabbit." Frog says to the only person standing, beside Monkey and Faceless who both just entered, as they pull their long sleeve back. "How'd you get it?"

"Fireball to the arm." Rabbit lifts his arm high to display the discolored skin. A large patch centered on the elbow joint is scared. "Hurt like a bitch too."

"Did you get the fucker?" One of the many ANBU calls out.

"Opened up his gut." Rabbit says with unfaltering pride as he pulls his sleeve back down. "Felt damn good. Who can top that?"

"I can." A cool and cocky voice says from one of the corners. He's wearing a muted blue trench coat and has a bandana covering his scalp. He's also the only one not in a mask, it's no secret that this man is in ANBU. "You kids have nothing on me."

"You don't get to go yet Ibiki!" Frog speaks for the entire room as countless grumbles went through the crowd. "Wait for a few more at least, we all know you'll win this!"

"Eh." Faceless mutters to himself. "I doubt that."

Except he's in a room full of highly trained shinobi. His soft mutter was heard by everyone in the room.

"Is that a challenge Faceless?" Ibiki taunts him. "Bold words big guy. Then you won't mind going next, will you?"

"Uh…" Faceless looks out of the sea of masks. "Well shit. I walked into that one. Alright, alright. Let's start small, yeah?"

Faceless slowly peels back his sleeve to expose his forearm and holds his arm high. There's not one scar on it. There's _scores_. Lots of small cuts that have long since closed over. Countless puncture wounds dot across every scrap of skin. To top it all of there's three long slashes that run from elbow to wrist. The keen spectators notice that his scars seems to travel even further than the exposed skin, they disappear beneath the sleeve.

"Damn kid." Monkey says from his spot on the wall. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Let's chalk it up to torture and leave it at that." Faceless says with way too much casualness. There are other shinobi here who have gone through torture. They would never so carelessly bring it up like him. Faceless nonchalantly pulls his sleeve down and stuffs his hands into his pants pockets. "And don't bother asking me who did it, I'm not saying."

"Did you kill the guy?" An ANBU asks, one with a sparrow mask. "The one that did that."

"Not yet." In a rare moment of emotion the ever happy and go lucky Faceless lets slip his anger. Those two words conveyed so much more than a simple 'not yet.' They promise pain and suffering to whoever put those scars there. "But I will."

"Good on you kid. But even I can beat that." Rat says from the crowd as she stands up. Rat lifts up the hem of her shirt to show of a scar. "Nearly got cut in half by an Iwa shinobi. If the fucker had a little bit longer reach he'd have cut me in two, instead I have this."

A vivid white scar wraps around her stomach and reaches around to her back. Someone caught her with a sword to the side and sliced clean through her left side. She's lucky to be alive. The damage to her kidneys alone must have been severe not to mention the rest of the important organs.

"Teammate got him for me. Thanks again for that Horse." Rat nods towards the ANBU.

"You'd do the same for me." Horse waves off her thanks as if it's no big deal.

"So who can top that?" Rat asks the crowd.

"I can." Ibiki cockily calls out again as he reaches for his bandana.

"Wait longer you asshole!" Rat shouts at him. "Let other people have a turn before you win!"

"Anyone else here have their leg ripped off?" Faceless says as he starts unbuckling his belt. He lowers his pants just enough to show off a jagged white scar on his upper left thigh as his underwear keeps his modesty intact. The reason he chose to lower them instead of roll a pant leg up is simple, there's other scars that he has no need to show them. "Nothing like a good dismemberment."

"Who the hell ripped off your leg!?" Elephant asks from a floor mat.

"A damn good Kumo kunoichi." Faceless smiles fondly as their fight replays in his mind. "She has one hell of an ass."

"You kill her?" Elephant asks for the whole room.

"Nope! I honestly have no idea how it happened but we left on relatively good terms." Faceless cheerfully says as he pulls his pants up.

"Only you Faceless." Monkey groans out. "Only you."

"So who can top that one?" Faceless asks the crowd. There's no response. "No one? Shame. Guess I win!"

"Not so fast big guy." Ibiki says as he reaches up to his bandana. "This is my game. I admit you have some scars, but none like mine!"

He rips it off. His scalp is horribly disfigured. Burns, puncture wounds, cuts, slashes, you name it he's got it. All of it on his head to boot.

"This is the result of _real_ torture." Ibiki smirks in victory. "It's what happens when an Ame nin catches you and keeps you captive for a month straight."

"And that's game over." Frog sighs out. "Alright people, go do something else."

"Whoa whoa whoa hold on a moment!" Faceless shouts over the ruckus and all masks turn to face him. "Who said I was done?"

"You think you can beat this?" Ibiki points to his scalp.

"Oh yeah. I can top that. _Easily._ " Faceless brags with what everyone assumes is false bravado.

"Go on then big guy." Ibiki humors the idiot as he puts his bandana back on. "Dazzle us."

Faceless lifts up the left side of his shirt, just enough to expose a part of his stomach. The visible skin has a massive scar that looks like the skin fused shut rather than healed shut. It's roughly the size and shape of an adult male's fist.

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is what you're left with when Orochimaru of the Sannin shoves his fist into your gut." It's Faceless' turn to smirk in victory at everyone's flabbergasted expressions. Well their masks are in the way but he knows that all their jaws just dropped open. "That's right, I survived _Orochimaru._ "

"I never thought I would say this." Ibiki's voice draws all other eyes to him. There's something different about how he's speaking. Instead of the usual disdain that he has for the whole world there's a sliver of respect in his voice. "You win."

"Damn right I do." Faceless drops his shirt back down. "Now can anyone show me where the tunnel to the Hokage's Tower is? I seem to have forgotten."

"And like that you lost everything you had going for you." Monkey sighs out as he pushes himself off the wall. "Come on idiot, this is the last time I'll show you."

* * *

Inside the Hokage's Tower

"Now then." Faceless pauses at the secret exit into the Tower. "Down to business."

He presses his ear to the hidden door to listen for any sounds on the other side. Once he's confirmed that it's quiet he pushes the door open and quickly leaps to the ceiling. Before the hidden door - which turns out to be behind a bulletin board - swings shut he's masked himself in the shadows. He's little more than a gray shadow on the ceiling.

He can't afford to loiter around here for long, pretty soon that room full of ANBU will realize that he actually has no valid be at the Hokage's Tower. He's supposed to be heading out for a patrol around the village's outskirts.

Faceless doesn't waste time, he moves as fast as is acceptable for an ANBU in the Tower to travel at. He can't risk raising any alarms, this is the most dangerous part of this entire trip. Everywhere else is at a much lower awareness for things out of place.

But here in the Hokage's Tower? Where the most important people in the village are gathered into one building? They're constantly on guard for any possible threat. That includes infiltration.

"Let's see." Faceless darts into a stairwell and nearly bolts down them. "He said the vault is on the lowest level. It's been relocated since a genin broke in and stole something. I can work with that."

Faceless reaches the bottom floor not even ten seconds later. He doesn't burst through the stairwell door, he lands next to it and lays a hand on the floor. A tiny brown speck crawls under the door and climbs up to rest in the center of his hand.

"How many guards?" Faceless doesn't truly speak these words. They're conveyed to the spider in his hand almost by instinct. It's one of the talents that he's picked up recently due to his most recent power boost.

The tiny brown spider holds up three legs.

"Have the others taken care of their tasks?" The not-speak comes easily to Faceless now. When he first discovered that he didn't need a translator anymore he was terrible at using the not-speak.

The miniscule spider salutes with a leg. It was freaking adorable. He came to attention, stood straight - for a spider at least - and even did the sharp snap down and everything.

"How long will the guards be out for?" Faceless asks in not-speak. He really needs to get a better name for this unspoken language.

The spider lifts up three legs again.

"Three minutes." Faceless stands up and lifts the tiny brown spider up to his shoulder. It eagerly jumps onto its new perch. "Plenty of time."

Faceless bursts into the room. He almost subconsciously makes a note of the three bodies slumped onto the floor - all three males - and sprints to the inconspicuous double wooden doors.

These doors are no ordinary doors, they've been enhanced throughout their many years. Countless sealmasters have decorated the interior with their art, many shinobi built trap after trap after trap to stop anyone up to no good. To top it all off the wood is from the First Hokage. They're basically unbreakable and the locking seal arrays are unbeatable.

Unless you happen to have lots of sets of eyes study the handsigns to dismantle the seal arrays and access to a person who has keys to everything. Then it becomes child's play to get past any 'unbreakable and unbeatable' door.

Faceless speeds his way through exactly one hundred twenty eight handsigns and the doors flash a blinding yellow for an instant. The seal arrays are deactivated. He reaches into his coat and withdraws a black key with golden accents on it and shoves it into the hidden lock in the bottom left corner of the doors and twists counterclockwise. If he twisted clockwise he would have been turned to ash.

The doors swing inwards to reveal Konoha's most cherished treasures and her most dangerous items. Anything that could be used against her is stored in here, from deadly chakra weapons to the Earth Daimyo's long lost tiara. This is where things are stored to be forgotten.

But it is the exact location of something he desperately needs. He had no other choice than to pull off the most impressive raid since… ever. He did his research, no one has ever been able to get into this room unless allowed in. Not even Iwa or Kumo falsely boast about sneaking something out of the Vault. It's been labeled as impossible.

Faceless doesn't waste time admiring the intricacy of the seal work on the doors even though he'd love to dissect each and every array littered across every scrap of available space. He doesn't spare more than a fleeting glance at the Scroll of Seals as it sits on a shelf growing dusty. He knows exactly what he's here for.

"Oh shit is that Kubikiribōchō?" Faceless pauses on his search to eye the massive cleaver. His eyes roam over one of the seven Legendary Swords of the Mist. "This is where it's been all this time? Well… technically it is mine by right of conquest. Plus I know someone who will be dying to have this."

Faceless grabs the giant blade which is almost as long as he is tall and quickly stuffs it into one of the storage seals he has strapped to his belt.

"Now for what I'm here for." Faceless resumes his search for a specific item with gusto. He knows that his window is rapidly closing before the guards wake up. "Where the hell is it?"

After another thirty seconds of nearly rabid searching Faceless stumbles upon his goal.

"Bingo." He grabs up the specific item and stuffs it into another prepared storage scroll. "Time to haul ass out of here."

He exits the vault and takes the extra ten seconds to shut and reseal the doors. Thankfully all three guards are still asleep. But one of the guards, the one nearest the vault catches Faceless' eye.

"Something is wrong with you." Faceless pauses his escape. "What is it? What is causing me to question this? You're still lying on the ground out cold. Why is that tripping alarms in my head?"

Faceless trusts his gut and gently rolls over the unconscious body with a foot. He has to figure out why this is something that jumped out at him, it could be very important.

"Where'd the tits come from?" He can't help but blurt out in an offensive whisper. His eyes dart to the other two bodies confirming that they are both indeed males and then they return to the body at his feet. He could have sworn that when he came down here the three bodies were all male. "Okay. Logic this out. Before there were no tits. Now there's a pair of nice perky ones, admittedly a little bit on the small side but they go nicely with her body type. What the hell man that's not important! Okay, okay. No tits. Now tits. That means-"

"Body swap. The other three are still unconscious in the stairwell. We're their replacements." A voice from behind Faceless flatly says as they push themselves up. This person let's their henge disguise fade off themselves to reveal an ANBU member wearing a Wolf mask. Faceless attempts to whirl towards the speaker but finds that he can't move. "What have you taken from the Vault?"

"Fucking Naras." Faceless bites out at Wolf's Clan. "I really hate this damn jutsu. I thought I timed this perfectly."

"So you're familiar enough with Konoha's clans to recognize one of their members by being caught in their jutsu." The other body behind Faceless stands up. They're wearing a Beetle mask. "Concerning. Be careful everyone, he feel dangerous. My… gut is telling me to flee from him. That he's a predator."

"Going to go out on a limb here and say you're an Aburame. I got the same reaction from one of your Clan a while ago." Faceless guesses. "Good old irony rears its head again. Crap is that what irony means? I've never really bothered to look up a definition."

"You're awfully calm for someone who was just captured by an ANBU team." The female picks this moment to stand up. She's wearing a Cat mask. "Especially since you so _nicely_ decided to comment on my 'smaller than average' assets."

"HOLY SHIT CAT YOU'RE A WOMAN!?" Faceless can't help but shout out in shock. "Er… I always knew that. That's not right I mean I've never been to Konoha before so how could I possibly know that and uh… how about we forget that just happened?"

"Who the hell do you think you are!" Cat seeths out as she sees red. "Of course I'm a woman! You'll pay for that!

"Cat." Beetle calmly, yet forcibly, calls out to the lone female. "Torture him once he's in a cell."

"You know Cat, we've met before." Faceless taunts her. "I remember that day dearly. We played a fun game together, one that we said we would play again someday. Though I seriously doubt I'll get anyone on my side this time. Kinda burned that bridge."

"The hell are you talking about?" Cat slowly moves closer to the captured ANBU imposter. She may be pissed at him for the whole not knowing she's a she, but she's a highly trained ANBU member. She knows better than to carelessly enter an enemy's reach even if they're trapped by a Nara's shadows.

"My goal was to avoid capture. Your goal was to present me to the Hokage in chains." Under his blank mask Faceless smirks. "It was a wonderful game of Cat and Mouse. Want to play again? I feel like the stakes are upped this time because instead of me trying to get Tora I have a few items from the Vault."

"Bullshit." Cat says as she reaches for the immobile man's mask. But is this really a man behind it? Or is it a boy? "You can't be him."

She pulls off the mask to reveal his face to the three of them.

"Hey Cat." None other than Alvarcus Mar cheekily smiles at Cat.

"Mouse?" She whispers out in shock and fear. She has no idea how someone so dangerous could have penetrated so far into Konoha's defenses. He's less than four minutes away from the Hokage.

The three ANBU simultaneously feel a pinch in their necks. All of their hands reflexively dart up and slap against the offending pinprick to crush whatever bit them but none of them feel the satisfying crunch of an insect.

Or in this case a spider.

"I must warn you in the sense of fair play." Alvarcus' cheeky smile widens as the jutsu holding him fades and the three ANBU stagger as the venom courses through their system. "I'm much better than I was back then. I have so many new tricks."

"How -" Cat falls down to her knees. She can't remain standing as the venom forces her muscles to relax. Wolf and Beetle are already on the ground, she's remaining semi upright by sheer force of will. "How the hell is that fair play? You warned us after you poisoned us. That's cheating."

"We are shinobi. There is no such thing as fair play." Alvarcus catches Cat by the shoulders and gently lowers her to the ground. "If you aren't cheating you aren't trying."

"Asshole." Cat forces the final word out past her lips as the venom fully takes hold. She's incapable of even the slightest movement.

"Make sure to tell Tsunade it was me who did this." Alvarcus says over his shoulder as he makes his way to the stairwell. "I can't wait for S-rank."

He dons Faceless' mask again and leaps up the stairs a flight at a time, never to be seen again.

* * *

Otogakure

"Hey Orochimaru!" I bust into his lab without knocking. "Got a moment - oh wow that's concerning. Is he supposed to look like that? All green and furry?"

"Unfortunately no. Something went wrong. He's supposed to be gaining a ridiculous amount of muscle mass, enough to rival perhaps even your Jiongu enhanced raw strength, but instead he decided to grow hair all over his body at an alarming rate. I honestly have no idea how it happened."

Sure enough Orochimaru is standing over a catatonic body that has three inches of a surprisingly nice forest green fur. It looks luscious and thick too, maybe make a nice throw rug or something. If it wasn't, you know, a human. Totally makes it so wrong.

"Did you need something?" Orochimaru leaves his latest project behind as he faces me. "It's not everyday that you visit me here of all places. You know the door is always open to you."

"Yeah I know but if we both were in here we'd never leave or get anything done. We'd both be constantly wondering what the other was doing." Him out of genuine curiosity and me out of a sort of morbid interest. Think like a terrible car crash, you know that you don't want to look at the corpses but at the same time it's impossible to look away. "But I'm like eighty five percent sure I know what to do for the next step of the sword."

"Really?" Orochimaru's excitement is palpable. He's so happy that it's coming along so well. "What is the next step?"

"Well, you're not going to like it." I don't bother with beating around the bush. He'd simply wait until I told him a satisfactory answer anyways so why waste our mutual time? "I need to get my hands on a self sustaining chakra blade."

"Your various liquids yielded insufficient results?" He tilts his head in curiosity. "I thought for sure that blood would retain the chakra long enough for your purposes."

"It definitely was the best contender. It held chakra way longer than any other liquid by a few thousand percent. But in the end it still isn't enough. I consider it a failure." I need this to be flawless. I can't dive into battle and be unsure of such a pivotal weapon. I'd always be second guessing myself with each swing. Is this the Edo Tensi that breaks it? Will they all come bursting out with a vengeance and strike me down in ridiculous unkillable numbers?

"So instead you need to study a self sustaining chakra blade." Orochimaru starts pacing around the table with the catatonic fur man on it. "I know of a few such blades, all of them have been lost. The most recent one that has surfaced is the Sword of the Thunder God in the hands of an Ame nin. But he was killed and the blade stolen, no one knows where it is now."

"Ah." Well this is super awkward. "So about that."

"You know something I don't." Orochimaru states. He knows it's true so he doesn't waste a question. "Explain."

"The Ame nin that had the blade last was Aoi Rokusho." This is so not ending well. "Missing nin of Konoha who's bounty has been claimed."

"And…" Orochimaru drags out the single word to span multiple seconds. "You want to chase down this mystery bounty hunter and use him or her to track down the sword?"

"By me and Sasuke." I finish my thought. "Didn't you know this already? Pretty sure we talked about this my first day in Oto. Before the Pit."

"Oh." Orochimaru shifts through his memories for a brief instant. "So we did. Funny how you forget the little things."

"Yeah… so don't be mad." I start to idly scratch the back of my neck in a very awkward manner. "But -"

"No." Orochimaru immediately dismisses me before I can finish. "Absolutely not. I will not send you out to go raid Konoha for a sword. It doesn't matter if it is legendary or not. It is inconsequential if it will make the Sword of Totsuka easier to finish. Konoha is the softest shinobi village but it is still the single most dangerous place for you to be."

I don't bother replying with words. Time to step up. I reach into my coat and pull out a sword hilt. It's a cold gunmetal and the grip appears to have been twisted around multiple times to form a spiral. The pommel features a squared ring for hooking the hilt to a belt and the scabbard is two pincer like protrusions.

"Please tell me you didn't." There's a slight tone of desperation in his voice.

"I… uh... maybe a little bit?" I weakly say to him as he takes the blade out of my hand. With only two seconds with the hilt he easily sparks it to life and a long yellow blade surges to life.

"I grow very tired of you running off without telling me." Orochimaru retracts the blade back into the hilt and hands it back to me. "That stops. Now. You will not do it again."

"Yeah. You got it." I pocket the sword again and turn to leave.

I only make it a scant three steps before Orochimaru acts. He swept me off my feet and rammed his own legendary blade through my shoulder, effectively nailing me to the floor. He leans down over me, as if he wants the hierarchy to be blatantly clear, and gets right in my face.

"I do not think you understand." He seethes as true anger mars his face. "I give you far more liberties than anyone but there are limits to that. I do not like it when people go behind my back, especially when that person is my own _child._ Do not think for a single instant that I approve of this. I would have personally stopped you from going if I knew, no matter how much effort was required. No matter how much it hurt our relationship because I never want to see my son captured by the enemy, tortured for months and then publicly executed."

Orochimaru rises up and yanks the Kusanagi out of my shoulder.

"Alvarcus you think you are capable of so many great feats, and I admit you are. But you must realize that there are things beyond you. Things beyond me. Things that are simply unachievable."

"Those are the words of the weak." I calmly say up to the Snake Sannin. "I refuse to believe anything is unachievable. Nothing is unachievable, it's just that people are unwilling to put in the work to make it a reality. They aren't willing to take the risks and get their own hands dirty. I have no qualms about achieving my impossible goals by whatever means I find necessary."

Orochimaru remains silent as I pick myself up off the ground and move to the door.

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru calls out to my back as I leave his lab. "I see so much of myself in you it scares me sometimes."

"Me too." I softly whisper to myself once the door closes behind me. "Me too."

* * *

Konoha, Hokage's Office

"Tell me this one more time." Tsunade glares at the four ANBU she has in her office. She turns her eyes onto one specific individual. Their mask is blank, completely white. "Starting with you."

"I was assaulted and subdued by an unknown man." The real Faceless monotonously says to his _very disappointed_ Hokage. "He was wearing an entirely black hood that had a black mesh fabric covering the hole where the face goes. I saw no identifying markers. I'm reluctant to call it a fight since he bested me in five seconds flat and tied me up with no less than five different chakra suppressing seals on my body."

"Faceless you're excused. I have to run damage control and the less people know about this the better." Tsunade heaves out a long and heavy sigh of displeasure as she rubs both her temples. The ball of pressure in her head doesn't lessen from her ministrations.

"Of course Hokage-sama." Faceless straightens up from his kneeling position and exits the office.

"And you three." Tsunade doesn't stop rubbing her temples as she addressed Cat, Wolf and Beetle. "You're the only other ones to actually confront him. If it is a him. Could have been a her with smaller than average breasts, easily mistakable."

Cat's fist curls up so tightly that the creaking of her leather gloves can be heard clearly by all others in the office.

"Something wrong, Cat?" Tsunade quirks an eyebrow at her ANBU.

"No Hokage-sama." Cat calmly says despite her clenched fist. "Your words reminded me of… a personal matter. It is not relevant and I apologize for letting my emotions run wild."

"Just get on with it." Tsunade says as she buries her face in her hands.

"Yes Hokage-sama." Cat falls back onto her training. "The Vault was penetrated by a single individual. We have yet to discover how he made it so far into our village without tripping any alarms. He must have an informant in here that leaked him all the necessary codes and hand signs to pass all of the barriers and checkpoints we have set up. Even more impressive is how he managed to get through the Vault's door. He didn't break in, he opened it. There are only three keys in existence that could open the door. One has been broken long ago during the Second Hokage's reign. One is in your possession. The other-"

"Danzo has." Tsunade reaches into her desk and pulls out a bottle of sake. She doesn't bother with pouring a glass, she drinks straight from the bottle. "Except the entire time this happened he was trapped in a meeting with all the Clan heads and myself present. His alibi is solid as stone."

"Correct." Cat continues speaking. "We confronted the infiltrator as he exited the Vault, he was already inside when we got there. We moved our downed men to a safer location and replaced them on the floor. The infiltrator noticed the swap and we attempted to subdue him. We failed."

"I expect more details in your written report." Tsunade pointedly says as she downs a quarter of the bottle. "Make sure to deliver it to my hands. Only us four know exactly what happened. I want it to stay that way."

"Of course Hokage-sama." Cat dips her head respectfully.

"Did you find out who it was?" Tsunade asks the three ANBU before her.

"Yes." Cat calmly says. "We did."

"And who was it?" Tsunade prompts Cat to continue.

"...Mouse."

"Mouse?" Tsunade asks in confusion. "Who the hell is Mouse?"

"Forgive me." Cat clears her throat. "His real name is Alvarcus Mar."

"You've got to be fucking shitting me." Tsunade downs the rest of the bottle and pulls out a second one. "God damn _Alvarcus Mar._ "

"Hokage-sama?" Cat nervously asks. "Is that… bad?"

"Yes it is!" Tsunade yells at her ANBU. "Now I have to give the little shit S-rank! Great! Just GREAT! I'd rather he have made off with Kubikiribōchō, the Sword of the Thunder God _and_ the Scroll of Seals than give him S-rank!"

"I may have an idea." Cat says from her kneeling spot on the floor. "If you'll hear it, Hokage-sama."

"Go on." Tsunade halts her absurd amount of alcohol consumption to pin Cat in a glare. Her anger at having to give Alvarcus S-rank, having to fulfill a dream of his, is bleeding over. "I'm listening."

"Less than ten people even know that the Vault was penetrated. Only us four know the true identity of who the infiltrator was." Cat carefully says. She's walking on eggshells. "It wouldn't be too farfetched to say that we never discovered their real identity."

"Oh that's _good._ " Tsunade's whole attitude has shifted. "As of this moment you all will forget who broke into the Vault."

"Of course, Hokage-sama." Three very satisfied replies come from the ANBU.

"Cat." Tsunade has one final question for her ANBU. "Where did such a deviously delicious idea come from?"

"If you aren't cheating you aren't trying." Cat can't help but sinisterly smirk from beneath her mask. "I win Mouse. I win."

* * *

One Month Before the Chunin Exams at Suna, Three Months from Shippuden

"So." The familiar form of Shirokumo says to me as I relax in my hottub. I've brought it to the roof of the Southern Hideout, the giant prison complex where Karin is at, and am staring up at the stars. Did I mention it was midnight? No? Okay, it's midnight. There, happy now? "You know what's happening soon."

"Yeah." I look up at the countless balls of fire an impossible distance away from me. "It's always harrowing to see how tiny I really am in this world, this universe. Can one person really make such a drastic difference? Can one person really change anything on such a large scale?"

"Oi." Shirokumo boops me in the head with one of his legs. By the way that's where he's at, perched on my head. No idea why he likes it up there. "Don't go all philosophical on me. Keep your head out of the clouds and you'll be fine. Besides it's not just you trying to change the world, you have the full support of the Spiders and the Rashomon behind you. Not to mention your red eyed friend, he's going to be a force to be reckoned with."

"True." I softly smile up at the midnight sky. "One day he's going to be stronger than me, so strong that I'll have no hope of catching up."

"Exactly. You have support. You're not alone in this." Shirokumo affectionately says from my head.

 _~Don't forget about me. I am always with you, until the end.~_

"You're right. I do have support." I can't let but help a bittersweet smile taint my face. "But even then it might not be enough. I'm going against the single most skilled group alive right now. I'm potentially facing the deadliest people to ever walk this world. I don't know if I'm up for it."

"Hey now, enough of that pessimist talk." Shirokumo gently reprimands me. "Take it one step at a time and before you know it you'll have succeeded. So, what's the first step?"

"The first step." I softly whisper out. "I suppose the first step to toppling the Akatsuki and Pain and Obito and Madara and Black Zetsu and eventually Kaguya is to stop the Bijuu from being collected."

"Okay. Good start." Shirokumo urges me onwards. "But be more specific."

"I'm going to stop the two Akatsuki members that share my title of immortal from taking the Seven Tails. I'm going to save Fu from Kakuzu and Hidan."

Those words make it sound so simple. I look skyward once more, taking in the vastness of the midnight sky. I'm resigned to stopping this. I'm resigned to fighting tooth and nail to save this world.

"It's time to say fuck the plot."


	71. Chapter 71

Otogakure, Main Base in Land of Rice

"This is it." I stare into a full sized mirror that I acquired from one of my assassination target's house. Staring back at me is someone different that what I've grown accustomed to seeing. Gone is my long green trench coat. Gone is my brilliant red scarf. Gone are my sunglasses.

In their place is a completely new outfit, one that I've wrestled with for a while but in the end the Weavers did an excellent job. Everything is gray. There's not a splash of color on me from my combat pants, up to my hooded ANBU grade mask. My undershirt is the same dark gray as the snugly fitting shinobi robe. Even all the bandages I've wrapped myself with are dark gray. Yet it isn't a uniform gray, it's blotchy. Parts are darker or lighter than others like they've been exposed to different levels of dye. I chose this to help me remain hidden, these blotchy gray spots assist in breaking up the outline of a human. I look nothing at all like I used to. No one would ever think that beneath all this is Alvarcus Mar the Heart Thief. It's exactly what I want because this is the pivotal moment.

This is the end of the beginning.

"I'm about to leave for Taki." I whisper out as I squeeze my hands into fists.

Right now the genin that started their Chunin Exam in Konoha are making a mad dash for Suna. In only a few too short days the Akatsuki will make their move. They'll send Kakuzu and Hidan after the Seven Tails, Chomei, and by extension Fu.

I'm going to stop them. This is the first major move the Akatsuki has made that I can impact. Before I was too unskilled, too weak. But now I have the necessary tools. I have the strength. I have the information to make a difference.

The Akatsuki has made their opening move on a world wide chessboard. But what the Akatsuki didn't realize is that there's another player sitting across from them. One that will not roll over and tip their king in surrender. I will play their game and I _will_ beat them.

Or I will take my last breath trying to.

"So it begins." I turn away from the long mirror and move towards the door. Standing around staring at myself won't save anyone, least of all the world. "Time to see just how big of a cluster fuck I can make their intricate laid plans into."

* * *

The Way Back to Taki, the End of the Joint Chunin Exams of Konoha and Suna

"Yoro. Fuu." One of the three shinobi traveling through the trees calls out to his teammates. He has short brown hair and tiny black eyes. He's wearing Taki's standard shinobi gear with just a touch of personal flare in the form of two holsters near his elbows. "We're being followed."

"How many?" Yoro asks Kegon. He's the only sensor in the trio. Kegon has spiky black hair and the same standard Taki shinobi gear as Yoro. But his personal flare comes in the form of two scrolls strapped to his vest.

"Do you think they'll want to be my friends too?" The green haired an orange eyed kunoichi asks as she buzzes around in the air. The other two shinobi have to resort to tree leaping like peasants. "I had so much fun the last few days! I met so many new people, made new friends! Shibuki will be so proud of me!"

"I doubt it." Kegon crushes her hopes with three words. "Friendlies don't try to mask their chakra signatures."

"Who the hell is tailing us?" Yoro mutters to himself but not quite softly enough. It's given Fuu an idea, one that she knows both of her bodyguards would disapprove of. But she's a jinchuuriki, a force in this world that scarcely a few can hope to match. With her confidence comes a slight amount of idiocy. Fuu has a brilliant - in her mind at least - idea.

She stops flying and lands on the ground.

"What are you doing!" Kegon shouts at Fuu as he skids to a stop next to his charge. "Keep moving!"

"I want to meet them." Fuu crosses her arms and sticks out her bottom lip in a pout. "If they've gone to all this work to meet us the least we can do is stop for them."

"Great. She's insane." Yoro sighs out as he stops on Fuu's other side.

"No, she's polite." Two figures land in the tree riddled clearing that the trio stopped in. They both have black cloaks with red clouds on them. The taller one is the speaker and the one with the unhinged looks is standing next to him. "Common decency is such a rare thing. You should learn from her, Hidan."

"HA!" The one with a visible face, Hidan, barks out one quick laugh. "Good one Kakuzu! You talking about common decency is funny as hell!"

Two of the three Taki shinobi freeze as all the blood drains from their faces. They know that name. It's the villain in the stories they were told as kids. It's the thing that goes bump in the night. It's their village's very own boogeyman.

"Hey!" Fuu doesn't react like the other two. She's too energetic for that. "You've got a Taki headband! I've got one too!" She taps the band on her arm to draw attention to it. "Though mine doesn't have a slash on it."

She eagerly skips up to Kakuzu, much to his amusement, and extends out a hand.

"Hey, can we be friends?" Fuu smiles brightly up at the much older shinobi. "That's okay right? If we're friends?"

"BWAHAHAHA!" Hidan doubles over in laughter. "It's your very own Muffins! Though you can't call her that. Oh I know! Nuggets! Call her Nuggets!"

"You have muffins?" Fuu eagerly asks Hidan as he attempts to stop laughing. Which he can't. "You brought friendship muffins! YAY!"

"Enough of this asinine conversation." Kakuzu's patience has reached its limit. "We are not here to be your friends. We are here to take you with us."

"Oh?" Fuu's demeanor has changed. Before it was warm and inviting, now it's daring Kakuzu to finish his thought. She's confident that she can put them both down. And why wouldn't she be? She just demolished her first Chunin Exam and she's a jinchuuriki. She's brimming with confidence. "What if I don't want to go with you?"

"Your wants are irrelevant." Kakuzu blandly responds to her as he subtly - so subtly that only his teammate sees it - twitches a single finger on his left hand.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees three glints of red metal. Hidan is swinging his deadly three pronged scythe at her knee level and she has no hope of avoiding the attack. It came too suddenly and at such a high speed and in such close range that dodging is impossible for her. That was done with one hand.

Fuu's eyes widen as her first inklings of fear take root in her stomach. She channels chakra to her legs in an attempt to soften the blow but deep down she knows that it won't change anything. She's never seen anyone move this fast before and the look in the scythe wielder's eyes only makes her feel worse. He's barely even trying, this is a game to him.

"I will only say this once." A meaty thud surpasses all other noise to everyone's surprise as a new voice enters the fray. "Kakuzu and Hidan of the Akatsuki, let the Taki shinobi leave."

Standing between Fuu and certain dismemberment is a lone individual. He's holding back the scythe between the third and second blade. In a great feat of timing and coordination he managed to slip his hand between the two blades and wrap his fist around the rod. The newcomer turns his attention from Hidan, to Kakuzu, to the Taki shinobi and finally back to the most immediate threat: Hidan.

Though the business end of a gigantic deadly weapon is a fraction of an arm length away from his face the newest addition to the group doesn't flinch. His voice doesn't have a waver, in fact there's an edge to it. He sounds gruff and harsh yet there's not a speck of fear in him. He's boldly staring down two very deadly people - while holding one at bay - and sounds relatively at ease.

"Another heathen comes out to be sacrificed! Maybe Jashin-sama will forgive me for not sending the girl to him if I send you instead!" Hidan's eyes turn almost feral like as he engages in an one armed strength contest against the newcomer. His muscles bulge as he pushes down on his trusty scythe, slowly pouring on more and more strength. "Must be my lucky day!"

"Taki shinobi." As impossible as it seems the newcomer is pushing the scythe back towards its owner. Millimeter by millimeter the crimson instrument of death is being forced back. "That's your cue to leave."

"Yeah you got it!" Kogen says as he and Yoro grab Fuu by the arms and start to drag her away. "Good luck whoever you are!"

"Wait no let me go!" Fuu flails in their grasp to try and help her savior. "We can't just leave!"

"So glad we agree." Kakuzu, with a hint of boredom, addresses the trio of fleeing shinobi. Mirroring the lackadaisical tone in his voice, he lethargically takes three steps to the left to get a clear line of sight to the fleeing shinobi and lifts one arm up in the air towards Fuu. "Come here."

To the Taki shinobi's surprise Kakuzu's fist rockets off of his arm with a trail of inky black threads behind it. The fist soars through the air with its fingers spread wide, it is eager to clamp around the jinchuuriki's throat and drag her to Kakuzu's feet.

But, for lack of a better term, the rocket fist is stopped before it can reach its target. The newcomer snatched the limb out of the air with his free hand. He's effectively holding back Kakuzu and Hidan at the same time.

The three Taki shinobi's jaws collectively drop at the incredible display of timing, aim and sheer skill. They're so impressed and caught off guard by the three people fighting before them that they've stopped fleeing.

"What the hell are you gawking at!" The newcomer shouts over his shoulder at the trio. "They've barely scratched the surface of what they can do! Get those asses moving!"

"Er right!" Yoro tugs on Fuu's arm yet again. "Come on let's go!" The two shinobi resume their escape as the third struggles to come to her savior's aid.

"Hidan." Kakuzu says as his extended hand clamps down on the newcomer's wrist. There's the beginnings of a mild interest in his voice now. His curiosity is peaked by the skill this nameless shinobi has shown. He's never had someone react so fluidly to his unique skillset so easily before. "Do not let them escape."

"Oh shit!" With a mighty yank Kakuzu lifts the newcomer into the air - ripping his hand off the scythe in the process - and towards himself. This has the byproduct of giving Hidan a clear path to the jinchuuriki.

"Leaving so soon?" Hidan coos out as he rapidly closes the distance to the fleeing shinobi. His brilliant crimson scythe trails behind him just begging to slice anyone to tiny bits. "But I haven't even sacrificed you to Jashin-sama yet!"

Hidan's sprint is interrupted by a kunai coated in an incredible amount of wind chakra that zips through the air. The ridiculously sharp wind buzzsaw cleaved the sprinting lunatic and an innocent nearby tree in two.

Yet that's not the only thing to happen. A sickening squelch is heard a heartbeat after both of Hidan's halfs hit the dirt.

"You better have a bounty for all the trouble you've caused." Kakuzu sighs out as he's holding the corpse of the newcomer. Kakuzu drew a kunai of his own and buried it straight through his neck as he reeled him in. The lifeless shinobi had his trachea and spine severed in one go. The body is hanging limply, its feet swaying as it's held above the ground. "You chose to save them instead of yourself and let me land a killing blow as I pulled you in. _How pathetic_. One should always serve themselves first."

"How can you be so cold!" Fuu shouts as she struggles to break her teammate's grip. She wants nothing more than to go avenge her savior, even if she only knew him for a few minutes. He risked and lost his life to save her and she doesn't even know why. She doesn't even know his name. "Your own teammate just died and you ignore him!"

"How naive." Kakuzu looks past the corpse towards the two pieces of Hidan in disinterest like he's been through this countless times before. "Do I need to fix you? You know my prices."

"Nah we're good." Hidan's top half says as he pulls his bottom half back to him. He awkwardly tries to line up the two halves - he put his legs on backwards and had to flip them over and try again - while having a seemingly normal conversation with his teammate. "That was a fucking clean cut, I got this. Gotta say I'm mildly impressed and really fucking disappointed he wasn't sacrificed to Jashin-sama."

"H-how?" Yoro sputters out in fear for the umpteenth time. Witnessing this gruesome display has caused him to completely forget about running for his life. He simply can't devote enough brainpower to think about fleeing and how the hell that guy isn't dead right now. "How are you alive?"

Another sickening squelch echoes throughout the battleground and all eyes dart to the source.

"This is a battle between immortals." As impossible as it seems it's the newcomer that spoke those words. In a display of the utmost brutality the presumed dead shinobi is fist deep into Kakuzu's chest. He didn't bother with grabbing a kunai to help him, he simply shoved his whole hand into Kakuzu's torso. The nameless shinobi squeezes his hand and a gout of rich red blood spills out around his wrist, staining both his sleeve and Kakuzu's chest. "You three have no place here."

As the newcomer finishes his words he rips himself out of Kakuzu's firm grasp, no doubt hurting his neck in the process, and retreats to stand between the Taki shinobi and the Akatsuki once again.

"Immortals?" Kegon whispers out. His entire body is shaking in fear from these three shinobi. But even more than that he's shaking in fear because he knows that he and his team would be dead if this mystery person didn't show up and save them. No, not them. This person isn't here for him or Yoro, the mystery person is only here to save Fuu. That is what scares him most of all. In everyone else's eyes, he and Yoro are expendable. They simply don't matter.

"You're all immortal?" Yoro murmurs. He's faring no better than Kegon, they've drawn the same conclusion. It is as the mystery person said; they have no place here. It wouldn't matter if they're immortal or not simply because the skill level difference is too great.

"The evidence is before you." The nameless shinobi gestures to Kakuzu and the still in two pieces Hidan. "I've dealt death blows to them both yet here they… uh… stand?"

Hidan pauses his awkward adjusting to flip off the nameless shinobi.

"Not to mention that I've been dealt a lethal blow and here I am talking to you. By the way why are you even here still?" A slim amount of irritation has worked its way into the newcomer's voice. "Why does no one ever listen to me in these situations?"

"You fancy yourself an immortal?" Kakuzu condescendingly interrupts before either Taki shinobi can reply. The oldest shinobi hunches over as something throbs on his back. Once, twice, three times it throbs. Each time it pushes further and further out of his back and on the fourth throb it tears through. Bursting out of Kakuzu's back comes a mass of inky black threads wildly thrashing about in agony. It has a visage of a demonic beaked animal, reminiscent of a turtle. It tosses and turns as it starts to crumble into black flakes, ripping rents into the ground and cracking trees as it thrashes. In barely five seconds the beaked bipedal completely loses any sense of form or cohesiveness and totally turns to dust. Kakuzu rises up from his hunched over position and turns his ancient eyes onto the nameless shinobi. " _Let's put that to the test_."

"You all need to run." For the first time there's a tone of desperation in the newcomer's voice. He's scared of what Kakuzu is about to do. No, this isn't fear of what's to come. This is fear of the man before him, he is simply scared of Kakuzu. "Run as fast and as long as possible. I'm good but he's _better._ I can only hope to slow him down enough for you to escape."

"Hey what about me you fucking heathen!" Hidan roars from his spot on the ground as he starts to crawl towards the newcomer. His bottom half isn't quite fully connected to his upper half. It's being limply dragged along the ground behind him only three quarters of the way back on. "I'm here too!"

"Yeah but you're an idiot." The newcomer condescendingly says to the shinobi in two pieces while barely sparing him a glance. "Much less threatening than Kakuzu of the Jiongu."

"In another time and place I think I could have tolerated you." Kakuzu says as he slightly bends over at the waist. "Unfortunately, nameless shinobi, that is not this day. I seem to be down a heart. One that you will replace."

"Cut that shit out old bastard!" Hidan shouts at Kakuzu as he finally becomes whole once more. The former Yugakure shinobi pushes himself to his feet and whips his scythe back and forth to test his range of motion. "I call dibs on this one!"

"No." Kakuzu briskly dismisses the lunatic's claim as more _somethings_ begin to pulse on his back. Three somethings to be exact. "He has taken a heart from me, a feat that few can claim to have accomplished. It's a feat that none have survived. I intend to make sure it stays that way."

"You really want to waste your time on some nameless bitch while a jinchuuriki is standing just over there?" Hidan points his red weapon of choice at Fuu who is openly staring at all three people in shock. It does make sense, all three of them have casually taken and then shrugged off lethal blows. Perhaps they are truly immortals as her savior claimed. "Wouldn't you rather go get her then sit back, relax and watch as I open this fucker up and carve him to tiny pieces in the name of our lord and savior Jashin-sama?"

"For a moment I almost felt a kinship with you. Then you brought up your asinine religion. Spare the head in case that face is worth something. Leave his heart intact and I will fix you free of charge next time someone gets the better of you." The rapid pulsing beneath the long coat comes to a halt as the eldest one here turns towards the still not running away Taki shinobi. "Let's have a little reunion, shall we?"

"Okay. Okay. I've got this." The newcomer says to himself as his masked eyes dart back and forth from S-rank shinobi to S-rank shinobi. "I've totally got this. I just have to stall Kakuzu and Hidan enough for the Taki shinobi to make it back. I can do that. I can totally do that."

"Uh… you know we can hear you right?" Hidan asks in a moment of genuine confusion as he hefts his scythe onto his shoulder. He tilts his head in confusion and shoots Kakuzu a sideways glance out of the corner of his eye that seems to say 'Is he serious?'

"This will be easy." The newcomer continues as if he didn't hear Hidan. "I mean I've already dealt a crippling blow to Kakuzu, it's a great start. Though that trick will only work once. Shit. But! The Taki shinobi are getting a huge head start on them. This is great. Just keep them talking or whatever the hell this is and I won't have to risk getting my ass kicked. Simple. I've got this."

"No." A light buzzing sound fills the air as Fuu takes to the skies once more on her insect like wings. She's zipping up towards the newcomer and lands behind him. A very confident tone fills her voice as she settles next to him, not yet dismissing her wings incase she needs to react quickly. "You're not alone. We've got this."

" _WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE!_ " The newcomer roars as he stomps the ground in unrestrained anger. Everyone looks at him in varying degrees of shock as his foot cracks the ground beneath him. It appears that his strength is not something to underestimate.

"I'm not going to leave you to die." Fuu says as she steps forward to stand next to him instead of behind him. She refuses to symbolically place herself beneath him, as if conceding that he's stronger and she needs protecting. She is the jinchuuriki of the Seven Tails and she _will_ be respected. "Not after you saved me."

"You imbecile I'm not on some suicide mission! The best way for me to succeed in my task is for you to run away not serve yourself to them on a silver platter!" The newcomer shouts at her without looking her way. Not even the biggest fool in the world would willingly look away from this immortal pair.

"You sure you ain't on a suicide mission?" Hidan asks with a crazy look as he licks the top blade on his scythe. His face twists into a frown, he likes it so much better when there's blood to lick off the scythe. Now it's just a scare tactic instead of a victory lick. "You're fighting unkillable shinobi."

"Fuck off, unkillable doesn't mean unbeatable." The newcomer spits the words at the Jashinist. "I know of so many ways to beat you it isn't even funny. Him on the other hand," he gestures with a stiff nod of the head to the other immortal, "he's a whole different story."

"THAT'S IT! JASHIN-SAMA I RESPECTFULLY AND HONORABLY SEND UNTO THEE A FUCKING HEATHEN WHO NEEDS TO LEARN TO SHUT HIS DAMN MOUTH!" With that inspiring declaration Hidan leaps forwards towards his next victim, gleaming red scythe held high. The sunlight glints across the middle blade as he swings it down with all his strength. As he pours every scrap of force he can into the one swing a maniacal laugh leaves his throat. The thrill of battle has started, now it's just a timelimit to see how long the heathen can dance. Will he crumble after one single hit? Will he manage to prove a worthy sacrifice and endure wound after wound in the name of the Great Jashin-sama?

"Hidan hold!" Kakuzu shouts out in an attempt to stop his partner. His unique red eyes with solid green irises have been locked onto the newcomer ever since he showed up. He watched as Hidan leapt forward and he watched as the newcomer - with an incredible display of speed that only the best shinobi can match - reached into his shirt and withdrew a grooved metal cylinder.

With a casual flick of the wrist the newcomer activates whatever contraption he's pulled out and a sickly pale red blade sparks to life at the tip of the cylinder. Almost with the same maniacal passion as Hidan the newcomer leaps forward to clash against the fellow immortal.

Both shinobi launch a single attack at the other with a crazed vigor.

Hidan slashes at the newcomer and two of the three prongs of his scythe bury deep into the newcomer's left side, the tips of them can be seen exiting his right hip. Under normal circumstances these wounds are lethal but the newcomer doesn't seem affected by the steel in his body.

Instead he seems almost pleased with the outcome. Hidan wasn't the only one to land a blow, though Hidan's seems much more severe. Protruding out of the Jashinist's back is the same sickly pale red blade that the newcomer just drew. He's stabbed Hidan through the right pectoral. Even without his immortality he would survive his wound. It's little more than an annoyance, like the bite of a mosquito.

"I win." Hidan says as his eyes widen in unsurpassed glee. He cackles loudly and almost erotically as he jostles the scythe in the newcomer's gut. "How does that feel? That pain? As you feel the steel in your body, the unending pain that you've only started to experience? How does it feel to know that you have _hours_ more suffering to go through before I send you to Jashin-sama, the one true God? It's even better since you're all like 'I'm an immortal too' so that means I get to torture you for so much longer until I figure out how to kill you - OI! What the hell man there's a fucking scythe in your gut! Scream in agony or something! Come on it's not fun if you just sit there! Scream for me!"

"On the contrary, dear Hidan." The newcomer, even knowing that no one can see his hidden face, can't help but gleefully smile. "It's not you who won. _I did._ "

"Bullshit bitch!" Hidan yells in anger right in his face. He punctuates this with tearing the scythe out of his sacrifice, shredding what would be his stomach but the mystery person doesn't even flinch as his guts open. Interestingly though the nameless shinobi has been opened up there isn't a single drop of blood that spills out of the wound. Despite the gaping slash and the puncture wounds he's sustained the only blood on him is from when he crushed Kakuzu's heart. "I'll make you scream before this is over!"

Hidan attempts to leap away from the newcomer but finds he can't. Despite having both feet firmly on the ground and full use of all his limbs he can't seem to pull away from him. In fact it almost feels like he's being pulled towards him.

"The hell is this!" Hidan yells as he buries his scythe into the newcomer once more, this time the long blades puncture both legs with ease. But the newcomer doesn't topple, he doesn't even twitch. It's like he's used to pain, like he's experience far worse than what he's taking from the mad immortal. "OI! Let me go!"

"It's true that I can't kill you. After all I'm living proof that it's near impossible to kill an immortal and your version of immortality far outstrips mine. No matter what I did to you, cut you into thousands of pieces, grind you to a chunky paste, rip you to shreds with my own hands, burn you alive, drown you in water, crush you beneath stone, electrocute you with lightning, tear you into pieces with wind, there's no doubt you'd survive." Pride is bleeding off of the newcomer's words as he twists his own sickly pale red blade into Hidan's chest and pushes it further out of his back. "But I don't need to kill you, do I? I just need you out of the way."

Hidan's form begins to get pulled into the hilt of the sword the newcomer is brandishing. Hidan starts hacking away at the newcomer - who is idly using one kunai wielding hand to block his blows while the other holds the sword - over and over. He thrashes like an animal to escape his fate but no matter what he does his form continues to distort into the hilt.

"There's a rule that all shinobi abide by." The newcomer whispers but everyone present can hear his elated words. He's brimming with excitement, not at the battle but at his weapon. "It's an unspoken rule that each shinobi from each village adheres to. It's one of the rules that is universally agreed upon by even the most bitter of enemies. Do you want to know what it is?"

"What rule!?" Hidan roars as he lands one final blow, managing to get past the kuani, and buries the scythe into the newcomer's palm and into his forearm. The tip of the scythe protrudes from the newcomer's elbow a good ten centimetres. "What rule are you yapping on about! What the hell is going on!? Kakuzu help!"

" _Never give a seal master time to prepare._ " With those final words Hidan is completely sealed away into the newcomer's sickly pale red sword, scythe and all. The battlefield is eerily quiet as everyone absorbs what just happened.

"Holy…" Yoro can only manage the one word.

"Shit." Kegon finishes for him teammate.

"I feel _**real**_ good about myself right now _._ " The newcomer purrs out in concentrated euphoria that borderlines orgasmic as he turns his gaze onto the last cloud wearing shinobi present.

"You, nameless shinobi." Kakuzu addresses the one who sealed his teammate.

He doesn't sound scared or even apprehensive. He actually sounds rather impressed. Before he was slightly disinterested in this person - though admittedly a little mad since he did claim a heart. Anyone else would have been dead from Kakuzu's blow so he acknowledges the creativity of this nameless shinobi's plan to get in close and remove a heart but that doesn't stand out. Many shinobi are capable of playing to their own strengths and a well executed sneak attack is nothing to brag about. Kakuzu himself has done more of them than he can count so why would one from someone else be impressive?

But claiming to be a seal master and backing up that statement with such an impressive show of ingenuity and genuine usage of a sealing based sword that he hinted about making himself? That is something that stands out, something that places him above the average squabble known as shinobi. This person is dangerous.

Kakuzu likes dangerous people. He likes feeling the thrill of battle, no, that's not quite right. Battle can be had between a master and a novice. He loves the thrill of an _equal._ For so long he's squashed whoever he went against with ease. For so long he's bested everyone to cross kunai with him. He's only ever lost to two men and there is no shame in losing to the First Hokage or a bearer of the legendary Rinnegan in one on one battle. But even then he wasn't battling an equal, those two stood far above him. But before him now this one shows promise.

Yet even above all that, the biggest reason Kakuzu likes dangerous people is because they have simply _ludicrous_ bounties on their heads.

"What is your name?" Kakuzu asks as the first hints of true emotion worm its way into his tone. It's not anger, fear or rage. It's excitement. He's becoming giddy at the promise of a huge payday. "Whose head will I turn into the nearest bounty station?"

Kakuzu's questions go unanswered. The mystery shinobi elects to ignore him and instead offers something else in return.

"I want to make a deal with you." The nameless shinobi flicks his sickly pale red sword, which seems to be starting to let off steam, as he handles it in a reverse grip that's based around defense. His other hand darts to his belt and pulls out one of several scrolls that now seem much more deadly than Kakuzu gave them credit for.

"Interesting." Kakuzu observes this person in a new light. He's running through Bingo Book page after page after page, quickly and efficiently eliminating one shinobi after the next. He's trying to figure out who this person is. Surely a seal master of this skill can't have gone unnoticed by every shinobi village. There must be a page about him, every scrap of information can be powerful and potentially win him the fight. Plus he wants to see how the nameless shinobi reacts when he calls out his name. "What do you propose?"

"I will be blunt." The newcomer unfurls the scroll and firmly places it onto his chest. On the scroll that runs down his torso are five symbols. The first is a detailed drop of water, the second is a swirling ball of fire, the third is a tempest of wind, the fourth a jagged bolt of lighting and the fifth a proud mountain. Each picture isn't made up of lines as one would expect, it's made up of miniscule words. Hundreds if not thousands of tiny - nearly illegible because of their size - words come together to form each depiction of the five elements. "You're down a teammate."

"You must be insane if you think you can take his place." Kakuzu's eyes narrow in disdain. "I thought better of you."

"Don't be daft." The nameless shinobi scoffs out and flicks his sword. With the twist of his wrist the sickly pale red blade retracts into the hilt and he hooks it to his belt. There's no need to hide the weapon any longer since it wouldn't surprise Kakuzu or any competent shinobi again. It's best to keep it easily accessible. What's very concerning is that it hasn't stopped throwing off steam. "While I would love to work alongside someone as renowned as Kakuzu of the Jiongu our goals are directly opposite."

"Was that a hint of respect I just heard?" Kakuzu, even with all his decades, can't help but be taken off guard by that response. It came out of nowhere and without prompting. It's rare that opponents acknowledge each other, doubly so while the battle is still ongoing.

"Of course I respect you." The mystery person easily replies as if it isn't a strange concept to compliment their direct enemy. "You have seen and experienced so much. You've battled people that I have only heard stories of. The mere mention of your name causes an entire shinobi village to look over their shoulder in fear. It would be foolish of me to not recognize you as a superior to myself, both in terms of experience and combat alike. You've achieved everything I want. But make no mistake, if I must I will give it my all to _personally_ crush each and every heart you have. One down, four to go."

"Oh, now you've done it." Kakuzu lets out a deep throaty chuckle. "I will find out who's face is beneath that mask. You've made a grave mistake; you've gained my interest. But before we get to me ripping that mask off, what exactly was that deal you mentioned? It's so rare that shinobi are willing to settle things with words instead of fists. No matter how fruitless it will turn out to be."

"I find words much more pleasant." The mystery person graciously nods towards his elder, acknowledging that Kakuzu is letting him finish. "As I was saying, you're down a teammate. If you'd like, I can return him to you."

The nameless shinobi taps the hilt to remind Kakuzu exactly where Hidan is.

"And what do you desire in return?" Kakuzu asks as his head tilts forward, casting shadows over his face. Despite his great _loathing_ for Hidan it would be much worse to return without him. Regrettably, he must save the lunatic if possible.

"For you to let the Taki shinobi leave unaccosted." The nameless shinobi doesn't bother beating around the bush. He simply says exactly what he wants, no tricks, no hidden meanings, no deception. "And me. Can't believe I almost forgot about me. That could have been awkward."

"I'm afraid…" Kakuzu pauses his thought there. Not because he's thinking of what to say next, but because he's effortlessly flying through various hand signs at a ridiculous pace. "I'll have to decline. I can simply take back my teammate and get the jinchuuriki myself."

He stops on the final sign and even though he's wearing a mask every shinobi present can tell he's sinisterly smirking. The crinkling of his eyes and the simple way he carries himself is bleeding off confidence and victory.

He has every right to feel that way because the jutsu that he unleashes is devastating. Forming before his mask is a pale blue ball of lightning. It crackles with unknown potential as it charges ever higher, peaking at the same electrical energy as true lightning itself, and he releases it.

A linear streak of white lightning spears its way directly towards the nameless shinobi with extreme speed. There's no jagged bolt of lightning, Kakuzu is too experience and refined to allow such a waste in one of his top jutsu. This is the pinnacle of the old shinobi's lightning jutsu, it wouldn't do to have an obvious flaw in it.

"False Darkness." It's not Kakuzu who says these two words, rather it's the nameless shinobi. It's his turn to sound cocky because barely a moment after Kakuzu started making hand signs the mystery shinobi prepared a defense. "Been awhile since I've seen that."

As the mystery shinobi stands in the direct path of the devastating lightning jutsu he whips out another scroll strapped to his belt. With practiced ease that only sealmasters can display he flicks open the scroll with one hand and holds it before him.

The powerful lightning jutsu doesn't spear through the paper, instead it's being sucked into it. The seal is eagerly gulping up every volt of the jutsu that's coming its way until Kakuzu releases his jutsu.

"Consider me perturbed." Kakuzu's eyes narrow as the nameless shinobi, with another casual flick, rolls up the scroll.

"The hell does that even mean?" The mystery shinobi mutters just loud enough for everyone to hear and throws the scroll at Kakuzu.

The old man wisely doesn't sit there and wait for the scroll to reach its mark, he's leapt through the air to a new position a good thirty meters clockwise. This nameless shinobi mirrors his clockwise rotation, forever keeping himself between Kakuzu and his goal, as his scroll touches the ground.

With a ferocity that a wild beast can never hope to match the scroll explodes and all the lightning that it absorbed arcs out in unpredictable patterns. Long twisting arcs of electricity drag themselves across the ground leaving behind blackened scorch marks with the scroll at the epicenter. A few arcs forgo the ground and leap to trees that cause a few to catch fire.

"It means that I'm slightly upset that you were able to recognize my jutsu by just the opening hand signs." Kakuzu growls out in his patented deep gravelly voice. "You seem exceedingly perceptive if you were able to read _me_ that easily. Not to mention that you had a lightning seal _premade_ to counter it. Do not think I did not notice that."

"What can I say, I like seals." The mystery shinobi coyly sasses his elder about their trade. "Does it bother you more that you have absolutely no idea what the symbols on my chest are for? Doesn't it bug you, not knowing what something is even though it's dangled in front of your face?"

"Your feeble attempts to rile me up will fail." Kakuzu flatly says to his opponent as he prepares another jutsu. After the first four handsigns his opponent pulls out another scroll and flicks it open. "I am not Hidan, I have a firm grip on my emotions. I am capable of putting my personal wants second for a greater goal."

"Ah shucks. You've seen right through me." The nameless shinobi would be kicking a dirt clod to punctuate his words but it's at this moment that Kakuzu releases his jutsu.

Another bolt of lightning soars out from Kakuzu towards the mystery shinobi. Yet again the devastating attack is sucked into paper, rendering it inert. With another throw the seal sails towards Kakuzu who again dodges.

It's a complete repeat of what just happened, jutsu for scroll for explosion.

"I'm curious, nameless shinobi, answer a question for me. You see seal users have one glaring weakness. It is true that their sheer versatility is incomparable to any other type of shinobi, maybe even above those who can wield all the elements, but there is one _very_ limiting weakness that all seal users - master or not - cannot escape. So my question is this." Kakuzu says with a hint of satisfaction as he flies through the hand signs for a third False Darkness. He stops on the final sign and asks his question. "How many seals did you prepare?"

The smell of ozone fills the air for the third time as another near white bolt of lightning arcs towards the nameless shinobi.

"Well shit. Is it bad that I was hoping you'd not think of that?" The mystery shinobi groans out as he flicks open another lightning seal. "Old man you're good, but I'm not out of seals yet. You have no idea how many I can- OH MY GOD JUST RUN AWAY ALREADY YOU SIMPLETON!"

The nameless shinobi didn't get to use his scroll. Instead of him sealing aways Kakuzu's attack again someone else beat him to the punch. Someone that both of the remaining immortals elected to ignore yet the very same person that both of them are here for.

"This is my fight too." None other than Fuu leapt into False Darkness' path. She raises both her arms - which seem to have some kind of green plate armor with orange trim covering them - and takes the full brunt of the deadly attack. She stands resolutely as the jutsu washes over her but she remains shock free. The electricity is simply incapable of penetrating her armor. "I won't sit back and let others fight my fights."

"You are literally the most annoying person I have ever met." The nameless shinobi growls out in what seems like barely restrained anger. Despite his livid tone he's still remaining calm and collected, his limbs are taut and ready to react to anything Kakuzu throws at him. He's even already grasped another scroll to quickly be deployed. "And believe me, I've met some _very_ annoying people."

"Well you're stuck with me for a little longer." Fuu snaps back with her own edge to her voice. She spreads her stance out, lowering her center of gravity and preparing to take any and all the abuse Kakuzu can dish out. In fact her carapace like armor expands to cover her part of her shoulders in a strange pair of orange and green pauldrons. She's standing between the nameless shinobi and Kakuzu like a shield. "I'll buy you some time to make more seals. We've got to take this guy down then I won't owe you one and you can go back to wherever it is you came from. By the way, where did you come from?"

"Indeed, where did you come from?" Kakuzu says as he springs forwards, nearly instantly closing the gap to Fuu. With an eerily dark gray - borderline black - fist he rears back to land a blow to her chest.

"Just tell me later." Fuu raises both of her arms up in a cross guard to take the hit. She digs her feet into the ground for a sturdier base and braces for the incoming attack. "We're a bit busy - HEY!"

Fuu stumbles backwards as the unknown man harshly yanks on her shirt's collar. Well it's kind of a collar. Ish. Honestly it is closer to a bra strap but the mystery man is doing everything he can to avoid thinking he just saved a girl's life by almost getting her bra off. But hey, it worked out in the end. Kakuzu's deadly blow fell short - barely - of slamming into her face.

"Saved by a bra strap. That's a new one." The mystery man mutters to himself. "I didn't think I could have new ones at this point. Shows what I know."

"Nameless shinobi." Kakuzu glares at him with a rapidly growing amount of disdain. But even though his disdain is growing, the list of people this mystery person could be is rapidly shrinking. "I congratulate you. You've prolonged the fight for a little longer."

"Thank you." Even though the unknown man has his face covered everyone present can feel the smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "Fuu, sweetheart - that sounds strange I'm not saying that again. Good God I've had a weird five seconds. Bra straps. Sweetheart. The fuck is going to happen next? MOVING ON! As I was saying, it's best to dodge those blows. He used a jutsu called Earth Spears, it causes his skin to darken and it exponentially increases his defenses and hitting power. Personally I think it is horribly misnamed. Avoid it at all costs, once we remove his earth heart he will be incapable of using it. Then go crazy. Or, by some ridiculous reason, if you have a very high level lightning jutsu you can use to get through it. It's the only way to pierce that tough skin."

"Lightning jutsu?" Fuu racks her brain for a fleeting moment as she and the mystery person use this moment to put space between Kakuzu and themselves once more. "I don't have any of those."

"Oh good. So it's up to me then." The nameless shinobi groans out. "I'm sure I've got something in my bag of tricks I can whip out."

"How do you do it?" Kakuzu turns his irked gaze onto the mask wearing man once more. "How do you know my skills so easily? Even Hidan can't predict them with such accuracy and he's seen them all multiple times, hell he's been hit with them all before. But here you are identifying, countering and discrediting my moves like _child's play._ No one is that perceptive. It's as if you know me, as if we've fought before and you already know how to react. There is no way you can know my… oh you _snake._ "

"I'm sorry?" The nameless man tilts his head in confusion as he pulls out a scroll tucked away in one of his boots. "Did you want to finish that thought? Also this is for you Fuu."

He holds out the scroll to the jinchuuriki without taking his eyes off of the threat. She, mirroring him, takes it without shifting her eyes. She's wary of this cloud wearing man. If what the mystery man says is true then he's much more dangerous than she gave him credit for.

"What's it do?" She says as she twirls the scroll between her fingers.

"It's a chakra multiplier. It's a conduit that will magnify your jutsu by twofold if it's on your person." The nameless shinobi answers her question. "I'd recommend placing it on your chest over your heart. Someplace vital, Kakuzu wants you alive so he'll avoid attacking any lethal spots and that will make removing it that much harder on him. He'd have to reign in his attack to do barely nothing to you."

"Sweet." Fuu eagerly unrolls the surprisingly short scroll which is barely ten centimeters long. Sparing it only a faintest of glances to make sure she puts it on right side out she firmly plants it right over her heart. "I had no idea seals could do that."

"Seals can do anything, that's what makes seal masters so dangerous." The nameless shinobi says as he steps closer to Fuu. "You have no idea what their seals will do. From sealing away lunatics to explosions to jutsu absorption to _paralysis._ "

As the nameless shinobi says the final word the seal activates. Inky black lines eagerly spread across Fuu's body like a shattered pane of glass. They cover her from head to toe in a split second, if you blinked you would have completely missed it.

"Unfortunately," The nameless shinobi says as he snags Fuu before her suddenly limp body can hit the ground. "I have no idea how to make a chakra multiplier. Never really needed to if I'm being honest. Shit, now that I think about it has _anyone_ made a chakra multiplier? Maybe I should invest some time into that."

Kakuzu's eyes narrow at the sudden plot twist. A thousand and one thoughts race through his head. Why would this person make the jinchuuriki so much easier to take? Why would he remove one of his allies from the fight, especially the only ally that Kakuzu will not kill? Why would he _waste_ such a seal on her instead of on Kakuzu himself? It's true that Kakuzu would not be debilitated by the seal for long thanks to the Jiongu being able to remove it but there's no way that this seal master could know that.

"I'm getting ahead of myself. Gotta get through the day first then I can think about hypothetical seals." The nameless shinobi says as the unceremoniously throws Fuu's limp body over his shoulder towards Yoro and Kegon before turning his attention back to Kakuzu. "Will you two run away now? Take that with you for me, I'll catch up later. I'm about to be really busy with tall, masked and pissed over there."

"Perhaps you two would like to wait a moment." Kakuzu calls out as Yoro and Kegon's legs tense in preparation for tactically retreating. Okay, for running away because they're out of their league and scared shitless. When they fill out the mission report it's definitely going to say tactically retreated though. "Don't you want to know the name of your savior?"

"I'm sorry?" The nameless shinobi tilts his head in mild confusion. "I haven't told you my name."

"But I've figured out who you are." Kakuzu gloats in victory. He's relishing the moment that he unveils the man's identity who caused him so much trouble. Not to mention that speaking this specific name will surely cause the Taki shinobi to treat him as an enemy too. It's the best kind of feeling. "Your actions have given you away."

"Don't bluff." The nameless shinobi scoffs out. He slides into a combat stance, feet wide apart and fists raised. It's unlike his previous stances, those were centered around defense. This time he's ready to go on the offensive. "You have no idea who I am."

Yoro and Kegon pause. They share a glance between each other and convey an unspoken conversation. They're weighing the pros and cons of sticking around to learn the masked man's name.

"I know who you are." Kakuzu rises up to his full height and starts to gloat once more. "A seal master, someone who has taken an interest in me before, and someone who knows what the Akatsuki's goals are. On top of all that, someone able to stand against two S-rank threats and not tremble in fear or running away _without using a single jutsu_."

"I don't follow." The nameless shinobi flatly says to the eldest one here. "Are you going senile in your old age? Oh God why do I taunt people? I've got to stop that, it's bad for my health."

"So is having your arms sealed away in the stomach of the Shinigami." Kakuzu twists his face in his own elated grin of victory, distorting his mask with the gleeful grin. "Yet here you are, dispatching Hidan and holding me back. It's been awhile, how have you been _Orochimaru?"_

All encompassing silence follows the bold declaration. All eyes turn to the masked individual who is frozen to the spot. He's standing stock still and glaring at Kakuzu as a subtle amount of killing intent starts to flow off him.

It's simply cold at first, the temperature feels like it dropped a few degrees. Then the hairs of the back of everyone's neck stand tall and two sets of eyes can't help but to dart to look at the shadows that seem to cling to the edge of their eyes. It gets worse, now it's wafting off the masked man. Everyone present gets the feeling that a beast is lurking just out of sight, greedily eyeing all their vital spots, simply waiting for them to make a mistake. Waiting for a chance, an opening, a reason to go in for the kill.

Only Kakuzu seems unaffected by the oppressing feeling, his elation at guessing the nameless shinobi's identity is too great. Kegon and Yoro are another story. They can't help it as they break out in a cold sweat. They can't stop the slight tremble in their fingers as they _feel_ the presence of something bigger, stronger, and deadlier than them eyeing them like prey. No, it's not eyeing them like prey. It's eyeing them as if they're toys. This beast merely wants to play with them.

The fact that this might be _Orochimaru_ only makes it worse.

"Orochimaru." The nameless shinobi's tone has shifted. Even when battling against Hidan and Kakuzu he retained a sense of lightheartedness, desperation and pride at times, but his voice was always light. Now it's dark and deep. It rumbles as he speaks, it resembles Kakuzu's own voice. Harsh, grating. Gravelly. "You think… you _dare_ to assume I am someone as despicable as that wretch of a man?"

The nameless shinobi steps forward towards Kakuzu, not hurried. He's taking his time closing the gap one stride at a time. Gone is his sense of urgency. Gone is his sense of worry for the three Taki shinobi behind him. Gone is his playfulness. It's replaced with a cold and dark aura.

"You guess my name, my identity." The nameless shinobi snarls out as he raises his own hands up and soars through hand signs.

Kakuzu's eyes narrow in distrust. He sees the hand signs, he feels the chakra, he sees the bold walk of the man before him. In this moment he seems like Orochimaru, like a snake leisurely closing in on its prey, but Orochimaru is incapable of jutsu.

"And you name HIS NAME!" The nameless shinobi roars, his voice so loud that it quiets the sounds of nature. Birds fall silent, crickets stop chirping, even the wind seems to slow its gentle breeze. "Kakuzu of the Jiongu, you've made a grievous mistake."

The chill to the air intensifies as the sunlight seems to fade on its own accord. But this isn't an effect of the nameless shinobi's killing intent, even though that skyrockets to new levels with each passing second. The sun is blotted out by something more sinister than killing intent: dark rumbling thunderclouds. The fury of nature itself has seen fit to elevate the stakes of their battle.

Or perhaps the fury of nature is reacting to their battle?

"Orochimaru." The nameless shinobi spits out in disgust as he raises his hands to the sky about a half meter apart. The seals that he placed on his chest all begin to ominously glow with chakra. Only three of the elements blaze on his chest like a precursor of what is to come. Water, wind and lightning are throwing off a near blinding light in the sudden darkness provided by the ominous clouds.

A clap of thunder and a flash of brilliant white lights up the sky as the storm prepares to unleash its fury. It casts an eerie glow down onto the nameless shinobi with the first bolt. With the second clap of thunder the next bolt doesn't remain within the confines of the sky, it jaggedly arcs down and slams into the earth behind the nameless shinobi casting him in a truly menacing shadow dance for the briefest of moments.

"You should wish I was Orochimaru, then you might have had a chance to stop me." The nameless shinobi doesn't bother to raise his voice despite the raging storm above everyone, just barely restraining itself from pouring its contents down on those below. It simply doesn't matter, everyone is enraptured with him at this moment. He has their full undivided attention.

"You claim to not be Orochimaru." Kakuzu boldly breaks his silence as dark grey takes over his entire body. He's preparing himself for a real fight now. He can feel the sheer amount of chakra this person is pouring out into whatever jutsu he's fueling. He's taking no risks here, he's holding nothing back. Kakuzu will bring his full might to bear against this shinobi. "Then there's only one other person you can be."

"I've had enough of your name games." The nameless shinobi squeezes his eyes shut beneath his mask. Arcing down from the clouds, and the center of attention of everyone present, is the brightest arc of lightning that anyone has ever seen. It's so bright that it becomes the main light source, surpassing the sun, and its light casts shadows away from it. There is no color to the world anymore, the sheer brightness of this technique is so intense that everything becomes white and a slightly whiter white.

But most importantly of all, everyone who didn't close their eyes becomes momentarily blinded. The abrupt influx of light on that scale is simply too much for the brain to handle and it shuts down the entire visual sense to cope.

"AARG!" Kakuzu raises up an arm to shield his eyes but it's too late. The damage has already been done, he's blinded. But by no means is he removed from the fight, he still has four other senses to rely on. Not to mention three other minions that were shielded from the flash.

Kakuzu isn't the only one to be affected by the biggest and brightest bolt of lightning ever. Both Yoro and Kegon got an eyeful too. They unleash their own cries of anguish as their retinas are seared and they unleash twin cries of surprise as they're hit square in the back by some sort of sticky rope.

Fuu, Yoro and Kegon are yanked off their feet and flung out of the clearing, disappearing amongst the trees, and if they could see they'd see a pair of spiders eagerly catching them and quickly binding them with gags before stuffing them into a cocoon of webs and scuttling away through the thick branches with them thrown on their backs.

"So Kakuzu. Answer a question for me." The nameless shinobi says as he adjusts his stance, lifting up one foot and slamming it into the ground to anchor himself. Accompanying the slamming of his foot are three mounds of mud that rise up. They quickly take on the shape of humans and slowly gain color. In a scant three seconds a nearly exact replica of Fuu, Yoro and Kegon are standing behind the nameless shinobi as if they never left in the first place.

A crack of thunder resonates from the dark ominous clouds above clones and men and the storm finally spills forth. It's soft at first, a gently pouring of rain that is barely a sprinkle. Then it gains momentum, the once sprinkle turns into a forceful shower, then buckets of water, then _sharp_ tearing raindrops that feel like they're hurled down from the heavens with the all the ferocity of a hurricane.

Plants are becoming shredded as the unrelenting water spears fall on them. Leaves, twigs, branches and even a few decrepit trees fall prey to this storm's fury. Where what once stood a proud forest is quickly becoming a sight of what nature is truly capable of.

The wind surrounding the clearing - _the_ _entire forest_ \- whips into a frenzy. No longer does the rain fall down, now it falls from every direction. The fierce wind is hurling those sharp droplets into all sorts of crazy trajectories. Left, right, forward, back. Nothing is spared as this storm rises to new heights of destruction.

Those leaves, twigs, branches and the decrepit trees that fell asunder to the sharp tearing rain are hurled through the air with impunity. The wildness of the winds doesn't care that they're not part of the storm, the winds are _making_ them part of the storm if they want to or not.

" _Can Orochimaru do this?"_ The nameless shinobi swings his arms out to his side and gestures to the whole storm and his gesture is accompanied by a bolt of lightning that drops from the sky. It jaggedly arcs from the heavens with the wrath of a lightning god directly at Kakuzu.

"No, he can't." Despite the frankly ridiculous situation that he finds himself in Kakuzu is remaining calm. Never, in all his many years, has panicking ever been the correct choice to make. He's steeled his mind and body against such feeble emotions long ago so even though this shinobi is much more dangerous than he seemed Kakuzu keeps his calm.

Sprouting out of his back is a long spindly mass of threads capped by a mask depicting some form a strange beaked creature. It snaps outward, not wasting time with pulsing out of his back. Kakuzu can't afford the intimidation tactic in this instance and he knows that this shinobi won't be affected by it regardless. The new appendage faces upwards towards the storm and unleashes a twisting tunnel of wind that rises upwards.

The rising wind and the falling lightning collide in a brilliant flash that lights up the overcast sky. The twisting tunnel of wind outmatches the lightning and punches a hole through the dark ominous clouds that take up the sky, revealing a speck of blue for the faintest of moments before the clouds swirl back into the hole.

"I must admit, nameless shinobi, that you're quite skilled. The chakra you can wield, the skill in which you manipulate it, the fluidity of your actions that transition smoothly into the next are very impressive." Kakuzu's mask distorts as the man beneath it is sinisterly smirking. He boldly takes a step forward and two more long black spindly appendages join the first hanging out of his back. "But no matter how impressive this jutsu is, no matter how easily you see through my attacks, no matter what you do, you're right. You're not Orochimaru. He's much more dangerous than you ever could be."

"I didn't plan on killing you tonight." The nameless shinobi growls out as he wills four more lightning bolts to fall from the sky. "Thankfully I'm willing to make amendments to my plans."

"So, a test of jutsu is it?" Ripping out of the same mask as before is another gale of wind, this one is much more widespread as it easily swats all four lightning bolts away from their target. "You're quite formidable at a distance and I freely admit that with this outstanding storm you've conjured I might be overwhelmed. Yet we are not samurai. We do not sit idly by and let our opponents get ready to battle. We do not play on an even playing field. After all, what kind of shinobi would we be if we didn't take advantage of our opponent's weaknesses?"

On Kakuzu's final word he sprints forward to close the meager distance between him and the nameless shinobi. He stays low to the ground, his wind mask stays aimed at the sky and the other two swivel towards his prey. Though it doesn't seem possible, Kakuzu's already grey skin goes even darker as if he's pouring more into this jutsu with each step closer to his goal.

But Kakuzu's dash for his prize isn't without obstacles. Lightning falls from the sky yet again and this time it's not alone. The wind picks up and a single sickle like blade surges towards Kakuzu from his left at waist height. Off on his right he sees numerous sharp water spears streaking through the air horizontally as if they're unaffected by gravity. They number in the hundreds and easily cover more area than his body and appendages takes up.

"This impressive jutsu is _useless_ against me!" Kakuzu roars out as his wind mask easily disperses the ferocious lightning from above and he let's the other attack break against his body. The wind sickle shatters against his near diamond hard skin and the hundreds of water spears scatter as they harmlessly pelt against him. "I can easily counter anything and everything it can throw at me! Orochimaru would never try something so dimwitted against me! He would know it's useless and it will be your downfall!"

The other two masks spark their own jutsu aimed directly at the nameless shinobi. A pale blue spark of electricity and a wisp of brilliant red flame spring to life before doing their master's bidding and lunging towards the soon to be roasted and spasming target. A gout of orange flame that causes the rain near it to sizzle and evaporate on contact and a linear streak of lightning rage towards the nameless shinobi mere moments before Kakuzu himself.

"That's where you're wrong. You're so like Hidan, even if you don't want to admit it." With two flicks of the wrist the nameless shinobi unfurls two scrolls that greedily gobble up the two jutsu raging at him. Beneath his own mask he grinds his teeth together. "I've -"

 **CRACK**

This thunderclap doesn't come from the sky. It came from a fist meeting a chest. The nameless shinobi ragdolls away from the single punch as if he was hit with an entire mountain of boulders at the same time. He raggedly bounces across the ground, clips a tree that sends him spinning sideways and ends up stopping when a luckily placed boulder turns to rubble as he hits it. Instead of sprawling out on the ground like any normal - and most of the abnormal - people in this world he manages to twist his body around at impossible angles to land on his feet.

"Strange, it's like you forgot I'm immortal." The nameless shinobi sassily retorts as the storm strikes out again. Lightning, wind sickles and water spears relentlessly attack Kakuzu. There's no pause to their striking, when lightning stops wind steps in. When the wind dies down water springs forwards to fill the gap. When the water runs dry lightning eagerly darts forward. The epicenter of this storm is Kakuzu.

But none of it damages him in the slightest. A near continuous twister of wind stops all the lightning dead in its tracks. The wind and water simply don't have enough destructive capabilities to breach his defense and he lets them break uselessly against his body without care.

"Strange, it's like you forgot I have a teammate." Kakuzu holds up a grooved metal cylinder and studies it as the storm rages against him. "It's a pity I have to break it, I'm sure it would have been a fun toy to have."

"Meh." Directly contradictory to what Kakuzu expected, the nameless shinobi shrugs. Literally, during this intense battle that could wipe out shinobi by the dozens the nameless shinobi _shrugged._ "It was going to explode soon anyways. It's a prototype, not a finished product. Like I said earlier, I just needed Hidan out of the way. Speaking of Hidan, remember what I was saying earlier? You're more alike than you'd care to admit. You see, I've already-"

"Will you just shut up?" Kakuzu growls out as he throws the hilt straight up into the next bolt of lightning that falls from the sky. The hilt explodes in a pale red energy discharge and none other than Hidan comes out of it.

"-skin him alive and use his entrails as a jumping rope that motherfucking son of a OH SHIT NOW I'M FUCKING FALLING!" Hidan awkwardly flails in the air and starts to tumble to the ground. He can't adjust himself at all, there's nothing to grab onto. "WHY THE SHIT IS THERE A STORM NOW!"

"Oh good, he's back." The nameless shinobi groans out. A lightning bolt streaks down from the sky and slams into the back of Hidan's head.

"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!?" Hidan shouts at the storm as he pushes himself up like he didn't just survive electrocution. His purple eyes dart around, trying to figure out what the hell is going on before going bloodshot.

He's seen the nameless shinobi. And he's _pissed._

"Well shit. Kakuzu, I suppose I'll have to kill you another time. Now that you're both serious I doubt I stand a chance anymore." He idly stands up and turns to start walking away. "You know, as I've kept trying to say, I've already -"

"You _fucking HEATHEN!"_ Hidan roars as he lunges forward towards the unprotected back of the nameless shinobi. "Don't you dare turn you back on me you worthless piece of shit! You're going to be a sacrifice and I'm going to enjoy torturing the ever living fuck out of you!"

The nameless shinobi sends a scathing glare at the enraged Hidan. He's frothing at the mouth, his eyes are bloodshot and there's an even more pronounced crazed gleam in his eyes.

"Don't." Two wind sickles streak out from Hidan's sides and slice the mad berserker into three chunks. "Interrupt." Hundreds upon hundreds of water spears plunge into the immortal who is rapidly losing the shape of a human as the punch straight through him. "Me." A trio of lightning bolts light up the sky as the chunks each get shocked black by the electricity. "Though I thank you for letting me actually do something with this jutsu. Seriously this shit isn't easy and it was pissing me off that Kakuzu was just shrugging it all off like nothing."

"I'm not beaten yet!" The mass that is Hidan starts to attempt to make its way towards the nameless shinobi. It leaves behind a sticky reddish brown trail as only a third pulls itself towards its goal. "Jashin-sama demands your soul and he will get it! All I need is a drop of blood! Just one! Come here and bleed for me you heathen!"

"Holy shit I'm actually impressed." The nameless shinobi can't help but feel a faint sense of fear. Sure, he brags of immortality but his is a fake at best. He can still be killed, he can still die. For instance, the attack that he just used against Hidan - if it hit him - would utterly defeat him. Back up hearts or not, they'd all be destroyed in one go. But Hidan? He has the gall to crawl towards his attacker and demand he comes closer. On top of all that, his wounds are already regenerating. "So this is true immortality. I got lucky it made him complacent. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now."

He resumes his walk away as the rolling rumbling storm overhead begins to fade and with it the blazing light of the seals on his chest dwindle. Faint beams of sunlight begin to streak through the clouds and shine once more.

"You assume you can just leave after all this?" Kakuzu growls out as all three masks swivel towards the nameless shinobi. "You've cause us a great setback. It cannot be allowed to stand. That's not mentioning the heart you owe me."

"Well yes actually. As I've been trying to say I've already… you know what. Fuck it, you'll figure it out. Look where we stand. You're between me and the idiots who _STILL HAVEN'T LEFT YET OH MY GOD WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY MORONS!"_ He throws his hands up in the air and starts stomping away. "That's it! I give up! Just take them! They're yours! I have eight other jinchuuriki to worry about anyways, I just have to win once. It'll probably be easier when I don't face an immortal duo anyways."

"So it would seem." Kakuzu ancient eyes dart to the trio of Taki shinobi - two of which seem to have fallen to their knees in sheer awe and disbelief and fear and the third is still paralyzed. "That does not excuse you from the heart you owe me."

"Take a rain check." The nameless shinobi throws his words over his shoulder as he jumps into the trees. "You've got a jinchuuriki to take back somewhere and do something with. Probably have people waiting on you, no doubt they're growing impatient."

"It appears we did settle this with words after all." Kakuzu strides over to the floored Taki shinobi. He stands before them, staring down at the dazed bunch. They're pathetic, to have given up simply because of witnessing the scale of the battle that took place before them. Good shinobi would have at least run away. These three barely seem capable of movement, they're eerily still. "I can't help but as one last time, nameless shinobi, what is your name?"

"It's not fucking Orochimaru I'll tell you that." The nameless shinobi disappears from sight.

"Now, what to do with you three." Kakuzu focuses on the trio of Taki shinobi once more. He slowly pulls out a single gleaming kunai. "We only need the girl, best to get rid of the rest."

"OI!" Hidan shouts. The once three chunks is now two chunks. No one really wants to know how that happened. "Let me sacrifice them! I need a pick me up after that fucking heathen did all that shit to me!"

"No." Kakuzu says as he swiftly swipes the kunai across Yoro and Kegon's throats. "If you were a better shinobi you wouldn't have allowed it to happen, immortality be damned. What's this?"

A thick viscous liquid billows out of the two slashed necks. It's too thick to be blood. It's the wrong color to be blood. It's brown and chunky and sloppy.

"Mud?" Kakuzu says in disbelief as the two men - now revealed to be clones - collapse into a piles of mud. "Mud!" He slashes Fuu's throat and is met with the same mocking mud that spills out of her. With a snarl Kakuzu shouts out, "MUD!"

It's at this moment that a certain unfinished sentence completes itself. No words were spoken, none were necessary. The speaker isn't even present, Kakuzu himself let him go unaccosted.

" _I've already won."_

* * *

A Few Hours Later, Kilometers Outside of Taki

"So let me get this straight." A very angry Fuu stomps up to me and harshly jabs me in the chest with a single finger. "You're telling me there's a group of highly trained elite even among S-rank shinobi after my head?"

"Well not technically your head." I simply shrugs in response and let her get away with poking me. If it makes her feel better than I can tolerate it. Besides, it's not like she's fighting me. I've caught up to them. It was pretty easy since I told the spiders where to take them and all three of them were restrained. Fuu by a seal and Yoro and Kegon by webs. They _really_ weren't happy about that. I'm taking this time to fill her in on the details of who exactly those two are. "It's Chomei's head they want. It just happens to be a package deal with yours, two for the price of one if you will."

"And you just wander around looking for them?" She jabs me in the chest again. "Just waiting for them to make a move so you can step in and stop them?"

"When you say it like that I sound kind of like an asshole." That's totally what I did today. I stalked Fuu and company until Kakuzu and Hidan showed up then leapt in to save her. "Well shit. I guess I'm an asshole then. But yeah that pretty much sums it up."

"If they're such a big deal then why didn't you kill them when you had the chance?" Fuu asks with another finger jab to the chest.

Why indeed. I could have. Okay, I think I probably could have. Maybe. If I squint from a distance in the middle of a sandstorm on a moonless night it's possible.

I might be selling myself short there, after all I am a Sage capable of destruction that few can hope to match. I know all of their skills inside and out, I've even spent a significant portion of my second life personally using and thinking of ways to better the Jiongu which is Kakuzu's trump card. I'm freakishly tailored to combat that pair it's not even funny.

So why didn't I kill them?

To put things simply: It was too soon.

I couldn't take the risk of revealing too much about myself. Right now Kakuzu and Hidan are heading back to wherever they came from to report about this nameless shinobi that thwarted their plans. They'll tell all the Akatsuki to be on the lookout for a seal master wielding a sword that seals things away, a seal master that is an expert at his art capable of making seals that can absorb some of Kakuzu's strongest jutsu with ease, a seal master capable of standing against two of them, a seal master capable of bending a storm to his will - though that one might be a bit of a stretch - and most interestingly of all a seal master that has achieved immortality.

Other than that they have no idea how I will fight. They have no idea that they will go to battle against a Sage. They have no idea that they will face someone capable of using all five elements. They have no idea that they will face _me._ That lack of information will give me an edge that could win me the fight. It might be the deciding factor as I face off against the pairs of the Akatsuki.

Yet even above all of that, it was too soon to kill them because the world doesn't fear them yet. All the jinchuuriki are safe and accounted for. The Akatsuki hasn't raided a major village yet. To the world as a whole they're still flying under the radar. As much as I don't want to admit it, I can't win this fight alone. I need assistance from the Big Five at the least, even if it is just a heightened security around the jinchuuriki because eventually I'll have to take this fight to the Akatsuki. I can't play the passive waiting game, only popping up to counter their moves. I have to make moves of my own but I can't leave the prizes unguarded.

Not to mention Naruto is supposed to master the Rasenshuriken by using it on Kakuzu. If the worst happens and I fail to stop the Fourth Shinobi War from sparking, we're going to need Naruto to be _damn good_ at that jutsu.

Shit, how is Naruto doing? I can't rely on my knowledge of him as much as I'd like, he had a major change right from the start. Jiraiya took him from day one, not day… uh… whenever the hell it happened in the plot. I've just been assuming that he's equal to or greater than his plot counterpart. For all I know he could be vastly different from what I remember. I should really get Shirokumo to get some eyes on him, check in on things. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

" **OI DUMB NUTS!"** Fuu shouts at me as she full on punches me in the chest.

I stumble backwards, totally not expecting the blow, and land flat on my ass.

"Where the hell did all my shinobi training go?" I mutter out to myself in disappointment. "I just won - I'm calling that a win - against two S-rank shinobi and I get knocked on my ass by a teenage girl throwing a tantrum? That's embarrassing. No way around it."

I push myself up off the ground and dust off my pants in a very unflattering way. I'm basically vigorously rubbing my butt to knock the dust off. Classy.

"Oh sorry." I look towards Fuu whose fist is still extended from when she hit me. "Did you say something?"

* * *

Konoha

"KAKASHI! I CHALLENGE YOU! FIRST ONE TO SCALE THE HOKAGE MONUMENT WITHOUT USING CHAKRA!" A man wearing a sinful amount of green bellows out in the middle of a busy street. "Kakashi? Hello?"

"Oh sorry." A familiar mop of white hair sways as the owner looks up from his book. "Did you say something - ACHOO!"

* * *

"ACHOO!" I violently sneeze. "That was weird. I haven't sneezed in years. Anyways, you were saying?"

"You know what, nevermind." Fuu turns away from me and heads back towards Kegon and Yoro. "Thanks for the save. Even if it was… kinda from myself? I saw what went on when I was paralyzed. Those two, that Kakuzu guy particularly, they're something else. So thanks."

"Not a problem. Just don't expect me to be there the next time." I awkwardly look around from Fuu to Yoro to Kegon. "So… uh… don't mess with people with red clouds on black cloaks. Don't… hm… hunt them down as revenge. That would be stupid, like literally giving them the bijuu. Don't… what else is there? Oh! Don't try and follow me or try to figure out who I am. That's a _really_ bad idea. Also incase it wasn't blatantly clear, I am not Orochimaru so get that out of your heads now. It'll save everyone a headache. And… uh… I think that's it? I guess this is goodbye then. Wow this is so weird, usually I've killed everyone and there's no one to say goodbye to."

"This is the guy who saved us." Yoro mutters under his breath to Kegon.

"I know." Kegon shakes his head in shame. "Why are all the strong people so weird?"

"I can hear you." I call out to the two mutterers. "Probably should wait till I leave to talk smack about the guy who saved you all from two S-rank threats. Cuz doing that in front of me will end _so well_ for you both. You two didn't forget that I literally made and commanded a storm right?"

"Sorry?" Kegon and Yoro squeak out at the same time.

"And on that lovely note I'm outta here!" I smoothly turn away from the group and casually stroll into the trees, hopefully to never see them again. "Try to not do anything stupid, will you? I hate cleaning up other's messes."

* * *

Akatsuki Headquarters, Two Days Later

Seven astral presences are gathered in a circle with two more flesh and blood bodies. The Akatsuki has convened to hear of the Zombie Combo's success and to plan when to start sealing the Seven Tails.

That was the original intention of this scheduled meeting. Everything changed after hearing two words come out of Kakuzu's mouth.

"We failed." The brisk and gruff ancient shinobi grunts out as he braces for the snide comments from the rest of his group.

But the remarks at his and Hidan's expense never came. The only response he got was several heads swiveling towards him. Every single person is looking at him in surprise. Even the ever stoic Itachi has a reaction. His eyebrows raised up a fraction of a millimeter.

"Kakuzu." One of the two actual bodies, the one known as Pain, speaks. "Repeat what you just said."

"We failed." Kakuzu repeats with even less enthusiasm than before, a feat few thought possible. "Or more accurately, we were stopped."

"Some fucking heathen in a Jashin-sama damn mask and a stupid fancy sword just popped up out of nowhere!" Hidan - who is miraculously in one piece - chimes in. His eyes are bloodshot and spittle flies from his mouth with every word. "Oh I'm going to have so much fun cutting him to bits and pieces! I can't wait till I get my hands on his little neck and _squeeze!_ "

"Kakuzu, how about you translate that for us?" Kisame asks.

"Someone stands against us." Kakuzu bluntly informs the rest of the Akatsuki. "He's strong, the jutsu at his command is impressive and I fear that I've only seen the surface of what he's capable of. He was capable of dissecting my attacks with ease, he wasn't caught off guard by a single one. He named them as he saw them and reacted in the most favorable way possible when faced with them. He's a seal master, one capable of sealing away my jutsu with premade scrolls with ease and capable of crafting a sword that can seal away what it touches. Hidan proved that point."

"A sword that seals away what it touches." Itachi says, more to himself than anything, and his blazing Sharingan eyes narrow.

"A sword wielder?" Kisame grins a toothy sharklike grin and hefts his trusty blade onto a shoulder. "Sounds like my kind of guy. What's his weapon like? One of the Seven?"

"No, it is like nothing I've seen before. Grooved metal cylinder. Pale red blade made entirely of chakra. Once stabbed Hidan was sucked into the hilt and was released once it was broken. It is unknown if he survived only due to his immortality or if the sword was made that way." Kakuzu systematically dissects the important bits as requested. "He claimed it was a prototype, that it was not yet perfected. He also said it would explode soon but I destroyed it before it could."

"It might be fun to cross blades with this guy." Kisame thinks aloud. "Been awhile since I've faced a competent bladesman."

"He's not a bladesman." Kakuzu easily dismisses the notion. "He didn't favor the weapon and didn't seem bothered when I took it from him. His attacks with it seemed… rudimentary for lack of a better term. Like he was still learning how to properly use it."

"You mentioned he used jutsu?" Deidara asks as he adjusts his hair hanging in front of his face.

"The fucker had a storm going!" Hidan shouts out. "A storm! Lightning and wind and water and everything!"

"What he means to say is that somehow this nameless shinobi conjured a storm that he had control over." Kakuzu translates without prompting. "He could will lightning to fall from the sky, the wind leapt to his command to slice, and the rain sharpened itself before dropping from the clouds. It was truly formidable. Very few shinobi could stand against such a jutsu, I count all of us within that number."

"Good." Pain speaks a single word and all eyes dart to him. "Ninjutsu type shinobi can be worked around with the proper planning, especially when alone."

"I do not think he's a ninjutsu specialist." Kakuzu takes over the conversation once more. Any and all information is crucial. "He had seals on his chest, one of each element, and three of them were lit up like stars the entire time the jutsu was going. If I had to hazard a guess the seals somehow let him use those elements. Potentially enhanced his abilities with them too. Best to not let him place the seals on his chest, it's a mistake I won't make again."

"Not a bladesman but uses a sword." Sasori cuts in and pins Kakuzu in an intense gaze. "Not a ninjutsu type but uses jutsu that leaves even you impressed. What is he then?"

"He's a Jashin-sama damned heathen that will burn for eternity that's what he is!" Hidan shouts out as his eyes go even more blood shot. "I'm not even fully healed yet! That was two fucking days ago!"

"He's a seal master." Kakuzu - and everyone else - elects to ignore Hidan's outburst. "One that, even on top of all his previous abilities and traits, claims to have achieved immortality."

"A third immortal?" Konen asks as she shoots Pain a sideways glance.

"Fourth technically." Sasori cuts in yet again. "Muffins share's Kakuzu's Jiongu. He's immortal too."

"Yeah, I cut his head off and he's still kicking!" Kisame has a fond smile on his face that looks much more creepy than fond as he remembers meeting his new pet. "Good ol' Muffins. I should go see how he's doing, it's been _years!_ Wait, you don't think..."

"Alvarcus Mar has grown formidable in his own right." Itachi speaks, and much like with Pain everyone listens. Less out of respect and more out of surprise, Itachi is a quiet individual. "But he's not quite at that level yet, nor does he use seals of such a high tier. He also has no need for seals that grant additional affinites. From the reports on his fights the only thing that remains consistent is that he is far from subtle and delicate. Something as precise and calculated as seals seems… out of character for him. He favors the flashy and dramatic."

"That storm was really fucking flashy and dramatic!" Hidan snarls out.

"It was also his trump card." Kakuzu growls out menacingly. "Yet it's easily counterable, simply do not fight him outdoors. In a confined space he won't be able to conjure the storm. Perhaps even underground."

"Kakuzu." Pain speaks once more and the conversation halts for him. "Who is he?"

"I can't confirm anything but I have my suspicions. Only one other person has reacted so smoothly to me before. Only one other person has ever picked apart my repertoire of jutsu before. Only one other person seemed to be able to read me the exact same moment I made a move. Only one other person has command over such extreme jutsu. I fear we face something that hasn't happened before. Itachi." Kakuzu growls out as he pins the young man in a steely cold gaze. "What are the odds that another Uchiha survived your Massacre?"


	72. Chapter 72

Otogakure, Northern Hideout

"So." I open up conversation as I close in on the massive prison complex.

I knew exactly what I was getting myself into by confronting Kakuzu and Hidan. I stood and won against two of the most formidable people alive right now. I stood and won against two S-rank shinobi as I saved a jinchuuriki from certain death, or at least put it off for a little while longer. But by achieving success, by making sure Fuu can breath another day, I've proven something to myself.

I've finally achieved my dream. Even if my bingo book page doesn't say it, even if my bounty is only listed as A-rank, even if the whole world thinks I'm just good instead of great, I know for an indisputable fact that I can count myself among the legends of S-rank shinobi.

Does that mean I consider myself to stand on the same pedestal as the members of the Akatsuki? Hell no. It just means that I know I have a chance - a single twinkling star in the entire expanse of the night sky - of winning.

That confrontation was more than just saving Fuu, it also proved that I _can_ save the jinchuuriki. Though despite my success I know that from now on it will only get rougher. They'll take me seriously from the start of the battle instead of stringing it out.

Yet even above all that, I knew that leaving to save Fuu would have one drastic side effect.

"What are the odds that Orochimaru didn't notice we left and we get in free and clear?" I had to leave without permission. Which Orochimaru _blatantly_ told me to never do again as he nailed me with the Kusanagi to the floor and told me exactly what could go wrong because of my actions.

 _~Absolutely zero.~_

"That's what I thought too." Sometimes it is better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Let's just hope that this is one of those times.

* * *

Orochimaru's Office

Silence. Unnerving silence.

That's what greeted me the moment I stepped through the front gates of the prison complex. Unaccosted, unbroken, silence. That and Orochimaru personally waiting on the inside of the doors for me.

We locked eyes the moment I stepped in, both of us wearing our own respective masks. Me, the chipper and happy smirk of playfulness and insanity that hides my real face of countless unending plots, worry and surprising intelligence. Him, the cool and collected persona that can stare down insurmountable odds and still come out on top that hides his various emotions and mad scientist side.

I attempted to greet him, like I usually do with my unique kind of sass, but he simply turned and started walking.

Though I admit I considered simply going to my room and falling asleep, I knew that he wanted me to follow him. That's how we got to be here in his office. He's staring me down as he sits at his desk. He's simply studying the moment, taking in every single detail about me.

Thankfully I had the foresight to change back to my usual attire before returning.

All of that is par for the course. What's not par for the course is the lack of my chair. Instead of the single wooden chair that's always present whenever I'm called I'm forced to remain standing. If that itself wasn't enough of a statement to his mood, the slight tinge of emotion that's wormed its way onto his face is even more worrisome. It's not anger, nor rage, nor loathing, nor fury. It's _disappointment._

"Why?" Orochimaru finally sighs out after the unending silence stretched on long enough to drive the point home to me.

"I wanted to test the sword." Is my immediate reply. It's actually the truth too, at least part of it. I knew that I couldn't kill Hidan in the traditional ways and needed him gone. I also happened to recently finish the prototype to the sword of Totsuka so I figured I'd kill two birds with one ridiculously complicated piece of fuinjutsu. "I'm on the right track but not finished. It was too unstable and couldn't maintain the sealed entity within for long. Kind of defeats the purpose of sealing people away if they will just break out in a few min-"

" _You insolent child!_ " Orochimaru doesn't raise his voice at me. There's no need to, the malice laced in the hiss that came out of his mouth is enough. The spark of anger that has overtaken his disappointment as it causes his brow to furrow and lips to bend in an undignified sneer only makes it worse. "I do not care why you left, that is inconsequential! I only care why _you didn't tell me!_ "

"I wanted to test-"

" _Silence!"_ The horrible hiss from Orochimaru actually causes me to flinch. This is a side of Orochimaru I've never seen before. I've seen him mad. I've seen him happy. I've seen him murderous. I've seen him excited. I've seen him talk down to Kages. I've seen him casually face deadly encounters that he had no right to survive. Never before have I seen him so severely disappointed.

The fact that he's disappointed in me only makes it worse.

People who disappoint him die. Simple as that. It's why I've never seen such disappointment - such failure in his eyes as he looks at me - on his face before. It's frightening. Angry I can handle. Mad. Sad. Happy. Experimental. I'm used to those, as fucked up as that sounds. I know what to expect in those moments.

Right now I'm in foreign waters and the worst part about this whole situation is the fact that seeing him like this and knowing it's because of me makes me feel furious at myself for failing him. For causing him shame. For wronging him. There's a growing pit in my stomach because _I disappointed him._

I feel absolutely fucking terrible that I disappointed the man who ruined my life. _Pathetic._

"Alvarcus." Orochimaru says softer, less passion in his voice. Probably because he can see the way my own face is twisting in discomfort. I'm attempting to hide that he's gotten to me, trying to hide behind a mask and remain impassive. But the slight tremble to my fingers that balled into fists in regret because _I failed him_ give me away. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have stopped me." I hoarsely whisper out. Why is this bothering me? Why should I give a single fuck what this monster thinks of me? Barely a day ago I threatened to kill Kakuzu because he thought I was Orochimaru. I used my anger towards this vile man to help fuel that storm. Yet here I am, fighting a twisting torrent of emotions because that same vile man is disappointed in me. "I knew you wouldn't approve."

"Oh child, when have I ever told you no?" Orochimaru softly sighs out in exasperation at both himself and me. "You, who raided my kitchens for alcohol when you were thirteen, who plays mind games with my entire shinobi force, who trashes whole islands simply to see if you can, who mercilessly kills my shinobi who've wronged you, who plays the most ridiculous pranks with rubber ducks of all things, who insists he's a connoisseur of furniture, who even tricks _me_ when asking for sealing tags, who toppled an entire dictatorship on accident, who is my son. Tell me, when have I ever told you no?"

"Uh… when… hm." Fuck. He's totally got me. I can't recall a single time he's actually told me no. Hell whenever I ask him for anything he's always come through. He found me a rare metal for the sword. He started me on fuinjutsu because I showed minor interest. He constantly provides me with new hearts - which is messed up but is him showing affection for me regardless. "When I made the Heart Failsafe Seal?"

"Did I say no? I merely said don't work on timespace seals without my supervision because you could end up killing yourself, not to stop working on them all together. If I recall I even helped you improve on them."

"Ah. Yes. You did." I really, _really_ , don't want to admit this but he's truly generous when it comes to me.

"When I make one rule you break it? All I ask is that you simply tell me where you are going and don't sneak off. You couldn't even do that. You chose to not take the five minutes to pop in and say 'I'm off to test the sword' and instead cause me to wonder where in the world my son is. My son who has a very large reward on his head. My son who thinks that he's capable of squirming out of every situation simply because he's done it before. You have to realize, Alvarcus, even though you succeed a hundred - _a thousand_ \- times all it takes is one failure to end you. One single wrong step and it's over."

Oh god now I feel even worse. Why do I feel even worse? I don't want to but I do. Why does this pit in my stomach keep getting bigger?

"I trust you Alvarcus. I trust you to know your limits. I've seen more of you than anyone, perhaps even Sasuke, and know that you are a very capable shinobi. I know that you can handle yourself but I can't stop myself from worrying. There are truly strong people out there - people that rival even me at my pinnacle with all my jutsu at my fingertips - and things can go wrong. All I ask is that you help ease my worry by simply telling me where you're going, that way I can let you know if there's someone dangerous there. Is that really too much to ask?"

"...No. It's not." My head hangs in shame as I'm suddenly interested in the floor. What do you know, it's hardwood now. I guess he did switch it once I got blood all over the carpet from decapitating people. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are." Orochimaru softly says like a parent trying to prove a point to a child. He's gentle yet firm, letting me know that all he really wants is to look out for me. "But that doesn't mean you won't be punished."

"What is my punishment?" I knew this was coming. I knew that something, some sick and twisted task, would be waiting for me because I disobeyed Orochimaru. I didn't know that this _goddamn pit in my stomach_ would be there too.

"You're a unique case." Orochimaru freely admits to us both. "Pain has no affect on you. Neither does sitting in on one of my more… invasive experiments. Over time you've become acclimated to both of them. I would usually then turn to those you care about and hurt them instead, but hurting myself or my next body is counterproductive. Instead I found myself stumped. How do I punish someone who is immune to my normal methods? Assign you to kill a Konoha shinobi? Perhaps one of your ex-friends? Too risky. Though I believe you could pull it off, Konoha shinobi are the group most likely to seek your head. Limit your training and refuse you more sealing notes or advice? Unacceptable, I would not hinder the combat ability of my child. Using Sasuke is effective but, again, counterproductive. But in the middle of my musings, the answer walked right in the door."

Despite hearing no creak, my shinobi senses demand that I swivel my head to the door as a single figure walks in.

 _Kabuto._

"All along the perfect punishment was right before me." Orochimaru says with just a hint of pride. He's found one of my few weak spots. I hate to admit it, but he's right. This is the perfect form of punishment for me. Whatever he has me doing with Kabuto I know that I'm going to hate it.

"Orochimaru-sama." The white haired medic nin bows slightly to his idol. "Alvarcus-san." I barely even get a nod. There's more contempt in his voice than respect for me.

The feeling is mutual.

"Now that you're both here," Orochimaru gestures to the two of us, "we can go over the mission I have for you."

"You're sending me on a mission with Kabuto?" I force out through gritted teeth. That pit in my stomach is finally fading. Now it's being replaced by restrained anger. "Are you sure that's… wise?"

"I trust you both to come back alive." Orochimaru smirks at his victory. He knows me too damn well. "But, for clarification purposes, Kabuto will be leading this mission. For the duration you are subservient to him. You will obey his orders and conduct the mission as he sees fit."

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto eagerly responds, almost like he's vying for attention from the Sannin, and takes a step forward to place me behind him. To put himself in a position of power. I really don't like him. "If I may inquire what this mission is?"

"Oh it's rather simple." Orochimaru leans forward expectantly. He's planning on getting a rise out of us. Or maybe just me. "I want you both to retrieve a Hiraishin kunai."

"What?" I can't help but blurt out. I expected anything but that. Raiding a minor village for hidden secrets, burning a town to the ground, some convoluted and risky assassination. Any of those I could have taken in stride. But a Hiraishin kunai? "What could you possibly want with that?"

"Come back with one and I'll tell you." Orochimaru shuts down my question without batting an eyelash. "Let's see, you two rank amongst my top shinobi but neither of you excel at tracking or gathering information. Extracting information is a whole different story though. You two working together to find a piece of information hidden away in a person's mind? I have no doubt you'd break them in moments. Since this is neither of your specialties, I'll give you two weeks. That should be plenty of time to locate and retrieve a kunai."

"Of course, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto graciously bows low, his near white hair falling in front of his face as it succumbs to gravity. "We'll make haste to promptly return with your kunai. Come Alvarcus-san, we mustn't waste time."

Kabuto rises up from the deep bow and with a grand flourishing spin turns to start leaving the room. He doesn't make it two steps.

"May I make a request Orochimaru?" I boldly ask. This is bold for two reasons. One, I'm ignoring the chain of command that was just thrust upon me and skipping right over Kabuto to ask Orochimaru directly. That's probably not going to be an issue since it's _me,_ but still it's something that shouldn't happen. There's a chain of command for a reason. Two, I'm asking for a favor moments after being severely reprimanded. No matter who you are that's a stupid thing to do, child or not.

"Go on." Orochimaru came to the same conclusions I did. His eyes have narrowed at my disregard for what makes sense. Then again, when have I ever done the sensible thing?

"Leaving me alone with Kabuto for a long time, though a very… fitting punishment, is unwise." I'm calmly explaining myself to the Snake Sannin. I have to make this seem like it benefits him and not just me. "His mere presence is enough to set me on edge. Simply being around him stresses my restraint to its limits. Being around him, and only him, for up to two weeks spells disaster. The longer I'm with him the more likely I'm going to snap and kill him."

"I am much more capable than you give me credit for." Kabuto cuts in with a sneer as he crosses his arms.

"Cockroaches are notoriously hard to kill." I conceded a backhanded compliment to him. "But I digress, I'm asking this favor - this leniency - for the sakes of everyone involved. Kabuto doesn't want to die. You don't want to lose a valuable asset to something easily preventable. I don't want to murder him. Okay, maybe not that last one. How about I don't want to be the reason you're down a high level shinobi? Anyways, what I'm asking is very simple. To spare everyone undue stress at Kabuto's untimely death, I'm asking that you send along someone who can reign me in."

"You want Sasuke to accompany you." Orochimaru flatly says to me. In a flash he weighs the pros and cons of sending out his best three shinobi on a single mission. Out of everyone in Oto we three as a team is frightening.

There's me. Do I really need to explain that again?

Then there's Sasuke. He's nearly a master at genjutsu and kenjutsu. Not to mention the sheer speed he has in short bursts. I can run for longer, no doubt about that, but he's got me in speed by a fair margin. He knows lots of jutsu and is _damn good_ at using them efficiently. Why waste chakra on a huge fireball when a simple firebolt to the chest is enough? And the simple fact that he's attained his own bounty - a respectable A-rank though I've barely got him beat - at such a young age speaks volumes. Plus all the stigma and fear that comes with seeing the Sharingan blaze to life.

That's not even mentioning the boosts he gets from the Cursed Seal even though it's a double edged sword.

Lastly, Kabuto. One of the most effective medic nin ever. He excels in his field by utilizing the vast amount of knowledge of the human body he has. He knows _exactly_ where to attack to kill someone. He knows exactly how hard to hit to cause the most damage. He knows every weak spot the body has due to his extensive experiments, both of his own and Orochimaru's. Even then he's attained jounin skills. His base speed, taijutsu and general aptitude as a shinobi place him in the upper echelon of our ranks. Just not quite enough to rival me or Sasuke.

"It would be good for him to get some fresh air." Orochimaru agrees to my request. "He's getting antsy being cooped up here for so long. He hasn't been on an extended mission for a long time. This will be good for him. Fetch him before you leave."

"Thank you, Orochimaru." A smile snakes its way onto my face, both in thanks to Orochimaru and in victory because I've shown Kabuto that even though for this mission he's my superior, in every other aspect I'm his superior. "I'll collect him then meet you at the front gates in an hour?"

"Thirty minutes." Kabuto cuts my time in half with narrowed eyes full of disdain. "Do not be late."

* * *

The Break Lounge

"Hey Sasuke!" I shout out into the break lounge. I really had no need to shout, the break lounge isn't that big and only Sasuke is here but I wanted to see if I could make him jump. I didn't. Stupid shinobi training.

"What can I do for you?" He casually asks as he sips a steaming cup of coffee. He's idly resting in a very plush armchair - mine is totally better by the way - and reading a book about high level elemental chakra shape change. Probably messing around with the Chidori some more. I have no idea why, he's already discovered loads of new ways to use it.

"You up for a mission with me and Kabuto for two weeks? Probably less. I kinda need you to make sure I don't accidentally fly off the handle and kill him. You know, the usual Kabuto shit." I stroll into the room, unseal my own armchair and sprawl out in it. What? Is it weird to carry around furniture with you wherever you go? Strange, no one ever told me that. "It's a good mission, I promise."

"My kind of a good mission or your kind?" He asks while looking at me over the rim of his coffee mug. "There's a distinct difference."

"Fair enough." I concede the point to him. I like the flashy missions. The ones where I get to show off and hurl jutsu around like it's going out of style and potentially mentally scar someone for life. He's a softer touch. He likes the ones where someone dies by a blade to the throat and he's half a country away before it's discovered. "But this is a good one. It's a search and retrieve mission."

"Interesting. What are we getting?" He closes his book and sets it on the table next to his chair.

"Nothing too terribly difficult, neither Orochimaru or Kabuto know that I've got access to a spy network so finding one shouldn't be an issue." I lean forward dramatically and in a very serious tone continue. "We are tasked with getting a Hirai - what the hell are you wearing?"

"Oh this?" Sasuke pinches his shirt between two fingers and tugs it slightly. "I needed new clothes and there were a bunch of these laying around in all sizes."

He's in his Shippuden style now. White shirt that's open at the front. A muted blue piece of fabric that's wrapped around his waist and falls down near his knees. Dark blue shinobi grade pants and appropriate combat footwear for a shinobi. But there's a single travesty. One that cannot stand.

A giant purple rope belt.

"No. No. Absolutely not." I stand up and fly through handsigns. "There's no fucking way in hell I'm letting you wear that."

"What? It's functional." Sasuke defends his choice of attire a moment before his eyes, now blazing red to read my handsigns, widen a fraction. "Hey now, there's no need for that."

"Functional?" I borderline snarl at him. "Functional! It's a giant piece of dyed rope! How in the blazes of hell is that functional! It's big! It's bulky! It gets caught on things! It makes you memorable, you stick out in a crowd! It's got to throw your balance off! Not to mention that it's got to be heavy! You really want to run long distances while hauling that thing with you! Hell no! It goes!"

"Okay okay I get it!" Sasuke stands up and slowly starts backing away from me while waving his hands in a placating gesture. "But do you really need to go that far?"

"Apparently I do." My eyes narrow and I take a large step towards the door, cutting off his only escape route. "You put the damn thing on, time to man up and face the consequences. Summoning Jutsu: The Weavers!"

"Oh shit all of them?!" Sasuke actually leaps to the back wall to put as much space between him and the sudden gaggle of spiders that poofed into existence. "Really? One would have been fine!"

"Ladies." I regally rise up to my full height as I address the ten spiders before me.

"It's Alvarcus!"

"Hello Summoner!"

"It's been so long! How have you been? Need anything, perhaps a new wardrobe or four?"

"I didn't summon you all here for me, you all have done such fantastic work for me before." With a single gesture from an arm I point towards the definitely-not-cowering-in-a-corner Sasuke. "He needs a makeover. You have ten minutes."

"You heard him ladies! Let's get to it!" A familiar spider with a purple scarf shouts out a battle cry as the whole mob descends on Sasuke.

"I don't consent to this!" Sasuke shouts as he scales the wall. The spiders don't even slow down, they scamper up right after their prey. Er… model. "I don't consent to this!"

"Give in!" I shout back at him as I fly through the Summoning jutsu one more time. "Don't make me sick Sureddo on you! You know I will!"

"Sup Al - oh wow." Shirokumo softly lands on my head as all eight of his eyes roam around the room taking in the sights of Sasuke miraculously avoiding ten huge spiders. He's pinballing all around the room to avoid them, every single surface is fair game. He's doing surprisingly well too, but the Weavers are starting to spread their webs across the room and making his pinballing much harder. He knows that one touch and it's all over. "Sucks to be him."

"It's his fault for wearing that monstrosity." I scathingly hiss out between clenched teeth.

"Right… so what's up?" Shirokumo smartly elects to ignore my last sentence. "You need something? I get the feeling that this isn't for a chat. Since… that's going on. Damn he's a wily one, still not caught yet."

"Give it time. He'll get snared." I assure Shirokumo as I place my back on the door. Sasuke will have to go through me or through a wall to escape. The wall is easier to go through. "Anyways you're right. I've got a quick question, any idea where a -"

"Fire Release: Phoenix Flower Jutsu!" Sasuke spits out multiple small firebolts that burn through the webs that have started to overtake the room.

"OI! WE'RE ON A TIME LIMIT DIPSHIT! JUST GIVE IN ALREADY!" I shout up at him. The dick ran out of room to maneuver so he made room. I'd applaud his creativity but he's just wasting my time at this point. He knows that he's going to lose this one, it's just a matter of time. "Like I was saying, any idea where a Hiraishin Kunai is? Turns out Orochimaru wants one."

"That's what this mission is about!?" Sasuke asks/shouts as he leaps off a wall, uses one hand to reach out and touch the ceiling to glue himself to it for a brief moment so he can change his momentum by ninety degrees to avoid leaping into the waiting legs of two very eager spiders. Instead he lands on the wall above me and his crimson eyes rapidly bounce between me and the door.

"Don't even think about it." My words are accompanied by a glare and dozens of black threads that slowly sneak out of the collar of my jacket. "You go for the door and it's game over. You know I'm damn good at restraining people."

"Yeah but you usually just kill them!" Sasuke shouts as he springs off his spot a moment before four sticky webs shoot from four different points of origin slam into the wall right where he was.

"Orochimaru wants a Hiraishin Kunai. You sure that's a good idea?" Shirokumo asks me with a hint of concern. "It's one hell of a technique."

"True, but do you really think the Fourth Hokage was stupid enough to not encode or have a defense mechanism in place on them? Seriously, the guy was known for lacing entire battlefields with them as an opening move. Do you really think that no one has ever tried to reverse engineer the Hiraishin before because he left one on the battlefield?"

"Fair point, but this is Orochimaru we're talking about. He's not your average seal user." Shirokumo boops me in the head with one of his legs. "Remember, he's the _seal master_ that taught you the art."

"It doesn't matter." I dismiss his concerns with a wave of my hand. Even though he's on my head and not before me. It looked really awkward. I was just waving like an idiot. "I can always trash the kunai before giving it to him. It's not that far of a leap to say it got damaged due to the ravishes of time. The Fourth has been dead for what, fifteen or sixteen years?"

"Good enough for me." Shirokumo shrugs. It's a weird thing when you have eight legs, it's more of a body bob at that point. "Easiest one to get that's still intact is in the Ruins of Roran on the northern border of Suna. It's just hanging out stabbed into the ground. Figured you'd want to look at one before trashing it, who knows? You might learn something."

"Thanks buddy." I turn my attention from the spider to the teenager still bouncing around the room. "Sasuke, you brought this on yourself."

"Please don't." Sasuke says flatly but I know it's really a pleading whine. Even more impressive is how he managed to dive through the legs of three spiders on the ceiling. Do you have any idea how hard that must have been? That's twenty four legs to weave around while fighting gravity!

"We've wasted enough time." Four inky black masses of threads spill out of the bottom of my jacket and quickly take shape into hulking humanoid figures. "Sureddo, _fetch_."

* * *

Front Gates

"You're late." Kabuto condescendingly says to me as he pushes his glasses up his nose with a single finger.

"Blame him." I swat Sasuke in the shoulder and he and I walk right past Kabuto out the doors.

"How the hell was that my fault?" Sasuke says as he fails to suppress a shiver. "You didn't have to do any of that!"

"Giant purple rope belt." There's a serious amount of hate in those four words. It practically drips off them.

"There's no reasoning with you, is there?" Sasuke groans out as he hangs his head in shame. "At least the replacement clothes are decent."

"Decent?" He's wearing something much more appropriate. Surprisingly, it's similar to his academy dress. A dark blue three quarter sleeve shirt - though this one zips in the front and is covered in pockets - and instead of white shorts he's wearing dark grey pants. Also covered in pockets. You can never have too many pockets. He's also got a black leather belt around his waist - much smaller than the purple rope one - to strap his sword to. "Decent! That's the Weaver's work you're talking about there! You have no idea how much people would pay for that outfit! We're talking the same amount as an A-rank mission! Though pockets aren't really fashionable so maybe a B-rank instead. Either way it's fucking expensive!"

"This is how the entire mission is going to be, isn't it?" My glasses wearing nemesis mutters to himself as he follows Sasuke and me. "Now you two, we're going to head to a largely populated area and start… inquiring about the location of one of these kunai. There's probably a few in museums or in collector's vaults. Either way, the more people in one spot the better odds of us bumping into one."

"He doesn't know." Sasuke shares a knowing smirk with me. "Does he?"

"Nope!" I cheerfully pop the 'p' in my smug response. "Kabuto has absolutely no idea that I already know where one is."

"Alvarcus." Kabuto says with a hint of a warning in his voice.

Too bad for him I don't give a shit about it. If we were to fight I'm literally the worst person for him to go against. All of his medical knowledge, years upon years spent building up his vast amount of knowledge of the human body, are rendered inert against me. I don't have organs for him to target and those that he did hit would just stitch themselves back together. What about my hearts? Well who says they're where everyone else's heart is?

"Yes team leader?" I sassily smile at the medic nin. Just because he's my superior doesn't mean I have to play nice with him. It just means that I am 'strongly encouraged' to follow direct orders.

"Where is it?" Kabuto asks with a narrowing of his spectacle shielded eyes.

"Where is what?" My sassy smile widens.

"Dear god it's like he's channeling Kakashi." Sasuke mutters as his own smirk grows a fraction. "Next thing we know he'll be going on about the path of life and getting lost on it."

"Ah yes, the mysterious path of life. It's full of wrong turns, pitfalls, and traps." I sagely nod as both of my eyes curl into a mocking of Kakashi's eye smile. "Such a dangerous journey but one we must all embark on. The path before us is treacherous-"

"Alvarcus where is the location of the Hiraishin kunai?" Kabuto cuts in forcefully. "You're toeing the line of insubordination already. Orochimaru-sama won't be pleased to know you are going against his wishes so soon."

"I was getting to it but someone interrupted me!" I accusingly glare at Kabuto. If this mission is going to be hell for me, it'll be hell for him too. I hope someone attacks us and kills him. That'd be perfect. Oh shit can I pull another Sound Three on this mission? This… this could change so much. Removing him right here and now would save hundreds if not thousands of lives. It would completely remove the Edo Tensi from the Fourth Shinobi War if it comes to that. I'm going to file that under things to revisit later. "As I was saying, the path before us is treacherous, but journeying to the northern border of Suna to the Ruins of Roran shouldn't be too difficult for the three of us."

"Don't withhold crucial mission information." Kabuto lectures me as he pushes his glasses back up his nose. It's like he's looking down his damn nose at me while adjusting them. It's freaking weird.

"Ahem." Sasuke clears his throat and looks at Kabuto expectantly with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms. "I believe you forgot something there. A little thing called civility."

"Please." Kabuto forces out through clenched teeth. "Don't withhold crucial mission information _please._ "

"I'll look into it." I take off at a moderate run without looking back. I know Sasuke can match this pace, he's a stamina freak. He can keep a set pace for hours and hours. I'm just hoping that this pace will tire Kabuto out. Total dick move but I can't seem to bring myself to care. "I'll take point and get us there. We're going to swing around Fire Country and avoid that mess, it'll add some time to our trip but it's worth it. If that's acceptable team leader?"

"Acceptable." Kabuto fall in pace behind Sasuke who is behind me. "As the medic nin I'll remain in the rear support role. As the most suited to front line assault combat Alvarcus will take point for the journey. Sasuke will defend me while supporting you from range, very fitting for an Uchiha based in ninjutsu and genjutsu. I severely doubt we'll run into something the three of us can't make short work of."

"Kabuto." Sasuke says as he sends an almost glare over his shoulder. "You're on your own in combat. Alvarcus and I work as a unit. It's when we're at our most deadly. Just focus on staying alive, he and I will be just fine."

"We are, for the foreseeable future, a _team._ Which I am in charge of." Kabuto lectures the both of us while raising himself up to his full height. "That means Alvarcus takes the front. You defend me, the medic nin, while assisting him from a distance. I will clean you two up when you're done, or in the middle of battle. It's simple team tactics, the medic nin is the most valuable because I keep you alive when death comes for you."

"You keep me alive? That's cute." I can't help but snort out in dark amusement. "But whatever. If that's the marching order I have no problem with it. I know where I'm going. Besides, do either of you think we're actually going to run into anyone on this mission? We're just picking up a kunai in the middle of nowhere. Literally nowhere."

"He's got a point." Sasuke reluctantly admits. "How bad can it be?"

* * *

Konoha, The Hokage's Office

"First thing first." Tsunade shuffles some papers on her desk and scoots them off to the side for later. Unfortunately for her she's got something more important to deal with before returning to the last of the paperwork she has for today. It was an unusually small mountain today and she's looking forward to having an early day. "How was your first week back Naruto?"

"It's great to be back!" A very familiar and exuberant shinobi exclaims with too much enthusiasm. "I've got to say hello and catch up with so many people. I got to eat the world's best ramen again, oh man did I miss that! Even better I've finally gotten away from the Pervy-Sage for more than a few hours! I can finally relax again! It's the best!"

"I'm glad you're adjusting so well." Tsunade can't help but smile at Naruto. There's something about him that she can't help but like. It's almost like he's still maintained a degree of innocence despite his profession. "But I can't afford to have shinobi sit on the bench forever. I know it's only been a week since your training with Jiraiya finished but… are you up for a mission?"

"Hell yeah I am!" Naruto exclaims as he slams his fists together for extra emphasis. "I'll tackle whatever you throw at me! What do you need? Save a princess? Topple another government?"

"Which you weren't supposed to do." Tsunade dryly points out but Naruto continues on without hearing her.

"Oh! Oh! Escorting the Daimyo around the country? Maybe bring a villain to justice?"

"Actually yes." Tsunade cuts in. "You'll be bringing a villain to justice."

"That's so cool!" Naruto's eyes widen and beam in excitement. "Who is he? When do I leave? Is anyone coming with me?"

"I'll explain everything else in a moment." Tsunade assures her genin. "I'm waiting for the rest of the team to get here so I only have to do it once."

"You called for us, Hokage-sama?" A new voice says from the door as a singular head pokes inside.

"Yes, Yamato, please come in." Tsunade waves in her jounin. "Bring the others too."

Three more people enter the office. First, obviously, is Yamato with his unique style of forehead protector that covers his cheeks too. Next is a very pale shinobi with beady black eyes that seem void of any and all emotion. Lastly is another shinobi with spiky unkempt black hair and a huge white dog following on his heels.

"What's going on here Hokage-sama?" None other than Kiba says as he strides into the office as if he owns the place. His hands are laced together by the fingers and he has them on the back of his head. He walks in as if he's the most important person in the room - the village. Akamaru is right behind him, inadvertently pushing the pale one out of the way in his haste to follow his partner. "Are you finally giving me the promotion we all know I deserve?"

"You are too unrefined for a promotion." The monotonous voice of Sai drones into the room as he efficiently enters the office. "You're quick to anger and violence and have issues with self restraint. All traits of a bad shinobi."

"What did you just say about me punk!" Kiba whirls on Sai as Akamaru bares his teeth. "Wanna say that again to my face?"

"I fail to understand where your anger is coming from." Sai states as he tilts his head in confusion. He glances over to Yamato - who already looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here with these people - and asks a question. "Was it wrong of me to state the truth? I thought we were always supposed to speak true."

"Ahem." Tsunade clears her throat to cut to the chase and avoid all this bullshit. "Remember where you are and why you're here."

"Yeah but you haven't told us why we're - oh hey Naruto." Kiba can't help but become distracted as he sees his friend. "When did you get here?"

"He was here before you entered my office." Tsunade growls out as her patience is pushed to its limit. "Now, as… amusing as it is to watch how my shinobi act around each other, we all have more important things to do. For instance, I have to run _an entire village full of idiots who think they can waltz in here and chat_ and you all have to go hunt down a missing nin."

She throws a scroll at Yamato who catches it out of reflex and with a wince of pain. Tsunade put way too much force into the throw.

"We've got a lead on one of Suna's missing nin, Mukade. He's heading to the ruins of Roran to mess with something or other there, the scroll details it more. All I know is that the Fourth sealed something and he's planning on messing with the seal. Yamato is the team leader. Naruto you're the front line. Sai you're the support, travel and assisting in combat. Kiba, you're the tracker. There's a scent sample in the scroll. Get the others to the target." Tsunade barks out the assignment. "Bring him in alive if possible so we can hand him over to Suna as an act of good faith. If you can't, we'll just hand his head over."

"Hell yeah!" Kiba and Akamaru both let out a whoop of excitement in unison. "We'll get him in no time!"

"Search and retrieval." Sai says to himself. "I'll have to prepare my inks for this. Snakes excel at coiling and restraining or perhaps an octopus? Birds to get there faster of course, an efficient shinobi is a good shinobi."

"Oh! Oh! Maybe we'll run into Gaara!" Naruto exclaims as he punches the air in enthusiasm. "I haven't seen him in forever! This is great!"

"This is terrible." Yamato groans out. "I have to keep two balls of energy and one emotionally stunted kid in check. How long is this mission for?"

"Two weeks." Tsunade smiles at someone else's discomfort. As petty as it is, she's feeling a faint sense of victory. "Now get out of here! I'm busy! And for the love of God don't mess this up, It should be easy!"

* * *

That Night, Somewhere in the Land of Iron

"We'll make camp here." Kabuto's cool and crisp voice cuts through the air, bringing all three of us to a halt. There's a slight mist rolling through the clearing he's chosen, we're most likely close to a large body of water. It's a rather eerie clearing, with twilight glistening on the horizon and the ominous mist. Perfect setting for a horror movie. There's not really a good place to set up defenses but neither is there a good place to sneak up on us or set an ambush. It's not the best, nor the worst. But there's just one problem.

"What do you mean camp?" Sasuke asks in confusion as he lands next to Kabuto. "We're not there yet."

"We're not even in the right country yet." I chime in with my own two cents. "Unless you have some ulterior task that we don't know, why the hell do you want to stop here?"

"You two honestly have no idea, do you?" He breathily pants out. Sweat is rolling down his forehead and his shirt is damp. He's huffing and puffing and slightly wavering on his feet like standing is a challenge. "Neither of you realize how ridiculous it is to run for that long and you want to _keep running?_ "

"I'm a freak." I casually shrug. I mean really, I'm fucking broken. I can run all day like it's nothing. "I usually call it quits when I'm there or Sasuke says to stop. I don't really do missions with anyone else."

"I've run much farther before, this trivial distance was nothing to me." Sasuke lies through his teeth. He's breathing heavily himself but nowhere near as bad as Kabuto. "What's the problem Kabuto? Stamina issues?"

"I'm a _medic-nin._ " He states like that explains everything. "That mean's I'm quick in short bursts. I excel at dodging and weaving around attacks. What medic-nins in general don't excel at are impressive feats of strength, except Tsunade, and being able to maintain high levels of physical stress. Mental stress? Oh, we're exceptional at that. When you're literally holding the life of someone in your hands you don't want to mess up. Then you're expected to move down the line and do it again. And again. And aga-"

"Yeah yeah we get it." I interrupt him from continuing his tirade. "You're good with your hands but somehow still leave your girlfriend disappointed."

"Exactly - wait what?" Kabuto sputters out in his exhausted state.

"Sasuke. You want a hammock?" I continue while blatantly ignoring the team leader.

"If you're offering." Sasuke accepts in a heartbeat. "Your hammocks are way better than the ground."

"I know right?" I fly through a set of hand signs and touch the ground. "Summoning Jutsu: Murasakino."

"Oh hello Alvarcus! How can I help?" Murasakino with her purple scarf eagerly greets me as she poofs into existence. Six of her eight beady eyes drag themselves up and down Sasuke. "Does he need more clothes?"

"No - wait yes actually. He could use a few more pairs." I take in Sasuke's appearance again. "Definitely needs some color variation though. Dark blue and black make for a dreary appearance."

"Says the guy wearing dark green and black." Sasuke mutters to himself. Unfortunately for him, we're all shinobi here and heard him.

"Piss off I have my red scarf." I snap back at him before turning back to Murasakino. "That's not why I summoned you this time. We're making camp here. Could I trouble you for two of your lovely hammocks?"

"Why of course!" Murasakino springs into action the moment the words left my mouth. "Two hammocks, not a problem!"

"Ahem." Kabuto clears his throat while adjusting his glasses.

"Fine." I grumble. "Three hammocks."

* * *

Days Later, the Ruins of Roran

"Mukade!" A familiar fox like orange blur shouts out as his fist slams into the stomach of his enemy. This enemy doesn't double over in pain as the fist connects, instead it crumbles into dozens upon dozens of pieces that skid across the ground. "Quit hiding behind your puppets and show yourself!"

"This guy is a Suna puppeteer." Two blurs, one grey and one white, land next to the orange one. "They're good at hiding as their toys take out the enemy. In an environment like this he thinks he has the upper hand. It's all windy and the whirling sand is kicking up a storm. Makes spotting him a pain in the ass."

"It also removes one of my stronger aspects. With this dust cloud it is impossible for me to spot the target from the air." A black and white blur lands behind the others. "However, Kiba stated that Mukade thinks he has the advantage. Kiba implied that we do, not him."

"Well duh!" Kiba barks out - with one from Akamaru as well - at Sai as his nose twitches. "Sure the wind makes it harder to pinpoint him down, but I can sniff the bastard out! Inuzuka's don't need to see to find someone!"

It's at this moment that the three boys and dog barely hear a sound over the whipping wind. It's the sound of wood dragging on stone. It's the sound of a puppet reassembling itself.

"Oh come on this thing won't stay down!" Naruto groans out. "This is like the fourth time it's gotten back up!"

The hulking puppet with its bulbous head and long naga like body violently twitch as it becomes whole once more. It turns its lifeless green eyes towards the boys before it. The puppet springs into action, slithering across the long ruined street with surprising speed.

"Let me and Akamaru give it a go!" Kiba shouts over the sandstorm as he bends down low.

"I advise against this course of action." Sai monotonously says. "Puppeteers are known for-"

"Fang over Fang!" Both Kiba and Akamaru rocket off in twin twisters of claw, tooth and nail. They slam into the puppet and it's body simply can't take the stress. Both drills pierce straight through, ripping the once formidable piece of woodworking to splinters.

Splinters that suddenly spark as no less than twenty five explosive seals ignite.

"-rigging their puppets should they receive fatal damage." Sai, somehow even more dryly than normal, finishes.

"Oh shit!" Kiba yells as he leaps away from the puppet turned bomb. Sai simply steps behind a large piece of what once was a building, grabs Naruto by the collar and yanks him behind too.

A cacophonous boom thunders as the seals activate. The heat wave is felt by all the shinobi as small bits of shrapnel litter the area.

"Fuck me." A groan comes from Kiba as the dust settles. Well it doesn't settle, it's just absorbed by the sandstorm going on. "Mom is gonna be _pissed._ "

"Perhaps you should worry about more immediate threats." Yamato levelly scolds his temporary genin. Yamato rises up from his kneeling position and his wooden wall that shielded both him and Kiba recedes into the ground. "Like what you're going to do to make this up to me. Really? You're supposed to be the cream of the crop, the best of your generation, heir to your clan and I had to step in and save you?"

"Okay so I'm having a bad day!" Kiba grumbles out as he stands up and dusts himself and Akamaru off. "Everyone has bad days!"

"Bad days in our profession get us killed." Yamata scolds Kiba again. "You misstep, you die. Then I get to tell your family about it."

"Geeze you don't need to be so harsh I get it!"

"Uh guys?" Naruto shouts out to everyone else. "Was this giant hole here a second ago?"

He's standing on the edge of a jagged rip in the ground that seems to fall forever. It goes so deep that light simply fades as it enters, never reaching the bottom. There's no wall to this long drop, it's as if the shinobi are standing on a platform with a tear in it.

"Well, looks like we're catching a break." Kiba proudly declares as his back straightens. "He's down there. I can smell him."

"So the Inuzuka can be useful." Sai drones out as he quickly paints a large bird for everyone to ride down.

"Screw you of course I'm useful!"

* * *

"So." Kabuto narrows his eyes and raises a hand to shield them against the biting sting of the whirling sands. "This is the ruins of Roran. Quite the desolate place."

"Yep." The sting of the sand doesn't bother me. One, I'm wearing sunglasses. Two, the Jiongu is made out of much more durable stuff than… uh… eyeball flesh? Is it even a flesh? Fuck if I know, the sticky part. That's what I'll call it. "The ruins of Roran. The once great city so technologically advanced that it was supposed to usher in a new age of civilization. It came crashing down in a single night, no one knows why. Nothing states a specific reason, just one day it was there, the next only rubble. Imagine how far society could have come if it didn't fall."

"Do you think it was sabotaged?" Sasuke asks as we all start to weave our way through the ruins. "It was what, twenty or thirty years ago that it fell? Maybe it got caught up in one of the Shinobi Wars, probably the Third. We're quite good at toppling cities and governments in a single night."

"Eh. Maybe." I shrug. "It's not out of the realm of possible. Hell _I've_ toppled governments in a couple days and I didn't even go there for that reason!"

"I know. That's what scares me." Sasuke shudders. "Imagine if you were motivated. The things you could do."

"Oh Sasuke, you have absolutely no idea how right you are." I sinisterly smile at Kabuto's back. "Fear the day that some does the unthinkable. Fear the day that someone earns more than my anger, more than my hatred. Fear this day most of all, the day that someone motivates me. Because that is the day that they've signed their death sentence. It matters not how long I must wait because I can be very patient. Like a fine wine, it only sweetens with time."

"Do you know what motivates me?" Kabuto dryly speaks as he moves deeper into the ruins. "Being given a mission to complete with a timetable. Come, loitering around here isn't going to find us the kunai. Do you know specifically where it is?"

"To a point." I respond with a roll of my eyes. "It's underground somewhere, most likely in the center of the city. Good news, I've brought an earth heart. Excavating won't be an issue."

"I can't wait to get out of this sandstorm." Sasuke says as he falls in pace. "The sand gets everywhere."

* * *

"MUKADE!" Naruto shouts out into the giant mechanical room. "SHOW YOURSELF!"

"OR ARE YOU TOO SCARED?!" Kiba roars out.

"Is this a normal tactic?" Sai asks Yamato with a puzzled expression. Puzzled for Sai means absolutely no change in facial structure but simply a slight tilt to the head.

"No." Yamato heaves out a heavy sigh. "They're just idiots."

"COME OUT YOU PANSY!"

"YEAH! FACE US LIKE A REAL MAN!"

"Doesn't this alert Mukade, our target, to our whereabouts?" Sai asks again in puzzlement.

"Yes. Yes it does." Yamato bluntly agrees.

"They don't seem to be acting like proper shinobi." Sai states. "We're supposed to be the shadows of shadows."

"I know, but Mukade already knows we're here. So there's no real point in trying to be stealthy." Yamato points out to his least pain in the ass underling.

"Then why are you letting them continue to shout?"

"I'm hoping that they'll be tired for the return trip."

* * *

"That's a big hole." I look down into the endless drop. Sasuke is standing suspiciously far away from the edge. "Oh don't be a pansy and get over here. I'm not going to shove you into this one."

"You can't blame me for being careful." Sasuke keeps one eye on me and the other on the hole. "Our track record isn't the best."

"When did you shove Sasuke into a hole?" Kabuto asks as the three of us study the drop for a means to get down.

"The Pit." We both bluntly state in monotone.

"Ah. The Pit." Kabuto nods. I wonder if he had a stay in the Pit too? "How do you propose we get down?"

"Jump?" I awkwardly offer. All I get in return is unfathomable looks. "Oh come on you had to know that was a joke! Do you really think that I wanted to jump? Me? The dude with the fear of falling suggests jumping into a pit of darkness that we can't see the bottom of and you take it seriously? Really?"

"I can fly down." Sasuke nonchalantly says.

"Wait wait wait. Back the fuck up." I turn to fully face him. "What the hell do you mean you can _fly?_ "

"Version Two. It has wings." Sasuke sums up what should have been a lengthy explanation in five simple words. "Took forever to figure out how to use them properly."

"I… I don't actually have a witty retort for that." I'm staring gobsmacked at him. "You can fly. That's fucking cool. Damn. I wish I could do that, then I'd never fear falling again."

"Whoa hold on a moment." Sasuke interjects. "Did you just say 'I wish I could do that?' I know something that you want to know? I'm going to hold this over you for so long!"

"Just pointing this out." I take a single step towards him. "Now that I know you can fly, I suddenly feel a lot more comfortable with shoving you down in the hole. Want to keep going with your train of thought?"

"Message received." He takes a step away from me. "But how do you two plan on getting down?"

"Simple really." I probably should have said this sooner. "I'll summon a spider and they'll repel down and we'll climb down the web strand as if it was a rope."

"That's… convenient." Kabuto begrudgingly admits.

* * *

"MUKADE!" Naruto shouts the moment his eyes land on the missing nin. Mukade is on the other side of a thin bridge connecting a central platform in a circular chamber.

Mukade just smirks. The thin, almost frail ex-Suna shinobi is standing over some form of an alter. It is roughly in the shape of a square. On each corner of the square is a singular pillar that has been etched with a very intricate pattern. In the center of the square is what appears to be some kind of large stone eye that is shut.

Oh, it also has a kunai buried up to the hilt in it. That's slightly important.

"So you've all finally caught up with me." Mukade doesn't bother with yelling, the large open room they are all in carries his voice easily. He lowers himself down to a knee and grasps the hilt of the kunai with a single hand. "Such a shame."

"Mine!" A very, very faint voice that sounds vaguely familiar to everyone but Mukade wisps across on the wind. Because of it's soft volume, everyone present dismisses it as nothing. They have a much bigger problem in front of them.

"Mukade, you have to know that simply pulling out the kunai won't deactivate the seal." Yamato calmly says as he stays near the door. He's blocking the only escape route for their target to take. "It's impossible to remove the kunai without doing so."

"You are correct of course. The sealwork of the Fourth Hokage far outstrips anything I could hope to unravel." Mukade smirks as he adds his other hand to the handle and tightens his grip.

"Mine!" The faint wispy voice is heard once more but slightly louder. It's still not enough to pull attention to itself.

"Let's get him." Kiba growls out to Naruto. The hairs on the back of his neck are standing on end, bristling up in his agitation and the general lack of violence going on. "Come on, we broke his puppet already. We got this."

"Mine!"

"Hold up a sec." Naruto pauses for a fleeting moment, straining his hearing to the limit. "I could have sworn-"

"That's where you're all mistaken." Mukade cuts of Naruto's train of thought. "Who said I was going to dismantle it? I'm going to absorb it, and with it the power of the Leyline!"

Mukade begins to do the impossible. He slowly, painstakingly, starts to pull the kunai from it's stoney sheath.

"Naruto, Kiba! Stop him!" Yamato commands. He knows that he's too far away to do anything, the pair of boys are his only shot.

"Hell yeah!" Kiba springs forward at astonishing speeds only to see a blur of orange dart ahead of him. "Game on Naruto! One to stop him buys the loser lunch!"

"You're too late!" Mukade laughs villainously as the kunai is moments from being freed.

"Mine!" A green streak blows past Yamato, causing his hair to flutter in the slipstream behind whoever just sprinted in here at high speed. "Hey Yamato - MINE!"

"What?" The jonin elegantly says in total confusion at the recognizable voice he hasn't heard in years.

"MINE! Shit is that Sai?" The green blur asks as he passes the second Konoha shinobi.

"Since when do you know someone named Sai?" A dark blue smudge on the ground keeping hidden in the green blur's shadow asks conversationally, as if they weren't moving at such high speeds that a single misstep could wind them up with broken necks.

"Fuck off I have a life outside of Oto!" The green one snaps back. "MINE!"

"No you don't." The blandness in the blue smudge is blatantly obvious.

"Shut up! More important things! MINE MINE MINE - hey Kiba. Haven't seen you in a long time. You doing alright?"

"Uh…" Kiba intelligently sputters out as the two things rocket past him.

"More important things." The blue one speaks down to the green yet again.

"MINE MINE - sup Naruto how's things? Wait Naruto? What the hell are you doing here? Hold that thought - MINE MINE MINE!" The blurs are exactly even with Naruto as something happens that no one really is prepared for.

With a grin of absolute victory, Mukade pulls out the kunai.

Instantly a blinding white pillar of light soars up from the deep puncture wound in the stone eye. At first it's just a sliver, barely more than a finger's circumference. It held that shape for a fraction of a moment, then expanded at an alarming rate.

Mukade was swallowed in the light nearly instantly with success written all over his thin sunken face. In the next second the light grew to encompass the entire central platform. If it continues to expand at this rate, the blurs and Naruto have about two seconds before they fall victim to it.

"FUCK YOU I SAID IT WAS MINE!" The green one darts forward, disregarding the ominous vibrant light, but only made it a step.

"We can find another." The blue one says as he snags the back of the collar of the green one before reversing direction to safety.

It's at this moment, when the blurs reverse direction that they're still enough to make out. Yamato, Kiba, and Naruto's jaws all go slack in incomprehension. Right next to Naruto is two of Konoha's more infamous missing nin. Right next to Naruto is the pair of shinobi that fled to Orochimaru. Right next to Naruto is -

"NARUTO MOVE!" Sai, the only one not dumbfounded by the sudden appearance of Alvarcus and Sasuke, orders his teammate. Because right next to Naruto, and by extension Alvarcus and Sasuke, is the bright vibrant light.

There's no hope for escape anymore, it expanded too rapidly and all three of the boys didn't pay enough attention to it. Naruto, because of his friends suddenly popping up, Alvarcus and Sasuke because they simply didn't deem it dangerous enough.

"Well shit." Two soft spoken words, that only Naruto and Sasuke hear, slip out of Alvarcus' mouth. "Sorry guys, this might hurt."

"Don't you fucking dare-" Sasuke didn't get to finish his sentence as he and Naruto are tossed ass over end from a gust of wind courtesy of Alvarcus's wind mask. It barely managed to toss them a few meters, but it kept them from being swallowed by the light. "ALVARCUS!"

His cry goes unheard. The expanding light has already engulfed Sasuke's best friend. Without concern for himself, the Last Uchiha sprints forward at his top speed. He doesn't care that he might die. He doesn't care that this could be the end of the Uchiha. He doesn't care that he won't get to fulfill his ambition. Right now, the only thing on his mind is saving Alvarcus.

"Sasuke wait!" Naruto springs into action, managing to clamp down on Sasuke's wrist with his hand. He had plans to stop him, keep Sasuke from potentially throwing his life away. He understands why he's doing this, but Naruto won't lose another person if he can stop it. But what Naruto didn't account for was Sasuke's strength.

Naruto expected Sasuke to be more similar to the last time their paths crossed. Sure, he knew and understood that being gone for all these years and being trained by Orochimaru means he improved, but it's different to actually experience it. Sasuke is, and forever shall be, a precise fighter. His aim is his forte, not his strength. However, he is not physically weak. So when Naruto grabbed him expecting the strength of a chunin and was met instead with the might of a jonin, he was pulled forward with him.

Straight into the light.

"That's… not good." Yamato blandly sums up the situation once the light fades, only moments after swallowing Sasuke and Naruto.

"It's at this moment that I'm glad I don't have your job." Kiba bluntly says as he moves to Yamato. "Have fun telling Tsunade about this."

"Yes." Sai intones as he also joins the rest of his team. "In the event that we can't get them back, which seems highly unlikely, the duty of the team leader is to notify the Hokage."

"They're not dead." Yamato counters both boys instantly. "Do you really think that any of them would die to a fancy light? Plus look, there's no bodies, no residual traces of them at all. Mukade was a missing nin, but he was not stupid. Call it a hunch, but I don't think that was a lethal light."

'For my sake I sincerely hope so.' Kabuto thinks to himself. He watched as Alvarcus and Sasuke charged in to steal the Hiraishin kunai at the last moment possible. He watched as they breezed right past the Konoha shinobi to capitalize on their shock. It was a good plan, run in, grab the kunai and run out as they were reeling from shock. Then he watched as everything went wrong. And now... 'You fear telling Tsunade she lost Naruto and had the problem of both missing nin Alvarcus and Sasuke solved. I, however, would have to tell Orochimaru that he lost both his next body and _his son._ '

* * *

In the Middle of… Somewhere

"Where the fuck am I?" I immediately take in all my surroundings.

I'm in a circular room that looks like it's seen better years. It's trashed, the stone wall seems to have crumbled. The once lush… uh… garden? I think that's what used to be a garden. Anyways, whatever the hell it was, it's totally ruined now.

 _~Would you like the good news first or the bad news?~_

"Good." I instantly reply to Sureddo. "Definitely the good. I could use a pick me up before dealing with whatever the bad news is."

 _~Of course. The good news: We're still alive. That means whatever the light was isn't meant as an attack, so we dodge a kunai there. Imagine, us being defeated by something so petty.~_

"I know right?" I start to take in more of my surroundings. Mainly I'm looking for a door or a way out of this room. "Done in by a freaking light. That's such a stupid way to die."

 _~The bad news: We're the only ones here.~_

"Come again?" I freeze mid step. The implications of what Sureddo just said are vast. None of them are good either.

 _~Use your Sage Mode to sense if you must, but we're alone. No Kabuto, no Konoha shinobi, no Mukade, and no Sasuke.~_

"Okay." Don't freak out yet. Freaking out won't help you here. God damn it man, you're a freaking high class shinobi! Something as simple as being separated from your companions doesn't mean jack shit to you! "Let's logic this out."

 _~This should be good.~_

"What do we know?" I start pacing back and forth, the search for a door is put on hold for the moment. "First, I'm alone. Second, I'm not where I was. Okay, that means somehow I've been transported, moved, teleported, summoned, whatever the hell you want to call it. Simple. Let's not dwell on that for now. Third, I'm intact. That's good, that means all of my tools and skills are still at my fingertips. Fourth, there's an open door right there."

 _~That's… oddly convenient.~_

"Agreed." My eyes narrow behind my sunglasses. "Fifth, if that's an open door, I haven't been taken as a prisoner. Sixth, this might be a trap. No, scratch that. This is too farfetched to be a trap. Fuck this, we're not getting anywhere with this list bullshit."

 _~What do you suggest then, Alvarcus?~_

"We're going to walk out the door and ask the first person we see a few questions. Civilly, unless provoked. Then…" A dark smile creeps onto my face.

 _~We show them exactly why taking us against our will is a mistake.~_

* * *

Minutes Later

"I hate to repeat myself but, where the fuck am I?" I mutter to myself while staring out at a landscape I'd never thought to see again.

I suppose I should rephrase that last statement, replace landscape with cityscape. Countless tall _skyscrapers_ are closely packed together. Dozens upon dozens of these monstrous like buildings litter the land for as far as the eye can see. Their so thick and tightly packed together that I can't see through the metropolis - it's the only thing I can call it - to see what kind of terrain I'm in. I can't even catch the faintest wisp of what surrounds the city. Is it sand? Dirt? Grasslands? Mountains? I haven't the faintest idea.

This sprawling city reminds me of a few places I've been to before. The scariest thing though, none of them exist in the world I'm in. They're all from my past, from the time before I became a badass. Could that light have -

 _~Might I suggest a higher vantage point before leaping to conclusions? Plus, in all of those sprawling cities that you've visited before you came here, weren't there multitudes of people? There is no one here. No one. Not a single person.~_

"That's so weird." Sure enough, with a quick glance around, the tightly packed city of buildings is barren of life. The city is well maintained, don't get me wrong here, but there's simply no people. No businessmen hurriedly making their way to the next meeting. There's no civilians wandering around town, taking in the sights. There's no tourists gawking at the daunting skyscrapers. There's no homeless people hiding in the alleyways or begging for a meager bite of food. There's no life to this city. "I don't like this."

 _~Neither do I.~_

The sound of wood and metal clanking breaks the sound of the wind whipping through the buildings.

"What the hell?" I whirl towards the noise, it came from above me. Three mostly metal humanoid figures are skittering down the side of the skyscraper I'm next to. "Okay, so one of them has three long metal claws for hands. The other has… is that supposed to be a hammer of some sort? Well it looks like it could be good at bludgeoning people, hammer hand it is. The last one, okay hold the fuck on. What the fuck is that? Some kind of cannon? Oh, and they're all flying. Good, they're probably puppets. That means there's shinobi around. Still in the right universe."

 _~Small victories, yes?~_

"Yeah, small victories. Not sure I could handle being in a different universe." For the second time, nonetheless.

Three earth rattling slams accompany the trio of puppets as they land in a loose formation around me. The wall is to my back, one puppet off to my left, another my right, and one in front of me.

"I've always wanted to say this! Take me to your leader!" I eagerly blurt out with a stupid grin plastered on my face.

 _~I severely doubt that's going to work.~_

Me too, but I want to see how they react. Besides, one of these times trying to talk things out will work. Right?

In response to my declaration, the cannon puppet raises his arm up. With an ominous hum, it begins preparing to fire upon me.

"I'm going to take that as a no. Good, I could use some practice fighting puppets." I fall into a combat stance, low center of gravity. Arms raised to block, defect, parry or fly through handsigns at a moment's notice. "Bring it. I'm feeling generous, the first attack is yours. Just remember, once you attack me I'll bring my full might down upon you all if I must."

The three puppets simultaneously tilt their heads. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was in confusion. It seems weird though, it doesn't appear to be my words that caused this but rather what they're looking at. They all seem to be staring unblinkingly at my forehead protector.

"Getting second thoughts now? Pity, I haven't had a good one man army fight in a while. Though three vs one is hardly a one man army fight but I'll take it." I cockily speak at them fully knowing they can't reply. Battle banter is not as fun when it's one sided. "Come on puppet users, surely you're not scared of little old me?"

It's at this moment that I'm proven wrong. The launcher hand puppet finally releases his payload. It's not even close to what I expected. It's not a cannon ball, nor a bullet, nor a spear, nor a barrage of kunai or senbon. Hell even a stream of shuriken wouldn't have caught me off guard. Instead of doing the usual puppet things, this one shot a concentrated beam of _pure chakra_ at me.

"The fuck!?" I intelligently blurt out as I narrowly sidestep the beam of bright purple chakra. "That's not even elemental chakra! It's just chakra! No lightning, no fire, no water, no earth, no wind! Pure untainted chakra!"

The hammer hand puppet lunges forward with his hammer hoisted to the sky. With a mighty heave it brings down the pinnacle of blunt instruments towards my head.

"How the hell can that one fire pure chakra?" I continue speaking out loud as I dance away from the hammer as it smashes into the ground and leaves behind a spiderweb of cracks. "Not only does is have the correct parts and pieces to be capable of firing pure chakra - which itself is an ingenious feat that many puppet masters would kill for - but the user has enough chakra to pull that off? I'm almost impressed. I didn't think I'd run into a puppet master with a freaking stupid amount of chakra, puppet masters are finesse fighters."

The whirl of twin motors fires to life as the metal claws of the first puppet start to spin. We're not talking like a merry go round spin, we're talking like helicopter spin. They're moving so fast that the deadly blades are little more that blurs. It springs forward to intercept me, and it's at that moment that something clicks in my head.

"There's only one puppet user." I yank a kunai out of my pouch and hold on for dear life as the whirling metal blade spark against it. I'm holding it at bay, for now. "The three puppets herded me. The cannon was to test me, see how I'll react. The hammer was to force me to move towards the claws. The claws were supposed to shred me to ribbons. Simple, yet effective. However, it still isn't good enough."

I can hear the sound of the chakra cannon beginning to charge once more.

"I'm growing bored of this." Yes, I realize it's only been like five seconds. It's just, these puppets. They seem so formidable but they're not being used to their potential. Sure it was a good plan, but why even reveal yourselves in the first place if you have a freaking chakra cannon? Just blast me from long range and be done with it. I mean it's me so it wouldn't have worked but that's way better than showing yourselves like idiots. It's like they're being controlled by an average shinobi not a puppet master like I hoped. Then I could have had a challenge. "But I'll still make it interesting. I'll best each of these puppets at their own game. With moves I learned when I was twelve."

"You have a chakra cannon?" While still holding the claw puppet at bay as it grinds against my kunai, I turn my gaze onto the glowing arm of the cannon puppet. "Let's see how you stand up to this!"

Out of my back comes a long spindly mass of black threads. It's topped with a stark white mask. The long thread tentacle reaches high into the sky, standing heads and shoulders over everyone present. It looks down upon its prey, and a few sparks of pale blue electricity arc across it.

Both the mask and the cannon puppet unleash their attacks at the same time. Vibrant purple slams into pale blue and a battle of wills doesn't even have a chance to begin. The spear of lightning pierces straight down the center of the purple chakra, scattering it to the wind. False Darkness doesn't stop there, it keeps traveling up the beam of purple chakra until it spears straight through the cannon that it came from.

The puppet spasms as the residual shocks of the jutsu course through it, much like a human would but less severe, and it's missing it's weapon. And it's arm, it's been completely disintegrated by the ridiculously overpowered attack.

Then another bolt slams into it, completely destroying the puppet in one shot.

"And you. The hammer one. You excel in brute strength, you use it to make large sweeping attacks that are meant to herd people around. It's simply a bonus if you land a blow, not your primary function. Now come on and hit me, see what happens."

As if responding to my taunting, the hammer puppet closes the gap between us. With another mighty heave, it raises up it's hammer and brings it down with all it's might. This time I don't move out of the way. Instead, I casually lift up my arm and catch the hammer as it falls. To most people the blow would have been crippling, but I've taken hits from Kakuzu, Hidan, hell even Tsunade! This is nothing to me.

"My turn." Accompanying the words is a lashing kick from me that lands on the knee of the humanoid hammer puppet. With a hefty crack of metal and wood breaking, the joint is obliterated. With the same leg, I kick forward once more and blast straight through the chest of the puppet. Splinters of wood and metal shower the ground behind it from the sheer force.

"And lastly, the one trying to cut me to pieces." I turn my gaze back onto the whirling metal claws that I've kept at bay this whole time. "It's rather poetic, how you're about to be dismantled."

Five near invisible whips of wind are already coiled around it's body. With the ease of clenching my fist, I command my trusty wind blades to slice cleanly through the puppet. It falls to pieces across the ground, so many pieces that there's no way to tell what they all once formed.

"Well that was fun." I observe the carnage. It's sadly depressing how easy that was. I'm just coming off the high of fighting Kakuzu and Hidan and then I go against these stupid puppets? "Hardly worth my time."

 _~What next, Host?~_

"I'm going to go for a walk and see what happens." I take my leave of the courtyard I'm in and start heading off in an aimless direction. "Something should happen eventually, right?"

 _~For some odd reason, I think you're going to regret those words.~_

* * *

Two Hours Later

"THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!" I shout out as I leap from building to building, covering frankly stupid distances with each bound.

I'm being pursued. Turns out that I must have left an impression on the puppet user that was controlling that trio because they've sent just a few more my way.

How many is a few? Oh, nothing too major, only what feels like two hundred or so.

"Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!" A literal wave of fire spews forth from my mouth, greedily swallowing up seven puppets all by itself. Their sudden absence is quickly filled by countless more that eagerly fly up to take their place. "That makes sixty four! How many of you bucketheads are there?"

 _~You can't be surprised by this. You know what you said.~_

"Fuck off this shouldn't be a thing!" I shout out as another wave of fire spews from my mouth that incinerates another batch of puppets. "Chiyo was renowned as one of the best puppet masters of all time because she could control ten! Sasori, you know the Akatsuki guy I have on my people to kill list, he can control a hundred! Supposedly he took down a whole country with them or some shit like that! Whoever this is, they're outdoing _Sasori of the Red Sands!_ That shouldn't be a thing!"

 _~Yes, but that's just in quantity.~_

"I know! That's what's pissing me off!" I land on a building and tense my legs. Instead of leaping away from the mob behind me and continuing our merry chase, I'm headed straight towards the heart of the flying puppets. Behind me trail ten faintly white strands of rippling air that seem nonthreatening. Once I'm in the center of them, I start to rotate. Spinning myself faster and faster, all the while I'm letting my wind whips reach out and shred whatever they touch. I'm a whirling ball of death in the middle of the sky. Dozens of the puppets fall to the loosely improvised attack, it's like an offensive version of my Elemental Sphere Defense.

Man I haven't used that defense in a while. I should really revisit my chakra strings sometime. Definitely later, I've got a more pressing matter to attend to first.

"These damn puppets are so fucking _weak!_ " Now, don't misunderstand me here. They're durable, I have to use higher level attacks to destroy them. My strength is stupid, my jutsu are devastating, and my mind is equally good at using those effectively. The puppets also have some fearsome attacks. That chakra cannon is nothing to scoff at, I've seen it punch straight through concrete as if it was wet paper. The hammer puppet has smashed straight through bridges, bringing them tumbling to the ground with ease. The claw puppet can shred through flesh as if it was warm butter. It's not the puppets themselves that are weak, it's who is using them. They simply lack any skill. Their only method of attacking is straightforward: throw puppets at it until it dies.

Unfortunately for whoever the hell is behind this, that method won't work on me.

You see, there are two ways to take out a high level shinobi. The first, obviously, is send out someone who is the same or of a higher level and have them deal with it. Second, and one that is usually not used, throw countless bodies at the high level shinobi to wear them out. Whittle down their strength until they have none left. But that usually takes a ridiculous amount of bodies to accomplish, and even then it isn't a guaranteed success.

This puppet user is obviously employing the second method, throw puppets at me until I pass out from exhaustion. But it's _me._ I don't get physically tired. Unless I churn out S-rank jutsu after jutsu for hours on end, I'm going to be set on chakra since I recover it so quickly. So the only way to wear me down is mentally. And I've gone a week if not more without sleep before. His plan just isn't plausible against me. Oh, it's definitely possible, but there's way that he can pull it off.

"I'm getting tired of this running around bullshit. What say we make a stand?" I ask my loyal companion as I land on another building to watch as the puppet pieces fall from my Wind Whip Spin Attack Thing. I've got to get a better name for that.

 _~A stand? Is that really the correct word for it?~_

"Stand. Slaughter. Close enough, they both start with S." I drop off the building, letting gravity claim it's hold over me once more. If I'm doing this, I want my feet to be on the ground, not on a building or flying through the air. Plus then I can get my earth element involved. "Any preference on how we do this? Crazy jutsu, good old fashion taijutsu, some form of seals and shit I'm sure I've got something tucked away somewhere, or shall I unleash you and the five of us fight it out?"

 _~The last one. It's so rare that you use all four hearts outside of you. You tend to always keep one close, which while understandable does limit the amount of fun I can have.~_

"It's decided." I crash into the ground and leave behind a small crater. No biggie, my face has made bigger ones before. That's a sad thought. "We'll draw them all in close, then I'll unleash you. How's that sound?"

 _~Delightful. Too bad they can't make facial expressions, I'd love to see the whites of their eyes as we decimate them.~_

"Here they come." Sure enough, those two hundred or so puppets are creating a semisphere over me. They're cutting off all forms of escape, no matter which way I look there's puppets. It's perfect.

I could always run away underground, but where's the fun in that?

Slowly, ever so slowly, they start to move inwards as one. Meter by meter, they shrink the sphere, eating away at the room I have to move in. They're fifty meters out. Forty. Thirty.

"Is this it?" I call out to them despite knowing I'll get no response. "Is this really how it's going to end? The final battle, all of you against all of me?" I palm two kunai, one in each hand, and let a crazy smile that I've become known for blossom on my face.

All of the puppets in unison unleash something new. Out of the floating rings they have around themselves comes ten kunai per puppet. They all spring forth with trails of purple chakra behind them, and all are aimed at me. Two hundred puppets at ten kunai apiece. Two thousand kunai all together. It still doesn't phase me the slightest.

"So, the final fight begins." I abandon my two kunai and fly through handsigns for one of my own jutsu, Ascent to the Heavens. A simple powerful blast of wind will counter all of those kunai like child's play. "I wonder if you brought enough pupp - the fuck?"

There's a single kunai that is moving faster than the rest. Like, stupidly faster than the rest. It zips past the oncoming storm of kunai, but it's going to fly wide of me. Not by much, barely a meter at best though probably less. As the fast kunai gets closer I can't help but study the offending weapon.

It's long, nearly the length of a dagger, and has two prongs jutting proudly out of the sides. The handle is a dull yellow with intricate black markings on it. That's all the more I notice as a man suddenly appears with his fist around the handle and an arm already reaching out to me. There's no hope for me to dodge, there's no hope for me to attack, hell there's no hope for me to react in any meaningful way.

His hand firmly grasps my shoulder and suddenly I'm _yanked_ away.

* * *

With Sasuke and Naruto

"Where am I?" Naruto asks as he pushes himself up to his feet. He was sprawled out on his back after being pulled to where it is he's at now.

"Brilliant." Sasuke groans out, likewise pushing himself to his feet, as his eyes dart around taking in the desolate room that they've appeared in. "Not only did I lose Alvarcus, you're here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto barks out at him as his eyes narrow slightly in distaste.

"It means that I like him better." Sasuke frostily says to Naruto. His coal black eyes quickly run down then up Naruto's body, taking in his general appearance. "And that he's more useful. You have a _single_ kunai pouch on you. You have no other weapons."

"And you're one to talk?" Naruto steps into Sasuke's personal space. "You've got a sword and a pouch. How the hell is that any better?"

"Because you have no idea what's in my pockets." Sasuke blandly replies, completely unphased by Naruto's close proximity. "Double that with the fact that I'm friends with a seal user, well, do I really need to go on?"

"Can we just not right now?" Naruto sighs out and takes a step back. "We can bicker when we're not in a weird place."

"So there is some intelligence in that head of yours." Sasuke snarkily replies. "For the record, this does not mean we're buddies again. It simply is an… alliance of convenience."

"Whatever. I've always liked Alvarcus better anyways." Naruto grumbles out.

"Finally, something we agree on."

"Speaking of Alvarcus, do you think he's here too?" Naruto looks around briefly for any traces of him. "He was hit before us, it would make sense wouldn't it?"

"I have absolutely no idea. There's only one way to find out." Sasuke begins to make his way to the only door out of this decrepit room.

"If he is here, how do you think we'll find him?" Naruto falls in step next to Sasuke as they both walk out of the room. "I don't know about you, but I'm terrible at tracking."

"I'm going to politely ask the first person we come across if they've seen anyone of his vague description." Then Sasuke's face turns dark. "If that fails, then I plan on looking for something exploding. Or ridiculous amounts of jutsu. Or maybe a few giant spiders. Or on fire."

"Strangely enough, I'm not surprised by that."

* * *

With Alvarcus

The moment I get my bearings back I go on the offensive. A black spear of threads shoots out of my shoulder right where the hand is - _was_ \- gripping me. The owner of said hand wisely didn't hold on for longer than necessary, however, he's still within taijutsu range. No doubt he plans on capitalizing on that fact, especially since he's still holding that weird kunai.

Unfortunately for him, I've just completed the handsigns for my jutsu.

"Ascent to the Heavens!" A burst of gale force winds explodes from my person. Grass is ripped from the ground, the scattered leaves - would you look at that we're in a forest of some kind - and twigs become airborne as they're tossed about. Most importantly, the kunai wielder is pushed away from me.

He nimbly lands on both his feet and lowers a single arm to the ground for a three point landing. It's not like he needed the extra stability, he must have wanted to show off.

It's at this moment that I can fully take in his appearance. He's wearing what could be any Village's ANBU gear. Black pants, black shirt, dark brown vest with pockets on it. It's too generic to link back to any village. The man has blonde hair, spiky blonde hair. He's wearing a colorful owlish mask. I think that's supposed to be an owl, I'm not really sure.

"You made a mistake." I gravelly speak as I lunge at him. I'm not in the mood for pleasantries right now. I don't telegraph my attack. There's no rearing back to strike with a fist in a dramatic fashion. All of my flashiness is gone for the moment. Instead, this man is treated to the sight of me speeding towards him. At the last possible moment I snap my fist forward, pouring as much speed on the punch as I can. It gets a sliver of a centimeter away from his stupid owl mask.

Then he _disappears in a yellow flash._

The momentum from my punch carries me forward, any lesser shinobi would have been knocked off balance from the lack of impact. I, however, simply keep moving forward as if I meant to run right through him. If this guy can teleport or whatever the hell that was then I know that staying in one spot is tantamount to suicide.

"I did make a mistake." What has to be his voice comes out from the treeline off to my right. "I made the mistake of saving you, a hostile shinobi."

"Wind Release: Pressure Damage!" The gale force wind that tears from my mouth annihilates the forest where his voice came from. Trees are bent away from me at the sheer force they're subjected to. Loose leaves and twigs go flying. I just hope I got him, I spread the attack out over a wide range.

"You have an impressive amount of chakra for someone your age." His voice is on the opposite side of the clearing now. God damn this fucker is quick. "It's a shame that you won't be able to leave here alive."

"Those are supposed to be my words- the fuck?" My sentence ends in surprise as dozens upon dozens of three pronged kunai suddenly litter the battlefield. They're everywhere, stabbed into the ground, speared into trees, nailed into the few large rocks that are covered by moss. "The Hiraishin."

"Strange." The man says from another new spot. "Usually it's fear that's associated with recognizing my technique. You don't sound afraid, if anything you said it with reverence."

"Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!" I roar out as a blistering hot gout of fire also roars to life. It eagerly swarms across scores of trees, igniting leaves and branches alike. Even after I cut off the flow of chakra to the jutsu the fire continues to consume the forest as acrid black smoke billows upwards.

"You have no regard for your surroundings." He softly whispers into my ear. He got right behind me and I never even knew. Holy shit that's terrifying. "You are a danger to my mission, and as such I must remove you. I'm sorry it had to end this way."

I feel the cold steel of what has to be a Hiraishin kunai pierce the base of my skull. It is a clean strike, a quick in then out. Minimal blood will be spilled and likewise it requires minimal effort. Just a simple push then pull. Why work hard?

Counter to everything that this man has seen, I don't instantly go slack and fall to the ground. Instead there's a blast of water, focused and under so much pressure that it could cut through steel, that rips a hole through my top layers of clothing. It's one of my fastest attacks, second to only False Darkness. The only reason I didn't use the lightning jutsu was because the water mask is in a better spot to hit him.

The moment I see the remnants of a yellow flash I know that the water cannon didn't connect.

"You can use three elements." He speaks from my right. "Very impressive, doubly so for how young you are. It's generally considered a jonin skill to use two, and here you are using three." Now he's to my left. "What's even more impressive though," Behind me. "Is how you're still standing." In front of me. "I know that I connected. So how are you alive?" He steps out of the treeline from in front of me, totally relaxed.

He just demonstrated that he can be anywhere and everywhere at a moment's notice. Truly, the Hiraishin is a formidable technique.

"There is a weakness to your technique." I ignore answering his question to go on my own tangent. Also I need to stall for a couple seconds. "Curious?"

"A little." He tilts his head casually while remaining relaxed. "More about how you're still alive than this 'weakness' in the Hiraishin."

"The Hiraishin uses the kunai as anchors." I explain as numerous chakra strings extend from my back. "It's one of the main assets to the technique. You can have as many anchors as you want, limited only by how many you can make in your free time. Which can be a lot. By having so many anchors you can have that many spots you can teleport to and that fact is what makes the Hiraishin so dangerous. No one knows which spot you'll pop up at. But, what happens if all those kunai - all your anchors - are in the same spot?"

At my command, every single one of the Hiraishin kunai that litter the battlefield are pulled out of what they're stabbed into. They all quickly soar through the air and land directly before me in a pile of deadly instruments.

"It's simple, you only have one spot to teleport to." It's my turn to smirk as I let the ramifications of what I just did sink in. If he tries to Hiraishin out of an attack I know where he's going. If he tries to Hiraishin close to me, I know which direction he's coming from. If he tries to Hiraishin _anything_ I know where he's going.

His response is nothing like what I expected. He tilts his head to the other side and then disappears in a yellow flash. Instantly I lash out with ten sweeping earth whips over the pile of kunai to catch him. I have some questions I want to ask.

But they never found purchase on his body.

"That's assuming that I marked only the kunai." He says from behind me once more. This time I don't feel the pinch of the cold steel slipping into my spine. Instead I feel it smoothly slice through my neck, cleanly reopening the scar that Kisame gave me all those years ago.

He does the smart thing: Hiraishin away from me just in case I have another trick up my sleeve. Intelligent man. The moment my head and body became separate - for the who knows what time - the Jiongu sprung into action. The black threads didn't let my head travel far, it barely rolled forward before being tugged back into place. Numerous black threads painstakingly stitch the two pieces back together as they have many times before.

"You tagged my shoulder." I growl out at him.

"You're still alive." He bluntly points out. He's much calmer than he has any right to be. "What are you?"

"A damn good shinobi." I growl out again as I firmly grasp my shoulder where he did. With the sound of ripping flesh and snapping strings, I tear out a chunk of my own shoulder and ruin both my coat and shirt in the process. I throw the mass at him as black flakes trail behind it and the skin wetly flops on the grass short of reaching its target. "You made me ruin my clothes."

"That's what you care about?" The masked man has a tinge of surprise in his voice this time. I guess ignoring being beheaded will do that.

"He's strange like that." A new voice says. Both my eyes and the man's eyes dart to the source. It's a welcome sight.

"Sasuke! Buddy! You're here too!" I gleefully shout out. Perched on a branch with something slung over his shoulder is none other that my favorite Uchiha. "I'm not alone in this mess! WOOT! Wait how the hell did you find me?"

"The forest is on fire." Sasuke points towards the trees that are still blazing in my inferno.

"Well…" I sheepishly rub the back of my head. "It was bound to happen eventually, right? I'm just surprised it took this long."

"We can discuss your fire obsession later." Sasuke pulls off what is slung over his shoulder - turns out it's a body - and holds it out to me. "We've got a problem."

"Holy shit." The words escape my lips without my consent. He's holding an unconscious boy by the scruff of his shirt. He's wearing a black tank top with black armwarmers that cover his forearms. Standard shinobi pants and footwear, nothing surprising there. But what really is a cause for concern is his spiky white hair and the face mask that's covering everything below his eyes. "Is that kid _Kakashi?_ "

A single kunai soars through the air directly at a point between Sasuke's eyes. Sasuke simply tilts his head out of the way to let the kunai pass.

Huge mistake.

The man disappears in a yellow flash and reappears gripping the handle of the kunai that's right before Sasuke's head. He swings it down - thankfully - at Sasuke's arm. The one holding Kakashi. Sasuke does the smart thing and lets go of Kakashi in favor of keeping his arm. The man swiftly grabs kid Kakashi and pops away in another flash of yellow. He's not even around the battlefield at the moment, he must have another kunai somewhere.

"Who was that?" Sasuke asks as he joins me in my spot. We instinctually go back to back as we await the fury of the teleporting man.

"Well… if that was kid Kakashi, then, uh, the Fourth Hokage Minato Namikaze?" I can't believe I just said that sentence. "This is fucking ridiculous. Did we time travel or something?"

"GUYS HELP THE FOREST IS ON FIRE!" Bursting into the battlefield is an orange clad shinobi. He's running fast, he's panting and sweating - though it appears from nerves instead of exertion - and he has a frantic air about him. "ALVARCUS! HELP! I DON'T KNOW ANY WATER JUTSU!"

"You've gotta be shitting me." I groan out as Naruto runs around like a headless chicken. "No wonder shit got weird."

"Excuse me?" Sasuke asks with a quirked eyebrow. I don't need to see him to know that he's quirked his eyebrow, I just know.

"Think about it." My eyes ping pong around the forest battlefield, waiting for Namikaze fucking Minato to show back up. "It's the three of us together."

"Fair point." Sasuke concedes. "Time travel seems fairly plausible now."

With a faint yellow flash we're joined by Minato. Fuck that sentence. Fuck it sideways with a rake. A rusty rake. Just fuck everything!

"Who are you and why did you attack Kakashi and how did you know it was Kakashi - you're an Uchiha?" Minato gives his anger pause as his eyes lock with Sasuke's blazing Sharingan. Then he takes in the latest member to our get together, Naruto. Who is frantically trying and failing to put out the fire. "Leaf shinobi? What the hell is going on here!?"

"You want this one Sasuke?" I offer to him. "I was about to kill him barely ten seconds ago, he probably doesn't want to listen to me."

"You know him better. I just met the guy." Sasuke counters. "Plus I did have Kakashi unconscious and slung over my shoulder. That's a really good first impression."

"And mine was better? Hello! We were in the process of killing each other! Oh I know, we could make Naruto do it." I counter offer his counter offer. That's going to get confusing really quickly.

All three sets of eyes turn to Naruto. He's gotten the ingenious idea to try and blow the massive fire out with a wind jutsu. That was an incredibly dumb idea, he just made the fire burn hotter and spread faster.

"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!" He flails about wildly. "ALVARCUS I REALLY COULD USE SOME HELP HERE!"

"Yeah not him." I say as Sasuke wordlessly agrees with me. "Though I should probably put that fire out."

"Why haven't you done that yet?" Sasuke asks, no doubt stalling for time. We're getting our story straight in out heads before we want to share it with Minato. Fucking weird.

"Because… it's pretty?" My flimsy excuse falls flat. "Would you believe that I was using it to limit the battlefield? Stop that man from teleporting all over the place? No? Damn. Fine I was enjoying watching it burn! There! Happy now!"

"Just go put the damn thing out before someone gets burned." Sasuke sighs out in resignation. "You know what, send your water mask to do it. Then we can both explain what we think is going on."

"You're no fun." I grumble as a mass of black threads pours out the bottom of my shirt. Barely three seconds later my water minion gallops off and starts spewing wave after wave of water to douse the forest fire. "So… you've probably got some questions. Ask away?"

"State your names." Minato asks in a tone that brokers no arguments. He's not really asking, he's ordering.

"Alvarcus Mar." I easily answer him. Can things get any weirder?

"Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke says with a hint of apprehensiveness. I can't blame him, Minato is from Konoha. The Uchiha are from Konoha. It isn't too big of a logical leap to realize that the Uchiha before him sporting the definitely-not-Konoha village symbol is a missing nin.

"Thanks Alvarcus!" Naruto pants out as he joins Sasuke and me. "Hi! I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen and -"

THWAP

"Stuff it he doesn't care about all that extra stuff!" I stop him before he can go on his rant.

"Why are you all here?" Minato asks his next question. Slowly, ever so slowly, he's lowering his guard.

"Short version or long version?" I open my mouth before the others can.

"Short." Minato decides instantly. Probably for the best, I don't really have a long version to tell him.

"Basically we were sent on a mission to Roran to get a specific item and a seal malfunctioned and we think we may have… uh… there's no real good way to put this so I'm just going to say it." I take a deep breath. "We think we time traveled. To the past specifically."

"Wait what?" Naruto blurts out in shock. "Time traveled? Is that even possible?"

"Considering that the kid Sasuke had subdued is Kakashi and that the person questioning us is Namikaze Minato, yeah I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we're in the past."

"YOU'RE THE FOURTH HOKAGE!?" Naruto blurts out in astonishment as he points at Minato.

"And here come the time paradoxes." I groan out. "Fan-fucking-tastic."


	73. Chapter 73

"You do realize how ridiculous this all sounds, yes?" Minato flatly says to the three of us.

He's brought us to a new location and we're no longer alone. Two more masked individuals were waiting for us - no doubt on some sort of signal from Minato - and Kakashi is there and awake. It's really hard to ignore him. I mean he's my sensei, the one who started me down the path of a true shinobi. Now he's just a pipsqueak. Nowhere near the man I've come to know him as.

Anyways, once everyone was gathered - glares from Kakashi to Sasuke ignored - we told our story. The one about how we got here, also known as time travel. You can imagine how well that went over.

"Strangely enough, this isn't even the craziest thing to ever happen to me." I half heartedly shrug in indifference. "In the end, it doesn't really matter if you believe us or not."

"All that truly matters is what we plan to do next." Sasuke turns slightly towards me. "We're in the past. Think about all of the ramifications of that."

"Later Sasuke." I stop him from continuing. What's on his mind is probably the same thing bouncing around in my head. We're in the past. Before _everything_.

"So…" Naruto sheepishly steps forward to Minato and all eyes dart to him. "You're Namikaze-sama?"

"Just Minato." Says the blonde man as he takes off his owl mask. It's kinda useless now that we've all identified him. It leaves me wondering who the rest of them are. Obviously it's an Akimichi from the general body type and the final masked individual is an Aburame. I can tell by how he's shying away from me and is still on edge.

"You're a legend where er… when we come from." Naruto excitedly says. His eyes are spread wide and he's nervously rubbing his hands together. "The youngest person to be given the position of Hokage. The man to win a two hundred on one battle-"

"Just pointing out that I almost did that too." I chime in. "But mine were puppets and he pulled me out of the fight before I could. Jackass."

"-in a matter of moments." Naruto continues with ever growing excitement. Sasuke is blankly staring at Kakashi who's glaring daggers at the Uchiha. "You're hailed as a legendary seal master!"

"Pfft he's not a seal master." I cut in with a snort of amusement.

Every single shinobi here looks at me in disbelief. The Aburame further crosses his arms, the Akimichi lets out a very soft but low growl in displeasure. Kakashi narrows his eyes and releases a single sharp bark of laughter. Naruto looks like a fish out of water, floundering about as his eyes ping pong from me to his hero. Sasuke's face remains blank, however his eyebrows have scrunched together slightly. He knows I'm up to something. Lastly, the man I insulted, Minato looks amused.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I land two kill shots to you in a few minutes?" A faint smile plays on the edge of Minato's lips. "Using… what was it again? Ah yes, the Hiraishin. A technique so famous that even in the future shinobi speak its name with reverence and fear."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm still alive. So much for those kill shots. I still stand by what I said, you're still not a seal master." I insist once more, like Minato there's an amused smile playing on my lips. "More like a one trick pony. The Hiraishin and its sub jutsu are all you have. Nothing more."

"Is that a challenge?" Minato steps forward, his smile now in full bloom. "You talk almost as if you know seals."

"I do know seals." Matching him in both smile and step, I don't back down. This is what I want after all. "Some consider me a master at the art, but I know better. I'm damn good, close to reaching the pinnacle of our art but I can't craft seals mid battle. I need them prepared beforehand. But we're not discussing me, we're discussing you. I propose a battle of the seal users."

"Looking forward to me beating you once more?" Minato coyly says as he pulls out a brush and ink from one of his pockets. "What's the challenge? First to make an explosive tag? Crafting a seal that restricts chakra? One that robs someone of their senses? I do love a conceptual seal, how about one that removes the sense of pain?"

"Nothing so simple." With a smirk, I pull out two identical cylinders. They're grooved to provide better grip and are long enough to comfortably wrap both hands around it. "These are identical in every single way. Made from the same metal, made with the same purpose in mind, made with the same functionality."

With a precise burst of chakra I activate the twin blades. Pale red chakra shoots out of the point of the hilts of the swords.

"These blades are identical in every way. Their purpose is rather simple yet so very complex. Once they stab an enemy they are pulled into the hilt and sealed away. I've already designed the sealing matrix that pulls them into the blade, but there isn't a seal or sealing matrix that keeps them bound inside. It should be able to hold a limitless amount of chakra and likewise should be able to hold a limitless amount of people. My challenge is simple, we will both craft a seal to keep multiple entities sealed. First one done wins."

"Is that all?" Minato holds out a hand for a blade. "I expected a real challenge."

"Words mean nothing to shinobi." I deactivate both blades and hand him one. "We let our action speak for us."

"If I may interject." Sasuke cuts in, the only one bold enough to get between Minato and me. Not physically mind you, but between nonetheless. "Alvarcus, you do know that's _Minato Namikaze_ you're going against?"

"I know who he is." I assure Sasuke. "And what he's capable of."

"You want to do this anyways?" Sasuke asks with an incredulous look on his face. "Do you know what you're doing?"

"I know exactly what I'm doing." Confidence oozes off my words, practically dripping with how thick it is. "Whenever you're ready, Namikaze."

"This is ridiculous." Sasuke shakes his head as he steps back to give Minato and me some space.

"Three." Minato says as he unfurls a long scroll and flattens it on the ground. I mimic him and flatten my own scroll, one much larger, out as well.

"Two." I say as both of us ready our brushes a hair's breadth away from our inks.

"One." He smirks at me. He has confidence written all over himself. He's not the only one, I'm sporting my own confident smirk.

"Begin." The moment the single words leaves my mouth we both dunk our brushes and furiously - yet elegantly - start writing. Writing is the wrong word, painting would be closer. We're both artists yet different. We both use paint yet are illustrating a different picture. The most interesting thing is that even though our pictures are vastly different, they're still the same.

There's more than one way to craft a seal to get a specific result.

"Done." Minato's cocky voice declares. My eyes dart over to him to see the final tendrils of ink on his scroll worm onto the hilt of the sword I gave him.

"Fuck you, there's no way you're done." I spit out venomously. I've barely gotten started with my idea. It's a real shot in the dark and has maybe a five percent chance of working. "It's been _ten minutes._ "

"Guess I really am a seal master." With the biggest smirk yet, he sparks the blade to life.

A _bright yellow_ blade extends out of the hilt. He effortlessly swings it around a couple times to get used to the weightless blade made of pure chakra.

"Pity, I expected a challenge when you proposed a contest." Minato deactivates the blade and it hisses as it retreats back into the hilt. "But you gave me a challenge that I've already solved. In a fashion."

"I don't understand." I say in real bewilderment. "You've solved it before? And whatever you did changed the color of the blade to yellow of all things?"

"Yes." He holds out the hilt for me to study and confirm his work. "For some strange reason that's what my personal dimension looks like."

" _What?_ " I blurt out in confusion. I hate being confused. Especially since it's about the Sword of Totsuka. I need this blade, this one tool has the potential to sway the course of the Fourth Shinobi War.

"I didn't seal them inside the hilt." As impossible as it seems, his smirk - no his smile - widens. He's enjoying this, not because he's beating me at my own game, but because he's teaching me something. I completely misunderstood him. He's put up with me and my game to teach me. Even to a potential enemy he shows compassion. "I sent them to my personal dimension. It's a near limitless space that only I have access to. There's no need to seal them and risk them breaking, overpowering or dismantling the seal. The only chance of escape is by me releasing them or them having a timespace technique of themselves capable of jumping from different dimensions. Do I need to explain how rare those techniques are?"

"You brilliant fucker!" I let out a loud and long belly laugh. "Three and a half years! I've been trying to solve this problem for three and a half years! I've never once considered to not seal them and send them to another dimension! That's _brilliant!_ No wonder you solved it in ten minutes, you've already figured out how to send yourself to your personal dimension via the Hiraishin!"

"You know how the Hiraishin works?" There's praise in his voice. No doubt because very few if any people actually understand how his prized technique functions.

"I have a few ideas." I wave off his praise temporarily. "Can you teach me to bind my personal dimension to the hilt? Please? I'll even help you with your mission, whatever that is."

"Wait you're offering to help him just like that?" Naruto shouts out in disbelief. "Last time we tried to get you to help us you threatened to kill like thirty people including me, Shikamaru, Ino, Anko, and Kakashi!"

"How'd I get involved with this?" Kid Kakashi mutters to himself. "Do I know them in the future? Oh god, please say I'm not his jonin teacher. Wait he threatened to kill me?"

"Land of Snow?" Sasuke asks me out of the side of his mouth.

"Yep." I confirm. "I was in a bad spot then, I'm different now. Plus Minato just did me a _huge_ favor so I'm indebted to him even if he doesn't show me how to bind my personal dimension to the hilt. Easiest way to pay him back is to help him with his mission."

"You don't even know what his mission is!" Naruto blusters out.

"Haven't the faintest." I easily confirm as I switch my attention from Naruto to Minato. "But the offer stands. Teach me how to bind my personal dimension to the sword and I'll help on the mission."

"Naruto, was it?" Minato turns to the other blonde. "You proudly wear Konoha's symbol. You seem like a good person and you claim to know both these young men. Will he abuse the weapon if I teach him how to make it?"

Naruto's eyes, well everyone's eyes but his matter the most, fall on me. There's a long stretch as Naruto thinks about Minato's question. No doubt he's recalling everything I've done. All times I helped him, all the successful missions I completed while a shinobi of the Leaf, the people I've saved due to happenstance or not, all the good I've done in the world. Yet he's weighing it against all the bad I've done. The fact that I've killed so many people that I've lost count, the time I admitted to torturing people and enjoying it, when I confided in him that I've killed someone I call a friend.

Everyone awaits his verdict. No one else dares to do anything to distract Naruto from his thoughts.

"I trust him." Naruto finally gives his answer and his blessing. "Don't get me wrong, he's a dick but when you need him he'll be there."

"Then I'll teach you." Minato nods to Naruto, it's an action that signals the acceptance of his wisdom. Wow, never thought there would be the words 'Naruto' and 'wisdom' in the same sentence.

"I've never liked you more, Naruto." I mockingly wipe a fake tear out of my left eye and wipe it on my coat. "You called me a dick. You're growing up so fast."

"Haha, very funny." Naruto crosses his arms with a roll of his eyes but I know that he appreciated my words. I wouldn't be me without the sass.

"So Minato." I turn to the taller blonde. "When can I learn? Sooner you teach me, the sooner I can help on the mission, then the sooner it turns into a clusterfuck and then we fix it."

"Now is as good a time as any." Minato shrugs noncommittally. "It should take a couple hours to explain the concepts and the theory behind how it works, a couple more for me to show and explain my version of the seal that acts as a doorway to my personal dimension, and a few after that with me supervising you as you make your own. Once that's all done, we can discuss our mission."

"Does that happen often with you?" The Akimichi asks from behind his mask. "Missions deviating from their parameters?"

"Hn." Sasuke snorts out. "It's a running joke - thought it might be a fact at this point - between Alvarcus and myself. We don't have normal missions. It gets worse if the blonde idiot is with us. If you really want proof, remember we were on a mission and now we're in the past."

"Sasuke cut that 'Hn' shit out right now." My words carry a hint of a threat. "Or do I need to get my Butler back?"

"You haven't signed the Spider Contract yet." A full blown smile of satisfaction blooms on his face. "That means you can't use your summons, which means no Weavers, which means no suits."

"I hate it when you're right." Bastard. He's got me there, I don't have one on hand either. Why would I when the Weavers are so good at making rush orders for me? It would be impractical. "But judging by the Aburame's reaction to me, I'm still a Spider Summoner. So hypothetically I _could_ do it, it just might not end well since they don't know me. Yet. I wonder if my name popped up on the scroll? Wait, all three of us are Summoners. So all of us are in the same boat here. We're Summoners but can't summon. Wow that's confusing."

"Hypothetical Summoning aside, we should get started." Minato gently cuts in and reminds us that we have more important things to do. "This is a loosely time sensitive mission since I could be needed elsewhere. It's best to not lollygag."

"Then why are you taking time to teach this _nobody_ a seal?" Kakashi interjects. As much as I don't want to admit it, he's got a point. If this is a time sensitive thing, Minato shouldn't be teaching me. It's a waste of time in the grand scheme of things.

Well their grand scheme of things, in the real grand scheme this sword could be the single most important thing. Imagine if I manage to shove it through Madara's chest.

"Teaching someone high level fuinjutsu is something I've never done but have always wanted to." Minato enlightens the group. "The young man has talent, it's impressive that he created that sword up to the point he did. I know many seal users that could never figure out where to begin and he has two."

"Technically it's fourteen." Sasuke throws out. "He's a fan of overkill."

"But eleven of them blew up." I awkwardly scratch the back of my head. "I tried different methods to keep them in the hilt. They didn't work. One of them was broken by an opponent, though it was about to explode too. These were my last two before I had to make more."

"Even more impressive. You're capable of replicating a complicated piece of fuinjutsu. Forgive my assumption, but you probably streamlined the process with each successive blade." Minato praises me and he's right. These last two are the best versions of the seal array. "But as I was saying, he shows talent. I want to see just how good he is. The best way to do that is to watch him work or teach him something new to see how fast he picks it up."

"You're putting the entire mission on hold because he _interests_ you?" Kakashi asks in pure disbelief. His jaw would be hanging slack, but since he's had his mask no one knows if he is or not. "You want to see how good he is at fuinjutsu? That's it?"

"Yes." Minato smiles politely at his student before focusing his attention on me. "Shall we begin?"

"Why of course." I withdraw a scroll from one of my inner coat pockets and unseal a frankly stupid amount of sealing supplies. Piles of blank scrolls, liters of ink, multitudes of brushes of various sizes, and it's all stacked on a table. "Don't expect me to call you sensei. That's someone else."

"Really? Who?" Minato asks as he joins me. "You've brought a lot of supplies. Do you always have so much on you?"

"I can't make seals by a chakra imprint. I don't even know if that's how it works to make brushless and paperless seals with a touch. Thankfully it's very rare that I need a seal, I have so many tricks up my sleeve it's stupid, and it's usually for a very specific piece of a plan not something decided in the heat of battle. And Kakashi."

"What?" Kakashi responds to his name. A moment passes in silence as the meaning of my words dawns on him. "I bet you're my least favorite student."

"You'd be surprised." I absentmindedly answer kid Kakashi while paying more attention to Minato. "So fuinjutsu?"

"Fuinjutsu."

* * *

Hours Later

"That's… that's so fucking cool." I swing around my own Sword of Totsuka. It's finally finished, I've finally crafted my version of a legendary weapon. I've finally secured a surefire way to deal with multitudes of Edo Tensei zombies. Though I might have just gotten a few extra decades to deal with that problem. Fucking time travel.

The best part about the sword? It looks badass. Not just badass because it's a sword made out of pure chakra capable of banishing whatever it stabs into another dimension but because the sword's appearance reflects the dimension it's bound to.

Turns out mine is _black._

Not black as in the midnight sky. Not black as in obsidian. Black as in the total absence of light. It's a goddamn nothing sword. A Void Sword.

I'm naming it that. The Void Sword.

"Interesting." Minato studies the blade as I swing it through the air with a goofy grin plastered to my face. "I thought that someone with such a colorful personality would have a more vibrant personal dimension."

"You'd be surprised." I comment off handedly as I play with my newest toy. "I spent an extended period of time in a void of nothing. I spent so long there I was starting to lose touch with who I was."

Funny how death changes a person. Wow that was morbid.

"How long were you there?" Minato asks softly as he watches me dispatch an invisible foe.

"Dunno really." With a flashy spin I slash the blade through the air, cleaving another invisible foe in half. "It's not something I like to remember. Or talk about."

"My apologies for bringing it up."

"No worries, you didn't know it was a sensitive subject." I fall back while blocking an imaginary hail of kunai. "Speaking of sensitive subjects, have you figured it out yet?"

"Hm?" Minato makes a questioning noise. "Your grip is wrong, you need to flow like water from one move to the next to be a successful kenjutsu user. You're too rigid."

"Thanks." I loosen my grip slightly and try to think like water. I don't think it helped at all. "I meant Naruto."

"What about him?" Minato prods further. "He's a very nice young man if that's what you mean. You should thank him, he's the only reason I taught you."

"I should thank him. It's kinda ironic, after refusing so many people as teachers I needed someone else to vouch for me when I finally found someone I wanted to learn from." With a sharp thrust of the sword I bury it up to the hilt in a foe and imagine him being sucked into the hilt. Into another dimension. "I digress, surely you've seen the similarities by now. I severely doubt someone as renowned as the Yellow Flash overlooked the glaring likeness you two share."

"I noticed." There's a wistful smile on his face as he thinks of Naruto. "But when he first discovered my identity, he called me the Fourth Hokage. Not Dad. Not Father. I'm dead, when you're from, aren't I?"

"Yes. You died protecting Konoha and saved it from total destruction. You gave your life in the process." The giddy gleeful smile that's been stuck on my face dulls as I swiftly decapitate another invisible enemy.

"Kushina too." He sorrowfully tacks on.

"Figured out who his mom was that easily?" The next pair of invisible enemies fall as I bisect them both with one swing.

"He did introduce himself as Naruto _Uzumaki._ There's only one lady for me, and she's a redhead." A happy yet mournful smile lingers on him. "While I understand that not taking my name makes him safer, I also understand that if his mother was alive he'd know who his father is."

"You don't plan on telling him." This isn't a question. It also isn't an accusation. It's an observation. There's no judgement in my voice, no disapproval or approval. Simply stating a fact.

"You're correct. I don't plan on telling him." Minato confirms my observation as he continues to watch me defeat invisible opponent after opponent.

"Why not?"

"My reasons are my own."

"Out of respect for you not prying into my past, I won't press you for an answer." I dispatch the final invisible opponent. With a hissing snap the blade retreats into the hilt eerily similar to a famous type of sword from another galaxy. Or is it a saber? Semantics.

"How did you know?" Minato asks me as we start our search for the rest of the group. They've gone off on their own once Minato and I started to talk about advanced seal theory.

"I'm in the information business." I smirk at his cocked eyebrow. "I know right? Me, the sassy teenager that seems a bit unhinged has his very own spy network. And it's _damn good._ Or it was. Will be? I hate this time bullshit."

"You're a very influential individual." Minato says with the same inflection as I did moments ago. It's an observation, a statement. A fact.

"That's a nice way of saying dangerous. So are you." I lock eyes with the only shinobi to be granted SS-rank. "I'd be curious to see who would win if we both fought at our maximum potential."

"That wasn't your best?" Minato sounds impressed. He did see me pull off things that very few people are capable of and some that no one but me is capable of.

"Not even close." I confidently assure him. I only used three of five elements, barely scratched the surface of my jutsu, and didn't even touch my arsenal of various seals. Hell the Jiongu didn't even make an appearance excluding when I was stitched back together. "Neither were you."

"What makes you say that?" He cocks his head to the side in curiosity.

"You didn't use any seals. You didn't use any jutsu, for instance the Rasengan. You didn't touch the Toads at all. You only used the Hiraishin. You are so much more than a one trick pony."

"You knew all of that and still attempted to bait me into a contest of seals?"

"I had to get you to solve my sword problem somehow." I shrug in an indifferent manner. "Did you really expect me to _not_ attempt to get the help of one of the best - perhaps even the best - seal master to exist by any means necessary?"

"You are a great shinobi." He praises me once more. "One of the biggest factors that separates the good from the great is the ability to plan effectively. You seem very adept at it."

"You have _no_ idea." I snort out. "But enough of this idle conversation, let's go find the rest of our merry group. We have a mission to accomplish. What even is it?"

"In a moment, let's wait until everyone is present."

* * *

"Good, we're all here." Minato says as he takes the time to lock eyes with everyone, one at a time.

He spends a brief moment on the Akimichi and the Aburame, no doubt he's familiar with them and trusts them. His eyes rest for a fleeting moment on Sasuke, like the less time they rest on him the better. Probably because he's an Uchiha who is not wearing Konoha's symbol. They linger for a while on Kakashi as Minato weighs how the youngest one here must be taking all of this. They practically gloss over me, pausing for only a fraction of acknowledgement of my presence. Lastly, they fall on Naruto. Nothing gives anything away, Minato is far too skilled to let personal emotions get in the way.

Yet there's still a tenderness to his look, one that wasn't there with anyone else.

"Our mission is simple." Minato continues to speak once his eyes stopped roaming. He straightens up, squares his shoulders and clasps his hands behind his back. He's no longer Minato Namikaze. He's no longer the idol of all Seal Users. He's no longer a gentle soul who helps those who might turn out to be enemies. He's standing as a true leader. A leader of shinobi.

All of us are paying rapt attention. It would be an insult to do anything less.

"The Third Hokage caught wind of a mysterious figure, Anrokuzan." Minato calmly yet forcefully speaks. He's not yelling or barking out orders, but his words carry a weight to them. "He appeared out of nowhere six years ago and ascended to the position of Minister of Roran. That places him in direct proximity to the Queen, Sara. Previously, her mother was Queen but she had an untimely death and her young daughter had no choice but to take her place. Since the late Queen's death, the people of Roran have been… acting strangely."

"You call this strangely?" Sasuke cuts in. He has his arms crossed as he's leaning against a tree with a bored air about him. "While you two went off and did the seal stuff, the rest of us did something productive. We scouted the city, tried to find its people and investigate what's going on. There are no people, they've been replaced by puppets. _All of them._ "

"You are correct." Minato smoothly addresses Sasuke. "The people have been either subjugated or outright killed. We've been here for a few days, there are some left but the numbers are so low that barely ten percent remain of Roran's population."

"So the mission?" Naruto steps forward with a look of determination. His fists are curled into balls and the veins on the back of his hands are bulging from how hard he's squeezing. "Are we supposed to find the people and stop this Anrokuzan?"

"In summation, yes." Minato elegantly nods once towards Naruto. "While not expressly stated, I want to find out what happened to the populace and save them if we can. I believe that they're being used as a labor force."

"Makes sense." It's my turn to speak my mind. "I know from personal use that maintaining concentration over such a wide scale is difficult. This… Anrokuzan is commanding all of these puppets so his attention has to be spread thin. It's likely that he only uses the puppets in sections or zones. The bunch used to repel invaders that he used against me. The puppet parade that you spoke of previously, Sasuke. But those two facts means that he doesn't have time to build up such a vast store of puppets. So-"

"He's using the people of Roran to do it for him." Sasuke picks up my train of thought. "Underground, no doubt. Such massive quantities of metalworking would require a giant forge, possibly several of them. To maximize production he probably has an assembly line of sorts, which again is a massive production line. It would make no sense to have all of that be on the surface, doubly so when Anrokuzan doesn't want people discovering his puppet slave labor force. If we take into account that he has to spread his attention throughout all the puppets-"

"Then sometimes they're inanimate." I start pacing back and forth as Sasuke and I continue. "He could leave scores of puppets to 'oversee' the prisoners but only have one or two active to watch. Same for the ones he used to attempt to repel me, an invader. Have a massive force on standby to activate when necessary but otherwise it justs stands there. And if they're inanimate-"

"We can trap them." Sasuke's coal black eyes are tracing me as I wear a path in the dirt. "Or rig them to explode, we do have two Seal Masters on hand. Going around and trapping the puppets that are deactivated would give us an edge, especially if we're attempting to save the populace. We don't want to be loud as this goes down, we need stealth. Yet the best way to be stealthy-"

"Is to have a distraction. People can't help but look at an explosion." I snap my fingers once for extra emphasis. "Don't rely on hoping his attention will be elsewhere, make it go somewhere else of your choosing. Control the battlefield and you will win the battle. While he's focused on stopping the distraction the guard around the prisoners will be severely lessened, maybe even completely gone. Even if they're not, as long as the stealth team rigs up the inactive ones before engaging the active ones they'll be fine. The bulk of the fighting force will be removed by the traps. Systematic destruction at its finest. I do enjoy our pre battle talks, Sasuke. We should do this more often."

"You're very optimistic if you think we will have time for _pre_ battle talks." Sasuke blandly points out. "Usually we just dive right in. It's rare we get to plan anything."

"It's a good plan." Minato praises us. "But we can't use it."

"And why not?" I look at him as my brow scrunches in confusion. "I don't see any issue with it. Distraction team and a stealth team. Tada, another government toppled."

"Because Konoha can't have her shinobi be seen openly attacking another city." Minato clarifies for us. "Even with our faces masked, our moves would give us away. Obviously me, the Yellow Flash, would be recognized in an instant. Both the Akimichi and the Aburame would be the same once they used clan jutsu. Even if the city has brought this on itself, Konoha has a reputation that we must maintain."

"I might have a work around." I shoot Sasuke a glance for his opinion. He shrugs in response. Good enough for me. "Sasuke and I will be the distraction team, everyone else the stealth. We're Oto shinobi, not Konoha shinobi. Doesn't matter if the Village doesn't exist yet, neither he nor I belong to Konoha."

"Again, that won't work." Minato shakes his head. "He's an Uchiha, Konoha or not. The whole world will assume he's from Konoha no matter what forehead protector he's wearing."

"Then give me one of your masks." Sasuke demands. "I will refrain from using the Sharingan and if my face is hidden no one will be able to identify me as an Uchiha. Black hair and pale skin is very common, nothing that specifically links me to my clan."

"We don't have any to spare." The Aburame points out. "We can't reveal our own faces during our part of the mission and cannot lend you our masks."

"Here." I tug off my brilliant red scarf and thrust it into Sasuke's hands. "Problem solved, just wrap it around your head and leave room for your eyes. It doesn't _have_ to be a stylized animal mask, anything will suffice. Hell he could probably just hold a henge the entire time and be fine."

"This will work." Sasuke holds onto the scarf for now, waiting to tie it around his head until he needs to. I don't blame him, it's nice not having to wear face covering stuff.

No one responds immediately. Despite our large number, no one has something witty to say back to the Uchiha to rebuff the latest ploy to get him to help me. Instead all eyes except for Sasuke's and Naruto's are locked on me.

"Oh come on really?" I groan out with a roll of my eyes. "Yes, I've had my head cut off. No, Minato it's not from you. No, Minato you weren't the first one. No, I will not tell you when, where, who or how I got it. We all have scars! Get over it!"

"So." Sasuke takes this moment to stop anyone else from making the stupid choice of asking me a question. "Alvarcus and I will handle the distraction. Everyone else will infiltrate and rig the puppets that are there to explode."

"I feel like I'm being left out here. Why can't I be on the distraction team too?" Naruto speaks up. "Why can't I just take off my forehead protector? No one here knows me, I'm not from a clan, and I wouldn't be wearing any village symbol."

Minato doesn't respond, instead he looks at me. He doesn't speak, he doesn't do anything overt. He's wordlessly asking my opinion, asking for my approval.

"That won't work." I immediately dismiss Naruto's idea. "You're Konoha trained, to any observer worth something they'd piece together where you're from. You heavily rely on techniques and jutsu that are Konoha specific. Like the Kage Bunshin." Or the Rasengan. I _really_ doubt the world is ready to deal with that.

"Then you and Sasuke can't do it either." Naruto points out as he points to me with a pointy jab of his pointer finger. So much pointing is happening all at once. "You're Konoha trained like me."

"Sasuke and I may have been forged in Konoha, but we were tempered in Oto." A sinister smile plays on my lips. "I'd have no problem with Sasuke and I being the distraction team. It'll be good to cut loose. Neither of us have caused wide scale destruction in an urban environment before. It'll be fun!"

"And the mystery of how the city turned to ruins is solved." Sasuke mutters to himself.

"Well…" Minato looks once more from person to person. "It's better than anything we had."

"Cool." I start stretching in preparation. I know I don't have to, but it's kinda fun to go through the motions every once in awhile. "How many seals do we need?"

"As many as we both can make." Minato says as he rummages around his vest for a scroll. "Shall we make it a contest?"

"Oh _hell_ yeah!" I slam my two fists together and pull out my own scroll full of sealing supplies. "How many tags did you bring?"

"Two hundred." Minato boasts with a smirk. "I plan on using them all in the next hour. Think you can keep up with my speed?"

"Pfft!" I snort out as I retrieve my scroll. With a hefty flick I unfurl it and unseal its contents. Eight crates pop out in a cloud of smoke. "Two hundred in an hour? Let's see, if I can do a single seal in five minutes and hold a hundred brushes at a time that means five hundred seals per five minutes. Sixty minutes to an hour, so sixty divided by five get me twelve. That means five goes into sixty five times, or rather I'll produce twelve rounds of five hundred seals. Or six thousand. Yeah? I hate math. 5 minutes * 100 brushes = 500 complete seals. 60 minutes / 5 minutes = 12 rounds. 500 complete seals * 12 rounds = 6000 complete seals. Yeah! I'll get six thousand done by then!"

"I call bullshit." Kakashi speaks for the first time. The fact that he held his tongue until he spoke out against me kind of irks me, but I'll put that aside. "There's no way you can out do Minato-sensei, let alone by that many! It's impossible!"

"Wanna bet?" I stick my hand out to him to shake on it. "If I win, I get to see your face. If you win, uh, I'll buy you an orange book."

"An orange book?" Kakashi asks in bewilderment. "What kind of idiot makes an orange-"

"NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Minto shouts out, breaking his shinobi leader persona for the first time.

"Is this how he got that habit?" Sasuke mutters to himself once more. "And to think Alvarcus was complaining about time paradoxes before. Hypocrite."

"Trust me Kakashi!" I put on my best innocent smile and wiggle my hand at him. "You'll love the book when I lose!"

"Sure." Kakashi thrusts his hand into mine. "I could always stand to broaden my literary selections."

"Alvarcus please say you can make those seals." Minato asks with a dash of worry. "Please?"

"Pfft not an issue. I've got this." I wave off Minato's concerns.

"Thank God." Minato's shoulders sag in relief. "So fuinjutsu?"

"Fuinjutsu."

* * *

One Hour Later

"Consider me bested." Minato nods approvingly as he places his brush down. He observes me, well everyone does, as I wrap up my final round of seals. It's a truly mesmerizing sight.

Precisely one hundred brushes are moving in unison as they lightly drag themselves across their own unique tag. The tags are arranged in a ten by ten grid to make things simpler, and I'm sitting cross legged with an intense look on my face as I will the brushes to move to my design.

"I genuinely can't remember the last time I lost in a competition of seals." He praises me once more. "Never mind by such a large magnitude."

"This method only really works well with simple seals." I speak as I direct most of my attention to the ever swaying brushes. "I slow down when I work in bulk, it takes more focus. Sure I can churn out one hundred explosive seals at a time, but they're the easiest ones to make. I'm sacrificing efficiency for quantity, there's a certain point when it's faster to make the complex seals one at a time instead of in massive quantities."

"It's still an impressive accomplishment." Minato assures me. "Have you given any thought as to what you'll do if you can't return to your time? Where you'll go?"

"That's something we want to discuss in private." Sasuke cuts in to answer for me.

"What?" Naruto asks in confusion. "Just come back to Konoha. It's really the only choice."

"As he said, it's something we want to discuss in private." I speak this time to reaffirm Sasuke's stance. "Plus I'm not too sure that Minato has a strictly pure heart when asking what we do next. He just saw me make _thousands_ of explosive tags. Who in their right mind wouldn't suggest that I join them? Imagine what any Village could do - Big Five or not - if they had a way of mass producing explosive seal. I can literally make enough explosive seals to level a small town in hours."

"But what else would you do?" Naruto asks a difficult question. Despite all my experiences, despite all my knowledge, despite all my skills, I have absolutely no idea what to do next. "And you know that Konoha wouldn't abuse you to make seals! We're not like that!"

"That depends on who you ask." I stand up as all my brushes orderly stack themselves on top of a sealing scroll. I've finished. "We're thinking too far ahead. We have a puppet army to draw out then destroy. Good place to begin."

"Talk and walk?" Sasuke suggests as he gestures towards the city.

"Sure." I fall in step next to him as we make our way back to Roran.

* * *

Moments After Sasuke's and Alvarcus' Departure

"It must be hard for you." The Akimichi places a reassuring hand on Naruto's shoulder. "To see your friends transferred to a different Village and not want to return. You should try to understand where they're coming from, the world is full of countless unique individuals. While you prefer the forest, they might rather be sailing on the seas."

"Transfer?" Naruto asks in confusion. There's been a lot of that today. "Shinobi can transfer to a different Village? I never knew that."

"But then…" The Aburame monotonously drones out as an ominous buzzing noise wafts off of him. "Traitors."

"They're not traitors!" Naruto insists as a tinge of anger bleeds into his voice. "They're just misguided!"

"Missing nin are supposed to be put down." Kakashi firmly states while glaring at Naruto with disapproval. "Personal relations and past friendships do not stand above the law."

"They are risking their lives to help you!" Naruto shouts at the youngest one here. "The two of them just walked off to face an army for you! They have no reason to do it! Do you really want to kill people who would do that?"

"They're only doing it because Alvarcus wanted to repay Minato-sensei." Kakashi crosses his arms. "That or maybe because they knew that in a real fight Minato-sensei would flatten them in a flash. They have a higher chance of survival if they pretend to help."

"You don't know them! They're good people!" Naruto insists yet again, but he would have better luck convincing a wall.

"This is a subject best left for later." Minato says and the argument is immediately put on hold. "We have a city's people to save. I'll decide what to do with those two _after_ we complete the mission. Grab the sealing tags and let's go blow up some puppets."

* * *

In the City, Distraction Team

"Hey Sasuke." I open up conversation with my friend as we walk down another empty street. We've been looking for puppets and haven't been hiding at all. We're hoping to simply bump into a couple and let everything spiral out of control.

"Yes Alvarcus?" Sasuke - with my scarf wrapped around his head - responds as his eyes scan the buildings for any signs of movement.

"I'm getting really tired of nothing happening." I point towards a random building. It stretches five stories tall with many windows and a multicolored paint job. Each floor has a different color. It's also one of the smallest buildings we've seen so far. "Can I light it on fire?"

"No." He instinctively denies me. He did it so quickly that there wasn't even a brief pause from the end of my sentence to his. "Wait. Yes, go ahead. We want to cause a scene. That will draw at least a few towards us."

"Sweet." With a ridiculous smile and just a tad too much enthusiasm, I let both my wind mask and my fire mask extend out of my back. They sweep over my head on the black tentacles on threads and take aim at the building. With a blisteringly hot gout of wind enhanced fire, half of the building ceases to be while the other half topples to the ground in a flaming heap. "Huh. I thought I could do it all in one shot. Guess I need to try harder."

"Has anyone told you that you're terrifying?" Sasuke comments offhandedly as we both watch thick black smoke billow upwards. "You just immolated half of a building."

"Well it did take a high leveled combination jutsu where the elements feed off of each other." I point out as the flames lick ever higher. "It's easy to avoid if you know where it's coming from, just dive underground. Or put up a wall of some sort. A really strong heat resistant wall."

"That's not even your strongest jutsu. It's not even close." Sasuke points out as we continue waiting. "I've seen you command ten elemental dragons at once."

"Yeah. I excel at wide scale combat." I start impatiently tapping my foot. "I'm a unique kind of ninjutsu shinobi. I'm a horde breaker."

"That's a nice way of saying you're good at genocide." Sasuke bluntly says to me. He's completely right too.

"It is." I nod my head in agreement. "Given enough prep time and if no one can interrupt me after I've started my jutsu, I could potentially flatten this entire city. It would take time, hours upon hours to flatten it, but I could."

"How would you do it?" He asks me to kill more time as we wait.

"For this specific city?" I sift through my jutsu library. "Fire of the Heavens. It's what I did to destroy a Kusa outpost, rain down flaming boulders from a distance until nothing is left. I can have Sureddo do it so I could fuck off and do something else."

"Genocide made easy." Sasuke snorts out in morbid amusement. "I'm surprised you didn't suggest something like that since you know that there's no one in these buildings. Why not just start blasting away at part of it until the puppet army comes?"

"Because I've got a new toy. I want to play with it." I lovingly pat a metal cylinder that's hanging off my belt. "And I figured you could give me some pointers. Let's face it, I'm shitty at kenjutsu and you're damn good."

"I suppose I could give you a tip or two." Sasuke says as he draws his own sword. His eyes are locked on a few dark specks moving along the horizon and an air of excitement settles over us both. "Here they come."

"Want to see who gets more?" I eagerly say as my Void Swords surges to life. The inky black blade seems to remove light from existence as it sways in the air.

"What is it with you and competitions today?" Sasuke idly flicks his wrist to send his own blade slicing through the air.

"Dunno. I guess I'm in a playful mood." I roll my shoulders as the black specks grow larger.

"That's not concerning at all." Sasuke lowers himself down, he's ready to spring into battle. "What are the stakes?"

"Loser has to wear a dress for a day?"

"PFFFT!" Sasuke fails to completely suppress a laugh. "Only if ninjutsu kills don't count!"

"What? Why no ninjutsu!" That's so not cool! "That's taking away my best tool!"

"Oh? Are you scared you'll lose?" Sasuke smirks as the puppets finally have reached us.

"Fuck you I'll win this without ninjutsu! Just you watch!" I promise him as I leap forwards towards the few puppets that came to investigate.

"And so it begins!" Sasuke eagerly leaps into the fray with me.

* * *

Stealth Team

"A vast majority of the puppets have left." The Aburame says as a few dozen beetles scuttle around his palm. "They say that a few have stayed behind that are active, but there's warehouses full of inactive puppets."

"We have our work cut out for us." Minato says as he goes about divvying up the explosive seals. "How many warehouses?"

"Twenty five." The Aburame replies nearly instantly. "I shall lead us to the first one."

"We'll have to be careful as we do this." Minato speaks as everyone in unison makes their way to the first warehouse. "It's likely that as the Distraction Team takes out a large number more puppets will be activated and brought out to fight. We'll have to be aware that they might 'turn on' at any moment."

"We've got this!" Naruto declares as he hefts a whole crate onto his shoulder. "You picked the right guy for the job! I can get this done super fast!"

"Excellent. I look forward to seeing you at work." Minato says - slightly softer - to the out of time Konoha shinobi.

* * *

Distraction Team

"Twelve!" I shout out as I stab a puppet. Space seems to distort around my blade as the wooden and metal construct is drawn into the hilt and placed in another dimension. "What are you at?"

"Fifteen." Sasuke says as he weaves between the spinning blades of a claw puppet to slice it in two pieces. He smoothly slides into his next attack, using the leftover momentum from his first swing to turn his blade upwards and block a hammer descending for his head. "Falling behind already?"

"Shut up I'm still adjusting to swords!" I cleave straight through the cannon part of a cannon puppet and leap away as the damage causes it to explode. "I barely know more than the sharp end goes in the other guy! Thirteen!"

"Better learn quickly! The key is to have one move lead into the next, you want as little wasted movement as possible." Sasuke jumps up just enough to clear a blast of chakra from a cannon. While mid air he pulls out a shuriken and flings it directly into one of the many barrels of the puppet that shot at him. With a whine of building up energy, the puppet explodes. "Like that! Sixteen!"

"I can't just watch and learn something!" I shout back at the _Uchiha_. Fucking dick. I bisect another puppet and bat away a few kunai that one of them launched towards me. "Fourteen! By the way, if they group up in a sphere around us get near me. They'll launch a fuckton of kunai at us and I'll blow them out of the air."

"I think they'll need more puppets before that's a viable tactic!" Sasuke points out. He stabs one somewhere critical, causing it to fall limp. As he wrenches his sword out of the back of the puppet, he slams the butt of the hilt into one who got behind him and cracks its chestplate. "There's only ten left! Sorry, nine! I'm at eighteen by the way!"

"Just wait! There's going to be more!"

* * *

Stealth Team

"He wasn't kidding." The Akimichi lets out an appreciative whistle as a sea of orange surges through the first warehouse.

"This certainly does make things easier." The Aburame nods his agreement.

"And I thought that Alvarcus had a staggering amount of chakra." Minato smiles to himself under his mask.

As the sea of orange disperses like a wave rolling through a beach, there's soft pops of white smoke. Once each clone of Naruto has used up all of its explosive tags it releases itself to get out of the way of the others. The large warehouse that should have taken a team of five nearly twenty minutes to tag every puppet is instead done in two minutes by a few dozen clones.

The sea of orange slowly trickles down until its a lake. Then a pond. Then a puddle. Until finally it's just one boy wearing a ridiculous grin.

"So, where's the next one?" Naruto asks the group.

* * *

Distraction Team

"Forty six!" Sasuke cackles as another puppet falls to his blade. "What are you at, twenty eight?"

"FUCK YOU!" I shout at him as I hack one to pieces in a gloriously barbarian like efficiency. It has none of the grace of a sword wielder and all the brilliance of a club meeting a skull. "It's thirty!"

"I can't believe you agreed to this." Sasuke chuckles to himself as he dances around three different puppets who ganged up on him to attack at the same time. Yet instead of him being eviscerated, it is the puppets who fall to pieces.

 _~Perhaps I may be of some assistance? I may not have a blade but I'm more than capable of crushing these pathetic excuses for puppetry with nothing more than my innate strength. You're falling behind.~_

"Hey, quick question." I ask him as I don't bother to use my sword, I simply put my fist through the chest of a hammer puppet that got close. "Does Sureddo count as a ninjutsu? Technically it's a living being, sure it's parasitic but living nonetheless."

"If you get to use your special thing then I get to use mine." Sasuke replies casually as if we're just chatting over tea or something. "A genjutsu will be more than enough to hide it so you can toss that counter argument aside."

"Dick." He countered me before I could even say anything.

"Ass." There's a hint of satisfaction in him.

"On a completely unrelated note, we gotta talk." Most of the playfulness leaves my tone. Smashing puppets to pieces has lost some of its luster. Doesn't mean I'm any less effective at cleaving my way through a wooden and metal army, but it's not quite as fun.

"You want to do that now?" Sasuke dryly replies as we mop up the last of this wave of puppets. The next one is already on the horizon, we have moments before they descend on us once again.

"Why not?" I shrug half heartedly as I roll my shoulders around. "It's not like we're actually trying that hard right now. Might as well multitask and get it out of the way."

"Alright." Sasuke straightens himself and gracefully swings his long blade through the air. He's staying loose and ready to glide back into the fray of combat. "Which do you want to talk about first? The fact that neither of us are born? Maybe that both Orochimaru and Itachi - if Itachi is even born yet - are suddenly much easier to kill and haven't defected from Konoha so they'd both be easy to find? Or perhaps that my entire clan is still alive and your parents are too? Do we do anything to protect them or simply let time repeat itself? And on that note, what should we do with our knowledge of what happens next? We know when the Kyuubi attacks. We know when Suna invades. We know when my Clan dies. We know how the Fourth and Third die. We could change all of it. So, which one do you want to talk about first?"

"What if we get sent back to the correct time?" I throw out an option of my own. "I have no idea how it would happen but if we got sent back there's no reason we can reverse the process."

"You wouldn't want to stay?" Sasuke quirks an eyebrow at me as he fixes me in an unreadable gaze. "It's not like you'd have to worry about the years passing."

"Yeah pseudo immortality and all that." I wave my hand dismissively. "Frankly, I had a good thing going in the present. Future? Whatever, you get it. I had arguably the best spy network ever, I made a name for myself on my own merits and accomplishments, most if not all of the Kages know my name and they might not like me but there is a begrudging respect for me as a shinobi, and I basically have my revenge on Orochimaru ready to go whenever I want. I had plots and plans that were so intricate and beautiful but now they're _decades_ away from being completed. Also, I miss my Spiders."

"Fair point." Sasuke sharply nods his head once. "The both of us were rather… established in our own time. But imagine the amount of training we can get in _decades._ We wouldn't be just S-rank by the time we caught up, we'd be the pinnacle of S-rank."

"Are you implying that I'm not S-rank now?" There's a bite to my tone. I know that my bingo book page doesn't say S-rank. I know that neither Konoha or Oto consider me to be that big of a threat. Even Orochimaru doesn't consider me there, he's seen some impressive uses of jutsu but there's more to S-rank than just brute force. But for all that Orochimaru knows about me, he doesn't know the true extent of my schemes.

Sasuke does. He's the one who knows the most about me, about how dangerous I really am. How brilliant and crazy and unpredictable. Yet even he doesn't know all my tricks.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Sasuke irritably snaps back at me. "Consider it though, we could become legends before everything went wrong. We could stop it all."

"And potentially spring a worse future than our present." Or save everything. I know that there's that possibility. It's a way to stop everything bad from happening. "Are you willing to risk that?"

"Do you really think that it can get worse?" Sasuke dryly points out.

"If you asked me a day ago if I thought time travel was possible, the answer would be no. So things somehow getting worse if we stay? Oh, I think it's a definite possibility. But we are getting a little ahead of ourselves."

The next wave of puppets has finally reached us.

"I'm going to do something stupid."

* * *

Stealth Team

"This is going very smoothly." Minato observes as they move onto the fourth warehouse. "The distraction team must be doing a good job."

"If there's one thing those two are good at, it's senseless destruction." Naruto begrudgingly admits while his clone army goes about rigging the puppets to explode.

"Even Sasuke?" The Aburame asks in his unique monotone.

"Well more Alvarcus than Sasuke but they're both good at it." Naruto sheepishly shrugs. "Whether he wants to admit it or not, Sasuke is good at his fire jutsu. Alvarcus is good at… uh… all his jutsu."

"And how formidable is his jutsu reportar?" Minato asks conversationally. He's a shinobi, of course he'd take this chance to probe about the skills of the two flight risks. If they don't want to come back to Konoha, there could be issues. Best to prepare.

"Ahem." Kid Kakashi clears his throat. "So I know I'm supposed to be outside manning the door just incase, but you're going to want to see this."

Minato and Naruto share a quizzical look, they both tilt their heads the same fraction and scrunch their eyes slightly. Then they both turn and head outside.

"Huh." Naruto eloquently sums up what they're seeing. "That's new."

* * *

Distraction Team

"MUAHAHAHA!" An evil cackle rips out of my mouth, deep and throaty. I point at a building and my earth dragon smashes through the center of it causing irreparable damage. With an audible groan, the building leans towards the majority of the puppet wave.

With one final mighty crack of the structure snapping, it topples down onto my intended target. Dust soars through the sky, blotting out the shining rays of the sun. The earth trembles beneath my feet as the last of the building settles in its new horizontal state.

The best part? Easily a hundred puppets were crushed by the falling monolith.

"That doesn't count." Sasuke flatly says to me from off to my left. For now the dust and debris is blocking even my Jiongu enhanced eyes. It's not like adjusting to more or less light, there's actual material in the air inhibiting me.

"Fuck you let me have a moment." I whine at the Uchiha.

"No." Sasuke, in the very same flat tone, denies me even the simplest pleasure. "You could have caused a domino effect on a scale never before seen. You need to learn restraint."

"Restraint? What's that?" I snarkily quip back to him. "Kidding, kidding. I know what restraint is. I just ignore it."

* * *

Stealth Team

"This isn't good." Minato sums up the entire situation in three words.

The entire stealth team is perched on a building overlooking the next warehouse. It's not the guard around it that's concerning, the puppets are easy to sneak by. It's not the fact that a building just toppled to the ground, it was just one and very far away. It's not the fact that they're running low on explosive tags, they still have an abundance of them.

What's concerning - or horrendously bad considering who you ask - is the amount of puppets now pouring out of the warehouse.

And they're heading straight towards Sasuke and Alvarcus.

"Don't worry about it." Naruto tries to sound convincing. To who specifically? He's not sure himself. "They're probably having a great time."

"Perhaps we should switch focuses and attempt to remove the source of power for the puppets rather than the puppets themselves?" The Akimichi ventures out. "I don't think we're going to be effective anymore."

Everyone silently agrees with the new idea. It's one simple fact that sways them instantly and with no opposition. It's not just this warehouse that the puppets are pouring out of.

It's all of them.

* * *

Distraction Team

"I'm having a great time!" I yell at the top of my lungs as I barrel through six puppets, laying waste to them in a mix of punches, kick and slashing sword attacks. "Sixty four!"

"Ninety one!" Sasuke yells back at me as he turn his own batch of puppets into scrap. "I'm going to break a hundred first!"

"Let it be known that I did that in one move!" Stupid ninjutsu not counting. I would be _annihilating_ this game if I could use it. "Hey, sidebar for a sec!"

"We're literally in the middle of a battle!" Sasuke roars over the mechanical whirring of the puppets. "Last time it was between waves, now it's as we're fighting? Your timing sucks!"

"Yeah well you look like you're having a bad hair day!"

"Dude. Really?" Sasuke actually takes the time to look at me in disappointment. "You're better than that."

"I know, but it got your attention didn't it?" No way in hell am I telling him that's the best I had right now. He doesn't need to know that. "Let's say hypothetically that we do get back to the present the short way, not the decades long way."

"Go on." Sasuke weaves between numerous fatal blows by a hair's breadth of a margin. Every puppet he passes falls to him. He's cutting a swath through their ranks.

"Can we kill Kabuto?" I don't bother pulling this metaphorical punch. It just needs to be out in the open.

"No." Sasuke instantly denies the idea.

"Ah come on! Why not? It'd be so easy with the two of us!" I plead my case as I less than elegantly attempt to mimic Sasuke. Where he weaved, I charged. Where he cut, I cleaved. Where he sliced I tore. Unfortunately, his was more effective in this instance. His swath is much longer than mine.

"You're already on thin ice with Orochimaru. I know that it's you, but do you really want to test him? Do you want to see exactly how much it takes until Orochimaru snaps?"

"Not really." I sigh out in disappointment. "You'll live another day, Kabuto. But I can't wait to end you. Oh shit is that a sandstorm coming our way?"

Off on the horizon there's a mass of brownish black heading our way. A _huge_ mass that's nearly the width of the city.

"Are you up for that Elemental Dragon thing you did on the island?" Sasuke says as he yanks his sword out of one of the last remaining puppets for this wave. "Because that's puppets. I think it's all the puppets."

"Oh boy, I think we did our jobs a little too well." I look off to the cloud that's sweeping through the city. It's still too far off for me to make out specifics, Sasuke must have used his special eyes to figure it out. I don't blame him for suggesting such a devastating jutsu. Even if these puppets don't pose a threat to us individually or even in quantities of hundreds, the _thousands_ that must be heading our way will. Unless we pull out the big guns. "Will-"

"No they won't count towards your total."

"Damn it."

* * *

Stealth Team

"On the bright side, moving through the city has never been easier." Naruto, ever the optimist, attempts to lighten the mood.

"Shibi." Minato barks out the name and the Aburame stiffens at the forcefulness behind it. Minato is no longer wasting time, he's even foregoing codenames. From this point on every move will be made with the efficiency of a high tier ANBU unit. Nothing less will suffice. "Locate Anrokuzan."

Shibi doesn't bother with verbally responding to the order. He releases the full extent of his swarm to trace back the chakra strings to their source. The group follows the black mass of beetles as they lead them to the central building. The swarm starts crawling down, slipping under doors and pouring down tiny cracks and imperfections in the building.

"He is below." Shibi states as he smashes the nearest door open. The time for stealth is gone, now it's a gauntlet. They have to stop Anrokuzan before Sasuke and Alvarcus succumb to the sheer numbers they face. "Follow me."

* * *

Distraction Team

"Why are you sitting down?" Sasuke berates me as he intercepts the last puppet as it swung at my head.

I don't respond. I can't respond. I have to remain still. I must, otherwise I can't pull off all ten elemental dragons at once. I need to be able to sense them, I need to be able to wield a more potent chakra, I need to be _better_.

"Are you meditating?" Sasuke demands once more. "At a time like this? What's gotten into - woah."

His entire tone just shifted. He went from antagonistic to astonishment in a second. I bet I know why too, he must have turned on his Sharingan.

"What is that chakra?" He doesn't ask me this, he's just speaking aloud. "How do you know it's there? How can you bring a foreign chakra into your system? Alvarcus, what are you doing?"

"It's called Sage Mode." I feel the pigmentation around my eyes change from unhealthy pale to a sharp yellow. I feel the essence of Nature itself, one singular organism made up of countless other organisms. I feel the steady thrum of the leylines beneath us, deep deep down. Surprisingly, I can feel a perversion of the leylines, it has been bound to an individual lurking beneath one of the central buildings. I can feel as the chakra spreads through my body, enhancing me to the pinnacle of my power. "It's a product of one of my many disgraces, one of my numerous failures. It's both my greatest achievement and a bittersweet accomplishment. It is my final trump card."

Twenty seconds. I've gotten the time down to twenty seconds. It's still not fast enough.

 _~You hold yourself to incredible standards. Jiraiya takes five minutes to do what you just did, and even then it's an imitation. Your Sage Mode is better, you don't need the crutch of Shirokumo perched on your shoulder as he does his Toads.~_

Even so, it needs to be faster.

Sasuke, I'm so sorry to have to show you this. That I have to resort to this. I'm not drawing a new line in the sand a few steps ahead of where it was when it comes to imagining the power gap between us. I'm drawing one on the other side of the ocean.

"Can I trust you to watch my back?" I ask him without getting up. I don't even open my eyes, there's no need to. I can feel where he's at almost on an instinctual level.

"Of course." There's no resentment in his voice. I may not have said that I'm oceans away from him in power, but he's drawn the same conclusion. All he had to do was look at me and it was all laid bare before him. "Nothing shall touch you."

"Thank you." I move through hand signs at an unmatched pace. I feel, rather than see, the astonishment from Sasuke at my sheer slight twitch in his left hand, the subtle way his head draws back a fraction of a millimeter. The way that his breath hitches for the faintest of moments.

"I always thought it was one jutsu." He says as a singular fire dragon spews forth from my mouth. "You're not controlling one massive jutsu, you're controlling ten large ones."

"And this is why I consider myself S-rank." Another dragon - water - spews forth. "Not because I can do this. Any normal shinobi faced against this would run away in fear. Any Academy student who learns about the existence of this feat would dream of it. But for all the might of this extreme combination jutsu, it has a very glaring weakness."

"You can't move." Sasuke correctly guesses as a third dragon - earth - dives deep into the ground. "You're vulnerable when you do this."

"Exactly." The fourth dragon - lightning - soars to the skies. "The reason I consider myself S-rank is because I am aware that despite all my strength, I still have weaknesses. I know that I can be beaten. I know how to do it. I know exactly how I would pick me apart until there's nothing left but an empty crater and a non-beating heart. I know how I would go about countering every single jutsu I know and a few I don't. I consider myself S-rank because I do not take my power as absolute. I have been - can be, and will eventually again - be beaten."

The fifth dragon - wind - joins it's brethren.

"I still don't know how anyone could stand up to this." Sasuke sweeps an arm out wide, gesturing to the city. It's slowly becoming ruins. "You only have half the dragons out and look at what they've already done."

Buildings are quaking as the earth dragon traumatizes their foundations. They lean precariously before crashing down to the ground and flattening everything in their way.

A constant flash of lightning and crack of thunder rolls through the bright sunny sky. My lightning dragon has been supercharged so that the electricity jumps out of it to any and all nearby surfaces. Including the wood and metal puppets it dives into.

The wind dragon, the largest in volume of them all, seemingly rolls through the oncoming wave of puppets. Wooden shrapnel and jagged bits of metal are scattered by slashing tornado strength winds.

The water dragon is pummeling its way through the crowd of puppets, bludgeoning them to pieces. They don't break, they shatter as the dragon swims onwards.

Lastly, my favorite. The fire dragon leaves nothing behind. Everything it touches is immolated. As it passes by buildings the metal warps under the extreme heat. Such feeble things as wood are no match for this mobile furnace.

"True." I concede to him. "But this jutsu wouldn't even phase Orochimaru in his prime."

Nor will it stand against Kakuzu, who will elementally type cast his own jutsu to counter it. Nor Hidan, who is a true immortal and would weather the blows. Nor Deidara, who will simply explode the dragons apart to scatter the chakra that make them up into irreparable shards. Nor Sasori, who would pull out the Third Kazekage and let the Iron Dust counter all of them or another one of his human puppets I have no information on. Nor Kisame, who has even more chakra than me and a sword that feasts on it. Nor Itachi, who would never even let me begin the first hand sign or would pull out the Susanoo. Nor Konan, who would scatter to the wind until I've exhausted myself and return to finish me off. Nor Pain himself, who would say two simple words: Shinra Tensei. Nor would Obito, who would simply phase through the attacks as if they didn't exist.

"At the end of the day, all this jutsu is good for is toppling an uninhabited city." I forlornly say as I send out the next set of elemental dragons. "Against anyone who is worth something as a shinobi, this jutsu is just a fancy light show."

* * *

Stealth Team

"Did you hear that?" Kid Kakashi whispers out to the group as the continue their descent. "Footsteps and a voice coming from ahead of us."

"How is this possible!?" An unknown voice, laced with pure fury, roars in time with the stomps. "I threw a force at them that should topple whole Hidden Villages! Nothing should be able to stand against that! Not two wet behind the ears brats!"

The Stealth Team collectively tenses. This person has to be Anrokuzan, or if it's not then they're the one who is behind controlling the puppets. This is their chance to end it all. It's their chance to remove the biggest threat here. All they have to do is catch him by surprise. And if that fails, well there's five of them and the majority if not all of his forces are out.

Speaking of the forces being out of the stronghold, Minato has an idea.

* * *

Distraction Team

"Have you noticed that some of the puppets are exploding?" Sasuke comments off handedly as he swats away a piece of shrapnel from a puppet being bludgeoned to death that was soaring towards my head.

"Oh good, the other team noticed that the puppets were sent out." My cheery tone doesn't reflect the destruction of the city around us. Whole blocks of buildings will never be the same again. If this goes on, the entire city could crumble by my hands. "At least they had the sense of mind to use the tags, imagine all that hard work going to waste."

"Hard work my ass." Sasuke mumbles out.

"Fuck you, when was the last time you made six thousand seals?"

"Just focus on the damn jutsu."

* * *

Stealth Team

"That was easier than I expected." Minato speaks out loud but it's really only for himself that he said these words. "Naruto said that he was only a chunin in skill level but I thought he might have strived to improve himself in the years he had here."

"Yes, however having a spine severed would end even you Minato-san." Shibi points out as his masked eyes dart around still on high alert. "That's what makes you so formidable, at the end of the day all you need to end a fight is a well placed piece of steel and you have the best gap closer in the world."

"You'd think that having a spine severed would end someone." Minato offhandedly comments as he reflects on a battle he had barely a day ago.

"Yeah, I know Alvarcus has had his head cut off loads of times and he's still kicking it!" Naruto showers his own unique brand of praise on Alvarcus. It's more of a backhanded compliment than praise. "He's a tough nugget, that's for sure!"

"You can tell me all about it later, for now let's look for the populace of the city." Minato steers the group back on the mission objective. "I'm going to go seal this leyline. If someone who is only a _chunin_ can wield it so devastatingly then imagine what could happen if someone else got their hands on it. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Naruto, could you accompany me? I have a theory I want to confirm."

* * *

Distraction Team

"That wasn't me." I blurt out as all the puppets - every single one of them - plummets out of the sky. "It's almost as if their strings were cut. Haha, a puppet joke about puppets! Wow, I need to get out more."

"Some might argue that you need to get out less." Sasuke quips back to me as he slides his blade into its sheath with a sharp click. "Though I'm not sure how you can top destroying a city near single handedly."

"Well, whatever." I stand up and let Sage Mode fade from me. The noise of the world recedes as the pigmentation around my eyes fades back to their normal skin tone. "If I'm not mistaken, that puts me at three thousand six hundred and forty seven. What are you at?"

"We agreed that ninjutsu kills don't count." A sinister smirk blossoms on Sasuke's face. It spells my downfall, my doom, my undoing take your pick. "That means I'm at one hundred seventeen and you're at… wait for it… seventy seven. You lost."

"But but but I mean come on they should count has half - quarter- eighth - something! I killed thousands of them!"

"No. Ninjutsu kills don't count. Have fun wearing a dress."

"NOOOOOOO!" I fall to my knees and wail to the sky.

* * *

Minato and Naruto

"How do you know so much?" Naruto asks as he watches Minato work.

They've located the source of the leylines. It's the exact same chamber that brought Naruto, Sasuke and Alvarcus back in time in the first place. Large circular chamber with a dias in the middle. The only real difference here is that it's not in ruins, it's still thriving. Almost, alive in a sense.

"That's the beauty about seals." Minato says as he goes about his delicate brushwork. "Once you truly understand not the how, but the _why_ things work a certain way you can accomplish anything. It's why Seal Masters are both revered and feared. We can - given the right incentive and enough time - and will do anything."

"It seems ridiculously complex." Naruto points out as the singular seal Minato is working on stretches across a full square meter of the floor.

"They can be, it's what turns people off of the art." Minato adds the final line to the seal and stands up. He dusts off his hands and stretches his back. Finally, once he's worked out the kink in his back from bending over for so long, his eyes rest on Naruto. "Now, to test my theory."

"What do I need to do?" Naruto earnestly asks, he's giddy to do anything to help out his hero.

"For now, just listen and stand there." Minato fixes his son in a stern fatherly look. "I need you to understand that there's a chance that once I activate the seal, with the power of the leyline gone you could return to your time. Now, my first plan was to seal the knowledge of this whole event from you, Sasuke and Alvarcus to avoid unnecessary complications but they're not here. So I can't."

"What do you need from me?" Naruto asks, slightly confused. "How would knowing about the past change anything? It's like a history lesson, just first hand experience."

"With how out of hand things got here, Konoha won't want to be blamed for this. Especially if the fact resurfaces in the future. No one likes their past to taint their future unnecessarily." This is what made Minato a great Hokage. He has a firm grasp on both the big picture and the small pieces that make it up. "I need you to convince Sasuke and Alvarcus to keep quiet about it."

"Sure, no problem!" Naruto merrily accepts the unofficial mission. "If we get sent back, I'll make sure they know it's a hush hush thing."

"Thank you." Minato kneels down and places both hands on the seal. "Now, let's see if you stay or go, shall we?"

He sparks his chakra against the seal.

* * *

Sasuke and Alvarcus, Somewhere Outside of Roran

"You really are a schemer, aren't you?" Sasuke makes idle conversation as more and more distance is put between us and the city. But more importantly the Konoha shinobi.

"I'm not sure why this is a new thing." I think we're heading towards Suna. I'm not certain, but there's only sand ahead of us. "I've always been crafty. Being trained under Orochimaru has honed that trait."

"But manipulating not only the Konoha Team, but Naruto as well as me to separate us?" Sasuke continues as we skitter or the sand, leaving as little a trail as possible. "I didn't realize it until you suggested we take our leave. You orchestrated us being apart so we could leave unaccosted instead of forcing a confrontation as they tried to bring us back to Konoha."

"Yuuup." I stretch out the word. "If we decide to go back to Konoha, it's because we choose to not because we were taken there - uh Sasuke? Don't freak out, but you're glowing."

"I'm what - you are too." He says as he whirls towards me, eyes blazing a bloody crimson. "Guess what? It's the same chakra that brought us here."

"Oh good, we're going back. Convenient."

* * *

Present

"That's… not good." Yamato blandly sums up the situation once the light fades, only moments after swallowing Sasuke and Naruto.

"It's at this moment that I'm glad I don't have your job." Kiba bluntly says as he moves to Yamato. "Have fun telling Tsunade about this."

"Yes." Sai intones as he also joins the rest of his team. "In the event that we can't get them back, which seems highly unlikely, the duty of the team leader is to notify the Hokage."

"They're not dead." Yamato counters both boys instantly. "Do you really think that any of them would die to a fancy light? Plus look, there's no bodies, no residual traces of them at all. Mukade was a missing nin, but he was not stupid. Call it a hunch, but I don't think that was a lethal light."

'For my sake I sincerely hope so.' Kabuto thinks to himself. He watched as Alvarcus and Sasuke charged in to steal the Hiraishin kunai at the last moment possible. He watched as they breezed right past the Konoha shinobi to capitalize on their shock. It was a good plan, run in, grab the kunai and run out as they were reeling from shock. Then he watched as everything went wrong. And now... 'You fear telling Tsunade she lost Naruto and had the problem of both missing nin Alvarcus and Sasuke solved. I, however, would have to tell Orochimaru that he lost both his next body and _his son._ '

"Oh god I'm not supposed to bend that way!"

"You're not supposed to bend that way? You can detach your limbs, you're going to be fine!"

"Ow ow ow stop moving! Stop moving! Your knee is on my AAIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Told you they'd be alive." Yamato simultaneously thanks and curses his lucky stars. It seems that whatever the light did, it just moved them to the hallway outside of this large circular room. But there's not trace of Mukade. "Now we just have to deal with Sasuke and Alvarcus, what has this mission turned into?"

"Hey Naruto?" Alvarcus draws his attention.

"Mmm?" Naruto whines out.

"Sorry about this, but it's for the benefit of everyone."

"MMMmm!" A higher pitch whine comes from the orange shinobi.

Naruto, curled into the fetal position, is unceremoniously hurled through the door. He soars in a perfect arc, directly into Yamato's waiting arms.

"Hey kiddo, you can sit this next bit out." Yamato gently puts one of his charges on the ground to… ahem… collect himself. "We'll handle the two of them."

"Kabuto, it is time we depart." Sasuke firmly says to his mission leader. "Alvarcus is, for lack of a better phrase, doing a thing."

"Good, I wasn't looking forward to fighting that bunch." The Konoha team hears Kabuto's voice for the first time. They had no idea he was there, he could have done some serious damage. "No doubt we would have won, but it is unnecessary effort."

"Summoning Jutsu: Rashomon!" Alvarcus calls out as he appears in the doorway with his hands on the ground. "Don't worry, it'll dispel in an hour or so. See ya later! It was nice chatting and whatnot."

A haunting demonic visage rises up from the ground to take the place of the entrance to the room. They're locked in by it with no other exit. Why fight if you don't have to?

* * *

Konoha Team

"I… I can't believe that just fucking happened!" Kiba shouts as he's pointing at the new very sturdy looking door. "They just burst in here, get bitch slapped out into the hallway, and then leave? What the hell?"

"I believe that was the best outcome." Sai drones out in his chipper-but-not voice. "Perhaps Yamato could have taken one of them, but not both at once. We are too new a team to work effectively - we would stumble over each other if we attempted to engage and support each one another - where they have been working together since they left the Academy. Despite our number advantage, which Alvarcus could have changed with his Jiongu to be in his favor, we would have lost."

"MMMMMmmm!" Naruto whines out yet again.

"Almost the best outcome." Yamato corrects Sai. "Almost."

* * *

Oto Team

"That could have gone better." Kabuto irritably says as we take our leave of Roran. Again. For the second time in an hour. Or was it two decades? That's it, I've had it with this time bullshit!

"I think it went rather well, actually." I can't stop the gleeful smile from staying on my face. The sword came with me. My Void Sword. I have my weapon to combat the Edo Tensei now. It's another thing to scratch off the list. Now, all that's left on it is names and events to stop or save.

"You didn't come away with the Hiraishin Kunai." Kabuto dryly points out. "It was consumed in the light like Mukade was. If you don't remember, that was the entire point of this mission. Now we have to scout for another one. Unless you know the location of one more?"

"I don't know about Alvarcus." Sasuke reaches into his weapons pouch. His hand grasps something and he pulls it out. "But I've got one right here."

He holds up his prise. A three pronged kunai with the telltale yellow paper wrapping around the handle and the inky black marks across it.

"That makes things much easier. Good job Sasuke, you nab it in one of the scuffles?" I ask him as I pat him on the back.

"Yes, when we met up again. You're not the only one who can scheme." Sasuke smugly says as he pockets the kunai once more.

"What are the two of you talking about?" Kabuto asks as he pushes his glasses up his nose.

"Don't ask."

* * *

Otogakure, Northern Hideout, Orochimaru's Office

"-and in the ensuing scuffle somehow Sasuke managed to get the Hiraishin Kunai despite being meters away. We promptly made our exit, assisted by a Rashomon gate blocking the door so we couldn't be followed. We made haste to return here, notably ahead of schedule. Just over a week ahead." Kabuto finishes wrapping up what he thinks happened to Orochimaru.

"Anything to add, Alvarcus? Sasuke?" Orochimaru asks as he drums his fingers onto his desk. He seems both eager and displeased that we returned so quickly. He might have wanted us out of his hair for longer, the three of us are the three biggest distractions he has.

"Nope, that's pretty much it." I collaborate the story.

"Nothing worth mentioning." Sasuke sharply nods once.

Sasuke and I had one of those two faced conversations on the way back. To someone who wasn't there, it was idle conversation but to us it confirmed that neither of us want to explain _time travel._ We're going to keep our mouths shut. It'll make everyone's lives easier.

"I'm curious though." I speak up once again, walking forward to Orochimaru's desk to poke and prod the kunai that's sitting on it. "What do you want a Hiraishin Kunai for? It seems so unlike you to suddenly take an interest in something you've known about for decades."

"Did you really think that no one noticed that you _teleported_ out of this base when you went to test the sword?" Orochimaru asks me with a raised eyebrow. "None of my guards saw you leave. The sensory team reported that they felt an incomparable amount of chakra from you - as in more than all six of them combined - and then you were gone. Not gone as in hidden, Karin would have noticed you, but gone as in _not there._ "

"My, my." Kabuto turns to look at me in a new light. One that promises to dissect me on a table under bright lights. "You're full of tricks, aren't you?"

"Ah. Yes. That." Well shit. I thought no one would notice. Stupid me. I should have figured that Orochimaru would have people keeping tabs on me after our last conversation about me leaving unannounced. "I wanted to keep it a secret."

"It's horribly inefficient." Orochimaru doesn't pull his words. "Takes more chakra than six of my shinobi - though they are on the lower end - and is practically a beacon to any sensor in the area. Hopefully you can study the Hiraishin to streamline your own technique."

He picks up the kunai and tosses it to me. I catch it more out of reflex than thought.

"Uh… thanks? Not sure it works that way since… well… I guess they're both kinda doors to another place so maybe? I mean the Hiraishin is a combat technique where mine is strictly transport and there's really no way to weaponize it and oh wow am I rambling I'm going to stop that now if you don't mind because rambling about techniques that I want to keep secret kind of defeats the purpose of keeping them secret since it's literally talking about them-"

 **SMACK**

"Thanks Sasuke." I rub the back of my head. "I wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Either way, thanks for thinking of me Orochimaru."

"Your thanks, while appreciated, is unneeded." Orochimaru has a tinge of amusement on him from my rambling. It's pretty rare that I actually get flustered anymore. "Now, I have work to do."

The three of us take our leave. Kabuto heads out to do his own thing - probably torturing some poor sap while claiming it's for medical purposes - and Sasuke and I head towards the Lounge.

* * *

The Lounge

"So." Sasuke says as he pours himself a steaming cup of coffee. "We gotta talk."

Here it comes. He's going to bring up the teleporting thing. I _know it_. I showed him so much the past day. Sage Mode. He found out I can teleport. Oh man, this conversation is going to suck.

"Sasuke I-"

"Shut up." He sips his scalding beverage while staring at me over the rim of his mug. "Do as I say and keep quiet."

"Uh-"

"What did I just say?" His eyes narrow at me as he places his mug on a table. He takes one of the grander chairs. "Sit down, shut up and do as I say."

I hang my head in shame and sit across from him. I don't speak, not yet at least. I assume he wants to ask questions or something.

"Summon Murasakino." He evenly says as he leans back in his chair to watch my reaction.

All he gets is a brow scrunched in confusion as I go through the hand signs for the summoning jutsu.

"Oh Alvarcus!" Murasakino says the moment the smoke clears. "It's so rare to be called on so quickly by you! How can I help? More scarfs? More clothes for your friend, Sasuke? He was quite a hard one to pin down, wasn't he?"

"Ahem." Sasuke clears his throat, drawing all ten eyes - eight from the spider and two from the shinobi - to him. "It was me who asked him to summon you."

"Oh? This is unusual." Murasakino shoots a sideways look at me with three of her eyes. I shrug and gesture at Sasuke.

"I've asked him not to speak, for now." Sasuke cooly sips his ironically steaming drink. "I know that it is unconventional for someone who is not a Summoner to ask you a favor, but I need an expert and you are the best I know."

"Well… I suppose it depends on the favor?" Murasakino speaks, but it comes out as a question.

"Do you have any dresses in stock back at your Nest?" Sasuke finally breaks his stoic resolve as a smile forces its way through.

* * *

Five Minutes Later

"I immediately regret this decision." Sasuke's face is twitching. His hands are both balled into fists and he's forcing himself to stay collected. "You're _too_ good at that."

"At what?" A feminine voice leaves my throat as opposed to the usual. It's higher, fairer, more delicate. "Walking?"

"Yes walking!" He shouts at me. "Alvarcus why?! How?! When!?"

Okay, so walking might be a bit of a stretch. I'm strutting around in my green dress. There's no way around it. There's a subtle yet eye catching swing to my hips. My arms aren't swinging through the air, they're gracefully parting it as they move. I've even added a little flare to my hands, just a subtle movement to help draw the eyes lower to more… interesting bits shall we say. I slightly roll my shoulders, enough to be noticed and cause my chest to twist yet not enough to seem unnatural.

Oh and did I mention I'm under the effects of Naruto's Sexy Jutsu while I'm wearing my green dress?

Long dark black hair cascades down my back. Two brilliant yellow eyes poke out of my bangs, they're full of playfulness with just a hint of danger. My long slender legs seem to stretch for miles. My feet are daintily tucked into a pair of green high heels. I fill out this dress _perfectly._

"Sasuke, sweetheart, please call me Midori." I turn towards him. I place a single hand on his chest, the other goes around his bicep. I lean in close, crossing into personal space just enough so that Midori's assets brush against his chest. "Say it with me now. Mi. Dor. I."

"I am super uncomfortable and would like you to back off. We can call the bet off, I'm okay with it." Sasuke attempts to reason with me. All he gets is a widening playful smile in return. "Please?"

"Sasuke, sweetheart, what happened to 'sit down, shut up and do as I say?' I know it might be hard for you to believe, but some people enjoy not being in control."

A cold feeling washes over us both. It rolls down the hallway and causes the hairs on the back of our necks to stand on end.

"I am very, very glad I do not have a daughter."

* * *

Amegakure, Akatsuki Headquarters

"Sasori. Deidara." Pain fixes his eerie gaze onto two specific spectral members of the group of S-rank shinobi. "You have one month to prepare. We move on the Ichibi next."


End file.
